Kyle Kingsbury Podcast - #49 Tait Fletcher

Episode Date: September 3, 2018

Tait Fletcher is a professional Actor, CEO of Caveman Coffee, and host of the Pirate Life Radio. Connect with Tait on Instagram Facebook and Twitter Connect with Kyle on Twitter and Instagram Get 10% off at Onnit by going to Onnit.com/Podcast              Onnit Twitter        Onnit Instagram

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They're incredibly convenient to travel with. And there's really no reason everybody shouldn't be doing this because it takes all the guesswork out of trying to figure out and fine-tune which products are the best for you. Everybody loves Total Human. Get it now on it.com slash podcast for 10% off. Tate motherfucking Fletcher is in the house today. When I first got into podcasting, I heard Tate on the Joe Rogan Experience and was blown away by his wealth of knowledge, not only in just tons of random shit. He's a highly educated guy, which doesn't surprise me because a lot of fighters are, but his take, his point of view, and the fact that he's so

uplifting and inspirational. I mean, he's for Uh, he was a bucket list guest of mine when I first started podcasting prior to getting to on it. And, uh, for whatever reason didn't work out when I had my own podcast, uh, Tate's quite busy. He's, he's doing a lot of films. You might've seen him in Jurassic park or Jurassic world rather, or on a Westworld. Um, he's, he's into everything. I mean, he, he's, uh, one of the CEOs and founders of Caveman Coffee with Keith Jardine, another fighter and good buddy of his. And dude's just experienced. He's one of those guys kind of like Henry Rollins. You listen to a guy like that that's traveled as much and been through as much as he has. And you're like, damn, this dude has a wealth of

knowledge. He's got a lot of wisdom. And so I was absolutely thrilled hearing that he was in town in Austin, uh, working with mutual friend, Dr. Kirk Parsley, who we're going to have on the show as well. But, um, I know you guys are going to absolutely dig this. This is the longest podcast we've ever recorded. I think we're right around the two hour mark and it is nothing short of straight fire. So tune in, leave us a five-star review because you're going to love this one. Thanks for tuning in. Let's just continue talking about beating off in VR. I will. It gets too easy. That whole thing that's been a big thing about just life is going on. How do I be responsible to my own dopamine urges kind of thing? You know, when you start looking at that shit and it's everywhere, you go every advertisement, if it's done well is contrived to give the biggest dopamine response to,

or fear, right? It's one of the, like, those are always the things. And I'm like, I need to be in control of this more. And then my endeavoring to do that,

it makes it like, I've been trying to put like a thoughts together for a book. And then all these, it comes up everywhere. Once you, it's like, if've been trying to put like thoughts together for a book and then all these it comes up everywhere once you it's like if you're gonna buy a toyota corolla all of a sudden you see toyota corollas everywhere and it's like that kind of thing like once you get into something you're like wow i see the ways we're distracted and worried about the wrong stuff every almost everywhere yeah and most of the time we have no idea what's tickling that fucking dopamine response right right until like some study comes out and you see a guy like dr andy galpin or somebody retweet it and you're like motherfucker likes on instagram will create a testosterone response and a dopamine

response dude or a huge depression or i mean the converse of that yeah this was the greatest post i ever did and no one's liking it and then you're fucking depressed all day long and then you make it and then you try to be smart and you go oh that's because they changed the algorithm or something you know what i mean and i'm like bitch you don't know what algorithm is i say it all the time i can spell it even i got no idea i get a general idea yeah they changed the algorithm it's funny man. That whole thing, this is, dude, how glad are you that you moved here? It's fucking amazing. Austin's incredible. It's incredible.

It's a trip because I think about it and looking around, and I think just the potential of what fishbowl you put yourself in. And there's a lot of people that are about doing a lot of things that are in this area, and it's been really of people that are about doing a lot of things that are in this area. And it's been really inspiring to be around that. But even the net, the air is like, like people are like,

is it hot? You hate it. I'm like, man, this is like nourishing. Like it feels, it just feels good. The skin.

And, and I feel like I never knew how lush it was. I was in the hill country kind of all weekend. Oh yeah, dude. It's a, it's almost rainforesty like it's fucking beautiful i came out here for paleo effects a year ago and that's when i met aubrey

and everything kind of fell in place for me and i went for a run on lsd and it felt like my i was sweating so much from the humidity that i had to take my headphones out and i it sounded like i was in fucking mexico every run on lsd i think it's a good move i think it's a good idea have you continued the practice and what are the results are we charting this what's going on i'm not i'm not doing like biometrics and self-quantification when i'm doing it but you can get into a flow state much easier and i'm not talking about like a fucking heroic dose just a microdose uh-huh but it was it was like what 25 milligrams or 25 micrograms to 50 micrograms yeah 50 is more than a micro for a lot of people but uh for me that seems to be a

fine dose like there's no close-eyed visuals or anything you consider to be like you know a macro dose but running on that like you just get into your fucking flow like you feel like your legs can keep going easy you could tune into your breath better so you're not gasping for air or like whatever that um that regulator is that tells you to pump the brakes like you feel like you can you can pace yourself better so you're just constantly in this amazing running state i think the thing that wears me out in running is being clunky is having uh you know i get an injury or something and then my body adjusts in a way that doesn't work towards function in the totality of it, only function of that injury area. And so it's, I think that thing about being loose, cause like that I'll get bound up, but I think that

maybe like what you're saying, it seems like you could get into a flow of like where your body knows intrinsically how to move instead of overthinking it to where you're trying to curate a compensation like that yeah yeah yeah you just feel better you feel like placement on the ground where your feet are gonna go all that shit and you listen with the world yeah and it's nice being in the hills because you got up and down it's challenging it's not like running a mountain but it's fucking gorgeous And it's green year-round here. We get thunderstorms all four seasons. It's always green.

You ever go to The Grove? There's a restaurant called The Grove, and it's up, I don't know if it's by Bee Creek or Bee Cave. Bee Cave? And there's something creek up there, Hickory Creek. There's a lot of creek roads. There's Bark Creek. There's all kinds of creeks.

I was up over there, and there's this this tree and it's some kind of oak tree but it goes long it defies gravity kind of the weight of it for sure it would break under itself you you feel like and they these big huge trunks that go along the ground and come up and it's it's this huge canopy under one tree it might be a canopy oak even, but they're fucking gorgeous. I mean, just the stuff that's here is fucking beautiful. And then I'm driving home and I see, I don't know, in New Mexico, man, I got coyotes around my house and stuff. I see coyotes on Hollywood Boulevard in LA.

They kind of look the same. They're the most bedraggled, homeless, AIDS-looking, ridden type of coyotes. They don't look well, you know what I mean? And dude, I saw this fucking coyote. aids looking ridden type of coyotes they don't look well you know what i mean and uh dude i saw this fucking coyote while it came across my road when i'm driving big bullish looking coyote just swagger they just skulk across that's i that's how they move skulk i think where they're just confident but a little shady you know, badass. Like a dog. I was like, we could hang out.

You could come home with me. I like it, man. I like it. I want to move. I really do. You're not digging SoCal right now. I love it. I'll stay there. I got to be there in some regards.

But I'm selling my house in Santa Fe right now. Really? I'm selling my gym. I'm turning my gym over. I've got one of my partners is this guy that I've known for a long, long time. I knew him when I was bouncing at clubs. And he got hemmed up on this weird conspiracy charge that shouldn't happen and all his business.

And then he had to sit a few years. And I hadn't seen him in a long time. But when he got sentenced, he had a waiting time before he went into prison. And he hit me up. He's like,'s like hey dude i want to get in shape i want to think about how to retrain my mind to get and so we just started hanging out a lot and then we stayed in contact with him and kept programming to him and all that and he put um he put like functional fitness on like four different yards that he was on kind of changed the modality of training that was happening in the federal prison system where he was anyway and then he came back and he's got a family and all that and he's been at the gym for four or five years now and and we're just looking to transfer it over

to him and that's awesome um you know that's a dream realized for him and and something that is cool for me because i get into this thing where, you know, I'd get starting all these different things and, and to curate them all becomes an energetic expenditure that I, I thought at some points you think you can do it, but then you're like, I don't know what's not sustainable until I'm really down the road quite a ways, you know? Yeah. And then I go, I don't want to create noise in the world, in the space, digital noise, any kind of noise. And, and to have started something like that gym that's touched so many people and to not have it go on i was like i i can't let go of that because i feel like a

responsibility to it but then man you just open yourself up to like whatever the possibility is that you might not be seen and and uh and so that that's what i'm really happy about is that that energy gets to keep going on you know and that's kind of what i want to look towards in my life of i want potency instead of content you know like all these guys of what i want to look towards in my life of i want potency instead of content you know like all these guys want to put content content i'm like i'd rather have like a potent punch to it instead of just this muddiness yeah and be spread so thin in all directions that you fucking can't really jack of all trades master of none yeah you know yeah what uh let's dive into that a little bit you've you've really fucking done it all like you really have have

your renaissance man you've fucking done it all you started in fighting obviously you're in film now um and you've got fucking caveman coffee you've got gyms you're a part of a lot of fucking stuff yeah what what do you see i mean how has that transition been what are all the things that you're into i know this is a fucking loaded question and i hate it's huge man but but i don't i didn't know what was possible you know and you go and you grow up and there's like you see the options that are around you in whatever town you grew up in fucking you know and if you're even if you're lucky enough to grow up in new york city or somewhere where it's like vibrant and moving and all that

you can look at that stuff and go that illusion of separation can get so heavy and clouded in your mind especially because parents and teachers and everybody everybody really pushes you to stay in your lane when you're at the dreamiest most imaginative part of your life right and so they try to it's not they it's not like people are doing an evil thing to you but like life's man. And it wears people down and it rounds their edges. So they're not decisive and sharp and, and they accept things that maybe are beneath them. And, and then they go, Hey man, I want to save you the heartbreak. So maybe you should accept some things that are beneath you and, and all that. And if you don't know, you don't know, you know, and there's not inspiration. And, and, um, and especially if

you're depressed, you got any kind of mental disorders anything at all that just gets compounded and and so for me just knowing that it was possible and going fuck maybe and and what that was for me was a turning point of going like i'm not a fan of me i never thought like oh he's gonna like i was like just i hope i i hope i don't live in prison or on welfare like those were the things that I thought was maybe going to occur. And looking at it, I didn't really get confidence to try those things until I saw how poorly other people were doing it. I'm like, these guys don't even have standards, and they're just shouting.

So I saw this thing where people were being really confident, maybe without the merit behind it, without the work behind it. And I thought, I'm not good, but I'm better than, than that guy, you know? And, and it gave, and, and that can look, however it looks to a viewer, but like, for me, it gave me enough confidence. I could get enough self-esteem where I'd step in and I go, yeah, no, I can do this. I, I, and because that was the thing is I didn't want to let anybody down. I think that's been an overarching theme of my life is like, um, if I say I'm going to do this or we're going to ride together, man, I want, I want you to know that you can believe in my judgment, that you can believe in what I say that you can, that you can count on me, man. I want to,

you know, like that's important to me and it always has been. And so to go out from, you know, fighting was a dream to be able to make that and to be able to be in a position like that, even for the short time. And that, you know, and that's time stuff. That's like when you're born, you're, you know, and guys that were born a little earlier than me. And they looked at me when I'd started fighting and they're like, and pissed because they had that same expression. They're dying to give out, but there wasn't a, there wasn't a vessel that they could show that creation and they could not put their art somewhere. Right.

And so they're like, fuck man, I would have liked to have done that instead of just going to jail for punching my friends in the bar or whatever the thing is, you know? And so I always felt real grateful for that. And, um, and then to go into these other things, they were just interests of mine. And so what I'd learned in that time, even before fighting was I were dead anyway. And I don't want to, I don't want to spend my time doing stuff that I really don't want to do. That's not really

serving a greater good or serving my community. If it's not putting smiles on, on my girl's face or my mom's face or, or, or the people around me, if, if the younger dudes that are following me, aren't feeling inspired and enriched and encouraged by like all that kind of stuff became the markers for my life. And so I would just try things that I liked and I would fall into that. And like, it's like getting into the nightclubs. I got, I, you know, I've had great fortune, you know, in, in, I feel like the opportunities come to everybody. Every man and woman gets the same opportunities all the time, but our awareness, our vibration, our consciousness isn't in a place where we even notice that we have those choices. And so if you're not aware, that's a bad spot. It's part of the definition of being dumb, I think,

is that you're unaware of things. And if you get in that position, you're just not even privy to it. And then your ego is kind of protecting you. And so then you go, fuck, man, my ego is putting me in a position where I can't say that I don't know, so it's impossible for me to learn. Now I put myself in a place where I'm so scared that I can't even learn and I'm just going to pretend. And now I'm a fake ass rapper. You know what I mean? It's kind of the deal, right? I'm over here trying to convince you. And if I convince you, maybe I'll feel good about me, but I know there's a little hatred in me and I'm an imposter.

And like all that stuff to dispel all that stuff and go and just wear it and go, well, this is what it is. And I just want to try and to have that eagerness of a child to be able to go into these new things and go, I don't know, but I sure would like to learn, you know, if you'd like to help me. And now is a time where when I was a kid, it was like,

if you had that thing, people were crushing you because there wasn't, there wasn't a lot to go around. So older dudes that are 10, 15 years old, they're not wanting you to win necessarily because it's a, but now, now today, I think, I think the internet's changed so much where people are like, no man, there's opululence. And I'd love to help you. I'd love you to be on board because this makes this bigger. And that's the thing, really, Kyle, I think that jujitsu taught me. The first thing was I need you to win. I need you.

And not in a competition sense. I want to strangle you if we're in a competition. And it counts. That's the thing. But if we're training there's still ego involved it's the same as a competition and hobbyists don't kind of get that like if if you're a hobbyist you think the competition is in the gym and also it's markers man if you're if you're a good guy in the gym if nobody's ever tapped you before or if you know the first time

somebody that shouldn't be tapping you taps you you can never get get untapped. Like you can, you can finish that guy a thousand times that day. I remember the first time I got this guy, big Dan and he, I mean, whatever he wanted to do, he's 280 pounds. He was a really good blue belt. I was a beginner. I had no idea. And man, I was, I was just, I was mesmerized. You know, I was like, how's he, he's like, he's in the matrix. Like, and he's a big clunky guy, but like, that's how good jujitsu is. It makes, you know, it's, it's wondrous in that way.'s a big clunky guy but like that's how good jujitsu is it makes you know it's it's wondrous in that way and that when i tapped him he fucking he was like oh and then he went a thousand times that day i had to stay until he was tired right until he was sick

of doing because that's kind of a gentlemanly thing to do you're like i understand what it is man let you get it but guess what still i felt this man. And I lived in that. You can never undo that. So that kind of thing, if you're fighting against whether you're going to get tapped or not, which someday, I've got to battle with my mind about that. Am I here to win or am I here to learn? And if I'm here to win, it's a bummer because I don't get better.

So I don't win the big game if I'm trying to win the little game. But if I look to learn in the little game, man, the big game, I'm a lot more valuable to my community But if I look to learn in the little game, man, the big game, I'm a lot more valuable to my community in that way. And what I always look at, like if I triangle you the same way and I kill you every time the same way,

and I never show you my setup, all that stuff, and I'm just happy in that I'm winning against this one guy in this dark room where only him and me know, which is pointless, but that's how strong the ego is. That's how dumb it is. It gives us bad information. And then I don't get better because I only have this one. But if I show you everything and I need you to get better, fuck, now I got to find a different route. And now I look towards there's infinite possibility. Now there's opulence

instead of scarcity. I have this one move. And if he knows this move, then I'm not going to feel the way I feel. And it's like, it's all bullshit. And once all that melted away, it opened up a consciousness for me to be able to try other things and seek out other professionals and go, maybe other people feel this way. Cause I know not everybody grew up in a sense of scarcity that, that I'd felt. And like, I see other people operate and, and their first thing isn't defensiveness. When they see a dude walking down the street, their first thing is, Oh, oh hey good to meet you my first thing is is is this guy is he capable or hurt me what's going on who else is around and what you know you you go through these fucking tests in your mind and it's like that is ridiculous i was talking to a friend about it i said you know guys are and not all guys

me i'll say i don't know i don't want to talk for anybody but i'm ready to fight you all the time like if you're a stranger in the street if you're in a restaurant or something and i walk in there and you look at me i'm like cool man and and i'm cool and you're not gonna know maybe that i'm not gonna betray my own my own hidden self and play that card however i'm gonna look and and i'm gonna think well now it's your you know hey how you doing i'll be smiling and gracious but like also if we have to i'm ready to go like it and and that's and that's it and that keeps the fucking peace man that little thing that knowledge of i know you're willing and i know i'm willing I know neither of us are really into it. However, yeah, and when that becomes the operating manual for my fucking life, I'm in defense of everything, you know?

But it's kind of like, it's almost necessary too. You've got to be able. I think it's my responsibility, able to be fit and all that. Because it's like, I take my dog to the park and he's, he can be a bit of a dick, you know, like if, and, but he's, he's a, it's situational. If you're a little Chihuahua and you hold your ground, like he'll run up and sniff and fuck a dog running up. It's like, you know, anybody runs up on anybody. It seems weird. And that's why I will look and he's like, Hey, and he just looks and he's a little nothing Chihuahua. Hank's like, cool, man.

And he goes on and he sniffs the next pile of shit or whatever. If you're a bigger dog even and you roll over and show him your back, you're like, hey, no, I'm cool. I'm cool. He'll sit there and menace you and growl and bark over your body until you piss on yourself, golden retriever. You know, like, and that's the way. And I'm like, you've got to at least own your

shadow if you're not willing to defend your space if you got nothing that you kind of it's like de-evolution in a way i think it's not the structure that we're supposed to live with checks and balances to some degree it's not a free-for-all there's evolutionary rules that we got to follow and i think that when i get my life internally in line with those things, shit moves smoother. And that's gone into film and this and that. I don't know how it works, man. I couldn't have contrived it, but I just said yes and I showed up. And then I go, I want to not... It's like even coming here, man. It's like my friend asked me to come and do this podcast. I want to not let him down. I want to make sure that the result is what everybody's after.

And the same thing in film. If I get hired for a job, man, if there's a better guy, get that guy. Whatever makes this film the best, I'm a part of this thing. And so knowing myself and my own ego in a place and going into a position where I can be a healthy additive instead of like, we got to work around this guy because he's got some funny ideas about whatever. He's got quirky energy. It's like, I'm here to make people more comfortable, man.

I'm here to make people maybe challenge their ideas about how they need to look into their own darkness, how they need to overcome their own ego. It's our duty to elevate ourselves. And it's our duty to be cooperative in that respect. And, and we can't get as good if we're not cooperative. We just can't, you know, I look at origin of the species and you look at like what Darwin wrote about and everybody takes away because everybody's kind of a knucklehead and everything's they're a tough guy. And so they all go, Hey dude, it's, it's dominance of the fittest and all that kind of shit or whatever right only the strong survive but that ain't true i mean it's it's a portion of that but that whole

idea he talks about is about cooperation is about if we're not all conspiring for each other's best like yeah and some are going to get cold it's going to fall away but like death isn't the worst thing and we're in this weird society where we think that's you know we don't even talk about it like Like, unless you're a farmer, like they're ahead of people mostly because they see a cycle of life, but we're so anesthetized to it. I think that, you know, if we're going to live in a non-reality, it's, it's, we're going to bump into reality, you know? And it's like, that's that it may be behooves you to find out more and explore more about how the universe operates, I think. Yeah. So many, so many so

many of us get caught in whatever the thing is that we grow up with right like whatever that is it's different for us than it is for our kids like we we had corded phones and then we watched that crazy yeah corded phone they put the cell phone in the car first and there was a car phone if you had money for it shit like that and then now kids got fucking ipads they got everything you got google you got the internet and it's just like you take it at face value as this has always existed this is the way it always has been this is what i have and this is how life is right because this is the time period that you're in and you don't scale back to think like how did right how did they live a hundred years ago how did they live fucking a thousand years ago you know like how did this go down and where's the responsibility is the onus on the ipad to

train the kid or is it on you to learn from the kid as you train the kid on how to be a proper human you know and that becomes this thing of how am i cheating uh how am i shirking my own responsibilities and passing over because technology has made our lives easier? Well, yeah, there's an option for it to be easier and it's nice to take part in that in some ways, but I would counter that the best thing is if you're butting up against it a little bit and it's a little bit abrasive and you have to learn, man, I skin my knees and you learn how to stand up again. You've got to come into, you've got to come into that, uh, that pressure a little bit and everybody tries to be stress-free and it's like, it's like, no, we're trying, we, we, we want stress, but we want it to be potent and directive. Right. I don't want to, I don't

want a leaky stress there where I feel frustrated and I don't feel like this life is a tenable thing that I understand at all. If you're out of control and it's constant, then that's, that's, that's mania. Yeah. That's a, that's misery. You're living in hell. That's hell. And, and then if you look at it at the gym, you go, I want to exact a response. I want to become adaptive to this new pressure that I have, the stressor and like stress, potent stress. If you decide the stress, you grow into greatness. And I don't know anybody that I look to as great as like a hero of mine that shrinks from stress in that way. Like they go into potent amounts of stress and then they dictate also their recovery and all that.

I don't know. I hate it when people flip it. But I want to know too, like as you age, how has your training changed? You know, I feel like you go back to the same thing I do. We're going to train as hard as we can with weights and this and that we're going to do wrestling and then we're going to strike later in the day so we're going to work two or three days and we're going to do that probably five days a week sometimes six or we'll do another thing on you know things like that right and now uh with maybe get a two a day on saturday but then all the intellectual

like there's a lot of parts of your life, family lovers, this and that, that like didn't take precedence at a certain time because it's a selfish endeavor of, I have to form myself to be this thing, to do this thing. And now you're in a place where, okay, now I have, I'm going to learn about business more. I'm going to learn how to operate in these different venues more. Um, what I'm finding is that there's less space for recovery so if i were to work out that hard i don't get any benefit i'm just always in a point of of that deconstruction i never have a a good rebuild and i and uh so i'm looking to you for help yeah 100 brother uh it's a great question and i've started yoga which has been fucking amazing dude it is

amazing i can't i mean my body i'd wake up in the middle of the night a couple times a night started doing yoga about four weeks ago and fucking it is incredible it offers space inside it's it's amazing it's a game changer yeah i've had uh it's funny you know like we we train that way and it's and you know when i retired i first looked back and i was like, damn, fighting is so selfish. And I don't look at fighters and be like, oh, you selfish prick. Like, it's just a selfish thing. Yeah, I don't even look at it as a bad way. It takes all your time, you know? And I see, obviously, you know, guys that I trained with and you trained at fucking Jackson Wink, like with really top tier dudes, like guys that are

still fighting now who also have families. And I didn't have a family until after after i finished and the requirements as a dad are fucking high like when i see good parenting it's so impressive yeah it's just it's it's so it takes so much from you physically especially with the lack of sleep for the first year that i was realizing like i can't even train two a days like i can't train a two a day even if one's light like i need to just space shit out and now i might do jujitsu obviously i gotta fuck not obviously but fuck my knee up talk about ego guy that's smaller than me that's not a black belt dude he got me in a heel hook side knee bar these little fuckers man and it hurt but it didn't it didn't hurt bad and i thought oh i'll fight my way out and you know still didn't hurt

and i ended up tapping because i realized it wasn't getting out and then torn meniscus right you know that i heard when i was uh brand new when my when my knee popped the first time they go uh does it does it hurt right now and i go yeah they go good then you're probably okay and and then i heard it again another time and it didn't hurt and it hurt later and that's when i had damn they're like that's the problem with a heel hook is that it doesn't hurt till late you know you if you're tough you withstand that but you're fucked yeah i kept rolling the rest of the practice yeah and then couldn't walk the next day right so now i've got a nice six month layoff right to to really uh be humbled right and

understand that you know but even when i'm training it's maybe twice a week for jiu-jitsu twice a week for strength training which has now changed from power lifting four days a week to hitting kettlebells and maybe dead lifting once a week you know just something very basic and even though i can't make it to a yoga facility, my wife just finished her 200 hours of yoga teacher training. Dude, I look at what she does, and it's amazing. Yeah, she's pretty gifted at that. Talk about being comfortable where you'd be uncomfortable. She finds spaces where I'm just like, good God, man.

I mean, the videos make me uncomfortable. I'm like, okay, there's a place you could go. You got a lot of work to do, which is cool, because it's nice to have a mom. You see what human potential is, right? I may never be that flexible i may never be that mobile but it's cool to see like oh that that can happen right yeah but she'd never be able to take a bat to the ribs like i can so yeah she couldn't check a kick and walk right out there right yeah so smile it off so yeah i mean it's it's changed tremendously but what's cool is like is not

grasping that thing that we once did like fuck i used to be in this kind of shape and i used to walk around at five percent body fat and i used to do all means this yeah exactly and then like that was a part of my identity and then now being happy with fuck i can go roll twice a week and i'm pretty beat up from it but i I recover. Right. If I go more than that and I'm actually rolling, I'm going to be a miserable piece of shit. Then when my son wants to play with me, who's a three-year-old ball of energy, I'm a piece of shit. So I want myself to these young guys at the gym that I don't really know very well. They're whatever. And then my kids are going to suffer for that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I can't, you know, it's like,

it's fun to get in there daily you learn that much more and there's so much to fucking learn when i came here and they got a 10th planet jujitsu like i came from a great place at checkmatt and i love being a checkmatt black belt but it's like learning a second language and eddie bravo's stuff is fucking phenomenal and it's a lot of leg shit and it's all nogi and it's really cool to learn that new language right trip because he really gave a language that was more where i came up it was like there it wasn't as clear we didn't have defined terms and movements for every position and the way he micro analyzed it and the process he put down i've never really seen that before anywhere it's uh it's a it's a trip i feel

real grateful too yeah but it is it's a new language. It's a trip. I feel real grateful too. Yeah, but it is. It's a new language. Yeah, it's a new language. And it's awesome to learn that. And I'm drawn towards it. But then also being mindful of where I'm at now. And I'm not, I'm fucking 36.

But given the fact that this is my first nine to five that I gotta be at five days a week, given the fact that I still gotta be dead the second I get home and all systems go for at least three hours right right like that's that's important to me you know so that kind of how you prioritize your life changes as you go and it's important to recognize that and then not feel bad about how it's changing or the new thing that's there but to embrace it as it changes and then know like hey that's okay too i still get to roll yeah and even like with the fucking injury now it's like for a month i was a miserable piece of shit and then i realized

like hey i brought this on myself take ownership of that and then what's going to happen now well i can still train my upper body i can still train my core i can still open up my hips you know and feel better you know with yoga and things like that and then i'll still get to get back on the mat at some point like that's not going to fucking end i'll still get to do that and hopefully the next time i'll recognize maybe it's a little bit better to tap early and fucking roll again even if it doesn't hurt yeah you know yeah yeah that's that uh that uh i i haven't i was people like you still train a lot and i'm like like, and I go, yeah, of course. But then, and then I go, but, and they don't really know the question they're asking me,

but I'm like, but I haven't fought for my life like, like that in years, you know, where it's like, this is, you know, you're in your fourth guy. That's fresh. That's coming. Like, I haven't done it. Like, I haven't really trained. Like I'm a hobbyist now, which is a weird thing. You know, it's like, it's a, it now which is a weird thing you know it's like it's

a it's kind of a trip because it doesn't matter as much either it's kind of like no man i'm having fun in a whole different way so jiu-jitsu has become a whole different expression for me in a way because i'm um maybe it'll slow down listen and give more too which is nice because everybody you know that's the thing is that slowing down everybody goes so fast that they miss the details and then they wonder why they're not getting that result and that it's just like sometimes you slap the submission on but it's not necessarily repeatable right yeah yeah and how did you get there can you tell me because if you can't tell me man i can't help my community you know what i mean i need to be able to let you know what's happened so can you teach it so that thing when i'm hurt too is like it gives me a great opportunity to uh expand my the emotional uh stress that i put myself under

or intellectual stress or other ways that i can grow myself and and so i i just you know that's the thing is i've tried to look at what what the opportunity is and go towards the opportunity instead of thinking about the the why nots and the can'ts and all that stuff. Like I trained myself to not look at that stuff a long time ago because, yeah, there's always a goalie, but you can always score. You know, it's just, that's on you and people are winning. Why not you? And so I kind of, you know, I try to bolster myself with that and go, let's just show up and see what happens. And in that is a win. Just going to the thing is the win. You expand greatly when you say yes and you walk into the door and you become present for the experience and go, I'm not trying to direct it. I'm not looking for an outcome,

but I'm here to stand in it while it unfolds and whatever that is, whatever that conversation looks like. And that's kind of what I've taken into film, into this endeavor to write a book and my podcast. It's just like an exploration. It's like an exploration conversation. And I love the conversations. I love the storytelling of films. I love this. That's where we heal, right? It's like when I have a conversation with you, when we're talking about our vulnerabilities, when I have a problem and I have somebody i trust that i can come and confide in and my problem is halved you know it's like i i find healing in those conversations and and so that's the thing but you got to be courageous to stand in some conversations because they're uncomfortable yeah and receptive yeah right yeah if you've got

it all fucking figured out man you're not going to learn much. You know, the beautiful part I've been looking at a lot is this perspective thing, is that this idea that I've kind of been chanting a little bit, we can all have different opinions and nobody has to be wrong. And that's a crazy place to stand. Completely countercultured the way shit's working now. And I give you a graciousness and a generosity of all your experiences to be right. And of course you would think what you're thinking

from your perspective with all the things that you've walked through. And is it helpful for me to counter that? Say, you're wrong, look at it my way. Or is it helpful for me to come around and go, I can see completely why you're looking at it like that. And then I'm looking at it like this. And that's the other thing of cooperation is I need your eyes.

And I need his eyes. And I need everybody's eyes because everybody's got this perspective. And that gives me more information. If we're running a business together and it's just my perspective and I'm going and I'm not taking in all the information of my team that has the same goal, that's insanity. I'm cutting out like 95% of the information that could lead to good decision-making, you know? And, and so I've just been trying to live in that a lot and not, you know, that this thing of a contrariness is,

is so strong now everywhere. Everybody's whatever's on the internet, whatever's wherever people are just like, yeah, but it's not like that because of this for these people what about the syrians they're not happy right now or or whatever and it's like yeah cool in the gang man like but i'd rather be solution-based than problem-based everybody's everybody is so they're fucking talented a bunch of black belts at pointing out the problems what does that do to turn the dial yeah absolutely nothing all it does is instill divisiveness and and hurt really like an ache and then i can live in the solution i could go hey dude i'm gonna need your help i mean fucking this this community thing is this is the strongest thing ever and and and that is where because every day ain't a doris day when i fall and i'm sad and i want to put a pistol

in my mouth or or whatever bad decision is going to rule my life because I just don't see it going on because life could get so fucking heavy and so fucking dark that there's blackness and I can't get out of bed. That kind of thing, man, you better have a community. And that's the way I've been kind of coursing my life and I've been paying attention. How come things have been able to lead where they have for me out of fighting is really because I've been paying attention, I think. And I look towards that that and i go i want to make sure my ship is good i'm the fish i gotta catch i can't be pointing fingers all it doesn't matter like i'm not the curator anybody's behavior except mine and to the degree that i'm looking at yours i'm not taking care of mine and and i look at it like we're all a ship and if i don't have my anchors

moored right if i don't have the if i don't have uh the availability to put close my hatches and seal that and my seals aren't man it's going to be nasty when a storm comes and the deal is emotionally in life in our in our human existence there's always storms and and when you get over that storm we go thank god that's over and's fucking party. And let's just not pay attention until the next storm. But that guy's boat is all over the place. He is a prey to his emotional nature. And he's fucking gone and lost. And so it's been my job to go, how do you tighten up the ship enough?

Because there's going to be a storm. And you better take care of that ship while it's nice weather. And then when the storm comes, no big deal. And you're ready to go out. And then you're not starting from a deficit of, I've got to find my mooring point. I've got to do it. You're already, you've begun that's champion thinking instead of going, I'm going to go like in fight. I got, that's where I learned it was in fights and you're going to go and you're going to have a camp. You're going to lose weight first. You're going

to get to wait. Like it's crazy. We're all always losing weight lose weight but what does that do it takes away from skill set building so i'm not building skills while i'm losing weight i'm not building skills while i'm getting endurance even maybe a little bit but like to focus on that's a whole different thing but most of my camp is eaten up with not doing that and then i have the fight culminates then regardless what happens i have a bit of depression and then I eat. And then I loosen up this highly disciplined life a little bit. And then the next call comes. And they go, OK, in three months or whatever.

And there's another date. And I go, OK. And there's always an excitement and always a nervous. I don't know anybody that doesn't have both when they get offered a fight. They're like, Holy fuck, what am I doing with my life? I'm going to go and fight a guy.

Am I going to do this again? Like, and there's always that for as eager as every fighter is, there's always that other aspect of them. And everybody wants to, you know, all these fucking spectators in life. And for God's sakes,

if you are one, please go ahead and jump in the game, man. Like, like nobody wins as a spectator and, and nobody's got shit to say either. So stay off the game, man. Like, like nobody wins as a spectator and, and nobody's got shit to say either. So stay off the comments. But, um,

I come from a place where it's like, you got to earn your opinion, homie. You can't just have no merit net. You can say some shit and we can teach you some things, but please keep that shit to yourself. If you don't have experience. I mean, like Joey Villasenor, we were all doing buddy carries up a hill once

and he's doing stair runs and we all got done with buddy carries. And then, like Joey Villasenor, we were all doing buddy carries up a hill once and he's doing stair runs and we all got done with buddy carries and then, and we'd done stair runs the day before. And he's like, listen, cause people are like, come on, you can do it. And there's all the cheerleading, you know, it's not like coaching. It's cheerleading that happens. And he's like, I know you guys have suffered before. If you're not suffering with me right now, how about you shut your fucking mouse?

And it's like, totally get that as an athlete that's doing the, I get it it i don't want to hear shit from you unless you're in the fucking mud with me and and that and that becomes like how i guide my shit but this whole thing about the fighting i was talking to peanut about it and i was like you know we do all this cycle and i started looking at my own cycle and then i got to get back to this place to jump off again and so how do i ever get to be a champion if most of my time in my camps is spent losing weight or trying to get my endurance up like that's insane and what if it was all that i was always dialed in i like and i think that randy couture was a was it was a real marker to go that's how to carry yourself because he was so old yeah gsp as well what does old give you

it gives you that you have more consequences. If you pay attention less to the details, the less I pay attention to the details, the consequences go high because I can't come back as quickly. I can't recover as quickly. I can't build strength as quickly as a 42 year old man or whatever. Right. And so he's looking at that. He says, that's the only difference. And I started looking at that truth and I go, what if all these younger athletes just came to the party ready to learn and ready to get a skill set going and and so that's kind of becomes the whole thing for my life if I want to be available to these opportunities that pass by every man and woman in this river of

life that comes by all the time I need to a be aware but then I better be fucking prepared and and and then I can take hold and I can go man that's something that I think I could add value to. And it's like, as opposed to going, oh, that's a shiny gold thing that I want. And I'm going to go and get after that. It's like, where can I increase the value of this thing? And that's the opulence, right? And I think that that kind of thinking is just getting out of myself. It's like, you've got to control your ego enough so you can get out of yourself and go, wait a minute, yeah, I need more money, but I'm working for this woman and she's about to lose her business.

If she doesn't have a business, I don't have any money. And so maybe I should make it my business to make the thing that is paying me, the wellspring that I'm getting, make that better. And when that clicked in me, I was like, oh, I understand the difference now i understand why and maybe that was my first tip off into like that's the that's the difference with entrepreneurialism and and and just judgment or spectatorship right it's like you got to take

ownership of going no i need to make this better and i'm not seeing the result for me i need to i need to make you win and it's like that thing about training in jiu-jitsu or coaching i need to make you win and then i can get better if i'm not interested in making you win. And it's like that thing about training in jiu-jitsu or coaching. I need to make you win, and then I can get better. If I'm not interested in making you win, I stay muted, man. And it's not fun. It's also not fun. It feels wrong on every aspect, every marker we have for evolution. It feels fucking wrong.

I'm not in that space. So that's what I've been trying to do. I just want to get enough money to get by, make sure that my mom, if she ever needs nursing later, if she not like, I want to make sure that my family's taken care of. And, and then I just want to see, can I increase value here, there, wherever, and, and where can I live opulently that my soul shines and I don't feel like, uh, you know, a fake ass rapper. And that comes with doing work, meriting the position and then showing up, you know, and, and that's kind of, it's been the same thing, you know, with, uh, with film, with everything, those skills, they transfer everywhere. They, they, you know, you learn how to fall in love with digging a ditch. You learn how to fall in love

with your whole life. It's a transferable skill. And it's the same thing about getting my ego out of the way going. I want to be of service to people when I'm of service to people, I'm not thinking about me. One of the biggest things to fight my depression, which is a self-interested fucking crippling illness that's self-imposed, is think of others. Because I'm just self-obsessed when I'm depressed. Woe is me. This is bad. The world's bad as it reflects on me. It's scary. I can't see shit anywhere. If I go and I make solving your problems my business, my problems die of neglect. And that's just been the fact of my experience. And I can take that into every industry ever. I feel nervous about these guys because these guys are all heroes in the film world or the stunt world or something. I'm like, fuck, I'd like to talk to them, but

what would I have to say? And I feel like a little kid on the schoolyard wanting to get accepted at a new school. And then I go, what do I do? I go over to those little boys and I go, Hey guys. Uh, uh, so what are you doing? Where'd you get your shoes or whatever? Cause I think maybe the shoes is the different, they got nice shoes. I don't have the right shoes and it ain't about the shoes, you know? And then all they see is they go, this dude acts funny and they're in the fourth grade or whatever. And, and, but they don't see, I'm trying to make friends. They just see he acts funny. Cause I'm i i can't be authentic because i'm thinking what are they thinking that i should be when i go over and then i'm gonna change myself and then i'm all fucked up in that right all they see is they go this dude's a fake ass rapper later and then i don't i've got no friends in that same

thing in life everywhere and then i flip that and i go where can i bring value here like hey does hey, does anybody need anything? I'm going to run to the store. Can I get you guys anything? And that, you know, that's like, where, where can I infuse, where, where can I make somebody else's life better? Where can I be thoughtful of others? And dude, that's the answer to my anxiety, to my depression, to like, just being helpful. If I positioned myself to be helpful, that, that makes money. You know, a kid asked me at the warehouse, he goes, Hey man, I need an extra job. I need to make some extra money. And I go, I think you're asking the wrong question. He goes, well, what do you mean? And I go, well, you're 19, you know, and what are you able to do?

I said that the thing that I think to make myself more valuable to my community is the job. And so how am I growing myself so that, you know, only me could do this thing and that there's a value on that and that pays more money or whatever. Do you speak Spanish? Are you bilingual? Because that's an added bonus. Is your shirt tucked in?

Do you look presentable? Is your hygiene good? Like all those things. Can you look a guy in the eye? Have you done something where you've mastered so you could talk about your mastery? Like you have a point of interest with other people that are high achieving people.

It's like, these are the things to curate yourself. And I really think that we get this idea of like, I want money or I want success, whatever that fucking mutated idea of what success is to most people. And we chase that shit. And then you get down to the end of the road and you go, there's no happiness in that, man. I don't feel good. I got $10 million and I'm dying of cancer or whatever the thing is.

And you get into that and you go, then what is this? Because they sold me a wrong bill of goods. They told me this was the answer. And when you go, no, man, it's the communion with others. It's this cooperation that makes me feel alive. That's the thing that makes me live. And when you put yourself in that position, it's a whole different... I don't get that unless I'm willing to go, I want to look at it from his perspective because he's looking at it hella different than me and he seems happy, you know? And so what am I missing? And, and, and, and that's what I've been endeavoring to do lately. And, and that, that's, that's where it all goes. It's all simple, you know, all the shit, you know, have, have great manners when you don't feel like it. It's all stuff we learn when we're little kids. And then we forget because forget because we get smart and because when we get smart enough we get scared enough in the world that we make funny decisions and um and so i just yeah i don't know i feel like i love it brother yeah that's the concept of i'll be happy if or i'll be happy when right so we use that in the

in the chasing of success or the the dream job or the financial like number whatever the fucking number is i'll be happy if i have that number i'll be happy when i retire i'll be happy when i get through this you know this two-week grind which turns into a two-month grind which turns into a two-year grind and whatever that is like you got to find it now you got to find the thing that makes you feel alive right now and whatever that that is that gives you meaning and purpose that's the thing that you fucking invest in you still got to pay the bills but without community without family without people that you really can look at like tribe what's it all fucking for and how do you learn yeah especially in this world where there's

so much to look at you got to separate the wheat from the chaff. And like, so where's potent information that I can pay attention to the right thing? I need other people to be vetting all that stuff with me. You know, that becomes real operative because there's so much bad information that's out there now. I mean, what a weird time where you, it's tough to trust anything that is out, right?

And like, that's the other thing is I get miserable when I look at the things that are out. When I look at like the state of the world or this or that or whatever, people trying to make up pronouns for people like it or whatever, like, you know what I mean? It's like all that stuff seems hella weird and not very useful, right?

It seems like that's a perfect example of people paying attention to the wrong things. And so you're going to pay attention to all these things and you're going to wonder decades later after you've had your little revolution in this fucking weird thing that nobody really understands except four people, awesome. And now you're still miserable, great.

So you're angry, you pitted yourself, you're against intolerance so much that you're the most intolerant, isolated cocksucker that anybody can stand to not be around. Like who wants to that that's the end of that road no thanks and all you got to do is be aware and look at that and go oh that's how that that's how people get cancer like i don't i don't i prefer not where does that victory lead you know you look down far enough it's kind of like what does that lead to does that lead to

like a society where we're so careful with our words that no one truly expresses themselves no one is ever vulnerable no one ever speaks their mind obviously there's the polar opposite of that where people fucking spew hate out of their mouths constantly constantly you know and and i've had guys threaten to kill me rape my mom the whole thing all of it and then hit me in a dm later and go sorry dude i i had it wrong and uh i was just in my feelings like really motherfucker that's how little control you have over yourself how is that even on the table for you like that's crazy we've had a lot of trolls come out on us online one time i just posted the address to on it yeah right you were fucking dying laughing so good no comment after that right yeah yeah crickets oh did you google me okay

shut up yeah dude was running his mouth constantly i'm like 4401 friedrich lane suite 302 austin texas 78744 ask for kingsbury at the front desk i love i love simple as that i love it people like people are like what's the best part about jiu-jitsu because it separates all those fake ass rappers like oh are you a purple belt well cool we can find out right now and we'll know after touching each other what each other's abilities are just for a few seconds if you're if you're adept at that if you've been paying attention and and and uh yeah there's no lies there you know that's that was the beautiful part about jiu-jitsu for me was there's all all the bullshit and then there's just like, we can find out right now. And the people making the threats on there, they're like, oh, he's willing to fight me right now.

And that's the thing. You go through it. It's like, I prefer not to do any of that. But if you would like a lesson, I would for sure grow your consciousness here. And I'll be down here. Allow me to help you. Yeah. Allow me to help you grow as a human being.

Please, let me be of service. Uh-huh. ready and willing it's almost a duty it's like a duty you know like you got to help young dudes well i saw that too growing up and i'm sure you did obviously fighting professionally was not our first time fucking scrapping right so but bullies and that's a big deal now and we see like zero tolerance policies i remember when i was in high school they started implementing the first zero tolerance policies like you fight you get expelled right and people didn't fight anymore on campus still a couple fights here and there but not not major but one of the things i noticed growing up was how many bullies that i later remedied of their bulliness got away with just words they would talk so much

and and obviously looked the part right and no one ever challenged them and they would just ruin people yeah with their bullying you know until it came to a point and i was on the other side of that expect that spectrum if i'm honest where as i got older i bullied some kids never physically but probably a piece of shit where i had it in me to fucking talk more shit than i needed to yeah but as a kid who was bullied just wishing a motherfucker would yeah when i came into age it was like oh god like now i'm at the point where i can say all right let's do it you know and every time that happened every time it was the most lopsided fight ever right Right. And I couldn't believe it.

Like I was in disbelief picking apart a guy with very little, I had very little experience, uh, you know, with learning martial arts and could still pick apart this guy in a street fight because they had never been challenged at all. Once, not once. But talking like they're Muhammad Ali. Yeah. And that, that's the thing I thought I, I, I remember a guy, I choked him out like six different times. He spit on me at the door of the bar that I worked at.

And it was at that point that it was, we had to have a different conversation, you know? And so, and he invited it. He goes, well, come on and you know come on faggot get across the street fucking you gotta set fucking stupid motherfucker what do you fucking fight every day or something you think you're something and i was like and i was like four days out from a fight and i was like yeah yeah and i was just i was like yes that's exactly that actually you're not gonna believe me but that's exactly what i do every day it's all i think about is this right that's all i think about is this, right?

That's all I think about is getting in your fucking neck, bro. And we go over and he swings and I duck under and I choke him to sleep. And he gets up and I figure we're going to be good. Now we can talk, right? We've leveled it out. The problem with choking somebody out, it's like tasing somebody. They're gone. They come back.

They have no idea what happened. They pick up. It's just like you press pause on the movie, and now you press play again. There's no residual hangover from that. So he comes back all full and whatever he's on and all that, four or five more times. And then after he's out the fourth or fifth time,

I call over to one of my guys and go, hey, because we would do citizen's arrest. And I go, give me some handcuffs and so I link the dude up the next time he goes and then he comes to in handcuffs and then instead of motherfucking me it's a whole different story and he's not going to kill my mom anymore and all that and uh he's not a part of the uh he's he's claiming some fucking Italian mafia shit i'm like we're in mexico homie like you sell ecstasy in the street and uh and so um and then he goes no no no and then the bartering starts and then the police come and he's he's i didn't notice at first but he's shaved his eyebrows off to where there's

little blood spot like like nicks you know what weird motherfucker i didn't notice until he's handcuffed he's under this tree he's on i was like well that's interesting and and then the then the police came later, of course. And I go, it's too late, man. I have to put the handcuffs on only please take them off. I don't know what's going on. You know, that's it for you. You're going to go settle down for the night. And he goes, yeah, he attacked me and he grabbed my head and he rubbed my eyebrows off on the ground. Cause the cop was like, what are you doing, dude? You look ridiculous. He said, yeah, he did that to me. And I thought, that is amazing. But that whole thing, you know, like having the ability to go, I know I can keep you safe.

You know, he didn't get hurt at all. Yeah. Like, and we can do that thing. I can completely shut. And I thought, man, this jujitsu, everybody's got it. It's like, it feels like it's a responsibility that people know that. Like, it's such a good thing to have. And just the confidence, the leveling of your pride all that

stuff i mean that that's the thing too is like i i i try to do stand-up or i go into the you know i'm in acting classes now and like i get jobs in in the stunt world regardless but i want to get better at those things and what those things do why i want to is because it scares me you know i was in a i was in a i'm in this acting practicum and there's like eight people and they're good and uh and i'm me you know and there's a teacher and he's he's like a and there's a lot of theater guys is this like drama class in high school kind of i mean it's like so we're in a theater in los angeles and there's like eight or ten of us there and there's like a teacher like a couple people leading and he goes the first day Hey, uh, we want to get monologues. Everybody's

going to present a monologue next week. And, and this is a workspace. It's not a class. It's just a place for you to work on your stuff and maybe get some feedback and all that. And so there's a bunch of competent people here to do that. And we're going to do that. It's cool. He goes, do you have a monologue? And I go, no. And, but a lot of people that here to do that. And we're going to do that. It's cool. He goes, do you have a monologue? And I go, no. And, but a lot of people that are actors have monologues that they can go.

And so then they can go audition to a agent or something like that. Right. Which I always thought, how weird is that? That you're in a room with a guy and you're just going to do a thing from streetcar named desire or something to this guy to show like, so it's the kind of, it's,

it's, it's funny. It makes me giggle at least, you know, like whatever, that's the way to do it i'll do that but it's it seems silly a little and uh and so i don't i don't have one so he assigns one to me from this play called assassins and it's a it's a about this guy that's gonna go kill president nixon it had to have been assassins for you yeah yeah yeah it was great shakespeare it was great great so anyway i i get that and i go to this bookstore where they have all these plays and i study it and i'm trying to learn it and it's like four pages it's a lot and i was like i've never endeavored anything of that size to try to uh

do on film or anything so i get that i go okay and i work on it all the time and and um i it's i i can do it i can do it but I'm like, I don't want to present it though. And I'm like, who's going to be first. So the next day class comes and I've got my stuff and the whole place. And it's kind of a tiered thing. It's got like eight rows and I'm on the back row just so I could view everything, you know? And, uh, and so nobody fucking looks at me and I'm in there and my buddy's there. He's a Navy SEAL. And so he can barely hear. He's a few years out now, but he's in this, he's the one that got me into the practicum. And so he's like, hey, you're going to be there.

And he doesn't show up. I'm like, you motherfucker. Like I'm here alone with these fucking nerds, man. And I'm looking down at this one dude and he's like 55 or something. He's in front of me. And I go, am I going to go first? I should just fucking go and just bust a nut and get it done. And I'm about to raise my hand. He goes, I'll go. And I was like, well, great. I guess John's going

to go. And so I sit back and listen. And I was like, he does something from Othello or something. And he's, um, beautiful. Right. And it's long. And I was like, I might be in the wrong class. Like, this guy's really good. And I go, he's. And then afterwards, I hear, he's done this. He's presented that. He's been paid to be on stage and do that role twice before. So for full runs of shows, he's done this professionally, this monologue.

And I got mine last week. And I'm like like i feel like we're on different levels you know and and then i go okay well maybe i'll go next and somebody else jumps up and uh and then i go i'll go last you know and maybe they'll run out of time maybe that'll happen and i'll get lucky and i'm here that's how crazy the mind is i'm here in the experience wanting the stuff and going maybe they'll pass me up and that would be freedom. So I got this mind that lies to me. I got this critic inside.

I got to control. So then I'm sitting there more. A couple more people go. They're fucking great. I cry at one. It's fucking awesome. Then I thought, I'm in the wrong class for sure because I thought these other people would maybe suck also.

Then I'm looking at the stairs and I'm like, I could fake an injury, I guess when I'm walking up and I'm like, and I'm like, and then, and all this stuff is going, my mind's on fire with this crazy mania. And I'm, and I'm watching my mind do all this stuff. I'm like, this is so interesting. Like you might as well be six years old right now going to a new school or something. This is crazy. And so those are the situations when I feel stuff like that, that I try to put myself in as much as I can, because that's the stuff when I left that after I did that, uh, on that day, I never had to feel like that again. A, but then right when I left, man, the kind of fucking, I felt like I was a new, a different

fella, you know, and I was, I was a different fellow than the guy that walked in. And, and those are the things, man, those breakthroughs that are, that are hard to push up again. And it's silly. It's going and talk, but I'm looking at that stage, bro. And I'm like, where do I hide up in that stage? It's just me on that stage. And then all these people are going to look at me and everything is very well lighted in, in theater. They're lighted just exactly how they want it to be, which is fucking everything. You're a microscope and you can't see them. And I i'm like that is a uncomfortable position that you guys have set up but to go and do that and give it away then and to go it doesn't matter how this is going to be what it is and now you have to flow and so those things too that i've been looking into is

how do you how can you control the flow state in a better way besides like you know the first time i knew it and had language for it was like when I was in a stick fight and I felt a dilution of time. And before that, when I was a kid, it was when I would rob houses or something like that. You know, I would feel like if, you know, you're like where you feel like that high consequence and you're in emotion and it's like you get into this other place. And that's, I can feel that when I perform in that way and so that practicum has been good just as far as sharpening the sword and what i was going to say about paying attention to

the wrong shit earlier i'm is that this thing you know all these guys that i talked to and they're like i just want to make some money and i get it man it's like everybody want to make some money and you hear guys that made their first million at 21 or something i was with a guy this week about my first ferrari at 25 and i'm like who the fuck does that you know like i'm making 825 when i'm 25 years old or whatever you know and i really think i really believe that and i tell all my guys this is to sharpen your sword until you're in your in-30s, forward. You're not even supposed to make money, man. Sure, pay attention to all that stuff, but build yourself a vessel that can feed the community that's going to come up around you. And if you're paying attention about getting money,

you might not be sharpening the sword in a way that's going to be most useful down the line. And you've got to look at what's most useful down the line, not the short-term thing, because this is going to be evaporative. And so so i'm looking like how do i get a sustainability approach to to even my own um energy as far as what i'm expending and what you know like is this going to serve my ego today but like is it going to be destructive later and and to vary those things and i think that you just that you just go and build character in those times. And then there's going to be a place for you. You're going to be useful. You're going to build yourself into a useful vessel. And so that's still my course. That's still what I'm trying to do.

It's like I'm making a little more money now than then, but that road's not over. Because nothing else turns me on. If somebody gave me a million dollars to sit around, it'd be a horrible existence. It'd be way better to have, here's 50 grand and have a dynamic life. It's like, what are we living for? Is it a dollar point? Is it likes?

Or is it that kind of camaraderie that I could get with life where I feel like I'm held in the hand of God and that everything is okay and there's beauty that surrounds me? And those are all within my choices. And I used to just feel like I was buffeted around by life, but I wasn't paying attention to, are my anchors moored? Did I make sure that I got good seals? Am I, am I taking care of the ship? You know? And, and, and I didn't even

know what the facets of a ship were. It's not like we're taught that early on, you know, I didn't start thinking about fitness or health or anything. Fuck, I never started thinking about really what I think are optimal diets until like eight years ago or something like that. It's like that's brand new. So I feel like I got a lot of catch-up to do because I accepted a lot of bad information for a long time probably. Yeah. You dropped the God word.

I wanted to ask you because something i've wanted to do the god yeah or if i'm jewish i go g dash d because they don't put the o because that would be disrespectful ah is that crazy you ever see it written like that with the g and the dash and the d yeah because i studied kabbalah for a while and that i was like what's up with you guys are you guys pretending that's not where is it like writing eff because you're afraid to say like what's what's going on and they're like no it's disrespectful or what i'm like that's that's crazy but but cool what i get it all right yeah that's a human thought anyway i have about what's disrespectful yeah yeah right to a deity that we can't imagine yeah to something that's

indescribable um you got to go to and correct me if i'm wrong but you went to the ramdass retreat yeah duncan trussell yeah how was that it's great man i wanted to go to, and correct me if I'm wrong, but you went to the Ram Dass retreat with Duncan Trussell. Yeah, yeah. How was that? It was great, man. I wanted to go for a long time. It was beautiful.

Every year, I mean, you better go quick because he's not going to last long. There's an expiration date on him for sure. But the most amazing thing of it, you know, and Jack Kornfield is there who was like, if you don't know, he's like a really big deal in like the Buddhist meditation kind of community. And a lot of his teachings and his wife, Trudy Goodman um really kind of set my mom free in a lot of ways and she's been a in admiration of ram das for a long time and uh and ram das a spiritual leader all those guys that were at the retreat that were like presenters they all had met in india 40 years prior or

something right with uh and they sat sat under Maharaji and that was kind of their teacher. And it was really interesting. They all exposed their practices kind of and let everybody know. And everybody's in there still. It's like a bunch of millionaire dudes, basically 60 years old or better or whatever. And they're all going, yeah, but what did I do? Give us one actionable thing right now. And Duncan's on stage. He's like, yeah, well, what's the one thing that could make me have more centeredness or this or that? And the whole thing, it's resounding

in the whole week that we're there is practice. Have a practice. Become disciplined to that practice. It doesn't matter. It makes no difference what the practice is. Just be diligent. Be a slave to that. And with that, transcendence comes. And a guy taught me that like 25 years ago. And he goes,

when I first, he started trying to get me into meditation and he goes, yeah, I want you to meditate. Start off for a couple of minutes a day, try to build up to 10 minutes a day. Just not getting crazy. And to where I've had guys before, they're like, you got to sit like this for an hour and a half and, or else you're fucking fake or whatever the thing is. And it's like, there's a lot of people that will set goals that are unattainable. And those people are not masters. Those people are people that don't want you to succeed. Those are people that don't want you to win because they're afraid because they haven't won and they would hate for you too. And so you got to be careful who you listen to too. And so anyway, I bit this off, but I go,

well, what do I do? Transcendental meditation I've heard about. I've heard about seated meditation. I've heard walking meditation. I've heard vows of silence. Like what route do I take? Do I do a little of this? Could I get a book on each one or something?

I'm asking John and he says, Tate, you're dying of thirst. You're in a spiritual drought. You're disconnected from yourself. You don't even know who you are. You're wandering through life. You have all this power that is leaking everywhere and it's causing you wrecks in your life everywhere. These are all in the desert. And you start digging a little bit at TM and then you get distracted because there's another shiny thing. And then you start digging over here a little bit. You get a few feet down in every one, but you never get anywhere and you die of thirst. Or you pick one. I don't care what it is. Pick it. Be consistent and disciplined to that thing and you'll get to water. All these other things, they don't matter. Focus on what you're

about. Be 100% I'm willing to die in this. That's that seek death is I want to put all my intentions here to get the results of here. All those holes, wherever you dig, it leads to the same fucking aquifer. But if you dig at all of them a little bit, you'll never get there. You'll never get to depth. And so, and so I understood this idea of practice, like practice that one thing and you can know all things. You become an expert at something, you know what it takes to become an expert at the next thing. And, and the learning curve is cut off of that. And so, uh, this, this idea of practice became, um, reinforced by those guys. Cause they come, I come up with a place of desperation, like I'm dying and I need hacks for my life. Uh i'm gonna end up in prison or dead like that's where my life was at and so

i i look at that from these guys that are just nice regular people that also looking for an enlightenment or a consciousness shift i'm like wow the same route is working for them but everybody can't hear the message everybody's going yeah but what's the thing that I can do? And it's like, the thing that is so untenable to you is that you have to sit in your practice every day. And sometimes it's monotonous. Sometimes it seems pointless. Sometimes there's a thousand more things to do, but you might, if you do not be, you'll never know the result if you don't maintain a discipline about it. And so that was the thing with that. But the most most and like it was like transcendental to me like this i never felt like this with a man before where he looked at people and it changed them and

and he had a stroke he he can he he speaks very in a labored way he has to be very exact in what he wants to say um but his messages are super potent but on the final day this is ramdas ramdas ramdas is sitting and everybody's going and he's gonna give a piece of a blanket in the form of a bracelet to everybody that's there that's the blanket that he got from maharaji that was his teacher 40 years prior or whatever and um there's 350 people there everybody goes and they sit across from them and stare. And they do like a soul gazing type activity is what I recognize it as. I'm not sure what he would say. And everybody is bawling. And they've had a big weekend.

I'm thinking, isn't this nice that all these nerds are having a great time? And look at how it touched them. You know what I mean? And we're going around the circle. And every single fucking person had that same it touched them. You know what I mean? And, and, and we're going around the circle and every single fucking person had that same experience with them. And my mom was in front of me and she goes and she is just waterworks just beside herself. And she's having this, and I'm watching from 10 feet away, this connection she's having

visually with this man. And you can almost see a communication and it it's it was unsettling almost in the beauty of it and and i sat down and i've never been looked at like that i've never been looked into like that and like he was like present in a way and like communicative in a way that i hadn't i don't have an understanding of um but like there's there's power out there so when i speak about god or about these things i i, I, I look at it and I use the word God for the, for the best understanding that anybody has, whatever that is for anybody. Like, um, yeah, man, do that.

Like know your own values, try not to transgress those and don't step on anybody else's toes. I think that's the simple guidebook for life in a way. And, and in regards to God, it's like whatever you got to hang on to, to make it all make sense. What I use it as is this ineffable mystery that I can't put a finger on with my finite mind, with the faculties that I have as I understand my mind now, maybe it'll be unlocked at a certain point and I'll understand more. But I look at it a lot like electricity. Like if I had to shine a flashlight at you in 1850, I'd have maybe been hung, you know, like I'm a witch or something because we don't understand electricity. Maybe God is like that for us. Maybe we become

more present as we evolve more and we understand the manifestations and the orchestrations of what God is. I don't know. I believe on higher vibrations, like I have feelings where I'm like, I am a creator that can pull the future into the present and I am God. And I believe that that exists in all of us. And I believe that the battle, the inner battle is with my ego and that's coupled with service and with letting go and with hope

and all these things conspire for that result and in balance. But it's not a place that I live, right? It's a state that I can achieve, but it's not like a plateau where I live at. And so there's always more reaching to do. And so that's kind of how I understand God to be. And I understand that to be, I think like the Christians talk about it, and I think they talk about the Holy Ghost in the same way that I think about a unifying thread of spirit or soul that is through us all, that we're all connected in that unity. And not all of us are on the same vibration, you know?

I choose to be comfy or whatever, or hurt other people, or be outside of my own value system, and I disconnect from the hive. I've made a choice of isolation through my behavior, right? There's a consequence to it. I don't get to get in to the flow of the universe and have my life live seamlessly and be useful and purposeful and feel valued, which is things that we all need. And so that's kind of how I look at God. I'm waiting for more to be revealed. And in my exploration, since I was a little boy i've always been looking for god and and every everything that i've explored i mean like i said i've studied uh kabbalah for a few years i studied christian i mean i was raised uh in

christianity and under episcopal flag which is just another remake and i thought then early on i go because my friends were lutheran i had methodist baptist friends and i was like how many remixes of this are there you You know what I mean? It's all the same shit. And I'm like, y'all can't even agree on shit. So you're all petty. So you're all petty and you started your own party. And I was like, this is fucking, this is impotent at best.

Right? And it's maniacally divisive at worst. And we've seen that, right? And that's not just, I mean, that's whether you're like, all of it, all of it has that nature to it. It's not all that there's people that only reach to the highest points of that, but there's also all of it. There's murder and blood all over all of it. And I'm like, that doesn't ring true to me. That doesn't speak to my soul. And I, and so I've been looking since I started questioning and, and, uh, I'm trying to know more Kyle and I don't know. Um, but I'm

trying to explore my internal self and, and a lot of that talk came through, you know, uh, I got sober 24 years ago after, you know, I created untenable situations that it's like, it's going to either be this or that, you know? And there was a point, there was an opening where the craving or the lust that had never been off me, that craving for dope or for booze. Ever since I started when I was 12 years old, you know, like that was my whole guide. That was my God, right? That's the other thing about God is that, and the mind is so amazing. Guy told me one time, he goes, whatever you think about all day is your God. Guy told me one time, uh, he goes, whatever you think about all day is your God. Worry about your kids all day. Your kids are your God.

Is that going to serve everybody the greatest good? You're thinking about that job you need, that girl you want, that's your God. Whatever you're obsessed with, that's your God. So mind your fucking mind, you know? And I started thinking about that in a different way. And then you start to think about the God and everybody. You go, everybody's a little piece of God. And then you can put stuff in like a, in a level playing field that, that nobody has too much responsibility of God of this pedestal thing. And you go, I want to curate a vibration where I recognize the God and the love and everybody. And I want this guy to win. Sure, I'll hit the brakes and let him pull in. I mean, it's practical.

It comes up everywhere, right? It's not this ethereal, ephemeral kind of wisp of spirituality that you can barely grasp. The guy told me one of the biggest benefits that ever came to me was he goes, man, 95% of spirituality is having good manners when you don't wanna, like regardless. It's like act right regardless, you know?

Fucking eat right, you wanna result? You wanna go eat right regardless you know fucking eat right regard you want a result you want to go to eat right regardless of how you i know you want to eat your feelings cool how about you don't and you'll get a result if you do you'll get a result but you choose it and just in that owning the owning my life in that way is is giving me great freedom to go yeah i'm in this wreck and i chose it i took every step to get here you know i didn't not take the steps to get locked up i took every step to get there you I didn't not take the steps to get locked up. I took every step to get there. You want to not do that? You better examine your fucking steps.

But if I'm blaming, if it's somebody else, I'm for sure going to get locked up again. It's inevitable. I've chosen it. When you absolve yourself of responsibility, you take all ownership and power from yourself. You really have no... If you're choiceless in that matter

then you're truly just running on fucking autopilot yeah you know then life happens to you you don't happen to life you don't make life happen this guy says to me back like 24 years ago he goes he goes your problems are all of your making which seems like bad news and then he goes but it really it's good news because that means that you've got all the capabilities to choose differently and to have less problems or, or, or successes you get to choose. And when I started to look at my life like that and, and, uh, be accountable to every action, every step in every thought, because when I'm fighting like alcoholism, it's every thought I've got to think,

I can't, I can't think I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm never going to drink. Cause all I think is drink, drink, drink. That's all I hear. It's like telling me, don't think of a red stop sign. It's like fucking the first thing that pops in my mind is a red stop sign, you know? And so that, that reorganizing my mind so that I could work within the world without having to anesthetize myself to be able to get through the world because it was just, and I can't explain a junkie mindset any more than, there's a great scene in like,

I think it's Midnight Cowboy where he's going, you know, just being a junkie, it's just like the fucking day-to-day fucking pain and misery of having to fucking get out of bed and put your fucking shoes on and go to the world,

which seemed like this nihilistic, horrific, predatory kind of thing. And you're looking at life through this fucking one narrative that is just killing you. That's begging for heroin, you know, and, uh, and you need to have a consciousness shift. That's big enough to be able to bring about recovery. And if you're not willing to shake up your whole life and go, hey, starkly, here's how you created your life. And there's other choices. Now here's how we're going to clean that life up. And here's how you're going to get right with you so you're not embarrassed or ashamed or feel like you owe anybody in the world. And

you're going to face every fucking body that you ever took a misstep with. And you're going to do what you can to make it right. And you're going to go ahead and you're going to face every fucking buddy that you ever took a misstep with. And you're going to do what you can to make it right. And you're going to go ahead and you're going to try to curate yourself so that you're a better man tomorrow than you were yesterday. And then you're going to pass it along. And that's just what they trained me then. And that seemed to echo in every aspect of my life for health, recovery, and service to people. And it gave me a format with which I could live successfully as opposed to having to live incarcerated. Yeah. And that's what I love.

I get a lot of that. Whatever I endeavor to do that's hard, it cements that as truth for me. That's another peer-reviewed study. And I'm like, oh, you got that from jujitsu too? Fuck, and we got another metric to show that that's a good thing. And how all those things just add to each other's greatness. And so that's kind of where the thinking came from for me. And that's kind of like my idea of God, I don't know.

The jury's out, but I'm willing to stand in the conversation and watch it unfold. And I'm open to whatever possibility. What I think right now, maybe not the God of Abraham so much, maybe more like a simulation theory. And we're in the matrix. That seems way more probable than anything else to me right now that there's advanced races that have set up some kind of a system and and we're in this system and and i think one of the things that i i hold true with that is that they you know wear it loosely that you know if you can wear it like a game man uh it you don't need to kill yourself you know what i mean it's like it's there it it gives you a little leeway you know and the thing is is uh this one dude put me on this shit this weekend he goes he goes we're an earth school that's what we're doing here man and he goes and nobody fails or a

school right and you get a chance to do it again if and and the thing is is like the higher your consciousness what's the point of that why do do that? Why? Because, because the, the, the corrections are, are, uh, kinder or gentler, right? I don't get slapped with a two by four of a cop kicking me in the face and, and zip tying me and dragging me like that. That's not my lesson anymore today. You know, my lesson is more like, you know, um, your mom's feeling uncomfortable right now or fucking, you know, or it's just like you're, when you get aware of more, the water never comes to a boil because you're aware that the heat's on and then you're in control of the heat and you know how to do that. Your life doesn't overflow. And so I think that that's the point of raising your consciousness is that, you know, what's nice for me now today, instead of people going,

hmm, I wonder what that dude's going to do if he's in the room, you know, I can hold space. You know, it's like you go through life and and and what's the biggest gift you can give to people your time and yourself and and people feel uncomfortable almost everywhere they are and if you can be a stabilizing calm force that just holds space for people fuck it that's a that's a huge gift man and so that's kind of like i guess what i'm endeavoring to be more in that space. And, and, and through that, I do a lot of stuff, you know, like caveman coffee. I haven't talked about it all or whatever.

And I like, I don't, it's just stuff that I do, but like that shit's like an education for me. Like that's a college, you know? And, and then I look at people that do stuff really well. And you look, you know, you look at people like everybody's go, Oh, a $40 billion company. I'd love to have a $40 billion company, you know? And, uh, except what the weight of that is. I would not want that. Like, I don't know how to handle that because I don't have, I haven't built up the weight. And so it's like, it's like Aubrey starting,

starting this. Like if he started in at this level right now, it would crush him, but he slowly added weight on the bar and he can stand up under the weight of this. Now, you know, it's like he's built, but, um, there's this, there's this fallacy, this boss fallacy, everyone be a boss or whatever. Ain't nobody want to pay rent though. Right. It's like fucking where's the boss when it comes time to sweeping the floor and polishing the windows and paying the electric bill and making sure that my man got a check at the end of the day, because fucking his family needs it. And I, that would be, I'd rather starve to death than be on the other end of somebody else being fucked up because I've mismanaged things, you know? And so like that, that becomes the thing is like, uh, how do I get as strong as I can

so I can be as useful to others and help as many people as possible? I think that's, I think that's the goal, right? And, and, uh, if that's not the goal, that's cool that everybody got their own goal, but I want to only fuck with people that have that goal. Cause other people that have some consciousness shit where they're paying attention to shit that don't matter to me that's just distractionary and it takes me off the course and and i don't know if i can afford the time to uh to not learn i you know i think i get in that place like now i'm reflective about it

and going man it's like i already know all the dumb shit and like there's all that i don't want to argue but i don't want to argue about trump I don't want to argue about Trump. I don't care. Maybe it's the greatest thing ever. I don't know. I don't, I mean, I have a concern this way or that way, but I know enough to know I've been wrong a lot in my history. So I got to consider that I'm wrong about everything I think about today too. And I got to be willing to unfold and grow into the next thing. And so I also know when I think about the external, that my internal suffers, I get a chaos inside me. And I know that then I'm useless to everybody around me and ain't nobody going to help my mom or whatever, you know, it's like, that becomes a thing, you know, like, how am I going to be useful

if I'm, if I'm just bickering and pointing out what's wrong, you know, I got to live in the solution and go, how do I curate myself to be a better man tomorrow? And that's, you know, if I'm having good days, that's what I'm thinking about you know yeah fuck yeah brother fuck dude you crushed it and this is a this is fuck man you know talk about how attractive the spaces are you guys create it's like it's um you know it's it's nice to be able to walk into places go oh man it's just family brothers are here you know and to really to really know that and it's an interesting thing because you can know people very briefly and if and if people have done the work on themselves and they're vulnerable and open like that in in the strength that they have it's like you've got brothers in a way that that uh is in an accelerated way

you don't need to know somebody for 35 years or whatever. It's like, you can, you can feel, you can feel somebody, you know, it's like that thing in jujitsu, you get body awareness,

like, you know, their skills, you know, if they're, you know, if they're kind of a bully, you know,

you know, all kinds of things about them. And it's the same thing with awareness in this world, you know? And, and, uh, I,

I feel like you can, you can, you get really perceptive, I guess. Okay guess okay brother open up that field of awareness yeah yeah and that's the thing you know so i say all that too and i go these guys asked me to talk about plant medicine this weekend too and um and i brought it up a little bit but i don't know a whole lot about it you know but i but what i do know what i do know is that mushrooms and acid and shit when i was a a kid, for sure, that helped my life. It gave me an alternate reality that I really

needed. And I don't know what it did to my brain to open up paths of empathy and understanding that would not have been there otherwise. You know, I can only see like, oh, here's how your father is. And he hasn't done that. And these are differences. Like I don't have really evidence, right? I just have ideas about it. But look into that and being sober for a long time. You know, you hear all these things in that community about curative aspects of things. Because everybody wants to, you know,

hey, I mean, you guys hear it all the time. This is a space for that. Just what do I take? I don't want to know about pathways. I don't want to know about pathways i don't want to know about macronutrients what do i take to be ripped dude or whatever right people want and and like when you're endeavoring to know yourself or god or or purpose or something like that and you want somebody else to do the work for you that right there just think it through

that far and you go that's a broken construct that doesn't seem like that would work right and and so but people want that with plant medicine because they hear people get all jazzed That right there, just think it through that far, and you go, that's a broken construct. That doesn't seem like that would work, right? Yeah. But people want that with plant medicine because they hear people get all jazzed up about it after they've had an experience. And all I can say is I find no curative aspects with it in the overarching way that people are looking at it as a panacea. I don't think there's curative aspects to alcoholism, for instance. But I do think that there's perspective shifts that can happen. And I think that it comes down to what Ram Dass and

those guys were saying, which emboldened the belief that I had, which is disciplined practice is the way. And that happens continually, consistently every day. And ayahuasca is a one-off or a bogo or whatever you're doing and and you're not you're not able to stay in that state so i don't know that that's helpful and i think i think what it can do is it gives you it can give you the homework right if you don't do the fucking work but what's the it's worse for doing that and if the fishbowl you go back to doesn't hold that space for you, it's very hard because that's a path you need to be led on. It's like there's a navigation there.

And so it's like a kid that's going, hey, dude, I want to be huge, so I want to do steroids. It's like, well, have you already dialed in your nutrition to optimize what your biology is endogenously? Have we done that? Okay, we've done that. Have you worked out to the nth degree in different modalities to broaden the range

and diversity of the abilities of your body? Do you sleep? Have you done that? Do you know about recovery? Like all these things. And most people know, I just would like this thing that's gonna make me have this result.

And when I'm results oriented, I'm broken, right? And I have to be pathway oriented. I have to be, I have to look to, can I make myself strong enough to, to walk the path? Not the fucking result that's stealing. That's called a thievery. Right. And the person you're robbing is yourself. And so like, how do I get strong enough to walk the path? And so that becomes a thing for me. But what happened with that, having a practice that I've been deep in for a long time, is it showed me a perspective and a shift that has altered things to some degree where I grew up with my back against the wall

and everything's a perceptive threat and I have to be careful. And so I look at the world that way through that narrative. I build a moat around myself because I don't want to be a victim like some pussy going, oh, the world that way through that narrative. I build a moat around myself so that I'm, cause I don't want to be a victim like some pussy going, oh, the world's hurt me. I'm going to,

I'll just become strong. And part of that strong is fortified walls, which served me for a long time. And I think is useful to some degree. I think you got to be able to measure things and people allow things in and not other things in. But when I build walls around me, man,

it's like it does, it keeps out all the bad things, all the nefarious things that might be lurking. However, it also keeps out all the love and all the goodness that might, you know, and so if I'm not careful, I don't know what I don't know. So I don't know what's beyond that wall. So what am I keeping out? You know, maybe I'm keeping the mystery of life out. Maybe I'm keeping a better version of myself out. And I, and, and, and I sat and, and and and uh and i thought maybe there's nothing to fight you know maybe maybe there's nothing to protect yourself from like you're a bad motherfucker tate like who can hurt you like you're already in a spot where you're you're defensible just in your spirit just in your courage to stand in the conversation conversation it's like those are

the things where the you're already you're already powerful in your kindness. You know, like what are you defending yourself from? And to really try to ask myself, so what ayahuasca and what plant medicine has done in a lot of ways has allowed me to have a dialogue with myself where I'm auditing myself in a different kind of way as I take inventory of my life and go, is this serving me still? And, and I think that's an important thing, um, for people to do regularly is, is to, to really look at behavior and go, how is this serving me? Or, or, or is this keeping things from me? Or, and then also what don't I know? I've got to make myself available to not only what I can critically think and look at an answer, but I got to go, well, what, what don't I know that's even out there that I can't even consider to think about, you know? And, and, uh, and so to let those walls

down a little bit and to, to, it just allows you to wear life a little looser and more things to become open and question old truths and, and, uh, uh, adopt new habits and also stay true to the thing that brought you to the party. I think, you know, I think that thing, if you got good practice involved, like I'm adding yoga into my practice to be, uh, uh, something that's a the thing that brought you to the party i think you know i think that thing if you got good practice involved like i'm adding yoga into my practice to be a something that's a weekly thing that that i do but um i think that you got to be careful with that because it's that that can become a next shiny thing like if i give up jujitsu completely in that way i i would feel like that's a real loss of my of my growth growth. And it's also, it's part of my foundation, you know, like you gotta be careful to not go to the new thing because you know, your foundation that slips away, you know, and, and I think that's important.

You know, I need that ground to stand on and it's a, there's, there's, there's some, I mean, fuck it's endless. So we could go into on the physical and metaphysical levels of what jiu-jitsu has done for us, you know, but it's like that kind of thing you know and and i don't know like what have you been thinking about god and about those things of that nature i mean in that world where i think there's a simulation theory like there's certainly not a traditional god in that way if it's a six-year-old in the future on planet naguanwa somewhere fucking in other galaxies that's fucking playing me and as an avatar like i don't know like so uh and that and that's the other thing of like having a think nest that you respect is like what do you think about that yeah it's definitely changed for me over time you know and and

thankfully i was shown how to work with plant medicines differently than i did when i was a kid you know like to have respect to have an intention. Wildly different. Wildly different. And wildly different results, as with anything with life. What you put into it, how you set the stage, how you anchor your ship and prepare for that makes a world of difference when you go through the stressor. And that is the stressor. Ayahuasca is the stressor.

It is the catalyst. Yeah, make no mistake. But that's not the thing that heals you. It'll show you different things. And it's shown me many different things um ultimately what i do with that is what matters right ayahuasca told me to meditate and to do yoga three ceremonies in a row and i asked why the fuck won't you tell me i want new information tell me more and it's like tell me i want tell me how you have it oh you haven't done this yet you will not get new information until you start a practice and it was like cut off almost like leveling up right yeah you don't get to graduate until you pass this grade you don't get to get to the boss man until you fought the other six

guys in the video game or whatever yeah you can't advance to the end of the level right that and uh that's you know that's that's uh my practice has changed over time it certainly has bounced around where i dug a hole here and i dug a hole there and i dug a hole there you know but ultimately the things that move the the bar for me the quickest where i feel a consciousness shift fastest from pranayama breath work breath of fire shit like that i can do five minutes of that and i'm fucking tuned up or if i have anxiety before i go to sleep i can hit five minutes and it just dumps that energy out did you see uh did you see wild wild country on netflix yeah yeah fucking fascinating right but one of the things that that osho is so beautiful with that they don't really dive into

is everyone's doing fucking kundalini and i started playing with that just shaking around looking like a fucking weirdo you know like some meth head just and fucking screaming as loud as i fucking can and you move that energy through like yoga people don't realize is the the physical yoga we do when we pay money and go to a gym to do yoga is one part out of four ultimately to move energy through our body and open up ourselves so we can sit fucking still and touch whatever piece of that inside we have right and most people that can't sit quietly myself included at times it's because i didn't do that prior i didn't move my body and open it up so I could find peace and stillness. Right.

But things that combine that and do it quickly, like fucking wiggling around and shaking it all out and just fucking screaming my guts out, that really moves the needle quickly. And then I can sit and drop in a very deep meditation fast. And it's not – you can't do psychedelics all the time. You can't – I mean, read the Psychedel psychedelic explorers guy with jim fadiman he has a you know at most even if you're microdosing consistently it should be once every fourth day that way it doesn't you don't build up tolerance and require 10 hits of acid just to fill a microdose right and that's fairly often to do it every four days right but even with that i wouldn't plan ayahuasca often i wouldn't plan iboga often i wouldn't plan any of these really strong master teachers yeah i did it

once with aubrey um i wouldn't plan those things often because it waters down the experience well and also it muddies it because if you get a message this time and you go in again tomorrow night well that fucking message is gone now they're like well i guess you're disregard that's i feel like the gods are going i guess you're disregarding that and you're just looking to get your dick hard again huh asshole i feel like it's kind of like that it's almost like i'm disrespecting the gods by going please give me these answers and then here's some answers i want more now i'm gonna muddy the water again after i have clarity yeah Yeah. I want more.

Right. Yeah. So it's just the embodiment of that. And so much, you know, talking with guys like Paul check, even he saw the stack of books on my desk and he was like, you know,

the guy who reads everything and embodies none of it is the smartest guy in the room, but he has no wisdom. Right. I don't want to be that guy. Now, obviously I'm on the experientially. Yeah.

The truth of my fucking job here is to, I'm paid to learn and and from that extract out how we move the bar on the physical mental emotional and spiritual modalities in life all the things that make us a little bit better each day right that's the fucking movement and how they color the other yeah how if you miss this component this component is going to be way way decreased what do we build our foundation on and how do we explore from there but i think you know in that looking at like the god question that is fucking changed over and over again and expanded and and you know what i don't know in that space is so much more than i do know but but certainly there has been certain takeaways that have been shown to me over and over again and this may piss some people off.

I don't think I've talked about on this podcast, but I truly believe that we have reincarnation, that this is not our only life. And it's been shown to me in ayahuasca on multiple ceremonies in different ways. And in that, it kind of makes sense in the fairness of things. Like when you think like, why does this six-year-old die of dick cancer? Or why are there whole tribes that fucking have worms in their gut and die of dehydration and because they can't stop shitting that's pretty unfair if you got one shot you're like well god needs him well god needs him to

fucking mow the lawn like that doesn't cut it for me right so but if this is our experience this go-around and we do get to come back and experience what it is to be gay experience what it is to be a woman experience to be a daughter or you know all these different experiences that's how we learn if you also think about i forget who said it but um if we're the only intelligent life in the universe what an incredible waste of space right you think of how vast it is when you when you begin to understand especially the virus that humans are like well what an incredible waste of space the biggest pollutant of the natural world but yeah we're the we're the end answer yeah and so like if if you ever made a

solar system model in class or you saw some kid who did just to be in a classroom if the if the earth was the size of a grain of sand, the sun would take up the entire room. That's how fucking massive our sun is, right? So like size-wise, we can't comprehend the size of this thing, even our solar system. We have no way to fucking look at that, right? I mean, we do look at it. We observe it. But it's with numbers that are too, they just go outside of comprehension.

Time is the same fucking way. Our sun is young, and it's still billions of years old, right? The earth, same. The fraction of time human beings have been here, and we live for 100 years, if we're lucky. Or unlucky. What an incredible-

I could be a hard 100. Yeah, but what an incredible waste of time. Right. If this is our only existence. What an incredible waste of time. Right. If this is our only existence. What an incredible waste of time. Well, it goes into what purpose is too. I mean, not like, yeah, you got to ascribe a purpose to the whole deal. Yeah.

And if our goal, which has become mine, and I think a lot of people's, is to grow and to learn and to be the best version i can possibly be and to give that back in a way right to be of service to others and to help others achieve that and to carry everyone up the mountain with us right if that's the goal whatever that looks like christ consciousness buddha lao tzu that's not achieved in one lifetime how many fucking jesus's are walking around right now it's a goose egg none we're gonna recognize yeah there might be a couple off in the mountain there might be you know a ramdas or even a fucking baguan tree rajneesh osho was pretty fucking advanced but he also had his you

know crazy he also had other is his pitfalls but i'm just saying like to attain that level i don't think it's achieved in one lifetime. It makes more sense if it's spread out and it's definitely a lot more fair. It's interesting. Cause I meet people that surely are ahead of the game that they're like, no, I, I thought I knew those things when I was nine or like, it's kind of, it's crazy how advanced, I mean, for sure there's, we're not equal, right. There's, there's people that are highly advanced that are, that are around yeah i don't know i don't know i yeah maybe the sun's billions years i don't know if the earth's flat or not right now bro i just don't know that's because

you're fucking dead planet jujitsu son the jury's out um everybody's why is the moon round everybody everybody isn't the moon always it's flat though i can't see the curve of it um it's two-dimensional the the whole thing with all that stuff and i mean eddie fucking eddie is eddie has been such a valuable optimistic functional change to my life i could never give enough thanks however he's he's like hey bro check this out and i get a video right about uh about um the flat earth and then these guys they've got english accents so they sound so so that smart man they just sound smart like that's tricky they got an english guy to narrate it like now i think that it's got validity and you listen and there and there's mathematical equations. And then he's like, oh, and check this one out. First one's a half hour.

Two hours. I get a six-hour one. I'm like, I don't have the time. And all I can go is go, I don't know. I don't know. I feel like we didn't go to the moon because I got a lot of questions that are unanswered, just like whether we're going to talk about whatever. That's a possibility. I think that's more of a possibility i don't think we did that

however uh antarctica being a wall that goes off of uh like into the neither world i don't know what happens um i feel like uh i don't give a fuck because all my life it's made zero difference to me going from the narrative that the earth is round and that we're in a solar system of heavenly bodies that move around each other. And whether that's flat or not at this point, it doesn't tip my balance one way or another. I've still got to love my mom and love the people around me and make sure that I'm an example of those that would look to me. And that kind of thing, I'm like, I don't have time time for those arguments let me pay attention to something that actually matters yeah right trip

but we're in a weird place where it's like every there's like a overarching thing of like no nothing is real or what and i'm like i just i don't know that that can be true and then you talk to these guys that are these quantum physics dudes and they're like no literally nothing's real everything's illusory and i'm like okay well i'm my head's not really there yet so until you can reach your hand through the table i'm not sure about all the electrons unless i guess they're really bound tightly but um it just seems like those are things that my consciousness so i can't i can't think about those things that other men know of we don't know what the fucking bottom the ocean has and we think that we know something about something like it's like i gotta be a master of me i gotta

stay in my lane and go okay how do i make this thing useful as is uh that's the only message that comes back to me and i'm like all those other things i'm like i don't have the i don't have the bandwidth or interest i guess and it's not interesting i find it cool that people are looking into you know quantum physics and things like that like yeah man if that's your passion do it i'm going to interview uh bruce damer who's studying the origins of life he's been on rogan's he's been on uh kyle tierman showing chris ryan's he's a fucking nasa scientist he's done ayahuasca a number of times been a burning man 11 years in a row he teaches at uc santa cruz and he fucking does like this balls deep meditation practice where he gets downloads on where the mars rover mission will land and nasa says yes

those are the coordinates we use crazy like he is that smart dialed in yeah he's fucking dialed in so i mean i have and that's not my passion that's his but i think it's rad what does he think the origins are origins of life uh pretty much there's there's two arguments and i'm gonna dive into this more when i actually get to sit down with them but but um you know bottom of the ocean near the hot ocean vents of molten lava or in like a warm spring pool right how earth how the spring pool come from spring pool would be like just a body of water that's on land come from where the land come from yeah well this is how the origin of that you could say like he's diving that's what i mean is like when we go back

even we can look even deeper than that from what is consciousness right i thought make beginning of time thing i thought no he's not trying to he's trying to solve like how life came to first be on earth right what did we evolve from the primordial goop yep or but he's going now with the maori in new zealand and he has primordial goop that or but he's going now with the maori in new zealand and he has primordial goop that he's allowed to do testing in they've done it in petri dishes but this is going to be the first experiment i get to fucking podcast with him right when he gets back right when he has results on how this shit's going to unfold beautiful dude yeah it'll be dope so if that's your wheelhouse i'm fucking cool with it man i want to learn from it but yeah i'm more

studied on what's the foundation that brings me the most optimized life right i know i got to take care of my fucking body it's my vessel right and if i feel like shit i don't operate well right if i can take care of that if i can cover the cover the basics of what i put in my body how i sleep how i meditate and touch that deep inner peace on a regular basis i know i operate my best do you think do you think it comes down to um what i focus my responsibility on what i take on as my responsibility like you know your health your body your kids your family then your your uh your job the the people that count on you at work like all of that stuff it seems like that's like a piece of it like what i ought to be paying attention to,

the things I'm responsible for. What I ought to be doing, grow my capacity so I can be responsible for more things, so I can be more helpful. Something like that without getting, without advancing into taking on more responsibility before I'm strong enough to carry the weight. Yeah.

And so many, I think one of the issues we run into, especially when it comes to health, is that we put that responsibility on someone else. the doctor will fix right right the health enthusiast knows what i should eat it's like no it's all fucking fine tuning there's no one right diet that's right for everybody and it's and yours isn't going to be right for your life that's exactly that changes over time right absolutely yeah so but but figuring that out that's your responsibility that dom dagostino god damn that's maybe the kindest most quiet humble man ever like incredible it's yeah that's

the thing that's the thing that i like is like all these guys that are smart that are really dialed in that are figuring it out and going here's how i can help you carry your responsibilities better and i'm like fucking you know there's there's people that are saving my life that that don't have any interest in my life at all that don't even know it that i get to be privy to because we live in this world you know which is dope like that that whole yeah yeah what a fun job you've got so that's your job now is is how to endeavor different practices protocols and substances and see and mark what the results of that are it's kind of what you share that we share that kind of like sasha shulgin would do

with uh with you know chemical substrates different different psychedelics he'd have you know he'd first tested it on himself and then he would uh have his group of family and friends that was about a core group of eight to twelve people and he'd have them at the dose range and see where their doses were and move it from there and then write about it in books and you know that's what we kind of get to do here from the supplement side from the food side from health and wellness from training and just fucking share it all yeah you know in-house and then outward it's interesting like when you think about plant medicine you think about the the legalities of all these things and all that and you go that's tried and true for literally

thousands of years right um and then you look at like like this is all a beta test right and you google maladies from iphone proximity in 20 years what kind of horror show is going to come up on the images like no that's safe it's fine right everything that's been that asbestos lead like all these things that have been all the fucking mercury chemical sprays we put on the ground and now we're in this weird beta test until and they're like let's see if it falls apart we got it past legislation and then you just watch the earth rot you're like is this a good idea but that stuff is like the stuff that people are resistant to like i don't know mushrooms they've been growing naturally for thousands of years i'm not i think that we ought to the stuff that people are resistant to. Like, I don't know, mushrooms that have been growing naturally for thousands of years.

I'm not, I think that we ought to control that. That's crazy. But let's go ahead. We're going to put mercury in your teeth and we're going to go ahead and use lead paint at your house and asbestos and shit's going to be fine for you. Don't worry. But hey, don't dump into that consciousness at all. I don't want you thinking too much.

Yeah. Don't think for yourself. It's interesting. Well, fuck brother. We've definitely gone over the hour. All right. Right on. Absolutely beautiful. Love you, man. It's excellent. I love you too, brother. Thanks for yourself. It's interesting. Well, fuck brother. We've definitely gone over the hour. All right. Right on. Absolutely beautiful.

We love you, man. It's excellent. I love you too. Thanks for asking. So we got pirate life radio. Yep. Caveman coffee. Yeah.

What else we got? Where can people fall in line? Cool shit happening, man. We've just been endeavoring into some new fields and, and just, yeah, looking at, looking at how to be in this space and what me and lacy and keith all kind of have for what our purposes are and to you know make make the things line up for our lives as opposed to lining up for the thing you know and and being true to that we got that going on um a lot of cool film stuff coming that'll be interesting you know caveman coffee just got

in jurassic world which was a crazy thing. We're in the opening scene. And so Lacey, she trains Bryce Howard, right? And she used to train this other guy that was the biggest action star in the world. But there's all sorts of NDAs with that. But when she left that, because he was moving around. Biggest action star in the world currently? Probably.

And over time. Still current and over time. Narrow that down to either arnold schwarzenegger or the rock look at that i think that's pretty yeah yeah tom cruise anyway out of here there's there's uh there's there so there's there's there's this great love around the brand in this way. Bryce comes in and she's like, you know, the last time I was written in and I come in with Starbucks or whatever. And she's kind of like, you know, a domineering, selfish, has her idea about how she's going to impose her will to the world. Kind of not really a team player type of person in the first film.

And then, you you know the dinosaurs come and she gets woke when she sees those flying pterodactyls coming at her or whatever and she's like maybe there's a different way or whatever she opening scene here she's like we're coming in and we're going to use a small coffee company that's kind of consciousness flavored sustainable uh you know loving has a different ethos than than the corporate companies that we're using before and so then they're training together. She's like, I wonder if we could. And so she posits it to the producers and they work it all out. And I was like, and I'm just laying back here going, I am fucking stunned. I've got

nothing to do with any of it. And, um, I'm just watching, you know, you watch the beauty unfold, you go, Hey, I'm just going to stand in this space in the world. And like, it's crazy, the stuff that comes by, you know? So that, that, that was the big, big thing. Yeah. Was we've got a debut. I was in the first Jurassic world with Keith. And then this Jurassic world is coming back with, with our coffee, which is a kind of a trip.

So yeah, that, you know, Lacey's running this company called black ops, where she sets up events and does, does all that kind of stuff. Keith's balls deep and acting and kind of stuff. Uh, Keith's balls deep in acting and kind of getting that craft. He's just was a shameless little while ago. And like all of us are just kind of doing all the things that we love and then, and then paying attention to what our responsibilities are and growing that as it goes. Um, and really I've been trying to get reductive in life so that I'm just acting, I'm just in stunts. I'm just doing the podcast. I'm just, cause it's like the podcast i'm just because it's

like the podcast for me is like i love the the inspiration i get out of the conversation second to none when i make the time to do it and so exacting a discipline towards that has been been the big thing and then caveman and and uh letting all that go and and seeing where it all adds man okay brother where can people follow you online uh just my name tate fletcher and uh you'll find you know i'm easy to find man we'll link all that shit up in the show notes. Thank you, brother. It's been an absolute pleasure. Right on. You too. Thanks, man. Thanks for tuning in. Tate Fletcher is a savage. And if you made it this far all the way to the end, I know you enjoyed the podcast. Tell your mama, tell your daddy, tell your sister,

tell everybody, you know, to tune into this podcast because it only gets better from here on out. Thanks for listening.