LadyGang - Heather Monahan

Episode Date: October 2, 2018

The business guru and author of "Confidence Creator" talks about expertly handling herself after getting fired, what it takes to stand out in the business world, and give you tips on keeping you shine and being a bad ass business lady beyond all odds. Follow the podcast on Instagram @theladygang and you can email Jac, Becca and Keltie at Hello [e-mail]! And thank you to today's sponsors: Amazon = Go to amazon.com/shop/ladygang to find their favorite products while keeping the podcast FREE!  The CW’s Charmed = The spellbinding new series premiers Sunday Oct 14th after Riverdale only on the CW Tommy John = Get 20% off your first order at TommyJohn.com/lady Stamps.com = Go to Stamps.com and click the Radio Microphone icon at the top of the page and type in LADYGANG to receive $55 Free postage, a digital scale, and a 4 week trial   ZipRecruiter = Go to ziprecruiter.com/gang to post jobs for free See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, it's your Lady Gang, Jack Vanek, Kelty Knight, and Becca Tobin. Thank you so much for subscribing on iTunes, and thanks for supporting the great sponsors who make it possible for us to have this much fun with you every single week for free. Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang. Things are about to change around here.

Each week we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello and welcome to The Lady Gang. I'm Becca Tobin here with Kelty Knight and Jack Bannock. Yo. What's up? Yo. I'm just happy to be here with you guys. Did you up your meds? You're so happy today. And you seem kind of chill. I know.

Really? Yeah, what have you been doing? Nothing. I just, I'm just trying to be a better person. I'm not saying it's better or worse. I'm just saying like... Well, f*** you, you make you a little bit more chill. I mean, I like you. I personally like you better like this. But I'm not saying that it's better in general. There's just a shift.

But it probably will shift back. Yeah, shift back. I think I've just been stressed, but I'm good now. Okay. Okay. Well, that's good. Are you stressed? What are your stress levels?

I mean, with this show, my stress levels are that high. They're at an all-time high. Yeah, me too. My psoriasis is really acting up. Oh, my God. It's really flaring up. That's how I know when I'm really stressed. I know when I'm having just like a meltdown every two days.

Yeah, it's fun. Okay. well what's the time for just bad week it's called bad week bad week it's time for good week yes it is bad week oh no i'll go first okay go ahead because i'm very quick bad week i pulled a jack lean vanak do you know how to pronounce my last name yes i was in the morning brushing my teeth guess what i brushed them with monistat skin food my favorite well dita skin

hand cream that i put all over my body the green one the green one that i always talk about twelve dollars it's like precious metal to me i put it on my toothbrush and put it in my mouth and it was creamy and not minty at all how long did it take to get out of your mouth like a lot and i had to throw away the toothbrush

because it's so oily yeah it like never left well the thing i love about skin food is it's so thick that like i cannot imagine having it on your teeth yeah and then not being able to get it off brutal it was a lot of things good week so do you remember a couple episodes ago we were talking about toe it was a quickie and we're like he just dresses up in a toe costume yeah little toe little toe hit me up on instagram okay you you say it's Lil. Lil Toe. Lil Toe. Lil. Lil. Not Lil. Little. No. Lil. Lil. Lil Toe. Yeah.

Good job. Lil Toe hit me up on Instagram. What did he say to you? And he said, I'm not scary. I'm nice. Oh my God. Here's the thing. He wears a mask all the time. Which is scary. And then he also. Exhibit A. Scary. Also wears a foot costume. Terrifying. Exhibit B. So Oh, I don't know about you, Lil Toe, but it was sweet that he wrote me. He also poses with guns in his pictures all the time and raps about guns all the time. I know. It's really not my demographic. It's scary.

But I guess he listens to the Lady Gang podcast, which is fine. Or didn't you? Boys, too. I mean, a little bit, but I'm not going to bring that up right now again. Okay, who's next? Wait, I'm sorry. I have a question. How old is he?

I have no idea. Where's Mask? All of those rappers are probably like 20 years old. Because they're all from YouTube. all the face tats, they're all in the same probably little age gap. The age gap that is making big time errors with their face tattoos.

Such a mistake. Just remember me in 2000. Everyone had a tramp stamp. I got a tramp stamp. What do I have now? A tramp stamp, but at least it's on your back. Also, I don't know if Lil Toe has face tattoos because he always wears a mask. I just assume he does. You just made this up. No, Lil

Zan has face tattoos. Lil Toe, I just went down a k-hole and found him but he always wears a mask how many followers does little a lot more than me i think it's like 200 000 but he gets like 20 000 likes which is more than me damn okay so i'll go um my good week is bleak um i haven't watched a movie literally since jurassic world the first one so like four years i don't watch movies i just what do you do when you're like making out with boys on your couch watching like arrested development weird that would not turn me on it turns me on i love that show i mean i love the show but like it does not get me i just can't

focus on a movie i can focus on like 10 hours of tv but for some reason a movie is just takes way too much energy for me but i watched a movie on the plane coming home the other day and it was so good it was love simon have you guys seen it it is the cutest movie oh jennifer garner yeah and josh gmail it is so freaking cute like the little coming of age story of the kid that was gay and he was like too scared to tell his parents yeah oh so good by the way josh jamelle so underrated as an actor he's really good we just think of him as a hot guy yeah he's a great actor yeah he was pretty fantastic to get more credit for his acting he's great and he still is just so hot um okay that's my good week my bad week is i came across this app through like a instagram ad or something

right and it's called the body app and it is the scariest thing i've ever seen because it's like facetune but for your body you can literally make your boobs bigger like it's not like you have to like kind of move them around there's like a boob part of it that just grows your boobs it grows your butt it gives you abs like you can completely change your body but like pressing little buttons and it's yours i can't wait to try it that sounds like a good time it scares me okay this is how I felt so much better when I saw J-Lo's before and after on CelebFace from the VMAs. Because I was like, J-Lo's so perfect. Even in real life, she's just gorgeous.

Yeah, she's beautiful. And the fact that she made her waist smaller. The fact that J-Lo's sitting there being like, I need to Facetune. I'm like, we're all f***ed. It's so weird for somebody like her, though, that grew up in a time before it as a celebrity. And it's like, you just didn't do that. You're like, oh, I photoshopped on a magazine. But in real life, it's whatever.

It's a rumor city. oh anyway anyways here's my good week it's gonna uplift all your spirits can't wait you know for a while you can mute people's stories so like yes you could follow people and then just like if you would if they annoyed you in story you just muted them you can now mute their posts oh i know it is it was amazing exciting because have you noticed that the most annoying people that you really want to unfollow are going to notice that you unfollowed them because they're those people well and it's also the people thirsty needy people would you meet me would i mute you no you're not bad but it's also the people that i'm bad i'm like god they're so annoying but i'm gonna go to their

profile i'm gonna click on all their posts and see how annoying they are and then they show up i hate follow people i know but it's friends no i know no i i recently muted like just now i never even see them and it says i'm following them but like holy shit i didn't realize how annoying those people were until they weren't in my life anymore and suddenly i like didn't cringe every time i started to scroll through instagram that i might run into like one of those people who triggered that annoying whatever it is amazing it's so good i've been using it on everybody um bad week i lost another boop acting job still on a point uh i was up when i say to the final just two girls the final two

and i didn't get it do you know but i do know who got it is it somebody that i would know um is it some i don't know like is it a well-known person i'm not gonna tell you okay well or any of you listeners when you send me notes or is it like a no name it's not a no name it's like a my kind of name like a i know who she is from being in the business she probably like whatever doesn't matter she got the job does she look like no she did she's not blonde but she is talented and cute and beautiful good for her but you know that feeling like i would almost rather be in like the top 500 instead of the top two yeah it's like they had a choice between you and her

and they're like, not her. It's like when you're standing there and they're announcing who's getting the crown. It's not me. Yeah, that sucks. Yeah, so,

oh, that's it. Just trials and tribulations of Becca Tobin. Boop, boop. Check out my IMDb. It's the same as it was last year. I like it when you say, boop.

I think boop should be our new thing for like... For something that really sucks. I lost another. acting job. We're really serious and shitty. Yeah. Well, what's coming up

is going to make all of us feel better and more confident. And we're not going to have any more boop moments. Or we will. We're going to feel better about them. Yes, we are. Okay, bye. You're listening to The Lady Gang. Our guest today graduated from Clark University. She's

closed deals worth $55 million and has held major positions like VP and EVP of sales for multi-million dollar companies. And during this time, Heather also launched her personal brand to empower women and give them insight and tips that she had longed for as a young professional. She was recognized as a glass ceiling award winner and as one of the most influential women in radio in 2017 before her unexpected termination. So she was faced with a choice. Do you go back to your comfort zone or do you take a leap of faith and pursue her passion to elevate other women using the tricks and tools she herself used to

get ahead well you know what she chose she's written a book called Boston Heels and she's here to teach us all her tricks please welcome to the lady gang Heather Monahan welcome thank you for having me we're so excited to have you and like I spend so many weeks on your site that now I'm like I'm fully professional I've like I'm so inspired I know the top 10 things that I should be using on my hair and what I need to wear to work like I've pulled it all together so I'm so excited for the girls because the truth is we talk about this often is that not every single person that listens to our podcast wants to go to hollywood and be an actress or a podcaster there's so many of our girls that are working in corporate america that are feeling uncomfortable

with the different things going on so we're so happy to have you so first of all tell us a little bit of your story so i grew up poor i faced a lot of adversity in my life and i really lacked confidence for the majority of my life. And for me, figuring out that that was really holding me back was a pivotal moment. And then realizing, OK, I was able to get ahead at work. I was able to do it. How did I do these things? And really sitting down and laying it out and then realizing the reason why I can't overcome adversity is I know the levers to pull. I know the actions to take to really build my confidence back up when it dips because everybody's dips. And for me, a big dip moment was getting fired july 27 2017 and in that moment just deciding okay i'm petrified

and scared to death however this is a great opportunity to go out on my own and um and here i am today do you know why you got fired i have my opinion i'm sure the woman who did it has hers i can tell you what she said i worked for this company for 14 years i was the chief revenue officer. And I had done an amazing job. I had been promoted three times. I was at the highest level you can get other than CEO. The CEO I had worked for all of that time became ill. He stepped down and he elevated his daughter. And she and I had always been on opposite spectrum. She was on the financial side. I was on the revenue generation side. She was more of an introvert. I'm more extroverted. So we were always opposites, but it was never a problem. And I just assumed she's a

smart lady. Of course she'll want to keep me on. I do a great job. Well, when she finally got a handle on things, I got the call. She brought me in and said, we no longer need your position and therefore we no longer need you. You can sign this memo that says Heather Monahan's been fired or you can sign this one that says Heather Monahan, beloved employee, has pursued her own blah, blah, blah. But with that, I was going to have to sign a release that I would never speak about her or my experiences and you know that was when i left so i believe that she fired me because she was intimidated by me and unfortunately there's women out there that don't elevate and support other women we all know that right so i you know i had the opportunity to remove that

villain from my life and literally with her being gone so much good happened for me and so much positive showed up within 30 days that it was it was game changing yeah and this happened super recent this is a little bit over a year ago wow damn okay so one of your things you have this thing the monaghan method i guess it's like the things that you follow so one of the things that um i wanted to start with is something that touches close to home for me and you talk about the fraud mindset i've always felt like everyone's like oh my god congratulations girl you're killing it and then i go home and i'm like i'm such a fraud i have fooled everyone they are idiots I am, you know, I don't deserve any of it.

So is that what you're talking about? And how do we get over that? Yeah, that's a great example. And also just to that point, because people say that to me, too. You're killing it. I'm like, really? Does killing it mean that I'm working 20 hours a day and killing myself? Yeah.

OK, then I am killing it. Excellent. But, you know, they only see the cover of the podcast or, you know, they just see those moments and think it's really easy, which we all know it's not. So, yeah, the fraud mindset's alive and real. and if people aren't aware of it it hasn't been articulated the way that you just did for them but it's a real thing that i questioned myself when i became vp oh my gosh am i really able to do this i don't it's a stretch i've never then okay then i went to evp can i do it then what

chief revenue same thing now i'm in this lane can i be an author i don't know am i good enough in english you know all these doubts come into your mind and most recently an mba player reached out to me on LinkedIn. He had read my book and he said, there's one point of difference between being a good player in the NBA or a great one. And it's confidence. And he said, I'd really like it if you could meet with me. And that was my fraud mindset point was, okay, well, I know I wrote a book, but now I'm going to advise people that make 15 million a year that are on TV and have endorsement. I'm a fraud. What if I can't help him? And it was that same moment you just explained, you know, for me, it just happened a month ago. And I decided I'm going to show up.

I don't know what's going to happen. And I'm petrified that I am a fraud. But the fact that I pulled the trigger and showed up was a confidence building moment for me. And I saw a 24 year old young kid clutching my book. And in that moment, I realized I'm not a fraud. He's looking for something to help him. And I do know how to help him. And I listened to him. And we talked about how it was so intimidating to be at the foul line and have everyone in the world looking at you. And I said, they're not looking at you. And he said, what do you mean? You don't know. You're not in the NBA. And I said, great point. However, I'm a professional speaker and I used to think everyone was looking at me. They're looking at their flipping phone. That's the challenge is

to get people to look at you. They're looking at their phone or the instagram or texting the sitter or trying to figure out dinner later yeah and he said are you sure i said yeah because i've been to your games and i'm not like i barely even know who you are i'm doing the bathroom break buddy like sorry it's not happening so i knew that i was able to give him a different perspective that experience shared with me that allowed me to squash that fraud mindset wow god right awesome okay so many of us have to live our lives emailing in our business and you had this amazing blog post actually your blog's great too you are literally a stalker by the way but she is um and i'm trying to remember what it is that i wrote

well you talked about execute with email and like some tips on how to write a good email and and how to be cohesive and clean and so what are your tips for because we do have to do all these trends that i'm a terrible emailer i'm a cold cunty bitch on email and like it's a real fail of mine this is a big opportunity email at all she's i mean yes i do god emails one a slow italic email that ends with like a small cheers emoji at least my signature is pink it's cute yeah okay that's cool i like that idea so what are your thoughts on this like world that we have to live in execute with email to me the biggest challenge is being heard separating yourself right because whoever you're emailing is getting hundreds if not thousands of emails a day

so I'm all about who is that person you're reaching out to do your homework on them right one time I was trying to get a meeting with a guy in the government and he would not respond to me nothing so I researched his name and found out he had a crest an Irish crest I'm Irish so I googled his crest I don't know what my crest is I found it and I sent the in the email both of our crests next to each other and I said this is amazing how similar your crest and mine are I'm so proud of my irish hair and i got a phone call back within an hour because he opened the email up and read it and saw that i had found that point of connection with him right sometimes people won't respond to an email i send a life-size cut out of myself to their office and people

pee their pants laughing and call me back so it's like how are you going to start doing that you have to separate yourself guys you know you have to be unique it's so cheap to do that it also helps that you're very beautiful so people probably are like shit i can't believe i ignored this hot woman for so long yeah they're just like another email and then they get the cutout they're like what do you think would happen if we send a cutout of this exact moment that's happening right now it would be epic i think it would be real and flannel is perfect i would love that you would do that wait that's what we should do to get guests to come on the show absolutely amazing we should send them cutouts line up don't stop there like think just open your mind to how's

another way that i can cut through this clutter and that is a big way pivot that is amazing that That is our way that we're going to do it. That's very cool. It's so on brand. And then like maybe one like head and it just says this could be you. Yes. Then I would do things like if someone won't call me back, I'll leave Mission Impossible music so that you know they're going to stay on.

What are you going to say? And then you say like this message is going to self-destruct. You've got 30 seconds to act. And then I tell them whatever crazy thing I'm going to tell them. People die laughing at this stuff. That's good. Everyone's in your boring day. Oh, yeah.

And you've got to show up and be unique. Who is this wacko? But they call back. Yeah. i love that one of the things that you said like how to get hired for a job follow up follow up follow up for sure it's true and that's what you get in your podcast guests too it's no different i know but it's like not a lot of people do this you feel like well didn't you get my email you wrote them once like i throw away the first draft of most emails that come to me you know what i

mean like if a publicist wants me to do something with them i need like at least three before i'll notice that they're alive so but people will send an email and especially feel like you're a little bit timid or a little bit insecure you're just going to be like oh okay well i guess i sent it they didn't want it i tried then you're going to be like everyone else right success was easy everybody would have it you know the point of differentiation is about the follow-up and about saying wow this is not a fail this is an opportunity i bet this poor guy missed my email i've got to get right back out there again and get in front of him that's my job poor guy i have this thing but what do you say about i feel so bad for him i really do though i really do i'm

not kidding i really and you should feel bad if someone doesn't get on the show and be like oh my gosh i gotta get in front of them it's true we are gonna improve their careers by coming on the show it's a gift to them you're welcome here's my so like when i try i don't have much much like tenacity when it comes to like reaching out to people and because i always feel like i'm going to be such a burden because I know how I feel when I get those emails. And I know how I feel when I just don't have the time and I just never want to be on the other end of that. So it's like, how do you get past that? I'm so, I get so hung up on that. That's not up to you. It's not your decision to make for someone else. You can't decide they feel like you,

you need to give them the opportunity. And it's not fair, frankly, for you to do that. yeah so i really try to look at it that way it's not up to me to make a decision for someone else it's up to them to make that decision however if they don't hear the opportunity they're this right it's not fair that you know that's an epic fail so i guess your job i guess you have to feel like your opportunity that you're giving them is good of course it is back down to the confidence of it all that's exactly what it is but it's like what are you gonna get a no maybe like nobody's gonna be like you're being a freak by reaching well you might but yeah i don't know but for the majority you won't like you either won't get a response or

you'll get a polite no but that's where we're so different is that you i think i'm putting words your mouth but i think like say there's like five events in hollywood one week and we're not going to go to any of them you would rather them not annoy you with inviting so that you didn't have to be like jesus christ i'm not going to your stupid event where i am like i just want to be invited and be able to say no to you yeah right yeah don't you think yeah it's like you don't even want to get invited you just want people to leave you alone i do and for me i'm like i want to know everything that's going on i'm not going i'm not leaving my house but like i want to just be invited so you're just a more grateful version no i don't think she wants the attention but she

wants to turn it down right that's the difference but i don't get the life the love out of turning it down but like i always want to be on the list you know what i mean where you like could care less if you're on the list you're like i'm fine i have a question another question so i have a friend who's interviewing right now for jobs and i think that she's very hung up on not having the experience and i keep being like that's how you get the experiences like by going up to that next rung like reaching for the next ring and i think that women especially like struggle with this putting ourselves in a box and talking about all the reasons why we don't deserve to get whatever that job is or all the reasons they're going to tell us we shouldn't have the job and it's

it's like you want to give your friends the confidence boost and you want to say all the right things but it's like what do you say to somebody who just doesn't really feel like it's their position you know so there's some people that don't like don't want to jump like that you know what i mean like they're they want to but they're scared they're scared yeah well you know it's so interesting because the majority of men believe you learn along the way where women think if i don't have the experience i'm not actually ready for that opportunity right and And we're holding ourselves back because of that way of thinking. However, there's always something unique about anyone.

And if you tell your friend the fact that you're a woman, you're going to see things differently. You're going to notice opportunities, perception. You're going to have such a different take on everything. If you don't bring that to the forefront, you're failing yourself. And you're failing that potential company. Again, the company is the one that's going to win if she gets hired. And she's really got to believe in that. Also, whatever she focuses on is what she's going to create.

So if she's focused on, here's why I'm not going to get the job, okay, applause. You're not getting the job, and good for you. But instead, let's write down why you're going to get it. You have a fresh perspective. You have a new take on things. You're an innovator. You're creative. And own those powerful words, write them down, and become them, and practice.

Ask people in your life who are close to you, what's special and unique about me? And see how you feel when you listen to the messages you get back from people. write those things down yeah think about another time you thought you couldn't do something and you did it

and you lived you survived and use that as leverage and fact that this one's going to work as well right such good advice

I love that wait I have a question for you now yeah does everyone tell you you look like Reese Witherspoon a lot of people yes oh my god

do you know her I've never thought about that I don't I've actually seen her in person don't tell us now don't tell us now okay we'll discuss later

that's amazing up there also she said no to coming on our television show but we still love her. She's very busy. So far. We're going to ask

and get a pending. We're going to follow up. Should we all send cardboard cutouts? Yes. You should. Definitely. Come on, twins.

I was just like, come on. I think the last thing she would want to see is her but not at all. You can't decide for other people. If someone that looked like me sent a cutout

that I'm your mini-me, I would be obsessed with them. She is teaching us the way. Doing it. Cardboard cutouts. One of the things you also talked about was having this

quiet confidence. And I think that not everyone is a us where you're like look at me i am great i'm not like that i don't think one time my boss said to me she's like you know not everyone you're like you're so confident and i was like i literally cried in my car on the way home every day it's like so fake but anyway you're just loud i'm just obnoxious so many people confuse loud for confidence yeah but what do you think like what do you make of quiet confidence and how do you present that if you're not like a super boastful, like, I'm so great. Like, how do you still get ahead if confidence

is the key? So I have a lot of experience with that because when I was younger, I lacked confidence and I used the mask known as loud, obnoxious, overly competitive, you know, vying for attention everywhere I went. And people believe that was confidence. However, I really knew the truth, right? I went home and cried and said, this whole thing is fake and I'm going to fall apart. So as I grew older, I learned the more I take that mask off and step into who I really am and show up wearing ripped jeans even though everyone told me not to and decide to go out on my own even though everyone told me not to, the more I listen to my inner voice, act on my intuition, and really become who I am and own it, flaws and all, the more I'm able to have not only real confidence but a confident play that doesn't – I don't need to be the loudest in the room. And oftentimes it's much more powerful being the one that remains silent. Amen. Don't look at me, bitches.

Still water runs deep. Another thing you say, I just have two more that I want to touch on, is learn to love listening. Why is that so important? Well, I have an entire career and background in sales and listening is everything. Because when you are attempting to bring someone on your podcast, we need to know so much about them to figure out why it makes sense for them to be here. You know, so the power comes from understanding other people in order to get what you want. Because then you can put those point of connections together and make sense and relate to others. But without that knowledge, without hearing others and listening to them, you have no advantage.

Sales is interesting to me. Because we obviously they sell podcast ads on our podcast, but like we're not selling that. And every time like a brand comes to us and is like we want to work together, I'm like, and I get a hive because it's like it's just such an uncomfortable thing for me as a. I'm just uncomfortable around the ask for money and like, let me sell you some stuff. So how did you like such an interesting career? You need to. Well, everybody's in sales. It takes a specific type of person, though, to like really be good at sales.

It can be learned. I mean, there are strategies like anything. And I really, truly believe sales is an element that everyone needs. It's a life skill. Because if you want to sell your husband on why you should go out to dinner tonight, I'm going to help you do that. Or do you want to let him sell you on why you should go make dinner? You know, sales is everywhere in your life. In every exchange, someone is sold.

Yes, Heather, but $55 million worth of money is like a little bit more than like selling my husband and not making dinner. You know what I mean? It's the same strategies that apply, though. Of course. And it all comes with baby steps. The more you realize you're developing success and practicing something and honing in on that skill and that art, the better you get, the more you can go for that larger opportunity and start believing that you can actually accomplish it. You have to believe wholeheartedly in what you're selling. Otherwise, other people are going to sense that and know.

And, you know, making it up maybe when your podcast first started and you didn't really believe all in yet. Maybe you had trepidation. People sense that. You know, so you've got to believe 100% in what you're doing, what you're selling, and the value you bring to the table. And then you need to connect those dots as to why it makes sense for that other person. And then you just need to ask for the order. Do you have, like, one hack? I mean, I know you have 100, but, like, what's your, like, for all of our realtor sales, like, ladies trying to MLM us on Facebook, like, what is your sales hack?

Even, like, girls doing the Rodan and Fields, like, it's, like, women are crushing it in sales right now. So what's your like? Yeah. What is one tip? So closing is typically what people struggle the most with. So I try to give people a softer close because they feel more comfortable at first and it will allow you to build up some practice. So giving someone a choice is a great way to potentially close someone. You could say something like this. Would Friday delivery work better or Saturday a better day for you? And that allows that person to engage and say, well, actually, Friday. Now they're accepting that they were just sold on something. right and it's like their decision kind of yeah exactly so that makes people feel a little bit more comfortable if you're calling someone for the podcast is october the best month for you to come on or does november work better for your schedule oh shit interesting i've been consults for businesses no damn it i have zero interest i have zero really are you sure look how cute we are i mean for anyone wink wink um last thing work-life balance this is something that women struggle with and um like what are your tips what are your thoughts on it oh my gosh no one nails

that yeah of course you can have it all whatever all means to you but you know anytime i'm out here in LA right now, I'm away from my son. However, I try to be very transparent with him and talk to him about how proud I am of myself and what I'm building and share the real authentic side of what I'm doing so that while he's sad I leave, he's also cheering me on back at home. So I'm able to, you know, you walk away from one part of your life to dive into another. And it's about how can you make sure there's meaning all the way around. Now, if he gets hurt or something happens with him, Obviously, my priority is I drop what I'm doing and I go to wherever he is. But I've also learned because I've traveled so much because of business, I've been gone when he got hurt in a soccer game.

And it created an amazing opportunity that I didn't realize at the time. Another mother sat and took care of him because I wasn't there. And it was so cool for me to learn and for him to learn. There isn't just one person he can rely on. There's a lot of good people in the world. and he saw firsthand that day, Mom, you weren't there, but so-and-so's mom was and she took great care of me.

And it was a really meaningful story and moment for me. It probably made you feel better too. It did, of course. You're like the tribe, honey. Yeah, step it up, ladies. I need you. The book is incredible. Apparently NBA players are even reading it, ladies.

So get on board. What do you hope that everyone kind of takes away from it and what was the inspiration? You know, you have this radical change in your life and you're like, I'm going to write a book of all my tricks, tips, and how to do this. But what do you hope people learn from it? I hope people learn that adversity is just something that's going to happen and it's up to you to find the solution and plow through it.

You know, you can either let everything in your life stop you and hold you back or you can get really creative and find ways to jump over it and just keep going. And I hope that people know no circumstance can't not be changed. You can change and create whatever future you want if you're willing to take those steps. And again, it's not easy, but there is a very specific plan and strategy to it. And I just want everyone to have those skills and that knowledge. No pressure. But can we have a book to give away on our Instagram? Of course.

Our girls are going to love this. They're going to love this. It's like the most relatable, relevant thing that I think that we've ever had on the podcast. Do you know what? The reason why I believe that it is so relatable, I chose to write a story or share my lowest moments in my life and how i learned to build confidence from them conversely a lot of people write about how you should do this and this it's more preachy mine is not preachy if anything it would shift more to self-deprecating and you know vulnerability which i think that's what makes it

really unique yeah i love that and if you can't wait right now go on amazon or go online pick up confidence creator it's very cute you're looking chic as on the cover too so good so good um okay when we come back heather's going to help you fix your life hey ladies funky ask the lady gang and we're back so this part of the podcast we have all of our listeners write in their most burning questions and they need desperate advice so you're the most knowledgeable person that i think we've ever had on the podcast so i also want to say i curated the first two questions based on your expertise yeah i do put thought process they're pretty relevant okay so question one comes from people pleasing polly pocket she says i'm in a newly created area of my company

and as a result i am on a new team and a new department there's a group of women within my department not on my team that to be blunt are catty unfortunately i have to work with them on several projects so i've tried playing the new card and i thought i'd kill them with kindness by reaching out to meet with for coffee and get to know them with no success there are only three other people on my immediate team but i'm the only girl and the youngest by about 10 plus years but they don't seem to be dealing with the same issues i'm a people pleaser by nature but it's almost to a fault because this is killing me the way they're acting to me makes me think that they're they either believe my job isn't needed or that i'm not not good enough for my job it's just frustrating

and i don't know how to get over it plus i'm 30s and i hate that i'm even worrying about this kind of crap she needs the book i'm so excited for her to get confidence creator so number one you need to fire villains from your life and when you can't you need to create boundaries so those are very clear villains that she's allowing to get in her head i love calling it villains they are that's what let's call a spade a spade that's what it is right i love that so the way that i want her to approach this is number one these women are insecure yeah right because if you're a secure confident person the last thing you do is put other people down because you feel really good about who you are you wouldn't spend your time doing that yeah so the haters are going to come

when you're really special and shine your light. And she should feel so excited and proud about that. Try to work on creating some boundaries until you can get yourself off that team because it doesn't sound like it's a good space for her. And it might even be bigger than that. It might be the company and company culture, which she may need to leave the company

and she can start taking steps today to boost her LinkedIn profile, update her imaging, put some recommendations up there and start silently reaching out to see what other opportunities are available. but in any moment you're either building your confidence or chipping away at it so she's got to start owning her voice and standing up to these catty women wow i love that i have nothing else to say except that man i try hard to not worry so much about what everyone is thinking about you

and just like put your blinders on and do your life it's hard it's a challenge well and we know we live in this fake society it's not real so what you see out there is not real and someone's working really hard to create this fake image right just think of someone else that you know that's doing the same thing and apply it to them yeah i love that true okay question number two comes from bare minimum wage she says i recently got hired for a job that i'm second guessing the work itself is great but my supervisor is the worst she's super aggressive and sends micromanaging emails about things like being three minutes late clocking in is this me she says kelty in my defense this was one time in the line in the bathroom was longer than i thought a girl has

the right to pee, which she does. I know I want to quit already because of her. Did I mention I'm only getting paid $11 an hour? She's not understanding of the fact that I'm a student and I need time for my studies, even though she said she did at the interview. I want to quit, but this is also my only source of income. School is ramping up now and I'm having such a hard time balancing that job and school because I get home so late and I'm tired and have no energy for anything other than sleeping. I can barely feed myself right now. Should I wait even though I'm feeling like i'm dying so i can pay for groceries and textbooks or should i get the off of this job asap and keep looking for new jobs get off that job so there is something better out there for

her you cannot work for someone that treats you like crap that's unacceptable and it's going to boost her confidence and opportunities arise when you get out and hustle and focus on them she needs a better timeline something that's going to work better for her schedule where she's supported and people are helping her grow she needs to first change the name that she's using bare minimum wage hell no why don't you change it to aggressively successful and wealthy like start seeing yourself the way that you want to be and you will start creating it but you've got to take action and get the heck away from that lady yeah i also say like if you're in a bad job that you're not enjoying then go work at starbucks well she's also young she's in school yeah right

it's not a career you're literally just needing you're just needing money so like go go work an It's an easy job that's not demanding if you're just trying to pay your way through school at this point. Become a virtual assistant. Wait tables at night. There are so many different things that you can do to hustle. My friend, when she was putting herself through school, worked at the grocery stores as a shelf stocker. And, like, you go in at 3 a.m. to, like, 3 to 6 a.m. and you stock all the shelves. Well, you're just, like, listening to a podcast or listening to music.

You don't have to talk to anyone. Like, you just go in and then, like, you're out. Yeah. You know, and it's, like, that's the kind of stuff you have to do when you're hustling through school for textbooks and stuff. Then at least you don't have to deal with a bitch. Yeah. And at least you can, like, just get through it and not, yeah, want to. True.

I agree. Okay. The last question comes from. This one is just fun. Need a man. I love, I do love how everybody has come up with their aliases. Because we've had some people that have given their names and then have gotten in trouble. Full names.

From boyfriends or managers or bosses or parents. Okay. So need a man says. I'm on him. I know her. Oh, my God. She's evil. She hates me at work.

Okay, she says, this is embarrassing. My live-in boyfriend, who I was on track to get engaged to, broke up with me and moved out almost a year ago. It's been a hard, long slog trying to get through it, as I am 30s, too. 30s is what we call our 30s. Yeah. We don't say, like, 32, 38, 39. It doesn't matter. I'm 30s.

Last Friday night, I was depressingly eating ice cream from the carton and watching old reruns of Glee on Netflix until I passed out. When I woke up, I realized I had a sex dream about Becca, which is weird. You're welcome. I hate you. I was super weird and started becoming anxious I'm turning gay. I haven't really liked anyone since my ex-boyfriend, and I'm usually pretty horny and always checking out men. But now when I go on apps, none of the guys seem attracted to me anymore. Unfortunately, my ex was tall, dark, and handsome, and I haven't really seen anyone I like as much.

i did think maybe it was because my unconscious unconscious from probably subconscious from consuming too much becca content in one day i listened to your show on the reg and frankly now i'm not sure i want to for the record in the dream oh my gosh she fingered me and i didn't do anything to her which i partially blame on her always talking about getting figured this it's crazy i'm a little worried because i don't know if i can like a guy again to top it off i'm into lumberjack dudes so my girl side note becca how is your husband a lumberjack and bought a house in la i date these guys and they're usually broke money was an issue in my last relationship unfortunately this is going all over the place anyway i don't want to make kelty edit this

letter beyond comprehension so i will sign off here but any pointers would be much appreciated oh my god i hate you oh my god listen not i don't hate you have you ever had a sex dream about a girl no i have i have yeah i haven't but dreams are not indicative of what you think they are that doesn't mean that you want different things exactly that's not what it means and even if it does okay i'm flattering i'm very flat are you what's your reaction becca i'm caught off guard i wish i had read this you know but i think sometimes after you get out a bad breakup or if you're still in love with the ex, you look around and you're not interested

in anyone. It's true. Oh my god, everybody disgusted me after my last breakup. So it's like you need some time to get back into it. Obviously she's like binge doing Becca things and Lady Gang and Glee or whatever so that, your brain is literally just processing what your

subconscious is going through in the day in a dream so. And if you're watching Glee and then you have a sex dream about Becca, you're not actually having a sex dream about Becca, you're having one about Kitty Wilde. You know what I mean? So maybe you like cheerleaders. It's like a cheerleader fantasy. No, I think that you will find love again. You will be attracted to someone again.

Whoever that is, it's fine. If it's a boy or girl? And, like, it'll just be a light bulb thing of when, you know, like, you'll meet your person. You'll be like, oh, I haven't found anyone I like since this breakup. And now, like, I can like you again. But it just means you're not ready and you're not over the guy and you're not in a good place to have a relationship. But maybe focus on something different because what I heard, there was a lot of focus on the looks piece. And maybe that's why things weren't working out for you is because you were so focused on what someone looks like and that's why that guy wasn't the guy.

So instead, let's try to focus on what are the traits that you want in a life partner and what's meaningful to you. And you start focusing on that, you might find a much better relationship. And going out of your comfort zone and dating somebody that isn't in your normal scheme of what you usually go for. It's so true. I don't think, I mean, I don't think that if you had given me a lineup of like a couple dudes physically, I would have chosen Zach. You know, like I, there was so much more there and I'm so glad that he persuaded me into going on a date with him.

He sold you. He actually is like a crazy salesman, like crazy. He blows my mind. But like he literally. Quiet confidence. He has the quiet confidence. Yes. And he definitely like, he, I say all the time, like your best selling job was getting

me to marry you because I had no interest. it was like a cold call cold call and he's like you need me i'm like i don't need you and suddenly i'm marrying me and now you're gone but um yeah it's like i i think that that's something that you have to sort of shake off from your 20s because like you should do that in your 20s have sex with who who like all the hot guys hottest guy in the world and like only care about that and if he's stupid and broke who cares but you know you really have to like retrain yourself into giving people a chance that you wouldn't normally give a chance and especially if you're so focused on something like that it clouds your vision for the things that do

matter or maybe some red flags that you wouldn't see right i've been in those shoes like a couple times so it's like kind of clearing the fog in that sense makes you see people a lot more clearly for who they are yeah i love that heather um so what's your availability to just follow us around and help us with our lives can you can you help us decade are you what's your son's babysitting schedule like because we where are you based miami you are oh that's amazing you're so wonderful confidence creator is the book pick it up online it's available everywhere on amazon i've got kindle audible hardcover and paperback it's a must-have and where can people follow you for their daily dose i'm at heather monaghan on all social feeds and my website is heather monaghan

dot com and we will today link on our socials link to the book and we'll link heather's socials so If you're interested in following her and getting some confidence in your life. We all need it. Oh, my God. We all need it. You can do that through the Lady Gang as well. So thank you for being here. We love you.

I feel confident already. Oh, my God. You're the best. Do we feel so inspired? Yeah. It's really inspiring. And you're, like, such a good speaker. And it really connects with people in, like, a very normal way.

Where it's not like we're trying to, like, reach so hard to try to attain something. So I think that our girls will love it. Yay. That's amazing. Thank you. Okay. so well we will

see you next Tuesday yay woo yay join the lady gang every Tuesday at iTunes and at podcast1.com

that's podcastone.com thanks for listening