LadyGang - Just Us: Europes Calling

Episode Date: July 26, 2022

As the ladies approach the release of Lady Secrets, Keltie is trying to avoid a kelt-down with a message to preorder the book. Plus, the ladies are recapping their travels to Europe that was filled with indulgence and wild train experiences.  Check out our amazing sponsors!!! Cymbiotika: Use code LADY at cymbiotika.com for 15% off sitewide OR create your custom bundle and get up to 45% off! Vegamour: Go to Vegamour.com/lady and use code LADY to save twenty percent on your first order! Coors Light: Get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with Drizly or Instacart by going to coorslight.com/lady  Rothys: Get $20 off your first purchase at rothys.com/ladygang  Stamps: Go to Stamps.com and use code LADYGANG for a special offer that includes a 4-week trial, plus free postage and a digital scale! Starward: Get $20 off your order using the code LADY at Starward.com - Sip Starward responsibly!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

hi everybody we are so excited to announce that we are officially going on tour 15 dates this fall we are getting on the bus it's a penny lane moment we're upgrading our vip experience this time around there's a book a lady secrets book with purchase with every single ticket i hope we're coming to a city near you you can check out all the tour stops the lady gang.com slash tour we'll see you there well what is this welcome to the lady gang that's amazing say that again the lady gang things are about to change around here each week we catch up with hollywood's hottest girl posse kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanik hello hello hello welcome to the lady gang i am becca tobin here with jack vanik and kelty night hello i'm on my second cup of coffee

you know what happened to me in my coffee today this is a very jack baby puke no this is a very jack fanning thing to say oh so i when i wake up at 4 30 in the morning to go to the airport i don't have a coffee in the morning right like i'm i'm taking 10 minutes to get my shit together and walk out the door yeah so i don't have a coffee and then i usually because i've been taking this early morning flight to la a lot and so i won't i'll sleep on the plane i won't get a coffee before so then i get to kelty's usually i'll have my first coffee and then i'll poop it's great it's wonderful plans yes i decided i needed to get some work done on the plane this morning so i had a coffee at the airport then i got on my plane

and no one's pooping on a plane not no sir well people are it's not gonna be me not gonna be me and um the poo window passed so it was there my nightmare now it's gone and now i'm having flashbacks to that time i had to give myself an at-home enema in your in the fetal position in your guest bedroom and I'm scared. Well, and Becca texted me, she's like, my flight's going to be early in case you want to like come early to the airport. I was like, my coffee is percolating in my stomach right now. I probably won't be early. Like I got to wait for it to work before I leave. Yeah. So you can wait at the airport. No, you know, unless your body sucks it back up and then you're, I'm considering having a hot coffee right now. Oh. Um, cause I think that

might help. Yeah. Okay. The hotness. Well, we, we, you know what, let's do a little podcasting And then I'll get you a nice fresh cup. Thank you. Great. I'm very excited for you. Well, it's time for good week. Yes, it is. Bad week.

Oh no. Um, I'll start. Okay. It's actually perfect because it's about poop. Okay. A lot of people have reached out and by a lot, I mean, usually two have reached out asking about my microbiome at home test and how it's going. Cause the saga of I had to poop.

into, I had to poop into a paper that you lay over the toilet that my poop was so heavy. The first time it broke and the poo fell in and then I ran out of the papers. Then I had to go and outsource the poo papers at the CVS. Fun fact, you can buy poop catching papers at CVS. So I was like, great, I can get this done. I can get my test. Cause I'm doing a test where it's like a blood test and a poo test. And you see like your microbiome and what, what foods are triggering an autoimmune thing or whatever your reason. So I was like, great, I'm going to get this. So then I go and I do it. And then I go to collect a little piece of the poop into this little test tube that with liquid in it, I go to do that. I shut it. I realized it's leaking.

So there's poo water everywhere. And I'm like, well, this is biohazard beyond. So I throw it away and I reach out to the company and I say, Hey, I need another vial. I've had a poo duster. like a disaster stool desk. We'll get there. Um, and no, I reach out to the company and I say, hi, I need another, um, little tube for my stool sample to be sent out. The one that I had, unfortunately was cracked on the top. The company writes me back asking for more information regarding well did it did accusing me of possibly picking it up myself which listen because they're like did you notice it they said can you show us a picture of the damaged thing of the damaged vial and i said i didn't keep the poo sample water long enough to take a photo also this thing would

cost them one cent right of a cent yeah and i said i didn't have a chance considering there was poop inside of it yeah and i'm like i can't believe i'm having to say this in an email a professional email then they respond back and i'm like certainly that's going to shut them up and they're going to send me my fucking vial right yeah no they asked me well then did you notice it was cracked before taking it so i know what they're getting at is that i probably did crack it when I tightened it too tightly. Cause God forbid I didn't want to have poo water, but I'm like, and I wrote back and I said, I cannot believe I am having to like go down this rabbit hole and like, and go into the more detail about poo water, poo water. Just send me the vial. Yeah. And then

i got a confirmation of delivery didn't make it to my house no you have to go back to god and i i'm not doing it it was 200 and i'm just not doing it are you what no don't name a name no damn why as a as a company don't ask someone when dealing with poop water collecting your poop which is the most humbling experience of your life to send a picture and then ask you many questions as to how something got damaged when the answer should simply be, we'll send you 10 vials. Yes. That's the thing. Even if you

did do it, that means there's an error with their products. Right. Because people are definitely going to be tightening this. I'm so mad. I'm so mad. All I want to know is why my psoriasis is flaring up. And I'm never going to know because I can't get my poop out of my house.

And this has been a very long process. It has, like, gone. Peace be with you. Although they responded, I put my order number in the subject line and they responded to me yeah sure we'll send it back out just send us your order number listen no i think you need to try somewhere else i can't do it anymore i'm done i'll scoop your poop i'm gonna give you that enema in about 15 minutes and then i'm gonna scoop some poop put it in my own thing okay what's your good week okay my good week is we were talking about something on the podcast recently oh that someone wrote your name down

wrong or what name do you give people when you're at the coffee that's culty oh that's you joe so i have lately been struggling with giving people the name becca at coffee places okay oh so i don't know people look at me after i say my name and they repeat something back to me that's not a name yeah and or they'll say what you're like no bitch it's back yeah or they say what and this happens on the phone it happens when i make dinner reservations and i'm like fake name have you never watched the bachelor there's like 85 beccas per season we have made it into the zeitgeist by now becca's a pretty common name it is and it wasn't when i chose it i was one of the first rebeccas around my area to become a becca and so i understood when people struggled but then along

the way they started to be on the bachelor whatever so you know what i am officially under at all circumstances that are not professional. Yep. I am a Rebecca now. Oh, going back to your roots. Everything. I, every time I give my name, every time I make a reservation, every time I order a coffee cause they don't screw that up. I am Rebecca. Okay. I love this so much. It's so fun, right? Oh my God. I feel like we could have really put that on the cover of the new book. I know. Rebecca is definitely your, your way. You're professional. She's a working lady. she wears loafers yeah she wears maybe a tight i don't know for sure like definitely a ponty hose yeah yeah i'm so into it because also a lot of people when you go to shake your hand do you get

that you definitely get that as a kelty when you go meet people they're like oh nice to meet you kelsey and you're like people have been on our podcast and have called you kelsey during the podcast yeah and so now when i shake your hand guess what rebecca don't be shocked guys it might happened today oh i'm so excited i need to go next because both of my good week bad weeks are poop and a name it's like fucking insane so my good week is in france jacqueline yeah is a normal name easy nobody's picking up my name in france oh i love that so i can go by my every time that we were doing like a reservation yes they say jacqueline and i was like spelling it spelling it right. No I-N-E. They're

E-N-E-ing it. I love it. It's like, I don't have to do the Jack thing because nobody understands Jack coming out of a girl's mouth. No. Like it's Jeff or Jaff or whatever. Like they can wrap their minds around Jeff. No, the amount of times that people

thought that I'm saying Jeff. Can we just start calling you Jeff? I'm calling you Jeff. No, I've talked about this before that the worst Starbucks did Jaff. J-A-F-F. Like, that's not even a name jeff is a tape i want you to have jeffers tape merch at at the shows that says a girl named jeff a girl named jeff should i name my child jeff that's a girl jeff and jack that's so good

jeff jeff jeffrey get over here oh my god i'm only calling you jeff and i'm only calling you rebecca i love this jeff and rebecca jeff and rebecca i love it so much we're like a that's like a like a bitchy couple from like she's all that it's like the popular couple yeah yeah i wanted my boyfriend to be named jeff my whole childhood really yeah see i've always wanted to date jack it never worked jack and jack jack yeah jack and jerry's just as catchy though i know okay so my bad week was a good week when i found it out that turned into a bad week having to deal do with poo so there's this website called open biome and they pay you to send them poop samples You could get your money back, Rebecca.

You could be making your money back $40 per poop. No, $40 per poop? Yes, that you send in. You send in the whole poop? I don't know. I haven't really looked into it. This is a great side hustle. It's a great side hustle for anybody that likes to poop or like-

I'd rather send foot photos. Then you can make more from a foot photo. Yeah, but people that are like, I'm looking for ways to make extra money. Does anyone have any, like in the Facebook group all the time? They're like studying. I think that they're doing like their own- They need samples. Yeah, their own research for whatever.

probably seeing like what the in our waist and stuff i love it but the bad week of that is they have closed their donations because it went viral on tiktok too many people are making money on the route yeah they they have the donations are now closed so nobody else can i was so excited about it because i'm like is this like a venture that we should do like as the lady gang as a whole yeah but apparently open bio i mean they're too they're too popular now wow damn no i already still feel like the hungover guilt of sending in saliva for the Jeanette

or for 23andMe. You think they just know everything about you? Yeah. Well, there's like a conspiracy about it. Like they're probably cloning us. They're like solid. They're going to like sell our own shit back to us. Listen, I'll buy it back if it's going to help me. Oh, I love it.

Okay. I love it. I don't want a clone. Also with 23andMe, I love 23andMe. Like I love seeing about it, but I'm like, I don't give a about new cousins like what are you doing with that information no new relatives i'm like what am i gonna do about that no i did the part unless yeah like i could see why some people that would be appealing i didn't even open the door to that you have an option i just did like where my people came from and how they got here yes i like that that was cool but like yeah i don't care that i

have a new third cousin you shouldn't unless you like you know your dad might unless it's your dad and you might have like a new, like another sibling out there. It's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Unless it's somebody I could collect some money from. They don't go on there. That's the thing. That's true. Okay. I'm ready. My good week is on TikTok. I posted something about revenge. Oh, what? I don't remember. Yes, you do. No, I don't. Like I posted something about revenge and I was talking about like. Your own revenge? Like whatever. I was talking about doing revenge on someone you know i don't understand the vagueness of this and you can't remember no i'm i'm did you delete it i don't know i it was a minute ago i posted something about like me when

i'm getting revenge on people that were mean to me in his childhood or something like one of those things in the subway cup right exactly thank you you know what you're right i'm barely on tiktok how did i know that i don't know someone commented to me who the f**k is this person i'll bring the bats and i was like oh my god wow that's so funny like so here's where my mind went this is why it's like a good week is that i live in a disney movie so clearly the person meant that person i'll bring the bats like the bats like sledgehammer bats like to beat the person that peed in your subway right like i'm gonna beat that like i'll bring the bat like the slugger yeah the louisville slugger i did not even think about like when i said to chris the animal i thought we're gonna find them

and we're gonna put a bunch of bats around them like scary wow like the bats like yes nobody likes bats like we're gonna put them in a cage i would honestly rather have someone hit me with a Louisville slugger than be surrounded by be attacked by that we're gonna hunt some people we're gonna haunt them with a lot of bats, spooky style as revenge. I do like that. Right? Yeah. That's it. It is a better revenge. Okay. Um, here's my bad week. So as you guys know, our new book lady secrets is out September 20th and both of you are going to roll your eyes. You don't say you guys are going to roll your eyes here for a second. So this is our second book obviously. And all of you lady gangers, you made our first book such a success. We were on the New York times bestseller list.

I had the penis chart, like so many things. And my entire being of who I am was wrapped up in the success of act like a lady, right? It was our first book. It was my second book technically, but like our first book and it was like so important. It was like my whole being was that book and now we're on our second book and i am trying so hard to be chill to be chill you're sucking at it i am trying you're killing us i am trying so hard to be chill i'm like no it's cool like you know what i'm gonna post a couple times the girls know about the book they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna get the book they're gonna be you know they're gonna love it they're so excited about it and everything every time we get any email from the pub pre-orders the tour the anything

like i'm trying so hard to be cool bad week i am not cool guys we know you know i think that i've decided that i would rather you just be like crazy kelty because you holding it in and trying to be cool makes it like 10 times worse no she's holding it in because i gave her a strict talking to yes Becca was like, you got to chill. Like you're good. No, no, no. I, I'm talking about like the shameless self-promotion. Oh yeah.

No. I think that you should let your freak flag fly. No one cares about that. Because that is what made us successful in the beginning. Because one of us has to be shamelessly self-promoting every second of the day. And you're also admitting to our publishers right now that you have not promoted the book to your best of your ability. I have not promoted the book because I'm trying to be cool about it.

I don't want to be a psycho, but here's what I'm going to say. everyone, you need to pre-order lady secrets or I'm going to have a breakdown. Okay. This is what I want to just say to you right now on the podcast, the pre-orders matter because when you pre-order the book, then it tells like the targets and the Walmart's like, Hey, we should put this book on our shelves. If you don't pre-order, it's like, we're putting the book out into a vast thing. So if you're going to get the book the day it comes out, or you're like, gonna, you're like, of course I'm going to read the book. Like, can you just go on the lady gang.com slash books, pick a retailer barnes and noble amazon your indie bookstore where walmart wherever you want to get

your book just press pre-order just press it now it's not going to charge you until the book is on the way to you it is going to help me sleep at night in such a big way gonna help all of us sleep please pre-order the book the pre-orders are not do you great at this moment do you want to know something i and that's all i'm saying i ripped you a new asshole last week jack you were gone i think no well kelty this is another thing kelty goes away on a european vacation and then she's still working but then she's working in like weird times so then alex and i who expected to be free of our parents who are out of town suddenly they pop back in as little like annoying annoying robots no and this is another thing we need to talk about probably offline but

i think that we need to stop communicating separately from each other well because we're trying to save people because you were on a vacation like you were allowed to be on and we were supposed to be offline so then she's like i'm gonna i'm gonna save jack's texts i'm gonna save her from getting these texts which you should thank me that for fielding these okay yeah because i said to kelty where she has a full day's work shocker to me i'm out doing other things because in my mind we're not doing lady gang but suddenly the texts come in the emails come in it all starts to spiral we get an email from the publisher yeah we get an email from the publisher that's like not bad it was just like hey here's your pre-order numbers hey here's your

your tour numbers here's this here's that we're still far out from all these things happening yeah so then she we're talking logistic stuff like stupid benign things with alex on text and then she wraps up her day with sorry for all the bad news guys sorry today was filled with filled with bad news and i wrote back i was like what bad news are you referring to and then i was like i mean i was referring to the pre-order numbers and to you that's bad news doom doom i sat there and i was like you know what i i know as rebecca tobin yeah rebecca wants to yell dealt with enough failure and enough things in my life to tell me what's a failure and i am loud and clear i hear you i see it i feel it i live failure okay turner and hooch no season two

okay glee i got taken off and then put back on because they felt bad for me i mean listen i fail all the time auditions all of them failed all of them fail fail fail i can't even get people to watch my hallmark movies they stopped calling i am a failure so you know what i don't want to hear that we're failing when we are in fact not failing damn thank you she's speechless and that is why i stopped promoting the book i don't give a shit what you do on your own time again these are two separate things you're right i'm just realizing it now i'm just realizing it now so kelty took that as she should never talk about the book again no yeah it's shocking to me what i said was enough with doomsday enough enough enough there's a difference between

looking forward and being excited about looking forward because we're in the middle we're in the like depths of like a promotion you can look forward and be positive instead of looking back and being like everything failed you're right so here's the deal guys make a baby fail at that okay i just had to add on i'm sorry i'm just so used to disappointment and failure like you have to understand my the blood runs failed okay okay get put in as a vacation swing on broadway but don't get a permanent position ever because the producers come to see you and think you suck so bad failed jesus christ so okay here's the thing guys i will not be commenting on any emails about where we're at in the world

thanks but let it be known it's time it's time for the lady gang to come together it is time for the lady gang to come together to pre-order not only your book but the book you're going to give a gift at Christmas. And if you're planning on coming to the tour, I know there's this weird thing about like, I don't want to buy tickets because COVID might happen. The world might blow up the asteroids. Like, you know, there's a lot going on. And I understand that you're like, I don't know what I'm doing on Tuesday in September. I need you to know what you're doing on Tuesday in September. Okay. I need you to look at the website, pick a date, pick a friend, come alone. We just made solo YOLO pins for you. Like it's, we need your support

because becca is a failure doing well okay and this has nothing to do with my own i can't even sell tickets in atlanta my hometown nobody i posted about please buy tickets in atlanta my link clicks for that that freaking thing failure failure yeah failed so we need you right now it's actually shocking that atlanta is our worst selling show right now it is our worst selling no there's one worse there's one worse new orleans yes yeah but that's because new orleans they have too much to choose from right it's too much to do they have so much fun they're like i'm not gonna go sit and listen to these idiots talk to each other i was having a cry about it yeah no atlanta should be good i'm pissed you guys listen if you live in the southeast

come to atlanta i have a lot to prove to a lot of people there okay once again i got kicked out of my performing arts high school failed failed the girl that uh you peed in her purse is showing up you guys i need to show i need to show the people who doubted me rightfully so it turns out they were right that they were wrong yeah i need atlanta to be popping i need it to be i will if you have trouble if you don't want to buy the ticket to atlanta dm me i might buy you a ticket to come to atlanta i believe you call this a back down i'm having a back down because you know what you sent me over the edge with your sorry for all the bad news when i'm like you guys don't you don't even know bad news i feel like we know what bad news is we got to come up with a better term

then back down that doesn't make any sense like meltdown is better but meltdown yeah okay it's my rock bottom all right rock back up it's a robocle i just anyway no but listen the time has come please pre-order the book when we come when we come back we're going to talk i'd rather than come to the show because you get a book yeah if you come to the show you get a free signed book it's actually better but you gotta buy the ticket before the book comes out you gotta buy the ticket before the book comes out but like it's actually better to come spend your 35 dollars come to the show you get a free 24 book that's signed yeah that's the way to go and a fun night and a fun and the other thing is is that and maybe a fireball shot no and yeah we did buy fireball

shots for our vips and i'm gonna say this just before we go this tour is going to be unlike any other tour that we've done. Is it? Yes, because it's going to have... Special guest. No, no, I got to tell you why when we come back. I absolutely love it when a brand comes on board as a sponsor that I've genuinely been using in my life. I have been using Vegamore products for a long time. So Vegamore can help you get healthy, beautiful looking hair without the use of harmful chemicals. All their products are cruelty free and never contain parabens or hormones, which you know I'm very passionate about. So the Grow Revitalizing Shampoo and Conditioner Kit works together to create visibly thicker hair and improve hair from the roots.

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StarWord.com, code LADY. Sip StarWord responsibly. Cheers. Now back to the Lady Gang. We're back. Here's what I want to say about the tour. I've been thinking about this so much. Okay.

okay so on our tours in the past because new york has come la has come we've done tours it's always wild crazy like a hundred percent right no it's crazy sorry to to interrupt you but i don't care um this is actually like when we were on the zoom the other day and so two people started talking it was kelty and someone else and then kelty goes no you go ahead and then she continued to talk that's what i just did to you okay she is this is you know she's remember when she did that to us. Yes. This is actually reminding me all the cities that we've already played in. Those tickets are selling the fastest because they know how rowdy. Okay. So here's the deal is that I think I took a poll in the Facebook group. I do think we should read a little of the

book. I think we in the past have gone lady gang TV is so rowdy, right? Like, and we were like, no, we're everything. I think we need the funny and we need the heart. I think we need both. Yeah. We're going to read from the book. Right. So you're going to get funny, crazy, ha ha. And then you're also going to get like inspiration. You're going to walk away feeling like so excited and like less alone. I don't know if our book's inspiring. It absolutely is. No, it absolutely is. And I'll tell you this. I'm going to tell you the story. so um this past week when i was silently celt downing about the book sales i went on facebook and i noticed that most of the facebook groups have the old header that was like from act like

a lady it was like pre-order act like a lady from three years ago no one's changed their header and we haven't asked them to so i was like let's make a new header maybe it'll help some of the groups know that the book's on sale you know um so i was really excited about it and so we went around and we, I asked all the people and I did ask the lady gang trying to conceive group, which is a group of, you know, a thousand girls and they're all trying to get pregnant. And there's a lot of hardship in that group because it's girls that are dealing with, you know, infertility and losing babies. And it's like just a really heartbreaking group. And one of the DMs, the moderators of the group was like, Hey, like, I just don't know that we can like really be like, cool. You just lost your

baby, like pre-order the book. And I said to her, I said, I totally hear you. Like, it's got to be at the right time. Um, if you think it's right. And I said, but here's the thing about the book that I don't think we're doing a good job of explaining is that like, there's a whole section of the book that is these secrets that are really hard to comprehend, you know? Like, so it's not just, we love a poop joke. Of course there's tons of poop jokes. There's a whole essay written about jack and her pooping but like there is like this secrets that have a lot of soul so it isn't that weird because you're sharing secrets like that you know so anyway my point being is there's a lot of soul okay coming back to the episode we need to talk about europe it's a real change it's

a real wow okay that's enough that's enough new start go ahead jack no i mean i would like to hear about tour de kelty what are your problems with tour de kelty let's just start there no here's the thing i'm gonna take you on my journey okay i'm on instagram i'm already salty because i'm not in europe and i see not only is kelty in europe she's giving it a full name okay like it's a wedding hashtag yeah and i was like i can't wait to troll her about this tour de kelty i was like why why can't you just go on vacation you know like why is it always to kelty 2.0 it's and I was like, I can't wait to make fun of her. And then you know what happened? I had a moment where I called upon a memory in my mind where Heather Dubrow on her podcast was talking about

how she celebrates everything. Like she's one of those people that thinks that's important in life, whether it's big or small to ritualize, to pop the champagne. Cause why not? And I'm always the opposite. Like I could be the next female president and I would be like, I don't really have a party. Yeah. I hear you. Excuse me. Sorry. That's the cold that I also had while you guys were in Europe. I was also suffering with the cold. Um, so I was like, you know, I, I appreciate this Kelty. I think it's wonderful. Thank you. That you give these moments in your life names because then you remember them. You can call back to them. It's like this, it energizes it. You're branding your life. And I actually think it's admirable. And I think that

I want to try to do it as well. Maybe not today. I'm not in the right space, but moving forward, I was annoyed, then inspired by Tour de Kelty, which is usually how it goes for me and most people in everything they do. Well, I also will make a point that on the podcast a couple of weeks ago, we were talking, we were doing casual questions or whatever. And there was a question about what, um, gives your life meaning, meaning or whatever. And we were talking about family and you were talking about traveling. You're like, my life is kind of like, I pin each part of it by like planning for a new trip. Like that's such an important thing to you. So it's like assigning that much meaning to travel is like, that is on brand for you. Yes. Well, there were a lot of,

um, yeah, I mean, there was a lot of things that led to tour to Kelty. So it was like, obviously my brother was ill and I was like thinking about, you know, being really selfish. You know what I mean? I was like, what is it like when I'm like the most selfish version of myself? So I was that. And then it was like getting through super fan, which was amazing. But I have spent the last three months editing my own self. So like I'm watching video of myself being annoying. And you guys know how annoying I am. So it's like, you can imagine like if the amount of annoyingness that I am on a podcast, like take that times 1000, I was at my dream job in full hair and makeup in a studio of people. I was like, like, and then I'm in these meetings with people

and the people like, we're having these group conversations while I'm on the zoom about like, what did Kelty just like, that wasn't English. And I'm like, it's all the stuff that we have these conversations. And then like, they're at, they're like, I don't know. I want to protect her from like people thinking she's annoying. Like that's a hard zoom to be on when you're the person everyone's talking about. So tour de Kelty was like a tour of my happiness. Like you can't fuck with me. No one can get to me. I put up the travel barrier. I'm in the pod pod pot, not a podcast a pod of my life a tour de kelty pod and it was it was extreme indulgence in every way it was i'm gonna go hang out with my best friends definitely took all the magic mushrooms did not

work on me but worked on everyone else i was so bummed all right yeah it sucks but like we should probably tell people that right wasn't that helpful no no it was so when you're on prozac magic mushrooms don't work because and then i was with my friend who's a brain doctor and he was explaining the whole reason why i was like i'm planning on taking magic mushrooms is there any way becca's wrong about this no i was right no yeah there's too much brain doctor yeah he was like what i knew they sing the same part of your brain yeah to make you happy anyway i fully indulge all my coffees full full milk full milk the froth like of a european coffee it's not an almond milk i do that like regularly not every day but like i have an extreme doing that like yeah you've

Bring tour de Kelty pieces of it into your life where it's like one day, if you feel like being indulgent, you don't have to book a trip with miles around the world. You can be like today, I'm going to go to the real, real and have a full fat cappuccino and walk around and buy myself a vintage jewelry. Like, yeah. If you give yourself like little treats, then I don't know who I am. I know. I know.

You're right. I don't want to correct you. Yeah. You like live on depriving yourself till you're like going to break down and then you like indulge till you're going to like explode. so which is so funny because then i go to europe i'm like that was a good trip like i had a good time yeah well you do what you did in europe what you do here very mild very mild well yeah oh abiza is great by the way it's beautiful abiza is amazing the best part of abiza obviously was

celebrating my friend's 40th but there's a show called the leo and it's on the water it's open air oh like the marina area we went there to the show it's like i thought it was called something else they may have redone it okay it's leo l-i-o now so basically what it is is it's like an old school las vegas showgirl review and all the girls are beautiful the dancing is insane but it's like a little bit cheesy it's like they're doing like the way you make me feel you really turn yeah it's like a duet with a girl in a red dress and she's walking around anyway and there's songs there's dancing and it was just so fun and so glamorous and like everything in america is so serious now it's like it has to be hamilton like i just want a pretty girl in a sequin thong bopping around

shirtless in a leather pant doing like a hip thrust i'm sure you can find that and i don't want it ironically magic mike no magic mike is a version of that but there's no sequence like all the fun showgirl shit is gone from las vegas it's like cirque du soleil or it's like you know the queen musical and i'm like can we because we lost our privileges here because you know what happens in those situations it's like the box in new york city right shit goes down there that's like real shady yeah and we we lose our privileges because you know what we don't know how to do anything moderately in this country right exactly yeah the country is like kelty yeah the country is kelty it's weirdly she's not even from here fun fact cores introduced the first

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CoorsLight.com slash lady. That's CoorsLight.com slash lady. Coors Light is delicious. It is summer. Grab yourself that ice cold Coors in the backyard. Delicious. Celebrate responsibly. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. The other day I was cruising around Whole Foods doing my grocery shopping and I put on a pair of my new Rothy's loafers. They're called the Drivers and I got two people complimenting me. And I'm telling you, I have loved Rothy's for a very long time. I've had their slip-on sneakers. They are a go-to in my closet. They now have lace-up little sneakers. They have the perfect shoes for every occasion and Rothy's are the perfect shoes for commuting and traveling. Everyone notices them. They're known for their chic pointed toe flats,

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for $20 off your first order this episode of lady gang is brought to you by stamps.com stamps.com is a longtime sponsor of lady gang and we really use them we're getting ready to send out our influencer copies of lady secrets and we do that all ourselves i will be going to the postal annex and what makes it so easy is that i literally have the scale i use stamps.com right here from lady gang headquarters you can mail everything you save money it is really really easy you can put your postage on every single package and then you simply drop it off at the postal annex or the post office or whatever it is so easy and it makes everything cheaper by the way super discounts you can't find anywhere else 30 off usps and 86 off ups so stop wasting time and start saving money

when you use stamps.com to mail and ship sign up with our code lady gang for a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a digital scale there's no long-term commitment or contracts just go to stamps.com click the microphone at the top of the page and enter our code lady gang you're listening to the lady gang so anyway Ibiza was amazing it was really really fun it was great and um and so then we went to Tuscany which um which was really I've never been there it was amazing so here's the thing about Chris and I we're we're bad vacationers as if we don't have a guide so like we by the time we got to florence people were like oh my god florence is my favorite city oh my god you have to do you know we got there we're so tired because we

partied so hard in ibiza i needed to like sleep for two days yeah um and then we get there and we're like i guess we'll just get the map at the front desk like we had no plans oh no so we didn't do a particularly great job we walked around a garden one time um we ate a lot of like yeah like we didn't do a good job of Florence, but I used the nipple pasties in Florence, in Florence. Was that the hotel? The hell hotel. So the hell, the 45 hours hotel, you can stay in the heaven room or you can stay in the hell room. And the hell rooms are all red. They're Dante Inferno themed. It's all red. You can barely see your makeup when you're putting it on. Cause the whole room is red, but here's what happened guys. I just want to like porno you for a moment.

so i'm like okay i gotta do this and i want to do it at night because i have indulged i'm not feeling the best of my body so i put on i brought all the nipple pasties that i got on amazon they're all black and so there's different shapes there's like hearts stars exclamation points but i got the ones that are like the plus sign which felt like the most like dominatrix dominatrix right okay so I put them on and then there was a tiny little peak in the curtains that was shining a light on the wall. And so that I put myself against the wall and I started doing like sexual moves where only the pasties were in the light and all the rest of my body was in the dark. What have, okay. Okay. I have so many questions. How do you begin? Like, are you like Chris?

are you like chris i am gonna put the nipples on now or he's just hanging out we start making out and i think it's time to go and i go oh i have a surprise is there music playing no music i just run i run to the other room i just i put the surprise on and then i run to the wall and then i go and then i she has her arms up and then i'm ready again in silence in silence no music really I mean, I wish music, but it's like, whatever. And then Chris is like, yeah, okay. And he's like, yeah, he's into it. So he's watching and I'm dancing around and I'm talking, I'm talking, I'm like, and then

I'm over here. And then I was like, and then I'm like this, like, I'm like narrating myself through it. But you're not like dirty talking. You're just like, no, I'm not dirty talking. I'm like, how do you like this? What do you think of this? Like, I'm asking for positive feedback. Obviously I'm healthy.

And then we have sex. This doesn't take that long. okay so you i just like no no no yeah i can just imagine this exactly yeah like the visuals are there yeah and it's really similar to what you do on the live shows yes very similar very similar anyway it was great it was wonderful and the thing is that we partied so hard in abiza everyone was like oh my everyone was like you're so Erica you're glowing Marcello you're glowing and then they're talking about like well wait I just had sex like the whole dinner and I'm like I'm not having sex I'm way too tired like the partying I cannot party and have sex at the same time

I need a party or I need to be sleeping a lot and having sex so anyway Tuscany was for sexual encounters and gelato it was great then we split up he went home and I took the train to Paris by myself and I need to talk about the train. Um, I booked a silent car. Oh God. Okay. I paid extra and they were like, would you like business regular or business? And by the way, it's like $49. Like, it's not like, you know, it wasn't expensive, expensive. So it's like, I should have known that I'm like, let me go in the silent car and it was business silent. And I was like, That sounds like the kind of place for me. I don't want noises.

These motherfuckers. Why would you book the silent car? If you want to a be on a conference call on zoom. Oh shit. Be, be sitting with your husband, having a whole gay old time talking about the goats out the window. Honey,

I'm going to the car. Uh, they were British. Do you want a Coke? You need to be texting each other. This is the fucking silent car. Third, and most revolting a child was the woman with the baby. Oh, I wish who didn't bring headphones

and decided to watch YouTube videos with her phone, just kind of holding it close to her ear while it was playing to the point where I was so frustrated. She American. No, she didn't speak English. I don't know where she was from. I pulled out my extra set of headphones and handed them to her and i was like do you want to borrow these and she's like ah and her phone didn't work and then she gave them back to me and then she stopped watching youtube videos well she got the memo at least yeah this is the fucking silent car to a point how did you know it was silent it has a sign oh please no speaking no music no whatever i took a picture of it for you guys so when you asked me that question i could show you that it was there and i'm literally watching these two people talk

about the coke watch the youtube this guy sitting beside me is on a fucking zoom meeting and i'm like looking at the window where it says this is the silent car no talking and i'm like culty's biggest nightmare i'm having a fucking celt down anyway so then i got to paris i had a crazy experience on the french train as well i don't know maybe if something's going on with their trains but we took a train from or not as from nice to monaco it's the only way you can get to monaco because it's a different country like you can't take an uber there they overcrowded these trains really like people smacked up on top of each other like definitely a fire hazard nobody wearing masks like i i was like if i'm not getting coveted from this train like i'm

it's over impenetrable it was fucking insane like i unlike anything i've ever experienced of being packed into something with no ac how did it smell disgusting did you have a seat I have a video of me on the train, a selfie that I took, and there was a man behind me with his arm up, with his armpit within six inches of my face. I can smell it. It reminds me of a New York city subway in the summer. Nothing's crosswords. Yes.

But like, I've never seen anything packed like that. So I don't know. Maybe there's, I would have had a panic attack. Train issues. I was about to, but I'm like, there's no other option. Like you literally, you guys could have put these things on your Instagrams to make me feel a little bit better. but no it's just the highlight real real it's like oh this is my balcony in paris i was i did

take a lot of uh content because i might make a tiktok about it so do it you know what you'd be like for all those people it's so fun in the summer well you know i did feel better when my friend who did who was over there on like a massive yacht got back and she came to visit us me and ford and you guys were still there and zach was there and i was like this and brutal oh and how was croatia and she was like honestly europe in july sucks oh i love it i loved it and i was like sorry there's a lot of americans no yeah well there's his armpit ew so nasty your head is right in his armpit right in his armpit so nasty that's what my armpit currently looks like right now because i'm having my wax ready to get waxed yeah um so then i got to paris

and I was by myself in Paris. I already told you about the table story. The shopping was so fun. Yeah. I was very jealous. Are you going to tell us what you got? Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what. So here's the deal. I saved up for this trip. I knew I was going, I did not shop pre-trip and I have been saving up since. Yes, you did. You bought a lot of hideous items on Amazon. And I returned them almost all. Thank God. Um, and so I knew I was saving up for it. And so I had this list of like all these vintage stores that I wanted to go to. And the thing about Paris right now is that everything's 50% off. Everything is on sale. I think it's because of Brexit. I don't, I don't know why everything's on sale, but everything is like not dirt cheap, but like it's everything's

on sale. So, but for me, this is the fun of it is not really like, what did I get? I picked it out online and it came to me. It's the search. So every day I like went out on my hunt and I would like go through. And the thing about vintage shopping in Paris is like some of it's garbage and you're like flipping through and you're like this is trash this is trash this is trash oh my god chanel like it's so fun because anyway so i had the best time so i ended up getting um some handbag i got two handbags i got um a uh like a sweater i got a jacket and oh and um two pairs of shoes i got these great chanel boots that were two hundred dollars guys it's like less than a Steve Madden. Okay. And then I got a Balenciaga slide, um, brand new, not even worn. It's like

140 Euro. Wow. Insane. So it's like really good deal. So I was really excited. Then I went to London and I saw my sister and I need to tell you something about teenagers. Luke, I love you. You're my favorite nephew. He's 16. There's nothing worse than a 16 year old to all the lady gang parents if you have a teen teens are awful well obviously yeah no and i knew that and i know that i was a dick when i was a teen and wanted nothing to do with my parents and thought everything they said was lame and thought all their stories were lame and thought they didn't have any good view of the world like i was that person i wanted like i remember getting my tongue pierced and like trying to hide it from like going to anyway but like luke wanted fucking

nothing to do with me. He was like, I was so excited to go to London and I'm like, I'm going to see you and I'm cool. Ant's going to come to town and I'm going to like talk about sex with you. No, I didn't. No, I didn't. But like he was like, nothing you do is cool. I don't care that you're on television. I don't care that you have a podcast. I don't care about your Instagram followers. Nobody's on Instagram. People don't do an Instagram. I play video games. I don't, I drank wine at dinner. Like he wanted nothing I could do was cool enough. But like, are you, you're saying this right now.

And the reason why you wanted to like hang out with him is to make yourself feel good. I just thought it would be cool to have like cool aunt come to town. It was not, there is no cool out. I'm 40. Like, he's like, oh, the aunt hangs with the parents. Like, do you remember? Like my aunt probably felt the same way. Like I'd never wanted to be around my, like, I didn't want to sit at my parents' table

until like last year. no he's definitely like in the age group where it's like he does not he wants to hang out with his friends and go on tiktok yeah which you could maybe talk to him about i tried to and he was like i was like i have over a hundred thousand followers on tiktok he's like i don't do social media i was like oh that's the new thing now i know there's no it's be real have you guys seen that app no it's like the anti-social media app and it's okay but it's still social media yeah but you just like send a picture of what you're doing at the moment but there's no followers or friends i don't know it sounds like the kids are doing it and it sounds like a snapchat way to monetize it

don't waste your time exactly exactly anyway okay um this was fun thank you for uh the back down and i'm sorry for that you guys we will see you next tuesday thanks for listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingber steve delameter and jared monaco make sure you subscribe rate and review our podcast and if you love it share it with your friends on social media like oh my god I just listened to Lady Gang. This episode's so great. Swipe up to listen. And if you really want to, which we know you do,

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