LadyGang - Christmas Is Sad, Printers Are Broken & Our Most Delusional Holiday Wishes

Episode Date: December 25, 2025

It’s Christmas Day, and The LadyGang is getting brutally honest about why December 25th might actually be the most emotionally confusing day of the year. From post-holiday sadness and “Sunday Scaries energy” to why printers are still the worst technology on earth, this LadyGang Quickie is pure relatable chaos. The girls break down what Santa should have left in their stockings based on their behavior this year, the gifts that would actually prove someone understands them, and the most delusional holiday wishes they have for their partners during the quiet week between Christmas and New Year’s. Plus: hot takes on brunch requirements, wrapping paper as a personality test, replacing baby Jesus with modern celebrities, why returns are a nightmare, and the fantasy of having every single outfit steamed, altered, and ready to wear forever.Check out our holiday sponsors!Apretude: Prevent HIV! Talk to your doctor and learn more at Apretude.com or call 1-888-240-0340Macys: Get 30-60% off curated gifts at Macy's Great Gift Sale! Shop at Macys.com or in store!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's time for a quickie. Podcast one presents the Lady Gang, the Hollywood girl posse with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to Lady Gang Quickie. I am here with Jack and Kelty and I am Becca. Merry Christmas, Jack.

Nothing for you, Becca. That's fine. Wait, what? Why? It's Christmas Day today. Merry Christmas. The most depressing day of the year, I might add. Jesus Christ.

Do you not think? Wait, I have actually talked to other people. I think Christmas is very sad. Yes, I have talked to other people saying. I get very emotional on Christmas Day. December 1st through the 24th is their favorite time of year, but the 25th is, it gets dark. Yeah, I see that. I see that.

Well, which is so funny because Jared was talking about one of his, like, family members that they open all of their Christmas presents early, like not on Christmas. And I'm like, that makes it even more depressing because like, what do you do? Like, so you're just sitting around on Christmas with the no, like that's the last amount of joy because before it gets really awkward, you know?

And then you're sitting there with Christmas decorations. And I'm the kind of person like once, once something's over, I need it to be over. Like I'm not lingering around. That's why I take like the 6 a.m. flight after a trip because I'm like, I can't, I'm not elongating this. I need to move on to the next thing. And that's when Christmas is over

is like the ultimate Sunday scary. But let's lift people up. It could be a Radio City Rockette when you're literally kicking for Jesus and it's January 4th. That's weird. See, I don't like that at all. That is weird.

I feel like we should start earlier, like start in September like Michaels does, putting out their Christmas decorations. I'm trying to remember if Trans-Siberian Orchestra, if we performed past Christmas. You definitely did because it's like that's when people have time off

to go to things. But we weren't together New Year's Eve. You must have rapped before that. Because people like go Christmas Day you had shows, right? Christmas Day I think for sure. Yeah.

Well this is like my friend Anna who loves Disneyland. They've been begging us to go to Disneyland with them and I was like I'd go to Disneyland once before I have a kid during the holidays.

I was like that would be fun. And she's like well we're going to London but like we can go sometime in January I was like absolutely not I am not going to a Disney themed or a Christmas themed Disneyland in January what's not stuck they definitely get rid of their Christmas stuff I think they leave it up maybe like halfway through January or something I'm like this is my nightmare all right in honor of Santa if Santa judged you on your behavior this year what would he leave in your stocking i already put something in chris's stocking and i put baby foot masks

because it's time to exfoliate the feet of the man that lives with me ew that's disgusting mine would be mine would be a muzzle because i got in so much trouble this year for gossiping gossiping's good for you yeah muzzle um mine would be a double uh size use trazodone because your girl can't sleep. She needs some extra sleep. She's too excitable and wakes up at three in the morning and doesn't go back to bed and then crashes at 10. So we need a little extra dose. Perfect. Mine would be a like, I also feel like I need a muzzle. That's a really good answer. Mine would be a assistant copy editor to pre-read all of my documents. I need some whiteout. I need whiteout. Is this the gift that you want to have?

No, I deserve, Santa's judging me on my behavior. Santa's giving me whiteout. He needs me to go back. Santa should give you a flip phone so that you can't use Instagram for a year. That's actually good. You think? I think my Instagram is good. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No, it could be worse. Oh, it could be so much worse. And it's really not bad.

I just think it's like, it takes up a lot of space in your brain, you know? Yeah, for sure. Doesn't it always? A flip phone, I could do. I think it would be liberating. I'd love to do that. I would wish I had a sidekick. Should we do it?

I would go back to sidekick tomorrow. I would have a sidekick. If sidekick brought back the original, I would buy it in two seconds. Also, Ed Sheeran doesn't have a phone. He only does a lot at iPad time every day, but like he's a billionaire. Yeah. And has like a whole team around him. Yeah, you can do that when you have an assistant that's like doing all the email stuff for you.

Someone's doing the work. Aziz Ansari has a flip phone and he was like telling a very funny story on Amy Puller's podcast about how it goes pretty well, except he has to call his wife all the time for directions. Oh, my God. See, Ben, now you're just like fucking everybody else. Now you're a burden on your loved ones. Yeah, exactly. Also, do you remember before we had phones and you'd do like MapQuest something? or like to actually read a map.

First, reading a map was terrifying, but MapQuest, you'd like print out the directions. Like that couldn't have been safe. You're literally like reading a document. No, you had archaic times. Oh, so difficult. Speaking of printing things out, do you not think that someone would be a billionaire

if they just, can't we upgrade the printer? I, well, I just bought a printer for the mail club. Well, it's a label printer, but I was going to buy a real printer and I was like, what are we doing here? They haven't advanced. No. And then you still have to buy the ink.

And then, like, it's a whole thing. Went into the Lady Gang Facebook group, was like, it's time to upgrade my printer. This is what I want to be able to do with it. Got all the things. I bought the one. One girl said, the Epson. And it's fine. It's the same as it ever was.

It's a little smoother. Sort of reliable. Sort of reliable. It's sometimes my computer finds it. I've had this printer for... three weeks, it wants to be updated. Every time I go to print something, it's telling me there's a system update. No, bitch. If I just unwrapped you in the month of December, you don't get a cyber update for six months. You should work perfectly for six months before I have to fill

you. Before I give you a treat. Before I give you a treat, okay? A hundred percent. Rude. go f*** yourself printers I hate it and then also the Gen Zers though they're like what's the thing you know about millennials is they print stuff like Gen Z does not print that's not true we don't print I have to print I print return labels sometimes I have a label printer for that I would like a printer for that reason you don't even need to print the return label now you can get the code and then just drop it off okay but sometimes here's the thing I don't want to deal with a person and use a code. I want to be able to just throw it in the store and be like, it's ready to go. Yeah. Honestly, everyone should come with a return label. Like if you're a store and you're

not, we don't offer it on Lady Gang, but like if you were smart, you would offer just a prepaid return label. That's the only reason why I like Revolve. A hundred percent. I don't want to buy a Revolve. I think it's overpriced for what it is, but like, God, they make it easy to buy 10 things and return 10 things yeah it's like zara is a much better in my opinion cheap clothing place but their return you got to go in the store you have to go to usps you can't even do it at ups who's going to the mail room that that's a whole other beast okay what gift would someone give you if they really understood who you are deep down becca an adderall a day alone to organize every square inch of my house and leave me alone. And then at the end of the day, I'd like for you to

have a DoorDash delivery. And I would like for it to be the most delicious salad pizza ever. What's a salad pizza? Where they put the salad on the pizza. It's a pizza with a salad on top. Okay. Jack? Mine would be the phrase, do you want to go to brunch? Period. well now that Kelty likes brunch she could be asking you that question yeah I went to brunch a few days ago with my friends but I was disappointed we went to an Italian place I was like this doesn't feel like a brunch there's not an egg available that's not brunch yeah where

did you go El Tremezo went down here on Ventura and I had a panini oh I like that place it felt more like a great to be honest no you need you need an egg dish they have a great chopped salad there that sounds so good um someone would give me a morning a spa day at a really fancy spa but that has a cheap level of masseuse like i want to go and i want to be on i want to be at the montage with the beds and the linens and the getting dressed room and the and the thing but I want Lisa from the Korean spa to be doing the scrub because Lisa knows what the fuck is up. The montage is, they're too nice to me.

I want the ruthless massage therapists and scrubbers to go like do that, but I want to do it in a different setting. Yeah, I agree fully. Spa massages are never that great, but the vibe of the spa is so wonderful. I thought of another really good gift because the other day I had a mental breakdown. I want somebody to come and steam and iron every

single item in my closet for me because I am so sick of going to put on an outfit and I just, I waste all my nice clothes because naturally the nice clothes are the ones that need the steaming. So I'm never wearing my nice clothes because I just, that extra step of turning on, is plugging in a steamer, filling it with water, finding a place to hang it in my weird bathroom where it doesn't fall down. It's like the most maddening thing. And I just want somebody every week to come in

and make sure all my shit is straight and ironed. Amen. And altered. And I want someone to come here and alter every piece of my clothing so that it is perfectly fit to my body. And then getting dressed every day would be a joy. I agree.

Yeah. I agree 1,000%. That's a great gift. You know what? Zach can do that for you. I was just thinking that. Yeah. Okay. Describe your energy for 2025 by using only wrapping paper patterns. Raw dog. Nothing. No wrapping paper. Nothing at all. Garbage. yeah i'm at the level in which i am a happy birthday hot pink glitter bag that i'm regifting and i'm putting it in there sans tissue you don't get card you don't get a tissue i'm just gonna

hand it to you and say i love you merry christmas i love that mine is literally everything and anything more is more like we're going all over the place, but like we're kind of half-assing it all. You know, it's not going to have like the nice like folded and like the really nice piece of tape. Like it's a little bit janky, but we're doing it all. Jack, I recently received a gift that had like a bird's nest with a little bird on top of it. And it was like a fake. It was like ribbons and all of these things. And then within that was like a little fake bird's nest. And within that was a little orange fake bird, like with a stake on it that was stuck through. And I was like, if I cared at all, I would do this more often.

Yeah. I love it. I love it. Mornings without coffee. Road trips without snacks. Movies without popcorn. Without our favorite foods, we'd miss out on all our favorite moments. Learn more at canadasfoodsystem.ca. Which celebrity would you replace Baby Jesus with in the manger to make it relevant for 2025? Oh, for 2025. Hmm. The Baby Jesus of my year is Baby Blake.

like lively what oh you're you're just talking about like the person that was most talked about like the most famous person of our modern day is like the one that yeah like yeah okay but who's like a national treasure yeah i think i did say nate bergazzi is that how you say his name yeah i like him i think nate bergazzi is a wonderful like modern day jesus because he is selling out arenas all over the country and he's using all clean fun humor so he doesn't curse and he doesn't and he's not raunchy no shade i do not that i like i mean i love those both those things but he's doing it in a very wholesome way um and i think his energy his vibrational energy is where we're at in 2025 i agree it's very hard to be a successful comic without

being raunchy and like grasping at the low-hanging fruit I feel like yeah I also think Amy Poehler would make a beautiful baby Jesus because I recently started listening to her podcast and I don't know if I've ever met somebody met listen to somebody who is I don't know it can't be I feel like it has to be genuine because you can't fake this. She's so kind and fun and bubbly and optimistic, but without being like saccharine or annoying. It's a really beautiful combination. And I think I'm going to select her to be my baby Jesus this year. Okay. I love this so much. Did I ever tell you the story of Amy Poehler when I was doing interviews and the woman in front of me from Extra had to ask Amy Poehler, hey,

plastic surgery is so big right now. If you could get something done, what would you do? Which is like a horrible question. Yeah. And she was freaked out about asking it. She was like, my boss is we're doing this thing on celebrity and I'm asking this. I was like, good luck to you. And Amy Poehler just looked at her and went, no, thank you. you yeah it was like the best answer because she wasn't like trying to block and bridge it she just looked at her and goes no thank you like i would not not accepting this so i do think she is that cool yeah i love her okay here uh the last thing i want to say is what is the most delusional holiday wish it is now the week the week of quiet i call it i mean it's not quiet everyone's going

to be crazy. But we have our people with us. You have Zach with you. I have Chris with me. You have Jared with you. What is your holiday wish that you have for you and your partner? Is it to have sex? Is it to actually listen to each other? Is it like, what do you want from your person in the quiet week? I would like him to either win the Powerball or have a deal close that is a $1 billion net. Wow. I don't even know why I want to say mine. I literally just want to cuddle. I really want to cuddle. I want Chris to cuddle with me. I want him to want to be on the couch and not for us to sit at other edges on our phones while we're watching the TV. I want to like spoon like I'm in high school. Oh, that's cute. That's not delusional. That's like very accessible.

yeah my delusional in your marriage my delusional gift is i want jared to not be a dream killer i call him the dream killer because i have all of these with our house i have very lofty goals i'm like what if we do this and it's like i'm very whimsy like i'm the whimsy one in the relationship and he is very logistical and he's very like rational like how do we make this work and so i call him the dream killer because none of the ideas that I have actually make any sense, but I want for one week for him to just give in and be like, yeah, we can do this crazy idea and we can do it for basically no money and it'll be really easy and I'll be happy doing the work. So that's what I'm

asking. I love it. Well, Merry Christmas to Lady Gangers Who Christmas. Happy holidays to everybody else and this you know this week is our biggest week coming up this week is our manifest episode which you guys always love stay tuned for that and we can't wait for 2026 um bye bye bye lady gang is hosted and produced by kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanek with social media support from collie carrera audio and video editing from jared monaco and additional support from steve delameter and podcast one you