LadyGang - JANA KRAMER RETURNS!

Episode Date: October 24, 2023

The country star, podcast host, and NYT Best-selling author Jana Kramer returns to the Ladygang to discuss her new book "The Next Chapter: Making Peace with Hard Memories, Finding Hope All Around Me, and Clearing Space of Good Things to Come."  Check out our amazing sponsors!!! LadyGang is sponsored by BetterHelp! Visit BetterHelp.com/ladygang to get 10% off your first month! DraftKings: Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code LADY for a chance to get $200 in bonus bets for betting just $5! Land's End: Go to Business.LandsEnd.com/lady and use code LADY for 20% off your order! KiwiCo: Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at KiwiCo.com/lady  Progressive: Quote your car insurance at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang. Things are about to change around here. Each week we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the Lady Gang.

I am Becca Tobin here with Jack Vanek and Kelty Knight. Hello, ladies. Hello, Lady Gang. My coffee just hit to where the anxiety is bubbling And then also I could cry. And it's like a weird thing that happens to me when I have my cup of coffee and then mixed in with like, I'm so, I'm such a loner. I see no one. I mean, I see people at work and stuff, but like, anytime I hear both of your voices, I'm like overcome with such a joy. I know this is crazy. And the fact that I get to spend this morning with you and hear about your

lives, it thrills me to no end. Like I just, I'm so much, I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so emo. Is this like your version of socializing? Yeah. I'm like, Oh people we're on zoom, but whatever. Anyway, same difference. Same diff. Same diff. Not a whole lot. I was awoken in the middle of the night with a coughing fit. I don't know what's been going on with me lately. This should be my bad week, but I don't really care. I have too much to share. So this isn't, it's an intro. Does anybody understand what is happening? I am in a dead sleep, like in a dream. And then suddenly it feels like I have a tickle in my throat that I have to like cough for 20 freaking minutes. I feel so bad for Zach. I don't know what's going on. I watched a tick talk about

random coughing fits and I forget what it was linked to, but it's linked to something really random. You should look it up. I think it was really bad, but you have to keep some, I have this happen to me too. And I wake up in the middle of the night and I just hack for like half an hour you have to keep some nice um in your bedside table so you can hydrate the mouth it might be related to a heart thing but that's like that's like worst case doomsday scenario but that's what i saw on tiktok it was this one tiktoker kept having like coughing fits and they're like oh well i think it's uh it's like a heart blah blah blah i don't have to put this into chat gbt yep sure well let's do it i'm nervous oh no it's probably it's

it could be like a lingering covid thing it could be so many things yeah i haven't had covid i'm not i'm gonna say it air no it could be air it could be breathing it could be a spider don't think that was my first thing i was like so many spiders in my house and i know i swallow them i just found a spider in my bed recently yeah they're in my bed you're supposed to you're swallow allegedly eight spiders a year yeah i believe it there's so many spiders in my house but i'm keeping them because they kill the mosquitoes and i'd rather have the spiders hanging out there's such a big one he built like a giant this is like a uh this is like a sconce situation but like he built a giant web between my pergola and a tree and like really i should

take it down because i walk into it all the time but i swear to god the spider's the size of a lip bomb it's so big and i can see its eyes like it's massive and i but there's so many bugs in the web i'm like you do you girl you get it wait did you well this can be my good week should we go okay okay all right it's time for good week yes it is bad week oh no okay just speaking of spiders did you guys see my post on instagram about the spider when we were in carmel that he spun a web but the web was so insane i'm like the spider has to be on drugs or something because it looked like it was spelling out letters did you guys see my post or you didn't i didn't see it so i don't I think the Instagram probably put that down at the bottom of the.

Jack's not in a bikini. No one look. No, we were staying at Carmel Valley Ranch and on like there, we had a little balcony and there was all these spider webs, which I don't know how long they had been there for, but the spider web literally looked, it was the most chaotic thing I've ever seen in my life. And it looked like there was like a message in it. Like it was like a stranger things, like it was spelling out words and I looked it

up and i think somehow the spider got into our coffee because that's what a spider's web looks like when it's on caffeine that's what i was gonna say on tumblr they used to have like the spider on cocaine spider on mushroom spider on coffee yeah my spider my spider because we had left our coffees out i'm like maybe it got into our coffee and was yeah hyped the up hyped i love it god that is so weird it was really weird i was like what kind of what i've never seen a spider web like that i loved it well that's my that'll be my good week light but my actual good week and this is a little bit delayed um so you know when you go out of the country for a while and you're just you're ready to come home you're like give me my american pleasures i need ice in my drink like i need

american pleasures american pleasures as opposed to adult pleasures it's america you know what i'm talking about american pleasures yes so anyways when jared and i got home from france you know we're craving all the American like I need a Costco oh my god I need my Starbucks because Starbucks in Europe is not the same everything's like this big okay yeah it's just different so anyways we come home we go to bed and we are awoken at 5 a.m by fireworks the most American thing in the entire world we live on the marina and across the marina which is probably 200 feet away somebody was putting off fireworks at five o'clock in the morning and i'm like what could be more american than this it's like welcome back home isn't that insane that's brutal was it like

a party or something was it a saturday or no i know what it was it was probably karma from your wedding where you were like blasting off fireworks off the chateau in this little tiny quaint town they were probably like you americans and then that was it i have to be honest with you the fireworks at your wedding were one of the best firework displays i've ever seen in my life you know what it took me next level i was like am i at like the olympics kelsey did it shock you when you heard them because you were on the back side of the chateau yeah we opened the window and well they came through and they're like you need to close the window i was like why and then i was like and then because i think you're gonna get burnt and then i opened the window well wasn't

chris on like a work call or something like that because it was like 2 p.m yeah um oops no yeah somebody was putting off fire it was not a party it was too late for a party it was like at 5 30 in the morning and it was literally on the marina but i'm like welcome home to america okay um my bad week is you know this is an american not pleasure but we woke up that same morning and it's so weird we live like on the marina and there's like a little private road this is not a public place so like you they kick anybody off that's there but somebody had their car and they were like eating fast food or something in their car and they just threw out all of their trash just right onto the street and i do not understand it's 2023 that people litter littering is so insane

to me like there's a trash can nearby but you're gonna throw all of your trash just onto the private road right in front of our apartment like what are people doing it's an american trash person you're almost like healthy right now i hate a litterer you know it's illegal like in canada i think it's illegal here too yeah is it but like what do you find nobody is no that's why bigger fish to fry when my dad comes to town and we drive to home depot which is like really our only outing he and he's been coming for years now and we've been driving to home depot for years he cannot get over how dirty i mean la is disgusting but like he can't get over how dirty america is in general like pretty there's just trash and he's like you don't realize it

until you leave where you're like there are ditches on the earth that don't have just like a bunch of trash in them like it's so sad anyway wow this is like really we're like fireworks so annoying i'm getting old i guess so old we are old who's next becca what do you want to complain about today? Mine is a little not, well, yeah, I guess it's a couple of weeks old, but, um, I had, so life, it gets so busy. This is my good week. Life gets so insane and so busy. And when you've lived in a lot of, not a lot, but like I spent my adult life before Austin between two cities, New York and LA, the, my twenties was New York and really like the end of my twenties into my thirties was LA. So I feel like my life is like these two very distinct

groups of friends and they're all very close friends, but the ones from New York, I rarely see anymore because we don't go to New York as often for work. And a lot of my New Yorker friends like left the city and live in like the suburbs. So even when you do go to the city, it's hard to see them. So one of my best, best, best, best friends for, I think almost 20 years, her name is Kat who does our makeup occasionally when we're in New York. Um, she came with me to Baltimore for, I went to this, um, they were launching the brand new Hyundai Kona shout out lady gang sponsor Hyundai Hyundai. And they were launching the brand new Kona and they were like, Hey, do you want to come to Baltimore? Drive it around. We'll send you on like fun excursions

and just bring a friend. And I was like, uh, are you available? No, this was Jack was already in Europe for her wedding. And I have to work. So I can't go. And I see enough of you Kelty. I don't need to drive around all day long. I needed cat. So we had the best day ever. We woke up in like the cutest hotel in Baltimore. And I had never really spent time in Baltimore. And I have to say it was absolutely adorable. We went around and got like, we Googled like best pastry shop, best coffee, best boutique, best nail place. Like we just, they just let us drive. Um, and it was so fun. And my bad week is that I am aging so much faster than I really anticipated. And now when I go on these amazing influencer trips, I'm around other influencers before I

was sort of the average age influencer and now i'm an elder influencer you're the mommy blogger wait but are they number one i've still to this day not been invited on an influencer trip and i'm pissed off about it nope i was invited to one but then it got uh washed because of the strike but not a one i'm not even cool enough for a trip have you been invited on a trip guilty wow this is embarrassing that's so strange well if you'd like to come drive the hyundai kona with me i would if they do another city i would um but like i feel like i feel like it's weird when they mix influence because usually it's like if it's a tart trip it's going to be like alex earl and like all those like youngins they know this this is a mix because it's like it's a car it's

not like makeup it's everybody drives and the and not to sound like an ad but the car is perfect for every type of person and it's perfect for me the elder influencer and it's perfect for like the young just out of college like getting in the workforce person so and actually I met the most amazing women and um had a great time but I was older and so we had a dinner one of the first night they put out this like lobster dinner on the water like it was so amazing and so cute i keep saying amazing i'm so annoying um and we sit down at these little picnic tables and we're all kind of just picking at the food getting to know each other and nobody said their ages but with context clues i'm realizing that kat and i are quite further into life than these girls they're

like oh yeah my plus one she went to call it we went to college together and we haven't seen each other in three years and i'm like oh since when and they're like since college i'm like okay you kill me um so then this was when the tiktok craze of girl dinner was still is kind of like it's a big whatever yeah it had just started it was in its infancy and i'd seen so much about it and we sit down at the table we're we're eating something and i was like oh i made a reference to girl dinner, but I accidentally said girl lunch. And one of the 22 year old girls was like, do you mean girl dinner? I did the thing that old people do where they're trying to be hip and relevant and then they it up with a detail. Yeah. So that was mine. And I actually, Kat made

fun of me the entire next day and um it was just it was humbling girl lunch wow girl lunch i love it okay are you ready for me yeah good week i have a beautiful email that we received that i would like to read to you it really touched my heart she i i don't have the email or i copied and pasted so i don't know who this is from but anyway she said i'm obsessed with how y'all's friendship has grown and changed in the absolute best way from three to four years ago. I'm a psychology nerd. So for me, it makes absolute total sense. You're all in such awesome places in your individual personal lives and doing your own things in addition to Lady Gang. But then I'm also obsessed with how now you've totally embraced each other's quirks that used to get on each

other's nerves. But now you just love those quirks about each other and you laugh at them. I mother love the pod more than ever. I've been bedridden for most part of the past few years due to a bunch of health conditions. And I'm so freaking happy. You have the podcast on YouTube. Now y'all's good week, bad weeks have been so fire shit. Do people still say that? Ha ha ha. In all recent episodes, to the point where I'm laying in bed alone in my apartment, laughing out loud, which isn't a normal thing. It's been awesome to see you get to this place where each of you seem truly content and the energy you give off is so extremely happy, positive. Tis once again, my favorite podcast. I think I forgot to listen to pods for a year or two, got mold illness at my parents' house

and made, that made me dumb for a year. Anyway, casual ADHD morning essay comment on the YouTubes. Congrats. Bye. Oh my God. That was the comments on YouTube? No, it was, uh, she, I, she emailed, she emailed. I can't, or maybe it was on YouTube.

I don't know. I copied and pasted it and put it in my email to read to you. So you're welcome. We're great. well that's the reason why we started the podcast really it's like we want to be your little besties even if you're chilling alone well i also love that people are watching it on youtube because youtube is really cute and i am putting effort into my looks so thank you for watching you're the only one that is that's okay um my bad week i i just want to keep this community focused for a

moment my bad week is since we're about to have this amazing conversation with janna about like her life and realizing her part in things. And I noticed in the Lady Gang Facebook group that we owe Ohio an apology. What? We owe Ohio an apology. Yeah. So we, here's the thing, you know, when you like have a bad, so here's what happened. Ohio was like this extreme breaking point in lady gang world and we use it it's this clutch that we're like ohio it was the worst so but it wasn't what happened on stage it was like all the other it was like the perfect storm of things yes but we haven't explained that so i think that there i've seen some comments and i want to apologize that people are like every time i talk about how bad the crowd was in ohio i'm just

like uh the crowd wasn't bad we are just in a 2000 cap venue and there's a hundred people there and it was a quiet night. It was fine. Yeah. So Ohio, we want to apologize to you. It's not you. It's me. Okay. You were great. I specifically remember the front row being lit and on fire. We, it, this was, you know, and I'm sorry that you had to be part of the learning lesson, but we had overextended ourselves in a lot of ways. And there was a lot internally going on and stresses and pressures and, you know, you, you can't even imagine what was going on behind the scenes. And we, and then it was this perfect storm of like, we had brand partners there and felt like losers because they had sponsored the tour. And then we came in this huge venue and there was

only a couple of you. And that was fine because normally we just do 200 people in a venue and a 200 person venue, which is where we're meant to be. So we just felt like extra losers. And it was literally just the worst day. So here's what I want to say. Eventually, Ohio's, we will go and do some touring again. I don't know that we'll ever make it to Ohio again, but we'll make it close to you. And I want to tell you, if you were at that Ohio show, I, Kelty Knight, will personally buy you a ticket to another show that we do in New York or Chicago or something. I would love for you to come out because I feel like I owe you an apology, Ohio. It wasn't you. It was us. We love you. We love you. Thank you for coming to the show. Thank you for making the show great.

We just really weren't our best. And it was us, not you. Thank you for coming to my TED talk. I also, it's interesting because I don't remember specific cities on that tour and like how the VIP situation ran because it was kind of the same at every place. Like we met with the girls, we chatted, like I remember the interactions, but I couldn't say this happened in whatever city. yeah but for some reason i do remember the ohio vip before the show was one of our best yes don't you remember we had a lot of girls that like really brought it with their outfits i remember the girl in the pink the cowboy outfit yes yeah and a lot of girls that came alone and a lot of girls that embrace them to sit alongside them like that was very very lovely and and you

know not every not every show's energy can be a banger and it doesn't help when you're in a giant theater and our energy wasn't great that night if we were in an intimate little venue venues make such a difference i see it with like jared shows sometimes it's like if you book a huge venue and it's only like 10 full versus if you book a tiny venue and it's packed the same people it makes like a world of a difference but and my uncle was there that was yeah and becca's uncle was there and then we felt weird about talking about our vaginas like there was just a lot going on so ohio we apologize to you it is not you apologize i'm so sorry but i saw the comment i was like no no it's not you it was us and so we will when we do a show again we will have you come

and that's it and now let's have a podcast let's do it now back to the lady gang our guest today is an american actress with some of our from some of our cult favorites like one tree hill friday night lights and grays and country music singer with seven charting hits including i got the boy and why you wanna she crushed dancing with the stars and tops the podcast charts with her hit show wind down with janna kramer known for her candidness about her personal life and challenges she's got a brand new book the next chapter making peace with hard memories finding hope all around me and clearing space for the good things to come please welcome back to the lady gang jana crema hi i think that's your everyone everyone says my

name weird even my fiance he he called me jana because he can't say jana really no maybe there's Jonna. Well, that's an excuse. Kelty doesn't have one. I don't have an excuse. I just, I'm having, I'm getting older and I need reading glasses and I never bring them to the podcast room. So I'm kind of just like, it's all a vibe. And then I'm nervous because I'm not reading correctly. And then I screw it up. It's very on brand. And you know what? It's a great opening to this conversation with you about this new book that is out today. First of all, congratulations. Only you would be birthing a real baby and a book baby, like literally in the same month? Uh, yeah, it's, uh, the timing was quite interesting when I called to tell the team, I was like, Hey guys. Uh, so I

know the book is coming out, but also we have an interesting timing with something else. And then it was like, boom, boom, boom. And that, that was interesting, but it's, it's all working out and it's great. But apparently I was, uh, I've been told that there's like one of these hate pages said I already had the baby. I was like, well, that's cool news to me. Didn't know I already had the baby. How would they, what are they basing that off of? Are you caught? You have a hate page. Oh yeah. But it's, it's honestly now I think it's because of this whole like baby stuff. I actually think it's funny, uh, because they think I'm wearing like a bump suit and I'm like, why would I, I'm like, I'm the most like open here. Like why? First of all, I can't wait to

have the baby. Cause I'm in pain, but like, why would I lie about having a baby? I was just like, it's the people like needed a hobby. Oh my God. Is this on Reddit or is this on Instagram? No Reddit. Oh yeah. Always. I mean, I think the thing that's interesting about you is that people should know, like to your own demise, you will tell the truth. Do you know what I mean? Even when it's maybe like something you could have kept to yourself, but you will, you always put it out there and you like take on all this judgment. And I feel like, I mean, nobody cares what I do, but I feel like I'm the same way. Like, I feel like Becca and Jack will keep their stuff a little more close to the vest. What is it? Like, why are you a sharer? Why am I a sharer? It's a

good question for me. I don't like, and this is why I really wanted to write this book was because I've had so many stories written about me that I wanted to have a book that was 1 million percent just from my voice and my, my story being told from, from my mouth, my words, my truth, my experiences. And in a way it's not to defend certain things, but to me, it just kind of, because I've already shared so much, there's been certain missing pieces that I haven't shared. And, and this book to me just kind of goes, all right, this is, this might be the thread of why I've done X, Y, and Z. There's no excuses for certain things, but like, you know, to me, it kind of makes sense. And then also if someone else can recognize something in themselves going, oh,

I have that same pattern and, you know, this is what helped me get through this and hopefully can help someone else too. So in a way I started sharing because I never was open until my ex-husband stuff, we never really shared things at all. And so from that, from that moment on is when I was like, okay, like, I don't want the narrative to just be X, like, let's change the narrative. Let's make it positive. And that, you know, obviously blew up in our face. And you know, I think there was some good with it, but I think it also hurt us more in the end. So then from there, I was like, okay, now I got to recreate and, and come up with, you know, what is my truth and, and really sitting down and kind of going through all of that and finding

myself throughout the journey. And it's been, you know, it's been hard, but it's also been, it's helpful for me in a, in a selfish way too. Do you feel like I've, I've two questions. Well, I mean, I have so many questions, but like, do you feel like, because you're already in New York times bestselling author, but you did that with him. Do you feel like you, like you needed a book that was just you and it was your own, or do you even care at this point about like the accolades and stuff, you're like, whatever. I mean, sure. The accolades would be nice. There was something that he said, uh, post-divorce. And I know he said it from a hurt place, but he had said, well, you know, you basically got the title because of my words. And I will be

honest. Like he wrote the majority of our last book and he's very, he's a very good writer. Uh, and he wrote very eloquently in that book and I wrote my, just my parts and my were very chopped up. I write how I speak. And you know, in an argument, he basically said that like, you don't know how to type and, and kind of mocked me and, and it was hurtful. And from that moment on, I kind of, in a way wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. So when we started the book conversation about me writing my own book, my editor was like, okay, here's some ghostwriters. And I was like, listen, I know the struggle that we had with me on my first book. I was like, but I just really need this to come from me and my words. And I do not want to

ghostwriter because I want to say, and it's not even at first, I think it was to him a little bit to be like, I did this, like, I didn't need you on the first one, but it, in the end, it became something for me where I was proud of myself for actually doing it myself. And of course, like, you know, editors, they're amazing. And they, they kind of help, you know, structure and, and revise certain things. But I mean, it was truly my words and I wrote the book. So yeah. But it's not perfect. It's not like, I'm not like, I'm not the best writer. And I know that like there's things, you know, some of the editors would say, you know, when they go through the copy right stuff, they're like, well, this doesn't really make sense. I go, but it makes sense to

me and it's my voice and we're going to keep it in there. Well, also it's like, if you had a ghost writer and they were, you know, helping you along in a way, it would be so obvious probably to all of your fans. It's like, this doesn't sound like her. No, not at all. So I'm, I'm proud of how it ended up for sure. Okay. So the book is, we have so many women in the lady gang and there's two or there's three kind of through lines of the questions that we get asked and have been asked for, you know, almost a decade, which is, you know, you stay with the person that you know, in your heart of hearts is not right for you because you're codependent. You, how do I make someone love me? How do I make someone change their mind? Um, and then all of it is wrapped

up in like, I think a lot of times these girls, when they write into us, there's just like this lack of self-love, to be honest. It's like you put yourself in these positions and you accept the bare minimum or these, you know, less than what you probably, what you deserve to, because that's what you think, you know, you deserve. And so these are three things that you talk about a lot in this book. And that's why I think it's such a revelation, whether, you know, you're a fan of you or you're just like in a messy relationship or you're trying to figure yourself out. Like this book is it's, it's much more universal than just being your story, which I think is what makes it special. But you talk about being codependent. And I think this is something that no one ever

really talks about. And I felt for a long time in my life that I was absolutely codependent where I was like, I had to be with someone. I had to have them love me and that's made, made my worth. So can you talk about the mindset of that and then how you have healed from sort of being that person? Sure. Well, thank you for that. And also, yeah, I mean, I kind of look back to and go, if I would have loved myself more or even at all, I would have never actually gotten into the relationship with my ex because he cheated from like the very get. I would be like, no way get out of here. You know, I deserve so much better than this, but you know, at the time, that's what I thought I deserved someone that really didn't respect me, but that wasn't, and I can't put all that fault onto him because he had his own stuff coming in. And so for me, it was, he could have actually given me probably the world. And I still wouldn't,

it wouldn't probably have worked in that relationship because I still did not love myself from all the years prior, from all the shame messages that I received as a kid growing up. And so that's why, like, I'm, I'm grateful that I've, I've done the work. Cause even if I met my fiance back then, it would have been awful. Cause I was, I didn't love myself. And there were so many times when people would say, well, nothing's ever good enough for you. And it wasn't because I wasn't good enough for myself. Like I didn't, they could have been done they could have literally given me the moon and I would have been like, like, no, I was still so unhappy inside. And it wasn't until I realized not even post-divorce, but when I repeated a

pattern dating post marriage that I was like, I'm still picking these people that, you know, I'm, I'm like, why would I stay with someone when someone lies to me? Or why would I stay with someone when, you know, they're, they're not right because I, I don't want to look like a failure or I just want to be chosen. And it was this just pattern that I was like, wow, this is not, this has nothing to do with my ex. This is everything to do with me and like what I've done my entire life because I've had the most wonderful people try to give me the world. And I'd be like, nah, like, because I just didn't think I deserved it. So I think when I finally realized, okay, this is, this is a me problem and I need to look in the

mirror and I need to really dig deep and go, why, why am I accepting less than what I deserve? And it wasn't until I went to onsite and outside of Tennessee where I just, I didn't realize how much shame and how much, um, how many things I was holding onto that I believed to be the truth. So, you know, I believe that I deserved abuse. I believe that I deserve, I didn't deserve certain things or that I wasn't enough and breaking those patterns was, it was really hard. And, and even moving into a new relationship now, it's been a struggle to believe that I deserve that. But you, you know, you go through all the therapy and the letting go of the truths that

people spoke into me that was never mine to, to where it was always theirs. So, you know, having to, having to walk through that has been, was, was hard, but also the most healing work I've ever done. Because now if I can look back, I'd be like, Oh, well, of course I wouldn't have stayed in that or I would have walked away. But it's, it's hard when you, when you're, when you've lived a life of 30 plus years of the same narrative that other people have put on you and that you believed. I, I have to say, like, I think this book more than anything is going to allow women who are in the situation that you were in to identify more quickly and maybe more gently that they are in that situation as opposed to getting so far down the line with

the wrong person, the wrong situation, the wrong treatment. So it is, it is pretty amazing to be able to do that. Like, is there something during that time in particular, like one thing where the light bulb just went off and you were like, it's the final straw. Like I've got to, I've got to figure this out. Yeah. It was actually again, like post divorce when I was dating again, um, where I was like, why am I begging someone back that not only was dishonest to me, but also not right? Why was I forcing a situation that was not a healthy situation just to feel chosen and loved and wanted? And I became my old narrative again, needy and clingy, like manipulative. And, and I was just like, oh my God, this has nothing to do with this person. Yeah. Like what they,

what their lie and stuff was, was wrong, but I'm still clinging onto something that is so toxic. Like what is the problem? And so then that's when I had to do the work and go, okay, it's, you know, yes, the lying was wrong, but there's something very off with me to like, accept it and try and like, hold onto something that was not right. Yeah. I love that because it's like, we, we were kind of in this narrative where we're like, don't date a boy. Like, you know what I mean? Like it's the men are so bad, but like, you know, I love that you're, you know, taking responsibility for yourself and your part in your own life. And that is such a revelation. My mom has this thing where, you know, she'll all through my twenties

when my friends were having, you know, problems with their guys and in their thirties. And now we're sort of in this era of our lives where people are getting divorced or remarried, you know, it's like just kind of that era, which is saddened, but true, you know, that it's like, oh, we're, you know, forties now. And people are like getting out of a marriage into a new one. And, and my mom's like, well, she's a bad picker. Like she's a bad picker. Do you feel like you, cause I was, when I was reading the book, I was like, I feel like you're a bit of a bad picker. Do you ever feel that way? So, you know what, it's something that I used to always joke about and say like my pickers off. And I think of it now. And I almost, it's like, there's almost a

a shame element to that going, you know, I'm just really broken. And I've, and like, I, there's a lot of pieces that I have to like fix my, my, like my pickers off again, because of like my brokenness, I think, because I think the old saying you attract, which you are right. Healthy attracts healthy. And so that's, you know, again, when things can happen, you can, you can might think that this guy is amazing and, but he's really just this facade, but you know, I also think we miss flags because we don't want to see them and we don't want to lose them. And that is also my, has been a longstanding problem for myself. So, and people will always show you who they are. And that's something that I just never listened to ever. So hard. I love at the beginning

of the book, you know, when to sum up the book, you, you said, you know, okay, this is me and I'm looking at myself and I'm saying, okay, what did I miss? What can I do better? And what can I learn from? And I think those three questions are so important for people to ask themselves. I think we know what you missed, but like, and you've discussed a little bit about what you can do better on, you know, what do you learn and what do you hope people who read the book learn? Well, first that they're not alone in the years that they might have, because we all I for me personally what I make up is a lot of people have the childhood wounds and that's where I got mine from and the messages so what I learned is that there's a lot of

unlearning I have to do because and I have to speak truth into again the new what what I believe is to be true and you know learning also that listen some of the hardest moments I've ever walkthrough have been the biggest lessons. And I've, and I'm grateful for those moments because I wouldn't have been on this side if I didn't walk through those times. So I think, um, you know, those times are when I, you know, really was like, okay, like this is, this is when I need to do the work and not just shy away from it or, or try to hide or try to just get into something new and, and really just go, all right, like this is, this is some, something's trying to show me something and I need to do, I need to really step into it.

And then she started running. And I love this because our Becca has found her solace in running. I know you're not running right now. Cause you're like running to the hospital and your, your hips are expanding as getting ready for this baby. But, um, tell me about running and the marathon and, um, and I hate running. So yeah. How did that come about? So the, the running yeah so for me I just I needed an outlet to just uh clear my mind I hold a lot of anxiety in my body and I just need to release it and so running just became I hated running I hated it with a passion and it became really truly just a moment where I was like okay this is my this is the time that I need so now well now I can't run but like post baby I can't wait to like have that

time again, because it just does something for me and whether it's the endorphins or just me, myself, and I like just to like, let go of anything that I'm feeling. And it's, um, I really wanted to run a full marathon. I don't think I'm, I'm obviously not ready yet for that, but I just love again, to be able to just let my mind just go and just be kind of like, just with me. It's crazy. I was in such a weird, like, not like dark place, but just sort of like dull. And this was three weeks ago probably. And I'm like, God, why can't I feel like, I think the things that brought me joy before aren't bringing me as much, like nothing has changed circumstantially. And then I realized I was like, Oh, I stopped running.

And it was such a crazy thing. I forced myself to do it for two straight weeks, even if it was like 20 minutes a day. And I swear to God, it literally like fell off. it just dissolves into the abyss. So as somebody who's been medicated, um, and not medicated for anxiety and depression, like I think for me, and this is not universal and you probably feel the same, like running does more for me than that ever did. Oh, for sure. And I'm not like a fast runner. Like I'm like a slow valley job. That's fine. Like that's all I need. You know what I mean? Like I was like the last person to finish a half marathon. Like I swear to God, they were like wrapping up the like signage. They were like, Oh, we've got one more.

Then it's fine. I go at my own pace. That's why I'm like, I actually prefer to run alone because whenever, when I would run with, you know, with Alan or something, he's like, do you want me to run with you? I'm like, Nope, because I don't want to feel like I have to keep up or go fast. Cause it's not what it's like. I just need to go at my own pace. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. you're listening to the lady gang we're back are you freaked out about being back to diaper season yeah i mean i'm not gonna lie yeah i have um one of my best friends and co-hosts with me on wind down she just had a baby and it's just that moment i'm like oh you know holding the baby again. She's, she's beautiful. And I'm so blessed. I'm so excited, but it's like,

I just got out of all of this. You know, my son's five, my daughter's almost eight. So I'm just like, okay, here we go. Like, let's do this again. But you know, my fiance, he's, he's been 16 years past this. So I'm almost like, all right, then you get to change a little extra diapers because I've been doing a little bit like, yeah, you're a little farther removed. So, but no, I I'm, I'm looking forward to it obviously. And I'm just, I'm a little scared about, honestly, my most anxiety right now is the delivery. So it's cause how was it with your other two? I had C-sections with both and I'll have a C-section with this one. Cause I've got a giant fibroid and, but it's just, I don't, I don't like not feeling my feet, like my legs.

I get anxiety. I just freak out. I'm almost like, can you just put me under? I don't, I'm cool. Like, well, they technically can, but they say it's like, well, they're like, don't you want to see your baby being born I'm like yeah I could do without it I've seen two like I can't really see it anyways because like there's a big sheet so I'm like I'm finding it out like so yeah I think that's one of the craziest things like growing up and watching the movies like people like the baby's coming and it's like this big thing but like when you actually think about what you're doing, it is what I'm going to, I'm not going to focus on it. Cause we're already nervous, but like, I'm having an anxiety attack as we speak. I know. Do you, you have a name, you have the stuff,

like, what do you, what have you learned? What will you do different this time around now that you're, you know, a seasoned professional mother? I think, I mean, I'm still going to be a strickler with, with naps. That's something I've always been very big on. Like I sleep training is my thing, everything else though. I think I'm going to kind of just, I mean, it's going to be hard. I've got the two other kids going to have to be running around to go in different sports. So I'm just going to have my little tag along with me and it's been good. So, but I am going to try as hard as I can to stay on the nap train. So, and then the holidays are coming up and we have so many blended modern families in our lady gang community. I can't imagine it gets any easier,

but like, you know, he, Alan has a blended, you, you have blended family times seven now. So like, how are you handling this? How do you greet it with grace? A tough situation. I think the biggest thing is just trying to make everyone feel included. And that's all that, you know, we can do and whether, you know, um, they want to like, I just, it's like, again, just, I want everyone to make sure they feel included and then they get the choices of what they want to do moving, you know, with, with, you know, with it all. So, um, I think that's really smart. Yeah. And they're older too on his side. So, you know, as, as long as we do our best to make them feel included and obviously make sure they feel welcome and all those things that's

then, you know, on, on the other side too, to, to want to come and stuff. Do you, um, have any advice? I know you talk about this a lot on, on your personal socials and your podcast, but for women who aren't as familiar, you're just an inspiration for women who really don't want to break up their families who will literally be martyrs to the end, take all of the bad, just so that their kids can have their quote parents together. Um, do you have advice for women who are still sticking around even though they probably shouldn't, um, for their children? Yeah, that's like one of the hardest things because I mean, I, I hung on for six years

and by the sixth year, that's when even I wrote in the book, like, I'm like, he could have promised me every different version of him and I didn't want one single ounce of it. And I got to the point where I did, I can look at my kids and go, I literally tried everything physically, emotionally, mentally, everything I could to do to keep this family together. But I was seeing the wear of how I was becoming in the house. And that's something that I didn't want my kids to see. I didn't, you know, we were starting to become way more volatile in the house around them. And that's not something that's what I grew up in. And I'm like, damn sure that's not

going to happen to my kids and noticing that we were not getting any better. And then obviously, you know, with the repeat of cheating again, it was just like, I, as much as I want to hold my family together, they're getting the worst version of their mom right now. And that was a really hard pill to swallow too, because I felt like I failed them in so many ways. And I, to this day, I still hate saying bye to them and them going to their dads. Like it's not easy. It's not a natural thing to do. I still have a little resentment around that, but, but they have now the two happiest loving parents. We get along incredible. We're able to be around each other and do things together as, as a family. And that's beautiful. It's not how we thought it was going to look. And I even,

you know, I even wrote him a thing in the book saying, you know, an acknowledgement, like I, this is not how we thought our story would go, but just thank you for meeting me with respect on this new, because now we have a different relationship. We have to walk into a whole different relationship and it's honestly better than our marriage ever was. So it would have been awful for the kids. And I wish, you know, looking back, I wish my parents got divorced a lot sooner because I saw things that as a 14 year old that I have equated to why I feel certain ways in my twenties and thirties. So I don't, I didn't want that to mold my children as well. And, but I get it. It's hard. And, and I was in a fortunate situation to be able to walk away. I know

there's a lot of women that can't. Um, and that's, I, I feel awful in that, that they feel stuck and trapped because that's a terrible feeling and what that does to your body and just to everything in your life is it's just really sad. And I hate that. Yeah. So it's so true. I didn't really believe it before I was a mother that like kids picked up on things, you know, I'm like, what do they really notice? What are they? They're so like in their own world. Or I just remember being so much in my own world as a kid. Um, but now as a mom, I'm like, even at this little toddler, who's like been here for two seconds on planet earth, there's a difference between him with me when I'm in a good place and when I'm not, and like your kids are older and it's just, there's

no, there's no hiding it. It's really, it's important to, to notice that. And it's amazing you did. And, um, you're also just a really good role model for your daughter because you'll be damned if she does the same, same stuff. Yeah. Well, lady gang, let's help our dear friend, Jana Kramer hit the New York times list or whatever success she is wishing for herself with this new book. Uh, if you, if any of this hit home or you have a friend that you feel like you need to gift this book to, this is a fabulous opportunity to read this. It it's, uh, you know, I read like three or four books a week. And so this really was one of the best memoir sort of story um heart books that i've read this year it

really is very very well done the next chapter making peace with hard memories finding hope all around me and clearing space for good things to come is on sale today it is pub day and um go pick up a copy and uh and i can't wait to hear what everybody thinks about it and we'll put a link um on our page and on our newsletter as well and thank you for your time and thanks for being so open i loved this conversation and um congratulations i love you guys thank you love you so much see you next tuesday thanks for listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingber steve delameter and jared monaco make sure you subscribe rate and review our podcast and if you love it share it with your friends on social media like oh my god i just listened lady gang

this episode's so great swipe up to listen and if you really want to which we know you do please follow us on social at kelty at becca at jack vanek and at the lady gang sign up for our newsletter at the lady gang.com and join our secret facebook group it's super fun see you next tuesday eating well shouldn't be complicated but somehow it turns into recipes prep cleanup and half your sunday gone factor solves all that these are fresh ready to eat meals designed by dietitians delivered to your door and ready in just minutes. No prep, no cleanup, no excuses. And it's not just about convenience.

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