Kyle Kingsbury Podcast - #332 ET Encounters, Ghosting, and How Not/To Date In Our Modern World w Rebecca Boatman

Episode Date: December 6, 2023

Rebecca has trained in multiple emotional intelligence academies & I have helped transform thousands of womens love lives. It is my PASSION to light others up and see possibility where one does not see possibility, specifically with love. YES, the big L.O.V.E word. We dove right into her experiences with ET’s, wherever they may have been from. Her story is incredible, not lights on a blurry cell phone video. But real encounters with friends and fam. Tune in for the juice.  Extra Terrestrials are part of Rebecca’s repertoire, but her real passion is assisting women in navigating the seeking of courage in their lives. She gives some of the most insightful advice into dating and being brave in all aspects of life I’ve encountered.  We get into ghosting and its many pitfalls. She walks me through so many of the snags people find  Text "illuminate" to 424.476.0245 for dating inspiration + tips from Rebecca!   ORGANIFI GIVEAWAY Keep those reviews coming in! Please drop a dope review and include your IG/Twitter handle and we’ll get together for some Organifi even faster moving forward.   FULL TEMPLE RESET is live!!! Come join us in this incredible protocol to kick ass in 2024. Click above!   Exit and Build Health Summit I’m also excited to announce a BRAND NEW FREE event from my good friend John Bush and his team over at Live Free Academy. It’s a 5-day series of conversations with over 25 world-renowned natural health experts in every area of wellness you can think of to share their proven secrets, strategies, methods and more for exiting disease and building lifelong health in your brain and body.    Connect with Rebecca: Website: JointheBraveMovement.com  -  www.meetthefrequency.com - Membership Instagram: @rebeccaboatman  Podcast: The Illuminate Podcast w/ Rebecca Boatman Apple - Spotify     Show Notes: The Last Podcast On The Left - 216 Roswell Pt I - It’s a UFO Apple Spotify   "An End To Upside Down Contact" - Mark Gober  Look for Aubrey's poetry here...  Matias De Stefano on The Robert Edward Grant Podcast Ep 017 YouTube Spotify Apple    Soul-Attunements.com - Mary Margraves Intuit    Sponsors: PaleoValley Some of the best and highest quality goodies I personally get into are available at paleovalley.com, punch in code “KYLE” at checkout and get 15% off everything! Rhizal Get some great looking, grounding shoes over at Rhizal.co  and use code “KKP” for 10% off! Lucy Go to lucy.co and use codeword “KKP” at Checkout to get 20% off the best nicotine gum in the game, or check out their lozenge. Sacred Hunting Get with the homie Mansal on a truly transformative experience incorporating hunting and psilocybin. Head over to SacredHunting.com and mention Kyle and the podcast for $250 off your experience!  To Work With Kyle Kingsbury Podcast   Connect with Kyle: Twitter: @KINGSBU  Fit For Service Academy App: Fit For Service App  Instagram: @livingwiththekingsburys - @gardenersofeden.earth  Odysee: odysee.com/@KyleKingsburypod  Youtube: Kyle Kingbury Podcast  Kyles website: www.kingsbu.com - Gardeners of Eden site    Like and subscribe to the podcast anywhere you can find podcasts. Leave a 5-star review and let me know what resonates or doesn’t.

here we go here we go today's guest is rebecca boatman and uh this has been one i've had about a year in the tank i met rebecca well first online and then we actually got to hang at arcadia the first round of that was summer of last year and i really wanted a podcast with her loved loved loved her content uh online and uh i think a day with her. Loved her content online and I think a year and a half went by. We had our second Arcadia and I was like, holy shit, I never had the podcast with Rebecca.

I want to do that. So here we are. We get to have this podcast. We talk all sorts of shit from aliens to upbringing to you name it in between. And then one of the things i try to draw out of her because she's known uh with the younger folks as a dating expert for men and

women i think is super important because uh i realized i have no idea how people date these days uh no idea about any of this stuff just because it's it's so far removed i've been living with natasha for 13 years and and the game has changed immensely. So there's some great practices in here, including for people who are already in a relationship to continue to harness the beauty of their relationship. And I love it. Relationship's an episode with the beautiful Rebecca Boatman.

There are a number of ways you can support this podcast. Send it to a friend who will listen and let them know about it. Word of mouth is always great. Leave us a five-star rating with one or two ways the show's helped you out in life. And your Twitter or ex or Instagram or Facebook handle. And Organifi is going to be sending out a free product every month to the end of the year. And this is the final month. It's December.

Diciembre. I can't believe it is the fucking end of 23. I really can't believe it is the fucking end of 23. I really can't. Uh, and I am like nail biting excitement for what I expect to see transpire in 2024. Uh, we'll just leave it at that cliffhanger. Um, shit's about to pop off in my opinion. And, uh, yeah, I will be glued to it, so you will not have to. I will be spreading the truth as always via this show, so expect some big, big turns next year and some big episodes to go along with that,

and that's it. Support this podcast by supporting our sponsors, and check this out. Support, if you want to work with me, if you want to get to know me, if you want to have a deep dive with me, Full Temple Reset is coming up. If you want to work with me, if you want to get to know me, if you want to have a deep dive with me, Full Temple Reset is coming up.

I started Full Temple Reset with my brother, Eric Godsey. We were one of the full-time coaches for Fit for Service. And this is what's called an immersive, where you have a small amount of people, not the normal two to 300 that we have at Fit for Service events. And we deep dive. We do the fasting mimicking diet. I starve with you. And so does Godsey.

We sauna and ice bath every day. We do the fasting mimicking diet. I starve with you. And so does Godzi. We sauna and ice bath every day. We do mobility and open up the body, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Godzi breaks down Jungian psychology and dream interpretation and all this. What do I need to know about that? Well, dreams are always speaking to you. Your psyche is always communicating with you.

It's something Jung understood better than anybody and really is one of the fathers of modern psychology. So you reset the body, you reset the brain and the mind and you reset the spirit. At the very end, we have a sound healing with one of the very best sound healing practitioners on the fucking planet.

And that's all at the farm. So you get to come hang with me at the farm in Godsey for five days straight. It's gonna be January 24th through the 28th in Austin, Texas, actually just south of that. There are 16 days left. So depending on when you listen to this, uh, there will actually 15 days by the time this thing airs. So you've got, um, a short window here for signups. And the reason we chose to run it in late January is because people are doing a lot for the holidays,

but I don't take care of myself very well around the holidays. And if I'm gonna fast the way my ancestors did, wintertime was the time that happened. It wasn't because they said, we should fast for health and wellness and longevity. No, they just didn't have enough. And if you have ancestors that were closer to the poles, North Pole or the South Pole, then it's quite likely they too went with less food

during the wintertime. And that was their natural time of year to rid and remove and restore itself. Now we live in the land of abundance. And hopefully if you're listening to this, it's quite likely that the only time you've ever gone without food was by choice. That's certainly been a blessing for myself, but it is an important thing to give myself because of the fact that I've never gone without food,

to actually go without food. And to piggyback that with some of the most important things that I've learned on my health and wellness journey so that you leave not only in the best health you've ever had, but you also get to fortify that. You know, you know how the foundational principles going forward that will lead to the healthiest version of you mentally, emotionally, and physically. Check it all out. It's fitforservice.com. We'll link to that in the show notes. It's backslashes and full temple reset and all the other shit, but you want to see full temple reset, fitforservice.com. I really hope to get you, meet you there. We haven't had a lot of people sign up from this podcast. So that's very interesting. I'm always asking, you know, like, how'd you hear about this? How'd you hear about fucking like 90%

of the people are coming via Aubrey or fit for Service. So I would love to meet my podcast listeners. I would absolutely love to get a chance to spend time with you and deep dive everything that I know alongside with Godsey and our other friends who join us for that. End of January, but you got to sign up. You got two weeks left, basically. Full tempo reset. Check it all out. Links are in the show notes.

And support our sponsors. They make this show possible. I love these guys. I'll have hand selected every single one of them. If I haven't, my team has, and I've looked into it and tried on exactly what the hell these guys are talking about for size and absolutely love who's sponsoring this podcast. Paleo Valley has been one of our longest sponsors that we've had, and they're just absolutely incredible. They have so many amazing snacks that I find

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They have several great products you're going to want this winter. They have an apple cider vinegar in capsule. Why do I need that? Well, if I'm traveling, which I often do, it's kind of hard to take like a half gallon of Bragg's with me. It's not convenient at all, but I can take these pills with me and in the airport, I can give myself good probiotics. I can reset alkalinity and I can kick the crap at anything that might be floating around in the air, boosting my immune system and making sure that I'm doing my part to stay healthy while traveling and on the road.

And again, many, many other great supplements there, but primarily Paleo Valley is my source for snacks. They have been for years. My kids love them. The jalapeno beef sticks are by far my favorite, but garlic summer sausage is awesome. Teriyaki's awesome. There's so many good ones.

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We're also brought to you by the homies at sacredhunting.com. Many of you have heard several podcasts I've done with Mansell Denton. I know we've got another one in the tank here. Mansell has become one of my closest friends out in Austin and has literally changed my life through these hunting experiences. Many people have asked me, how do I get in hold? How do I get a hold of this guy? How do I, how do I do this? It's all right here right now. So sacredhunting.com, we'll link to it in the show notes. Learn how to hunt the right way,

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Yeah, you got to fill in an application. You have an exploratory call. It's important. Like, oh, I got to fill in an application. Yeah. You got to fill in an application. You have an exploratory call. Yeah. Mazel's going to make sure that the group that you're with is fitting, right? And he's also making sure that you're right to come on this hunt. That's important if you only have six people. You don't want to have a group of six people where one guy's a total asshole and you're like, oh man, we should have screened for that. So assholes don't apply, but if you're listening to this podcast, of course you're not an asshole. And if you're drawn to sacred hunting, odds are you got your head in the right place. Go to sacredhunting.com for sure. Fill out the application for sure. Set up the exploratory call and any

questions you have with Monsel, he's going to answer. He's done many, many, many, I think 60 of these he's done in the last two or three years since our first hunt together. So I can tell you right now, you know, there's many things, there's rites of passage people are talking about. How do I change my life? How do I get to Sultara for ayahuasca? All these things, they're all important. But hunting is one of the most primal ways we do this. It's one of the ways we connect to our food with respect and reverence and to harness the sacredness of that, I think is one of the things that's missing today. And that's what I love about Mansell's work. I love getting to participate with that.

And I want the same for you guys. So check it all out, sacredhunting.com. And let me know how it goes. You guys get to meet Mansell and do this thing because you heard it here. I want to hear about it. Hit me up on Twitter at Kingsboo or on the gram at Living With The Kingsburys. I want to know about the hunt, how it went down and what you learned from it. Hit me up on Twitter at Kingsboo or on the gram at Living With The Kingsburys. I

want to know about the hunt, how it went down and what you learned from it. All right. And one more quick announcement before we get the show started. I am very excited to announce a brand new free event from my good friend, John Bush and his team over at the Live Free Academy. It's called the Exit and Build Health Summit. It's a five-day series of conversations with over 25 world-renowned natural health experts in every area of wellness you can think of to share their proven secrets, strategies, methods, and more for exiting disease and building lifelong health in your brain and body.

The best part is it is designed for anyone, any age, fitness level, or current health condition. You're going to hear from Mike Adams, Dr. Peter McCullough, Zuby, J.P. Sears, Robin Openshaw, Dr. Kelly Brogan, Mickey Willis, Robert Scott Bell, Dr. Sean Baker, and Tanner Shuck, and many, many more experts in their field, including myself. The VP of sales at Live Free Academy, Ryan Menetti, sat down with each of these experts for a private, uncensored, honest, and in-depth interview of how to live as healthy as possible for as long as possible. The result is nothing short of life-changing for those that hear these interviews and put

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The Exit and Build Health Summit goes live December 6th through the 10th. December 6th through the 10th. So check this out. That's gonna be right as this podcast release. The day this releases on Wednesday be right as this podcast release. The day this releases on Wednesday is the day this thing starts. And if you pay a little extra,

you'll be able to watch at any point. You'll also get VIP access where instead of the hour, we go an extra 30 to 45 minutes with Ryan and we deep dive topics, some of which I've never discussed before on the podcast or anywhere else. We do that in the VIP.

So absolutely love these guys. What they're doing is fantastic. And I hope to be a part of their summits going forward. It's a long URL, but just remember the exit and build health summit and go down. It's going to be livefree.academy and a whole bunch of other shit at the end. We'll have that linked in the show notes so you can one click it and sign up to be a part of it. I highly recommend it. And without further ado, my sister, Rebecca Bowman. All right, we're clapped in. You mentioned the word UFO, and I was like, no, we got to record.

This shit can't be off air. Screw dating, let's talk aliens. We're going to talk everything here. But yeah, we're talking handpans and the origins of it. And yeah, coming from the short story of it, at least what you'll read online, I'm sure there's a real story that I'm unaware of, but a couple was in Jamaica or the Bahamas and the steel drums are so big that people would often build them on site where they were supposed to stay. And they really fell in love with the sound and wanted to know how to make it, how they can make that portable. And they really fell in love with the sound and wanted to know how to make it,

how they can make that portable. And then the handpan came out, which is funny because a lot of the, there's a lot of woke people that think like white people playing the handpan is a cultural appropriation. And the handpan was invented by two Swedes that were about, they're a lot whiter than I am.

Who's put it that way? So hilarious. Anywho. Yeah. And then you said, you mentioned that it looks like a UFO. I was like, are we going to start right now? Yeah. Have you read any of Mark Gober's work? No. He's been on this podcast a bunch. He's one of my favorite authors. He's coming back on. He wrote, and I love, I mean, he's a fucking brilliant guy. He reminds me of Charles Eisenstein. I think he's a Princeton grad or Yale, but he's a smart kid, as they say in Good Will Hunting. And he wrote an end to upside down thinking,

an end to upside down liberty, which is my favorite. And then an end to upside down great reset, which speaks to all the nefarious plans of Klaus Schwab and these turkeys and just lays it out in a very beautiful way. And then now he's got a new one coming out on medicine. But in between those, he had an end to upside down contact, which is all on aliens, near-death experiences,

all sorts of shit, you know, that no one wants to talk about. And I remember thanking him. I was like, I haven't read it yet, but thank you for putting your neck out there. This is topics no one wants to fucking touch because if they do, they lose all credibility. Like, oh, that guy's a blah, blah, blah believer, that kind of thing, right? It's like saying you've hunted for Bigfoot every summer for the last 10 years. You know, like if I heard that, I mean, maybe that is a good disqualifier, but you know,

like I find it funny though, but now there's their aliens are popping up everywhere. It's like the new, hey, look at this, the media everywhere. It's like the new, uh, Hey, look at this. The media wants you to do, you know, Hey, look at this, like a little, little distraction. But, um, it is odd to me that, you know, like Roswell was fucking 1947, like all these, there's some great podcasts on Roswell too. I lost one, but, um, if I can find it, I'll link to it in the show notes. Maybe Jose can help me find it. But, um, it's undeniable shit. Like there's hundreds of accounts of eyewitnesses that saw this debris.

And I know we're going in the wrong direction here. No, this is the right direction. This is great. There was foil that they couldn't bend with a fucking hammer, with a sledgehammer. They couldn't bend this stuff. It was indestructible, but thin as paper. Then there was another kind of foil

that you could crumple up into a ball and it would hold for a second. And then if you threw it in the air, it would go and go back to the piece of paper with not a single wrinkle in it. So you couldn't break it, but you could crumple it into a ball. There was one that you couldn't break that was indestructible. And the other one you could bend in like origami and eventually it would just go and flatten straight back out to how it was beforehand with no wrinkles. Wow. And metallic, right? Super cool shit. They had I-beams that could bend, but only to a certain degree.

So you're saying this is UFO technology that was found? This was found in Roswell, New Mexico with the crash in 1947. And hundreds of people saw it. Government, of course, tried their best to cover it up, but there's just too many people that were a part of it. And like people who wrote memoirs on their deathbed, that entire books about it have been written. So they go over that in the podcast

and Gober goes over that and ended upside down contact, which I will link to in the show notes, because it's rad. Even if you're not an alien person, the shit he gets into angels and demons and near-death experiences is really fucking cool. What are his thoughts on the connections? You know, he, I just made it to, angels and demons and near-death experiences is really fucking cool. What are his thoughts on the connections?

You know, he, I just made it to, I haven't finished it yet. It's only eight hours on Audible. It's a really quick read. One of the things he just got to is kind of four mainstream thoughts on what these beings are like being, you know, an extraterrestrial being is something from another planet, right? Then there's interdimensional beings, you know, an extraterrestrial being is something from another planet, right? Then there's interdimensional beings, you know, fifth dimensional beings, that kind of stuff. Then there's, you know, ascended masters. There's, I forget the third one, some combination of the two. And then the fourth one is they're us from the future, right? And Aubrey just did a super dope, super dope poem. It's my favorite of his, and I have many favorites, but his latest one, which should be out by the time we air, is All on the Gray Aliens.

And he loops that in, lyrics about them being us from the future. Wow. So he has to connect the dots. How do we become this androgynous, droid-like being? And it's through the elimination of the word mother, right? It's through all the things that are happening right now where it's like too much to claim to be a man or a woman. Wow. Any of this stuff, right? So it's, it's pretty, it's, it's, it's awesome that, that poem. I'll link to that in the show notes for sure. Yeah. What are your, what's your take on aliens before we get

into the meat and potatoes of this? Well, I haven't done a lot of research. I just have learned from my dad growing up. And he studied at an ashram in the south of France in his early 20s. A lot of fasting, a lot of cleansing, a lot of purification. And ETs isn't the focus. However, it ends up being a byproduct of your experience. So then he had his experiences in his early 20s. Came to America. couldn't connect with

people because he was just so different when he came here was like culture shock so swung into Pink Floyd cocaine girls met my mom had me fast forward to when I was in my early 20s he started talking to me about ETs and about UFOs and so so he took me to this place. He said, I want you to have an experience. I want you to see them. So he, there's, there's hotspots around the world, right? And he took me and we go to this place in the mountains and you, you know, sometimes they could look like, they look like, they don't look like they move like jellyfish sometimes in the sky. And, and, you know, you couldn't mistake them for satellites, but I always tell people who are skeptics, I'm like, you can download

a satellite tracker app and know that they're not satellites. Right. So I go and I see about 40 over the weekend. Now I'm, but there's a disconnect. I'm not feeling it in my system. I'm like, okay, I see this and I see that they can also, you can communicate with them and they will respond to you. That's what Stephen Greer is getting into. Yeah. His new, like a close encounters of the fifth kind, I think. Yes. So, um, um, we have a ton of footage of this where you talk to them, they'll talk back or, you know, with flashing and whatnot. So I'm seeing this, but I'm just like shut down. I'm like, man, okay, I see this, but I'm not feeling it. There's a disconnect. So after the trip was over, we drive seven hours back North to go, to go home. And I'm listening

to my dad, talk to my family, like excited. And my, the other part of my family is just like, okay, like they're totally shut down. They're like, you're literally crazy. And I'm like, I can understand. I can literally understand their thought process. And I know what my dad's talking about. I saw it, but I'm still feeling a disconnect. So that night I go home and, or not home, I'm staying in a hotel at this point because this is my hometown. And I sit down in my daybed.

It's like a glass wall facing the ocean. And I write a prayer out. And I just wrote like, I need faith. Like I see it, but I'm still not believing. And when I'm honest with myself, so I wrote out a prayer and it was very short. And then I also spoke it out loud and then I just laid down. And then two minutes later,

something said, get up. And I get up and I look and right outside my window. I have the chills even telling you. And I just started in, oops, I started instantly bawling like a baby. And there's the visceral. Yes, exactly. Because the message was they hear, they hear me, they heard what I said. And so there was the connection and that changed everything. When you have your own personal experience and you communicate and they respond to you, it's like,

oh my gosh, they heard me. That was like mind, heart, body just blown. My whole world was blown open. And then I'm like, okay, I want to learn more. I want to know more. So every year we go on an annual trip to visit and have, you know, the intention is to connect with these ETs. And last year we had,

and now we have a group, right? A crew that goes with us and we rent a house. Just like Greer. He brings a fat group. Okay. Yeah, because once you go one year, you want to go again. So we've accumulated some soul fam.

And last year they took shape on the ground. Whoa. And I have footage. I'll show you. So was there a beam or did they just like appear? You'll see they, so first of all, you see, we see activity in the sky. And by the way, we're just to set the scene, we're just having fun. We're having fun.

We're playing games. You know, I was laying with my boyfriend singing, let it, you know, that song, let it be by the Beatles. Yeah. And it talks about mother Mary. It was just, you know, remembering the moment and, or being in the moment and how they take shape is you'll see in the footage, um, it's like phasing in. So imagine we were at a ranch, right?

So this is happening on our ranch. They start to phase in, in different spots. It's not like a beam that we see. It's like, they're coming in. You see the light, you see them start to light up and light up. Star Trek. Yeah. spots it's not like a beam that we see it's like they're coming in you see the light you see them start to light up and light up yeah and then they they take form and um what we see is three distinct beings about 10 feet tall and the shape is almost like a head and then cloak is i'm not saying they're wearing a cloak but that's the best way to describe it so their body is like

dropped down you see a head and there's one forward and two in the back and it was one of the most life-changing powerful beautiful experiences and then after they they phase out we see we saw a ship in the sky beam up super big and then we're like that's them saying goodbye and then beam out and move away and then then at the same time, we had two new friends who were walking up who had had experiences before, but not this close, but who came with us the year prior. And fast forward, one of my friends said, you know, I'm glad that the beam or that the beings left because my boyfriend would have been scared. And I thought, oh, wow, they can, maybe they sense that and they know and they're being respectful. So that's my experience.

And I can say that it was the month after that that I started getting obsessed with forgiveness and forgiveness being a frequency and one of the highest frequencies that exists on the planet. And I was talking to my friend, Kaya, who wrote the Sophia Code. Oh, yeah, Kaya Ra.

We met her in Sedona. She's dope. Oh, nice. She said that they can drop packets of light information with you, and I'm like, oh, that made sense because it was like an obsession. I'm like, forgiveness, it's an aliveness. You're going to unlock the zip file that they just gave to you. So that was my experience,

and it's just everything I know has been based off of experience and what I've learned from my dad. I haven't done a whole lot of research. That's dope, though. You got firsthand experience. The only firsthand experience I have, my boxing coach who was a mestizo Native American and Aztec, Witi, who passed away about five years ago, was awesome. He got me into plant medicines and first through sweat lodges within Inipi. And because of his heritage, he had always wanted to build like the stone one that Tim has called. And he finally did before he passed, but we would go to Native American land and he'd bring like some dudes from

the rougher parts of San Jose. So like dudes with neck tattoos and shit from East side San Jose that were just trying to get sober and he'd show them a different way of life. He wouldn't give them plant medicines, but for all the fighters, he'd give them a different way of life. He wouldn't give them plant medicines. But for all the fighters, he'd give us like a fucking heroic dose of psilocybin. And so there was eight of us. There was eight, or no, there was eight dudes. I'm trying to see if I remember this correctly.

There was eight fighters on psilocybin and there was four or five other, you know, some of the homies from Eastside that were dead sober. And he took us for a little walk. We go eat the mushrooms, go into the sweat, come out of the sweat. And then we go for this little nature walk where they're kicking online. And this place, there's no running water.

There's no lights. There's no nothing. It's not like Indian casino shit. Like this is completely untouched Native American land. And you can see a really like great visibility of the stars there, even for, especially for Northern California, because there's so much light pollution. So we go on this walk and all of us stop and we all look in the same place. Like there's no noise, but it just pulls

us like full stop. We look to the left and we look up and it looks like there's a star that's just floating to the left. And then it stops, floats back to the right, stops, floats back to the left. And by now we're all like fucking grabbing each other's traps and neck, like, holy shit. And then a bunch of fighters. Yeah. Like, holy shit. And then it goes, it goes up slowly and then it goes big and then it's gone. So like the light expanded and then poof, it was gone in an instant. And I was like, damn, that was a motherfucking UFO. And Weetzie goes, oh, you saw the spirit, right? And I was like, interesting.

I was like, you think it's a spirit. But now like, especially listening to the end upside down contact, like, I don't know what the fuck it is. Is it a fifth dimensional being? Is it a craft? It could very well be a spirit, especially with more journeys that I've had.

It was pretty early on in my plant medicine days. But when it can hear your thoughts and your prayer, there's a connective piece there, right? Unless they're always observing everyone. But, and it, you know, maybe they, because you've sought them out, they seek you out, that kind of thing. But the fact that there's an interplay of response and a connectivity that happens would lend it to the potential that it is a fifth dimensional being that exists outside of time and space

and are here for our benefit and evolution. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. And the master who my dad studied with, Omran Mikhail Ivanov, I asked Matthias, I'm like, Matthias, who are they?

And he said, oh, they're fifth dimensional beings. Yeah, this is a matter of fact for him, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He could explain this inside and out. I will link to this in the show notes. So he's been with us at Sedona, same with Robert Edward Grant. And then we just did Arcadia.

Robert Edward Grant's talk in Sedona blew my fucking mind. And then I want to get into your story. I don't want to fucking just, but this is like, this is really mind blowing. One of the things he's uncovered, cause he's a polymath, but like a polymath within math as well. He's a mathematical genius and he's written several books. I want to get him on the show. He's got his own podcast now. He just had Matthias on. I want to link to that. He basically gives the discussion in greater detail than he did in Sedona, but he talks about

the harmonic signature of the sacred geometry that each of the pyramids are made up and down the Nile. And it's actually based on the chakra system, the frequency of sound necessary to unlock the chakra system. And as you go into each chamber and you chant in a specific frequency that unlocks that chakra, it's meant to be the hero's journey. You can go top down, you can go bottom up, or you can go down then up, but that's what they were designed to do was to unlock you into higher levels of consciousness. And I was just like, fucking mind blown. So he talks about the math behind it. He talks about all sorts of shit, how like consciousness itself, uh, has been all of

music prior to him discovering this around music, ties everything back into music, which I think is great. Yeah. It's based on the square root of two, which is duality. But that's only part. If you do a pie,

like a full circle, the square root of two only comes out to a certain portion. The square root of three, the Holy Trinity, is what completes the circle. And he dives into that. And I was just like, damn, dude.

So like he's on point. And Matthias like drops a ton of knowledge in that. And I think they're so good together because they talk about the synchronicities that led them to each other. I've never had a past life experience and I've done hundreds of journeys. I've asked for it at times.

Are you like, give me a past life? What the hell? Yeah, show me some shit, dude, if this is real. And haven't had access yet. Doesn't disqualify it. But for them, you know, they, Matthias was born with that memory and Robert has been gifted those memories at different stages of his life. And they have led them to different people who have unlocked other memories of past lives and other important information of why they're here, what they're trying to collect and what they're trying to unlock together for the benefit of mankind, which I think is like, as Matias says, he's like, if it's not real, at least it's a lot of fun.

You know, and I'm like, I love it, dude, because it is hella fun and it is super inspiring and also entertaining and like, I dig it. I dig what those guys are up to. And Matias is so fun to learn from. He's just like, when he says something, it's just, oh, this is how it is. And there's no ego. It's just those guys are up to. And Matias is so fun to learn from. He's just like, when he says something, it's just, oh, this is how it is. And there's no ego. It's just- Matter of fact, yeah. Just casual. Yeah. Super casual.

Wow. Super dope. Well, we're like 17 minutes, not as long as I thought, good, into the podcast. And the arc of the show is I want to know what made you you. So you talked a little bit about your father. Where did you grow up and what drove you to become you? And then we're going to dive into some things that I think we could really use on this podcast because I overlook shit. I've been in a marriage that's never been better. That has also been put through the ringer at several fucking points from myself and other factors. And I've mentioned that before, but yeah, like to recap, I drank like a fish in the beginning of our relationship

and couldn't really see it, but that was what I was used to. Fucking super clean as an arrow during fight camp. And then, hey, I've been a good boy. Time to throw caution to the wind and set it all on fire after the fight, right? In between fights. And my wife, Tosh, could see,

hey, there's kind of a disconnect here. You're eating organic food. You're reading How to Move and Be Healthy by Paul Cech. And you live a certain way, like a fucking monk. And then it's like total debauchery. Like, is there no in between? That kind of thing. And plant medicines really helped with that, with me being able to see that for myself.

Didn't matter how much she saw it. I had to see it for myself. Then we had an open marriage for a little while which had all kinds of fucking unique problems and I would have never guessed that allowed us to grow closer together through that experience and now we're no longer open but it was fucking awesome

and worth every second of it as I look back on it so we've been through the ringer but 12 years together two kids and there's so much now like this the world's changed where like people, you know,

I talk to people that are younger and they're trying to date and shit like that. And I'm like, I got no fucking clue what you guys do. Like no fucking clue. And I imagine being, having 80% male listeners that there's quite a few listeners that want tips, that wanna know what women want, that wanna know what's the best way,

most authentic way for a man to approach them, all that shit. Especially because of everything that's happening in woke culture around what a man should be, how it's misogynistic to hold the fucking door open and be a gentleman. You know, there's a lot of that shit too, that's making people confused. So let's dive into that. But first let me get your story. Yeah. Okay. So where'd I grow up? I grew up in Bellingham, Washington. Have you heard of it? I've heard of Bellevue, uh, Bellingham, Washington. Have you heard of it? I've heard of Bellevue, but not Bellingham. Okay. So like 80, 70 miles North of Bellevue. Okay. And, and even more so I was out in Ferndale, which is a County. So grew up on 15 acres,

um, and up there in the Pacific Northwest. And then my, and then moved, you know, when I was around 18, moved down to California. But yeah, grew up and my father got married several times before I was 16. So I had six families, six different stepmoms, different families. So moved a lot, lived in 23 different houses. Was mom not a part of the picture? So that was on dad's side. Mom's side, mom was part of the picture. So 50-50 custody. And my mom remarried to my stepdad when I was five years old.

They had my little sister, Ronnie. And that was Ron. And then he passed away in 2014. He committed suicide, which was challenging. And then here I am, right, as an adult. So many amazing things that my parents gave me. But then also when it comes down to relationship, not knowing what the hell to do, not knowing how to communicate, not knowing how to create thriving relationships. I would burn

bridges. I, you know, I, I would rather lick a cow's butthole than tell you my feelings were hurt. Like it was so hard for me. And so I set out on this journey to want to learn how do you have and build healthy relationships? I see them. I see them in my friend's parents, but I had no clue. And so that's really, you know, the short story of what led me into my career now to support people. And my main focus is helping women. However, what's so cool is I actually get so many men who watch my content because it helps them give them perspective. And then I also, then it got me into supporting men as well, which I enjoy, but that, that's a basically short version of my story. I love that. And man, I don't love how hard your childhood was. Um, you know, we, I often brought up the fact with people and I think I talked about it on a recent podcast, but

my wife and my greatest fear is losing a child. Like there's could be nothing worse than that. And then I'm like, but close second would be a sibling, you know, and Paul check, who's one of my mentors, his older brother committed suicide, I think in his thirties, right. And that had a fucking deep, deep impact on Paul. And, um, and it's taken a lot of work for him, you know, this is from his words, but a lot of work to move through that and, and to, to, to come to peace with it, you know? So, um, I can, I can't imagine, and I don't want to imagine, but I can see also how that would be a catalyst for really understanding stuff. One of the dots that I want to connect to is that like Anahata says, your greatest teacher isn't the person that taught you the most good. It's the person that taught you the most period.

And that is usually a parent or sibling because they showed you all the things not to do. And there's so much there. There's so much medicine in that if you can understand it as such, right? My parents divorced when I was 13. They were like two fucking battering rams. No one knew how to say I'm sorry. No one knew how to stop until it was too late. And yeah, so like that showed me a lot of what not to do, you know? Like, okay, something has to give here. Somebody's got to stop the yelling. Someone's got to fucking surrender, you know? No one would surrender. So that made it a little bit easier in my relationships, but I also kind of went so far in the opposite direction. Like as a kid, when my parents would fight, I'd go into a little shell.

I'm a rock, I'm a rock, I'm a rock kind of deal. And I noticed that I started to uncover that in my marriage. I would also flee, which my mom would do. She'd fucking take off and go to a friend's house for like three days. I did that unconsciously all the way through my college sweetheart. I'd fucking get in a fight with her in Tempe, Arizona. She'd call me a while later and I'd be in LA halfway up to the Bay area. Like I'm fucking out, dude. I'll see you in a bit. You know, like just jump in the car. Total avoidant attachment style. See you never. I'm going. I'm out bitch. And, um, but then I did that one time with Tosh. It was in the beginning of open and I, and then I was like,

holy shit. And it like dawned on me. I was like, oh, I used to do this all the time. Oh wow. I still do this. And I was like, where'd I get that from? I was like, oh shit, mom. And I was like, wow. And it's just like fucking layers of epiphanies and awakening and understanding that. Um, but it's been a long ass road to decipher that. But one of the things that I wanted to say is given your circumstances, any self-work you do in uncovering that is uncovering mastery in relationships. By nature, it has to, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And coming back to when you said like, oh, learn what not to do. When I go to film my mom on stories, my mom's really fun.

She'd be like, do you want me to tell everyone what not to do? You know, just owns it. She's awesome. But absolutely. And relationships are a consistent mirror and growth opportunity. And they offer initiations. And when you shared, you know, the epiphany around, oh, wow, like I realized I used to do this and this, what was that? I'm so curious. What was that journey like

to then not do that? Because I know that can be challenging. It can feel like a death to say, oh, I'm not going to run away and I'm not going to flee. I'm not going to buy an international flight and just blow this whole thing up. What was that? Yeah. Well, my wife and I actually, like later that week, we had a ceremony with the Sonoran Desert Toad and I actually got to see my mom leaving over and over again. And I was like, that's where that is. That's when the dots connected. At the time I just realized this is wrong. I need to head home. And I did. And so, you know, I made it a quarter mile away. Thankfully I wasn't in another state when I realized that. So I came back and apologized. That was a little bit easier with the alchemy because it came through medicine a few days later, but the, it's one thing to not leave, but it's another thing to stay present.

And I would still leave just going deeper inside myself. Right. So like I didn't flee anymore, but I'd still leave by disassociating and going in and turning into a little kid again. And that took a lot longer to realize. But as I did, you know, one of the things that helped me to talk about like how you work with women, it improved, you know,

there's a lot of men that have an interest. When I finally read King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, I had an intuitive from Sedona, Mary Margrave, soul-attunements.com. You guys can check out her website and sign up with her. She's awesome. She's like booked three, four months ahead of time. I've been telling people about her and fit for service for a long time. She had me read that book. She said, read it first once through just to soak it in. But the second time you read it, actually take inventory because the shadow is anything that's inherently not inside your purview. So you're not going to see it. The shadow won't allow it. But if it's past you, if it's you as a kid or you in college, the ego doesn't

have an aguard because that's not you anymore. But if you see patterns from when you were a kid and everyone you dated prior to this one, that pattern might still be there. It's an excellent way to actually, you know, trick the ego into letting you see some shit it doesn't want you to see. And so the second time I took inventory and that's really what changed a lot for me. But in recognizing fully,

this is what I did with my parents. And I do it now. The second Tosh, mom, is upset, I go into a little shell. And so unpacking that really helped me become more of a man than I had in our entire relationship. And like being able to stay present and being, like as Aubrey says, the mountain energy

where like I can weather the storm, you can give me the storm, I can weather the storm and hold it and not come off my center in feeling that, but just hold it and not come off my center in feeling that, but just hold it and then communicate softly and presently on everything that I feel and everything that I'm hearing from you. And that was probably the biggest jump in our relationship, I think, was going through that. Yeah. And it's also reminds me of like the ocean floor. You're being the ocean floor with the

oceans doing all its thing and you're like on the ocean floor. You're being the ocean floor with the oceans group doing all its thing and you're like on the ocean floor. And that's so empowering and supportive to a relationship and cultivating intimacy. And with everything you just said, it's like, oh, there's this skill that then I had,

I realized the pattern when you did the inner work and then, or did the work and reading the book and realizing, and then knowing for all the listeners, it's like that can happen in the, I always say there's the flirting phase and then there's the dating phase. And then there's courting and commitment for those of you that are listening,

like, Oh, I want a committed relationship. It's like every, everything that you just shared, you can take that into, it's like, Oh, it's an experiment. experiment let's freaking gamify this shit like there's an opportunity to learn inside each part of of that phase and you can get excited about it as you things are reflected to you in dating things are reflected to you in courting and in a committed partnership i love that yeah and i think of that like the king we're a magician lover piece i've recommended that to a lot of women too just just for the fact that like, it helps you understand men better, but at the same time, queen, huntress, uh, what would you call a, a witch or a mage, you know, like there's a female term for every one of those archetypes

and they are like parent archetypes that include all sorts of other shit. Like shadow. I don't know if you're familiar with the book book but it's great because shadow lover contains the addict it contains the don juan the casanova right who who who had you know but when it shows you how to balance these things like on a cross you have the king or queen and the magician or mage and then you have the warrior or huntress paired with the lover and the reason for that is if you're in shadow lover, like a Don Juan type who is never satisfied and always has to move on to the next thing and is always searching for the best sex, the best this, the best that, but can never find it,

it's the warrior that balances that. It's not the positive lover, it's the warrior because the warrior's discipline is what brings the discipline to say, I'm full. I've had enough. This is actually what I'm looking for. So it's really cool how they break that down. I think it's especially from a male mental model is very easy to grasp. Okay. I've heard great things about that book. One for the feminine, or there's one called He, have you heard of that? By Robert Johnson and She. Yeah. Godsey is big into those books the first time I read She I'm like

this makes no sense to me and then when I was going through an intense breakup and I read the book I was like this is my life, everything made sense so wild sometimes when you're in the middle of an initiation process it's like you cling to the words and it all makes sense

versus before it felt like it made no sense. That makes sense, actually. I buy books all the time and don't read them because I know they'll call to me, like a living library. That book's going to speak to me in the exact right moment. And when I had that call with Mary, King War Magician Lover had been sitting on my nightstand, which is prime real estate.

That's the book I'm going to read next. It was there for two years and I hadn't touched it. Like this is the book I read next for two fucking years. And she asked me if I had heard of that book. And I was like, yeah, I've had it on my nightstand for two years now. She's like, okay, you're going to read it now. And I read it in three days.

The first go through and took me a little longer doing the inventory. But I was thinking about that, like the potency of that book when I had my back against the wall was so much more important than had I read it any other fucking time. It wouldn't have mattered. It wouldn't have hit the same way. Yeah. You were ready for it. Yeah. Yeah. And also I know that, um, you shared, you don't talk about dating much on here, right? No, this is great. Yeah. We need to talk about dating because I know there's people chomping

at the bit. They're like, yeah, Mr. Fucking Perfect with his happy wife and happy family. Like, how'd you get there? It's a different era. One of my male former clients, now dear friends, is the head strength and conditioning coach for one of the best NFL teams. And I asked him, I said, okay, I'm going on Kyle's podcast. It's all men. You know, what are your thoughts on the top three struggles? And one that he said was actually ghosting.

So going out and dating, ghosting. I'm like, okay, great. So we got to talk about this for your listeners and everyone listening. And how do you navigate that? And so what do you think? Should we dive into that? Let's dive into that. I'm going to put Guapo on my lap for the few people watching video.

So what do you do with ghosting? And if knowing that it exists and it's out there, especially because there's a swipe happy world, right? If you're online dating or not dating and how do you let it not impact your dating experience? So explain ghosting for me. That's how old I am. So ghosting, in my opinion, ghosting under my mind is like things are great and then she just stops returning texts. Yes. Okay. And then there's an open loop that you feel. So what do you do?

Do you stay engaged? Do you keep trying? Yeah. So something that you can do is you can communicate like, hey, I have not heard from you and I'm experiencing an open loop that I'd love to close. Like how do you stop reaching out? Simple. Simple. You can ask and if you don't get a response, that's also an answer. And most importantly, staying committed to the vision of what is it that you're creating and knowing that that person is going to be excited and consistent and ready to create it with you.

And if you catch yourself always being attracted to the person who's ghosting, well, I would say there's something else there to look at because it could be that you're attracted to the unavailable archetype because actually being seen down your dating experience and not giving it a ton of energy. If you need to close the loop, you can ask something. You can ask a question, but also not prematurely getting into a relationship. We see that often, especially for women, actually. With men, I see it as well, where they're acting as if they're in a relationship before they're actually in a relationship, you know. And so that's one thing to address. And moving things, if you're an online dating app, instead of, for example. None of this shit existed when I was in the game.

This is very good. Okay, good, good. So if, for those of you, some people are like, I'm against online dating, which is fine. I'm like, if you don't want an online date, you don't need an online date. And I'm sure there's some of you who are listening, online date. So one thing that I want to support you in not doing is getting into a premature texting relationship where you text for weeks on end before you meet the person. You know, you can move it along quickly and here's something tangible,

which by the way i love working with men because they're like just tell me what to do they just tell me what to do so i'm here telling you what to do you can say like oh i wonder if you're this fun on a facetime like a flirty way to move it from text to a facetime and then you can say or you can say i wonder if you're this fun on a coffee date and go on a coffee date or go on a walk. Like don't get into a premature relationship or a texting relationship. And of course, staying committed to the vision. So those are some tangible things. Is a potential of just getting into the texting relationship that you slide yourself into the friend zone on accident?

I mean, that could happen. Absolutely. I think that would be. Or it just never leaves room for advancement. It would, that and or you, there maybe doesn't leave room for advancement because you're all of a sudden getting involved with this person when there's no real connection in person. I see. So you're putting your time and energy into something when it's, you don't know if you have the same values, the same-

That's brilliant, actually. And I don't mean to cut you off. I know I'm talking a lot this podcast. I usually pride myself on how much I shut up and let the guests speak, but I'm very curious. It seems to me that that would be the most important disconnect about the modern world is that it's all online and there's less face-to-face, right? No different than what we were talking about with podcasting before this. I've done a lot more online interviews just to get people across the pond in England and things like that and when it's convenient. But there's something to be said for being face-to-face with one another. There's a different energy field we get to entertain.

Yes. That you don't get online. Yeah. You know, and I think for dating it would be even more important. Absolutely. And we can talk about in person as well and, you know, because you may feel more comfortable going online and talking to someone versus going up to a woman and approaching her or asking her out for the listeners. So I always say fear of rejection for most people is a real thing, especially if you see someone who you're interested in. And people nowadays, when you look around, they're on their phones.

And I recently did a video that, and I titled it, like I used to glare at men and it went viral. So I'm like, this is interesting. When videos go viral, go over 2 million views. I'm like, why are people like talk? You know, this is clearly, this is something people relate to. And what I shared is that why would I glare? It was because I would glare. Is glare like resting bitch face or Yes. Or like, okay. And you guys, I would go like this. Like, I would like, more than resting bitch face.

Like, it would have a frown and I'll look away. I've had some looks like that in my life. I'll admit it. So, and when I, and I'm supporting thousands of women, I cannot tell you

how many times women say, oh my gosh, I do that too. So I want all the men to hear this. Women will tell me, oh my gosh, I do that too and I don't know why men to hear this. Women will tell me, oh my gosh, I do that too. And I don't know why I do it. So I would do it. This is what happened. I can guarantee if a woman, most likely if a woman glares at you and looks away after she looks away, she's thinking, why did I just do that?

Well, there's a fly. Why did I just do that? So that's exactly what would happen. I'd think, why the fuck did I just like glare at that person? And then when I did this work and I would peel it back, I started to understand, oh wow, because if I reject and I throw up that wall, I'm staying in the predictable. I'm staying in control. I'm basically saying, hey, don't come near me because if you come near me, and this is all what flirting is, it's the unpredictable. You might ask me out. You might not like, I don't know what you're going to say. And that, that for me at that time was really uncomfortable. So I'm like, let me just stay in my zone and therefore I am, I am safe. Right. But it was- Put up these walls real quick. Don't get any ideas.

Yeah. So it's funny when I tell women, I'm like, okay, because we do the thing called Calibraves, where it was the same thing I led at Fit for Service, where you're going to basically take a brave action step that calibrates you to a new frequency, a new experience. So I tell the women, okay, you're going to go wink at three guys. They literally look at me like I told them to go hide a dead body. You want me to what? And I think it's so important to share this stuff so everyone knows that as you're approaching women, there's that discomfort that can be on both sides. But being willing to step into the unknown, being willing to go into the unpredictable, and being willing to experience rejection. I always do rejection in air quotes because it's like, I think that's important. And, you know, letting them know you're interested and you can say, hey, I'd love to go out with you

and become rejection proof, make it a game. And I think that's a really big, important piece to dating. Yeah, I'm thinking about a buddy of mine who I won't say his name because he's not very attractive. We've known each other since we were 12. Oh, I know who it is. I'm just joking.

He always overachieved. He was a chronic overachiever. And the thing was like, I don't know, you might be too young to have seen Saved by the Bell. But I remember Saved by the Bell, I call it the Zach Morris effect. Me and my buddies would call it that because he would ask out a hundred girls

and one would say yes, but he never cared that they said no. And it was TV, right? But it was also like, damn, we need the Zach Morris effect. I need to not care. I need to be able to just talk to people and not get weird you know when i'm talking to girls i need to not be weird and just be myself and um he actually had that and he would always land super hot ladies and you know marrying a beautiful woman they have a fucking they're awesome but uh it blew my fucking

mind because i was like damn this dude's fucking got it and like all of us that actually look good it can't fight i'm like a fucking fem bot like like a girl, if a hot chick winked at me, I'd fucking fry my circuits. You know, like I wouldn't be. In fact, the reason it worked out perfect, say God served me Tosh on a silver platter. Cause when we met, I was in a six and a half year relationship and I didn't, I, you know, flirted here and there, but it was like, I treated her like my little sister. Like I didn't have any, there was no nerves about it. Whereas if I was single with my wife now, if I was single when I met Natasha,

I would have been fucked. It wouldn't have worked. That wouldn't have been me. I'd have been like, eh, nah, I'm gonna try to say a funny joke and see how she likes it. You know, like I wasn't, I would have been in my head, just like the background app running,

analyzing every fucking word. But because I was taken, it was like, I could just be me. And then I saw her sense of humor and she saw my sense of humor. And then when that relationship ended, we were already friends. It was like, all right, let's see. Bada boom, bada bang. Kids later. Yep. Wow. And when you say the nerves are high, that brings up an important point of, I always tell people go on more than one. If there is some interest, let yourself go on another date because usually for both parties nerves are high on the first date so they're like

oh it wasn't a connection but they weren't being them themselves exactly not oh that doesn't always happen but sometimes you know my I fail two family members who are married on the first date I remember she was like oh he's lame like she was like no and they had to keep hanging out because they were like on a trip of some sort. So, and then- They were stuck together. Yeah, married with a kid, right? But at first she's like, oh no, you know,

you hear that all the time. That's what happened with us. We were in a tour for Kuwait, in Kuwait and Iraq, a goodwill tour for the troops because she was a ring girl when I was fighting in the UFC. Oh, wow. And so yeah, two and a half weeks. And we went through, like you're basically,

you're not sleeping in the same bed, but you're living with somebody for that long. So like we get a sandstorm in and one of the bases in Iraq and can't leave this really tiny fob for fucking three days eating chicken nuggets. Like all respect to the men and women that experience that all the time,

that are there longer than three days. But for us, we could see, like I could see how do you deal with adversity? Like what's going to, you know, how are you going to fucking get flustered because you can't shower as often as you want and that kind of things. And she rolled with the punches like a champ.

But yeah, we were thrust in together same way. There was no escaping each other for a short period of time. And you learn how someone operates under stress or doesn't. And that's Doug Brackman, who is my second, are you familiar with Doug? Okay. He is a double PhD, brilliant specialist, specializes in Peter Levine's work and childhood trauma. And he always says like date someone for 18 months, you know, and you really get to know them after 18 months. That is like the psychological knowing that after 12 to 18 months, whatever shadow someone's holding

on to whatever the real version of them is that's when they'll let down their guard and show you it right like that's when the window ends paul check told me the same thing and it's likely from reading these guys work um and he was mentioning that in open because he's like you may meet somebody like you and your wife have ironed shit out for years yeah and he knows and loves tosh he's like you're gonna meet people that seem to fit in and seem to be the best but you have no fucking clue where they are until 18 months yeah and he was dead right wow like when you guys had an open relationship wow and then you then you really get to and even in friendship right it's new friends and you get to learn them and um one other thing I want to mention to empower everyone who's listening about ghosting is something that I'm fine. Very empowering is if we're experiencing something that whether it is ghosting or like, man, like I want to have a different experience

around this. I always love looking at the, remembering that there's an intellect to the being. So where have I ghosted and, and how can I clean that up? Like, what does that sound like? Okay. Because we can do it indirectly without even realizing we don't, it doesn't mean we have ill will or we want to hurt someone. Maybe it was like more convenient to not tell someone that we're not interested. So being willing as you go out and date as well to say, Hey, like, I appreciate your time and I'm not interested. Like, I feel like for everyone just asking, like saying that out loud and asking yourself, like, how comfortable was I just saying that? How often have I said that versus not doing it?

So what's really cool is if you, with the intelligence of the being, when we say, okay, I'm going to just go into this area and like create a calibrate for myself, and do it. It's, I always say there's always, there's always these mystery benefits that unfold because it does something in the invisible world to support us. So asking yourself now, like how comfortable are you saying, Hey, I'm not interested in another date or even saying, Hey, I'm in love with you or, Hey, I want to spend my life with you or, Hey, like I appreciate your time and, and I'm not interested. And, you know, even when at fit for service, when I led for road to union, I love what someone asked. They, you know, one of the men stood up and they said, you know, I'm that guy. Like, I will just not talk, text a girl back. And I wouldn't, and I was so appreciated his bravery. And then, you know, you see the girls in the audience. I was i was gonna say then the fucking scowls come through right and then he said he's betting a thousand on shitty looks yeah he said he he said because i don't want to hurt them and i asked okay so you say it and then tell

me what do you feel in your body and he's's like, well, anxious. Like it was uneasy for him. And I said, I get that you don't want to hurt them, but it's also, you're actually afraid to feel that. And it just clicked in for him. And I want to mention that here because it's so empowering when we say, okay, how honest am I willing to be in the tension? And it's so freaking liberating too.

Even for the women, I would do that. If I went on a date and someone wanted to go out I would I'd rather this is uncomfortable sometimes you want to know yeah or or saying like telling a man like hey I appreciate your time I know you're asking and I don't I'm not interested in the second date it's just you know it's uncomfortable but it gets easier and it makes the whole dating process energizing because people say oh dating is draining dating's not draining it's it's the limiting beliefs it's the behavior so when you it can it becomes energizing the more transparent you are where your words match how you feel the more authentic you are um so i i feel that's really important to mention is everyone checking like okay how comfortable am i with saying yeah I appreciate your time and I'm not interested clean it makes me yeah it makes me think of like telling the truth is

a muscle you strengthen you know like how honest can I be and and in a way that's not not not meant to be harmful or hurtful but just being honest like this is where I'm at you know but that does take it gets easier with more proficiency and more practice. Yeah. Even the energy as it comes out and just the symbol, I'm not interested. And you can say it and there's not that resistance in it, you know? My wife's never had a hard time bringing up shit that was bothering her. Oh, I love that.

One of her fucking strength, might as well be a Latina. If she's upset, I'll find out what it is very quickly, which is great because I never have to guess. But it has taken me time to step into that, to be able to say like if something's off and communicate that well. But what you're talking about

at the beginning of relationships stands long-term as well because the more honest I've been, the easier it becomes knowing like, Hey, we always work the thing out, even if it's offensive or triggering or something like that. Like if the more honest I am, the faster we get to resolution and, and the more that I've leaned on that, the easier it's become to just tell it how it is and say it and tell the truth basically, you know? Yeah, absolutely. And it's a dating is an opportunity to practice it relationship and then there's the other side of things where it could be the muscle

of learning to listen like oh am I a good listener as well am I able to hear what this person is saying maybe I'm very good at um sharing what I you know yes no blah blah blah but then also am I able to listen and hear what's going on inside of this other person? So I always like to share both sides and, you know, have everyone see that there is that opportunity to grow. There's a, have you met Kathy Courtney? No. At any of our events? She's amazing. She came on the podcast. She, um, is no longer with the circling Institute, but worked with them for a very long time. Guy Sendstock, who's homies with the brilliant dude from Canada, not Jordan Peterson,

but the other brilliant psychologist professor. And I'm pissing me off in a fight brain. I'm forgetting the name. But anywho, we've had a number of events where we've brought these guys in and Kathy has been around for a lot of different exercises but that's one of the things you know like great communication requires great listening and they have so many practices on that but even still like you know um having coached people for so long and been in a relationship for so long and things like that. Like it's always amazing to me, like the layers at which you can really drop in to listening to somebody.

It seems to be, and I don't know if it's because we have, you know, three to five second is our average video. It's real time that people watch like three to five seconds is the fucking average, like mind blowing. I don't know if it's because of the shortening of the attention span or just a lost skill because we talk less, you know, like we're not around a fire pit for story time. And, you know, even as podcasting has blown up, there's a desire there for longer form communication, but it's not mainstream yet. You know, it's not like, I don't know, it's not TV yet. Right. So I think of it that way, like maybe that's why, but the skill of listening has been lost. And it's something for sure to want to regain. Absolutely.

I was sharing with Kyle before we hopped on. I was just in Dallas on a ranch for the weekend. And this part I didn't share with you yet. The family was like, we were running one space space and there was a whole family owned ranch. Grandma, grandpa, grandkids, you know, all the animals, trampolines, so fun. And grandpa had a woodworking shop. And so in the last day, he's like, oh, he was showing Jeremy and I like, you know, talking and grandpa energy, right? Like so slow.

Like here's how you do this and this. And I'm watching my processing system like, come on, like let's how you do this and this and I'm sitting there like like and I'm watching my processing system like come on like let's speed it up grandpa but I'm like wow like he's just so here and so present and I'm noticing my nervous system yet I'm inspired by him and I want to slow down and I want to have that level of coherence and relaxation. And it definitely stretched my listening abilities. Yeah. The guys, those old timers aren't in any rush. Nope. No. Yeah. That's great. So we've got, we get, we, we tackled ghosting. What are the other couple of things that, that, uh, football coach and I'll have to find out afterwards who this guy is. Cause I got a couple of buddies in the, in the,

in the NFL that are strength coaches, Marco Oyama and a big house, Joe Ken from the Carolina Panthers. I still got to get on the podcast. House, if you hear this, let's make it happen this year. But yeah, you got some notes here. Let's dive through this. I do have some notes here. The common pitfalls and what dudes want to hear. So, okay. The other thing is if you do have an online dating profile putting exactly what you want at the top most people like feel like sometimes oh i i need to hide it or let me not lead with that just right off the bat because there's so many people online and that's like fitting in that three to five second window yeah yeah just just put it and you know i had one

client recently who she you know her, her thoughts were very, she was very strong in her political beliefs but she would shy away from them on like, you know. That'd be a hell of a thing to figure out like midway, you know, like six months into it. You know, she's like, so we, I said, okay, listen, that's important to you. That's a deal breaker. Let's lead with it.

So she put in the top of her bio, like if you don't believe in the plandemic, myorkie can delete your digits right like something witty funny and just like this is who i am because so she got a lot less likes and a lot less matches however the person who then matched with her and i had a conversation with her a week or no sorry a month after that she's and then she said i had the best date of my life yesterday yeah well I mean I'm at like seriously though like she's with a guy he's great and then he's telling her how he's gonna vote for Biden like her head would fucking explode you know what I'm saying like that's like that's kind of a serious thing you should iron it makes sense and I'm happy you've set her straight

but yeah that if you're I can see it it's an ultimate deal breaker. I've had somebody, a friend who, who, God, she's, it tells you the power of relationship too. Um, they were together pre COVID and she saw it, you know, the way I see it. And a lot of people here see it, that there was some fuckery going on and, um, continue to rabbit hole that. And he had a medical background and didn't, and they stayed together for fucking like all the way up until last year, like for fucking four years. And she continued to rabbit hole shit, but send me fucking,

you know, clips from Alex Jones and different people. And I'm like, I don't know if that's real, but it's fucked up, you know? And, and just like,

but like, just what a, I can't imagine the gap that created and they were already together. So it was like, he can believe that I can believe this and we'll still make it work. Not really, you know, it's too far apart. Yeah. And, and so when she was willing to lead with what she wanted, it, it allowed her to attract this amazing, now they're still in really, now they're in relationship and she, they're so happy. But before it was like, she was attracting people where it just wasn't, there't an alignment so I think that's really important online just be straight up and then also about your value and who you are and

what your essence is or you know I don't that's not a masculine word for everyone but you what your essence yeah show my essence eggplant emoji so not being afraid to do that and then um okay let me see here what else do i have yeah oh okay breaking we always say cut it off with x's like or it say okay if you're the person you're like i want a a relationship i have this vision that comes to mind or it is in my heart I'm ready to create I'm ready to attract yet you are spending time with people who you know are just not it and you're you know and it's your energy that's then going to towards those things we always say cut it off like split ends like like well I guess that that's what I tell my women at least but being willing to break shave it off like five o'clock shadow for all the baldies like me in the room.

There we go. Shave it off like five o'clock shadow. Shave it off like five o'clock shadow. And to clear up the energy. And that means usually sitting with a sting of loneliness. Because we, you know, as humans, we are creatures of connection. We would rather have a negative connection than no connection, right? Than an emptiness.

But when we can become conscious of that and say, okay, I'm willing to sever this connection to create space, which could also be death and rebirth, right? Usually a breakup is, it is a death and rebirth, but I'm willing to go into that area. I'm willing to sit in that sting of loneliness for something that is more aligned for what it is I really want. I love that. It's something I give myself credit for, uh, not for ending shit in the right way or doing anything appropriately. Like I've ghosted people and stuff like that when I was young, but at first sight, this isn't the person that's not going to end up with. I could no longer pretend every fucking time since I was young, since I was a kid, you know, like every time since I was a teenager, the moment I realized this is not who I ended up with in life, there was maybe another one or two

times of seeing that person until it was something was so obvious, like this ain't gonna work, sorry. And it's always, I don't know what it is. Like if there was some kind of soul contract, like I'm wasting my time. This isn't who I'm with until my college sweetheart. And there was enough traction there to want to make that work. And that's where I got to learn a lot about relationships in six and a half years and prepped me really for the marriage that I have with Natasha. But, um, that was always a thing. Like it was like, like I wouldn't waste another moment of this person's time or mine time. If I know it's not going to work. Would that be, I'm curious, would that always be, would you, would it sometimes be people who you were physically intimate with and then realize it after? Sometimes. And that would kill me because

I have a little sister who's a year younger than me and her first sexual experience, you know, dude promised her the world. I love you. That kind of thing. I never called her again. Right. And like that broke my heart because it broke her heart and she was one of my best friends, you know, so, uh, may or may not have beat that guy's ass later in life. I don't know what the statute of limitations are, but, uh, big brother, big brother's got to hold it down. But yeah. Um, I always, I always thought of that, you know, like this is someone's, I would see that this is someone's little sister. This is someone's daughter, you know, especially now having a daughter of my own, it's like, oh God, the most precious thing on earth.

You know, like I would never want that to happen to her, but you can't, no one can protect their kids all the time. And especially when we start venturing off. But I think about that. There was probably two or three times where it was during intimate or after intimate night, you know, where I was like, damn it now I know. But a lot of times it wasn't a lot of times it'd be on a date or something else. And I'm just like, Oh God. And then there's the opportunity and for intimacy.

And I'm like hard. No, like I wouldn't even, I couldn't even when I tried, I would try to will myself and then nothing would happen down there. And I'd be like, look, there's, it's a clear no. Like, sorry, I don't know what to tell you. Like, this is, we're not gonna go anywhere. Yeah. The reason I asked that question is because I heard that with, for men, they can think that they're in love

when they're infatuated. They're infatuated and there's a lot of physical attraction and they can literally think, oh, like I'm probably into this. And then they have sex and they realize, oh, nope, I'm, I'm, I'm not, I kind of thought I was and I had a moment and then I realized I'm, I'm not. Does that resonate? It does because there's a certain level of clarity.

I forget who said this, but like a man is only really present like in the moments after orgasm because there's nothing ulterior driving him. He's just there. Right. And because of the neurochemical shift, there is a hundred percent presence. And then if you're in that moment and you're like, oh, this is, what did I do? What, what, you know, like if that, if that's your knee jerk thing, there was one instance where it was like text, you know, textbook stage five clinger, you know, like we're just, we're just dating and like mid sex. She's like, I love you so much. I've always loved you. And it was like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. You're like, what did you do in that moment? I was probably hanging on the floor. Yeah. And then I was able to make it work still, but it was like, God, I mean, my heart rate must've

doubled. I was like, I don't know what to say right now. I even said that. It was like, I don't know what to say right now. Like this is pretty early. I love your face. Yeah. That was fucking, oh, thank God. I only had to deal with that once.

Cause that fucking, I mean, as far as like the being pushed into an odd corner, that was like top tier. Yeah. Oh yeah. And, and I think another important thing is to be able to say for everyone who's dating like oh if you are in a moment where you want to be physically intimate with someone but you don't really know if you act like you haven't gotten to know them mentally emotionally and spiritually you are you willing to say like hey I I I would love to be physically

intimate and I I don't know if I want to be in a relationship with you. That way it's like clean from the beginning because they may. And are you comfortable with that and asking that question? And I'm giving that to you, these tangible phrases that everyone can take with them into the dating world. And something that I heard is that a man's attraction goes from physical to emotional to mental to spiritual. So thinking father sky and for a woman, it's a spiritual, mental, emotional, physical. And so we, you know, cause women will, will say like, Oh, he was so into me and it's genuine and they feel it. And then all of a sudden they are physically intimate and he goes, you know,

so it's like, okay, he meant it though. He was into you girl. Like, and so, um, I, I i like like that as a reminder and then just having those tangible phrases to take with you as you know to everyone take with them right take notes boys yeah yeah take notes take notes as everyone goes out and dates i like that yeah um you got anything else from coach on there? That was, so. Go ahead. Yeah. Oh, the other one was something that I want to talk about is the, knowing that in a great relationship, you usually have one person who really values closeness and intimacy

and another person who really values autonomy and freedom. And we've all had- This is a big thing that Matthias has been diving into. Oh, really? That there's an eternal desire for unity and through that unconditional love. And at the same time, there's an eternal desire for individuation

because God wants more God. Not the, you know, the Robert says, you know, the one became many just for the joy of becoming one again. Some people think of that as a complete statement and other people say, but no, when we become the one again, we've created the many again, because there's this, this constant unfolding and unfolding for eternity, but that, that the perp, the proper balance and Steiner said the same thing Matthias is, is that it's the come to a point of individuation where we feel unconditional love, but still maintain autonomy, some level of independence, right?

Cause pure emergence, you lose self to purely merge. Right. And so like the gift of sex is that we can have this ultimate merging experience of oneness and then still remain autonomous in everyday life. Outside of that, we can live in both worlds. But yeah, what you're talking about is like the divine gift and play, you know? Yeah. That's according to Matthias and Steiner. Oh, wow.

And having the awareness around it and then is empowering, first of all. And then knowing that usually in a relationship like we have we have that inside of us the desire for closeness right and to merge and the desire for the independence and in relationship you may have someone who values closeness and then someone who values freedom that's their dominant and then when you come together it's about learning okay maybe they value closeness more than me and how can I learn to value that and appreciate that even though it's not my go-to or not my norm and vice versa? Oh, wow. They value freedom and autonomy more than I do actually.

And even though I do want that and I have that and they really value it. So how can I, rather than getting mad about it or frustrated because I want more closeness or vice versa, how can I learn to really appreciate that in a partner? And usually it's the woman I find that wants the closeness. Or it's all, not always, but wants closeness in the man. It's like freedom, right? And then learning, oh, okay, how can I learn to really value that and deepen my ability and my capacity to experience that. And then it may shift and change as we're all seeking balance and coherence consistently. I like that. You've read the five love languages?

I know them, but I don't think I've read the book. Okay. Well, it's not necessary. It's also uber Christian, but it's not quite a turnoff. I don't think it's a, it's not a, sorry if that offends anyone. It didn't turn me off to the book, even though it was kind of like, oh, that's interesting. But how much has that played in? Because in previous relationship, like I tried to backtrack when I read this book, it was right at the beginning of my relationship with Tosh, with my wife. And I was like, oh wow. And I went down the list. Like I'm primarily touch because my parents would always like, physical love was always something I never had to,

there was an abundance of it. Both my parents are huggers. I'd wrestle with my dad. He'd massage my legs every fucking night when I had growing pains. Like I could, you know, I'd fall asleep on his chest when I was seven and his chest was so big that it would kink my neck

because of how big his rib cage was. I don't have the same rib cage, right? But I remember that feeling of waking up and I was seven and his chest was so big that it would kink my neck because of how big his rib cage was. I don't have the same rib cage, right? But I remember that feeling of waking up and I was like, worth it. You know, like I'm in his armpit, my head's kinked to the side on his chest. And so, and my wife didn't grow up with that, but she's, that's still her number one. So it's very easy for us to communicate love in that way. And then, you know, her mom is acts of service, you know, and you can see it when we hang out with grandma. It's like, hey, what can we do to help out around the house? That kind of thing.

Or, you know, we're going to go on a hike and pick berries when they were in Oregon. That kind of thing. And when she's over, she wants to do the dishes or vacuum or help us in some way. You know, like I can see like that's her loving us, right? Like in your personal relationships or in people that you come across, is that a big factor or is it just not that big of a factor? I think it's important. And, and if

you're already in relationships, something that's cool is you could try and guess what, what, what is my partner is before you ask them to see how well you know them. And there's physical touch, quality time, acts of service, gifts, and words of affirmation. So you can think, you know them. And there's physical touch, quality time, acts of service, gifts and words of affirmation. So you can think, you know, what is my partner's and try and guess and then go and ask them and see how well you know them. And then knowing, number one, what you love and like, is it quality time?

And then also you can communicate that to your person. And sometimes they may do it naturally and sometimes they may not and it's something that they have to learn what to do. In a previous former partnership, I had someone who had a reminder on their phone. They said, QT with Rebecca, quality time. It was just brilliant, right? And I love acts of service and Jeremy is so great at just acts of service.

And this is from my dad. He'd always plug my phone in. He always pour me orange juice. He'd give me the blanket out of the dryer when it's still hot, you know, when a little kid and they throw the blanket on you and, um, and then communicating to my partner,

Oh, I love, I love these things. And then they will, you know, make an effort to go out of their way. And then vice versa, you doing it that for that,

for them. And in terms of physical touch, there are some people who are so comfortable with it. And there's some people where it's not. It's revolting to some people. And I know this from being a coach in fit for service with 150 people to 250 people at our events, five years in, three or four events a year.

And like I hug everyone kind of known as the guy who gives the best hugs. And I can tout that. And you put that in there. Like I pride myself on that. Yeah, put that in as the guy who gives the best hugs and I can tout that and you put that in there. Like I pride myself on that. Yeah, put that in my fucking bio. Give the best hugs and I receive the best hugs

because I want to fucking hug somebody like as a touch guy, like I want to surround, wrap myself around you like a fucking boa constrictor and just squeeze you and feel the same back and we have really close friends

that live in Austin, super close friends that will give me the side hug. And that's the best they got because it's the most they feel comfortable in it. Yeah. You know, and even with me being like, come on, warm up to me. We've known each other for fucking 10 years now.

Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, that's just what, that's kind of their upper limit, you know? So I'd imagine that that would be, that might be a hard thing to, to, to, to merge in a long-term relationship. Absolutely. And then if you do attract someone like that, it's asking, okay, if this person were to never change, if it was always going to be like this, am I okay with that? And, or am I not, is it, am I not okay with that? And then it doesn't mean that that person

can't grow and become more comfortable and create new reference points and a new relationship with physical intimacy. I can imagine that that's from trauma or past, you know, challenging experiences. And can I love them where they're at and choose to be with them if they were to never change? And I think that's really important to, especially as you go on dates, we're not dating for potential. And of course, though, everyone, we're evolving, we're constantly evolving. And I imagine that these listeners are committed to their evolution, you know, being a listener of Kyle's podcast and knowing that in holding your partner in the space of being able to evolve. And I think that's also so important is, oh, I can, I'm literally looking at you and

illuminating the possibility. I see it in you as I'm talking with you. That's what Selig's main deal is. Paul Selig's main deal is witnessing the Christ in another. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. And hold them to that.

You know, even in the face of the shadow and everything else that they are currently at, you hold them in their highest. Wow. And it's such a balance, right? Cause then it's like, oh, and, and as I date, I'm also, I'm also though, I'm not, I'm not choosing this person based on the potential and how they may change and all of a sudden become both where we're the constrict, you know, the best hugs ever. Right. And, and then getting maybe my expectations let down or X, Y, Z. But I think that's it. Yeah. Being honest about where someone's at and then also it fully choosing them and, and yeah, physical intimacy. It's wild house. I'm like that with where you are, where I'm very comfortable with it, with my girlfriends, with, with my, my partner, like I'm very comfortable.

And I was in a, um, breathwork training and my friend. Jaggers? Yes. That is my boy. I got to get him on the podcast. Oh, nice. He was my masseuse back in Sedona. That's how I met him was getting a little energy work massage before I went off the deep end on acid with my homie Ian. We thought we were microdosing and took a macro of all macros on Cathedral Rock. And thankfully, I hadn't had enough friends to babysit us till we could walk back down. They couldn't walk. Wow. It was was, it was nuts. Yeah. He was with me the day before. He was with me the day before doing the energy work. Maybe he set that up.

I had to, I had to call him out on that. Like, man, what the hell? Did you plan this, Steven? He was working on my liver and this was,

I went through a hole within the last like two years, like an unlocking of anger and rage. And because that was something I repressed for so long without even realizing it um and he was like pushing on my liver and he's like vocalized like ah and he you know he wanted me to yell and I'd be like ah like just nothing Kyle like literally nothing he's like girl you and I was so uncomfortable I remember being so uncomfortable and then the next day three for three days after that I was raging in my car and And then it hit me. I was like, is this from Steven's body work? And I texted him. He's like, oh yeah. And I'm like, okay, that makes sense. But disclaimer next time, Jaggers. Yeah. But when I'm like, where are we

going with this? When we were in the breathwork training, my friend Anna and I, I was like massaging her feet or something, or like she was massaging my back. I don't know. It was just normal to me. Right. I'm not thinking anything of it. And one of the girls in the crowd, she opened, she shared, she said, you know, I'm watching these friends who are really comfortable with each other. And I like so badly wish I could have that. And I don't know platonic touch. And it, I was like a whole, like all these light bulbs went off or I didn't realize that her share was so empowering. I'm like, oh wow, because this has just been my, my realm of my world and it's normal and I have safe touch and I know safe touch to, I don't know what that's like for you. And I,

I have so much compassion and it made me realize there is a lot of people out there like that, you know? And then I have this choice, but I'm like, okay, also I can like teeter around that, but that's not the gift I came here to give to the world I came here to be a lover and a hugger and you know and and to stay in it and embody that but it I have a lot of compassion for anyone who's you know who's listening to this I'm like oh that's me and I and I want that and and it's not comfortable I hold the um possibility that you can have new reference points and, you know, create a new relationship with touch if that is something that you want. Fuck yeah.

Yeah. Was there anything else you want to dive into over here? Yeah. I mean, this was the main, these are the main things. Yeah, I'm pretty sure we went over everything that I had inside of the notes from asking. Well, I'll get feedback from this and I'll have you back on in the future. And we can rehash, you know, the more that you uncover and the more that I uncover and see what the people think and what the people want. And we'll have you back on.

Oh, I would love that. And ask, yeah, you can ask me specific questions and we can create a little, you know, create them in notes and speak on all of them to support everyone in their dating relationships. So good, buddy. Well, I can't wait. We got to jam so we can get you a little tour around the farm and be on our way.

Awesome. Where can people find you online? Okay, so my Instagram, Rebecca Boatman. And then I also have a, like a, if you want to receive dating inspo and texts to support you in your love life, specifically for men, because everything, a lot of the stuff I have online is geared towards women, but for men and that's, I'll just give you the number and you can drop it in the show notes. Cool. Yep. We'll click it in.

Yeah. And you just text Illuminate and you get all the dating inspo and then also the Instagram Rebecca Bowman. Awesome. Thank you, buddy. Yeah, of course. Thank you.