LadyGang - Just Us: Antidepressant-gang

Episode Date: October 12, 2021

Ever thought about phrasing, “how are you” differently? How about saying, “how’s your spirit?" Well, after some ups and downs, Keltie and Becca are sharing how their spirits, through their experience with SSRI’s, have helped them gain a little more control over their lives. From a four month journey, to a 16 year one, they're pulling back the curtain to make Lady Gangers feel a little less alone. Check out our great sponsors! Wordtune: Get 50% off Wordtune for teams at wordtune.com/lady  Beam: Get 35% off your first month at beamorganics.com/ladygang  Nutrafol: Go to Nutrafol.com and use code LADY to save $15 OFF your first month’s subscription! Olive & June: Get 20% off your first mani system when you use code LADYGANG at oliveandjune.com  Scream For Ice Cream: Sweeten up your sex life at screamforicecreamagain.com   Justworks: Find out how Justworks can help your business by going to Justworks.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This episode of Lady Gang is brought to you by Beam Organics CBD. Get 35% off your first month at beamorganics.com slash ladygang. That's beam, B-E-A-M, organics.com slash ladygang. This episode of Lady Gang is brought to you by Olive and June. Your new nail life is here. Get 20% off your first Manny system when you use promo code ladygang at oliveandjune.com. Welcome to the Lady Gang. You're about to listen to our podcast, but there is so much more our community has to offer.

Follow us at The Lady Gang, join our secret Facebook group, shop our clothing line, books, and find out when we're going to be in your city at theladygang.com. We're so excited you're here. Enjoy the show. Well, what is this? Welcome to The Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again.

The Lady Gang. Things are about to change around here. Each week, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to The Lady Gang. I am Becca Tobin here with Jack Manick and Kelty Knight. I put on lashes.

No, why do you have a full face of makeup on right now? Because I have felt so ugly in my real life that I didn't want to look at myself on Zoom for four hours today being super ugly. And I had a lash on from something I did earlier this week and my lashes last a few days. So I put a blush on and then I got this like little lip oil. Ooh, from, this is Elf. ride or die lip balm and i put it on it's giving me and then my hair is just gross so i just you know no you look great and you're in the lady gang shower no the lady gang um set i'm wearing

the lady gang set i love it so much i have such a fun story about the set so um you know my girlfriend nicole schumann is a rockette and she was she's on her way to new york city the rockets are starting rehearsal and she was she was like i'm gonna get the rest set um because she had the black one from before and she got it and then she put a picture on her instagram and then her whole dressing room of Rockettes like all ordered the set so they're all gonna be like in New York City at Christmas in the set but it's like the perfect in-between show set I love I love this color because I feel like I look beautiful in this color everybody looks good in a rust yeah I hope they send us a picture the Rockettes and they're and like doing a kick or something yeah in a kick

line thank you for influencing you know you know yeah that could have been could have been your good week, but I'm sure you have a really good one. It's time for good week. Yes, it is bad week. Oh no. Um, I'll start. Okay. I was flying here. This was a couple of weeks ago. I was flying to Vancouver and I was sitting, um, like the row behind and across the aisle from someone. So I could see what they were doing on their phone the entire yes king flight love it and this person spent at least an hour looking at pictures of themselves was it a fame was it a famous like on instagram or in their their phone their phone their phone roll and they were so they were scrolling and scrolling and i and obviously trying to pick something for instagram and

they'd been at something and it looked like an event, you know, like she had been in a dress and like a wedding or something. And, and then I see her open up the Facetune app and she starts Facetuning the out of her picture. And then here's, what's really good. She gets on her Instagram and I'm like, that looks familiar. I could not see this person's face. and then I did some detective work and I realized I was sitting behind a famous actress and this famous actress was face tuning all of her photos and a couple days later she posts the photo I saw her face tuning and I have a video I took of her face tuning the picture that I was sending just internally to my girlfriend because I was like oh my god we're

all such monsters look at us and i was just like this girl but i didn't know at the time i was filming her that she was famous and anyways be careful what you're looking at people it's not real no ever well yes also everybody needs to get those like screen protector things that you can't see unless you're looking at it right in front of you yeah it was so ballsy of her is she um an actress like what level of fame that no no also is what level of fame also is she somebody that is known for face tuning their photos because you know in all those like instagram versus reality it's always like the same no she's not known for that um she is a list or b list well she's tv famous so she's not a movie star but she's tv famous would i know who she is

probably okay oh so she's famous she's famous like pretty famous so i i was like god i could really blow up your spot right now but i'm not gonna do that because you know what it's the pressure of hollywood and society you understand placing upon us you i feel you girl fault yeah but also anyone out there you should probably be more careful right like jack saying get a screen protector because yeah it was so i'm like that was i always thought it was so weird when i was at cbs and the travel woman jane i would go up to like book a flight with her and like she'd help me pick out the flight she had the screen protector on her like desktop and i was like who like what are you doing over here well i was like this is so annoying because i'm standing

beside her desk trying to like pick my flight but i can't see unless i'm like her head and i was like this is so stupid and i always thought they were really stupid but now i see that they could be useful to screen protectors. I think it's amazing. I think everybody just also needs to be aware of if you are in an aisle seat on a plane, somebody behind you is looking at what you're doing on your phone. So just be aware. I always do every single flight. I'm like, Ooh, what's that person doing? Then I had paranoia about the guy behind me across the aisle, watching me watch someone else for like an hour or more. I had this fear when I realized that she was famous hours in. And then I was like, Oh my God, this guy is probably going to like get off

the plane and say to her, just so you know, that girl was watching you on your phone the entire filming you. I mean, it's not a bad fear. Okay. So here's my bad week. Um, I went out last night because one of my best friends is in Vancouver and I've been shooting for like two weeks straight, not really having any time off. And I haven't had a single sip of alcohol in over two weeks because when I'm living by myself and I'm just going to work every day. Yeah. You're in work mode. So I went out last night. I had so much to drink, but now today I I feel like garbage. Like I'm considering the fact that I may never, I may never need to drink again. That's how I always feel the morning after a drink. And then I always drink more tequila.

Well, yeah, I always do that. And I'm like, you know, it would make me feel better as another drink at this moment. So that's how the cycle starts. I wish so badly that that helped me. I love that we're up early. It's a Sunday morning. Like you went out on a Saturday night and knew that like you're so busy working that we're podcasting on sunday ams now like which is good for no one this is good for no one good for like we're making it work and like it was be this is you're the reason that we're doing 8 a.m on a sunday morning and you're the one that went out but here's the thing i didn't select 8 a.m you're right you're right i didn't like that choice also i have i had no choice my friend is

here and we don't get to see each other a lot and i had no choice i had no choice no choice but to party antisocial this whole time i've been here had to go did i have to drink as much as i did no but i did you you do you you know what honey she's booked and busy you have the freedom to live your life i have the hangover diarrhea oh i love a diarrhea okay jack um so my good week is i wanted to give everybody an update about my pillow travel situation yes um i did bring my pillow on my trip i did pack it in my suitcase thanks guys for the top tip and it has been a game changer so i highly recommend everybody doing it but now packing it in your suitcase, it's right here behind me. I'm sitting against it. I got to find a better

way. So if anybody out there listening has a better way to pack their pillow in a, because it takes up a lot of room. I've been thinking about you so much, Jack. I have an idea for a project. Oh, do we need to do like a vacuum sealed situation? Okay. So real story is Jack brought her pillow to New York when we were in New York a few weeks ago. And then we got all these clothes delivered. And then she was like, can you send them home? And I was like, yeah, I'm going to send a box. I didn't send a box. I just shoved more clothes in my suitcase and like literally thought it was going to explode. But anyway, I thought about you so much. Those nice leather things that we have that are all just like crinkled. Yeah. Okay. But listen, I thought

about this so much. Okay. So, you know, when you get like a molecule or a purple mattress and it comes wound up and it's tiny and then, and then I thought the space bag. Okay. So, you know, the space bags that you can roll your clothes and you can fit so much more so what if we created a pillow that was had a space bag attachment and you rolled it and it flattened really really low and then when you got to your destination i love this it like explodes out i love this i don't think that's gonna work because why because jack it couldn't work for me because i like a big firm pillow, but Jackson's a flatty pillow. If you're a flatty, I think a space bag could work. I'm going to actually try this today with my space bag and a flatty pillow from my spare bedroom

and I'll report back. Well, cause the pillow itself doesn't weigh a lot. It just takes up a lot of room. And I have an issue that I always overpack no matter what, every time I go on a trip, it's like the first time I've ever traveled. I overpack my suitcase going to my trip was 80 pounds 80 gross that's 30 pounds overweight just because i could keep throwing shit in my suitcase that's insane how do you even how also you're that annoying girl on the bus like where did you even put that suitcase what my it's just like a checked suitcase no it's underneath the bus oh yeah well jared had to sacrifice yeah like usual exactly you asshole okay it was the whole thing okay so anyways if anybody has any tips or kelty might have an invention we might be uh

you know as seen on tv shark tankers very soon that's right qvc so my bad week is we just posted so we're doing our collaboration with salt the menstrual cup company with all of our wearing one right now um amazing inside me at this moment and we took this like beautiful photo shoot with us like doing all this different stuff with the cups it's so cute the pictures turned out amazing and we posted one of the pictures the other day and there's all these comments being like you guys are so pretty blah blah blah blah number one the picture there are cups in front of becca and my faces kelty's face is nice front and center no cups covering it i wonder who picked the pictures anyways somebody commented page commented for reals kelty keeps looking hotter in every photo

i'd say she looks younger than jack not younger than the other girls but just younger than jack so i'm so glad that you're the youngest yeah i think that's why but i'm not i'm a year younger than becca it's not like i'm like super i mean maybe i look really young but i'm really glad that a kelty compliment comes at my demise you know what that's me and page and we helped you with your burrito like this is the burrito girl i love like you owe us but secondly i want to tell just the whole world before i get canceled for the cup in your faces photo we only got when you throw something in the air it's hard to get a photo oh yeah so there was only two photos where the cups actually ended up in front of our faces um and one of them is we're gonna still use it

were you using them both? The one you saw was the better of the other ones. The other ones are like totally terrible. So this was the best of the shots that we got. It just happened that I looked absolutely stunning, um, in this photo. But, um, the reason page that I look so beautiful in that photo is that it was right after I went to France and I was the happiest I'd ever been in my life and had so much wonderful orgasmic sex and was flying on that private jet and eating expensive of food. So like I was beautiful inside and out. I now look nothing like that girl, but she was gorgeous. You have such like, I can't tell you like your highs are so high and your lows are so low and they happen in the speed of light. I know she never can just live in the middle.

No, never in the middle. I'm like when I can't even think of a time I was like so happy or even like so shitty i'm just sort of existing no same we that's why we need kelty because you and i are way too even keeled yeah it would be such a boring show without me actually i'm so glad you brought this up this is my good week and bad week okay so i had an absolute low i um so my bad week is i had a huge career disappointment and like massive and i i can't share it yet but at some point i will but i i had something really great happening and then it went to absolute shit and so i drank an entire bottle of really cheap gas station disgusting wine by myself in my unrenovated bedroom at like 9 p.m um while i had two house guests and chris sat across

from me and he's learned after all these years that like i don't want him to fix things i just want him to listen so i just got drunk and just started yelling like but i still want to be a star over and over and was just wasted was crying was like the worst version of myself and he's like it's gonna be okay i was like it's not gonna be okay like i just i lost it so when you talk about that low like i just you know like the disappointment station i i'm really sad i just feel so hopeless and I'm in that moment where everything that we've accomplished as Lady Gang I don't know I don't know if this happens to you guys but we've accomplished so much like the fact that we still have this podcast and these amazing partners and go all over and have a fans and like

can write books and like this is amazing this is anyone's Hollywood dream but I'm like it's meaningless like I want this sparkly thing over here and if I can't have that outer space sparkle on Mars. The grass is greener. I mean, always. So I'm just like so low. So that was my bad week. I had an absolute meltdown, drank a whole ball of wine, was hungover for like three days, just pathetic, like nasty, awful, but here's the good week. So I'm laying in bed, absolutely wasted. Chris Knight is looking at me like you're an alien. I don't know how to fix you. And I also had spent a lot of the day painting doors because when I get upset, you guys know I clean or renovate. So I had painted my closet doors and I'm the messiest painter in the world. No one

should let me paint anything. It's my worst project. And the paint is dripping everywhere and it's all over the floor and then I'm walking on it, but my floor is white too. So who cares? So the, I'm in bed and Chris is like, he's just petting me. And he's like, it's okay, babe. It's okay. And I'm like, okay. He goes to the bathroom and he grabs a wet face cloth and he comes back to bed and one at a time he picks up my feet and he starts cleaning the bottom of my feet and he's cleaning all the paint off my feet and the dirt from like how I was such a mess he's like you can't go to bed with these dirty feet and he's like wiping them and cleaning them and then I just started like bawling because it was at this point where like I had been taking care of everyone

else around me for so many weeks and like had not been taking care of myself clearly was not my best self, but like, it was such a sweet selfless moment that I just like lean back and let him like take care of me. It was so sweet. And he's just like so special. And isn't that like the sweetest thing? You've the sweetest husband ever. He really is just such a gem. Like what a gem of a guy. He's just white. He's like, he's just like noticing that my feet are dirty. He doesn't want me to go to bed with these like dirty feet. He knows I can't shower. I'm wasted. No, it's just like so, it was so thoughtful. Yeah. That's so sweet. And you're such a tornado. I'm crying. I'm drunk. I got pain all over my feet. The doors are taped up. Like there's people in my house.

Like I'm yelling. Like who's in your house by the way, while you're yelling. Well, I had my friend Allie, she was filming a movie. So she was staying and like people like they, did they hear you scream? I want to be a star. I don't think she was home. Cause she didn't get home to like two in the morning because they were filming and stuff but like yeah i mean it was just embarrassing like when i get really sad i start like spewing out the stuff that i won't even tell you guys like the real like deep-seated like emotional stuff and i was just like this poor man he's poor man and he has so many people to fix like his whole life is just fixing adult children yeah um and like people like adult stars that are insecure and have their own shit and like

i'm like you married one i could just be a great part of your life but i'm not i'm like just another problem you have to fix that's like so another client just another client in the night nighttime desperate to be a star desperate to be a star they say the truth comes out when you're drunk and i think to some extent it does but i don't think so i think sometimes i'm like the world's biggest liar do you know what i mean yeah well jared the only time jared and i ever fight is when we're drunk and it's always about the dumbest shit that we would, that when I'm sober, I'm like, why did I do that? Like, why did I care about this thing? So it's, and it was definitely not from like some deep seated place of like honesty. It's like, I'm drunk and pissed off

and a bitch. So I'm going to start this fight about nothing. Yeah. Yeah. The things I, yeah, it's, I want to say it's like a subconscious, like maybe that's really what's deep, deep, deep down in there, but it's not, it's kind of like, um, being, uh, what's it called? Like you're being, um, what, uh, something takes over your body. Like, Oh, um, what's that word? Kelty's not going to know it. What's that word? You're a ghost. No, abducted, possessed, like I've had times where I've been so drunk that I'm fully possessed by another spirit. It's not me no absolutely not well I think that in this moment in other past moments I've gotten really good at living and being able to like instantly see the realism where I'm like oh this you know

this has been a year of a lot of career disappointments for me and so I've been I've been getting good at being like I really wanted that to happen but it's not happening but it's okay because over here on this grass I have all these great things in my life and maybe things are slow for me personally because i'm supposed to slow down and like enjoy and i've been like kind of getting into like being a human and being alive and having time for that so like i've been really good at being able to like realize that and i feel like the cheap wine put all of that like hard self-therapy work that i've done and like my right mind and just went into like sad sappy 21 year old kelty who's like i just want to be a star yeah what a loser she is i can't think

the worst thing to be in the year 2021 than a star it's a terror it's a terrible job and i will say it is absolutely horrendous like uh last night i want you know the morning show came out the new season of the morning show neither of you watch it and it's like you watch it but i didn't watch the new season yet okay so the new season came out um jennifer anderson's character is like coming back to uba and she's writing this memoir in the first episode and she's talking about like how she had no life and like she's so much happier now she's like living out in maine and she's like so good and then they're like do you want to come back and she's like i want to come back and i was like no alex don't come back it's horrible there don't go but there's something about it

that like you just are for punishment like yeah you're in vancouver it's the ego it's awful and the attention no it's just for me it's money so yeah like I legitimately if there was no money this is the way that you make your money so you're gonna take the job yeah but like I am not a glutton for punishment in that way if I had all the money like that character's so confusing to me because she has the financial freedom to say no. But you can't. It's like a bad boyfriend. But that's what's so confusing is people who can't save themselves and they go back and they go back and they go back. It's just, I don't know what that is. Feeding the beast. All right. When we come back, we're going to talk about our spirits. So sometimes I really get stoked about

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you subscribe, you'll save and get a free, free shipping every single month, not to mention a free mug with the frother. And let me tell you something, this frother makes it all worthwhile. It's so delicious to have at nighttime. So if you want better sleep and 35% off your first month, head to beamorganics.com slash lady gang. That's beamorganics, B-E-A-M.com slash lady gang. You're listening to the lady gang. Hello everyone. We're back. So today's just us. And I have a friend named John who, um, who starts every, like when you see him, he doesn't say, how are you? He says, how's your spirit? And it's how he starts like your conversation. And I love this about him.

He's a yoga instructor and I love this about him. So I've actually like taken this and I started using it on Chris and I'll be like, how's your spirit? And he'll be like, my spirit is. So I thought today i would ask you becca how is your spirit i feel like my spirit goes on pause when i'm like away doing these movies i just sort of like compartmentalize compartmentalize and like have to detach because otherwise it's too much to deal with too much anxiety and like stress like jack was saying like just a lot is happening professionally lady gang thanks so much for agreeing to write the second book. It's the worst decision we've ever made, except second to the first book also terrible decision. Um, but my spirit's fine. Like I'm, I'm happy.

I'm super grateful. Every time I get an opportunity to do this, it's not lost on me. Every time I'm at work, every moment I'm at work, I'm not, I am not like begrudgingly there. I'm like, I'm so happy to be here. I don't know. This is not guaranteed. Like the next one's not guaranteed. So it's always like, I'm in a very healthy place with it. I'm a little bit like jaded at the moment, like a little bit like, like one of the guys I'm working with, something was going down on set, you know, as crisis or what have you. And he was trying to like problem solve and help other departments, like figure things out.

And I was just sitting there very calmly and it was like all this stuff swirling around and he was like, why are you so chill right now? And I was like, because there's nothing I can do. Like there's nothing I can do right now. And then I was like, well, it's a little bit of a balance between like surrendering to what is, but also a little like jaded. Do you think that they were judging you for not like being on the team and like wanting to help?

Well, there, for me, I'm like, I stay in my lane. I think that sometimes it's more helpful for an actor to just like exist and be, just let everybody around you do their jobs and sometimes actors try to like jump in and help because they think they're helping but after all these years I just know I know when it's necessary and I know when it's not well you don't want to be another cook in the kitchen that doesn't need to be there exactly but it's also I can't decide if it's like because I just don't care or because I'm respecting everybody's staying in their lane so I don't know I mean well maybe you have to force I'm slightly apathetic maybe.

Well, I'm apathetic in like most parts of life, but like, maybe you have to like force yourself not to care because then it'll overwhelm you and then you won't be able to do your job correctly. That's also part of it. I think that Lexapro is really helping me with that. Let's talk about that. Doing its job. Yeah.

Let's make this about me. Um, so I've been on Lexapro now for like four months, maybe more, four or five small dose, like five milligrams a day. which is like, apparently you're supposed to jump up to 10 or something, not supposed to, but, um, because I was getting so anxious and to the point where if I was having to travel and leave home, I would almost cancel whatever the thing was that I was going to have to do. And that's not like me. And it's not because it was anything on the other side of that trip that was going to be bad or hard or whatever. It was just like, I was so overwhelmed because everything was going

on around, it was like, life is swirling around and you can't catch up. And you're just like, I need everything to stop. I need to not have anything scheduled and I need to not get on a plane and I need to not leave my family. And so I was having those moments often where I just wanted to like literally pull the eject, but push the eject button and just like get sucked out of my life, not die. No, no, no. You're you're when I met with your therapist before I found my therapist. She said something to me and she said, it's like, your life's a treadmill and you want to step off the treadmill. Totally. Like you just want to like, take a break. Do you think that COVID had anything to do with that? Like, because COVID made everybody slow down so much. And then

once like when life started going again, it was like too overwhelming. I think that's why I had to like seek help, like seek actual medication because it was so hard. Like once things started to get back to normal and we had had all that time to sort of be still. And then all these things start ramping up and you can't catch up and you're just like, yeah. And then you let like the thoughts of everything you have to do kind of spiral. I think what the, this medication has been able, has allowed me to do is it's given me perspective so that I can actually say this isn't that important right now. Like you can, you can look at something objectively and say, this doesn't deserve my freak out right now. It's not that big. It's not that big,

like kind of be able to like bite off small pieces of life and deal with them versus like this overwhelming, daunting, just being in life and existing is too hard. How does Lexapro, like, I mean, I've been on Prozac for 16 years, a long time. How does it like a, how does it work? Is it a SSRI? It's SSRI. I think like a serotonin. Yeah. It's like a, yeah. So what I think is it's used a lot for like anti-anxiety and antidepressant. Let's see. Lexa pro is an antidepressant selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor used to treat anxiety in adults and major depressive disorder in adults. Um, and what's so weird is like when I went to this woman and I, and I was like, I think I'm just depressed. I don't know. Cause it started

off as like just feeling down. But what I didn't realize is that the anxiety triggers the depression. So some people are like, I'm so anxious and they're wound up and they can't stop. Like, it's like, they're very, you can tell they're anxious humans. I was like, I never identified with that. I was like, well, I'm not really anxious. Cause I'm just sort of like down in the dumps. But the thing making me feel down was this like overwhelming anxiety, like the, the duck, like the legs under the water sort of a thing. And I'm like, Oh, I didn't even know that was there. So that was really interesting to find out that that was actually like the cause of me feeling just down. Do you think like, I know that you've done all these fertility treatments over

the past few years. Like, do you think that the up and down of your hormones, like in some way affected all of this? Or do you think they're completely separate? I mean, I know that hormones are very powerful. It's, but I don't think from what I know of, of what I did, like, as far as the fertility stuff, I, it's a very short period of time. Like it's not like it stays in your system. Yeah. Um, I think more than anything, it's circumstantial. I think it's the combination of what the fertility stuff does to you emotionally. So it's like, you're always in this, you're in a constant state of like wanting something so bad and on this like long journey, not knowing if it's going to happen, not knowing when, like just out of your control completely. So I think that

was what was like more than anything emotionally. Well, and then like, think about like the whole, just like the state of like a constant anxiety, like nothing's going to give you more anxiety of the unknown of going through something like that. Yeah. It's definitely, I think that's has a lot to do with it, but it also makes me think that being a parent is so the thought of that is so scary because you're like, if you're anxious right now, just being yourself and dealing with yourself and two dogs and a husband, like how do people, how do people exist with children and not like have crushing anxiety all the time. I don't know. I have no idea, but I will say that I have more often than not the people in my life that have been on, gone on to be moms have that have

the highest anxiety or the highest, they chilled out. They it's like it gave them such a strong purpose that all of their swirling personally couldn't exist anymore so they just like I'm thinking about I have so many of my friends even Andy our book agent who we just saw in New York a couple weeks ago yeah just had a baby and like I mean she's just so glowing and I'm like are you so exhausted you so and she's like I feel like this I'm so calm well also if it's like if you're the type of person that has that constant um like dooming anxiety like always existing in you that's like just like a such a high level of energy of unhealthy energy that may be by having something like that like even my friend that is a super super anxious person when she got a dog having

something to take care of and having something to put all that energy into then displaces it like in your own being. So I, that would totally make sense for people once that they have kids, that that could actually be like a calming thing. Yeah. And also like, like, I don't have anxiety about myself and my wellbeing. My sister was somebody who had a lot of, like, she was very anxious about her health all the time. Like she had a lot of scares and so she had reason to be anxious, but yeah, it's like, cause of her, cause her anxiety was all about like obsessing over her own health. Once she had kids, it was kind of like took her out of her own head and focused on something else. The thing I'm scared of is that my friend just last night was telling me,

he was like, no one will tell you this, but after you have kids every day, you think about them dying. See, that's what I would think. I can't even hold somebody else's baby without thinking is going to stop breathing yeah like how can you deal with that every day dude when my nephew came over this summer and was doing front flips into my pool i was like i hate this so much you're gonna knock your head out and die in my pool like i completely that's a level like i'm sure i can't i'm like then why does everybody trick us into having kids that sounds awful it's the biggest It's a con. It's a con. Terrible. Sounds terrible. So stay tuned. I'm sure once I become a parent, my Lexapro milligram, that's why you have them. So I'm not sure if you've noticed recently,

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scream for ice cream again.com the lady gang no i think it's really interesting becca because i started when i was i started on prozac when i was a rockette which is like that long gonna go because i remember you got health care when you got to be a rockette and i never had american healthcare. And I, I was very, um, I mean, I've always been a little, can you imagine how nuts out bananas I would be if I didn't have anything in my system, the highs were so high and the lows were so low. And, um, and so I was on it for a long time. And then, um, I went off, uh, cause I thought I don't want to be that person that's on antidepressants my whole life. Like you just, I mean, no one even knew, but it's like, you just like every time you go to CVS and you fill that

prescription and you know, that pharmacist looking at you and they like put it across and they're like, I know what this is. Like, you just feel like a loser, you know? So I was like, I'm an adult now I can do this without this. Like I have, I'm so much of a better coping mechanism and I'm happy marriage. Like I've got this. And I went off right before we got married. Um, and it was awful. Like I just, I, I, there's something missing. I don't know anything about anything, but like, there's something missing in my brain where the level in which, when I don't take those 15 milligrams that I have to exist is horrifically painful for me. It's painful for me to exist as that person. How long were you off of it? Like probably six or seven months off of it,

or did you wean yourself off of it? No, I went, I, I weaned myself off of it. Um, and like with like the help, help of the people, you know, the psychiatrist or whatever. But, um, that's when like I got, were we doing lady gang when I went to the other psychiatrist and she was like, you're bipolar. Yeah. This was like beginning of your beginning of lady gang. Yeah. So I went off it and I was like, I just felt awful, awful, awful. And then I finally was like having all these meltdowns. So I went to a new person and like literally seven minutes in to the meeting, she was like well you're bipolar and i was like you don't even know me um and i mean there's always that in the back of my head because my brother's bipolar so i'm like oh of course like you know

but i was more like i just came in and sat down and cried like i was just so weepy and like just mania you know anyway so so i was like i don't trust this bitch because you just know when you go to a therapist or a psychiatrist like i can read the room this person was highly recommended it. I went and I was like, you're not my person. Like, if you're not going to give me more than seven minutes before you diagnose me with like a major disorder, then you're not my person. That's insane. It was like so insane. And I was like, even though I was like, definitely like at that moment. So anyway, I, I went and found someone else that I liked and she was like, no, I don't think like you may have these tendencies of whatever, but like,

this is maybe. And I, she was like, well, were you happy when you were on the Prozac? And I was like, yeah, it felt great. And she's like, well, why did you go off? And I was like, I just don't want to be a loser that was on it she's like you know a lot of people's brains they just can't at certain points in their life or maybe their whole life create serotonin the way that makes it like you know like a vitamin like you can't make vitamin c or if you're anemic you can't make iron like the same way that you can't make the thing i mean i'm not a doctor so don't quote me if i'm wrong but you're just you exist better at this level than this of course so why not just take it. And it literally like the way I always describe it to people is that like everything had

that black and white filter on it on Instagram, like my whole life, like everything just kind of was like gray and nothing was that bright or happy and nothing was that sad. Like it was just kind of like, eh. And then once I took the Prozac, like it kind of sweeps away where you're like, I can see colors again. And I still feel a lot, you know, like I would hope in a way, you know, But you know what I mean? Like, like I would, I mean, there's a part of me that I'm like, could this work a little better? Like, could you numb me a little more, please Prozac. But like, I still, I just feel like I'm living a normal life, but I take this medication every morning. Right. And that's how you should feel. And then I, but so much of that is just like talking about

it and you guys talking about you taking, you know, the antidepressants is only going to make other people feel more normal about doing it because you literally went off of it. Cause you didn't want to be a weirdo that took antidepressants there was such a stigma for such a long time there's such a stigma and everywhere you go like i go to get my teeth cleaned and they're like are you taking any medication and i was like i'm always sitting there with these forms being like even when you go you have to tell them that so they don't give you a medication that's going to interact but you they make you write it down and you're like i'm just trying to get my eyebrows microbladed and i gotta write that i'm on prozac on your file at

the Medi spa. Like, I hate that shit. Like, you know, I mean, I don't care as much now, but yeah, you have to tell them. And then it's like, you know, you're basically sending them like a certificate that you're a delicate flower. And like, I just hated that. So, you know, I care about what the world thinks of me. So I was just like, you know, but I do think it's a great thing. And I think, um, I'm really proud of you, Becca, because you, you know, you were obviously struggling and you knew you were and like to go and do that. And it's amazing. Yeah. And I think like a lot of the, not that anything needs justification at all, because it is what it is, but just talking with the people in my life and making the revelation that the world is moving

very quickly and lives, our lives are moving very quickly. And like Jack pointed out COVID and then not COVID and like the human brain is not really, we're not catching up. Like we have not evolved to the point of being able to handle emails at our fingertips and texts at our fingertips and phone calls and traveling and being in a new time zone. Like it's crazy, but our brains are not necessarily wired for that. And so it's okay to have this moment of, I can't handle this. Like, this is not something that I can chemically handle at the moment. So it's either you have to like, and this is why I understand people just want to get off the treadmill. It's like, I don't, I don't want to play this game anymore, but I have to, to exist. Like it's such a shitty

feeling to want to run away from your life. And I understand why people do, you know, it's like you hear these stories about people who literally just walk out of their lives. And it's, I think largely because it's just sometimes unmanageable. Like it's just too daunting. Totally. And I think what's interesting about you and I to, to a level is like that you also do all the soul work too. And I think there's like an importance there. You know what I mean? Like this is a bandaid, this can help you get through this or whatever. But like, I know that you're also going to therapy and you're also like doing a lot of the soul work. So you, you really do want to do like a 360 of, you know, even before you decided to, to make this change, like you were

doing that work. So it's like, you knew yourself well enough to be like, Hey, I'm doing all the things I'm supposed to do. And I'm still feeling this way. And so maybe there's like something else trying to put a bandaid on it. But I do agree. I think like, I think we're not alone and just wanting to take a break. And then what's interesting now is that like, when you do want to take a break from your life, you have to tell everyone you have to be like, I'm taking a social media break. I'm taking a work break. I'm taking a, um, like right before this, I think had happen, Becca was like, Hey guys, I'm like going to take a little time off from lit. Like we were pre-taped. And so she's like, I'm just going to take some time away. And it's like, it's so sad

that you have to be like, I need to take care of myself. So you literally have to shut off the whole world, but you're so accessible. You're so accessible that it's like, in order to actually take that time, it's like, it's impossible. It really is like, you have to announce it to the world, you know? And you can't really even take it because then your emails are still there and they're waiting for you when you get back and you see work things going on around you all the time like unless you're literally throwing your phone in the garbage can and going to Fiji and sitting on a beach by yourself like there is who can afford to do that yeah there is no actually like turning it off anymore no it's crazy it's very overwhelming help though I feel like we're I'm

at least the type of person I'm at like a an all or nothing but I found that because we're always like planning our breaks. Like I'm always planning when I'm going to shut it off. And it's like, I'm just going to get to this point. And then I'm going to take this week vacation and really like unplug and shut it down. But the thing that's helped me a lot is just having little parts of my week where it's like for this two hours, I'm going to lay in my bed. I'm going to turn on a movie and I'm going to literally turn my phone off. And that's going to be me taking a break, like a personal, personal moment, personal time off, like for that little moment, like those little breaks are more important to me than like going to Fiji for a week and laying on a beach.

Cause it's, you can't schedule when you need to like rest your brain. Isn't it crazy? Like I thought it was so revolutionary this week when I left my phone outside in my yard and I went downstairs to my office without my phone. And I was like, I'm not going to bring it down. yeah if someone needs me they'll find me in an hour like and i just went downstairs without my phone i was like i'm so brave like why the are we at this point like that's crazy but then it's like the anxiety is like programmed into us that like you there's something there's some study about kids in high school taking a test and people the kids that had their phones facing up versus facing down did so much worse on their test because they're so worried about their phone going

off or about something happening that that was like consuming their mind. There's something within us that is like connected to our phones that like breeds that anxiety. So what Becca was saying, or it's like, we're not programmed for this. So all of our normal life's like life is hard enough as it is as a baseline. And then adding this whole layer of stuff that we don't even know how to handle on top of that. It's like, no wonder why everybody's so fucked up. Thanks for joining us here at the Lady Gang. This is really inspiring. I, I listen, it is inspiring. I like us and I like you guys. And I think this was nice. So how's your spirit worked out? Just lovely. How's your spirit? How's your spirit? Um, but now we have to go. It's time to

go we'll see you next tuesday see you next tuesday see you next tuesday thanks for listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingber steve delameter and jared monaco make sure you subscribe rate and review our podcast and if you love it share it with your friends on social media like oh my god i just listened lady gang this episode's so great swipe up to listen and if you really want to which we know you do please follow us on social at kelty at becca at jack vanek and at the lady gang sign up for our newsletter at the lady gang.com and join our secret facebook group it's super fun See you next Tuesday. This episode of Lady Gang is brought to you by Beam Organics CBD.

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