LadyGang - Brian Howie

Episode Date: April 17, 2018

The realistic love expert and host of "The Great Love Debate" Brian Howie comes to answer all the questions you ladies have on behalf of the less-than-stellar men in your life. For a list of all the products mentioned on this episode, visit www.theladygang.com. Follow the podcast on Instagram @theladygang and you can email Jac, Becca and Keltie at [e-mail]--especially if you have a spare vacation house that you don't mind renting out. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, it's your Lady Gang, Jack Vanek, Kelty Knight, and Becca Tobin. Thank you so much for subscribing on iTunes, and thanks for supporting the great sponsors who make it possible for us to have this much fun with you every single week for free. Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang.

Things are about to change around here. Each week, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Lady Gang. I am Becca Tobin. I'm here with Kelty Knight and Jack Vanek. She is Instagramming. I'm also Insta-storying this right now.

So, how are we today? Fantastic. Fan-tastic. We have a fan going, and Elena is not pleased, but we borrowed a Dyson from Sammy because it gets hot AF in here, and our guests start sweating, and then everyone's uncomfortable. They start getting uncomfortable. But here's a question. As a listener, tell us if you hear it

If you don't, then we're going to continue the fan on So we don't sweat our balls off We might even turn it up We're not turning it up Elena will not allow us to turn it up First of all, can we talk about the Fact that Can we talk about New York yet?

I just realized That we hadn't yet Let's just say we're cooking something up Stay tuned I just felt like we hadn't mentioned it And I want you New Yorkers and tri-state area bitches To get really excited And it's going to be in July

In the summer Okay, that's all I have to say And now it's time for Good Week Bad Week Okay, I'm going to go first I was at a wedding This past weekend or two weekends ago

I can't remember Oh my god, thank you so much The dresses were amazing Okay, so I hate bridesmaids I hate being a bridesmaid It's show me your muumuu my friend cammy who owns show me your muumuu and designs everything i texted her and i was like listen i'm in a wedding she's trying to put us in some bunk ass bridesmaids dresses i we need yours

like tell me what's your favorite what's the best color they're all amazing and we had this high neck like turtlenecky low back like really sexy but most importantly so comfortable like the most comfortable dress i've worn at a wedding did any of the girls have boobs yeah one of the girls had boobs hard to wear boobs in the back with a backless yeah well but you just do like a sticky bra or just like nipple covers unless you have saggy boobs i guess but you could do did anyone have saggy boobs no because the girl one of the girls i think are fake the big boobs are fake i have to say i got a pair of their new denim and it's like the best fitting pants i've ever put on my body no i love them um so thank you not an ad but thank you um not even the point of my story

however i was at this wedding and i was watching the first dance and i look over and my best friend's aunt is like come here come here come here so i like run over to the side of the dance i'm like what's going on i thought something was on fire i thought i had to get like a new pair of panties for the bride like all those things she's like this is peggy she's a huge lady gang fan Peggy was the cutest girl. She was adorable. She's related to my friend. I just had never met her.

And she was like the coolest. I just love meeting Lady Gang fans. And they're all cool. I've never met one that wasn't cool. No, they're all cool. And then I also recently met one at O'Fudge when I was having dinner with my family. And she ran up and was like, I love the Lady Gang. I was like, thank you for not being a dork.

For validating my existence. She was so cute, too. Can I tell a story that is, like, right along the road? I'm going to break the rules. You can. Just go. Break the rules. Can you make it into a good week, bad week?

Yeah. Okay. I'll save my good week, and I'll tell you this is my good week. Okay. I'll wait. Okay, go. So, yeah. Two great lady gang.

I've not had a bad lady gang encounter. Me neither. And it just makes me feel really, really special. So, thank you, guys. My bad week. Oh, no. Oh, God. I have had an IUD for five years.

Not the same one, just in case you guys are freaking out now. But you can have an IUD for five years. The one I have, you can't. Oh. Do you have Skyla? Skyla. Three-year max. So I just ended in March.

My three years was up. And like clockwork, I haven't bled. I have not bled in five years. I haven't bought a tampon in five years. That's so insane. I swear to you almost to the day on the third year anniversary of this thing being inside of me

I started bleeding really yes so now you gotta get a new one well I got it taken out I'm waiting to put the new one in and I'm not even sure if that's what I'm gonna do next cause it's like I'm probably gonna try to get pregnant within the next

whatever so I'm like not sure what I'm gonna do for birth control we might just pull out and pray you know what I mean pull and pray Pull and pray. Love that. But I'm bleeding again. It's like the worst.

Welcome to my last two years of my sad life. It's awful. It is awful. It's the worst. And I'm sure if your body hasn't bled for three years, it's probably like has so much built up. It's not a geyser yet. It's not?

No. It probably will be. Thank you. Once you like regulate. It really blows. So I'm a woman again. Feels good. I might just get pregnant so I stop getting my period again.

Yeah. And then you can just get your tube signed when you're done. It's not a good reason. Yeah. yeah just come like there we go try to avoid a period forever i'll try all right i'm gonna go um so i was in park city two weekends ago for my favorite day of the year it's called gay per day everybody dresses up in costumes and instagram it is just the best it's everything that i love it's costumes it's drinking it's skiing there's a secret party in the middle of the mountain it's

amazing and i was just going to talk about the party for my good week but my good week is that I ran into a lady ganger getting off of the ski lift in full costume. I don't know how the hell she recognized me. Your Instagram, no? I don't know if I had posted before I saw her. Whoa. And I was wearing a helmet and sunglasses. Like, not much of my face was showing.

Were you in a crop top? Stalker. No, but I was in a catsuit. Okay, well, there you go. She's like, who would be in a catsuit? Oh, of course, Jacqueline. It was me. But again, she was so sweet and cool.

And she was looking for the party. And I directed her to the party. It was great. And she's just so cute. That's so fun. it happens every year it's just one day every year on april 1st it's like one of their closing days so everybody just like dresses up and like has a party that's kind of fun it's so fun it's like my favorite thing ever what's right um bad week so when i was there um we'd gone to this

party we're drinking so i've like liquid courage i'm like going down the mountain i'm going down a black diamond kind of cautiously but not as cautiously as i should have and as i'm going down i'm listening to music i'm like you know in the zone and out of nowhere it feels like a train hits me i start tumbling down the hill wrapped up in somebody else for like a good hundred feet i end up getting separated from the person end up sliding down the rest of the hill on my back snow gets literally i was wearing a catsuit i had snow in my butt crack like it was so bad and i ended up being my my girlfriend's boyfriend we were the only people on the damn mountain and somehow he smacked into me and it was like the worst fall i've ever had and i almost

like fell off the side of the mountain how's your face didn't hit my face thank god that's terrible was he snowboarding he was snowboarding snowboarders always are too reckless i'm an old lady and i like to ski and i don't like snowboarding i love going to mountains where they're not allowed deer valley yeah best that's the best if zach doesn't make causes quite a problem so he's gotta learn how to ski yep kelty kelty night well i'm also famous so i had a fun experience on saturday i went to the um king's game and i smoked a little bit of weed from the things that we got at med men yeah did you have the best night of your life wait no this this wasn't the night that you texted us that i thought that you had smoked weed no that's just normal but anyway so

i was trying to be cool and i had like i don't know if that one is for me i think it's still too strong because i like was knocking shit over and stuff which one did you smoke i can't remember oh but anyway so that night i was kind of like feeling like i'm acting like a weirdo because i smoked weed and i didn't know what to do and chris was like with his friend and so i sat with these two girls the whole night through the whole game and we're like chatting and blah blah and i was just like i just want to have a friend so that i'm not alone while i'm like stoned and the whole time we're talking and i was like i was like oh these girls are so nice and we all have mutual full of friends

and so I was like okay well we're leaving bye it's nice to meet you see you later and then I was like okay and then I walk over to Chris I'm like okay

where's my coat let's go and they they come up to me and they're like do you think we could get a picture with you no way

yeah because they knew I was famous but the whole time they knew they knew who I was I had no idea they knew who I was did they know you

from the lady gang or from entertainment I have no idea still but then you're not allowed to talk about these things if it's from entertainment yeah no we don't care

about how people know about you from TV because after they tagged me They didn't say anything about Lady Gang, though. No. That's weird. Because the first thing is always like, I love the Lady Gang. But then, this is suspect.

In the Instagram post they tagged me in, they said, got to spend time with the LA Kings with my queen, Kelty. That's something a Lady Ganger would say. But not if it wasn't from Lady Gang. That's something just a fan would say for you. Okay. Well, isn't that cool you have fans other than Lady Gang? I mean, that's the first time.

But anyway, hi, girls. Okay, bad week. They're not listening. You got... you guys are assholes yeah we know both of you and your korean spa adventures on this podcast i thought you meant just for that yeah we do but we are okay so much over the last two years you've been like korean spa then i went to the korean spa you and your little leah michelle posting photos about all of my terrible experience the staff infection the tampon in the shower i'm

sorry i haven't exactly been singing phrases they're just not the most sanitary you made it seem so interesting and i was like you know what i'm gonna go to a korean spa because i'm not the kind of person that would go to a korean spa i'm more of a covered up kind of gal you know you're in for a rude awakening no listen to this so i got snowed in in new york city and i was like you know what there's i do not have to work today i'm gonna go to the korean spa so i sign up for the korean spa and i'm so excited and i'm like yes yes yes and then i'm like oh i'm gonna be naked i go naked no one else in the entire crew in new york oh at spa palace no one else in the entire bigger korean spa was naked yes but here's how i found out so i like tiptoe over and i'm like

in the dip pool and i'm just like living the jacuzzi life someone came over to you and told you to put on a bathing suit no and i'm naked co-ed one no i was in girls only okay so i'm naked and i'm i was the only one in the area at that time like other people so then people start walking in like it starts to get busier and there's like two friends and they take their towels off they have a swimsuit on next one so literally like the four hot tub section and walk to the steam room there's like i would say 10 to 12 girls there every single one of those bitches is wearing a swimsuit so they're stuck in the water and i have to be like and my towel's over there and i'm like i have to stand up butt ass naked and like shnega with my bad tramp stamp

over to get my towel in all nakedness and every other single girl there had like, some of them were wearing one pieces. It was not okay. Did you say something? No, but I was like, I cannot believe the amount of rules being broken right now. It is unacceptable. Wait, I will say

every Korean spot in LA you have to be naked in. Like, you cannot wear a bathing suit. Also, I want to let you know, they didn't give me a slipper. Yeah, they don't do that. It's so gross. No frills. And they said you couldn't. Not a slipper, it's like a plastic you couldn't bring your own flip-flops no personal flip-flops so you just have to get athlete's foot i was just naked with no shoes on and it was horrible anyway i'm sorry

you had those girls make funny faces at you well i was trying not to look them in their eye and i was just like trying to slither out of there but i feel like i just would have had to say a disclaimer before getting out and then it's also my friends told me i needed to be naked anyway apologies you have to see my pussy right now you guys my voluptuous vagina that would be more like take a picture it won't last forever you know i am definitely will not last forever okay anyway that's it who's coming up we have someone coming up who's going to help us with our love lives you're listening to the lady gang our guest today hosts the very popular podcast the great love debate and he is america's number one dating enthusiast he's an award-winning director

producer and the author of how to find love in 60 seconds which is currently featured on the Jack Vanek Book Club. He's been the subject of features on Fox, ABC, CNN, NBC, Entertainment Weekly, the Los Angeles Times, The New Yorker, Yahoo, Esquire Magazine. His classes, courses, workshops, seminars, speaking engagements, and live

events have inspired thousands of people worldwide to make a positive change in their love lives and take ownership of their personal growth, dating fate, and long-term happiness. We've appeared on his show before. He hasn't sent us a dick pic yet, so we invited him back. Welcome, Brian Howey.

Wow, that was quite an intro. The day is not over. Good luck. That's true. So have you ever sent a dick pic? No, I haven't, but I got to tell you something about the dick pic, though. Yeah, let's talk about dick pics. Here's why the guys send the dick pic.

If a guy sends a dick pic to 100 women, two will respond. If a guy sends a poem to 100 women, two will respond. And everything in between is about two. So if the guy's like, I can either sit here and craft out some iambic pentameter and send a sonnet, And she's going to laugh at my friends Or it's just like here's the low hanging fruit Screw it Because the women are not responding to anything

So it's basically a cry Like if she responds She likes me and she's down for whatever If the women would answer You know Hello They wouldn't get the dick pic What if it's like a solicited dick pic

Because I She's the solicitor of the dicks You're one of the two out of a hundred But no no no But not an unsolicited If I just get a random dick pic that I have not asked for, I will not be responding to that.

If we're like having some like a little sexting happening or whatever and we're both sending pictures. But is that soliciting? That would be a soliciting. So once you send boobs and he raises a dick pic,

is that even? Yeah. A dick pic equals boobs? I mean, not... You're like, not my boobs. You're like, you send vagina? No, I don't know. Right, because that's weird.

Then you're getting to a weird area. Like, when is it okay? When is... You probably shouldn't send the dick pic ever unless they ask. But again, you got to figure out both men and women. We're terrible at communicating now.

We don't answer each other. We don't respond well. So a lot of it is just sort of cry for help. How do you solicit? What do you mean? If you're like someone has to solicit first, is it you or is it the other person? Well, if you're like sexting and like in a hot and heavy conversation, a hot and heavy conversation. A woman who came to one of our live shows and she's like, send me the dick pic, but send me the FICO score.

I need everything important right at the same time. No, I need to, yeah. All the important things, throw them on the table, and then we can move from there. I agree. Speaking of important things, the most important question of all is, are you still single? I have somebody I like, and she likes me. Does that count? Because we've always thought it was like this crazy thing, like those who speak can't do,

like we didn't know. Well, there's two sides to that. There's the never trust a skinny chef side of it. Yeah. But then there's also the like Bill Belichick never played NFL quarterback and probably couldn't. It doesn't mean he can't tell Tom Brady what to do. And I said my job has always been to raise the questions as much as provide the answers. And I think the answers sort of collectively come from the population, at least the ones who either come to our live shows or listen to. And and so what I'm giving isn't necessarily my opinion, my experience or my anecdotes.

It's really the this is really the consensus of over 80,000 people have come to our live shows and millions of people on the podcast. Like you can chase the outliers if you want, or you can listen to like this is probably the way most men and women want to go to do that. Whether I've practiced that always in my life or continuously, like we're all a work in progress. But at least I know what I'm doing wrong now. You know, does that make sense? Do you feel like your frontal lobe has closed? It takes a while. A full man takes a while for the boys to grow up.

Isn't it like men aren't done until they're like 45? Yeah, I always use the analogy. I'm a huge New York Giants fan, and Odell Beckham Jr. drives me crazy. And a woman said to me, that's what it's like to date a guy. Because you're frustrated by his behavior. He's only 24 years old. His frontal lobe's not done. That's the way it is for us.

So now I sort of understand. So I thought I'd do something interesting. We've had you on before to answer relationship questions. questions. And I still get lots of people who come up to me and be like, I heard John Ladycat. Really? All the time. Wow. It's because we're really famous. You are. Most famous.

So what I did is on our Facebook group, I asked women to send in their unanswered love questions. Like, if you were standing in front of your ex or your forgotten love or the person that it didn't work with and you could ask them one question and we're going to use you, knowing all of the

knowledge you know from so many people to answer these questions for them. because they're never going to ask for x just as a general man general what the hell is going on in these men's minds yes oh i'm answering why the behavior is this way or what they're probably thinking yeah yeah okay are you ready yeah okay so first question do you care about anyone else besides yourself oh man that's a narcissist um i would like to i just know the most about myself So it's sort of easier for me to relate to myself a little bit better. If I knew exactly what you wanted, when you wanted it, and how you wanted it, I absolutely would care more.

So communication. Communication in the right way. Don't say, you're not going to wear that, are you? Say, you look so hot in that blue suit. Will you wear that? It changes everything. Men are so trainable if it's done. We get the smack on the nose.

We need the pat on the nose. So it's about how you communicate as much as that you communicate. Okay. Why did you come to my graduation? and have the audacity to meet my family and extended family and be in our family photos when you knew right after you tell me we couldn't talk or be friends after grad weekend ended. How are you so good at hiding what an actual literal jackass you are?

I tried to talk to you about it before, but you were so busy with all the graduation planning and your family was there, I just didn't have a chance. Do you think that's true? I think I would wait until it's over so we could have a moment alone. Homeboy should have faked the flu or something. Do you think that's true, though? Do you think that you just, like, I didn't get around with it?

They don't think it on purpose, right? The behavior very rarely is as bad as the lack of communication. A lot of guys panic or don't know what to do, and they will always choose the wrong door, sadly, and that's a mistake. Like, if somebody had said to him earlier, why not fake the flu, he probably didn't. That's the kind of thing Becca Tolbin would think of because she's done it. Men don't do that. And so if he had thought of an easier route, he just went down the road and panicked, panicked, panicked. Same reason a lot of girls don't tell the guy they didn't want to get married until three years and two kids and a mortgage later.

You know, I ask women all the time, when did you realize you were going to get divorced? And they're like, when he asked me. And they don't say anything either. Ask me. You know. I remember. I told you my story. I got proposed to and walked down the cliff.

And I was like, it's just an engagement. I can always call it off. And then I married the guy. I can just get divorced. It happens all the time. So to that guy's credit, I don't know if that's just a man thing. Okay, speaking of marriage, why wasn't I worth the vows you made? I just love how these questions are so specific.

Do we know it? And they just are directed all in it. This is a really good game. What are the vows? We don't even know the vows. No. She's talking about marriage vows. I'm assuming maybe she's not.

Like, why wasn't I worth the marriage vows you made? Like, people promise forever, I'm going to love you, I'm going to be honest. You changed. And I changed. I didn't know who I was at 30. I'm supposed to know who you were and who we are? happens. I love that you're playing along. Okay. Oh, this is fun. This is a really good one.

It's like I get to be the bad guy without actually being the bad guy. I know. This is a good one. This is like therapy. Okay. And people were real heated. You lost everything you owned, loved, and worked for on a random old chick with a big nose and three kids from three baby daddies. Please explain how that makes sense because I can't wrap my head

around that church boy. Leaving your daughter and granddaughter to move to Thailand was a great move because you can be king and we don't miss you. Whoa. Holy shit. What the hell? Those are sort of two separate things. Two separate things. But let's talk about it. You lost, and I've been in this situation before.

Like, I've looked at someone and said, you literally lost all the good parts of your life to go and be with this other person. Why? They aren't looking at, I lost the good parts. They're like, I'm missing either some bad part or some part about myself that I did. A lot of women are like, I can't believe he cheated on me with her or that or whatever. whoever her or that or whatever was made him feel better even for a moment and a lot of times you know your home environment feels imprisoning or it feels frustrating and you feel like you can't win at home i mean it's really hard for sometimes to just it's a constant wave and some people look

for an easy door i mean i've been to thailand we have been to bangkok with a great love debate there are men all over thailand who are just like screw it i am out i i am is that where people go to escape? Yeah. Either my heart is broken or I don't believe in love anymore and I'm just going to get the bare essentials here and they're all over Thailand. Dude, I went to a sex show called Super Pussy in Thailand. Oh, yeah. I remember that place.

Was it as advertised? Well, honestly, I felt a little sick. I'm going to be honest. I'm always down to go and do the fun stuff or whatever, but I went with my husband and I was like, this will be so fun. Super Pussy. It was pretty gross. I felt so bad for the girls. She squatted on a quarter and gave you two dimes and a nickel?

No, she pulled out a full Hawaiian thing you wear a whole lay of flowers and then blew out a birthday candle with just a queef. It was intense. I don't know if that's super, but that's exceptional. Pretty super.

Wait, so my question is do I go to Thailand to find myself a sad, broken man? No, you don't want a broken man. Sadly, you're probably older than they're looking for. You're not 18. You're too old. You're not 14. It's a little scary.

But they believe, like, this is the one that she will trick me. She is the devil woman, all that kind of stuff. Just a little sidebar here. I used to believe, for those of us that are old enough, that the greatest acting performance I've ever seen in America was Henry Winkler as the Fonz. If you know who Henry Winkler is, the fact that he was able to pull that off, I no longer believe that. On my way to Thailand last year, I'm at the airport. It's about Christmastime. and there's a video playing

at a Hallmark store of a Hallmark Christmas movie that is coming out starring one Becca Tobin. Oh. A song for Christmas. A song for Christmas. Everybody knows that movie.

She was able to convey joy in this little clip. She was able to be festive. She was able to portray Christian. I've never seen an acting performance like that. So, Henry Winkler has nothing on you, Becca. Thank you so much. I was like, I can't believe this.

Thank you. It was Emmy winning. I know. It was spectacular. Joy, Christianity. Wear your trophies. Yes. Next question.

Do you forgive me for being a little crazy the last couple months of our relationship? So they're out of the relationship? Is that the way we're interpreting this? They're out of the relationship, and maybe it kind of went. She probably has some psycho regret. Of course I forgive you. It was me that caused that. That you're such a liar.

You were... Yeah, right. No guy has ever said that. Again, if there's men listening here, and there's probably not that many men listening, most of her behavior we somehow caused and most of our behavior she somehow caused

so very few in a perfect world if you were doing everything she wanted she's probably not just randomly acting crazy almost without exception it was somehow there was a breakdown in communication that led to her crazy so of course I forgive you let's get back

together honey I've been called crazy once by a guy and I It was like, I shut it down for the rest of my life. I was like, this is the first and last time any man ever thinks I'm crazy. I mean, I'm crazy in other ways. I said to a girl once, you're so crazy. She goes, you think? Like, she thought it was a compliment.

Whoa. No. And, like, I do wonder, does that person know that he made me crazy? Because I've never been crazy with any other person ever. And it was just this one person. I don't think he knows. I think women are complicated, and there's a lot of layers, and sometimes you pull back an extra layer that you wouldn't ever have to see if your behavior was better or if the circumstances between you were better. Crazy can lie dormant for a long, long time.

Oh, God. Here's the question. So say I might have tweeted some passive-aggressive tweets at one point, right? Like just a few. and when that person all these years later who cares but like

when that person thinks back and like oh yeah I used to date that girl does he automatically go crazy or is he like

oh wow we had a great time and then she got kind of weird at the end he goes crazy probably no I don't know

I mean it's all sort of a roller coaster we all you know women all think the guys are jerks and men all think the girls are crazy

so no behavior is truly shocking to either way and sometimes guys you know get off a little bit that I made her act that way or I drove her crazy.

Just a little bit of that. It's just like a vicious cycle. Do you also think that just particular men, like your ex, he probably just dated all these women. Are we talking about

our mutual ex, Kelsey? Right. Well, I used to intentionally date crazy. Because then we would always on some level focus on what was wrong with her

and nobody would ever shine the spotlight on me. So it was almost like an insecure thing. Like, I'm going to go for the difficult, high-maintenance, Bitchy, crazy ones.

And then if I could solve the puzzle, good for me. And if I couldn't, it wasn't me. Wow. That's a real twisted. God. Exhausting. Twisted. Okay, speaking of twisted, you pursued me.

I'm just kidding. You pursued me. You chased me. You made me like you. You convinced me you cared. Then when you had me, you left. Why? I didn't know that I had you.

You think that I knew that I had you. I chased you and wanted and I didn't get back what made me feel comfortable that I had you so I gave you all of this and all I got I don't believe that I believe here's what a lot of women do

you think it's the fisherman it's not catch and release a lot of women like did you go out with him yeah did you have a good time yeah what did you say at the end of the date thank you did you say thank you I would love to do it again no he could tell he can't tell

he could never tell so a lot of times we're giving you all of this stuff and we're getting very very little back because you guys think that we interpret things but no no but this is it's at a level only dogs can hear i feel like for women especially in this day and age with all the app dating and everybody just ghosting each other like as a single woman going on like first and second dates or whatever i have to guard myself and i can't like give up so much and be like oh i really really like you i'd like to see you again because why he's gonna think you're crazy why I want I want to think she likes me why is that so bad I mean there's a balance though but I think that in general that's why women are too scared to like put themselves out

there because we just keep getting ghosted all the time 10 years ago ghosting was you didn't have to call them back and tell them I'm not going to go out with you anymore you just didn't call them anymore so ghosting is a little bit of curiosity more than anything else and it's sort of frustrating but at the end of the day two dates and you don't hear from them again so what you're going to cut a lot of those guys disappearing if you give them more men do not like to chase men like to pursue there's a difference chase is a moving target chase is this i don't know what i'm dealing pursue means if you do this young fella and i hold the bar right here steady you can jump up and get the cheese and i'm not going to move it but that's what we have no idea that

you liked us i think you're just a more decent human than where you've been a lot of guys i think that there is no i am not i am speaking from a guy who's done it both ways but there's there is the greed of man who who really does love the challenge and like and women do this too i've certainly done it where the person in your mind your idea of them is much better than the actual person yeah so you do totally chasing thing and then you get them and you're like oh he's just human like everybody else that does happen and then the fantasy of what i'm saying that there's a big percentage of second dates that don't end the third dates or three months that don't end to four months because he's constantly telling you you're beautiful i like you ever and you're

processing it all and you're telling your friends that you like him and you're saying thank you So there is very little coming back. As I always say, we think you think we're gross as guys, okay? True. Right, and we're sort of trained early on that if you're giving us something, it's a favor. Well, let's be serious. Do your balls smell? I mean, but if they do, like, we think and we hear these things all the time.

You know, our shows have changed tremendously in the last five months since all the Me Too stuff happened. Right. And it's not only that the guys like 10% of men are just like video games and porn are plenty I am out and they're not coming back But their men now are like asking the question. Okay, what would you like us to do? And when would you like us to do it and half the women are like I've been itching for this fight for 20 years Let's blow up the system and start all over and the other half of the women are like shut up You're gonna scare the rest of the guys off and the women are so not on the same page

There's this sort of girl on girl crime that the men are just don't know what to do. They don't know what to do. Yeah. And so there isn't. I've heard this like women are so united now. They are never been more divided as they are right now. And we travel all over the country. And so the men are basically now just paralyzed other than the 10 percent who just don't give a crap. And they're going to act like jerks anyway. But there's another pool of men that are waiting for some sort of consensus that isn't coming. And that's a huge problem. It's an interesting point because we haven't really thought about the men in that situation because it is probably terrifying. Because women are like, it's time for the men to listen.

The men are listening. But they're also not doing anything. There's not enough. Well, and if it's confusing for, like, a man that thinks in, like, black and white, that's confusing. Where it's, like, each girl, what? Well, if I ask three. There's such a difference between someone, like, pulling out their penis without you asking or wanting to, like, jack off in a plant. No, no, no.

There's so much gray area. The women did dump every incident and everything into one big pot. And when you do that, you do not make the recipe stronger. You dilute the ingredients. So the men hear the Aziz story, and they hear the Harvey Weinstein story, and they hear everything in between. Those are not the same thing. Right. But to the God, they're lumped together, and half the women are like, you know, good, we should have this, and it's an important conversation.

And half the women are like, I don't feel this way. And so the men, because I ask at every live show we do and we go all over the country and I'd say, ladies, what would you like us to do? Even if it's just a message or a text message or a hello, they are not on the same page. And the guys are, it's a ticking clock because the guys are going to get the virtual reality porn and they are going to check out any day. And then the whole human population is just going to get wiped out. Sort of.

Okay. This is a good one. Why were you still talking to me when you got back with your ex? Oh, man. Is this from Lion Dyke? Is this from Ari Lion Dyke? Why are you talking to every girl you've ever met while you were engaged? I was DMing everybody on your show.

I wasn't sure how you felt about me. I was insecure. I still had some unfinished business. I mean, there's a lot of ways they can go with that. None good. But however, he could say, and he's right to say this, I didn't know that bothered you. I didn't know that was a problem. Because if you ask 10 women, five will say, I don't care if you talk to your exes.

I think that's healthy. And five be like, don't ever talk to anybody again. And he doesn't know. Maybe the last girl was fine with it. So if you say, listen, here's what I need, because couples have to define what cheating is to each other. And it's a different definition. So, again, I'm not trying to absolve him, but she should say, if you don't want him to talk to exes, clearly, and then he still does it, it's a much bigger problem than if he does it. Okay.

This one kind of goes along with that. If I'm not the one for you and we'd never work, then why do you continue to talk to me in between other girls you date? Why are you talking back to him is the question. Checkmate. Like, you got me on that one. Sex. Right? Or attention.

Attention. it's just uncomfortable she knows the answer question is hers why do you allow him to do that just don't do that he because he can his answer is like because i can't answer every answer his text every douchebag guy is gonna do that after they get single again they're gonna contact all their exes because and it's not just for the sex it's sort of wanting to know that you could still yeah women are sort of the opposite women will contact the old boyfriend because they're curious They're just like, did he ever get it right? Did he ever figure out?

The men are in contact because they're like, can I still get her? Can I still get her? And it's the opposite. Women very rarely lament to the ex-husband. They will pine away that boyfriend from college that it didn't quite. Because they're like, it's like they didn't play the whole hand out. What could have been? Right.

What could have been? That's why couples who break up get back together all the time. Couples who got married almost never break up. That's true. Which is weird because you would figure at its peak it was such a bigger bond. Yeah. People are like, no, we saw how this story is. You smelled their balls and you folded their skid mark underwear.

You're like, the mystery is done, all right? But how is that guy I dated when I was 16? He seems so dreamy when we're making out to Dave Matthews Band in his truck. So nostalgic. Right. So that's sort of the same thing. That was my favorite move. What?

Between every breakup, I would go back to the garbage and be like, hmm, who can I pull out of here? I literally. Every single time. I still do it. Sorry about that. okay this one's pretty heated so get ready oh no how bitter and regretful were you when you saw me in a wedding last summer looking 10 times better than i did when i dated you seven years ago

and when you saw i had a nice rock on my finger while your girlfriend was puking in the bathroom because she was the drunkest one at the wedding still glad you cheated you didn't look like that when i dated you if you did it would have been my rock oh damn savage i'm gonna i'm gonna throw it She admits that she wasn't as good then. I bet he doesn't give a shit. I bet he doesn't notice. I bet he doesn't even care. I bet he does not fucking care.

And if she cares what he thinks, I worry about the husband. I do, too. Yeah, she's a little bit too worried. What do you care? Yeah. We recently went to a wedding where I had, like, a fulling, not even a boyfriend, who was there. And a girlfriend of mine was like, oh, my God, what are you going to wear to the wedding? Like, he's going to see you for the first time in years.

And I'm like, I'm married. I honestly couldn't care less If I was single I wouldn't touch that There's just something wrong with your marriage Or your engagement And that was spiteful But if you still care I feel bad for the current guy

That's unhealthy all the way around I still care what everyone on my exes thinks of me Yeah but you care about every single person in the world Of what they think of you That has nothing to do with your exes Do you care that they find you desirable or do you want them to think she turned out well? I turned out well.

Like, you live your best life. That's like girls and guys in high school. I understand that. No, but you probably think about that, yeah, about like your friend from high school or something. I guess my worst nightmare would be for an ex to see me like at the end of a pregnancy or something. You know what I mean?

True. But I think half the people would want to see that you turned out well because then they're like, I was right to have seen something in her. And then half the people are like, why couldn't she have been that with me? I mean, there's both sides. Have you had that where you've broken up with a girl and then you see her later and she's banging?

Yeah, but I've had a girl call me and say, listen, I know I was a handful. I know I was a mess. I want you to know that I appreciated you being there and dealing with it. And that was the greatest phone call I ever got in my life. Oh, that's nice. Was she a mess? Yeah, but the fact that she, I try to tell her every day she was a mess. And you loved it.

She acknowledged it. The fact that she acknowledged and she understood how hard that was on me a couple years later, it was seriously the greatest phone call ever. You know what? I had something similar. I think I should go call Zach and give him the same phone call right now. Like, sorry. When I was in my quite early 20s, I had, like, a very emotional, like, heavy, heavy fling with someone.

And they ended up going many years later and getting sober. And when they got sober, they were going through the 12 steps. And they called me for that, like, make amends phone call. It was one of the best phone calls. I wish that we could just, like, make amends even if we weren't going through AA. Because it was, like, the best thing. And I've never really thought about that person again. Like, I was, like, they called and they were, like, hey, I just want to let you know, like,

what i did to you was really shitty and i've thought about it and i realized my actions hurt you and i'm really sorry and that was it and it was like so you're so freeing when you go through like so like everybody goes through these shitty shitty relationships and most people do not have any sort of closure in them or somebody admitting fault at all so when something like that happens it's like oh my god thank god i wasn't nuts yeah there's somebody that i dated who worked who basically had your job uh here in this building samantha harris no a little bit before that or maybe the same time jan carl uh no not that far back uh vanessa manillo uh i mean i know there's only been like eight correspondents ever on et okay was she an insider insider christina

mccarty no she's still a mess right hey i'm kidding we love christina i know she's married to joe gosh i never went her brooke anderson no lara what and lara when i see lara was a mess back in the day i don't know who this is i don't either but wow she's the host of good morning america yeah so when i run into her every once in a while she gives me the look like do not let anybody know what you know and and so i want to be like hey how and there's always this look in her eye like do not tell them what you know and so i have to cut the conversation short because she has this panicked look about her yeah that's amazing wow we got such a good story that was headlines okay um if we met at a different time in life do you think it would have worked out

differently uh like in the 40s or in our lives in a different generation because there's sometimes like you know you meet someone and you're young or like you're in college yeah timing is it's all it's it's mostly about timing either we're not ready or whatever and and again you're both jumping onto like two moving trains you don't know where either one of you will go we'll do at either speed and you kind of have to to navigate that the ride like the people who are able to to to navigate the bumps in the road are the people who last and and you do tend to do those things in marriages that you don't do necessarily in relationships as much especially second dates for sure no i 100 agree i met zach like 75 times before i did agree to go out with

him exactly my train was not wearing you down that's a soft no yeah soft no okay last one before we go to Ask the Lady Gang. It was so soft. It was soft. What is so wrong with me that you couldn't end things face to face? One of them, she said, this happened on three separate times.

One of them told my mom he didn't want to see me anymore. Oh. Because every time I had to try this with you, you got upset or violent or whatever, and I didn't think there was any clear way that you were going to hear what I wanted to say, so I thought the best way was to communicate it.

Through your mom? Through a third party. through mediator yeah i'm sorry i did that i feel bad it didn't show much on my part i should have handled it better i think i've said this before on the podcast but i broke up with my ex-boyfriend three times in person and then i had to end up writing him an email to finally break up with him because he kept showing up at my apartment it wasn't the in-person wasn't clear no and it was literally three different times like i got my my record player from him and i'm like this is the last time we'll see each other and then like they still thought they were together i had a girl who

was an actress, thought we were role playing. And I'm like, but I'm not an actor. And she goes, but you know how I like to do that, right? And I go, so I was acting out the breakup. No, no, no. The breakup. And she goes, that was so funny the way you pretended to not like me anymore. And that

was her sort of... It's like George on Suncow. And part of me is like, what? That's brilliant is what I thought. Part of me is like, like, is that what I was doing? Maybe you are interesting. She like, she like screws with your mind so much, you're like, wait, no, I got, maybe We are still together.

And you're rethinking, like, how was I unclear? Because did I laugh? Did I break character? Yeah, I don't know. Like, now I'm an actor again. Yeah, smart move, I guess. Oh, my gosh. This is amazing.

I think we should do this again sometimes. I feel like a lot of women out there are getting closure. This is great. I should do this on my podcast. I was actually very nervous when you were asking these questions of how it would go. Because you thought she'd read your letter? I should find that, though. No, just because it's, like, hypothetical and weird, but, like, it turned out really good.

Yeah, it did. These are perfectly reasonable things, though, that lots of people are like, that sounds like what happened to me. Yeah, very normal. Okay, when we come back, we're going to be even more normal and help you figure out your life on Ask the Lady Gang. Ask the Lady Gang. And we're back. You know how this goes. Are you ready to answer some questions?

Ready to fix some lives? Fix some lives. Okay, first question comes from Lana. Lana? Lana? Lana. Lana. I don't know.

Please don't light this on fire. I'm so nervous right now. I love you so much. Sorry. I didn't see it. Lana says, I'm from the Midwest, got married young, and it didn't work out. My current boyfriend and I have been together for two years, live together. We both know we'll marry each other, and things are just so different and so much better this time.

I'm stumped on the wedding since it's my second. Do I register for things? How much of the fancy dress and speeches should I do without it looking tacky? I'm down for just having a giant party after a private ceremony, but I don't want him or his family to miss out on having the full wedding experience just because I got it wrong the first time. That's a good question. The only people that that

really affects are people that were at your first wedding. Because they're like, I went through all this. I told you you're in love. I bought you the crock pot. I'm out. But other than that, you know, it's between the two of you. I mean, you sort of... Becca, you know. Lana,

if you have a f***ing bachelorette party... Yeah, I think a Second bachelorette party is a lot. That's the thing that's so frustrating. It's the people, like Brian said, the people who had to go through this with you the first time. I think it's really nice of you to allow your fiancé and his family to experience it and have all the things like it's a first wedding. But, like, be cognizant of how much money people have already spent on you. You only get one day, really, technically.

Sorry you chose the wrong person. Not our problem. Savage. But, like, yeah, and allow your fiancé to do all the fun things. You don't have to make a big thing of it, but just do not ask for anything. Even if people offer, they're just being nice. You should be like, you know what? You threw me a shower last time.

It was beautiful. It was lovely. I know that the sentiment is there, but please don't spend any money on me. Yeah, my dad said that to my sister like 30 minutes before her wedding. He's like, you can have as many marriages as you want, but you're only getting one of these. This is it. So it better be good. Sorry, babe.

No, and well, she was saying- And I don't think the guy cares. Well, and she was saying too, she's like, I don't care if it's just like a big party or whatever. And she's more, I guess, looking out for his family. So if he doesn't really care, then maybe make it smaller, more intimate. You should worry about you and him. And that's it. And if it's family, then let him run interference on that.

If he's, which would be strange, I really want the big wedding or whatever, then you defer it. That's what he wanted. I think, you know, whatever. And if you didn't do all those fun things for the first time because you were really young and it really was just like a very small whatever, like you can do it. Like I just think just know if that's something you've already done. Yeah. A hundred percent. First wedding, big, had a shower, like everything, princess dress, it all.

Second wedding, we had no wedding party, no showers. My girlfriend ended up doing a surprise bachelor roller rink thing, and it was like two hours. And it was like, I didn't know about it, I didn't ask for it. No registry, no gifts, a taco truck, no speeches, no dance floor. But some people do the opposite. Some people don't have a lot of money when they're young, and then later in life, they're like, this is the wedding I always wanted. But, you know, I always, you read in the Times, the vows section in the New York Times, and they have this wonderful romantic story. And then the last sentence is always, the bridegroom's previously marriage ended in divorce.

And I always wonder, like, why do they put that in there? I have a question, Becca. If you, not that this is ever going to happen, but if you did get divorced and then you had another wedding, is there anything you would do differently? I wouldn't have a wedding. What about if it was very sponsored? No way. Am I getting paid? Yeah.

Yeah, I'll do whatever. I'll do anything for money. I'll wear a ball gown for $50,000. No, but, like, I just, I wasn't even a wedding person before the first wedding. But you did like it. I did not. Like, I loved getting, I loved being married. Right.

I, my idea of hell, and my husband knows this, is hosting anything. Yeah. And weirdly, people are like, you're an actress, you love attention. I actually hate attention when I have to be myself and, like, entertain you. Yeah, me too. So it was the best it could be for me. It was ideal, but it still was not, like, the best it could be in my life. Yeah, I think that's the way I interpret it.

When you're on my podcast, you're like, it was the best it could be for me. For me. For you, though, that's like a cartwheel. Yeah, exactly. Right? So I had to, like, put it through the Becca interpretation machine. Like, what does this mean? Even if it was awesome, I couldn't beat you.

Like, it was amazing. That's not your thing. So I'd be like, I must have been good. It was good. It was good. I could have lost, like, 50 of those people. But, you know, can't do that. I know one that you could have lost.

Okay. I'm pretty, yeah, right? The second question comes from Alex. And he's in so many photos. Oh, the photo's so tall. Jack's ex is in all my wedding photos. So tall. You need to just put a dick on his face.

Peeking right over the edge. Yeah, that's the weird thing. Like, who was this guy? Yeah, that's true. He was a sociopath. Anyways, we're moving on. Second question is from Alex. Alex says, I'm 27 and I was in a relationship for six years.

My boyfriend was kind of obsessed with me. Okay. he's an athlete okay and all girls used to look at him i was never very jealous this okay sorry these are like so many i shortened this i just shortened this so you got the point i'm sorry okay i was never really jealous until he came to me and said a girl looked at him and he was very and he was attracted to her a month later he started talking to her the day he talked to her for the first time he had sex with me and after that he said he was confused that he loved me but didn't want to be together anymore and made

a lot of excuses. Two days later he just dumped me and now he's with her. Wow. He was my first boyfriend and I've never been heartbroken. It's been almost two months and I'm still a mess with this whole situation. Everything reminds me of him and all I feel like doing is kicking the girl's ass. How do I move on?

Kick his ass? The girl didn't do anything to you? If it's your first time you've been heartbroken, welcome to the club. You're gonna go through it. You're still young enough. It was your boyfriend for six years. You didn't mind the girls liking him.

You minded when he liked another girl. So that was fine. So you're going to get over it. You're going to laugh at the fact that you sat down and wrote this letter to the lady gang two years from now. You're going to be fine. It just takes time. What you got to do is do things that make you stop thinking about him or reminding you of him or like change your routine. You know, get out of a lot of long term relationships.

what you miss when it's gone is the routine comfort level it's the habit so do new things yeah i think too if this is your first breakup which i think she said it is it's like this is a great time for you to get to know yourself again i don't know how long that you're with him but like now is the time to figure out what makes you happy and maybe you can find somebody that's better fit for you through that go have sex with all different so many men yeah because i well no i'm honestly gonna tell you this i spent my whole life since i was like over achieving and trying to find a husband you know what i mean like i never just was like i'm just gonna be like wild and crazy i'm just saying you should have sex with lots of guys and here's what i'm

gonna say i was gonna say cake up some new hobbies but you know the best way to get under a man over a man is to get under a new one my mother always told me that it is so true my mom told me that Best way to get over a man is to get under another one. But here's the other thing, Alex. Just reading this, I see. I feel like the way you're describing this, like, I was with my boyfriend for six years. He was kind of obsessed with me. But then this girl gave him, like, attention.

I fell into this pattern a lot when I was dating and in relationships and sometimes still do. are you giving back what you're getting because you sound like the kind of girl who was just happy getting all the obsession from your boyfriend but most likely you were not paying enough attention to him which is why when this pretty girl paid attention to him he was like you know what i'm really missing something here in my relationship and usually that's what people do so alex just be aware of the fact that i'm sure you're amazing just like i am i'm sure you're spectacular just like i am but so can other people can also be amazing and if your partner is and you kind of need to show them that too i love that anonymous says my best friend is dating a total douche he's

a dick but she's decided that he is the one obviously this is not the human i think is best for her but she's an adult and needs to make her own decisions they will be getting engaged soon and i think she would ask me to be a bridesmaid and or a maid of honor i really don't feel comfortable accepting this role for a few reasons do i suck it up and play nice and say yes to being a bridesmaid or do i rock the boat and tell her i can't be a part of her wedding that i don't support we've known each other for over 10 years and have a lot of mutual friends and i don't want to make an uncomfortable situation for everybody else involved in this wedding but i also don't want to be a part of something that i feel in my heart isn't right well i've had a friend of mine a guy

friend had that happen he was the best man for a uh his friend and he was marrying a girl who was just the worst she was cheating on him she's doing all the stuff and he's like listen i i'm going to tell you ask me if you ever spent i'm going to tell you this and he told him everything and the guy's like i know i can't help it i love her anyway and so then he's like i i said what i had to say and then he's like i have to respect his decision it wasn't like he he knew understand how i felt and he was like i respect you standing by either way if you're an honest friend i think you're like i'm not sure this is the best for you i will be there for you you know because i love you and you're my friend but i have my reservation i just want to be honest with you i think i would

want to hear that right yeah no way no you don't want to hear that anonymous you don't have to marry him and if your friend's marrying him she's marrying him it's like your job as a bridesmaid i believe me if i could have picked partners for the majority of my girlfriends it would not be who they married sorry guys this is the problem girls do there's a little bit of girl girl girl crime that goes on with these things that you're like and i'm not accusing anybody of this i want to see this go bad so i'm gonna let the train go i don't want it to go bad then say something but it's almost you can never take it back i already know too and that's also gonna like completely for a girl ruin a friendship and they've known each other for 10 years and now

I had one friend make a comment about the amount of time, like, Zach and I had been seeing each other, and she said something along the lines of, to another friend. Don't you think that's kind of quick, like, for us to have gotten engaged? I'll never forget that. That's different, though. This sounds like the guy's terrible. Yeah, but, like, it's relative. So maybe she wants to be married to an asshole. Like, maybe he's great in bed.

Like, who cares? It's who she's chosen. Unless he's cheated and she doesn't know. Like, stuff like that. Quick, though, isn't about his character. That's as much about your character. And that's why it probably bothers you. So I had a friend tell me something about Chris before I married him.

Right when we'd gotten engaged and we were, like, having a little tiff or whatever. And I'll never forget it. Our friendship is strong and we've still been okay. But every time we're in a room together as a couple with that person, I think about it. Every time. Because it worked out. if it didn't work out then you'd be like you tried to warn me I appreciate it

I don't know I think like hindsight is 20-20 but when you're in that moment and she's marrying this guy and she's gung ho and she's decided like as a bridesmaid maybe this isn't the right like whatever the rules of being a bridesmaid are like I think all that you want

for your friend is to be happy and if the choice to marry this person is what's going to make her happy then you have to support that I've been in weddings and I thought this guy's a douche bag I was just in a wedding where it was his fourth marriage. I went to a wedding where the vows were, like, mean to each other. And I'm like, this is no chance.

Was it mine? They wrote their own. No, it was not your wedding. They wrote their own. And it was like, I promise that I won't get mad when you come home drunk at 3 o'clock in the morning after being all out with your friends. Hey, it's honest. And everybody there was like, ooh, this is real uncomfortable. Like, you're literally airing their dirty laundry in a wedding bow.

Sort of, but they did, like, a wink, but it was, like, too much truth there. It was too specific. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's like little jabs that you're like, they're definitely going to argue tonight about it. Yeah, it was weird. That is a tough question. I'm not even sure if I fully believe my answer. You better do a show on that soon on your podcast, The Great Love Debate.

Where can people check you out? Go to greatlovedebate.com. You'll see links to our podcast and our live tour schedule. Where are you going next? Because it's going to air soon. Our next show, we have shows in New York, Charlotte, Denver, Dallas, Seattle, Los Angeles, California, at the Hollywood Improv. Fun. We've got Brandi Glanville and Ben Higgins the bachelor and all kinds of fun crazy people

At great love debate on all of them and me and you can track me down Brian Howie anywhere you want I'll probably answer your questions. We do this too. We answer our quite everybody every fourth episode. We take the Mailbag listener letters and We like to guess like what they didn't say which is kind of like what it is There's so much that you really want to know but uh, yeah, it's fun This is our fifth year of the great love debate And every show we do is different Every podcast is different

Every person has their own experiences But collectively I think that Love sucks The women want the men to try harder And the men want the women to make it easier And that's where we're at That's the standoff Be easy ladies

And if you want to be super easy Check us out on Instagram Sign up for our newsletter And leave us a five star review on Spotify Or Apple iTunes and we will see you next Tuesday. Yay! Woo!

Yay! Woo! Join the Lady Gang every Tuesday at iTunes and at podcastone.com. That's podcastone.com. Thanks for listening. Stop wasting your nights on a mattress that doesn't get you. Experience the most comfortable mattress in the world, The Sleep Number smart bed. At the touch of a button, you can personalize your comfort.

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