LadyGang - ASK THE LADYGANG: STRIP CLUBS, SMOL MEN + NO KIDS?

Episode Date: May 19, 2026

Becca ditches her expensive manicure routine and accidentally becomes a Vogue trend piece. Jac has a reckoning with her nasolabial fold and the age acceleration nobody warned us about. Keltie goes full research mode on Appalachian baby names from century-old gravestones in an attempt to help name baby Martin. And in ASK THE LADYGANG: A husband who's dragging his feet on having kids, a woman who can't get past her boyfriend weighing less than her, and a new mom trying to figure if her husband really did just spend the night at two strip clubs while she was home with the baby.We have spring deals for YOU!Nutrafol: Got thinning hair? Get $10 off your first month’s subscription AND free shipping at Nutrafol.com and use code LGPODFodzyme: Enjoy your favorite foods without the pain! Get 30% off your first order at ICanEatAgain.com/ladygangClean Simple Eats: Shop the best tasting protein powders at CleanSimpleEats.comProgressive: Looking to save on car insurance? Cruise on over to Progressive.comDirecTV: Get over 60 channels, Disney+, Hulu, and HBO Max ALL IN ONE PACK for $34.99 a month at DirecTV.com/genrepacksSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang. Things are about to change around here. Each week, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek.

Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to Lady Gang. I am Becca Tobin. You're with Jack Vanek and Kelty Knight. Hello. Hey. I really think I need bangs. I think you should do the cut we were talking about.

What's it called again? like the the fox or what's it called what is it called the little like lady the one that um rachel um yeah why am i blanking oh rachel lindsey hat oh yeah you should do that right yeah but you have to go to somebody really good i was thinking of going to tucker oh yeah yeah yeah yeah he's chris mcmillan's like protege or whatever yeah i love tucker me too i think i think it's time for a change let's mix it up it's something you it's like a reason for you to post about it you know but do you think it's bad sorry not to make this all about me but do you think it's bad that i have like all of this press stuff coming with like photo shoots and i think

it's actually going to give you a fresh a little little then it all comes out and it's got the wrong haircut it doesn't matter people give a shit nobody cares everyone wears wigs okay you're fine like you could have like eight feet long hair and then a little pixie cut and people wouldn't be thrown. They'd be like, yeah, that's what girls do now. Yeah. Okay. It's time for good week. Yes, it is. Bad week. Oh no. All right. This is not groundbreaking, but it is for me because I love when my laziness becomes a trend, right? I didn't create the trend, but I like when I am accidentally on trend. So, you know, I've been doing the Russian manicures for like four years, really religiously every four weeks I go and I sit down for two hours and it's expensive it's the whole

thing right well I just felt like I saw something Vivian too put had on Instagram about how real rich women they don't get their nails done or something or something about like the time and money you don't have the time or the money to spare or you don't want to on the nails so I was really struck by that because I was looking for an excuse to just stop because I was just I just felt like it's too much money to spend. It's so much time. And then I saw this Vogue article about how there's no more manicures. All of the models are just getting like clean, short, like French girl, essentially. And so I have been doing this and I am, I don't know if I'm ever going to go back to getting my nails done. I've been, I, you know, that brand manicurist, I get targeted. I

was getting targeted so much I think because I was on this nail journey by this brand and it's sort of like a cc cream for your nails it's not really a polish it's just this like system where you can have like clean whatever and I've been doing it and it feels wonderful my bank account is really thanking me and like this is I haven't done anything to them since like 10 days ago no they look so good right it's like a clean no this is a hack because there is What are you looking at? Nothing worse than getting your nails done is the thing I dread the most. It's not exciting to me, Becca.

But like, we don't need excitement. The point is that it's not exciting. No, but I always look forward to your little nails colored. I know, but I... Well, she's never done anything exciting to her nails. Yeah, I've never just... No, she wears red or that dark, dark color sometimes. Right.

No, they're beautiful. Do you have a strong nail? I do have it. Well, yes. But if you have them short, you don't need a strong nail. Yeah, that's the thing, is that they've been better. They're not amazing, but this BB cream, CC cream, I don't know the difference, but it doesn't chip like polish.

It just sort of gives it this like you have foundation on your nails situation. I'm super happy. I love this for you. Thank you. It was expensive. I'm happy for you too. I'm happy for you too, but... But not really that happy.

No, I'm happy for you. Like it looks good on you. Thank you. What happens when you're changing a diaper and you get a little poop under your nail? They're so short. Oh, it's even grosser if they're long. Yeah. Maybe I'll do that when I have a kid.

Just you got to do something with your nails when you have a kid, Jack. None of that's not going to work. Feces. And you have nice, long, skinny fingers. So it's not like your nails will look your hands will look bad with short nails. Yeah. Let me a nice little change. OK.

Anyway, my good week is I posted this on Instagram. I don't know if anybody saw it, but my girlfriends know that I hate a group photo. I think a group photo is the dumbest thing ever. Like, stop. Don't make me stop my fun to stand around. And what are we doing with the photo? We're doing nothing with the photo. So every week the school sends out an email and it's pictures from certain classrooms

and things that they did and all the fun things. Right. So I noticed I rarely look at it, but I did notice that this one email, the top of it was a picture of Ford's class, like in a circle. Right. they are all sitting around in a circle the kids and it's it's very clear that there's a teacher standing there telling them to turn around and smile because kids are turned around they're smiling they're putting their hands up they're doing the thing ford's has not turned around for

the photo it's the back of his head he's the only kid out of 15 kids whose head is completely turned away from the camera he's not doing it i was like this is this is genetic this is genetic we This is D-N-A. Dude, it is every day that goes by and he gets one day older. He's more Becca. It's so apparent he is literally your clone. He is Becca. Becca, lady gang, getting Becca to pose for a photo, even if she has the prettiest makeup and the best outfit of all of us, me and Jack are like, yeah, take more.

I want no up high, down low, too slow. So Rebecca Tobin lets you take five shots of her and then she's done. She's done. She's out. She's got to go. Why isn't this showing me the photo? No, we saw it. It's so cute.

Okay. It's really, it's amazing. I love it. I love this for you. I love it for you too. I'm going to go next. So my good week is there are, do you have like the one word that you cannot spell correctly no matter how hard you try?

One. I have like 400. Wednesday. Diarrhea. Wednesday. Okay. Diarrhea is my word too. Really? Yes. I can spell every other word in the English language flawlessly without fail. And then I try to spell diarrhea and I'm like, I can't, I don't even, I don't even think I have the right letters in there. I can't even get close enough for it to pick up on what, or hemorrhoids. Weirdly, hemorrhoids and diarrhea are two that I'll try to put it in my phone. I'll be like, oh, it'll autocorrect. Can't even get close. That's how I am for diarrhea too. And I found

this TikTok and this is a way to remember how to spell diarrhea. And I was like, this is changing my life. This is so crazy. Okay. It's D-I-A. Like I think we know the first three letters and then run, run, hurry, exploding ass. R-R-H-E-A. D-I-A, run, run, hurry, exploding ass. Run, run, hurry. I would forget the hurry. Run, run, hurry. it makes no sense how that word is spelled it makes no sense whatsoever and i just i have like a brain block in my brain that like will never allow me except for now d i a run run hurry exploding ass because i say and type the word diarrhea all of the time because it's like you do my yeah because i'm like i'm on this new constipation medicine it's giving me explosive

of diarrhea. So it's like, it's always and I'm telling everybody my business. So yeah, anyways, that was my good week. And you're welcome. Because obviously, if it's two out of three of our word, it has to be more of everybody else's. So my bad week is I remember reading this article or like seeing a headline for an article a while ago. And it was talking about like, there's three ages where you notice rapid aging as women and one of the it was like 39 44 and like 60 and i was like there's no and it was like the article was like yeah one day you're gonna wake up and look in the mirror and you're gonna be like when the did i get jowls and it's like immediate whatever i didn't i didn't believe it i was like this isn't gonna happen to me it happened to me last week i woke

up and I'm like, what the hell is going on with my face? And then I got a photo shoot done like in my art studio from my new website and stuff. And the pictures are amazing. The photographer was awesome. But all I could notice is my one nasolabial fold from the side that I sleep on that gets pushed down. Not both of them, but just the one. And I'm like, this girl shot on film. It should be very forgiving. Like you should not, it's not an HDR camera and that's all. I see one big line and I can't even focus on how beautiful the pictures are. I know. I know it happened. It definitely, for me, it was like 3940. Jowls, but also my ass. My ass. My ass is so disappointing now. It's mine too. I just did a picture in a bathing suit here in Cabo and I'm like. You're

feeling cute and you're like, take a picture of me in the water. And then you look at the photo and you're like, that's what you're looking at? Yeah. It's crazy. Crazy. Well, my biggest thing has always been like, I'll look at myself in the mirror and I'm like, I'm okay. Like, you know, not the best, but like not the worst. Like I feel confident enough. And then I'll take a picture or a video and I'm like, I am the ugliest monster in the world. How are these two the same people? I don't understand it. That's always been like my dysmorphia. But now it's like I'm looking in the mirror also and I'm like, where did this monster come from? And I don't even think there's anything to do for this line other than a facelift. No, I think it's really I do think that I've been

watching so many girls on Instagram who give themselves the massage every morning. And I do think a lot of it is the fluid. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Because it really is. I went to face gym. I can't believe I'm giving them a thing. It's the best thing I've ever done. Well, I was pissed because I went before the Met Gala and I made an appointment and I got there and my trainer never showed up. So I didn't get it before the Met Gala

and then I made a big complaint and then they let me go in for free after. And then I got it done. I was like, oh my God, it's the best thing ever. It really does work. So I feel like anytime you feel bleh, you think, oh, it's not a facial if they're not like putting the potions on.

You can put the potions on at home. I know, the massage is the best part. Go in there and, like, it's great. Yeah, it's pretty wild. I used to do that every day in the shower. Maybe just start doing it again. See how that works. I agree.

Okay, my bad week also has to do with this. So Dr. Diamond had, now that you girls are not in L.A., don't get to go to the events, had a little event at his penthouse last week. And I went, and he was, you know, giving away some skin care, and he launched this new eye thing. Anyway, but they had all these cool things there, and they had one of those things. we had it on tour with ClearStem, except Dr. Diamonds was like on crack. It was one of those things you put your face in and then they read like they read wrinkles, age, everything. And so my hydration was very good, everything else. So I'm like so confident, right? I'm putting myself

in there and I was like, I'm like having this facelift. Like there's no way the age machine is going to tell me. Like it's going to say I'm 34. You know what I mean? And like if it doesn't, they should have it like turned down so that no matter what it says, they give you like five off because you're a client of Dr. Diamond. Do you know what I mean? Like nobody. So I go in, I'm so excited. And he's like, okay. And it's reading that you are, your skin age is 44. And I was like, what the, I had a facelift. I should not be. And they're like, and your laxity is, I was like, what the hell? I'm so mad about it. I have not stopped thinking about this. And I was like, this is a major issue for me like my face age should not be 44 but i know why it's because i

just got back from the beach and like i so much sun damage crazy okay my good week is that i got us each one thousand dollars i'm so excited we won a lawsuit so there was a mass you're welcome i did it without you knowing wait is this the book one yes there was i thought that i had sent this to you guys and you said it was like a fraud thing or it was a scam? Maybe. I got it from our lawyer and she was like, hey, by the way, it's the last day to fill this out. So basically what happened is when we had books with Penguin Random House, Penguin Random House got hacked or something and they took not lady secrets, just like a lady, or we would have gotten $2,000. And basically they used our book and many other books to train AI how to write books.

Yeah. And so then we got to sue as a class action lawsuit. And as part of it, I filled out the paperwork and we each, well, we get $3,000 per title and we're going to split it three ways, obviously. And I'm very excited. I don't know when the money's coming. I don't know when we win, but like we, we won a lawsuit and I'm so sorry to AI that act like a lady is what's training the future writers of the world it'll be like self-help try to you know get up anyway stick a tampon with coconut oil up your vagina you know because we've had so many bad lawsuits on lady gang i wanted to have a success i mean i three thousand bucks is not bad our title and i was like well don't you don't want lady secrets you don't want

Rockets, Rockets, Riders, and Rock Bottom? Mm-mm. Nope. Anyway. Okay. When we come back, we have Ask the Lady Gang, but I have something very important to tell Becca. Ooh. Mm-hmm.

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Now back to the Lady Gang. Okay, we are back. Now, I have laid awake. I said laid awake asleep. I've laid awake for many nights since our last podcast where you talked about what are you going to name baby girl Martin and I have been trying to come up a name for a baby girl that involves Tom Tobin okay because I was like we love Tom and nothing would make Tom happier he's the number one supporter of Lady Gang after Bill so he's actually the number two supporter of Lady Gang true um

and I was like we need a Tom name so I'm like well she's not going to name her baby girl Tommy even like even though I think it's a cute name it's really cute name so I went down a large hole and I found a woman who goes through ancient gravestones like the Appalachian ones yes and finds Appalachian names from back in the day because I did also I mean Becca I am full court press for baby girl Martin right I went down a list of like I did all the top baby names this ridiculous guys. No, I told you this on one of the podcast episodes. They're the worst. I am shocked. Monica with seven N's and an H. No, it was Marissa that has like two M's and then like it's, oh God, there's like all these rhyming ones that I'm like, I'm so shocked. So I present to you

So baby names, I think you should name baby Martin, girl. From 1907, I present Cruella. It just reminds me of like Cruella. 1919, Goth was a name. People were just named Goth. Jack, that could be good for you. That's cute. Wickham.

Is the last name. No, it was a first name. Wow. These are all first names from the gravestones. I saw them. Tilth. bertrude which i know you're not going to use weird welcome was a name with no that's kind of fun w-e-l-c-o-m welcome okay caldonia i think there's like a body spray named that right

it was interesting because i saw caldonia and bonnie bell as names and i was like can't like a lip smacker what if you're like bonnie bell there was also little baby meta meta was a name that's crazy wow m-e-t-a yeah wow odessa which i love yeah that's good magnolia alice but it's a-l-l-a-s oh i kind of like alas alas birdie which i love not birdie as in birdie the plant. B-E-R-D-I-E. Oh, Bertie. That's a super popular name. Yeah, my niece's name is Bertie. Okay. Ellie Mae, which I feel like was on the list of popular names. You can't have that. Gilly. G-I-L-L-Y. I-E. That's cute. I-E. Are you like an E name? Like Billy, Gilly? She can E name because Martin is the last name. Like if it was Martinee, you don't have Gilly Martinee. Yes.

but those like for me it's like those names are very that makes it very girly like are you into a girly name i it depends on the name you know yeah it's just as name dependent effy that's cute i like the name effy vesta which i love vesta v-e-s-t-a vesta it's like that's cool vesta and Ford? That's so cool. Too weird for you, probably. Mileta. Whoa. Marana. And my most popular one that I think actually could be great,

Alcie. A-L-S-I-E. And then you could call her Al. Big Al. Do you know Becca at all? I know. Appalachian names really didn't help, but I just thought, are you sure, baby Crilla? Yeah, no. Little baby Crilla Martin.

I have to do, I have a thing where I'm like, I have to do family names because it's the type of thing where you could regret something trendy just out of nowhere, but you can't really regret a family name because it's a family name. So it automatically has meaning so that it can't be something that I regret. I know, but I thought if you had a Christine, you could do Crilla. No, I don't think so. But thank you. Keep it. Back to the drawing board. I've been really working on this.

I'm sorry. No, it's good. I'm sure you've given some people some good ideas out there, some pregnant lady gangers. I do like the abolition names. I think they're so cool. I think they're cool, too. Gilly? all c's a great name maybe not for baby martin but all c is so cute all c is so hard to like

you spell read it and then everyone's like lc what what is your i don't want a name that people hear and then they have to be like come again well as somebody that has a name baby goth as somebody that has a name that's similar to a more popular name i don't recommend that for anybody or like a different like spelling. Alyssa, Alisa, Alicia. Like those are so hard because nobody's ever going to remember your name. So that's like, it's literally why I go by Jo.

Kelsey Knight knows all about it. Thank you so much. Kelsey Knight. Kelsey Knight knows. Okay. Anyway, are you any closer? No. No, we'll keep working.

Okay. I can't wait. All right. Ask the lady gang. Hey, lady gang. I was listening to the podcast yesterday and I'm wondering if you and Jack Beckwith helped me with some advice.

My husband and I have been married for four years, together for eight. We're supposed to try conceiving over a year ago, but he changed his mind and let me know that he feels anxious and not ready. It's been a really tumultuous year that has impacted our marriage. We're both in therapy and I've frozen my eggs because I had bad fertility results. I'm in my mid-30s and I really want to have kids. Worried my husband will never come on board.

What do I do? Thanks in advance for your advice. You ladies always brighten my week. I don't know why I thought of this but I feel like you give him um a certain amount of time to where you table the conversation and you tell him we're not going to discuss babies I'm not going to hint at babies you know we're going to give ourselves exactly six months so for six months I want you to do whatever you need to do deliberate or maybe it's a year I don't know But whenever that time frame comes up, when the timer, you know, the buzzer goes off, you sit down at the table and you have a real conversation. And if he's still not any closer to wanting to make that decision to have children, then it's time to really start thinking about, is this your person?

Yeah. Because there's nothing worse than forcing someone to have a child with you because that is an automatic you're from the beginning. It's hard enough to have a kid with somebody who wants a kid as equally badly as you do. I'm very sorry because that's really, really tricky. But you know what you want. Like this is something you can't really go back on. But you don't think men come around? Like Chris didn't want a dog when we got Callie.

I know it's a child, but like now it's like once you see it, you don't feel differently. No. And I think that he if in six months to a year, like he's like not any closer than, you know, maybe there's some therapy he needs to go to. Maybe he needs to figure out exactly what it is that's kind of standing in his way of making that next move, because clearly he's not afraid to commit like he he's with you. He married you. You know, he's been with you for so long. So I think it's like, what are your fears? Like, what are the things we can really get out there? And also, like, don't judge him for whatever he says. You know, whatever the reason is his reason.

So validate it. But then you really do have to have a hard conversation whenever that time comes. Well, and it's hard because it's like you never want to give somebody an ultimatum. But in this situation, that's the only thing that you can really do for yourself. And it's like if you're in your mid 30s, obviously, you probably want to try to start having kids somewhat soon. So it's like you are on this timeline that you normally wouldn't be on for something else like in a relationship. And it's like, like you said, it's either he's in or he's out. And then you're going to have to make a hard decision if it's like, do you care more about being with him? Or do you care more about having a kid and having a baby and a family? And then it's such a tough situation to be in because it seems like when they got married, they were on the same page and then something changed. I have a friend who this is different because they both went into a marriage saying that neither of them wanted kids. And then a couple of years into the marriage, she decided, oh, fuck, I do want kids.

And they had kids and now they're divorced. and a huge part of like their therapy while going through the separation. He admitted to being very resentful to her because, you know, not that she did it on purpose, but they had a plan. They had a plan for his life.

Yeah. Yeah. And it doesn't, it doesn't always happen like that. Sometimes it's fine. It works out great and everybody's happy. But yeah, it's a, I'm sorry.

That's really tough. Really tough. I know. I feel so bad. You're listening to The Lady Gang. Next one. Kelty Jack and Becca. This is crazy. I'm terrified that I'll never get over my boyfriend being smaller than me. He is the greatest man I've ever met and we're well on our way to forever together, but I can't help getting in my, can't help getting in my head about him weighing 20

pounds less than me. We're both fit and 5'8". He is just extremely fit. Either I need to become more secure with myself. He's been supportive of my whole dilemma about this or end it. Is there world where the former happens or the later isn't despicable to me. Please help. I have a lot of friends that are bigger than their husbands. I think it all comes down to the confidence in both people. Yes. Because some people, some men don't care at all. They like bigger women. They like taller women. It is like a nothing thing to them. They feel confident with whoever they're with. And the same thing with women, where it's like some women just don't care. They love like a short king um obviously there's some like issues on her end it doesn't seem like this is like a

less yeah it this seems like more of a she doesn't she said she can't get over herself yeah yeah I don't even think it's her feeling good about herself or maybe it is I don't know I think it's just more so just the dynamic of the two together and like I totally get it I was always a person that wanted to date somebody taller than me it's you can say it's shallow I guess whatever But yeah, it's just, I don't know what the solution is for something like that, though. If it like is an issue that you cannot get over. We're stumped. You've stumped the lady gang.

I mean, my thing is, is that like if he's the greatest man ever and you are attracted to him, like you're like, oh, even though I 5'8", like I want to have sex with this man. Like I love him. I'm very attracted to him. So it's not about him being shorter than you or same size. it sounds like it's like, I need to become more secure with myself. So is that therapy for you? And then also like, just one thing I will say is that men get hotter as they age and it's annoying.

So it's like, if he continues to like be that and like, say you guys get married and you have babies and you're postpartum and like, you know, all of your hormonal shit happens and you maybe even gain 10 more pounds or 20 more pounds or whatever, like, is that going to make you feel worse like I think you have to look at it from all sides because but I will say if it's if this is the one thing like this is the one thing and he is perfect in every other way and he's supportive and kind and cares for you kind of need to get over yourself and this is the one thing and you guys break up and you try to find somebody else men are trash it's going to be so hard to find a good companion like that and especially a tall one because tall guys for the most part are

a scam they're assholes they've never had to develop a personality as we all date tall men but or we're with tall men right but for the most part it's like tall men are not what they're cracked up to be and you forget I mean I've I'm now I don't even notice Zach's height anymore I don't notice like it's just not something that I walk around with it's what I notice is how his qualities as a human, what's on the inside. It's really something that you could sit across the table from someone in 10 years that's 6'3", but if he doesn't deliver on the emotional level or intellectual level, it's a waste of a person for you. And if you're worried about optics of other people, I believe that... So I have a really good friend of mine. She's very tall. She's like

5'11 her husband is 5'9 maybe maybe no I mean I think there's even a bigger height difference he's so confident she's so confident they walk around with each other not a single person notices that she's taller than him like maybe yeah like a passerby or whatever but they're in our like to us he's super hot to us he's super like desirable he's such a catch and it actually is just like a non-issue. It's just such a, so I don't think you should, if this has to do with other people and the optics of it, like just let that go. And if it's a you thing, then do the work on yourself to just be like, bodies come in all different sizes. Bodies come in all different abilities. Like you could be in a car accident tomorrow and become disfigured. Your face could look

entirely different from the beautiful face that he sees. He's going to stay with you because he's a good person. I will also say, as my friend Anna always said this to me when I was dating and trying to find a tall man, she always says, we're all the same height laying down, which means when you're in bed, it doesn't matter. And also we're all going to become like shriveled up old people at the end of the day.

Yeah, I'm not. Apparently your skin says you are. Rude. Okay, last one. Okay, this is kind of deep. My husband and I have been together 7.5 years, married for three and a half. We have an eight-month-old daughter. He's a good man and hardworking, but he's always really valued his independence and

his me time. It's something I've always respected, even when it's been hard. Recently, it was his younger brother's 32nd birthday, and there were plans to go out. I was completely supportive. What stuck with me though, was that he made a point to say he wouldn't stay out all night and that he wanted to be home with his family. He didn't, I didn't ask for that, he offered it.

And honestly, it meant a lot. The night started casually, his brother and friends came over, then they went driving to the driving range, then they Ubered, he was communicative, he was texting me, sending me updates throughout the night. At one point, he said they were leaving the bars to go get food and I remember thinking,

oh, they're wrapping up. And I texted him goodnight around 10 PM, went tell him I loved him, went to bed. Around midnight, our daughter woke up earlier than usual. While I was taking care of her, I realized, huh, he's still not home. And he hadn't responded to her texts. I checked his location and I saw he was at a strip club. And to be honest, that part didn't bother me. It was more the feeling of what happened to what you said earlier, the shift without any communication. I tried to let it go, went back to sleep. 3 a.m. rolls around.

Our daughter wakes up again. He's still not home. I check his phone again. He's now at a second strip club. Eventually I brought it up. He got defensive and he goes, I just won't go out anymore if it's such a problem. But that's not what I want.

I don't want to control him or stop him from going out. What I'm struggling with is the gap between what he said and what he did, the lack of communication. If I'm being honest, now that we have a baby, I'm thinking about us and our family and he's still thinking like it's just him. I felt like an afterthought.

I can't tell if I'm postpartum or overreacting or if this is something bigger about expectations and partnership. Really love your take. Well, the thing that stuck out to me is all you have is your word. And that is kind of like you can do a lot of things, could say a lot of things,

but if you don't honor your word, then that's what your issue is. You, it has nothing, like you're saying, it has nothing to do with the behavior. It's the communication. And so, and you can say to him, did you tell me that you were going to come home early because it's what you thought I wanted to hear? Exactly. I feel like that. Or is it because you wanted to be a good partner and like raise the bar for yourself and say, I want to meet this expectation and I want to do what's right for, for us and our family. He just let you down. He let you down because he didn't go through with what he said he was going to go through with. Like, it's just, it's, it could be anything. And the strip club definitely complicates things because that's just like add salt to the

wound. Like you can say you don't care, but it's really annoying. Like it's hard enough when your husband sets it up and says, I'm going to be going to a strip club. It's my brother's birthday. Like I'm going, I'm going to still communicate with you. Like there are ways to do anything you want to do in a marriage as long as you stick to your word and the communication. He could have also texted you at 930 and been like, Hey babe, I know I did say that I was going to come home early and I really wanted to honor that. But I'm having a really good time with my brother. It's you know, it's just we're having a blast. I don't want to let him down either. And I'm just selfishly having a great time. Would it be all right if I continue to stay out and enjoy myself

and I'll come home and I'll wake up with the baby at 6am and I'll let you sleep longer. It's like it's a partnership. So we can't just ghost you after disappointing you like that. Yeah, I mean everything is communication and then it makes the strip club seem sketchy Right, it's like now it makes it seem like you're trying to hide something because you lie it out of omission Or just aren't responding and like that is the thing that is so that would like really throw me off It's like yeah, you're communicative You're telling me where you are every step of the way until you you know And everybody has their thoughts about strip clubs if they're if they're comfortable with their partners going or not

Like, that's not up for me to decide what she exactly feels about it. What she said, I think she didn't really care. So it's like, then that makes it even weirder if it's like he's not responding or if he's not telling her where he's going. So, yeah, I mean, I don't. And then it's like, is that something that plants like a seed of doubt that now you're going to like have moving forward if he ever does something and doesn't reach out to you and isn't communicative with you? So, I mean, he's definitely at fault and it's kind of a bummer that he got defensive about it because you're at home taking care of your newborn baby. You're letting him go do his thing and have his alone time. And it's like he's taking advantage.

He's taking advantage. And like as somebody who is an only child and I like I love having my own alone time. It's like I know when I have a kid, things are going to be different and you're going to have to compromise. Like you can't have the same alone time as you did when you were single or just in a relationship and didn't have this big responsibility to have. So that seems a little unfair to me, too. So I am the worst and I am literally this guy. And so I'm going to devil's advocate. I hate asking.

And listen, I don't have a child. So this is like completely different. That complicates it because you're up all night with your baby. But like I would never in my life. This just happened. I was in New York last week. I went and saw Jennifer Tilly's show on Broadway. and she was like, let's get a drink after the show.

And I was like, sure. And I don't even like to go out. So I was like, yeah, I'm gonna have one glass of wine and then I'm gonna be home by like 11. All of a sudden it's three in the morning. I'm at the bar with Jennifer Tilly and all of her friends. I have not looked at my phone. I'm having the time of my life.

I would never stop down to go to the bathroom and text Chris, hey babe, I'm out. I'm having a great time. Is it okay if I stay out all night? I'm gonna do whatever the I want. But you would if you had told him you were gonna get home like at a certain time to be with him and you guys also like go days without texting each other yeah no we're just different before going out that night had said to him hey i'm gonna go see this

show i'll probably get a drink with her but then i'm gonna come back and you and i'll go have a drink in the lobby like if you made a commitment to chris that you were going to be back you're right then you don't need to send it it's like have your freedom do whatever but he set it up that he was gonna be home i think this is the issue the issue is he gave you something because he thought you wanted it and he's feeling guilty about leaving with the baby. And I think what would I don't know. I don't like that you're setting up this like thing of where you guys have to ask each other permission to like live your lives. Like you're obviously in a committed relationship. You track each other's phones. I don't even track Chris's phone. I have no idea

where he is whenever, you know, and like, but whatever what's going on in the relationship that he has to like kind of ask your permission or be like, hey, I have an eight month old. It's different. It's completely different. Zach and I never did it before. We never did it. But now it's like you have a full time 24 seven job. It's all it's taking care of this baby. So it's like asking a boss like, is it cool if I have the night off? Because I know that if I take the night off, then you're on full duty with this thing. So that's I get what you're saying. Like it would be so ridiculous to have to do that if you didn't have this like school project you're working on as a human. And he's just like dropping it in your lap and then being like, okay, but I'm gonna go

do my thing and best of luck to you it just kind of feels like he really loves her and he obviously is like trying to do the right thing and then he just got a little feral out and wanted to like live his life and he's probably a great dad and he's been helping her and doing everything and he just like needed a night to be feral and i just think you shouldn't hold it against him and like make that big of a deal and i think just be like next time don't place an expectation on it the Temptation is where you get disappointed. No. And it's like, you just need to have an honest conversation about it of what you want moving

forward. And then I guess see how he responds. And it's like, does he do it again? Or does he actually, you know, everybody f***s up and everybody like has lapses of judgment and it's not like he cheated on you. So it's definitely. It was worse. One time Chris went to a strip club without me with a client and then he felt so guilty

about it. He came home and told me the next or two days later when he got home from the trip. And that, actually, I remember feeling worse about it because it was weird to know that you had had this wild night and, like, hadn't said anything for 48 hours. For two days, yeah. Right, yes. Maybe I don't know how to handle this. Anyway, I was like, you've been thinking about the strip club for two days, and I just thought you were at home in your hotel. Like, that's weird also, but okay.

Yeah, I feel guilty about it. It's a little weird. I'm sorry. Also, it takes men so much longer, most men, to, like, catch up to the idea that they have a kid. you know they get here and women just know what to do we know how to make the sacrifices for them it's like they have this weird regression they have men are children it takes them a while they also don't bond with their kids for a really long time mostly a lot of the time you know anyway we fixed your life we did not get back a baby name um uh we're poop maxing

because we're so trendy and we will. D.I.A., hurry, hurry, what? Ass exploding. Okay. Wait, I think. See, no, I don't know. D.I.A., ass exploding, hurry. D.I.A., run, run, hurry.

Exploding ass. We're never going to get this. See, we can't even get this right. Well, see you next Tuesday. Love you guys, bye. Bye. Lady Gang is hosted and produced by Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek

with social media support from Kali Carrera, audio and video editing from Jared Monaco, and additional support from Steve Delameter and Podcast One. Some things just belong together, like road trips and playlists and home and car insurance savings from Aviva Direct, a bundle that helps you save. Get a quote in minutes at aviva.ca. Terms and conditions apply.