Kyle Kingsbury Podcast - #301 Solocast - Plant Medicines At Large

Episode Date: May 3, 2023

The show notes speak for themselves yall. This one is a Double Whopper of sources and references that have helped me deeply in my alchemy and integration of not just my recent trip to visit Ayahuasca, but also the multiple deep dives into other medicines in recent years.  Some of the things/people mentioned in the first half may put some pebbles in some people’s shoes. These modalities are deeply ingrained parts of my life and healing that has taken place, as well as my exploration of the Universe as I understand it. I hope I was able to clean up any discomfort from the first half with my recounting of my experiences in the rest of the episode. At the end of the day, I just want to provide knowledge, spark interest, and help yall navigate your realities with as much grace as possible. Please enjoy and tell a friend. ORGANIFI GIVEAWAY Keep those reviews coming in! Please drop a dope review and include your IG/Twitter handle and we’ll get together for some Organifi even faster moving forward.   Show Notes: KKP #137 New Year Solocast Spotify Apple KKP #191 The Dark Night of the Soul Spotify Apple   "The Immortality Key" -Brian C Muraresku "Not In His Image" -John Lamb Lash Living 4D Ep 234 - Hamilton Souther: Plant Medicine Essentials Spotify Apple KKP #278 Hamilton Souther Spotify Apple "Cosmic Trigger I" -Robert Anton Wilson "The Body Keeps The Score" -Sean Pratt "It Didn't Start With You" -Mark Wolynn "The Mother Tongue" - Will Taegel "Walking With Bears" -Will Taegel "American Gods" -Neil Gaiman "The Tao Te Ching" -Lau Tzu(Ursula Le Guin Tanslation) "The Kybalion" -The Three Initiates "Becoming Nobody" -Ram Dass "Stealing Fire" -Jamie Wheal Matthew 18:3 "Easy Strength" -Dan John and Pavel Ziva Meditation The Biggest Little Farm (Doc) Kiss the Ground (Doc) Food Inc (Doc) Sacred Cow (Doc) "Man, Cattle and Veld" -Johann Zietsman                       The Pose Method  "Wild Like Flowers" -Daniel Griffith "Dark Cloud Country" -Daniel Griffith "Ishmael" - Daniel Quinn "The Story of B" -Daniel Quinn "My Ishmael" -Daniel Quinn "The Power of the Powerless" -Vaclav Havel "The Unlikely Peace at Cuchumaquic" -Martin Prechtel    Sponsors: Analemma Coherent Water the science is here to support structured water and these folks have the best and easiest way to get it for yourself anywhere you go. Go to coherent-water.com punch in code “KKP” for 10% off your wand! Organifi Go to organifi.com/kkp to get my favorite way to easily get the most potent blend of high vibration fruits, veggies and other goodies into your diet! Click that link and use code “KKP” at checkout for 20% off your order! PaleoValley Some of the best and highest quality goodies I personally get into are available at paleovalley.com, punch in code “KYLE” at checkout and get 15% off everything! Bioptimizers To get the ’Magnesium Breakthrough‘ deal exclusively for fans of the podcast, click the link below and use code word “KINGSBU10” for an additional 10% off. magbreakthrough.com/kingsbu  To Work With Kyle Kingsbury Podcast   Connect with Kyle: Fit For Service Academy App: Fit For Service App  Instagram: @livingwiththekingsburys - @gardenersofeden.earth  Odysee: odysee.com/@KyleKingsburypod  Youtube: Kyle Kingbury Podcast  Kyles website: www.kingsbu.com - Gardeners of Eden site    Like and subscribe to the podcast anywhere you can find podcasts. Leave a 5-star review and let me know what resonates or doesn’t.

All right, y'all. This is one that's taken me a couple of weeks, but really it's been four years in the making. I had wanted to release this on episode 300 just for the grandiosity of it being episode 300. And I wasn't ready to release it for many reasons I'll dive into, but Alchemy being one of them,

understanding integration. And really, who better than Daniel Griffith, especially with everything I've been tracking with regards to Mother Nature, our role in it, and how we work with that. Daniel Griffith was the perfect for 300. But 301, still a fucking good number. And get to talk really about the alchemy the last

four years and you know it's important to state that not everything from my experience is shared on these podcasts for a number of reasons first and foremost uh some of it is for me some of it is for my family and all of it that I want to share to be perfectly honest it's very challenging to get it all out because it's hard to fucking track it all and I have notes and highlighted quotes and an outline and all sorts of shit and I'm still gonna leave shit off the table just because that's that's how it works um yeah that's how it works. Yeah, that's how it works. I'll do podcasts with other people and I'll have an idea of what I want to talk about sometimes and I won't get to that idea and it'll still be a good podcast. So I'm confident that there will be some good medicine in this

podcast for all of us, myself included, as speaking about this as a part of integration and part of harmonizing it and understanding it differently for myself. But yeah, we're going to talk about my recent journey to Sultara. And it's been four years since I went, you know, last time I went was 2019 with my wife and her boyfriend at the time, Christian and Ms. Caitlin. And I'm sure you can hear my little girl in the background right now going off. It was a big part of our 2019 experience was getting her called in. And she's here now. So you might hear her in the background outside of my office, the studio. Totally cool. Hopefully it doesn't piss you off, but that's part of the deal. That's dad podcasting

in the other room while the kids play. All right. We're going to jump right into this stuff. And the general outline of this is plant medicines at large. What does that mean? It means the general conversation that's happening right now in the zeitgeist amongst influencers and people who have experience with the medicine and people who don't have experience about the medicine. Everyone seems to be weighing in right now. So we're going to talk a little bit about that. Names will be named if they've been fucking acting out of turn or speaking. And I will do my best to highlight the truth in their commentary. And what else?

I will quote some of my favorite people and talk about that. I'm going to get into my experience, which is really the only thing that I can speak to here authentically, even though I've got opinions on everything else, as we all do. We'll talk a little bit about the alchemy of that experience. We'll talk a little bit about the world at large, Bizarro World. If y'all aren't Superman references or Seinfeld, I haven't seen the Seinfeld reference from Superman on Bizarro World. We'll dive a little bit into that. We'll talk nature.

And then I'll leave you with a bunch of books that have been absolutely phenomenal for me. Some of which I mentioned in the last episode with Daniel Griffith, books by Daniel Quinn, things like that, Martine Prechtel. And yeah, hope this gives y'all a little something something. There are many ways that you can support this show. First and foremost, share it with a friend who you think will enjoy the show.

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Last but not least, check out these show sponsors because they make the show fiscally possible. They are incredible. I have hand-selected them. And if I have not hand-selected them these have hand selected. But if there is someone that I haven't hand selected, it's because my team, which knows me inside and out and said, Hey, I think you should check these guys out. And I check them out and they're awesome. The way you know, they're awesome is they've made it onto the show. If they're not awesome, they do not make it on as a sponsor. These guys are absolutely awesome. Uh, we had Mario from on a lemon Water on the podcast,

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All right. We've got some quotes here that have been percolating through my mind, one of which has been percolating through my mind for the last four years, as I mentioned. Actually, let me talk about where I get this from. There is a beautiful medicine woman who has come to our events at Fit for Service. Her name is Waira. It means the wind. She is a medicine woman from Ecuador. She's also a singer. You can look her up on Spotify. She's taught some singing workshops. She's also performed for us. And we've had the fortune of having her pour sweat lodge for us. And she is just an incredible, incredible person.

She talks a lot about four-year cycles. And different indigenous communities participate in those four-year cycles. My brother, Porangi, is doing, I think he might be finished now. It's been a minute since he started. But a four-year cycle with the Sundance, with the Lakota. And in that, you sit every year. One year is four years. That's one cycle.

So he goes to Sundance four years straight to complete that cycle. And not just in North America, but in South America and Central America, and likely in many other places in the America, but in South America and Central America and likely in many other places in the world, there seems to be some thread that connects these four-year cycles. So if I look back, the reason it's coming up for me is because the last time I went to Sultara was the last time I got to sit with ayahuasca, and that was 2019. And it was a very different time in my life, really, really working as hard as I can to get our little girl into the picture, working as hard as I can to have alchemy in an open relationship. And finally, I feel that now and we're not open anymore, as many of you know, but still very much have formed a tribe

around what we did there. And there's a lot of beauty in that. As far as the medicine experience is concerned, I've had some fucking deep, deep, deep dives in between those ayahuasca experiences. I've had 30 grams of psilocybin mushrooms. I've talked about that. I'll link to that in the show notes. I had my dark night of the soul with 5-MeO-DMT

that switched on and would not turn off for 17 nights straight until my mentor and brother, Paul Cech, was able to walk me through a closing ceremony with 5-MeO-DMT that switched on and would not turn off for 17 nights straight until my mentor and brother, Paul Cech, was able to walk me through a closing ceremony that allowed me to sleep again and return to some sense of self and sanity. If you've been following the podcast long enough, either one of those experiences has been jarring enough to need some alchemy from. And I finally feel after four years and with the work of ayahuasca

that I was able to have that. So there's going to be a lot of shit I say on this podcast today that is out there. I don't imagine that this is a podcast. If you have religious affiliation or thoughts on spirit, there may be some alignment in some of the things that I say. And there's likely going to be some shit that either doesn't resonate or it's out there. That's fine. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. But one of the quotes that Paul always mentions

is in order to know God, one must first become a heretic. It's from Rumi. I think it's from Rumi. I didn't find that online as I searched for Rumi quotes and punched that in. So I may be misquoting just to start this fucking podcast off and that's fine.

But this has been one that I have thought about. I have thought about because of my larger experiences and deeper dives. And with that, again, all of this comes down to my own personal experience. There's a great quote that Dr. Dan Engel, who was with us at Sultara, and I can't remember the name of the person who quoted it, but it's share the gospel with everyone. And when necessary, only when necessary, use words. This is full resonance for me. Absolutely full resonance. And because it's a podcast, I'm forced to use words here. I'm forced to use words for myself and for the listener, and I'll do my best. But remember, the words pale in comparison to the experience.

And I'll touch more on that here as I get into the plant medicine picture at large, psychedelics, that kind of shit. Another quote that I recently heard at a running workshop with Dr. Romanoff from the pose method. This is excellent. If you're interested in, if you want to run pain-free, check out Pose Method. We'll link to that in the show notes. But one of the things he said is, pain is the penalty for violating the laws of nature. It's a Chinese proverb from 600 BC.

Pain is the penalty for violating the laws of nature. And that too contained a lot of resonance. What do I mean by that? It means like there's a recognition of the truth in that statement. And I think it is quite apropos as we begin to look at, finally in this talk,

I'm going to go through plant medicines at large, my experience, alchemy, which is ongoing, not a finished thing. Bizarro world, that's where we'll be talking about what I see in the world, the bizarro world. Pain is the penalty for violating the laws of nature. That fucking totally applies there. And nature, we're going to talk nature and then we're going to talk books. So hold on to some of these ideas as we keep moving through. And if there's some stuff that feels over the head, we can most certainly,

some of these books will really help with that. And what I'm going to do here is copy one more book for the bottom for my book list. That way we get to see some of the ideas that I've been working with here in my own personal experiences. All right, conversation of plant medicine in general. Anybody that's heard me talk about this, I usually say the same shit everyone needs to hear because you need to hear it. It's not for everyone. And you shouldn't do it if you've

got X, Y, and Z wrong with you and blah, blah, blah, disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer. And all that stuff still holds true. It all does. What I'm seeing now, though, in particular that's different is people with influence, big followings online, authors, things like that, going out of their way to kind of paint it in a bad light, paint the movement in a bad light, whatever you want to call that. And these are often people with very little experience or very little understanding through

their experiences of what's actually happening. So here's where I get to name names because it's pointless to, and there's some people, I have a friend who I'm going to talk about. I won't name names, but for sure he knows exactly. If you read it, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about here, and that's fine. And then what I'm going to try to do as I talk about these things is also try to see the truth in what they're saying. So first, we start with Diamond Dave Asprey.

Dave Asprey, the Bulletproof guy, made a post to one of my closest friends, Aubrey Marcus. It started with poor Aubrey Marcus. Poor Aubrey Marcus. And I'll paraphrase, but why does this guy need to do hundreds of ayahuasca ceremonies and blah, blah, blah? He must be really messed up. Now, the funny thing is, because Aubrey just finished his 30th along with my 30th, and we're very much infants in the space.

I have no problem saying that. Dennis McKenna and Gabra Mate, two leaders in the field of this resurgence are very much, they'll say the same thing. They feel like infants in the arms of ayahuasca and they have hundreds of journeys. Why do you keep doing it? Why would you keep doing it? It's not just for healing,

right? There are healing components to that. And I've had some of my greatest healing work with ayahuasca. But it's also because it's a reconnection. It's a reconnection to something greater than myself. It is, and this is me speaking personally, not speaking on behalf of Aubrey. I keep doing it because I keep learning new things about myself and new ways in which to interact with the world. And that's enough for me. That's enough for me. It doesn't mean that I'm going to go back to the wishing well every month as I once did for starting out. It means that when I'm ready, when I feel the deep calling, that I'm going to go back. And that was four years in between. I made a promise that I wasn't going to leave my kids while our little girl was under three. I made it pretty damn close and she's fairly advanced. So I feel like we have a three-year-old now, even though we're a couple months away. And unless I was working, I didn't

want to leave. And this felt like the right time to go. So it was. Dave famously wrote about ayahuasca after sitting with it one night stateside. Now, everyone's got an opinion. Nothing wrong with that per se. But to claim to have the answers behind what that experience is from one journey, it doesn't resonate. It really doesn't. And I think he has had more journeys since then. But let's paint the picture that he's correct.

If Aubrey was going hundreds of times to do plant medicines for healing work, is that the right move to call someone out and say, poor Aubrey Marcus? Poor person who was fucking held in sex slavery for 15 years of the first 15 years of their life who has to keep doing ayahuasca. If there was truth in that statement, that would be fucked up to lay that out there. So again, not exactly the way to go with this. And I'll keep shifting here. I don't need to spend too much time on Dave.

I know Aubrey's going to get him when he writes his book, and that's fair enough. Ryan Holiday. Ryan Holiday has built a career on recycled information from Marcus Aurelius and other Stoic philosophers. And he's done it in a very good way, right? People like his work. I like his work. I'm not shitting on that just because he's recycling, regurgitating, and repackaging. He's done a very good job that makes it more approachable, right? And that's why he's built a following and nothing wrong with that. I don't think Ryan Holiday has any experience with plant medicines. I could be wrong there, but he made a post on Instagram while we were in,

while we were at Sultara. And again, like, oh, why are you looking at X, Y, and Z? Well, people send us shit. People send us a clip and they say, check this out. What do you think? And part of the alchemy of my experience was in seeing what was happening in the world while I was there. And that's going to be fairly important as I dive into Bizarro World because shit that's more important than Ryan Holiday was coming up. And this is not a knock on Ryan Holiday, but yeah, it got sent to us. We looked at it and he made a post of two overweight people in a silver body paint at Burning Man.

And he said, people on psychedelics doing the work, quote, end quote, doing the work. And in the comment section was hilarious. There's a lot of people that are like, yeah, man, I'm so sick of this plant medicine talk and blah, blah, blah. And people say that they're psychedelics to change my life, X, Y, and Z. That's a lot of chatter from the peanut gallery, from people who have not participated. And such is the nature of social media. So we'll give it that. To bend my understanding of where I think he's coming from, is there truth in what he's saying? And I just got off talking with Fit for Service about this, letting go of the need to be right. If I'm in a conversation with somebody or an argument with somebody, can I adopt the idea that there's some truth

in what they're saying? Maybe not the whole truth, but some truth. I think, yeah, absolutely. You know, I absolutely can adopt the idea that a lot of people are speaking about this stuff like it's a cure-all and a lot of people are speaking about it as a panacea. And a lot of people who are not integrating are continually going back. I've seen run across dozens of people in ayahuasca ceremonies that looked like they were in the same boat year after year, had the same intentions year after year. And it was clear to me like something's not happening in between, something's missing in between. Part of that comes

back to what container is being set, who is guiding me through that experience. That's why mentors are important. We need mentors through humans and 3D that are living, not just old philosophers. And then we also need old philosophers. We need to grab the great materials from the great thinkers that came before us and learn from that and bring that into our own alchemy.

And that doesn't take plant medicine. You could do that through any form of altered state, through the darkness retreat, through holotropic breath work, through vision questing with no food, no water for four days or longer. All of these things have the ability to transform us because they break us open and they can connect us to a deeper part of ourselves. So many paths lead up the mountain. But again, shitting on psychedelics would be like shitting on the vision quest.

It'd be like shitting on the darkness. What you do with that is up to you. And in large part, it's who's guiding you through that experience is going to dictate what you're capable of doing with that, right? Because these things can be fracturing. If I didn't have the experience that I had leading up to 30 grams of penis envy, I'd have been fucking lost. And the reason I still was lost from the 5-MeO is because it didn't stop. I had left the ceremony. I was fine and sober. And when I went to bed, it switched right back on.

Reactivation from high-dose 5-MeO is a real issue to consider when you're deciding if that's a plant medicine or animal medicine you want to work with. I personally don't have any calling whatsoever to have a high dose of that ever again in my life. Because when you go home and you go by yourself and you're going to bed, there's no shaman there. There's no guide. There's no mentor. You're alone on the medicine. And if that's kicking back on, that can lead to real issues. And it most certainly did for me. So there are pitfalls. There are points at which we would look at something and say, we should reel that in a little bit, at least let people know about that experience. And I have done that in those podcasts. So we'll link to those in the show notes if you're unfamiliar with that, if you're new to the show, that kind of thing. Another point that many people decided to make

available in Ryan's comment section was that Marcus Aurelius and a lot of the Stoic philosophers were in large part curated from initiatory experiences using plant medicines and altered states of consciousness. The great thinkers, the Greek philosophers, they were a part of the Eleusinian mysteries. They were a part of all these old initiatory practices that Brian Marusco dives deeply into in the Immortality Key and John Lamb Lash dives deeply into in the book, Not in His Image.

We'll link to all those books. Any book I mentioned is going to be linked to in the show notes. Darkness and fasting, they were all a part of it. Any way to crack us open. And oftentimes, they were combined. People could go in to a chamber that was pitch black and they would be guided oftentimes by high priestesses, women who would be the guides and the acting shaman in those situations. And they would keep them there for 72 hours on medicine, re-upping the dose as they awoke to keep them in an altered state for three days, only to come out on the other side of that reborn, having died before you die so you could truly live.

Now, that's not up for everybody. This is a full-on initiation. This is not some mushrooms at the beach or acid at Burning Man or a hippie flip or any of these other experiences. And those can all be, acid can be a ceremony. Hippie flips can be a ceremony. The most certainly can. I had the fortune, my wife and I had the fortune of guiding my father through a hippie flip. And that was one of the most healing experiences of my life for me personally, but especially for him and his own words, maybe at some point I'll get him to talk about on the

podcast. Um, that was incredible, right? So you can. It's set and setting. It's the container. What container is set? And that is a part of the conversation that's eliminated when you simply say people on psychedelics doing the work and you show someone at Burning Man. Even Burning Man, for that matter, is a challenge, no doubt, but also can be transformative. I've had two experiences at Burning Man and obviously, maybe not so obviously, some people just go there and drink booze, but I was certainly taking different medicines in party form. I was there using acid, not to have a deep inner journey, but to have a great time. And I did have a great time. And there were moments of that experience

over the course of three days in my first trip and five days in my second, where it became really transformative, where I could see things differently and I could certainly realign myself to my center through fucking all the extremes of being off center. All right. Finally, we're going to talk about a friend of mine who's a leader in the fitness industry and has been an advocate for plant medicines who turned the table with a blog after a book that he read and really spoke to the dangers and the dangers through a very Christian ideology. This is the work of the devil, et cetera, et cetera. And based on this book that he had read, and I don't need to dive super far into the details, but if you want alchemy from that, if you're wondering like, is that correct?

Paul Cech and Hamilton Souther, who I've both had on this podcast, Hamilton recently, and Paul Cech's been on more than anyone else, did an excellent episode on the do's and don'ts of plant medicines. It's four hours and change, and it's worth every minute of your time. At the two hour and 10 minute mark, they really dive into this and without naming names, they just dive right in. What he was talking about in the blog versus what is actually happening via the altered state. And one of the things that Hamilton brings up is if you have whatever packaging you're

given, programming you're given as a child, you will come to terms with that at some point. And it's up to you what you do with it. So if the good and evil, God and the devil thing comes up for you because you're programmed with that, like many of us were, if that comes up for you in the ceremony via any plant medicine, that's an opportunity for alchemy.

That's an opportunity to see beyond that. Anything in polarity is in the world of 10,000 things. Anything in polarity is an operation of mind.,000 things. Anything in polarity is an operation of mind. And Paul Cech really dives deeply into this. You're going to get chapter after chapter on this in his new series of books that he's going to have out hopefully by the end of the year. So I'm not going to dive too far into that, but understand that is mind stuff. When I talked to Hamilton Souther, I was able to sit with him with some different medicines. And I talked about that on our podcast together. Also, I'll link to that in the show notes.

I was telling Hamilton about my hell experiences. And he said, exactly, I've been there. And I said, well, please describe it. And he said, hell is only mind. There's no love in hell because it's all mind. There's no heart in hell. It's all mind. And that blew me the fuck away.

I said, actually, yeah, I had no words for that. What you described is exactly the feeling. And so he said, we're going to go back to the center of consciousness and we'll reconnect your head to your heart. And he said it with such authority that I knew he wasn't beating around the bush. And I knew he knew exactly what he was talking about. And that's exactly what we did on a very low dose of a couple of different things, ketamine and cannabis, straight to the center, reconnected that. And I realized I have a lot of built up PTSD in my body. It was very hard for me to take a breath. And as I was shuddering through that, releasing it, I realized, oh shit, all right, this is something I'm going to need to continue to work on.

Because he was seeing Icarus, I felt the calling for ayahuasca. This is the lead-in to me wanting to go back to that medicine in particular to continue to do that work. Now, many people would point out, especially the naysayers would point out. So you had these transformative experiences and then you bit off more than you could chew and you kind of got fucked up and now you're going back to medicine to heal the thing that you got fucked up from.

Precisely. And so when people speak to the perils of these things, there is an element of truth in there and an element of caution. And at the same time, there's an element of don't write the thing off because you had a bad experience. Don't write the thing off because your Christian ideology said that it was the devil or it was bad.

At the 2.50 mark, two hours and 50 minutes, Paul Cech dives into his understanding of consciousness. God says yes to all experience. God says yes to all experience. God says yes to all experience. This is the only way to know itself and the only way to know and live all possibility. I'm paraphrasing him. This is my own intuition on some of this stuff. This is how unconditional love is made manifest. Now, Paul has been studying this for decades he's older, wiser and has far more experience in this field than I do and at the same time

you can come to a place on medicines where this is what you'll understand this is the gnosis and that's a hard gnosis to face because it means saying yes to darkness it means saying yes to the ugly shit we see in the world and it's very challenging darkness. It means saying yes to the ugly shit we see in the world. And it's very challenging when we think of the high and mighty father with a white beard who's loving and all the things, or Jesus or whoever the fuck, whoever we picture when we think of

the highest form of consciousness, that the highest form of consciousness also says yes to everything. Everything. Robert Anton Wilson, who I'm going to bring up here, he wrote several books. He's a brilliant guy. Prometheus Rising, Cosmic Trigger is the one I'm referring to, but he speaks to reality tunnels. And I'll bring this back up here towards the end, but reality tunnels. I mentioned on the podcast before when I was right after Peter Krohn, or maybe it was during the Peter Krohn podcast. He doesn't believe in reality. There is no singular reality. He believes in reality tunnels. And the tunnel that you're in is the divine mirror. It's the tunnel that's going to say yes

to what you believe. It's going to be the tunnel that says yes to your understanding of consciousness. That doesn't mean that we don't have first principles or common laws that build this thing that we operate through. That doesn't mean physics doesn't exist. It doesn't mean all that stuff still holds, but within that, within those parameters of the container of reality itself, we do have reality tunnels. And I know that through firsthand experience. When I thought I was in hell, I fucking lived in hell. And I lived in hell in 3D waking reality just as much as I did at night when the 5MEO kicked back on. Not a fun experience.

The Buddha speaks to the six levels that you can live in and operating from the middle being the best. Don't need to dive into that. But if you want to, you can look up the Buddhist levels and ask about hell there. And trust me when I say this, like hell is a reality. And what's inherently true about that is that you do feel a separation. You don't feel a sense of the divine. I most certainly did not feel a sense of the divine.

But the divine mirror will show us where we're at. And so if we have the level of awareness to perceive, this is what I'm seeing. If I like it, cool. If I don't like it, it's up to me to change that. That's what takes us out of victim consciousness and puts us back in the driver's seat. We have to look at that and question if this is the reality I want to live in or not. And that has been a very challenging thing for me over the last three years in particular is looking out in the world and saying, what the fuck is happening right now? This is not the world in which I want to live. This is not the reality that I want to partake in. This is not the society

that I want to partake in. And really coming to terms with that. And so still, that's a part of the alchemy that's still ongoing. And by no means do I think that we're done with the fuckery or the shenanigans that we're seeing in the world at large. I think there's more of that to come and more alchemy to take place from that. And perhaps more importantly, more of the great awakening, more of the great remembering that will take place from that. So my intention going into this one amongst the bigger intentions around this with many little intentions, but the bigger intentions were to open my heart and basically to spend more time living there than in my mind. There is a term for this in Shipibo, since we were sitting with Shipibo, that the intake person

at Sultara let me know about. And I've forgotten that, unfortunately, whatever that word was. I found it really cool that they actually had a term for it because she mentioned that it is a part of the trajectory of all people on the plant medicine course, in particular with ayahuasca, that we run into that. We cross that threshold and live from the heart rather than the mind. That does not mean that I stop paying attention to what's happening in the world. That does not mean that I stop paying attention

to what's happening in the world. It does not mean that I surrender my guns and ammunition to a government that I think does not have our best interests in mind. It does not mean any of that, but it does mean that I spend more time in my heart rather than trying to sort everything out through the mind, which operates on polarity.

Another big one was to heal the central nervous system and the PTSD that I had had through the dark night of the soul. And that was made quite apparent to me in my experience with Hamilton was still there. It was very hard for me to take a deep breath. And I know that that system's running. Read the body keeps score. Read it didn't start with you by Mark Wolin. All of these things are there. And that was a big part of the alchemy for me was in healing and releasing that. And to be perfectly honest, that's what made every night I sat there one of the most challenging experiences of my life.

Physically, it was incredibly challenging. And then certain nights as I dive into were a little bit more mentally, emotionally, and spiritually challenging. Do you have to go into the experience? This is worth mentioning. I had taken Kratom on and off for about a year and could jump off whenever the fuck I wanted because it was mostly between noon and 8 p.m. So it was an afternoon thing. I'd get my work done and I'd also wake up each day in sauna and ice bath. When my ice bath broke, I stopped going in the sauna and slowly but surely started having morning doses

of Kratom. And that 16-8 fasting window of 16 hours off, eight hours on flipped to 16 hours on, eight hours off, minus the sauna and ice bath. And after about a year of doing that, when I went to come off for this journey, I experienced every fucking side effect known to man. And I had a thought before that maybe it's not that big of a deal because I'm not taking an extract. I'm just taking a powder. It was incredibly challenging. I've never been, thank God, never been hooked on opiates or anything like that from pharmaceuticals or heroin or things of that nature. But this was telltale signs of opiate withdrawal. I experienced hot and cold

when I would go to sleep at night. I had restless leg syndrome for the first time in my life. My legs would fucking jolt like a blast of electricity and I'd flex my quad as hard as I could for three to five seconds. And then, oh, fuck, I got to rip the covers off me. Holy shit, I'm freezing. I got to pull them back on. It's not a fun experience. I ever want to repeat again. And it was very challenging. And that was a part of me really giving myself to this medicine was saying, I'm going to come completely off and give the time window necessary to be off of this beforehand. This is a part of dieta that not everyone will experience if you don't have a kratom addiction like I did. And at the same time,

it is a very real thing because I promoted this and had kratom sponsors. And I think it is a very useful and amazing plant medicine tool when used with respect and reverence. So a big part of my journey prior to and during was in that respect

and reverence piece around said medicine. Temperance card is what I pulled from the tarot deck for all of 2023. And then it showed up to me. My wife bought me a little tarot deck card holder, which was lovely. And when you do that, they sent out, I don't know which one it is. So I can't, I'm sorry, I can't relay this in the show notes. If you're interested in the same thing sorry uh don't have that info but they send out one holographic major arcana card and as you would guess that was also the temperance card so i have that on my water bottle and for all of these you know all of these cards or archetypes or things that you discuss they have many many many meanings so when i discuss one aspect of it don don't, well, I heard it was X,

Y, and Z. Sure. The main piece of the temperance card that I've been working with is balance through extremes. Did not understand that when I pulled it, totally understand it now, balance through extremes. So I was not in right relation with Kratom and I had to pay the price for that. I'm not going to relive that experience. I've worked with Dr. Dan Engel and some other people on designing what Jamie Weal spoke about in Stealing Fire as a hedonic calendar. I always thought that was bullshit because it would leave off the table

spontaneity and feeling. And when am I called to do the thing? But the truth is, I feel great when I'm on Kratom. I feel like I parent very well. I feel I can get very well. I feel I can get into my body better and I don't feel fucked up mentally like I would on cannabis. So it's an excellent way for me to celebrate. It's an excellent way for me to train and do yoga or any of these things and be in my body. And so finding the right relationship with that is a

part of ongoing alchemy. And that's what led up to the journey. So the dieta there was largely based around that. And ketones really helped me with the lack of sleep. I talked with both founders of HVM and ketones on this podcast, and both of them mentioned to me about people utilizing ketones with ayahuasca. And many people would say they didn't name names because, how could you combine something, a supplement with that? You're not supposed to do it that way. And the truth is there are many cultures that fast when they drink ayahuasca. And as you're fasted, your body will create ketones. So my understanding of that was a full yes. I am adding energy in the form of ketones to my body. This is what happens

when I fast and I'm going to take that with the medicine. And I did, and it was absolutely, and it was an experience like I had never experienced before. So thanks to those guys, HVMN, um, for mentioning that. And I don't think there's any coincidence in them both mentioning that on the podcast. Uh, you can decide what you want to ask and decide for yourself, you know, if that's something you want to participate with. But I think there is a lot of potential there with regards to having healing experiences through these things that keep us up all night and having something that can balance neurochemistry, give us energy, the energy necessary to get through a long night and do well the next day. Ketones are great for that with a lack of sleep.

So they were great before, during, and after my process there at Sultara. All right. Share the gospel with everyone. And when necessary, use words. Only when necessary, use words. All right. I'm going to give some night by night cliff notes. First and foremost, the entirety of the journey is the journey, right?

When does this start and when does it stop? It's not the first night you drink and the last night you drink. It certainly has not been that way for me. In my experience, oftentimes, as written about by Jeremy Narby in DNA and the Cosmic Serpent, as soon as you sign up, the medicine starts working with you. And it's unique in that way. If I plan a mushroom journey, I don't start getting weird dreams

and downloads ahead of time, but I do uniquely with ayahuasca. And that's pretty fascinating to me, how that works, the intelligence of that medicine. And I've mentioned the hummingbird medicine for me has been just really potent throughout my life. My first medicine man, Huitzi, which is short for Huitzi Lapoche, was an Aztec and mestizo man who first got me into plant medicines. He was the first guy to bring me out to Native American reservations for sweat lodges and for those of you who think that's

fucking cultural appropriation uh the caretaker of the land who was native american told me if they don't share these medicines now they will be lost so that's why i was allowed to go there and that's why she continues to have people of all color and all background at her at her on her land to perform in these medicine circles so So thank you to her for having that updated awareness around these things and allowing me to really shift my life going forward. Huizi, he is the hummingbird god, right? And the god of war, as some people would put. And a lot of people will go and read up on Huizi Lepoche and say, oh, they did fucking human sacrifice for that God and blah, blah, blah. That was not my interaction with my coach in real life, nor was it my interaction with Weetzie

LaPoche in the medicine. The day Bear was born, I won't rehash this whole thing, but the day Bear was born, he came a few days early, our first child. And while I was watering plants in the backyard, a hummingbird came up to me at eye level, three feet away from me, flapping its wings, just staring at me. And I was like, holy shit, this has never happened to me in my life before. And because I've had some medicine journeys, I recognized there's something here. And it flew off and I just couldn't get it out of my head. I go to the front yard and start watering the trees I'd planted up there. And sure enough, it comes back with a second one right up my face. And right as I speak out loud, I do not understand you.

I recognize right then what they're saying. And Dr. Will Tegel, who's one of my mentors who recently passed away, he wrote a whole book on this called The Mother Tongue. He also speaks to it in his book, Walking with Bears, that there's an unwritten language that all of nature speaks. And when we have the eyes to see and the ears to hear, Walking with Bears, that there's an unwritten language that all of nature speaks. And when we have the eyes to see and the ears to hear, we can tap into that. And right as I said, I don't understand you. I understand what they were saying. They were congratulating me on the birth of bear and that today was the day. And so tears running down my face. I run to the garage

like a crazy person. I tell Tosh, I say, he's coming today. The hummingbird just told me, and I'm fucking blown away. And sure enough, he comes that night, three days early at 11.02 PM. So I've added these interactions on medicine. I've had these interactions in the 3D. And hummingbird medicine was a massive part of our experience. One of my close friends who had just been to the Amazon right before me gave me a medicine blanket made by the Shipibo, which had the hummingbird on it. And I've got a lot of different animals on my arm with this tattoo, but the hummingbird was the one she intuitively selected, Heidi. And sure enough, that was the big part of the journey. So our very first day when we get there, we do a vomitiva, which is an old practice of

cleansing. You drink lemongrass tea in this experience until you purge. And the idea of this is that it's going to clean you out. And at the same time, it also helps us by allowing us to puke in front of one another during broad daylight. We're cheering each other on. It's a lot like college hazing with no alcohol. And that gets

people to feel less self-conscious when they're going to purge at night in darkness, or for me in particular, purging while the silence is still going on. I'll talk about that in a second. So it's very good. It's a very good thing to do. And we go and we sit in there and we talk about our intentions in the maloca. And sure enough, a hummingbird flies in, flies into the maloca and sure enough hummingbird flies in flies into the maloca this giant beautiful circular maloca the problem is the doors open and there's screens at the top so this thing can't get out and it's just flying around just flying everywhere and and uh matthias distefano from gaia tv was one of the guys that was with us and he talks about how the hummingbird is a great omen because the hummingbird is the highest vibrational animal in the world it's

vibrating high not just because of its heartbeat and its wingbeat, but because it is that. It is a being of the light. And this is a great omen. And I feel it. I recognize it through and through. Eventually, it gets tired and just collapses and falls down to one of our mats, thankfully. And it's nursed back to health with a little bit of honey and it flies off and it lives. That's day one before any medicine. As we dive in, and then forgive me if this is all over the place, but I have this outline here so I can hopefully track some thread going through it. One of the things that I love to do, as taught by Paul Cech,

is to draw tarot cards prior to the journey to see kind of where I'm going with regards to my intention. And both of those do play out going with regards to my intention. And both of those do play out in some regard to one another. So what I had drawn for the three nights was the six of wands. And I'm just going to break these down very simply here. So again, if you want to look into these, be my guest. The zero, the fool card, and the 13 card, death.

And the six of wands is for fiery, creative people. And it's a lot about the love of family, the love of job, the love of career, the love of nature, the love of everything you have in your life. And I was like, fuck yeah, I got that in spades. Let's go. That's night one. The Zero card is the Fool. That is the God card. It is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the ending. It is everything in between that. It's where the tarot starts and where the tarot ends. And as Paul brilliantly stated, he's like, you might meet God on the second night. You might meet God when the fool comes up. And that was just an incredible experience that I'll unpack in a second. 13, the death card. That was my final night. And the mirrors of which that portrayed itself in actual 3D and on the medicine were right in line with that. Death and rebirth, right? And this is a

big piece on regenerative agriculture and regeneration and learning about how we interact with the land is that life is built on death. So I didn't look at that like, oh, fuck, I'm going to die, but life is built on death. And that was an important piece to take with me into that journey. How I has worked with me personally is that when I pull these cards, the first night is the first card, the second night is the second card, the third night is the third card. That's how it's been for me since I started this practice. And even if I just have three things I'm working on, it's typically the first thing's the first night, the second's the second night, third's the third night. So again, it worked this way. And then Paul also did alchemy through numerology and showed me that the six and the

13 equals the 19. This is the sun card, which we'll unpack. And then finally, if you break that down further, that's the magician. Sun representing the return of the Christ, the second coming, the return of childhood innocence, joy, trust, and awe and curiosity. And that was exactly where I left off. The magician I'm still working on, that is mastery of self and mastery of the external world. So again, alchemy is ongoing, but these did flow. Night one, and first and foremost, I'll say, sitting with them four years ago, I thought the medicine was good, but I didn't think it was that strong. And in hindsight, I realized the reason why it wasn't that strong was because I was there with my wife and her boyfriend and a lot of people that I didn't know. And it took me as far as I could go. It

took me to the point at which I could handle. In between then, I'd had some really deep journeys with other medicines. And now sitting in a circle of men, most of which have experience, felt very comfortable going all the way in. So less medicine, nights one, two, and three took me further than I've ever gone before on ayahuasca, which is really cool because I by no means think I've got it all figured out, but 28, 29, and 30, the journey is sitting with it and I'm still blown the fuck away, like absolutely blown away by the potentials of it and really blown away by how deep that medicine can go where dose doesn't seem to be the cause of it. And I'm not sure if that translates well enough. You take 10 grams of mushrooms. It's a lot different than 15. It's a lot different than 20.

It's a hell of a lot different than 30. And yet ayahuasca, there's been nights where I've had four cups. And my last night I had a one and a half cups. And that one and a half was stronger than any journey I've ever had before. Now, that was due to hundreds of factors, one of which being I was ready for that. And this was my death experience. And others being that what was shown to me is that I've kind of paved the way for that with some of the larger journeys. The vision I got was like an eight-lane

highway with no cars on it. I could just fucking go with the lightest dose as fast as I wanted to go and as deep as I wanted to go. So that's pretty cool in a sense, I guess. Night one, this was a lot of parallels with Aubrey's talk around his rose dieta. I think he used the analogy of Gandalf with the staff and the flames of Sauron coming at him and the staff is just splitting the flames so he's not getting burnt. It was like holding that love as the intention

to burn through all the chaos around him. For me, it felt like I was walking on a tight rope where there was chaos on either side of me. But when I found my center and my balance point in the heart through love, I found peace and equanimity. And I'm mostly speaking to the mind here because the body did feel, it was challenging in every single aspect.

I had to yawn constantly. That's a form of purging. I had a lot of stress in my jaw over the last four years that I was releasing and working on. Didn't puke the first night, but after taking a shit, which is a purge, it felt like it cut the medicine in half and I could really work with it at that point. Having taken a fairly fast blast off and really start to work from there and see all the things that I want to contribute to the land with and what my relationship to nature actually is. And from there, there was a lot of harmony and beauty with all the things that I love, exactly what the Six of Wands was to me as I was going into that space.

But yes, plenty of challenge with the central nervous system reset. Night two, the God card. Jokingly, I wrote an intention, half joking jokingly that I said I wanted to ride the rainbow light bridge to Valhalla and my brother Naveen who had come who is American but his parents are from India is believe it or not way into Norse mythology

and frequently taps into the wisdom of Odin and I love Norse mythology I've been diving into Neil Gaiman's work American Gods is a great book. And one of the things that they propose in American Gods is that if there's enough weight of it in human consciousness, it exists in the fold. It exists in consciousness. So people always argue which God is right, which God is which. There is one totality. There is one all consciousness. And below that all consciousness, anything that's been thought of or dreamed of that carries enough weight and

energy exists. They talk about this in the book, Egregores don't need to let you can link to that if you want, Jose, but that's going to get long. Um, meaning if cultures for thousands of years believed in Odin and Thor, they fucking exist in the zeitgeist.

If cultures believed in the Hindu Pantheon for thousands of years and still to this day, they're alive and well, they're rocking and rolling somewhere in the ether, somewhere they exist in reality. And the imprint on our consciousness absolutely exists. Again, Hamilton and Paul break that down 210 and 250 in their podcast together, which I'll link to in the show notes. It's a great podcast. Understanding that, I knew that it is possible to ride the rainbow light bridge to Valhalla and see what Odin or what the divine light has to say to me. What does Asgard look like? Let's have a peek at that.

Coincidentally, which I don't fucking believe in, synchronistically, Naveen comes up to me before the second ceremony, and he says, hey, I was supposed to give you this the first night, but I gave one to Matthias. It's the rune for the key to Valhalla, and it was made specifically, I had it made for you at the Taj Mahal. I look at this guy, and I'm like, first off, this is the night. Secondly, I'll tell you why later. I don't want to jinx it. So he hands me this key to the Valhalla, one is the night. Secondly, I'll tell you why later. I don't want to jinx it.

So he hands me this key to the Valhalla, one of the runes, and I start blowing smoke over it and just lay it right on my heart. And I'm waiting for this, waiting to have our medicine and kick the night off. And they rotate with who starts first.

So I get to go and I actually start the night with two cups, which, you know, it's potent medicine. It works quickly. And this felt faster than any experience that I've ever had before with Aya. Like it was like a rocket ship ride straight through. I mean, there was no riding of a light bridge. It was like an immersion in light. And it's as strong as any experience I've ever had prior. Like as strong as DMT, but not at the pace of DMT, just like the lengthiness of ayahuasca.

Again, I see the vision of the, I've asked why this is happening the way that it is. And I see the eight land super highway in the brain. And in that experience and space of being fully immersed in light and fractal energy and frequency. That's the word I'm looking for. I know that I've been in the space before and I just recognize what's here for me to see. And what I see is this beautiful purple hummingbird next to a ton of these building blocks that have numbers and alphabets on them, letters on them. And I'm like, fuck man, am I going to have a vision of our third kid? And I really don't feel prepared for that. And I've even requested that I get an invitation from all people involved, my wife and both kids, if that's going to be the

case, because it's been such a challenge having two kids. And I don't really get much on that. What I get is that there is a childlikeness to the space that I'm seeing. It's why I'm seeing the building blocks. It's why I'm seeing the hummingbird itself. And I can't really associate the hummingbird with the child, the child likeness, and I can't associate it with the wonder, but it's imprinting something on me. And, you know, as, as it can happen, maybe you don't know, it's just filler words, uh, as it can happen in journeys like this, more gets illuminated later. So sure enough, I see it. I witness it.

I feel it. I feel the presence. It feels the presence. I feel the presence of it feels childlike and it feels awe-inspiring. And I'm curious about it. And I don't need to know why in the moment. And as I ask, I'm not given the answer. But I table that and I recognize, okay, there's something there.

There's something there that I'm going to unpack later. More shit happens and it's challenging in its own way. And that's the end of that. Night three, we go into this and it's the death ceremony. And I had on paper that I was going to have two cups again because it seemed like the right dose. And as we're getting ready to start, it sounds like every dog, before we've had any medicine, it sounds like every fucking dog in Costa Rica is fighting in real life, in the 3D. And I'm like, fuck, man, what's happening right now?

And I can hear this woman way off in the distance yelling in Spanish what appears to be that she needs help. Later it was explained sometimes neighboring dogs will eat a chicken and then the dogs that protect the chicken will fight with the other dogs for eating a chicken. And that's just sometimes how it goes. Because this was the death ceremony and I'm hearing pure chaos outside, I start to check in and I'm like, I think I need less. So I'm going to start with one and a half instead of two. And again, absolutely fucking arbitrary. I think half a cup would have sent me the exact same fucking place because that's where I was going. So night three starts out that way.

And rocket ship ride, as fast as even faster than the night before, there's a 45 minute to an hour long period of silence before they start singing Icaros. And both the second and third night, I was the first one to pop. I was the first one to purge in dead silence, ringing out, ringing it out. And I have not been able to purge in several journeys, maybe the last 15 to 20. And I'm often jealous if my wife will purge because I know what a deep emotional release that can be. And I'm sitting here looking at like, oh, I'm going to shit later, but I really wish I had some of that for me, and I just didn't get it. And this is like, I got stuff to purge. And it took me to the place that I had previously demarcated and described as hell. But this was the first time where I was able to recognize it

as the Tao. And I'm going to explain these things. When I talked to Paul Cech originally, after my dark night of the soul, and I said, the space that I keep entering is one in which every thought that I have, the equal and opposite is shown to be true. And he said, of course, that's why the Tao cannot be spoken. And I was like, I need more of that and he started unpack it so I'm gonna read to you from a book two passages the first two from Lao Tzu's the Tao Te Ching and this this interpretation is from Ursula K Le Guin so you can have the you know show notes will have all this good stuff dowing so no first first uh first one

here the way you can go isn't the real way the name you can say isn't the real name heaven and earth begin in the unnamed names the mother of the 10 000 things so the unwanting soul sees what's hidden, and the ever-wanting soul sees only what it wants. Two things, one origin, but different in name. Whose identity is mystery, mystery of all mysteries, the door to the hidden. And then she has some beautiful commentary. She basically states at the end there, if you see this rightly, it contains everything, the entire context of the Tao Te Ching. Second one, soul food.

Everybody on earth knowing that beauty is beautiful makes ugliness. Everybody knowing that goodness is good makes wickedness. For being and non-being arise together. Hard and easy complete each other. Long and short shape each other. High and low depend on each other. Note and voice make the music together.

Before and after follow each other. That's why the wise soul does without doing, teaches without talking. The things of this world exist, they are, you can't refuse them. To bear and not to own, to act and not lay claim, to do the work and let it go. For just letting it go is what makes it stay now there's a lot of paradox in those things and i'll mention this again the cabalion on hermetic philosophy via the three initiates also linked in the show notes takes a deep dive at this from a non-poetic angle um through the law of polarity

but the poetry actually is a little bit more medicinal it's why many of the great teachers taught in parable right there's a there's a piece that we can hack and and daniel griffith does this beautifully as well there's a piece we can hack that comes through the song or the poem that is, it's just not there when we try to understand it with the rational mind only. So again, I want to speak to the rational mind. I want to speak to the inner knowing. I want to speak to the heart. I want to speak to all these things because that's the best way for me to learn.

And I think these do help one another. But this was the space that I was in. And whereas in the first night I was able to hold love of my family, love of my life, love of nature as the center point and walk the tightrope, this felt like I was flung into the fucking middle of nowhere, up shit creek without a paddle, out in the middle of the ocean with no paddle and um my mind wouldn't stop it absolutely wouldn't stop and i'd be taking down rabbit holes and it'd bring me right back to the beginning and it would show me the equal and opposite was true and i would fucking be able to play in that space as far as i could knowing it was absolutely meaningless and

knowing that i had no way of fucking controlling and stopping it and i'd say am i listening that was a mantra i had am i listening would bring me back to center normally, but for this, it was a blip. To compare that to my first journey, my first journey, I felt all this anger, resentment, and judgment come up and it welled up inside me until I puked. And when I puked, it was gone and I had three hours of fucking pure bliss. And then again, I felt anger, judgment, resentment come up and I felt it all come up and then, and then I felt pure bliss. This, I felt anger, judgment, resentment come up and I felt it all come up and then I felt pure bliss. This, I felt a fucking split second of bliss and then back to having to contort my body and breathe into challenging spaces. I'd fucking reset my body and I would

only feel moments, very small moments of equanimity before rabbit holing more and more thought. And it really felt relentless. I mean, if I'm going to, that was the word that kept coming to me. And interestingly enough, Eric Godsey, who was with me, he's doing his own trip report because homeboy had seven nights, he had back to back weeks. And he's going to talk about the 30 grams experience that I had on that podcast. I'm going to talk. He's one of the only people I've met that has had very similar hell experiences that I have, really challenging experiences, where some of the same language comes up for us. And he entered the same space that I did on night three.

And so we got to talk about that afterwards. But it felt to me, and I'll break this down, it felt to me at the time that I was just being tortured for the sake of torture. This was the part of the death experience. And I prayed that this would not be the actual way, like what happens when my body dies. I recognize that my body wasn't dying, but I was like, if it's fucking this hard when I actually die, I fucking hope not. I pray not. And I remember saying, make it stop, please, you know, make it stop, make it stop, please make it stop. And I recognize right as I'm saying that in my mind, there is no stopping.

I have enough experience to know that. What's a better way to pray for it? And I was, oh, please allow this to move along. And in the space of the eternal, what had happened before on 5MEO and other things is that when you reach eternity, and Jimmy will break this down very beautifully, but when you reach eternity, it's all there is and all there ever was. So there can be a sense of like, everything is make-believe. Everything is illusory. This is all that exists. This is all that ever did exist. There is no beginning and no ending. Every creation story is fucking laughable because they're just story.

And any story in the Tao creates distortion. The equal and opposite is always true. And so I opened my eyes and I see one of the coranderos singing to my left and then to me and to my right. And in those three songs, I had hoped I would feel time moving. I did not feel time moving. So as I made the prayer, please allow this to move. I just didn't feel it. And that was scary as fuck because it brought me back to the, some of those really challenging spaces. And I knew that was a part

of my alchemy was to reenter those spaces, but still being there also was the place of, of me getting mind fucked. And I did just wanted a doorway out. And so I made the claim at that point, I will have alchemy from this experience tonight. Tonight, I will have alchemy from this experience tonight. And I couldn't even light my mapacho. I was so in it. And I just held that prayer in the mapacho. I will have alchemy from this tonight. And time did pass. And I had trust because the container at Sultara is as good as

I've ever been a part of. They have Dennis McKenna and Garber Mate on their board. They have learned from the very best about how the experiences should go. And they have brought in the very best from the Shipibo tribe that rotate once every four months, you get a new, new group in once every four months, the people we sat with were the same people I'd sat in 2019. Amerigo has been, Amerigo has been guiding in this medicine for 29 years. His wife Olga has been doing it for 15 years. They're not rookies. These are black belts, absolute black belts, uh, holding the space. And I had trust in them and I had trust in the medicine and I had trust in the space that I was in. And as it ended, and I'll backtrack a little bit, but as it ended, that trust is what allowed

me to feel more complete exiting that experience than I had in any previous experience where I'd got that far into consciousness and the understanding of it. God, whatever you want to call that thing, the source of all. Any previous experience that I'd been to, I, in many ways, was not prepared to go that deep, but now felt prepared to go that deep and felt held to the experience, which was, in large part, a lot different than doing 30 grams of mushrooms solo or doing 5-MeO with a guide and then going home and having to deal with more of that solo. So I did feel held. I did feel guided through it. And I had that firm

understanding. And as it ended, the night ended, I finally smoked my cigar and I felt a deep sense of peace and calm. I felt like there was alchemy around those experiences, especially as I knew to label correctly the place that I'd been as the Tao and not hell. And that was, for me, a lot of my alchemy was in getting back to those places that I had been before with a different understanding of them.

And that took, for me, it took going back to those places that I had been before with a different understanding of them. And that took, for me, it took going back to those places. And that's exactly what I did with me. And it's different for everybody. You know, Godsey went there too for some alchemy. Nobody else in the room did. So, and it doesn't mean they didn't have their own challenges. It just means that uniquely, we got to grapple with those spaces. So I couldn't fall asleep, chilling in the room, and Godsey comes back in. It's 5 a.m., and we start chopping it up. He tells me about his experience and that he

basically went to the same space I did. And he tells me something very important. He tells me something that I didn't have words for at the time, but made perfect sense. He said, it felt like ayahuasca had been teaching him surrender in almost every journey prior. And I can attest to that. Ayahuasca does a beautiful job of teaching, has done a beautiful job of teaching me surrender and how to surrender. But at this time it wasn't surrender. It was more like to endure. And I was like, fuck man, that's exactly it. Because I had the ability in the first two nights to control more or less where my focal point was. I could control being in my center versus letting my mind run rampant. And I could not in the last night.

I just had to deal with the relentless mind, thinking, thinking, thinking, rabbit holing ideas that none of which made sense, all of which had an equal and opposite is true. And that's an ultimate mindfuck. And I just had to deal with it and endure it. And in doing so, as Paul Cech mentions on his podcast, there is a certain amount of benefit from that because I appreciate the 3D way more than I ever have in my life before. Ram Dass talks about this in Becoming Nobody, phenomenal audible of him doing lectures across the country. He talks about his buddy Alan Watts saying, your problem is you're addicted to being high, either through meditation or through plant medicine or psychedelics.

You've forgotten your humanity. And so we chat, there's alchemy there, and I can't sleep. So I decide to get up, have some ketones, and I go get up and I watch the sunrise. And as the sun's rising and it hits me, I feel that first alchemy card of the sun. I feel the awe. And this isn't all the awe. The awe comes. But I wanted to look this up so I could find it. Because there are gems. As Paul Selig states this, there are gems in every religion.

You just got to dig through the mountain to find them. So Matthew 18.3 says in the New International Version, truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. And what that means to me is trust, joy, play, curiosity, awe. Those are the things that I grabbed from that. And I stayed up, maybe had a little nap or meditation earlier. And as the night flows, we have one of our last dinners. The next day, we have our last dinner. And we have this fire where we all get to chop it up and trade war stories about our journeys.

And as it turns out, Matthias had found a hummingbird that died. And so in deciding what to do, how to honor this animal, rather than bury it, we decided to make a pyre and burn it. And the reason for that was when you bury something, you anchor it to that position. When you burn it, you release it into the ether. And we could all access the medicine of the hummingbird anywhere we are on earth. Maybe anywhere we are in the cosmos. Sure, that's already the case, but this hummingbird was honored. It was wrapped in a blessed blanket from our guides, and we built a beautiful pyre, and we lit the hummingbird, and Aubrey gave a beautiful talk about the hummingbird from his Native American spirit

wheel was the bird of the north, and the North medicine is one of spirit and the hummingbird drinks the nectar from the light of the Sun through the flowers they can move in all directions and You know really this all coming full circle allowed to imprint on me something different about this hummingbird medicine which was the joy the play the singing the singing, the dancing, the curiosity, the awe. And that to me helped me find my balance point. Because as Gaffney says, the only remedy for outrageous pain in the world is outrageous love. And previously I've thought of that outrageous love as my love of family, my wife and my kids. And while that certainly has been a very good counterbalance to the shit that I see in the world

and the pain and suffering that's in the world, it's not the only thing. It's not just how much I love them and how much they love me that balances that. It is the act of joy, the act of bliss, the act of laughing, singing, dancing. And that is a balance point to insanity and pain. It's not just love. It's the action of love, right? When we're in joy, we are in love. When we're laughing, we are in love. These things, and we could be in pain when we're laughing, but it cracks through the pain. And these are the things I experienced. I mean, we were telling some pretty significant experiences and we're also busting each other's balls and laughing like crazy. And that was a really important part of the medicine journey for me as well was the recognition of that. God is happiest when his or her children are at play. That's one that I continue to circle back on. My key takeaway.

Some of my key takeaways. I had a lot on the body because of the fact that I was really, really recircling or circling back around on the nervous system. Ayahuasca is a great revealer. really, really recircling or circling back around on the nervous system. And, and, uh, ayahuasca is a great revealer. You know, it yanks back the curtain, whatever you got in the closet, whatever I have in the closet, it's going to reveal that to me. And a lot of what it was revealing to me was I've been training incorrectly. I talk all the time about easy strength by Pavel Tatsulin and Dan John, like in the show notes. And I haven't been training that way because I haven't given myself five days a week to train. I'll just train once or twice, fairly heavy lifting and go to boxing, those kinds of things.

And my body wasn't responding well to that. So circling back, I'm hitting the sauna every morning. I'm hitting my mobility every evening. If I get yoga and during the day, great, cool. I'm doing a lot of rehab on my left knee so I can get back on the mats and train in jujitsu. My wife and I went to this running seminar with Dr. Romanoff, pose method. We'll link to that in the show notes. It is incredible.

It's the first time I've ever run without pain. I was 41 years old, first time I've run without pain. And all of these things, you know, for the mind, Ziva meditation, focusing on energy systems. Am I in right relation with caffeine? Am I in my right relation with sleep when I'm going to bed at time? Am I listening to a book that's keeping me up at night? Even if it's good for me and I love this book, do I want to stay up late to process and digest more information?

Not right now. There may be a time where I want to rabbit hole more things than I need to at night. For right now, sleep and the restoration of my nervous system is most important. For me personally too, where's my downtime? The hermit is a big medicine card for me. Where do I find, where can I escape? It was funny. One of our guides, Will, was talking a lot about the archetype of Superman. And it's funny because that has been actually, the fortress of solitude has been one of the most resonant things with me on things that I need to fill my cup, the fortress of solitude. I got to spend time in the cave. And the cave for me might just be outdoors in nature, spending time with the trees, spending time with my chickens, whatever the case is.

How do I check that box each day? How do I spend a little time with just me where I can clear my mind and circle back so that I can show up in the best way for my kids, for my work and, and things of that nature. All of this is a part of the alchemy. You know, I can, I can talk about this shit all day long, uh, what my medicine was, but it's, it's the application of that and the integration, meaning habit change that actually makes that real. And so what's been great for me as I reintroduce caffeine and different things is that I can feel that very strongly. I can feel the difference in my body

as strength slowly comes back, as my knee slowly stops hurting, as I'm doing these things, I just feel better and I operate better. And even if that only lasts for six months or a year, that's worth it to me. I'll go through hell to come back to a better reality that I see in the 3D. And it's certainly been my experience. Spirit, key takeaways on spirit. What reality tunnel am I living in?

One thing I disagree with as I read through the Tao Te Ching is the thoughts on the world of 10,000 things. A lot of it contains the same illusory context as Maya in Hinduism, right? This is meant to be passed through, but not meant to be taken seriously, to be in this world, but not of this world. And Czech says it best, in my opinion,

it's not the illusion, it's not, it's not the illusion. It's the illusion. It is the grand design of the grand game of knowing thyself that we get to participate in. And while we shouldn't take it too seriously and why I shouldn't take it too seriously, it's a little bit better there. So I'm not fucking preaching the gospel. I shouldn't take it too seriously.

It still does exist. It still has consequence. There's still things that are worse than death. And at the same time, there's still things to love that are so fucking worth it. There's still a sweetness to life that is absolutely worth it, that I love, that I could see myself playing in for eternity, not trying to surpass, not trying to get back to the center, not trying to give up everything to reemerge with the all. Maybe that happens in between each go. But this place is fucking awesome. And it's so beautiful. And it's so worth us remembering our place in it so that we can be in harmony with it. And that's my focus personally through nature is how do I come back into right relation with all that is.

Looking at Bizarro World, while I was out there, popped up in the Twitter feed. One of the largest dairy factories, I say factory, it was factory farm. One of the largest dairy operations in Texas Twitter feed. One of the largest dairy factories, say factory, it was factory farm, one of the largest dairy operations in Texas blew up. It had a fucking mushroom cloud explosion. 18,000 cows were burned alive

or exploded. And I think one human. Read in the comment section, there's a lot of people talking about methane. Read Sacred Cow or watch the documentary. And there's a lot of people talking about methane. Read Sacred Cow or watch the documentary. And there's no fertilizer in a place like that. This thing was blown the fuck up by someone,

by human beings. Over 115 different food and meat processing centers in North America have gone up in flames in the last two years. Repeat that. Over 115 different meat and food processing centers in North America have gone up in flames over the last two years. If you look at any of these, they'll say under investigation. What they won't say is it was blown up. It was set on fire. It was burned to the ground by people. Now, I can speculate who might be doing this if I look at the largest farm owner in America during the egg shortage saying, don't worry, I've got soy-based eggs with 0% cholesterol and all

this other bullshit fake food we want to feed you. The World Economic Forum saying we need to go to vertical farming through fertilizers and water, which does not regenerate the soil and does not sequester carbon. And we need to eat crickets as our protein and different insects because cattle, which have been around just as long as we have, are somehow ruining our environment. It's absolute nonsense. Watch any one of the documentaries that I mentioned in the past, from Biggest Little Farm to Food Inc. to Sacred Cow to, what was the other good one? Ryland Englehart. Kiss the Ground. Kiss the Ground's got another one coming out this year called Common Ground. I'm going to get Ryland back on before that releases. There we understand harmony in nature. There we understand carbon sequestration. There we understand harmony in nature. There we understand carbon

sequestration. There we understand regeneration, which feeds all things, feeds the ground, increases the hummus, increases the soil capacity, increases the plant density, the grass density, increases the health of the animals, and increases the health in us in so doing so. I got to speak at a Force of Nature's event. What good shall I do? Recently after I got back and on our panel with first year homesteaders, it was an awesome dude that I got to meet named Hobbs. He's in his fifth year. So kind of disqualified from first year homesteading, but I got to learn a lot from him and he recommended a book.

He's also a guy who understood the exact type of cattle we're running. I'll save that for the podcast, but really cool. So I started reading this book and I realized, holy shit, there's a ton of information here that actually matters. So I've highlighted some. In looking, now this is called Man, Cattle, and Veld. And if you plan on getting into cattle or homesteading, highly recommend you get this book by Johan Zeitzman.

But bear with me now. This isn't going to go totally cow talking. This is just some of the things that I see. A lot of crossover between what he's saying with the bizarro world we live in. Constructive or obstructive. So the human mind is like a parachute. It only functions when open. That's not his quote, but he didn't quote it, but that is true. He goes on. He applies that further to cattle. Peer pressure. It takes strong character and a clear goal to swim against the current. Independent thinking makes this possible. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I love this shit. Freedom to make

mistakes. This is super important for parents. Without the freedom of making mistakes, progress would not be possible. Experience comes from trial and error. Mistakes have a way of highlighting a I could keep going here, but I'm going to leave you with one last one. No one has a monopoly on the truth. Self-included. No one has a monopoly on the truth. The truth is not waiting to be invented by someone neither is it the domain of ordinary professors or even extraordinary professors and doctors of philosophy the truth is part of creation with a capital c

anyone with sufficient humility and hunger for the truth will find it man i love that shit. As I mentioned, I think the alchemy of what we see in Bizarro World is what some people have tagged the Great Awakening, but I think it is more the Great Remembering. I think it is remembering the ways in which we lived on Earth in harmony with nature.

Books like The Unlikely Piece at kuchumakik by martin prechtel if you like audible listen to an honorable because he reads it and he's phenomenal and poetic and it is absolutely worth your time um ishmael the story of b my ishmael daniel quinn phenomenal novels and really connect us to mother nature, as Daniel put it, as opposed to mother culture. What else we got here? Dark Cloud Country by Daniel First Griffith. Not out on Audible yet. I imagine he will do an Audible for that, even though he self-published the book. Incredible, poetic, and necessary. We mentioned Lao Tzu's Daddy Ching, but from Ursula K. Le Guin, also awesome. And I'll leave out the piece that I counter with that understanding of the world of 10,000 things is

animism. It's my understanding that I can witness the divine in all things, including people I don't like, but I witnessed the divine in all things, especially in nature. And John Lamb Lash really dives into this idea in not in his image. I've mentioned this book more than once on this podcast. The creation story behind Sophia and all the way the Gnostics perceived it, that's written in the Nag Hammadi, cool beans. I'm not even attracted to that in the least bit after my experience in the Tao. It's just like all right cool another creation story what happened in history with our understanding of of alchemy and our relation to nature through initiatory experiences and through the keepers of said wisdom that's the shit that i'm interested in. The story that was told in replacement of animistic indigenous cultures throughout Europe.

I'm interested in that. It's a fucking whole first third of the book is about that. Well worth your time. And perhaps most importantly is his connection of Sophia wisdom with Gaia theory, that the planet that we're on is a conscious, super conscious being, and that we can interact with that intelligence.

That nature is intelligent. That there is an awareness, however small, in everything or large. That it exists in all things. Nothing is without. As Selig says, all is over, nothing is. Those have been my visceral experiences that move beyond something that I've read. But when I read certain things that pair up with that, that lights a chord. And perhaps that is just a confirmation bias. But at the same time,

the things that I'm feeling and witnessing on these medicines, they're beyond what's in the book. And I think that's an important thing for us to have for ourselves, whether that's through plant medicines or whether that's through a vision quest or the darkness retreat or holotropic breathwork. Key ingredients here, as Paul and Hamilton really dive deep on, are who's in charge of that, who's your guide? Who's your elder? And really syncing up there to make sure that you are left more whole than when you started. Love you guys big time.

Hopefully I balanced any inflammatory comments in the beginning with some ways in which I believe they may be true. And hopefully there's something here that you continue to thread with. Many of these podcasts are lead-ups to the books that I've been reading. They're lead-ups to dive deeper on your own and have your own alchemy, whether that's through the books

or through your own journeys. And that's how I really hope that this podcast can help people is continued education. Not just from me as an educator or the guests that I have on, but like real education. Real education is done with your hands on the soil. It's done with your feet on the ground. As Daniel said, look down. Where do you go next? And having that authority, the ability to self-author, to use Jordan Peterson's terminology, to be the author of our own lives is one of the ways in

which we pierce through the veil of why is this happening to me as opposed to what do I want to do now? It's certainly been a massive shift in my understanding of reality. Love you guys. Thank you to my sponsors and we'll see you next week. Thank you.