LadyGang - Flashback Friday: Laura Wasser

Episode Date: December 8, 2023

The fashionable divorce attorney to the stars and podcast host swings by the studio to talk about her craziest experiences in the field and shares the best practices for getting your divorce over easy, as well as dispelling common myths when it comes to the legality of seperations. Original Airdate: 4/30/19 Check out our holiday sponsors! LadyGang is sponsored by BetterHelp! Visit BetterHelp.com/ladygang to get 10% off your first month! Angi: Download the free Angi mobile app today or visit Angi.com to get professional help on your next project! ClearStem: Learn more about this revolutionary skincare brand at ClearStemSkinCare.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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night i'm like jackie ready to record and she goes i'm stuck what are you stuck on the ground i'm fine i'm alive the world i am ready let's go this is gonna be such a good episode i'm excited a lot of people are at we're asking me because we have a divorce expert um an attorney that like would i talk about my divorce but i'm saving that for our book really also you talked about your divorce haven't you i might have talked about but i haven't talked like deeply into it but i thought it was better to help other people than talk about me you know did your divorce get petty not petty but it got like harsh oh yeah shit there's lots to talk all the assets you had there were no assets but it was like aggressive you know what i'm sick of reading in hollywood

irreconcilable i can't even say it irreconcilable differences which means what boring she cheated no it just it's like the most PC way to say divorce without saying anything juicy oh i thought that was the reason why is irreconcilable differences that's the reason why but you can also have other reasons that are juicier like he's a infidelity i think yeah i mean or like we are gonna sound even dumber dumber in a few minutes yes but before that it's time for good week yes it is bad week oh no first me guess what what i joined a new facebook group Oh, great. Oh, God.

It's called the Bullet Journal Junkies. Oh, my God. It has 9,000 people. It's not Boojo Junkies? It's not Boojo Junkies, no. Bullet Journal Junkies. What about Boo Junkies? What was so funny about it is that similar to the Lady Gang Facebook group where you

have to answer three questions to get in, I had to answer three Bullet Journal questions. One of them was, what kind of journal do you have? Like what make and model, like your car? What do you have? Do you have a picture? I don't really know. I mean, I looked it up and then put it in, but anyway. So that's cool. Are you guys excited for me? I'm in another Facebook group. What do you talk about in there?

They give page ideas, like review pens. Oh my God. Review pens? Yeah. I did a pen review last night on my Instagram. Oh my God. I got some new Crayolas. I wish I was dead. You are peak Kelty. You know that. Okay. Bad week. So, you know, I love iced tea. I like an unsweetened iced tea. And I was in my fridge here at work. I'd had like a big bottle for a long time. And on Friday I was like, oh, let me just like have some of that iced tea and I'll finish up the big jug and then I'll start on my small jugs. And I had the big mouth right at my eyeline and about to take a sip. And there's like six different lily pads of mold. So I didn't drink

it. It didn't touch your lips? No, no, no. It didn't touch my lips, but thank God I had my eyes open because sometimes when i drink i'm like you know whoa whoa it was a crazy week jack sick af okay good week people are very um perceptive of details on my instagram stories because they have really noticed that my phone case is your face kelty i know and like i'll be like doing a selfie in a mirror covering most of it it's maybe only the eye of you showing and i'll get dozens of messages on instagram being like is that kelty on your case oh you should tag kelty in this picture because it's just honestly you should it's up that you don't i'm just pissed you haven't asked for this phone case yet and i can't believe that's what people are noticing in

your instagram stories because what i'm noticing is that you do two things what you play cornhole yep yeah and you take pictures of yourself in the mirror yeah i don't take that many pictures of myself or like an outfit of the day shot in like a moving a boomerang a boomerang so that you have two stories that i usually see yeah i don't really know how to use instagram that well yeah but that is where people are picking out the phone case oh we should start selling her outfit of the day boomerang yeah there's like your little eyeball people are really they're really fighting for you kelsey you know what you should tag me i won't okay bad week and this isn't really like a bad bad week but there is this new documentary on netflix that i watched over the

weekend called abducted in plain sight oh my god it is the craziest story i've ever seen in my entire life that never in my life have i stood up and screamed at a tv before until i saw this and i highly recommend it for anybody that loves true crime or just like a crazy story but i was screaming pissed off so badly at the parents in this movie so can you tell us why i don't want to like ruin it they're just i mean what's it called abducted in plain sight so i'll just go watch 70s i got abducted twice by somebody she knew twice twice in plain sight in plain sight right in front of her parents noses the parents in the movie are like absolutely idiots and basically let it happen but yeah highly recommend it okay well i have like a bad week turned good

week i recently went to an event our stylist natalie was really busy and it was very last minute. So I was like, it's fine. I'll figure out something to wear. Usually I can like message a brand if it's not like a crazy brand and just be like, hey, do you guys have a showroom? Who handles your stuff in LA? Blah, blah, blah. Normally I would get like a response back. There was this one company months ago that I was like, this is such a reach for another event, but I'm just going to like send the message. Didn't hear anything back. Not surprising. So I decided I would wear this brand because I found it on sale, like a really sneaky sale because everywhere else the dress was still full price.

It was very crazy. It's amazing. So I buy the dress on sale and I'm like, listen, it's a beautiful dress. I'm sure if I wait long enough, I can wear it again to like a wedding or something, not an event. So I wear it and I tag the brand. And normally when that happens, the brand will at least be like, you look great. Anything.

Like it. Anything. I don't expect them to post it on their Instagram. I'm not Julia Roberts. But like I obviously bought your dress because you didn't give it to me for free. And so like I'm a customer. Even if I was just like Joe Schmo in Michigan and wore your dress and you saw that I spent – and it's an expensive dress. So I was really pissed and like days go by.

Other people tag me in the dress. Some press. A little press. Nothing. Also, I was fuming because I went to their tagged photos and mine was not there. So I'm like, they went and untagged me from their photos. Come to find out. I did a little more research after fuming.

They don't actually have anybody – like, they have a profile where, like, only their photos are tagged, like, where you can't – Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when you see their tagged photos, only stuff they've posted. But I was, like, still really pissed. I know they know now. yeah so what i did i turned around and i sold it i sold the dress and i actually made money on it no i bought it on sale and on their stupid website it's still full price so i made money

go yourself go modern day business woman you know i was like you know what i'm not keeping this garbage gown i'm not keeping it yeah but like why are they so mean fashion people are mean They're so rude. Rude. They'll untag you. I'm supporting your brand. Maybe I'm not the person you want in your brand. But also, that brand is not.

I know what brand you wore, and it's not like anyone's wearing that brand. No, everyone's wearing the brand. I cannot wait to see what it was. Oh, really? Jennifer Aniston wore the brand recently. Natalie Portman wore the brand. Like, everybody's wearing the brand. It's the brand.

But still, it's a new. They're dicks. They're dicks. All right. On that note, we have a not dick here. Now back to the Lady Gang. Kate Walsh, Johnny Knoxville. She's also chicer than Olivia Pope

and has been featured in Vogue, Porter, and Vanity Fair. And she's here with us today to make sure that when Lady Gang becomes the biggest brand in the world and our husbands leave us for younger women, that we get to keep all of our money. She's also a podcast host. Her show Divorce Sucks with Laura Wasser on Podcast One is fabulous and you can listen to it every single week.

Please welcome to the Lady Gang. Hey, guys. Hey. We're so excited. As am I. It was so fun. And so your podcast is like really for people going through it or people who are just really interested in this? Yes, I think both.

If you're going through it, my whole gig is I want people to be educated. I don't want divorce to be so tragic and taboo from a legal and financial standpoint. It's still a bummer to be breaking up, but I really want people not to have to like search so much for information. And I want them to be able to get the facts and the law that they need if they're going through it. And so have you always been like this fashionable, this on top of it? Like, how did you get here? Yeah. How did you get here?

Your outfit is amazing today, by the way. It is. You know what? Somebody told me I look like Punky Brewster today. But like the chicest Punky Brewster. Yeah. So, yeah, I've always had a little bit of my own sense of style. And of course, when I was a baby lawyer, that was a little bit challenging because, yeah.

But you know what? You do what you need to do. So back in the time, I would like, it was like a costume. Like I got glasses that actually had no glass in them and I would put my hair back in a bun and I would dress like a little lawyer. So now I don't have to do that as much. But yeah, I definitely still like fashion a lot and like style and like to figure out a way to make it work for me. And so what was your career trajectory to being the woman that like Angelina Jolie calls? Well, I mean, I grew up here.

So I had a lot of people whose parents were in the entertainment industry and then they got into the entertainment industry. So I kind of had that like leg up. The father of my older son is an entertainment attorney. And so he has a lot of clients that, you know, they certainly don't want to have to deal with any of this like breakup relationship stuff. So he and his partners send all those guys to me. And a lot of it's just word of mouth. A lot of it also has to do with being a younger woman, you know, for the past 25 years that

I've been practicing. Most of the young entertainment people that I've represented, they're business managers or entertainment attorneys don't necessarily want to send them to like some old guy in a suit. They want to send them to somebody who's a little bit younger, calls them dude, doesn't like judge them for smoking pot, like has a tattoo also. So they were like, oh God, send them to Laura Wasser. They'll relate to her. So that was kind of how it started. And then word of mouth. When did you know that you were a famous person? I'm not a famous person. I'm not a famous person. I've actually really fought hard

against being a famous person because right around the time when people started recognizing my name for being a lawyer that represents famous people, I was having kids. So I was like, you know, and TMZ would be there. I was finally said, guys, please, I have little kids. You know, I grew up being the daughter of a divorce attorney. So I would go to like the birthday parties or the sweet 16s and I would have one parent or the other being like, oh, that's a wasser, you know? So my kids don't have my last name because they have their dad's last names. And yeah, like I just didn't want that to be part of their kind of growing up. They know they have a mom who works. They know that I'm a divorce lawyer. In fact, a lot of their friends

who have gone through divorces at their school will talk to them about like, what does it like having two homes or whatever? Cause both of them, for whatever reason, I split with each of their dads when they were each two, that must be like my sell by date or something like that. So they kind of, that's all they really know. And so it's really fine for them. We, all of the dads have good relationships everybody gets along everybody does thanksgiving so these two guys can actually talk to the kids in their class if their parents are going through it and be like look it's really cool because we have like a ps4 at both at both of our houses and you know you could tell your mom this and then she won't know that dad said this and whatever so they're really good like

that but yeah i just i i i am not a famous person i have no desire to be a famous person i have a message that i want to get out there but you know it doesn't have that much to do with my face And what is the mantra deciding force message? It's the name of my book, which is it doesn't have to be that way. It is changing the face of divorce. It is the evolution of dissolution. Just mixing it up a little bit. Because it is nasty out there.

Yeah. And if you're paying an attorney kind of by the problem or by the conflict, then, again, as attorneys, I say this all the time to clients that come into my law firm. I'm like, the more you guys argue, the more I get paid. I drive a Porsche. Let's keep the arguing to a minimum. Let's figure it out. And I also know as somebody who's gone through it personally a couple times, you're better off if you're the master of your own destiny. I mean, you know what day, you know, Chloe goes to ballet.

And if you were the ballet dancer in your family, you want to be there for ballet. Whereas if karate is on Thursdays, then maybe her other parents should take her to karate. Judges don't know that. Judges don't have time to care about that. If you guys can sit down and work it out, you're so much better off. And so are your kids. What's like the poisonous, like the most poisonous thing that you can do while going through a divorce? Talking shit about your ex to your kids, to your friends, to your family.

I mean, there has to be somewhere where you can vent. I'm not saying it's all like unicorns and rainbows and whatever. You should be in therapy of some kind. If you can't afford your therapist one day a week in the nice posh office, then go to – they have sliding scales. A lot of the community colleges, people that are trying to get their hours, you can go to group sessions. You have to have somewhere to vent. You have to have somewhere to talk about it. But it shouldn't be to people who are involved in your spouse's life also, which is certainly your kids.

But it's so hard. It is really hard. It's so hard to be not petty. So is so much about being a parent. Like, again, let's just focus on the parent thing. If you're talking smack about your ex and your kids hear you, what they hear is, oh, she feels that way about me because I'm one half that person. And so they really take it to heart. You have to.

You have to rise above. It is hard. And I'm not saying don't be petty. Just don't be petty in front of them. And believe me, I know it's hard. I mean, I know it's hard every day. But you have to just figure out a way because you would do anything for your kids, right? So if you're going to do anything for your kids, suck it up.

Okay. So we have a pretty – Extensive. Extensive lady gang group. Yes. And we asked – we said – I just said like a rock star is coming on. I didn't want to say – That would be so disappointing.

No, no. Half the people in the group guessed you. Oh. So, you know. I mean you have been featured in Vogue. So people know who you are. Can I tell you a quick Vogue story? Yes, please.

So when I got the note from Anna's people, like, we'd love to have you in Vogue, I was, like, so excited. I was like, I've arrived. I called my mom. My mom lives in Malibu. She's like, oh, my God, this is amazing. But what they didn't know when they sent me the email was that I was about three months pregnant with my second son. So I wrote back and I said, I'm so excited, full disclosure. And I thought for sure they'd be like, no.

And I said, I'm not even showing. And I was really small with my first son. They actually wrote back and said, you know what? We're going to wait. We'll circle back. But thank you so much. And I was like, oh, oh, no. But to their credit, they did circle back.

Weirdly, I was way fatter when they circled back because I just had him. Like, there's a picture of me from that Vogue shoot that obviously wasn't in the magazine. That's me holding this little, like, morsel, which is my baby. But they did. They came back. They said, we're ready. Are you ready? Did you have the baby?

Yes, I had the baby. I mean, it was awesome. Interesting. Why do you think they didn't? I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I don't know that it necessarily had to do with that. I have no idea.

It was never explained. But then when they came back and we did the shoot and then she sent me the actual magazine with like a box slip that said, like, you look beautiful. Good luck with the baby. I know. Do you have it framed? No, I don't. But I have it. OK, so cool.

That is so cool. OK, so these are questions from the lady gang, from girls. We actually have a couple things, which I think is another great thing to say for support groups. If you don't have the money, we have the lady gang goes through divorce or something. It's like the lady gang inspired – we're not in the groups obviously. But we have two groups. One is – oh, Triumphs. One is for girls that are currently dealing with the split of it all and the divorce and whatever.

And then one of them is you go into later when you're rebuilding your life. Love it. Which we love. New chapters. We're all about that. It's very cool. So these all questions came from all those different groups together. So they're going to be – obviously I can already hear them yelling at me like, how did you not know our name?

Like anyway. Okay. All right. First question, which I love. How can you protect yourself from your former spouse having your sensitive information? You filed your taxes together. He has your Social Security number. Well, okay.

You can't ever get that stuff back, just like, by the way, other sensitive stuff you can't get back. So be wary of that as you are taking the selfies or the sex videos or whatever else. But all of that being said, you can't take it back. But you're in it together. So whereas he has your Social Security number and he has your tax returns, you have his too. By the way, most of that information, although not in California Social Security numbers but in New York State Social Security numbers, are public as part of your divorce, like when you file it with the court. So again, he or she is not having that much of your personal stuff that isn't out there publicly anyway. I love that.

What would you recommend having legally in place before even getting married? She says, I just got divorced and I don't want to ever go through that major hell again. So, I mean, you can do what I did. I was married for like five seconds in 1993 and I never got married again. And I've been quite happy. I have kids. I have co-parents. I have a monogamous boyfriend that I have now had for about six years.

So that's all good. You don't have to get married again. But if you do get married again, what I would say is look into a prenuptial agreement. I know that they're not sexy or romantic, but I feel like so many people get married without even knowing what the law is in their state in the first place. They come to me, they're married 15 years, and they're like, wait, what do you mean I have to give him half of everything I made during our marriage? What do you mean I have to pay spousal support? He's, like, been sitting on the couch for five years. That's why I'm getting divorced.

I'm going to be writing him a check. But think about it. That's what, if the genders were reversed, we probably wouldn't even be, like, surprised about that. But if you want to protect your assets, if you want to protect your income earned during a marriage and you want to opt out of what the law is in your state, say to the person, look, I've been married before. I already halved my wealth once. I don't want to ever do this again. Are you cool if we either just cohabit and have kids together or are you cool if we have a prenup? Because I just am not down with having to agree to this like statewide thing that doesn't make sense for us.

What if it's your first marriage and it's just so unromantic to be like, I do love you. dylan are you gonna do it because you have your own business absolutely yeah i can't imagine not doing it and i'll tell you this the couples that i see even you know ones that are now much younger than me that have those kind of conversations and i do think it's easier like when i was first starting out and i was watching people do it versus now we do speak about things where we as women really don't like to talk about money i mean we will talk about a yeast infection before we talk about money welcome to the lady gang is that the is that the past basically yeah i mean like i don't want to talk about taxes but anyways yeah but if but if you have some of those conversations

with your about to be spouse you will last longer because and like then hey toss it aside don't talk about it anymore it doesn't have to be a constant recurring theme put it out there so this is what i'm thinking after we get married i may take a few months off or after i have a baby are you cool with that you know my parents are older they may come live in our back house are you cool with that i don't really ever want to send them to assistance these things that aren't sexy or romantic if you've spoken about them and you've kind of set kind of boundaries ground rules and you know that those are safe places to talk if you ever need to talk about them you may never need to talk about them because now you're on the same page that's very true and then it won't just be like looming in

the back of your mind 20 years down the road because you're scared to bring it up yes i'm so shocked by the friends that i have who've been married for a couple years like they still don't know how much their husbands make i think they don't know how much their mortgage is it's weird because if he leaves or you decide to leave like you don't know anything about your situation people But have not signed prenups or have? Well, they definitely didn't sign prenups, but like it's, they just are oblivious. Like, cause girls don't ask questions. She's like, well, I don't want to ask.

That's so nosy. I'm like, it's not, it's your life. Like what he's going to work each day and making that's half your money. Yeah. So it would be nice to know. And again, what if he dies? What happens if he dies? We don't think about that cause you know, young, but what if he dies in a plane crash?

Where is everything? What do I do? Do these people have wills? Because that's another really uncomfortable subject. Let's go get an estate plan. But isn't it irresponsible not to have that? So it's the same thing with – It's literally every tough conversation you don't want to have.

I've had get a will for the last five years on my manifest list. It's so sad. It's so morbid. It is sad. But once you do it, then you don't have to think about it again. And the same goes for like a prenup or asking for those documents. The interesting thing is – and I'm surprised you say that about younger women. Tons of older women.

Women come to me and they like could get a reservation at any restaurant in the city. They have a personal shopper at Neiman's. they are like mrs the bomb and they're like i'm so embarrassed to say this i don't know what my husband earns i don't know what we have i don't know if i'm entitled to the house and i'm like okay here's the good news you will never be in the situation again because when you get divorced there's full discovery necessary in almost every state in the u.s so you're gonna know all that stuff but why do you have to wait till you get divorced to find out and then just like cross your fingers what if it's not as much as you thought yeah have you seen a lot where you where

women thought they were super wealthy and they're in just mounds of debt i'm sure i'm sure well yeah because people could have gambling problems or just like not telling you how much they're making i mean that's where it's getting out of divorce like finding that out is really worse do i cut my losses and stay with him and hope he makes another good movie or do i get out now while i'm still young that's terrifying um i recently uh had a situation this couple years ago and i've talked about on the podcast before oh wow i can't believe i just said that um because again after jack for saying that but and then this was a question that people asked you know they said how do we get the courts to believe there's abuse and protect our children in custody

agreements how i.e how knowledgeable are the courts about narcissistic abuse um so i had a friend whose husband was videotaping her uh like yelling at her kids and it was like she had laryngitis and so it looked so much worse than it was but she sounded like a monster because she's like, and then he held it over her head in the divorce and was like, I'm going to show them that you're abusive parent. She's literally like a teddy bear, like could not be farther from the truth. But I think a lot of times, especially in Hollywood, we do see these people be able to change the narrative of what's actually going on. And so do the courts know what the truth is? The courts may not know what the truth is, but the courts will always endeavor to find somebody

who does. So it's very rare that a piece of evidence like that would come in front of a judge and he or she would go, oh, well, that's a monster and I'm going to take her kids away. It usually would be that that judicial officer would say, look, I don't know, but I'm going to have somebody do an evaluation. And so then the kids would meet with a mental health professional. Mom would meet with a mental health professional. Dad would meet with a mental health professional. And then usually some of those narcissistic, abusive traits come out and they're talking to the dad and going, wow, you're kind of a douche. And to the mom, oh, you actually are not that bad at all.

I'm sorry you had laryngitis. We all yell at our kids sometimes. Who knows? Then they write a report and they take it back to the judge. And so then the judge can make a more informed decision. And also it obviates the needs for the kids to have to go into court like we saw like in movies when we were little. Kids don't go to court. The evaluator talks to the kids.

This is a mental health professional who knows how to talk to the kids and make the kids feel comfortable talking to him or her. And then that person writes the report to the judge. and what should someone do i mean the friend of mine i ended up helping her with her legal bills but it's you know when you just don't have the money you don't have the money to find a you and you don't know what to do and this person is holding this over your head and you're scared you're going to lose your kids right i think a lot of that has to do with education that's why i want whoever would ask that question to be listening to your podcast him and go really did you really take that video first of all you can't use a video like that that she didn't know was being

recorded as evidence in court. Now, again, it could go to the evaluator, but before you would ever, ever let yourself be in a situation to be in court, you would say to a judge, well, can I get an evaluation? Can you please help me out with this? And the judge generally will. They will err on the side of caution, but they will also err on the side of caution for themselves to make sure they're making informed decisions. So now anybody listening to that podcast knows that. At Attover Easy, we have a ton of content. We have all kinds of articles about this. We have a user question thing so people can write in and ask. That's what we're all about, so that people that don't have the money to hire a me can get the kind of access that they need to this

information. That's amazing that you're doing that. It's really great. And it's time. Kind of sad. I mean, it's sad, but like also good. Yeah. But like women need to, I feel like empower themselves with information.

And I think that so many of my friends who've gone through divorces from assholes, they steamroll you. Men really know how to like scare tactics and threats. And like, they sound like they know everything and the absolute like end all be all, but that's not the case like you just have to do a little bit of work yeah you have to do a little bit of work you have to get in we we we are we abdicate the financial responsibility we let them be like the dudes whatever if this is something you're going through you really have to pull it together and for your kids if not just for yourself and figure out a way to kind of rise to

the occasion because you can do it you will do it and i'll tell you something the men are scared too the men always get really scared that they're not going to get their kids that they're going to have all their money taken away from them. A lot of times we just exhibit our fright in different ways. So they like get all big and pound their chest and whatever. And we figure out some other way of doing it. Not saying we should pound our chest, but knowledge is power. Get that information. I love this question. Should I have a secret savings from my husband? How do I hide money? That is a good question. I have a friend who literally, and she's been married, I think like almost 25 years now

but she told me one time that every morning when her husband was in the shower she would run down the street they lived in the Palisades she'd run down the street to the Versateller and she would take out like the max which was $200 every morning just so that she had like the secret stash and I'm like what are you talking about

he makes so much money he shares everything with you she's like I just needed to know I have it so damn it's very hard to hide money they are still together she must have a shiller Does she still do it? I don't know. I haven't talked to her about it in a while.

Did you not notice? He didn't notice. No. She's on the Palisade every morning at $200. Maybe it's not every, but it's probably a few times a week. And she wasn't using it. She was writing, who uses that much cash on a daily basis unless you have a cocaine problem? I don't know.

Anyway. So yes, it wouldn't be a bad idea to have some money or at least a credit card. What happens a lot of times is somebody will cancel all your credit cards and then you're like, oh my God, that's very easy to go into court and get turned back on. judges do not like that. They see it as a power play. It's super uncool. So it doesn't happen as much anymore because it starts out the whole case with somebody being an asshole. But it's never a bad idea to have one, at least one credit card that is in your own name. Also, you could be married for 25 years to the richest guy ever, but nothing's in your name. So you have no credit

established. And so now all of a sudden you're not Mrs. So-and-so anymore. So have a credit card in your own name, continue to put stuff on it, continue to grow that credit. That's really important. And if you needed to, you could take out some money on it, too, in case something terrible happened and you didn't have any access to it. Hiding money, not the greatest idea, because if you get divorced, you're going to have to disclose everything. So you're going to have to disclose if you have a safe deposit box, if you have, you know, two thousand dollars in your safe, whatever. If you've been taking that all along, you're going to split that with him. So it's really, really hard to hide money. And by the way, it's hard for him to hide money, too,

because especially these days with electronics, we can see everything. If all of a sudden we look at your assets, and you have only X amount of dollars, then we go and we look back and we see when it was being transferred out and what happened to it and where it went. You're like, oh, this seems suspect. Six months ago, you put $4 million away. Yeah, that's how people find out about affairs, too. You start looking and you're going, well, wait, why is there $5,000 every month going to an apartment that's in West Hollywood?

Who's that? Yeah. So you see that stuff. So everything is discoverable. But I really do think it's important for a myriad of reasons, like I just said, to have your own credit card so that you can get cash if you need it. So even if someone cheats and we live in California where it's 50-50. So like if my husband runs off and cheats on me, like he's still going to get 50 percent of my money.

Yes. And this is just what the law is obviously without a prenup. Without a prenup. So if you do nothing. If you do nothing, then it's 50-50. And California is a no-fault state, meaning you don't get to say, well, but he cheated on me, so I should get more or I should have to pay him less. Oh, yes. And believe me, there's a lot of guys that say that, too.

Like, she was totally sleeping with our kid's tennis instructor, and I'm giving her half of everything so this guy can come live in my house now, and I'm paying for him, too. So you could, like, sabotage a relationship just to get 50%, basically. Yes, but why would you do that? I mean, you already have 50%. Right. You're just dividing up what's already yours. Right. Yes.

But the other thing to know, as you asked about prenups, you cannot put in a prenuptial agreement. It will not be enforceable. If you cheat on me, I get more. That's not okay. No. Oh, I thought you could. I thought you could do whatever you wanted. You can if you agree to it.

But then if somebody goes, yeah, I'm not going to go with that, it's not enforceable. That kind of behavior stuff. Even people that have put in prenuptial agreements, if he's been in rehab and he's been sober for five years, but if he does drugs again, I get more. No. No. Can't put that in. What about when people are like, oh, if we stay married five years, I get this much, ten years, this much? Those are called sunset provisions or after ten years, the entire prenup goes away and she gets half of everything.

People do them. Our firm doesn't. I think sometimes what happens is that judges find them to be promotive of divorce, meaning, oh, well, now after the 10 years, I'm out. So we try to do stuff in prenups that will make them be enforceable. And something that's promotive of divorce, not always enforceable. Isn't this so interesting? I said I'm like we have so many – OK. Millions.

If he dies, why do I absorb his debt or do I absorb his debt? You absorb his debt if it's community. So if it was incurred during the marriage, you will absorb it. You'll also absorb everything that was half his unless you had a prenup saying that there is no community, meaning you wouldn't absorb his debt either. So that's another thing to think about. If you go into the marriage and one of you has a lot of debt, that would be a good thing to say, well, I'm not really taking half of that and I don't want that debt paid off. Why do you? Because creditors would rather come after you than not get paid?

Yeah. So wait, if I do a will, can I say I will leave everything but I'm not taking his debt if he dies? No. That would be in his will. And then it would say I don't want her to have to absorb my debt, so I'm going to pay it with this. This, oh. We still have to pay it. You have to make a different deal with the people that you can have the debt.

Okay. How does a common law marriage work in terms of splitting assets? You're so excited. There's no such thing as common law marriage in California. People are like, well, I live together with him for 15 years. audience. Okay. I don't know the states that recognize common law marriage. Most don't anymore. When you have a Palamoni case or a Marvin case, that is common law marriage. We lived together for this long and therefore that's not a family law matter. That's actually a civil

suit. It's a contract. And what it means is we had an implied contract. The implication was that we lived together and you supported me and you were going to take care of me and what you earned was half mine or you told me this it just never got written down anywhere most of the time those cases never see the inside of a courtroom because judicial officers will go why don't you just get married then if that was what you believed right so again that happened much more in the past not as much anymore happened a lot with same-sex couples because the same-sex couples would say we would have gotten married we had a ceremony we were rings whatever else but now that same-sex couples can get married judges are like so why don't you get married so those don't happen as

much there anymore either so if you're living with somebody and you think you're married or in a common law marriage just get married okay um what about prenups like what how far do you have can i take a piece of paper out of my computer and say you get 25 and sign it and that's good or does it need to be like filed or no there's very very very strict laws you must both have attorneys because a will you can just write right you can do a holographic will i think you need a witness or something for that. But for prenups, and this is why it's over easy, hasn't started doing prenups yet. I think I found a fix for this. So we might be able to start doing prenups is you both need attorneys to sign off on them. Also, both people need to be able to read and

speak English. So they need to know what they're signing and there needs to be full disclosure. So you can't just say you only get 25%. You have to say, here's what I have, because the person might go, why are you only giving me 25%? You already have this in addition to what you're going to make. So there's disclosure requirements. There's legal requirements for having legal counsel. And then there's also a bunch of things like they knew what they were signing. They understood what they were saying. They weren't under duress. Don't sign your prenup the night before you get married because then you can go, Oh, I was under duress. My whole family was here. My mother came out from wherever I knew the dress was fitted already. So there has to be certain

timing requirements too, so that it's not the Eve of on the back of a cocktail napkin when you just really want to dive into the marriage. Most important question you're going to get today. we are on our way to superstardom the lady gang is wildly successful with our television show now and we're going to make so much money and Becca and I are married

Jack's help me in love should we do postnups if they will agree to them you can do postnups so you both did neither of you guys sign one? I don't have a prenup do you? so you can do that I also had like four dollars yeah we were in equal like very equal financial

right so let me ask you this and you don't have to answer but if you guys went to your husbands today and said so thinking about the post-nap wouldn't they be like are you kidding me i've been home waiting for you i've been you know i've been supporting you what's yours is half mine or would they go i absolutely support you in this endeavor let's sign the post-nap i think it would depend on how i shaped it like how i presented it i need to be like are you leaving me like this seems crazy yes it's like i'm not leaving you now but when i'm really when i'm ready yeah when i'm actually rich but here's the thing i don't like i don't see my husband i feel like i know him pretty well but i'm sure you heard this all the time like he has so much pride there's no world

if i wanted to leave he'd be like take all your shit like that's the man that i married have you seen people say that literally about their husband she's giggling i don't know though like he's very like i mean are you sure he wouldn't be like look this is the law i'm entitled the half of this no he's such but don't people turn into dicks when they get divorced too and like bring that they do but don't you have those like red flags leading up to it like like he greedier people or like people who are like very insistent on like have going half or keeping score sometimes but sometimes not so much and also if somebody cheats then like it's a game changer because now i don't know you anymore so you don't know me

anymore either. It's very difficult to say. And so again, I, I don't love postmaps because I always feel like people are like, well, why would I sign it now? Like we're already married. Um, and sometimes that really does start to look like pre-negotiating your divorce. But if it is something, and remember in California and most States to anything that you inherit is you're going to be your separate property, no matter when you inherit anything that's gifted to you and anything you bring into the marriage. So those things are fair anyway. So now to say, and i've had a measure of success during our marriage and i don't want to share that with you i don't know that may not be something that they're so down with but you're literally going

to be calling you the next week because it's about to break you up i do feel like it is fair like if we were to get divorced like to give our husband if we did make a shit ton of money like to give our husbands half i mean they were there the whole ride they supported us they like let us talk about their penises on television let's totally talk about exploit the out of our marriages well then also you think about it the other way like if the genders were i would want the same yeah you know like so i do kind of like the greediness is a lot like i don't know if i think that people are entitled like women who stay at home and raise families like if you get divorced and your husband's a bajillionaire you should get half like bezos as long as they're not

sitting like on their ass playing video games or something no like her if a woman's raising the family and has no choice but can't be working right like i don't like that do you see that a lot where men are like she this is my money like i see it a lot but i do think most of the time when people come to me they at least have an idea of what's going to happen i what i see a lot in these high wealth cases is they say she did not raise our kids a nanny raised our kids and by the way women say this too like oh he was a stay-at-home dad he stayed home and he was a dad but he wasn't I'm taking care of my kids because I still had to be the one that arranged for the nanny, that arranged for the school lunches, that arranged for the play date, and I'm working

my ass off. So no, I don't feel like giving him half. And often the men say that too. If she raised my kids, why do I have a nanny, a chef, a driver, a babysitter for the weekend? She's not raising my kids. So we have that a lot too. Yeah, exactly. Which is so valid.

It is valid. But you also supported her doing that. Yeah. I say all the time, you created this monster. Yeah, that's so true. If you don't like your marital lifestyle and you don't like having to pay support to continue that lifestyle. Shouldn't have had it. Why'd you let that happen?

Cancel the nanny. You're paying for it. Well, what happens with a celebrity? We see this a lot. Like, obviously, celebrity life goes hot and then not. Like, you're the schmutzva of the town and you're winning whatever you're winning and you're all fine. And then 10 years later, you're on your ass and, like, you're still paying, what's her face, $35,000 a month. And, like, you truly cannot afford that anymore.

Then you go back and you modify your support. You show the court, these are the jobs I've had over the past however many years. This is how much money I have. I'm not able to afford it. And by the way, the same thing happens for not a celebrity. If you're a hedge fund guy and all of a sudden your hedge fund goes belly up, same type of a thing. That is why, look, even look at it with musicians. We represent a lot of musicians.

In a year where you're writing an album, you don't really make any money. But in a year where you're touring, you make a shitload of money. So we average somewhere between three and five years to figure out what somebody's income actually is. Your wife's not going to stay home or your husband and not go buy or not go travel or not go to lunch when you're in the writing year. You're spending the money from the year before. So the lifestyle pretty much stays constant, but the money goes up and down, particularly in the entertainment industry. Right. And then isn't that so embarrassing because does that all become public?

Yes, unless you can negotiate it. So that's what I always say. Look, you're not doing as well now. He or she is clearly aware of that. You're around more. You're spending more time with your kids because you're either not touring or you're not on location. So let's go back and talk to them. And rather than spending another $100,000 on me and the other lawyer, let's talk about how to keep that money in the family so we can pay for a couple years of school tuition for your kids and just reduce the amount.

Right. Because ultimately it's going to happen. Right. But then people are so nasty that they're just like they can't even get off their high horse sometimes. Sometimes. And sometimes they're like, I get it. I understand. And I mean, that's why I always also say to people, like, if you're going to get divorced from somebody with whom you have kids, this isn't like a slip and fall in a market or a fender bender or a landlord tenant thing where you're never going to see the person.

And you're going to see this person. You better be on the same page with them, working with them, whether it's anything from, hey, I have to do the Lady Gang podcast tonight from six to seven. Can you stay with the kids till I get back? Like, can you help me out here to like big time? Hey, I'm not making as much money as I was. Can we reduce it by about five grand a month? Would that be OK? At least until I'm making some more, maybe.

What's the craziest, like, so we see this thing where it's like, so-and-so, she needs $35,000 a month to maintain her lifestyle. Like, what's the craziest amount of money that you've seen? Oh, my God. Well, it's interesting. Because we always laugh at that. I'm like, how do you spend that? I mean, I have my salary. You're a fancy lawyer in Beverly Hills, and you have fancy, fancy clients.

But like for me being on E.T., sometimes when I'm talking to like girl in the middle of America who's like making $35,000 a year, they're gagging when it's like she needs $150,000 a month. And couldn't possibly survive on less. I mean, you start to go down the list of what it is that gets spent even on face cream. And you're like, OK, now that it adds up, I understand it. The craziest one more than the adults is the kids. California has the highest guideline child support numbers in the country. And so you have – and the children are supposed to be able to live a lifestyle commensurate with their wealthiest parent. So you actually have baby mamas coming in and saying, well, of course he should be wearing Dolce & Gabbana tennis shoes.

And, of course, there should be no less than the Louis Vuitton diaper bag, and that's how much this costs. And we have to fly private, and we need to be in an Escalade that has a car seat, and, I mean, all of this kind of stuff. What is a reasonable need? Is that good for kids to have that much money? If they don't have that much money when they're living with mom, but then they go to dad's and they have that, is that fair? Or they're never going to want to go back to mom's because she's in a one-bedroom apartment on Van Nuys. So those are the kind of things that we have to deal with and figure out what makes the most sense. But those are the crazy ones.

That is insane. Crazy. I mean, look at some of the birthday parties that you read about for these kids. Yes, for the celebrity kids. Well, now I understand why so many women get pregnant. In California. Yeah. They come out money.

Because I'm always like, who cares? Like, yeah, like child support, but like, no, it's the whole life. Big, big, big. Well, it's until they're 18 here. And again, then you've got a kid that's been raised with this. Now, do you just cut them off? Because you love them. They're still your kid, even if you don't maybe love their mother.

It's the long con. I mean, listen. It's a long game. Kanye West said it. But what happens to the mom after the 18th? Now the money's going to the kid. I mean, this is her lifestyle. Right.

Shit. It's God. She's got to get a job. It's going to be hard for her being a barista. Welcome to the rest of the world. Welcome to us. Oh, we have seven jobs. Okay.

This has been so amazing. I do hope that you will come back again because we have so many more questions that we didn't get to. But right now, we are going to take a break. And when we come back, we're going to do our Ask the Lady Gang questions. And they're really, really juicy. Okay, and we're back. So we have specific questions that our Lady Gangers have written us in

that they need desperate advice for. Okay. And you've catered these to her, right? A little bit, yeah. Okay, cool. Like relationships, scammers. What do I do? Wait, we didn't ask the one question.

When you go to your friend's weddings, do you know who's going to end up getting the question? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Really? You can't, like, pick out red flags? I can't. I mean, I sometimes can pick out a red flag or two, but honestly, I have to say I've been to weddings where I'm like, I don't think this is going to work at all, and they're

still married. And then I've been to the ones where I'm like, this is so f***ing perfect, and they split up. So you never know what happens behind closed doors. Yeah, that's true. 25 years in, I have no idea. I want people to be happy. I love going to weddings, but I really, I'm not a good predictor.

Damn. Do all your friends ask you advice, though, when they're getting married? Yes. God, you'd like the best friend to have. Seriously. Okay. I really did want to ask you a lot more celebrity questions, but I'm assuming you can't say anything about any of your celebrities. That is true.

Yeah. Okay. Can you tell us the craziest story without who it is? Let me think about it while we're doing the Lady in Customs because there's a lot of crazy ones. Oh, I'm sure. I know. It's just so juicy. All the dirt.

Okay. When you retire. I was just going to ask. Are you going to write a book? They will die with me. They will die with you? It will go to my grave. Yeah, I'm not going to write a book.

I wouldn't do that. A lot of these people are really in pain and I wouldn't do that to them. I mean, that's like the most exploitive thing in the entire world. I wouldn't do that. I'm definitely writing a book about you, Jake Gyllenhaal. Yeah, but like you interview people like on a red carpet at the peak of their career. She is seeing people in their most vulnerable state. Yeah, it's different.

You're right. And you heard about all of their like sexual dysfunctions. It's really, yeah. That's fun. Yeah. Oh my God, how fun. Well, because in Hollywood, and I mean this with love, there are a lot of marriages where one or two of the people in the marriage are not straight and they're not.

I didn't even mean like that. Oh. I meant like diapers and clown shoes and shit. Oh, my God. That's what I want to know. That's what I want to know. Me too. God.

I don't give a shit about any of that money. No. Like, who has the weirdest fetish? Yep. Okay. On that note, ask Lady Gang questions. All right. First one says, she said clown shoes and diapers.

I'm not even going to sleep. That was the same one. I'm not even going to sleep tonight. Oh, my God. Adult baby. Okay. Okay. She's first question says, I've been teaching middle school for five years and I've realized slowly but surely that I hate kids. I cannot reprimand another 13 year old for a phallic

drawing again. I currently teach German and have a degree in education, German and teaching ESL. I've applied for thousands of jobs, but can't seem to get anyone to look at my resume because of my lack of relevant experience. I've done coding and design classes and I work a second job in sales for more experience in other fields to make myself more marketable. However, the response I get from most of the employers is that my background isn't what they're looking for, even though I'm applying for entry-level positions. Help me. I can't afford to go back

to school. Let me say that I feel your pain because I have a 13 year old. There are a lot of penis pictures. There is vaping. Vaping? There is grounding and there is eye rolling, so I get it.

He doesn't take German, thankfully. But, yeah, illicit vaping like I'm not like cool with it but we did find yeah I can't believe kids are oh 13 eighth grade yeah that's middle school um coding coding coding coding that's the one thing I heard everything else was like wah wah wah wah I hate kids wah wah wah coding get in on that if this is a woman she should be going after the coding jobs I know running a tech company it is so hard to find women who code it is so hard to find women who are able to like speak English and certainly german and also code go after that tech it is necessary go on angel list go on some of the

tech websites and find someone that will hire you as a coder because that is where you're i mean and if you need to do a couple more classes on that you should do i really like that definitive advice i mean i'm just gonna like drop the period there i was gonna be like girl intern but i'm not anymore i'm an idiot i'm literally wearing a diaper right now she can't afford to go back to school she definitely can't intern for free yeah i know i don't know dude i was gonna be like maybe update your resume with a photo i'm an idiot that's why we're us and you're this like do a new photo shoot have a few glasses of wine to like loosen up loosen up take a cute photo have your friend look at your cover letter and spice it up find a cute guy that's hiring those are good things too

and then code and then code no that is very smart okay all right okay i'm in my early 30s and my husband and I separated just under two years ago. There wasn't one situation that sparked the split, but we are constantly fighting. Our interests and goals in life started to grow apart and support from him turned to resentment when I began to grow in my career, which was the most hurtful and frustrating thing. We've been living separately for almost two years now. We've cut most ties, but every now and then he will message me asking to meet for coffee or wanting an explanation, which turns into the same conversation we've had a hundred times over or even more frequently when he's obviously been out drinking for the night the problem is he's all over the place one minute

telling me he misses me the next telling me i've ruined his life and that i'm a horrible person or saying things like i know what you did don't play dumb it's like he's reaching to get me to confess to something when there's nothing to confess to he was always a bit of a manipulator i know it's impacted his life and i don't want to hurt him more but how do i get this to stop it's over right i think it's over and i think every time he does that she probably is driven a little bit further away. Yeah. You know, sometimes exes need to be,

and I hate this analogy, but it's true, like they need to be trained like dogs. And if every time he calls or texts, then you kind of come running, then it becomes Pavlovian because he expects that. So maybe you say, we've had this conversation. I'm here for you if you want to talk about something else, but this has gotten boring

and it's starting to make me resent you. I'd like us to be able to be friends. But maybe just not responding, not going for coffee. You're doing it because you're a nice person. And you don't want to have any bad blood with your ex, but maybe it's time to cut the cord. Also, it doesn't say anywhere in that question that they're actually divorced. Maybe he still thinks there's hope because they've only been separated. Itsovereasy.com.

Good. Yeah. Go to our website. Yeah. I mean. You just have to decide, like, should I get off the pot? Like, you've been separated long enough. I know that even in Canada where I'm from, I think – I believe in Manitoba anywhere where we had this divorce, you have to be separated for a year before they'll even let you sign the paperwork to divorce or whatever.

And so it's like a mandatory separation with a mediator. It's like different rules. But anyway, I think two years is enough. You know what I mean? Two years is enough to know – And if it's not going well, they're just like sitting in limbo it seems like. It's too hard. Yeah, he's acting like a fuckboy coming back into her life like every – whenever he's drinking.

Yeah. Like what is that doing for you? You up. Is he serving you? You up. Nothing worse than getting that from your husband that you're separated from. Yeah. You up.

Okay. Last question comes from Jane Doe. She says, I recently started dating a guy and I found out that he is still technically married to his ex wife. They have a daughter together and according to him, he hasn't filed for divorce because he doesn't want to rock the boat. Their custody and child support situation is good right now and he's afraid of pissing her off by filing.

They've been separated for two years. We aren't serious right now, but I feel like it's headed in that direction and I'm uncomfortable with him still being married to his ex is this a red flag not necessarily i don't think so i mean again two years to be separated if you've got a kid if they're dating unless she feels like there's some reason beyond what he's telling her like he still holds a candle for this wife but you know a lot of people are separated and for whatever reason they just don't go through with it it can be too expensive to get divorced he doesn't want to rock the boat a certain period of time with a custody schedule in place creates a status quo so if he's got that under his belt

for a while and then decides to file and she goes oh you're not seeing our kid he'll be like i've been seeing our kid regularly you know half the time for two years i'd wait till you get a little more serious and then raise it i don't necessarily think it's a terrible thing that they've just been separated and i don't know that it's your place to mention it yet i don't know that it should be a red flag just now it's having a good relationship with your ex particularly if you have got a kid with her i think that's more important than actually like cutting that cord in this scenario Yeah, I feel like, I mean, I know nothing, but I think it seems like if the kids and everything is good, then maybe he's right to not rock the boat. And if he's not serious with you, then he's got no reason to have a divorce.

I wonder if she's met the kids. That would be an interesting thing to think. Like, don't judge how serious you are, Jane Doe, with your boyfriend by what he's doing with his ex. Judge by what he's doing with you. Damn. That's really good. okay it's over easy.com you can listen to the podcast every wednesday i think it drops on mondays divorce sucks oh this is amazing yes so mondays you can listen to a great way to start

off your week though fresh new week tuesday lady gang wednesday just be sad thursday more lady gang and then it's gonna be monday again there you go divorce will you please come back i would love to come back and you think of your craziest story oh yeah besides diapers and the diapers and I mean this isn't that I hate to end on a negative note well there's two crazy stories one is one couple we went through the entire divorce totally divorced paperwork done everything for whatever reason we had to go downtown which doesn't happen anymore to get that what's called a prove up so they had to both say yes I understand I signed this and so we he was a musician we went downtown He was my client.

I get there. He's not there. He texted me that morning, so I knew he was up. It wasn't like he'd overslept. The other guy that I was working with, his client wasn't there either, but we were waiting for them. The judge is like, what's happening? Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. Finally, they walk in totally disheveled. Oh, no. They've totally had sex in the car at the courthouse parking lot. Oh, my God. Wait. And I was like, so what does that mean? And my guy goes, we've reconciled.

And she goes, let's go. and they were like wait what he totally misunderstood what she still wanted to go through yes she was like one last for the road and he was like oh i'm so glad we're getting back together this is the best thing i've ever done in my life so i was like okay whoa just hold on a second let's take a break they ended up getting divorced oh they probably still get together sometimes i don't know but i had to take him in the other room be like dude and he's like i don't know what happened i thought anyway but that was that moment of like them walking in and us being like okay and i actually thought okay good they're gonna get back together because he

said it and i thought he was kind of more in control and she's like what do you mean let's go oh my god that's definitely like amazing tv moment yes do you need to do like a scripted show they've asked you a hundred times from the headlines yeah if i had like one more day in the week but yeah with all your free time too much our free time um okay thank you so much for listening we're so sorry to everyone that's going out that's like i really needed this podcast because that means you're in a hard part but just take it from me the lady gang divorcee everything's gonna be fine and there's a second marriage or a long-standing relationship with no ties in your future and you will be very happy doesn't it sounds lovely jack um okay that's it

and we will see you next tuesday thanks for listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingber will sterling steve delameter and jared monaco make sure you subscribe rate and review our podcast and if you love it share it with your friends on social media like oh my god i just listened lady gang this episode's a great swipe up to listen and if you really want to which we know you do please follow us on social at kelty at becca at jack vanek and at the lady gang sign up for our newsletter at the lady gang.com and join our secret facebook group it's super fun see you next tuesday eating well shouldn't be complicated but somehow it turns into recipes prep cleanup and half your

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