LadyGang - Hello from Chicago: Instacart #5 and a Wig Named Gang

Episode Date: July 16, 2026

We're in Chicago for the LADYHANG and everything that could go wrong has: 745 boxes of craft supplies hauled up by a bellman named Ryan, an Instacart driver named Gang, five separate Instacart orders including two rounds of tampons, black tape that turned out to be dental floss, and a keychain assembly line powered entirely by Keltie's eyebrow scissors. Jac's parents remain our unpaid interns of a decade, The Kimpton left us a Diet Coke tower, and a sign in the bathroom that said "Keep calm, it's just garlic" may have been a message from God. Plus: Keltie unveils her wig (her name is Gang, she has her own head, she flew here in a checked bag), Jac tries a bob and reconsiders her entire personality, we workshop Keltie's TODAY Show outfit down to the last polka dot, Becca gives us a live Citizen app crime report, and Ford calls to say goodnight and refuses to speak into the mic. We have deals for YOU!Lucy: Save 20% on your first order at lucy.co/ladygang with code LADYGANGClean Simple Eats: Shop the best tasting protein powders at CleanSimpleEats.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

My name is Shannon Maldonado. I'm the founder of Yowie, a gift shop from the lens of artists and handmade objects. I chose Shopify because when I was testing other platforms, it was definitely one of the most user-friendly. It was important to me to think about where we would be in the future. All of the tools for reading your sales, like planning inventory, they're just right there on your dashboard. For anyone starting a small business, the biggest thing I can tell you is it doesn't have to be perfect. Shopify can help you build upon it. Start your free trial on shopify.com. quickie podcast one presents the lady gang the hollywood girl posse with lady gang quickie here's kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanik let's make this quick

hello hello hello welcome to lady and quickie i am back here with jack and kelty irl baby kelty looks like the girl from the ring i'm so oh no didn't she just pass away Oh, too soon, Becca. You guys, the day we have had, so we are podcasting via my laptop right now. There's so many things we need to tell you. We are in Chicago for the lady hang. First things first is we, you wanted to start the day? Okay. Well, we flew here and we all landed at Chicago O'Hare, which, spoiler, it's quite far from where we're staying. It's not in the hair of the dog. It's not that far. We were just driving during rush hour traffic. True, true.

But right now we are coming to you live from... The Kempton. The Kempton. It's called The Gray. It's beautiful. And it's beautiful. Look at this light. We have a beautiful light behind us.

And we had rooftop drinks and snacks. Yep. We had table side guacamole. Where they make it for you like you're fancy. Yeah. And we had to get side of cilantro because we weren't sure if... About the parasites that are going around all the produce these days. Yes.

So then Jack had a bunch of shit shipped here from our trusty friends at Michael's because we're crafting tomorrow and we needed all of our crafting gear. And we got here and there were about 745 boxes that the lovely bellman named Ryan. Ryan. And Kelchi was like, oh, my God, your name is Ryan? No way. It's one of our favorite names. And he was like, OK, old lady, that looks like a man who looks like Will Ferrell in this hat.

But we gave him 20 bucks. He did bring up two loads full of things. So we've spent the last five hours. We are DIYing, like always. Nothing has changed. And of course, Jack's parents are here. And they did help us. They have been our unpaid interns for a decade.

Yeah, they came in clutch. I'm very grateful to them. When you need a stand put together, that is very painstaking and requires a lot of steps. My dad's going to do it. It's going to take three hours, but he's going to do it. No, he did it great. And also, we failed to mention, we ordered everything we could possibly need except scissors. So we used my eyebrow scissors from my toiletry case.

If you're making a keychain at the Lady Hank, know that that thread was cut with the same thread that cuts this beautiful eyebrow and ear hair. You know what I mean? They're definitely contaminated. For sure. Um, so anyway, that was really exciting. But even more exciting was when we had our delicious meal and we all got in the elevator and we're like, whoo, garlic. It was crazy. I hate a garlic. I hate it. Garlic hates me. I hate it. And we ate a lot of it. And then Becca was on the phone dealing with like her own like real life stuff. And Jack and I were just toddlers and we went to go pee in the bathroom and there was a sign and it said, keep calm. It's just garlic. And I wanted, like, I literally thought it was a sign from God. Just, you know, don't sweat the small stuff.

It was literally across from the toilet, like in the little tiny room that the toilet is in. It's actually, yeah, the only piece of art in that bathroom. That's the only questionable thing about the Kempton is that sign. I love it. I mean, it's really, it knew us. It knew we were going to be here. There was a Diet Coke tower waiting for us. That we knew and they knew me.

And then we actually, it fell over and then spilled water all over Jack. But that's not, it was a beautiful, honestly, that was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. That's somebody knowing you to your core. That's a fan. Knowing your love language. That's a fan. Well, it was our lovely girl, Alana, who she works with Kempton. And I met her in Atlanta and we really bonded.

And then she set this up and she really knocked it out of the park with that Diet Coke tower. Yeah. So then we had to order some supplies. And we're on our fourth Instacart of the night. Instacart number one was tampons for Jack because she sent her parents to go get tampons. They didn't have a super. I have a heavy flow. Heavy day one flow.

So that was our Instacart. Tell them about the Instacart driver's name. Yeah. And guess what our Instagram, I mean, Instacart's driver's name was. This is how we knew. First, we found out this name first. Well, first. Before Ryan.

First, Kelsey goes, guess what our Instacart driver's name was. And I go, Kelty. And she goes, no, guess again. And I go, Ryan. Little did we know there was a Ryan in our future. That's right. Ryan was waiting for us. So our Instacart driver's name was Gang.

G-A-N-G. You should have invited her. What are the chances? True. And yeah, you could have given her some merch. Yeah. Oh, shit. We've got some good merch.

Missed opportunity. Some good merch. So then we did our Instacourt order number two, which was some Celsius and more tampons. More tampons. Then we forgot something else to happen. Then we were supposed to have, we're making this sign and it was supposed to have a frame, but the frame didn't arrive. I had a vision. Yeah.

And it fell apart. And it fell apart. So then I was like, Jack, if we're ordering acrylic markers from Staples and gang is going to bring those for us, Why don't we just get some black tape and you can make a frame with a black tape? Yeah. The black tape arrived and it is... A string. It's the width of a hair.

It's a floss. A floss. So that didn't work. But Jack and I, we had real tears about it. We did. Because everything keeps going wrong. Then we Instacarted again some... Oh, then I Instacarted some scissors and I made a small mistake.

You know, honestly, Staples baddie, if you're listening, which I know you're not, on the thing when i added to cart the picture had four scissors yeah in a pack a pack i thought it was a four pack yeah but they were just showing me four year old it's for a four year old and they were showing the color availability oh we shouldn't have let you make these orders because you're skimming it i scammed there's always i scammed and i scammed me didn't scam me there's always a mistake yeah but at the we put together um we're doing little bag charms and tote bags and we're coloring them ourselves and it's gonna be fun i'm excited but i'm also a little nervous because we've never done this before this is not a live show of lady gang podcast is a lady hang

which means we're gonna be hanging we're hanging and when this is airing it will already have happened hopefully it was a smash well there's no way it won't go well we'll be drinking we'll be hanging we'll be crafting it's what the lady gang does best is hanging literally yeah i'm just you know i my only concern is that i'm not gonna have any time to craft because i'm gonna be busy hanging but i'll have to do a private crafting after i know because i want to keep bringing the supplies back here and we'll do the afternoon of crafting just us yeah what do you think he's Yeah. I know. Yeah. Gorgeous. You guys, it has been such a journey to get here to Chicago. We're so lucid. And oh, wait, we forgot to tell the most important part. The reason that we I can't even look at myself.

The reason we're podcasting on our laptop right now is because one of us, two of us forgot to bring our podcast mic. Nope, that's not accurate. No. So we've been doing this for 10 years, and any time we've traveled and Kelty says, I'm going to bring the podcast equipment because we're going to record some podcasts when we're there. Jack and I show up empty-handed every time, like we do best. Yep, as we're supposed to. And there's always a headset mic for each of us, three of us, the Britney Spears mics.

We've never in 10 years traveled with our own mic. B-Y-O-M. M. P-C-M. Bring your own podcast mic. Oh, my God. Okay, Jack. Wow.

Okay. So she gets here and she's unloading. She's like, great, we're going to have a podcast. And then she realizes that she's the only one who brought the other setup. And so. I brought my white mic. And this is what's so annoying about it is that I'm going to New York after this. I could have carried on.

What do you mean? Oh, yeah. I didn't need to bring a dashboard and all this stuff. No. Now I've got a tripod for our camera. which is not we're not using we should be farther away from my face or close it's okay it's gonna be fine everything's great should i wear my wig to the lady hang tomorrow have it ready yes you do get it out right now okay are you gonna do a dance i think that you

like what do we i think kelty needs to dance in the very beginning to like hype it all up yeah Yeah, and there's going to be, yes, there's karaoke. But I think we need, is that on the head? Oh, my God. She just brought out a silk teal bag. Oh, my God, this is creepy. And it's, oh, my God. How the did you get this here?

That's why I had to check a bag. Oh, look how good it looks. Okay, so she has it on an actual head. Can I try it on? You traveled with the head. Yeah. Yeah, because you don't want to have it off the head. It gets flat.

What do you think the people thought that looked through your bag today? I thought they thought, where's this woman going with two tripods, a light? Do you want to try it on? I do. We're going to try it on, everyone. Please watch this on YouTube. Yeah. But don't wreck it.

It's a beautiful bob in a sleek, flat ironed look. It's like your head is way smaller than mine. And we're going to see what Jack looks like with a bob. I'm going to give you a rating. You know I hate a bob. I look like John and Kate Bossay. You do. See?

It's not that bad, actually. Oh, no. Now that it's... Oh. No, there's a long part. It's actually pretty, Jack. I think it's not bad. Yeah, you're chic.

Honestly, it makes me feel better about it because it's really good. Wow, I think you look... I think I'm going to wear it tomorrow and then I'll have to do my hair. Not for me. No? No. You don't think when you have your kid you're going to do your mom cut? Like, this feels to me like she's a 40-year-old mom.

Wait, let's send a picture. Let's FaceTime Jared. Get your phone. No. Tell them you got a haircut. Yeah, you look great. Oh, you look beautiful. Yeah, do you want to show it, Becca?

Yes, please. I mean, I've already had this haircut. That makes me feel so much better about never wanting to cut my hair again. I actually think you look great. This wig was very long when I got it. Where'd you get this wig? Deva got it for me at E. It's not even one of my wig fairy good ones.

It's like a cheapie. Really? Yeah, but it's very... This is what you look like with like a... Why the f*** is it so thick? Well, it's because it's a wig. I mean, it looks exactly like how you've had your hair a hundred times. You look like an Olsen kid.

You look like a nine-year-old Olsen. Actually, what I like the most is playing with, like, the hairline, you know? Yeah. You can see what it would look like if you had a Jennifer Aniston hairline, which is, like, no. Oh, like a short hair. Yeah. Short forehead. With a Teresa Giudice.

Yeah. Like a little baby. I mean, it looks pretty. The color's nice. See, you could go with, like, a little more of a root shadow. No, I can't. I'm so gray. i'm so my hair's too gray harry is look at that out her gray look she is yes oh my god she's like

an inch of gray that's what i could do okay give me her back i'm so she had a name remember when i had all my wigs named yes what's her name i can't remember what her name was let's name her gang gang gang this is gang i just i don't want to get her wrecked before i have to go on the today show which is what i'm actually wearing bringing her for the lady gang what are you wearing to the Today Show? Okay. It's been such a thing. So Justin Sylvester, I'm going on the fourth hour and Justin Sylvester, you know, he co-hosted it for a long time. No one knows what the fourth hour is. Okay. So the fourth hour of the Today Show is Jenna and Chanel and it's the casual hour. It's the Matt Rogers hour. It's a fun time hour. Right. It's not like doctors and

experts and politicians. Exactly. When do the celebrities go on? Fourth hour. Fourth hour. Okay. Yeah. And so basically I started sending options to Justin and I was like, what do you think and I sent him like a little polka dot strapless bubble dress and he was like for the today show and I was like yeah and he's like no and then I sent him a jean outfit like a jean top and bottom and he's like that's perfect and then I was like but I kind of want to show my legs so I have a cute shirt dress that's like a little a-line shirt dress and the shoulders are kind of like cold shoulders but it's sequins oh what it's like like lace like cut out but did Justin approve this no no it's a t-shirt dress i don't know i mean out of jersey i don't know if i'm

approving it either and then i also have i have a little polka dot i'll show you i have like a polka dot set from sandro that i like that could be really cute but it's what the most depressing thing about all of this is like all i have is clothes in my closet so like i wanted to wear this which is like a polka dot mini dress and they said not for the today show too formal yeah i was gonna wear this too formal too much like a ho that's the jeans cute that is cute yeah i think that's good and then um it's like a denim this is the other one um it's a polka dot mini it's a skort you're really feeling polka dots aren't you i love a polka dot you've always loved a polka dot i know i think this is cute but i do think that the denim is cooler yeah it's it has grommets

is that what they're called a grommet hole here for anybody watching yeah i love that you do and And I love your bang with it. I love this hair. You think I should do the bang? Yes. Okay. I love it. Look at how chic you look.

Okay, thanks. You look fronch. I am fronch. And you'll have professional glam. Yeah. So you're going to love it. Yeah, I like the bang. You look great.

Okay, thank you. You look great. Oh, my God. So I didn't need her. Gang. So wear her tomorrow. And you should take her off halfway. Oh, my God.

That's a great idea. I'll do for the photos. Wait, should I bring the head and then just have her on stage? Yeah. And then halfway through, just revert to, I wish I had a picture. Okay. Well. What is this picture?

Oh, it's your, okay. It's my photos. I thought for some reason it was like a pageant kid. Yes. Like JonBenet Ramsey. It's a picture of Jack. Ew. God, I'm fucking ugly.

No, you're not. No, no, no. No one should try a wig on with no makeup. A hundred thousand percent. That says 100%. You're never going to. You have to have your eyebrows on or you cannot wig. The wig goes last always.

And it was crazy because I just had the E. I haven't told you guys this yet. I've told you. But I haven't told you, the listener. They're waiting with bated breath. I know they are. Tell us. Tell us.

Also, you've told us a version of this news seven times in the history of Lady Gang. Okay. No, not this news. I was doing my E photo shoot. Okay. And I had my bad Paris haircut and my dishwater hair color that Becca thinks is very chic. And I was like, well, these photos are going to live for a year. I'm not my best self.

And so I came with gang to the photo shoot. And it was hilarious because I have all new bosses, right, who, like, don't know me, didn't do wig central e-news. Yeah. And I walk in and I am, like, greased down face, greased hair in a ponytail with, like, clips in it. And they were like, oh, a wig? huh and I was like oh they're so terrified and then I had to do my whole fitting this is how chill I am I just want everyone to know how chill I am I didn't even do a fitting before the photo shoot Roberto was like let me come to your house so we can try gowns on and stuff I was

like no just bring me like eight things one of them will work that's chill so then I rolled up with my head and then Liz my boss came in she's like oh it does look good and then everyone was happening i was like yeah obviously gang's an icon gang is a great color yeah you should just take gang to your next hair like color appointment and say this my hair color is amazing leanne who used to do you i know but and then oh my god did i tell you when i texted her from paris i texted her in the middle of paris and i said we have a problem oh my god and i go how dare how are you and she's like uh I said how dare you not feel in your soul in Los Angeles that I was emotionally unwell and making poor decisions for my hair and she goes what have you done did you

get bangs oh no and I said yes I got bangs and she's like and I said and I got balayage and she goes oh my god and then she just said what are you what have you done we worked so hard to get you're blonde blonde don't go fucking leanne's workup because she's the best of the best you guys if you had a dream for yourself what are we gonna do now should we go party what no i'm partying tomorrow starting at 10 a.m are you gonna party i'll have a few drinks a few i'll have a few drinks it's a hang who's gonna sleep with who tonight oh are we pulling out the couch are we just gonna share this no i don't like sleeping in hotel rooms by myself i never have oh becca gets to chicago and she opens her next door app and starts telling

us about people that are being murdered down the street citizen she said out out someone's being murdered next door what's going on guys yeah tell us what's happening right now right now in chicago Okay. Ready? Four masked men with guns fled in gray Mazda from the Shell station. Okay. Oh. Man threatening to harm people. Pretty vague. That seems vague. Yeah. How do you even know? Okay. But then here's this. Help find Billy, the dog. Missing black and white chihuahua was seen on Friday afternoon. I don't like that news.

I would expect more. Yeah, me too. Maybe I don't pay for premium. They're only giving you the teasers of all the violence. Wait, you can upgrade your bad news? You know what you can... Okay, this is incredible. Oh, this is Ford and Zach calling to say goodnight.

Should we talk to them? Yeah, put on the wig. Hey, Fordo. Do you like my wig? Look what we're doing. We're podcasting. You precious angel. Ford, I can't wait for you to see Ninnums.

He's like, I don't like this. Are you excited to meet Ninnums? You are. He shook his head yes. I don't think he likes this at all. You are. You love it. Oh, my God.

I can't wait to meet baby Ninnums. What are you doing? Speak to us. It's a podcast. It's an audio medium. Make a bird noise. Caw, caw. No?

He says, no, man. Are you shy, boy? Are you too shy? Okay. I'll call you back in a minute. We're almost done podcasting, okay? It's been riveting, by the way. Maybe the best episode we've ever done.

Yeah, everybody is definitely still listening. I'm telling them. He looks like Becca now. Mm-hmm. What happened to your eyeball, Ford? He has a little eczema on his little eye. Oh, darling. Okay, well, I'm telling them about the Citizen app

and also that you want to name the baby Ninums. Do you still want to name the baby Nenems? You do? Should we call her Nini for short? No, just... Just Nenems, right? We got to have a short form, Nini. Nini.

Nini. No. Wow. Ford looks like... He's very against Nenems. He hates Nenems. Bye, Ford. I love you.

I'll call you back. Okay, the Citizen app. So, the Citizen app, you can pay a premium to be able to hear the 911 call. Honestly, slay. IRL? Like, in real time? Thank you. Yes. Slay. I know I should probably do that, right? Pay the premium? Just sounds like an anxiety inducer.

Well, you know what's crazy is we were hanging out at my sister's house, and I'm sitting on her couch, and I get an alert, because it tracks where you are in the world. I get an alert and it says hey blah blah blah and it says her street gunshots heard and it's her street it's her street it's like 10 houses down from her and I'm like what's happening we don't know but you can't go outside my parents were about to leave to drive home and go out to their car and I was like you can't go out there so then we turned all the lights off in the house and hid in one room to make sure you did not yes when they say they hear gunshots out of a house 10 houses down. I heard gunshots every night. Yeah, that's true. But anyways, it was a false alarm. I don't know what it was. Maybe fireworks. But I'm glad that I knew. Sounds about right.

But you know what? One day it's going to really help us out. Thank you. One day. Lady gang, thanks for joining us for this great episode from the hotel. It was riveting. It was riveting. You know what? We did the best we could. We really meant to podcast full out. And then we had to do nine hours of prep and manual labor. And I'm going down now to find our scissors because we had to have our fifth Instacart of the night. Thank you so much.

Shout out DoorDash Instacart. Yeah. Yeah. Shout out. Shout out. I feel my hair gets triangular. Okay, bye. Love you. Bye, world. Night, night. We weren't here for a long time. We were here for a good time.

Lady Gang is hosted and produced by Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek with Social media support from Kali Carrera. Audio and video editing from Jared Monaco. And additional support from Steve Delameter and Podcast One.