LadyGang - Allegedly What's the Toast?

Episode Date: October 22, 2019

The Morning Toast hosts Jackie and Claudia Oshry are hanging with Keltie and Jac talking about their show, a paparazzi moment, chillin' with Leo Dicaprio on a yacht, and most importantly...a rousing round of Allegedly Wassa Happening! Thank you to this episode's sponsors! Butcherbox – Sign up today and get a FREE TURKEY plus $20 off your first box at butcherbox.com/lady .  Away – For $20 off a suitcase visit awaytravel.com/ladygang and use code LADYGANG at checkout.  Daily Harvest – Get $25 off your first box at dailyharvest.com and enter code LADY.  Fossil – Get your Gen 5 smart watch now at fossil.com/ladygang .  Murad – Get 20% off site wide and free 3 days shipping at murad.com/ladygang and use code LADYGANG.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, the following podcast is a Lady Gang Network and Podcast One production, which means it's going to be awesome. Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang. Things are about to change around here.

Each week, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. We love it. Hello, hello, hello. Oh no. For the first time ever, Becca Tobin is out of the office. It's the first time. First time.

It's the first time we've ever. No. Well, we do Jonathan Van Ness. Just me and you. Yeah. Sometimes Becca doesn't come to work. She's lazy. I can relate.

And we have the greatest fill-ins of all time. Claudia and Jackie Oshrae are here. Girl with no job. Jackie-o problems. Becca and I have both been to New York last month and appeared on their hit podcast, The morning toast and now it is toast la week so they are here in la and we were like please come say hi and honestly these are like the super supportive best internet friends of the lady gang like when lady gang tv was going on so good big fans i know but hold on hold on no we're gonna talk about it

we're gonna talk about it okay um when lady gang tv was going on we didn't even really know y'all you know we never met in person and there i'm there i am on girl with no jobs instagram being instagram storied by you and my brilliance you want to know why it's because like when something like a show like that i'm so jealous of everyone and everything i'm like whenever someone gets something i'm like it should be me like i'm so narcissistic and it's something i'm really working on it's like my resolution nice um but i was so surprised at how much i liked the show and it was really good and all we do is to talk about how bad everything is so when it's good like it deserves to be recognized just as much as the bad stuff you know okay now arguably more yes yeah with that

there was one there was a little thing there was a thing yes we and you weren't right no i was gonna say what was it did you guys call me annoying jack was annoying do you say we think jack was annoying which is so funny because out of the three of us i think i'm the least annoying one And you know what, that's hot calling the kettle. It's because we're so annoying. We identify with fellow annoying people. Yeah, you're like, we're Kelty's.

Yeah. We don't do this, like, cool girl made back vibe. That's what it is. We were really just, like, jealous and intimidated of, like, your cool t-shirts and, like, your whole vibe. I can never be like you. Like, I'm so annoying, so insecure, like, so self-aware. And you just were sitting there on your TV show, and I'm not going to lie, like, I was

jealous. Like, people are always like, why do you say mean things about Meghan Markle? I'm like, honestly, it's because I'm jealous. Like, she's a princess. I love this self-awareness. Because that's amazing. Because that's why anybody talks shit. That's why we all talk shit 100% of the time.

I'm jealous of everyone. Like, it's a really bad quality. Okay, well, I'm glad that we cleared that up. I'm literally like, who's your hookup in Vegas? You guys are always in a suite, are we? What the fuck? I hate those bitches. And I'm like, but I love them.

Because I'm just jealous. Because when I go to Las Vegas, I'm always at, like, the Tropicana in, like, a $49.99 all meals included deal. You know what I mean? I don't get the Cosmo. You get the $19.99 buffet. Right. and, like, also poisoned.

But, okay, so what we thought we would do for this special episode of Lady Gang is that we would invite our super friends to participate in Good Week, Bad Week with us. This feels like an episode of Lady Gang TV. It is great. Welcome. So we are going to begin so that we can show you how. Jack's going to begin. Oh, okay.

Okay, Jack. So it's time for Good Week. Yes, it is. Bad Week. Oh, no. There you go. We'll see. Becca usually does these intros, so she doesn't know what she's doing right now.

I know exactly what I'm doing, because I produce this show. Just a lie. That is true. Okay, so my good week is, so in the Lady Gang, we have what we call our Lady Gang Dictionary. So they're basically just a bunch of words that we make up or other people tell us, and they're always like a word smush. So I have a new word for the Lady Gang Dictionary, and it's called Sinfluencer. And it's an influencer or a person that influences you to do sinful things.

Oh, that's really good. Pet is good. Isn't it? Yeah. My friend just said it in conversation the other day. Who are you referring to? What sorts of sins? I mean, I'm...

Depends on what you think is a sin. That's true. Like, I can be, like, a drinking sinfluencer. Yeah. Somebody else could be, like, a... I'm definitely an eating sinfluencer. Yeah. Kelty's a...

I never sinned, so... Following all the rules. Jack's like, let's do things at the last minute before they're due. Like, let's do homework while we're walking. You should work at the morning toast. Listen, I'm really good in the 11th hour. That's where I thrive. That's when it counts.

Yeah, the day something's due, I'm, like, waking up at 5.30 and finishing up. Do you have a bad week, my love? Okay, so my bad week is my boyfriend does not smell. I mean, that's a good thing. He doesn't smell. He has no body scent, like, whatsoever. He can work out. I love a body scent, though.

He can play, show. He has no pheromones, like, at all. None. And it's so weird. Maybe that's why it took you 10 years to date him. Yeah, because, like, I wasn't getting any energy. You were never getting the zhuzh. No.

so um the other night we're like kind of like laying in bed like sort of cuddling and i was like oh my god you can smell i was like for the first time you have body odor this is amazing yes and so i go to smell underneath his armpit and then i realized that it is me with a disgusting body odor i smelt like trash and he still smelled like nothing so that's bad week that's great that is that's amazing yeah i also had a bad week yes bad week um my friend emily is one of the top and i know we hate an ml mlm but i know but she is like the top got a bmw from them or a mercedes from them she's the old field okay rodan and fields is trash but trash that um eyelash serum is a life changer i have it yeah it is that is good so

anyway i i have been supporting her because i'm like you do you and then she gave me some lash boost to try it i was like it really works so then i started telling all my friends yeah then she launched this new product and it is basically like a high at home hydrafacial and this is not an added rodent and fields if you want my advertising dollars i will give you a real ad this is not they will not give ads mlms don't do ads well anyway that's a whole point okay so what it is is it's like an at-home suction machine that sucks up your blackheads oh my god i need and you put like a serum and then it sucks your blackhead so i did it on chris my husband i saw and it was incredible it was like a dish full of facial blackheads and i was like okay i'm gonna do

it on me and i love a facial tool i'm the person that's like i'm gonna shave my face and then i come maybe makeup artist is like what happened your face and i'm like nothing it's like did you hacksaw your face to death like i go so extra yeah so i'm like suction my face and i'm like oh the nose and like shit's coming out and then i'm like let me just see what happens if i suction some of my zits and so i'd like this cheek zit so i started suctioning my zits and then what happened is i saw the white head turn into blood and like pull itself out oh my so then i put it all on instagram i'm like well here's my review um it works pretty good but like don't put on your zits because it'll bleed and then like my little jar is filled with like blackheads and

blood which emily retweets me and she's like by the way if you would have listened to my instructional video on this product or read the packaging, it's for T-Zone only. So I have now aggravated these. Blush line zits are the worst. There's no way to cover them. The more highlighter that you put on it, the worse it is. It just highlights

the zits. So now I have sucked it out. I still stand behind this machine. I just want to say, I thought it was like, you know how Carrie Bradshaw had that thing on her chin? Yeah. I didn't think it was a pimple. I thought it was just a facial feature. Oh, look. I have one of those. I have a mole right there. Yeah, but that's what I thought it was. I have a hardcore pimple here. It hurts.

I need that suction thing. I have so many blackheads on my nose. Snitch is always telling me. Yeah, you can only use it on blackheads. It's not a whitehead thing. It's supposed to be just, yeah, it's supposed to be just for, like, those, like, in between your nose. That's me.

I did try it behind my ears because one time I had a facialist, like, fold my ear over and go to town. Oh, me too. I was like, I didn't even know I had to worry about behind my ears. There's so much shit on the, like, underside of your chin that you don't even know about. Ew. It's disgusting. Don't even start there because then you can't stop.

But I like popping my blackheads and I feel like that machine would take my joy away because, I was like, I want to do it. No, it kind of gives you joy, though. Because when you have the pot and it's full of, like, more gunk you've ever seen. Honestly, if I would have known you were so into it, I would have brought you it. Because there's low cap. You could share with a friend. It comes with a set of five caps.

Anyway, okay. Good week. I have big news, everyone. And I'm excited that the toast is here to celebrate with you. I'm nervous of what this is. Did you get another Emmy? No. Close.

Almost better. I am officially so famous that I got my first ever endorsement deal and here's the thing normally when Hollywood comes a calling

no it's not the dog oh my god I've never seen it Jackie's not like a dog person Kelly come here he is just creeping up on me it's a girl were you bit by a dog when you were a kid no I just like it's sneaking up on me like brushing past my legs like oh my gosh that is so rude it's a shame okay i'm gonna forget you said that i'm so sorry i'm so

sorry here in my home yeah um be cool normally i have asked for like years every time i have like my yearly agent meeting i'm like they're like what do you want to accomplish this year and i was like i want an endorsement deal like i should be the face of ole you should defense mechanism wrinkles like i am charlize theron like i don't understand why brands are not coming at me with my shitty social media following and like my b-level fame like wow okay and so fine but then out of the blue one day i just got a call hey what do you what do you think of fabletics i was like i love fabletics yeah kate hudson good vip member you know why because there's a high waisted legging and everyone knows that when you're 30s you need something to suck in that

a below belly button, above vagina gunk. Yeah, no mid-waist leggings. I'm 25, and I have it too. When you go in, if anyone makes a waistband that is less than 5 inches, I'm not buying it. Do you know where my underwear is right now? Like up your ass. I'm wearing a full body

shapewear right now. Skims. Skims, yes. No, I love your Skims videos. Oh my god, thank you. I'm wearing the full top to bottom. Did you feel like you made it when Kim reposted you? Wait, did she send it to you? She sent us Skims, and then Kim reposted my series of stories

twice. It was like 90 seconds of content. Two weeks apart. Like eight frames me dancing in my skin. Did you get a lot of followers after that?

I did. I got a lot of followers and like they were pretty real followers too not just people like show me your feet. Anyways these are my skin these are my breasts.

Ooh that's cute. Wait both of you have amazing boobs. Huge boobs. No it's out of control. It's not a good thing. Wait boobs are so beautiful. They are but like

we're just so short and it's just not proportionate and it's a struggle. Yeah and it's always just like I'm out to dinner like even right now like my breasts

are being served for an entree like look i'm always like spilling my breath do you like like let them rest on the table i've never done that it's not that i let them rest they literally just for a place to relax they're like on the table they're like and if we're taking a picture like at a restaurant it's like my tits are always in the middle of the table it's the worst just smushed now would you even would you ever get a breast reduction yes but you guys are crushing it it's time i saw the sold out show at the ace yes yes it's not a financial thing at this point it's more so the time yeah like you don't have time to recover no it's much it's gonna be maybe like a post breastfeeding kind of thing yeah i often think yeah you could do a hospital like a hospital

week of toast yeah i love that toast the toast scrubbing in but if we ever want to like low-key get plastic surgery we can't because we have no recovery time yeah we do a show every day right people would know what about during the holidays because when i got my neck surgery last year i low-key did it over the christmas holidays oh that's smart yeah well we still get hanukkah You do. It's actually eight days. It's even better. Can you break up?

Can you, like, put toast on the ice for that? We could. Do take a winter break. If any time, it would be then. Okay, good luck. Yeah. Well, if you guys end up looking completely different in the beginning of next year, we'll know.

Right, right, right. Secrets out. Do you have a good week or a bad week you'd like to share? Oh, I have both. And I guess, even though we're in L.A. and I'm so excited to be here, like, I'm just loving this town, I guess it is a bad week because I got some sort of food poisoning, alcohol poisoning when we went out on saturday night after we landed in la and on sunday we went to chaconis and then went to so and then went to so house and at some point in the night i was

poisoned in some way because i spent all of sunday throwing up dry heaving could not keep anything down i had to get an ivy i couldn't go to show because of it i had all these like plans i had to cancel everything yesterday i was feeling better i'm still not 100 like even drinking water feels weird something i don't know maybe i was just too excited to be here and they were like You overexcited yourself. Just calm down. Like, it's not that great of a city. Like, this is the level you should be at.

LA is not worth this energy right now. Right. Okay. But I do have a good week. Okay. Because yesterday we went to Dancing with the Stars. Oh, yeah. And we were on TV, which I know isn't a big deal for you guys.

But for us, it's huge. Yeah. And we were being so thirsty. Like, every time we saw the camera, we were like, oh, my God. Did you guys end up being on TV? Yes. Okay. Well, my friend Lauren Elaine is on the show.

And so they show, like, Lauren's friends and family. And, like, we were there thirsting out. Like, I can't believe I didn't see. I was backstage because I covered. So I saw your Instagram story after we had already left. Yes. I would have texted you because Lauren was like, I have to go to press. Like, I'll meet you after.

It was me. Yeah. But I watched the whole show. And I guess you missed him. I was wearing a very sparkly blouse. I don't know how you missed me. No, but also a lot of times when I watch the dances and then I go down to my notes. Yeah.

When they're doing the talking part. So if they were doing the talking part. It was during the talking part. I'm so proud of you guys. What did you guys think? It's a fabulous show to see it taping out. It's a real glamorous show. It's glamour defined.

It's exactly like you see on TV, but even better in the ballroom. Usually TV sucks in real life. Like our show, Behind the Scenes, it was like we literally were taking like $2 Chuck and putting like a Lady Gang label on it for our wine. Like it was terrible. But like Dancing with the Stars is as fabulous in person. Really? And the people there are so fucking excited to be in the studio.

Like they can't stop clapping. They can't stop getting up. They can't stop dancing. And like Len's like, I think. And you're like, boo! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like instantly. It's like he hasn't even spoken yet.

I love it so much. Would you ever do it? You would be fucking incredible We were talking about that yesterday You would be so good I would pull a Chrissy Brinkley And like fake get injured Right before

No I'm kidding I know she got injured Like I don't want her coming for us And then I would sub Jackie Because she's an excellent dancer And I just don't think I could do like four hours a day Of working out

Like I haven't worked out In like five years And that's my career goal Is dancing with I know I dream big Me too Wait I feel like you Could do it in a heartbeat

I've tried for six years Really They say no For six seasons They say no every season That's shocking Oh so I stand no chance No no no

I do actually think you collectively, one of you, both of you, could have a chance and I'll tell you why. They don't want me because I work for a network that's a competing network to ABC. We're independent. You don't have a network affiliation, yet you have the young fans that they are after. They always have, yeah, like the young

Indian influencer. But there's not that this year. Do you guys know the people? Wait, isn't that Lorna Lena? No, we don't know anyone. I'm going to hook you up with the casting woman so you can make dreams come true. And then you'll only do exclusives with me. 100%. I'll give you scoops. And then we'll come for Trio Week.

and we'll be on the sides like and then you can do your you can do the toast song of course I would perform it obviously and I would be in the back in like a great outfit just with my great 40s body yeah we would do like an acoustic

like slow down like samba I'd have a skirt and then I'd rip it off and then it would turn into like a colors of the world let's get loud let's get loud Jack hates to dance and sing So she's not invited.

I'm getting secondhand embarrassment already. Okay. Do you have a good week, bad week? Yeah. What's it better? Should you do good week or bad week first? You should start with positive. I usually start with good because bad's usually the worst.

Yeah, the more interesting one. So I had a great week for lots of reasons because, you know, we're all very grateful except last night, like, I peaked in my fame. Like, I'm very vain and I'm very shallow. And, you know, I care about things like I shouldn't care about, but I do. And it's who I am. And we went to dinner last night after Dancing with the Stars. We went to Craig's.

We went to Craig's to get paparazzi'd? On our way out. Duh. We got motherfucking paparazzi'd And we were shook Because like When we got out of the car To walk in

Like these paparazzi Like they were picking their nose No they like Looked to see who it was And they were like that And then they looked back down To their phones And so then

When we were leaving We were like Okay so none of us Were wearing lipstick Margot's hair was in a bun Like I looked pregnant It's not gonna happen My shirt was unbuttoned

In the back Like I was just And then All of a sudden Post mail I can't see I'm like And it's not like they did one

It was like Flash flash flash flash And I was like What's going on And I was so confused The pictures I have like mugs wait show me the

we can't find them we can't find them wait I can find them wait so did you good luck I looked everywhere did they know who you were unclear

okay we don't know why or maybe that's why it's because they put it under somebody else's name we were dressed though for Dancing with the Stars they say you have to

dress glamorously so like our outfits definitely contributed we looked like stars like we act like we're stars and we think we're stars so like are we stars we might be

but it was so crazy we were dancing with the stars we were dancing alongside the stars I'm telling you, I've been on this all morning. Well, have you asked an actual person with the links to the paparazzi? We just asked Lexi to find them for us.

Okay, because I'm just going to email the CBS where the celebrities are and say, did we see any pics of them outside? And then you're going to run on Entertainment Tonight, you think? I can't promise that, but we can find the photos. If they exist, she'll find them. Oh my God, amazing. My bad week is one that, like, happens to me all the time, so it shouldn't be, like, a special event, but I ordered Revolve, like, a package to the hotel because I was, like, so nervous.

Like, we had so many things to do. We were changing, like, two, three times a day, and I just knew that I wouldn't have enough, so I had, I love to, like, send things to the place that I'm going. Like, I'm always ordering close to my hotel, and I ordered it today. I probably got ten items, and nine of them didn't fit. Like, not single, one single one, and I felt like I had such low self-esteem, and Revolve was, like, always making me feel bad about myself, but, like, this was truly the pinnacle of my insecurity.

Yeah. Well, you got one thing that looks better. The sweater. I did got the sweater. Oh, that's cute, though. The sweater looks great. Yeah. Shout out to free people for being accurate with their sizing.

Well, here's my thing at this point. Like, do you think that you should be purchasing things online from Revolve? Here's the thing. I tried so hard not to because, like, I think Revolve stands for so many negative, like... Oh, I love Revolve. I suppose getting it for free. Well, like, just call Jenny Rodriguez or a stylist or something and have them ready to go at something. Remember the email we got?

oh yeah they once like reached out to us with some respect like we'll like give you some free clothes if you want to post and it was like three posts for a 500 credit yeah another coachella thing what happened oh that was nuts that they were doing like their coachella giveaway so they reached out to micro influencers like myself and they were like if you want to work with revolve like we'll give you a 1500 credit and you have to post 11 times 14 oh yeah i got that one too oh my god so it's it's nuts and like we don't like that's just not how we live our lives so But it doesn't make sense physically, and at a certain point, it's just like we should just buy it, wear it when we want, and move on.

I feel like you all need a clothing line. Yeah. It's definitely something to think about. Okay. Yeah. Wow. That's becoming more and more clear. Yeah.

I love it. We went shopping the other day, and it was- You're like sad. An atrocity. Well, everything's- I'll tell you something. It's not made for the working woman. I'll tell you that right now. Because everything is sheer.

Jack Vanek knows because she works wherever she wants, so her nipples can be out. Yeah. But I have real jobs and real bosses, and I can't be wearing things that are sheer. Or so V-neck. Like, I have huge tits. I don't like a V-neck. Everything is made for big, big titties. It's down to my navel.

Can I get a black V-neck bodysuit that is work appropriate? I know. You know, I just got one. Oh, no, it's not V-neck. It's turtleneck. Yeah. Oh, I like that. Yeah.

All right. Well, when we come back, we're going to do a specially toasty, toasty, allegedly what's happening episode. Toasty, toasty. Now back to the Lady Gang. we're back um okay so allegedly what's a happening is something we coined when we learned that you have to say allegedly before you gossip about we've seen the show you've learned that lesson in a very hard way did you guys get sued when we know we were um our show was on verizon and we

were just out here talking spit and truth about dan schneider and we got our asses like this two hour compliance video with hr no it was torture yeah okay so allegedly what's happening is where we talk about other people first i wanted to go through us weekly and just see if there's any celebrities are you gonna find that we should um we should talk about let's see weekly let's just that's when she keeps every every oh my god are you gonna frame it you and robin thick i have i have thank you i have a um a scrapbook where i keep all of the covers and my my things because i like to see what was happening in pop culture that time i'm gonna show it to like i'm not gonna have children but like you can show to somebody else's kids i mean at some point here's the thing

when i was a professional dancer in new york i did not keep anything radio city rockette could have kept a pair of cheeks could have kept like a shoe could have had photos of myself at all in a rockette costume but because it was before iphones i don't have a single photo i don't have any mementos and so now in this second stage of my life i'm keeping everything i keep a lock of jack's pubic hair on my bedside table exciting okay so let's talk about things number one felicity huffman going to jail she went to jail today today 14 days yeah yeah she turned herself in early oh good get it over with wait what happens if you go early you get out like 14 days later oh okay well like she had she was supposed to be there at like 9 30 and she came

at 8 oh that's early oh not like a day before no not an hour and a half early maybe that's that good behavior yeah you can like if you're on good behavior you can serve 80 of your sentence so i I don't know what 80% of 14 is, but I guess that's what she's 11 or 13. She's going to be out in 10 days. I also love that she's at the federal prison that they have dubbed Club Fed. Yes. And it's like, there's a sunbathing area. Yeah.

She'll probably have a good time. She might not want to get out early. I literally pay $10,000 every year to go to the Golden Door, which sounds exactly like this. This sounds like a spa. No one can bother you. Turn your cell phone off. You're going to do some hiking. It really is like a Golden Door.

You should just commit a crime. yeah on the taxpayers dime i know how long do you think that the other one lachlan will go in yeah this doesn't it's not boding well for her and she is not like she's pleading not guilty like at least felicity was like yeah i did it she apologized she's taking her crime like she's going through trial she's claiming laurie laughlin's claiming that she still didn't do it so um if she's found guilty uh it ain't gonna be good i don't know i think she might find a loophole like if kevin spacey could get off laurie laughlin stands a chance that's true oj i guess my other thing that i have still yet to understand about this whole thing is that

a lot of these super rich celebrities and just rich people in general make giant donations to colleges like if you want your kid to go to yale you're like i'm gonna build a library At Yale That's what's so silly about it Why do this? What they're guilty of is something you can do legally That's like buying pot on the street Or just in a dispensary

But I think it's not guaranteed if you build a library Like your kid could still get rejected You're just giving them an edge And it's also like so much more expensive Than the half a million dollars she spent Like Dr. Dre donated 70 million dollars to USC He donated a whole school

And then his kids went there right fine yeah i just say as someone who never went to college like you don't have to go to college everyone if you're dumb there's other things that will get you through life as someone who did go to college you don't have to go to college you do not have to go to college especially the worst time of my life like oh what a waste especially these days like you definitely don't need to go to college unless you're gonna be a lawyer or a doctor it's like there used to be a stigma if you didn't go to college now i feel like there's a stigma if you did yeah Yeah, it's like, ha, broke ass, paying off student loan for a few years.

Wasting your time. Like, you're an idiot. Right. Like, Alex, did you go to college? You did. Of course she did. But honestly, I would have hired Alex based on her ability to show 15 minutes early to everything.

Yeah. No matter what. She could be like, honestly, I'm going to start telling people I went to Yale. Yeah. You are? You should. Well, what school? You can't pronounce anything.

I went to NYU in Canada. Oh, my God. So did I. What grade were you? Oh, I went to NYU. was great um me and that guy um what's the actor's name who went and like studied film james rego yeah james rego i was in james's class oh callie farted don't waft in my way yeah why are you wafting it jackie's really not gonna love callie okay next

did you see the panera video of the mac that girl got fired wait what i didn't see this i didn't see the video on tiktok this girl who works at panera was like everyone's always raving about the panera mac and cheese she was like this is actually how we make it and she takes this like frozen brick and puts it it's like wrapped in plastic drops it in like a boiler like that you make french fries in takes it out and then puts it in a bowl and the thing went viral on tiktok and then she tweeted and was like lol i got fired for this and then that went viral again oh shit yeah i mean what do they expect like how do you think it's made also like do i care it's good i know i'm still gonna eat it do you ever see how they make mcdonald's chicken nuggets it's basically just

glorified chicken nuggets are a different thing it's like they take the asshole of a chicken and like squish it up yeah it's so disgusting but it's so delicious yeah it doesn't matter Well, they also said that they do it to avoid using certain preservatives because Panera is, like, preservative. It's organic. Yeah. It's organic. So, like, they probably flash freeze. Honestly, I think Panera is missing out.

They should start selling those frozen mac and cheeses. I would put some in my freezer and it's like boiling a bag of rice. Yeah. That's a great idea. If this girl ends up making that happen, then they need to give her some money or at least her job back. This feels like undercover boss, you know? Yes. Meat Shark Tank.

What we want is we want a line of Panera that we can make at home. Yeah, in the grocery store. Pizza Hut has it. I would die for their broccoli cheddar soup. The best. Also comes in a bag. Freeze that shit up. I want that frozen.

Yeah. Madonna's dating a 25-year-old. Holy shit. A Malik Williams, a 25-year-old dancer and choreographer. And we know why. Because he's a dancer. Dancers are the best fucking lays. Oh, are you talking about yourself?

No. Well, I'm terribly lazy because I've been together with my husband for 10 years. but male dancers are apparently the best dancers are a sexual casper casmar you think that he wasn't jlo was not staying with him for the face no no no or the personality or the or the hairline i went to high school with casper you did and i sadly didn't even know who the fuck he was of course yes you were popular it's always the quiet ones i know i know ben my husband went to camp with ben platt and i like every night before bed i like smack him in the face for not becoming best friends with ben platt like didn't you know no i'm like how dare you i almost got killed with ben

platt how at a horror a deadly huge wedding so ben's older brother jonah married one of my best friends courtney and had a mindy weiss planned celebrity even though neither of them are celebrities wedding at the malibu where the giraffe is whatever that place is safari thing whatever it is yeah and they had a horror and i was like this seems dangerous there was 400 people in this tent and it was like i got crushed to death yeah oh yeah i saw ben at the grammys next year and i was like ben do you remember when i almost got crushed to death at with you at the horror and he was like yes that was very dangerous dangerous being a jew for a lot of you know what i mean and then they put them up on the chairs oh my god at my wedding i almost died like and

everybody's drunk yeah how have they not can you come out of a line with a safe horror chair for The bride? Can you not get a strap-aids belt? With the rails. Yeah, like you have an armless chair. You're flopping around. Are they always armless? In satin.

Like think of the chairs that are at weddings. Right, like a fold-up. That are at the table. Yeah. Or it's like, so they never have arms. And everyone, like all the guys, like they're drunk. And they're like, they think they're so brave. I'm so strong.

And there's always one on one corner that isn't pulling his weight. And you're slipping, sliding off the fucking chair. Totally. To your death. In your most beautiful. I wonder if anybody's actually died that way. A hundred percent. A thousand percent.

Death? I don't know. I got concussed at my wedding, though. Oh, yeah. You did? But it wasn't a horror-related injury. It was a crowd-surfing injury. And they dropped me, which was fine.

Crowd-surfing. But then someone else fell on my head. It was awful. I had to stop drinking. That was a tragedy. Forever? No, just for the night. Oh.

You didn't know what would happen. Oh, my God. That is a tragedy. All right. Hailey Bieber, my favorite topic, is concerned about Justin's spending. Radar Online reports that Hailey loves how generous and impulsive Justin is, but she's worried that he's spending all his money. it's so funny like these are their problems now that they're married you know very normal

it's always the same before you marry you have to have the money conversation yeah i'm very frugal are you like for other people like for myself like no expense is too great for ben it's like you're judging ben it's like do you really need this underwear i i don't think so like i need like another pair of shoes with diamonds on them yeah like do you need that shirt even though yours is ripping it's like my job is like i'm on camera like i have to be glamorous but like ben no one no one's looking i agree yeah who cares no it's like it's a lifestyle thing you know yeah but also radar online's been getting it right a lot recently so i'm gonna go ahead and believe this actually i agree with you jackie and i also think like there's where there's

smoke like most of the time there's fire and i just feel like they're probably arguing on what he's spending his money on right not the fact that he's spending right it's his money let him spend it also he has like endless money yeah right that's not true it's not true no because there is a level okay so all the people that have like the yachts and their own plane they're always like planing and yachting around the people like the biebers of the world that are the upper echelon of hollywood money got it but hollywood money is nothing compared to like i invented ketchup money yeah and like amazon jeff bezos money yeah you know what i mean and so a lot of times like i just know well i don't know anything but like i would assume that there's like always like a

private jet going but then it's like it's not it's not leo's yacht that he's on he's just like he's hanging on someone's billionaire a bazillion because i remember our friend alex alex delion has that friend who's like the prince of dubai or whatever and like got him a saint lauren jacket just like as a high welcome to dubai gift and it was fourteen thousand dollars as someone who actually has been on a yacht with leo yeah i can tell you it was chartered it was not can you talk about when you're on a yacht with leo yeah you know it's very low-key i was thinking more as like an abuse a moment like i brought a bottle of champagne like ready to pop that shit and you know he's very low-key and really cares about the ocean wait is this real this is real

did you get invited to go by leo not by leo like a leo adjacent okay friend of a friend yeah honestly they were like why is this girl on the boat and i was like i'm just happy to be here And it was very low-key. It really was not what I was expecting. And it was very, I don't want to say boring, but boring. And then on the dinghy that, like, takes you to the yacht, on the way back, we got stuck in, like, some sort of monsoon. It was so, so scary. Like, the front of the boat was going down on this wave.

Could you imagine dying at Sea of Leo? And I made a joke. And you're like, is there going to be room on the door? You guys, I made a joke, and he laughed. We did. So the boat is rocking, and all of a sudden, I'm like, my heart wins. We'll go on. And he laughed.

And then I sang like a little too long. Who the fuck is this girl singing? Literally. There's four people with me. Who is she? And I don't know why I've never been invited back, but it's rude. Yeah. Did Leo actually like introduce himself to you?

No. Okay. Did he say Leonardo? No, but we like sat at the same table, you know? Right. And I met his parents who were super nice. And like, honestly, I had a great time with them. I don't know where to go from there.

We anchored the yacht. is a better story than in like 287 episodes of lady and we've never had such a good story in our life like kind of close to the shore and everyone's like jumping off and they're gonna swim to the beach and like i knew that it like looked kind of far and i was like honestly i'm just like not in shape for this but like i'm not one to like not not go with leo yeah and so we all jumped off and we grossly underestimated how far we are like in an ocean like you can't really see like i it was probably over a mile and we're like halfway and i'm dying like i'm so out of shape like for a regular person and everyone around me was like you know like la like athletes and i'm

like i'm literally about to drown and i start signaling over to the yacht and i'm like someone please come get me oh and so one of the staff members um came on a paddleboard and picked me up and drove me to the rest of the way no yeah do you get embarrassed like is this an embarrassing or you don't give no everyone thought i was actually like everyone was also dying but like i was on another level and i um i think everyone was like really impressed by my like ingenuity you know you come up looking smart yeah no it was very much like a smart you're like having a drink on the beach by the time that they all get there it was one of the hardest days of my life and it was supposed to be like this best day and then like by the time but two hours later by the time

we got back on the yacht like it was really bad like i was winded i had like done my hair and makeup like before and i was just like a mess and i had like leo had saw me in a bathing suit and i was like i really think it's time like i go back to the u.s like it was not it was not for me was leo vaping in a hoodie on the boat was he with like a 21 every time i see him he's always like he's either like a movie star leo like on the red carpet charming or like trash you just interviewed him right for once upon a time in hollywood yes and i i've and he's always so lovely and like such a nice guy but then i'll be at dinners or whatever uh like and see him at craigs he's always at craigs we must have just missed him he'll be in like a hoodie like he's one of those those hats

I saw him at a comedy show and someone was like is he behind the guy in the hat is he behind the ugly guy I saw him at a funeral once and he had the hoodie up he had a hoodie on at a funeral it was a celebration of life

you're listening to the lady gang next topic Kim Kardashian Oh, Kanye West said he didn't like her Met Gala dress last year, and he doesn't like it when she dresses too sexy. That's weird. He's going to have a problem. Here's what he said.

The corset, underwear, all of that vibe, I just feel like I went through this transition where from being a rapper, like looking at all these girls and looking at my wife, like, oh, my girl needs to be just like other girls, showing her body off, showing this, showing that, and I didn't realize that it was affecting, like, my soul and my spirit. Oh, my God. As someone that's married and loved and a father of, like, now what is about to be four kids,

a corset is a form of underwear. It's hot. It's, like, hot for who, though? By the way, I kind of respect that. Like, I don't think any man should be telling a woman what to wear. But, like, I get what he's saying. He's like, I used to be a rapper and objectify women, and now I actually like someone. So, like, I don't want everyone else to be objectifying her, you know?

But he does know who he married. Of course. Of course. But people change. Time is changing. But it's also, like, fashion. They're so fashion-y. So what is she supposed to wear, you know?

That's true. Like, this is what Mugler saw for her. Who was she to say? It wasn't her choice. Right. It was a Mugler moment. It was a moment. Actually, the dress was...

This is the drippy dress, right? Yeah, with the crystal. It was wildly unimpressive in person. Oh, tell us about it. No. Tell us. Well, so the Met is, like, it's big, right? Like, the dresses are oversized and big.

I loved your dress, by the way. I think it was big. It was big. But people come and they always have, like... More is more. It's more is more. Thank you, Jack. And then the theme was camp, so, like, it's even more and more.

It's more and more and more. And it was just big and bright and colorful. And, like, a lot of the people that come to the Met happen to be in the fashion world, so they're, like, all nine feet tall. And so they're, like, there is Giselle, like, whatever. And then Kim came, and I remember looking down at her, and she arrives, like, kind of later because everyone gets, like, a time slot. So it's, like, least—well, Anna and then the co-chairs come first.

So it's, like, Lady Gaga and Anna and then, like, some models and designers and unfamous people. And then, like, as the night goes on, it's, like, a big dick sword fight of, like, who's gonna show up after each other like who's Nicki Minaj or Cardi B like who comes later and then Rihanna and then Beyonce and like Beyonce has to be last so she's like sitting in her truck being like tick-tock Rihanna you know like it's like yeah it's like a whole thing so anyway she came and I was like why is she wearing like a Herve Leger like mini from my stance far away it wasn't until she walked right past that I actually could see the crystals they showed up beautifully on film and in the pictures the pictures it looked but in in irl i was like

bandage dress yeah i mean that's what it looked like from far away over 21 yeah well i mean you couldn't but like that's what it looked like from far away it was just like yeah it was just kim looking wet and hot and tiny yeah like it would have been funnier if kim had like come in like real like yeah like jojo siwa you know what i mean like it was still so sexual so i understand what kanye say yeah i do understand he's entitled to his opinion you know yeah um okay next one we have two more millennials are bringing back the mustache yes i love it i saw this story and i was like so eddie murphy's got a mustache right now my love amelia's wearing eddie murphy is not a millennial

paul rudd is also not a millennial yeah that's so true well where's the story from um i don't know i made it up anyway but mustache is back like i see a lot of dudes wearing it's very hipster like yeah just ash the just ash justin bieber's oh yeah my husband ben grew a mustache um he drew it a whole beard a whole beard and it was like really it changed him in a very negative way like oh i've never been so i've never been so mad at him for like such a long period of time i kept telling him to get rid of it like it was making me itchy like i just didn't like it and it was also butt ugly like i it's very simple and he wouldn't listen to me it took him like he was gonna grow it out for a week just like see if he could do it and he went on almost a month and it

was the it was really a difficult time and he didn't look but usually men look better with some facial hair no it was stubbly he has a baby face and he actually has great skin so like why are you covering it up yeah i feel that i don't like a mustache me neither mustaches are fucking disgusting disgusting do you wax your lip and tom selleck and tom selleck same vibe though i wax my lip i don't please tell me someone else does i shave my lip that's worse she also The suction's out of her lips. No, I shave my face once a week. Like Marilyn Monroe.

Yeah, thank you. Wait, no, Marilyn Monroe didn't. Yes, she did. She had the peach fuzz. Wasn't that her thing? I thought that she shaved her face and then used Vaseline. Oh, wow. I shave my face every week.

And sometimes, I was like, just the other day, I was like, oh my god. And I could lick my, and I was like, ooh. The stubble on your lip. And I was like, do I have stubble? And then I looked, and I was like, I do. What kind of razor? Just like a pharmacy? Like a tinkle.

Yeah, like the Japanese. Yeah. Yeah. the face razors not like a bick right right i have gone desperate bick styles you have not bick but like honestly leg razor thing leg razor like three blades or one sure four oh my god just be careful about your eyebrows one the one blade if you're staying in a hotel and they'll give you one it's like a one maybe two plate you like you gotta go over it like nine times yeah so i'm just saying i'd be careful okay i really want to get your take on this ladies okay miley and cody

Liam and Madison Brown Okay Liam and Madison Brown We've never been so here For anything in the whole Like we love Dynasty We love Dynasty We love Madison Brown

We want happiness for him We love Kirby She's been out here Doing her thing And they're both Australian And like I'm just so happy For them and their newfound love Me too

And I am happy for Miley and Cody I personally like shipped Miley and Caitlyn And that like I didn't even have time To process that Right It's already over

What happened with that? It just fizzled They didn't say anything Fizzled It was like my bones And gone Just gone Broken bones

And we're happy for Miley We want her to be happy but like it's a lot now you know with the social media i wonder what the thing is with all the social media posting like that is that just like a new like rebellious thing because you're just friends and she's trying to with everyone no no and like now his mom and her mom are like commenting on each other's instagrams like it's like it's really like serious also cody simpson's so random oh by the way like he is so not famous and like he's been around forever and it's like we're like oh cody simpson's gonna take off finally finally and he'll literally never be

famous yeah it's like this today is the most famous yeah yeah he's it's his 15 minutes well was he disney kid too he was like this he was the backup he was the jc shazay of justin bieber yeah yeah if it justin timberlake to just jc shazay it was like if justin bieber died cody would have had like a hole to fill but just but he lived and it's like engaging gg hadid like couldn't do it for him like he has no chance of really ever being famous i remember being on a video shoot with cody simpson for his music video and gg was there surfboard surfboard and she loved to talk to the press she was just like do you want to they came over like do you want to interview gg about being in her boyfriend's music video we're like no we're like who and then we're like

okay and then like she was like i'm just so excited she was like and then she's never talked to the press again yeah literally that one interview i want to go i i have um something i'd like to say about miley and cody and you guys girls out there dating you don't have to jump in the way these celebrities are like tyler c being a gg hadid's grandmother's funeral in the netherlands like across not even in this country like two months after they started dating it is not funeral appropriate i'm not unless it's over a year right or unless they're gonna get married but they're not because they're not even together right now so if they'd stay together forever i would have been like oh that was cute when they knew so early on and he went to the funeral right

now her mother her mother's or her grandma's ghost is like who the random guy but that's how i feel about my wedding like if i didn't invite anyone to my wedding who i didn't think i was gonna be friends with like in the next year or two years and there's maybe like one or two people who i definitely like misjudged because i'm not friends with them anymore actually just one person you know i'm talking about um and that's what i feel like don't don't bring anyone to my funeral like unless they're a lifelong friend you know right yeah and i just think it's like with cody and miley like she's in the hospital or whatever and then like cody's coming to visit her in the hospital like that's not a place for the guy that you've been seeing for two weeks to come lay with

you and his bring his germs into your hospital you need to focus on your health and you'll see him later yeah like girls we don't have to move at this speed i totally agree too fast still young and i made that mistake 5 000 times it's a whirlwind in and then it's a whirlwind out and You don't know what the f*** happened, but you just have to do it. Yeah. Okay. Well, Miley, I'm thinking about you. Your body looks incredible.

Yeah, it does. She does look amazing. All right. Thank you for being here. Thank you, Jackie and Claudia. Please follow at GirlWithNoJob, at JackieOProblems, and The Morning Toast. And it airs live weekdays at 10.30 a.m. Eastern on YouTube. It is fabulous, but you can also check it out.

And if you go on the Top 200 podcast at iTunes, Morning Toast is consistently beating lady gangs. I'm like, you are obsessed with the podcast charts. I love them. I look at them every morning, too. Oh, I only look at our vertical. I never look at overall because I never even think we're going to be there. What vertical are you guys in?

What is it? Society and culture. And we're comedy. Comedy. Oh. It's a tough space. But on the overall episodes, you guys are very high. Oh, thank you.

I never have the bravery to go over to the old categories. It actually makes me so happy because, you know, like, well, we talk about this all the time. Like, living in L.A. and living in Hollywood, there's always a party that we're not invited to. Oh, my God. That's us this week. Every night.

We're getting dressed. We're like, where's the movie premiere? Someone? no we never gonna everyone's like oh my god it was like this woman's in l woman in hollywood i'm right here and like never invited and it always hurts my feelings it hurts becca's feelings the most i think she's very sensitive because she was kind of in that world and that has like right i don't give a okay and i love that like through the podcast we've made like pod friends like you guys are pod friends caitlin bristow's our pod friends like stassi like scrubbing it and

And so when I go on the charts and I see other shows, even though they are, like, shows that are competing against us, I don't ever look at it as a competition. I'm always like, yes. Like, goodbye, Dax Shepard, who was already famous. Oh, my God. I know. That's not fair. It's so unfair. It's not fair.

And did you see Conan on the cover of Variety with a podcast microphone being, like, the leader of the new medium, podcasting? I didn't even know he had a podcast. I don't know he had a podcast either. There should be, like, two separate charts, one for famous people. I agree. It's not fair to, like, compare, like, our shit that we're doing that we built from the ground up to a bunch of famous people. Like, Dolly Parton's America, yes, you better have gazillions of flicks.

No, it's totally... We should throw a party, like, for podcasters. We should. We really should. We've been talking about it. So I have this idea. I just think that we're going to start our own award show. Love it.

So are we. The Toasties. The Toasties. Oh, we were going to call ours the Ladies. Oh, you know what? That sounds better. The problem is, who would host? We're all like...

We're like, so there's two people in the competition. If the Revolve Awards are doing it, we can do that. It'll be like the Hunger Games. We'll have all of our favorite podcast hosts, and every social media will vote one out at every commercial break, and then by the end, it'll just be you. Oh, my God. That's a great idea. And you'll be second.

I'll be voted off first. I'm surprised that there is not that award show already. Well, they have the Webby Awards, but they charge you $7,500 to enter. Excuse me. What? Yes, ready? I got an email. They're like, this was years ago.

We want you to be nominated for a Webby. I'm like okay And they're like Just come in here And click your category So I click my category And they're like You can choose as many

So I'm like I'm humor But I'm also like pretty So I'm like I'm beauty I'm also influential I'm also like pop culture And I didn't realize Like per category You get charged

Yeah I got And I just accidentally Pressed click No $2,500 Yeah And I had to call

My credit card I'm like yeah I accidentally did This whole thing Like yeah And I got a refund But it was so crazy Like the fact

You have to pay for it Like Look we did it in 2018 I got really excited about it The $750 piece of paper Right there wait what i don't know about that yeah but you didn't win was there a ceremony we didn't even win oh just an honoree what even happens if you win you get a trophy i think you get to go to the

ceremony we weren't even invited to go to ceremony and then they wrote me the next year and they're like do you want to enter again oh my god no i get the email every year and now i yeah and now it's like if you've ever like if your accolades you're always like bragging about your webby i'm like you have to pay for that that's like forbes 30 under 30 it's like wow they recognize you it's like no but you had to apply you had to pitch yourself yeah oh that's gross yeah some of us are busy working that's what i say we're busy building our empire i don't have time to go to your l women in hollywood party l because i'm being a woman and hiring 10 plus women and 25 more on my television show and making the world go round and supporting the system yeah you guys

really should have been there 100 well no now we're definitely not right not after that rant but okay we love the morning toast i can't wait for the ladies toasties the lady toasties it's gonna be great it's gonna be great the scrubbing in scrubbing some toast off the vine with the ladies can we host it on the lot here you think where we have low budget for this event we've the only room we're allowed to technically use on the line and by the way we're sitting in a five by eight room right now so yeah make it work we can host the first annual ladies in my office at cbs excellent i wonder if we could fit tanya becca and caitlin i think we can i think that we can i think we can somebody's gonna have to sit on somebody's lap that's fine that's fine

Callie can sit on your lap okay tune in to The Toast and thank you guys for being here enjoy the rest of Toast LA and Becca we missed you mildly say it with me Jack see you next Tuesday

thanks for listening and make sure to rate and review this podcast wherever you get your podcast we have new episodes of Lady Gang every Tuesday and Thursday follow us on social media at the Lady Gang follow us personally at Kelty, most importantly, at Becca, and at Jack Bannick. And we will see you next Tuesday.