Kyle Kingsbury Podcast - #211 Jamie Kilstein

Episode Date: July 19, 2021

This is such a beautiful example of when two friends who don’t necessarily agree on everything can sit down and exchange ideas and growth with each other. We get into some of Jamie’s evolution from life Pre-2020 to his move to Austin and his work with mental health and talking about it publicly. Please enjoy and let us know what resonates fam! Connect with Jamie:   Website: www.jamiekilstein.com  Instagram: @thejamiekilstein  Facebook: Jamie Kilstein  Patreon: Jamie Kilstein  YouTube: Jamie Kilstein  Podcast: jamiekilsteinpodcast.com Kingsbu’s "reading" list:   Russel Brand video Vaccine Passports - This is where it leads  Sponsors:   Higher Dose “Get high naturally!” Go over to their site… www.higherdose.com, check out what these mad scientists have cooked up and get their portable Infrared Sauna or PEMF Mat. Use code word “KKP75” to get $75 off your order. The Cold Plunge Trade up from your inefficient ice chest to The Cold Plunge by heading to thecoldplunge.com/pages/kkp and use codeword “KKP” at checkout for $111 off!  Bioptimizers To get the ’Magnesium Breakthrough‘ deal exclusively for fans of the podcast, click the link below and use code word “KINGSBU10” for an additional 10% off. magbreakthrough.com/kingsbu Organifi Go to organifi.com/kkp to get my favorite way to easily get the most potent blend of high vibration fruits, veggies and other goodies into your diet! Click that link and use code “KKP” at checkout for 20% off your order! Connect with Kyle:   Instagram: @livingwiththekingsburys   Youtube: Kyle Kingbury Podcast  Kyles website: www.kingsbu.com  Like and subscribe to the podcast anywhere you can find podcasts. Leave a 5-star review and let me know what resonates or doesn’t.

Welcome back everybody. Two in a week, two in a week. We're doing a couple back-to-back twofers. Jamie Kilstein has returned to the show. Jamie Kilstein has become a closer and closer and closer buddy of mine since moving out here to Austin. Somebody that I followed for a while. Y'all may know him as the controversial lefty that switched and went righty, but didn't quite. He landed somewhere in the middle and was a vegan, but now he eats meat. So he's pissed off everybody in one shape or form or another. But Jamie is a human on a path and his trajectory is up, just like most of us listening to the show. And I think that he's made some incredible progress. It's been really cool to see him come here.

He'll admit this, but he was quite out of shape and kind of battered and beaten up mentally when he came to Austin. And now he's rocking and rolling, firing on all eight cylinders. We talk jiu-jitsu in this episode. We talk life practices, music, comedy, and everything in between, and politics. I think we get into just about everything on this episode. So lots of, lots of cool stuff in this one. I don't need to beat your ears up with more of what we talk about. Jamie Kilstein was great on the first one. I think even better on this episode.

And I would not be surprised to see him coming back to the show more often than that. Just an amazing dude, and I'm happy that he's my friend, and we continue to grow from one another. There's a number of ways you can support this podcast. Leave us a rating, five stars please, with one or two ways the show's helped you out in life, and support our sponsors. We are brought to you today by HigherDose.com. These guys have a couple of phenomenal products. They are a female-led company. So even though we have mostly male listeners, this is still really cool because for a lot of reasons, it's just dope. It's dope that women are doing some awesome stuff in the world. And they have created some really cool healing tools. You can heal at home or on

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of lemon balm in it. I think 300 milligrams plus, and that's just off the top of my head, not on the read. So don't sue me if I'm wrong, but they have lemon balm, which is a phenomenal way to unwind. They have turmeric. They have a number of things that help you chillax in the evening before you're about to shut down. So whether it's the green, the red, the gold, the blue, or anything in between, these guys have it all over at Organifi.com. Check it out. That's www.organifi.com slash KKP and use code kkp for 20 off everything in the whole store o-r-g-a-n-i-f-i.com slash kkp and after the long awaited here we go jamie kilstein i thought it was great dude what's up? Let's talk. The last time you were on the podcast, we were in Phoenix.

Yep. Two years ago, maybe. Was it? Maybe a year ago. Before COVID. Yeah. So two years ago. Definitely.

Nah. Didn't you come out? No, you came out. Was it COVID? To the ranch. So I came out to Sedona. So that was a separate trip from the podcast okay we were gonna podcast

in Sedona at the Fit for Service retreat and then I got there and you were like you know what man just fucking enjoy the drums and then we just

didn't podcast we just hung out that was two years it was two years ago because I think I had yeah that was the first year

we went to Sedona for fit for service at the end of the year. I mean, we do it every year, but I'm just trying to rehash. I think that's the, uh, yeah.

LSD wild ride on the mountain happened in Sedona after we podcasted in Phoenix. Okay. Yeah, sure. Sure. Sure. Yeah.

I remember, uh, but it was after your accidental massive mushroom dose. That's how I track time of our friendship is your drug experiences. That mushroom dose wasn't accidental. The LSD one was. Oh, okay. Okay, okay.

Yeah. So it was around that same time. Yeah, right around that time. Yeah. And we, yeah, because I was still in a relationship. I think I was new to Arizona because I met a girl in LA and it was the first time either of us had done dating sites and we were so fucking miserable doing these dating sites that we kind of just settled for each other where I'm like, you're nice. And she's like, you're not a creep.

And then very quickly, it was apparent that it wasn't going to work, but we just so didn't want to go back to that dating pool that instead of being like, Hey, we should probably talk or maybe just be friends. We were like, it's probably Los Angeles's fault. And then we moved. We just fucking were like, let's just go to a new city. And so we packed up all of our shit. We packed up my little cat and then then we moved to like outside of Tucson. And that was the first time that I had not lived in like New York or LA. So it was the first time that I had like mountains. Where'd you grow up?

Jersey. Okay. So I was always like when I started comedy at like 16, 17, I was just taking the train back and forth to New York, then dropped out of high school and then just squatted in New York. So like most of my adult life was either squatted in New York. So like my, most of my adult life was either traveling or in the city. Damn. Yeah, dude. And then you moved out to, when you moved out to LA? Uh, after the divorce. So like, well, I was way older, so probably like 32 or something like that. So, you know, and I was only there for like three

years. Got married in your twenties? Sure did, buddy. Sure did. Yeah, weird. It didn't work out, right? Weird. It went down in fucking flames. Yeah. I mean, like we were kind of talking about this before the podcast where I, there's part of me that, you know, was codependent and there's part of me that's like a whimsical fucking idiot. And I don't know if you go through this. So I hate when people kind of like and i've caught myself doing this like you know when people sort of double down on their flaws where they're like i'm just a dude who doesn't work out or like i'm just a jealous girl or i'm just a blackout drunk and you're just like come on man um like you you you take the label and then cement it in with a coffin and nails yeah and and if you it confidently, you almost like you're bragging about it.

And so then your body is like cool with it. That happened a lot when I was doing standup because in standup, like being a degenerate is sort of encouraged. You literally get rewarded. You get laughs from it by talking about what a fuck up you are, by talking about a toxic relationship, by talking about like being like a drunk, like whatever it is. And you know, like if you got up, if I got up on like a standup stage and I was like, Hey, who here journals? I remember being like, boo, you know what I mean? Like, it would be very weird.

And so that was one of the reasons I've kind of like slowly stepped away from that. But, um, but I do kind of stand by this. I don't, so I'm calling myself out. I don't know if this is me doubling down on a flaw, but I would still, the codependency obviously I've been working on, but when it comes to like the whimsical romantic bullshit, I would still sort of rather be that than completely jaded and like fuck women or like, I just want to fuck or whatever. Like I still do like having that sort of, I don't know, like hopeful magic part in my head. I don't think there's anything wrong with the happy, you know, the fairytale ending, you know, that we're all promised with the white picket fence. If you kind of have that pie in the sky

picture of what marriage is like, I don't think that's as detrimental as some people would. Naivety will fuck you no matter where you get, as long as you go down the path far enough. You know what I'm saying? That's a great way to put it. Yeah. So whether you're a jaded idiot or whether you're like a romantic,

it's like, you're still going to get, you're still going to get. You always have an opportunity to learn. Yes. Well, and I, you know, what was really interesting is, so I haven't done non-monogamy, but during last year,

so me and that girl broke up, obviously. It was a very nice, lovely breakup. Helped her move out. All that. But then that same week, so this was my COVID year, that same week my cat died. And that I was fucking devastated. Wrecked. I mean, Tosh literally for Christmas

made me a mug with pictures of me and Taleb Kitty, named after the rapper Taleb Kweli. That was the first time I looked at a picture of him. That was a year later. I was like, I don't know how to feel about this. Now the mug, I don't think I told her this. Maybe I did. The mug's on my altar.

It's like a Krishna, a Buddha, a bracelet that Ram Dass made, and then a mug of my fucking cat that you guys got me for Christmas. Um, and it's the fucking best altar out there. Um, and so when that happened is when I sort of doubled down on all of the things like, well, I've, I've, I've, I was single for the first time in my life at 38 during the year of COVID.

So I was pretty much either I could be depressed and the narrative could be, I'm always alone. I don't have anybody, blah, blah, blah. Or that's when I started making the videos on Instagram. That's when I did the jujitsu podcast to go along with the other podcast. That's when I started waking up early. I mean, talk about codependence, right? I've wanted to be someone who wakes up early and read. I've talked about it for like a decade and I never did because if a girlfriend didn't want to do it, I would be like, whatever you want, just don't leave me. Right.

And, and then write that off as me being like, I'm a good boyfriend instead of, no, I'm not doing the things that I need to actually be a good boyfriend. Started meditating for the first time, went down the whole psilocybin path. And that's kind of all the things that brought me to Austin, but it came off of breakup, cat dying, COVID, year by myself. And now I'm in this sort of reintegration period where I'm like, maybe I'm ready to date. Still got some shit to work out, like all of that back and forth. But man, that year alone was the greatest year ever. And so that's what I was talking about. So non-monogamy. So I've also, even though I was single, I was reading about relationships and I was reading about non-monogamy, but I was also reading like a lot of monks who were celibate and part of my addictive personality wanted to go,

well, I'll either be polyamorous or celibate, which is like quite a fucking spectrum. And then my friends would be like, why don't you just date? I'm like, nah, nah, man, I gotta go. I gotta go all the way with one stream. Yeah. And, and then what I've landed on is sort of how Bruce Lee talks about martial arts, right? Which is take what's useful, disregard what's useless, add what's your own. Where even if I do want, let's say a monogamous relationship, let's say a fairy tale, whatever, how can I take the best of non-monogamy? How can I take that communication, that lack of possessiveness, that everything they have, how can I take from these fucking monks, right? Like making sure I have time to go inward and it's not all about this external, make sure my, my girlfriend's validating me or whatever.

And so I think that's how I think with enough like self-awareness and work, that's how you can at least approach the still wanting to find my soulmate in Austin without being like a total fucking knob, if that makes sense. Yeah. Well, I think the beautiful thing too is like the more work you do on yourself, the higher you elevate. And this is where it'll get weird woo-woo or quantum or whatever the heck you want to call that.

I get in a lot of trouble for the F-bomb. So I will try to curtail that from my listeners. I love you and I do curse and I see no issues with it. Oh, that F-bomb. I thought like you were driving. Oh, well then they're going to hate me, buddy. No, that's all good gravy. What was I going to say here? The work you do on yourself elevates your vibration, period. Yes. Period, period, period. Yes, it is. And if nothing else, on a non-quantum level or a non-energetic level,

the work you do is like adding tools to your toolbox, right? So the better you are as Jamie, the better you are in relationship, the better you are as a dad, the better you are as a coach, the better you are at every single thing you touch. So that's why you do the work not to land the big fish. You do that work to keep and stay in relationship with yourself and to stay in relationship with everything else around you. Yeah.

And also be okay with not being in one. I think that's where, you know, because before I would meet a girl, I mean, dude, in my 30s, like I've slept with hundreds of people. And I still, every time I sleep with someone new, I'm shocked it's happening. Like I still feel like that 16 year old kid looking for playboys in the woods where I'm still just like, is this fucking happening? Is this girl having sex with me? And I still have that sort of like shock. And that's a lack of confidence. And that is a lack of confidence. And a lot of times now that I'm saying this out loud I would also flash back to well now I have to keep her and very not possessive in like a creepy way

but like how am I gonna not fuck this up like I'm already on day one thinking about sacrifices that I'll make to make her not go away whatever she wants whatever she wants and now being in a place where yes a relationship would be great,

but even if I find one and then it doesn't work a week later, a month later, a year later, being super content with who I am as a person in a relationship and out of a relationship, that's another thing that I feel like you get. Because I think one of the reasons that, if not the, I think one of the biggest problems in relationships, we can talk about infidelity. We can talk about lying. We can talk about all these things, but the core of it for a lot, at least for me, it was being afraid to get out of the relationship. So either because being alone is a stigma or you think you're going to fuck it up or you think you're not going to get something better. And so a lot of people who have like explosive breakups, maybe if they got out of that relationship a year ago, I think I've been thinking about that recently with some of mine,

you can still be friends. I mean, the fact that most of us have our exes all like people, we said, I love you too. People we had inside jokes with people we told our deepest secrets to now are just like straight up, like blocked on Instagram or avoided at the supermarket. I think what you're saying though, is it's like, yes. And also you could have, you could have done it differently. You know what I'm saying? So like, Oh, they just got it out earlier. It's like,

or if they just communicated better or if they just meditated together or if they just went to yoga or if they just had a journey to the Amazon to do ayahuasca together. Yeah. Or a million infinite possibilities that would have changed the course of that. Yes. And made it at least cool in the exit, right? Or maybe they don't need to exit at that point. Right, right, right, right. to forcing something that maybe has run its course, that maybe, you know, even with exes

that I don't talk to anymore, I've been much more, I've been thinking about like good times more and not in like a wistful, nostalgic way, but just to know like, why should I bury that? Like that Jamie and that version of that girlfriend did this really dope thing or did this really brave thing or like really had each other's backs in that moment.

And isn't that sort of like that, that moment shouldn't die because it ended with both of us thinking we were assholes. You know what I mean? Like that moment, like those two people still did something awesome. and I mean essentially once my divorce happened I was like I could be bitter or could try to do all this stuff we're talking about and I can tell you I do not know I mean especially because like I was suicidal when it happened

and all that stuff I don't know if I would be here if I chose like the bitter path and the bitter path seems easy right it's fun to get around with your boys and just be like fuck women like or whatever but man like seeing people who go down that path it's just no fun you've you listened to paul selig at all only on your guys podcast like an obvious podcast and you gotta you gotta get one of his books i have yeah audible's fantastic he has a new trilogy called beyond the known realization His third and final book

of this trilogy is about to come out, I think later this year, Jade's going to have him back on the podcast. Oh, that's cool. I love Jade. But I'm listening to his second book in that series, Alchemy. And it's the best that he's ever channeled. And for a lot of people that are like, oh, channeling, blah, blah, blah. Understand this, as with anything in life, whether it's the best that he's ever channeled. And for a lot of people that are like, oh, channeling, blah, blah, blah. It's like, understand this. As with anything in life, whether it's plant medicines, like there's a lot of people like,

oh yeah, I serve ayahuasca. Oh, you serve ayahuasca, cool. You know, like there's a lot of people, I do jujitsu. Oh, you do jujitsu, cool. You know what I'm saying? I did a free trial class after a Conor McGregor fight. And yeah.

So you've got white belts, you've got a couple of day a week guys, you've got black belts. You've got black belts like me who have taken the last two and a half years, mostly probably train a dozen, maybe two dozen times two and a half years. That's why I asked you to train today. I'm coming at you early. Come at you hard. You know what I'm saying? And then there's, then there's black belts, like fill in the blank who have never stopped, who have been coaching ever since they got their black belt and have continued to be in tournaments. Right.

So they never took their foot off the pedal. Same thing goes for jujitsu. Same thing goes for channeling. Same thing goes for anything. So when I talk about selling, consider what this guy can do. I'm not, if somebody tells me the channel or like, Oh, this medium guy, I'm like, yeah,

yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm like 99% of you listening right now. Yeah. But Selig will write a book in front of a live audience at Esalon in Big Sur in California, in front of 200 people in New York. He,

it's done through dictation and he brings these guys through, he mumbles something and then he says it out loud and he mumbles something and then he says it out loud and he mumbles it. And then he says it out loud and he does this for 17 days straight. And what you get is the book. That's crazy. You get a book that is absolutely coherent with some of the most palpable spiritual gems you'll ever hear. And it's even if you just listen to it,

it is an encoded transmission. Well, and that's the thing you know and i'll say man like you and aubrey's podcast have really helped me a lot in getting to getting to know you and getting to know eric and because i came from a very brooklyn hipster atheist um shit on anything that's fun world. But I've always had this part of me since I was a kid that, again, that wonderment part, right? And wanting to explore and feeling like there's something else. And even when I called myself an atheist, it was just because, you know, I was doing standup under the Bush administration and defending gay people, which means I was kind of attacking the church

and attacking the administration. And so then these atheist groups would be like, hey, we're attacking the church. And I'm like, oh, well, I'm kind of like agnostic or spiritual. And they're like, but we're all atheists. And I was like, all right. And you know, my wife was. And so I just kind of went agnostic or spiritual. And they're like, but we're all atheists. And I was like, all right. And you know, my wife was.

And so I just kind of went with it. And meeting you and hearing these podcasts and hearing these guests, it's a lot of stuff that I do the same preface as you do, right? I'm like, this is going to sound, I don't say woo-woo, but I'll literally, to someone I care about, but right before I'm about to say something that I'm incredibly passionate about,

that has literally changed my life. I can't just say it. I have to be like, this is going to sound stupid. Or I'll try to give it some kind of scientific language. So if I'm talking about raising your vibration or law of attraction, I'll go, it's like sports psychology, where if you positively visualize, you guys like sports, right? That's not stupid. And I'll try to make it sound more grown up. And it's so crazy that even at your level,

the need to preface or with me, the need to preface. And so with Selig, obviously, that was something I'd be like, that's bananas. But I feel like for the people listening, you can still get great shit out of it. Like the first time I heard him, I think it was on Aubrey's. I was sort of like, even if he is full of shit, which I don't think he is, the content's fucking good.

You know? I mean, like, i don't know you talk to any author period any author who writes you're not you couldn't just babble your way to a hundred percent full length but these are coherent 13 hours on audible these are full-length books totally but he's doing them live yeah yeah no so he's had this pre-recorded in his mind right even then if he was going based off memory alone, he wouldn't be able to regurgitate that. Oh, dude.

I mean, if I'm doing 15 minutes of new standup, I have to spend that entire day like kind of walking through it, talking about it. And I'm pretty loose. I'm not like stick to script, but I'm like my car on the way. And that's 15 minutes of new stuff. And I probably won't even do that much.

Usually it'll be like eight minutes of new stuff and then the rest will be something I know will work. So I didn't even know that about him, but I'm saying for the people who haven't even read his books and just don't even listen to that episode of the podcast, once I started hearing the content of what he was saying, I was sort of like, I don't care. That would be cool if he was channeling. That would fucking be dope. That would be nuts. But also if he's not, am I going to ignore this potentially life-changing information because I want to be like, man, I know better. I don't know. I don't know anything. There's so many of the things that I thought I knew. I don't know whether it's a political, definitely spiritual, certainly with psychedelics, a hundred percent with like who i am as a man like we don't know and it's so crazy that the majority of people politics spiritually whatever

almost see it as a flaw to change their mind or see it as a flaw to be like i'm a little more conservative now or i'm a little more spiritual or i'm an atheist or whatever that fear of going back on something, same with the relationships, right? That maybe isn't bringing you joy anymore. You'd rather just sort of stick with the mediocre-ness that you know, instead of sort of venture out. And my life has gotten substantially better since I've started listening to people who I A, disagree with, B, thought I would disagree with, and turns out I don't. Oh, this is good. This is good.

I don't want to cut you off. I want to dive into that. So we're just dive in? Tell me somebody who you thought you disagree with and you ended up liking. Tim Kennedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%.

That came so fast. Tim Kennedy, as of two weeks ago. So this is also like new. So if you, okay, so whale Jamie is just straight up. That's not true. I wanted to say anti-military, but like I used to speak, you know, I grew up listening to Bill Hicks and Carlin and, um, very anti-war, very liberal.

Um, and Carlin also knew deep state better than anybody. Sure did, buddy. That guy, don't give a fuck about you. So ahead of his time, so ahead of his time.

And, you know, his daughter actually gave me my first, uh, TV appearance, Kelly Carlin, who's really cool. She's like a really spiritual, like she's awesome.

And for me, I actually think that criticizing a war, not being anti-troop, I think a lot of the left gets to anti-troop, which is where I sort of drifted. Just assuming that if you're a Jocko or if you're whatever, you are this cartoonish stereotype of like a military guy. And so I would have never listened to Jocko or anyone like that, who has also like changed my life. But I always think there's a middle, right? So to me, instead of going from total anti-war to support everything the military does, because some people do that, right? When they switch sides, quote unquote, they'll go from like feminist to anti-feminist,

or they'll go from, you know, liberal to like alt-right. And I think part of that is because maybe they feel hurt by their side. Like that was very tempting for me when I sort of like after the divorce and like, oh, that sort of blew up just to be like, I just want to go to the opposite of this, right? This is terrible. And then you end up in the same patterns with the other side. So that I've really fought doing. But I also think that there's a middle ground with everything from COVID to Black Lives Matter to, you know, the most contentious issues right now. If you assume that people are good and trying to

do what they think is the best, you will actually agree. And this is going to the Kennedy thing with way more than you think you do. So like with the war, I can still question wars, but I actually see that as a very pro-troop stance where instead of being like, fuck the troops, I'm going to go, no, no, no, no, no, no. Fuck these politicians who are going to send these people over to die for a cause that just profits them, has nothing to do with our safety, oftentimes will increase, turn moderates into militants because we're fucking killing civilians. And then when they come back, not give a shit about their mental health or you look at the suicide rates and all that stuff. So I actually think it's a very pro-troop stance

to question the war. That's kind of where I've landed on middle ground wise. But before it's like, if you were a troop, I just assumed you're going to hate me and I'm going to disagree with you. And Tim Kennedy, his Instagram is not, there's not a lot of metaphor there. It's very like, this is how I feel.

And when you look at his Instagram, it just seems like, this is how I feel. And when you look at his Instagram, it just seems like, you know, I'd be this little liberal Austin kid and he's this very conservative military guy. And so he comes on my jujitsu podcast and we have a great conversation. We talk about fighting, but we also do talk about, it was at the height of the protests and we talked about finding a lot of common ground there. And he invited me to do the sheepdog course, which for anyone who doesn't know,

so Tim Kennedy runs a sheepdog response and it's a self-defense course that it'll combine firearms, it'll combine grappling with weapons, it'll basic jujitsu, uh, hand-to-hand combat and then situational awareness. So wildly important. And also like fucking cool, like very cool. And so he invited me. And now when I first went there, dude, I thought I was, I almost left. It was like, I walked in and it was just a room full of like armed white dudes. I'm in my little skinny jeans.

They all have like their fucking tactical gear on. At the range, there was literally a sign that said like hippies use the back door. And I'm like, well, that's me. And then, oh, and then even worse than that. So the first day it's in the classroom because you don't want to meet someone for the first time and suddenly you're all shooting guns. So it's the situational awareness day and they do like a uh like a

profiling drill where they show pictures of people and they're like what do you think of this and whatever and the first picture they show to kind of get a laugh is this tattooed bearded i think he's wearing like suspenders looks like uh like a barista kind of type, like a Brooklyn barista. And they're like, what do you think when you, when you see him? And all of these armed motherfuckers next to me are like, Austin, piece of shit, influencer. Like they were a step away from just being like gay. And I was just, and I'm looking around, I'm like, guys, it's me. You're talking about me right now. And I just made you drink. Yeah. And I was terrified. I was terrified. And so after that core, I was like, I don't know if I want to, I'm like, I kind of wanted to fight

them, but I was like, I don't know if I want to be around God. I've never shot a gun before. Like, do I want to be doing this? And, uh, and then the instructors came up to me and I vibed so hard with them because we have a lot of stuff in common, right? Jiu Jitsu. Jiu-jitsu, I've become friends with absolutely all of them. And the one who I thought would hate me the most, like just a gigantic- Chantry? Yeah, he's become one of my closest buddies. He's amazing.

Dude, I text him often. And he's one of the coolest guys. And I joked about how uncomfortable I felt. And they're like, dude, we'll cover you. Travis recognized me from, I think, some of my jujitsu videos. And then the next day I got to go and like bring it and they saw that I was good at jujitsu.

And so I think that combination of me being kind of self-deprecating, but also can do the stuff, you know, really, it gave me confidence and we just all sort of connected. And I was like, wow, these guys are awesome. And me and Chantry have actually had this conversation that we're having about, you know,

me thinking all law enforcement is this or all military is that or whatever. Like really cool conversations about it. And so we do the whole course. Me and Tim totally got along. It's great. I have a blast. They're very complimentary.

They're very sweet. And it's also sort of unlocking this new because even when we started hanging out I got some issues with masculinity after that marriage after being in the world I was in and it's sort of unlocking all this stuff that I think was always there

that I was suppressing and so Tim I go to Tim I don't know if you saw that video we did but we did a comedy video about like jujitsu versus weapons. And at the end of the course, I go, I framed it as, hey, if you want to do this comedy video, I have this idea that's kind of funny. And I can do it as a thank you for letting me do this course and we can like promote the course. And he was like, look around, dude.

I don't need to promote the course. He's like, this shit sold out forever. But he goes, but what I do want, and this is in front of nobody. This is just me and him, like in the corner somewhere. And I'm violating his trust by saying it out loud, but I think it'll be fine. It makes him look great. He goes, he's like, these pieces of shit. If I had to pre-qualify selling, this takes the cake.

This takes the cake. takes the cake that's true and he goes I just don't want it to all be white guys you know I was like it does kind of look like a militia meeting and he was like I want women I want LGBT I want Muslims I want Jews I want whatever

if you told me that me I would become friends with Tim Kennedy and he would use the words LGBT, like that acronym. I was just like, what the hell is this? And of course he wants to help them. He wants to help communities who are being targeted, right? Because he wants to help people. And this sounds, I mean, your conservative listeners are probably just going to be like, yeah, of course, idiot. But I'll take the bullet and say it out loud because it sounds ridiculous. But a lot of people on the left, just like a lot of people on the right, black people, Asian people, Jewish people, et cetera, et cetera, which is an insane, horrible thing to think. And also stops the conversation. If I want to have a conversation with someone and show them my point of view,

opening up by calling them a Nazi or whatever, probably not the best intro, right? And I had this moment and I told Kim this to his face and I'll say it on the podcast which is that teaching gay people teaching targeted communities, communities of color how to defend themselves

how to feel strong, how to be safe is as a conservative or you know Tim will probably call himself like a freedom lover. I think he's libertarian. Yeah, he seems very libertarian. I mean, he also, I think the reason I vibe with him

is he knows people on both sides are full of shit, which is kind of where I've landed. Offering to do that for those communities is infinitely more than I ever did when I was all popular and self-righteously tweeting, right? Or so many of the left that probably disdain someone like Tim, if not Tim himself or despise. It's like, well, are you doing that?

Are you trying to teach these communities of color to protect themselves? Like that to me was so, it was such a crazy aha moment where it's like, oh, right. Of course you want to help people. Now Tim's very special, right? Chantry's very special. These are also, these aren't your sort of average people who are just talking politics on the internet. They've literally saved lives before and dedicated their lives to that. I think that's why I vibe a lot harder with, let's say fighters or people like that who I may disagree with because they also, there's a humility when you're a fighter or

something like that. But man, yeah, just that moment of like, you're doing more than I ever did when I was self-righteously judging people like you was sort of my like stab in the heart moment. He's in the arena. Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. But also what a beautiful thing to realize later in life where if we disagree, that doesn't automatically stop everything. In fact, the people I'm the closest with right now,

I do disagree with a lot of stuff, but I'm the closest with right now, I do disagree with a lot of stuff, but I'm the closest with them because one, they're just good people, but two, we can challenge each other. But three, the most idealistic, most important is we go, wait a second, we agree on all this stuff? Why don't we actually do something to help people? You know, it was like when I was still vegan

and me and Rob Wolf had a conversation and, you know, Rob Wolf, the big paleo dude. and suddenly it's like, oh, we both don't like sugar. And we both hate factory farms. And we both hate the abuse of animals. So why instead of us, you know how me and Rob Wolf met? He went on Rogan and somebody, when I was still on Twitter, tagged me and he was like, you should go after the cuck Jamie. And then I emailed Rob and I was like, hey buddy, it's that cuck from Twitter.

I actually think we'd be friends. And then we became friends just over email. That's how it happened. Yeah, it's really cool. And so like me and him talking or there's another Austin guy. Do you know this guy, Jeff Gonzalez? Yeah, he's been on the podcast.

Oh yes. Oh my God, that's how I discovered him was on your podcast. Yes, he was wonderful on your podcast. He's another great example where he's helping me learn to shoot. I've been an anti-gun guy my entire life and we're doing like jujitsu for firearm, like trading. And he's just a good dude. And asking him, like, what do you think we should do about mass shootings? Or what do you think we

should do about police training? Suddenly I'm getting all of these incredibly educated answers that he doesn't get to give on TV. And the reason he doesn't get to give it on TV is because whenever something like that happens, everyone on the left goes, everyone in the NRA is pro mass shooting and we need to take away all the guns. And then everyone on the right goes, they're coming for our guns. Instead of the experts who are people like Jeff, right? These experts who have trained, who have trained law enforcement, who have seen mass shootings, who have studied these things. Instead of asking the experts, hey, what do you think we should do to stop it? They don't even get the chance to talk about that because it's us versus them. It's we're going to take your guns. No, you're not going to take our guns. So not only am I obviously evolving as a person

and I have changed my mind on some things, which I think is great, and I have sort of stuck my ground on some things as well, but also learning that if we just stopped yelling at each other on Twitter or Instagram or whatever and talk, a lot of times people who seem like polar opposites still have the same goals. And we never get to see that because we're just demonizing the other side. Yeah. That brings up a whole lot of topics for me.

Yeah. One of the things that I was thinking of since your California, New York background before making it to Tucson briefly, you're like me, coming from the West Coast. I was born and raised in the Silicon Valley, spent some time at ASU, but outside of that, always in California. Yes. And coming here earlier, like four years ago, and really seeing the things unfold last year and seeing how it's shaped out politically. Let me spell that out for people. I realize there's probably a lot of young progressives. And as I've mentioned before with disclaimers,

I am likely far more progressive than conservative. But what have we seen in California and New York? What have we seen in the city of Austin versus the rest of the state? The lockdowns are still going on in California and New York. Yeah. I'm walking around without a mask in any store I want right now. Yep. No one's getting sick.

UFC went to Jacksonville, Florida for their first live event in over a year. Super spreader event. Everyone's drinking and screaming on each other and shoulder to shoulder. No one gets fucking sick. Crazy. No one gets sick in Houston. Episodes upon episodes people can go through on my podcast or anyone else's to figure out

just the absurdity of what has been in the last year and a half. So not to rehash that, but just to say that it has played out politically in a certain way. Can I just say too, because I have some thoughts on that just real quick because we haven't actually got to talk about it, where I feel like the left

did such a terrible job of mishandling it that I've actually seen it push a lot of people, not just more conservative on COVID, but people just being like, screw all these people and going like super right wing on a lot of issues. And because they did handle it so terribly. And you said something really beautiful at the beginning of COVID,

which I don't know if you remember when we were talking about masks and I wore my mask far longer than you guys, because what you said was kind of how I felt. You said that really beautifully where you're like, I don't think it does anything. This is before all the science came out. But you're like, if it's going to make the person at the grocery store feel safer, sure.

You know what I mean? And that's sort of how I felt, where I was like, I'm not suddenly going to be like, my freedoms are going to be taken away. Like at the time, I'm like, if this is going to protect people, 100%, sure. It's funny, because I mentioned that then, and at this point now, they are trying to take freedoms away and that's what's going to

happen with a vaccine passport. And yeah. And so this, so, so this, so this was the creep, right? They call it like mission creep. It did sort of creep into that. And, you know, for me, I was a hundred percent posting stuff. I've never been an anti-vaxxer the way I told my family as I'm like, and I'm anti this vax for me. Cause it's weird. And I don't, I don't like it. Um, and me being able to change my mind, you know, me being able to, do you remember when John Kerry, who I thought was going to beat George Bush because he was like, I served in Vietnam, I got a bunch of medals, and then I protested the war. Like, oh,

the best of all the worlds, right? And what did they call him? A flip-flopper. And suddenly flip-flopper became this derogatory term. And the guy who called him that dodged the draft, didn't even fight in Vietnam, right? And that is now such a bad thing where if I... I'm afraid to post that I'm not taking the vaccine on my Instagram because all of my.

It's not a vaccine. Let's just call that what it is. Yeah, sure. When you speak of anti-vax, pro-vax, or any of these terms that are meant to divide us. Yeah. of particular pharmaceuticals that existed all the way up until the COVID-19 shot, which is a totally different and brand new technology and completely experimental. And by the way, this is what happens with fear. I haven't talked about the Bush administration in so long, but why did we essentially all

support going to invade these wrong countries that didn't attack us? We were terrified. Why is the left who, you know, part of my duty on the left was to go after these pharmaceutical companies because these pharmaceutical companies were all evil forever until now where we're being sort of rewarded for blindly listening to them. And I think just like fear took over after 9-11, fear took over right now. And the idea that I would be banished from the left for, let's say, agreeing with you on these issues or that you back in the day couldn't be like, hey man, I don't believe in the mask, but like, if it's not making me sick and it's going to help this old lady feel better, like cool. Like I just like, that's the world I want to live in where we can have these conversations and defend each other and change our mind. Like, I mean, I can honestly say like a lot of the stuff that you guys have posted, I don't even, I don't agree with, but a lot of it is legitimately made me change my mind. And that's sort of awesome and sort of incredible. Whereas the world I came from before, if suddenly one of my friends started posting something that I didn't agree with,

it's kind of severed. Did you ever read Manicent Crowds by Douglas Murray? No, but you're the second person this week that told me to read that. Must read. And everyone listening, even though I know you've heard me mention it a million times, most important book I've read in 2020. Okay. I'll check it out for sure. Yeah. I don't know where we got on the COVID tangent, but we kind of went off the rails.

We were talking guns before that. And I think what it was bringing up for me is you coming from California, New York to Austin, me coming from California to Austin ahead of schedule. And then now seeing how this has played out politically in all the refugees that have moved here in the last year from California and New York, there's kind of a running joke. Don't forget how you, you know, don't forget why you left. Yeah. Don't continue to vote the way that you did and make Texas become California or New York. Now, obviously there's far more nuance to it than just that,

but I, A, understand the concern and B, understand that a conversation needs to be held. And that's really what I want to get down to is that I think the hope in this for me is that this is where we have the conversation with people face-to-face, not online, not on Twitter, not on Instagram. Austin may be the only place where you have the salad bowl of folks with completely different backgrounds that are actually going to sit in a room together and not be able to just turn their phone off or text back, fuck you, and just actually be there and be like, all right, hey, I can tell that you're not upset right now. And you're just trying to communicate how you see it.

And even though I disagree, because I'm right here, I'm going to continue to listen and then I'll offer what I think. And then we can go back and forth and we can actually play a little game of communication like normal people do. And this may be the place where we come to some sense on where we go going forward. Yes. And I think that leading with compassion is the key, right?

So for me, moving to, for me, I've had to change a lot of my thinking because when I went back to, there were a couple of times I went back to visit LA to do like press when the new standup album came out. And I was like, this is dystopian. It was horrible.

And it wasn't that, oh, I have to wear a mask. It was that you could feel the rage of people. You could feel, I remember I was with Ryan Hall and Kenny Florian on the beach, far away from people without masks. And, the, some of the looks we would get where it was just as constant. You were in this like very tense state. And, uh, and then I come here and again, it's not about if I have to wear, you know, I still put on a, if I go into a store, so I have like the bandana mask. If I go into a store and the majority of people are wearing masks and I'm like, I'm going to be here for five minutes, whatever. I'll put it on.

But if I walk into a place and like no one is, then I'm like, we're gold. And I've been doing jujitsu since I've been here. And I think that obviously the small business, like just being here instead of just seeing it online. Because maybe if I still lived in LA, I would actually be trashing places like Texas. What are they going to do? Oh my God, why are you doing this? Whatever. But literally being here and feeling just the lives and the energy and the joy and the happiness and hugging my friends and seeing that businesses aren't being boarded up. Even if I still was super wokey McLeft, whatever, how could I still say what they're doing is right

after being here? I can't. And then that makes me go, oh, well, do I actually agree with more conservative policies than I think I do? And maybe I want to look- I'm not sure that that's the case. No,

no, no. I don't think it is either, but just being, just being open to that and being open to like, I would have assumed that under a Texas governor or whatever, I would just be livid about everything. And it's like,

maybe I don't like a lot of other stuff he does, but this is the right move. And I'm actually really happy with this. And I think being able to, again, admit that, see that is really important. But I'm also a rare case where I came, I lived in LA and then I lived in Texas during all of this. And even when I was in Arizona, I think if I was still in LA, when I did that year alone during COVID, I don't know if I would have made it. I would have been,. The depression would have

just murdered me. But because I was around people who were a little more calm, we could wave to each other, talk, whatever. I could pet their dogs and no one freaked out and train a little bit. That's kind of what got me through. Then when I got to Texas, just all bets were off. It was just, oh, I'm living a normal life now. And the other thing I wanted to say about that was the compassion thing. So what I still sort of would like to encourage people to do more is when you said the refugee situation, the homeless situation.

So I had a lot of people come up to me. So old me would have just been like, if you want the 10 cities gone, you're a monster, period. Just like think about the homeless people, they're sick, they're whatever. No questions asked. And I would have done it from not living here from afar, from in Brooklyn. And when I got here, I saw how bad it was. And I saw that some of them definitely look dangerous. And some of them who don't, I've given money to. And I don't know what it's like to have kids. I don't know what it's like to

walk by that with kids and see, you know, needles on the ground or whatever. Um, but what I didn't like was a lot of the people, and these were, there was one event I went to where it was a bunch of richer people is they would sort of come up to me and say that without knowing me, be like, you're not going to vote though. You moved from LA. You're not going to vote though. You better vote to get the tensities out, whatever. And even though I kind of agree that those tensities are not good,

at no point did any of them say, man, that's really sad. Or what are we going to do with the homeless people? Or like, you know what I mean? Like, what do you guys want to do? Like, are we just going to like execute them? Are we just going to, and I'm not saying that they are thinking that way. And I'm also not saying that I disagree with them.

But what I am saying is I would like, as these conversations continue, as we start talking to people who disagree, as we start realizing that like, oh, some of the, what the left did was like garbage, that we still act with compassion and that we still go, okay, this is bad

and maybe we have to get the 10 cities out, but how can we help them? And I think that right now in our discourse, there's not a lot of that. It's either you're pro-vax, anti-vax, pro-homeless, anti-homeless, pro-black people, anti...vax, pro-homeless, anti-homeless, pro-black people, anti, and it's not necessarily that. And again, I think it just comes to how can we look for solutions instead of how can I scream

my talking points at you to prove myself right so that someone retweets me. I mean, that's kind of it, right? That was my old life. Yeah, I get that. I get that. Yeah. Douglas Murray really gets into forgiveness and a lot of different things that are missing links. Dr. David E. Martin, the bow tie guy from Plandemic Indoctrination was just hanging out here in Texas again, and he's been on the podcast twice. Something he talked about the second time, we talked about the second time he came on, was that the reason it was included in our constitution that we would have the ability to practice all religions in the States came from, I think, Zoroastrian culture in ancient Persia,

which was where they spoke of tolerance. And tolerance at that point didn't mean like, I'll tolerate the guy next to me who's an asshole. I can put up with it because he's my neighbor. Tolerance meant all the way to, I'm going to learn their language. I'm going to eat their food. I'm going to learn their customs.

I'm not going to change myself, but I'm going to have participated in what it means to be like them. That's true tolerance. That's awesome. And look, it doesn't mean I'm going to have participated in what it means to be like them. That's true tolerance. That's awesome. Right. And like, and look, it doesn't mean I'm going to buy a tent and go hang out in tent city so I can see what that's like for a night. But, but the point is like, we, we come to a place of tolerance where it is beyond, um, simply putting up with something we don't like. Right.

And further, whether you want to use compassion or any of these other terms, further, there has to be a live and let live attitude. And whatever your beliefs are, as long as it hurts no one else and does no harm, you should be allowed to live that way. Totally. And it should only apply to yourself. So your idea behind the vaccine or this current brand new one, which is different,

then you may be able to live that way for yourself. But you do not decide that for me or my family. You decide it for yourself. And no government mandates. And it looks at this Biden switcheroo where he goes, oh, hey, we won't enforce the passport. But if corporations want to wink, wink, they can.

Right? It's like, that's how that's going to look. So he doesn't look like the bad guy. But bottom line is, and Russell Brand put out a dope video on this. I'll link to it in the show notes. It's 15 minutes. It's on YouTube. And he makes some very clear points, you know, some very clear points about medicine in general,

some very clear points about the government in general, and just gets to what does this look like downstream? Did we take away the cameras? Did we take away our own government spying on us? Did we take away any of that stuff from the Patriot Act? No. Right. Has it gotten progressively worse? Yes. Is it here to stay indefinitely? Most likely. Well, and how interesting is that where the people who were the most voraciously condemning the patriot act were me and people on the left because at that point it was tied into the wars the military industrial complex spying on muslims like and then corporations like at&t and the the telecom uh companies and now we're sort of the people who are defending things like that.

And again, I'm being very broad with grouping sort of purposely, but I think we all just need to admit that we're all sort of hypocrites, right? And that the best we can do is monitor that and be like, wait a second, why was I pro or anti-Patriot Act, but I'm sort of like pro the government enforcing this or why am I? And we really don't, like I've never heard a phrase that way. And I was like, oh yeah, that's really, because I'll tell you, I didn't think it was going to get this bad. I thought it was just a bunch of conspiracy people talking and suddenly I'm like, oh, am I going to be able to do my show in Hawaii if I don't get the vaccine like in August? And like, oh, I don't know.

Yeah. The sad part is that the conspiracy people, the David Ikes and Alex Jones have gotten much of this correct ahead of time. It's so crazy. That is the sad truth. And it doesn't mean you need to start watching them or listening to them to, to see what, what are the other things that are there? So question marks around, there is a full court press for control.

It is beyond finance. It doesn't mean it's going to shake out that way. I'm for sure going to do everything in my power to raise my level of awareness and those around me and share that truth as I see it and, and continue to offer the fact that we should allow people to do whatever they want as long as it doesn't hurt others. Right. Period.

As long as it does no harm. And that's libertarian in the sense, like you shouldn't tell me that I can't have plant medicines. If I die, I fucking die. Right. I'm not going to die from plant medicines, but I should have no one telling me that I can't have plant medicines. Totally.

And no one should tell me I can't have sex with other people while I'm married. No one should tell me any of this shit as long as I don't hurt another. And that I've always been, I've always been on the, yeah, legalized drugs, legalized sex work, all that stuff. And, you know, in the beginning with the masks and stuff like that, that was sort of the approach I was taking where I'm like, well, I don't want to wear this and I'm healthy, but if I am being told right now, it's protecting other people,

you know, this is back in the day, then I was kind of the same. That's the same fucking argument though they use with vaccines and it's absolute nonsense. I know. I know. And that's what, you know, I think this year really did cause a lot of people to question these. Like for me, I realized, wow, I was just shouting things without actually thinking about them or without necessarily experiencing them. It was just, this politician says this about this topic and I had my go-to quip that I would tweet out or send out. I think because with COVID, it wasn't like a war where only certain people serve or it wasn't like being gay where I can defend gay people, but only they know what it's like, right? This was something that actually affected all of us.

So that also means that the bullshit we were being fed affected all of us. Like we could all sort of peer review test ourself in a way. And we all either had things taken away from us or lost jobs or whatever. And so in a bizarre way, I think because it affected so many more people than these other issues, it is the first thing that is getting people to ask questions and being like, oh, well, if they're full of shit on this, are they also full of shit on everything else? Which is kind of, you know, I mean, dude, this year has been a whole lot of like, oof, I was wrong about a lot and that's okay.

Like, and that's the thing. And again, like we were talking about with the relationships, not getting bitter, right? I think that when you see people go so hard in the other direction, there's a little bit of like their pride was hurt and they feel like this person lied to me, this person, this government, this whatever. And now I want to like punish them as opposed to what I'm trying to do. And I think the spirituality and all the other work I've been doing on myself really helps is just being like, wow, I need to be way more open-minded and not be in echo chambers and not do all this. I think that's a healthy way to approach getting your world rocked a little bit. Buddy, three years ago, I don't even know if I would have been able to drink this delicious

keto shake. Times are changing. I'm pretty psyched about it. Yeah, that's good. It's mostly vegan. It's so good. So we got a bit of time left. Talk about what kind of, you were in a tough spot even when you got here in Austin. Talk about the progression points that helped you track navigating through some tough spaces because it doesn't matter who you are.

The lockdowns, we'll say, affected all of us. Yeah. And some people lost everything they had financially. Some people lost their small business that they put generations into. Yeah. Multigenerational small businesses. Things of that nature. Unfortunately, have not been hit that hard financially from it,

but all of us have gone through the ringer in one way or another. You already had a lot going on prior to this happening. So this was kind of like the kitchen sink. Yeah. Well, I kind of looked at it as like, luckily I had already rock bottomed. You know what I mean? Like I rock bottomed after my divorce. And so I was like, all right, been here before and like know how to sort of dig out. The first thing I'll say to, this is kind of off topic and then I'll bring it back to sort of the mental health and survival thing. But it's something I like to say when I get the chance to say it, which is I think so much of the misery that people have is because they've played it safe, right? They've settled for a relationship that maybe doesn't bring them love.

They've taken the job that was safe, even though they wanted to have a podcast, be in a band, whatever it is. And I haven't had a day, a nine to five. I haven't had a job I don't want since I was like 22. And now that also involved living in my car, that involved some crazy ass decisions, but it's what's kept me the happiest is I can live a life where I can create and through that creation, try to help people.

And my dad would always say things like, well, if you're going to have a political podcast, why don't you try to get hired on CNN? Or if you're going to do, why wouldn't you go on Sirius or whatever? And I would always tell him is like, well, because I can get fired and I will get fired straight up.

I will get fired from all those places. And which is why I've always done everything independently. And I think what COVID taught us and this chance for growth that we all sort of have, I'm not saying like, go leave your wife to start a podcast, but is that even people who played it safe got dicked. Where people who are working the jobs

that were the safe thing, which is what stopped them from pursuing their dreams, they got laid off. And so it really solidified for me that like live the life you want to live because you can get, you can get it taken from you, whether you're doing the quote unquote right thing, or whether you're doing the ballsy thing or whether you're doing the brave thing. And so that's sort of the first lesson that I think is really important when my cat died and girlfriend left in the same week

like a country song I had that moment where I was like well I kill myself or I do the things that I've always wanted to do and so I did the things I always wanted to do so my alone time again not just COVID not just lockdown not just I've struggled with depression and suicidal stuff and all that, but it was the best year of my life because I was like,

what are things I can do instead of what is the narrative of all the things I don't have? And I think we can apply that to plenty of our life. I always talked about back when I was vegan, if I was convincing someone to go vegan or if they were asking advice, I should say, convincing is probably more accurate. I would always say, if you have a plate and you have a steak and a sad salad and a sad potato, you don't just take away the steak. You have to put something you love in place of it, like a healthy, good meal that makes you happy. And I feel that way sort of about life. If you're going to be alone or if you have a breakup or if you're going to quit drinking,

it's not about like, oh, I'm a piece of crap, I can't drink, or I'm going to be alone forever. It's about, oh, I'm alone now, so I re-bought a guitar. And now I'm doing this music project with literally three of my heroes, like people I used to see on stage that I didn't know till last year because I just said, fuck it, and doubled down and made a demo and sent it to them and they loved it. They were like, I'll play on it.

These were huge people and I'm not. That's going to happen. That's going to come out. I've always wanted to mix Jiu-Jitsu with comedy. When I asked people, agents and stuff in LA, they were like, no Jiu-Jitsu, no one does that. Why would you do that? Then I just started doing it because I'm like, why not? And then

that's half of my career now is jujitsu stuff, the sport that I love where I can help people and like discover who I am and all this stuff. And I get to be creative and weird, right? Being single is still, you know, I go back and forth where there's part of me that still wants that ride or die partner. But there's another part of me that knows that the times I've done that, oftentimes it is codependent. We're both totally ignoring red flags. And I start to sacrifice who I am as a person. And now, because I've had this year and a half by myself, I'm like, I'm never going to sacrifice that. I just am going to want to find someone who we just fit together.

And because we both have these independent, healthy lives, we can lift each other up. And if we can't, then we peace out. So, but I remember when I was in Tucson, the one thing why I ended up leaving was I went to the fit for service just for a day. He's invited me for a day. And just like the sheepdog thing, I woke up and immediately was like, everyone's going to hate me.

I don't belong here. Like, I remember walking in and just being like, do I need beads? Do I have to take my shirt off? I just felt like so like just small, which I do a lot and saw you immediately felt warm, met everyone. It was great. Cried at all of your speeches. Um, I think I cried at Caitlin's speech. I cried and I'd never met, I'd never met anyone, even Godsey. That was the first time I met him. We'd only talked on Instagram and And then the ecstatic dance happened. And I will never forget this. Where at first I was like, in my head, I was like, why are the people behind me? Why are they talking? I'm like,

I feel stupid. I can't dance. There's literally one picture of Aubrey looking like a king with his arms outstretched in front of a mountain, shirtless, just looking ripped. And you see me in my little black flag t-shirt behind him with my head down. It was the funniest juxtaposition of all time. And then I just let go and started doing it. It felt like 100% I was tripping Like I've never felt like that before. Um, completely sober. And then from out of nowhere at like the climax of the song, you came up to me and just hugged me and I started crying and so much, right? Like for me, I'm realizing so much of my issues are like loneliness abandonment you know all this stuff and just to feel that like I'm loved or that I can like hug another guy or like there was just so many things and I remember I mean I think I moved to Austin like a month later and not that

I even like trailed you but I was like okay, I'm doing really good in Arizona, but I kind of outgrew it. Like I could have just lived well and cheaper and been like the cool guy. Like, oh, that's the creative. That's the famous guy of Oro Valley or whatever. Same with jujitsu, same with all that stuff. And then, and I didn't have a spiritual community either. And then I just happened to have to be in Dallas I was like driving through Texas I didn't even know that Austin was on the way I'd always wanted to move Austin

just because I love Stevie Ray Vaughan and Bill Hicks and Texas guys the only time I was here is I opened for Sarah Silverman at the Paramount but something about Austin even though I had never spent time here I would always tell agents like one day maybe I can move to Austin

like with no backing of that and I'm supposed to hang out with you just to grab lunch. I texted you. I'm like, hey, I'm driving through Austin. You ended up having to do a podcast, met Tosh for the first time, accidentally hung out with her for like two hours, totally hit it off. I had to be in Dallas and I had to leave for Dallas in like 30 minutes. And I was like, I think I should move here. And Tosh's like, yeah. And I was like, okay. And I just Googled place by water. Like I looked at one place for 10 minutes, broke my lease in Arizona and then just came here. And I came here. It was bad. I got injured right away. I was in a cast. I couldn't train. That crazy snowstorm happened

and I was by myself. I thought I fell in love three times. And then I was like, oh, I'm going back to my old bullshit. This year of being alone was nothing. I started going, why am I here? I've been looking really hard into my Hawaiian roots

and I'm like, maybe I should just move to Hawaii. I was literally looking at apartments in Hawaii during the snowstorm being like, get the should just move to Hawaii. I was literally looking at apartments in Hawaii during the snowstorm being like, get the fuck out of here. And then I had to sort of go back to what I did in Tucson, which was things are really hard right now.

How can we make them great? How can we learn from them? How can I become stronger or healthier? And there's always going to be challenges. And I'm not cool with just dealing with the challenges. Like if I'm going to go through some shit, I want to come out on top. Like I want to come out better for it or else like, why am I suffering? Right. And so that's when I went hard on the music project. That's when I offered to start coaching jujitsu too.

Like I didn't even care about money. I was just like, Hey, I just want to give back and do things. Once I started coaching, I started training more. Once I started training more, I got healthier. Um, and now it's just been this, I mean, that's it. It's, this is, I don't know if I'm going to leave here. Um, and, and maybe I will, but it's really hard when you're going through it. To people who are listening, who did lose their job, who are depressed, who are whatever, it's so hard to look into the future, right? But we do it in little ways. How many times have you not wanted to go to the gym and then you go, how am I going to feel afterwards?

So you go to the gym and an hour later, you're like, oh, I feel fucking great. You can also do that with the really hard times in your life. I remember when I was living out of my car, when things were really bad or the car would break down or we couldn't afford food or whatever, I would go, this is the story I'm going to tell. Years from now when I'm on TV, I'm going to tell this story. And I kind of did that with COVID. Like the fact that I'm figuring out who I am as a person, that I am figuring out what I want with my career, that all these core artistic projects happened this year when so many people were like suffering. And I could have been one of them. I had all the ammo, all of the sad stories, all of the narratives, all of the just being by myself.

And I just like, I'm not going to settle for that. And then you get this, once you get like one little win, that kind of pushes you to go to the next and the next and the next and the next. And now things are dope. And then they'll be hard again. I'll 100% fall in love too fast again and that'll fucking get shattered. And then instead of of being like well i my identity was that relationship or being a guy who is in relationships then i get to go okay i gotta go focus on my art more or i have to go focus on jiu-jitsu and then that'll take off and then that'll raise my confidence a little and then maybe the next whatever it is um and it's just it's these little steps but also it's little steps but it's just, it's these little steps, but also it's little steps, but it's also not settling for little steps. But man, the second something shitty happens now, I immediately go into like, what is this for mode? And, uh, and then even when it sucks, you're still getting something out of it. So, which is like a workout, right? Like it's not easy, but you know you're getting something out of it. I'm kind of trying to take the same approach

with the kind of garbage life throws you sometimes. Yep, finding what is useful. That's it. Well, brother, it's been excellent having you back on. This is great, dude. I'm really proud of you. Have I told you that like on a podcast or live? Like just watching the transition of this

and like, yeah, I couldn't be happier. Every time I see like another success or another even good podcast I'll have to text you and just be like that was crazy that changed my life and that's really rare you know especially because as podcasts grow authenticity

dampers a little bit you know that happens with every creative boom comedy boom in the 80s whatever that's a lot of people trying to be other people. And the fact that you have a podcast where you've changed your mind, where you can be authentic, where you can have people on that. One day it's going to, like even with me, one day I listen to your podcast, I'm like, that changed my life. And the other day I listen to the podcast, I'm like, I don't agree with any of that. And how dope is that though?

Instead of being like, no, this is my niche. I have to keep all these people. I can't offend them. I can't let the customer down or whatever. It's like by being authentic, you will be more successful. And I think that that's a lesson that people can learn from you as well. Thank you. you