LadyGang - Allegedly Wassa Happening #11
Episode Date: September 4, 2018It's been one heck of a year and the Ladies are out of stuff to talk about so it's time for a special edition of Allegedly Wassa Happening So Far in 2018! The Ladies make up nicknames and rec...ount how awesome the first 3/4 of the year in the LG was awesome before delving into Jennifer/Brad news, adapting Cats for the big screen with Taylor Swift, the latest news on Justin Timberlake's downunder, and so much more! Follow the podcast on Instagram @theladygang and you can email Lil' Sam, Lil' Tammy and Lil' Lady Finger at Hello LadyGang@gmail.com! And thank you to today's sponsors: Amazon = Go to amazon.com/shop/ladygang to find their favorite products while keeping the podcast FREE! Fossil SmartWatches = The Fossil Q Gen 4 HR smartwatches starts at $255 at Fossil.com/LadyGang MedMen = Visit MedMen today and mention the LadyGang for $10 off your order (limit 1 per customer) Stamps.com = Go to Stamps.com and click the Radio Microhpone icon at the top of the page and type in LADYGANG to receive $55 Free postage, a digital scale, and a 4 week trial See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hey guys, it's your lady gang, Jack Vanek, Kelty Knight, and Becca Tobin. Thank you so much for
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Well, what is this?
Welcome to the Lady Gang.
That's amazing.
Say that again.
The Lady Gang.
Things are about to change around here.
Each week, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek.
Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Lady Gang. I'm Becca Tobin here with Jack and Kelty. I don't even give you last names.
That's rude. We're so famous now.
Just myself.
Well, we're like Beyonce.
I still have a last name on Instagram, so I'm the only one.
So sorry about that. You have like an interesting rat tail happening in your hair right now.
But it's like on the side. It's so good.
Instead of, like, a side pony, I'm going to start making it.
I could make this a thing, a side rat tail.
You could make anything a thing, but I, for the sake of all the other women out there
who would start trying to do this, please don't.
I'm stroking it.
Did you?
All right, guys.
Now it's time for...
Good week.
Yes, it is.
Bad week.
Oh, no.
I'll go.
Okay.
Okay.
I was at Jersey Mike's the other day because I love a sandwich.
Everybody knows that.
Yeah, we love a sandwich.
And I was sitting by myself like a loser.
Oh, this is a good week.
Can I just say something?
What?
Does anybody else feel like there's nothing more vulnerable than A, eating by yourself at a restaurant, but B, it also being a sandwich?
No, because a sandwich is a quick meal.
Yeah, but it's just the act of putting a sandwich in your mouth and biting it.
I have no problem using a fork and daintily eating a salad.
But you're just digging in with the sandwich.
But the sandwich, you're like alone, shoving.
And I do this at least three times a week.
Yeah, it's interesting.
If not more.
It's interesting.
I'd rather eat it in my car.
I actually ate my sandwich in my car today.
Yeah, see, I feel more comfortable like that.
Yeah.
I'm not into sandwiches in general.
Yeah, because you don't like food.
I'm gone over this.
You're gone over this.
You're like the weirdest.
You're like an alien.
Yeah, some kind of a cyborg.
Anyway, Jersey Mike's.
I was at Jersey Mike's eating my sandwich alone.
Oh, they're so mean to me.
she's gonna throw up on you again yeah probably i'll let her look okay i was eating my sandwich
alone and i was putting chips in it because that's what i do yes i've seen you do this and
then there's like i got a side of ranch and i was like dipping it so i was like really going in
and this guy starts staring jack sandwich situation and this guy like is staring at me
watching me do this so i posted on um our facebook group and i'm like i'm eating a sandwich this guy
staring at me is this where i meet my soulmate and this girl commented on my post her name was
carly i forget her last name and she was like it might be because i met my fiance at jersey mics
oh my god and i was like shut up and then she was like and then he proposed at jersey mics
and then their hashtag for their wedding jersey mics is like um they're like a franchise yeah
it's a sub above yeah and then so their wedding hashtag was love from a sub above wait that's
amazing i know did they have jersey mikes as their late night snack food instead of in and out i hope
that they had jersey mikes cater their wedding how amazing is that that's amazing i know i'm like so
it's happened before it could happen again but he wasn't my soulmate that was just a vessel for my
story not with that um attitude my no or your rat tail with that rat tail you had all your hair
both um okay my bad week i had texted you guys about this the other day but i really don't
understand this wave of like young rappers that are coming out on the scene on instagram
then they're all like tattooing their faces and then there's this guy lil toe and he dresses up
like a foot on instagram i don't know what his rap music is like real he's a real rapper i tried
to show chris and i was like should you sign low toe and he was like please god let this be like
um like prank pete davidson under there let this be something like that no lilto is real
and gets more likes than me he gets like 20 000 likes on his photo it's insane i don't understand
is this some wave of like what is the generation under us gen x gen z is this some weird thing that
we don't understand and now we're like old people i'm telling you i have five tattoos and i regret
three of them so like absolutely and i can hide four of them so like just don't tattoo your faces
It's such a mistake.
I'm not sure if Lil Toe has his face tattooed.
Def Jam.
Oh my God.
He signed a Def Jam?
Yes.
Oh my God.
Maybe he's super talented.
I haven't heard his music, to be honest.
I've only looked at his Instagram.
I'm not going to judge you, but I'm judging you by your appearance.
I don't like your name.
Nobody wants a toe anyway.
No, toes are disgusting.
Feeder grows.
He dresses up in a foot costume.
Where do you even get a foot costume?
I mean, there's so many questions.
So many questions.
But anyways, that's another thing.
I go on a deep, dark hole sometimes on Instagram.
If you're a rapper, your name would be Lil Sandwich.
Lil Sandy.
Lil Sandy.
And, like, and your, um, the noise.
Like, you know how DJ Khaled is like, we make the best music.
Yours would just be, like, crunches of, like, chips in a sandwich.
Crisp in a sandwich.
Crisp in a sandwich.
Lil Sandy.
Lil Sandy.
Oh, my God.
At least I know that now.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
Here's my, Khaled's licking the mic like it's a Sandy.
I'm trying to eat it.
Yeah, would you like, where is it?
Oh, wait.
I don't see a water bottle.
You're hallucinating.
It's in the other room, actually.
I saw it.
Never mind.
Okay, so here's my bad week.
I went to dinner last night with Zach, just a cash dinner down the street from us.
Cash Mary din.
Cash Mary din.
And we're finished, and we're waiting outside at the valet, and there's-
Paparazzi came.
No.
Absolutely not.
There's a couple that's about our age, and with them is what seems to be one of their
parents like their mom and dad they were not married and they these this couple was going
their separate ways after dinner um she was jumping in an uber and then he was getting into his car
and then so the parents were standing there and they were saying goodbye to each other
first of all she said she referred to him as baby which the girl referred to her boyfriend as baby
okay which is weird in front of your parents which feels weird in front of your parents yeah
and then like hey sexual neighbor i don't think people like that's not like a pet well you don't
chat little sandwich i obviously don't sandwich to what in the air yeah so i felt already uneasy
about that and then they proceeded to oh no make out no ew so hard and the only people standing
there observing were her parents or his parents whichever ones it's bad either way and then me
and Zach and we're standing there and I'm like looking at the parents it's not like a older
friendship no it's like you can tell they're in town visiting from somewhere that's not LA
and it was so aggressive that Zach had to look away and he said he could still hear it
oh no and then I'm staring at the parents and the parents are so awkward like like yeah are
they trying not to look but like smiling kind of because they're like feeling uncomfortable
and my armpits were just so sweaty the whole time I was so uncomfortable how long did this happen
for and did it seem like it was yours so long and i just don't understand i'm we're married and my
parents don't see us have never seen us our wedding kiss was more like disney they must have
start just started dating they definitely did like that's not that's not something you do with
somebody that you've been with ew yeah that's that's really gross ew it just made me feel so
gross inside so that was bad that's pretty bad here's my good week and it's also by proxy yes
love it it's somebody else's bad week my friend devin she lives in new york and she uh was in la
and we went to dinner the other night and she has not really been dating or putting herself out
there she's like super successful career woman um and so she's like okay i i decided i was gonna
get back on the app and i was gonna go for it again oh no so she said last week she went on
this date with this guy and they met for like happy hour after work was she on bumble uh i'm
not sure which one this was okay um so she's like i thought it was like good easy so they had a
pretty decent date like you know casual but it's like a weeknight so they're not gonna go raging
or like have any crazy makeout sessions so she has a job so touche well sandy well sandy can
rage any day so can i though yeah um okay so anyways she so she's like i felt successful
you know like yeah it's a nice date good good first date she's like great i'm getting back
out there so then he texts her that night like so great meeting you blah blah blah she doesn't
respond she's actually like already in bed so then the next morning she gets another text from him
it's like hey good morning how's it going or like something along the lines of that and she
felt like a little aggressive but i'm gonna respond because he seemed like a nice guy so
she writes back she's like pretty good or like not bad and she's super busy off on her merry way
being a career woman well he then sends her a text message being like listen i can tell by
your non-response last night and your very aloof response today that you're about to ghost me and
i just would like to say that i would like more i would like some communication if that's what
you're about to do i would like to just hear it straight up you don't want to see me again or
whatever so then she writes back and says to be honest with you i wasn't going to ghost you
But if you're forcing me at this point after meeting for two hours to decide if this is going to go any further, I'm going to have to give you a no because this just seems like a lot of pressure.
So then he writes back and he's like, understood.
Well, then I hope you're okay with splitting our date last night.
Does he Venmo request her?
He Venmo requested her $13 because she had happy hour beer, like literally $13.
Oh, no.
The other terrible part about this is he didn't have her last name.
So, like, he would have had to, he would have had to, like.
You can put your number.
Oh, phone number.
Yeah.
I need to tell her that.
Yeah.
It's important.
Because that's not as, like, sketchy.
Yeah, but he sent a Venmo request for $13.
This guy's a fucking psycho.
Psycho.
That's a no for me.
That's a no for me.
And you wonder why girls go check because you push them to, like, the limits.
I think I need a restraining order.
So that she's like, I'm back in.
I'm not going back out there again.
Yeah, no.
Yeah, welcome to my life.
It is bleak out there.
All right, Kelty.
Good week.
i have a new saying yes it's for any well it's not for you jack because you're wearing a tracksuit
right now but i was reading a magazine and they said like what's a lady to do in the post tracksuit
era well that's rude so like i love a tracksuit i do too like it it's the best way to be super
comfortable and look sort of stylish the truth is we're entering the post tracksuit era i don't
agree so what's the word i don't know but i'm i'm letting you know that i liked this i thought you
had an oh it's a saying the saying is post-tracksuit era i just liked it like i was reading a magazine
like it was like we've been through the tracksuit era like everyone was wearing tracks well it went
from tracksuits to juicy yeah nothing but juicy's back are you talking about juicy like in like the
early 2000s but also like i don't know but like juicy back in the day no yeah blake lively wore
rip-away pants on a date, like
this year. Recently. Yeah.
I want to be a part of the post-tracksuit
era, because I don't like a rip-away
pant on a date. I'm sorry, Jack. I know
you're wearing a cropped tracksuit
jacket right now that is zipped down
to your navel like you're J-Lo at the
Grammys in 2000. Absolutely.
That's my vibe. No, but here, I don't
wear a whole tracksuit. I only
wear, like, windbreakers or track jackets
with leggings, so I'm only a half.
J-Lo Sandwich is only half a sandwich.
I mean, she's an open-faced sandwich when it comes to track suits.
Well, Sandy, can I say something about the legging thing?
So I work out in leggings, like workout leggings.
Oh, now she's coming for me.
But no, I'm coming for both of you.
I'm wearing leggings right now.
I know, but here's what I don't understand.
If I don't absolutely have to be in a legging, that is not my comfort clothing.
You would rather wear a jean than a legging?
Not necessarily a jean, but like a sweat pant or like a cute tapered sweat pant.
Do you wear underwear with your sweatpants?
I wear underwear with any pants.
Even a legging?
Yes.
Especially a legging.
Oh, that's why your leggings aren't comfortable.
I wear underwear with leggings.
No, I have worn a legging without an underwear.
It's delicious.
It's terrible.
The seam just goes inside of you.
Yeah, no.
It doesn't go inside me.
Anyways, I feel like an alien because both of you guys do leggings for comfort.
And it's just, to me, nothing feels less comfortable.
I'm going to go back to my, like, half tracksuit thing.
If I was wearing a baggy sweatpant with a tracksuit jacket, that's just a lot of, like, stuff happening.
I feel you.
She would be in the tracksuit era, not the post-tracksuit era.
Yeah.
I think if I was going to wear a sweatpant, I'd wear, like, a smaller top.
Yeah.
That's sort of what I like to do.
You've got to wear something fitted and something baggy.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Anyway, I was on a flight.
I was flying in business.
I forgot you were talking about something.
Yeah, asshole.
Bad week.
I'm on a flight, and I'm in business class, so I'm at the window, and I have one seatmate, right?
and it's a guy and he's like kind of cute and he kind of like starts chatting me when we take off
but it's a red eye and is this why you're not wearing your wedding ring right now are you
about to tell us that you ran off with him no because i put all my rings in the safe because
i'm traveling okay got it i also have to say there's nothing that i hate more than somebody
trying to talk to me on a flight me too no i instantly was like cool that's great i travel
all the time i mask on earplugs in like and i'm asleep but in the morning you know i'm always
like sort of i can sense when we're about to land i'm so good at that new york flight and so you
start to hear like people wrong even if you have earplugs like the rustle has begun people are
getting up and then you hear the first announcements hey we're like 45 minutes from landing we're gonna
pick up the boys headsets i don't know if you know about that they give you a headset in first
class they're actually bows whatever bows you're such a regular anyway who the f**k doesn't know
want to pronounce bows it's spelled bows b-o-s-e cute little sandy i'm about to throw you in the
trash you old ass moldy bread nobody wants a sandwich in the trash
sandy is here to stay it really is when you're being a dick i'm gonna call you little sandy
because it kind of sounds like a little salty like this is the best nickname i've ever had
You can have an alter ego that's, like, a total mother f***er and this little Sandy.
Like, little Sandy doesn't like your bad week, Kelty.
Little Sandy is wearing a full track suit.
My friend's husband is this, like, totally macho, like, dude, like, athlete.
And they give him an alter ego.
When he starts drinking and he gets catty, he turns into Regina.
And, like, that's what this is reminding me of.
Little Sandy.
Anyway.
I love little Sandy.
Bo's headset, whatever.
so 40 minutes we wake up and like of course i'm a rule follower so i'm like oh 40 minutes like i
start preparing for landing i put my shoes back on like i start bringing my seat up so then the
lady like 15 minutes before we land the guy is still like dead asleep in sleeping position like
it's time to land these flight attendants have to take their seat so she comes by and she's like
sir sir we're about to land please put up your seat and he's like uh-huh uh-huh and he like goes
back to sleep and i'm just like you're panicking aren't you i'm panicking i'm like he's gonna be
thrown from the plane as we land he's gonna slip right out of that lay flat and i'm gonna be the
one that has to it would have been his own body like whatever anyway so so then like five because
that's how it works like we're literally i can see the people in the backyard drinking their coffee
like we're ready to land and she comes back by and she's like sir you have to get up this dude
who was so nice and small toddy with me when we like sat down at the beginning of the fight
goes if i don't want to get up i'm not gonna get up and i was like oh my god he starts like i don't
know if he was on a drug or this was some sort of ambient rage this dude raged like the woman was
asking him to do a prostate exam in front of everyone like he was so angry that she was asking
him to put his seat up for landing and it was so embarrassing like he yelled for five minutes
and like threw his shit down
and then like got his shoes and like so
aggressive and the lady finally had to come by
he won't put his seat up and like
reach over him and to the seat up button
and did it for him cause he was a little
baby wanker so
that's all I'm saying is that it was so
embarrassing to me. Did you just avoid
eye contact after that?
What I really wanted to do was film him
but I was in such shock I couldn't possibly
like get my phone out and
I know and the thing was is I was like
A, first of all, what do they say first when you get on a plane?
The flight attendants are there for your safety first.
Like, your Coca-Cola and them babying you like you're a little Sandy is, like, that is second.
First is, like, let's all make sure we don't die when we do.
Because my friend, Melissa, who's a flight attendant, was like, I got to tell you about landings of a plane.
It's essentially a controlled crash.
Yeah.
Like, it's not like we're just landing.
I almost hit the seat in front of me recently because my seatbelt wasn't tight enough.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
anyway so you guy that's it when we come back we're gonna do the best of 2018 allegedly what's
happening so far so far it's not okay allegedly what's happening so far in 2018 okay
you're listening to the lady gang okay we're back listen it is the fall of 2018
and 2018 is three quarters over there's still one season to go through fall and winter
winter begins
well winter technically
begins December 21st
I'm just saying
let's be honest
let's be honest
we ran out of things
to talk about
so we're doing a 2018
so far
this was a stretch
sorry for all of you
I hope you're not
having panic attacks
the year is not
almost over
I think it is
when September hits
I think it's back to school
and I'm always feeling
like it's fall
because I grew up
in Canada
where it really is
it actually gets cold
cold
like September's hot in LA
anyway
it could not be hotter
It has been a crazy year so far.
It's definitely been the best year for Lady Gang so far.
You don't know what the hell is going to happen.
And so many things.
We got nominated for a Webby Award for Best Series.
Honorable Mention.
We got Honorable Mention.
No, it's a nomination, isn't it?
Uh-uh.
Whatever.
We got an Honorable Mention nomination for a Webby Award.
Well, if Honorable Mention means you weren't nominated.
We were an official honoree.
An honoree.
Yeah.
It's kind of high.
Anyway.
It's so high you can't really read it, which is good.
We also had our lady hang in New York, which was fun a few months ago.
We were interviewed by Forbes.
No big deal.
We're still poor, which is funny.
Still poor.
They interviewed us.
We got merch.
We got some merch, finally.
We got a warehouse.
We got an actual office.
We got an office.
We got a neon sign.
That was last year.
Whatever.
Well, how do you know?
It might be winter.
I do know because I ordered it.
Oh, okay.
So here is
We need to talk about
All the things that
Allegedly happened
So far in 2018
You forgot that
We got a TV show
We also got a TV show
I can't believe
I forgot to write that down
We got a TV show
Good luck us next month
Oh god
Okay it's time
Jesus
First of all
Let's talk about this
Jennifer Aniston
And Justin Theroux
Divorced this year
Wait okay
Is Jennifer
Rachel from Friends
She's from Friends
No I was gonna say
Are her and Brad Pitt
Back together
Or was that just a rumor
It was a rumor
Oh
There's no way
Jennifer Aniston
is glowing up and Brad is
glowing down. No, Brad is sober now
so he's maybe getting it together.
Oh yeah. Well he talked about it.
Like drugs? He did like some
interview. No, drinking.
But he seemed like he was
course correcting.
Getting it back together. For Jennifer.
Maybe.
Let's say that's what it's for. He's like I'm going to be the man
you always wanted me to be. For Jennifer.
I would never, if I was Jennifer Aniston
hell to the no. After
What he did to her
That Vanity Fair spread
Was so messed up
Do you remember?
I don't
Okay
Of course you don't
Little sandwich
What happened was
Is that
Angelina Jolie
And Brad
Were clearly having a thing
While Jennifer Aniston
And Brad
Were shooting
Mr. and Mrs. Smith
And they were doing
The press tour
And they did this
Photo shoot
For Mr. and Mrs. Smith
And it was like this
Susie Housemaker
Photo shoot
Like 10 pages
For Vanity Fair
And it was like
Them drinking coffee
In the morning
in bed them like on the kitchen table like them like it was all sexual and all together but he
was still married to jennifer aniston like it was so messed up i would never forgive you no that's
no you know what i would do if i were jennifer aniston callie's eating wires great i would
take him back and then oh callie
oh poor thing um i would take him back i would suck him right in i would make him
suck him right back into my vortex like a siren i would make him buy me so many gifts i would make
him put my name on every piece of property that he owns and then i would houses and cars literally
change the locks one day
and just bye, girl.
What a fucker.
That sucks.
Yeah.
Yeah, I wouldn't take him back.
I didn't know that happened.
Bye, Brad.
Bye, Brad.
You're old now.
Okay.
He's still hot.
Carol's not going back
to this one.
Oh, my God.
Are you okay?
I know.
Why isn't she?
I don't feel good about it
because she's like,
you know,
she truly is not happy
being there
and she and Bethany
had a huge falling out
and she has posted a lot
on social media
kind of just being like,
life's too short to do something you're unhappy doing especially something like that time for me
to tell you guys that i will not be doing lady gang tv just kidding and i quit and i quit bye
no it's upsetting i just wish you would go back i get it though and good for her for like rising
above but like i also want to know how she's gonna pay her mortgage now does she have a job
she's a journalist but like not really well how's she gonna pay her mortgage well she had like a
Don't mind, I don't have that house.
Here's the thing, though.
She had, like, the nice lifestyle before The Housewives, so she clearly had some kind of money.
But, like, you get that Housewives money, and it is, like, good money.
Yeah.
So I wonder what she's going to do now to make money.
Interesting.
All right, moving on.
They're making a movie version of the musical Cats, and Taylor Swift is going to star in it.
Is this real?
Yes.
I love Mr. Mistoffelees.
It's, like, one of my favorite songs in life.
Magical Mr. Mistoffelees.
They're real?
I love it.
hey there everybody get the data so good other than that i don't really give a shit about cats
that was my first professional job cats cats in houston texas what cat were you the white cat
no no it's grizzabella no i was like 19 grizzabella was like a 45 year old woman whatever
i was a kitten i think the name was the kitties follow you everywhere you go in your career
oh they do that's what really weird but i can't remember anyways it was really fun and i hated
that song actually hated every song whatever and i used to sleep in a tire on stage nice
wait so taylor swift that sounds stupid that does sound dumb and jennifer hudson
well jennifer hudson yeah for sure um i saw jennifer hudson at the hollywood bowl she crushed
it oh yeah she's amazing crushed it okay but that sounds terrible yeah that sounds pretty
insufferable i will not be going uh next topic they thank you jack lil sandwich was not there
for cats and he does not approve of cats except for mr misofflees so weird so they invented fat
burning leggings that contain caffeine and aloe that can actually help you burn fat that sounds
like such bullshit like that is such a lie no paul mccartney this year walked across abbey road
oh I love that
with Ringo no just by himself
but he was wearing shoes this time remember on the cover
yeah I remember they had shoes well they all thought that he was
dead that was like part of it
there was like a whole there was a whole theory
that Paul McCartney died and they had like a body double
and that was like one of the signs
and then there I think it was in
I am the walrus like if you play it backwards
it says Paul is dead and there's a whole thing
I love conspiracy theories
is Paul your favorite Beatle
yeah John Lennon
I love John Lennon too
but i saw paul mccartney at coachella once it was like the best thing ever he's a pretty gangster
he is so great still and he's old as shit and he kills it he's so good love him he's probably like
one of the most talented people that's ever walked earth ever yeah i just wish he would
have done it with ringo i know what that i feel like ring i ringo's my favorite beetle i saw him
play yeah i saw him play at like a casino outside las vegas once and he was amazing he was wearing
like a deep like giant sneaker like an nba player and then a really skinny pant interesting i don't
like that anyway kind of gives me the heebie-jeebies okay um the becca haircut happened this year
and then a lot of people have been rocking it kim k i just saw it this summer chloe rocked it yeah
how do you feel that you invented the new rachel it's no big deal just being a trendsetter trends
left and right here yeah meanwhile i look like a homeless housewife right now so i don't really
feel too trendy you should put your hair back out i don't know what i'm doing i haven't fully
decided because i don't really feel like i need to do you feel like people copied you and now you
have to change it i kind of do what's the new becca gonna be it's a good question i don't know
i'll keep you posted i think i have an idea of what it is but i can't tell you guys how many
different hair cells are there really oh you'd be surprised she's gonna get a mullet or a half
Shaved head.
Yeah.
Okay.
Patricia Clarkson was Dustin Timberlake's co-star in Friends with Benefits.
And she was doing an interview and she revealed that Justin is gifted below the waist.
I feel like that's something 20 years in the making.
Haven't we heard some differing?
Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, maybe she's just being really nice, you know?
Do you think she was just doing it for the headlines, for the fame?
Absolutely.
well who's gonna sit there and be like he has a small one you know what i mean that's like
like almost every week yeah but like we allegedly we don't have confirmation right like if i'm
actually here's the thing the sex scenes with this is what's this maybe he just says giant
can we talk wait okay this is what's appropriate okay as an actor you always have to say nice
things about the person that you're having a sex scene with or you're making out with
so you're always gonna say they have a huge they have a huge dick and they're amazing kissers like
even though half the time you're like gagging inside your mouth and you would rather like
lick someone's ass than be with this person so like we can't really take this for what
face value yeah i so okay lady gang investigates jessica let me see your dick what's your dick
wait okay when somebody's having a sex scene what's the thing that they wear over their
dick like the little sock and then if you get a boner does it fill up the sock yeah
Like a full, like it fills it up into a boner?
Yeah.
I mean, you can see the boner if they get a boner.
You just can't see the dick?
Like, what's the point of the sock?
It's kind of silly.
Like, just don't wear it.
And most of the time it probably falls off and they don't care.
I mean, it's...
What if they just put a tube sock on your dick?
It's essentially what it looks like.
Oh, I feel like technology would, like, give us something better than that.
I know.
Yeah, it's true.
Okay.
Lastly, before we go to Ask the Lady Gang, this is really important.
This thing that happened in 2018.
bow wow formerly known as little bow wow my boy he quit rapping this year what's he doing god damn
we miss you bow wow where to go work at game stop wait is bow wow the one that
yeah snoop's nephew or whatever no no but he was the one that did the thing where he he posted
an instagram he's like oh yeah i'm on my private jet and then somebody's like dude you're in coach
right in front of me and then they yeah yeah so everybody did the bow wow challenge of like what
they post on instagram versus what actually is happening yeah poor guy is he really a gamestop
yeah no gamester i think i wrote that wrong actually gamestop i don't think exists anymore
stand game yeah it does stop he's a gamestop so he's like working as an employee out of store
it's like you being like i'm jack vanek lady tv is coming out i'm gonna go work at zoomies
yep claims claims i feel like he's just looking reaching for headlines and attention that is a
sad headlines i mean but if i'm reaching for headlines going to work at gamestop is not what
i come up with but no here's the thing gamers are so insane that it's probably a good headline
because they will all flock to him true and spend all their money and he'll probably make a lot of
money through it all right well last thing i wanted to ask you so far what has been the best
thing oh god about 2018 or the most headline making for you
wow what's yours what's yours culty wine is that um i finished the renovations on my house
that's exciting that's cool wow this is riveting okay are you gonna say something or i can't i
just can't think of anything yeah it's also it's not even close to being the end we have like four
So I need some time.
Yeah.
Okay.
Let's do this like in December.
So far?
I don't know.
Oh, God.
Okay.
When we come back, we're going to help you figure out your lives with these two wet noodles,
a little sandwich, and a little drip.
I managed to not get pregnant.
I don't know.
A little drip.
A little drip and a little sanny.
Gross.
Sad.
Okay.
I would like a Tim Tam.
Do we have any in here?
For the next show, we could bring them out.
Yes.
Put them in the box.
I could definitely go for a snack.
Let's go.
A little Tim Tam.
We know.
A little Tim Tam.
oh my god that's a great little tammy i like
oh my god it rhymes with little sandy and little tammy oh my god kelsey you got to think of a good
name for you she doesn't want one all right well me and becca are gonna go start our rap
We're going to buy it.
Hey, ladies.
Funky.
Ask the Lady Gang.
Okay.
Ask Lady Gang.
During the break, we figured out a name for Becca.
I think that we were recording the whole thing.
We'll just leave it in.
Okay.
Our first question comes from Allison.
These are so long.
Can someone please give me a Tim Tam?
Oh, my God.
Jack.
Jack.
Jack.
Jack.
It's just reading.
Bring up Little Sandy.
Can I go get a Tim Tam while you're yelling at her?
Jack, can you bring up Little Sandy for me?
The unknown lady finger is the next question.
Bring up little Sandy.
I got to tell you something.
We are like almost 200 episodes into the podcast, and every time you see these questions, you say, oh, my God, they're so long.
Because they are.
I just want to tell you something about my process, okay?
These girls write 17-hour emails.
This is you editing it.
I've already edited this down to almost nothing.
I've heard this conversation 400 times.
I know.
So, Jess.
Well, sometimes I don't know because I'm like, this question doesn't make sense.
but that's probably because you edited out important parts.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
I'm almost trying my best.
When was this Tim Tam opened?
In New York.
Oh, like three, four months ago.
Really?
Yeah.
They're from New York.
Well, just try one and see if it...
Just open any one.
Open that one.
Okay, here we go.
Let's do it.
No one wants to hear this.
I met an unpopular boy...
Okay.
I met an unpopular but cute boy when I was...
Sorry, let me get this open.
Jesus Christ.
Little Tim Tam's going to open a Tim Tam.
She's going to hand a Tim Tam to her friend Kelty.
Great.
Give me a Tim Tammy.
Cool.
Okay, you're reading right now, little Sandy.
Allison says
you're so freaking good though
did she barf?
no
I met an unpopular but cute boy
when I was 14 years old
but being the basic high school biatch I was
I saw him as funny slash endearing
but not
in the right friend group to give him a shot
well this guy was persistent
and by senior year of high school I fell madly
in love with him
we stayed together between the ages of 16 to 21
then I fell in love overseas
and my new love moved to America with me
and we got married and began our life.
Happy face.
I'm not saying that things are absolutely unicorns
and rainbows in my marriage,
but we are seriously in love and now we have a son.
Okay, here's my question and concern.
I still think about my ex-high school boyfriend
every single day.
I wonder what life would have been with him
and how much I am still in love with him.
Is this a common first love thing?
What does it take to get over a relationship like this?
Will I ever move on?
I'm 28 and it's been over 10 years.
whoa whoa is that normal um i definitely don't think about my first love because he was a
loser but do you think about ryan did have a makeout session with my first love like right
before zach and i started really that's a nice closure though it kind of was good closure but
i hadn't between that time been wondering like i wonder what miles is doing yeah i forgot he
actually existed until i laid eyes on him when i was drunk in that bar you're like oh um whenever
i think of my um i don't know that's really hard i'm always like ah it was so magical like we
yeah i've listened to dave matthews band like making out in your truck and then i instantly
go to facebook and look at pictures of him with his wife and children and i'm like dodged a bullet
i think that if you have somebody that's kind of like the one that got away it's always nostalgia
You're always, and especially from back in the day, you're always going to think about it.
I don't think that's weird.
Maybe look him up because he's probably, like, not cute now.
And maybe that would help.
But I don't think that's, that's not a weird thing.
It's not weird.
No.
You made your bed.
You're married.
With a kid.
You're not going back.
So, like, you can fantasize all you want.
The fantasy is always better than the reality.
It is.
100%.
I found out that Miles had had a makeout session with a girl, maybe even had had sex with a girl in an Uber,
five minutes before i made out with him that night yeah that's what i'm saying like it's only good in
your brain the grass is always greener yeah okay sorry we're eating tim tans i just also figured
out that unknown lady finger was unknown lady ganger and then now that makes sense for our
second question okay or you think you thought that or unknown lady finger um okay she says i've
always been very independent and career driven and i've always loved the idea of being a badass
and an amazing job working in the city.
I hated my small town, grew apart
from literally every one of my friends, and wanted
a fresh start. What?
No, I'm just agreeing with her. I feel you.
This is Kelty's question.
I wrote this myself. She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You little ladyfinger.
Little Sandy
and little Tim Tam.
Share me.
Little ladyfinger.
oh my god we have our names it's also little tammy okay that's like your nickname your rap
nickname is little tim tam but you like your friends call you little tammy so then are you
properly little sandwich yes she's a little sandwich but people call i'm crying okay anyways
why is this so funny i don't know i think i'm really tired we're so old we're so old yeah
the kids are like what the fuck is this okay the kids are not listening old bored the kids are
listening to lilto and they're like living their best lives right now they're getting face tattoos
okay anyway she says recently i moved to the place i wanted to move to and i'm where i wanted
to be in my career but here's the thing i am so unhappy i'm only 24 i have no close friends and
i've never had a boyfriend and this is the first time that i'm living alone so i thought that this
is the start of my life is it really is it really embarrassing at 24 i want to go back and essentially
live with my parents is everything is against everything that i thought i wanted but now i
don't know grass is always listen lady finger i've been there when i moved to new york i was like i
could not wait to get out of marietta georgia but there were times when i was living in new york
where I was just so sad and so lonely and felt like I'd made a huge mistake
and wanted to crawl back to Marietta with my tail between my legs
and go chug beer with all my friends in their sororities.
In hindsight, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
You can't like overnight lose your ambition
because you clearly want to do something amazing with your life.
Not that those people aren't doing amazing things,
but you want to do something different.
So 24, listen, your 20s, they kind of suck balls.
Yeah, but you're putting in all the work to create an incredible life for yourself. So you're saying you have no close friends
It's changed something like fine
Go get a hobby where you're interacting with other people join the lady gang group join the lady gang group
I mean you are definitely not alone in this feeling either at 24. Everyone sort of feels alone
Also the fact that you haven't had a serious boyfriend like congratulations
It's good. You're not bogged down by some like stupid lame relationships
so I don't know it is it's really hard and some nights you cry yourself to sleep but
really in hindsight it's worth every tough day because you're going to be somewhere that you
never thought was imaginable like right in maybe a couple months couple years something well and
she's doing like her priorities are in the right space for being 24 because at 24 most people are
out getting up all the time and have too many friends and aren't focusing enough on their
career at all yeah so you're way ahead of the game and that might also be the reason why it's
tough for you to find friends because everybody else your age is probably their priorities are
different um but yeah i mean like maybe join our facebook group i'm sure you can find somebody
that's like in your town to at least go get drinks with and somebody to keep you company and some
girls have found like amazing friends through there so also like i think in your 20s you look
at life as very black and white it's like i either go home and throw it all away and i just go and i
get like knocked up by my high school boyfriend and like call it a day and that's it or i go off
And I have to be, like, so independent and so, like, such a ball buster and blah, blah, blah, blah.
But, like, there's so much in between.
And, like, you can create the life that you want and it can be a little bit of both.
Like, now as a 30, am I 32?
I don't know how old I am.
You're 32.
I'm 30s.
Like, I never thought that I would have, like, somewhat of a traditional conventional life.
Like, being somebody's wife while also having this career that I'm very proud of.
So, you know, you can have it all.
Yeah.
Don't throw it away.
I was just going to say I've never wanted to go home ever again
after leaving except like to run into
people at like bars and show them
how hot I turned out
but I also
grossly misunderstood how hard
being an adult on your own was going to be
and like just know that this is the shit
that's going to make you so strong later
and you're not alone
all you need is one good friend
you literally need one
okay next question Jack
last question
lulu lulu lulu says some friends of mine are getting married this year and i think that they
are absolutely insane interesting okay apparently it's because her parents are super religious and
do not allow her to do anything i.e see boyfriend without supervision no closed door in the bedroom
if they're in there no sleepovers holy shit and always have a curfew i wonder how old they are
so she was told by her parents that she can't do anything until she's married well hence the
rushed for the wedding they've been dating for not even two years what are your thoughts on
marrying someone when you're 19 and 20 years old holy shit you're right your friends are insane
and this is this is why you can't shelter your kids too much no because they're probably my
parents knew i was getting finger banged in the basement but you know what against all of their
urges they didn't go and disrupt it they were like you know what let her do it now so she doesn't run
off and marry him because we won't let her be with him if they're okay number one it's not bad
that they've haven't been dating for two years but at maybe at that age it is 19 or 20 years old
30 and you've been dating two years for some people but here's your thing is that like do you
think that do we think that they're insane we agree with you absolutely we are agreeing with
you can you say that to them absolutely not you got to let people live their lives and they're
just gonna they're gonna take you out of their lives if you say anything so you just have to
keep your your insanes to yourself and us the good thing is this doesn't really affect you
yeah just yeah just don't do it yourself don't don't i mean you know better because like she's
viewing this as like absolutely crazy so it's like what are her parents saying maybe they want
to like loosen up the reins and be like you know what don't run off and get married you can have a
sleepover with your boyfriend but their parents probably would rather them get married you know
oh yeah yeah yeah yeah you're right you know which is yeah interesting but everyone has a journey
thank god it's not yours lulu yeah just count your lucky stars that that's not you and you
know better blessed be are we getting very handmaids right now okay well that was under his
eye um thank you thank you for tuning in to the little sandy little sam little lady finger show
we are your hosts
Lil Tam
the Lil Lady Gang
Lil Tammy
how hard is this
and we'll see you
next week
and please follow
the Lady Gang
on Instagram
and follow us
on Instagram
for all our
great content
at JackBat
and Becca
at Kelty
and thank you so much
for subscribing
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on Spotify
or Apple
or the Podcast One app
and we will
see you next Tuesday
Yay!
Woo!
Yay!
join the lady gang every tuesday at itunes and at podcast1.com
that's podcastone.com thanks for listening
