Kyle Kingsbury Podcast - #302 Teachings From a Sex Witch w/ Layla Martin

Episode Date: May 10, 2023

Layla Martin is like many of us, growing up in a christian household, seeking a deeper felt experience of The Divine. She was fortunate enough to travel to the Himalayan region of Asia as a teen which really opened her up to her spiritual path. As an adult she has been on the path to work through her past and gather tools to help others do the same. She has been through the wringer as a seeker in the form of “teachers” who were wildly out of integrity. Luckily she was able to come to that realization on her own and sought out true teachers. In the wake of that shift, she has been able to pursue her enlightenment and being truly awake.  Layla jokingly said we were going to do the “fastest podcast on slow sex”. Her expertise. The whole second half of the ep is her treating us to some low hanging fruit tips and tricks to engage more deeply with our sexual practices. Listen up and go out into your world to spread the good word!   ORGANIFI GIVEAWAY Keep those reviews coming in! Please drop a dope review and include your IG/Twitter handle and we’ll get together for some Organifi even faster moving forward.   Connect with Layla: Website: LaylaMartin.com - ShopMood.com  Podcast: This Tantric Life(linked below) Instagram: @thelaylamartin  YouTube: Layla Martin    Show Notes: Untamed and Unashamed Podcast ep w/ Layla Martin Spotify Apple This Tantric Life with Layla Martin Spotify Apple  "Pussy: A Reclamation" -Regena Thomashauer    Sponsors:  Organifi Go to organifi.com/kkp to get my favorite way to easily get the most potent blend of high vibration fruits, veggies and other goodies into your diet! Click that link and use code “KKP” at checkout for 20% off your order! HVMN - Ketone IQ This is legit jetfuel for your brain. Whether you’re fat adapted or not, this will work. Get 20% off by heading to hvmn.com/kkp  discount is automatically applied at checkout.  Cured Nutrition has a wide variety of stellar, naturally sourced, products. They’re chock full of adaptogens and cannabinoids to optimize your meatsuit. You can get 20% off by heading over to www.curednutrition.com/KKP  using code “KKP” Lucy Go to lucy.co and use codeword “KKP” at Checkout to get 20% off the best nicotine gum in the game, or check out their lozenge. To Work With Kyle Kingsbury Podcast   Connect with Kyle: Fit For Service Academy App: Fit For Service App  Instagram: @livingwiththekingsburys - @gardenersofeden.earth  Odysee: odysee.com/@KyleKingsburypod  Youtube: Kyle Kingbury Podcast  Kyles website: www.kingsbu.com - Gardeners of Eden site    Like and subscribe to the podcast anywhere you can find podcasts. Leave a 5-star review and let me know what resonates or doesn’t.

We're back, baby. We've got Layla Martin on the podcast and it feels kind of odd because we, this was an odd episode. Let me just say that first and foremost, not because the content, the content is risque, should I say? Odd because we recorded this a while back and I've been holding it. I've been sitting and waiting patiently to release it because Layla has just dropped her own very new, brand new podcast. Very new, brand new, it's brand new. It's not very new. It's brand new. And she has years in the game of experience, knowledge, and teaching. Perhaps most importantly, she's been a coach for a very long time. A lot of my friends have gone and done her training online and in person.

One of my homies, Jade Bryce, who's been on this podcast multiple times and has her own podcast. Check that out. We'll link to her latest one in the show notes. Has been taking one of Layla's courses and says it's absolutely fucking phenomenal. Some of the language that I

use as far as pleasure practice and shit like that, I actually get from Jade, which is direct from Layla. So really cool stuff in there. The reason I bring this up with her as a coach is because she's going to rock as a podcaster, guaranteed. She has a ton, a ton of knowledge to drop, a ton of wisdom and a ton of real world experience not only with herself in her own trajectory which we dive deeply into on this podcast as short as it is um so cliffhanger we will leave plenty of room for rounds two three four and more uh i plan on having leila back on this podcast anytime i see her in person. And hopefully I will see her again this year, either co-coaching and fit for service or on another trip to Austin. I've heard about her for years. I've heard about her through my friends that have taken her work. I've heard about her through the Aubrey Marcus podcast, which I believe I stated on there, but I think that's

still his most downloaded episode. So she's got a lot to deliver. And I feel kind of late to the party, but not too late because, again, she's just dropping this podcast brand new, her own. And we wanted to be able to co-promote. So check the link in the show notes for the link to Layla Martin's podcast, and you will be able to dive deeply into her work. I'm sure the guests that she has on will also be in the same field. The field is sexual mastery. This field is self-improvement. The field is knowing thyself through the access point of deep ecstatic states

of being. Now, she's not the first person that I've had on that really dove deeply into this. I've had some different angles on that from Wednesday Martin to Chris Ryan. Obviously, that's more into the polyamorous or open relationship field. Jamie Wheel, who wrote Recapture the Rapture. There's only a couple of chapters in that book, but the podcast we did a few years back really broke down the how-to for sex magic. And Layla is just getting into the sex magic portion of that when it comes to some of the different chemical concoctions we can add. But she has a deep mastery of tantric

and how we ramp each other up and can really, I guess, just fucking unlock each chakra, opening up the kundalini and exploring states of awareness that I have not met yet via sex. I've talked about it on the podcast, talked about it with Jamie Will years ago. The kids at the age they are does not leave much wiggle room for hour, hour and a half, three hour long adventures in the bedroom. We've had those before almost by happenstance or accident. And I don't believe in accidents or coincidence at the tail end of mushroom journeys. Talked about

that with Jamie. And I think I brought that up with Layla, but I was really in a time crunch for this podcast. That's the only reason it is as short as it is. Layla, it was her last day in town. She had a flight and I had to get betteraird to Jiu-Jitsu and getting down to Lockhart to the farm was kind of a hassle for her Uber driver. So we had to run this one late. I still bent the rules and pushed it so it wouldn't be a 30-minute podcast. And I think we get 45 juicy, solid, ram-bam, thank you, ma'am minutes, which is not her style or mine for the most part. Not anymore, at least, even though it has to be at some points.

Hey-oh. This podcast was phenomenal. And I learned a lot about Layla's experience and what led her into becoming who she is today. And it's a hell of a ride. She's been through a lot to become the person that she is. And she's really spent a lot of time with masters in the East, alchemizing her experience to turn it into something beautiful. Love Layla. There's many ways you can support this show. First and foremost, share it with a friend, anybody who's into this shit, anybody who's like, you know, I heard there's more to fucking, I heard there's more to having sex. And I want to experience some of that. Or

if you, you know, know, if you're talking to your friends and they're having regular ass sex experiences, you might know that there's more potentially to those experiences and have this as an offering for them as a potential way to plant the seeds so that they can investigate for themselves and learn more. That's, that's, that's first and foremost, always share it. Word of mouth is, is, uh mouth has been the name of the game with getting this podcast bigger. Secondly, leave us a five-star review with one or two ways the show has helped you out in life. The entire year, the homies at Organifi are going to be giving away

to one lucky winner at the end of each month my favorite product product from them. So, and I'm going to say, if we can, that's either going to be the Organifi Red or Peak Power. And I'll talk about that in a second. But so if Organifi is listening or David, if you can forward that, tell them Peak Power or Organifi Red, because I want people to try Peak Power. Anywho, leave us a five-star rating with one or two ways the show's helped you out in life.

And that will enter you to win. and it's as simple as that because it helps grow the show and Organifi wants me to grow the show and that's really rad of Organifi I'm going to be running it back round two with Drew Canole co-founder of Organifi and I'm also going to be jumping back on his podcast which did really well not surprisingly we were speaking the truth. And as it turns out, people in his audience want to hear more of the truth. So we're going to dive deep on those. And I will make sure that when we do our podcast swap that I not only, obviously, you'll hear him on this podcast, but we'll link to my podcast with him in the show notes as well. So thank you, Drew. Thank you to the homies at Organifi. You guys have been one of our longest sponsors. You have been incredible.

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All right. You're going to hear shit in the background because we are at the farms. My second week in the exact same location. It's like early spring and it's never going to hear shit in the background because we are at the farms. My second week in the exact same location. It's like early spring and it's never going to be, it's not going to be like this for another six months. So I got to fucking take advantage and we rotate the cow and the sheep, the flared with their amazing dogs. So they're, they're right behind it, right in the backdrop. If you're watching this on YouTube, you can see it. If you're not just appreciate the audio that we have a fucking very classic Texas backdrop for us.

I can see actual bullhorns. Like there's like, it's so legit. Those are all our ladies, the bad bitches. They got, they got their horns on them. Yep. 16 mamas. Yes, Kyle. Thanks for getting me out here. Hell yeah. Well, shit. We met officially in Sedona. Well, we get to hang out a lot in Sedona. I think we'd met briefly before then at somebody's fucking party somewhere. My first image of you, actually, I don't know if I saw you before that, but when I walked into Fit for Service at Sedona, you were like in an American flag Speedo. I think it was a Speedo. Just like standing there like dripping. I don't know if it was sweat. I don't know if it was pool water or whatever. And I was like, well, God damn. I didn't know they still made men like that. Yeah, we're running them back. Yeah, that's a fucking, that was good. The thing I loved is that we get to live in the same house. And that's the best part about our events when we have, for me personally, is that we get to have

all the downtime with the other coaches and people we fly in, all the experts we fly in. Then it's like we get to fucking jive with y'all and see what's up behind the scenes. And I really love that. And I first heard you on Arby's podcast years ago, which I think to this day might be his most listened to podcast ever. And that says a lot. He's done like four episodes of Peter Crone. He's got all the greats on. And you guys cracked the code on that one. Fuck yes. Well, we know you're in town for a brief visit. I have to pick up Bear. That's where my heart out is for jujitsu.

I don't fucking miss jujitsu with him. It's our thing. So this is going to be a quick podcast, but we'll dive straight in. The general arc of my podcast is I always want to know what made you you. What was life like growing up? Where'd you grow up? What drew you into the thing that you're into now? And this is going to be particularly interesting because of the line of work that you're in and what you do, which is describable, but words don't do it justice, right? Thank you. All right. Well, the rapid fire history of my life is I was born in Colorado and my dad came home when I was like one years old and told my mom, like basically he'd been cheating and he didn't want to be with her anymore and he was bailing.

But they had shared custody for a period of time and he was very sexually abusive, very violent in a lot of ways. And so that was, you know, obviously a deep imprinting of pain and trauma that I have grappled with for my entire life. And I was also then raised Catholic with my mom. So a lot of religious conditioning as well about being a good girl and what got me into heaven and what would send me to hell. And for whatever reason, I still kind of became mystical around the age 11 or 12. Like I remember being in church and being like, you know what? I was like, this kind of feels like blackmail that like, if I'm not a good person, I'm going to hell. I was like, I kind of want to be a good person because I want to be a good person, like any other reason. And it's

insincere and like what God would want us to be so insincere. So I started spending a lot of time in nature and I felt like I could hear God consciousness in the wind and it's insincere. And like, what God would want us to be so insincere? So I started spending a lot of time in nature and I felt like I could hear God consciousness in the wind and it started to crack me open. I found this trip in the back of the New York Times to Tibet, India, Nepal for like high schoolers when I was 14. And I told my mom, I was like, you got to send me. I have to go to Asia and bless her, bless my mom. She's like, all right, if you get straight A's, you can go wherever you want. I was like, done. So I got I got to go to Tibet India Nepal at the age of 15 and I went to Kashmir in India which is the birthplace of the highest tantra Kashmir Shaivism a pinna of a gupta one of the best tantra gurus I believe that has ever existed so powerful that that was like the first place I went

of my own volition I still have a like a pretty badly tattoo very faded Nepalese. Do they do it by hand? No, they didn't do it by hand. But I got it tattooed on my shoulder when I was 15. And so it was just so deep in me to pursue this path of Eastern spirituality. And I went back to Asia. So I went to Stanford University when I was 17, took time off, went back to Asia when I was 18, spent two years there, looked for Tantra, was super hungry. I was like, I want to know the real Tantra. I don't want the shit they're like, whatever, that's like on DVDs. I don't want the like mass seminars in the United States that you can spend, like, no, no,

no, no, I want to find the jungle Tantra. Like, I was like, I know it still exists on this planet and I'm going to find it. And so I went back and forth between Stanford and pursuing this jungle tantra and Hatha yoga and different spiritual practices in Asia. Ended up staying in Asia for about 10 years. And as I was unwinding that, I got my first adult boyfriend and he like wanted to look me in the eyes when we made love and he like loved me. And I was like, and I was like, why do I feel like throwing up when a man wants to look me in the eyes and love me? And I was like, oh, we should probably deal with our past. So then I got in, started doing therapy and coaching. And as I started to heal my trauma, it was like mind blowing to me back then. I was like, wait, it's like, wait, like, okay, I have sexual trauma. A lot of us do. But like, we all have trauma of some sort. I was like, why are there not like trauma healing centers on every street corner? Like, why is this not common knowledge how to fix yourself?

And back then, you know, it's crazy, but Oprah was one of the first people to even say like sexual abuse is bad for kids. And so it was just starting that our society even talked about like true healing, true trauma integration, started like turning towards the somatic therapies and all of that. But when I started, it was just like the best thing available for you is that you survive. And I was like, you know what? I was like, if I had to deal with all that shit and all that pain, there is no way that the best I'm going to get out of this is survival. Just like, oh, good luck. I was like, no, I am going to have better, more ecstatic, more mind-blowing sex than

if I had never been sexually abused in the first place. And I want to know the true Tantra and I will do whatever it takes to find it. And that was the setup for my life. That's a fucking badass intro. Thank you. I love it. And just from your energy, you know, like that was one of the things that drew me to you, right?

Right when you, I was like, that has to be Layla. I was hearing you talking, you're telling stories at the table and i was like yeah that's leila's like fuck yeah dude okay um there's so much packed into that you know i mean at least at least the catholic upbringing was you know fairly open and not so constrictive and all that good stuff right yeah it was just like oh you'll burn in hell if you're a slut or whatever and like stay like don't have sex until you're married and like you know be a good person always

or God will hate you so it was a really light conditioning it was easy it was easy yeah I still find the priest in my pussy sometimes like telling her what to do

bullshit man stay out of the pussy you see just in the corner next to you listening through a screen mesh to everything you're doing whether you're alone or with anybody else. He's the ears of God.

This is rad. So, yeah, I mean, where you went, I think, is also the birthplace or the place where Dr. Strange was reborn, where he went for his training and went from medical doctor to Eastern doctor and started working with the old arts fictitiously, obviously. But it is a real place. And there is real people there that have been holding lineages down for several thousand years, not just several hundred years or a thousand years, but several thousand years. Like the Rig Vedas, we're looking at 6,000, maybe 8,500 years old of this ancient oral tradition that knew there would be a time where they'd have to put it into writing because all could be lost, right? Entering the dark ages. So they put it in writing for the first time, which means it goes way back beyond fucking 8,500 years. And then that just gets kept,

that gets kept. And all to your point, there's stuff that people would teach. Like Bruce Lee arguably was fucking killed because he was teaching Asian martial arts where they didn't want him to teach it. Right? And if you think of like tantra is like the ultimate martial art. Yeah. And so there's shit that they're allowed, the cookie cutter stuff they're allowed to take on seminars in America. And then there's the real deal junga tantra that you were going after. And if you really want to think about it, by the time they were writing stuff down,

they'd already been deep into agriculture, right? Which fundamentally changed society and fundamentally seeped us all in a deeper sense of moralized right or wrong for better or for worse. And so there's even spiritual lineage that you can tap into that is deeper than those texts that goes even more primordial. That's so good. So, I mean, I don't even know how to describe you. Like you're loosely, which is a shit term, a life coach, a sex coach, a fucking relationships coach, and all the things you are a witch by all important and beautiful terms in that, you know, like Glenda the Good Witch.

Sex witch. Sex witch. There we go. I like that. That sums it up. You know, the hierophant or the high priestess, those are terms that get thrown around in different communities. And, you know, without meeting you, it's kind of like, yeah, yeah, cool.

You know what I'm saying? But then knowing you, knowing Blue, knowing the crew that you roll with, it's like, yeah, man, they're fucking hold it down. Like they're not, they're not, this is like the second coming. I remember looking at the Immortality Key, the Immortality Key by Brian Mursku. They're talking about how every fucking ancient shaman was female. They held all the rights to the brew on how they made psychedelic wines, which were non-alcoholic, but contained several plant medicines. And they served the Eucharist. They were the ones that served and guided the fucking ceremonies.

And I see a kind of an uprising of that returning. So that's pretty fucking cool, whether it's through sex magic or various forms combined, like in Recapture the Rapture by Jamie Will. There's some tinkering going on here with how we send ourselves upward. And I really appreciate that work. Yeah, and what's amazing about the immortality key, it did so much for me because I've always felt so connected to the lineage of Eleusis and the Dionysian mysteries. When I was a teenager, the first kind of crack open that I had deep into mysticism was in reading Jitterbug Perfume, which was all about Pan.

And I was like, I'm a Maynard. And I was like, what? What is that? And they were the female worshipers of Dionysus in the Greek empire, which was largely patriarchal, but they were allowed to be orgiastic and wild and ecstatic and cathartic. And I was like, whatever the fuck that is, that's what I'm here to bring back to the planet. And what we've all forgotten, people of all genders, is that the path to divine remembrance used to be wild and sexy and ecstatic and celebratory. And that part of that deep celebration that involved Aros allowed people to touch divine knowing for themselves. And just as you find in the

Immortality Key, the reason that was taken away was that so people didn't have direct access to the divine. And what I feel so proud of as part of this wave of the zeitgeist of sex, which is returning, is I feel like when we're in our integrity, when we're in our true power, when we've done our healing work, we want everyone to know their own true nature, their own essence as love, their own sexuality and sexual power and liberation. There's this like deep wanting for people to wake up, but not in the way where it has to just be like silent and dry and hard work,

but in the way where it's like the whole point of spirituality is to fall in love with this life, this humanity, this experience right here, right now. And we've had so much conditioning that spirituality is like, go out to somewhere. And this kind of spirituality is like,

get so in that you couldn't be more grateful for all of it. Fuck yeah. So talk about, I mean, a bit on while you're there and kind of bridge the gap between this amazing first seeds that you have getting into the game and what's led you to where you're there and kind of bridge the gap between this amazing first seeds that you have getting into the game and what's led you to where you're at now, where you're full on, like you've got a fucking giant coaching that you run online, face-to-face, you travel all over the world, seeing people helping people, fucking men, women, everything in between, figure out who they are

through these practices and reconnecting to the divine with themselves, with their own pleasure practice, and then with another. Talk about how you bridge that gap, because, you know, there's a lot of things that you must have learned over the years and honed and gotten better, and some might have worked and some might have not. So talk a little bit about that. Yeah, well, when I first started doing this work, you know, there was a kind of my first like tantric coach. She probably wasn't certified in anything. And she was just like, you know, what do you feel in your body? And I was like, what? She was like, no, really, what do you feel? And I was like, I don't fucking feel anything. And it was just like nothing below my neck, right? Like my whole

existence was just like head, head, head. And I did these outrageous things because I didn't feel that much. I wasn't in touch with my body. I wasn't sensitive like that. And when I started really feeling my body, actually at first it was a truly humbling experience because there was so much fear. There was so much pain. There was so much sadness. There was so much rage. There were all these really uncomfortable feelings, but somehow I just relentlessly had the sense of like, I don't want a plastic life. And I don't know any other way, but in and through, even if there's all these layers of so much discomfort, oh my God. And I locked myself in a hut with a Taoist book, The Tao of Health, Sex, and Longevity by Daniel

Reed. And it taught you like the sacred sexual practices. And I was like, I'm gonna fucking masturbate until I understand what this is. So literally like hours and hours, I was like 18 years old. I'm just like masturbating in this hut in Thailand, just like discovering my sexual energy and like being like, oh, you can run it up your spine. Like you can put it in your heart and it feels so amazing. And then I blasted into my brain and I'd be like, whoa, I'm high as shit. Like, this is crazy. So it was like this introduction to energy, to magic. I went to my first Tantra schools, which I looked for really like deeply. And I won't mention the first one because they were also like horribly sexually abusive to us, which is pervasive, sadly, in a lot of the sacred sexuality community. And I studied there for three and a half years, but I had my first energy initiations and doing really deep Hatha yoga. Like we did

four-hour Hatha yoga classes, deep kundalini initiations, deep mantra initiations, work with like the different deities. And I remember I came home, I had kind of transplanted to New York City by that time when I would come back. And I I just wanted to tell like like every taxi driver like every person on the street corner I was like the shit you see in Star Wars I was like it's real like it's actually real like we all have like like energy within us and these like heroic journeys that we can live in life will like pop and technicolor and you can know yourself as like the true main character of your own epic journey like if only you would go inwards and like contact your energy and the magic and all that. And like no one wanted to know.

Like not a single person. Luckily, I'm ruthless and relentless. So it's like nobody gives a shit, Layla. Going about their New York lives. So I just kept studying. I worked with like deep, like really sadistic gurus and like the deep jungle doing like, you know, ceremonial practices in graveyards, which I love. Like it's a very tantric thing to do like left-handed practices and go where it's the hardest to find God and like find it there. I did deep initiations. After a certain point, I was like, wait,

if all the like teachers I keep finding are like pretty like twisted and shadowy and out of integrity, I was like the common denominator is me. There have to be like better teachers out there. And I was like, oh, my history of like deep, like shadowy trauma is making me like interface with spiritual teachers that are like also pretty fucked up. And I was like, all right, I commit to finding like better teachers with more integrity. And so I did and I switched and I found the teacher Aman Ansarita. I worked with her for about four years. I did deep initiations in the Taoist tradition with Minka DeVos and basically just kept studying and studying and blooming open and blooming open. And I had quite a few, like one initiation I just want to talk about for some reason is

I was having a really hard time deciding if I was going to leave the deep tantric jungle cult or not that like in hindsight was deeply traumatizing and out of integrity. But you never get into a cult thinking like this is a cult. You're always just like, oh, this shit's powerful. And like something seems a little off, but maybe not. Maybe it's just my ego. Like maybe I'm just the one who's distorted.

So I was in that jungle cult for, I'm slightly ashamed to say this, for a year and a half. And finally I was like sitting in Malaysia on a visa run and I was staring at this white wall and I couldn't decide whether to go back or not. Because truly like that's what sucks you in is this feeling of like, are they the real deal? And this is just my egoic resistance and my own fear and my own trauma putting up a wall? Or is something deep inside of me telling me to leave because something's not right here? And it can be very hard to tell the difference sometimes

in very deep spirituality. And I was staring at the white wall and it was like, what do you want? And I was like, I want all the lessons. And it was like clear as day. It was like, you get every single transmission by grace. No matter what, you get to decide the flavor. So if you want to do it in hell, you can do it in hell.

If you want to go do it in paradise and go back to Thailand and live on this island, you can do it that way. You decide the flavor, but you don't have to cling to these initiations. You don't have to cling to wisdom. It comes by grace. And so there was this shift between kind of driving my spiritual practices with energy activation and sexual healing and all of that to starting to deeply surrender. And there was this whole new world of magic and power that

unlocked when I started to surrender more to the truth of what was happening and less to what my mind thought it wanted. And that unlocks this like next level path of Tantra for me. That's massive. It's such a massive, do you have experience with plant medicines and had you at that point? Because it's such a, I have ayahuasca coming up with Aubrey and the crew. And it's like, if there's any one single plant that's taught me surrender kindly and strictly, it's ayahuasca. And so like, I think that's such an important piece because that was gifted to me from that. Obviously you found it in a different way, but I wonder if you had any chance of Aya forcing your surrender or you just kindly surrendering in those ceremonies. Not at that point?

Darling, no. I had evil gurus forcing my surrender. She gets you one way or another. But no, it's interesting in the tantric tradition at least the parts we know about um there can be a real no to plant medicine at least the modern teachers and stuff like that it's like same in the daoist cheat code yeah yeah it's cheating don't do it yeah and and in some ways because i'd sat for you know i did so many 10-day meditation retreats i did so much trauma healing so much kundalini work and And I am passionate for people to know about how powerful your endogenous chemistry is. That Annie Lala says, true love is the strongest psychedelic

in the world. And I feel that. When you really intimately connect with someone, it can be far more psychedelic than anything I've ever experienced. We would do jungle rituals where all we had to do was tell the truth, the truth of what we were feeling, the truth of what we were thinking. And if you were honest, like truly honest with, which first of all, it's like all your kind of surface thoughts of like, oh, I like this. I like that. And then pretty soon it's like, oh, I want to fuck you. Or like, oh shit, he's going to fuck her. Like it gets real fucking primal and like, like fuck or kill or like all the shit. You're like, oh God, who am I? Right. But if we stayed true to that,

it was stronger than LSD. So there's always been a passion in me for people to know how psychedelic our nervous systems are built to be and to never forget that with or without the plant medicine. And now I have a very deep reverence for plant medicine. I actually still haven't done that much. I've only done about two ayahuasca ceremonies, but I'm feeling more called to it. I'm feeling more called to it even through the immortality keys of realizing like it does belong to my lineage in witchcraft. It does belong to my European lineage in a different way. Wanting to connect with that more deeply. And also it's just time, you know, I feel like she calls you when it's time. Yeah. Yeah yeah that's totally

true well i mean you were called to the arts to the mystery schools at a very young age and then you know i think there's there is something to that like finding finding your own way to the deeper states of consciousness through your own body and then through the body of others and the body of wisdom and knowledge that you've been you've been taught right and then and then after that you can come into the other things and they're still going to work, you know? Yeah. And any direction can be so, so incredibly beautiful. What I loved was like plant medicine to me is an extension of all spiritual practice, whether you have plant medicine or not. So it's just, it's showing us everything that's possible. And it's fucking amazing what we can do sober. Our minds are so

powerful. Our minds are the most powerful psychedelic. Yeah. Yeah. Dennis McInnes is a walking bag of chemicals. The entire thing, every part of our body, all the neurochemistry, all of it. Yeah. But I started mixing sex and psychedelics last month in Australia. Holy shit. The sex witch got her mind fucking blown. I was like, oh, wow. I'd been hungry for that. I was like, oh, wow. What if you mixed all that intimacy and all that sex with all the psychedelics? And it was just like, boom. Yeah. I've had a couple of experiences with my wife at the tail end of mushroom journeys that there's just no comparison. And it's always at the right thing.

Like, you go through the full ceremony, we have the thing, and then as it's wearing off, there's a draw. You know, it's like, oh, now's the time. All right, cool. You know, we've come out, we've done our work, and then at the end of that, yeah, then you're still like, oh, I'm still pretty, isn't it? But the body knows. The body knows when it's right, you know? That's so cool. Well, let's talk. We said right before you jumped on, you made a joke. We're going to have the fastest podcast talking about slow sex. So I do want tips. It's all my fault. I was late. I was late.

Tell me. I want some good tips. For 80% of my listeners are men and the 20% of the women that listen, I fucking love you. Thank you for listening. Share it with more women. But just talk a little bit about the ways in which people can make practical decisions that help change the way they make love, that improve that part of themselves. And maybe it's before you even get to that. How does one interact with their own interface and their own body and their own pleasure practice that then allows them to do better in bed?

Anywhere you want to go with that, I'm all fucking ears. Fuck yes. All right. So the first thing I would say for men is like anything that you want to do to a level of excellence, you train, right? That's just the truth of it. And I think so many men are stuck in the mindset of like sex should be the one thing in my life that I don't have to think about. It should be the one thing that's not work. It should be the one thing that's not stressful. And honestly, I don't want to think about it too much because what if I get too involved with my cock and it stops working or whatever? There's so much masculine conditioning that sex is about functioning in a certain way, controlling the experience, having her have a certain amount of orgasms, having your erection last the perfect amount of time. And all of that

conditioning combined with a lot of the conditioning of watching pornography and masturbating in a certain way, all of that trains your nervous system to orgasm and then fuck in a certain way. And so most men are never looking at like, how are you sexually training your body and your nervous system? Because if you think about it, all that you do, whether you watch porn or not, how you masturbate, how you even think about sex, what you fantasize about, all of that is actually pregame. That's your training for how you experience sex and how your nervous system experiences sex. So just considering that. No shame, no right, no wrong. Same thing with food. You consider, what do the foods that I put in my body, how does that impact my health? How is the way that I'm

training impacting my health and fitness? A lot of us are never thinking about how do I train my sexuality? So really thinking about that, number one, is very important. Number two, then, is giving yourself a space where you actually start to rewire and retrain your sexuality in an intentional way. Because it's the same it's the same as if like, no one in the world did physical fitness. And you were like, Layla, what's one thing we can do? And I like had to explain to you like the concept of a gym or like a barbell or whatever, like a,

and be like, okay, like you just start with a squat, you know, right? It's a whole system. And that's the important thing to understand. Like true sacred sexuality, true tantra, which is so much more than sexuality. It is a deep and potent system. And just like you would never get to fitness mastery by learning a squat or a pushup, like that could be the first step. You would have no idea what it felt like to be in a masterfully strong body by me just telling you how to do a squat, right? Nor would a squat be in any way sufficient. But I'm going to try and do the best that I can to give us more of an idea,

just thinking like if I'd never seen a gym in my life and none of my friends worked out, how foreign it could sound, like the difference that working out could make to my life. And sex is no different, right? So giving yourself a space to actually train your sexuality, to explore different tools and techniques is really powerful. You said pleasure practice. I love that because that's exactly what I call it, is actually having a pleasure practice where for that, let's say 10 minutes, maybe 20 minutes, I like to say a week, even if you do it once a month, it's still going to do something where you are not going in just doing the same thing you always do. You're going in and you are applying a tool, right?

So tools that you can apply to your sexuality, things like breathwork, just breathing as though you were breathing all the way into your cock and testicles, because even that can take down some of the prefrontal cortical control that keeps us more in goal orientation rather than a feeling experience. This is the thing, feeling experience doesn't always sound that sexy to men, but what's behind the feeling experience is the primal. So women don't actually crave or any person, any gender that you're making love to, like nobody craves being fucked by the mind, right? You can in BDSM, right? There can be this like really sexy, like being penetrated by someone's mind. But when we're talking like

actual fucking, you want to be fucked by someone's body, right? And the same way that an athlete who's in their head is not going to play well, a man who's in his head is never going to fuck the way that he was built to. And most of our sexuality right now, most of the way we train our nervous systems actually pushes us into prefrontal cortex rather than deeper interoception, a deeper sense of beingness and a deeper connection to the primal. So when you're using sexual tools and practices, one of the things that you're doing is you're actually subtly training your nervous system to stop experiencing sex from the prefrontal cortex, fantasy-based, but also just habitual, right? Just making yourself do the same things over and over again. And your pattern interrupting.

What you do when you do that is you start to open the doorway for a different kind of sexual experience. When you get a few tastes of what that can feel like, that's usually enough. Just like with fitness, like you do maybe like a couple of fitness like classes, you work with a personal trainer and you start to get a taste of it. You're like, oh, I want to do more. That's kind of the best you could do with a few practices is get enough of a taste to be like, oh shit, there's something more here. Now I'm going to actually start to train. So the something more practices, like I said, could be masturbating really slow and breathing into your testicles and your cock deeper and fuller than

you normally would. So bringing a kind of breath work into your sexual experience, that alone will start to pattern interrupt and switch a focus of control into an experience of feeling and connecting with your body. The end goal is to really become energetically masterful, deeply empathetic and sensitive, and profoundly primal. And when I say primal, it's like your body is leading, which is very, very, very important. The other thing is to practice touching yourself slower than you normally would. This can help also pattern interrupt, resensitize, like actually make your cock more sensitive again, help you to feel more deeply. This is really important because if you're making love and you need the hardest, fastest stimulation to feel anything, that's going to be very hard, especially for a female lover. So women can absolutely love hard and deep, but in the context usually of slow and connected and opening and building up. Most women have been

fucked and penetrated too fast in their lives and their bodies are actually chronically tense. And so either very, very numb in pain or just super shut down. If you resensitize your own body, you will be able to slow down so that a woman is opening instead of being pushed open. One of the things I would love for all men to experience is rather than I am doing this just so that you'll open enough so I can fuck you to like, she's actually begging me right now. Like she wants it so bad that like if I didn't put my cock inside of her, she'd be fucking angry, right? Like thinking of it not as foreplay, but thinking of it as like, wow, what could I do to have her be that open, that desirous? So the vast majority of the time,

the reason that's happening is we're going way faster than a woman needs to fully open. Like really think in terms of like, what would an hour look like? That doesn't mean you can never have a quickie. That doesn't mean you can never fuck the way that you're used to right now. What would it look like once a week or even once a month

if she had a full hour of attention on her vulva, attention on her body before I even thought about penetration, what kind of opening could that create inside of her body? So one of the ways to be able to become more attuned to that as a man is actually slow down the way you touch yourself, is to start feeling more deeply inside of your own body. I like to also do a practice called body meditation, which is while you're touching yourself, and this can sound so stupid, and yet it really makes such a big difference,

to actually speak the sensations that you're feeling out loud. Because so many of us have actually gotten so habitually in our heads during sex, we don't even realize the degree to which we're in our heads. If you speak the sensations out loud as you're masturbating or touching yourself,

what happens is you are retraining your locus of attention away from your thought patterns, away from fantasizing, away from goal orientation, like I have to make her calm. Does this feel good? Am I going to stay hard? All of that into what the fuck am I feeling inside of my body? When you train your body to start feeling that way, your sensations are the first step. But when you are anchored into your sensations, primal reality is right underneath there, which is like fucking with the full presence of your being. And I could teach you all the techniques and tools in the universe, what every person is craving, what every woman is craving, especially any being who likes to surrender open during sex is to be fucked by a man who is in his primal

present power or a person of any gender. Like it's so fucking hot. So when you do something like body meditation, as much as it's like, okay, I'm speaking my sensations, it's like you're actually training yourself to be so present inside of your body. Just like an athlete has to be in many ways to be able to perform at the highest levels. There's an attunement with their own physical beingness. And most men have forgotten that in sexuality. And so doing some of the body meditation retrains you. Then you can use breath work and energy work as well to start circulating energy that's slightly more advanced. Like let's just say that's like intermediate level training where you actually start working with your sexual energy through the energy circuits of your body that trains you to be able to last as long as you want, be able to have multiple orgasms, and also just be able to

feel like way more expanded in sex. Like we think of women as being the like gender who've been most sexually oppressed on the planet, but men, and I really got this from the immortality key, like I've known it for a while, but it really hit home. Men have been just as brainwashed out of their fucking power. Men have been just as fragmented of like, you either get to be like in your full primal fuck, or you can be a softie in your heart, or you can be a fucking priest and give all that up. Maybe be in your heart, but you definitely can't have your fuck on. And men have been taught to fragment as well.

So like for men coming back into this sexual power is to also remember the sovereign truth of your being. It's so exquisite. It's not just about being a better lover. It's reclaiming what for thousands of years, like the ruling classes wanted men to forget so they wouldn't know themselves as God, because you can't fuck a goddess until you remember yourself as God. And we need far more gods on this planet. Even the fucking animals are digging that with some dogs barking in the background little lambs crying for mom that's so good yeah i think there's such a big there's such a big i mean my entire life until i read she comes first uh i never never understood how far i was i mean i

knew i was in my head but i had no doorway out yeah you know and then like the one thing that life until I read She Comes First. I never understood how far it was. I mean, I knew I was in my head, but I had no doorway out. And then the one thing that gave me permission was if I can get her to come first, then that takes the weight off my chest. Then it's like, cool, I don't have to worry about how long I last. I don't have to worry about any of this shit. And then from there, I could improve because I wasn't worried about that stuff. Just the worry of it and being in my head was fucking up any chance of being good in bed for fucking 30 years, 30, 28 years, right? Long time, you know? Yeah. And what was the entry point to you out of your head and into your body? Pleasing her first. Put her first. And then if I can do that and I'm successful with it,

then I'm just going to feel and I'm going to have fun and I'm not going to worry about it. Because all the dress up around, you know, this is how long it should last. This is what I should do. This is the way I should finish. This is the way I should look. None of that. There was no, how does she feel? Yeah.

Right? Like it's already, I already got her. She's fucking awesome. Yeah. Now I get to have fun. Yes. You know? And I'm sure that meant like masturbating with another human's body the first few times.

Right? on. And I'm sure that meant like masturbating with another human's body the first few times, right? But eventually, with not being caught in mental loops, that feeling, the attunement to my body, how does this actually feel? And you're right. It doesn't have to be every time, but Jamie Will talks a lot about that in Recapture the Rapture. you should have times where you said, what was it? Hotel roulette, you know, like it's, you get the babysitter instead of going to dinner and a movie, you just go to fucking the cheapest four-star hotel, you destroy the hotel and you fucking show up in the babysitter and nobody else knows the wiser. Right. Like that could be once a month, you know, like where you really have a good, a good deep ceremony of sex. And then the other times, you know, you make it work. Yes. But yeah, I like that.

And I like the idea of even slowing down masturbation because there's still times where I'm like, I got fucking five minutes. Totally. And me too. And if that's the only way you ever masturbate, you're not showing your body that another way is possible. Yeah, it's very intriguing.

Yeah, we want like flexibility. I forget the name of the book. There's probably, there are several, not probably, there are several. I have one, haven't cracked it yet because the kids are young and I don't have my time yet. My time is coming, but I'm very excited for it.

This idea of sperm retention for Kundalini rising and sending energy. Okay. Talk a bit about that. The male orgasm that can happen multiple times. I've never fucking experienced it. Oh, I'll have to. One day, one day, your wife can be there.

We'll give you an energy orgasm situation and you can get fully activated. Dope. All right. So, all right. So, orgasm is a high state of energy. So, if you think about it, when you orgasm, there's this intense rush of pleasure. But what you're really looking for is a shift in consciousness, right? Like your best fucking time's coming. It's like something shifted. I had a taste of freedom. I lost myself

for a moment. Like it just went, right? Any single time that happens, it's a high energy state in our system, right? You either take plant medicine, you're doing breath work, you're in deep states of meditation. You have to have your nervous system at a very high level of energy to be able to lift off into a higher state of consciousness. So what we're doing in the way that we've been conditioned to have sex is to actually push the sexual energy out of our body. So for women, the way that we do that is through a lot of tension, like closing my legs, tensing up, even like a vibrator where it's like I'm pushing myself so hard that by the time I come, it's like I've gotten so tense, I'm going to push the energy out. For men, this big focus on ejaculation, again, it's like I'm fucking really hard and then boom, like if that's the only thing that I'm doing, I'm actually pushing this rich, deep sexual energy

straight out of my body. And sexual energy, you can think of it as like if you get that rush when you're like you got a big crush on someone or you like really want someone and you can actually feel it moving through your body, sexual energy feels the same way, right? And we all know, we all have an intuitive sense of energy. Like you've got good vibes, bad vibes. Like you feel like you would know if some like fucking evil person was watching you around the corner, right? Even if you couldn't see them, like you can feel energy. So even if we're not super attuned to it, you know that there's actually an innate ability to feel it. So with sexual energy, you actually start to feel that more deeply. You start to connect with it more deeply. And in our best sexual

experiences, we know this. In our kind of more wham, bam, it happened, great kind of experiences, you don't feel sexual energy all over your body. When you're fucking into someone and you are really, really on it, it's like it's rushing all through your body. Like your skin is electric, right? We all have this feeling of, oh, that's sexual energy, right? You can wait for that to happen or you can learn to cultivate it so that your body feels more like that more of the time. What happens fundamentally is instead of shooting it out of your body, either through tension or ejaculation, you're starting to actually relax open and pull it up through your energy channels and through your spine. So instead of feeling like hard and fast and out, you're feeling relaxed up and in. The more that that happens, relaxing your lower belly is huge.

Taking deep breaths is huge because staying in a parasympathetic state is a big part of it. So instead of kind of going into your head and going as intense as possible, you're starting to slow down, breathe, relax, open your system, and to be able to train your body to hold more pleasure and energy. So you can think of it like training how much pleasure and how much intensity you can feel in your body before you feel like you have to climax. Just like you would train your body to lift harder and harder weights, and you're actually training a certain level of discomfort in your system that you can tolerate before you give up. It's the same way, but we never think of this. We actually are slightly intolerant to our own pleasure. We actually usually have a glass ceiling of how much pleasure I will let myself feel before I have to fucking come or stop or let it go.

Breaking this glass ceiling of pleasure has so many implications for how much goodness we can allow into our life, but that's for another podcast. And like, so in this, when you're touching yourself or when you're having sex, like the first early stages are like, when I start to feel turn on, can I actually, with my breath and with my intention, see if I can actually pull the turn on up through my body? So it can be up through the back of my spine, but honestly, it can just be up through any part of your body. Rather than holding it localized in my cock, what happens if I let it move up and through my body? What this does is it starts to disperse the pleasure so it's not so localized inside of your penis. This is how you start to create

full body orgasm experiences. So what you have to do to have a full body orgasm is create enough pleasure in your entire body. But we have conditioned ourselves to think, oh, pleasure happens in my cock. You know it doesn't because every once in a while, pleasure like pops in your whole body. So as you distribute the pleasure with your mind and your breath, like literally, it's like I'm turning myself on, I'm breathing, I'm feeling, and the turn-on is no longer localized by physiology. It's rushing through my whole system. The same way I can get a rush of like excitement, a rush of joy, a rush of pleasure through my body, I'm doing the same thing. I'm allowing my sexual energy to start to rush up and through my body. I'm letting my

pleasure flow because it can. Pleasure and energy is not limited to physiology, but we've just been conditioned to think that way. As you let that start flowing up through your body, you're actually, instead of taking sexual energy and turn on and releasing it out of your body, you're pulling it up and in. So you're actually bringing your nervous system and your body into a higher and higher state of energy. The more that you do that, and eventually you're going to bring that energy

all the way up to your third eye, all the way up to your crown of your head, you are activating your entire nervous system with a high state of pleasure, a high state of energy. And what that does is it is the same impact on your nervous system as taking a plant medicine, as taking MDMA. You're actually creating this expansive level inside of your whole entire body. It flips open at a certain point. And what happens is orgasm stops being this limited discrete moment

and it starts being an ongoing experience that you can have perpetually in your body. And that's where multiple orgasms come from. They have to be energy-based rather than physiology-based. If you think about it, you've associated orgasm with physiology, but it doesn't have to be because we can have orgasms in our dreams.

You can have orgasms on ayahuasca when you're not touching yourself. Like orgasm is actually a state. It's an energy state more than it is a physiological state. We can use physiology to get us into the energy state, but it's actually the energy state. So when you start to unlock the energy state

through your sexuality, you also unlock access to perpetual orgasm that is now released from the anchoring to the physical. And that's how you can have multiple orgasms. That sounds fucking dope. It's so good. Sign me up. I've had men be like,

when do I know when to stop? And I'm like, I don't know. It's so good. Sign me up. I've had men be like, when do I know when to stop? And I'm like, I don't know. It's all amazing. So let's talk for the ladies listening. What are some of the practices that they can get down on? Obviously, there's got to be some cross play there in terms of slowing down different things, pulling the energy in rather than pushing it out or clamping down. Talk a bit about that too. Yeah. So same thing for the ladies, a pleasure practice. My favorite thing is a crystal egg. So this is something that's made of either jade or borosilicate glass. You put it inside your vagina and you basically do yoga for your pussy. And it releases trauma. It releases chronic tension. It helps resensitize your vaginal canal,

helps you feel far more pleasure. And all of this, it's the underlying piece of this conversation. And it's something that's so important, right? We can teach you how to squeeze your pelvic floor. We can teach you how to do some deeper breath work. But for any of you who have ever done meditation or breath work, or even deep physical fitness, you know it's the psychological piece at the end of the day, right? And there's so much psychology wrapped up into our sexuality, so much deep, thousands of years of fucking repression, thousands of years of being told that sex is only physiological, thousands of years now of like shame and guilt and control and like just egoic brainwashing, basically making sex an extension of the ego rather than a divine remembrance. So doing these practices, you're doing so much more.

And I think you get so much farther when you start to realize that like the sexual liberation journey is very similar to spiritual liberation, that actually you encounter blockages, fears, shadows. You have to learn to surrender. You have to learn to be in yourself. Like the process of sexual liberation is actually a process of meeting your deepest arrows. And it has the same quality of going in spiritually and meeting your deepest self. And so in this, when I teach, for instance, a crystal egg practice to women, it's very much about, yes, this is how you can touch yourself more slowly. These are different ways you can stroke your clitoris. These are different ways to breathe into your pussy. Even just talking to your pussy, even just telling her that she's fucking beautiful.

I would love to walk into my wife talking to her pussy. That'd be the greatest thing of all time. Be like, oh, oh God. Yeah. I'm sorry. Do you need a moment or can I hang out for a minute? One of the practices I do with women, these are in my live retreats, right? And this is an edge. I'm not saying this is casual for the women I work with. It's all consensual. But one woman, naked from the waist down and pussy open, legs open, we put her on a throne and we have at least four women bow down in front of her pussy and thank pussy, like all the pussies, like my mom's, my grandmother's, the entire world's, my own for every single thing that has ever given me. Like, thank you for the orgasms. Thank you for the birth of my children., the entire world's, my own for every single thing that has ever given me. Like, thank you for the orgasms.

Thank you for the birth of my children. Thank you for the gift of my own life. Thank you for being a fucking sanctuary to my lover. Thank you for being a temple and a portal of my greatest pleasures, right? Thank you for, in my case, teaching me that I can overcome even the darkest of traumas and rise like the Phoenix, right? Like there's so much to thank pussy for. She never gets thanked.

She doesn't. No, neither does cock, by the way. Cock is just as sacred as pussy. And we actually, as a society, have progressed to a point where it's now actually socially more acceptable to worship pussy than it is to worship cock. I tell guys to worship their own cock.

They're like, what the fuck are you talking about? Whereas like women now, thank God it's been like a great decade. We're like, yeah, worship my pussy, woo! Right? And like guys are like- No, we got our girl with pussy reclamation, right? Like that's a fan.

That's one of my favorite book titles. That's so good. Regina's one of my favorite humans, Mama Gina. And so like, to me, this worship and love of our pussy and the same for cock, right? Like what a fucking gift cock is. And it has the same quality and magic. That's the thing too. You can learn to pull energy up and in as a man, but you can also learn to penetrate with energy. You penetrate with like the force of your presence

and the force of your magical energy. That's like the greatest fucking penetration in the world, along with your physical cock, like hallelujah. So for women, it's a deep deconditioning of chronic tension that usually comes from fear, comes from shame, comes from guilt, comes from control of our lust and control of our sexual impulses. We unwind that and start to actually experience this like garden of ecstasy that is within us. Women have far more desire, far more lust, far more orgasmic potential than most of them ever know because it's been so shut down through physiology and through psychological repression. And so a tool like the Crystal Egg teaches you, yes, to self-pleasure in

a whole new way, to work with energy, to release trauma, but it also gives you the time and space to undo that very uncomfortable emotional conditioning that usually sits around the core of your sexual expression. Fuck yeah, that's fire. And this is way too short, but we got to wrap it here. Where can people find you online? Where can people learn more from you with your courses and everything that you got going on?

And we'll definitely fucking run this back for sure. Leilamartin.com. So you can head over. The place where I actually share, I know it's old school, but it's so powerful. My best teachings, my best sharings

is actually my email list. So if you go to- I thought you were going to say MySpace. Still on it, baby. Got a fucking Tumblr. Not safe for work. Allowed on Tumblr. No, it's actually through my website,

laylamartin.com. You can sign up anywhere on the website and that gives you access to my emails. I do like really in-depth trainings, really cool video sharings every single week. I've got all kinds of programs as you referenced, a Vita coaching certification where you can learn to be a sex, love, and relationship coach. That's about a year and a half program training. And then I have all kinds of courses. I have a men's sexual mastery training, which is a six-week training. You get a foundational training, intermediate training, and advanced training, where you get to take those 20 minutes that I was talking about and really put all the tools into your practice and get to a level of sexual mastery, all kinds of women's courses. And I just

launched, and Aubrey's a partner in it or an advisor in it, Mood, which is sexy supplements. And so these are amazing. It's a supplement line that makes sex feel and be experienced in much more amazing ways. And you can find that at shopmood.com. Fuck yeah. We'll link to all this in the show notes. I love you, buddy.

This has been awesome. I love you too. Thank you.