Kyle Kingsbury Podcast - #237 Peyton Callahan

Episode Date: January 28, 2022

I love Peyton beyond what I can put down here and I think that comes through in the episode. She was among the first family we were graced with in Austin and nothing has changed. We get into the largely forgotten art of trusting nature’s wisdom to help women through many of their great changes in life. Love yall! Connect with Peyton:   Website: www.peytoncallahan.com  Instagram: @ohdeerpeyton  Show Notes:   Go snag this angel’s ebook She Becomes!!!  Sponsors:   Sovereignty Head to https://sovereignty.co/kyle/ to grab their flagship product PURPOSE+, my favorite CGN/ Nootropic on the planet. There is nothing like this product for energy and cognitive function! Use codeword “KKP” for 25% off. kApex is the latest and greatest from Bioptimizers, go pick it up at kenergize.com/kingsbu and use “KINGSBU10” for 10% off everything! Organifi Go to organifi.com/kkp to get my favorite way to easily get the most potent blend of high vibration fruits, veggies and other goodies into your diet! Click that link and use code “KKP” at checkout for 20% off your order! Upgraded Formulas from our boy Barton Scott!! Get your mineral levels figured out and head to www.upgradedformulas.com, punch in “KKP15” at checkout and get 15% off your order including the hair mineral test! Connect with Kyle:   Fit For Service Academy App: Fit For Service Academy  Instagram: @livingwiththekingsburys   Youtube: Kyle Kingbury Podcast  Kyles website: www.kingsbu.com  Zion Node: https://getzion.com/ > Enter PubKey  >PubKey: YXykqSCaSTZNMy2pZI2o6RNIN0YDtHgvarhy18dFOU25_asVcBSiu691v4zM6bkLDHtzQB2PJC4AJA7BF19HVWUi7fmQ   Like and subscribe to the podcast anywhere you can find podcasts. Leave a 5-star review and let me know what resonates or doesn’t.

Welcome back everybody. I got a great guest today. I just recorded this with one of my dear friends, Auntie Peyton. Peyton Callahan, who we affectionately call Auntie, is the better half to Cal Callahan, John Callahan, who's been on this podcast and is the host of the Great Unlearned podcast. Fucking phenomenal. These guys were like the first family that we met here in Austin when we moved out here four years ago to start working on it. And we just fell in love with them. They are awesome, awesome people. And when I heard that Peyton had been working,

she's been a doula, she's given birth to three amazing kids. And when I heard that she had been working on a book for fathers to learn about their daughters and for husbands to learn about their partners and for even, you know, for gay guys who have got sisters, I mean, for men to learn about women, I had to have her on. I was like, this is going to be awesome. And not just because I have a little girl now, but because I think it's an important conversation. We go all over the place in this podcast, from the history of medicine to the differences between home birth and in the hospital to what it's like working as a doula and a midwife. I mean, just all sorts of cool stuff.

And then really what fascinated me the most in her e-book is this discussion of the seasons, discussion of the archetypes that women go through and the lunar calendar, how the woman is perfectly linked up on the 29-day cycle. So really, really cool shit in this podcast. Regardless if you have a daughter or not, or if you're not even planning to, or any of that stuff. I learned a lot and I absolutely love Peyton and I'll leave it there because I shower her with love during the podcast and I don't want it to be overloved in the beginning and then overloved in the, I guess there's no

such thing as overlove. I love you, Peyton. Thank you for coming on. This show is supported by y'all purchasing awesome products from my sponsors. And we, oddly enough, have all four are awesome supplement companies today. Sovereignty has been out of the game for a minute. They've been retuning. They've been rekindling the fire. They've been revamping their products. One of my all-time favorite nootropics of all time, the single best one-stop shop for energy and nootropics is found in a product called Purpose Plus. And truly, I've meant that from the jump. I remember the original Purpose. But look, this product's like nothing else. It really is. Have you ever reached

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purchase with code KKP15 at checkout. I appreciate you guys for tuning in. Please hit me up. Let me know what you think of this podcast with Peyton. I love her. And without further ado, here we go. Peyton Callahan, welcome to the podcast. It's so great to be here. Hell yeah. I love spending time with you. Thank you. Absolutely.

Absolutely. You and Cal have become two of my favorite people in Austin since moving here. And I talked about my, I think Cal's been on, I know for certain ones, but I think twice. If not, we got to run it back. He's got the, is it the Great Unlearn? The Great Unlearn. The Great Unlearn podcast. And he's had these, I mean, I've gotten guests from him. He's introduced me to many great people, but I met him doing NAD here with Lance Armstrong, name drop, and Tim Ferriss, name drop. I had on it, and it was awesome. And I didn't know who he was, and I was like, well, I know these guys are big names.

Who is this guy? And Cal and I hit it off. And right when I had moved here, we didn't bring family out. Of course, you know this story inside and out, but we didn't have family anywhere except for on the West Coast. And you guys were the first family that we got to like, it was really powerful for us to be around people who had kids and people that were successful with kids. You know,

there's a lot of, a lot of parents out there that are just fucking grinding, you know, like you're a parent, but you're not doing it better than my parents did. So to see how awesome you guys, and financial success aside, like successful as parents, successful in family and home, really touched us. I told Tosh before we started dating how important the relationship before her was that I was dating a girl in college for six and a half years because I saw that was like the first unbroken family that I was dating a girl in college for six and a half years because I saw that was like the

first unbroken family that I was around. And even though it didn't work with her, I was like, oh, this is what it's like when parents can work out a disagreement without screaming. I was like, holy shit. It was so foreign. Because even all my buddies, whether their parents remain together or not, we'd see shit hit the fan all the time. You know, and that was like a working family. And that's what I felt when I was around you guys was like, wow, these guys are a working family and they're fucking cool. You know, you didn't lose being cool. No, try not to.

In search of parenting. So I want to dive into, you're a Southern belle. I mean, I always want to get background. So what was life like growing up? Where are you from? Yeah, so I'm from Louisiana, Louisiana. And, you know, my parents were they have this red clay and the smell of the pine trees. So this is Northern Louisiana. And so I grew up, you know, you like had to hit each other with a four-wheeler and then they were it. Like, you know, and at night running through like cornfields playing hide and seek in the pitch dark, like you couldn't be afraid of the dark because that you, we were just in it all the time.

So I have a very strong connection to nature. You know, that is my safe space. You know, I lived in Chicago for a bit, and that was really hard for me. 16 years being in a city is when I realized how much growing up in a country meant to me and how that was ingrained in my spirit and how much I needed it. And so when my husband and I had lived in Chicago for so long and we had contemplated moving, I'm like, I need grass and I need trees. I knew that at that point in my life that I just felt like I was slowly bleeding out. And that is what my body needed. That was the medicine I needed. So we made our way to Austin. I have grass, I have trees. I started coming back to life. Anyway,

I digress, but yeah, I am a country girl. I love mud. I love dirt. I love ponds. Yeah. Talk about that time in Chicago. I mean, kind of bring us up to where we're at. You guys have three incredible kids, two boys and a beautiful little girl. And they're all, I mean, I want to dive into the book that you have, this ebook. That's why you're on the podcast. But it cracks me up when people have advice for kids and they don't have kids, or if they have one, like, sorry. I mean, yeah, it helps that you're a parent. You have one kid, you're a parent. But to have three kids and then to have them all at these prime ages.

Yeah, full. Right, prime ages. Bowen just got his driving permit. Jake is getting ready for college. Like, you're in the thick of it. And because we're over quite a bit, we can see it working. So again, I want to qualify you to the utmost because it really does matter. And I see you guys.

What was life like in Chicago? You guys started your family there. We did start our family there. So I met my husband, Cal, who Kyle's referenced, in Chicago. And we didn't have family near us living in Chicago. We started having children. And that's where we really learned the necessity of community. That's where I learned. My mother was no longer living. And so, you know, I just remember when I get pregnant, I'm like, how do I become a mother without a mom? Like, who's going to tell me what to do? Like, I don't know how to do this. And I did know how to do it. We have everything we need within us.

And so it honestly kind of gave me the freedom without being told what to do from a parental figure, authority figure, to figure it out my way, you know? And so that was a blessing that I had just to try to figure it out and then draw upon the resources I had. Incredible women in our community to mother me and guide me. So, you know, I wasn't without this incredible guidance for these women and these men who were like uncles to my kids.

So we were very blessed with community in Chicago. We had our three kids there, three very different births, three very different kids, and raise them with the help of our friends, you know? Yeah. It sounds like a lot of the similarities with what we're doing. Absolutely. By necessity, really. Yeah. And then you really understand the importance and showing up for people.

It was really hard for me as a new mom to accept help. I felt like I had to do it all by myself. Because, and it's not that I didn't trust other people. And I don't know if I just needed to prove it to myself that I could do it by myself. But I felt, well, for me, I felt like it was a weakness if I didn't do it all by myself, you know? And so I would have these incredible women say, hey, Peyton, we're going to come over, you know, and just, we'll hold the baby. You go for a walk. And I couldn't do it the first time I just sat and talked. And then, you know, I felt like I had to host or I had to do things or I felt uncomfortable because I didn't know how to receive that. And then about the third

time she came over, she's like, okay, this time you're not going to stay and talk. You're going to go. Are you going to sleep? Are you going to walk? So these were the influences I was receiving as a new mom, as I was trying to find my own way. They were incredible, right? Yeah. Massive help Yeah, massive help. Massive help. When did you get into work as a doula? Oh my goodness. Okay, so I think I've always been obsessed

with pregnant women. Like- Same. Fascinated. Like I tell the story, there was this, I was at one of my brother, I had an older brother, and I was at one of his, like, football games. And I was at the park playing, and my mom introduced me to this woman who was pregnant. And she was, like, you know, nice and ripe and round.

And my mom said, oh, you know, this is Anne. She has a baby growing in her belly. And I'm like, what? Like, lift up her shirt, you know, and I'm trying to see this baby. And so, I remember from that day on, it was like, fascinating. Tell me about babies. How do babies get there? How do babies come out? But yeah, so I got pregnant along with a couple of my friends. And how I really got into it, my friend called me. She was going in labor. It was her first child.

And this is one of my first close friends who started having babies. And I had driven Cal to work early that morning. And I just drove to the hospital where she was giving birth. And go. And I'm in there with her and her husband uninvited, just for the record. I just showed up and just started rubbing her back and I was just there. And to the point where when she was like about to start pushing, the doctor asked me to step out. Like, I was just clueless, like unaware that maybe I shouldn't even be part of this whole, you know, process because I was just in it, love it, fascinated. And the woman really loved me being

there, you know? And so then I had another friend go in labor. I'm back at the hospital and this daughter pulls me aside. He's like, hey, I've seen you here a few times. You know, you could just do this. And I'm like, do what? He's like, just support women in childbirth. Like what? I could just come here and help them? That's a thing? Like what? And one of my closest friends who lived next door to us was a midwife. So she started training me and mentoring me, teaching me. I took a doula course. Then I was pregnant and had a baby, called my best friend and I said, hey, I want you there with me. And in that moment, Cal was there with me. My friend Nicole was there. I felt the difference. I felt the strength that I drew upon with just her presence.

She had never had a child. She was pregnant at the time. And I just remember leaning into her and us being like head to head through contractions and just feeling that connection and power just from woman to woman. And so then I understood the importance of being with other women during that process. Train, untrain, we know it's such an innate knowledge for us to know how to support other women during this process. And then so I just started doing it and loving it. And then I had incredible obstetricians and midwives who would teach me and explain things and I would ask questions. And so I chose not to go to midwifery school because I love the long haul. And it may be something I do one day, but I loved learning

everything about becoming a midwife, but I wanted to be at home. I wanted the two-day event where they had continuity of care. I wanted to be with him after and assist with nursing and supporting the mom and make sure she's getting the food. So yeah, it just found me like all things in life. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny because I don't know that I was obsessed with pregnant people, pregnant women prior to birth, but the moment Tosh was pregnant with Bear it was just like like the switch goes on and I was like holy shit you know like you're you have life growing inside you you know like it just changed the way that I saw every pregnant woman and I remember joking I was like man I'm really attracted to pregnant women I don't know if it's like a

maybe this will pass and it never passed it's like, if I see a woman glowing while she's pregnant and she's like the most beautiful thing being on the planet. Yeah. Yeah. Just it's creation in human form, right? It's, it's her creative essence at its peak. It's so beautiful. Yeah. There's nothing, really, there's nothing like it. So you wrote this book. It's dedicated to fathers who are having a daughter. And I love that because we've got little Wolfie now. Yes. And it's funny because I have nieces that I've watched from like 11, 12, 13, 14. And I'm like, oh, fuck. Going through puberty. I'm like, oh, man. Well, all right, we'll cross that bridge when we have to.

And so much of your book is designed to bridge the gap for dads and to know it's a beautiful e-book, but it really bridges the gap on what's coming and how to care, how to offer your care and to not feel like, fuck, what do I do? And low key, as we said before the podcast, for all of you listening right now that don't have kids and don't have a daughter, low key, it's going to tell you a bit about your partner, a bit about your woman if you're heterosexual. And even if you're not, like I have a sister,

right? I could be gay. Yeah, it doesn't matter. You're going to interact with the opposite sex. And it's a beautiful tool to understand that better, to understand half the population better. Break down some of these cycles. I mean, I guess you just walk us through the stages of puberty and the stages of a woman's life and how the seasons work with that. Sure. Because this is fascinating to me. Yeah. And I want to back up just a teeny bit.

So, you know, I worked for years as a birth doula. And what prompted all of this is I realized, one, how very little I knew about my own body until I started having babies. And then in attending births, witnessing women in this process, I realized how very little they knew about their bodies. And I'm like, why are we just learning this out? And I'm fascinated, right? The miraculousness of our body.

I was just in awe of what a woman could do, especially on our high harvest day of giving birth, like in awe. And I'm like, why don't I know this? Why don't they know this? And also had a daughter at that time. So, well, what really set me off was our oldest child, Jake, was in fifth grade and they were about to do sex, the sex talk, quote unquote, right? And I remember a parent stood up and she said to the teacher who teaches like, you know, English, thank you so much for handling this awkward conversation for us. And I remember just like looking around like, wait, awkward. And why are we deferring this to someone

who teaches English? And why is it awkward? We are the closest people to our children. Why are we not facilitating this conversation? And why is it uncomfortable for us? And so I came home that day and I remember telling Cal, like, what? Like, we need to write a book about this. Like, we need to like do something. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to write a program for young girls. And as I'm writing this program for young girls, it's called Become, Awakening to the Purpose and Power of Your Period.

I realized it's a mother-daughter program. So the intention of the program was to awaken the daughter and inform the daughter, heal the mother. Because so many women were not taught about their bodies and maybe have a disconnection with their own body or even this process, even at birth, like being afraid of their partner to see certain things or the scent of birth. What is he going to think of me if I'm moaning? I mean, these are real deep-seated fears or embarrassment because a woman's birth, she doesn't want clothes on often. And then it's conflicting, like, oh, I feel like I need to be covered. But primarily, she doesn't want, she wants to just be in her essence. And so you're seeing all these things. And so I teach a mother-daughter course to help girls better understand about their periods and about puberty and about their changing bodies and what it can offer them.

And I had a few dads say, well, hey, what about us? I had a single dad reach out to me and say, I'm terrified. I don't know what to do. My daughter is ripping baby dolls' heads off. And I really want to be in touch with her, and I want to support her and guide her. And I don't know what to say. And then I had another dad tell me,

say, you know, my oldest daughter recently started her cycle, and I wanted to do something. I wanted to say something. So I went and asked my wife. I said, you know, is there something I could do or say? And she goes, no, you're a man. This is none of your business. You're not going to say a thing. And he felt so shut out from that connection with his daughter, and he didn't know what to do. So he didn't do

anything because that's what he was being told, you know? And then I have other men like my husband who said, just tell me more, like you, tell me more. This is fascinating. I want to know more about the women in my life. I want to know more about how I can support my daughter when she grows older. So thank you. Hell yeah. Yeah. So here we go. We have an ebook now called She Becomes, A Dad's Guide to His Developing Daughter. And the way, yes, women, we have these beautiful cycles. We talk a lot about our circadian rhythm, right? And I know you do a ton with all your biohacking and just tuning in to optimization of your body. And most of us learn about the daily cycle, but women, we follow a monthly cycle as well. And it's very beautiful.

And the way I best relate it to the young girls are through the seasons, right? We follow the rhythm of nature. And in the season, we have winter, spring, summer, fall, right? And so for a woman who goes through when her menstrual cycle is initiated during puberty, she goes through all these seasons each month, right? So winter being when she's shedding, when she's bleeding, right? She's more, she hibernates within, you know, our dream time increases during this time. Did you know that? Yeah. Our dream time increases, which is why a lot of the indigenous cultures would rest when the women were bleeding. Because they knew that they were getting downloads from source. They were highly intuitive.

And so they would offer guidance to the community. So winter, right, a little more withdrawn in. We're needing warming foods. We're wanting to rest. Then we start slowly merging into the season of spring. This would be kind of like our second week in our menstrual cycle where things are starting to come to life. Our energy is perking up a little bit. We're more active. Then we start stepping into summer. And what is summer, right? We're glowing. We are like ripe, right? We're ready to give life to things, right? We're more social. We're flooded with these hormones that make us more social. And they've done studies about even waitresses who were ovulating, right, during their summer season.

Full moon. Yeah, exactly. It's the time of the full moon. I would love to go back to that. They would receive more tips, like not even knowing, just the pheromones and just a glow that a woman's having during this time of ovulation. And then moving-

Her husband's getting slapped. Why do you leave her that kind of tip? There's just something about her. I don't know. She's so nice. You didn't feel that? She was a great waitress. 25% tip.

Now you don't have to slap her. Now you can just appreciate with them. Yes, honey. Give her a better tip. But then moving into the season of fall, right? Things are starting to shed. This is the season where if a woman is not following her own rhythm, she may start feeling a little symptomatic, which I call symptoms or signals. Our body is constantly trying to communicate with us emotionally, physically, energetically what it needs, right?

And so we have these symptoms try to tell us what needs attention and what it needs. And so if a woman's not following her own rhythm, then she may start feeling more symptomatic, right? She's also at a point in this season where, you know, she's like, she's not putting up with the shit. You know, if she's asked you to take out the trash for the past few weeks, past, you know, couple weeks, and you didn't, she's like, all right, all right, I'll do it, I'll do it.

Now, like, there's, all right, I'll do it. I'll do it. Now, like there's a little more directness. Like I've asked you to take out the damn trash, like just take out the damn trash. Or you come home and it's like all over your front yard. Right. It's like, no, no, no, no. I'm done. I'm done. Right. And so sometimes we can perceive that as being bitchy. I call it being more direct. Like we're fine. We're like like at the point where we're asking for what we need, right? Which can feel very wild for some people. And then we move back into that season of winter, right? Which is, you know, it's a season of death, of darkness.

But it's what breeds this fertile ground for us to start over. And so, yeah, for a woman, that's what's so beautiful about a rhythm of a woman is that each month we get to go through these cycles. We get to go through these cycles throughout the year with the seasons. And we go through these cycles throughout our lifetime and our life cycle. So we start, we start emerging as the young maiden. Always picture someone carefree and running through the daisy fields and- Flower dresses. Yes, totally. And we're very carefree and we're just, it's just beautiful, right? We're just, we're emerging and blooming. And then we move into our seasons of becoming a mother, whether that is mothering a child, whether that's mothering a career.

We want to create this nest for ourselves, and we want to care for that. And then we're like, okay, we've done that, and now this is kind of the season I'm in. So write a little more of the wild woman. So we have this maiden. We have the mother. We have the wild woman, the enchantress. And this is where I am in my life season, which my husband would say is terrifying. He came in one day and he said, well, honey, I just, you know, I come into the kitchen and I don't know who I'm going to get. And I go, well,

how do you think I feel? Like, I come into the kitchen, I don't know who I'm going to get. Like, you know, I'm going through this huge transition that I know is so important, but it's a little erratic. It's also the same cycle of birth. Think about when Tosh was given birth, right? We have this early labor, maiden, active labor, mother, transition. What do we see happen? Oh, we've been following this nice, beautiful rhythm. We've got it. We got it. We start going through this transition right before she gives birth. And it's rocky. It's like, oh, wait, what just happened? Like, I had this whole rhythm. I had it down. I was good. And life gives us this like shoulder shake. Like, okay, now it's time. It's time for you to start giving birth to your sacred gifts. So in this life cycle, right, we've mothered our careers, our babies, and the

universe will give us this little shoulder shake, I like to call it our crisis or something, that's making sure we're being in alignment with what we're here to offer, the wisdom we're here to offer, and what we're here to give birth to spiritually, energetically, right? So it's very interesting. Astrologically, the Uranus opposition lines up at about 42, where a lot of women are kind of coming out of this mothering phase into this next life cycle transition. And we start seeing big changes around that time, right? And then we start moving into our life cycle of winter, the crone phase, which can sometimes have a negative connotation for some women. And I think

our culture has perpetuated that, you know. I think our culture has made us afraid of growing older. And we see it in menopausal symptoms. You know, we don't have to experience all these symptoms. We're experiencing them because we're rejecting a part of us that needs to happen. Right? We're afraid. Why? Because, you know, are we still attractive?

Are we still desirable? Are we still fuckable? I mean, honestly, this is what comes up for women. We're terrified of it. We're not taught, like, oh, no, no, no. This is what the community needs. Like, as you're growing older, now it's time to share your gifts with all these other women. Now it's time to share your gifts with all these other women. Now it's time to share your wisdom. Now it's time to start offering what you have to give to our community and to the world.

And we need you to be this fertile ground to then give birth to new cycles of life. And in a culture that's like, we're done with you. You're done having babies. We're not attracting you. We're not going to pay attention to you anymore. No wonder women are experiencing the symptoms they're experiencing during menopause. So yeah, I'm really hoping that we can start shifting that narrative where women aren't so afraid of growing older anymore. And they're really proud to step into that season. Yeah. It's a fear Tosh has talked to me many times about.

And I'm like, really? You're fucking a smoke show in your mid-30s. What are you worried about that? There's always, it doesn't matter how old you get. And I've joked about that. Yeah, it's kind of perverted to see the old man looking at the young girl. And it's like, but he doesn't look in the mirror and see an 80-year-old. He's still himself inside.

And he can recognize beauty. Now, I'm not. Well, I think that's also just being vital. Yeah, you're being vital. From a woman's standpoint to to fear the trajectory of that path knowing there's always a young woman that's hot right and it's like but but to walk the trajectory is hot you know and i've had two mushroom journeys where i've seen tosh i've seen her face at every every stage of the, like super young teenager and right now. And you know,

what's to come with the wild woman. And then as an old ass woman with hella wrinkles, and it's almost like, you know, like it's like a hologram where like you, a hologram sticker, you look at it dead on, it looks one way. And then you shift to the right. It looks a different way. You shift to the left. It looks a different way. That's happened on two separate journeys. And it blows my mind because she's, number one, that's a cool experience. But number two, she is stunning at every stage of the game. Stunning. You hear that, Tash? You know? Absolutely. And we've had a couple of members in Fit for Service that were just natural beauties and let their hair go gray. And I was like, damn,

she's fucking hot. The gray hair is hot. The whole thing is hot. Like it's just, it's awesome. And, and you're right. You know, I've talked about many times on this podcast, the difference between an elder and an older and the elder and Chuck even talked about this on a recent YouTube video he did, but the elder takes the gifts that they've learned. And it's everything. It's all the fuck-ups, the failures. That's the gift, right? It's their entire life experience alchemized into the deliverables that they give back as the wise elder. And as long as that is harnessed in that way and understood in that way through alchemy,

then they can deliver every shitty experience and every good experience as medicine for the tribe. But, you know, if they lived a life of someone else's dream, if they were told you'll be happy in retirement, bust your ass now for 60 years. If they were told you'll be happy in retirement, bust your ass now for 60 years. If they were told you'll be happy in heaven, but this life is going to suck ass, you know, like that, that's also a fallacy, right? So you live this life of someone else's telling. Yeah. Someone else's telling. And then you get to a point where eventually through crisis, you wake up to my whole life has been a lie. My whole life has been a mistake. And if it's not alchemized, then you become an older, one who's bitter, one who no longer

has a zest for life, one who wants to stay to themselves and not deliver anything back because the bitterness is too much. And I see those as pretty clear differences. I mean, there's grumpy old men. It's like a comedy about American asshole grandparents. You know, they're just, they're elders. They're not elders, you know, but it's not, it's not to say that one can't even shift from an older into an elder.

It's what they do with that inside. But all that to say on this long ass rant is that the trajectory is unavoidable. It's unavoidable. And what we can surrender to and say yes to is part of the alchemy process that allows us to be in service and to deliver that and become an elder. And it's so important for women, especially to let go of the ideas around what is beauty. Is it looking like a 20-year-old that has literally an assisted body through plastic surgery? Or is it to say yes to the wrinkles, to say yes to gravity taking certain things in certain directions?

I mean, I'm not, you know, do what you want to do, right? Like, do what you want to do. But own your crone. Mm-hmm. Own the crone. I love that. Own the crone. You know, are you familiar with the work of Dr. Mario Martinez?

Yes. So he coined- Yes, right when you guys got his book, you and Cal told me about it, and I bought it and listened to it. So he, what I love about his work, he coined the term a biocognition, but he talks about in his work, he's a neuropsychologist who studies cultural anthropology and cultural neuroscience. So he basically studies how cultural belief affects our biology, essentially. And so he feels that that's the missing piece. If we're not studying

how our cultural ideations and agreements, if we're not looking at how those are influencing our current health, then we're missing a mark there. So he coined the term biocognition, but he talks about in his work that in cultures who really embraced growing older had a higher number of centenarians in their cultures, which are people who live to be over 100. So really not resisting this change. believe that's why women experience so many symptoms, menstrual irregularities. Irregularities. Thank you. I'm like, why is the word not coming out? Menstrual dysfunction, infertility.

I mean, let's look at our infertility right now. Like we're in a bit of a crisis mode here. But I really believe this is why women are experiencing so many symptoms, is because we've been taught to hurt. You know, what is it like when you're starting, you're going through puberty, and you start your menstrual cycle, and now you're having body modifications or isolation, or you're not allowed in church anymore. Or, I mean, look at our medical system. The word pudendum, which is our external genitalia, means to be ashamed of.

Uterus is from the word hysteria. Like, even in our medical symptoms, we've communicated all these messages that when we have this happen to us, it's a threat. And so we start developing these symptoms. So I truly believe that we've been taught to hurt. And it really is going to take a shift in our beliefs to shift our biology. And that includes a cultural belief, a shift in our cultural beliefs. And in learning the rhythms of a woman, learning the importance of a menstrual cycle, not trying to shut it off through medications, like learning how to work with it, right? Learning how to attune to

it, learning how to support your body through herbs and food and movement and rest, right? We have an opportunity here as a culture, and I think we have a responsibility to shift our biology here because we have to for the future of our humanity. Yeah. I forget the name of it. It's the Clive Owen movie. You know where he's like a— Oh, wait.

You know the one where the— The Nick? No one knows. No one can have kids. It's in the future. And there's like very few left that can actually produce children. Somebody help me out here. I won't hear you.

Oh, I don't know. You know, it's great. Anytime I come up- But I love the Nick. Yeah. Have you seen that? Uh-uh. Oh, it's about the-

Oh, you got to watch this. about the um the medical system in the early 1900s so the the creation of hospitals and ambulances and what that looked like did they get into kellogg and any of the weird shit that he was into they they remember that there was uh they get another eugenics the road to wellville yeah eugenics they they touch on all of that they touch on oh yeah eugenics is the thing where it's like it's it's it's i've said it i'll keep saying it because it's still quite prominent but like eugenics is something that my understanding was like it was hitler's thing and it didn't exist before hitler and it hadn't existed after hitler and that is so far from the truth like it it a big proponent of eugenics and the idea around that started coming out with darwin and one of darwin's main guys where they were like, oh, this is how evolution works.

How can we influence that, right? And how can we actually change that? And that's where the breeding programs through dogs, the breeding programs through slaves, the breeding programs through you name it, all was birthed around that idea that we could make it better. And I mean, even in Dune, I'm obsessing over Dune right now. I love the movie. I'm in book four out of six. And there's breeding programs in every fucking book.

They talk about it. You know, like it's a huge part of it, the Bene Gesserit and the different groups of people that have their own breeding program to try to optimize and make the best version of human. You know, so like on paper from like a biohacking dork or, you know, something like that, you're like, oh, I get it. I want the biggest dog. I had an English Mastiff. Okay, I get it. But what do we miss there? You know, like what gene transcription gets fucked up in using CRISPR

because I want blue eyes. Like what happens to me downstream from that, right? Does my, is having an English Mastiff that lives to eight years old the right thing? Versus having, you know, a mutt like Guapo that's going to live till he's 20. You know, Guapo man. So those are all factors, big conversation. But yeah, like the, the, the early medicine is just mind blowing. It is mind blowing. All right. I got to check it out.

I couldn't remember your Clive Owen movie, but do check that out. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah. And Kellogg, what a fucking weird guy that guy was. But then, you know, I think about that in the road to Wellville, people want to just blank slate, not blank slate, but just, you know, broad brush it to Christianity and early Christianity and some of the different major religions and clearly Islam, like the Abrahamic religions, as far as, you know, where this sharp turn happened around womanhood and sexuality and things like that. And they can take a fair, a fair lump of the load when it comes to that, right? But we have a lot of people early on in medicine that played a huge factor in that, right? And they talk about that. And the road to Wellville is funny, but there's big ass books that are more documentary style

on the life of Kellogg who made Kellogg cereal. He made Kellogg cereal bland as could be to try to influence people from masturbating and specifically women. And he had all sorts of weird shit the guy was into, right? I didn't know that story. That's fascinating. The first vibrators were made by Hamilton Beach, the blender company. Yeah, like you make a margarita with a Hamilton Beach blender. They made the first vibrators. The medical term was hysteria. Yeah. Like you make a margarita with a Hamilton beach blender. They made, they made the first vibrators. The medical term was hysteria. So if you were a horny female with a normal working body, you'd go see the doctor and they have monopoly. They'd put on a glove

and they would exercise the lady's clitoris until she had an orgasm. And like that, that was it. Like you, that was your doctor's visit and and if a woman spoke out or did anything that wasn't like laying down for the man then she's hysterical send her to the doctor right it's like you look through that history and it's it's fucking wild yeah and that too and i've often said like nazi germany wasn't that long ago. When you think about human evolution, it happened yesterday. The same thing is true with the birth of this country and the medicine we practiced here. It's way, way off.

And so we're building on the backs of that where we're at today. So having words like this, like you're describing, it doesn't surprise me there. Yeah. You know? Well, and we got rid of women as healers, right? Mm-hmm. And with the formation of hospitals, we got rid of midwives, right? And so that was a really difficult time for women giving birth, right?

So if you go and look back on birth history and what that looks like, but now we are seeing a resurgence of the midwifery model of care. And we are seeing a resurgence of herbalism. And so I think we've realized like, oh, we're so out of touch with our body. We've deferred to these experts. And now we need to get back to ourselves. We need to learn about ourselves. We need to learn how to support our bodies. And nature knows best. And we're really, I think, starting to see that again. I'm seeing a rise in home births. I mean, you had a home birth. We had a home birth with our third child that was almost 15 years ago, and it was almost unheard of. I was like one of the, me and one other friend. You're a pioneer.

It was like, what? You know, I didn't tell anyone we were doing it because I didn't want to hear. So I told everyone after the fact, but it wasn't like I had support during based on my decision. You know, as a doula, I would attend maybe one a year home birth. And so, so we're seeing this again and we're taking charge of our bodies again and making those decisions rather than deferring to experts. And no, no, no. You know. You know best. You know your body best.

You are the expert of your body. Absolutely. things that from having bear at Stanford children's hospital, which is one of the best in the world to having wolf at home with a local midwife, where it was just like night and day difference, like how, uh, and you know this of course, but explaining for people who have not experienced both sides of that coin, um, the ultrasounds that you use to view a baby are really high frequency. And it's not a good thing to get those. Every you go see the doctor. They talk about this in the Nourishing Traditions Book of Baby and Child Care by Sally Fallon and Thomas Cowan, who I had on recently. And it just makes sense when you understand that. And there is science that validates that. But like, okay,

well then how do I make sure my baby's head's in the right position? The midwife could maneuver by palpating the stomach, the baby into the exact right position. I was like, get the fuck out. And then she'd put my hands and she's like, feel, here's the head, here's a foot, like perfectly normal, you know? And like could tell exactly the position at every stage of the game. And I remember Tasha asking, why is it that doctors don't know this anymore? She said, they used to all know this, but technology replaced the need for that. And the technology comes at a cost, unfortunately. Well, and then we're taught to watch the machines

and not the woman. The woman will tell us and guide us throughout the whole process, at least from a birth assistant. Like the machines are such a distraction and can sometimes cause harm when you're only watching that and you're not watching the rhythm of her body and labor. And yes, a woman reached out to me recently. Her baby was transverse, so sideways, and she was very close to her due date. And she's like,

do you have any tips for my, it was her sister. And I go, well, yeah. You know, I'm not her doctor, but how about, you know, maybe try some inversions to get baby out of the inlet a bit? And then to move baby, you got to move mama. And so I'm walking upstairs, walking like a duck. So the inversions, right, to draw baby up, get the baby a little out. And then this certain movement, I get a text a week later, baby's head down engaged. They were scheduling a cesarean. And this was just a little text and an idea.

I said, make sure you're feeling comfortable and that feels right for you and whatever. I gave her some things to read. There's a website I reference a ton called Spinning Babies. They're a great resource for mothers and for birth workers. But yeah, they had scheduled a cesarean for this mother. And she moved her baby like that in a week and was able to have a vaginal birth. A very beautiful, very easy vaginal birth.

Yeah, the C-section thing is mind-blowing too. My sister had her kids at Kaiser and I was really adamant because she gained a lot of weight in her first pregnancy. There's a lot of science here that shows it's really important for vaginal birth. And there's some things that you can do to enhance the microbiome if you need to do C-section. So it's not like your child's lost, they're going to have asthma and eczema and all these other things. Like, no, that's not it. And it's not to say that that's not the best decision in some certain circumstances, but the rates at which hospitals perform this procedure is insane it's mind-blowing and um there that has a financial incentive for that and i figured that out when we were when my sister was like no we're at kaiser they have the lowest uh c-section rate in the country and i was like how's that she's like

it's significantly lower and she goes because they do their own insurance so they don't make money they don't make money from doing the C section. It costs them money. So when you invert it, when you invert the insurance and I fucking blew my mind, I was like, holy shit. I'm a little mind blown here. Yeah. And, and so like, that's a, it's a, that's a big deal. You know, and I was there, I was with my sister for, um, my first nephew's birth and I had one leg hoisted up with, don't get mad, Kendra, with my brother-in-law, Matt.

And we was looking at Matt and we're both just pale face. And I'm like, push, push. They had the suction cup going and they finally got him out. He had a little cone head for a couple of weeks, but it was awesome. She did fucking great.

But that, you know, any other hospital, they would have gone to C-section without question because of how long it took and how hard it was to push through. And it was like, but we got this kid out. You know, it wasn't the old fashioned way per se when you put in the suction cup, but still like we did it the natural way, as natural as we could and avoided the C-section and only would have happened there or at the house. Right. And avoided the C-section and only would have happened there or at the house, right? But there's things like that where I'm like, because of the money game, so much has been

influenced in a way that it doesn't need be. And even just from, you know, we really do, I'm going to backtrack just a second. When you were talking about changing our beliefs, changing our biology, Dr. Bruce Lipton wrote The Biology of Belief and really studied this. But one of the things he said was, we give our power away at birth. And I was like, whoa, all right. He dives into and dispenses the same, how we're programmable, really programmable from the second trimester to seven years old. We're just sponges, right? Brainwaves are in a different state. He's like, well, every time you got sick, what did you do? Unless you had like a pretty dope mom,

you likely went to see the doctor, right? You saw the guy in the white lab coat. And most kids weren't caught by their dad or their auntie. They were caught by the dude in the white lab coat, which was then handed to mom after, you know, minutes being away, being cleaned and all these things, rather than just being brought right to mom's bare skin immediately, you know? And so if you track that back, like it paints a pretty clear picture going forward. Oh shit, I'm in trouble. This guy knows what to do.

Let me go to him. Yeah. Yeah. And look no further than our modern health crisis of what people do now, as opposed to just taking it upon themselves and saying, health is my responsibility, right? It's my responsibility. There's a term I wanted to ask you about. I know I'm jumping around here, but there's a term I want to ask you about. I have a neighbor who had a home birth and he's telling me about it. And he's a really cool guy. He blows glass. And I was like, who'd you guys use for your midwife? And he's like, oh, and he paused for a second. And I looked at him and I was like,

you guys didn't use a midwife. And so there's some term for it, like a free birth. Like free birth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, that's the term. Tell me about that. Yeah. Yeah, so, and we're seeing a rise of this,

just unassisted birth where it's just the partners. And so it's just trusting the body and trusting the baby and transferring to hospital if needed, but it's without guidance of a midwife or anyone. And so, yeah, I mean, this is how we used to do it, right? Well, we did have a tribe there at least. We had a tribe, yeah. There were some elders around. Yeah, so, yeah, I mean, to each their own.

I mean, it's becoming an option. And I think it's becoming an option because people are so fed up with what happens to a woman when, when she enters a hospital, you know, when a woman transfers to a hospital, I always try to keep a woman home as long as possible. I'm not practicing as a doula right now, but, um, you know, that was always like, I want her coming in, like in transition, almost ready to push. Because then she was left alone, right? Everyone just like backs away, honestly. But when a woman transfers to a hospital and is taken in, first of all, she goes to triage, which is like where, you know,

the formation of triage was this typically in war and like who needs help first, right? But this is where this woman who's about to give birth goes to be assessed. They put her in a wheelchair, which what does that already tell a woman? I need help, right? I'm a patient, right?

They give her a gown, right? Where's the identity? Why does she need a gown? And then you typically go into a room where the bed is like the only thing in the room. Well, a laboring woman does not want to be laying in a bed. You need to be moving, you need to be creating space. And she needs an environment of calm, right? Like most women go in labor at night, right? We're mammals. And when the sun would go down, when predators weren't hunting us, it was safest for us to give birth, right? So we go in caves

where it's dark and quiet. We give birth. It's like our uterus, our muscles are shaped where if we felt a threat, there's these muscles that cover the cervix where those muscles can tighten to keep the baby in, to protect the child, right? And so if a woman feels threatened, if she's transferred to an environment where she feels is a threat, hospital, birth attendant, student, all the people who are coming in, those muscles tighten. And then a baby's trying to progress and move down. And so she's feeling this intensity. So it's working against her innate system to relax and birth this baby because she feels threat, right? So it really makes it, I don't even know where I went off on this, but it really makes it difficult for a woman for her not to be in an environment that is creating calm and confidence

in this process, that the mother knows what to do, the baby knows exactly what to do. And yes, thank goodness for technology and thank goodness for these doctors who can intervene when needed. You know, when babies are in distress, when a woman is hemorrhaging. But to have this fear-based approach and intervene with a natural physiological process, we're doing a disservice to the woman. And it's more than just physically. Because I work with women now who are processing their birth, right? Still processing their birth.

And it matters. You know, and it matters to that baby. That's a baby's first home, right? And how are we intervening? What does that feel like? If we're breaking the bag and then we're doing this and we're giving Pitocin where it's artificially causing these contractions, what is going on to the baby's environment?

There's cellular memory there. So anyway. Yeah yeah i love that talks about that he's uh inventor of holotropic breath work one of the it's probably on the uh the mount rushmore of of great psychonaut teachers in the world. You know, fantastic. When he talks about that, the psychology of birth is one of the first major wounds to the psyche. And yeah, I mean, I look at the differences between Stanford, which was great. We had a great doctor, but you know, everything,

all the interventions they want to do. I mean, we had a list of things saying like, hey, we're not doing any of these interventions right now. I brought my own organic vitamin K. We don't want the drops. I don't want the shots. I don't want any of this stuff. And every nurse would come in at like 1 a.m., 3 a.m., 5 a.m. loading a syringe. I'm like, dude, it's written here. I don't want to have to watch like a hawk. I had to watch like a hawk. Yeah, you do. And then when we're, you know, you got bright lights, we had a curtain in the middle of our

room with a preemie next to us, which is unfortunate, but like, no, that's not the move, you know? And the bright lights too, in the middle of the night, every time they'd come in to check on us or check on them, they just flip the switch. So these giant ass bright lights go on to us and to the baby. And you know, you take that to Wolf's birth. Tosh was on the toilet and the midwife was rubbing a warmed organic olive oil all over her downstairs. And she came, when she was ready, she came over and squatted right next to the bed and I leaned down and caught wolf. And like, there was no laying down. There was no anything. She moved around. She went from toilet back to the bed. She was on all fours. Then she just squat and there it was, you know,

it was that easy, that fast. And, um, then she had all the care at the house in her own bed. You know, they, they were pros. They had, They had two sheets down with like a layer in between. So they just pulled the top layer all the way off, washed it for us. You know, I was like, this is genius. This is genius. And we had soups made and all sorts of stuff ready to go and just relaxed.

Well, and a woman is comfortable. You know, the larynx, the throat and the vagina are almost identical in anatomical structure. And there's a connection between our voice, right? Our vocal cords and our pelvic floor. They almost look identical as well. And so in labor, you know, to open the cervix for a woman to really open up, we have her use her voice. And so as a doula, I would often moan, start low, deep moans to help a woman get comfortable moaning and using her voice to start opening up. And when a woman is home, she's more comfortable doing that,

swaying and moving her body, finding her own rhythm, really closing her eyes, going inward, being vocal. You're at a hospital, you're like, oh, I'm so sorry. I don't want everyone to hear me. They're going to think I'm crazy. This is so important, right?

And a woman needs to feel that complete freedom, right? Yeah, there's a deep connection there. I think I told you, I'm like, if there's any resistance, like, you know, moan with her or kiss her. Start kissing her. It'll relax everything during birth. They talk about that in the Nourishing Traditions book and Baby and Child book about how like walking, sex,

and anything that would release oxytocin. So petting your dog, holding each other. We watched the night before Wolf came out. We watched The Proposal with Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock. It's a shitty old rom-com, which we love. And we just laughed and held each other and watched that. And it was like snuggle time, relaxation. She let me sleep for three hours as she was starting to increase contractions. We hit them up. They were over at four. Everything was set. 436, wolves in my hands. Wow. You know, on a full moon, on 4th of July too. So tell me that shit doesn't matter.

Oh, it matters. Oh yeah. Tell me that doesn't matter. So super, yeah. I mean, the process has been, and I'm happy we did it both ways to really see the difference. Yeah, me too. I did the same with mine. Absolutely. And I do understand the desire

to be in a hospital for your first time if you don't know how it's going to go, those kinds of things. But that need can still be met by having a game plan of, hey, we're going to do this at home. And this is the first place that my midwife or my partner is going to take me to if shit goes wrong. And we'll have time.

Absolutely. There's enough time to still go there and get medical care if necessary. But let's try it here first. Right. And it's just not approaching birth out of fear. And that's what it is. That's what I asked him. I was like, damn, dude, that's next level.

I told him that's next level. And he said, you know what? I came to a point where, you know, the labor was taking a long time and I just had to like grit down and pray, you know? And I was like, fuck yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. You know, and they have an incredible kid, perfectly healthy, perfectly awesome. What an experience. So there's so much. I know we just cracked an hour here, but I want to ask you, what are some of the ways that men can support their daughters through the process of changes, you know? And what are some of the ways that men can support their partners

through the changing, you know, of the mother to the wild woman to the crone? I think first is just learning about a woman's rhythm. Like understanding that she's all the seasons, right? Understanding how she moves through her month and really start embracing that beauty within her, right? So get to know her. We can't expect men to understand us if they don't understand us. That's what we have to see as women, right? And we have to guide them. So, gosh, that makes me think of the bison story.

Okay, we may have to go back to the bison. But so one, download my ebook. No, but get to know a woman's cycles. Like, we are in tune with the rhythms of nature. And it's a beautiful thing. So get to know a woman and get to know what her cycles are. And for a dad, it's being attuned to maybe what she needs. And once you learn those rhythms, you'll know that.

Or just saying, how can I help? Or being willing. Really get in touch with yourself. Like in the e-book, there's a contemplation page that's like, when I say these words, how do you respond? That's brilliant. Are you wincing? Yeah.

Close your eyes. When I did that, I was happy. I passed the test in my eyes. I don't know. Maybe if I had recorded it, I'd see like a face flicker or something. But our problem- What is your relationship with? Our problem with blood, our problem with any of the terminology that's natural as a part of the human experience, right?

Yeah. If there is some knee-jerk reaction in there, it's our duty as fathers and husbands to do the self-work to get over that shit because it doesn't serve us. Well, and I think for so many men, your first home is a woman's womb. That is your first home. You grew, you evolved to the rhythm of your mother's heartbeat, right? You were washed in the blood of birth. Do you know your birth story? So many men I know don't know their birth story because women tend to start learning about their birth story when they become pregnant. So many men do not know about their time in the womb. If you've done a journey, you may go back there.

Many men do. So what was that like? What was your relationship with your primary caregiver, with your mother during her cycle or during birth? We moved birth out of the home. So all of a sudden, we weren't in tune with what that looked like and how natural that was. This could be another podcast, but birth and death, I really truly believe need to come back to the home. And also, you came to me in a dream once

I think I was oh I started telling you this you didn't tell Kyle we didn't get to you came well when Kyle Kingsbury comes into your dream no

sorry babe that was the other dream I was thinking about this no sorry babe it was you came to me in a dream actually when I was writing this book, and you said,

it had something to do with a miscarriage. And I don't know if that resonates with you, but you said to me, you really need to help men with this, because we're not really allowed to talk about it and share it. And men need to process it too. And yes, we go and attend to the mother. She's having to deal with it physically, emotionally. But sometimes we forget the impact it has on the dad and what that loss feels. And it's not processed in a man. Women process it physically from releasing and birthing and bleeding, but men don't, and that energy gets stuck. And I think we need to pay more attention to that process for men. I think for miscarriages that men also experience,

I also think after birth, what they experience because the care and attention shifts from a man, from their partner to the child. Our hormones make sure that is so for the survival of this child. But often men are felt a little left behind. And I think that is a void that needs attention and really helping men transition through this time and process this grief. And I think as women, we need to do it in our feminine essence, and we need to guide and care for you guys. And I truly believe when we can make that connection and when you can feel that nurturing, that translates to your nurturing and how you care for other people. But I do think that that is a piece that's missing for men

and that there's a yearning and a void there in regards to a few of those circumstances. Absolutely. Absolutely. I think a typical feeling is that the woman can have guilt and blame and shame around losing the child. And it really is the focus of the man. Like, I got to be the mountain. I got to hold this and make sure that she knows that it's, it really is the focus of the man. Like I gotta be the mountain. I gotta hold this, you know, and make sure that she knows that it's okay. And that it does happen. And that, um, there is no blame. There is no guilt. There is nothing. There's none of that,

you know, but then still like, yeah, it's, I mean, fuck it. It hits. Yeah. Yeah. It hits hard. Yeah. Yeah. It's hard. Yeah. So in my dream, you said, you need to talk about this. You need to help men with this. That was the dream. And when you come in the dream, you kind of listen. You're not one to ignore. Yeah. Yeah. Love you, Peyton.

Love you, buddy. Where can people find your book? Where can people look into you working with you and all the good stuff that you offer? All the good stuff. Yeah. So, um, the dad's guide and, you know, even if you just have a woman in your life, I think it's a great little cheat sheet, right? It's under 25 pages. It's a great cheat sheet to just get to learn the rhythm of a woman in your life. I think it's a great little cheat sheet, right? It's under 25 pages. It's a

great cheat sheet to just get to learn the rhythm of a woman at PeytonCallahan.com. And yes, I do mother-daughter courses. I have the ebook available. I've got a fun period preparation kit. Got all kind of goodies on there. And yeah, I work with women energetically to help surface how emotions and perceptions are presenting physically and help And help them to clear some of that. I love it. And based on my dream, maybe I consider doing that with guys too. Yeah, absolutely. But yeah, PeytonCallaghan.com is the easiest place to reach me. We'll link to it in the show notes.

Thank you so much, Peyton. Absolutely. Love you, buddy. I love you big time. Thank you. Thank you.