LadyGang - FLASHBACK FRIDAY: Whitney Cummings

Episode Date: November 25, 2022

Comedian, actress and animal lover, Whitney Cummings shares what it takes to make it in Hollywood as a self made star and how she’s dealt with people pleasing throughout her life. And while this may manifest in her relationships, she’s here to shed some light on codependency. Plus, how many times can the ladies say vagina. Original Air Date: August 17th 2021 This Flashback is brought to you by Progressive Insurance! Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Lady Gang, welcome to Flashback Friday, where we bring some of our favorite Lady Gang episodes from the vault to you in the feed. We have over 600 episodes of this podcast, and whether you're an OG and you've heard this episode before, or you're a new listener and we're just bringing this up and you had no idea we had this person on our podcast, well, you're welcome. Small caveat here, we are an imperfect group of trio of ladies, and we've been podcasting for almost six and a half years. If something we said in this podcast doesn't align with Lady Gang 2020, please give us grace. For instance, there was a period on Lady Gang where I was not into Taylor Swift. It was the reputation era. I wasn't feeling what she was begging, but now I'm like a

Swiftie again. And so I just don't want you to hold me to that because we're all growing and learning and our opinions change pretty much every day. Without further ado, welcome to Flashback Friday. Whitney Cummings is one of our favorites and icon. This episode is not that old. It was from August 17th, 2021. But when I saw it, so many of you talk that you love this episode. I think that Whitney Cummings is like an onion. There's so many layers to her. Not only is she funny, but she's a businesswoman. And we had this really great conversation about having it all and failure where, you know, she kind of had like 16,000 amazing things going on in her life. And one by one, they kind of didn't work out the way that she thought. And I just think it's like a really

good lesson on gratitude and taking on too much and overexerting yourself and also like dealing with something when it fails, which is something that I obviously still struggle about. We love this episode we love whitney cummings enjoy this one from the vault and have a great weekend well what is this welcome to the lady gang that's amazing say that again the lady gang things are about to change around here each week we catch up with hollywood's hottest girl posse kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanik hello hello hello welcome to the lady gang i am becca tobin here with jack vanek and kelty knight happy to report that i have on the same creepy glasses that kelty was sporting over the quarantine and the verdicts out who were it better the verdicts out it's

pretty shocking how much a face can change a glass you know like kelty looks like jeffrey gommer masculine yeah no the problem with yours is yours is like they haven't been updated mine's an a nod to that era well yours are more like an aviator shape where kelty's are like the square 70s serial killer glass yes yes and they're a little bit tinted which is like it's the it's well these are blue light glasses so they block the blue light so they it's not tinted it's the blue light glass anyway but from an observer okay they have a nice sepia tone well i can't win them this is a great episode so i would like to get to it it's time for good week yes it is bad week oh no um i'll start my good week is that the audiobook that i voiced that i talked about

she's gonna win a grammy i don't think can you win grammys for audio yeah remember kelsey tried to submit. Oh my God. This is terrifying because so I obviously didn't, let me just say it was a really challenging job. It was very fucking tedious and I have attention deficit disorder and also not a great reader, also not a great actor. So it was like all of these things that were really for me and I and I thought to myself okay it's done I love the author this girl Andrea Bartz and she has incredible books that I've read all of them and it was an honor to be asked and then I'm on Instagram and Reese Witherspoon is posting that the book We Were Never Here by Andrea Bartz is her pick for the book club this was also a day after she announced that she just

made a billion dollars selling Hello Sunshine, her production company. So all eyes are on Reese Witherspoon right now. And then the book then explodes and becomes an instant bestseller. It would have anyway. And I have gotten 400 people messaging me a screenshot of the audiobook saying, oh my God, I went to listen to this audiobook and it's your voice. So the amount of people i thought were gonna hear my terrible job is so much higher than what i had anticipated is this book like uh it's like a story right with like multiple characters like do you have to like voice other people for the character like now i'm gonna be jake yeah uh no it's the only really the only dialogue heavy dialogue is between two girls that are in their late 20s so it was not you know

character work if you will okay really i could i'm like did you have to work on like your voice like your voice actor no but it's a person it's hard as an actor who's used to playing one character and really being able to finesse how i'm going to say something the intonation blah blah blah but with this it's you're doing that but like at a three percent because you can't invest all that time into all the words that are coming out of your mouth you would never i mean you could never invest that amount of time, unless there are people who do, wouldn't be surprised because I do the bare minimum, but it's hard. I'm very critical of my read because I'm like, if this were on TV, I'm going to listen to it. I'm going to listen to it. I'm going to listen

to it, but I'm going to listen to it. So my good week was that I'm very, very, very excited for this author. Um, and my bad week is I'm very, very bummed out with the amount of people listening to my awful voice it's always the thing that like you don't think is gonna be the thing that ends up being the thing and you're like god damn it like i would have done that a lot differently if i thought that more than zero people were gonna listen to it or watch it it actually pisses me the off because the amount of energy i've put into things that haven't gone anywhere it's just exhausting yes yes it's unfair um well i'll go so uh i have a i have a good week um i did a scientific uh scientific i did a scientific investigation excavation uh this past weekend

for everyone who listens to the podcast if this is your first time listening to this podcast you'll know that we have had a decades long conversation about when you have to poop in fluorescent lighting. So you go to target, you go to home goods, you go to wherever and like instantly the bookstore. And for some reason there's something we've gone into the science of it. So I recently went to home goods and I timed myself and it was 12 minutes, 12 minutes and like five aisles of home goods until the urge hit me. I had no laxatives in my system. I had no coffees in my system. It was just the lights. So you're welcome. Scientist Kelty gives you 12 minutes of home goods before you have to poop. Did you poop in home goods? Yeah. Yeah. I need to remember that.

Can they just leave the bathrooms open? It's like they have the code on the bathroom, which I understand people are shoplifters and shifty, but it's like, then you got to go find the person be like can i get the code to the bathroom and like every employee at home goods is like you gotta boop right like they know oh yeah for sure they probably just don't they want to like limit the amount of people that actually go in there so they're like weeding some people take it yeah yeah do you think you're gonna get hired like whitney got hired for this um birth control because it's all about the vagina are you gonna get hired by home goods and the whole campaign is like feeling God, I hope so. I'll do anything for money. Um, okay. So my bad week is

that, you know, I'm very behind on fixer upper LA too. Like this is just a disaster. Like nothing's getting done. I'm too busy. I don't have the energy, but we recently put solar panels on the top of the house. Cause I want the whole thing to live off the grid. Great, great, great. Um, And then the guys that were installing the solar panels all got completely mangled with the poison oak in my yard, which I didn't know I had. So they like came on day one and they're like, Oh yeah, we all got a rash. I think this might be poison oak by the like box or whatever. It's like by places that I haven't been yet in the yard. So I was like, well, I better get the poison oak taken care of. So we finally found this guy. I was like Googling and I'm like, how do you, you can't

He's a regular gardener. You need a guy with like a hazmat suit, blah, blah, blah. So this guy's like, we'll take care of your poison ivy.com or whatever. So I call like, we'll take care of poison ivy.com. And I was like, Hey, I got this poison ivy in the front yard, blah, blah. And he goes, no, I don't with poison ivy. And I was like, wait, what? He's like, no, I ended up in the hospital. We actually don't do poison ivy removal. And I was like, okay, but I called re-remove poison ivy.com no no my poison ivy guide doesn't remove poison ivy and that is my latest in my homeowner why are you even fixing it that's what i said to chris i was like do you not want poison ivy in the front yard don't you want people to get like well would because they're

anyway callie could end up getting a rash from it in the front yeah i think it's just bad in general and also you know what's going to happen is that my dad now that the borders are open i'm sure my dad's gonna come down here and he's gonna get like into the power this where all the power and the gas meters and everything like what if ken goes down there and then he gets poisoned we have to take him to the hospital and i go bankrupt because we don't have american health insurance yeah also and it's like you don't know maybe people could sue you for getting poison ivy at your house like the guys doing your solar panels exactly so here you are putting it on record. We didn't get it from your house. This is exhibit a one of Chris's clients was on,

um, Dak Shepard's podcast. And he said something about his lifestyle and then the insurance company heard it and called him. We're like, we're taking away your life insurance. No way. Oh my God. That's hilarious. I mean, that's terrible, but also amazing. Yeah. Jack. Yikes. Okay. So my good week is a by proxy good week for Jared because he has, he came up with this idea in his head that he thought it was really funny to tell people that Venice, like the city Venice that we live right next to is short for very nice. And he has now convinced dozens of people that Venice is short for very nice. I think that's funny it's great people people seriously believe this and like started googling

it and I'm like this is the best this is the best thing ever you're gonna end up like it'll be changed on Wikipedia it'll be like a whole thing and I love that it's a perfect Jerry lie too like Jerry with his like little smile and his freckles and his hair like if he told me that I would be like like it's an innocent crime that Jerry would lie to you yeah no you would never he's so unbelievable. And I'm like, I love this for you. So that's my good week. My bad week is well, good week. The main finally is playing concerts again, which is what I've been waiting for, for 18 months. Um, I was at one of their shows. They did a radio show for 98, seven, which was like a huge deal. They've never done a show like that before they're performing. And during the

performance, it was outside. And one of those like fig beetle things was huge, like June bug type things lands on john's hand their singer and he was like freaking out and he didn't know what to do with it was like staying on his hand so people are telling him to eat it like all this shit and he's like not gonna eat it and this guy in the front row is like here give it to me like i know what to do with it and he puts his hand out this guy grabs the beetle off of his hand and eats it shoves it in his mouth chews it up and swallows the beetle live live there's dozens of videos of it and then he became a viral hit hashtag beetle boy this reminded me of that woodstock documentary i just watched with uh let's get the fires yes that's the main is they're inciting animal eating

i mean insects he did not know he their singer is also like the most green person in the entire world like would never hurt a fly like literally won't hurt a fly so he was they zoomed into his face after it happened and he was horrified jared's in the back going like what the everybody's like no this is not what we wanted but beetle boy is like now he's his own viral sensation like people are trying to interview him and shit wow that is gross that is so rock and roll and like we're back baby we're back people are eating beetles at concerts yeah and like to go back to like, you don't know what's going to be your thing. I'm like, if this is what catapults them into fame is this, this psychopath kid that ate a beetle, you know, so be it.

Just touring, hustling for 14 years. Like a kid ate a beetle at the front row of the concert and we got on GMA. Yep. There you go. Amazing. Well, coming up, a wonderful lady, a wonderful lady's here to talk about vaginas. This episode of Lady Gang is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Hey, Lady Gang, whether you love true crime or comedies, celebrity interviews, news, or even motivational speakers, you call the shots on what's in your podcast queue, right? Well, guess what? Now you can call the shots on your auto insurance, too.

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BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Now back to the Lady Gang. I can't believe the day has finally come. After six years, we finally have this queen on the podcast today. My armpits are sweaty just thinking about it. Our guest today is an inspiration to all of the self-made, non-Hollywood spawn dreamers and is so famous, the Glamour magazine wrote an entire article about how she sleeps, including a nighttime vagina oil.

More on that later. We fell in love with her as a panelist on Chelsea Lately, but since then, she's gone on to create a ton of shows, including Two Broke Girls, a handful of comedy specials a book i'm fine and other lies us to us too she also has a podcast good for you and you can see her this fall on tour all of her info is at whitneycummings.com but most importantly she is hot as and most most importantly she's actually here on lady gang please welcome to lady gang whitney cummings gosh thank you kelty welcome made my day it made my nipples hard to hear you read that i mean i just we love a woman who goes and gets success in

hollywood without having a famous family member or having a family that invented ketchup like bravo to you the level of fame that you have achieved just coming from normies is pretty my dad didn't write like two donna summer songs like a jink like the fig newton jingle in order to get an audition in hollywood didn't know that i love that you said that what did you say non-hollywood offspring spawn yes exactly it's like you're actually self-made like you're really self-made because no one can help you except yourself. And I love that. And I also love, um, for the past, you know, as many years as you've been around, we've been following your career and I love how authentic you are and how real you are

about, you know, I remember specifically this moment of your life when it was like everywhere I turned your head was on every billboard. Your name was in every article in the Hollywood reporter. Like, no, it was amazing. And you were like, oh my God. But like you opening up about the struggles of that was so real um and has has been a point that we've come back to in lady gang many times of like hey are we taking on too much like is this the right thing are we just saying yes because people are offering it you know and it's an interesting thing so let's begin you're making me think okay you if you know me at all you know that i go on tangents and stuff but i i appreciate that so hearing that so much because so much of i've when i'm you know

podcasting or other podcasts i'm like why am i blathering on about this nobody cares like you know these days you just go on hot ones or you know love is blind and you're famous like no one wants to know how to you know that's what self-made is everyone's like whitney why are you wasting all this time writing scripts just go on only fancy moron and um so but i appreciate that there are still people that want to do it the the hard way the long way and from my thing is always like it's never no job is easy whether you're a waitress whether you're a nurse whether you're a comedian whether you're uh you know running tv shows whether you're running an empire it's always going to be hard and i never promised anyone this is going to be the hardest thing you'll ever do

but here's a couple things that mistakes i made just to make it like a little easier like this will save you like an hour a day i'm not going to say it's going to make working in hollywood a an orgasmic dream uh it's not narnia it's it's any job is hard so this so i just want to make sure i'm not like hollywood's hard like it's emotionally the kind of people that come here we're already emotionally yeah up against a lot anyway so we're also more predisposed to be like i didn't like the tone of that email he used all caps well and i also think it's interesting that when you come from nothing um and are like climbing the ladder and like there's hey i came from a lot of emotional abuse and neglect thank you

How dare you imply I didn't get tools. But like when, when no one's handing you anything, I think the thing you do is you like grab at whatever comes your way. And we see so many of our late again, community do the same thing. They're scared to ask for raises. They're scared to ask for a promotion. They're scared to ask for what they need in a relationship because you just like, Oh, I'm worth nothing. And I have nothing. So I'll just like take the bare minimum.

And so you want to say yes to everything without really thinking if it's the right thing for you. I don't know. you feel like that in acting too, right? Uh, yeah. I mean all the time. And I was actually, that just sparked a thought that I had and I might be like stepping in shit. Cause I might be remembering this wrong, but I feel like I listened to an interview with you where you talked a lot about codependency. And I think you were the first person that actually stated it correctly. What it, what exactly it is. Um, I would love it if you could do that for our girls. Cause I think it's so misused. And I think a lot of people from trauma, which I think we've,

we've all experienced a little bit, uh, fall into that and being female codependent. Trauma, as you say it, like trauma doesn't have to mean you were in a dog crate being trafficked like that's, you know, I always like to sort of delineate trauma. So, you know, being in 12 step rooms for the longest time, sometimes I would go into rooms and I'd hear stories and I'm like, is that your biggest problem? Like I had this and this and this happened. And then I go into other rooms. I'd be like, Oh, I thought my life was hard, you know? So it's different for everyone. And it doesn't mean anyone's are bigger or smaller. Some people, you know, they were left at school to let the dad forgot to pick them up too late.

And they learned I am on my own forever. I'm in that for whatever reason, the adrenaline they were being made fun of. There's ways that that smaller, quote unquote, you know, traumas. I'm happy to validate everyone's because they're all real to them. You know, what is your mom dying when you were 10 could be someone else's. They peed their pants at the talent show. You know, everyone's right in the way that it's why neuroscience has helped me so much to understand that when cortisone, cortisol and adrenaline are released, that's going to lock in as a trauma. So it can be, you know, you I remember when I was a kid, I this is like the least ostensibly traumatic thing that ever happened to me.

But to me, it was like embarrassment is fear of embarrassment is such a big one for me. And I, you know, we had like brought animals to school, like cricket, like we had crickets in a thing. none of the when i look back at the stuff we did as kids it's really disturbing um but we had crickets i guess we all have our own crickets and i put chex mix in for my crickets to eat i was already like an animal psycho at the time and it didn't eat it because that's not what crickets eat and we put them all up on like the shelves and mine started getting like moldy like and everyone was like who's this and i was like i don't know and i just lied about it because i was so embarrassed that my crickets were getting moldy chex mix or whatever it's such a dumb silly

thing but then I was like oh my god I lied they're gonna find me out and I spent like three days like and I I remember I went back I asked my dad to drive me back to like break into the school to steal it so that I could like like it's such a dumb thing but it it was like I had to do EMDR on it because I realized like how much I needed the approval of eight-year-old kids like who gives you know so um trauma is just for people listening don't think if you haven't seen someone get hit by a car or fall off a building it doesn't mean you're not traumatized you know everyone is everyone's just kind of different but yeah for me codependence you know i grew up in an alcoholic home and for code for alcoholism to exist alcohol does not have to be present right where we say for

alcoholism to be present alcohol doesn't have to be present because if you grew up around alcoholism which we all did literally in the 20s in the united states they had to make it illegal it was a problem cars came out people were drinking and driving it was a disaster you know so you have to what we came from you know i don't know what y'all's ancestry is looking into my ancestry has also been like a game changer for me because i'm like oh every one of my grandfathers died of cirrhosis like addictive behavior like that's what was available back then that's also what they use for anesthesia yeah so crazy he inherited dopamine receptors that don't hold dopamine the same way so whether it's that guy you're texting whether it's you're scrolling on instagram which

that is the same thing as a gambling addiction you're always trying to get that hit right every time you go to see a photo and it's like 50,000 likes. Yes. But then you got to keep checking back. Like it's very hard to walk away. So codependence, there's a couple of ways to define it. And maybe you, uh, Jack have, have your favorite way, but I like to say the couple ways that it clicked in my brain. Sometimes you just need the right person to say the right thing at the right time for you to have some kind of self-awareness. And it was the inability to tolerate the discomfort of others or perceived discomfort. So that's where, uh, it gets really tricky so you know it's funny because i would go to these double winners meetings which is aa and

codependents and i would hear all of their stories were like yeah i was like on the freeway drunk and i was texting and i was got in an accident and you know my ex-girlfriend i thought she was cheating so i crawled over her fence and like broke into her house i'm like we do all that sober like codependents do that sober okay so we're we're addicted to the internal drug cabinet right the dopamine, the oxytocin, the adrenaline, which turns into dopamine, which means like toxic relationships become very attractive to us because it recreates that neurological cocktail we had as a kid, the stress of I'm always trying to get this person's approval. It becomes an addiction, right?

Even if you don't like the person, you know, that's an addiction because an addiction is defined as doing this. Well, insanity, doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result an addiction which is when you're um uh the behavior that gives you the most dopamine stops being fun and it becomes an obligation you know when you're in those relationships with the guy for three months it's just the it's just like don't you're in a dopamine uh cocoon together and then it's like and then it starts to become it stops being fun that's what we say yeah you know there's some people you can go to a bar and they're drinking and they're fun there's other

people that are just alone like in their car you know like my eating disorder was like really fun in the beginning because i was getting all this attention but then when i was like eating sheet cakes in the car crying that's when it's like this isn't fun anymore i just the addiction is dragging me around and forcing me to isolate so codependence manifests itself and then i'll shut up and people pleasing uh the inability to tolerate the discomfort of others thinking that your value is um uh has a linear relationship with your productivity um a tremendous around like fear of authority figures the inability to be friends with equals you kind of always want to be friends with someone that's kind of above you status and authority wise or beneath you

because an equal is just harder to manipulate um uh perfectionism this is like i'm like no this is insane check i mean i can read you the laundry list it's kind of a game but yeah so um perfectionism i mean you know for me i recently went on prozac because i spent 14 years in a program trying to get a hold of this but i would leave a conversation and be like that was stupid why'd you say that that was so dumb this person hates you and it's i'm a piece of shit in the center of the universe right uh like you're still saying if you hate yourself you're still saying myself myself myself that's all you're thinking about you know and so also uh uh people pleasing manifesting in um shape-shifting right i'm this person with you because i know you need me to be funny and

entertain you and i have to be small with you and did my light because you're a narcissist It's not if I steal your thunder, you're going to get mad at me. You know, we're just able to I'm able to go around a party and just be this person for this person, this person that I know I need to do this for this person. And I'm just going to be 12 different people if I'm not in the kitchen trying to help the host clean up. And she doesn't even want help. She's like, can you please go enjoy the party?

I'm the person that's like, can I help you? Can I help you? Here's nine presents. Do you need me to cook that? And she's like, I got it. Like, that's why we say people pleasing is a form of assholery. Right. So and we got to look at our motives.

Are you offering to clean because you want them to think you're a good person? good people don't have to prove it they're just good people you know i'm saying and it's our way of going like it's a lot of like me like me and then we try to stay away from the three m's mothering martyring micromanaging so when we get in relationships with men that we if we conflate love and pity if we ever in a relationship because we want to rescue them we want to fix them i love to rescue a man but they can't be rescued they're adults they're not they're not at sea they're not in a boat it's a hard thing to learn they're not at sea is fucking epic what do you mean rescuing a man like it's the same thing of like how adults when we say like

i feel abandoned my therapist like adults can't be abandoned they have cars you're not your premise isn't even valid we can't rescue a person we're just drowning ourselves with them we're just jumping into the car that's about to crash we're not rescuing them we're just abandoning ourselves basically so it took me so long you know i mean i was with a guy who he was successful in hollywood he had two assistants and i'm like running around getting groceries and like if he didn't see that i got them i'd be like yeah i got groceries today it was not about doing the nice thing it was about credit for doing the nice thing and um you know a lot of self-deception a lot of looking at your motives a lot of uh over gifting um you know stuff like that and spending a lot of money to

uh on your on things that um so people can perceive you a certain way instead of just allowing yourself to be authentic which i think people struggle with uh codependent or not but it's a lot of you know those people that are like are you okay are you okay and you're like if i'm not i'll let you know right you know so it's taken me a long time and uh codependents also feel um uh uh do a lot of things out of obligation whether it's that birthday party that you know the people are like i have to go i have to go to get drinks then i have to have this birthday party i have to get up and drive my friend you're not a good person right you're martyring yourself and you're in and you know we say in program that self-care how the way we put

others first is to put ourselves first so so codependency we're the ones that always get out the relationship and you go uh what's wrong what happened i just i loved him too much no you were probably annoying and codependent do 90 so dark the church is really dark like we do 90 and the other person can do 10 and then codependence breeds resentment so we start to go like he's such an asshole he didn't call me back well you called him four times he called you back when he was done with work like you made an impossible standard right so we we over we give too much so that we can recreate our childhood circumstance of being victimized because that's that's comfortable for us and how we get superiority it's pretty cool wow it did also

take me a while to go you know what i'm not as sick as i thought either so it took me 14 years in therapy and to go like oh i was also a perfectionist and how sick i was like once i went into a 12 step program and i was like yeah i have that i have that like i wanted to be the best sick person because that's the perfectionist mentality if i'm going to be an alan on and a codependent i'm going to be the worst possible one you know and so it's also the way we put over pathologize ourselves right now just as you say like maybe i need more therapy maybe you don't need any at all who knows who knows i'm not you know um or a different kind or whatever but i think a lot i'm having a lot of conversations with women right now and people that are talking

I'm at mental health and I see we're all doing awesome. Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? I think sometimes it's like important that we say that even though we're the ones on the front lines being like, I have depression, I have this, I'm codependent, I'm in a toxic relationship, I'm an addict, like that's all great, but we're also nailing it. Yeah. No, that's true. Actually, I listened to you in Casey Wilson's episode recently where you guys were like, I'm also the person who loves like the hottest new psychic or the healer or the blah, blah, blah. And you're like maybe we're actually okay like it's like stop trying we're addicted to healers maybe we're addicted to our own shit so that's why i love 12-step programs instead of just straight up

therapy because it's also about service you know a lot of these the shit the the sort of sick patterns that crystallize in our brains it's just we're thinking about ourselves too much right so that's why it's like service like go volunteer at a shelter and walk the dogs like go take out your neighbors you know what have you done for someone else today besides just me me me and i'm reading my self-help book and i'm listening to this podcast because i'm sick and i'm crazy and i'm this it's like sometimes you know it's just the disease of self-obsession that sometimes we have to just stop over analyzing ourselves because and then learn to perceive ourselves the way other people perceive us so my my biggest thing and and i think this is like women in general whether

they're categorizing themselves as codependent but the the discomfort yeah natural caretakers but the discomfort i feel when i'm letting somebody else down or i'm giving them an answer or that they don't want like i have not in 35 years been able to stand in it and be uncomfortable i will always bend so like what are some are you doing this in person am i a psychopath because i don't feel that i think actually kelty you're the furthest thing from feeling this like you actually what is your birth order where i'm second i'm the youngest i'm the oldest i don't feel bad about uncomfortable moments okay do i feel bad about them i don't know you don't clock them it's it's a it's a it's yeah it's sort of a team effort to make it uncomfortable

there's certain people you know i i always try to find that like where's the red flag and where's the gift right so it's like if you're uncomfortable uh that person also might be a malignant narcissist that person also might be have borderline personality disorder so you might not be codependent that person might legitimately be emotionally dangerous and if you're dealing with people that are you know at the top of their field they say that um uh it's one one percent of people are psychopaths and then but when you get into the highest level of any business ranking it goes up to 30 because those are the type of people that you don't care who they're knocking down on the way up yeah well they just don't have empathy it just doesn't bother them like jeff bezos is

thinking about his delivery people that are shitting in bags he doesn't care he's like they got their thing on time like so you know i found you know and i get i don't get in trouble for this why am i saying that to try to be likable um i am really big on okay you think you have social anxiety totally get it like you need a thing um but and i know that's real i know people with anxiety disorders they can't get out of bed it's a confluence of things but before you diagnose yourself with an anxiety disorder first make sure the people you're around aren't don't suck because anxiety is an amazing tool and it's information that you need if we all cured our anxiety nothing would get done and we'd all be in dangerous situations all the time so i was like

i'm socially anxious i'm socially anxious and then one day i was like yeah but i also don't like any of these people and they're all using me and they're all like like trying to angle and i feel it and i feel anxiety because i feel like i'm being exploited and i am i'm not socially anxious these people are vampires so before you're like i bend i break like i i can't tolerate discomfort that person might actually be you know manipulative and whatever in which case i always say i don't i don't accept any invitations or put anything on my calendar in person ever ever ever ever because i'll go like it becomes a game of chicken like in footloose where it's just like okay fine i'll do it and then i have my go-to things which is if i don't want to do something

i never if someone asks me to do something i say i'll let you know in three days yeah i will never make a decision because i need to think and i need to look at my calendar and i just don't say yeah it's if it's not a hell yes it's a no that's the other thing is that if i'm like um that means know but i also i'm the first person to to all the the the young uh people listening you know take every job you can that's the other thing it's like like when you're getting those whether it's that like on set for this little thing or to go shadow a hairstylist like i would say yes to everything unless it's a toxic thing or there's you know it's dangerous or whatever like get as many opportunities as you can right now so that you can get information and you can get more

experience and uh have more stories so a lot of people that i know that are literally unemployed they're like i don't just say yes to anything i can say no i'm like i you actually can't wrong boundary hello hello hello you sexy ladies if you've been living under a rock we are collecting all of our favorite lady secret stories for a brand new project that we are working on and this week we are collecting your stories your deepest darkest secretive stories about dating now this is something that I can relate to because I pretty much almost exclusively have really terrible, cringy dating stories. So if you have like a dating app disaster, when you thought that the guy that you're going out with was like six, five and gorgeous, and then you get there and he's

five too. I don't know if you have lies that you've told to get out of dates before. I have bailed on dates for the dumbest reasons ever. Like pretending that my grandma died when she died 15 years ago or if you have like first date blunders or i don't know accidentally dating your cousin somebody out there has had to do that write in your stories at theladysecrets.com it's completely anonymous you can put in a little alias we can't track you at all or if you're more of a talker you can call us 1-844-SEXYLADY that's 1-844-S-X-Y-L-A-D-Y make these stories juicy we want the juice i'm lola and i'm megan and we're the hosts of trust me cults extreme belief and manipulation we both have childhood cult experiences and we're here to debunk the myths about people who join

them and show that anyone can be manipulated our past interviews include survivors and former members of the manson family nexium ms-13 teal swan heaven's gate children of god and the branch davidians join us every week as we help you spot the red flags get new episodes of trust me every wednesday on podcast one or wherever you get your podcasts you're listening to the lady gang i wanted to say something about jack because this is what you were i just want to go back to what you said about the anxiety because we've been doing lady gang for six years now and we were with jack she was in a troublesome relationship and we actually have seen these two very uh like the actual human version of what you were just talking about because i feel like when you're in

your past relationship well you can talk about it jack like you're in your past relationship you have so much anxiety you were like and then now that you're with someone who is wonderful yeah i know when i i went through a relationship with somebody that was absolutely a narcissist maybe border bordering on a psychopathic behavior um personality type but i was it was that constant like it was like a drug for me like getting in these fights and making up and then he was like withholding sex and it was this whole, it was like a cat and mouse game the entire time. But I don't operate under that type of stress level at all. Like I'm a very cool, calm, collected person usually, but I turned into this like manic, nervous, like completely like crumbling type of a person when I

was in that relationship. So it is that like getting that rush of whatever it is, even if it is this like toxic, horrible, like screaming match with somebody. Yeah. And that is without, I'm going to talk about my personal experience so you don't think that I'm judging you in any way. I was diagnosed as a love addict. I wrote about this in my book. And love addiction doesn't mean you're always a love addict. Or you're always like, you know,

it's just when you get the hit. So it's like people that do heroin and they get sober for they cannot think about heroin for two years and they can think, they can be right next to it and go, nope, I'm sober. I'm, you know, the stinking thinking they're in their contrary action. But then once they're on it, gone. Because your dopamine

receptors have like totally switched gears and you are gone, right? The beast has taken hold. So for me, before I was in my first, like, very, well, I've been in a lot of addictive relationships, but toxic, that's why I always like to say addiction, addictive instead of toxic or addictive instead of like psycho and all these words

that just don't mean a lot. I think, but we'll talk about love addiction in a second, but I think the most important, important thing to, and this is not a blame thing because it's always blameless, which is like, yes, he's this, this, this, but take the focus off him. What's going on with us?

that we keep getting in the car, driving over, we take the left, we take, we do the part. Like we have so many opportunities to go like, this is not good for me. This is bad. Like we're at a point where a lot of us are like, we're not drinking soy milk because it has hormones in it. And then we're in a relationship with someone that treats us like shit. It's like, what? Like you can't eat that. It has chemicals in it. It has gluten. Like you can't, you have to make your own almond butter. Are you insane? And then we're dating these like people. And I'm like, it's just the the internal pollution like nobody everyone's so obsessed with their bodies that they forget about taking care of their brain so true and a big and i'm like and then i walk around i

see friends i'm like why you got a birkin bag and you have you've never been to therapy what's what's going on why are we investing in our priorities but the love addiction steps really helped me because once you're in it to give you all the like love and credit in the world when you're in it name the last person that you saw that had a drug problem where you're like hey what's going on with you and the cocaine they're like you're right i gotta stop they're like what do you mean okay what are you talking about like our brain is designed to defend what dopamine and what paras so all your dna and all your brain wants is for you and that guy to procreate especially because biologically we talk about sexism a lot and like hollywood and businesses our biology is

the most sexist of all we don't roast we haven't canceled biology yet but that's what we needed to cancel because your brain the more alpha are you were you on birth control at the time uh well i was and then i wasn't and then i was and i thought that i was going crazy because of the birth control but like which we need to talk about we need to get to the vagina but when you oh that's right but when you are on certain birth controls it does make you smell olfactory glands uh differently and we seek men that are more like alpha like you're looking for a guy that's going to um you over beat no beat up anyone that's gonna so like the motorcycle guy the ax body spray guy you know so like just know the ax body spray when did it get that rap

exactly the smell when you said it we knew the smell it's the neutral car noir isn't it but but also just forgive yourself because we are wired to want to be be turned on by assholes because our sort of reptilian brain goes yes this is can protect my child we're not designed to pair forever really right so we stopped producing dopamine i made a whole movie about this and i can't remember any of it no brain yes so just forgive yourself i thought you were looking for the title sorry obviously you know the title i'm so worried i'm not allowed to say the word female anymore um but uh but you just forgive yourself and i talked to myself i'm like this is just okay i'm attracted to that guy that he's got a motorcycle he's got 50 women's names tattooed

on his abdomen this is spray tan this is a bad idea but i just have to go you're fine it's 2021 it's not we're not in the living in the jungle 5 000 years ago i don't need protection yeah i don't i have an alarm system i've got maids i don't i have dogs i don't need that so i have to kind of just talk to my sort of reptile programming and go like my amygdala go i know what you're doing i know why you think this is a good idea this would have been a good idea a thousand years ago but not today baby not today can we please get you a show where you go and you help women like through these situations it's just like thinking about you giving a woman a pep talk their amygdala is amazing i feel amazing right now i'm like i do too this is why this is a great

segue this is why this is incredible because um you have a new campaign just say vagina.com um it's called say yes vagina and it's like when when they were like do you want whitney we're like yeah of course you're like she's gonna talk about say yes vagina we're like we say vagina all the time and my mom's embarrassed when she listens to podcasts but like i love this whole campaign so please you're here to tell us about it and i think this is really important because this is a very interesting uh product so give us the spiel yes yes it's look i i'm really um a brat with anyone that I'm going to like partner with. And this wasn't even something that I anticipated because I wrote about this in my book. I don't want to be boring about it, but I've just struggled my

whole life with birth controls, making me feel crazy, killing my sex drive. Like this is just my personal experience, making me lose my mind, making me just cry more than I normally do, which is shocking. And I just always struggle. I also like I'm on the road all the time. The idea like for a birth control you having to go to your service provider or your doctor like once a month in the pharmacy once a month i found myself on the road like trying to get the little the pills and i'm like okay i have one pill left i'm like two in the morning i'm driving around like tampa florida looking for uh they're not big on birth control being stocked by the way so i just like could not find a situation and then that would trigger migraines because i didn't take

the pill in time and i'm spending all my vacations and all my time on tour like trying to get on the phone with my doctor which is you might have noticed they're not like great uh with texting and so finally i get this email and the and the subject line is just say vagina and i'm like is this a lawsuit like am i in a lawsuit someone who because this is with someone that is saying i'm plagiarizing them because this is my brand um and uh and it was just a super fearless campaign about this new birth control called anna vera which is it's you only have to go to your provider once a year and that is it like there's no you're not sitting in the way i'm like how do i even have time to have sex i'm spending all my time in the waiting room to try to get the pill that's gonna

make it so that i don't get pregnant in my hbo special i did a lot of jokes about all my qualms with birth control like the like um the morning after pill was like i think it's 50 and i and i was like i've never had sex with a guy and woke up and been like that was worth 50 bucks like never happened but yeah for me it's like i i i refuse i was promised that i could have it all and that i see so many women not being able to have it all the way we were promised and i just anytime i discover something that saves women even if it's four hours a month or extra money of going to that appointment to have to i mean it happened today i was getting a different prescription we had to call they didn't have it we had to call the other one they didn't have it

then they're stuck then they're out it's just like i've worked too hard for this like i've worked too hard to spend all my time fighting with pharmacists and service providers to get my birth control like this isn't i do a lot of and i need y'all to just level up so for me i'm like i could take matters into my own hands you can take it out put it in whenever you want i'm 38 years old so who knows i might meet a guy on farmers only and want to like get pregnant right away whereas the other ones because i froze my eggs a couple years ago and going off of birth control for that it took like a while for my uterus to start back up or something like it was some weird this you can take out anytime and put in whenever you want so i just was like for me

and their campaign is just say vagina and whereas i would get all these offers for birth control uh partnerships before this and it was always like you're riding in a canoe and then you're going hiking i'm like what does that have to do with birth like and then it's like i would get like talk to them and i'm like i just want to make sure i'm able to say you know and then i look at the script for every tv show i've ever done i would put vagina in at the two broke girls pilot they let us do but then it was like it would they were like can you say fifi can oh my god it when you say tulip and i'm just like no i'm gonna call it what it is if that's okay it's like this is why women have trouble advocating for themselves because i would go to my own gyno

when i was a teenager in my 20s and be like i have something it's like a bump on never mind never mind yeah like i'm just saying the word vagina just makes everybody clamp up it's so weird it does okay so you we are almost out of time with whitney and i have to um first of all if you want to check that out, you can go to www.justsayvagina.com and see beautiful photos of a blue haired Whitney. There's, there's a very important topic that I cannot let you live without talking about recently. You were at the Paris Hilton cooking party, and I'm very jealous that we didn't get invited to this. Paris is lovely. She's been on the podcast. We're so happy for her. Love the show, but Paula Abdul was there. And I saw that you posted Paula, please come on

good for you your podcast and i wanted you to know that i've been campaigning for paula for six years and if you want to fight for number one paula fan like we can was it your first concert what's the music video with uh keanu reeves in it oh what was the name of the animated cat and the opposite to track video scat cat do you know the tap solo from the scat cat video that i that i i know of it can you perform it maybe we get you involved because me and hannah's talking so paul abdul i met her on the masked dancer yeah and i have a picture of myself meeting her and i when i tell you i am sobbing i mean i am sobbing and i knew she was a wee lady but she is tiny she's a tiny she is a button this one so i'm like hovering

over i'm like she goes to give me a hug and she's like around my waist i'm like oh my she's in your belly button and you're just like i totally i was like i was like i'm like cradling her like i'm like you i mean i was so obsessed with her as a kid and she was so nice and i was like you know she they reached out to me to be like do you want to do like some social media stuff together and i was like i want to recreate the rush video i will get keanu reeves that was his first appearance on any she discovered keanu reeves in one of her music videos and then i was also like hannah stocking you and i were talking about recreating scat cat because i feel like i know oh we're already we're already going through it like frame by frame trying to see like if it's

possible because we could do it with scat cat in the background green screen her out and we could also do the tap yeah we're trying to be the tap teacher can you tap i was a former rocket yeah yeah i can really tap i had shut up and dance was my first compact disc ever need you to do the tap part i could do the tap part this is kelty's dream right now i'm telling you i have interviewed over the course of 10 years like every person uh from oprah to whoever when i get to interview paul abdul i'm exactly like you what is it about her like i walk in and i just start weeping because it's like my childhood dream i'm like i have made it i'm in the same room as Paula Abdul anyway wait hold on can we go really quick and say everybody's like the person

that they are like I'd kind of freak out if I met that person because it also happened with Whoopi Goldberg I the first time I did The View this was like nine years ago and I was like that's Whoopi like yes I grew up on Whoopi I love it and then as soon as I saw her in person I was like I just I realized in that moment like I'm I guess I must have made it like I had disassociated everything before then and i never felt like i was successful and then i was looking at her and i was like i must have made it like and then i just started crying in her arms side note have you seen the video of her farting on the view when claire danes was on no and i need to see this immediately to y'all today so anyone who needs a quick pick me up uh watch that if you're feeling down at work

and i love this is there anyone else that jack do you have one mine is i so i am not like a big hollywood person i barely know who any celebrities are but i have always had the biggest obsession over larry david i watched him to go to bed every single night like he is my number one so i would like shit my pants if that happened yeah i saw him in public uh once and um it was like a basketball game and he's walking toward me and i was just like and i just beeline like he saw me look at him because i was like like every person knows you so you are for sure yes and i was just like i can't do like i can't like i'm not gonna be funny enough i'm not gonna know no i was like i'm gonna say something dumb i'm gonna try to be funny i'm gonna try to make a joke

with larry david no you just can't because i was having to do my i carried a watermelon dirty dancing thing i care i'm gonna say something that dumb and i was like i just need to the best thing i can do is him just think i'm rude or blind becca well mine was really recent so i grew up i was like a broadway fanatic like such a tool i belted songs out in my car um and i recently did an episode of zoe's extraordinary playlist and we had the zoom table read and bernadette peters was on this last season oh no i she comes on i didn't know i didn't know she was on because it hadn't aired yet and she pops on my zoom screen and then she started talking and my whole body was like convulsing and she was the most

amazing like did not disappoint lovely 100 of the time i just like she was a hero that i absolutely was was happy to see so cool well listen whitney you're a hero um you can follow whitney at whitney cummings head on over to her website and find out where you can find her on tour right now whitneycummings.com she's very busy not looking for birth control in tampa on this tour because she has her birth control ready to go and our podcast is available every wednesday good for you which is perfect i have a couple of those morning after pills ready that i can bring them back for jack she seems to be struggling i don't know my money nevera but let me just bring some you want some of that tampa morning after oh yeah i'm sure good stuff in tampa anyway uh whitney

thank you for gracing us with your brilliance and we will see you next tuesday thanks for listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingber steve delameter and jared monaco make sure you subscribe rate and review our podcast and if you love it share it with your friends on social media like oh my god i just listened lady gang this episode's so great swipe up to listen and if you really want to which we know you do please follow us on social at kelty at becca at jack vanek and at the lady gang sign up for our newsletter at the lady gang.com and join our secret facebook group it's super fun see you next tuesday All month long on Pluto TV, stream the biggest Tyler Perry movies free.

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