LadyGang - Holly Madison

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

Jac gets pranked by a photoshop of Zach, Keltie is annoyed by the tiktok airport swiper, and Becca's going gray. The iconic Holly Madison joins the podcast to discuss making fear based decisions, her autism diagnoses, the playboy mansion carpet, disney with kids and her new series 'The Playboy Murders" Check out our great sponsors!! Jenni Kayne: Need a refresh? Get 15% off your first order with code [LadyGang15] at JenniKayne.com  KiwiCo: Got curious kids? Get 20% off your first month with code LADY at KiwiCo.com/panda  CoverGirl: Check out COVERGIRL’s Lash Blast Cleantopia, now available in a new Ultramarine Black shade! Only from Easy, Breezy, Beautiful Covergirl. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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And when the temperature drops, their outerwear styles are made for everything from chilly commutes to freezing hospital hallways. If you're in healthcare or love someone who is, check out Figs. Head to wearfigs.com and use code FIGSCA for 15% off your first order. That's wearfigs.com, code FIGSCA. guys for my frizzy hair today i was gonna say it is something i had been okay so i went lighter recently because i caught some footage of myself going back to natural you know what i mean i was really making my way through my natural era yeah um i was 10 years too late because i'm too gray now so that was fun but like your grays i feel like look blonde they do not when it grows out

a lot. Okay. Like it's, it's pretty bad. It's pretty bad. And the, my natural hair color is not as beautiful as it once was. It now is, um, it's a little soap dishy. It's city rat, city rat, and it's bad. She's bad. So I went and I was like, you know what? I need to go blonder. And I had forgotten what my hair had done with color in it. Cause in my twenties, I remember having kind of a frizzy like textured hair thing going on where I couldn't really go to bed with my hair wet or I'd wake up looking crazy I thought my hormones had changed and I just was like oh now I wake up with like really like kind of silky fine hair and now it was just color damaged all those years so you went to bed with wet hair I went to bed with wet hair and I look like orly it is a bit poofy

it's so poofy and i don't i put there's no product in this well that's exactly what my hair would look like do you want me to put like a heatless curl in you during this episode and we can see what happens by the end of it i don't think there's any saving it no it's once it's like gotten its texture from the wash you're kind of i don't even know what i'm gonna do maybe add in some like some like spot like some waves i don't know i i want to thank you actually because you know a few weeks ago talking about hair color a few weeks ago we were recording and you looked at me and you were kind of like, I don't know about your hair color. Um, and I was like, I was like, Oh, I didn't realize that I had become so dishy. And I didn't realize how long,

how, see, here's the thing. You need a, you need a Becca in your life. You need a truth teller because no one would tell me, or no one cared enough to tell me or noticed or wasn't like invested in my beauty. It was so thoughtful. And so I went and got like my hair rebonded and like the the amount of people that are like whoa it's so much better you look so much better you're so hot again and like i was like wow i guess i was really ugly but thank you becca for being a truth teller well can i give you some more truth you don't like the front part the front listen i know it's hot you took the note and your hair looks beautiful yeah i do think the front is to um it's because it needs more dimension well it's giving like 90s but it's a good color yeah

i think you could go through with some low light problem at the root it's gonna look bad when it grows out yeah it's a little she didn't do the root like the root shadow on the bang because my bang is so short it's the whole problem is bang yeah bang bang is the problem the color is good there's not enough you re-shadow it and then you just have a dark so i just need it to grow two more inches and then i'm gonna root shadow it yeah great but it looks great thank you for taking the note thank you and i will be taking notes as well because i know i literally am sitting here pot kettle black all the things well i will say after the last time we recorded in person i did tell jared i was like i don't know if becca's going gray in the front or if she highlighted

her hair it was white god the things we say about each other in our backs is crazy i know but i was like whatever but i told him that because i'm like the grays look so good But you can't tell if it's like a blonde or not. I'm almost to the point that my grandmother was like in her 40s where she was all white. And then she just ended up having to tint it like a blonde. And she was a platinum blonde because she was so white. And I think that's where my train is heading. I just think it ages me a lot when I have really, really light hair.

So guess what, guys? It's over for me. I used to be sort of kind of attractive and it's over now. Do we have time to jump into a good week, bad week? I think it would be nice. Okay, I'll make it quick. I'll make it snappy. Okay, great.

It's time for... Good week. Yes, it is. Bad week. Oh, no. My bad week is last night, I knew I had to wake up for a flight at 5 a.m., and I was cuddling up into bed, and Zach has something on the TV, and I start getting hooked, and I'm like, well, what is this?

It's the TMZ. I know that you know what this is. What? The TMZ, which, by the way, they're trying to become a dateline now. TMZ is? yes harvey kytel does this thing where he like it's almost like a dateline isn't it oh no harvey not weinstein no the tmv yeah harvey i don't see harvey i didn't know he had a last name anyways um he did a special on the only fans murder girl only fans model who murdered her

boyfriend yeah and it is the most disturbing oh they have so much footage of them fighting each other in real life oh no it is so up i'm like they need to go to dateline because i think dateline does a better job of holding us from like the real gore yeah yeah they have some class it's like you know when to like go in and when to not yeah yeah they but that's very tmz of them exactly i just felt i felt disgusting and i couldn't fall asleep it is don't watch it it is so up and disgusting okay that's my that's my bad week and i barely slept because i kept thinking about this story look it up if you don't know what i'm talking about it is wild okay and this is my good week it's a quote you can look at a time you're in as a dark place and you can decide

if it's a burial or a planting planting the seeds planting the seeds i love to plant the seeds Where did you find this quote? It was in a documentary of some kind that I can't remember. So I'm going to get in trouble for not knowing. But isn't it good? Yes. I love that. Very poignant.

I'll go next. My good week is Zach posted a picture of when he was 21 years old recently on Instagram. And I need to talk about it because it's insane with hair. Zach with not only hair, but like long flowing hair. Let me see. this picture of zach riding on a horse in a it's a photo it's his face oh my god i never even noticed his friend oh my god jack you thought that was real oh my god it's a unicorn i really i kelty skimmed that because i was like there's no way that zach had jared hair when he

was 21 is that his real hair no zach had like flowy like you're literally the person who knows how to photoshop i know you could have done that you know now that i look at it it's not it's a really bad photoshop it's a bad it's it's like he doesn't even have a chin i know that's yeah so it's a photoshop but and i was like man the pecs the pecs on zach no that's a full photoshop for those of you on the um audio medium it's zach on a unicorn it's just his face i don't know it looks like fabio writing awards or something no he's definitely like like i can't believe it's not butter commercial yeah yeah yeah yeah it's his favorite picture of a soft core like romantic novel yeah he loves it wait so did he have hair like he had i'll find a picture for the sake of

instagram okay he had like full like helmet hair like justin bieber like like frat boy yeah like a full yeah thing wow yeah i can't believe i got duped you're really wow he's gonna be so happy that is insane well I obviously didn't look at it that there was a unicorn he was writing it's fine I just looked at his hair and I was like gotta talk about it yeah talk about it okay my bad week is um there's a new thing now that is making millennials obviously old like you know there's the things that we do that he doesn't do yeah it's not even that it's like you know that we put all of our uh credit cards on like apple pay on our phones you can pay with phone apparently gen z doesn't use wallets at all so if you're using a wallet as a millennial

you look old because there's now some way that you can put your id onto your phone and use that like legitimately well you know what these idiots are gonna do they're gonna get to the airport one day and be like oopsies i forgot my id because i can't shove it up my ass and i don't have a wallet have you ever felt dumber than in the starbucks line or the coffee line when they're when everyone's just like and i'm just like her let me put my chip in like i get it i know i know but i also saw a girl the other day trying to get coffee and her apple pay didn't work yeah i had to buy her coffee and i was like let me take my credit card out for you boomers said about us when we stopped getting cash out yeah one day the credit card machine isn't gonna work or when we like made online

purchases oh yeah all of your identity is gonna be stolen yeah oh wow i know but like i kind of want to figure out this id thing it does gen z get off my jock i know get off my jock you know what gen z good luck to you none of you are going to amount to anything okay okay i don't know about that they're not they're not well speaking of they look old this is perfect i love this is perfect for my bad week a perfect segue okay i was in the airport recently i sat next to a man it there were not many seats i just wanted to enjoy my jersey mics lax experience gross in peace which i could know the one lax is bad it's so bad last night i sat next to this guy and all of a sudden he like pulls out his phone he's looking at tiktok full volume no headphones and

i was like wow that's really annoying yeah and then he's like he has his finger and his finger is like swiping right swiping swiping swiping and then he just starts looking around the airport and he's literally not even looking at tiktok anymore and the the starting of the like it's happening and i was like if you're gonna be annoying on tiktok at least be looking at tiktok yeah it's really annoying that is really annoying my good week chris was recently in paris and yeah i know petty um he was in paris and paris makes my favorite lip gloss on the planet and it's only available at the French pharmacy, you know, like people do the French pharmacy

hall. And I was like, he's like, do you want anything from Paris? And I was like, yeah, Chanel bag obviously. But same. Um, I was like, no, but if you see the lip gloss, let me know. He allegedly went on a lip gloss hall with his friend Andreas Pass and they, um, we have two full name at all times.

They went to six different pharmacies in Paris to find my lip gloss. And when he found it, he not only bought me one, he bought the whole store pack. Can we have one? Yeah. yeah it's in the like cardboard yeah it sits on the counter he bought the whole thing and they were they were like he's like do you have any more and they're like this is all we have like stepping it up he's such a nice guy right he knows service he knows what you like and that

is important i will give it we'll do a taste test i love it well i'm so excited when we come back our friend holly madison is back on lady gang yeehaw baby now back to the lady gang our guest today is a cultural icon one of the most recognizable women on the planet the host of the super popular podcast girls next level the author is so long you guys the author of two best-selling books down the rabbit hole and vegas diaries she was the star of girls next door and her own show holly's world and she's got two two not one two new series on investigation discovery the playboy murders and lethally blonde and we're so happy to have her back on the podcast please

welcome our friend holly madison thank you i'm so excited to be here we were talking about you at breakfast you don't age no thank well neither do you guys what are you talking about no we were just talking about how we're aging you literally look exactly this is not me just thank you that's exactly the same i don't know what you're doing but it's working a lot of botox a lot of facials yes gosh it's very taut we were talking about you when we were having breakfast this morning and we were like damn Holly's just always crushing yeah you're just like come on you're just always coming up with a new idea that is so you but makes so much sense that's so original so how did the investigation discovery whole conversation happen and then it's so

successful I know you're doing another season and then the new show's coming like how did that all come together well it actually wasn't my idea the production company lion tv had this idea to cover like murders that involve people who were involved in the playboy world in some way. And my agent brought it to me and I was like, I cannot do another playboy thing. This was before I was even doing the girls next door rewatch podcast. So I was just like, I can't do it. Like, I don't want to do another interview. This is like nightmare fuel for me, whatever. And he's like, well, I'm just going to send you the deck of like the cases they want to cover and let me know what you think. And then I got the deck and I was looking at all these cases, like most of

them I hadn't even heard of. And I was like, I would watch this show though. So I got really excited about it. And I did it. Season one was amazing. And we just did season two. And then we have Lethally Blonde, which is a similar show. It's just not Playboy related. It's covering different true crime cases that involve people who are in interesting industries. A lot of them are sex work in some type of way, whether it's like only fans or full service sex work or dancers or just on the fringes of the entertainment industry. So it's all the things I'm fascinated by and i love doing it are you allowed to talk about what cases are on that or is it a surprise um i'm not sure i'm allowed to say with like the lethally blonde which cases i'm doing but they're

not super high profile ones like they will be surprising it's not like any of the cases that you could name off that everybody's like oh i know that one yeah yeah so they're super interesting so cool you're just such an interesting person because you're like a disneyland adult and then you're doing like true crime shows yeah there's definitely like your world there's two sides to like my personality and I see like one side is like hot pink and the other side is black. Like, does that make sense? You're like that house in Malibu. That's a great way of putting it. It's so true. It's so crazy. And the shows have been very successful. So like you're the girl that just keeps freaking going. Thank you. What does that feel like? You guys know we're like

the girls that have been stuck in the same basement. Like the last time you visited us, we're still literally here in a different studio you know we're besides the palisades house in the taco truck yeah swinging our goods for seven dollars you know absolutely um you had so much success in your career do people still treat you like you're dumb um i don't ever really feel like i was treated like i was dumb i feel like i'm treated like um i'm a manipulative gold digger really that's what a lot of people try to come at me with and in my dating history too like anytime i would start dating a new guy he would have all these bros come out of nowhere people who don't even know me or maybe like i've met once bro don't date her bro don't date oh my god and it's just

like okay whatever i'm at the point where it doesn't bother me anymore because i know it's bullshit but yeah yeah it's just ironic because it's like you're so independently successful you're like I don't need any of your shit yeah it's dumb well it's men men are pretty stupid I know I actually did want to ask you about like the how are the like kids you don't really show them as much now that they're getting older on social media but like we I mean the internet was obsessed with with rainbow like as a child like there was more photos like than anything on the internet how are they and like how's motherhood is now like I'm assuming like you've like taught like not what's the lower than a tween but like older than a child a kid yeah I didn't know there

was a lower than a tween but older than a child okay I think I feel like rainbow's starting to get to that tween age yeah and they're they're very sheltered they're very protected I used to post photos of them when they were super young but by the time they got to be about like preschool age it just didn't feel right or safe anymore yeah I feel like everybody as a parent they kind of will have that gauge of what they feel is appropriate to share and for me I just wanted to completely take them offline and let them decide when, if they ever want to be in the public eye at all in any capacity. So just very private and things are great and I'm blessed. Are either of them like wanting to be on social media? Are they like at that age? 100,000%. And a lot of it is

because that's a lot of what's pushed in kids' media. The only thing they want to watch is YouTube. You know, we keep it all on the child safe stuff, but they don't even have regular TV shows they watch anymore. They only care about YouTubers, but when they did watch regular TV shows, there was one I didn't like. It was like a cartoon version of Jurassic park. And like the main character who's really popular is always on her phone. And she's always, you know, she's getting this many views and this many likes. And my kids are already starting to ask me for a YouTube channel and how many likes. And I'm like, I do not want you focused on likes. Like that's not going to happen. So it's pushed on our kids really hard. And I feel like a lot of it comes

from you see this media and it has the vibe of like old people trying to be young like these old executives are like nobody's gonna bond with this tv show unless we insert social media into it and it's like no people are fully capable of like going in and enjoying content and not having it be revolving around social media it's just the whole thing gets muddled I feel like oh my god it's such a tough balance my I only have one and he's turning two so he's we're not even close to that yet but I just get panicked when I start thinking about by the time he is a tween what social media is going to be like and and like the phone policies in school I'm just I feel like it's only going in a scary direction and even with posting pictures of him on Instagram now that

he's not a baby and you can kind of make out like what this kid's gonna look like yeah I'm now finding that I'm not posting pictures as much anymore because I don't even have the type of fans that you have. I can only imagine. Oh yeah. There are probably some that are amazing and you were grateful for, but then there are others that are like real creepy and scary. Yeah. Yeah. There's definitely some fringe people. Like when I first started dating my boyfriend, he had some people that were very into trying to like mess things up for me. And it's creepy. Like they will hit up my ex-husband, my kid's dad, and try to start problems or would hit up his girlfriend at the time and try to start problems just people are nuts they're nuts and one thing I can say to all parents out

there you will never regret not posting your kids you can always share those pictures later if you want to you can be like look at how cute my kid was when he was one or whatever you can do that you will never regret not posting your kids you could possibly regret posting them though yeah that's true the things that like you'll see some of these mommy bloggers posting videos and then they're murdering their kids that's your next show mommy murderers they're murdering you can take that holly it's a genre that's not what i was gonna say the mommy bloggers are like going to jail because they're starving their children yeah we talked about this um no i was gonna say like like the mommy bloggers that'll post like a video of their kid like in the bathtub or doing

something and the amount of saves and likes on it are so insane oh yeah oh like you can 10 times more than like if it's just like a video of just like the mom or something it's creepy ew yeah and But the deep fakes and shit, I don't know. It's just, like, too much. Well, that's the other thing is now we're, like, going down a very scary rabbit hole. But I guess that's appropriate for you because you're scary and cheery. It's Disney and the devil. Ooh, that's good.

I like that. That's your show. You can have it. It's fine. No, I was saying that Holly will never get in a Club 33 again if she does a show called The Disney Murders. They're, like, pull her and John Stamos. We'll co-host.

your cards but there's so much darkness there's so much darkness oh my god no like the deep fake so apparently people are posting videos of their kids just very innocently like this is my kid on the first day of school blah blah blah and they're making deep fakes of their children and they're making it so that their children look like they're kidnapped in another location and they'll send it to the parents and this parents will believe that their child's being kidnapped because they'll have these videos of their child and then they'll send money and like this whole thing is that just yeah My husband literally just said to me, you're done. Like we're done now.

Now that he's talking and now that he's going to school and he's not under our supervision all the time, like this is what, how sick people are. And so now I'm going to be like one of those crazy people that live off the grid. And no, you need like a safe word. That's like what people are doing. So that's my, my friend's daughter. If anybody picks her up from anywhere, they have to know the family safe word or whatever. I don't know.

It sounded like a safe word. Okay. Yeah. i like it right um it's a good one won't be mine but i love this good luck to you guys i'll be over with callie if anyone takes callie good luck you can have her you can have you've been offering her to the coyotes daily she's pretty annoying they won't take her no they don't even want her um holly when i was studying up on these new these new projects of your id actually posted this really cool like little mini interview with you and it was like three things you're like into or not into

for 2024 or whatever and the first one you said was I will no longer make fear-based decisions and I was like what does that mean to you well I feel like anytime I look back on like dumb decisions I've made it's been because I'm afraid I'm not gonna be able to pay my rent next month or I'm afraid somebody's gonna get me in trouble or something like that and that's just something I realized with hindsight and I try to take myself out of that and try to like take a pause and a breath before I make any kind of decision and think where's this coming from is this coming from a place of like I'm attracted to this thing authentically or am I just afraid or you know yeah it's just a pattern I've noticed with me that when I make decisions I'm not really

excited about after the fact it usually came from a place of well if I don't do it they're going to have this person come on and this person's going to talk shit and that's a no that's a no do you have regrets as far as like you've had a really long successful career do you have any regrets as far as making those types of decisions? It's hard to have regrets because I feel like I'm pretty good at making lemonade out of lemons and I like where I'm at right now.

But I've done a lot of shit I would not do again if I was like put back in that position. Like people always ask like, oh, would you change anything? And I don't really know what people mean by that. I don't mean if I could just go back and like change it, but I'm still here now. Or do I have to go back and like relive and redo?

Sliding doors. If it was relive and redo, uh-uh. i would find another way do something else you know yeah well i think it's a good thing too because you know we see it a lot like in our community of our our women saying like what i i have to do this because i should do it you know what i mean the like oh i should because i i should want to be with my in-laws on this holiday or i should stay at my job because it's the law even though they're abusive or I should blah, blah, blah. And it's like, well, I guess the fear-based decisions really like hit me. And I was like, Oh, like, what am I doing in my life? That is because

I'm scared that honestly, I really related to what you just said. Like if it's not, if I say no, they're going to get this other person and then I'm going to see them doing it on Instagram. And I'm not that I'm not getting that many offers, let's be real, but then I'm going to see them doing on Instagram or like, if we don't do the thing for lady gang, like someone else, some other podcast is going to do it and we're going to be like ah you know but it's like really like should you do it doesn't make sense is it the best you stupid time well even like talking about the play boy playboy murders show when you were like i'd watch this like yeah but that's a good thing that you took that probably wasn't fear-based because you're like i actually really really want to do

this but like because you knew if you're watching it you'd be like oh i wish that i did so totally oh i love it so much um all right i want to take you back to our time together in las vegas hotty hotty peep show what year was this yeah 2009 bring us back I had a mullet

wow 2009 you're right it was 2000 and you were in it 15 years ago 15 isn't that crazy

wow this is so and you look exactly the same that's what I'm saying she's been like her hair's longer you've been like embalmed you really have been embalmed

what I was I was thinking about you coming on and I was so excited to see you and then I had seen you know in the media and on the podcast that you come out saying that you had found out

that you have this level of autism which is why I don't want to wear the headphones I think because if I had the headphones that would throw me off just enough that I can't have a conversation it's just like a weird sensory thing and being able to like have a quote-unquote normal conversation is kind of something I had to learn along the way and I'm comfortable with it now like I feel great right now but if I had the headphones on I'd be like throw you off it's really interesting and then also like these girls have been like can we get new mics for like three months so I'm like It's time. This needed to happen.

This needed to happen. She really did this. I'm like, wow, poor Holly. Sorry about that. No, it's okay. But first of all, I wanted to just say, like, knowing you back then, I remember being very drawn to you. Obviously, you were the star of the show. You know, you were Holly.

You had your E! show. Like, you were a very famous person. But I really loved your personality because you were, like, this incredibly, obviously, like, sex symbol, gorgeous, gorgeous girl. You were so talented in the show. you could sing you could dance like you really crushed it i mean that's kind of a stretch i don't know if i can sing and dance you're very kind you can sing she just laughs you got you got the dance eventually i think that's what you struggled with the most you helped me with it though remember yeah you're welcome i'm a nice person well kelty can't sing if it makes you

yeah she tries so i tried um but i but i remember like wanting and this is i mean i was at a bad point in my life but I remember wanting to be your friend so badly like I was like she's because you were so outwardly successful like everyone loved you when you were the sparkly person but then when we were like behind the scenes like having dinner or you were like what are you doing this week and you're like I'm reading a book on like I'm watching like you were just this very like nerdy shell and I really felt like that's how I existed in the world and so I was really drawn to you but I have to be honest it was it was hard at times because I did feel like there was this like impermeable wall that like you just couldn't ever get past and I was like oh well she's really guarded

because she's been through the ringer but do you think that was like your some of this autism and this personal stuff or do you think that that was just you being so guarded because it was such a crazy time in your life I think both I think I was definitely guarded and I think just living at the mansion for seven years, you always had to be on your guard and just to have this really hard outward shell, but definitely like being on the spectrum, it makes it harder for me to have like a quote unquote, normal interaction with people. And I zone out a lot. That's another thing too, is I will get lost in some crazy thought. Like my mom said, I had been doing that since I was a toddler and everybody would be like, what's wrong with your kid? And she's like, she's just

thinking right now, you know? So, so I get lost in my head a lot. And there is, you know, there is kind of a wall and you know Bridget and I have been going back on my podcast and talking about like our time at the mansion and everything and just talking about the different people we interacted in with over the years which were hundreds and hundreds of women who came through there to shoot for playmate and whatever and I can think of like two girls that I was trying to get to know at the time who were really hard to get to know nice people I like them but so hard to get to know and me over here being like armchair psychiatrist I'm like I bet those two girls are on the spectrum too because it's like knowing as somebody who you know once I got comfortable at

the house and started being like welcoming to everybody and trying to get to know those two women it was really hard yeah it's an interesting like it was such an I mean you're the most lovely you know and and you have lots of great friends and so but it was always like when when you came out being like oh I I am autistic I was like oh this like I don't know I can just it just made perfect sense for me I don't know why like how did you know to did you go looking for a diagnosis did you just feel like something was question marks your whole life you know I just always wrote it off as me being really introverted and having been through a lot in my 20s and growing up in Alaska when I was in elementary school we lived way out in the middle of nowhere so I always

kind of blamed it on that I'm like I just wasn't socialized but that doesn't make sense because I have a sister who's two years younger than me and she's perfectly well adjusted in every way But still I was always like, well, I just grew up in the woods that I don't know how to interact with people, whatever. But, um, my mom told me and my ex-husband not too long ago, maybe only five years ago that she always thought I was on the spectrum and there, that there was something going on. And then I looked up all the symptoms and I was like, I display a lot of this. And this was maybe around like 2018 and it took forever for me to find the right doctor. I kept searching. I kept asking for referrals. Nobody had a good referral for me. And then I don't know what it was because I was doing the same Google keyword searches

over the years. But finally somebody popped up within the last year and I went to her and we did over the course of like seven different appointments. She diagnosed me. She also took an appointment with my mom. She took an appointment with my ex-husband because they want to see how other people perceive you and their interactions with you so it feels good to finally get the diagnosis I feel like I can finally talk about it and what are the symptoms that like you notice when you're doing

these like initial quizzes probably online when you're like yeah like what were those because I know that the traits of autism are different in women than men and a lot of times like women get diagnosed like way later in life so like what was that for you and finding that out for me a lot of things and I just want to say before that they call it a spectrum for the reason for a reason And there's people who deal with it on so many different levels. There's people who have an easier time functioning, you know, in the real world. And there's people who have a much harder time. So I just want to address that first.

But for me, it was a lot of like hyper fixating on things, not picking up on social cues, not being able to engage with people as much, not making eye contact. Like I make eye contact now. And it was one of those things where you always hear, you know, to be successful, you're supposed to like make eye contact and do a firm handshake and all those things. And I knew that, but I was never doing it until like recently. and you have great eye contact now thanks I applied it and so what changed like once you got that diagnosis like how do you how did you change your life like do you are you like okay

just having the awareness or is it yeah I feel like the awareness helps a lot and just being able to speak about it and tell people that I actually am diagnosed I feel like people are more apt to listen and just I'm easier on myself now like when you don't really know what it is or where it comes from, it feels funny. It feels weird. It feels like, Oh, what's wrong with me? Am I just an asshole? Like, I don't know. But now that I know exactly what it is, I can focus on it. I can fix the things that aren't working for me, or at least try to. And I'm just like a lot more forgiving with myself. And I can also tell other people what's going on. So if they're not getting the right social interaction, they know what it is and they know that it's not them or not me being

an asshole or something oh I love it must make social situations and business stuff less like having less anxiety around it too 100 and just knowing that you can get overstimulated and you need a lot of time to recharge and you don't necessarily love being around huge groups of people a lot just giving yourself permission to back away from that a little bit it's such a relief yeah right you're like I have the freedom now to just be the way I am but like don't come for me don't be like yeah you're an antisocial person who doesn't know how to like yeah you know you're like no no this is like real it's a real thing yeah oh I love that all right when we come back we need to talk about the podcast you're listening to the lady gang all right girls next

level podcast literally hit the top of the charts I was so excited for you guys like welcome to the podcast game you have massive fans I love that you're always just like kicking in a sweatsuit it's like the cutest people has it surprised you the success absolutely I mean I I knew there would be a fan base for it because I was already doing like these YouTube reactions but I didn't think it would be what it is so I'm so grateful it like found its little niche and that we can share our stories with everybody and you know we get so much feedback from fans I'm sure you guys get this too where podcasts make people feel less alone like I get so many messages from like new mothers who are at home with their kids all day and they're like listening to you guys talk it makes me feel

like I have friends and I'm not alone or this gives me something to do on my commute to work and that's such a good feeling because I'm a huge podcast listener myself too and I love I love that what's been the biggest challenge well I do all the production and the editing and that was a learning. It is crazy that you do that, but it's just like, I can't really trust our story with anybody else. And, you know, I've been through it too, like writing the memoirs and dealing with, you know, legal publishing houses. I kind of know what we can say and what we can't say and what's responsible to say and what's not. So I, and I feel like I'd be doing just as much work, handing it over to somebody else and then relistening the whole hour and being like, you need to go back to

this time stamp this time. It's like, I might as well just do it. So, um, it was like a whole year of like learning and even our video like quality is lame it's just one camera it's just like i'm so slow to like catch on to all that but it doesn't seem to like matter though no because it's like your views are insane your downloads are probably crazy and it's like what i love about it is it's it's like the disney and the devil thing that's where you we watched it all when we were younger and it was like part of like the millennial experience and then getting this inside look where there is like all this darkness i think especially obviously like with true crime and stuff like that everybody's just so interested because I know that a lot of people were like there has to be

something that's going on yeah and to like get all the details for that I think is it's like ravenous for people have you received any backlash from like the that camp always yeah you're like when have I not every day is a cease and desist no you know even before I wrote my book eight years ago people would get cranky with me for the littlest things because that crew of people I call them the playboy loyalists. They're so hardcore for someone who was a human being, but they act like he's Jesus Christ and can't have a flaw. So even back, you know, in the days of when I was at peep show in Vegas, you know, Twitter was huge. And I remember somebody wrote to me like, don't you miss the mansion? I'm so sad you didn't get married. And I was living an amazing life in

Vegas and it would kind of get old and frustrating when people are always like shipping you with your ex and you're like, no, I'm actually better off now. So I wrote a response. I was like, I'm actually happier. I'm happier now with like a little smiley emoticon, you know, you know, signaling it's not that deep, but one of his sons unfollowed me after I did that. And then one of his friends wrote back to me, well, I'm sure you have some good times there. It's just, everybody was snotty over something as little as that. And I'm just like, I can't even deal right now. So they're always like that. Like I could say something really mild and they'd be pissed. I could write a whole book and they'll be pissed. I could talk about the show and they'll

be pissed like I don't care but it was your life and you were the stars and I think what's really interesting about the podcast is realizing how um how not in control like do you know what I mean it was the three of you like it was this was not a show about really it was the three of you and the mansion you know and so I like that you're kind of like reclaiming your power and coming back and like having those conversations the episode that I am very interested in about the podcast was the um layout when you guys did the layout like the layout of the actual house and like how it all worked because um like I just that house is so gross it's sure it smells it's so gross I went to a party there and I was like I'm finally going to the mansion like this is it this

is iconic and we pulled up and we walked into this crusty ass house and I was like this is it and that grotto is the nastiest thing i've ever seen what year did you go like probably seven years ago oh wow really it was so decrepit like it was so it like no one had taken it it just felt like the haunted mansion at disney speaking of disney yeah it was kind of sad and i'm not anti things looking retro like there would be this room in the game house and it was called the van room because it looked like the back of somebody's van but it was kind of like fun and campy but like the cushions on the sides were like it looked like somebody sliced through it with a knife and I like I remember going down to the Pacific Design Center and like finding that

fabric and like can you replace this like that they just weren't really like for being this host house and like the representative of a brand like come on right it's like when you go and not to Disney it but when you go in Walt Disney's apartment at Disneyland it's like it's old as but like it's pristine yes you know what I mean it's like a collector's edition it's like the fabric the chairs everything's old but it's like it's been so properly preserved you know which is like kind of a mess probably a lot of vibe what's that probably a lot of carpet there was so much carpet i remember i lobbied for so long to have this nasty ass carpet taken off the great hall stairs because it was like this yellow shag carpet that dogs had pissed and shit all over

it was so gross i'll even see like people post pictures from back in the day and i'm like it looks like there's diarrhea dripping. I was finally able to get it taken out. And there was the same carpet upstairs in the hallway. I was finally able to get that taken out and just hardwood floors done. And that happened around like season two of the show. And Bridget and I are watching the show and I'm like, Bridget, the sense of relief I get when I see the hallway with the hardwood floors, even today, I'm like, I think I have a picture of the fresh air. Is it these, these stairs? Yeah, this was, I mean, this was probably the carpet was old by the time you got there i can tell by the picture but but that was like the quote-unquote new carpet that i have

because it was before that it was like wall-to-wall shag gold 70s yeah like playboy mansion just screams carpet to me carpet carpet nasty it was just so nasty it's a slideshow no like there's like the animals in the backyard well that's my next question sorry and i don't want i know oh but you all i also cut you off when we were talking about how the mansion operates like no i just thought it was really interesting because like it was like where people would be when and how you could separate and like lit i don't know i just think it's very it's cool i think it's really it was a really good way to explain your life um my next question is just the animals yeah i have a lot of concern about the animals like which ones where are they now oh

well um the guy who bought the house got the zoo license that goes along with the house so he still has the animals i've heard yeah license i know i would i would love to see i mean there were some animals this guy named darren metropolis he buys brands i know he sounds like a superhero or something but um he buys he buys brands and flips them like if like hostess when they were bankrupt like he bought them and like sold them yeah so is he rebranding the mansion or he's just wants to live there no i think he just wants to live there i think he's doing like a whole renovation and stuff weird but where are the animals i think they're still there i mean it's Probably not the same animals as when I was there because that was so long ago.

I'm sure so many of them have passed. Some of them have died, Kelty. I'm sorry to tell you. But you were connected with them. A hundred percent. On the show, it looked like you were connected with them. No, a hundred percent I was. And I'm sure the monkeys I knew and stuff are not there anymore.

But there were so many macaws and things that lived for 80 years. I would love to go back and see those animals. I was so attached to them. There was this bird, a Malucan cockatoo, who I swear could read my mind. The bird did the funniest thing. I was so connected to this bird. So I was outside one day and I saw this playmate coming across the lawn and she was one of the ones I wasn't my favorite person.

Like I knew she was just going to like, she was always like on ambient and she's going to tell me, and she was just kind of downer energy. So I was like thinking during the day, Oh God. Yeah. And she's coming across and it's just, you know, when somebody comes toward you and you don't necessarily like dislike this person, but it's just downer energy. Yeah. So I'm thinking like, Oh God.

So she comes over, starts talking. The bird jumps off my arm and bites her toe. and the bird's never done this to anybody before so I'm like gathering about like oh my god I'm so sorry so sorry yeah and then she starts talking again and my energy goes down the bird gets down and bites her toe again again I'm so weirded out so I've never seen the bird do this I grab the bird and she gets pissed and she walks away and the bird could do like the imitation of a human laugh and I shit you not the moment the timing on this was so perfect the moment the girl gets out of earshot the bird looks at me and goes like I swear the bird got rid of that girl for me my god

It was so weird. That is amazing. Wait, I'm obsessed. You must find the bird. They live in Kerala. Kerala? Yeah. What's the guy's name that owns it?

Darren. Metropolis. Metropolis. I bet you Mr. Metropolis would let you go over there and like check out the backyard again. Yeah. You really should. You should. No, you should go and see if your macaw's there.

I would love to. How long do they live? 80 years. Some of them live like 80 years. And there was this beautiful hyacinth macaw I got for half for his birthday one year ago. year and those live for 80 years so I know that bird is still there oh my god I love this I'm obsessed yeah um that's such a good story and it definitely is real um and I guess my last question and honestly you don't have to answer this all if you don't want to but I have saw Krista

Crystal's doing her book right now and she's come out being like I just was never really happy there I I just had this feeling of like do you think anyone like really loved that man like do you think anyone was there in relationships with him being like this is the love of my life or do you think it was just all situational or you felt like you needed to be there at that time and that was enough I mean I think there were a good handful of people who did I mean I loved him although it was very like Stockholm syndrome heavy and it was a very very toxic relationship that I would not recommend to anybody but I definitely loved him I think Sondra his girlfriend from the 70s loved him i think barbie has i think he always kind of had somebody up to a point did will you read the

book oh yeah i read it oh are you saving your are you doing a reaction on your podcast to it i mean i will i just i mean this this is a hot take because as a woman like i can't have any criticism because it always has to be like women supporting women yeah well and people came after you so hard for your book too a hundred percent um anybody who's read my book that came out eight years ago and then read her book tell me the narrative voice doesn't sound exactly the same yeah drives me up a wall and I'm not saying when I say narrative voice I don't mean of course we're going to be writing about a lot of the same things like we dated the same person we might even come to some of the same conclusions but when I like I was reading it and there were sometimes I was like I feel like

I'm reading my own book this is creepy like she weaves fairy tale references in and out just like I did and uses a lot of the same you know psychological you know catchphrases and things like that and I'm like like if you take my book and Kendra's book it's two completely different people even though we live there at the same time like it's two completely different voices as it should be so I'm not I'm weirded out by it especially since she had a ghost writer like do your research and don't copy oh she did have a ghost writer yes and I read your book and was like we've written two books we know what happened they went in a conference room and someone was like you know what was great Holly's book was great you should we want a book like that but

your stories. And then someone went and did that. Like, and that bothers me supportive of her telling her story. I think we probably went through a lot of the same things in that relationship. And a lot of it's been very relieving for me to hear, even before her book came out, when she talks about feeling like she always felt like she had to walk on eggshells or always felt like she was going to have the rug pulled out from her under any moment. That was so relieving for me to hear. Cause I'm like, I was the only one who said that for the longest time, you know, but when I read something and like the narrative voice is the same, it bothers me, especially since you know it was it's always kind of hard to come out and tell your story at first especially

when you're crucified for it because when my book came out he was still alive it was before the me too movement went mainstream you know I got you were right yeah the book was very successful but I got dragged yeah now it's a little bit easier for people to come out and tell their stories and to just have the same narrative voice in the book and you know there's people on that publishing team that worked at the public my publishing house promoting my book when it came out and it just does it doesn't feel good to me yeah you would have thought that it went through somebody reading it that would be like that's a little bit too similar yeah like why don't why don't we do our own thing a little bit and it bothers me and i know that's a hot take i know people are going

to be mad and say you're just being conceited holly shut up women supporting women but it bothers me and i'd be lying if i said it didn't yeah yeah but i also think like i mean on a different level no one's copying our books um but like there's been time buying them that's not true lots of people buy our books um but but I remember when we first started our podcast and then there was like a time we were really excited and had done it and then there was a time where television shows and other podcasts they would like literally like go on tour and they would have the same exact set for their meet and greet or the same exact wallpaper on their background or like there was a TV show that like literally ripped off our entire, all of our ideas. And it's like, you know,

it does give you the ick because you're like, you know, I worked so hard for this and like the blood, sweat and tears that you have to go through when you're creating a space for the first time is, you know, like we did two and a half years without paying ourselves at all, like doing the work because there were no female brands to have on podcasts. There was no advertising money for females. So it was like, you're kind of like, well, wait a second. And it's like, you're still so happy for everyone and you're like go us go women we're all making shows yay let's do it but there is that I totally like I think we can relate to that especially it being your personal story yeah sensitive content and sure yeah you know you kind of like you walked so these people

could run yeah I think it would have been more respectful to give your book the space the flowers yeah um okay last thing I want to I want to end on a really positive note so I want to take it back to me I want you to tell I want you to tell the girls if you could describe like 2009 Kelty mullet heartbroken over our mutual ex-boyfriend you know so so sad Kelty in three words what would words would you chose oh my god oh her energetic enthusiastic full of life is three words but you were just such a go-getter I mean everybody talks about it like everybody who knows you in the show talks about it like we can't believe like what you're doing you're hosting the thanksgiving day parade like that's so iconic like you are the manifester of manifestors

like it's so inspiring honestly i have a selfish question my son's birthday is on friday and we're taking him to disney world for the first time he's two years old is is this a touch and go age to go to disney world you know it as a professional it's good i know that doesn't sound good i would just say pace yourself okay pace yourself like it doesn't have to be i mean the good news is he's so young it doesn't have to be like the perfect trip whereas if your kid was four it's a little more pressure like you have to get like the all the rides if it's a girl the makeover anybody wants to make over get the makeover and stuff like that i would just say pace yourself take it slow don't feel like you have to do every ride yeah stop for a snack okay have you ever seen an adult do the

bippity boo bouquet you're not allowed they only let you do it until you're 12 wait what is it they literally make you into a disney princess of your choice and the dresses are so the tiaras the whole makeup the updo my niece did it and she lost her shit and then they walk through the park all day dressed as that princess and they do like a turnaround and like but there i saw a girl that chose the cup you can have a sorry this is like deep on my tiktok but you can get the colored fall like the colored fake hair that's like pink and blue yeah and then she also got the ring of flowers and then she also that the tiara oh that would have been me this woman was literally just shoving more shit it probably cost 500 i was gonna say that sounds so expensive they shellacked my

niece's hair like she was about to be in an ice skating competition yeah and then like glitter hair paint and my sister's like we're so fucked she had that hairdo she had that hairdo for like five days no you need to like crack it off your head it was horrible i cry every time my daughter does that does she love it yeah she must love it wait that's so cute this is the cutest i remember the first time she did it she was like two and i just like sobbing should i bring should i bring ford and make him a prince they do they do a prince one they'll give you like a shield and like do like a slick back hair and glitter when you have it's probably already booked it's so hard to get in really they have on the cruise ships they have pirate ones they'll make you

into a pirate and they do like bruises and cuts on your face it's so cool i want to do it well you have to be under 12 yeah god damn it i'll bit bitty bob you no thank you i can bit bitty bob you right now i have all those supplies and you know i do so true all right guys holly thank you for being here thank you you're one of our first guests on lady gang and help make the show I mean, you were pregnant. We were just talking about this before we started recording. You were pregnant. Whoa.

Isn't that wild? And you have seven and ten now? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. How time flies. And we're still here. You guys, check out. Tell us where people can watch the Playboy Murders.

The Playboy Murders is on Monday nights at 10, 9 central on ID. And then after that, it streams on Max, Discovery Plus, and I think even Hulu. Great. That's what I thought. And then Lethally Blonde is not out until March. Yeah. We're so proud of you. Busy and working.

So proud of you. Booked, busy, bippity-boppity-boo. And we will see you next Tuesday. Thank you so much for listening. The Lady Gang is produced by Steve Delameter, Stacey Pera, Jared Monaco, and social support from Amy Ryerson. It really means the world to us when you show up in our community outside the podcast. So sign up for our secret Facebook group. Just search The Lady Gang under groups.

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