LadyGang - Flashback Friday: Jane Lynch & Paul Witten

Episode Date: December 22, 2023

The Fabulous (and Legally Ordained!) Jane Lynch and The Wikapedialess Paul Witten pop by to take the Lady Gang to talk about their show "Dropping The Soap," what happened at Becca's wedding, and the infamous picture of Paul's male romper! Original Airdate: 6/12/2017 Check out our holiday deals!!! Stamps.com: Go to Stamps.com and sign up with code LADYGANG for a special offer that includes a 4-week trial, plus free postage, and a digital scale! StoryWorth: Go to StoryWorth.com/lady and save $10 on your first purchase!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang. Things are about to change around here. Each week we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Lady Gang.

Hi. Oh, that was weird. That was Kelty Knight, the journalist, entertainment journalist across from me. She threw me all off my mojo. She's like a Kermit over there. She's had a lot of green tea. She's on one. Love you, Becca Tobin.

To my right. Love you, too. Jack Vanek, clothing designer and CEO of Jack Vanek. I am Becca Tobin, blogger, actress, need no introduction. And we are the Lady Gang. The question of the day is, the name of your first boyfriend. Chief. Ryan.

Chief. Ryan was your first boyfriend? Like, first real boyfriend. The one you shared? Yeah. i was 18 i don't have like a can i go back to chief how did he spell his name like an indian chief yeah what was that other weird name of a guy who dated i've dated lots of weird names the what about the like bergay no sergey i never dated him he was gay i tried to date him okay

my first boyfriend's name was zach no wait yes z a c k z oh my god in canada we say that okay I'm still getting over the fact that you said booger. I'm still recovering. There's many things that go I think he was a Z-A-C-K and mine's a Z-A-C-H. Alright, it's time for Good Week. Yes it is.

Bad Week. Oh no. Who wants to go first? I'll go first. Okay. So my good week is I found something that's both mine and Kelty's favorite things in life. Oh my god, we're so not alike. We're so not alike.

um so ever since that i said that i was like single on the podcast i've had a lot of random lady gangers trying to like hook me up oh hot brothers or whatever it's great um so one girl posted in our lady gang facebook group and she's like i found the hottest guy online there's like a buzzfeed article about him so it's this guy called tree man because he's so big he looks like a tree he's like the new salt bae he's six seven huge and bulky and i'm like looking through his pictures and he's like hot yeah hot big bulky and then six seven means he's gonna die early though no it doesn't yeah like andre the giant people don't live as long i don't think that's that large though six seven six seven is large like seven you're all out of whack because you

think like six two is short too short for you i know well i'm used to six seven okay anyways so there's pictures and then there's this picture of him at the gym and he's wearing jean shorts he's a jeans look at his butt the new jeans man he's the shorts man he's the new jeans man wow but like my version of jeans man wow yeah all right he's pretty hot um he has a girlfriend so that's just goes down the drain dang um my bad week so i have been dating since you know single life for me and i matched with this guy on this app called the league and it's for people the league it's for people's jobs it started at like ivy league schools and now you have to be approved through linkedin it's this whole thing so like our our generation is so pathetic that there's

a special dating site for people with jobs with us no in la that's needed no i know but that's what's making me very sad yeah it's sad it is sad wow okay um so yeah that's my bad week um so it's like all lawyers and like executives it's like people with like jobs great jobs great jobs um so i matched with this guy that was like a venture capitalist he seemed super he's super attractive seemed cool then we started talking and he kept asking me to go out on morning coffee dates and i'm like number one i need some kind of an alcohol for a date like yeah i can't my best friend told me she was like a date without alcohol is just an interview and i'm like that is the most true thing i've ever heard in my life if there's no mimosas i'm not seeing you during

the day it's disgusting amen so he kept asking me to go up for coffee like five times i'm like i'm not going not going not going and then on sunday i was like hanging out with some of my girlfriends and we were at this bar playing pool and he texted me to go to coffee again like midday coffee i'm like sober can't go sober that's what scares me but i'm like i'm at this bar you can come meet up with us if you want five minutes later he's like i'm outside come say hi and i was like oh really fast number one and creepy i go outside start talking to him no sense of humor whatever whatsoever my jokes are going over his head so much and then he's like oh yeah i went to the beach this morning and i was like oh do you surf or you know what were you doing he's

like i don't surf i'm an intellectual and i was like so you boogie board this is you built a sand castle this is the most like the most juicy thing anybody has ever said to me in my entire life he was like offended at the fact that i thought that he would he would surf okay i'm a five by him yeah yeah i hated him and he was short so is he garbay garbay garbay he's garbay yeah he was never a bay kelty um i have a new word to add to the lady gang dictionary damn i didn't mind better not be my word it's not okay um okay we were so busy this weekend we were doing all kind of hotivities i love the word i hate the context that you put it in but it's pretty good like what you do last night oh you know we just she's up to all kinds of activities i like that okay i still

like home like a hotivity no a home in is like she had a home like a moment but hotivity is it's like you're at the club grinding on a bunch of guys you're like going out and then like your shoe broke so you went barefoot down hollywood boulevard like it was a series a series here's the definition a series of homants is a hotivity nice it's a night of hotivities it sounds very festive to me i know it is it's like it's like merry christmas hotivities like a nativity that's why have a jolly hotivities i'm gonna make a nativity scene with hoes and it's gonna be a hotivity that's the literal um a bunch of naked i also have my bad week has to do a jeans man so i'm glad you brought up your new jeans man um jeans man has been you know at the gym quite a lot

this week and i found out that he has two children so he's not only married he has two children yeah and one of them's like seven so it's just never gonna be yours yeah no here's the thing i don't want him to be mine but here's the truth the more i find out about him the less hot he is like there was that's like any person literally is that's the definition of like getting to know somebody so i mean we need to think about this because you listen every once in a while you walk past someone hot and you're like well what would my life be like if i married that person instead you know probably shitty oh my god unless you're super rich it's usually worse your life would be worse because i we were like oh my god jeans man jean man is so hot like we were like

having like a little fantasy and then like the more i've met him i'm like he's such a loser he's a loser because he has kids but it's like all the dreams i had for jeans man cannot come true with his wife and children and like I don't know. Thank God for jeans man's wife. Yeah. Yeah. Well and then here the thing is it's not fun anymore because he got rid of his bedazzled jeans. Now he just wears normal jeans.

No he still wears dark denim jeans to work out. But like it was so much better when he was wearing like a bedazzled fancy pant. Right. Wow. Okay. My turn. My good week is gonna just blow your minds. Okay.

So I was having a conversation with my friend, Kara, that you guys know. Yeah. She's been on the podcast. And she was telling me this thing that she had to, like, let a friend down easy for something she couldn't attend. And so she's like, I know this is horrible, but I just, I didn't have the courage to tell her, like, on a phone call. So I used SlyDial and left her a message. And I go, what is SlyDial? it's a number you call

that it answers and then it asks you who you want to call then you plug in the person you want to call and it takes you straight to their voicemail so people's phones don't ring but you can still leave them a voicemail what? that's amazing

that's amazing but like people leave voicemails still? if you leave me a voicemail we're not friends I have like 200 I have to say something about a voicemail I think some i mean most of the time 99 of the time don't even talk to me if you're trying to leave a voicemail especially if it's over three seconds but sometimes i feel like if people used the phone

more and actually left voicemails we wouldn't all be texting in our goddamn cars and that's pissing me off looking around it's so scary to see how many people are on their phones and they're all texting well that's just texting in general i know but i feel like if we all just became more phone people occasionally it would make more sense to like call and leave a message for someone that you were gonna spend 15 minutes on the 405 texting them or you can just get siri to read your text that's so complicated i'm 50 years old and i need to leave you a voicemail i'm not saying that i do that but you can no no because then it messes up and then you have to like read it and check it and then that's more like distracting than just texting and then siri never yes she's an idiot

let's be honest what you should be doing while you're driving is listening to the lady gang podcast if you've listened to all the episodes go back and listen to them okay true true okay so slide dial that's my good week here's my bad week do you guys remember my new year's resolution no no no stop spending money to stop buying clothes shoes jewelry whatever handbags all the things she did i cheated once that's not bad though it's like half the year's over it's june and that's great it's great most people can't get through january i bought it i bought a dress i had to go to a charity thing and i had nothing in my closet and like it there was nothing appropriate i think my issue is i'm totally fine day to day because i can look homeless or ugly or frumpy

but if it's like an actual thing but it's not like a hollywood event so you're not being dressed for the event so it's your own so it's like so you're like a commoner you know you had to have a hoativity i had to have a it was a hoativity and i bought something and i was really disappointed and myself so now i feel like i need to like do something like work the streets to like make that money back to like make it how much money you must have saved a ton i don't really even think i've saved that much money i feel like i've just i just drink more now or something so it's like that's usually what happens so yeah that's that's those are my good week bad week um kelty what's coming up jane lynch is gonna spill the deets on becca tobin's wedding that is not the headline we

should use you're listening to the lady gang okay guys our guests today are him and her team that recreated a very buzzworthy streaming series dropping the soap it's a fast-paced workplace comedy similar in tone to our one of our favorite shows 30 rock it goes behind the scenes of the long-running soap opera collided lives he is an actor that doesn't have a wiki page so it made my job really hard i actually had to spend large amounts of time on imdb investigating his page in making my own words for him. And so basically, he's appeared on Will & Grace,

the OC Desperate Housewives, Chuck, behind the Candor Labra, and the greatest TV show after RuPaul's Drag Race, of course, Party of Five. She has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, a People's Choice Award, an Emmy, a Golden Globe, but more importantly, she was once in a Frosted Flakes commercial.

And even more importantly, she married Becca Tobin. I did. She's not actually married Becca Tobin. I married Becca and Zach. But far more importantly, after a year and a half she finally agreed to come on our podcast we're so excited please welcome jane lynch and paul witton i remember being asked a year and a half ago but that's okay you were too big for us yeah back then yeah my star is starting to fall yeah here i am

yes yes um so we're so excited first of all let's talk about dropping the soap which i don't know if you know this but becca tobin had a guest starring she sure did she did yes becca she Really slayed. Slayed it. And a very, very pivotal moment of the show, which we can't share. But yeah, she was awesome. And the side story about that is that she was basically dying when she came to do the show.

Like in real life. Was it dengue fever? Dengue fever. She had dengue fever. We remember. And she literally pulled herself from the hospital getting fluids and came and did our little skin. Oh my God.

You look fantastic. A dedication. I think I was so thin because of that. So it's the best I've ever looked. And you were hydrated because of course you had been. The fluids. You were funny and great and awesome and on Death's Door. So where can people see the show?

Amazon. It's on Amazon Prime, which is great. So if you have that, you see it for free. And if you don't have that, you can get it on iTunes or Google Play if you're not an Apple person. How did you get that deal with Amazon? Our distributor is awesome. Glass House Entertainment. Oh, God.

Glass House. Don't mess it up. Distribution. I guess it's distribution. I'm not that bright. But they handled all of that. So how did you guys come up with the show and when? I came up with this concept a few years ago and then looped in a bunch of my friends that I thought were awesome and wanted to work with.

And Jane saw a little bit of what we had done as a like proof of concept kind of thing. And she said, you know, guys, this is really funny. The writing's really tight. I'd like to be involved. Let's see what we can do. We, of course, after we picked ourselves up off the floor, went, oh, OK, Jane Lynch, we're in. And it started the journey of getting it made. And so what's the synopsis of the show?

It's behind the scenes of a really long-running terrible soap opera called Collided Lives. And I'm kind of like the male Susan Lucci, if you will. I've been kind of like the hero, the man on the show for years. You know, my star is fading a little bit because I'm not 22 and I don't have abs. I did, though. Right. And it's a story of my co-stars and I and how the world is being completely shaken to its core because Ms. Lynch shows up as the new executive producer

and decides she's going to do ridiculous things like have people voted off. Right. And give... We should have that on the podcast. That's a weak one. And giving people weight limits. The actors have weight limits.

She asks for their social media handles and their passwords. She's just basically your worst nightmare. Well, the show is circling the drain, so it's something that's probably not going to survive anyway. So the show is very lucky to have the likes of... What was my name? Olivia Vandersteen. Yes.

Come and try to shake things up, you know, so they'll stay relevant and on the air. Have you ever been given a weight limit in real life? Where did that come from? I give myself weight limits all the time and I violate them all the time. Just to break them immediately. Yeah, exactly. Nobody has had the balls to tell me how much I should weigh. Thank God.

I feel like that must happen in real life, though. Yeah, I think it does. I've heard that with, like, young starlets these days. Like Disney stars. Yeah, well, just the- Allegedly. Yeah. Allegedly.

Like, I've seen it. You've seen it. You'll see, like, an actress in a show, and I'm not going to name names, but a little chubby, not chubby even, really, just normal. Like baby fat because they're young. Yeah. Yes. In some cases, baby fat because they're young.

And then they get signed by, you know, some big agency, and they sit her down, and they say, you know, you have to lose 20 pounds or you won't work. And they do, and then they become anorexic. I won't say names, but I watched this happen to a young girl who is now just way too thin. So bad. so anyway that's what we all have that problem if only I were anorexic what I would give to be bulimic

what I would give to throw up without having to throw up I wish someone cared enough about my career to tell me me too we think you could be a huge star and my agents are like are you alive are you in town I don't know let's go to this audition we don't care what you wear

or say or do you're not going to get it anyway more importantly no not more importantly equally as importantly as your show jane yeah let's talk about becca's wedding oh it was so wonderful in jackson hole wyoming first of all becca is very good it was ugly of course and you had your first scene with me i'm going all the way back to the beginning yeah and um we uh you became good friends with i'm telling you the story like you don't know with megan who was my niece who was a a production assistant and then became uh assistant to brad who was our showrunner

And so you guys became good friends You moved into the canyon We're neighbors Yes and so just you know Through Megan's relationship with her And you guys coming over to the house And what we call the Lynch Rehab Center Because my house is kind of awesome

In Laurel Canyon and it's very Lots of birds Very serene It's like a vacation Anytime you're sad you just pop over to the Lynch Rehab facility You drink coffee in the canyon You gotta start charging people for those Oh, it's no, it's free. It's, it's, it's for fun and for free. It's my service to the younger

generation. And so when you asked me to be your, uh, to be the person to officiate your wedding, I was so moved and so excited. And I went right to universal life, church.com got certified, which is an interesting thing. All you have to do, first of all, they say you go to the website and it says, we take this very seriously. We don't choose everybody. Um, it goes rigorous. rigorous um we do a rigorous check on you and your intentions and blah blah blah to um sign up and be considered you know fill this out and then give us your email address as soon as i hit done i got an email that said dear reverend linch congratulations after rigorous examination what did you have to answer the questions there were no questions about why you want to do this

it was literally just fill this out what's your credit card number what's your social security Yeah, thank God, no social. And where can we send you the email saying you're in? Great. That seems tough. Now, were you surprised by Becca at the wedding? Surprised by Becca? Yeah, like you're talking about me crying.

Or whatever. Anything you're surprised about. She can't get over the fact that Becca cried. Well, I don't know. Wait, I'm sorry. Becca cried? It was such a... Honestly, the wedding was very sweet.

It was so beautiful. Just for the record, I was invited and I couldn't go. So this is all really fun for me to get all this. But I didn't know she cried, so I want to investigate that. Both you and Zach have such beautiful families. We do. That's true. I mean, it was just, the weekend was so beautiful.

And when, I don't know, I'm sure you saw this. Do you remember when you were at the top of the stairs about to come down and your groom turned to you and bowed? No. From the waist like a gentleman. He put his hands behind his back and he bowed. Oh, my God. I was looking at that. I was gone after that.

I didn't think I was going to be able to get through it. You'll have to check it out. it was like a southern gentleman move his bride is up at the top of the stairs and he put his hands behind his back and he bowed i didn't see this but i was too emotional too zach was emotional too yeah yeah he's the sweetest guy he really is and you guys are so great together yeah you really are thanks guys wow becca's head's getting bigger and it was really an aesthetically beautiful wedding which is really important yeah yeah well not just the jackson jackson hole was gorgeous and everything but these two yeah and your family's your mother is gorgeous

is so handsome and your sister and those little dogs and your friends jack and kelty are gorgeous it was an attractive crowd it was and zach's family his sisters are also tall and beautiful and everybody's in great shape everybody worked out in the morning they were all in my pajamas drinking coffee they're like full of sweat and life and yeah it's amazing drinking orange juice it was incredible what a group of insecure people can get accomplished on vacation vacation yes um paul i'd like to move on to something important about you okay uh i recently saw a photo of you in a male romper yeah that was amazing oh my god three really important things on this podcast becca's wedding right your show and the male romper if you didn't want anybody to know you

put it on instagram was it the lace i'm like oh no how did you see that what did you think i want to hear your thoughts first then you can be blunt because i have big thoughts about it for sure yeah yeah it's great first of all can i just say the first place my eye went was to your package which of course oh awesome it does but jane something you guys don't know is fascinated by penises i am it's the first place i go when i look at someone i see if they're packing power and i can tell even if you can't even if it's not protruding yeah i just might have a grower i don't think it was You can feel the power. I think that we just found the quote, the pack of power.

Isn't that what you just called it? Pack of power. Yeah, see? You can really tell. Were you wearing a dance belt? No, I wasn't. I wear boxers. That was a boxer?

That was with boxers. But I will say, not that I've ever had any complaints, but I will say I was wearing a size small, and I probably should be a medium or a large. Yeah, but that's why the package looks so awesome. Yeah, yeah, because it's tight. I guess. Where is it? God, that's almost obscene.

I love that it's plaid, too. It's very retro. Where do you get these? First of all, I don't think a man should ever, ever wear these. No, I don't either. And this was a joke. 23-year-old gay men who weigh 120 pounds need to wear a romper, and that's it. Yeah, and even then, I don't know.

I think it's kind of questionable. But, you know, I had heard all this about the romp hem or the romper or whatever. And I saw it at a place that I like to shop that's like secondhand clothes because you can get great stuff for really cheap. Right. Is it the same place that you can go for your HIV test? Out of the closet? It is not, but it is down the street from that. And sidebar, I did get my HIV testing.

I'm all good. All good. Oh, yay, yay, yay. So I put on the romper and I saw it on the rack and I put it on and I couldn't resist. And I thought, well, you know what? I mean, there's so much discussion about the romper. I have to share this with people. Was it a vintage romper?

No, it was made by Mr. Turk. And funny enough, I did it ironically because, in fact, I had said somewhere that if you ever see me in this, you need to set me on fire. And if I ever do wear one in public, I think you probably should. I think there's an age cutoff, and it's about 23, and you can be arrested after that for wearing a romper. Yeah, I kind of agree. And people think I bought it. People are like, oh, my God, good for you. It looks so great.

And even Mr. Turk said, you look amazing. He commented. He did? You're so famous. It was a joke. Is there a Mr. Turk? Yeah, there is a Mr. Turk. Oh, okay.

But it's Trina Turk's male division, right? Yeah, and they have some great stuff. It may not be my style, but I thought, you know, let's try this romper out. How much was it? At the place that I went to. Are you interested in what's happening? I am interested. What's funny is at the place that I saw it, it was on sale for $22.50.

Were you at one of those places you go? this is the thing about paul that is he's so damn lucky he's a perfect size he's he's slim he's got broad shoulders he's got little hips and he's a perfect size large or whatever he can go into like crossroads or that's where i found this yeah or goodwill and he can walk out uh spending a hundred dollars and have like a tuxedo um a great pair of jeans a beautiful cashmere sweater and beautiful shoes yeah and that's on the other hand one day jane's niece calls me megan and she goes you'll never believe what jane just did and i'm like what did she do she goes she bought this pair of pants that she really loves and it was like a similar pant that you're wearing right

now like a genie pant or drop weight like a drop crotch like relaxed fit yeah yeah she goes she brought them to a tailor and had like hundreds of them made i did she's like i can't even tell you how much she just spent i think it was like three thousand dollars oh my god to have one in every color i did i had them all made and you know what i decided i didn't like them after no you did not and i kept them for about a year and then i think just recently is when i you know they went into goodwill and who's going to wear them where is there going to be a six foot women but paul yeah exactly yeah but you know because it's so hard for me to fit things yeah that i um if i find something that works i have it uh made and then you never wear them

And then, yeah, usually there's something wrong. When you have custom clothes, they're so expensive. And in my experience, rarely do they work. It's better to get those little factory kids in China doing, you know, kind of doing it by the books. Child labor. A little child labor. Jane Lynch endorses child labor in China. Yeah, that's fantastic.

That's going to be the headline coming out of this podcast. What's their tiny hands? They're able to do their fine stitching. They work magic. Those little stitches. I've never loved you more. No, this is great. All right, when we come back, Becca Tobin has prepared a game.

Yes, I have. The Lady Gang. And we're back. Okay, guys, first of all, I'm going to do a rapid-fire kind of question situation for both of you. So who would like to answer first? Ladies first. Okay, so you'll answer, then Paul. All right.

Okay, ready? Favorite food? Pizza. Pizza. Favorite song? um if you don't know me by now if you don't know me that's all we can clear paul favorite song jesus take the wheel i hate that i know that's true um celebrity crush uh tom cruise am i crazy i'm obsessed with tom get out i knew that but only tom cruise in 1994

after that he's crazy pants what was he in in 1994 it was before he went completely crazy Don't say that out loud, you'll be a suppressed person Yeah, there's that beautiful glossy hair And then it just went He went, turned so bad And now he's just too fat And he needs to let his hair go gray And he needs to stop getting Botox

Jane, have you met Tom Cruise? No Okay, he's like 5'2 Him and Beck are a perfect couple If you met Tom Cruise, it would be awkward in all the ways But that's your celebrity crush I know, isn't that crazy? I know yours, James McAvoy

Yes, ma'am. Yes. I understand that. Well, he's a short guy, too, though. Oh, he's a yummy nugget. You guys like little wee men. Yeah. The tiny men.

Little Ken dolls. I don't discriminate, though. Do you think Tom has a big penis? No, I don't. Oh, my God. There's no way. There's no way he has a boy penis. I think James McAvoy is definitely packer.

Power pack. Yeah, power pack. Power pack. Favorite movie? Private Benjamin. Postcards from the Edge. We are old. Yeah.

If you could have one superpower, what would it be? To be thin. And eat anything I want. That's not a superpower. I told this to Becca. I don't care if I look old. I don't care. I just want to be thin.

You are really thin. I've got a Hollywood bowl that is untenable. It goes all the way around. Is the Hollywood bowl, like, what section is that? You know what I call it? It's below the belly button. Oh, Jane, I have a name for it. And it goes all the way, and it goes around the back.

Is that not a muffin top? No, it's a gun. No, muffin top's a little higher. Oh. It is a gun. Ladies and gentlemen, it's a gunt. Or as I like to call it, a fupa. You know what that means?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, fupa. Under pussy area. Right. I have a very interesting story about a fupa that I'll share for later. Okay. One superpower you could have. To, like a lasso of truth, you know?

So I could always know the truth from people. How about just reading people's minds? That's the one. Okay. A lasso? Rebecca, please follow me around. You're getting so technical. Okay.

I want to imagine a lasso. You have to get up. Do people lie to you a lot? Screw Becca. It's better as a lasso. I think it was on a Wonder Woman kick. We need to talk about this at some point, because that means that you think people lie a lot. Yeah, you have trust issues.

People do lie a lot. We were just talking about this. I don't have that at all. I don't want to know the truth. Me neither. I'm not knowing the truth. This is my question and my answer, ladies. Sorry about that.

Go ahead. Hey, I said Tom Cruise, and they gave me some shit. That's true. So you're getting shit about the lasso of truth. Do I need to pick another suit of the lasso of truth? I love it, too. Biggest pet peeve? When you're getting change and they put the coin part on top of the dollars.

I know it's stupid. What? Who even has cash anymore? Like when they give you... You know, you're changing, you get a $3.50 and they put the $0.50 on top of it. Do you want them to do two separate hands? Yeah, put the change first. Interesting.

Because then it falls off the dollars. Okay, again, I'm old. I don't think that's an age thing It's called Venmo Nobody uses credit cards Biggest pet peeve, Paul Can I have two? Fine

I'm going to have one I'm going to break the rules because I'm a renegade People who take up two parking spaces and people that in a market go into the 14 item or less line and have like 18 items This sounds like a bad stand up act

These aren't really good pet peeves don't you hate it when it says 10 items or less and they got 15 items very blindfold over here you are don't you hate it when you drive to the market and someone took up two spots and then you go through the 14 items and they give you the change on the top right well maybe this comes back i hate i hate grocery shopping so i'm kind of tagging both of those things because i think of them in the same way okay all right um favorite actor um oh my god daniel day lewis how dare you oh is that yours no it should be i should be yours oh daniel day lewis

uh favorite actor i would say actress uh oh god it's so obvious i suck meryl streep oh okay oh yeah i mean obvious again but i agree i totally agree yes um favorite vacation spot Montecito, California. Burbank, California. I like Burbank, too. Sweet little downtown area. For our international listeners, Burbank is like the worst crappy, undesirable subdivision of Los Angeles. You can wait in line to get into the Tonight Show, though.

That's always fun. That's where they wait in line. Yeah, they wait. I remember the first time I was in Burbank, I saw a line of people go, what is that? Well, they're waiting in line to get into the Tonight Show. There's a good karaoke bar there. That's all I know. Oh, is that Dimples?

Uh-huh. No, it's closed. It did? It did? Sorry. That's where the waitresses are all 70 years old and wearing leotards. You're welcome. Good bar.

Thanks for that, visual. Turn on. Oh, because the ship has sailed for me sexually, so turn on. Humor. Humor. Just in anybody, yeah. That was literally mine. Okay, turn off.

Lack of humor. Dishonesty. Smelly balls. So I'm just adding that in. You are lying to me. Wait, Paul, I've used your term a few times on the podcast, and now I can say who I coined it from when i say my friend paul ball vinegar oh i love it i love a nice ball vinegar yeah he doesn't mind a little ball vinegar at the end of the day see someone running or hiking on fryman

if they're cute look i'm in ball vinegar and all yeah what's so gross is we don't even have to explain to people what that is okay can't leave the house without uh my lipstick my my my bert's Bees Red Dahlia. Oh, that's what I use. Oh, really? It's good stuff, isn't it? Red Dahlia is the best. You're wearing it now.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's weird. I thought I was the only person who bought that. No. It's like, this is strange. Is that the tinted stuff?

Yeah, it's really good. I love Burt's Bees tinted. It looks like your natural... Please sponsor us. Whatchamacallit. Yeah, Burt's Bees, man. Like a natural lip. Yeah.

But a little darker. I have it mixed with a lipstick. Yeah, I actually have a little Clinique called Honey, which I will show you, which is not far from the red dahlia yeah it's a good one yeah breath mints um okay last one favorite curse word um uh duck jane we told you there was one rule on this oh okay this is a trick question well i mean they they just say the reason for the no f's is because like advertisers get scared We don't want to have to list our podcast as explicit. And if you say the F word, it's explicit.

But we're allowed to talk about, like, raging yeast infections, anal sex, like, anything you can possibly imagine. And I just said cunt. Great. And we're still not explicit. I feel like that's a worse word than that word. Family fun. Can we play our one more game? I think so.

Sure. A nice, quick game. Okay. This is called F, Marry, Kill. Have you played this before? Marry, Kill? so you have to i'll give you three people okay and you have to decide who you're gonna have sex with oh okay who you're gonna marry okay and who you're gonna kill this sounds like a game

from like a sleepover it is this is a sleepover i hope you brought your teeth brush okay okay jack black okay jim carrey jim carrey louis ck okay um i would sleep with uh jim carrey i would marry louis ck i wouldn't kill jack black but okay he goes yeah i'd like jack black but i if i have to choose i'm interested that you'd want to have sex with jim carrey uh all i want to do is marry louis ck okay okay well i mean i had to put him somewhere you did yeah you only gave me three choices somebody's gotta go uh i would f louis ck really i like a change i would marry uh jack black because he is and he has kids and i'd kill jim oh my god i'm taking jim carrey from you okay you can have him i might like you know what i think i might like your

i don't know anyway i'm gonna stick with okay jack don't worry you don't actually have to do this oh oh really oh good oh okay they're actually coming um would you like to answer yeah i'll marry jim carrie because i love him he's my first celebrity crush ever after the green power ranger i would f louis ck because i feel like he'd be strangely good in bed uh-huh and then i guess just by default no uh but i would marry jack black because then i've always wanted to marry somebody named jack so it's jack and really so jim carrey's going actually okay i think it'd be a lot of fun to be married to jack i'm gonna marry louis ck because i saw him once uh at messes square garden and i peed a little my pants i think he would really keep me laughing he's great i'm

I'm going to have sex with Jim Carrey, because I think in his younger day, he might have been like a wild ride, and then I'm going to kill Jack Black, just because he made Kung Fu Panda 19, and I've had too many Kung Fu Pandas. I'm going to marry Jack Black. Okay. I'll have sex with Jim Carrey. Okay. And then Louis C.K. goes.

Oh. Becca. I have inside information. Oh. Oh, really? Allegedly. Allegedly. Wait, like about him having a small penis?

Well, that's obvious. No, I think he's Becca. Allegedly. Really? He does have big dick energy. He has little dick and I don't care energy. Or maybe that's it. That could be it. Yeah, now I want to change my answer.

Okay. One more round. Freddie. Kate Hudson. Gwyneth Paltrow. Julia Roberts. I'd kill Gwyneth Paltrow. Easy. Kate Hudson

or Julia Roberts. I would marry Julia Roberts and I'd have sex with Kate Hudson. That's my answer. That's everybody's answer, I think. I would definitely murder Gwyneth Paltrow. And I would love to swap out. Let's see. I'd anger F. Julia Roberts.

Anger? I like Julia Roberts, too. I would marry Kate Hudson because she's the daughter of Goldie Hawn, and she's got a great little ass. Yeah. She does have a great ass. I would marry Gwyneth. I think she's rad. What?

I love everything she does. I don't care. Goop me till the cows come home. Oh, God. Goop me. I would have sex with Kate Hudson because she's hot. And Julia Roberts is not a nice person, allegedly. I'm just telling you that when I straight up interviewed her, she's not a nice person, allegedly.

It's my experience, allegedly. When I was in the room with her, I thought, ooh, you're not, here's the thing, nice enough. Right. She did kick me out of her can party, allegedly, when I was standing there trying to eat the free oysters. I just, she's not a girl's girl, and I can't get behind her. No, wait. Okay, so since Jane's probably the most famous person we've ever had on the podcast, I do maybe hate the press.

I know. Do you hate the press? I mean, you don't hate the people of the press, but do you hate the whole, like, press? Yeah, but not like, yeah. I mean, I don't hate it. You're never nasty to people. Never. Well, you've never been nasty to anybody.

No. Well, I don't know about that. You're one of the nicest. Like, every time you see her, even when you're like, hey, Jane, we needed you in five minutes ago, you're still like, I'm sorry, guys. I gotta go. Like, there's some people that are just so dumpy that it's like, I'm sorry. They really do believe that what they do is so much better than what you do.

And I'm like, well, I've been standing here for 10 hours waiting for you, so at least give me a smile and a wave. That's it. Okay, on that note. You're just a better actress. I might be. Thanks. But that's the thing is when you look at them as just being a person, because sometimes I don't like doing it. And you're meeting with another person that I've stopped people before and said, that's the question you're going to ask me?

Rethink about it. You know, and I'll actually sit with them. Think about something, like, especially the stupid questions that are like, you know, what's your favorite moisturizer? Really? Yeah. Why don't you find a different question? You know, it's funny.

When we did the premiere for Drop Me a Soap, we had a lot of, we had some press there, and everyone, without a doubt, was talking about how you are so nice. You are nice. The press really likes you. Well, thank you. Which is good. Yeah. Thank God.

Good rep. Thank God. on that note yes you're going to really like our lady gang because up next they've written in questions and you're going to help them figure out their lives oh wonderful that's awesome and we're back and we're back uh before we start ask the lady gang which is ask the vampire still on our thing by the way um if you guys want 20 off of jack vanek.com use code lady gang and i brought you guys some mugs oh little fancy mugs if you listen what is that in memory of when i could sleep in. Jack Vanek.

Who's that? That's me. That's you. Oh, I didn't know you. Hello. Is your name Jacqueline? Jacqueline. Jacqueline. That's beautiful that you go by Jack. I love that, Jack. Well, I knew you were Jack, but I didn't recognize Jack Vanek. This from that. And what else do you have? I have, if you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

It's amazing. So you guys can swap them around if you want. When you go to the Lynch retreat. No, no, no, I'm not going to. We'll have herbal tea in these at the Lynch Rehab Center. Oh, yes. Hello, I'm Rabia Chaudhry. I invite you to join me every Tuesday for new episodes of Nighty Night, bedtime stories to keep you awake, now on Podcast One.

This new incarnation of Nighty Night is an anthology of stories that bring to life classic horror stories, some you're definitely familiar with, and others you'll be hearing for the first time. Join me as I tuck you into bed with stories that will leave you sleepless all night long. Get new episodes of Nighty Night every Tuesday, wherever you get your podcasts. so for this part of our podcast we had our listeners writing questions and we give them questionable advice but so you guys can give as good or as bad as you want so our first questions from crystal crystal says i'm in a wedding this summer she's a friend from college

my old roommate was also good friends with her but is not in the wedding when i asked her if She would be going to the wedding in July. She said she doesn't feel like taking off of work. How do I not be a bitch about this and get over it? Do I just need to not care? Basically, it would be like Kelty not feeling like going to Becca's wedding because she's probably busy that day. Well, okay.

So this is a friend of yours who used to be friends with the bride and she's not going to go. So what the hell do you care? Yeah. Yeah. They're both friends. It's none of your business. It's none of your business.

Yeah. It's none of your business. Yeah. Stay out of it and grow up. Paul? that was very succinct and amazing i like toast yeah i i don't think it even applies i think that's not a real problem let her do her own thing you do yours not everyone feels about weddings how you might feel and being in the bridal party you're probably trickle down hurt

for the bride because she's probably heard about it but like to each their own not everyone can come to every wedding and it doesn't mean you love people less some people are wedding people i would never miss a wedding because i think it's like the funnest thing in the whole world and you You were a blast at Becca's wedding, too. She was bomb. I love weddings. There were a lot of wasted people at that party at the end. It was fun to watch.

Crystal, live your own life. You do you. I also feel like with weddings, the best thing that I told myself when I was planning my own was like, this is about me and Zach. This is not about me and my friendships. Granted, it's beautiful to have those people there, but it's not about your guests. So you have to just come to terms with the fact that people have lives, people have budgets, People have other priorities, and it's not always the weddings.

Right, and you never know what's going on in their lives. You guys were really cool about that, too. You and Zach were just really laid back about it. You had to come. Yeah, I had to be there for sure. We could have gotten somebody else. But it was pretty amazing, too, because it was a destination wedding. Becca's was in Jackson Hole, which is not cheap to get to, not easy.

It's in December, early December, not easy to get off of work, and so many people showed up. I thought it was just a testament to you guys. And I know that you were very chill about it. You know, who could come and who couldn't come. And that's, that's cool. Yeah. Weddings are brutal. Way funner to be.

I think that's great advice about it. It's about Zach and you. Yeah. It's about you and your, your betrothed. That's all that matters. Okay. Our second question comes from Laura and Laura says, I'm 20 years old and I've been out of a relationship for a while.

I have no issue with being single and dating myself for a while, but the lack of sex is hard. Oh, good for her. I've never been one for hookups or one night stands as I find it quite complicated to not catch feelings. Any advice on how to shake the fear and get out there and become the boss ass bitch that I want to be? No.

Well, I love that she's got a sexual drive. I love hearing that about women. They have a sexual drive. Because we have no idea what that's like. I don't. I'm like, wait, to be 20. What did my vagina feel like? My vagina was soaking wet.

Mine too. well you're 20 years old which is great that you're having these these kinds of thoughts and that uh they're actually it's actually not just the sex yeah health the sex is healthy but also i mean the um just the way she's examining it um do i i'm not much for hookups because you catch the feelings so i think she's almost can answer her own question is take it a day at a time it sounds like she's smart doesn't sound like you know our first question who was like i'm mad at my girlfriend this this sounds like a girl who's thoughtful and has some self-empowerment and um that's my my answer yeah i have to say get a good vibrator yeah absolutely if it's just

you needing to get off and you'll be fine after that and let's be honest the makeout part of the sex is the best part yeah like she might be into the pain the penny might be a lot for her which is uh slang for penetration in the lesbian world we would say that you into penny and you know what if you are hooking up with somebody you you always have this caveat and say look i'm we're hooking up and you know i may not love you tomorrow and you may not love me tomorrow and that's okay too just that you're both very clear come on over for the penny okay next question oh my god i just love that word okay our last question's from britney and she says i've been with my boyfriend for about two years last year the week of my birthday we got

into a fight and he broke up with me he was acting out of character and was immediately sleeping with girls from the bar three months later i ran into him at a party and we started talking again it's been about six months of being officially back together and i'm still constantly worried that he's going to abruptly leave me again i still occasionally text other guys and won't post any pictures of him on social media in fear of losing in fears of losing interest of possible suitors if my heart is broken again he has been amazing since we've been back together i've never clicked so well with someone before i mean girl if you're still talking to other guys because you need a backup this is not the guy for you he's not making you here's the thing he might be the guy for you

when you're like 20 but like when you're 30 and you're building a life with someone like you don't want someone that you can't trust or that you think is gonna like walk out although chris please don't leave me i feel like you're gonna walk out every day i literally i'm like every day chris is gonna be like this is some bullshit i'm out yeah but that's a you problem no i feel like that with zach too i'm like how much can a human take jesus i think with zach a lot i do i think anything you do is gonna be a-okay with him god we're so pretty we're so pretty yeah um i think yeah i think that our intuition is really like yeah all we need in this situation and if if someone can leave you and like you know the week of your birthday and go sleep with a bunch of bitches he clearly only

thinks about himself so yeah this reminds me of a very close situation that happened to a friend of mine and then they did it again so it's just like if they can leave you once that easily they're gonna leave you again and i think the big problem here is how she's feeling which is a terrible place to be anxious and not trusting and it's really nobody's fault i think you either have to accept that this relationship is a day at a time and accept that it could happen because it could happen at any point with

anybody. That's where it comes. We have to bring it back in. If it's just too much for you, it's too much mental anguish and heart anguish, then you need to leave it. It sounds like you're having fun. Just chillax. I wouldn't worry so much

about tomorrow. If only she had your truth lasso, Paul. Idiot. See, wait. He has a very practical superpower, though. I like it. I like Jane's. Nothing is more practical than not gaining weight.

To be skinny and eat as much as you want. That's true. And pizza's not my favorite food, by the way. I just have to go back. What's your favorite food? I said pizza because I couldn't think of anything else. My favorite food is sushi. Okay.

Me too. Well, Jane and Paul, you're wonderful. Please come back again. We're done? Yes. This was so much fun. Anytime. Great.

Can you guys please let our listeners know where they can follow you on Instagram now that they're obsessed with you, if they weren't already? I'm JaneLynchOfficial on Instagram. Official. Paul underscore Witten on Instagram. Hashtag he romp. Romp him. Romp her. Romp him.

Romp him. And guys, make sure you head on over to Amazon Prime, which you know you all have, and check out Dropping the Soap. It's very, very funny. I checked out some of the episodes when I was doing my checking out on Paul. Please get a Wikipedia page and make it easy for journalists to just copy and paste. Thanks. I'll make it. And you guys, while you're at it, please go and subscribe if you love this episode to our podcast on iTunes.

We come out with new episodes every single Tuesday. And follow us on social media at TheLadyGang, at Becca. Just Becca. Like Madonna. At Jackabitch. And at Kelty Knight. We love you so much. And see you next Tuesday.

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Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Join the Lady Gang every Tuesday at iTunes and at podcastone.com. That's podcastone.com. Thanks for listening.

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