LadyGang - HANNAH BROWN

Episode Date: November 7, 2023

Reality TV royalty and Better Tomorrow podcast host Hannah Brown joins us to discuss The Golden Bachelor, what sex scenes she will include in her new novel, and her brand new bling: The former Bachelorette is engaged! Check out our holiday deals!!! Stamps.com: Go to Stamps.com and sign up with code LADYGANG for a special offer that includes a 4-week trial, plus free postage, and a digital scale! Lightbox: Shop now at LightBoxJewelry.com and use code LADYGANG for 10% off sitewide! Jenni Kayne: Get 15% off your first forever pieces at JenniKayne.com and use code "ladygang15" Uncommon Goods: Go to UncommonGoods.com/ladygang to get 15% off your next gift! Cozy Earth: Go to CozyEarth.com and use code LADYGANG to save up to 40%! Take a brief survey at PodcastStudy.com and be one of the first 150 people to get a $10 amazon gift card! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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but only with the code RESET at factormeals.ca. Factor, Canada's number one meal delivery service. Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang. Things are about to change around here. Each week, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse,

Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the Lady Gang. I'm Becca Tobin, I'm Jack Vanek, and Kelty Knight. Hello. Hello. I'm looking at my phone right now because my, I have a list saved and I need to pull it up for this situation that we're about to get into. Oh, I thought we were still ordering our Goop Kitchen.

Oh. Stuff from the fence. Yeah. Goop Kitchen lunch. No. I'm ready. Okay. Okay.

Sorry. Oh my God. Well, it is time for. Good week. Yes, it is. Bad week. Oh no. I love this so much.

the lady gang dictionary has always been about sex yeah and like life and pooping and stuff but i want to expand it the important thing i want to expand it in look you guys no one told me my hair was stuck to my t-shirt i thought you were making a that's what fashionable people are doing lately also i really like that hairy style shirt thank you i got it when i saw him at the forum it's very like old beatles sort of vibes yeah it's one of his little outfits yeah um okay so the new word for the Lady Gang Dictionary is I have five new words, six new words. What? And they're all

names for people who read a lot. Number one, in Danish, they call you a reading horse. Okay. So in America, they call you a bookworm. Yeah. In Danish, in Dane, in Dane

land, what is the land? Danish people are called reading horses. Where is Danish? Danish people are... Dutch. In Dutch? From Amsterdam. But there's no in Dutch. It's just you're a Dutch person in Amsterdam.

Okay, great. Okay, the Dutch, sorry. The Dutch call it a reading horse. The French call it an ink drinker. Is that your next tattoo? Ink drinker? The Germans call it a read rat. Read rat.

Romanian people call it a library mouse. Oh, so it's always. You know what these sound like? they sound like uh passwords to wi-fi you know like how it's always like running elephant 625 yes indonesian people are called a book flea ew well we're called bookworms yeah i like a worm though anyway all right well that was my good week i feel like it went over incredibly well um my bad week is this i've been flying so much i've been if you've been following me on instagram which i hope you have you know that i've been setting i've been in las vegas i've been in new

York, I have been all over and I've been flying a lot in coach. I was going to say, are you on an airline? Are you still on American? What are you doing? No, I'm on JetBlue now. I'm JetBlue. I'm on the, you know, I'm JetBlue. Cause you're going to New York a lot. I'm going to New York a lot. I like to fly to Newark. It's closer to downtown. It's like closer where I go in the city. I like the Newark airport. I think it's very clean. It's very lovely. The beautiful chairs with plugs in them. It's good food. Like it's just better, but you know, I'm, I'm back to being a normie. So I've been flying and i'm flying myself so i'm flying in coach a lot exit seat 18a love you jet blue i love an exit row um anyway one this morning yes it's great so here's my thought

okay here's what happened i'm i'm sitting there and i'm like you know what kelty you're reformed coach isn't so bad everyone's so nice people are lovely it's like there's room i'm fine like coach is fine until this man let me tell you something if you have a snuffleupagus nose if you got a stuffed nose i'm gonna need to go to the bathroom before you get on the plane and do a big blow like a big blow really try to get that contained yeah before you get on the plane this man blew his nose i know i'm shaming you for blowing your nose it was the most disgusting nose blow i've ever and it was in that early morning flight everyone's silent and it's just like so snotty so many bubbles of phlegm such a big nose you could tell it had i didn't i couldn't see the

man i could tell it was blackheads it was hair like that nose that this was coming out of was a powerful schnoz yeah and it went for like 10 minutes and i was like i hate it here but that happens in first class too this isn't like a characteristic of coach people do gross shit in first class dude humans are just disgusting no people do gross things everywhere i just wanted to let you know i'm normal again i'm flying a coach i want to try to bring you want to be relatable she's relatable because somebody blew their nose around her yes yes and she was in coach who's next i'll go um okay so you guys this is my good week you guys know that i believe in the simulation theory like you're living in a simulation and jared and i have it's a very um

self-absorbed state of mind oh yeah well i am my own main character you know but that's why i don't believe in the simulation because i'm like there's no way anybody gives a shit about what's happening to me right now except for my player my one player that's playing me you know but then it's playing me yeah well no you're an NPC you're a sim yeah right okay okay anyways yes I believe in the simulation theory and there's so many different reasons why but one of them is we have like our NPCs like our non-player characters that are around us in our neighborhood that like we're like there are no way these people are real there's no way yeah and they're all like themed out like we have the one guy that's like 95 years old at our apartment complex that during COVID he

would like run but like by run he'd like shuffle and he was wearing like two gloves two masks glasses now he goes on the treadmill or on the um elliptical and like goes backwards but we found and we're like is that is that like the fountain of youth he only goes backwards i used to go backwards on the elliptical really yeah it's good for quads is it i don't know i didn't know why he does it but i'm like but he's literally should be dead god there was such an era where i went to the elliptical every day for me too me too it was like a weird time during my eating disorder era weird time yeah it's where only women only did cardio at the gym yeah that's why i was like i went on a treadmill i do it for like an hour yeah i'm like anyways good old we

got him we got other guys but i have a new lady she is at my local starbucks and she is there from 9 30 to 10 30 every day she is dressed like miss mazel but she but she's like 65 years old she's this fabulous lady that looks like she's from the 50s but she just sits there no phone talking to nobody and she sits and she like looks around does she have a coffee uh i can't remember if she has a coffee or not but i took a video and i can put the video on this clip if we use it for social but she looks fake like she looks like she's an animatronic from knott's berry farm or something like that raw dog in a starbucks not even raw dogging raw dogging never phone and she's there every single day in the same spot i bet you it was like a like my therapist used to give me

such weird um homework assignments and sometimes it would entail weird things like that like sitting alone and like go for an hour every morning for 21 days somewhere without your phone without without distraction and just observe and be present like guys whoa when i flew home with my dad to canada he raw dogged it i was like what do you what do you mean boomers really do passport in his front pocket didn't even have a backpack nothing and just no book right no book And I couldn't confirm or deny there was a screen, no air plugs, no crossword puzzles, nothing. Just, that's all he had was his passport.

And what did he do? Sat and kind of closed his eyes a little bit? He just sat, chilled, accepted the nuts, accepted the orange juice. Well, there's a Caribbean Enthusiasm episode about this. Meanwhile, I have seven journals, 45 Kindles, a skincare routine, seven lip balms. It's so weird that they do that. It's wild. I know, they can.

They don't need distractions like us. I'm jealous. We're so addicted to our phones. I'm like, I don't even know what to do with idle time without my phone. No. And I need like a couple of things going on. I have to like put the TV on and then I have to play on my phone and then sometimes I get my computer and then I have to eat.

It's like a whole thing. I don't like that. Yeah. Boomers. Yeah. Boomers. Anyways. So Miss Maisel, old lady, is my new favorite.

Right next to the anti-vax guy that's trying to get everybody to like sign his form. I don't know what the, they're wearing t-shirts. It's a whole thing. How are there still conversations around the vaccine right now? And this guy is passionate people. Passionate. Every day, T-shirt on, trying to get signatures right next to Miss Maiselini. You're like, I don't live on the west side.

It's too weird over there. Things are weird everywhere. Things are weird everywhere. Yeah, there's some weird stuff. Okay, so. Wait, wait. No, I have my bad week. Oh, shit.

Okay, my bad week is just realizing that I am now an NPC in the Jersey Mike's employees simulation. Because every Monday, Mike's Monday, we go to Jersey Mike's at 5.30 every single day because it's part of my like weird ritualistic thing. Yeah. And I have already changed into my Barefoot Dreams robe. So I look like I might be a patient somewhere. Yes. So I'm in my Barefoot Dreams robe, Uggs.

I order the same very specific sandwich. And now everybody at Jersey Mike's knows my order. So they're probably like, there's that crazy couple. the girl that's in a robe every single monday at 5 30 on the dot you're a sim i'm a sim and someone else is and they probably think i'm nuts i have bad news about jersey mics no last time i left la i was starving and i was like i'm gonna treat myself to jersey mics and i haven't really been eating meat lately but i was like that's something i'll eat meat for it's a great sandwich I need LAX Jersey Mike's to step up their fucking game.

The bread was so stale. The bread is always stale at the LAX. What is that? They need to fix it. It's because it's airport food. It needs to be better. I know. I need them to raise the bar.

It's so disappointing. I'm like, I was so sad. Yes. Genuinely. And it ruins it. When it crusts off like it is a face mask that has already dried in your mouth. I know. The last time that I went, they were out of white bread, and I had to do wheat, and I'm

like, it's ruined. maybe do i need to do you think it would be better because i'm obviously i'm going to lax tonight and i'm like it'd be a great time to get a sandwich do you think i should have them toasted does that cure a little bit of like oh yeah there was something i think you should just go up and be like the last time i was here your bread sucked when when is when was this bread baked was it baked in the house i have a hard time being that person that would also yeah that's a weird thing do you need me to write a letter on your behalf yeah and just like hand it over be like oh my god hi uh love chris jenner okay um my bad week is so upsetting i struggled with

like whether or not i could even share this piece of information i think i've lost my boner for housewives oh no i think that it's over i cannot get into it anymore it does not matter the franchise it does not matter the players I'm so upset and I don't know why there's no reason or nothing that has set you off nothing so I started watching the first couple episodes of Salt Lake City and I felt like they had so much forced interaction there were too many like one on one weird lunches and I'm bummed out by the gaudiness of it I'm not like enchant it's no longer aspirational to me because they're all wearing fake designer things and it's upsetting i'm like i used to want to aspire to look like a dress like you but nothing you're wearing is real

yeah the luster is gone and i just i'm so upset everything feels so contrived and i don't know how to get back in and i'm so sad even the new york one with all the like it started so strong Oh, good. And then it's like, it's like as if the producer said, Uba, you're not on this season enough. You need to have a yell. Yeah. And then she started yelling.

And you were like, where's this coming from? You've been like the nicest, like it's very strange. Feels like disingenuous. Yeah. It's the casting is bad. Yeah, I was just about to start watching. I know. I do agree with you on like, it's like the thing about,

and Heather Dubrow got so much hate on OC this year. Because she's like rich. They sold the house for all this money. And like, but like it's, that's what was fun about Housewives is they had this life that you couldn't imagine. Yeah. She was like,

oh, I'm going to Cabo and she's like wearing the Fendi and like that's what made it so fun to watch. But now it's like all the secrets have been revealed. Meredith Marks is renting a house and Gina lives in a condo.

Jessel from New York, the new cast, she lived in Dallas and she moved to New York to be on the show. I feel like it's like Allegedly. It can't be that hard to find

better people. It's better to be up with cast. Because my girlfriend is a real housewife of New York. they don't want to do it and they don't like they ask us every year the real girls yeah that run that town because they don't need that bullshit and they're like no we're good yeah that makes that's the problem is that's the problem but every once in a while every once in a while there is a gem of a human who's just crazy enough and who's just desperate enough to want fame yeah to do it

and it's a really tough combination i got really tempted i actually drafted the text and then i deleted it and was like what are you doing i was like i want to have a crack at it i want to try to cast the real housewives of austin because i feel like i know the cast of characters and it would be really fucking good but then i was like what are you doing i almost sent a text to the guys who produced lady gang tv yeah they do housewives of miami austin would you want to do it i'm not going to be on it i just want to cast it no you have to be on and produce it Oh, I'd be so boring. I'd be, there's no money in that.

So boring, but it would be like a fun thing. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I, I love it. It would have been a, if my passion could come back, like a passion project. Yeah. Well, passion's dead. I want Kelsey to be on it.

Kelsey, you could do it. I am thinking that I could be a good, I'm, my whole life is changing. I'm changing all my goals. Do you want to move to Austin and do it? I mean, I don't want to move to Austin and do it, but I do think, i think i'm crazy enough and um like you know for what i love this so much i think i think i would actually be a great housewife yeah you would kill it i disagree i know you think that i'm too nice but i think that kelty she could probably put it on i have tried to gossip with kelty so much it

is so hard i know it is unless it has to do it but if there's a camera on her if there's a camera on you and if you think if you think of it as a job yeah if you get in the mindset where you're like I'm gonna have to be petty as shit that's what I'm gonna have to give a shit about I can't believe Garcelle so what did Garcelle say then no and Kelty you've never literally never heard those words come out of your mouth but when she's around those people like I bet when you and Lisa Barlow are around each other there's like a little bit yeah she just needs to be around the right people she's wrong no you gossip like a journalist I know it's true you don't take any you don't have any skin in the game I know you could get skin in the game I have I could coach you I have so

many secrets it's like very annoying i have faith in you you could do it i know i even like um like last week i was interviewing ginger spice which was like a dream of mine and after the interview i really wanted to ask her about the reunion and then i was like i heard from someone very high up in the music industry that like they were definitely trying to get together all five and posh was going to come back to go with the backups documentary yeah and so then i saw ginger and i was like hey i'd never report on this but like i'm just dying to know if there's a reason coming And she's like, we get asked that all the time. And I was like, goddammit.

Yeah, you're dead meat. That's not a housewife move. A housewife move, you know what you should have done? Hey. Is to. Here's my phone number. Do you want to be best friends? Yep.

To be like, do you want to grab a coffee or blah, blah, blah? Like, whatever. And act like you just want to be friends. Yeah. And then put on a, like, a secret mic. Yes. Ooh. And have, like, those glasses with the little camera.

The Ray-Bans. Okay. Anyway. Yeah, that's my bad week. and just my good week is a enough is actually a word for the dictionary oh and it is called sexpiration date which is the date in which you have to stop having sex with someone so i looked at it as two things it's the date in which like you have a friend with benefits or like someone that you're hooking up with that like you're not committing to each other they're not committing

to you you give yourself a sexpiration date where it's like yeah you either shit or get off the you buck up and like commit to me or you're gone or no more sex or it's what we talked about in previous episodes of lady gang where i said i'm amazing in bed for a year and a half my sexpiration date with you is a year and a half you hit it yeah oh i like a multi-use word yeah yeah no that is completely different past my sexpiration date and it's a real dictionary thing because we'll need multiple like yeah yes i love it so much all right what's coming up well she's not past her sexpiration date newly engaged star of the bachelorette and connoisseur of Windmill Sex is with us right now.

Well, she's about to be married, so she's going to hit that expiration. She will. She's coming soon. Now back to the Lady Gang. Our guest today is the People's Choice Award winning part of reality TV royalty, but that's not the only crown she wears.

A former Miss Alabama competed in the 2018 Miss USA pageant and went on to compete for Colton Underwood's Heart on The Bachelor. America fell so in love with her, she became The Bachelorette. Then she fell in love, then she fell out of love, as one does on The Bachelor. But did it stop her? No, no, no, no, no. She took her megawatt smile and that shiny head of hair all the way to the dance floor, where she won Dancing with the Stars.

She recently appeared on Special Forces' World's Toughest Test and was the last non-athlete standing. Her book, God Bless This Mess, became a New York Times bestseller, and now she's looking to steam up the shelves with her brand new novel. Please welcome to the podcast, Hannah Brown. Hi, y'all. Welcome. How are you doing today?

I'm doing great. How about y'all? Did you like your intro? Is it embarrassing? Is it like weird to hear everything? Wow, that was really awesome. Thank you. I love the shiny hair part.

You have the most beautiful hair. I know, it's not fair. I specifically remember watching you, and I know Jack's like a massive Bachelor fan. Like I specifically remember watching you being like, that's a great head of hair. Cause you don't have extensions, right? This is always, I don't have extensions. I sometimes, I feel like you can do so much with your hair when you have extensions where like, it is all mine. And I'm like, so thankful for it. But I'm like, I wonder what it would, what it would look like with just a few, but it would be too much. It would be way too much. I put like a whole head of hair in mine

to make it look like yours. So, so I recently hosted Miss USA and I thought of you the whole time. I thought of you the whole time. Thank you. But I, when I was backstage after, um, and it was like middle of the show. Right. And we were doing stuff from backstage and I saw, I think it was like Miss New York and Miss Rhode Island who I thought Miss New York was going to win. And Rhode Island had a short little Bob haircut. And I was like, Ooh, she took some risks. I love it. I thought she was going to win. And they were like in the back in their like opening number. outfit, just like sad and eating donuts. And I was like talking to them and I was like, don't worry. I never want anything in my life either. Like, it's going to be fine. And I thought of you and

I was like, this is just a stepping stone. This, you have no idea what your life would be, but take me back. Sorry to like take you all the way back, but take me back to like you competing and you, you placed or you did not place. And then what you thought, did you think it was the end of the world you were like this is all I'll ever do in my life like it's over okay so I genuinely from gosh I don't know what age like probably like high school 10th grade would was like I have to be I thought it was gonna be Miss America because I did the Miss America system which had the talent because I danced and then ended up winning the Miss USA system while I was like deciding if I wanted or winning Miss Alabama USA while I was deciding if I wanted to actually go

back and try for my dream of Miss America, because I kept not even placing. I mean, I, I did not place until I won. Like I was a loser. I called myself, I mean, I remember going to my, that last pageant that I, or the last Miss Alabama pageant that I was doing and that I won being like, well, you know, I guess I'm just like a first place loser. Like I've gotten so good at losing this thing and it sucked because I was like okay like this is supposed to be my dream like this is how I'm supposed to get like out and this is what's going to propel me and I'm not even placing and then I won Miss Alabama and then I was like oh my gosh I was right so this I must be winning Miss USA I must be winning it and then I started I can remember vividly like

the day I started getting acne and being like, this is weird. I thought maybe it was because of the makeup that they had used on me at Miss Alabama. And I was like, okay, like just a little bit. And then my face, I had to be just exploded into craters and cysts everywhere while I'm supposed to be this beauty queen and going for like my dream and I can remember I spent so much money trying to do everything for my skin and I would work with all these coaches which I'm sure you like understood and they'd be like well honey what are we going to do about your skin and I'm like oh my gosh I don't know like it just felt like all my dreams were ending because of my face and i got so insecure why like all of a sudden i don't know i just said it was like i turned 23

and then shit hit the fan when it came to my skin still don't know what happened like what i think it had to be hormones yeah um and i could not get it under control and so i went into miss usa and i was really just having to like get through it because i was so embarrassed i had pictures that I took of myself like every time I would like take my makeup off because you have to like they're kind of they're judging the whole time but there are people that do your makeup so you have to come in sometimes fresh-faced and I was so embarrassed because it was I mean it's a beauty pageant yeah and like what am I gonna do like what am I gonna do I was in the best shape of my life I was super small like felt so confident where that was normally where I didn't feel confident

because I struggled with my weight and I always kind of have, I think it's all because of just hormones. Like everything in my life is just, I haven't really figured all that out until kind of recently. So like I've gotten, finally gotten to where like I felt confident there and it was in my face and I was like, okay, this just sucks. So no, I did not place, but I won't just blame everything on my skin but I think it's how I dealt with that I just felt so defeated and was just trying to like you know like when you're saying positive affirmations to yourself but you're also like I just want to freaking leave this place yeah that's how I felt so my experience is not what I really thought it was going to be but it is I'm interested to see what you think

now kelty kind of seeing that side of it because it is so intense yeah like the prep that goes into this and then yeah like after you don't play like i thought i thought i would maybe i hoped i would place at least but it can be one of the most defeating feelings because you've worked so hard for like all your life and then you get to like the pinnacle which is a miss usa miss america and then it's over. And then you're like, what? Yeah, it was, it was like very triggering for me. Cause I never won anything in my life. And I was just like, I literally was like, girls, it's going to be fine. Cause this moment when you lose and you feel so bad is the defining moment that pushes you forward. Because it, it, if you win your whole life, then it's like so easy for you and you can't,

you don't have the guts, but to make it in Hollywood, because it's going to be too easy. and then you're going to face rejection and someone's gonna be like, we don't like her, we hate her face or whatever it is. And then you're broken. But for us, it's like, good, we're losers. Anything we get is like a cherry on top, you know? And so, but I think that's what makes you amazing. And I love the background on that because I was just thinking about you and I was like, it's so intense. It's so crazy. And then it's just like, so palpable, the like disappointment like the second when you didn't that anyway okay so I think also it's good for people to know because I have had some success in these other shows that I've done but like

so people could think oh she wins everything and people will say that and I'm like no I literally entered like every beauty pageant and did not even come in like place for a while like I called myself the first place loser because I had gotten so used to losing and so when these things have happened recently like I think I'm still just like just as I'm just like shocked and like so thankful but I'm like really like are you sure not gonna take it away this is not a Steve Harvey moment every time oh my god for something so I want to talk about the book but first we want to talk about the engagement because we have a brand new bride in the lady gang jack is four weeks married yeah how many weeks i saw some pictures and videos it looked

so beautiful oh thank you well it's funny i've been watching some of the clips from your podcast that you did with adam and it's funny because jared my husband and i also did a podcast like after we got engaged after our bachelor trip after the wedding because i'm like it's going to be such a good time capsule thing for you guys to have about like exactly how you were feeling to go back on in 50 years and show your kids one day. But I did love, I didn't love, but I resonated with a clip that you guys were talking about the engagement about how he told you about it before, because he was really worried about your mental health and like how you would react to like such a big moment. Because I had like the, I had a panic attack at my engagement. So why does that

made me feel like I'm not happy for you but like I feel like really like it's not just me it was horrible it was we all went you could tell the story Jack I'll tell you really quick and then I want to hear about like your experience so my husband is a musician and he proposed to me at one of their shows on stage in front of like 2,000 people because I had like mentioned it to my mom how it would be funny because we grew up in music together and that's how we know each other um and then I don't know well number one I was drunk but number two I just felt so stupid and embarrassed afterward I'm like everybody is looking at me like this isn't how I like wanted it to go like I don't know I just felt like it was bad so I had like a full-blown panic attack for like two hours

afterwards but I but I heard you guys talking about like the same kind of a thing and he was like worried I think about that maybe happening to you well I did also have a panic attack two nights before. So full fledged when I found out that it was that he was going to propose on Friday, it was such a cluster. The whole thing. It's so confusing. Um, because it's not that I didn't want, it's not that I don't want to get married to him. I think I, my mental health during that time was not okay yeah um I'd actually I got pretty open about my mental health and um I had switched medications for the first time and it was just not not the right fit but we were still trying to figure out what so I had a whole lot of like medical mental health stuff kind of

going on and just started this podcast. And there was just a lot of personal career stuff going on at one time. And I didn't feel like I was my best self. Yeah. And that I could really receive and be fully present in a moment that, you know, we all hope is going to be just like picture perfect and special. And I had one of my breakdowns, which I had the same meltdown, you know, every two months, I would say sometimes once a month where I'm like, why do you like me? Are you sure you want to be with me? What is love anyway? Yeah. I send my husband the text that's like, do you like me like as a wife or like as a friend or like like how do you like me like as just someone who gets shit done and he's like I like you as a wife I'm like are you sure like I know you love me but do

you like me exactly I know you love me but do you like like me yeah and because I'm like there's I give you a lot of of um just shit and I because I give I'm giving myself shit it's mostly him just having to be a part of everything that's going on, like internal in my head, that's just like so scary. And then I'm just stuck there. So I'm like, I'm sorry that you're having to deal with all this is how I felt. Yeah. And so then I was just like, why would you want to do this right now? And I don't know if I can handle this right now. Cause I mean, look, I'm from a reality TV show about that was based around dating and so like I knew what that was going to bring with like people wanting to know everything and me feeling like I had this certain expectation to

be the certain way that I just like wasn't and he ended up I he ended up telling me and that he was planning on doing that and then I was mad at him for telling me yeah and then he was like he was like well trying to protect my mental health but then I'm like but you told me like basically when you're gonna do it and I don't want to know like that's part of the engagement you want the surprise so I was like no so my initial response was no no I'm not doing this we're not doing this and it was just a really hard week and he ended up not doing it on the day that he told me he was going to do it he and he truly surprised me and did it the day before oh shit but then i felt like he didn't hear me um i am a i had to send in a in a text to my not a text an email to my

therapist all caps urgent i need counsel that was the subject urgent i need counsel in all caps I love you wait is this when he proposed that you're like I need this was like the day that he kind of like felt like he was protecting my mental health because I had this whole what is love kind of triggered by my parents I love them but yeah thanks we had saw them and then he that next day like told me you were sitting at dinner as I have something to tell you um it's like I'm I'm planning on proposing to you and I just want to make sure like you're okay and I'm like why you freaking tell me so that night I had the full-on mental breakdown message I need urgent I need counsel in all caps and so I went to therapy the next day and she was like what's

going on she's like is it that you don't want to be with him what's I'm like no it's not that I don't want to be with him I'm just like look at me look at me do you told me oh she had told me this is what really propelled it she had told me the week before that I should not be making any big life decisions right yeah yeah yeah so i'm like you told me not to make any big life decisions and this is coming because the biggest and she was like okay well why don't you talk about him and he said that talk to him about it and then you know maybe you just let him know like you you want this but right now like maybe it's not the time mind you he's playing this whole big thing with everybody there i don't know and we were like staying somewhere that was like

pretty expensive it was it was a big thing for our whole family to go out there so he's trying to salvage this I don't know fully about that I know that there's other people in my life that know about this so I'm scared to say anything so I'm just talking to my therapist because I don't want to say anything to my family and friends if they're trying to keep the secret and I don't want them to tell me any more than I already know and then he tells me he cancels everything and I was like, Oh, such a relief. I felt better, but I still had to go to therapy the next day. Cause we're still just a shit show. And I'm like, Oh my gosh. Like he said, he he's, he called everybody. It's great. I'm feeling just so much better. And we ended up actually the therapy got pretty

intense, but talking about my parents' relationship. So I had like this really intense therapy session. And then we, he had, we had found out early in the week, like that we were supposed to go to this like baby shower thing for our friends who had this like beautiful property that always have these like um parties there at this pretty barn so he was like well I'm going I know you're having a hard time if you don't want to go you don't have to and I was like no I'll go and so I just threw on some clothes that were like literally dirty in the floor like my makeup was from therapy I'd already cried it all off and the last thing I said before we got to the place was I think I need to change I think I need a new brain and a new brave wavelengths

something's wrong with me and then I walk in and I realize I even look around said oh this is weird this is a weird like baby party thing and that was us getting engaged oh my gosh so I looked at him i was like you're kidding me first thing i say is i'm like what but i was so surprised i was i was shocked wait was this the plan the whole time or did he actually have the other plan and he changed it the plan was to be with the family and he switched it to the day before and doing this random baby like not shower but like lie yeah something i don't even i don't it was just a lie about some party that our friends had just recently had a baby so that we were going to see them and they were hosting this little party and I just believed it because honestly he could

have had the ring laying out like on the kitchen table and at that point I would I was so in my own head I would have never noticed like that's how I was at that time and it was beautiful and he was so sweet, but I was, yeah, not, that wasn't my, like the best of me, I guess. And that was hard. And we like, actually the weekend ended up being great. I didn't have the pressure of my family, like being right there in front of me. And then I could kind of talk through it. We had that special time together. So then I could like actually talk about how I feel and how I love him, how it's been, this has been like a really hard time. And I definitely want to marry him um and obviously I said yes but I had time a little bit of time to like have that

with us and then have that time with my family and friends and he just like made them a video they were all like they're thinking they were in this room and they were going to like see us get engaged but he like made this video for them to watch and be like so as you know like things can change. And, um, I just want to like show you what I mean. And so there was obvious, there was like a video of us getting engaged that the people who take the pictures showed them. So they were like, wait, what's happening. And then we like came through the door and got to tell the story. So it all like worked out. Um, how do you feel now? How I feel now? So yeah, it took me a little bit um I'm really happy that like I'm gonna get to have this life with him and and I have now the

time I've not started wedding planning or anything yet to just like sit in it and and be able to not feel this pressure because I think all of it was around just pressure of having to perform and it be the certain way that I just knew I couldn't do that's how I was yeah completely and and I think I was like almost mad because as someone who has struggled with trying to make it all work and be perfect and and really like when a moment comes to like be able to fully be there I could not do it like I physically couldn't and so I was just wrapped up in that and now I've been I've been able to just there is even though there are people always ask me oh when are you gonna like when's the wedding have you started I'm like shut up no well I was engaged I was engaged for two

years before we got married I didn't start wedding planning for a year so we and I very very much recommend that because it is very nice especially like I had the same thing like there's also this thing this term that I heard recently called perfect moment syndrome that a lot of people with like anxiety OCD have and it's exactly what you're describing where it's like especially for these big moments in our lives like an engagement or a wedding or whatever you build you have so much pressure on yourself for it to go a certain way and you build it up in your mind like I'm going to feel this way and this is going to happen and then you're always disappointed no matter what because it's never going to happen the way that it's supposed to be in your mind um but that's

like kind of what I've realized that I have I had the same thing happen at my wedding I had the same thing happen in our bachelor parties like and that's kind of understanding that is a big thing but then like I think it's like really smart to just allow yourself to kind of relax chill the out after that and just like you don't have to get married right away you can sit in this moment and actually feel great about it as time moves on and you're like I'm so happy that he's my fiance instead of being like let's rush to be my husband exactly that's that's kind of where I'm at of I don't know where I want to get married. I don't know what type of wedding I want. And I don't want to feel this pressure that I have to figure it out. Like right now I'm getting to enjoy this time

to like go to different weddings, to just research, like, what is the feeling that I want to have where like being able to even see your, your wedding, Jack, like see what, like, oh my gosh, that's so beautiful. I really kind of, I'm leaning more to destination, but like really trying to figure out exactly what I want that to look like and not feel this pressure that it just has to be like, I have to have it figured out, have to have a date, have to know exactly everything that's going to go into that, into the wedding, but like take my time with it. Um, so I'm trying to do that. It is on our list to like start finding a wedding planner soon so that we can start having those conversations. But I just, I don't want, I can't deal with any more pressure. And I think

you, y'all know, like when you have your, all these different things that you're doing as far as business. And I just started a podcast and there's a lot more that goes into it. Then you realize like planning a wedding seems to be like another full-time job. And I just don't have the time for that right now. Like I just, I don't. So, um, that's also like the, the biggest thing It's just, I can't stretch myself anymore because then I will become truly a bridezilla just because everything that he does will make me in a way then. Here's the thing. I feel for you because we have a little bit of a similarity in that, you know, you're

a pageant girl and you're a show girl and like, you like the moment, you like the dress and the hair and like, you like the princess moment. And at the same time, I definitely have the imposter of like, I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel like I've driven in the car on the four or five. I've practiced my wedding vows so many times. I know when I get up there, I'm going to feel a certain way. And like, you don't, because you're just like, you're waiting until you feel something. And you're like, I never feel anything.

I feel something when I'm watching the bear on my couch and like Counting Crows starts playing. I feel something more at other people's weddings than I did at mine. 100%. And so I, I'm divorced or I was divorced. Now I'm married, but I had two weddings. I had the big ballroom, fancy dress. Everyone's on their best behavior wedding when I was young and I hated it. I hated it the day I was doing it. I hated, I hated it. So when it came time to actually marry the love of my life, the person that I knew was my person, we got married in the backyard. I had

a taco truck on the driveway. We did nothing that you had to do. There was no favor. We did an Evite. It was like the most chill thing, but I got beautiful pictures of me and my beautiful dress and beautiful pictures of us that I still have at our house. And we did our vows and the vows are the only thing that matters. Jack had a similar experience at her wedding. We're in France in the middle of the world. And like all of these things you want, right. And what does everyone talk about just the vows. So really Hannah, like you can, you can do whatever you want. You don't have to have your family there. You can elope and do all the beautiful photos and do your vows with just you and your husband, because if that's, what's going to make you feel comfortable. And then you

can go down. Like for me, I worked in Hollywood at the time when we got married, I was, I think I was hosting on the insider. And so I had all these people that like Hollywood people that were like my people, like agents and you know, whatever. And people I worked with at the TV show and all this stuff, I was like, I can't have these people around me when I'm trying to be like just regular me so in the backyard we had 40 people and it was like no work friends on either side and then two weeks later we threw a Gatsby party at like a club in LA and like every person that was like a work person an acquaintance a person that wanted to celebrate you like we did a big party and everyone came and there's a great photo booth and we drank and it was like so fun and like sure did people

talk shit about me behind my back being like I can't believe Kilted didn't invite me to your wedding sure but I didn't care and so you just have to like what I love and how I know you're going to have a successful marriage is that you're so self-aware and you're already in therapy and he already understands that like he understands you like yeah and like so that's the math the the missing piece or the piece that's so important in a marriage is that like he knows your nutto bananas and like he's going to help you and understand you and and be a part of a life with you that's going to have some nutto bananas parts in it and like that's the most important thing because most women, what happens is they hide that and they act like everything's fine. And

then they have their wedding day and they're in tears in the bathroom because nothing's going the way that it is. And then the wedding ends and you're like, all I had was this wedding. And then the relationship falls apart. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I feel so supported by him. And also what was really cool was, you know, you're asking like, how did I feel after the fact that he could take ownership of also like where some of his patterns came in through it of like, he is can be a people pleaser and didn't want to you know ruin everybody else's weekend that had spent all the time and money and he's like maybe I could have listened like he's like I'm so glad that we did it and I feel like as soon as the engagement was like over like I said that

weekend I was able to like really relax into it but he's like you know I probably didn't hear you fully and I like and he took responsibility for that and that's honestly all I needed because it's like it's not that I'm mad that you proposed to me or like I wanted to say no like that's none of that but to be able to be aware of our patterns and and already like being able to have that communication is so great and so I want that the wedding to really be a reflection of us and you know it's been it's been interesting like even trying to start planning the wedding it's like at first he was like oh i want to i want a big wedding but i'm like you want a big wedding or you want a wedding here in a big wedding because you don't want to hurt anybody's feelings

yeah right like you're right like that is why i'm like but what do you what do we actually want what do you really want what do you want for yourself i'm like i want you know the most extreme experience for everyone and then it's like oh well okay I'm seeing what I'm doing I'm trying to make it this like for everyone else for everyone else what do you want yeah and and so we're both seeing the ways that we're doing that we're like I'm like trying to make it this like extravagant thing but like over which I still think destination is what I want to do but it doesn't have to be weed the people out yes it'll weed the people out but it still doesn't have to be this like extreme thing that sometimes I'm like, I don't want to spend a million dollars on my wedding.

And I'll, I will compare what I want to people who do that. And it's like, that's so dumb. That's that dumb for me at this point in my life, you know? So, um, we're, we're just taking this time to really set up ourselves for a marriage, not just the wedding. And I think that's, that's important and at the end of the day the wedding literally doesn't matter like it kind of does I mean it looked really cute I mean obviously same because I obsessed about mine for a year like all everywhere but like at the end of the day it's like it it ends up coming and going so fast and then like Kelsey was saying like if you're just putting I mean I put too much pressure on my wedding I'm talking to myself but like there's so much pressure to make everybody else happy and

make the experience for everybody else. That's what ended up spiraling me after our wedding is just worrying about if everybody was having fun, did I do enough here for, for everybody else? Like, how do they feel about me? But at the end of the day, like Kelty said, like the things that I took away from the wedding that were the most important to me, we're doing our vows, which I was going to do privately and Kelty and Becca bullied me. They're like, you do this publicly. Everybody wants to see your love and experience it because you know, you only experienced so much of a couple and then like my first look with my dad and my first look with jared and like those things are just me and jared it didn't have anything to do with anybody else you know yeah so keeping that

in mind i think is just because you can get carried away yeah it's gonna be amazing i just love having these types of conversations because sometimes you know you see the the pictures and you feel like you're so alone of feeling like a little bit crazy town about it all or it not being, you know, 100% the most magical experience through and through. Like I'm sure there's, you know, I hope that there are those like precious moments where, you know, Adam, my dad see me for the first time and vows and all that. Like I, I really hope for those moments, but that it's okay to have some anxiety about making a huge decision in your life. It doesn't have to be like, Oh my gosh, I've just never felt better in my life. Like knowing I'm making the

perfect decision for me. It was just like, no, like I have relationship anxiety. I've had some really tough relationship things happen. And even though I'm with like the most perfect person, um, for me, that doesn't mean that those feelings can't coexist with also being really happy too. and knowing that I'm making a great decision and choice for the rest of my life, I can still have a little bit of fear and that's okay. That doesn't mean like I'm making a bad decision. Oh my God. Like three weeks before we got married, I was like, I'm not marrying Chris. And we were in therapy. And I was like, are these, I literally wrote about it in one of our books. And I was like, I'm looking at him. I'm like, are these the toenails I'm going to sleep beside every,

like it's totally it's so normal all right we got to take a break when we come back we need to talk about the book you're listening to the lady gang okay we're back with hannah now i am very excited that you have pivoted from kind of self-help and memoirish into these novels because this is a as a Kelty, the smartest business decision of your life, because now you can just go and write books all over the world and live in a hut and release amazing bestselling books. And second of all, you now get to write a little bit of a steaminess. So the book comes out in April next year. So we're pre-ordering it now, right? It comes out May 7th, May 7th. Tell me how you got the idea. What is it about? Are we getting sex scenes? Like what's the vibe? First off? Yes. We are

getting sex scenes um i always have been a big reader um and i love a good rom-com you know something that just kind of takes me out of my life and all the pressure and stress usually that's unnecessary that i put on myself and so just to have something that i can escape into and it's not that it's always it's kind of predictable you know when you have a rom-com there's going to be some type of love story at the end. I think everyone kind of, if you read those books, that's what, that's what you love. So this was always something that I, before everything in my life happened, I always said like one day, I think it'd be really cool to write a novel. Like that was just like one of those dreams that I had not knowing where my life would take me. I didn't

know somebody would want to read about my own life. Like, yeah, I didn't, I never really thought about that but being able to write and create this own story and this own world was always something interesting to me and so when this opportunity came up I was like oh my gosh like this is actually a dream like that I would I would love to to do so um I feel like people also started following me and know me for like the romance in my life so to be able to pivot from not my my own love story but to create other love stories with some of my own stuff sprinkled in like that I think you draw inspiration from your own life so it's definitely in there but to create these different stories has been just so fun and look I've I've um

never done this before so I also want to be very open like I had help somebody helping me make sure that all my visions thoughts um sentence structure made sense and could really like put together um everything that I had in mind for the story into like great detail onto the page and so I'm really thankful for um Emily Larrabee that that helped me with this and just I think it is I really think it's awesome like it's hard for me to be proud of myself with certain things um but I'm really proud of this project and that feels good to say so it's called mistakes we never made is this like what's the vibe of the overall don't give anything away obviously but the vibe of the story and then like is it giving us like a coho moment like is it giving us like a Colleen Hoover or is this like

a diff is this like a danielle steel situation or is this like a reese witherspoon emily henry situation oh we love emily henry we love emily henry like the it is the quintessential summer read it it has like enemies to lovers um it's in a beach setting going down the coast that turns into a road trip trying to chase a bride um a runaway bride um fun love it and these uh emma and finn were kind of they had a lot of moments where they almost almost were something and then not which turned to like having which is the best in a book yes which which turns into them having a lot of friction and kind of uh annoyed by each other and then they get stuck together trying to find their mutual best friend who is the bride and along the way you know it gets a little steamy

and I I really wanted there to obviously like everybody loves a good scene that makes them blush but it had to be it had to make sense and it wasn't like we go straight into like some crazy sex scene. You know, there's a buildup to it, which I also think is fun of like, Oh, is something going to happen? And then it doesn't, but I, I feel like it really is the quintessential beat read. It has everything that makes, um, up what we love about rom-coms. But the thing that I, I love about it most is there's also this like group of girlfriends called the core for that kind of, um, and I also have another book that's coming out where like all their lives are intertwined and I love that. So it kind of gives like the sisterhood

of the traveling pants vibe to it, which I love, um, and shows female friendships and how we show up for each other in these times when it comes to stupid boys and making mistakes and making decisions that kind of will change our lives and how we show up for each other. So that's also something that I thought was important because that's a love story in itself as well, how we, we love our friends. Okay. If they turned these books into movies, would you star in the movie? Ooh. Ooh. I mean, that's the goal. I, I wrote this book with that in mind of like, I think it could of it being produced into something a tv show movie um that is the goal oh i don't know if i would i would want somebody i know i want like the best in it and i wouldn't say that i'm the

best at acting i've never really tried that but can i be an extra absolutely oh yeah you got to do the um alfred hitchcock he'd always like show up in every one of his movies yeah no i definitely want to be i want to see myself on camera but i would like somebody probably a little bit more believable and you know has some skill um playing these these roles and these characters okay last thing before we go because we're almost out of time is um for jack vanik and all the bachelor fans out there are you watching golden bachelor have you had time to watch it oh my gosh i mean i just caught up this i think sunday yes i love it so much what are y'all's thoughts because i think it's wonderful it's kind of cheesy but i i actually love that no we need it like we need

gary i can't believe he's a real person because i'm like how to how does somebody act and talk and is like so genuine the way that he is and that's i guess that's my fear it's like how are they going to replicate that for like another golden bachelor because he just is a gem and is so caring and truly like cares about every conversation he has with these ladies and it's so optimistic i'm like how are we i think they could do 10 golden bachelorettes because i think women like that's the exact same thing that happened in the regular franchise is like there were so many good women that you fell in love with and then there were the men were like and in between you know no we had talked about this where all they need because we're like it

would be amazing obviously golden bachelorette and then but it's like how do you get so many good men it's like you only need is the man you only need a couple you only need a couple and then the rest of them can be douchebags because like men i don't care how old you are men are douchebags for the most part but like i feel like they could do it maybe nobody's going to be like gary it was the best casting i've ever seen in my life because he doesn't seem like like i feel like when you're getting into that age you're kind of set in your ways and a lot of men like stopped taking care of themselves and it seems like he's so open for this next adventure and he just seems like like a rare find yeah um so it's like him and who's the guy we had from jury

duty on ronald oh ronald and jerry ronald is a yes they're the same on it's the year of like it's the year of good guys yes he's like he's everything that you could want to like everything you'd expect him to be he's just like the sweetest but that is that is do you have a um person one of the women that you think he should be with because i can't quite decide who i think he's i can't tell who he's into the most i know because he cares for all of them well i am notorious for lurking the bachelor subreddit all the time so no i know but i think they're all great they're all great they're all like are you happy are you happy with who's with yeah oh I know I don't want to know now gosh because I see shoot okay so we're happy at least we're happy about it yeah I hope they're

together I will my heart will break if he doesn't have his happy ending I know I mean I wonder how different it is when it comes when you're that when you're that much older because like I don't feel like social media is probably bothering them as much as or maybe it is i don't know um because i feel like that kind of can get yeah make it so hard um people aren't as mean to them as i feel like they're because they're adorable you guys yeah yes okay well hannah we never got to the ask the lady gang questions so you'll have to come back because we we just we went no it's great i but we have so many girls that wants our life advice because we're obviously like crushing um so if you have crushing mental breakdowns not being able to do life it's fine but yeah

it's totally fine if you want more hannah you can listen to her podcast every single week um it's called better tomorrow and i am going to link you an episode that i was recently on and we had like the best conversation ever and right now as you guys know we've talked about this for years about books and pre-orders the only thing in life that matters is a pre-order so hop on the internet pre-order mistakes we never made let's let hannah get her dream of making this book a success into a rom-com and it will star me allegedly because there is an opening um and i love that i can't wait and uh we will see you next tuesday thanks for listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingber steve delameter and jared monaco

Make sure you subscribe, rate, and review our podcast. And if you love it, share it with your friends on social media. Like, oh my god, I just listened to Lady Gang. This episode's so great. Swipe up to listen. And if you really want to, which we know you do, please follow us on social. At Kelty, at Becca, at Jack Vanek, and at the Lady Gang. Sign up for our newsletter at theladygang.com and join our secret Facebook group.

It's super fun. See you next Tuesday. Thank you.