LadyGang - Jordan Harbinger

Episode Date: September 7, 2021

Former lawyer turned media mogul and host of the Jordan Harbinger podcast stops by the show to add some words to the dicktionary and share what it was like interviewing someone in jail through the power of perception. Plus find out how to network with the opposite sex. Check out our amazing sponsors!!! Away: Start your 100-day trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials at AwayTravel.com/ladygang  Daily Harvest: Go to DailyHarvest.com/lady to get up to $40 off your first box! Everlane: Go to everlane.com/ladygang and sign up for 10% off your first order plus free shipping. Huzzah: Stock up with 20% off when you use code LADY at DrinkHuzzah.com  Zocdoc: Go to Zocdoc.com/lady and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Chinet: Visit mychinet.com to find out more! European Wax Center: Visit waxcenter.com and book you r reservation today—your first wax is free! Scream For Ice Cream: Visit screamforicecreamagain.com to learn how to sweeten your sex life!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Today's episode is brought to you by Daily Harvest. Get more time back to do you and take care of yourself this summer. Go to dailyharvest.com slash lady to get up to $40 off your first box. That's dailyharvest.com slash lady for up to $40 off your first box. Dailyharvest.com slash lady. Welcome to the Lady Gang. You're about to listen to our podcast, but there is so much more our community has to offer.

Follow us at the Lady Gang, join our secret Facebook group, shop our clothing line, books, and find out when we're going to be in your city at theladygang.com. We're so excited you're here. enjoy the show well what is this welcome to the lady gang that's amazing say that again the lady gang things are about to change around here each week we catch up with hollywood's hottest girl posse kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanik hello hello hello welcome to the lady game lady game lady game welcome to the lady game we're 12 lady game contestants will compete why have we never thought of lady games i'm i feel like they had to have come up at some point

i feel like we haven't i i think i have a problem i can't speak anymore i just had to put an audition on tape yesterday afternoon and i had to do like eight different like actions because i was tripping over words and they weren't hard words so that's fun um well in that case it's time for good week Yes, it is. Bad week. Oh, no. So this has to do with me and auditions. So now, obviously, everything's virtual and it's so lovely.

I'm so grateful. It makes it so that I can put an audition on tape from anywhere in the whole world. It's so wonderful. So I upload my auditions to Vimeo, which is a great website. It's not sponsored, but you can see how many times it's been viewed, the video. You can send off auditions and see, you can kind of know within 24 hours if you're in the running because like 12 people would have had to look at it. Yeah. So you got one with zero. No, no, it's that's way better than what I'm going to say. Cause zero, they didn't even give you a chance.

So you can't feel bad. Um, I put an audition on tape where I feel like there's been no better role written for me like nothing the script was great it's this like not an indie film a kind of an indie film um it's a guy who's a stand-up comedian who wrote it he's written two other movies and they've been great like it's sort of that like dream job where as an actor of my caliber you don't get offered marvel movie auditions you know what i mean yeah but these are the ones that are hard to get even auditions for because it's like a lot of people vying after these roles Anyways, Ricky calls me my manager and he's like, I think this is a really good role for you. It's like the thing that like, that you've, we've been waiting for you to do. And I read it and I agreed.

I was like, this is so up my alley. It's really just so easy for me. And I put it on tape. And even though I flubbed up my words in the beginning, like I got two really decent takes, like two great, not great, decent. And I put it up on Vimeo and I never check the status of anything. Cause I send it out in the ether and I don't want to know. And I don't care, but I started to get curious because this job starts very soon. And I was like, well, I just want to see, I mean, I'm going to start making some plans for August. And I just want to like, see if I'm supposed to be doing that. You know what I mean? Like getting really cocky and presumptuous. So I pull up my Vimeo account and we pull it up right now. It's been 24 hours

since I've submitted. Now just know that at least two of these views would be like Ricky and my agent. Okay. Um, scene number one, four views. So Ricky, my agent, and then maybe two casting people. Okay. They didn't watch scene two or my slate. Your slate is basically you just standing in front of the camera saying your name and your height or whatever. So they watched my first scene two people and then decided, you know what? Not worth it. I'm good. I'm not even worth five seconds. Also the next video is a minute and 19 seconds. So they didn't have a minute and 19 seconds to spare to watch video number two. So I essentially put an audition on tape for my agent and my manager to enjoy solely. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Was the first, was the first read or the second read better? um the second scene was just better in general so it could have been even see that they didn't even see like the really good one i mean in my defense the first scene and everybody that read this material was like it's not as funny like the first scene's just not written as well but it's fine and the second scene was funnier so i'm like bummer well could they be maybe like i don't know busy and we'll get back to it later maybe we're like we're not doing that like we're sending no i think this job starts in like two weeks they're not they're not like waiting around to like make casually looking yeah because i was thinking maybe they saw it and they were like

we like her and we like we sent her through now like in 24 more hours you'll see more views uh i mean listen i'm totally okay with being a loser right now listen they either they either you sucked super fucking bad or you're so good. They did not even need to see the next video. Here's the thing. I didn't suck. I can confident. The reason I can talk about this like this is because I'm confident that it didn't suck. Like it was actually one of my top five audition tapes of my life, which is also really devastating that it got that, that my best isn't good enough to get more than my agent and my manager to watch, but it's fine. It's totally fine. I'm going to move past it. So that's my bad week. Um, okay. And I like to give you guys like the life inside of a

psychotic, um, actress. So, um, my good week, I got in my car and I very rarely have my like Bluetooth connected to the car. Um, and like I, my music's not connected. I do like satellite radio occasionally. I'll sometimes do podcasts, whatever out of nowhere. One of the lady gang podcast from like our first year of podcasting, our very first year of podcasting starts to play. And I was dying laughing because I have not gone back and listened to early lady gang. You guys, it was, I think it was, it was embarrassing, like embarrassing, like cringy, cringy, cringy. And we were talking about like a dictionary word, ambitious. We thought it was like groundbreaking, the term ambitious. And I was so embarrassed for myself, even over again,

like secondhand embarrassment for myself in the form of old lady gang. So I'm mortified. And I can't believe any of you guys have been listening since that day. Like I hated it, but I also loved it because I don't feel like it's us anymore. You know, it's, it feels like, oh, you stupid idiot. Like six years ago, you were such an, I mean, I still am an idiot, but it was kind of enjoyable. Okay. My heart is pounding thinking about, honestly, I'm getting a little pukey thinking. Yeah, I, it was a, it was a slack. Cause I just, you just remind me there's like 500 episodes of me being like a psychopath

out there in the world. I kind of real when we put it out and I listened to every episode. So I'm interested to see like, or to listen to Kelty in the beginning, especially to see how like, like especially confident you are in yourself before Beck and I broke you down. That's mean. I do wonder if, if like, if Jack and I were the people who, um, peeled back your onion, so to speak, and you're definitely the onion peelers, are we? Because I do feel like we've been able to expose a side of you that has always been there, but maybe it hasn't always been appreciated. Yeah. A hundred percent. You're the onion peeler. Okay. Um, so my good week is I got

a brand new computer. It's a fantastic week. And during my whole, um, computer new computer experience, I've gone through my email and I've unsubscribed to every email. And I used to have to do it through this. Um, it's like unroll me or something like that. But when you use that, they somehow subscribe you to more emails. So I've been slowly plucking away at my inbox. Anytime I get a subscription email from some public, like publicity company, like somehow people are putting me on emails. Like I'm a publicist and I want to start covering stories. Is it because of lady gang? Like getting my email? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Would you like to cover this new story about Bella Hadid? I'm like, no, I don't. I barely know who she is.

but it feels really good. I'm having a brand new start slowly chipping away at my inbox. I also just realized that you could just mark all emails as red. So now I don't have an inbox full of 11,000 emails. I'm starting from zero again. But did you read the email? No, because there are a bunch of old emails from like five years ago. Oh my God. This gives me anxiety. It was all of the spam emails that i have been getting from publicists for the past five years that i didn't actually want to read okay okay so now when i have a notification like my calendar you're gonna reply to emails now yes okay okay i don't think yes okay sometimes i will um that's my good week my bad week is i think that i've been living with jared for enough time that now i am um

taking for granted what he does around the apartment because he was gone recently and our, um, shower clogged up and I had to get the hair out, the little snake thing and get all of the hair and gook out of the bottom of the shower myself. And I haven't had to do that in like three years. And I almost threw up. That is the grossest. It's nasty. I just do Drano. I there honestly was no room for the Drano to go like it was so clogged it was so disgusting and I would rather literally clean up shit or like puke in a toilet than pick up hair that is like melded with gook and like is there a grosser experience than being in a hotel and turning on the shower nope and being inside of it and then the water starts rising because the drain

is so clogged that is no because there's like other people's body cells and other people that have probably peed in the shower and hair and skin i'll pass yeah it could have been worse could have been a shower at a hotel kelty okay bad week i finally can groove something in my lettuce grow i grew three squashes and i was so excited about them and first of all i thought i planted spaghetti squash, which in my opinion is the best squash, but I planted some ugly gourd squash. So it grew and it grew huge. And the squash took over my entire lettuce grow. And then I got like little pincher bugs anyway. So I finally harvested my squash. I got my squash out. I cut them off. I put them on the ground because I was going to take them inside and possibly cook

them. The story is going somewhere. And then I got busy and I forgot and I left them there overnight and the squirrel hopped over the fence and ate some of each of the squash so now i can't cook it and eat it because there's squirrel bites and it might have a disease so i'm pissed off and i'm only growing basil from now on good week there's okay there's a tiktok real quick where it's like i've spent eight thousand hours two thousand dollars to grow this one strawberry worth 5 cents at Whole Foods. That's what I'm saying. I feel like, do you actually end up saving money

with a lettuce grow? No. Listen, we're not talking about this. We have grown lettuce and it's fine. It's just, it's a passion. We're not talking about this. Good week. One month back off the Diet Coke.

I got a flat stomach. I don't have indigestion. I'm sleeping well and I don't have zits. Thank you. Get to quitting Diet Coke again for the 900th time. I'll let you know when I get back on it. The last time we had a big podcast day, I was drinking a double gulp. So I feel very good about my quitting. How do you? I quit. Good job. Quit it again. Okay. Coming up. Jordan.

Hello. Hello. Hello. All you jet setting ladies, you sexual jet setting ladies. This week's lady secrets theme is travel. If you didn't know, we're writing another book and we're collecting all of our ladies' essays about all their deepest, darkest secrets. And this week, we're talking about travel. Have you had, like, a secret rendezvous at the South of France? Or have you told a lie on an airplane to get yourself upgraded to first class when you should never have been up there in the first place? Have you, I don't know, been involved in a crime and been locked up abroad?

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trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials, including their best-selling suitcases at awaytravel.com slash lady gang. That's awaytravel.com slash lady gang. Now back to the lady gang. Our guest today really does have the art of charm. A former lawyer turned media mogul, he's made his career on teaching normies how to date and network. In fact, I guarantee today he will somehow get Jack and Becca to notice that deep inside their souls, they actually do enjoy my 10 p.m sunday night emails his podcast the jordan harbinger show receives over six million downloads a month he's been named one of the 24 best podcasts to make you smarter which is also

crazy because we were on the list of 24 best podcasts to add nothing to your life please welcome the smarter more charming jordan harbinger hey thank you for having me you know it's funny i thought you were gonna say you're on the same list and i was like oh well maybe podcast one like made that list and just threw us on there yeah no that is a list we'll never be on even if it was a podcast one list they'd be like not lady gang they're not making you smarter what other networks can we pull ideas from for this because it's definitely not lady gang i mean if you need to know how to treat a yeast infection jordan we've got you yeah i watched a couple of your shows uh recently of course in preparation for this just to make sure i could keep up with you

guys and i was like you know there's a lot of commentary on clothing i started to like give my wife sort of an idea about what the show was and i was like they talk about janties and things they see at concerts that are panties that are like open in the back where your butt cheeks hang out and she's like that's a podcast and i was like ah there's more but it's hard to explain but not much more not fair question that was like 60 of it when it comes to a janty that's yeah to discuss their jean panty you know jean panty and by the way they're still selling them like that was our show was on e was almost two years ago and like we were at the the cusp of the janty trend and like still janties are around they've lasted janties are back it sounds so

uncomfortable in fact a lot of the things that women wear look and feel super uncomfortable even some of the stuff even some of the copy where it's like the buttons go all the way up to your vagina and i'm like really is that the thing you want you want yes it is the other day i i um there was like a vogue instagram and it was olivia colpo and she's wearing a bathing suit like she's sitting in it and it's literally like just up her belly button and then like a t like it's a the sign of cross basically like the and i just had to post on it i was like but where does my vagina go like olivia i'm so glad you look amazing but you're not standing and i know why you're not standing because your vagina would fall out the side of this bathing suit wait this

brings me to a really important question that i've been meaning to ask a straight man i mean this is just like what a moment so my husband it was actually prompted by um our lovely jack vanek posts a lot of bikini selfies and she does a lot of body positivity she's doing the lord's work and she looks great but she does a lot of you know the scandal scantily clad bikinis and i was on instagram scrolling and zach goes does jack know what straight dudes do when they find when they see pictures like this i don't know he goes what do we do he goes i've been sitting next to so many guys on airplanes or just socially or whatever and they will look at the photo and they will use their two fingers and zoom in as much as they can on the vagina so i was like no this isn't real

He goes, oh, I've seen it more than twice. Oh, I've seen that more than twice. I've zoomed in on Jack's vagina many times. It's always on planes, though. That's the only time I've seen men do it. But maybe that's the only time you're really looking at other people's phones. Yeah, and also they can't get privacy. Like, they're not going to get up and go to the airplane restroom and do it.

If they do that, they're not just zooming in. Yeah, that's already zoomed. They found what they're looking for. Confirm that as a straight dude. You don't have to say you do it. You could say you have a friend. I'm sure that I've done it, but I can't think of when I would have done it. But I will tell you this.

I would definitely be like this on a plane and be like, I can get away with this. I wouldn't just be like, all right. And then look around later and hope it's like, you know, when you're watching a movie on your iPad and there's like a racy scene and you're like, I really hope there's not like an old lady and two kids behind me. Yeah. So I'm always kind of or I'll like turn the screen slightly to face inward more. And I'm like, let's just get the love scene part over with real quick in this movie.

um i don't know if i would have the the the kind of like audacity slash tacky tacky what's like tacky plus audacity what's that word audacity i don't have the audacity the tackdacity to to be like whoa and then just zoom in and then just assume that everybody looking at my phone screen is like that's normal that's fine well the problem is too on airplanes like you think that you have your phone at an angle that nobody's gonna see but you're not taking into consideration the five rows back like anybody has a good vantage point for anybody on a plane so everyone yeah like first of all my brother-in-law he has this phone screen thing that makes your you can't see when he tries to show you something he has to tilt it like perfectly like the bank yes like at the bank

you know that thing they have to take off to show you your account balance he has that but for his phone and i'm thinking like when would you ever need that and the obvious reason is when you're on a plane zooming into jack vanek's vagina boom i should start selling those yeah you could sell those it's called call it the jack protector yes like that jack of all protectors oh okay jack gina don't get caught with your jack off buy one of these right now when you're ready to jack off That's a good one. I mean, when you're ready to jack off. This is literally why Jordan is so successful.

It's true. This is why Jordan's so successful. I should write a sales copy for Jack Belly Products. Thank you. I know. We can be partners. Okay. Anyway.

So first I want to talk about the podcast because I have a couple questions. I'm a highly sensitive person functioning as a full boss lady. And I'm very competitive. I'm a three on the Enneagram. and you have done some things that I want to push you down the stairs for. So I want to ask you how you did it. She's jealous, I'm assuming. I'm jealous.

Yeah, I'm jealous. That's fine. You know, like congratulations on your success, Jordan. I don't have a TV show. I never have. We only had one for one season. It got canceled. We made no money.

We made zero dollars. okay so how did you get an interview with someone that's in prison the fire festival billy mcfarland yeah like how does one get an inmate to get podcast equipment so that the the problem with that came about well i don't know let's start let me let me back up so i got the interview because a friend of mine was like oh hey i know billy mcfarland's manager and i'm like okay why does he have a manager isn't he isn't he a convicted felon and they're like don't worry about that he's in prison right now and he wants to like get his side of the story out and i'm like okay i'll do that even though i think we all kind of know what happened here i'm sure there's a

different side of the story so they get him on phone calls and it's it's legal to make phone calls from prison but it's kind of against prison rules to just do a media appearance without permission so yeah the way and that but as a journalist like that's not really my problem like how they handle that in my opinion and and sort of ethically it's like hey if you didn't clear this with the the warden you know not my fault so we used google voice to record the call and then he would recall he would call me but like they can't text you and be like yo we're on right now and also the call's maximum length is 15 minutes because it's not a legal call it's not with his lawyer it's like calling your mom your wife so it's like got a definitive time limit and

then he has to wait 45 minutes for till the next call so what he did was he would call google voice would pick up record and then it would like ring my phone as the as the through line and it looked like he just kept calling google voice which was somehow like pre-approved as a phone number with the prison so because you can't just like call random people from prison because they're worried it's you're gonna like scam someone or like i was wondering like how you got on the list Yeah, so I got on the list by having Google Voice dial out, which is definitely against, I would assume now, against prison rules. And the reason I know that now is because he kept doing those calls, kept doing 15-minute increments, and then we edited it all together into the podcast. But I heard that right after the podcast aired, he ended up in solitary confinement for like six months.

Oh, shit. Oh, my God. Yeah, six months, at least six months. Solitary confinement is insane. Insane. Yeah. They were super pissed off about it. Super pissed.

And they were like, this is a you're breaking prison rules. This isn't cool. And then his lawyer was like, it's not against the rules to talk to the media, which is technically true. And they're like, yeah, but, you know, you made phone calls for a media appearance. It wasn't legit. And he was doing other things that I'm not totally familiar with and not totally in on. Like, let's say that we're all like setting up a festival, too.

Yeah. Well, yeah, there's probably that. Well, he brought in a USB pen recording device so that he could dictate, like, his memoirs as a book, which, like, that's a whole different thing. But you're not allowed to have that in prison. This guy has the tachocity. He does. He's got that tachocity. So he did that.

They didn't like that. They put him in solitary for that in another prison. And then also he would do things like trade phone time with other inmates and then, like, pay them. and you can't put money like there's a thing called commissary where like you can all buy chewing gum and ramen or whatever if you stab someone for me hypothetically or whatever other kind of favors i can't just drop 500 bucks into your account or i can't pay you and be like yo keep an eye on my back like watch out for me in in the joint they don't want you to get extorted and they don't want you to be able to bribe people just because you have money on the outside so he's

he did something like that for his friends who were inmates and like he got caught for that so I think this is just kind of the last straw for the prison and Billy McFarlane. But he, as far as I know, may even still be in solitary confinement, which totally sucks. I mean that show came out in like February or January or something like that. I mean it was a while ago, and he got in a lot of trouble. And I do have some sympathy for being locked away. Just as a human, I have some empathy, I should say, for being locked up by yourself for that long. but also it's like stop breaking freaking rules and like stop doing things that you're not supposed

to do you know this is just like so fire festy to do stuff like that it really is well he's a scammer through and through like he probably can't help himself he can't help himself that's the thing about a scammer is that he's got to keep scamming always a new scam yeah you know it's funny it's funny to hear you talk about this because you y'all are entrepreneurs i'm a business owner slash entrepreneur i don't know how often that word gets used but like we're all wired differently right we go hey why start this little thing and then work really like brick by why don't we you you were like let's do a tv show oh but no one's going to give us a tv show for no reason let's do a podcast blow that up and turn that into a tv show then turn that into these different lines and

a podcasting course and clothing copy so i get like the hacking of the system yeah but y'all weren't like let's steal a bunch of stuff based on lies and then turn it into this other thing and then be like it's okay we made money like that's where the scamming begins and the entrepreneurship kind of ends and i feel like a lot of these guys because it is usually guys a lot of these guys and gals people i should say they just go you know what i'm just gonna do this other thing and like all's well that ends well and hope for the best and buy my way out of it by paying lawyers well that's just the difference between a good and a bad person like all all of us are crafty and hustlers but like if you're a bad person you're probably gonna scam your way to

the top we're trying to like do it you know legally like a small scam like tiny scams along the way scam light scam light like airbrushing your bikini vulva not a scam totally i don't even do that just a little bit of a lean to the right yeah yeah but like lying to your investors and taking their millions and then blowing it on stuff and then being like oh i just should have started a few months ago and then everything would have been fine like that's a scam well i know one thing if we ever had a fire festival, we would not serve that sandwich because Jack is this little Sandy here. Her rap name is a sandwich connoisseur. Like she would have been the bread, the cheese, and then some potato chips and then the other piece of pathetic bread and that would have been

our fire festival. So there's a couple things that I've taken from listening to you and reading you that I love that I want to share with our audience. And there's something that you said, and I can't remember if it's your original quote or if you quoted someone else, but dig the well before you get thirsty oh take me to church jordan what does that mean yeah so so i'm pretty sure that that's a book title from like 1996 but i i use it because look becca is about to fall off her chair i love it i don't know what she just did i i uh i took that from like a book yeah in like the 90s but you know i feel like that's fair whatever i what i mean by that is in a book and i didn't even read um amazing what the

book title means to me is you have to build relationships before you need them and a lot of people you y'all are familiar with the la scene right how often does somebody call you and go like hey girl and you're like oh what do you want and it's always like so i'm releasing a book and i want to go on lady gang i know we've been meaning to do this for years and you're like wait no we haven't i've never talked to you like last time i talked to you you wanted to get free makeup from me or like you asked me if you're like free clothing that's like we haven't been meaning to do shit and all these people do that and then or they're like have i told you about herbal life or like scientology or whatever it is right like it's one thing after another and so i'm talking

about digging the well before you're thirsty which is like hey let me hey i heard you're releasing this what can i do to help you oh you're looking for pr hey uh here's a person that i know that's been killing it for me. Oh, you're starting a podcast. Here's a hosting company. That's going to do well for you. Or like, you're looking for a network. Let me introduce you to podcast one because they'll do a good job selling your ads or whatever it is. And they're like, Oh, okay. And then you just keep helping people. You don't have to put yourself out. You don't have to like code their website yourself. You don't have to pay for anything. It's just about like taking nodes in your network and connecting them to each other. And when you do that enough,

you build referral currency or social capital and then people are like oh my gosh you know you've been super helpful what can i ever do for you and then when you do finally launch your book or your clothing line you just put the word out there and people are like oh good finally a chance to help this person back who's gotten me my podcast host and has helped me set this up and told me which microphones to buy and like taught me how to plug everything in on a zoom call that took like five minutes but would have taken me like an hour to read all the docs and figure out they're, they're trying, they want to like, they really want to pay you back or at least reciprocate a little because they haven't had a chance to. So it's like this law of

reciprocity stuff where you sort of psychologically feel like you owe people one, just build as many of those as you can. And that's about digging the well before you get thirsty, build those relationships before you need them. What most people do is they just constantly think what's in it for me right now, instead of thinking, how can I maybe do something for someone else that doesn't cost me much and when you are only thinking short term it's like dating right it's like it just doesn't work that well when you're only like oh yeah i'm only gonna call you when i'm like horny and it's 12 p.m it's like that only or 12 a.m yeah i can do the i like it like an afternoon sex so yeah who doesn't but that only works under certain very uh concrete circumstances

and people who rely on that as a strategy they are less lucky in every sense of the word than somebody who's like hey you know driven you to the airport a bunch of times no you probably want to yeah and i've got that six-pack abs or whatever the hell like you know you're looking for these days like you want to make sure that you have built up that referral currency so that that person feels good about helping you not like guilted into it or strong-armed into it because that's when you just ghost i mean i've we've all had those people come to us and it's like oh my got block right yeah you you want people who've done as much as they can to help you before you are useful to them and that's like a measure of their character for sure maybe now kelty will

start responding to people's text messages maybe that looks like that's why i'm part of a trio honestly because i don't have that i'm i'm working she's not the connector no got it that's literally like 70 unread texts are you one of those people that has like notifications you just ignore my she reads it she just doesn't respond and i don't respond i'm that person every way to the fact that like i read dms on instagram and then i'm in trouble or mad people are like you read it but you didn't respond i was like i know i put it in my body and like i'll talk to you about it the next time i see you except then i don't leave my house like anyway that's why i have to be a part of a trio because between the three of us we have all the human skills i can make a list we have our

creative with jack we have a networking queen like becca is someone that has a well she's the person that's always like i'll go to your stupid party i'll post your stupid sunglasses no she definitely lives by everything that you're talking about i do because i just care to pat my own back i did not know i was building a well i just enjoy connecting people because i was so grateful to have had that done for me. Yeah. But when we had our TV show, it was like, who the do you have in the well, Becca? Cause we can't book this shit. And we're like, who can I blow this week? That wasn't, that was not my ideal connector, but you know, yes, it's true, but it's good. You need that. That makes sense. It is always about digging. Like you have to draw on the well at

some point, but you did it naturally because like you said, you found somebody doing it for you and you're like oh this works right most people they don't realize that or they have a little bit of like uh social anxiety or they're like i'm busy so let's say you work at amazon or something a lot of times people go well i don't want to network and stuff like that i'm a software engineer or i'm a an engineer who's not an outgoing person i'll just keep my head down and i'll work my ass off and then my work will speak for itself and then when the person they hired four years ago is now like their boss on some project they're like what the hell and it's they they go oh well it's all about who you know and they put like stank on the end of that phrase it's okay fine so if you know

that's an unfair advantage that some people have why are you not super busy making that your unfair so to speak advantage why are you sleeping on this and the real reason is because they're like oh well i just i don't know i'm afraid to go to a mixer or a party and like have people not like me and what i'm telling people is it's not about like going to a cocktail party and like flipping your hair and being super entertaining and cool it's about texting one person a day that you haven't talked to in three years i mean like hey what's going on uh i see on social you're in greece that looks amazing i'm rocking my podcast right now let me know when you're back like i'm happy to help you with your like sunglasses launch if you're relaunching your new product whatever it

is and they're like oh great that's all it is i i do it with four people a day i call it connect four because all i do is go to the bottom of my text messages and i just text like four people that are at the bottom of those threads you know those people you had lunch with like in 97 you're like hey still vegan like here's my kid and they're like wow you've got married and reproduced that's terrifying right like those those threads and then half the time it's just more than half the time they're like anyway yeah i work at such and such cool nice talking with you bye it's just texting back and forth it doesn't result in anything yeah but if you do that with four people a day you're re-engaging like hundreds of people every year and some of those people are going to

reach out and go hey three months ago you mentioned that you were doing keynote speaking i'm picking our keynote for our sales thing do you want to do it or hey do you know anybody who can do podcasting consulting our company is doing one and i said i know a podcaster now because you're top of mind and then you can say like well i don't want to consult for bausch and lomb on their branded podcast but i know this company will so you throw a referral to somebody else in your network and they're like oh thanks for the ten thousand dollar consulting gig with this company so now you're building referral currency on both ends and all you did was send some sort of text this is time you normally would have wasted waiting in line at starbucks or whatever

checking like clicking on cat photos so it's not like you're not sitting around i would never click on a cat photo a lot of people would but yeah that's actually i love it i love how you're kind of quantifying this, right? Because a lot of people probably think about it in like a skeevy way where it's like, Oh, I'm going to like use this person at the end of the day. But it really is. I love the way that you're doing that. Cause it just sort of put it, puts it in layman's terms where it's like, okay, that's great. And you're having these human connections and people are going to care about what you're doing at the end of the day. Yes. It's, it's the human connection element. It's you not asking for anything right away, because again, dig the well before you're

thirsty, but also you're looking for opportunities to help other people instead of just looking for what's in it for you. And I, a lot of people think, oh, it's selfish just to look at what's in it for you, but it's also very human, right? Like maybe I just, one of the common excuses or whatever that I hear from people is, well, I don't think about other people that much. Maybe I should unless until I need something, it's totally normal to be like, oh gosh, we're launching a book. Who do we talk to about this? Oh, we made a huge list of 300 people, but I haven't talked to them in a long time that is very normal what you're doing with connect for and digging the well before you're thirsty is you realize that at some point in your life that is probably going to

happen right you're probably going to get thirsty whatever the project is whatever like the the stock market crash or whatever thing that you're dealing with is you're you know that it's inevitable so you're just preparing for that so i don't i never planned on writing a book and i still don't think i i really want to but if i did i would be able to call upon hundreds of people who i've helped throughout the years and i'd be able to go hey can you do no one's no one in their right mind is going to go aha so you helping me casually through the past three and a half years with other things was just you lubing me up to promote your book and it's like that's not that's obviously not what happened but if i reach out to somebody i'm like hey what's going on yeah great

weather here in california so i got a book you're like okay i knew that the other shoe was going to drop people are suspicious and rightfully so so you just you break that pattern by being generous for literally years and it doesn't cost you anything it costs you a few minutes a day wow i love this the other jordanism is your focus on the power of perception and i love this because I am a lady who is faking it till she makes it. I will tell she dies until we die. Yes. But I really do believe in the power of perception. So the girls will make fun of me because I'll like do an interview or I'll write a bio for us. And I'm like, I'm going to give you a perfect example. Sure. So actors, when they're on a TV show that gets nominated for an Emmy and the show itself

wins the Emmy. The actor gets to take home an Emmy. You know what I mean? It's like you're part of an ensemble that won an Emmy about the show, but really the winner of that Emmy is the creator of the show. So those actors in their bios on Instagram will never say Emmy nominated or Emmy winning unless it was like their personal performance. That's just sort of like across the board understanding. Well, Kelty's show that she worked on for three years, Entertainment tonight has won three Emmys, but they won six, but I was only there for three. So she was there for three and she worked on the show for three. So her Instagram bio says three-time Emmy award winning journalist. At least she didn't put six, but also a little bit weird. She would. Honestly,

I'm kind of shocked that you haven't put six. But I have the Emmys at my house and they say healthy night on them so to me i won an emmy like when you win a group which is true back and jack don't understand because they've never been nominated for a major award before but not true okay people's choice choice and i'm pretty sure i was on a show that won like a million sag awards and golden globes well that's on you then i'm just saying that i got i got a memo from the Academy saying, congratulations. You technically won an Emmy. Like you technically were given an Emmy for me. No, no, no. We're talking about the optics of the whole situation. The perception. So that's an example. All the journalists, all of the journalists are

so desperate for validation that it doesn't matter if you're on Access Hollywood or Extra or Good Morning America. When that show wins, you put it on your bio. There's nothing else to win. But it's also because journalists are incredible at perception. Yes, because we know how to play the game. I'm like, Angelina Jolie, you know your movie's terrible. You're going to walk the carpet in a fabulous outfit and act like it doesn't stink. You know it stinks. It was horrible when you were reading the script.

You know what I mean? It's the power of perception. I mean, look, perception is true. The power of perception is obviously a thing, right? I mean, it goes without saying. But you run the risk. I guess this probably bears thinking about. But you run the risk of outside your or inside your circle of of knowledge or your industry running into barriers here.

Right. Like if you tell me you worked on E.T. and you the show won three Emmys while you were there as an outsider. I'm like, wow, OK, great. But if you tell me that you won three Emmys and I'm in the industry and I'm like, wait, wait, wait, you didn't win those, even though you technically did. Let's say you didn't. Let's say you were like an intern at the time or something. And I don't know if they don't make the list. Right. They don't make the list. OK, but let's say like I worked on multiple Emmy award winning shows and it's like, yeah, but you were like the person who made sure that the cars didn't get towed at the set. That person probably counts, too. Actually, it's just the other like the coffee maker doesn't. Then it becomes a little bit of a fib. Right. It is a fake it till you make it. And so it actually costs you as you get closer to the people who are important and influencers in your industry, it actually costs you social capital, right? Because they go, this is not really true.

What else about this person should I not trust? Right. What else is it? Ooh, you missed that. That's the whole thing. It's all. No, but he's right. He's right.

He is saying the people, not who matter, but the people whose opinion is important to your success. It's what their perception of what you're presenting is going to be. And you can't fool them. And that's why when Kelty tells me to do shameless things as an actress, I say to her, as a journalist, I understand why you're telling me to do this. But the people that I need to impress are actually showrunners, producers, executives, and they will see that and say, that's a desperate idiot move. a good example would be like going to a so actors get invited all the time to go to other premieres if you're not in the movie but in the industry it's sort of like a little bit of a

thing where you slightly look down upon somebody who goes and walks a carpet of a premiere of a project they did not do that makes sense okay so there are plenty of people who do it and they get picked up in us weekly and they get a lot of press and they look beautiful great and so the press is like this person's a star this person's a star but the people like the executives at you know disney are saying that bitch wasn't even in the show why is she walking the carpet so like to me i find it more important to not from the perception of me for those people to be better than the press that makes sense right it just it depends on the crowd that you're playing for i suppose um all right. When we come back, Jordan's going to fix your life. Huzzah is a sponsor of Lady Gang and

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Hey ladies, get funky. Ask the Lady Gang. All right, we're back. So Jordan, for this part of our podcast, we, it's called Ask the Lady Gang. We have all of our listeners writing questions about life, love, work, whatever. And we try to fix their lives.

Usually it's really bad, but you're kind of a genius. So hopefully you get some good advice. Okay, our first question comes from Louise And she says, I'm a 25-year-old working in finance. Networking seems to be an important part of my career, but I find myself getting uncomfortable walking up to a man and going through the motions of networking. It might just be me, and I'm way overanalyzing this, but how do you network with the opposite gender and make sure you aren't accidentally giving mixed signals? Wow, that's really good. That is good.

We actually get this question all the time. I do, like, Friday advice shows on the Jordan Harbinger Show. And I've gotten this question a few times. so I it is tough because if it's a guy networking it's like yeah just go chat and like look for ways to help them like the stuff we talked about before utilize technology to to probe your network but a lot of guys especially if they're getting an unsolicited text from a woman that they haven't talked to in a year they're like oh all right okay maybe she broke up with her boyfriend or got divorced or something what's going on like they get that little weird twinkle thing that's like

uncalled for and if they're in person it's like they're talking with dudes at the world of concrete convention fine but then they're approached by a woman and she's like so i'm really interested in working on this project or hearing more about this project they're like on the one hand maybe she's interested in hearing about the project on the other hand this could just be a way in she's probably trying to sleep with me we are in vegas at a convention after all like who knows what's going on so there's a few things that i always recommend which is one you have to be extra professional a lot of times people um it's not just women but a lot of times people in general will be a little bit like socially awkward folks or people who are shy

will also be a little bit nervous and possibly even flirty when in an interaction with somebody they don't know and that's usually fine like if i'm talking with you guys and it's the first time we met at the second time we met in person and you guys are like making fun of me and we're bantering and stuff like that, it's fine. Right. But if it's very professional and we're all lawyers and there's just one of you and there's three of me, right, then it might look a little bit different. And the guys in the group might be like, oh, she likes you, man. Look at that, you know, and then it becomes a whole thing. So I would choose to approach either with another woman, if you can, if in your industry, because then it's not like, hey, I want to talk with you

specifically you can talk with group on group also if there's any sort of gathering like it's a dinner or something like that always always always bring another person whether it's a guy or a gal it doesn't matter but you don't want to be in a situation where the guy's like yeah let's talk about it over dinner and you think great we're going to a group dinner and you show up and there's like candles on the table and you're like oh shit yes like i just walked into a date um the other thing is making sure that your attire is professional usually not a problem But sometimes in those Vegas conventions, it's like, oh, I'll show up in my cocktail dress because I'm going to the club afterwards with a bunch of my friends. But I'll go to dinner with this person.

And then they're like, oh, oh, oh, it's like that because now she's dressed up and like, let me take my jacket off. You know, it becomes that kind of thing. Also, limit the touching. Not that there's a lot of touching and networking, but a lot of times women, especially who are friendly, they'll do things like they'll push and they'll they'll just be a little bit more than handshaky, which is totally normal and fine. And again, if you're friends with somebody, you do this all the time. You probably don't even notice. But guys in professional situations, there's something called I'm going to get this wrong. It's called like sexual misperception bias or something like that.

And what that is, is when especially men will go, see how long she looked at me. She's totally she's interested in me. When meanwhile, she's like, I was thinking about my burger. Yeah, right. Yeah. What's for lunch? Or like, oh, is my stomach weird right now? and yeah she was giving me puppy dog eyes the whole time during that powerpoint like no

literally not true at all or like um oh yeah she touched my arm and she was like touching my chest and meanwhile you're like yeah it was so weird he had like a mustard stain on his chest and i was like trying to scrape it off with my nail and i couldn't get it meanwhile the guy's like yeah she was just using that as an excuse to feel me up and it's not that guys are gross or skeezy a lot of us are but it's there's a bias inherent in like the male psychology especially where a lot of things are misconstrued sexually and it's not like all guys are gross and dogs it literally is an evolved perception bias that affects a lot of us and it can infect professional scenarios so limit the touch make sure attire is extra professional uh always go to events or groups

of men with another woman or even another man who you're totally uh professional with like another guy in your sales department that way you're never caught out alone in a situation where it's like oh she's using this as an excuse it would be you'd have to be a very unreasonable unreasonable guy to show up at a dinner with a woman who's brought her colleague and think that that's a date that would be that would be a like that's your problem at that point if you're misconstruing two women or two guys yeah it would be very weird for that to be a thing but when women show up alone or are extra touchy because they're nervous and flirty then it gets misconstrued and i hate giving this advice in some ways, because it sort of like places the onus on women to do or not do certain

things. But the truth of the matter is we have to sort of play the hand that we're dealt. And the truth is guys are going to misconstrue stuff. And it's not just because of evolution. Sometimes it's because guys are in positions of power and they're going to leverage that because they're gross and they're assholes, you know? And so it does suck that we have to do this kind of thing. I myself would like to think that if a woman showed up to a dinner meeting or a drink meeting or at a conference, I wouldn't be like, yeah, she's totally into me, bro. But when there's groups of guys, they can, that stuff can get worse, right? I might not think anything of it, but then the guy next to me is like, so, oh yeah, did

you notice that? You know, nudge, nudge, wink, wink. And then I'm like, was that a thing? And I'm starting to get the idea planted from these other dude bros that I should do something. And then I feel like lame if I don't. So it sort of, it can push the envelope and it's, it's unfair. I want to acknowledge that it is unfair that we have to that women have to think about this. But you have to sort of do extra professional things in order to be perceived equally professional as a lot of guys, especially in in-person networking situations.

And when we're talking about outreach, like texting and things like that, you do have to definitely keep things extra professional there, too. And one way you can do that is instead of saying, hey, are you going to the thing in Vegas, you know, without any context, you can say finally got time away from my relationship and my baby and everything. And I'm just looking forward to like networking and making a lot of professional connections. Are you going to be there? Then it's like, OK, she really highlighted the professional thing and she really highlighted the relationship thing and the fact that she has kids. Then you have to as a man, you have to work extra hard to misinterpret that. doesn't mean it won't happen but at least you can sort of tell yourself all right if he does that then he's just being an asshole i've been very clear okay number two comes from anonymous she

says i'm a 33 year old mom of two and i've been married to my husband and my best friend for 10 years about two years ago my husband dropped a bombshell on me he shared his fantasy of wanting to watch me have sex with another man i wasn't into it at first but after time and talking i agreed i slept with a somewhat close friend of ours in front of him biggest mistake i enjoyed it and the things got weird about eight months have passed and my husband and i are having a lot less sex this is definitely a problem and i'm struggling on where to go from here any advice how much the sex is she having with the other guy though she said her husband and her having less sex is she's still having sex with this other dude i mean probably that could be a thing no

wonder because he probably thought oh yeah you know i'm gonna watch this it's gonna be super sexy and then she like goes and has sex with this person who he's sort of thought i'm above this guy and he probably has like a nine inch dong that just wraps around his leg and then she's like screaming and he's like she never really does that when i'm with her like what's up and then suddenly he finds out the dude makes like 350 000 a year more than he does and she's like yeah so now he's super paranoid and emasculated but he totally did it to himself after oh that's there's damage there there's like actual relationship damage here so what she was unclear on was what does she want to change is she still talking with this other person if so

that's obviously got to stop she's also got to maybe smooth things over by saying yeah you know like i kind of enjoyed it but not really i mostly enjoyed the fact that i thought you enjoyed it um it wasn't anything better than what we have i much prefer the emotional connection that i have with you and then also they need to go to therapy and like reinforce all of that but if they're still doing the whole bang other dudes thing that the first thing to do is like stop the bleeding in this relationship in terms of like the goodwill that goes on and then reassure the guy because obviously he feels emasculated which is why they're having less sex i also wonder if he's like well shit maybe i should be having sex with someone else now too it's unfair that could be a thing

where he's now starting to look outside the relationship and you don't know if he's done that yet and maybe he hasn't but you don't want him to feel like he needs to get sexual validation from somewhere else because he can't get it from you because if that's the case then he's 1000 gonna like start to look at cheating whether he wanted to ever before or not oh my god it's just like opening pandora's box it is it really is i mean don't do it is my thing sneaky secret affair and just and you know we're writing our book right now our second book jordan and it's all about secrets like secrets and i'm just letting you know lady anonymous that like everyone is cheating on their husband and so like just do that because literally we could write the

encyclopedia abcd all the way to zed with like just cheating stories how many people are cheating on their husband they're in the neighbor the fucking swimming coach they're in the teacher like everyone is sleeping with someone else so just do it in private and like don't ever invite it to have sex i don't know if she really wants to be doing that i think that it's like she does either but i'm just saying she feels bad yeah she feels bad what happened now everything is screwed up so i'm an idiot he's an idiot an idiot you know what the dumbest thing is on this sorry i stepped on you i didn't mean to do that the dumbest part of this is doing it with somebody that they knew like yeah the whole like let's try this other thing i kind of get it it was kind of

dumb it seems like a foregone conclusion that this might happen but then being like let's involve someone with whom we have a personal relationship are you kidding me no there are literally apps to find random people that will enjoy that experience with you that you won't have to talk to again exactly also how hard is it let's be honest to find a dude who's like hey will you bang my wife like uh yeah there's like a zillion of those in a lot of guys i remember when i was like 20 a guy told me that he wanted me to bang his wife and i was like kind of scared because i was only 20 and it was a little early but i realize now of course i'm 20 like he's not worried about me as a man with a job and like a nice house like his wife's not gonna leave him for some yeah his

wife's not gonna leave him for like his 20 year old schmo's a sophomore in college come on and he also knows like the odds of me having some gross disease are fairly slim because i'm really young and like shy so they could have picked anyone but they're like let's pick the neighbor who has this who like lives in our area that we see all the time every day yeah so dumb it was not forward thinking at all no jordan the power of perception is that you're the boss thank you you guys can listen to jordan's show the jordan harbinger show every tuesday thursday and friday wherever you get podcasts he is a podcast one brother of ours and um you can follow him on his instagram it's just his name jordan harbinger and we're doing a pod trade guys so uh not exactly

sure who's going to come out first but we're going on his show he's coming on our show it's a little pod trade and the power perception is that we're the greatest podcasters in the world and i am three-time emmy winner kelty knight saying see you next tuesday thanks for listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingber steve delameter and jared monaco make sure you subscribe rate and review our podcast and if you love it share it with your friends on social media like oh my god i just listened lady gang this episode's so great swipe up to listen and if you really want to which we know you do please follow us on social at kelty at becca at jack vanek and at the lady gang sign up for our newsletter at the lady gang.com and join our secret facebook group it's super fun

see you next tuesday