LadyGang - JoAnna García Swisher

Episode Date: July 2, 2019

The actress from Reba and Once Upon A Time is here to talk about taking the kids to Disneyland, spying on your enemies, and much more! Follow the podcast on Instagram @theladygang and email Jac, Becca and Keltie at [e-mail]! And check out the TV show page's official page @ladygangtv! Check out new episodes of the LGTV show every Sunday at 11:00 only on E  And thank you to today's sponsors: Amazon = Go to Amazon.com/shop/ladygang to find their favorite products while keeping the podcast FREE!  Amazon = Go to Amazon.com/shop/ladygang to find their favorite products while keeping the podcast FREE! Care Of = For 50% off your first month of personalized vitamins, go to TakeCareOf.com and enter LADYGANG50 Daily Harvest = Got to Daily-Harvest.com and use promo code LADY to get three cups free in your first box Honey = Download Honey today at JoinHoney.com/LADY  Miller Lite = Hold true with the original light beer  Ring = Just go to Ring.com/LADY to receive a special offer on the Ring Starter KitSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, the following podcast is a Lady Gang Network and Podcast One production, which means it's going to be awesome. Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang. Things are about to change around here.

Each week, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Lady Gang. I'm Becca Tobin here with Jack Vanek and Kelty Knight. Hi guys. What are you looking at? I just love your sweatshirt. Oh, my God.

Thanks. I know. It's a good. It's the main merchandise. Even though you should be wearing Lady Gang. Almost as good as ours. None of my Lady Gang stuff is clean. Oh, you've been wearing it out.

I've been wearing it out. Just never here. The new merch is lit. Fire. We have new merch. When you're over 30, can you say lit? It is lit. It's on fire.

Yeah. So go buy some shit. It's so lit up. Fuego. Fuego. On Fuego. Yeah. All right.

well uh it's time for good week yes it is bad week oh no who wants to kick off good week bad week i'll go first um so i didn't get to talk about it but i'm gonna talk about it now uh i went to crime con a couple weeks ago and for those who don't listen to anything true crime it's like the comic con for everything true crime and it is like a weird alternate universe because these people that nobody even knows who they are in real life are the biggest celebrities i've ever seen in my life. I like that. Thousands of people waiting to meet them. Like people that host Dateline are like Justin Timberlake. No, it's amazing. Obviously. Yeah. What? Dateline's so mage. Do people try to meet you? Yeah. I mean, we had like a lot of fans there. I was actually

quite shocked because our podcast is new compared to a lot of these other true crime ones, but we have Billy who's like blown up in the true crime world and now he's his own celebrity and he's so lanky and tall and looks like Slender Man. So everybody notices who he is. Um, like what kind of thing to people. Like people are like, Oh my God, I'm just like you. Like when they meet lady gang, like us, they're like, Oh my God, I feel like we're friends. Like, what do they say at crime cod? Like, I love murder too. They're like, Oh my God, I know a murderer. And then we get to hear a really sad story. It's so weird. It's so, it's so up and weird, but it's weird. Cause like all the podcast, like podcaster drama between the two and then people hooking up with each other.

Oh man. It was pretty good. And I loved it. And I loved meeting everybody there, but that was my good week my bad week is i was at starbucks recently and i was ordering my coffee and as one does as i'm in line i see this guy and he has like a sketch pad from like across the starbucks he has a sketch pad and he keeps like looking sort of in my direction but past me and i see that there's like a like a woman pretty woman standing there and i go to leave i look at what he's drawing on his sketch pad he's drawing a naked picture of this woman in the starbucks line yep he's being inspired by the starbucks line yep like her face great artist her face but boobs like naked tits boobs why do men love boobs so much it is so weird it's so

weird i don't have them and i don't have them either and he was like not her her yeah not her she definitely has small small little boobies so this woman but yeah it was gross like it was disgusting i would honestly be offended that he wasn't drawing you yeah that's me that kind of was but it was like shit so okay well are you ready for mine yes my good week is that we've lived in our house for three years now and when we bought it it had an infrared sauna like right outside i remember this and um it needed a part and my sweet husband who can pretty much fix anything i asked him so many times will you order the part i'll do it if you just tell me the part and he's like i've got it he like really had to handle it himself well it took him three years

he sounds like my dad but what's crazy is that he fixes everything else in a timely manner it was just this infrared sauna the thing that i wanted most there's something against the sauna i don't get it well it's hooked up i've used it almost every day you got the part it is that sounds so nice so good i mean it's hot right now in la so it's not as great as it would have been in the winter right but this morning i turned it on at 7 a.m yeah drank my coffee got in it at like 7 30 how long you sit there for about 45 minutes and i was dripping oh shit it's so good good for you i feel really rich when i'm in there that does that is a rich person thing rich but i'm it's i'm not it's like how big is this one is about the size of my house so it's like oh can we have

meetings in the sauna oh absolutely how many people it fits three people oh my god it's on as well. Nice detox. It's great. Um, so that's my good week. My bad week also has to do with my husband. Um, he's pushed his bedtime earlier and earlier. This was the funniest thing that I watched last night. My Instagram story. Yeah. I want to kill him. So I am all about on a school night coming, everybody coming home from their day, having dinner, even put on your pajamas, You know, it's fine. Wash your face. I love being in pajamas with a clean face at home.

Like I will, you'll never catch me in jeans and a full face of makeup lounging. So I'm, you know, that's okay. We do that. And sometimes we even get in the bed and like watch TV or watch a few episodes of something. And so by the time we turn the TV off, it's a reasonable hour. Like it's 10 PM. We're going to bed. he has now pushed our bedtime so early and it's summer that it's light outside and he got in bed

last night at 8 p.m with no plans of turning on a tv and i open the blinds i go it is still day time don't do this to me and he is he's adamant about it and i don't know what to do it's so funny it was i was cracking up with or watching your story he's a psychopath it's so what can you not not go to bed at the same time what time does he get up here's the problem is that well he does wake up really early and normally we're in bed like devices away 8 39 that's fine but to expect me to go lights out when it is like not nighttime that's how like when a six-year-old goes to bed yeah i think it's mean when people do that to their kids when they make and so he's making me do this now there are times that i think zach and i would be an amazing couple you would never

speak to each other because i also have pulled a 7 30 bedtime on chris night the light out the problem is is like i could go in the living room and just yeah you can hang out i want to i don't want to you want to have your buddy with you and i started making so i finally turned the tv on and i started to make him watch the newer's nasal wigger tv show have you guys watched it it's not great what's what if yeah that's it people said it was good it's so bad oh anyway well go ahead okay sorry about your bedtime good week i have a new quote the only way are we supposed to do quotes on this just letter okay i just think it's really good and this goes with the story okay the only way to actively displease someone is to have no substance

made more sense in my head did you write this one i know someone's someone texted me because someone complained about me. Someone in Hollywood, I can't say, but someone in Hollywood said to my people, Kelty Knight rubs me the wrong way. Like a celebrity? Jake Gyllenhaal. I don't know. No, no, no. It was like just people in the business. Now here's the thing. I know that I rub people the wrong way. I rub people the entire time we're doing Lady Gang TV. All I did was rub people the wrong way. I'm sorry, but everyone I know in Hollywood rubs me the wrong way. Right. Hollywood It rubs people the wrong way. The entertainment industry is pretty gross.

That's the thing. Anyway, so I just like, I was sad for like two minutes and I was like, oh, people don't like me. And then I was like, oh, that feels weird. And then I was like, oh, well. At least you have something to dislike. Is that what your quote means? It's like, if you have no substance, there'd be nothing to, it's like calling somebody

nice. Yeah. Yeah. Like an opinion is better than no opinion at all. Exactly. Okay. Like, I'm glad I rubbed you the wrong way. Because at least you're doing something.

Because my legs are chafing because I'm running so hard in my life. It also can mean like your art. Like it makes you feel something. They said something like, I'm too happy. And I was like, we don't really know me. They're like, she's too jokey. She's too jokey. Like people don't think she's serious because she's like too happy.

And I'm like, I quickly laugh at everything for the fear of having to cry. Oh, I laugh so I don't cry. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for bringing that up. Was that your bad week? Because that would be a bummer. My bad week was just that like people were talking about me.

well you know what turn it into a good week you know don't let the bastards grind you down i know they don't grind me i'm like see you when i see you yeah i'll just be over here building an empire by myself with you well barely okay well okay coming up you're coming up joanna someone who doesn't rub us the wrong way nope all the ways we love her nose okay what's going on now here's the lady gang our guest today has been acting for as long as i've been trying to become famous forever while attending high school she was discovered by nickelodeon and cast in are you afraid of the dark ultimately landing the iconic role of cheyenne on reba i love reba so much she became a recognizable face in most of america's homes you could catch her on gossip girl the

mini project and once upon a time she even made an appearance on lady gang tv alongside her all-star hottie husband and former yankee player nick swisher now it's safe to say he did not hit it out of the park with his knowledge on vaginas but he did hit a home run when it came to naming their two beautiful daughters emmy and sailor she's the co-founder of the happy place and an expert on all things motherhood lifestyle interior design and home decor she knows how to throw a killer party whether it's tequila tasting girls night or a kid's birthday bash please welcome to the show Joanna Garcia Swisher. Welcome. Wait, you were on Are You Afraid of the Dark? I was. That's amazing. I'm doing it again. I know. You got to get back on. I didn't get the call. I thought

I looked young enough. You really do. Could you be the mom? That would honestly kill me now. I'm not a mom age. You have two kids. Yeah. Yeah. Right. That's like, that's all I ever get to do. So like when people are like, I got discovered, like, but did you already have headshots made and you were like handing them out or did someone come up to you in the mall and they're like are you getting your ears pierced at claire want to be a tv star by the way that's the story i tell myself but no i was in like an acting class in florida and i i got agents from there and then i got like agents in florida that were like pay us a million dollars they're real they were real agents and they were amazing and that time like florida was going off oh right

because justin timberlake yeah well yes actually i don't think i don't think yeah i think this is pre-justice it was pre-justice oh hey yes let's not do the the age don't do let's not chronologically it was 90 years it was more like new kids on the block okay sure florida was hot it was popping it was popping okay florida was fine um what's it like to work with reba and kelly clarkson now has her as a mom-in-law or whatever yeah and is that like should we be scared for kelly clarkson I think she's amazing. I feel like such a jerk saying that because people are like, oh, it's not real. But she really is.

And when people meet her, they're like, wow, she is. People will text me all the time and they'll be like, I'm in a restaurant and Reba's here. And I'm like, go say hi. Tell her you're my friend. And they're like, no way. And I'm like, please do. And they do. And she's just the sweetest.

That's nice. And she can get down. She can party. She's like really cool. Did she ever sing like on set? Yes. She was always like. why haven't i heard from you tell me why i love me some reba she is i grew up on reba she's the

queen she's the queen i was i feel like people have forgotten about her a little bit and they shouldn't no sleep on reed but she's still like hosts every award i know yeah she's around still doing it she's still killing it i went to the cmt awards and i had a moment when my co-star is not a country music fan which it was amazing that we were as close as we were with him not being a music fan, but he was, I started to like convulse when I saw Garth Brooks. I was like, Oh my God. Oh my God. And he's like, what's happening? Are you okay? Are you having a seizure? And I was like, it's Garth Brooks. He's like, I know this is a big deal for you and I'm going to be here for you. And I was like, thank you so much. And he came up to me and he was like, hi. And I was

like, hi Garth. And then he was like, the queen says hello. Cause Reba was backstage and I was like, Oh my God, you know who I am. Wait, that's the coolest thing ever. Thank you. I'm so glad you get that. It was, I was trembling for hours, but you know, she's the queen and she's so nice. She is. And she's such a hard worker and she's a true survivor. She's just, she's dope. How many years did you do that show? Six years. Yeah. And I would do it again in a heartbeat, but mostly not, you know, for the job, but it would be just to be with my people again. I mean, Reba was a bridesmaid at my wedding. Melissa Peterman who played Barbara Jean was a bridesmaid. My dad on Reba married Nick and I, I mean, we were really tight.

That's amazing. And your husband is a big baseball guy. He is. Um, what do you think of A-Rod and Jennifer Lopez? I think it's awesome. Do you know A-Rod? I do very well. Yeah. Nick and A-Rod were like the stars. I know. I never knew how, I don't know anything about baseball. They were like the Cardi B and the Nicki Minaj of the Yankees. Honestly, so true. And by the way, nick definitely knows which is which when he wants he's gonna be like i am i think don't you think nick would be the cardi b absolutely okay okay i'm absolutely he would want to be nicki minaj i don't know no you want to be cardi now oh cardi can get down no for sure and you know nick can get down yes okay because yes please yes his alter ego i love his name is regina and he's a bitch

he turns into a real mean girl is this when he's like drunk yes well yes but he's like he could be regina any given moment like he would be regina right here right now do you call him regina or does he call himself both but yeah okay we went wine tasting no way and the best part about one of the we sat down we get like the flight of wines where it's like the white the red the blah blah blah and then they're like and here's the dessert wine and like my and zach and me and joanna were like regina was lapping that up like a kitty cat like a put it in a saucer reg was and he calls himself red oh my god he's like reg is into this he ordered it and he still loves it now wow he's like wow he's a very dynamic person he's he's an enigma he really is i don't think many people

people always ask me like is he really the way he is and i was like yes and then some i know he was really funny on lady gang tv too yeah i mean he was a good sport because i basically called him out for he does not have a small penis i feel like this is the time to like yeah look at the record straight i think it's time let's talk i wouldn't i wouldn't marry a small one and i wouldn't marry one that's too big because i just think that's like asking for it it's asking for too big is just as bad as small exactly yeah he has a great beautiful thing that i married and i was like of course people would never imagine that i would marry like a small one and he was like but you said it yeah you you didn't really say it you said it and like you're like well yours

doesn't go yours fits right about here on the graph of the vagina and i was like oof which was like literally a mini hot dog mixed mine yeah it was like a vienna sausage now did you guys watch it together we did uh yeah i think we just sent them the clip yeah oh you did no but we watched the show honestly i was like i said today i said a prayer to the prayer gods and i was like to reg please do not let me show my true self on this this podcast today becca knows that i am a savage and i have absolutely no tact but i'm gonna try to hold it together at least for another 15 minutes how long do i we don't like when people hold it together yeah it's like you're freaking definitely don't hold it together i'm such a freak that's why becca it's true it's true we

had to spend like an entire not had to but like we spent an entire weekend together and yeah it was with regina it was a lot and zach and you know zach and regina have a lot of chemistry they do they are really the sparks in this whole thing i feel like zach is like such a good like bro friend he is he is but also he my daughters run his stuff zach and like little girls love zach they do zach loves little girls weird statement yeah but true yep needs the nicest way he is he is biased like he he's just like little girls are just like well they're they're cuter. Let's be honest. But one of her daughters is so into him. She does like weird, she like makes direct eye contact with him and does like dances. Stinky legs. How old is she?

She's two. She knows what she wants. She does. She's so cute. I mean, they're both the cutest children you've ever seen. We were awake. Cuter than Callie falling asleep in your arms. I'm in heaven right now. She's like my therapy. This is like, she never calms down. Her eyes are like pulling me into like a state of comfortability where I'm, she's like, you're going to be a savage in like five minutes. Okay. We can cut it out. This is your trick, right? We can cut it out. We can cut out anything you want to say. Um, okay. You're very busy and you love home goods and July 4th is coming up, which I know you're probably be like making your own balloons. What are you doing for? Totally. I have become that girl. Yeah, you are. Um, for July 4th,

You're the Martha Stewart of redheads. Honestly, I will take that and run with it. It might be my niche. That's a great title. And very exclusive. Except I want to sell to the masses. No, I'm going to be at Disney World. I mean, if I couldn't have more of a hole in the head.

But we're taking Sailor to Disney World, and that's kind of the only thing. On the 4th of July? But we have people that are going to help us through the park. Oh, okay. But we're going to take her to the Bippity Boppity Boutique. So Quinn, my niece was like too young to enjoy the Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo salon, but she was like seeing all these girls walk through the park and like eyeing the big bun with the glitter and the princess dress and their nails.

They get their nails done. Oh yeah. And so we were like, she has to do it this year. So my sister takes her this year and they like walk down the aisles of like, what do you want? What do you want? And there's like a menu, like your dry bar. Oh my God.

And beach waves. Yes. The Southern Belle. Southern Belle. She goes down the pictures and she chooses a full hot pink fall. Can you imagine the heat? Just like the- So hot.

The polyester. The polyester, yeah. The polyester. So we're going the night before because the anxiety that I would have watching my kids experience, that's essentially like, it's torture. So we're doing it the night before. Wait, you're doing bippity boppity boo and then not walking through the park? We're not going to walk through.

We're going to walk through downtown Disney. and then they keep the hair for the next day for sure i will allow i don't know is emmy doing it to sleep over bun she's do you already have an appointment we have an appointment is it like yeah we got we had to pull some serious strings celebrity strings like yankees baseball and i have to wear a tail the next day and sing i have to literally flop around like a fish all through disney i am now you are i will be ariel yeah i am you exchange your services okay i have a question yes will they take adults yes oh my god kelty can i go to the bippity boppity boutique if you go i will kelty i will actually pay the money to have you go i think there's an instagram live in our

summer future can i please hope that i'm asking to be invited you're coming you are ariel you're gonna be working there yeah you have to work there for six months for that one thing yeah Do you think the girls that work there have cosmetologist licenses? That seems... Disney cosmetology. Yeah. Yeah, they probably, like, teach them in, like, two hours. They get the wand.

Oh, do they wand you? I mean, absolutely. It's going to be a thing. Shit. But did you see the eyeshadow on her knees? Do we have to go sober? I could do the... That's the question.

No. Oh, no. But I don't want to ruin... Like, we have to all go and take up all the seats because I don't want to ruin a little girl's experience with my silliness. But they probably don't think the dress is big enough. what we have to get those we're not doing it it's only kelsey it's like emmy and sailor sitting there and then a grown woman the play is actually to fill the boutique with our children because

they're already so numb oh yeah everything the insanity yeah you have a lot of parties i have had to talk to emmy's teachers on numerous occasions because emmy would get her feelings hurt that people didn't actually believe that i was ariel in real life in her class and i was like well you understand it's like kind of hard to believe that you know emmy's mommy would actually be a mermaid and finally i came in to talk to them about something else and her teacher was like i have to ask you why does she think that i was like oh i played ariel on tv and he was like now things are starting to make sense oh my god what did they say they just thought she was like A wild imagination.

A liar. Nick shows a bippity boppity full of shit. Pathological liar. She's literally, in the last, I don't know, two weeks has told probably close to 10 people that I'm pregnant, which I am not. No. Are you? I swear to God, I have an IUD.

But do you not know? But maybe you don't know. No, but it would be a bad thing for the baby. Yeah, it's not good. And Nick would be like, I told you I'm a man. I got a huge penis. I knew it. my penis went all the way to your ovary yeah blasted that nick would actually be pumped but

um she did it at a luncheon she like rubbed my stomach it was like how are you feeling mommy and i was like please stop my friend jamie our friend we have a mutual friend she was like i don't think joe's pregnant because like she got wasted with me on friday night like i know joe's gone through two of these and hasn't done that and she like kind of knows that You shouldn't drink when you're pregnant. It's not our first. Charlie knows the guidelines. And so I was like, you're correct.

I am not pregnant. I was in fact wasted. And Emmy, please stop lying to people. Why? Does she want it? That is so funny. She does want it. She's willing it to happen.

Don't, don't, don't. That's going to rock Sailor's World. She is going to be, she already is like, I don't like you. She'll be like Bride of Chucky. She will be abusive. When I, when I came out, my, came home from the hospital, my mom said the first thing my brother said was please uh please put her back yeah you're put her back in didn't want me we don't need her and it's been like that ever since we're doing just fine by the way it never gets better

yeah it's cool gonna be what it is yeah all right we're gonna play a game called scandalous or glamorous okay i'm going to talk about some of the biggest uh pop culture moments in the world and we're gonna get your take on them okay we're gonna get everyone's take you're gonna vote scandalous or glamorous i'm scared here we go i know winona rider shoplifting glamorous glamorous glamorous what store was it from again barney's wasn't it it was a baller baller she's like i'm not gonna she's used to going to showrooms where they just like maybe she literally just thought it was a showroom farrah faucet thing where like her assistant would come and like pay her bills where everywhere she's they were like okay she stole seventeen thousand dollars worth of

merchandise. He's like, I'll be right there with the card. She's literally like, I'm the best shoplifter ever to have shoplifted in the history of shoplifting. And they were like, she literally bought every single thing she stole. How she didn't, do you think she knew that the assistant would go back to pay for her? I don't know. I don't know. And wow. That's incredible, right? i shouldn't have shared that no i like it um my friend works for uh a very big like older actress singer woman i can't say who okay but she was saying you can mouth it i'll tell you after but she was saying that this woman never has money on her like never has a wallet never has anything so like dangerous she just goes around kind of the farrah fawcett thing and like someone

in the entourage will usually pay but otherwise it's just sort of like yeah at your leisure just take what you want could you imagine living your life thinking that i would love it i would love it honestly yesterday i was at bloomingdale's picking up some things and i knew the guy was pissed that i wasn't trying on because he's like you're gonna return 90 of this so he was kind of being bitchy to me and i really just wanted once i put it all on the counter just to walk away and have it like done and like in my car i've never felt like that before until yesterday i wanted to be like someone's gonna take care of this i'm not sure who yet but someone will is right behind me and going to take care of these bags i'm gonna go to chick-fil-a honestly if you keep doing that

one time it'll work it will work so true maybe that's like my my sister will be here tomorrow to pick you know you've made it when you don't have to carry your own credit card it's so rude i know really i love it insane kim kardashian sex tape scandalous scandalous turned into flamboyance really did it ever i've never seen it i didn't either i i haven't you have all right you're the only vote that matters i don't ever want to see myself having sex like here no no never like when you're feeling the most confident is usually when you're drunk and you usually look the worst like truly like couldn't be sexier have you ever made a sex tape no never no i don't think i have i'd love to have sex in the mirror that's not a mirror is different than a camera yeah right

i okay oh point taken i don't uh-huh you don't say a mirror is different you're on camera um you don't say you do have a sex tape i yeah where is it she doesn't know yours was on vhs wasn't it i wouldn't sleep with vhs no i have it it's actually interestingly enough i'm heading do you imagine a sex tape floating around the universe and not knowing where it was oh i know it exists i know what the tape collection it's on and i'm actually getting all those tapes digitally transferred and my friend my friend is doing it because i was like i wanted to send it to one of those companies where they like but then i was like my sex tape is somewhere in here and like can we watch so famous i'm sure oh my god do you remember what

you did in it i was i don't remember i was like 21 i was so young who was it i just remember remember it was the camcorder that was like this big and you could it was the first one where you could like it was a handy cam you could see what you were doing could flip it at least you knew you were in the frame i was yeah my direction as you can imagine was incredible i'm not gonna say who was we know him obviously it was no oh god no it's way before that oh was he hot no okay but he was short and so a sex tape was the best angle that is such an interesting was he hot no but he was short i wonder if there's like a specific body type that is the right one to have like a sex tape no it is a short guy like a zac efron shaped man is better in photos than a big guy yes no a big

guy makes you look small yeah i don't want to look petite i don't want a muscle man it's easier to have a six pack if you're Zach size. Why are you caring so much about what the guy looks like? I'm more loving. I'm a loving partner. So many things are happening to my body when I have sex now. Oh my God. I'm sure. Like so many different things move. You know what I'm more conscious of now more than ever is my butthole. I never thought about it before. What does it look like to him? So yesterday and did I miss a hair butt naked bent over in front of everyone in the backyard and it was pretty savage and nick and our friend dave didn't even bat an eyelash and i was like what the hell and nick was like what and i was like

donna me you're used to seeing all of these holes align with like everything happening and i am not used to seeing that yeah we don't get that view we don't know that view i i couldn't even honestly if my life depended on me picking out my husband's butt crack from a lineup i couldn't i just avoid the whole area i think yeah no i don't want to get around that i think i could honestly i could i like not the crack but like the butt i could pick i could you've never you don't look at chris's butt i look at his butt as a whole but like not the whole rack like if you look you're spreading it and looking inside yeah i'd also it depends on what you're into let's put together a six pack of bubbles one of which is your husband's let's make i would like to just have the

conversation where we ask them to take that photo honestly nick would be like no i think that would be a hard wait call zach right now and ask him there's no way to take a photo of his butt cry ask him ask him never ask jerry i'd be able to choose jared's because it's the only redheaded one interesting a ginger but a ginger but though i don't know what the hair color would be inside i'm sorry ginger like sphincter what i just think it would be no he's a ginger is he a ginger by yeah natural ginger yeah yeah yeah it would be a more fair butthole i would say i would be able to choose it easier than somebody else i agree okay next scandalous or glamorous i don't know how we got here a solange and jay-z in the elevator oh that's glamorous yeah it's hot as

she was like ready to light i love it how much did that person get paid for that video so much money do you think they had to give it back who released it the hotel who released the video but he's like i literally could work here for six years and not make the money i just he probably made like but honestly like also you know what she like had bae's back i like it yeah called her bae bae she he was he or she who released the tape i don't know i don't know whatever is that not illegal no no like i'm gonna show everyone what's up i wonder what happened and wow i mean i think she was like i'm gonna kill you for like you know embarrassing my sis yeah i would do that for my sister i would beat i would do it for you becca i would do it for

anyone i would do it for you i would beat well i would i swear to you i would beat the crap out of jay-z and an elevator for you thank you if he hurt you and embarrassed you i would okay i believe this i would she's savage mostly because you just want to have it's exciting for you it is exciting but i would feel like i needed to like make that right that shit okay i love that yeah i mean i have been savage like that you have yeah i hired a private investigator i have done my girlfriend's husband that i thought was cheating and he was cheating i sent the pictures to on the same text chain him and his mother this is so hot this is glamorous you've hired a private investigator too did you catch him yes i did for a cheater i did you tell the friend bought a tracking device for

the vehicle that was so you're so dirty john you can ask nick about this because he was very uncomfortable because i was like you need to look keep lookout at the end of the driveway and nick was like i don't feel comfortable doing this and i was like i don't care what you wait so did you catch him at the girl's place i know i actually applied the tracking device and they're home wait what do you mean when the car was in the driveway oh yeah and then where did the car go well the only thing that i got was something that would like ping off of cell towers oh and this is probably really illegal yeah okay last one okay nipple gate justin timberlake and janet jackson i thought it was glamorous i thought it was glamorous too i thought it was glamorous until

he didn't own it and then it was like her it was all about her being like skanky right wasn't the backlash remember the backlash was against her and she didn't do it did you like rip it off of her accidentally well i think it was planned and both of them knew yeah i think both of them knew for sure and then you don't decorate your nipple like that for no one absolutely especially underneath a super bowl costume why would you have a decorated nipple i don't decorate my nipple for any reason for any reason any reason but like even if you're Janet Jackson and you love a decorated nipple, it's the Superbowl. You've got all these mic packs on. You're dancing. Everybody knew the nipple was coming on purpose. Let's also be

very clear. If it wasn't planned, she would have sued him for everything that it was worth. It was deliberate. Oh yeah. But I do think that he should have had her come on as his guest at this past Superbowl. Yes. To like bring it full circle. I don't know if he could. No, she's not allowed ever again on any Superbowl. But then why isn't he banned? You're not even allowed to say her name around these parts but why isn't he banned if she's banned because she took the fall for it that's why it wasn't yeah but wait so she's banned because she had a wardrobe malfunction from the super bowl yeah because they think it was planned which it was but he said it wasn't it was just bad it was bad that is bad okay so maybe not glamorous and scandalous it was

scandalous it was hot though she's got a good nipple and she has a beautiful nipple yeah i would let it i would never put my nipple out like that my nipples are fine where they are and are too sad yeah all right when we come back we're gonna fix your life ask the lady gang and we're back all right so for this part of our podcast we have our listeners right in we give them advice it usually sucks so you know no pressure no pressure but as someone who's also like a private investigator had a tracking device on a car i feel like you could be good yeah like you're you're creative i feel like you're a little the savageness could be excellent. Yeah. Okay. First question. I've been married for five years now and I love my husband

and all of that, but let's get to the point. It's never good when it's in all of that. Yeah. And all that shit. I want tattoos and he won't let me get one. He dislikes them because a previous girlfriend of his had all kinds of meaningless ones and therefore thinks that they are ugly and pointless. Should I let this disagreement turn into a gigantic argument since it has to do with my body? It seems so silly, but I get so angry that I questioned why I married him in the first place please help oh wow my body my choice yeah i don't like a guy telling me what to do because if you start with the tattoos then it's my hair color then it's my pants yeah i get both sides because jared my boyfriend has some really bad tattoos and he wanted to like get it like finish

his arm and i don't really like i don't find tattoos that attractive like they don't i don't get like turned on by like a tattooed man so i would rather him not get more tattoos but then if you really wanted them i wouldn't be like you're not allowed to get them i think that's the point he's also like bringing up it's about his ex which is just really stupid dark you know i don't like that that ship has to sail and i think she should get the tattoo if she wants it you have beautiful nose thank you like the best nose it is a goodness it's so beautiful never leaving it's gorgeous wait the should i tell the story about the text that was sent after leah's wedding. Did people think your nose was fake? No, no, no, no. So I, there's like eight degrees

of separation from someone who had been at Leah's wedding. Yes. So someone who was at you were there. Yes. And then there's this other person who apparently reported out to friends what they experienced at the wedding. I think it was some girl who like lives in New York. Yeah. Didn't know any of us. And didn't you weren't allowed to talk about it, right? Yeah. You were not allowed to talk about it, but she basically just like, and And then somehow a friend of mine knew the girl that got the text report. Which is why you always got to be careful. Got to be careful.

You never know who knows who. This girl seems very smart. You would say this, and this is why. She sends a text, and she's like, yeah, everyone seemed pretty lame there. But you know what? Joanna Garcia is the most beautiful person I have ever seen in real life. And she said I had a cute dress on or something. And you did.

You got the second compliment. yeah but like i would much rather get the most beautiful person i've ever seen i was waiting for like some scandal to happen no and it was just the biggest compliment i left out and i really lived our best life at that wedding the photo that made it into the magazine which bummed me out i was oh the one of you guys all dancing uh sure that's a nice or like the human centipede one well just what becca and i were doing was we thought we were dancing you were grinding on each no we just looked living our horrible yeah it's worse than a sex tape yeah it really it's a face you'd make during sex it's what i look like having sex that's what i imagine myself looking not for

public consumption why did this get we looked horrible but we had the best weekend so we did we had so much fun anyways live your life okay uh next question comes from nervous nelly she says how do you deal with being your own worst critic when it comes to clothing and how your body looks how do you deal with wanting to wear something revealing trendy or form-fitting but having the fear of everyone judging you and before you say most people won't even notice because we're all self-centered at our baseline i can't get the thoughts out of my head when people are judging i grew up with a dad that would always comment on what women were wearing or if a woman was overweight so it just makes me know for sure that there are people out there thinking that

and sometimes it feels suffocating to not be thin with so much fashion freedom oh wow that's tough i mean i think this is about some like self-healing that needs to i agree yeah like that is kind of because her dad kind of really gave her that idea of what that was and also like i feel like i struggle with that too i want to always look a certain way and i think it's kind of natural to have that but i've also learned just you know staying in your zone of what makes you feel the best. I, I have really bucked trends because for instance, I just Marie condoed my entire wardrobe because I never, I don't care if low rise jeans ever come back in this fashion. I'm never, they better not. I'm never wearing them again. I'm going to

wear high waisted jeans for the day I die or until I give up wearing jeans, which could shoot around the corner. It should probably be soon, right? It's going to be a full sweat pant life right around the corner. At some point, like when you're like a lady, do you, I don't know. I'm not saying I'm not a lady yet. We don't need to do the math, but I'm definitely near 40. What do you think? You need to be in like a country club slack every day?

I did try on some skirts yesterday, and I was like, am I too old for these? But then Nick's like, no, babe, you're rocking. I was like, I am rocking, but... Like, thank you. That's all I needed. I shouldn't wear these. My whole life is me being like, oh, it's so awful. Is there an age limit for a jean?

I don't think so. No. Not yet. Certain types of jeans. Sure. Well, the low-rise. Low-rise genius short shorts. I would agree, though.

I've stopped, A, following people on Instagram who are unattainable for my body type. Correct. And Radha, you are a beautiful specimen. I am unfollowing you because you make me feel bad. She's not. She's an alien. Yeah, she's got like a godlike creature. Alien.

Yeah, she is unreal. Unicorn. Unicorn. And then I also am the same. Like I don't, I mean, as much as I love being at the beach, I now wear a muumuu at the beach. I have unbelievable skills of like how I can actually navigate an entire day at the beach in a muumuu. I, it's like, did you swim?

And I was like, I did. I was like, did you ever take off your muumuu? I was like, I didn't. That is why I'm sopping wet. My kids, we were at one of our mutual friends house this weekend. My kids were like, you're in the pool. And I was like, I am. If you wet my hair, I'll kill you.

Yeah. Don't splash mommy in the face or get my wine. And just like enjoy this. Okay. Go live your life. Have fun. No, it's true. Like you just have to like, you don't have to look and feel great and everything, but

find a few things that you do and you're set. But if something does make you feel good, but you think that somebody else might not like it on you and cares. I agree. if you feel good, wear it, wear it. I agree. And if there's something in your life that you are not happy about with yourself, like it feels like this is a self motivating moment where like at the end of this brain is like, you're not treating yourself right. You're not being nice to yourself, but maybe you're not treating yourself. Like, are you going for a

walk? Like, it doesn't matter what size you are, but every day, are you like seeing some fresh air? Are you having a little bit of a sweat? Are you eating a vegetable in the day? Yeah. You know, like take care of yourself too, because when you take care of yourself, you're always going to feel better. You're going to feel better about yourself. Absolutely. When you're like giving yourself the love. That's a great, that is really good advice. Did I eat any vegetables today? I haven't yet. I'm sweating. I have not stopped sweating because it's so hot here. Well, you also have a dog on your lap. I know, but she's like my friend. She's warming you up. Okay. Last question. My husband and I are young and we have been married for

six months, but we have been together for a very long time. We are not having sex often. We both have new jobs and are constantly exhausted from learning how to adult. Are there any tips on how to spice things up even when we're both falling asleep at eight on the couch and waking up at five for work? How often, if often enough, I feel like at this age, we should be sex crazed. I don't believe that. I don't either. I think it's just, it goes through fields of roses for sure.

Or like phases is what I meant, not fields. Sometimes weeds. Yeah. Sometimes lots of weeds. I feel like the amount of sex that is right for a relationship or a time in a relationship is based solely on like the needs being met of each person. It's like if you're completely depriving your partner of the sex that they need, I think that's a conversation.

But I mean, Nick and I used to have sex all the time and now we don't have sex all the time, but we do love having sex with him. I just don't want to do it all the time. I don't have time for that. and there's nothing wrong with it but like if he really wants to have sex he's like babe i'm gonna need that a little bit and i was like i got you yeah also he knows that it needs to happen very quickly like we got two minutes timer he knows it's like the i have so many stories i feel like we do we do our men a disservice because they grow up being

like that song in the 90s don't want no one minute man i do yeah i want a one minute man whoever it was you up society you're correct every all the movies are like oh i want a long no i don't sometimes you do kelty i i have had i have monstrous marathon sexual experiences like sting but i'm not because i want to no not tantric but like i never see my husband and i don't have sex all the time i never see him but when we do we sit down for like sit down an hour and a half like 90 minutes 90 minutes she told us this whole story we didn't want to hear about how they had sex for 90 minutes why it's not intercourse for 90 full minutes but it's like oh we make a morning of it like a morning of exploration listen if that works for you that you guys have sex for

once a month and it's like 90 minutes it really makes up for the all the other that's a minute every day that's too much that is more than oh wait sorry it's three minutes every day we're not good it's not always that but i but then i got a uti and i was like you can only have sex with me for five minutes exactly five is a lot it's still five a lot no i mean i think that like nick and i will have like nice great like fun sexy sessions but our usual sort of like connection business sex yeah it's like it's like it's hot it's quick it's like that felt good and have a great day yes yeah um and everybody's happier everybody's happier but i will say that when nick and i first got married we were watching that show gigolos on do you guys remember that

show i loved gigolos and they would just like pound it out i was watching it with a friend of mine and i and that's weird yeah we were like it was a girlfriend it was yeah come on over watch to get there no we were like on a vacation we went on like a marathon of it and and we were both like gross once we pounded like that nick's like you don't want to be pounding like that oh my god he's like i thought everybody liked the jackhammer and i was like that's why porn has no sex because all guys think that girls just want to be pounded yes and you know it's an interesting conversation going back and i don't want to bring it back to motherhood but there's like a talk amongst you know you know raising kids now that they're like we have to

talk to our kids prior to them being able to YouTube stuff or look at them because they're finding that a lot of kids are their first experience with sex or imprinting is watching porn and the porn is so readily available. And I mean, I think porn is kind of hot. I like to watch porn with Nick every now and then, but I don't like, I don't want Emmy and sailor to learn about sex from porn. I want them to like, you know, maybe find someone that's really respectful that they like that they can see what they like you know it's like you kind of should learn it as you do it right not from you know geneva that's true it is true it's so it's such a warped version are you and nick gonna show that you're like come in and watch mommy and daddy and daddy are gonna

have sex today and you need to watch no please take notes here's a diagram you can color in well what are you supposed to do yeah what are you supposed to do i mean i always had a really good relationship with sex. Cause I, I lost my virginity to someone I really loved and I was with forever and he loved me and it was really nice. And we really learned about each other in that way, which was super cool. But I hope that that's what they'll do. I hope that they'll talk to me about it. If they want to talk to me about it, even if they talk to their friends that are, you know, if you have a good, healthy sort of idea of like, it's just, it's impossible to attain on so many levels. Like girls don't want to be gang bang for the most part. I mean, I'm

not i don't want to speak for everyone but like you know like i think i hope i hope my kids don't want to be gaming i'm not gonna lie like i mean maybe like a light casual sexy threesome like a light casual sexy threesome casual threesome no it's true my first memory of sex was dances with wolves and that was like beautiful and i kept rewinding it oh my god on your couch right of course you did why am i riding like what is that feeling yeah well joanna you're the goat yes she is i don't even know thank you for coming on the podcast you're the greatest of all time it's really not you and your high-waisted pants can stick around these parts i've never seen callie be more calm you must have a good energy well she's well she

recently well she's an animal person i am i was over at her house the other day and she rolled out a stroller and um this might have something to do with why emmy's rubbing your belly totally because i was like oh she's gonna have another baby there's a stroller here there's two bunnies in it oh my god that's amazing my bunnies like to get in that stroller and like check out the neighborhood you're the crazy bunny lady she's insane oh my god okay lucky bunny um lucky buddies well we love you and thank you for being here and thank you for supporting lady game this is twice now so you get an old star i will do we'll give you some merch oh my god some merch girl i'm gonna read that cabinet oh girl we got a water bottle with your name on it oh my god and

if you loved this episode you can go on over to mama said because you were also on mama said yes didn't talk so much about sex but i talked about my postpartum oh which is it's a really good I like it revealing when I think it's great. No, people need to hear that. Thank you for that. They're amazing. I love what they're doing. I think it's super important.

So I'm happy to share. Okay. Okay. See you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening. The Lady Gang is produced by Alex Ingber, Will Sterling, Steve Delameter, and Jared Monaco. Make sure you subscribe, rate, and review our podcast. And if you love it, share it with your friends on social media.

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