Kyle Kingsbury Podcast - #290 Anahata Ananda on Shine Sedona and Parenting via Encouragement
Episode Date: February 15, 2023Anahata Ananda blends the compassion and tenderness of an Angel with the wisdom and strength of a Shaman to guide profound journeys of core healing and spiritual awakening. For over 2 decades she has ...supported tens of thousands through heart-centered empowering transformative experiences. She has trained extensively with gifted Shamans, energy healers and spiritual teachers from North America, Peru, India and Asia in order to artfully integrate the fields of energy healing, Shamanic teachings, emotional release, and self-empowered living. A master healer and teacher, Anahata has been training Lightworkers and Healers in various Shamanic Healing Modalities and Breathwork Facilitation techniques for over a decade. Anahata is the founder of Shine – Sedona’s Sanctuary for the Soul where transformational programs, trainings and 1:1 sessions are offered year-round by world-class facilitators. For more information to work or train with Anahata or other gifted practitioners visit www.ShineSedona.com Empowerment & Awakening Weekend with Anahata at Shine May 18 – 21, 2023 Train with Anahata Connect with Anahata: Website: Shine Sedona Instagram: @shinesedona - @anahataananda Show Notes: RealMilk.com/raw-milk-finder Sponsors: Desnuda Organic Tequila Sometimes being fully optimized entails cutting loose with some close homies. We have just the sponsor for that occasion. Head over to www.desnudatequila.com for the tippy toppest shelf tequila in the game. Use Code “KKP” for 15% off all purchases!! PaleoValley Some of the best and highest quality goodies I personally get into are available at paleovalley.com, punch in code “KYLE” at checkout and get 15% off everything! Organifi Go to organifi.com/kkp to get my favorite way to easily get the most potent blend of high vibration fruits, veggies and other goodies into your diet! Click that link and use code “KKP” at checkout for 20% off your order! BiOptimizers - Masszymes Gut health is paramount and these guys have a bunch of goodies thrown in if you head over to masszymes.com/kingsbufree To Work With Kyle Kingsbury Podcast Connect with Kyle: Fit For Service Academy App: Fit For Service Academy Instagram: @livingwiththekingsburys Odysee: odysee.com/@KyleKingsburypod Youtube: Kyle Kingbury Podcast Kyles website: www.kingsbu.com Zion Node: https://getzion.com/ > Enter PubKey >PubKey: YXykqSCaSTZNMy2pZI2o6RNIN0YDtHgvarhy18dFOU25_asVcBSiu691v4zM6bkLDHtzQB2PJC4AJA7BF19HVWUi7fmQ Like and subscribe to the podcast anywhere you can find podcasts. Leave a 5-star review and let me know what resonates or doesn’t.
Transcript
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All right, y'all.
I'm super pumped.
I get to bring you, I think, round three or four with Anahata.
Anahata is, to put it plainly, one of the five most influential and impactful women
that I've ever met.
For me personally, she has just been an incredible mentor
and person that I've leaned on in some really hard and challenging times. She did a blessing
for our daughter Wolf out in Sedona. She's family. And when family's got something cool to talk about,
get her on the podcast and we talk about something cool. She just opened her retreat center and
healing center shine out in Sedona. And it's absolutely incredible. We dive into that.
And really what was inspired by, from a podcast that Paul check did, that's not even out yet.
He was just telling me about it. He was talking a lot about with guys from men's groups, leaders,
what's happening to men.
And it was an influence for this podcast
because it's been a minute
since we've really hashed out conversations around
what is the divine masculine?
What is the thing we're aiming towards
and how do we raise young people
to be the embodiment of that?
And really, as Anahata beautifully points out,
where is the redirect on what's rewarded through society? Where's the redirect on how we reward ourselves? And where's the North Star pointing? If it's towards success at the expense of nature, success at the expense of others, we can not easily see what we don't want, but it helps too if we can see what we do want. But it helps too, if we can see what we do want. And so that was really where our conversation
went. And as a mother of two, she had twins, a boy and a girl, both of which are now in their
mid twenties. It's really cool because I continue at each stage to peek around the corner of what
lies ahead for me. And you may not be a parent and be like, I don't know what the fuck this has
to do with anything. There are tips and tricks for everyone in this that you guys will really appreciate.
And I just love hearing it from her.
Because when I think of badass women who understand truly what are the greatest qualities in a man,
and she's got that.
She understands that.
And she also understands, too, as any great parent would,
how to be a caretaker and a guide,
not to teach everything,
but to set up the opportunities for others to teach and for others to show.
And so we really dove into that backstory.
It was the first time I got to talk with her about that.
And a great coming back to this ever-growing topic
of what does it mean to be a man in the world today.
So absolutely love her. Love Anahata. We'll link to all her stuff in the show notes. You can just
one-click it. Please check her out. If you're ever in Sedona, it's a fucking must box. You have
to check off. You have to go visit her spot and also sit with her. She does guided one-on-one
sessions that fucking change your life. That's how I was first introduced to her.
Aubrey had set us up at his house in Sedona with a bunch of people, a bunch of teammates
from on it early on in her first year.
And my wife and I got to attend a few of her workshops and then get some one-on-ones with
her.
And I was just blown the fuck away.
I was like, wow, wow, wow.
Also met Porangi at the same time, did some one-on-ones with her, and I was just blown the fuck away. I was like, wow, wow, wow. Also met Porangi at the same time,
did some one-on-ones with him,
and I was like, man, he's got the squad.
He's got the squad for sure.
So super grateful for my long-lasting connection
with Anahata.
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Anahata,
this is our third or fourth
podcast, probably fourth.
First time you've been out here on our
land, and I recently got to see what you've been out here on our land.
And I recently got to see what you've been giving birth to out in Sedona,
your beautiful center known as Shine.
We're going to dive into that.
And now you get to see what I've been telling you about for the last year,
and maybe even before that, on what we wanted to do. And then now we get to do it.
And you're getting to witness our little infant in its early stages.
Your third baby now.
That's right.
Had the blessing of blessing Wolf.
Yeah.
And actually meeting her before she arrived in the etheric field when you were intending that.
In sessions, we were talking about her and got a chance to meet her even before she had a heartbeat.
So it's beautiful dreams manifesting.
Absolutely.
And the power of shamanic dreaming, which is really allowing the vision, the soul's vision
that we receive in different ways, divine guidance or a vision or a dream or whatever it is,
a soul knowing, and then allow it to precipitate into
form and allow it to take root in the soil of our soul and start taking action and feeding it and
planting it and nourishing it and protecting it. And I'm sitting in this space where you
have made a dream and Aubrey too, have know, have made this dream come true and it,
and a lot of people that are working together to make this dream come true.
And same with shine,
like took a village.
It's still taking a village.
It was a dream and it's a big,
it's a big undertaking,
but it's when it's a soul.
Yes.
You just got to lean in and say,
okay.
Yep.
And there's all the pain of giving birth,
which you know about. And having an infant.
Yeah. And then having newborn of like, oh, this is sleepless nights and stress and I don't know
what it needs. And you're like, okay, well, I'm going to do my best. And I'm in, I'm in on this.
There's no stepping back at that point. You're in. And so it becomes another teacher in your life.
Absolutely. Well, Shine is
a healing center and we're going to talk quite a bit about what you've got going on there.
But one of the reasons, you know, we had planned this back in Sedona, having you out here. I was
like, we got to, right when I was walking through Shine, I'm like, we got to fucking sit down. We
got a podcast about this. We got to talk about everything you're into And also what's alive in us.
My brother and mentor, Paul Cech,
had just done an amazing podcast with someone who runs a men's group.
He came out with some pretty disturbing statistics
around men and really what we're going through right now.
Most men wouldn't look at it like, oh, what are men going through right now. Most men wouldn't look at it like,
oh, what are men going through now?
That said, one of the stats from Mickey Willis,
and forgive me if I'm misquoting,
but this is going to be in his next movie,
Plandemic 3,
was that 80% of the suicides in 2020 and 2021 were male.
And I think one of the things that I wanted to steer us towards is,
you know, what are the principles of the divine masculine that we're trying to attain and what's required of us to actually gain that? You know, what healing is necessary? What are the
best steps that we take to honor what our lives have brought us?
Where are the pearls?
Where do those pearls lie, the gift, within the things that have happened to us
so we can find the way to turn that into what's happened for us?
I've learned so much from you from over the years,
and I know that we're just on the tip of the iceberg,
so I feel fucking juiced up every time I sit in front of you. So there's a lot of places to go with that, but I'll let you
really dive in. You have a son and a daughter. I don't know what's making that noise.
Maybe this guy. Twist that guy. You have two twins that are in college now, correct? They're now out. They're out.
A couple of years and 25 and well on their journey.
One of the things that you told me when I was talking about the stages of my kids was that it never ends.
Like the parenting portion, it never ends.
You're never not mom.
You're never not dad if you're doing it right.
And each new phase or development in life
brings new challenges, right? And I've got a seven and a half year old bear and a two and a half year
old wolfie. And so just witnessing that, it helps having more than one. So I can kind of track and
be like, all right, she's going to do this now and that's okay. And that's just a natural progression.
But really as a whole, when we think of society and everything that's happening in
education, it is in particular, it's hard on everyone, no doubt, but it has been particularly
hard with a lot of the woke movement for young men and really tracking what does it mean to be a man?
And I love that you're here. I actually just had a conversation with one of our Fit for Service members who's a female
and has felt really called to teach men's groups.
And she's felt the, who the fuck am I?
And I'm a woman and I shouldn't be doing this.
And I'm like, no, no, no, don't get it twisted.
If you've got it, you've got it.
And men need to hear from amazing fucking women that don't hate men.
Men absolutely need to hear from women who have worked on themselves enough
to inhabit the divine masculine as well as the divine feminine.
Thank you for just acknowledging that.
It's, I want to be with the statistic that you brought up because it's pretty, you know,
whether it's 80 or less or something along that, it's a significant number of men that are struggling in modern, to show up, to be strong, to be confident,
to be successful, to be financially, you know, sustainable, a lot of extra pressures on men
and old structures, old reward systems and structures still in place. Men win, men provide, men protect, men aren't
weak, men don't cry. And so this is the way most young men are raised. Don't cry, don't feel,
don't talk about it. And yet that is actually what's blocking their divine feminine, their intuition,
their creativity, their sensitivity, their emotions. And so it's permission for men
to feel those feelings and have a safe space to talk about that. Starting as young boys, not being shamed for their tears. And I remember,
you know, or shamed for their creativity or wearing a skirt with like a cape and a tap shoe
and a, you know, and a fire boot. You know, when my kids were little, I had a dress-up box because there were boys and girls.
There was no gender with any of our toys. It was just like, hey, it's just the toy box. It's just
the dress-up bin. And in the dress-up bin, we had capes, tutus, tap shoes, like wands, like you name it, sparkly things, all different kinds of things.
And I remember my son one day just threw on a bunch of stuff, just like not what is right or
wrong or his or hers. He just threw it all on very creatively and felt really good about himself.
And he went outside, he's just like, and I go, da. And I go, all right, you know.
And he had a shovel in his hand.
And I go, where are you headed?
And he goes, I'm going to go gardening.
And so he went out front.
And he was probably maybe five, six, around there.
Just in his creative flow, in his creativity, in his adventure.
And went outside with a shovel and started shoveling
and gardening because that's what I was doing. He was modeling after the gardening that I was
doing in the back. And so he was going to do this in the front. And I watched a boy that he looked
up to in the neighborhood who was a couple years older than him, on a skateboard. And I was watching in the window.
The skateboarder, the guy, went by.
He had words with my son. And then my son came in, dragging the shovel behind him,
took everything off, put on jeans and a t-shirt and a hoodie,
and then went to his room and just got under the covers.
And that was the end of my son's creative expression with just being himself. He learned
from another boy who learned from another boy or his dad or a coach or most likely another man, this is not done, boys don't do this, what's wrong with you?
And that criticism just squashed him immediately.
And it wasn't like, oh, I'll get over it,
because that landed so deep for him that he knew I cannot be a man,
I can't be a boy if I do these things. And so it literally cut off all of these
things that would have been normally available for him. And he had to learn to find his way.
And so I think as parents, that broke my heart, but I also knew that, okay,
he's going to have to navigate the matrix. And the matrix is filled with men like this,
that if he's going to feel safe at all,
he's going to have to get small to survive.
And he's bartering that freedom and that creativity
to exchange the ridicule
because he can only take one more ridicule
before he just checks out.
And I think the level of,
when we get to this point
where I'm going to check out
when you're talking about with suicide,
there's no safe space to be yourself.
There's no safe space to be afraid,
uncertain, overwhelmed,
have ideas outside of the box. It's just not allowed,
whether that's sexual exploration, whether that is create, you know, a career path that isn't
of these three that make enough money. So, or you have to like, have this as sexual orientation and it just, it's this
tight little box.
And so it starts with how we parent and it starts with how we communicate with our children
about what is real and what's possible.
Because if they're not hearing that at home, they're going to learn it from the neighbor
kid.
They're going to learn it from school. They're going to learn it from the neighbor kid. They're going to learn it
from school. They're going to learn it from coaches. They're going to learn from those people that are
inside the box teaching them about what's possible and what's not possible.
And so my responsibility as a parent was to give him as much exposure to different alternatives that he could find his own rhythm and his own heartbeat.
And that he could find himself, even within the matrix, also give him permission to do it his own way and do it different and not shame him and let him lead.
What do you want?
What do you feel?
And what do you like instead of, here are your choices, soccer, football,
or baseball, you know? And none of those fit for him. He kept trying and he wasn't really good at
those things. That wasn't his nature. And I'm like, okay, let me just listen to what his soul
is saying. And he loved climbing. He climbed everything. I mean,
everything. Since before he could crawl, he was literally climbing the walls. And instead of
shaming him, I'm like, all right, let's get outside and see how far you can climb. And then when you
can't climb any farther without it being potentially dangerous, like let's get on ropes so that you have no limit to how far you can climb.
And I think as parents, our responsibility, and I won't even say just as parents, but as leaders
in communities, because many of us might not choose the path or right now we're not parents,
but we can as aunties, as uncles, and as leaders in the community help to shape young minds with alternatives and to reshape
adults and young men or grown men that, hey, you don't have to live inside a box and there's other
ways. And that's going to be news. There's going to be constructs and attachments to those ways. But I think initially to help teenage boys, to help young boys is there is not one way to be
man. What ethics and values do we really want to instill and reward? And let's let the child
lead what they're interested in and what they're passionate about, whether it's, hey, I really like this kind of sport or I really like writing or I really like music. Just let them explore and let them run cycles. Like,
wait, I can be way into this and then not into it. And that doesn't mean I'm a quitter.
And that's what I did. I was like, okay, look, I'm not a man, but I can teach my son how to be
listening to his own heart. You know, he's going to learn how to be a man
from other men, but he's going to learn how to be his own soul. Like I can support that as a woman.
I can support that as a mom. I can have be a safe space for him to explore who he is
and be frustrated with the feedback that he's getting from a limited
society that only sees it this way. And he built his confidence from listening to those things and
me putting him in those environments where he could climb and build his own confidence and
become his own man, not on the, I have to be smart, I have to make a lot of money, or I have to be good in only these
three sports. And encouraging him to listen to what felt right and just practice listening to him
and honoring him and a safe space for his emotions and not shaming his tears or his pace or his choices.
And that, like, I love the man who he's become because he did it on his own terms.
Yeah, that just warms me up hearing that.
I had a conversation with a guy that we know that I'm not going to name on the podcast.
He's pretty well known. He was talking about his sons and the opportunity at the young age for them
to be great. And it was like right when he said we were at a dinner, right when he said it,
it just fucking little ping in my spine, like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Careful, buddy, careful. And as he continued to elaborate, he really wants his sons to be
great and listed a few ways and really was talking about his struggle to help manifest that.
And that was really hard for me because, and thankfully, with teachers such as yourself and Paul and having had really transformative and well-curated, safe plant medicine experiences, I knew when I had Bear that that was not going to be the case. you know and even just in sports books like easy strength they they talk about uh the russians in
the soviet union they'd said if your if your dad was six six and your mom was six two you're going
to be a swimmer and they'd fucking throw them in the pool at six months old and make them swim
eight hours a day like that's your job and by the time they were 19 they'd rather die in a coal mine
than ever swim in a competition because they hated that thing so so i understand that it's so
important for kids to have variety
and for kids to make their own choices.
And with that, though, I still, you know,
and he's not quite in the trophy kids lane,
you know, the documentary trophy kids.
I don't think he's there.
But I do feel that there is a general push
for men to push their kids too much,
whether that's in academics.
I went to Monta Vista and Cupertino,
and 70% Asians, which includes India, if you think about it.
Many, many, many Indian kids and many Asian kids,
and they're just being friends with them.
I could see they, they didn't
give a fuck about football. Their parents beat them literally to get straight A's and things
like that. So like I can see in many different avenues, not just sports where this idea of,
I want them to be great, can really seed an incorrect start to the world. There's so many
ways though, you did it so well. That's why I bring that up.
But there's so many ways in which parents can fuck up and I'm not perfect by any means.
I want you to dive into some of the steps necessary for men to come out of that and to
improve themselves and to free themselves of the chains they have from early on? Yeah, I think that, first of all, around expectations with our children.
I think in the listening, we get to see where they have the potential and the desire to be great.
And then our responsibility is to encourage that and support those environments
so that they have the tools, the encouragement
to do great things that light them up. I think what's different is, hey, you got to do this.
If it's imposed by a parent, you've got to be the best at this. And if it's not their idea,
and if it's not their passion, yeah, that's not going to necessarily be a sustainable motivation because I'm just trying to please dad or I just want external validation or I just want
the trophy.
And if we're really listening to where they're lit up and then there's nothing wrong with
encouraging them to be their best.
A best might be B plus, it might be seventh place, you know, but there's nothing wrong as parents with us encouraging the focus
to become good at a skill through practice. If it lights them up and there's desire, you know,
if they're like, look, the kid's like, hey, I want to be the best tennis player. Okay, great. Let me
get behind that for you, you know, and others might not have that kind of motivation
or internal desire and they may want to dabble with the thing and that might be their sole yes
is, I'm really not wanting to be a master here. Seven is okay and that doesn't mean I'm not,
you know, capable of doing great in the sport,
it just doesn't light me up.
So I would be back to listening.
And, you know, when like my daughter,
she just started diving into poetry
and she just, I'm like, okay,
would you like to publish these poems?
It's a question.
It's not you have to.
It's a question.
Would you like to publish these poems?
Yeah.
So what kind of paper?
Do you want a self-published?
Do you want it printed like this?
Ask them questions.
And so my daughter by eight published her own poetry book.
Wow.
And that's, I got behind her dream, but also said, how can I provide creative questions that she might not know how to take this to the next level?
And I'm like, she wanted to print it at home.
I want this horse poem on horse paper that I pick out and I want to pick the font out.
And I'm like, okay, you want to self-bind. Here are the options to take it to the next level if that lights you up.
And so she printed, who do you want this to go to? I want this to go to these family members.
I want to give it to my, you know, do you want your teacher, your poetry teacher to have one? Yes.
Do you want to submit any of these to the city? There's a competition here. Do you want your teacher, your poetry teacher to have one? Yes. Do you want to submit any of these to the city?
There's a competition here.
Do you want to submit any of these?
Because she can say no and drop it.
But she was so excited about it.
So if I follow the enthusiasm and I say, okay, do you want to, are you interested in this?
Yeah.
And she published these, gave them out for christmas gave them and
won an award for one of the poetry and then like two months later like probably hasn't written a
poem in since then but it's following that enthusiasm so in that moment yes she was great
at that until her soul said i'm good and that okay. And that's where as parents, we get to not be attached to,
but I already planned for you to be a soccer star.
I already planned for you to be an award-winning writer.
That's where we get to put our things in check
and where the children get to lead.
But listen and provide creative support.
If my son's climbing,
I'm like, okay, how can I help him take his climbing to the next level? He's not going to
be climbing with me. He's going to climb with someone way better than me. So let me get him
with some pros and have them take him out and see how he feels when he comes back. And I told this
guy, because he was, his son was 12 or something
like that. I'm like, it's right at passage time. I'm like, go hang my son off a cliff.
I want him hanging there. I want him to want to come down. But like, that's where I wanted to
push him a little bit because if mommy was there at the bottom holding the rope, he'd go back into his little inner child.
Mommy, it's too hard. I think it was really valuable for me to step back and have somebody
else there that says, you can do it. Just reach for the thing. Just do this technique. Try it
again. You're almost there. And coach him in a way that I couldn't. And he came back from that,
scraped up, bruised up, and the smile wrapped
around his face. And his confidence came from inside, not from a trophy, not from a podium,
not from my validation, but his own capability and his own accomplishment. That to me is a win,
and that's to me doing great. But as a parent,
I think we walk this line of encouragement, listening, and then encouragement, and then
providing the environments for where their desire is to grow and expand and listen to
whether to keep going or to step back. And sometimes you'll go too far because this is
a parent. Sometimes you won't
be supportive enough. And like, that's the cha-cha of parenting. Like you guess wrong sometimes,
like that happens. To answer your question. So I think that that's how I think we can
encourage greatness in alignment. I love that. You took a black and white question and nuanced
it and made it perfect.
Right? And it's so true. Yeah. Because we don't want to be so nonchalant of like,
the child has to lead everything because they don't, my son didn't know it was possible to do a triple pitch climb that he didn't know that was possible. That's my job to spend a little
extra time researching and saying, hey, are you interested in this? Or let's research it together because we might know of possibilities that they don't.
Like, okay.
So as far as how we can heal as adults
from parental programming
and that imposition of expectations or don't be weak or you got to provide or
all of this, the first step is self-awareness. Where am I not happy? Where did I follow somebody
else's version of success? Where have I abandoned my joy? What is my little boy self crying out for?
Where have I been doing this for everybody else and not self? And what goes along with it? How can
I be gentle and compassionate, but also radically honest about the fact that there's highly likely some
addictive behavior and some self-sabotaging behavior that is paired with that because of
the pain of not being in alignment with your soul is going to take its toll. And it's going to have
a cost. That can be depression, that can be medication, that can be, you know, substance abuse, sex addiction, and
these are the consequences. And so if we're having, if one's witnessing that level of stress
and anxiety or addiction, and it's like, let me just take a pause and do a check-in.
Let me just pause. Man or woman, let me just pause. And am I okay? Am I
happy? And what's my emotional body telling me? And what's my stress level telling me about what's
not really in alignment here? Because we get on autopilot and just get on autopilot.
Schedules stack up. Yeah. Weeks go by, months, years.
Well, you know, one of my clients who, you know, he was an attorney and he's, you know,
he's on his third wife. And so he's got all these bills stacked up and depressed, alcohol,
you know, and we were having this conversation and he's like, this is a prison. I've created a prison because I, family business, because it was ingrained in me to keep my family and this kind of car and you know the kids
private education and this is what what I adopted from my family as the way it is and this is the
career that was chosen for me the family business this was chosen for me and I'm like, where's the out, my friend? And he goes, there isn't. He goes, because now
I've got to add to that two alimony payments and I can't, and I'm taking care of my mom,
and I can't change their lifestyle. Like, I'm not free. I'm bound here. And so in sitting with that, he's like, I got five more years in this sentence. Five more years. And he goes, and I'm going to pay it. I'm going to pay it. And that's not willing to let other people down. And this is something that I think in the process of dismantling this,
we've got to look at what other people are relying on me that are keeping me in this situation,
whether that's a spouse, whether that's children. And how can I slowly
realign my life? Because realizing that people check out because they're like, I don't see a
way out. And there is a way out and other people are quite capable and we get to adjust our
expectations that I have to provide for everybody or that my son or daughter won't be okay if they
don't have a brand new BMW, right? There's that level of social judgment,
just like my son was experiencing social judgment at six. It's no different at 56 or 65 or 42,
that social judgment that's keeping us trapped in those places.
And we've got to be willing to begin the process of unhooking from social society determining what's okay for me and what's right for me.
Like, we've got to begin that unhooking process.
And for those that have been in it longer, it's going to take longer to unhook.
And for those that are, like, young, they don't have to get hooked in the first place. And those like young men right now in their 20s and 30s,
like have less that they're entrenched in the matrix,
that it's like, okay, I can backtrack here.
And it's possible to do that.
And first check in and say, you know, it's okay for me to unchoose this.
And then there's going to be guilt
and there's going to be fear. And having a support system for that is essential with other men and
women that have unhooked from that process so they know it's possible. Like, how did you unhook from
finance? How did you unhook from the matrix? How did you do that with your family and rework the value system within your relationship or with what you choose? And how can that be shifted to more equitable or an adjustment so that we're also providing love and joy and play?
Because you're rewriting that story right now about what values you're bringing to your family and the economics of how you're providing for your family. You're shifting that whole paradigm.
Yeah. Yeah. We've spoken about that before, about the,
with Maslow's hierarchy of needs met and bonus, you know, effectively talking about bonus and
lifestyle choices after that, I would rather have more days off to spend with my wife and kids
than work on those
days. Most Fridays I have off. They're like, oh, I don't know how to, like Tosh gets it. She's like,
oh God, give her a big hug and a kiss. Most Fridays I have off and Mondays and Wednesdays
are for podcasts. If I don't have a podcast, then I have very little to do that day. I might have a
client call for an hour and that's about it. You know, so I would rather have that schedule that gives me the availability to be around,
especially because we homeschool and to play, to be able to take Berdegi to each night,
to tickle Wolfie and to read to him during the day.
You know, it's a nice feeling saying, I don't have to be anywhere until noon today.
Let's hang out.
You know, let's just read.
Let's take Guapo for a walk and just relax. And I think that it is a choice, right? Because you got the teeter-totter of income
and time, but go pretty close hand in hand, right? And you lose time creating more wealth.
But what is the real wealth there? What is the deliverable? Is the X amount of dollars when I
die, is that what I'm giving them? Fuck no. So that is a very real thing that you're speaking about.
We can unplug from and retrain ourselves to what do I want to do now? There's been some great
people, particularly on wealth, that have spoken to that. Tim Ferriss has had them on the 30K something guy, mustache man. He's a guy who made some money in
finance and basically unplugged and his family lives on 30K a year. And so this is, when we
talk about what it is to be a modern day man, the question is, and when I, you know, was supporting my son through his rite of passage at times,
I asked, what values do you respect? What kind of man do you want to be? Not saying,
here's what kind of man is important, whether, you know, be honest, be this, be that. Because
my role, I felt, was to get him in front of as many amazing embodied men in different walks of life,
firemen, professional surfer, musician, accountant, like all business owner, restaurant owner,
rock climbing business owner, and have, get him in front of lots of different versions of man.
Because that's the way men learn is through other men.
I knew I can't teach him how to be a man, but other men will.
So let me make sure that I'm choosing men that have wonderful values
and that are living a soulful life in different ways,
many different walks of life so that he could see there's not just one way. And one of them was his
karate teacher. And I was like, okay, he's learning some like sensei moves here about values and ethics and like Boy Scouts and all these different ways to say, what do you admire about these different men?
And what qualities would you like to embody?
And that puts it back to him
because he can feel that transmission
when he's in the presence of men he admires
and that he feels safe with and that are embodied. He can feel that. Our kids,
they're smart and they're so sensitive in a good way. And this is that part of the feminine that
we want to encourage of like, who do you want to hang around with? Who do you admire? Who do you respect and why?
And so those were the questions that I was asking my son at 10, his first rite of passage at 10.
You know, I hiked both my twins up to, instead of going to Chuck E. Cheese for pizza, I'm like,
not on my watch. That's cool. And we're going to hike to 10,000 elevation when they're 10 on their 10th birthday.
They're going to get their own backpack now.
On this day, I no longer carry your things.
You carry your things.
You carry your pocket walk.
You carry your own pocket knife.
It has your name on it.
If you lose it, you replace it.
I don't replace it anymore.
And there was another level of responsibility I bestowed upon them both at 10 and said,
you carry your things.
You take care of yourself.
You navigate.
I don't navigate anymore.
You navigate.
You're old enough to navigate.
And ask them both, what kind of person do you want to be in this next decade?
Because from 10 to 20 is a lot of change. And what's important to you to experience,
learn, and grow? Asking questions, I think, is so valuable so we can understand
what their soul is saying before they get programmed.
Yeah. It's such an important question too. Who do you want to be? And not the,
what do you want to be when you grow up? Exactly. Which fucking no one knows even at 20. Exactly. But you're giving them the North Star.
You're giving them the North, the true North on their compass, right? Because they're all the
rocky shit that happens between 10 and 20. To have that foundation to remember, it's like holding a
pretty serious intention that you've written out a month ahead of time before ayahuasca.
Like if you give them some sticky water, hold that intention.
Remember why you're there.
Yeah.
And that becomes of like, these are values they've created, not the church has imposed or a coach has imposed or a parent has imposed.
It's like, I hear that being honest or being a good friend or being kind are important to you.
Well, now I know as a parent that I want to be rewarding those things.
I want to be acknowledging those things.
And I want to be supporting opportunities to unprogram, it's going to be creating a safe space.
Because as we talked about before, it's harder for men to find those spaces and more and more are available. This whole support system that is coming up with more and more men's groups
is really beautiful where men are holding space for tears, for rage, for sharing honestly and
safely about traumas, sexual traumas, physical abuse, abandonment issues, betrayal, because what
happens with most young boys and young men is when those things happen, there's so much shame
and there's so much suck it up, don't talk about it. There's no safe space. And so that gets
internalized and oppressed, and that is going to have consequences. So I think for those people
that are struggling right now and with suicide on the rise, it's like get help in safe ways
where there can be a safe container for you to start talking about those things that are the
deep wounds in a safe, loving environment. And this is where those young
boys and young men and adult men need the divine feminine. And I don't mean in a woman,
because it can be in a woman, and it can be in a man, but they need the qualities of the divine
feminine that is just a safe space to cry, a safe space to be upset, a safe space to dream,
and a safe space to be afraid or I don't know how I'm going to do it, overwhelmed,
and is not coming with judgment or an expectation or a criticism that you shouldn't be feeling this.
And I think that begins to heal this part
that says my feelings matter, my fear is not crazy,
and I get to just be supported in this
instead of always having to be the tough guy
and the leader that has to always have my shit together
and always have the answers and and never gets to fail,
and never gets to cry,
and doesn't have time for grief,
and has to take care of everybody.
And it's like, can we put down that mantle
and be supported,
and be held,
and be heard,
and then from that place,
allow the healing to happen.
And it's been my honor and privilege to hold men like you, Kyle, like a big badass fighter.
I've had you in my arms with tears and Aubrey and a lot of beautiful, powerful, strong, fierce men that completely melt in that space of
trust to not need to hold up any wall, any facade, or any shield, but completely be safely seen. And I think that there's more and more opportunities
for men to experience environments like that. And that's the start. I think it's really valuable to
be a part of men's groups, healthy men's groups that give voice and tools to support the evolution of shifting out of the matrixed man into the
embodied bohemian man that is doing their inner work and unraveling the programming
and is supported with the tools of how to unhook and how to continue to support and listen to their own
needs as they navigate stepping into and creating a life that feels more aligned, more joyful,
and more soulful with values that they respect, that light them up with lifestyle choices that nourish them
and where they don't feel like a prison like we talked about
and they can create their life based on their terms,
which is not based on what anybody else's values are.
It's not a collective vote of how life is supposed to be
and that's where the freedom comes in.
Super important.
Important for everyone too. I've told you this before my wife has worked with you as well but like the
or her she went to school for art in college and and was quickly told you have to change your major
you're not going to make any money doing that you, and basically snuffed out like her one real passion
outside of running. She was there for it. And it's been a great privilege of mine to offer that back
to her, you know, like, hey, I'm going to take the kids, paint away, make your art. And she's
a fucking incredible artist. Right. And this is where we can be great. You can be great at what
you love to do. You're more likely to be great at what you love to do than be great at something you loathe.
And it doesn't matter how great you are.
If you loathe it, it's never going to bring you joy.
You're like, great, I'm the best and I feel the worst.
And like so many of us have, you know, can relate to that analogy of, oh, I summited the wrong mountain.
You know, I hustled my ass. I went to school, went to medical school, whatever it is. And I
got to this mountain peak, blood, sweat, and tears, wrong peak, wrong mountain, wrong reason. And it's like permission to reinvent yourself, permission to be honest,
like, hey, I did this for my family. I did this for the money. And it's okay to say,
this isn't what I thought it was. And there's that willingness to be compassionate and understanding with ourselves and pivot and reinvent.
And I was in corporate with a suit and a briefcase in New York City and 46 and 6 in Manhattan.
And I'm like, yeah, great at it. Made plenty of money. And so much of that
money was going out to sedate with alcohol and clubbing and spending on vacations and like
excessive spending on shopping and just like, oh, I deserve this because I'm good at this. It feeds my ego,
but it doesn't feed my soul. I was starving. I was feeding the pockets of the partners.
I was filling their pockets and mine too. Like, no doubt I was getting paid well,
but I wasn't keeping the money because I was spending it because it wasn't soulful. Now I do what I love and I still get taken care of in
that. And, you know, it's, there's this trust that when I follow my heart and when I follow my soul,
I'll be compensated. I will be taken care of in like more than just the financial way.
And doing what you love with people that you love for a
reason that you love, for an impact that lights you up, is a whole nother level of nourishment
that is not in our current reward system. And so it's typical and normal to hate what you do and
spend your nights in a bar instead of celebrating with your family.
Yeah, focus on fantasy football. Don't worry about it.
Yeah, we all numb. I mean, let's be honest. We all numb in different ways.
Like, you know, no judgment there because I get it. And I've been stuck in many of those patterns
myself of just like, yeah, alcohol was how to unwind from a day of stress from things I didn't love doing.
And so when I moved out of New York City, I'm like, I'm changing my life. And when the kids
came, I'm like, I flipped my value system. I flipped my value system. I'm like, what's valuable
is for me to be here with the kids, for me to homeschool, for me to be present.
And that's what I prioritized and my life began to change.
And yes, relatives and friends and like they'll have their opinion.
And it's really wonderful to unhook and give zero fucks about like anybody's.
But you can't do that.
You know, you just spent three years in law school or you just, you know, you're good at this.
Yeah, thank you.
My dad was one of those that said, this is the most ridiculous choice you've ever made.
You finally made it in New York City.
You finally made six figures, blah, blah, blah. You've made it.
Why would you throw that all away to stay at home with your kids? And I had to be so
centered in my decision that I could be, hey, thanks for looking out for me. Thanks for your opinion. I thank you.
And being so individuated from that,
knowing it was the right thing,
that if you're not, you're going to get hooked in.
Oh, should I keep it on the side?
Should I, you know?
And that self-doubt is one of those things
that will trip us up and keep us in the matrix
or ways in which that are not really authentic.
Then we stay in the loops of depression.
And when those kids graduated from high school,
my daughter's valedictorian and gave a speech,
my dad's like, hey, you done all right.
And it's like, hey, I don't care.
I didn't care when I chose to stay home
and I didn't care now about his opinion
because it's all secondary to the choices
that I make in my heart.
Everybody else's opinion has got to be delegated to zero.
And that's something that for all of us
to shift out of depression
or to shift out of things that are not in alignment,
gotta be able to begin the journey of listening to what lights
me up. Whether it is art or spending time with family, then your soul will find a way
to make that happen for you. Your soul will find a way. And it might not look like what you thought
it was going to look like, but it'll sure bring you a lot more happiness. And you want to stay
in this body and in this world a lot more than I got to get out of here. And there's a reason
depression and, hey, I want to quit happens. We've all, like, I know you've tapped out of a fight
before where you're like, hey, I'm out of here. You know, I know you've done that. I know I've
been like, hey, I'm done with this. You know. I've tapped out a lot of things and sometimes that's the right move is to say, and there's a time we're all
going to tap out of this life at some point. We will all tap out at some point. We'll be done.
And that's okay. And is there on this journey about being an embodied man,
being embodied person, like what is not in
alignment that it's time to tap out of? And it doesn't mean this life. It's like, what am I
hooked into that is creating it in such a way where I don't want to be in this body? I don't
want to be in this life. Okay, well, let's look at that. It's okay. It's
okay. We all get stuck. We all get like stuck in a cul-de-sac. We all get lost and have to turn
around at different times. We all get lost and have to ask for help. We all fall down and have
to get back up. Like there's no shame in that at all. And I think that that's where it starts is,
okay, I got a little lost here. What the fuck?
Shit happens.
Let me start over.
Let me ask for help.
Who's done this before?
And where do I begin?
And I think that that is actually the divine feminine is that,
and that the divine masculine is humble enough to say, okay, this isn't what I thought. And there's that level of resilience, commitment, and persistence that comes with the divine masculine that says,
I cannot do this alone. Let me ask for divine creator, Archangel Michael, whoever.
And if you don't go to a higher power, perhaps there's an opportunity there to build an alliance with
a guide, an ally, an ancestor, a great-grandfather that's on the other side to help guide
your journey. And I think that that's really valuable and to have mentors that you really respect that are embodying those qualities
and reprioritize those people that you follow in what are important to me.
When I was in New York, when I was in my, I've got to be a businesswoman and blah, blah, blah,
you know, I want to be successful. And in that state in my 20s,
I was looking around and I'm like, who are my role models? And there were 42 partners in this firm.
It was one of the big six accounting, tax, and consulting firms at the time.
And I'm looking around, there's 42 partners. And there were three women of those 42. And those
three women, I looked at them
and I'm like, looked at their life and I go,
oh hell, who they were and how they carried themselves.
And I looked at the rest of the other 39 partners
and I looked around, I'm like,
this is not where I want to end up.
Divorce, a lot of alcohol, asshole, party hungry, cold, angry, stressed out,
like they didn't look healthy. And I was like, I'm into this business thing. Like I'm into the
hustle and I like the success ladder here. I was hooked in. But I was like, what's the destination? What's the
win card? And I'm like, it's not this way. It's not this way. And that's when I began to question
where I was at. And my mother-in-law at the time just got diagnosed with breast cancer. Well, actually, she had been
dancing with that for a number of years. And that's one of the reasons why we went from New
York back to California. And within a year, she passed. And I was like, this is also not the
destination that I'm looking for either. A woman that does it all and takes care of
everybody else and self-abandons and I'm like devoted and loyal but also exhausted and unhappy,
caring but not caring for herself. And I'm like, well, I don't think that's the destination either.
And I think it's important to look ahead to say, what do I really want and who's living that life? Because they probably have some answers and tips
that could help me. And who are the role models that are not living what I want and let me not
follow them any longer? Because they probably don't have the answers for what I'm looking for, how to be an embodied, happy man, woman, whatever it is
you're choosing for what you really want. And this goes back to what I asked my son and daughter,
like, who do you want to be? And I asked this of all of us and I asked this of myself, like,
what's really important to me and am I living by that and do I have
the presence to pause enough and do a self-check not from a critical place because I'm not here
to be a toxic masculine and bully myself for the choices I've made to get myself here or for the choices other people made that I modeled.
It's all good, whatever.
Like they didn't know any better.
But what can I do today to be a better version of myself?
You know, and I think that's where we can all start and then ask for the help we need to start making the changes that begin to align that, whether it's career, whether it's relationship, whether it's, you know, as a, as, as a leader in the community, like we have the tools to create beautiful things here on earth. We really do.
Absolutely. Absolutely. That is just gold.
Let's talk about some of the tools and what you have created and are creating at Shine. One of
the things that I wanted to bring up, I know I brought it up on other podcasts, but just such
a cool one for people to do. One of the exercises you had us do,
and the first time that I got to meet you out in Sedona was the Conscious Relationships Workshop.
And I had my wife there, Tosh, and I was like,
great, it's going to help me be a better husband
and all that shit.
And it had nothing to do with that,
which indirectly probably made me a better husband.
But yeah, it was to write out,
to think of our greatest teacher.
Who is your greatest teacher?
And it's probably not the person that has taught you the most good. It's the person that's taught you the most period. And that might mean this is how I'm not going to raise my kids, or this is how
I don't want to interact with a sibling, or this is what I don't do in relationships. Whatever that
person is, write out all the things that they taught you because it's not just the good things. It's the things they taught you not to do that are also of the utmost importance and
therein lies the gift. And it's a complete reframe. So I invite everyone to try this.
It may seem simple, but I mean, I wrote, I got a good page down pretty fucking quick and it wasn't
a person I thought it would be. They may or may not be listening to the podcast, so we don't need to get into that, but it brought such a beautiful reframe of everything
that I was really still holding on to, you know, as a young adult, you know, I was never going to
fucking make those mistakes with my kids, that kind of shit, you know, and I was like, it just taught me so much on what that gift really was, you know?
And that's just one tiny little droplet out of your medicine bag that fucking changed my life
big time. I got a lot of those. And that's what I love. You know, I've been doing this work for
over two decades and having tripped over so many things and so many great lessons and teachers in my life that at first I thought I put on the villain pedestal.
And I placed them up there and gave them a lot of energy and put the spotlight on them and sat in the audience as the victim, bitching and complaining.
And not that we all haven't done that in some ways,
but it's also like, oh, what are they teaching me? Because they may show me what not to do.
They also might be showing me how to access compassion and understanding for another person,
another human being and another person's impact, imprints and their trauma that is overflowing into me. It might not have been
anything. I might have not had boundaries. I might not have spoken up. I might not have
listened to my red flags. Okay, if that's the case, I get to look at my part in it.
But if it was like, hey, I'm experiencing this person overflowing their pain or their anger,
and that has what's happened a lot for young boys and for
young girls as well is that their trauma ties, their trauma has been from somebody else's energy
overflowing. Their anger, their rage, their addiction, their judgments, their stupidity,
whatever. And it's witnessing, I didn't do anything wrong here, but I still have this lesson here with this person.
And it may just be, this is my greatest teacher to open my heart, to understand the deepest power of my heart is forgiveness.
And if I go to forgive them so quickly and I don't heal my pain, now I just bypassed, oh, they were just doing the best and it's like I'm really not even scratching the surface about the heart's fullest capacity there to first give love to myself and require and call forth the
healing that I need from the pain and the trauma that was experienced and give that and then hold
that space for where are they coming from so there's all kinds of cool things around clear
boundaries, around balancing the feminine and masculine and healing core wounds. And I love
this. I love these tools. I wish they to be taught in schools. I see that happening, you know, that kids learn how to manage these things at a, you know, as kids and
not, you know, much later in life that we can be learning these things as we go and that parents
can learn these things so that they're not passing them on to the next generation. And so, I love
guiding people through those processes of reframing, core healing, reclaiming their power.
And so a couple of times a year, I teach the Empowerment and Awakening Weekend,
which you've attended. And those are some of the things, conscious relationships. I just open up
my medicine bag and I'm like, hey, if you're leveling up, if you're on your journey and you
want tools, that's a great place to start.
That's a great place to start.
So we teach that at Shine.
Next is in May.
And you can always go to Shine Sedona and see what's there.
There's all kinds of retreats and programs, great speakers, phenomenal practitioners and healers that are offering things all around, you know, throughout the year, one-on-ones for those that really need kind of more one-on-one tailored care, which we've had lots of one-on-one sessions. Best ever. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Thank you. And so,
because sometimes, you know, with more intimate, you know, issues, it's better to do that one-on-one. You know, like, Breathwork's my jam.
I've guided, like, over 10,000 people now, I realize,
through the process of, you know, Shamanjelic Breathwork,
which is one of my most favorite tools for deep emotional release
and energy clearing and also heart healing and soul expansion.
Like, it just lights me up and I, you know, I do a whole facilitator training and, you know, teach lightworkers
and practitioners to hold space for others that are going through that process that need
the support.
And I think that's a wonderful tool for people that are experiencing overwhelm, stress,
depression, anxiety, or that are just wanting to like clean house and connect to their heart more
is shamanjelic breath work, which is a little different than other modalities.
It's a rapid state shift. If you think about things that perhaps take practice,
even a float tank, I didn't really get it until the third time. And then I was like,
oh shit, the light came on. It felt like three minutes. Like you did a good job. So I was like, okay, I just kind of stumbled into that. Couldn't get back there
because I was chasing that then for my fourth, fifth through 10, right? And then finally figured
out how to do it. How quick can I relax now? Yeah, exactly. All right. Tune me up. But the
breath works no matter what, right? And it takes effort, right? You have your foot on the gas or the brake. Your guidance is absolutely impeccable
because by feeling into people,
you know when to push them.
Hey, let's go, let's pick it back up a little deeper
all the way in.
And you know when to soften and to hold them
and to let them cry and release.
And it's beautiful getting to see you in your mastery
and continuing to work with through Fit for Service
and things like that when we're out in Sedona. Highly recommend, highly recommend doing your breath
work and highly recommend people for coming out to Sedona. If you're in Sedona, for sure,
visit Shine. You for sure have the best gift shop in all of Sedona. I was like, did you handpick
all this shit? I did. Exactly. I was like, this is the best.
This is the best of the best.
The best staging fans, the best card decks, the best.
Amazing.
You know, just crystals.
Absolutely fantastic.
Yeah.
I love you so much.
And I really appreciate you.
Every time I get to see you, it warms my heart.
Thank you.
And, you know, I appreciate the shift that you've really chosen.
You know, we've known each other for years and it's been beautiful to see you step into valuing the family even sustainable, you know, living here as, you know,
with reclaiming the land and growing here on the land and homeschooling the kids so that they can
experience how they can grow food and take care of, you know, sheep and you're living it. You're living it. And you're making this transition,
unhooking from things and moving towards being a lot more sustainable, not only in your family
dynamics, but also on the land so that it can be a model for other communities and other families.
And it's been so beautiful. and doing the birth blessing on the
land with Wolf a couple of years ago, just my honor to be a part woven into this family. And
I'm just excited to watch this all grow and to see this land come alive with the growth that's
come from love and pure intention to be sustainable in all ways and create
a thriving community here. I love you, brother. And I know you're doing magical things. And
a big part of that is supporting and stewarding two souls so that they know who they are.
That was one of the things when we did the birth blessing for Wolf. it was like, she already knows who she is. Our job as supporting her is to listen
to where she wants to put her wolf steps and her journey and her path. And so it's exciting to watch
your kids grow and find themselves and be themselves and bring their magic out into the world in their own way.
Well, where can people find you online?
Thank you.
Shine website, all that stuff.
Yeah.
So Shine Sedona, you can find her on socials at Shine Sedona or on the website, shinesedona.com.
And I'm at Anahata Ananda is on socials.
And of course, we'll put in the show notes,
the links to the Empowerment Awakening Weekend
or the training so that if you're called to come out
and train with me or do a weekend immersion
or private sessions, go to Shine.
They'll hook you up and book you.
And please, if you're in Sedona, definitely come by,
follow, like, share, share come visit and I look forward
to crossing paths with you and and continuing this journey with you Kyle thanks for having me on today
pleasure Thank you.