Kyle Kingsbury Podcast - #191 Solocast: Dark Night of the Soul

Episode Date: March 10, 2021

Here it is fam, the tale of my “Dark Night of the Soul” as it’s unfolded so far. I hope y’all can glean some value and benefits from this. In this episode I dive briefly into the actual medicine involved, Kambo as a cleanser leading into my first initiation dose of Bufo(5Meo DMT). The resources that have helped me integrate this experience are linked below, sorry you can’t have Paul Chek’s number though.  As I said in the intro, my website is getting a full remodel so please reach out via Instagram as usual and I’ll keep you posted on the moves I’m making in this beautiful game of life. Let’s play! Show Notes:    Main four books The Kybalion             Free Audio - Amazon Dispelling Wetiko - Paul Levy The End of Your World - Adyashamti The Fourth Turning - William Strauss & Neil Howe Bonus Bones The New Confessions of an Economic Hitman - John Perkins Sacred Contracts - Caroline Myss Soul Attunements - Mary Margraves Finite and Infinite Games - James Carse Sponsors: C60 Purple Power Fight inflammation and oxidative stress with C60. It’s 100% organic, made in the USA, and has proven efficacy by third party testing. Follow the link and use code word KKP at checkout for 15% off your first order. c60purplepower.com Bioptimizers To get “Cognibiotics” an amazing combination of Nootropic AND gut health support, click the link below and use code word KINGSBU10 for an additional 10% off. cognibiotics.com AMP Human Check out the latest from AMP Human in their D+ Lotion! It’s a topical vitamin D3 supplement that will help boost immunity, sleep and cognitive performance! Shop at the link below and us code word KYLE15 at check out for 15% off your order. AMPHuman.com/KYLE Sovereignty PURPOSE+ is here y’all! The original was great, but the new and improved all natural nootropic from Sovereignty will not disappoint! Head to https://sovereignty.co/kyle/ to grab my favorite CBG supplements. Use Code KKP for 20% off your purchase Connect with Kyle:   Instagram: @livingwiththekingsburys   Youtube: Kyle Kingbury Podcast  Kyles website: www.kingsbu.com    Like and subscribe to the podcast anywhere you can find podcasts. Leave a 5-star review and let me know what resonates or doesn’t.

All right, y'all, we are here for a solo cast that I've been promising for some time and it's taken a bit of time just due to the nature of life, but also the alchemy and what is the word I'm looking for here? Integration. So the mental integration of the deepest, darkest ceremony of my life, which lasted 16 days. I mentioned quite a bit of this on a podcast I did with Luke Story,

the Lifestylist podcast. And as it relates to children, parenting, that kind of stuff, because that's where Luke is at. He is looking to become a dad. It's a fantastic podcast. I'll link to that in the show notes. Just came out.

Much of what I'm going to talk about here. Um, what's the word it's gonna, it's gonna overlay. Some of it will repeat some of the stories you will hear on both podcasts. That's all fine. Uh, you're going to hear, uh, more in certain respects on this podcast and less in certain respects. If I tell the same story a hundred times and one of those times is right after the fact, one of those times is three months later, one of those times is 10 years later, the stories are always gonna be different.

The gist of it, the main takeaways and the how-to guide to track yourself back to reality when you lose your mind are all very pertinent in many ways as a public service announcement to any of us that traverse the deeper planes of altered states of consciousness and just a deep peek into what can fucking happen, what is possible when we get into initiation levels of medicine use and all the gifts that come from that. So plenty of good stuff here.

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And of course, we'll link to this in the show notes. That is C60purplepower.com. Use code word KKP at checkout and you're gonna get 15% off your first order. We're also brought to you by my dudes at Bioptimizers. We got Wade Lightheart, the founder, coming on the show here in a few weeks, I hope. Have you ever felt unhappy, down, or off lately, or maybe just not entirely yourself? It'd be easy to blame the news or bad things on what's going on in the world.

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to this podcast and tried it out. It is fantastic and one of a kind. Head over to HTTPS colon forward slash forward slash S-O-V-E-R-E-I-G-N-T-Y dot C-O slash Kyle. That's sovereignty.co slash Kyle, or click the links in the show notes and grab my favorite all right y'all it is game time we are finally going to dive into the deepest dive i've ever had with any medicine it's not a plant medicine it is an animal medicine. The Sonoran Desert Toad, 5-MeO-DMT, Combo, or not Combo. Well, we'll talk Combo as well, but Bufo, the Bufo alvaris. And I think it's got a new name scientifically, but none of that shit matters anyways. I had my first ever initiation dose and we're going to talk books here as well. As you can see, I've got a few of these laid out if you're watching the YouTube. First, let me just say, I've never had an

experience before like this. It's probably my 15th or 16th time using this medicine. Generally speaking, it's a shorter trip with second, third doses, things like that. It could extend up to an hour, but still one hour, a fairly short trip, and this somehow managed to last 16 days. So we're going to dive into that. I do want to back up just a minute and talk about where my headspace was going into this, my intention behind it, and why I think it led me into the darkness, I think is unmistakable. First and foremost, I had seen a show many of you have heard me talk about

called Initiation with Matias DeStefano on Gaia TV. It's a fantastic show. In the first season, he goes through each of the dimensions from unity to duality to Trinity consciousness, and then the four pillars of something. That's the fourth dimension, fifth dimensional consciousness, sixth dimensional consciousness, which is where we would typically think of as darkness and beyond. And he really worded it in a way where it was like, don't think of that dimension as evil per se. Six gets a bad rap. And I'm not even sure how to explain this. What my head was, where my head was at was, you know, I'd read this book and I'll tell you which,

I'll tell you which books we're gonna link to in the show notes because there's four of them, I think are fucking phenomenal reads that people should read. This isn't one of, I love this book, but this is just for context and frame of reference. In the book by Caroline Mace called Sacred Contracts. She talked a bit about Jesus and the Buddha

spending 40 days in the desert and 40 days under the Bodhi tree to alchemize darkness from within and step into the being of their light that they would become. And so this is where my head was at. I was like, all right, I want to alchemize darkness to step into the fullness of my being of the light.

And it may seem like a fucking lofty idea for some people, but when you've done enough medicine journeys and you've healed and worked through the layers of self from the past and stepped into the present, you might find your intention changes and you start trying to tackle some of these bigger ideas and concepts out there. Did I think I was going to accomplish

my Christ consciousness through a ceremony? No. Did I think I was going to come out of this as the Buddha exiting the Bodhi tree? No, but I did wanna to understand the layers of darkness as they pertain to me. And with that, step into a new frame of being. All of this is ever unfolding, obviously.

I don't think that any ceremony is a one and done. But with that in mind, I had my first sessions with Combo, which is the poisonous frog Amber Lyon made popular years ago on Joe Rogan's podcast. And it's highly beneficial for the immune system, for inflammation, for all sorts of stuff. But it's really good too to do before a medicine ceremony

because it cleans you out. It's highly purgative. It allows you to really empty out and become a hollow bone physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And it's a way of paying it up front. So you don't have really hard stuff during the ceremony. It's a way to kind of clean out on each level. And then when you enter with psilocybin or ayahuasca or any of these other medicines, the snore and desert toad, you've effectively done some work ahead of time. Non-psychedelic, really, really fantastic medicine

that I love. And so the practitioner asked me, hey, to start, we're going to go somewhere between four and nine, I think he said, three and nine. Yeah, it was three and nine, somewhere between three and nine. The first thing that three and nine, somewhere between three and nine. The first thing that popped into my head was six, but I wasn't sure. He's like, just sleep on it. Let me know what you think. And six kept coming up and I'm thinking about Matthias.

And then I'm like, well, is this really evil? Is this an evil number? There's a lot of stuff. I mean, in all sort of frame, there's a lot of stuff I agree with in Christianity and a lot of stuff that I mean, and also to frame, there's a lot of stuff I agree with in Christianity and a lot of stuff that I think is absolute fucking hocus pocus. I don't think gay people are gonna burn in hell

because they choose to love the same sex. I don't think, whether they're born that way or not, I don't think they fucking, I don't think they're going to hell for that. I know they're not. That's not what I've experienced in medicines and many other things that would take up an entire podcast. So let's just say there are things that I agree with

and things that I disagree with. And I've never really been afraid of darkness in that sense. But this kept coming up for me, six is the number. And I was like, that's curious. And so I dropped Bear off at school. And as I'm thinking about my journey, I look down and in my Prius, which is no longer with us, rest in peace.

The Prius miles per gallon was 66.6. And I was like, holy shit. All right, well, six it is. 666, why is it gonna come in like that? And so I'm just framing that because when I went through this experience with the Toto, 666, why is it going to come in like that? And so I'm just framing that because when I went through this experience with the Toto, I was like, holy shit, how did this fucking happen? I felt absolutely sideswiped. I didn't realize that I had agreed

on some level ahead of time to work in that space. I had simply forgotten. That's how traumatic it was for me. And to frame that, when I did 30 grams of penis envy psilocybin mushrooms, there was an opportunity, and I've spoken about this before, but there was an opportunity where darkness presented itself. And I said yes to that. And the reason I said yes to that was after reading the DMT dialogues, one of the things all the greats are in, Rupert Sheldrake, Graham Hancock, Dennis McKenna, Rick Strassman, they say if you brush up against darkness on a DMT trip, anytime they've said no to it and pulled themselves out of the experience, they've often regretted it because they look back and they're like, oh, fuck, why was I so afraid?

There's something there to learn from. There's something that being or imagination wants to show us. And if you say yes, there's some medicine, there's some knowledge in there. And so knowing that, I just said, all right, cool. And then I went into the darkness in 30 grams. And then knowing this ahead of time before this ceremony with the Sonoran Desert Toad, I said yes to go into the darkness ahead of time, hopefully to alchemize and come out better. So go through the combo experiences. They're beautiful. They're challenging. Shit my brains out, puke my brains out. And two days after the fact, I get ready for my first initiation dose with the Sonoran Desert Toad. The initiation dose is typically 125 milligrams. Because I had done combo ahead of time, they dropped it to 100 and said,

intelligently, knowing that I wanted to go balls out, 100 after combo is going to be stronger than most 125 experiences because you're so cleaned out. I said, okay, cool, let's do it. And they had three wonderful practitioners that I've worked with in the past that have worked with a number of my friends, just excellent, excellent people. I was in expert care and I had no nerves about it. I was nervous. Garbo Mate said he's nervous every time he drinks ayahuasca and he's had hundreds of ceremonies drinking ayahuasca. It's important to have some level of respect for the medicine and some level of nerves just because you know what you're saying yes to

and you know the full range of possibility. For me at that point, I still had some nerves about what the experience was gonna be, but all of my prior experiences with this medicine in particular were the equivalent of dying and going to be, but all of my prior experiences with this medicine in particular were the equivalent of dying and going to heaven. They were the equivalent of dissolving into a star and from a vibratory level, a visceral feeling through every cell of my body was unconditional love. I mean, multiply MDMA times a million. Those were my only experiences, 15 times with 5-MeO DMT.

So when the practitioner told me that you could have reactivations, I was like, oh, well, what's a reactivation? And he's like, well, it's kind of like a flashback. You basically go back into the experience. He's like, don't worry. It doesn't happen when you're driving or when you're active. It'll happen when you're falling asleep or it could happen when you're meditating. It's only when you've caught, when you're calm and you've quieted your mind. And so jokingly, I think of a bit Norm MacDonald did back in the day where he's, he's buying some acid from a guy and the guy's like, you know, you can have flashbacks like 20 years from now. Right. And Norm looks at him and he goes, so you're telling me I can spend five bucks to get high right now. And then 20 years from now, right? And Norm looks at him and he goes, so you're telling me I can

spend five bucks to get high right now and then 20 years later from now I get high for free? And I started busting up thinking of that and I was like, fucking sign me up. Sign me up in a heartbeat to go back to heaven at random when I'm sleeping at some point? Yes, I say yes to that. And we did it standing. It was my first time doing it standing. The arms lift on the full inhale. I've been able to quiet my mind and slow my breathing down. Breath work is a huge practice for me,

but it also pertains a lot to DMT experiences. If you want to go deep with DMT, you need to have mastered breath work. And that said, you might get more than you want. So I slow my breathing down. I raise the arms on a full inhale, trust fall back in the practitioner's arms, and I'm gone. Now, most people don't work at high-level doses, threshold doses, ego death doses with this medicine in particular, because there's a point at which you don't remember. There's a point in which you lose everything. It's a full dissolve of the default mode network. From a scientific level, there's a lot of benefit there, as I understand it. When that's shut down, you have the most neurogenesis. You have the most cross flow of brain communication

from the left and right brain, and you build new pathways. So in terms of being able to think outside the box or see from new angles, create new perspective, the reset button, hitting control alt delete on the brain can actually do wonderful things. From a ceremony standpoint, there's less downloads. You know, you go to a place that you don't really

remember. And when you come out of that, you can start to track and piece things together. And there may be some downloads on the backend, but it's not about that. Ayahuasca is about downloads and about purging and healing. Any of the other medicines, you're going to gain more from an intention level. And what he told me was, your only intention is surrender. Every other intention you have is great, write it down, table it. Your only intention in this is surrender.

And so I hold until I'm absolutely gone, fall back. The moment there was a ramp up where like I see the fractal white light starting, there's a memory loss of where I was fully gone. And then as I ride, as I come back into my body, I feel the practitioner's hand on my heart. He's looking at me and he's saying, that's it, that's it. Just breathe, just breathe. I'm like, okay, okay. And I can hear the clicking of the crack pipes

as they're getting ready to tune in with their meditation dose. That's one of the ways the practitioners will connect with you, similar to an ayahuasquero drinking the medicine with you. I hear the clicking of the torch, click, click. And then I hear one of the practitioners purging on my behalf,

which is something that can also happen in ayahuasca circles, less common with psilocybin and things like that, but certainly with ayahuasca. And so I hear this purge and then it repeats. That's it, that's it. Just breathe, just breathe. And then I hear the clicking of the crack pipes and then I hear the click, click of the torch

and then the next purge. And it repeats and it, and it repeats. And I'm like, fuck, I'm in a fucking time loop again. And immediately fear starts to mount because the only other time I've experienced time loops was in the 30 grams of psilocybin. And I repeated five different levels of eternity in what I would say is hell, the deepest, darkest fears of my life, mostly conscious. I've talked about this before,

but to recap, one layer was my wife miscarrying again, Natasha miscarrying in the most brutal, bloody, visceral way, basically exploding blood all over the walls, all over me and then blaming me for it, which then progressed to the whole earth imploding and then consciousness itself being ruined because of the fact that I had cracked the code with 30 grams of psilocybin.

So a lot of these fears were conscious surface level and then they went deeper and deeper and deeper to shit that I've never even really thought about, but apparently it exists. And I talked about this with Duncan Trussell, but the way I got out of that was I would catch it at some point, I would see the loop and I would begin to recognize the patterns of it.

And I just would come to a place of like, all right, yep, now she's gonna explode and blame me for it. And then the fucking earth's gonna implode. And it came to a point where I just didn't care. I was calling it out like Bob Costas, knowing what play was going to happen next. And with that, that would allow me to progress to the next layer. So when I told Duncan this, he said, oh yeah, that reminds me of Dante's Inferno. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. And I was like, oh shit. I used to just think that was like some fucked up thing.

Like this is, it's that bad. Abandon all hope when you get here. But I realized that that is the key code to get you out of hell. It is absolutely the key code. It is abandon all hope, ye who enter here is the ultimate act of surrender. When you don't care that you're there truly, and mantras don't work, anything you're

holding on to effectively, if I'm claiming a mantra like I am safe or like Stuart Smalley on SNL, doggone it, people like me. If I have to repeat that to myself, it's because I don't believe it. It's because I don't understand it and viscerally grab it. And this would just invert that on its fucking head. Every fear inverted, everything exposed. And so finally I made it out of that. And that experience lasted, you know, 24 hours.

The whole experience on the medicine was only three and a half hours with psilocybin. But it was slow enough for me to understand. It was slow enough for me to come out of. And that never was reactivated. So when I find myself here on the Sonoran Desert Toad in the loop, it's a much faster acting medicine. And it's much stronger in the immediacy of it. And I just recognize like, this is a place I don't wanna fucking be. And I'm trying to surrender and I'm like,

oh no, and I just have full panic, likely from some PTSD from the 30 gram experience. And I even went back to one of the layers of hell that I had on 30 grams, which was like an infinite purge where I basically, I feel like I'm gonna be sick and I tell everyone in the room,

oh no, I'm gonna be sick. And then I throw up and then, oh shit, I feel like I'm gonna be sick. Oh no, I'm gonna be sick. And then I throw up. So this feeling of unease, discomfort and nausea followed by a purge and then immediately returned to the beginning

of feelings of nausea followed by a purge and then immediately returned to the beginning of feelings of nausea, embarrassment, and then purging again for an infinite number of times. And that progressed to like an infinite crying. It was like the sorrow, but it was almost like I was there making fun of myself. Like, I'm sad. And it was just really forcing the feeling of meaninglessness upon the act of purging itself. Like I've often thought that when I purge, it's healing a part of me. And it certainly feels that way viscerally. If I have a release

and I'd still buy into this, but that is productive. That helps me move through something that no longer impacts me in the same way. But what this layer of hell was giving me was like, no, no, no, no, none of this matters. That's all fucking make-believe. And you're gonna do this for eternity.

And it really brought to me to a place of pointlessness. And I mean, words that came to mind at the end of this were unbearable, the worst, horrific. And I know those words aren't correct because I hadn't seen it all the way through, but that's how it felt. Even though I bared it, it was fucking unbearable. And so that experience ends in an hour and I eat a meal. I get home, sober as a cucumber, everything feels great. Lay down in bed. And as I lay down, everything starts to reactivate. And I'm like, oh, cool. Like,

am I going to, do I need to put on music? I'm still kind of in it. I had almost forgotten how hard that part of the whole experience was. And I was just thinking of it in terms of my previous experiences. I was like, oh, I'll be good. I'll just meditate through this. And I get into that experience or I am like, fuck it. I'm just going to meditate and fall asleep. And either right before falling asleep or right after I fall asleep, the whole thing starts up again. Fractal white light, full body vibrations. And I'm thinking, oh, fuck no. I know what lies on the other side of this. I'm like no and I yank myself up heart pounding whoosh whoosh whoosh just fucking in a visceral panic like a dump of cortisol through my body that happened every 15 minutes excuse me then every 30

45 an hour I was timing it like Tasha's contractions in labor. So I didn't sleep that night. I actually didn't sleep the first three nights. And with people that don't know about the lack of sleep, that can start to cause a lot of disruptions in waking reality. And my thought was like, I surrender to not sleeping. I do not surrender to going through this experience alone. And it was only, I think it was day four where I was like, I have to sleep. I have to surrender to going through this experience alone. And it was only, I think it was day four

where I was like, I have to sleep. I have to surrender to this. And I made an agreement that I would. And as I went to bed, it started up and I was able to surrender. And I went back in from nine to 3 a.m., a fucking six hour journey through new layers of hell, new layers of shit.

Any book that I was reading, this book right here, which we'll dive into a little bit, The End of Your World by Adesante. The quote on the back is, make no mistake about it, enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth.

It sings through the facade of pretense. It is the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true. That it's the fucking nail on the head. But reading this during those days and then going, when I surrendered and went into another, a brand new experience, basically, it would take everything that I had learned recently and fucking inverted it. And so there was nothing I could hold on to as a truth, as a guidepost.

So it was the ultimate mindfuck. I mean, absolute ultimate mindfuck. This went on for 16 days. Some days I wouldn't sleep. Some days I'd sleep for a little bit. I'd go back into a vision. I'd come out at 1 a.m. and I'd be up the whole rest of the fucking day. And napping didn't help either because I'd feel it start and I'd jerk myself awake. So I was micro sleeping for about 16 days. And Tosh can feel this. She's carrying the weight of the family on her shoulders. And she's like, you have to call Paul Check. He can get you out of this. So I hit up

Paul a couple of days before Christmas. He's like, hey, I don't have time today, but I have some time Christmas Eve. I was like, awesome. Christmas Eve, let's do it. And part of the reason I'm bringing this up is because number one, I want people to have, most people don't have access to Paul Cech on speed dial, but there's, curiously, I don't believe in coincidence, a lot of people since I've gone through this have hit me up and have had really challenging experiences around solstice and early on in the year,

very dark journeys. And so I want to explain this as a means for people to find a way back. really challenging experiences around solstice and early on in the year, very dark journeys. And so I want to explain this as a means for people to find a way back and then offer some of these books. So this isn't just a trip report. This is where I've been the last three months mentally and what I've gleaned from it, as well as ways to help others come out of this experience.

So I get ahold of Paul, I let him know what's going on. And I talk about how, you know, my thoughts are basically inverted. It's pure polarity, but any positive thought is turned to the equal and opposite negative. And he goes, of course, you know, God at the highest level is nothing but paradox. I'm like, what do you mean?

And he says to me, that is why the Tao cannot be spoken because anything you say of the Tao, the equal and opposite is true. And I'm like, no, don't tell me that. Like, that's not what I want to fucking hear. Like there must be some inherent truth. And the truth is the all is the all. The all is everything.

And part of what this was showing me was that the very same thing Paul Selig states, that all is of or nothing is. And as Selig has said many times throughout his books, you love the thing you love and you call it God, but the thing you don't love, the thing you hate, you wish it to be outside of that. Nothing can exist outside of the all. So the thing you despise love, the thing you hate, you wish it to be outside of that. Nothing can exist outside of the all. So the thing you despise, the thing that you cast in darkness, the thing that you hold in the cave, which inherently puts you in the cave with it,

that too is God. It's not the all God, but that too is a piece of the all. And to recognize it as such is a reframe that's very hard to alchemize. I don't want to alchemize. I don't know how to alchemize some of the darkness that's going on in the world. And perhaps the external, what I've learned recently in terms of the powers that be, pedophilia, all the fucking mass sex trafficking going on and things of that nature, that too is reflected. And there's a law here in the Kabbalah and I'll dive into with the law of correspondence. So as you enter a ceremony, it's important to disconnect from the outside world.

Even a good podcast like Living 4D or my own or any of these things, you don't take with you through dieta before ayahuasca because that will inherently become a part of your experience. So you want to clear that out. For me, I hadn't necessarily cleared that out. I'm still diving deep down the rabbit hole of what's actually happening in a fucking very uncertain time to be alive right now. And so without doubt, I have to acknowledge that that too layered into my experience. But Paul taught me how to close the loop. He said, have you closed the loop? Have you done a closing ceremony? And I said, no. He said, all right, good. Tasha's going to sage, you know,

a lot of sage over you. You're going to take a super hot bath with 12 drops of frankincense. And then you will speak out loud everything you've learned from the darkness, all the ways in which you are going to change going forward. And you're going to humbly ask God to bridge to your high self or your soul, to bridge to your small self, Kyle, in a way that Kyle Kingsbury will understand it, through your dreams without fear. And you humbly ask that any other lessons to come, come through the dreams without fear so you can stay asleep and restore the physical body in 3D. And speaking things out loud is very important. Tim Corcoran talks about the mirroring exercise

after a soul wander or a vision quest. When you speak it, you are bridging the gap. It's one of the first things we can do from the astral level to the mental emotional bodies and bring it back to 3D is to speak it through vibration here in 3D. So this fucking worked. No two ways about it.

I do this practice. We close the ceremony. That night's Christmas Eve. I go to sleep and I have two dreams that are the most psychedelic dreams I've ever had, but without fear. One of them I recorded was eight minutes long. Not gonna dive into that.

This other dream was, I talked about it on Luke's stories. I'm gonna repeat it here. It might sound a little different. That's fine. But this other dream really encapsulated where I was spinning in place. And I'm going to start diving into some of these books here to really give a better example of where my head was at and what caused the issue in the first place. I've wanted for a while to understand the nature

of consciousness. I have wanted for a while to understand what God is, what is the point of our existence? Many of the deepest questions that we've talked, humanity has talked about since the dawn of language, most likely. And pondered even prior to language, for sure. So the dream with Tosh, I see her, I see my wife and I don't recognize her.

I recognize her as my wife, but I recognize her as the divine mother, the yin energy, the aspect of God that is the creator. And I look at her and I say, what do I do? You know, and she says, be a man. And I said, I don't know what the fuck that means. Can you explain? And she said, I created you, the divine father, as the matrix. And this dives into a lot of David Icke stuff or the movie, The Matrix, but The Matrix is neither evil nor good. As Rumi states,

there's a field outside of right and wrong, just pass good and bad, I'll meet you there. And that's paraphrasing, but the divine matrix is a divine matrix. And it is mirrored back to us in many ways and what we perceive it to be from within, the law of correspondence, as above, so below, as below, so above. And depending where your frame of reference is, you will find that meeting you externally. If I believe the world is good and I believe that God is love and I feel that love within me, I'm going to find that everywhere I go. I'm going to see, and that's been my life experience as my trajectory has moved forward without question. And so how this switched was, if I think I'm permanently locked in hell, everything around me will show up to confirm that.

Bear says something a five-year-old would say that fucks with me. And it's instead of, he's a five-year-old, calm yourself and educate him or play with him instead. The thought would be, of course you'd say that. I'm locked in the fucking hell for eternity and you're going to mirror back to me that response. So when I see Tosh and she tells me, as the divine mother, I created you, the divine father. This is the matrix.

And you are the son within the game of the divine father and the divine mother. And I the matrix. And you are the son within the game of the divine father and the divine mother. And I look at her shaking my head like, I need more. And she says, play the game, play the game. And that may not resonate with a lot of people that haven't spun on the same tracks, but I think there's a chapter in the Kabbalion that I'm going to dive into right now that will help really frame this better. Of all the books I've read throughout this, and all of these are,

I will state why these are all important reads. The Kabbalion helped me the most. It's a book on hermetic philosophy. It was written in 1908. I'm gonna link to it in the show notes. There is a free copy because it's on the public domain online. So you can just listen to this for free,

not on Audible, just from a website. The chapters are 12 to 20 minutes. They're short, but they are fucking deep. And really it's a book about alchemy. You'll see here on the cover, if we're watching this on YouTube, that I believe that's the philosopher's stone. So this really does get into alchemy, these seven hermetic

principles. In the part here, that was really me finding myself spinning in my tracks. I literally lived in polarity for two and a half weeks. And it was the ultimate mind fuck because I thought like there must be a trajectory here. There must be a way out of this. There must be some way to alchemize this to step into unity consciousness or to step back into 3D

and just operate the way I once did and forget the shit that I'm seeing right now because it's rendering me useless. So let me read this passage here. It's on page 34, the Kabbalion. The chapter is the all. So they start with under and back of the universe of time, space and change

is ever to be found the substantial reality, the fundamental truth, the Kabbalion. And I'm just going to jump in here a couple of pages in to a passage that really hit the nail on the head with what that dream went for me and where I was spinning in tracks and how this helped me alchemize it. We accept and teach the view of the great hermetic thinkers of all times, as well as those illumined souls who have reached higher planes of being, both of whom assert that the inner nature

of the all is unknowable. This must be so, for not but the all itself can comprehend its own nature and being. The hermeticists believe and teach that the all in itself is and must ever be unknowable. They regard all the theories, guesses, and speculations of the theologians and metaphysicians regarding the inner nature of the all as but the childish efforts of mortal minds to grasp the secret of the infinite. Such efforts have always failed and

will always fail from the very nature of the task. One pursuing such inquiries travels around and around in the labyrinth of thought until he is lost to the sane reasoning, to all sane reasoning, action or conduct, and is utterly unfitted for the work of life. He is like the squirrel which frantically runs around and around the circling treadmill wheel of his cage, traveling ever and yet reaching nowhere. At the end, a prisoner still and standing just where he started. that fucking hits the nail on the head. My mind would spin in loops, pondering what I saw in the visions throughout the two and a half weeks,

or even just trying to track. And I would, you know, it almost acted like a mind virus. And the reason I bring that up is because there's another book here that encapsulates that mind virus. And the reason I bring that up is because there's another book here that encapsulates that mind virus perfectly. It's called Dispelling Wetiko, Breaking the Curse of Evil by Paul Levy. And so Wetiko, again, any book that I'm showing here to the camera, obviously you can't, if you're just listening, you're not going to see that, but there will be these four books,

The Kabbalion, Dispelling Watiko, The Fourth Turning and The End of Your World. I'm gonna link to all these in the show notes. Thank you, Jose, my boy. These are phenomenal, absolutely phenomenal. And so Kabbalion, must read for everybody. I'll give you a free copy online. The other three, highly recommend,

but don't dive into them if you don't need to. In Dispelling Wetiko, Paul Levy dives into this beautifully. Wetiko is the Native American word for evil, darkness, the devil, whatever you want to call that. And they really unpack quite a bit on this. And the book incredibly details,

I think it was, when was this written? The brilliance of this book too is that it dives into the power structures within the world and how we're fucking it up incredibly well. It could have been written this year and would have been just as spot on as when they wrote it, I think 2013.

Bananas. So I'm gonna read a passage from here on Wetiko. Then we're gonna dive into some of the layers of this that I gleaned from Mary Margrave, an intuitive and one of my favorite people in the world. Let's see here. Like a fractal, Watico operates on multiple,

so evil operates on multiple dimensions simultaneously, intrapersonally within individuals, interpersonally among ourselves, collectively as a species, as well as transpersonally in a realm beyond our personal selves. Those afflicted with Wetiko consume, like a cannibal, the life force of others, human and non-human, for private purposes or profit, and do so without giving back something

from their own lives. One example that symbolizes our self-destructive collective madness is the oil company's destruction of the Amazon rainforest, the lungs of our planet. This is a full-bodied revelation showing us that we are what we are doing to ourselves. Another example that both literally and symbolically illustrates the Wetiko complex in action is the Monsanto company's genetically engineering Terminator seeds that do not reproduce a second generation, thus forcing farmers to buy new seeds from Monsanto companies genetically engineering Terminator seeds that do not reproduce a second generation, thus forcing farmers to buy new seeds from Monsanto for each year's new crop. This makes survival impossible for many poor farmers, triggering a wave of suicides among them while Monsanto grows richer from the process. Watch Food Inc., the documentary, if you want to see that viscerally and see interviews with farmers

of how this shit's going down. This is the future of food, the powers that be would have it. This is what fucking Bill Gates wants to do, why they're buying up all the farmland. And this is the external being reflected back to me from the internal. I mean, I could flip open any page here,

like an Oracle deck and dive into it. The bottom line is, as Mary Margrave put it to me, evil is live spelled backwards. So anything that is life affirming, life giving, life producing, the creative force of the universe, that is the divine light. That is Christ consciousness, Buddha consciousness. That is the thing that keeps the wheel spinning. That is the thing that

get the giver. That is what allows the attractive forces of nature to come together and produce something like a star and a solar system or a family. And that life-giving creativity is the thing that holds us together. Conversely, the dark destructive force of nature, the death process is necessary. It is absolutely necessary to clear out the old and make way for the new. When that becomes rampant or destructive, it becomes a cancer. And this is the thought process of many corporations right now.

David Icke's not wrong about us living in a corporatocracy. One of the books that really knocked that out of the park for me was the new confessions of an economic hit man by John Perkins. Link to that in the show notes as well for bonus material. Really dives deep into that. And that's been something that I've been really grappling with is that aspect.

So again, back to live versus evil. Evil isn't necessarily just death. Death in and of itself is not bad or good. Death is just a part of life, which allows for birth and allows for creation. And as we look at archetypes, with Jung's work and Caroline Mesa's work, all archetypes have a light side and a shadow side.

So you could say the archetype of Kali, the destructive goddess within Hinduism, in the light side, she is clearing. She is killing and destroying and eliminating to create space for something new. In the dark side of that energy, it is simply consuming with no end in mind. And we can see this happening right now through corporatocracies, through medicine,

through dictatorship, through draconian measures on how we respond to a fucking virus that's less deadly than influenza in 2012. And in fact, it is deadlier than influenza because influenza in all of Santa Clara County where I grew up, one death in all of 2020. So it did kill influenza and it did knock out heart disease and a lot of other things by how they're measuring that.

But not gonna get into that rabbit hole too much. This hopefully gives an explanation of the difference between living, creating, birthing new ideas, feeding into the love, feeding into attraction, creating something new versus the death process, which inherently must happen for life and death to take place and for evolution to take place. Neither one is right or wrong. Evil, on the other hand, would be the death process with no ends. It would be the death process that doesn't have a loop where you move through death into life and birth, and that goes back and forth. It would be the consumption with

no ends. And evil will render you useless as well. So getting back to that piece in the Kabbalion, effectively, I couldn't parent. I couldn't think. I couldn't do anything. I had to get out of my head and back into my body. Yoga helped with that. Breathwork helped with that.

Simply being in nature helped with that. And slowly I was able to start piecing back together an idea of self. And one of the things that came up was there is no meaning, but the meaning we give life. And that was hard because I almost wanted to see like an inherent truth to reality, a trajectory for being. And some of these books really just state like the nature of consciousness is to evolve. God itself is not a finished product.

God is evolving. Consciousness itself is evolving. And that's part of the reason you can never know how to solve the riddle. If I'm making little hand gestures, like I have a Rubik's cube in front of me right now. Imagine if the colors of the Rubik's cube changed. And while you're getting close, they just change. Like that riddle is infinitely unknown due to the fact that consciousness itself is always

evolving at the speed of now. So even if I come to solve the Rubik's cube and set it aside, that would only have solved the moment before what God is. It doesn't solve what it is now because it's always changing, it's always evolving. And so if evolution is the only point to all this and knowing thyself, then it doesn't really matter how we show up. If we show up for the dark side, the Sith,

or if we're a Jedi and we show up for the light side, because everything is helping the other evolve. So in that sense, it's basically like saying, it doesn't matter what you fucking do. And that was a tough pill to swallow. It also doesn't, there is no meaning behind what you do was something that I was grappling with. Ultimately, my takeaway was life is about the meaning we give it.

And that is enough. And that is the experience of God through me to understand through my finite perspective, the Kyle Kingsbury's perspective, what each circumstance means to me. And that is my contribution to the all. And I can sit with that. I can rest there and know, oh, okay, cool. And then circle back to choice. Originally with the whole process, I was thinking around the alchemy of good and evil. And when Eve consumes the fruit from the tree with the knowledge of good and evil,

that that was the alchemy of those things. It was to understand you don't have free will until you understand the fullness of evil and the fullness of good. Only then can you make your decision on which path you take. That may just be fucking drawn straws from the clouds. But that's how I came to understand it. Like I needed to go through this process, not only to give other people Paul's way out of it, but to really start to alchemize that and understand that if I am to know that none of this matters, I can be an asshole,

I can serve self. And that in the eyes of the all, that still serves this matters. I can be an asshole. I can serve self. And that in the eyes of the all, that still serves the all. Then I can truly make a decision and not just haphazardly wander through life trying to do good, but still doing shit for myself and saying, I love this, but this guy's a fucking asshole. It doesn't really give me the full perspective of what I'm doing and what do I want to do. You know, the purpose that I give my own life, the meaning that I give my own life has a greater degree of awareness

when I understand that it is solely up to me to make that happen. It is solely up to me to give it the purpose that I give it, to give it the meaning that I give it. And I'm not gonna read that in a book. I'm not gonna come to understand that from someone else. I'm going to come to understand that through my own interaction with the all. And this has been just that, but I will say dispelling with Tico, breaking the curse of evil. If you're having a troubling time in life,

if you're having a brush up with what appears to be evil, and I don't take that word lightly. If you feel like you're being consumed in some way and there's no way out, Kabbalion and Dispelling Wotiko are absolutely phenomenal. I'm gonna read a passage here from The End of Your World by Adesante. This is fantastic. Uncensored straight talk on the nature of enlightenment.

And then I'm gonna dive into a conversation I had with Jamie Will that really helped me as well for tracking. Like this is what's gotten him out of this. And Jamie is great because he's a guy that 10, 15, and I don't think he's 15. I think he's 10 years older than me. Maybe he's 15 years older than me, but he's where I want to be in 15 years in many respects. As a plant medicine guy, as somebody who's gone down the rabbit hole and had many experiences, and he was able to help me piece together some better outlooks and trajectories going forward.

All right, so let's talk here. This is The End of Your World by Adyashante. And one of the things he's talking about is the awakening process. I mean, I assume, and this is, you know, it's funny how the lexicon of words is being used against one another, whether you're on the right side

or the left side of politics or somewhere in between. The term woke used to be a way to differentiate from sheeple. And then now the term woke is like, oh, it's gone back the other way. Like, yeah, you're woke. You're a part of the far right conspirituality movement where everything's a conspiracy,

but you have some connection to God. So you dream up all this shit that goes against science. And then there's another aspect of that too, where it's like, oh no, now the left is woke because they allow their five-year-old kid to go on fucking hormone replacement therapy because they said they liked wearing dresses more than wearing jeans.

And now that's used as a slight to say, yeah, the woke parents in California that are allowing their kids to do this shit, that's woke. So this has nothing to do with woke. That word, it really has no meaning to me at this point because of the fact that it's been used as a slight on from fucking everyone. And there's no real agreement on what that word means. But from an awakening standpoint, whether this happens through meditation, yoga, life experience helps the awakening

or any type of medicine journey psychedelics. What I found is that there's always a point in journeys, the big ones, where you're like, oh, fuck, I get it. Wow. I didn't know. Holy shit. And that feels like you've awakened. You certainly have awakened. I certainly have awakened to a life that is vastly different than before my first ayahuasca ceremony. Viscerally coming to understand reincarnation and the infinite nature of reality. Viscerally coming to realize the infinite nature of this reality

that everything changes, but energy is not destroyed. Even when my fucking body and meat suit dies, it will just change. It will go back to the earth. I watched my dying body feed animals and then feed the ground and then mushrooms sprout out of it. It just changes form.

It just changes form. And perhaps we all get to share the other forms that participate with this body. I don't know what fucking happens. I don't claim to know, but after the first ayahuasca ceremony versus before the first ayahuasca ceremony, life-changing and a clear awakening at that point.

Since then, many more awakenings. I don't consider myself to be awakened. He uses language towards the end of this book that helps people really understand what that is. And I think it's highly valuable because if you have a goal in mind, it's important to know what it is you're shooting for. If you say, I wanna be rich

and you don't have a number in mind of what that is and you don't understand what it means, what your rich life is to you. I talked about that with Ramit Sethi, author of I Will Teach You To Be Rich about a year, year and a half ago. One of the best parts of his book is figuring out what your rich life is for you. So you know, and you have a roadmap going forward that tells you what you're shooting for. Like, I don't need a fucking Tesla. I like having my big four wheel drive truck. It came in handy during the snowstorm.

I like eating really good food. I like traveling and seeing the world. That's my rich life. I like being able to have tons of time to spend with my family and friends. I like partying and fucking dancing my ass off with my best friends and my wife. That's rich to me. That's what rich means. And so if I shoot for that and I understand what

that is, it's much easier to accomplish that. So if the goal is awakening, this book is for you. I found this early on in his introductory, one of his chapters, Exploring Life After Awakening to be really valuable because as I stated just a moment ago, I don't think we ever stop awakening. I don't think the nature of the infinite game is that you reach some pinnacle or mountaintop and you're like, oh yeah, ascended master, here I am.

I don't think that ever fucking happens. There are levels to awareness. And as your awareness increases, you find much like we do with knowledge and wisdom. The more I know, the more I realize how much I don't know. And the same would be true of awareness or awakening. You reach levels and you say, holy shit, this is a lot different than where I was 10 years ago. And at the same time, you realize there is much more because it is infinitely unfolding, infinitely unfolding within each of us

and infinitely unfolding in the explicate, what we see outside ourselves. All right, so at this point, I'd like to address those readers who are thinking, quote, well, I haven't had one of those glimpses. I don't think I've really awakened, end quote. Others may not be sure if what they have experienced is awakening or not.

Wherever you are on this path, I believe this information is relevant. For as it turns out, what happens after awakening is relevant to what happens before awakening. In fact, the spiritual process isn't any different before awakening than afterward. It's just that after awakening, the process is happening from a different perspective.

You may think of it as a bird's eye view versus a ground level view. Before awakening, we don't know who we are. We think we are a separate, isolated person in a particular body, walking around in a world that is distinct from us. Once awakening has happened, we are still walking around in that world. We just know that we are not limited to a particular body or personality and that we are actually not separate from the world around us.

It's important to note as well that we do not become immune to misperception simply because we've had a glimpse of awakening. Certain fixations and conditionings will linger even after we perceive from the place of oneness. The path after awakening then is a path of dissolving our remaining fixations, our hang-ups you might say. So it's not that much different from the path to awakening, which is a path of dissolving certain delusions we have, certain tendencies to contract. The difference is that before awakening, our personality structure feels much weightier,

much heavier, much denser, because our whole identity is actually wrapped up in our conditioning. After awakening, we know that the conditioning of our body-mind system is not personal. We know that it doesn't define us that knowledge that living truth makes it much easier and much less threatening to address the unraveling of our illusions this book is fucking phenomenal i just love it um

context to that going back to Gabalion here, then we're gonna get into the nature of fucking reality right now, as I've come to understand it. Let's see here, mental universe. So we get from the all mental universe, chapter six, the divine paradox. So what Adishanti is illuminating here

is one of the awakenings that happens is we realize we're not separate, that that is an illusion, that we are one and not we are one holding hands in a song saying kumbaya, like we are fucking one with God, not separate from it. We are one with each other. We are one with the planet itself, like blood cells floating through the sea of our own blood,

the earth, we are cells or the microbiota of the earth. One with the earth, which is in turn, one with the solar system, one with the Milky Way, one with all the galaxies that belong to the super cluster that is circling a giant black hole and beyond. As above, so below, as below, so above. The whole thing is one. And something that has helped me

is that the recognition that anything we do for the all, that it is felt and reverberated through the all, anything we do. So choice becomes inherently more meaningful when we understand that level of responsibility, right? Spider-Man, with great power comes great responsibility. Every act I do, however small, if it's reverberated through the whole thing,

and there's a difference here. This isn't, you know, daddy in the sky with a white beard judging me with a tally saying Kingsbury fucked up here. And if he does it again, he's not getting Christmas presents. And if he does it again, he burns in hell for eternity. It's not that.

But it is, if it is felt through the all, then that makes my decisions that much more important. It makes how I respond in any given moment that much more important. But this understanding of non-separation or interconnectedness and interbeing can get a little far as well because we need boundaries to operate in 3D. As Jamie Will spoke about, and I'll dive into that, physics trumps metaphysics. If I'm

taught I can fly on the medicine, start from the ground because I will fall outside of maybe the few people that have ever levitated on the planet. Don't know if that's real or not. Never seen it for myself. They too started from the ground. They didn't jump out of a third story building. They didn't skydive without a parachute. They started from the ground. So physics trumps metaphysics. All right. The divine paradox. The half-wise recognizing the comparative unreality of the universe. Imagine they may defy its laws. Such are vain and presumptuous fools, and they are broken against the rocks and torn asunder by the elements by reason of their folly. The truly wise, knowing the nature of the universe, use law against laws,

the higher against the lower, and by the art of alchemy, transmute that which is undesirable All right. by vibrating on the higher. Transmutation, not presumptuous denial, is the weapon of the master, the Kabbalion. All right, I'll dive in a little bit further here. That's the main piece from the divine paradox. This is the paradox of the universe, resulting from the principle of polarity, which manifests when the all begins to create. Hearken to it for it points the difference between half wisdom and wisdom.

While to the infinite all, the universe, its laws, its powers, its life, its phenomena are as things witnessed in the state of meditation or dream. Yet to all that is finite, the universe must be treated as real and life and action and thought must be based thereupon accordingly, although with an ever understanding of the higher truth, each according to its own plane and laws, worthy all to imagine that the universe were indeed reality, then woe to the universe, for there would then be no escape from lower to higher, divine word. Then would be the universe become a fixity and progress would become impossible. And if man owing to half wisdom acts and lives and thinks of the universe as merely a dream, akin to his own finite dreams,

then indeed does it so become for him. And like a sleepwalker, he stumbles ever around and around in a circle, making no progress in being forced into an awakening that lasts by his falling bruised and bleeding over the natural laws which he ignored. Keep your mind ever on the star, but let your eyes watch over your footsteps, lest you fall into the mire by reason of your upward gaze.

Remember the divine paradox that while the universe is not, still it is. Remember ever the two poles of truth, the absolute and the relative, beware of half-truths. All right, that takes a little bit more unpacking, but the bottom line is, man, I always forget this guy's name who was on the podcast. His name was Matt Belair. And as we talked about ascension and some of these different prophecies, the Hopi prophecy many of you have heard me talk about, which perhaps we should circle back to by the end.

In all of the elders that he's worked with, Native American and otherwise, it always boils back down to how you show up. It's chop wood, carry water, and do three kind things for people every day and don't tell anyone about it. And that to me is pure medicine because it's not about digging through the archives to find out if Dr. Seuss was a racist or not. That doesn't do shit. It does nothing to fucking change the world we're in. And Dr. Seuss books are fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. So why are we fucking wasting time doing stuff like that? It absolutely makes no sense. There is a feel right now in the world

of the Salem witch trials or McCarthyism, where we're looking to out people, cancel culture, social justice warriors. And it's not the move. Inherently, we move out of a place of forgiveness, out of a place of compassion into wanting to burn people at the stake. And that road leads us nowhere.

That is a road of never ending consumption. That too is evil in every sense of the word. That is parasitic. That is the thing that consumes with no end in mind. That's not the light side of Kali destroying something to make way for something new. And that's a big one. Not sure why I went there from Kabbalion,

but I'm jumping around here. What Kabbalion is getting to in that place with the divine paradox is that if we look at this as Maya, the illusion, that's no way to act within it. If we think of this as the waking dream, it renders us useless in operating within the dream. And this too was where I was at. So if that resonates with you, again, I bring this up and I'm piecing shit together from all over the place because such was the nature of my experience all over the place. If we come to

the deepest remembering or knowing that this is just an illusion, this is the waking dream, this is Maya, it can be beneficial in some ways because we can say, oh, okay, all this shit that I'm worried about doesn't fucking matter. Cool. Let me go back to just relaxing and going with the ebb and flows of life. But if we spend too much time there, we lose boundary. We lose the ability for preference. We lose the ability to want to engage with the dream and we stop playing the game. So again, what the divine mother, what Tosh told me was play the game, play the game. And in Finite and Infinite Games by J.M.P. Kars, he differentiates between two games that happen.

This will also link to the show notes. I've talked about this book before, but it's phenomenal. A finite game is like a game of football. You have a clear set of rules, a certain amount of players, a referee, there's scoring, there is a beginning and an end to the game. And an infinite game, which we're all in, is one that radically includes as many people as possible.

Radical inclusion, just like Burning Man. It is one that plays within the known laws and also bends and moves the boundaries around and tries to see what they can change within the game itself. If our modus operandi is to go after everyone who's made a wrong in their lifetime. At any point, even the deceased,

we will find that everyone on the fucking planet is canceled. We will find that there is no upward movement because we spend all of our time on the witch hunt, looking for those who are to blame for our problems. That is not the mode of creativity. That is not the mode of birthing something new. And we're at a point right now in society where we have to birth something new.

No, I don't think sea levels are gonna rise 10 feet in the next five years or whatever the speculation was early on. I see that from both angles. We've talked about climate change on the show a little bit in the past, and the climate is changing. That will mean bigger swings. That will mean harder winters, which we just experienced.

That will mean more hurricanes. Is that due to all of the fossil fuels? I'm not certain it is. Are we contributing to it? Yes. Does it mean that there is an ice age coming afterwards? Quite possibly. Is it shit we need to pay attention to? Sure. Are there more important ways that we're fucking up the earth right now? Yes, 100%. And spraying the ground with chemicals that are killing off vast numbers of bugs, that's a larger threat to our food supply and how we gain food and how we

fuck up or manage ecosystems than carbon being released in the air that feeds all of the trees we're mowing down in the rainforest. First of all, let's not get rid of the rainforest. We need that. Secondly, let's not destroy our soil or we have nothing to grow on. After that, yes, mitigate what we're doing that's different than cultures that live behind us. Jamie will talk to me a bit about this, not what I'm rambling on right now, but he talked to me about my experience and he said, anytime he's found himself in a loop, there's a few things to do going forward. Number one, seek novelty. Try something new.

If it feels like fucking Groundhog Day, and it has for a lot of people, especially in the last year, not just from my medicine experience, but life in general has felt like Groundhog Day at times. Seek something new. Try something new. Learn a new instrument. Do anything. Go to a different park. Take a different direction when you go for a walk with the dogs. Novelty, number one. Number two, create art. That can be anything. It can be a podcast. It can be a painting. It can be a hunt. Hunting for me is art, especially when done well. And then be of service to others. And if you don't know how to be of

service to others, help them seek novelty and help them create their art. I found these three principles or these three guideposts to be incredibly beneficial in helping me track a way to operate within the game. And Jamie had much more on that. I definitely want to get him back on the podcast. I'm not sure how much to talk about our conversation here because I really just want to save it for him. But thank you, Jamie. You were absolutely

critical. Thank you, Paul Cech. Thank you, Mary Margrave. If people want to work with Mary Margrave, I'll link to her website in the show notes. It's soul-attunements.com. One of the most important people I've ever worked with. She is affordable. That may be different for one person to the next, but worth every fucking penny is what I want to say. And incredibly, incredibly, you know, incredibly brilliant as an intuitive and as somebody with her education, invaluable in helping me through this process.

So you may not have access to check or Jamie wheel, but you can have access to Mary Margrave. That's me throwing you guys a bone. All right, I'm gonna get through this, this last piece here, and then we'll wrap. I had Ben Stewart from Gaia TV, the host of Psychedelica, who on the podcast fairly recently,

and I was talking to him about one of his first documentaries, Chimatica, which is also on Gaia TV. And Chimatica really exposes the deep state. It talks a lot about the stuff going on well ahead of schedule from 2020. And of course there is thousands of years of evidence stating the world that we live in

is not necessarily the happy-go-lucky, everything is awesome song that they're playing in the Lego movie, which also talks Lego movie, brilliant, deep state. So I'm talking to him about his documentary, Kymatica, which he made early on. It was in his twenties and he's fired up. And I've been fired up on this podcast since March of last year. For the last year, I've been fired up because it appears that the powers that be are no longer hiding in shadows. They're hiding in plain view from us. And most people through cognitive dissonance don't want to fucking see it. They don't want to look at it.

And so I asked him about that documentary and asked him like, what's his take now, considering everything that's going on in the world. And he said, one book really helped him understand where he was at, the cyclical nature of time and what is to come. And he told me to read this book. It's only six hours on Audible. It's called The Fourth Turning. And it's absolutely brilliant. It's authored by William

Strauss and Neil Howe. They've authored another book, Generations, The History of America's Future and 13 Gen. These guys are absolutely brilliant, but they talk about the cyclical nature of time and how every 20 years or so, we have a new generation. We give the generation a name, Generation X, Baby Boomers, GIs, Millennials. With that, there also is an archetype and there also is a stage, a turning. So the turnings go as such. The first turning, I gotta open this damn book to go back through this. Seasons of time as they call it.

The first turning is a high, an upbeat era of strengthening institutions and weakening individualism. When a new civic order implants and the old values regime decays. The second turning is an awakening, a passionate era of spiritual upheaval when the civic order becomes under attack from the new values regime. The third turning is an unraveling, a downcast era of strengthening individualism and weakening institutions. When the old civic order decays

and the new values regime implants. The fourth turning, and here we are right now, is a crisis, a decisive era of secular upheaval when the values regime propels the replacement of the old civic order with a new one. So they've tracked this since the dawn of America. It happens in every major civilization. But this crisis, they wrote this book in the 90s during the unraveling, which lasted about 20 years. Most people now, if you're a millennial,

and it's weird, finding out I was a millennial, I was a little disappointed, but yeah, I'm a millennial born in 82. You can look this shit up online. Millennials born in the 80s and 90s were born in the unraveling. And this was the third turning. And this was when the book was written.

And you could see it everywhere in our music, from grunge rock to gangster rap, this unraveling style unfolding through the narrative of culture itself. And they predicted the crisis would start somewhere around 2005, give or take three years. So give three years to the 2005 prediction and we have 2008. 2008, housing bubble burst affected, it was one of the largest sweeps of cash and wealth from the middle class to the 1% in recorded history.

And there are fantastic documentaries about that. The Big Short and Inside Job. Inside Job, I absolutely love, narrated by Matt Damon, that really dive into that. That was not a mistake. It was fucking by design. This kicks off the 20-year period of the crisis. So, and they say, I mean, 20 years ahead of time, we could see a giant pandemic. We could see a number of other things that have come to fruition.

And the reason I'm bringing this up is that this goes on. This is gonna last for another seven years, potentially, that we will come out of this crisis in 2028. And from there, we will have another first turning, which is a high. So the high awaits those who are able to find the eye of the hurricane and wait the storm out.

In the next high, there'll be an update era of strengthening institutions and weakening individualism. We already see weakening individualism right now. That's what all this shit being done in the guise of equality is doing. It is weakening individuals. It's saying you can't say mommy or daddy anymore. His or her don't exist.

Male, female pronouns. We have a hundred different genders now. This is to weaken the individual. So maybe it's in lieu of a high that's coming and the powers that be understand the cyclical nature of time, but in any way, shape or form, it gives hope and understanding of where we're at and where we're going. And I think it's absolutely brilliant. I mean, these guys go back. The last crisis we had was World War II and the Great Depression.

The crisis before that was the Civil War and the crisis before that was the Revolutionary War. So this is our fourth cycle through in America. I think Rome had 10 or 12 full cycles through before the fall of Rome. They can look at any great nation state and see with the rhythm how this actually goes through, growth, maturation, entropy, and destruction.

In addition to this, there are archetypes that follow. Let's see if I can pull these up that go with this. They talk about overcoming linearism. Time is not linear. That has been shown to me in many medicine journeys, but here they have hard evidence of it. All right. So these archetypes that follow with the different turnings. So we have the high, we have the awakening, we have the unraveling, and then we have the crisis.

The archetypes that go through this in a high, if you're born during a high, you are a prophet. Born during an awakening, you are a nomad. Born during the unraveling, you are a hero, hero archetype. Born during a crisis, you are an artist. So if you're in your 30s right now, you're a hero. I'm in the hero archetype, born in the unraveling. My children, Bear and Wolf, will be artists, born during the crisis. Children that come after them will be born during a high and they will be prophets. And then born during the awakening, they will be nomads.

Now, this really does show kind of how they act. And of course, archetypes blend, but this really paints a picture of how each of these goes through. The brilliance of this book is not just where we've been and where we're going. It's how humanity at each stage archetypically responds in any given point on the spectrum. So the hero archetype born in the unraveling comes into age during the crisis and then comes into power during the high. So at 38 right now, in 20 years from now, as the high is moving into the awakening,

I will be 59 years old. That's in large part when people start deciding to run the country. If they've been lifelong politicians or not, that's when they really step into their power. And so it'll be during a high when this group actually reaches full maturity and is running the show.

How they go back in time to go through this is really cool because you get to see how the boomers went through their trajectory, how the GIs went through their trajectory. And it really shows the cyclical nature of time, not just through these turnings, but how it interacts within the archetypes. So if you're a fan of archetypes like I am, if you're a fan of Carl Jung and his work, that's the book. And I think that'll help people. And I think that's a good place to cut this solo cast. I'm sure there's plenty I've left out, plenty I can add in more.

I do want to let everyone know my website is getting a total revamp. If you've tried to contact me there and email me there, I am super sorry. I do not have access to that email. No longer work with the people who created that website. It is being upgraded, revamped, and I will have a singular email that is associated with that that goes direct to my phone that I can respond to anybody there.

We've got lots of cool stuff coming up on there, including a web store with affiliate links for all these dope products that we have as sponsors and much, much more. I am planning to launch this year a total revamp of what the inner circle is. We just did a sacred hunt with Monsel that we opened up to the public with a very small group just to check and see how it was.

It was one of the best experiences of my life. And we'll be opening that up again for a hunt in Hawaii for Axis deer in August. So be on the lookout for that. Sheepdog response. I'm going to basically be going with people through all the cool shit that I love to do. So taking 20 to 30 people out to sheepdog, 20 to 30 people on a hunt, 20 to 30 people to Sultara to do plant medicine together, 20 to 30 people to a Joe Dispenza workshop, 20 to 30 people to an Emily Fletcher meditation workshop.

And anything that I find valuable, taking that group with me and then walking them through the in-betweens. Weekly Zoom calls on preparation, integration, and everything in between will be a part of this package. So be on the lookout for that. It'll have its own landing page, the brand new inner circle that is to come. I love you guys. Thank you for listening to me ramble and we'll see you next week. We'll be right back. Bye.