Kyle Kingsbury Podcast - Q & A with Natasha Kingsbury and Christian Pena

Episode Date: August 9, 2019

You had questions and we had answers. Joined by Natasha and Christian, we break down some of the most commonly asked questions about an open relationship. Tips on parenting, health, and wellness. You don't want to miss this one.       Connect with Natasha Instagram | https://bit.ly/2Zbxjnf Twitter | https://bit.ly/2Ayja9X Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/public/Natasha-Kingsbury   Show Notes: Peter Attia | https://peterattiamd.com/ This Is Water by David Foster Wallace | https://bit.ly/2KWQYDm Psilocybin Mushroom |https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psilocybin_mushroom Sex At Dawn by Chris Ryan | https://amzn.to/2lqHJP4 Conscious Loving | https://bit.ly/2JPXbj6       Connect with Kyle Kingsbury on: Twitter | https://bit.ly/2DrhtKn Instagram | https://bit.ly/2DxeDrk    Subscribe to the Kyle Kingsbury Podcast Itunes | https://apple.co/2P0GEJu Stitcher | https://bit.ly/2DzUSyp Spotify | https://spoti.fi/2ybfVTY IHeartRadio | https://ihr.fm/2Ib3HCg Google Play Music | https://bit.ly/2HPdhKY

All right, guys, before I did that episode with my wife, she had the brilliant idea of asking for a social post to see what kind of questions you guys had for us. And there was only about an hour before the podcast started, but the amount of questions and responses we got was extraordinary. I mean, between the two of us, there were over 250 questions. And so we realized that there's no chance I can give Natasha the time I would want her to have to dive deep into her life and share her stories while still giving time to answer the questions. So we did split these into two episodes. We're releasing them on the same date for you. And here you go. We didn't get through half of them. So I'm pleased and at the same time disappointed. I'm sorry if I didn't get to your question. There were quite a few that had overlay.

So hopefully you at least get part of an answer that suffices. If not, have no fear. Due to the response, we know there is a demand for this. So we will likely run this back on a monthly basis once a month. And I will for sure get to the questions I didn't answer before we make another post asking for new questions. Thank you guys for tuning in. And of course, if you didn't get your question answered, just remember, hold tight. We'll get the next one for you and we'll get it to you in the next one. Thanks for tuning in.

All right, we're officially clapped in. We've got a question and answer that was proposed by my amazing wife, Tosh, who's here with us today. Hello. Hello. And, you know, before we were going to podcast yesterday a good idea. And we posted on Twitter and Instagram on both ours. And it was like, holy shit. Between the two of us, we have well over 200 questions. It's going to be really hard to get to them all. But the good news is we're going to run this back at least on a every other month basis. And hopefully once a month we can get here and do some q a so if we

don't get your questions today uh lo siento we'll we'll get it next month um in an effort to condense stuff there we've had the vast majority of these questions come in for relationship obviously we got my man christian here tasha's man to be exact, but he's my man too. So we're going to talk relationship. There's a lot of questions around open. We're going to talk about parenting, a lot of questions on parenting. And we have a third category that I call other, which has to do with everything from how we are as parents on social media to diet related questions and what it's like living in Austin, Texas, as opposed to California. So those questions are all good questions too, but they're going to

go last in an effort to try to get through these first two topics of parenting and relationship, which seem to be overwhelmingly what people want to hear about. So let's get started. Our first question is from our friend, Wednesday Martin, who I'll be interviewing here in less than a week. That episode will air at least a few months later. So sorry for putting up the teaser trailer like a movie. But she wrote to you, Natasha. Natasha, how much time would you say you spend processing with Kyle and Christian weekly about feeling, logistics, and other relationship specific things?

I have heard Polly is very time consuming and I'm fascinated by how different people handle that challenge. Thanks and lots of love. I would say that I check in with both of you at some point every day. I'll just ask like, how are you feeling?

How are you doing? I'm very much like to make sure everybody's feeling happy and their needs are met, not just sexually, but emotionally. But yeah, it's a constant checking in, but it doesn't feel time consuming because it's just as you're playing with bear, walking the dog, anything at any time, checking in. Yeah. And I think because of the consistency of that, it's also like if you train every day, you don't need to crush it for two hours in the gym. You can get in like a 10 to 30 minute session and be good, you know, and things like that. So I think that with that level of communication with how often it is, it makes it very easy. And also knowing that that creates an invitation for us to both

speak freely as stuff does come up and not let it fester and sit inside of us. Yeah. And handling, like if a trigger happens or if any, and I'm very, this might sound woo-woo, but I read people very well. And especially when I'm really close to, the closer I am to you, the better I can read you. And I usually will check in with that, like, hey, how are you feeling right now? Because I can feel if someone feels stress, you can come home from work and be smiling and I can feel if you've had something come up,

even if it's not relationship, if it's just work stuff. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's get to my buddy, Brandon Brandon Lilly who's been on the podcast who we're going to do a podcast swap at the end of the year at what point does openness slash honesty

harm a relationship should a spouse be privy to all we are or should we keep some things to ourselves no definitely not I think it's uh it depends on what you want i prefer to know everything and talk about everything just because that's you just know the person better and it's

not coming from a place of um like i never want either of you to be afraid of telling me anything. If you are interested in a woman or if something I did made you upset, like, I want to know. I'd rather know all of it. And I'd rather you guys know me also. I think Ana Hata has been on the show before and is coming back. She talked about, she has an acronym for it it which i'm going to butcher but i'll get her to say it again on the podcast it has to do with i think it's like truth or something like that so um is it true is the first thing that you're sharing and then uh one of the other ones that i'm really trying to find right now in the acronym is is it harmful or hurtful so if i say this thing it may be 100% true,

but if it is said in a way that's harmful to my partner, then it either needs to be reframed in a way that's nonviolent and doesn't harm or doesn't place blame. And if it can't be reframed in that context, then it might not be worth it to bring it up in the first place, right? So I think when it comes to communication, openness, honesty, and all that stuff, it has to do with really how we present that. And that's why Nonviolent

Communication is such a great book. But also just looking through the lens, even if you haven't read that book, looking through the lens of trying to reach common ground with each other rather than trying to be right is massive. And then also, as Esther Perel says, in America, we chronically overshare. And with regards to open relationship, there's a lot of talk. You read more than two in Ethical Guide to Polyamory. There's a lot of talk around how much is enough, how much is not enough. And as I stated in the podcast, we just did the one thing they say that doesn't work in that is don't ask, don't tell, but there's a huge gap between don't ask, don't tell. And I'm going

to tell you everything, whether you want to hear it or not. Right. Like, like, oh, he fucked me so hard. I couldn't walk or whatever, whatever the case may be. Right. Guys might not want to hear that part, but they might want to hear, did you have a good time? You know, was it pleasurable? All those things, right? So really that comes down to, and this isn't just for open relationship, obviously in monogamy,

you may have several different things. Like maybe you guys have the ability to talk to one another about if you find someone else attractive, you know, and then that's a healthy place to start. But if you take it else attractive, you know, and then that's a healthy place to start. But if you take it too far to man, what I do to that girl right there, your wife and I may not want to hear that. Right. So I think having some degree of a track record of what is appropriate and what isn't, and then refining that over time through communication

makes the difference there. Yeah, I agree with that 100%. I think even with us, we will share, we've shared details, not all details, but even like when in the first week Christian and I started making love, he had this cool position that I'd never experienced before. And I remember telling you about me, like, I think you'd really like this. But it wasn't me. I don't share every single detail about our sex life. But I also don't mind hearing when you had a girlfriend. I actually liked hearing stuff. I didn't need to know everything, but I wanted to know that you had a good time and was it fun and what'd you guys do? So, but that's not everybody wants to know all that stuff. I agree. Next one on parenting. Can you recommend any good reads on parenting, actual child or inner child? So I pre-wrote this out that way we could knock it out. Nonviolent communication is great for parenting. It's great for relationships. It's great for your business,

family members, fucking you name it. It's amazing. Parenting with Love and Logic, a second book, Positive Discipline, and we'll link to all these in the show notes. And of course, the Nourishing Traditions book of child and baby Care. If you are trying to get pregnant or you are pregnant or you just delivered, or if your kid is not 10 years old yet, it's amazing because it teaches you how to combat childhood illnesses naturally and also what foods are superfoods for mama and baby. And there's also some tidbits on parenting in there, which is why I included it. All right, next one. Sven Karlstrom. how do you talk to Bear about the differences between your parenting styles and that of your family's? For example, the no sugar for him. Does he ask you, for example, why does

Johnny have chips ahoy and I don't? Or how do you explain these things to him? We instill a sense of pride for eating healthy, taking care of ourselves. And it's not in a, they're unhealthy or they're fat or any of that. It's just, this is the food that makes our body bigger, stronger, faster, smarter, healthier, and bears very competitive. So that works really well with him because all we have to tell him is, you know, this

food will make you bigger because he always wants to be bigger than daddy and uncle. And that's very motivational for him. But just teaching him about the buddies in our belly, which is a book I've posted, which is another really great kid's book, Buddies in Our Belly, but teaching him about his body and what fuels his body in the best way and how he stays healthy, how he heals faster, all of it. And as he gets older, going deeper into that, teaching him about sugar, what it does, why we don't have it, and the fact that he never has processed sugar or any bad food when he's with us. And when he has had it, he feels sick, his stomach hurts, or he gets diarrhea.

And so that's a tool, that's a time where we can teach him and say, we ate that, you ate that bad food at that birthday party or, you know, whatever it is. And just teaching him, see if like, this is what it's doing to your body. This is why we don't eat these things. We don't put these things in our body. And he's already picking up on, he's already learning about his poop. Oh, my poop is floating or my poop is, you know, sinking and it's gone or whatever. He's learning about we need more fiber or we need more whatever. So just teaching him and going more in depth with that as he gets older and can understand more.

And if you don't think analyzing poop is important, you couldn't be further from the truth. Check your poop. In the book, How to Eat, Move, and Be Healthy by Paul Cech, who is a legend, he's been on the show five times. He details how you can figure that out and balance from there. And side note, he's a, there's quite the picky eater. So getting him to eat fruits and vegetables, apples, it's no problem. Strawberries is no problem. Occasionally a banana he'll eat. But when it comes to vegetables, it's really hard to problem. Strawberries is no problem. Occasionally a banana he'll eat.

But when it comes to vegetables, it's really hard to get him to eat a wide variety. But Christian has mastered a game with him that as Bear's eating, when he has a pile of broccoli he needs to eat or anything really for that matter, Christian will, don't eat that food. Don't eat that food. You't eat that food. You'll get too big. And Berger's like, ah, and like gets all excited and will like start eating it and like, look at my hands. And Christian's like, oh my gosh, you're huge. So it's awesome.

There's fun ways of making it fun and it not being a eat your damn broccoli. You know, like you don't have, it doesn't have to turn into that. It can turn into getting them to eat their food and be excited about being healthy and growing anything to add i believe it i'm just proud of myself that i came up with that game every day he thinks he's getting bigger and stronger he is just a little slower pace than

he thinks. All right. What are you doing differently as parents to teach your children critical thinking and stay connected to themselves? Critical thinking is saying it. Well, do you want to lead with this one? I need to think for a second. Sure. I don't know what we're doing as far as critical thinking at this point because he's four years old and he's already, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. So both Natasha and I have always pushed back against authority and parents and Bear contains that in himself. I don't know if it's genetic

nature or nurture, but he has it already. So when it comes to him thinking critically, that's something that I think was embedded in him from a young age. One of the things that we've done to help him stay connected to himself is to have a better understanding of emotions and then also to work with the breath on how he can move stuff out of the body. Tosh labeled Bear's anger the anger monkeys and told him to shake him out and throw him from his body and get him out of the body um tosh labeled uh bears anger the anger monkeys and told him to shake him out and throw him from his body and get him out of his body and so again you can that was six deep breaths yeah yeah so again you can gamify something and turn it into play rather than disciplining them for feeling a certain way or you know i mean kids can be pretty fucking unruly right so like

how you how you get back to really it's just how you how you can get back to um a positive shift is through playing and making it fun and making it a game and you know and then we'll i mean we look like some fucking weirdos shaking it out and get rid of the anger monkeys, get rid of them. It works though. It does work. He's got a good arm. Yeah. And anytime I need to talk to him and work through something,

like he really loves playing sports, basketball. He's so competitive that if anybody scores a goal or wins Candyland, which there's no skill involved in Candyland, he gets really mad, will storm off to his room, throw a fit. And so a lot of times I will go, pretty much any time I talk to him and want to have that serious conversation, I make sure I get to his level. We're holding hands, and we talk about it. So physically sure I get to his level. We're holding hands and we talk about it. We talk about- So physically means dropping to eye to eye.

Yeah. So I'm not towering over him and it's not intimidating. It's just having a conversation. So, and then we talk about it. Do you want people to play with you? Do you like to win? Everybody likes to win. So- Just giving them options too. Yeah. We can either do this this thing go to the pool whatever it is but just giving them options to be able to choose from that too and he'll pick up he'll stare at us too for a little while like what sounds better yeah really gotta think about it is there an option c um all right uh relationship question Are you guys still trying open?

How's it going? No, we retired. Yeah. I think it's going great. I think it's in the best place. It was ever in a horrible place, but it's been in really hard places. And I feel like it's in a great place. I feel like there's unity and everyone's doing the work on themselves. Everyone's adding.

I think it's going great. For me, I mean, this is my first time ever doing this, being in an open relationship like this. You know, it's been almost eight months now with y'all. And the biggest thing for me, I mean, touched it right on the head was just with growth. Every day we're growing, we're learning from each other, we're learning from Bear. And it's just been, you know, it's been a roller coaster, especially from the beginning, coming in, not, you know, kind of just having the outside perspective as like, what people may think an open relationship might be like it's just about might be just about sex like that's what the open relationship i guess status is but you know with y'all yeah like with y'all it's just it's crazy to think because there's just so much more

as far as like building like a family building a tribe i mean having houses next to each other you know just doing everything together going on trips whatever it is working with each other so you know, just doing everything together, going on trips, whatever it is, working with each other. So, you know, it's just it's really nice to be in this relationship to see the other side as far as like what y'all are trying to do and grow as people, you know, because it's not all about the sexual experience. Obviously, that plays a big role as far as for us three. But the biggest thing for me is obviously just the growth, you know, and having a new family, you know, because I obviously have my family back at home, but having this, this feels very secure and I feel very comfortable with y'all, you know, from the get-go. I was pretty, pretty nervous coming into it, you know, you being ex-UFC, all that stuff, you know, that you jump out of the bushes and our first kiss, Tosh, all that. Surprise, motherfucker. Yeah, but it's been great, you know. I love all y'. And I look at Bear like he's my own kid.

If anything were to happen, God forbid, I'd be there in a heartbeat for him, do anything. It's just having that sense of a brand new family, it's a really good feeling. What about Guapo Man? And Guapo Man. Would you be there for Guapo Man? And Guapo Man. And yes, it's going great. From my angle, as Tosh stated, the key ingredient here is that if I'm just looking at it strictly from any single person's point of view, we have value added

to us from every other person. Bear has value from having a mom and a dad and an uncle. I have value from having a wife and a really close friend. Christian has a really close friend, a training partner, and a hot girlfriend who also is a great mom. And also Christian gets to be an uncle to Bear and be a mentor to him and offer a new lens of perspective similar to how it would be in a tribal setting where you had multiple aunties and uncles and you know for people that are saying like well where's the fucking real aunties and uncles like we're they're in california they're in vegas they're all over the world but they're not here in texas and i think that how we reconstruct that, and even, you know, we have people that are

really close that aren't a part of our sexual relationship. And that's still, I would consider, yeah, part of that tribe, you know, like what we're trying to do. So I don't think it has to have the sexual component for people that want to remain monogamous. All right. In your opinion, what would be the top three qualities a man should seek in his woman? If should comes before an S word, I sound it out like Sean Connery. So in your opinion, what would be the top three qualities a man should seek in his woman?

To know it's for the long run. All right, so we'll both go through this, Christian. I think number one, and this is something I look for in Tosh and something I will look for in a second, is a willingness to grow. And that applies to personally, a willingness for them to grow, to want to be better and to want to better themselves as an individual and a willingness to grow in the relationship together. And how that may look is, first of all, starting with an open mind, are they receptive to the

idea of working with plant medicines? Because I feel like it's not a requirement that they've done it before, but it is a requirement for us to really bridge the gap in how we view the world and the lessons we can have and the healing that can take place from that. Everyone has their own shit. But if we can get to that place where we can have accelerated growth and learning together, then that's a pretty big it. Second one, to be like-minded in sharing our view of how to go about that. So if I know I want to be better, how do I go about that? Does that mean that I don't want to work out? I bet I'll diet. Those kinds of things. You can't have missing pieces here. So generally speaking, you know, I, I think each of us wants somebody who's athletic, who likes to train and it's not a fucking chore people who like to eat clean and, and still tear it up every now and then

we're not robots, but, um, it shouldn't be a huge pull to get somebody to want to go to the gym with you. And it shouldn't be a huge pull for, you know, to make a healthy meal together and to not, you know, go off the wagon six nights a week eating shit. And I think, you know, past that, we share a lot of common interests. Like we're going through Game of Thrones with Christian right now.

And it's dope. We just finished season four. He hadn't seen a single episode before us. So it's cool to run it back. No fucking spoilers on his page, please. But, um, you know, I think, uh, having common things we can, we can do and, you know, Christian and I'll bounce book ideas off each other. And, um, we work out, obviously all of us work out together at different times. So I think having really good shared interests that, that bring us together and are fulfilling and are in different avenues. You know, like if all we liked was going to the movies,

that'd be cool, but you don't talk to each other during the movies, you know? So the fact that we can, you know, push each other during hard workouts and we love getting out in nature and we are down we're down to try you know microdosing acid or traveling to sultar to do ayahuasca together i think all those things are are really dope qualities to seek yeah for sure um i'm definitely in agreement with the growth part um like i had mentioned you know i first got in this relationship but growth and i would definitely say trust and then communication is probably the biggest one for me, especially with the quality.

I mean, without communication in any relationship or anything, having full transparency, there's just no, there's no trust there. There's nothing. So, you know, being open with each other, you know, it's crazy to think, you know, just like little things make the best communication for me, like letting Tosh go through my phone.

Like, you know, I didn't have that with like past relationships. I'd be kind of timid. I check it every day. Like, oh, God, like, I don't know. Should I give you my passcode? Like stuff like that. Just little things. But communication is probably the biggest one for me, just for all of us, just having full transparency as far as what we do together, what we do outside of this, anything like that, what we're doing for work, what's going

on, you know, energetically, anything like that. So, and then definitely, I know as far as the growth part goes, just growing with each other, you know, bouncing off different ideas. Kyle, reading this, what is it? The Money Motive. What's that book you're on right now? I'm reading Tony Robbins' Money Mastery Game that I just finished. I will teach you to be rich by Ramit Sethi, who I'm podcasting with next week. So just always growing. Yep. See, so see so and that's just that's just addicting for me too because as i see you starting to do that i wouldn't do that you know so just having with y'all growing it's making me grow more which is another huge quality i see for

the you know to have the best kind of relationship, but definitely, yeah. Those three. Awesome. If you had misconceptions about what being married was like, something you didn't expect to learn from marriage, and if you're an advocate for all serious relationships to head towards marriage. I never had, I think because of, as I shared yesterday, I, my mom had a lot of marriages. So there was never like this feeling of, Oh, marriage. Once you get married, you stay together forever. You work through anything. And granted that yes, the first three husbands, there was, there were the reasons and I understand the reasons why, But past that, my mindset when it came to marriage was it doesn't matter to me. Either we're going to stay together forever or we're not a piece of paper vows that doesn't really mean anything unless you really want it

and believe it and state it. We got married when Bear was four months. So I'd already had Bear and it wasn't, we didn't have a big wedding. We eloped, our families were mad. So we're like, all right, let's do a little fake wedding thing. Because if I wanted anything from a wedding, it was photos. So we had that done.

But there wasn't a time that when we eloped and all of that, that I felt like now it's serious. Now it's real. Like, it always felt real. It feels the same. I wanted your last name. I wanted to change my name. And I wanted us to have the same last name as our children.

So having Bear was like, yeah, let's give all of us the same last name. I think if you're getting married, that just has to be for the right reasons. Never thinking that getting married, having that piece of paper, that that is going to solidify your relationship and that you can, all right, well, I'm married now. I don't have to work out anymore. I got my man. I'm just going to lay back and enjoy the ride. I don't have to work on myself anymore. I don't have to improve anymore because I have my person. It's, yes, get married, but don't do it with an idea that it will change anything, that you have to keep wanting the change, wanting to grow, doing the work. Yeah, and there's constant work.

We were in a place, as we discussed yesterday, through seven years of monogamy where we could entertain the idea of opening the relationship with growth in mind. And there was a lot. That was the hardest part of our entire marriage was through the fires of open relationship. At the same time, there were challenges long before that, that we had to work through. And thankfully, plant medicines were a great tool for us. And reading books, you know, reading books like The Five Love Languages, reading books like Conscious Loving, Nonviolent Communication. The Mastery of Love.

The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. All these things that we, for until we reread that book together, we would read to each other at night instead of watching uh game of thrones or any other tv show we would just sit on the couch and read a chapter each night to each other and after having sex and it was fucking awesome like it was a great way to connect and a great way to really just download that information together and have that shared space of learning and growth. And Best of Your Love is a fucking phenomenal book. Did you have any misconceptions? This is one I'm just throwing in here, Christian, so you can answer. Did you have any misconceptions about what open relationship would be like or how you'd fit in? I mean, just kind of just how I hit it on the head a little earlier, as far as the outlook or the outside person looking in, it's just strictly just about the sex part, you know?

You know, just- You were brought in for the D and the D alone. And that was it. So I just never, I was pretty, it's pretty nerve wracking, you know, to think about getting into something like this in the beginning. And just, that was my misconception as far as, you know, having both of y'all.

I didn't even really see like me and you. I didn't think me and you would be best friends and like communicate how we do and do all the shit together that we've done, you know, so far. And like the same thing for Tosh, you know, I thought this was going to be something where, you know, I maybe see her like once or twice a week. And then, you know, I got to wait my guess, like wait my turn or something like that's laying out there so that was kind of like my thoughts going into the relationship like it's kind of like hey you can see her here and there do whatever you need to do and then like

that's it like you need to just kind of back off you're the cheat meal that happens once a week so that's that was kind of beauty because you know it's just my first time hearing about it and getting into something like that so um definitely didn't want to step over, you know, no lines or anything like that. Well, you're very respectful, you know, and that's something that went a long way in my book was knowing how much respect you had for our relationship and, you know, your caution around that. And then at the same time, you know, with the book, More Than Two, they talk about like everybody that's involved in that has their own personal needs and needs to be able to communicate them and to treat everyone individually as the soul and beautiful human that they are, not as an object, which is kind of how swinger style relationships go, where you might have, you know, basically a human that comes into the mix and

is used as a sex toy and that can be fun too but it's not the same level you know polyamory by definition is more than one love yeah and that's really what we're shooting for here and we've accomplished with you so far all right um how do you deal with insecurities and jealousy in an open relationship? Chris, start us off. This was a huge one for me, honestly, especially first going into it. It really didn't hit me at all, you know, because it was fun for me. You know, it still is fun now that I'm not taking away anything and what's going on now, but it was brand new to me. So it's like, oh man, I get to be with a brand new woman. You know, I get to be friends with,

you know, with you. And I just, I just looked at it more like it was just kind of like puppy dog love in the beginning. And then as time went on, I'd say probably like two months in, three months in, I saw what y'all had. I saw y'all had the family. I saw y'all had the house. I saw y'all had the growth together. Like everything that I wanted, especially with me getting older, I mean, I'm 27 now, so I'm not getting any younger. Old-time. You old-teaser.

You know, I just, you know, it really hit me and that's where my insecurities and I guess my jealousy came up. I've never really been jealous as far as, there's no, I've never had like where I'm like competing with you or anything like that. Like who looks better, anything like that. It's just more so I love what you have and what you've done for Tosh and, you know, vice versa, just how much y'all love each other. And that's just something I didn't have too much like in my past relationships. So, you know, that that's where the jealousy factor sit in. And also to

me getting closer to Bear, you know, having that kid, it's like, damn, like, I wish I had, you know, a freaking kid like this. That's always wanting to do shit, run around, like do, I mean, just do all that crazy stuff. So that's where it kind of hit me the most. And me dealing with those insecurities and that jealousy was honestly just talking to y'all. You know, I kind of hit it from Kyle a lot in the beginning saying, like, I didn't want him to know I was kind of, you know, jealous of what he had, anything like that. Just because I was, I was a real, I kept everything to myself. I still kind of do that now. That's still work that I need to do for myself. I still kind of keep everything in. And then at the last minute, I'll kind of be like-

Tasha digs it out. Yeah. You know, she's just staring at me, but she gets it out of me somehow. It's a good and bad quality that she has. But with that to say, I mean, it's just real, you know, just dealing with the jealousy. What helps me the most is obviously the meditations that I do, you know, or even just going away for the night, you know, staying at my house. Not so much not communicating with y'all, but just kind of just releasing just a little bit you know and really thinking about yeah processing everything whether it's just going for a walk working out whatever it is but it's it's constant work this is probably one of the hardest things i've ever done in my life being in this relationship you know even still now like i still see you know like you just how you how you just bought a house and everything like that too

like that's something i wish i can give to tash you know like hey like you just, how you just bought a house and everything like that too. Like that's something I wish I can give to Tosh. You know, like, hey, like I just bought you this house. Like let's move our family in there. Stuff like that, you know, like, you know, it's just different. And that's not to say like, like I'm mad that y'all did that or anything. I'm super happy. I'm super grateful because I want to be there every step of the way. And we're two minutes from you now.

Y'all are two minutes away from me now. That's right. We found that house, fucking two minute walk. I'm like, y'all better make it work or it's going to get real awkward. That'll be awkward. But the work on it for the jealousy and the insecurities,

it's always, it's an everyday thing. You know, it's obviously got easier. Like, I don't get mad seeing y'all kiss or anything like that,

having sex. Like, that doesn't bother me at all. You know, but the bigger picture, family wise, is what I really envy the most with y'all. And that's where my insecurities come up. Like, damn, like I don't have the money like they do.

I can't support Natasha or bear the way the way that Kyle can like stuff like that little things. But yeah, that's probably the biggest thing for me. And the only way that I can really deal with it is just talking to y'all openly about it. And also to just do my own personal work, whether it's reading books, going for walks, meditation, taking ice baths, which I absolutely hate, you know, just shocking the body a little bit, but, you know, just little things like that definitely helped me go a long way. Yeah. That was fucking beautiful, brother. I will say I'll keep mine short on this. I had every possible jealousy come up from the sex to the relationship itself

to the love and a lot of fear around that. And as I mentioned in the podcast earlier with Tosh, that all those things are a reflection of what's going on inside me. So if there's one side of the coin is the jealousy over sex or the whatever comparison, the flip side of that coin is how

I feel about myself inside. And so getting clear on that, thankfully with the help of plant medicines and also contemplation, walking a lot, those kinds of things. I think when you create space to feel what's going on inside and you kind of sort where these things stem from, that's, and this goes for anything, whether it's work related stress spouse related stress parenting related stress if I can give myself enough space to actually feel what's going on inside and then start to pay attention to that and sort out where it comes from I think it's much easier to navigate the way out of the woods than just to stay lost in the woods and be in the moment of whatever negative emotion has come up. Yeah, that's the same for me. When you had your girlfriend,

I just needed space from everybody so I could sit and really think about it and whatever the feeling was that I had, jealousy, fear, just pinpointing it. Okay, I feel I'm feeling this way. Okay, why? Because I'm afraid he's going to leave me or I don't know that I believe. Whatever it is, I don't feel good enough or I don't feel beautiful. And then being able to then speak truth into those things. Okay, well, he's not going to leave me as long as I continue

to do the work on myself and I am who I am and I love him. Why would my husband ever, why would my husband leave me when I give him his life, his freedom? I've, you know, and I'm happy and I'm myself. There's a reason. There's no reason to fear that. But it's just the sitting and contemplating, breaking it down. Another plug for 49th Mystic, that book really, I turned to that book

and thought of different passages and parts of that book when you first had your girlfriend to help me think about fear versus love and the truth there. Yeah. What do you believe are the three components to making a relationship work? So I think we kind of talked about that in the qualities to look for. I think collectively communication, the wanting to grow and... Great sex. Oh, wait, that wasn't on there.

Shared interest. It certainly is a factor. There's no doubt about it. How did becoming parents change when you work out or train? How did becoming parents change when you work out or train? Any tips? So once we started, once we had Bear, how did that change our training? Oh, immensely. I used to, I mean, both of us were full-time athletes. Once I had Bear, there was an adjustment there, but it's very much about making us being a support system, taking turns. And if Bear's in the mood, giving him little obstacle courses and things to do while we're working out. I always try to give him little like, hey, if you want to work out with us.

And if he doesn't, we have bubble machines, balloon, water balloons, little water toys, little flying airplanes. There's stuff that we can give him to do if, let's say, I'm home alone and I want to get something in. But now that we have Christian in the mix, it's a lot easier because Christian can play with Bear or put me through a workout and also entertain Bear while I'm going through my sets or same with you. You'll come home from work, I can go use a sauna or I can wake up early and go run before

Bear's up and then you wake up with Bear and do morning stuff with Bear. It's different. It's not even close to as much as I used to train, but as long as I get something in, even if it's 15 minutes of just super intense hard work, that's all I need.

And it's important that he's around watching us do that stuff. Yeah, no doubt about it. And it certainly has become easier with Christian. Not that he's always babysitting Bear while the workouts are going. I can show up to work a little bit late and watch Bear and the kids while Christian coaches Tosh to a workout. And Jade. And Jade.

And we can, or I can get home a little early and do that. Or I can get home at five and do that. Christian comes in on it and we train together while Tosh washes the kids. So I think the basic rule here is you don't always have the same amount of time that we used to. Like I can't go for a two-hour run or do the shit that I was doing before when I ran an ultra. But what we can do is give each other enough space so that we can at least get that low-hanging fruit of whatever the minimum effective dose is.

Hey, Kyle, I'd love to hear about your interaction as a family with you, Natasha, Bear, and Christian. I love the idea of a bigger family and tribe and wanted to understand the roles you play in taking care of Bear and each other. All right, I do think we've covered that one between the two podcasts. Very good question. All right, we're on to the next page. I have eight pages of questions, by the way, and this is just from mine. And it's not all the questions. There were more questions that came in. And of course, Tasha has a lot of questions. So

again, my apologies. We don't get to your question. We'll be doing monthly Q&A. So anything we don't get to, we can do that on our social. What was your first spiritual trip like? Tasha and I talked about that on the podcast that airs right before this one. When you're a new parent, how do you balance your family self and your individual self? I grew up an only child, so my alone time has always been important. Alone time is important for everybody. That's kind of, I think, just the same thing as the last question we answered where you just, you make sure that we make sure that we are all helping to make sure we're all taking care of ourselves and doing what we need to do to feel our best and to get shit done. That's my answer. Yeah. And life is definitely easier when we're all tending our own gardens.

It's much, much harder. And I think I speak for all three of us when I say that we become very irritable when we haven't tended the garden through having an outlet like physical activity, movement, meditation, Dr. Quiet, as Paul Cech calls it. So again, if the way you want to look into this is The Last Four Doctors You'll Ever Need by Paul Cech is an excellent short book on basically how to balance your life. And it's also included in his latest version of How to Eat, Move, and Be Healthy. So if you want to get all the info, go there. But bottom line is it's finding that balance. So if I've been working out every day but haven't had any quiet time, that will become a cause of stress. And if I have had great quiet time every day and meditated,

but I have not had the physical outlet of movement, that will become stress. If we haven't played or had some fun activity to do in weeks, because it's been all work, working out and meditating, that will be an issue. So Dr. Happy becomes an issue. Dr. Diet becomes an issue. If we go off the wagon and eat like shit for three days in a row, I'm going to feel that. And that's going to cause me to emotionally behave differently. So check out those books. Do you think open relationship, there's a few questions like this. And again, if you didn't mean this disrespectfully, that's i'm still going to read them anyways i expected more and i got a few more on twitter that were uh let's say maybe not worded the nicest they're a little violent do you think open relationships are healthy reality seems to show different so i will say say this, as in the book, yeah,

as in the book, more than two, and fucking anything too. You don't have to read a book on polyamory. You're likely not going to read a book on polyamory if you are dead set on being monogamous, which is totally fine. Our point in this is an experiment. It is to learn more. It is to grow through this. And with what we've gotten to now, as I stated on the podcast previous, if it never changed and Christian and I never had other girls in the mix or a other girl in the mix, I would still keep it the exact same way that it is because it's fucking awesome. Most people that I've known in open relationship have not reached this place. So I have agreement with reality seems to show different, but that's not to say that all versions of open relationships suck and end in failure.

If you look at the statistics on monogamy, most marriages end in divorce. That's not fucking news to anyone, right? So I don't look at that and say, oh, people shouldn't be getting married and monogamy is a joke. Look at all these marriages that end in divorce and all these people who cheat on one another. That all may be true. But the point is, if you're willing to do the work and you're willing to grow together and you're willing to learn, then that can be a prerequisite for a beautiful relationship, whether it's monogamous or polyamorous. we've always said nothing, nothing can end our relationship. As long as we want it, we can work through anything. We can work through anything. So I can work through any situation with Christian. I can work through any situation with Kyle because I want to. So open, not open, just because Kyle and

I were monogamous, that didn't solidify that we were going to stay together forever. We decide that we're staying together forever and there's nothing that can change that if that's what we want. Yep. There's no quit button. Everything else, no matter how hard it gets, there's no throwing in the towel. There's no tapping out. If we need space or we have long talks like we did when this started, that's all fine. Just knowing that all relationships, no matter which way they're cut, take a grip of work and consistent work like it's not like we get to a place like we're in now and the work is done like now we just reap what we sow and bask in the harvest of our open relationship like no kind of constantly and continually can come up for us at different times

and it's the fact that we've laid this foundation of communication. That was a pretty cool foundation of communication that allows us to bridge the gap and continue to come together through any obstacle. And also the biggest piece in how we are doing polyamory, how we're working through this relationship is Bear. We have a child. So it was a big reason it took us so long to even open. We had talked about it for so long and then Bear came in and I was like, oh, do we wait till he's out of the house? But as long as all of us, especially Bear, is gaining from this, then it's totally worth it. And Bear loves Christian. There's times I feel like he loves Christian more than anybody else included. And

Christian loves Bear. I know he loves Bear. I know Bear, like it's, how is even our relationship aside, just seeing that he has someone like you to grow up with is incredible. I didn't have uncles or anybody that was friends with my parents that I, that is like what you have with Bear. And that makes me really happy as a mom and any other kids that come in the mix, like who wouldn't want to grow up with three parents plus more if, you know, and when that happens, that genuinely love them and care about them. And kids, as we all know, we don't care to talk to our parents about our you know like you're my

parent i'm not going to tell you all my stuff but like fun uncle who you know is like she don't tell mom you know don't tell mom i gave you this organic lollipop or this sugar-free organic gum you know like it's like oh he's being naughty but like that bear loves that it's like i'm you know i'm mom i play the mom role but he has an uncle who he can feel naughty with that's that came out weird yeah that didn't come out right but be like rebellious be rebellious with but it's important i think it's important to be a child and feel like you have somebody you can like, not use the wrong word, whatever, moving on. All right. So what kind of routine, if any, did you implement with the newborn?

Did you keep working out and eating for optimal performance? How did you get, how did you two get through the first four months? Sincerely, a new dad, hashtag team no sleep. So I'll say this, obviously training changed. You have to have the minimum effective dose. And when you're not sleeping, you really can't push yourself as hard as you want to because of the fact that sleep can either be the greatest healer or the greatest stressor. And food can also be a great healer or a great stressor, right? And so I think it's important to realize that. So we did eat really clean in the beginning of, I mean, we still eat clean, but it was

especially important to eat clean for optimal performance. For me, that meant being keto. Obviously, when someone is pregnant and when they're breastfeeding after the delivery, they will need everything. Mamas need carbohydrates, good fats, good protein, good carbs, all those things on deck. But Tosh was eating largely keto meals plus Japanese yam or some fruit or whatever she had a craving for, all those things being whole foods and have high quality origin. So I think the food piece, you have to optimize everything in your life that's controllable, which is everything else other than your sleep, right? Everything else other than your sleep, you can control. So

you're not going to sleep. One of the things that I did, I mean, I know a lot of friends of mine that were very hands-off. A lot of them were still fighting when they had kids. So if they're in fight camp, they sleep in the other room and not help moms throughout the night. Thankfully, I was retired and only worked at the strip club on the weekends. So I had all week to really be there to help out. And if I was up all night, that was fine. I leaned heavily on the crutch of caffeine. I used to have a fucking pot of coffee a day in probably the first year. And then I started weaning off that and got to a better relationship with it. But point is, whatever you can do to help, that's really important. It goes miles with your partner. And the same can be said for a wife who's stressed and tired, but allows her husband to

leave to go work out. Like that, that also is really important because then you allow each other to, to tend the garden once again. And from there you can, you can accomplish a lot, but it does get easier. You got anything to add to that? All right. A lot of questions on fitness stuff i'll answer this one real quick what are you using for nicotine source i use general brand volt and siberia minus 80 degrees celsius they're very strong i get them on buy snooze.com that's b-u-Y-S-N-U-S.com. I have zero affiliation with these guys, but oftentimes, I mean, on every podcast, you see me with a tobacco pouch in my mouth. It is the safest form of tobacco. There is a, I know I've talked about this before,

so I'll make it brief, but there's a Vice documentary you can look up on Swedish Snooze that's on YouTube, goes into detail there. And then a podcast that Ben Greenfield did with Rob Wolf, where Rob Wolf really broke down the benefits of nicotine and most of the 90% of those downsides coming from the chemicals they add to cigarettes. That made me a fan, that in conjunction with ayahuasca, looking at tobacco as a teacher plant. Let's see here. How do you maintain your relationship with each other while maintaining a busy schedule? How do you keep the passion alive slash trust? Help us recently engage folks who are just getting started on the journey. I can start that one.

Yeah, why don't you get that? I'm going to take a leak. Since the beginning of our relationship, I would say doing plant medicines or just psychedelics in general. I think even before we had Bear, when we were living in California, we would have our date days typically consisted of dropping in on mushrooms or LSD. And we would actually drop in when we were at the beach. So we would find like out in Santa Cruz, there's a beach spot that we liked that was a little more secluded, not a lot of people. And we would hike in about a mile and we would just spend the day just flying together and just bonding together and talking and sometimes being alone to work through something personally and coming back together. And we'd have music. Other date days consisted of also dropping in, but we would go get like a two-hour massage and then follow that with like a two hour float. Things that make us, that physically are good for our bodies, but also connecting in that

other mind space. And what was the other part of it? Keeping the passion alive. Just having fun together. Now, because we don't have a beach and we have bear, we love to go hike. We try to get out on trails as often as possible on the weekends and drop in on a microdose. It's just fun. It's bonding.

It's impossible to not have a good time if you're in nature on a microdose and it's just fun it's bonding but uh it's impossible to not have a good time if you're in nature on a microdose um they're just talking about the beach and in a santa cruz just having date days where you're doing stuff feeling good but also connecting. Hell yeah. All right. For both of you all, well, there's three of us, what are your deepest rooted fears and favorite natural place on earth that you've seen? Sending love.

Christian? Me to go first? Yeah. My deepest fear, especially in this relationship, is bottom line, losing y'all. I can't imagine my life.

It's a complete 180 from what I was at before this New Year's. I mean, my Natasha's first night was on New Year's night. But to think where my mindset was at, I was still doing the whole meditation. I was getting up at 4.30, everything. I was doing a lot of work on myself. But being in this, it was just a complete, it was just a brand new door to me. It opened up so many more opportunities,

just having y'all, meeting new people that y'all know. I mean, shit, going to Ayahuasca, going to Costa Rica, going to California. I've never been in California before. Just everything like that. Trying new foods, beef liverwurst, all that crap, you know? So, you know, it just, it blows my mind how much I've impacted my life and how loved I feel in all this by all of y'all. So obviously my biggest fear, and I feel like it probably goes with a lot of people, just like if, you know, a son lost his mom or his dad, you know, it's the

same way with y'all. I love, I love y'all to death. I love this whole family to death. And if y'all were to move anything like that, or God forbid something happened to y'all, it would just be, it would hurt tremendously. So that's my biggest fear is just losing y'all. And the next question was, what's the- Favorite natural place on earth that I've seen? That you've been to? Oh, for sure.

Costa Rica by far um that and going there for ayahuasca too it just enhanced everything you know the water wasn't too clean there it was kind of looking for some more clear water there but the beaches were still nice mosquitoes ate me up uh but just it was just beautiful i mean was it the howler monkeys and everything that we had there the scenery seeing the islands off the coast, like everything like that, just the different type of foods we tried there. And it was just so much, felt so fresh.

Everything was just so much more fresh there. But that was probably the best place I've been to. And that's the farthest I've been out of the country. And that's again, thanks to y'all, you know? So it's, yeah, it's been great. It was good. Loved it. Every second of it.

Pal? Greatest fear. It's a funny question for me. That's why I didn't want to go first. I think my greatest fear is, it's the thing that comes up the most when I'm in ceremonies, when I'm dealing with fear is losing bear. So that's a big reason I stopped smoking weed was it was just incredibly, it just was turned very negative for me. It was just incredibly, it just turned very negative for me. It was like just constant fear and paranoia about like, oh, God, I'm not, you know, like just didn't like it, didn't like that it was always bringing up that fear.

But also learning how to let go of this idea that I control my life or even that I can control Bear's life. I can protect him as best I can and I can raise him to make the best choices I can. But in the end, he is his own person, his own soul with his own journey and path. So that would be my biggest fear. And favorite natural place. This is a very hard one because I have a lot. I'll name, I'll just name one that the first one that popped in my head that I've always had incredibly magical experiences that even before I started doing psychedelics and really understood energy and all of that, Sedona is somewhere that I went a lot in college. I went to Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff, Arizona, which was only 30 minutes north of Sedona. And we would go down to Sedona to get our speed work in to get the turnover because

Flagstaff is so high in elevation. And I just remember every time we went there, there was just something about it that I just felt the energy of it. And then later when I found out, oh, all the vortexes and all the things, it is a ball of energy, natural energy. They're very healing, very powerful. And then one other quick one, Zion. Absolutely love Zion. Another place that I feel like has crazy energy and you show up and you're just like, I want to run for miles or I want to hike.

It just has that intense energy that I could go back. I'll go to both of those places constantly throughout my life with our children. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'll make mine brief. It's actually a piggyback of both yours. So Christian, same as you. Biggest fear, losing my family um that fear has pretty much been squelched

or squashed as i've done the work on myself and and the work on our relationship and we're in the place that we're at now but um that was a pretty big fear when we started open and favorite place? I would say any ocean and also Sedona. Sedona is just fucking magical. I went to school at ASU when she was at NAU and we'd drive up to Sedona. It was one of the first spiritual experiences I've ever had with mushrooms and just a gang of friends with no intention and not doing it properly and and still just had you know i was just blown away and uh i credit sedona the energy there for for a lot of that so it's an amazing place and it's one that i get to go to now at least once a year so really really happy about that it's uh you know it's it's or arizona will always be a second home to me all right let's see here

all right uh fucking love your podcast definitely my favorite thank you very much wish there were more people in the world like you all i'm curious how to go about finding slash getting in touch with people like the coach you met who introduced you to plant medicine ceremonies and much more. So unfortunately, my coach is passed away and he's left his body. But if he was still alive, that would be very hard to connect you to a man like that who works stateside. So even though there are ceremonies that go on stateside regarding any plant medicine, until the culture changes, that's not something type of information I can give out to people.

I can give the information out about where you can travel outside of the country to do things. I talked in detail about my experience at Sultara with Aubrey Marcus on the Aubrey Marcus podcast. We'll link to that in the show notes. Other great ones are Spirit Quest down in Peru with Don Howard and Blue Morpho, which I have not been to yet, but Aubrey's been there and I'll likely go next year. So those are all phenomenal facilities for ayahuasca in particular, and some with huachuma and different plant medicines. So I would say save up, make the trek, carve out the time, and that's where you get the most bang for your buck. Oh, are you done with

that page? No, I was just going to bring up a new one. Why? No, I just, I read the one on the top one on the back of the page that I want us to answer really quick for skincare. Just read it really fast. Yeah. What can I eat or do to help skincare? So diet. Diet is a big, a big one for skincare. Everybody wants to know like, what do I put on my face so I don't have breakouts or this or that? That is all diet related. A diet high in collagen. I think fats, removing processed foods. Remove the things that cause an issue for you. Artificial thing, yeah. Doing a elimination diet can be a great way to figure that out. Again, Paul Cech talks about this and how to eat, move, and be healthy. And he even goes so far as to use a rotational diet where you alternate the foods that you eat on different consecutive days,

never eating the same thing twice in a four-day span. There's great detail in that we don't need to get into, but I think reading the book, How to Eat, Move, and Be Healthy will definitely clear up skin issues. Yes. All right. We've had a couple of questions about this. How do you get your teeth so white? So we do not use like crest white strips. I used to use those back when I was a ring girl in the UFC and I just didn't know any better. But I do remember when I used to use them, when I would take them off, like the sensitivity of my teeth for a while after to hot and cold. So it is destroying your enamel. It's full of chemicals. It should not be on your gums or in your mouth. But we use a, we have two things there.

We use a charcoal toothpaste called Hello. And but there's- Carbon Cocoa is the powder version. Carbon Cocoa is the powder. And you just dip your toothbrush in the powder and you brush with that for like two minutes three minutes and it turns your mouth all black and but it's the natural way to clean your teeth and also another great thing to incorporate is oil pulling so tablespoon of coconut oil in the morning is the best time. Swish it around

like mouthwash for five minutes if you've got it and spit it out. Both really good for pulling out toxins from your mouth, really good for the gums, but the carbon cocoa is by far the best for teeth whitening. And no affiliation with those guys either. And no affiliation. All right. How do you decide what to teach your kids about religion? I'm a spiritual person but can't stand religion. With all the kids out there going to Sunday school and sharing their beliefs,

what do you tell your kid? Well, Bear is very young, but he is already learning about God and energy and connection. I don't plan on ever telling him what to believe and what not to believe. I want him to experience things and find them on his own because I grew up in church. I grew up being told what to believe. And it was very hard for me to really find out and figure out what I really did believe for a very long time just because I was so young when I was told this is what it is. So with Bear, I think I really just want to encourage him to have respect for everyone and what everybody believes. If you're happy in your belief system and your religion and how you do things, if that

works for you and you're happy and you're kind and you're giving back, then that's great. But I want him to really embody and know what he believes as far as in being around other children, even my own family, being around my family as he gets older, and he's going to most likely go to church. He's already gone to church with Kyle's sister's family and his mom. And it's okay for him to be exposed to all of the different things. Jesus was real. Jesus was an amazing healer. I think that just, you know, the people that wrote everything that followed him,

it wasn't all quite right in my opinion but it doesn't take away the fact that he was a healer and he did powerful things and that god energy is all around us um yeah if you want to elaborate on that a little well we are actually halfway through our eight pages of questions and we only have 20 minutes left so we're going to rapid fire these i'm going to limit each answer to one person okay and we're just going to try to bang these out got a question uh they're going to do there's a couple who wrote us they're going to do their first diet ceremony as a couple we both sat in the medicine individually but never together would you be able to expand upon the experience for y'all how was the process integration

afterwards and as a side note love y'. We appreciate you guys more than you probably ever know. Hoka, hey. And how did you feel setting... This is from the female. Sorry, these are all Instagram handles, so I don't know what the exact name is. How did you feel seeing your partner in the medicine for the first time? We've really never done psychedelics together. And the two times we did, I couldn't help but feel like I was looking at a stranger and it made me so uncomfortable. So I'll handle this one. In ayahuasca, they will most likely separate the two of you. When we went to Sultara, all three of us were separated and including Caitlin, who's a close friend and stayed with us in the room. We were all spread out equally throughout the room.

So they will want you to, number one, have your own ceremony where you're able to go within and focus on yourself and not worry about your partner. That's huge. Two, you guys will be able to communicate with each other afterwards. So your integration is going to be that much stronger because you've gone through this challenging experience and come out of the other side together with it. I think, you know, I don't want to speak for Christian, but I think having all of us there with Christian's first ceremony was really powerful because we were all able to talk on a nightly basis about our experiences, the challenges, and what it means going forward.

And I think those can be really powerful. Just speaking to something we already covered in yesterday's podcast with Tosh was that at every turn, we've done plant medicines together and had a heroic dose of mushrooms or ayahuasca together. It has pulled us far deeper towards each other in our understanding of one another and really brought us the growth that we

live today, you know, as a couple. And I think that you guys will have an amazing experience. And I wouldn't worry about looking over at him and seeing him as a stranger. You're not going to be looking at other people in the room. Just go within, focus on yourself. And when you come out, that's the time to connect and talk to each other. All right. Areas you are working on right now in parenting? Let's say always, always working on patience, always working on being the example. And I love that, that little tool I've given Bear about shaking out the anchor monkeys, throwing them and doing breath work, that he's actually thrown that back at me. And I got angry and he said, mom, do you have anger monkeys? And my feeling was to say, no, I don't have it. You know to be like, oh, God, really?

You're going to turn it around? But then it was like, oh, no, you're right, Bear. Thank you. I want you to tell Mommy and Daddy and Uncle when we have anger monkeys if we need to, and you can help us get rid of them. So I think just really embodying, it's a constant work. And for any parents out there you never feel like you're doing enough or that you're necessarily doing it right there's always the

question of am i am i doing this right am i doing this well so um yeah that's my answer love it let's see uh what sort of advice do you have for brand new couple who have decided to do the open relationship thing some backstory we are both deployed to the middle east right now and completely fell for each other but know that when this is over that the traditional relationship won't be in the cards i'll knock this out real quick i would say um if if you are a brand new couple that have decided to do open and you want there to be some form of long-term success in this i would read uh more than two an ethical guide to polyamory and i would read conscious loving and i would also read non-violent communication and i would work on

those three things together so it doesn't help um if you're the only one who reads it and you don't talk about it. It helps if you both read it or it helps if you read it that you have discussions as you go through it so you can really pick up the information and download it with each other. I think that's it right there if you want to stay together. How has your parents' relationship? How has your parents' relationship affected your habits in your relationship with your wife for better or worse? Anything you had to unlearn? Yes. Every kid on this fucking planet who becomes an adult has to unlearn some shit from their parents. All of us do. It's guaranteed. And i've used this example before uh there was a study that showed and again this isn't me advocating uh physical violence but there was a study that showed kids

who were beat regularly by an abusive parent felt loved more than kids who had very wealthy parents that were never there or or even if they weren't very wealthy, just parents that didn't give a fuck, that were never there, that never disciplined them, that never cared about anything they did. The kids who were hit felt more love. And that's a very interesting thing for me, because I think that just goes to show that it doesn't matter how good you've got it on paper, even if you grew up like Richie Rich, if your parents aren't there and they don't show interest in you, that's going to fucking scar you. So it doesn't matter which end of the spectrum you're on, you have scarring you

need to work on. And that's a part of the own healing process that we all need to go through if we're going to do the work on ourselves. And there's plenty of people who had fucking really dope childhoods, but they had other things to work on, either issues there's plenty of people who had fucking really dope childhoods, but they had other things to work on, either issues with friends or issues with relatives or issues in school. And so it's not to say that everyone has something bad from their parents, but point is, we learn the things that we want to do and we learn the things that we don't want to do simply by revisiting how we were raised. And so to give a specific example, I think right now with finance is a big thing that I've unlearned from both my parents. Both

my parents, I mean, we grew up very poor. Both my parents were struggling to make an income to pay for spam and mac and cheese. And at a certain point in time, my dad's business took off and he started making six figures a year. And at a certain time, my mom in real estate started making six figures a year and they did very well. They both spent money as fast as it came in. And up until this year, I did the fucking same thing. And it's basically like the idea of if a poor person wins the lottery, they will be poor within a year or two. If a rich person loses everything and goes bankrupt, it's pretty likely that they're going to get back to becoming rich again because they know how to create wealth.

The poor person spends that money because that's all they know. So they spend it like a poor person does. And that's exactly how I would spend money when we first started making money, hear it on it and then fighting as well, as Donald Cerrone says, gone like a fart in the wind. So feeling, I think coming from the place of scarcity to now coming from a place of abundance, and those terms might not register with people. Basically, the idea that the money we have coming in now, I don't have to frantically spend it on shit that I want because wants are unlimited and needs are finite. So really getting clear on that. And again, all this is coming from books like I Will Teach You To Be Rich by Ramit Sethi and Money Master the Game by Tony Robbins.

For a lot of people who grew up wealthy, finance was taught to them from pretty smart people who understood finance, their parents. For myself included and the vast majority of people in the world, that was not taught to you in school. That was not taught to you by your parents. And I think that that's a key piece of something that I've unlearned that's maybe not as risque as, you know, how to discipline languages, I think is a very important read for relationships and also raising your children is it's, it'll help. It's helped me learn, know how I can, how you receive love and how I can make sure you always feel love and same for Christian. And then same with bear. So to be able to know how your child feels love, whether it's touch, time, gifts, the whole, the list, down the list. But if you can figure out what the strongest love

language of your child is, then you can actively be showing them love in the way that they feel the most love. And that was something that my mother was not aware of. I know she loved me, but she was not a huggy, physically loving person, and touch is my strongest love language. So I remember constantly doing things for her approval, not knowing it myself, but just constantly doing things for her approval, for her love, for her to hug me. It wasn't until I was in college and read that book and knew that that was mine that I started hugging my family members. We were all very, no touching, just like the physical love just wasn't in our home growing up. So five love languages is a big one for changing from stuff our parents did.

Hell yeah. Let's see here. This is from an old friend of mine from the Bay Area. After watching Aubrey and Whitney transition, was this something that raised a red flag with you two or did you guys learn from that experience on how to better yours with being in an open relationship um we're very i mean aubrey's my best friend in the whole world i work with him here and i work for him at on it and work with him and on it and uh we do a lot

outside of work like burning man plant medicine ceremonies and just hanging out in general and uh being very close to him and obviously with whitney and everybody that's a part of the group here, we've seen the highs and lows of their relationship for years now. And so when it happened, it wasn't a surprise to me. You know, we wish them both the best, but as we stated earlier, most monogamous relationships fail and most polyamorous relationships fail. So it's not indicative of one or the other being right or wrong or one or the other having

a greater likelihood of success. It's indicative of that particular circumstance not playing out the way they wanted it to. And they've both remained friends. Everybody in the group is still friends with both parties. It's not fucking weird or awkward. And yeah, I mean, if that had been handled differently or gone differently, I think that that would have been icky, but it's not icky.

It's just, it's awesome. And we still have everyone the way that we had them before. And how many times have we had friends throughout our life that broke up and they're like, no, it was a mutual agreement that we just, we are still great friends, but that like serious relationship, a commitment isn't the right fit between us. But then they stay together and you're like, that's awesome. That's always what you want. It's always preferred to end a relationship, not being like, I hope I never run into that person or so it's a beautiful thing that, and I don't look at it as a fail. I look at it as they learned a lot from their relationship.

We learned a lot from their relationship and yeah. All right. I will answer this one briefly because I've had a lot of people ask it for some reason. Are you losing weight, big homie? I think the photo that I posted was right after the four nights of ayahuasca at Sultara. And the thing about doing ayahuasca is it's almost like a form of fasting. You're eating less. You're eating different types of food. There's less protein in general. There's way less fat. There's no salt. And also with ayahuasca, you're not working out as much, even though it's still training. In any deep work, you need to create space for it, whether that's mushrooms or ayahuasca or anything of that matter, you have to create space for it.

So if my body's extremely sore and it needs all this energy physically to recoup itself, it's not going to allow me to go as deep in the medicine. And that's something I've known for a long time in working with it. So anytime I go to do a trip like that, I'm going to lose some size and I'm not going to worry about it. And when I get back home, I'll maybe do some more hypertrophy training. So muscle building activities. You know, Christian and I have been grinding. We've been benching for the last two or three weeks. We've hit two bench press workouts a week, which is something I haven't done since college and something he hasn't done since high school.

So it's been fun getting the size back, but my weight has fluctuated from 218 to 238, 20 pounds, depending on if I'm eating carbohydrates and how I'm training to if I'm in ketosis to if I've been fasting a lot or doing ayahuasca. So it does go up and down like the stock exchange. And I don't typically worry about that stuff as much. And I'll be making a post here that should come out about total nitric oxide, quick plug for on it, with Christian. And you'll see just how swole we are from the total nitric oxide. So again, like, damn, dude, people will be looking at the photo like, what the hell are you taking? At least it's mentioned there in the ad. But it's like, yeah, there are ways we can look bigger or smaller based on what's going on in life. All right. This is from one of the FFS members, Alex. As a modern family,

what pitfalls are you worried about as your children go through the USA schooling system? You know feelings about schooling as a veteran teacher. I'm not sure that was written correctly. So I am curious. Nutrition, mental health, and sitting slash activity are just a few. Well, thankfully, Bear is going to Waldorf. He's starting in August next month. And when we went and walked through, we were just like, can we go back to school and go here? Billy Madison this shit. It was incredible. And they really emphasize on play and creativity all the way up till first grade and then even beyond. There's sports, arts, music, and no matter what the weather,

those kids play outside all year long. Yeah, 100 degrees in the summer. The only time they're really sitting is when they have story time and maybe some arts and crafts. But for the most part, they're very active. And we put Bear in like a little whatever school for like three days a week just so that I could have a break and to socialize him. And it was awful. We didn't keep him in there very long at all because it was the photos I would get throughout the day of like him in class was just a lot of sitting. And that's, there's no reason a child should be sitting

most of the day. Anyone for that matter should be sitting most of the day, but especially a young toddler. Anything to add on that? No, I think that's it right there. I mean, look for a school where they're going to teach the things that aren't in public school anymore. So we've seen music and art come out of schools. It's incredibly important for a child's creativity to be able to balance those things. And now the more science that comes out around neuroplasticity and how the brain works, we see very few things that translate to overall intelligence. If you do word games and things

like that, you get really good intelligence with word games. But when you learn music, you get intelligent everywhere. Your brain simply works better. So I think things like that, and this isn't to say like you have to go to a private school like Waldorf and pay a fucking college tuition for your kid to go K through 12. They do offer assistance for low-income families. But at the same time, if your kid's going to public school, rounding that out to fill the need, and this is something Ben Greenfield really talked about with his kids was because it became too hard for them to homeschool with him being gone as much as he was, was that whatever they're not learning in school, that's what he's going to give to them. And the second they're out of school,

he's full-time dad. He's not on the fucking computer. He's not on his cell phone. He makes sure all of his work is done before they get there. And then he takes them out back and they forage for wild food and mushrooms. They shoot bow and arrows. They will learn music and different things like that together. And he's doing the same thing with them along the way. And that's really cool because they have that bonding together. So he can round out what's not or what has been lost in school. And having lots of fun, musical, unique musical instruments in the house is great. We've got a bunch of drums.

We've got tongue drum. We've got, you know, what are what are the look like you're jerking off something right now the sticks i'm like totally pulling a blank the the whatever the sticks that you clap you tap the brazilian guys yeah you can't remember either so there and like little shakers but like doing air gestures at the same time people listening to this and can't see it but people watch it on youtube we're gonna laugh their ass off like bear can pull them out and play with them and just it's we always have music in the home going and um i have bought a karaoke machine bear loves to sing and we'll plug that in and and sing songs together but um yeah i think if it's

not if it's something if you don't have the option of a school that has all of that, then making sure that it's in your home. Awesome. Well, I think we can do one more question here. We didn't even get through half of them. So thank you all for the fucking boatload of awesome questions. This says, we've gotten enough feedback from this alone to make me want to make this more regular so like we

said we'll do this at least once every four to six weeks and we will try to get to these questions in the next one before we ask for more but did you want to put it in no I'm good when we introduced him

we didn't even ask him to talk about himself at all. So maybe we just let him. Let's get this last piece for Christian. Have a little spotlight. What you do, all of that. Yeah, for sure. Where people can find you. So Texas boy.

Grew up in San Antonio. Moved to Canyon Lake, Texas about an hour south of here. My family still lives there. And then I've been in Austin for almost about, it'll be two years actually this October. But, you know, I went to college out there in Kerrville, Texas, played basketball there all four years. And then I played one year after that professionally, and then tore my ACL and a huge life change when it ended up going to the corporate world, which for me being as active as I am, you know, doing the things I love doing, working out, you know, preaching the fitness, everything like that. That's really what I wanted to do.

So did the corporate world for about a little over two years, two and a half years, and then finally took the plunge and quit my job. Was it maybe about a month ago? And I've just been doing personal training now, trying to sell programs, doing everything like that, training, trying to get some stay-at-home moms. When Natasha helped me out with that. That's where the money's at. But no, it's been great. You know, that's kind of like my life in a bubble

and just been having a blast here in Austin, you know, especially with y'all too, and just growing every day, growing daily. And just I'm excited to see what the future holds for me as far as taking on this new challenge and this new experience, which is what that ayahuasca trip told me whenever we went to Sotara during May. It was really just to have fun. And I forgot what it was, but the bottom line that I got from it was just to be more open to things that I had

and engage with whatever's going on in my life right now. Not so much worrying about the future, like worrying about money too much, just having fun with anything that I'm doing. Cause what I had was a lot of anxiety going to Costa Rica. And after that, it was a huge, just weight lifted off my shoulders. I just felt so comfortable. And after that, it was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I just felt so comfortable.

And I mean, it all hit me too. I ended up getting two clients the day we got done with ayahuasca. And it's like, all right, damn, like, I just got to take this freaking plunge and just have my life change. But all that to say, that's kind of my life, you know, in a nutshell. And just extremely happy that I'm part of this and you even got me on. For real, bro. I love you guys. This is fun, honestly.

Well, it's been dope having you guys. We will run this back. Thank you guys very much. And that's it. Thank you guys for listening to the show. It was an absolute pleasure sitting across from my wife, Tosh, and my man, Christian. Just a beautiful soul and incredible to have him as a part of our family. Give us a follow online, say some nice things to us, ask us questions, and that's about it. Thanks for tuning in.