LadyGang - Jessica Graf

Episode Date: April 2, 2019

The Big Brother/The Amazing Race darling turned podcaster Jessia Graf talks about marrying a Cody Nickson after living with him since Day 1 of meeting him, expecting her first child, and the ins-and-outs of reality televison! Follow the podcast on Instagram @theladygang and email Jac, Becca and Keltie at [e-mail]! And check out the TV show page's official page @ladygangtv! Check out new episodes of the LadyGang TV show every Sunday at 11:00 only on E! And thank you to today's sponsors:   Amazon = Go to Amazon.com/shop/ladygang to find their favorite products while keeping the podcast FREE!   Bio-Oil = Pick up a bottle of Bio-Oil today or find a retailer near you at FindBio-Oil.com  Blue Apron = Check out this week’s menu and get $60 off when you visit BlueApron.com/LADYGANG  OpenFit = Get a special extended 30-day free trial membership to Openfit when you text LADYGANG to 303030 Pantene = Check out Pantene Intense Rescue Shots today  Rothy’s Shoes = Go to Rothys.com and enter LADYGANG to get your new favorite flats and free shipping See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, it's your Lady Gang, Jack Vanek, Kelty Knight, and Becca Tobin. Thank you so much for subscribing on iTunes, and thanks for supporting the great sponsors who make it possible for us to have this much fun with you every single week for free. Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang. Things are about to change around here.

Each week we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Lady Gang. I am Becca Tobin here with Jack Vanek and Kelty Knight. What's up? Hi, guys. How's it going? You know. It's mediocre.

Mediocre. It's mediocre. Guys, we have to be more positive in 2019 because the end of 2018, every single episode, we were like, I'm okay. No. I actually like... It was a long year. It was really long.

I'm pretty good. Like, it's just a lot to have, like, TV and podcasts, but that's, like, a blessing. But I'm glad award season is over because I'm feeling like I can eat a carb. And, like, soup award season 2019 was hard. Good for you. Were you eating soup, like— Mostly soups. All day?

Not all day, but, like, I will blow up, like, if I eat, like, a gluten product. So I try to, like, really eat an anti-inflammatory meal. And I'm just like, well— Broccoli and broccoli. Sometimes I just want – broccoli kind of bloats me. Does it? Oh, yeah. It makes me fart so much.

I love broccoli. It's so delicious. It's so good. It's delicious, man. Anyway, how are you guys? You good? You ready? Let's get into it.

It's time for – Good week. Yes, it is. Bad week. Oh, no. I have a bad week by proxy. Oh, I love this. From my sister.

Love those. I actually also have a bad week by proxy. Oh, good. So my sister's a working mom. Yeah. Partner in a law firm. She has two kids. My nephew.

Boom, boom, shakaloo. She's doing it all. She's a really, really good mom. And my nephew is six. He's in first grade. And he's like, he's the first child. Like, he's a good listener. He likes to do things right.

He doesn't rebel. You know. Follows the rules. Follows the rules. He's a bro. He's a Kelty. He's a Kelty. K-type.

Did you say he's a bro? He's a bro. He's a bro. I don't know what bros are. He's a bro. Okay. So Jack was last year, his first year at public school. he was in kindergarten and they have the perfect attendance award he got pneumonia last year and

he did not qualify for perfect attendance oh no this year he was like i'm gonna get perfect attendance because they have like a they get an assembly they sure yeah special special special treatment they go on some sort of fur bus in atlanta which really makes me gag the hives yeah it's a bus that's covered in pink fur like from dumb and dumber kind of yeah it actually does look like the shagging wagon but it's pink and it's been around since i was in high school so like definitely why are you letting children in there lice lice lice lice lice wash that thoroughly no it's disgusting but needless to say jack wanted that award yeah of course so this year he's like that's what i want we're gonna go after it and you can't be tardy either you have to be

on time you can't be tardy for that party don't be tardy for the party so here we are towards the end of the school year he stands to get perfect attendance everything is really lining up well and he talks about it constantly oh he's the cutest the sweetest boy when my sister's husband was out of town and she was single momming it and she's like i stayed up till 1 a.m like as you do like a lunatic and the next morning i wake up and it's really light outside and i'm like it is not usually this light outside at 6 30 in the morning what is happening alarm forgot to set her alarm oh no it's 8 p.m school starts at 8 p.m a.m i mean a.m sorry sorry sorry i'm like wait 8 p.m the whole day the kids are still sleeping so he got a tardy because of the mom so he was late to

school she lost it for him no she couldn't talk to the principal and be like this is my fault i feel like they should have excusable absences if your kid has pneumonia that should be excusable I know. I think it's bullshit. It should be if kids are, like, being tardy all the time. She's like, it's so rigid. Wow. And she's like, but what I realize is that this f***ing award is not for the children.

It's the parents. It's true. Why make us do this? And she's like, so he's heartbroken. That's so sad. She had to, like, offer to buy him so many things. Oh, my God. Poor Jess.

Isn't that the worst? This is how he's going to learn how to control her, though. Well, here's the thing. I said, this is good because kids that don't see enough adversity. Too soft. They get too soft. They need to learn that sometimes other people f*** up your things for you. And his mom f***ed up his thing.

Be careful who you put on your team. You know what I mean? Exactly. It can be perfect and then you could still crash and burn. It can sometimes be out of your control. Also, perfect attendance awards are for losers. And I want to tell him that. Okay.

What's your good week? My good week? Well, here's the thing. I recently started to try to be a better housewife. like cook a little more clean a little more blah blah blah blah blah i did laundry for zach because normally gets the point where he's like so sick of looking at it he'll just do it and i'm like haha it worked well i started doing laundry i started washing his workout clothes which i didn't do before gross gross i found a thong not my thong does he wear thongs to work out no

not my thong my thong nope mine jackson nope oh and i'm like here's the thing i've never put myself in the position of like even worrying yeah yeah you know what i mean but i'm like it's in his workout clothes he goes to barry's boot camp every morning and there's hot bitches all over the place All over. Hard bodies. Hard. Hard mother effing bodies. So I'm like sitting there.

I'm like, what do I do? Do I ask? Do I like? It's like a very generic thong. So I'm like kind of working myself up into a frenzy. I'm a little bit like hormonal. Finally, I call my friend Megan and I'm like, what do I do? Talk me through this.

She's like, we did laundry at your house when we stayed at your house, like she and her husband. And I was like, okay, but I think you're lying to me. To cover up, yeah. So I was like, what do they look like? I made her go through her whole underwear drawer no she gave me three options one of them fit oh shit but I was like

you're conspiring with my husband to cover up this affair yes and I was like proud of myself because I was like if I had just been like yeah hey was it a blue thong yeah she'd be like yes it was a blue thong right right you didn't she wouldn't do that would she she might she might we'd cover up an affair

if she knew about it no but like she knows that like he probably would never do that yeah and she's probably like just like make sure it's no there's like women in our house all the time you guys my friends i thought it would have been mine yeah for sure i was actually like i almost sent a picture of it to you guys and then i was like no i'm gonna get to the bottom of this because if it's a real affair i don't want you guys knowing about it so i'm really proud of my detective job thank you bad week for kelty someone wrote to uh entertainment tonight some constructive criticism about these not sure who does kelty's hair on et they need to be fired

looks greasy and you posted this i know and i wrote to you and i was like is this offensive to the hair people the people oh yeah i know i did my own hair that day that's what you did is it because your hair is darker and darker hair looks it does look a little greasier yeah anyway that's how my hair is do a little like powder yeah does it look greasy i actually think Your hair looks amazing. Thank you. I do too. Good week.

We started a new thing at ET, which is probably going to get stopped right away, called Puppy Friday, where everyone brings their dogs. Oh, I saw that on your Instagram. It's amazing. This week we had four. I'm hoping for at least 10 next week. Where did they go? They just, well, first we had newsroom play time.

They're like playing in the newsroom, and then they're in the post-production having a play. Some came down here, had a play. They're playing with each other. They're playing. They're playing. It's so cute. I love dogs. Dogs are better

than humans. Good night. Jack? Is there any smushy dogs in there? In the mix? Well, right, not yet but I'm working on getting more dogs. She's recruiting. Okay, recruit some then I'm gonna come. We had five. One, two, three, we had four. Four dogs. Oh, cute. Okay. Um, good week.

I have a new word. We haven't had a word in a long time. Oh. God, bringing it back to like 015. I hope that I haven't done this one already. Hangxiety? Did I do that yet? No, sounds dark. Well, it's just the anxiety that you get when you're hungover the worst type of anxiety i was thinking the anxiety that makes you want to hang yourself oh my god oh god you really did take it to a dark place i mean honestly

that might be on urban dictionary as well it's got to be but like more relevant to me like there's there's no worse anxiety than when you're hungover it's is is there i think there's worth it worse anxiety no it's bad well because you're depleting yourself of your serotonin and shit when you're like drinking and you're hungover and then it's then you think about all the things you should be doing and being productive that's why i could never get into ecstasy oh no way i'll take it i'll do it i'll get into this word add it to the dictionary i'll take ecstasy too cool okay my bad week um it'll be fast bad week by proxy my mom and i uh were flying home from a trip recently and she goes to go to the bathroom so she's in the bathroom and like opens up the toilet

and the toilet just flushes automatically and as it flushes it's worse up in your face it sprays up this hot boiling liquid on her and my mom always goes to like the worst case scenario like we got a package of paper towels sent to us and she thought there's anthrax in there because there was like some powder yeah so she goes she comes back to me and she's like i think there's i got sprayed with acid in the bathroom i know acid turns out one of the flight attendants had like dumped a hot coffee in there but also don't do that because that's something that you could sue for do you know that every time i go into the bathroom and flush it i plug my ears because it is so abrasive it unner it is the most unnerving sound because you think you're gonna get sucked

down with it it's a little scary it's a little scary it's too loud it's too loud it's too loud it's terrifying that's so sad for may i know she's okay sorry may it probably wasn't even When we come back, we're going on a worldwide adventure. Are we? Yes, we are. You're listening to The Lady Gang. Our guest today is a fellow podcaster and is an American reality television personality, actress, and model. She first came to national prominence after competing in Big Brother 19.

After Big Brother, she went on to win. She's a winner, baby. Amazing race, 30 with her fellow Big Brother competitor and then fiancé, now husband, Cody. In September, the couple announced that they were expecting their first child together and confirmed the following month that they are having a girl. They were married on October 13, 2018 in Malibu. Oh, and she's got a new podcast on Podcast One, which is our network. Hey!

Please welcome to the Lady Gang, Jessica Graff. Welcome! Hi! It's actually called Now What? And yeah, you're right. It's a Podcast One show and I'm super excited about it. What do you do on it? What do you talk about?

Okay, so I'm excited about it because we're still kind of finding our identity and figuring out what works, you know? And it kind of originated because after everything that we'd been through, you pretty much just summed up the two years of our life. It was so hectic and crazy. And that's just been our relationships since the beginning. And once we got married and we got back from the honeymoon, it was like. Honeymoon's over, girl. Honeymoon.

No, it's still honeymoon phase for sure. but uh we had a moment of like a now what moment where it was silent and everyone was like okay so so what's your next project like your life has been so go go go go go what are you gonna do now like what's the next step and it was we didn't feel pressured by any means like it was just kind of a moment to reflect like what are we gonna do now and it was really inspiring because Cody developed his own coffee company and he was just like he kind of like had this idea and he was just like i'm gonna do this research and i love coffee and everyone knows i love coffee and he went and built this coffee company and that that was his project and he seeing the passion that he had for

it was so inspiring and i loved seeing him get excited about it and he still does every single day and to the moment he's falling asleep he's like looking at sales and the moment he wakes up pieces like figuring out how to constantly improve and that was so inspiring and then a longtime friend of mine john and crystal fambrini who are my show producers offered me an opportunity to do this podcast and it was just kind of like well why the hell not you know right oh yeah and i love podcasts because of my husband and i got into them last march i remember specifically when i first started listening to podcasts what was your first podcast you listened to skinny confidential okay oh yeah and i'm a very like i love listening to women podcast uh-huh women

podcasters yes they're so inspiring i love groups like lady gang and the skinny confidential and the bitch bible and uh gold digger like i love listening to women find their voice and come into their own and i'm seeing so many of these women that are like in their 30s really discovering who they are and my god thank you for thinking i'm in my 30s i mean i am you are i think i think being in your 30s i'm so excited to turn 30 because i feel like that's when women really come into their own and really cultivate all of this creativity and and process it into something extraordinary whether it be a family or a project or whatever it is and so listening to podcasts just inspired me so much and i'm kind of like i was very scared like don't be scared yeah it's scary right i'm

sure you guys have had your moments where yeah you were just terrified in the beginning in the beginning because like what is it gonna be about what i'm talking about number one of a hundred 100%. That's probably the biggest fear. Like, yeah. Is what I'm saying important? Yeah. Yeah. So you have a baby, a bun in the oven right now. I do. You're gonna be a working mom. Yeah. And I'm so excited about that. Like, I want her to see me working. I want her to see me creating. I want her to see that I have a voice and I have an opinion. How far on the spectrum are you going? Like Spencer Pratt, like you're Snapchatting the birth? No. God, no. Like what level of, because you have a crazy like your online fan base is where people are they want to see you they feel like they know

you for sure um no definitely not we don't even know if we're going to record the birth like a part of me wants to but a part of me also just wants to be like in the moment and very genuine and just not think about that aspect at all um but i i don't know i mean she i'm not going to be one of those moms i say this with all the love and adoration kristen cavallari is like i love i'm obsessed with her but she doesn't put her kids on tv or social media or anything and i totally respect that i don't think i'll be that way i i i personally don't have a problem with like she already has an instagram she's got an instagram she's got like did you at what point did you get yeah she's already got like 26 000 followers i hate you you know what it's been great

on the lady wait what's her name gonna be we haven't announced the name okay i thought it was like her name for instagram no it's uh so nixon baby m just a little like plug for my baby's handle but we also have her name like secured on a handle so that when we do yeah we can just that's some millennial shit right there it is i love it please help me get 26 000 followers unborn um okay unborn unborn uh one of the things that i felt very deep in interest for you was your wedding shoes oh thank you carrie bradshaw that oh yeah now was that the plan you were like i'm going wedding shopping i'm getting the monolos yes okay so the monolos were like on the list but i also was really obsessed with the whole campaign i say i do and jimmy choo oh i remember

that yes i love that i loved that and then i always get a i'm such a brat i buy myself a pair of louboutins on my birthday every year because i feel like it's a new age you need a new soul like that's my saying wait i love all these things thank you yeah so i was buying a pair of louboutins my birthday's in december and uh at the time the woman behind the like cash register said that you can put blue souls into your louboutins for your wedding day and i didn't know that that was a thing and now i was like okay well now am i gonna do like manolo blancs am i gonna jimmy chew it or am i gonna louboutin first world problems i know but sex in the city is just like so it's you it's very you guys actually now think about it thanks for saying

that i am the carry i feel like that's an ultimate compliment like saying that you're here like thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you next i actually watched sex in the city on repeat while i was getting my hair and makeup done for the wedding really yeah i had it what's your favorite season oh it was the movie oh the movie is the movie not the wedding day yeah but that was like such a bad wedding day and i was so emotional were you watching the wedding were you watching the movie yeah when you're doing it yeah yeah because she's like getting herself in yeah yeah yeah but then he doesn't show up yeah i know but like i she's like i knew he would my man's not mr big he's better you take what you want out of the movie yeah and then like turn it for your

own reality i get it i get it she had her happy ending and she had my shoes on yeah she's on whatever whatever shared okay i have some um amazing race slash big brother questions first of all, Big Brother. Is the house clean? Is it gross? Was there cockroaches everywhere? It's the most effing disgusting place you've ever been in your entire life. Do they have cleaners? Do they have cleaners? They don't have

anybody coming in to like, ever? So it is a set. It's not a house. It's right there. It's on CBS. You can see it. It's right there. It's a sound stage. So like, imagine how cold, dirty, roach, and it's rat infested this is.

Why don't they do it at a house? to torture people because the cameras are behind the walls yeah they have to build it you don't see the cameras so right here where you guys have all this lovely foam instead it's a two-way glass so they can shoot without you seeing yeah like if the cameras are on you yeah you can't see ever it feels like there's no cameras but that's the same love island's the same kind of way but they're in a villa yeah they're in a gorgeous but they probably know where the cameras are yeah and i feel like a lot of it they don't know you don't know also the point of big brother's not to watch people like luxuriate on a beach yeah it's a mind game you're not luxurious okay so it is it's as

gross as you thought you have to wash your own shower with ants there's ants living in your shower like there's ants on your soap bar like there's ants in your food you it's just something you have to accept and put out of your brain and just deal with it it was how long were you there how long were you there i survived seven weeks how long is the whole thing three months do you ever see the light of day you get there's an outdoor area you get to see the light of day three days out of the week so for four consecutive days you don't see sunlight no and what about the outdoor part it's closed off because they build up competitions in the backyard oh this is my nightmare and this prison that's not even like guaranteed there's sometimes some days where

they're doing like a double eviction or they needed the backyard for some for some other reason and you might only get the backyard two days a week so when that like gate opens and you're allowed to go outside you're so happy nirvana oh my god yeah shit it's a lot and so one of the things um someone told me is that like you're not really prepared for how cold it is so no one brings enough sweaters and stuff they don't really tell you um were you cold the whole time you're so small i mean it was it was cold it wasn't like insanely cold especially if if you win hoh you get your own bedroom upstairs and it's really hot up there oh like super duper hot and it's not fun but i don't think you ever pack enough loungewear because you're like oh i'm gonna be on tv and i'm

gonna wear an outfit yeah no you need to be in sweat no you're there for three months in this disgusting house and like it the live show's only one day a week and you want to you want to be hold on so you never left like you go in and you're they never are like we're taking you away for press we're taking you out in a van you're going to a starbucks drive-thru no do you know what i would have done for that oh my god i lost my mind i was i was a total wreck what did you do to like because there's no no phones there's no tv no like yeah what'd you do to draw did you play hangman you're not allowed to have pen and paper what no you're not allowed to say a social experiment yeah well that's what it is you're not allowed to literally hang you're not allowed to

sing what copyright issues so you're not allowed yeah the the best part like the most entertaining thing is you have one of the producers has pre-recorded like things that he says so it'll be if you like are singing he'll be like they'll press a button and it'll be like please stop singing no and every once in a while you might get like a new one that they created and that you can tell that they're kind of messing with you and he'll be like you're being really annoying right now and we're like yes something new because no because unlike the bachelor there's you don't have a producer in the house or anything oh my god it's wild you don't see any of another person once you enter the house so really the only person you see is julie chen on tv that's it

when she's sitting with you when you get kicked out of the house yeah that's it that's it wow okay and so it was prime it was prime for love though yeah well well that's i think that's why you fall when you develop a relationship inside of the big brother house it's so genuine because you only have each other and it's you can't cody and i have lived together since the day that we've met so imagine you meet a guy you the second you lay eyes on him guess what you're living together that's it and he sees you at your best and your worst so on live days you look your best you're like i'm gonna be on live tv so i've got my hair and my makeup done and i've got a pretty dress and heels but then the six other days in the week you're like lounging welcome to marriage

things move so fast and you only have each other to like entertain each other so you learn so much about each other so very quickly wow so crazy do you guys ever sit at home now and like if you haven't been outside the house in a while do you like look at each other and feel like you're back in the house and like run outside there's nothing there's nothing that could ever make me feel like i'm back in that house but i feel like looking at him would give me ptsd actually sometimes i look at him and i feel like i haven't stared at your face as much as i have since we've been in the big brother house and i just want to like look at you that's now what do you think about a spinoff i have an idea i am an employee of cbs

oh my god big baby brother oh god and it's just you big baby it's like you and all the other big brothers have kids and you're in the house with your children it's not fair to the kids that is not fair to the kids okay whatever i mean yes there are child labor laws i'm sure but i'm just letting everyone know i think it's a great idea jessica's mulling it over though i'm worried no i'm not mulling it over well how much are they paying me i i know all of so we are the fourth couple to come out of big brother get married and have a kid better stats than bachelor way better and then there's more so we have two other couples that are engaged to be married from i can totally see why though like you said like you don't get to know somebody that well probably

in any other like aspect or situation and it's not a let's fall in love kind of show so when you do fall in love it's for it's genuine right you're not trying to fall in love it doesn't benefit you in the game it like gets you out early so it's like hey i just gave up half a million dollars because i'm not in love with you you know what i mean he seems nice though um okay i want to switch over to amazing race okay i'm a fan of amazing race and i feel like it's a little bit of a lie do you really have to get there on your own there's more help than it looks like nope how is that that's not possible i okay so you get to the airport and you're like i need to buy a plane ticket they give you a credit card but you have to buy the plane ticket

it's like the company card so like you don't have to you don't have to pay for the plane ticket you're essentially using the money from the time you land in that country until you hit the next line yeah and honestly so it's very deceiving to watch the show because you see it all in an hour and let's let's take out the plane ride okay all together and let's say you land in czechoslovakia you're racing our our longest race was probably like six to eight hours and that was iceland it was like the first first one so they like really put you into shock it was a really long race but normally they're only like two to four hours so you land and then do you go immediately into the race or do you land get held in a hotel and the next morning everyone starts the race no

immediately so we were actually the very first season that as a complete cast we decided after the first leg that we weren't going to run off the plane so the second you land and the plane door opens yeah traditionally people run and book it which is stupid because there's no point and you're knocking people over you're knocking citizens of the country that you're landing in and it's a disaster and you shouldn't do that and it's rude and disgusting and production hates it but there's a million freaking dollars on the line so what are you going to do

so we agreed as a whole that we weren't going to do that anymore because once you do get off the plane you have to go through customs and you have an audio guy and a camera guy with you at all times and those people get searched through customs

really hard because it's all electronics so we decided that we were going to wait till everyone got through customs and then go and then have a producer say ready set go yeah and that's what we did so that's so smart out and i love the inside baseball of all this yeah so now did you don't have a cell phone no but did did your sound man or your camera you're like yo i'm gonna win a million dollars and i'm gonna give you 20 000 if you like let us gps this shit right now no but i will tell you though there were times where we

would be driving in a car cody would be driving and so your teammate drives and then you have to sit directly behind them right camera angle purposes and then you have like the audio the camera guy in the shotgun and the audio guy in the back seat behind shotgun and cody would be driving and if we started getting what i felt like was lost yeah you could see like the camera guy like kind of angle so he could look at his phone and like pull up a map and like see how far off path we were going no and if i could spy that we were like going the wrong way cody and i had a signal i would squeeze his shoulder from the back seat like this is wrong we need to like no so you're a cheater but like in a smart way intuition intuition women's intuition yeah because there

were a couple of times where i was just like this feels wrong but also there were a couple times where I was like, this feels wrong, but it was actually right. And so if I could sense that like they, because they have to keep in touch with production and like let them know where you are. Yeah. And a security guard has to go and find

and like track you if you go too far off the beaten path. And then security is like trailing you. They can't just have their people running around the world, which they do. It's just such a dangerous show kind of. Also like what camera and audio person signs up for that? No, they love it. It's crazy.

To be in the hands of clueless race people. Yeah, I'm sure. Oh, I'm sure because they're running. Their equipment is heavy and they are running with us. It's so crazy. They're very crazy. I think they get paid a ton of money. I'm sure they get a bump as like a producer bonus because if they're helping like.

Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. That's real inside baseball. Okay. My question is if you had to do one of the shows again. Amazing Race. You liked it much better than Big Brother.

Yeah. I couldn't imagine going back to that. It's polar opposite concepts. Like, you're either locked in a dungeon or you're traveling the world with your best friend. Yeah. Come on. And it was fun. Did you have enough time to, like, enjoy it on Amazing Race?

No. You didn't have. Like, you were just go, go, go, go, go. It was the most incredible experience. They've never brought back winners. They always bring back, like, crowd favorites that were, like, in the top, like, five. Yeah, right, right. But they've never brought back a winner, even for – they've had two all-star seasons and it was never –

That's so weird that they wouldn't bring back all the winners to compete against each other. They should do a winner season. i would like the trick like what's the key to get back on no to win um don't argue like know your partner like know your partner's strengths know your strengths know your partner's weaknesses know your weaknesses and agree on them yeah cody and i didn't argue once on the entire race like the entire time it was just straight like focus on the prize keep in mind that when you land off of the plane you're only doing this for like two to two to four hours like i know there were so many times where i'm like i'm so exhausted we've been the plane rides are usually overnight so

you're sleeping on a plane but i usually wouldn't sleep i couldn't sleep the adrenaline is insane and so i was going on a day and a half with no sleep at the start of every race oh god and before you get on the plane yourself like this i don't know but i would do it all over again like the adrenaline is unreal and we made some really great friends out of it too that's cool because when you're on the plane and it's all like you're all at the same place then you can be friends yeah it's not competition i don't know if i could be friends with any people i'm way too competitive well you need help that's another thing that we wouldn't have won at all if we didn't have the help from our friends on the seasons and i can say from watching some of the seasons like there

are some people that have won that aren't the most athletic or have fought a lot or whatever but they got along with other teams and it's like such a bonding experience that you guys end up helping each other yeah wow all right well that's a perfect segue to our next section when we come back jessica's gonna help you figure out your life and we're back so for this last part of our podcast we have our listeners write us some questions and we give them questionable advice but since you've got your shit figured out great thank you okay our first question comes from troubled friend troubled friend says i have a friend who treats me like her therapist we've been in the same friend group since high school

we're now 28 recently we've gotten closer since i helped her through a breakup and through moving jobs mostly through texans we're in different part of the country she tells me every detail of her life and constantly seeks validation she also asked me for advice but doesn't really listen she always vents and has a meltdown over small things and i need to calm her down literally every time i was patient at first but now it has worn me down recently she asked me if she needs to be worried about work and i said that it's up to her to assess the situation and that she has control over if she wants to be worried or not that's not what she wanted to hear and she got really offended and asked me what she ever did to deserve this kind of harshness from me am i really

just tired of telling her what she wants to hear every time and just want her to take control of her own emotions is it okay to distance myself or am i being a bad friend girl bye it's bye it's bye that's a job right there that's a full-time job and you're not like 175 an hour kind of job you know what i mean it's a you're not really friends if she can't if you can't tell each other the truth then you're not really friends i agree she's you're part of the problem unfortunately because you shouldn't have been telling her just what she wants to hear yeah you got to keep it real if your friends can't keep it real with you then who's going to tell you the truth it's true and she's probably so offended by your like harshness because she doesn't know that the

truth is not harshness yeah i mean yes there's a way to say things yeah but there's also nothing worse than a friend that is only bitching about their own shit and probably never asked this girl how she is never asked her about anything it's very one-sided trouble friend you should be troubled put the distance that girl create the distance go on bumble bff and make some new friends does that work no but it's a thing you know it is a thing you can join the lady gang facebook group and make 25 000 new friends yeah and they're all pretty decent hopefully decent damn jack you're a real dick i'm sure there's some of our some of our listeners that are assholes oh that's why they listen to this okay second question comes from anonymous she says long

story short i've been with my guy for about three years i'm 28 and he's 34 and he is honestly the perfect guy i feel like i should have gotten all of my single cravings out of my system by now since I was the quintessential single girl up until about 25. But I can't help but feel this impending sense of doom whenever I think about an engagement, which is right around the corner. I love him and I don't want to throw away the perfect guy, but the truth is I love being single and independent. I love living alone and love not having to answer to anyone.

I wish I met him at 32 or 33 when I was ready to settle down. But what if this is just a temporary stir-crazy phase and I regret leaving him immediately after? I mean, I'm 28 after all. It's not like I'm 21 straight out of college. What do I do? It's kind of hard. Well, if you only get those feelings when you think about engagement.

Don't get engaged. It's not about him. It's just about you freaking out about being engaged and committed. Like, shocker, there are people out there, me included, who wasn't like, oh, my God, I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with this person. like I was like I love this person and I want to have a family one day and like this is the next step did it seem like a dream to be

connected to this person for the rest of my life no because I'm normal but it's like if that's what you're freaked out about like if it's not broke don't fix it and express yourself to your boyfriend and just be like listen I love you I have none of these feelings when I think about us together I have these feelings when I think about engagement

so like don't get engaged maybe she's just not ready to be engaged yet yeah i feel like there'll be a time where it's like okay this feels right and yeah it's like the next step yeah and if you accidentally fall into the dick sand with someone else like on your way to that point then you'll break up with him and you move on that this is not the right guy for you to marry and everything's clear i mean i've i've been single most of my life as well and there is something that's so amazing about not answering to anybody yeah on the bed alone like sing being single is really awesome so i understand where it's like that freedom kind

of gets taken away from you but i miss that freedom every day jack thanks for bringing that up sorry well you just marry somebody who like wants to turn the thermostat on you know what i mean you're an idiot will you marry somebody that like lets you kind of do your kind of continue to do that i mean i have all the freedoms i had when i was single i just can't have sex with other people like that is the only thing that changed in my life sure if you ask like enough and if i exactly and like honestly sleeping with whoever i wanted that wasn't even the perks when i really think about it it is i was the most sad when i was sleeping exactly so it's like go pretend you're single just don't tell him and don't have sex with anybody else but mentally be single i'm i'm

mentally single every day me too i'm mentally single as well no you're not i'm not i have days where i forget i have a husband for sure there's days till like it's like six o'clock at night and i was like oh i should probably text my husband check in be like hey are you alive still you know okay maybe jessica who has a less dead heart yeah i'm just gonna go ahead and give like a little separate advice just because you guys are so I just want to point out appreciate the man that you have

because like you could go ahead and be like oh my god I want to be single and then you go ahead and be single and then you're like hell I had something great and I just let it go and I'm just now remembering all the reasons I didn't want to be single and why I wanted to get a relationship

and why this man was so great appreciate him and like look at him and just don't ruin don't fall into the dick sand don't do that don't do it don't ruin a perfectly good man

this is why we complain all the good men are like taken or dead or broken or gay walk away from them when they come because you fall into dick sand it's true and then he's like well fuck this I'm not getting into any great relationships I'm going to treat girls like

blah I mean she has a point guys Because you guys, you girls ruin that. We do. No, I'm kidding. I definitely did. Now what? I mean, good luck to my husband's next wife.

I know. God speed. That totally does make sense because I feel like a lot of times when you have a really good guy, you take it for granted. You totally take it for granted. Yeah, and you forget why maybe you hated being single. Yeah. I hate it.

Don't get me wrong. I had my own apartment. I was fine with sleeping alone. I could go home and throw my hair in a bun and throw on Game of Thrones and eat an entire Domino's pizza with my dog and be completely content. But then there's those times where I'm like, oh, God, I really wish I had a great guy to, like, I don't know, give me a back rub right now. I'm not feeling well. I wish I had a share my life with. A massage.

Share this pizza with. Share my life with. So now he watches Game of Thrones with me and eats a Domino's pizza with me. There you go. And I remember all of those nights where I was like drunk in a club trying to find love Usher style and it wasn't working out. There's nothing worse. There's nothing worse.

Anytime you think you want to be single, those are the times that you should really recall those moments. Club nights. Like the New Year's Eve that I like blacked out and ended up in like the back of a black SUV at like 10 p.m. Exactly. Think of those absolutely like bottom of the barrel moments in your life. Rock bottom.

Rock bottom. Think of those and then tell me if you want to be with them. I agree. Okay. Last question. Bunny Anon Button says, I don't know. Okay. My question is about how to handle friends from college who don't make any effort anymore.

My former dorm roommate Susie and I haven't lived within a couple hundred miles of each other for a decade. We don't see each other much. obviously once every couple months she'll text with a funny meme or a picture of her and a mutual friend out having fun and i wasn't invited probably because you don't live near her and there's just a photo no words like we miss you or anything or even if there is a reason i wasn't invited then i wouldn't know i'm not a jealous person at all but it still hurts one of my actual best friends lives on the east coast she obviously has created her own friend group there and it's not a problem for me susie's texts are different and never seem to want to make

a personal connection to me i feel more like she is reaching out when she's bored and i make her feel better by telling her how fun or funny she is even though we both have her own lives and significant significant others this has been going on for years and i'm ready to go our separate ways no hard feelings what's your advice to drift away from a so-called friend when it's definitely her faults, but not worth a serious sit-down conversation. There's nothing to do here. Just drift, girl. Bye. That just sounds like a stage five to me.

Like, friend version of a stage five. Well, I don't... Here's the thing. Drift away, girl. I don't like any sentence that starts with a friend not making an effort. Yeah. It's too hard. Like, we're not... Girlfriend, we're not married. Yeah.

Friends should be so effortless. Yeah. And the second... The best kind of friendships for me are... We haven't talked in three years, and we go out for coffee, and it's like we pick up. Nothing happens. Exactly. That reminded me. Exactly.

One of what she says, like, oh, blah, blah, blah, send me a meme every couple weeks. That's nice. That's a great friend. That's my best friend. That's literally my best friend. That's BFF status right there. You just are not compatible friends. No.

And that's okay. And your life has changed. And honestly, seasons come and go with friendships, too. There have been friends in my life where a decade we were, like, tight and then spent a decade kind of on our separate paths and then reconnected at a different point in our lives. I mean, clearly I'm 75 at this point in all these decades, but, you know, like, it's not forever that you're connected on social media, like, forever. Like, you can come back and in and out of each other's lives, but any time you put this pressure on someone, she's going to run the other way.

She's going to stop sending those memes, girl. She's going to get no memes. All right. Well, now what? Just kidding. See, now I got it. So, listen, you can follow Jessica at TheJessicaGraph, and you can, G-R-A-F, and you can listen to her

podcast every Wednesday on podcast one or wherever you get your podcast so if you like Lady Gang she's a little bit nicer than us so you're going to have to probably get like listen. She's sweeter. Not always it depends on the day. You know she's going to be nicer than us but that's okay

because you need some positive reinforcement in your life to our negative and we're so excited to have you on the podcast one family man it's going to be awesome. So happy and good luck with the baby I can't wait till little Kelty is born Kelsey? That's my name Okay fine

You can name her Becca Alright ready? See you next Tuesday Thanks for listening The Lady Gang is produced by Alex Ingbert Will Sterling Steve Delameter

And Jared Monaco Make sure you subscribe Rate and review our podcast And if you love it Share it with your friends On social media Like oh my god I just listened to Lady Gang

This episode's so great Swipe up to listen And if you really want to Which we know you do Please follow us on social At Kelty At Becca At Jack Vanek

And at The Lady Gang Sign up for our newsletter at theladygang.com and join our secret Facebook group. It's super fun. See you next Tuesday.