LadyGang - Just Us: Josh Squared

Episode Date: August 16, 2022

It’s time for Jac to share one of her favorite audiobook chapters from Lady Secrets. Find out which A list celebrity she ended up on a double date with! Check out our amazing sponsors!!! Shopify: Go to shopify.com/ladygang for a FREE a 14 day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features! Brooklinen: Use code LADY20 for $20 off plus free shipping on your order of $100+ at Brooklinen.com Coors Light: Get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with Drizly or Instacart by going to coorslight.com/lady  Starward: Get $20 off your order using the code LADY at Starward.com - Sip Starward responsibly! Starface: Get 15% off a one time purchase with code LADYGANG at starface.world  Hyundai: Learn more about the 2022 TUCSON and SANTA FE Plug-in Hybrid EVs at HyundaiUSA.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Lady Gang, we have an idea and we need your help. We're thinking about doing a Lady Gang cruise. I know that sounds crazy, but like the Backstreet Boys cruises are so good. And we're thinking about like getting a couple of our podcaster friends and then doing like Botox and facials and journaling and singing lessons and dancing and bingo and all the cruise stuff, but also like a lot of lady stuff. Like could we do an eyebrow waxing station? So I'm going to put up a link on our Instagram to take the survey

if you'd be interested in cruising just to like see if you guys are even interested. So head on over there and do that. It's also going to be in the newsletter this week. Okay, bye. Everything is better electrified, and Hyundai has the widest range of electrified vehicles on the market, including the first-ever Tucson and Santa Fe plug-in hybrid EVs. Visit your nearest Hyundai dealer or learn more at HyundaiUSA.com. Well, what is this?

Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang. Things are about to change around here. Each week, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the Dumpster Fire. That is the Lady Gang Podcast. I am Becca Tobin here with Jack Vanek and Kelty Knight. Holy shit.

Wow. It has taken us 24 minutes to get our lives together. First, my internet went out. Kelty had a weird echo-y vibration. i'm on the verge of tears i gotta be straight up honest with you i'm about to have a total cry i can't take much more and okay the celt down is a bruin it's about to burst we've been doing this you guys it's flashbacks to march 2020 like this is just it's like ptsd and you know what's so great is that as soon as everything was set ready we figured it out i put my foot down on a cart like a clean carpet in my guest bedroom and this went through my sock like a sticky burr situation oh no they're all over indoor burr in texas they're all over my dogs and one just went

through my toe and i was like of course of course of course it's on brand right now um well other than all that how is everyone not great thanks not great I thought better for once I could have a bad day and be alone in that but nope no it's also held down we're all struggling in our own ways it's a group effort and I um the last 24 hours not great and um I I really like woke up this morning and i was like no kelty it's like can you feel a brand new day and i was like you know what counts yesterday's like i i was a fridge magnet i was like yesterday's are gone don't think about the yesterdays of your life live in the moment so i got up this morning i used my saint jane beauty beauty serum that they sent us heaven um it's so nice and i i treat it like liquid gold

like i only use it when i want to feel ultra luxurious because it's like thick or something anyway so i use mine every day and i am not stopping okay i scrape my tongue put on my saint jane i put on look at what i'm wearing not the tongue scrape what are you wearing yep well that's why you're having a bad day i put no this unitard makes me feel good about myself i got it at free people it has a low v that you can like she just ripped it open people yeah it like it makes me feel good it's like a spank for your body i made a giant cup of coffee and i'm like okay is that not like very very bizarre when you pee to kind of have to peel off a whole layer of your entire body not for me not as weird as it was this past weekend when i

was at a wedding where there's only outhouses and i wore one a jumper romper and i had to be naked in the outhouse with were there bugs of course have you ever pooped in an outhouse jack um no but i've pooped in many a porta potty so i don't know it's not the same a porta potty is like a porsche i don't think i've ever gone to the bathroom in an outhouse i don't i haven't been if you haven't shit and then had to shovel some sawdust to sprinkle it on top of your shit so that it composts you're not living how do they clean the they don't it just it composts so you like every time you poop or pee you take a shovel of sawdust and you sprinkle the sawdust over it and it like they never clean it out how are there not like plants growing and that manure

into the toilet i think there probably are plants growing i mean it's not growing up and scratching your bum but like there's definitely it's definitely like earth is regenerating down there wow the circle of life that reminds me of my friend who's renovating her bathroom right now they pulled up the bathtub and underneath it was a snake skin like a snake had been living under there and shed its skin and they were like oh it must have gone through the pipes and I was like does that mean that she was like inches away from a snake coming up through her drain up her butthole while she was in the bathtub yeah I just saw a video of that happening of the snake just like coming through the side it's like no new fear unlocked that is the scariest thing that could

happen it was already a fear of mine and i always thought it was irrational no it happens i saw it on tiktok that means it's real that does okay well you know what guys we're gonna turn this around because you know it's time for good week yes it is bad week oh no i'll begin i'll start with bad. Cause I want to end on a high note. Okay. Um, I have had the irritability of a woman on the verge of her period for about two straight months. So, you know, those three to four days before you start bleeding and you're like, everything is annoying to me. I have been living that reality for two months. And I think it's a combination of a few things going on. Okay. Apparently when you have a baby, whether you carry the baby or not, I think I talked about

this before on the podcast, hormonally things change. So I started to notice like my estrogen must be sky high because my boobs hurt so bad all the time, not even just before my period. And then I did go off my anti-anxiety medication. So I think that that's also part of this and I'm just ready for it to end, but it's gotten to, it's gotten so bad. The pinnacle peak moment was this morning it is sweet zach martin's birthday today okay oh happy birthday oh and you just start with an internet complaining podcast do you have a dongle for my headphones no it's 11 it's 11 29 a.m right now this started at around 5 a.m okay um our ford has been a little bit under the weather we have the doctor come yesterday and she's like it's like kind of a virus this is just what

happens, you know, kids, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whole thing. I won't bore you. So there's that. He's waking up at 5.00 AM, not feeling great. So we're like, let's just like hang out with him and, and we'll have him in the bed. It's like, it's kind of sweet to do that. But we go into the kitchen, it's five 30, no later. And I have yet to really, really tell Zach in a meaningful way, how much I love him and how I wish him a happy birthday. And all of a sudden I see a mosquito flying around the kitchen, zooming around the kitchen and I can't get it. And there is something about seeing a mosquito inside of my house that makes me murderous. Like I, if that mosquito were a person, I would have picked up a butcher's knife from my countertop

and stabbed it through its face. That is how angry I get about mosquitoes because they always get me last night we're watching a movie on on the couch and it got me on my forehead and i was like what the where did that come from and it was still in the house demon this morning and i it set me into a spiral of negativity and bad bad bad bad bad moods and it's on zach's birthday happy birthday zach i couldn't turn it around after seeing that mosquito inside the house i truly couldn't turn it around has a bit ford yet no i think ford luckily has zach's skin because i've seen them around him and i've like gone nuts where but he doesn't get a single bite or if he does get bit it doesn't he has no reaction so thank god i think that he has zach because zach

has i've never seen a bite on zach's body of any kind no kind lucky lucky i just want you to know that I see you and I understand that this tiny little mosquito mother could throw you over the edge. Like I hear you, I see you and it's rational to me. I'm like, yeah, you should ruin your whole day over a mosquito. Absolutely. Goodbye. Tuesday. I can hate you. Goodbye world. I was wondering because as you were saying, you know, you've been in this irritable mood for two months. so have i but i don't have a kid to blame it on so i'm like is this something that might be happening in the world with women right now like i'd like to know from our lady gangers if anybody else has been stuck in this like it is this like pmsc yes irritation that won't go away

yeah because you can recognize it when it's a normal thing before your period where you're like oh that cord just brushed my arm and i want to murder and then you're like oh yeah but that's how i'm feeling 100 of the time so okay well i'm gonna turn things around are you but are you i am try your best here's my here's my good week and you're gonna appreciate this okay wow i talked shit on your book that you told me was so so great and i needed to put it on my kindle and i was like okay fine i'll read it and for the first 60 of that book i was like what the she talking about? I don't understand. It's good. Like, but you know, it's hard for me to get through. Well, I finished it last night and it was so good. It took, wait, tell me the name of

the book now. Clara and the Sun. Clara and the Sun. I need to read it. Clara with a K like a Kardashian. Clara Kardashian and the Sun. It was the end of that book was worth the whole read. and I am heartbroken and I don't even know. I felt emotionally unhinged when I finished the book. So thank you for the recommendation. I will in fact be taking more and I'm excited because you're the only person in my life who really regularly reads and that's how I get my books from. So thank you. I am. First of all, I'm so thrilled because there are times where a book wrecks me and then i you know i i i don't know why i love reading so much i barely talk about reading like i now we have the lady gang book club officially on facebook that starts like you know

now um we're gonna read together and i'm gonna have someone to talk about books with but like i just read and it's my hobby like i don't want to have to create content around books like i you know healthy i just this means you genuinely love something like i just love it it's just for me i look forward to it every day i look at my bed and i'm like i can't wait to get into my bed and read like i love it so much and it makes me so happy because when you were like this book is trash i was like is there something wrong with me and the other like seven million people that have read this book and the people that optioned it to make it a movie like but i was like i because you know sometimes i read a shitty book like i love you know i go back to tracy and the stacks and when

i was like i love the honey bus which was just like this sweet story about this woman who makes honey with her grandpa in the old school bus in his yard like it was very stupid but like i loved it and sometimes i read bad books and they're just like warm blankets around me so i'm so glad i will tell you i am reading an incredible book right now called seeing ghosts it came in my literati not an ad uh book club book and it is i it might be too sad for you to be honest with you but um it's about this this woman who her mom dies and her mom she basically sees her mom throughout her life in all these situations and like her mom her seeing her mom see her life is narrating the story it's just very interesting and like i just love it so much and they're they're

chinese immigrants like the dad is very like stoic and not warm and then she's like experiencing her life with her mother's ghost it's just it's so beautiful the way that it's written it's quite sad but anyway i'll i'll anyway see this is why i don't make book content because it's boring okay i know for anyone who doesn't read but should we read should the three of us read the same book on the tour bus yeah yeah but i want you guys to do something i'd be interested in i want you to read with the book club so the book i'll just tell you the book club we're reading the the great alone uh for for uh september i don't know what month it is it's august we're reading the great alone for august um and it's a wonderful book about this uh girl she her dad was a prisoner of war

and he comes back from war and he's like they keep starting over they keep going to new cities to start over because he's mentally ill and abusive this is a bad cell but anyway they end up going they end up getting um they end up uh one of his friends from war leaves him his property in alaska and they go to alaska to restart their lives and they're ill prepared for the winter in alaska and this small community wraps themselves around and it's a beautiful story about like coming of age and it's really great so we're going to read that together in the facebook group but that wasn't september what's the september book that we are gonna all read on tour oh we haven't picked it yet no lady secrets is the october book obviously so everybody can get it

everyone will have it yeah well um we can let's figure out a book for september okay we'll read it can it be the new emily giffen book oh that would be cute because then we can it's like a little beachy read yeah i don't know we'll have to take a vote not up to us it's not oh the group decides the group decides babe it's a democracy in a poll in a poll yeah i don't know i love it i don't know if i like this i'm going next because mine has to do also with stress uh my bad week i have also felt like garbage hot garbage for the last two months and i like i said before i was like it's because i went so nuts in italy ate all the gluten my body's inflamed like everything's bad. Um, and I was like, I got to get it back on track. Like, you know, um, and Becca, the last

time I saw you in person, you were like, are you pregnant? Cause your boobs are big. My boots have also been very sore. I literally period tracked for the, I'm 40 period tracking. I was like, am I pregnant? Oh my God, this is insane. Um, I'm not. And I've also felt like on the verge of, you know, and I had an appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday who is leaving the business after eight years of being my trust human emotional support human she will not be renewing she gave me a three-month renewal of my Prozac and then I'm on my own so I have to find someone new but anyway here's what I noticed I changed pharmacies and I usually took I take 40 milligrams of Prozac a day and it usually comes in these little white pills and I take two of them

and it's two 20s right well then i switched pharmacies and they gave me a new bottle with a new pill and i skimmed the fucking prozac i've been taking half of my i thought they put it all in one pill so i've just been taking one i was supposed to be taking two of this too so for the last two months i've literally been on the lowest amount of antidepressant that i've ever been on since i was like 18 years old no wonder i feel like it's trash i was just gonna say at least you have at least you have a reason yeah i mean right when did you figure it out when have you been back on the two days ago it's gonna take at least two weeks till i get in my system but i mean i feel better knowing there was a reason i feel worse knowing that dr genasian is no longer

accepting my insurance genasian genasian should you say their name on here sure i mean i just dr j live your life okay here's my good week my good week is this i was recently in canada for a it was so fun my best friend katie got married it was so lovely we love our husband i'm sitting around the campfire and the guy that did the ceremony is this metis man and he's so lovely and he's got this like cloak full of like pins and he's just like he is he like took me at two in the morning and walked me down the street to show me the northern lights he's like come see the lights like you'll never see them as bright there's no like he was like god on earth it was amazing anyway so we're talking and he was like uh i was talking about something and he used the

word ginch he was like oh yeah i could just go swim in my ginch and do you remember how i said that people in canada call underwear ginch and then someone said kelty's an idiot no one says ginch people say ginch i don't remember this conversation i don't think you've ever said this and jack doesn't remember either so it definitely happened that sounds like a word you shouldn't be saying like it sounds i thought you were trying to say you say gaunch or ginch is the way gaunch was maybe gaunch it happened on the podcast and then girls were coming and saying kelty keeps saying like we're idiots in canada and all these words that aren't real i think they someone said this to you becca and they were like canadians don't use these words canadians use it it's called

ginch your underwear is ginch justice for ginch i'm done wow there is a website called ginch gonch and it they're just really interesting patterns a ginch and a gonch is like a tighty whitey like that's the kind of it's not a boxer short it's i have a question why did this man even why was he saying the word underwear to you it was because we were thinking about going swimming in the river and he was like oh i don't have a swimsuit and then he was like i guess i could just go in my ginch hmm i love them i love them so much okay i'm gonna go like i'm going swimming in the river and then what i'm gonna change my out of my swimsuit in the outhouse no thank you wait so did you see the northern lights we we saw of course me we went it was very i've seen

amazing northern lights growing up where i did and i really wanted chris to see them he was so excited we walked out it was like lighter and they were kind of dancing but it was not it was like 20 northern lights yeah and then they went back at like four in the morning and took pictures and it was amazing but i was already asleep can you i have a question this is a dumb question what exactly are the northern lights like wow well the scientist kelty is arriving you love space now so i hope you know the answer by the way i got so many dms that people are like hey can you tell me what podcast you listen to about the james webb telescope anyway the dorks the northern lights are the reflection in the sky of the polar ice caps so you know how when you are

sitting at a pool and it's a sunny day and you see the sun bouncing off the pool and it can sometimes make designs on the furniture or whatever like yeah yeah it's essentially that but earth oh that is kind of cool it's beautiful it really is is it pretty it doesn't i always assumed it was like stars no no it looks like um it looks like when you make pasta and there's like steam coming off your pasta it's like that but it's bright green and pinks and purples in the sky it's beautiful you could google it but anyway continue jack okay so my good week is uh we've recently been taking over the lady gang instagram like each of us has a day we'll kind of like you know document what we're doing through the day to give a little bit of insight to you

know our personal lives so I was doing my takeover for the day and at the end of the day Jared and I went to dinner at our favorite sushi spot called Hama in Venice it's the best it's so delicious and as we're sitting there there is a lady ganger that was sitting next to us and her and her boyfriend like bought us some beers it was really sweet she was amazing we started talking and then I was like oh my god like let's take a picture I'll post it on the lady gang's Instagram that I ran into you so we took a picture and then I was like do you want to tag yourself and she's like yeah she's like I don't know what my Instagram handle is I never use Instagram and I sat there for a moment I'm like how amazing must this be that you use social media so infrequently that

you don't even know what your Instagram handle is and at that moment I decided like this is my biggest life goal to get to a point where I can just delete everything and be anonymous and have no social media. I'm like, this is freedom. And that girl is living in it. And I'm jealous. Well, I mean, you're not going to get anywhere with your daily, sometimes twice daily TikTok videos. And well, I have to get so big that I make so much money that then I can delete it. It's a vicious cycle. You're getting, see, I had a reckoning the other day. What? I was like, this is going to be a vicious cycle forever because let's be honest, we're never going to make the amount of money that we really, really think we're satisfied with.

So I was like, I'm okay. I think I'm okay to be left behind because if I just keep going with ticked from Instagram to tick talk to whatever the next thing is, it's like, I'm never free. So the other day when I was thinking of the Instagram algorithm going to garbage, I was like, you know what? This may be my saving grace is Instagram becoming not important and obsolete. and then i'm free it's not my choice but i'm free it's like you're getting dumped instead of doing the dumping yes i'm in a toxic responsibility is gone i'm in a toxic relationship with a man his name is social media and the only way that i'm gonna ever get out is if he leaves me behind and so that's why i'm moving on back to twitter that seems strange twitter is the happiest place

i'm no it's not i mean it's not the happiest place it's like the worst but no twitter is fun because you can just say yeah like i put live laugh lady gang live laugh lady gang and like everyone was like retweeting i was very like sit don't have to show my face great no i find tiktok comments to be the new twitter where it's just you can be so anonymous and make talk shit and no accountability. Yeah. Just live, live your life. Okay. So my bad week is, um, my body is completely falling apart. I think I told you guys the other, like a week ago, I got an ingrown hair on my bikini line that got inflamed so bad that it turned into like a cyst sort of a thing. I go to the gynecologist to have them take care of it. She said, no, we don't, I'm not going to do this.

it's too small, put a hot compress on it. And I was like, okay, I don't think hot compresses work. So I did that, made it 10 times worse to the point where like, I could not sit down because this ingrown hair has gotten so inflamed. It's like made me a third butt cheek. So then I had to go to the dermatologist to get them to drain it. It was so painful. Anyways, they gave me, um, antibiotics. They make me so nauseous. And then yesterday or two days ago, I threw my back out doing absolutely nothing. And the only way that I feel better is taking a muscle relaxer. But when I take a muscle relaxer, I literally can't do anything because it makes me feel like I'm stoned. So now I'm sitting here in like the worst pain ever. I'm super f***ing nauseous

because I just took my antibiotics and that's my life. Throwing it out with nothing. Not a workout, not a hike, not a lift in a box, just living jack life. eating a sushi no i was literally just sitting there and then all of a sudden my entire lower back felt like it was falling apart like i feel like this is the sign of getting old that's bummer it hurts it hurts i'm glad we were able to pick up everyone's moods today have a great day when we come back jack is going to share something so exciting with you jack do You want to tease it or no? Just a surprise.

It's a surprise. Come back. This episode of Lady Gang is brought to you by Starface. You know those cute little star-shaped pimple patches that Hayley Bieber wears? Or you know those little, like, star-shaped things that are always on your Instagram feed? So that is Starface's best-selling Hydrostars. It's a 100% hydrocolloid pimple patch that helps reduce inflammation, absorb fluid, and shrink spots overnight. I am a big fan of a pimple patch.

I'm a big fan of Starface because you just don't know what to do and what you want to do when you have a breakout is to just pick at it. But here's what you do. You just put it on. You stay there all night. It's cute. It's like Instagrammable. You wake up in the morning and there's like that little white dot where it stayed all night and sucked out all the good stuff. It is really incredible. And they have so many products. So they have the hydrostar and salicylic acid, which helps treat deeper pimples and acne. And then they have a bunch of skincare essentials. They have a great Clear's Day SPF 46.

It's a great sunscreen for people that have acne skin. The Super Sulfur Magic Mask is great too. So we love this brand. You can shop the entire Starface collection at starface.world. And for a limited time, Starface is offering all the Lady Gang listeners 15% off a one-time purchase at checkout with the code LADYGANG. Again, that's code LADYGANG for 15% off a one-time purchase at starface.world. You can also find Starface products at Target, Walmart, CBS, Amazon in the U.S.,

as well as Boots and Superdrug in the U.K. So don't worry about your suits. We got you. Woo-hoo! This episode of Lady Gang is brought to you by Shopify. We've got a new sales sound. Ka-ching! Which we get when we make a sale over at our Lady Gang store, which is run by Shopify.

It is very fulfilling when you make something as a small business and then someone like you comes along and you're like, I want that sweatshirt. And then ka-ching, you make a sale. And you're like, cool, this is amazing. It feels so, so good. And Shopify gives entrepreneurs the resources once reserved for big businesses. It is so easy. You guys know I'm not good at computers.

And the fact that the three of us, four of us run this store, that proves how easy it is. It's easier than a MySpace page, okay? We started selling our lady boxes, and now we have pens and notebooks and merch and books and all kinds of things. So it really is cool, and there's so many milestones to hit. Shopify is just incredible. So head on over to shopify.com slash ladygang, all lowercase, for a free 14-day trial to get full access to Shopify's entire suite of features. Grow your business with Shopify today.

Go to shopify.com slash ladygang right now. Shopify.com slash ladygang. Starward Whiskey is the most awarded whiskey that you've never heard of. That's right, Starward was named the most awarded distillery of the year at the 2022 San Francisco World Spirits Competition. That's a big win for a little distillery. Starward makes deliciously versatile modern whiskeys made for today's curious drinker. They are sippable and mixable, ideal for a summer spritz,

or just enjoy it like the way you like it, like Zach and I like it on the rocks. And let me tell you, we tasted this and we are fans for life. their distillery is in the heart of melbourne australia home to lovers of food flavor and adventure and that's part of what makes their whiskey different so they push the boundaries of what whiskey can be from their unique distilling process using juicy red wine barrels to their range of whiskeys i tried their two-fold double grain whiskey it's seriously so tasty like i said zach and i are big fans over here don't take my word for it though be the judge for yourself give starwards award-winning whiskeys a try and get 20 off your order using the code

Lady. Visit Starward.com. That's S-T-A-R-W-A-R-D.com. Get $20 off your order shipped straight to your door using the code Lady. Starward.com. Code Lady. Sip Starward responsibly. Cheers. Stop wasting your nights on a mattress that doesn't get you. Experience the most comfortable mattress in the world. The Sleep Number Smart Bed. At the touch of a button, you can personalize your comfort. Choose firmer or softer. Adjust cooler to warmer. And right now, save up to $2,500 during our massive Labor Day event. Hurry into your local Sleep Number store today because we have your number. Now back to the Lady Gang. Welcome back. Today is a very special episode of Lady Gang. as you know as if you haven't heard it before our new book lady secrets is out september 20th it's

available for pre-order now wherever you get your books we really need you to pre-order it and this is a very interesting thing so we asked the community to share their secrets as part of this book and i believe that there has been some mis-messaging that it's just a collection of strangers and secrets it's not it's our blood it's our sweat it's our goddamn crimes we wrote the essays there's over 30 essays from us together um collectively and they are in my opinion act like a lady was like a starter set of essays this is the meat okay we have crimes we have celebrities we hate we have fraud we have pooping we have uh infidelity no we have well i mean i went on the bachelor. Yeah. Like, uh, infertility baby. Like, I mean, Josh Duhamel, like there's

just a lot here in this book. So ladies secrets is available. And we thought, um, there's no better way than, and no better thing that we could do than give you a sneak peek of the book to entice you to pre-order, but also just to share with you like the vibe of the book. So we've each chosen and audio chapter. And we're going to kind of do a podcast slash audio chapter moment here. And then we're going to discuss the chapter with the author and Jack's chapter involves some of our favorite humans. So this chapter, and the reason why I wanted to share it with everybody, all of our lady gang is if you've been listening to the lady gang for a long time, you'll remember the inception of what this story was. We had Oliver Hudson on our podcast and he tried to set me up

with his friend Josh for a date. So this is part of that story because who knew you can only release 10 minutes of an audio clip before release. So enjoy, and you're going to have to get the book to hear the rest. We jumped into the podcast with all of the usual questions about career and success and failure, et cetera. And then at some point, the conversation turned into me being soul-crushingly single, and if Oliver had any friends to hook me up with. To my utter surprise, he immediately responded that he had the perfect dude for me, his good friend Josh. Josh was 12 years older than me, an entrepreneur, and was genuinely looking for love. He said that Josh's biggest downfall was that he was truly searching for a real emotional connection with

a partner and wasn't into the surface level bullshit. I mean, could you die? Every woman is looking for a Josh. Oliver's enthusiasm for Josh as my soulmate was through the roof despite knowing zero about me. But I was in. Jack and Josh forever. We tried to move on, but the conversation just kept shifting back to Josh as Kelty, Becca, and I needed to investigate my mysterious new love interest. And every single new fact I learned about him solidified that he, in fact, was my soulmate. A few examples. I jokingly told Oliver that Larry David was my dream man. oliver's response josh is such a huge larry david fan that his email is literally larry david at he didn't tell us the website.com because i literally watch curb your enthusiasm every

night to fall asleep my future partner had to be cool with larry david lullabies kelty asked if josh would be down for drinking at 10 a.m my favorite time to enjoy some libations Oliver's response. Not only does he love day drinking, but he makes his own wine. Double win. I was going to have a new boyfriend, and I'd also save thousands of dollars a month on drinks. Becca asked if Josh liked to travel. Oliver's response.

He loves Europe. Like, who doesn't? And he just opened up a new hotel off of the Santa Barbara coast. Another money saver. Who wanted my measly hotels.com points? Kelty asked where Josh lives. Oliver's response, in Venice, five minutes away from me. Now, this one was a huge deal because dating outside of your neighborhood in LA is honestly

worse than dating outside of your country. At least the latter has an option of a dual passport and a sexy accent. i asked if he was into true crime because i am a true crime freak so much so that i started my own true crime podcast his response not only does he like true crime but josh used to be super good friends with scott peterson and would go golfing with him all the time what who the hell was actually friends with Scott Peterson. I needed to meet Josh just to interview him about his whereabouts on December 24th, 2002. This was all too good to be true. These hashtag Josh facts were really throwing me for a loop. Oliver then showed us a few pics of Josh. One was literally the back

of his head, and the other looked like a LinkedIn thumbnail from 2002. He said Josh had Instagram, but never used it. Hmm, a man off the grid. I could get down with that. We ended the podcast joking that Oliver was going to have to bring Josh on the podcast for our first date, and then we went our separate ways. Oliver quickly connected me to the elusive Josh, and other than these random factoids, I knew absolutely nothing about him beforehand. He didn't give me Josh's Instagram or last name, so I had zero ammo for stalking, which really stressed me out. I tried to Google Oliver Hudson Josh, but the only shit that came up was Oliver and Josh Duhamel. More on that later. Nothing gets me riled up more than going to the

absolute extreme in my mind and fantasizing what a hilarious and quirky story this would be at our wedding someday. Maybe Kate would be my bridesmaid? And if you're rolling your eyes thinking I'm a desperate loser, you're a liar because we all do this with every Bumble match we get. So Josh and I started texting. He was funny and charming and had great banter. Check, check, and check, please. We finally decided on a day for our date, and Josh suggested a Saturday brunch. Um, excuse me? Are you my soulmate? Because I f***ing love brunch. And it was in that moment that I truly realized that my bar is on the actual ground, and I should really think about raising my standards one day. But whatevs, not today. Stoked on the brunch. And more important,

I was excited to use my evil genius mind to craft the perfect outfit that would show the right amount of skin to be sexual, but would also leave enough to the imagination. Trust me, it's an art. I finally decided on a balloon sleeve, plunging v-neck crop top, and a pair of those slinky bell-bottom pants that make any butt look like a ripe-ass peach. You know the pants. But if you don't, Google novella royale Janice Bells and thank me later. Josh suggested we ride our bikes to brunch, which was adorable, but I was also secretly worried about getting a BUI. You know, biking under the influence, which by the way, holds as much weight as a DUI. If you read our last book, you know I cannot go on a date sober. Three brunchy mimosa minimum, please. But I gave

into biking as our form of transportation because my butt looked real good in those pants, and I couldn't miss out on an opportunity for my booty to be bouncing around if we hit a speed bump. So Josh met me at my tiny, dilapidated apartment in Venice, which costs more than a mansion in Idaho, and we made our way out into the world. I'm going to fast forward through the brunch portion of the day because most of it has fizzled from my memory. There's only so much space in there, and I need room for 90-day fiancé conspiracy theories. Basically, he was a total gentleman, we had good conversation, and he paid for brunch. Definitely not the love at first sight, I want to jump your bones connection I was hoping for, but oh well. Sometimes love has to blossom,

or whatever. I will, however, slam the pause button on the moment that Josh told me he was going to text his other friend Josh to come meet us. It is not, under any circumstances, a good sign when the dude you're on a first date with wants to invite one of his friends to join. It usually means he's not into you but is too nice to break the news and is ready to turn the opportunity of a romantic moment into a bro hang. Fantastic. Josh did preface the invite by telling me his friend was having some girl troubles and needed a good dose of friendship. So the empath in me felt for the dude and accepted the third wheel. And to be honest, I wasn't that bummed because mine and Josh's connection was meh at best. Guess I was one of the bros now. Pass the beer bong.

But two Joshes? That's a lot. And I was kind of drunk already. How would I tell them apart? I was going to need a nickname in my head to decipher one from the other after all of these mimosas. Josh 2.0? Josh the second? Sad boy Josh? Turns out, I wouldn't need any special mnemonic devices to tell them apart because Josh's friend was Josh f***ing Duhamel. Yeah, you heard that right? And if you're wondering, yes, that is a celebrity I recognize and care about. Mostly because he's six foot four and a total hottie, but also because I was obsessed with when a date with Tad Hamilton for some unknown bizarre reason when I was younger. So anyway, Josh Duhamel was now officially a third wheel on my brunch date. He even brought his own bike, so he was committed

to the hang. The three of us spent the rest of the afternoon gallivanting around Venice with the wind in our hair and my butt bouncing on my seat. God, I was so glad I wore those pants. Josh 2.0 vented to us about his girl problems. We gave him advice and bought him drinks like any good besties would do. My chilled out energy and general apathy in life really worked in my favor that day because I was absolutely slaying it on this two-on-one. Who do you think I'll give my rose to at the end of the night? I was cracking jokes, offering up an objective girl perspective, and being an overall general delight. I think? Again, I was pretty drunk, so who knows? But of course, secretly in the back of my brain, I was scheming how to really flip the script and convince Josh number two

that jack vanek was the perfect rebound for him everything is better electrified and hyundai has the widest range of electrified vehicles on the market including the first ever tucson and santa fe plug-in hybrid evs their turbocharged engines have quiet rapid acceleration and you can use electric when you want it or gas when you need it it's your journey evolve it beyond the pump and in the 2022 tucson or santa fe plug-in hybrid evs or you can be like me and get the kona which is 100 electric and i love my little kona so much visit your nearest hyundai dealer or learn more at hyundaiusa.com or call 562-314-4603 for complete details summer is in full swing temperatures are rising but lucky for you brooklyn is here to keep you cool living in comfort at home and on the

go with their best-selling bedding loungewear towels and more so they work directly with suppliers they cut out the luxury markups and pass those savings back to you that's right make your entire bed feel like the cool side of the pillow with brooklinen's signature crisp breathable classic per sale sheets and replace your heavy winter bedding with their lightweight comforters for ultimate breezy light as a cloud feel beyond the home they have effortlessly cool loungewear collection it includes classic tees shorts and more that will keep you comfortable throughout summer heat waves thanks to the ultra soft breathable jersey and cotton fabrics if you're not sure where to start you can shop with ease thanks to brooklinen's online quiz and make sure

you check out over a hundred thousand five-star reviews on their website from people around the world and for a limited time brooklinen is offering free pillowcases with purchase if you miss out you can use promo code lady 20 anytime for 20 off plus free shipping on your order of 100 or more at brooklinen.com that's b-r-o-o-k-l-i-n-e-n.com promo code lady 20 head to brooklinen.com for your free pillowcases today this episode of lady gang is brought to you by Coors Light. Coors has been on a long mission to protect the environment. By the way, the whole entire reason that the world recycles aluminum cans is because in the 1950s, Coors introduced cash for cans, kicking off aluminum recycling in America. They are now taking it one step further.

And I love this. They're removing the plastic rings for a new sustainable cardboard wrap for your little six pack. I love this so much. You know, I know we all care about the environment in the world. So the next time you're like, I want to get some beer for my party or my summer or whatever's going on, grab Coors because this is a good company, guys. This is a really good company. Reach for the beer that is made to chill and made for a more sustainable future. You can get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with Drizzly or Instacart by going to CoorsLight.com slash lady. Celebrate responsibly. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. Hey guys, it's Kelty and we want to thank you so much for checking out our Hyundai

vodcast from Tampa. We have so much fun. So many of you have watched us. It's living right now on our Instagram page. It's completely free to watch. It comes in three parts. It's super, super cute and especially the live good week, bad week with photos and visuals. It's meant for you. So I hope you guys go check it out. I'm very, very excited. You're listening to the Lady Gang. okay so first of all bravo jack i love it you did a great job reading it it sounds so good at what point did you feel like the whole thing was gonna turn into like a giant orgy like did you did you think there was ever a time where you were like and i'm in a throuple with these two joshes or did that never cross your mind seems like a stretch it wasn't a stretch no it wasn't an

orgy because like i said in the chapter like there was a point in the day and it was around the point when he was like i'm gonna invite my friend to come meet us that the friend we were both friends zoning each other the vibes were not there i wasn't really like super attracted to him but it was one of those things that i'm like you know maybe if you ask me on a second date like love can grow whatever i don't know but when he invited josh dumel on the date i was like maybe this is my chance like this is the time where i can do the bachelorette and swap from one to the other and then give my rose to josh jumel like that and i was also in a point of my life that i was a little bit delusional and i was really desperate so my common sense wasn't exactly working the way that

you would think it was i don't think it would have been delusional for you to think josh jumel would be into you yeah i don't think so either no oh not at all i don't know not at all was josh jumel well i know the answer but i would like you to explain to everyone like josh jumel irl like what is what is the hotness like it's i mean he's so beautiful in real life he's so hot he's so tall he's so handsome so tall what he's like six three i think he's taller than six three he is so nice Like he just had like, he's just such a nice guy that you're like, how, and like, like I said, he was going through some like a girl problems at the time. I'm like, how can you be heartbroken right now?

I'm like, you're like the hottest, most eligible bachelor. Nice guys finish last. Nice guys finish last. I don't know. No, I think that his, first of all, his acting career is nothing to laugh at. It's nothing to make fun of. It's actually very impressive. He's consistently worked for like years and years and years.

however i don't think that he has broken that um that level he hasn't broken into the very top because he's too nice yeah he has no edge he's not a sociopath right he's not crazy enough no he's not crazy enough he's just way too kind yeah actually this my story is perfect to follow i have a little bit of a josh gmail story i was thinking about sharing you sharing this chapter um so right like and i think you can watch this on the internet i was working for entertainment tonight at the time. And I had done like a, um, it was like a triplet day where I was invited to interview Josh. And this was right, I think right after his divorce, like it was pretty, pretty new, but I was also invited to interview him at an event. Um, and I think it was for like

earth or animals or something, a charity that he was a part of. And then I was also invited to like kind of present him with his award at the charity event. So it was like a twofer, right? I was going to the gala. I was presenting the award to him. And then we were doing an interview after this happens a lot. So we were on the red carpet together and they were like, Oh great. Kelty and Josh, take a picture. This exists. You can go look at it. And we're standing beside each other. And you know, when you take a picture with someone on the red carpet, you know, you're like, you're kind of snuggling in. And I, I literally could feel his conscience because, you know, normally like someone put their arm around you or like stand close to you or whatever.

i could feel his conscious being like i'm so nervous that they're gonna take this picture and run with it like i mean i probably made this up all up in my head but like that we were a couple you know what i mean i definitely made this all up in my head but i was like because i could feel him kind of inching away from me like he didn't want to look like he was having too much fun on this red carpet do you know what i mean um and like we were just it was it was professional you know so i thought that was very sweet because i definitely felt that energy because it was like we were like hugging and then we're like, Oh wait, no, no, no, no, no. Don't want that picture out there. Maybe he was just like, this dress is hideous. I don't know. But anyway, it was the

interview, which I interviewed him and we weren't, obviously I wasn't like digging about his divorce or anything. And I was just asking him like pretty simple questions. And he started crying in the interview. He was very emotional. He got up out of the interview. He took a few minutes. Like I was like, we can stop, you know? And then he came back and he wanted so badly. It felt like to me and again this was a long time ago so i don't remember it perfectly clearly but i think he really wanted everyone to know how good of a mom that fergie was and he was like very emotional about like i love her and she's an amazing mother and like i love her and even though they had broken up like he was like it was at the time i think she was kind of getting a bad rap of like

being the bad guy in the marriage and he was like so passionate about telling the truth about that they were good and that she was an amazing mother and i just thought that was he's just too nice so that's too nice he's too nice he's married now right is he i think he got married or engaged uh-huh we'll follow it up anyway well no i wanted to talk about really quick because i had to listen to this episode of the oliver hudson podcast so i could like get my notes right because i was kind of because when he was going and talking about josh because the entire episode was basically him selling this random guy to me that i did not know and so you i was making all the points where like i was a true crime freak and he played golf with scott peterson and i love larry david and he

loved larry david and he like owned a winery and i love wine like all the reasons why we were like soulmates but you guys listening to us podcast from years and years ago is so funny anytime we were with a guy like a straight man forget about it giddy we were just like little like giggling school girls it was so funny i remember that we haven't actually had that energy well have we had any like straight handsome men lately not for a long time not for years it feels like i haven't had a man for a long time we had chris knight so don't don't even don't count that out okay well he doesn't count but yeah you know you know i don't know are we due for one like yeah like i kind of want to ask yeah matt nathanson to come back oh yeah oh well yeah for sure but like that's

for you but but i guess we got somebody that like we can all get our rocks off on you know get our rocks off on they're definitely not coming now pervy way to put it i don't have any celebrity crushes other than matt nathanson i'm such a loser okay jack can you remind everyone uh where they can get the book and if they want more of your chapters yes you can pre-order our book on theladygang.com slash books and when you do you get one of kelty's chapters right away about george clooney and if he hates her or not and uh you what's the pre-order you get 20 to our store and you get 20 to theladygang.com thanks for coming we will see you next tuesday thanks for listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingber steve delameter and jared monaco

Make sure you subscribe, rate, and review our podcast. And if you love it, share it with your friends on social media. Like, oh my god, I just listened to Lady Gang. This episode's so great. Swipe up to listen. And if you really want to, which we know you do, please follow us on social. At Kelty, at Becca, at Jack Vanek, and at the Lady Gang. Sign up for our newsletter at theladygang.com and join our secret Facebook group.

It's super fun. See you next Tuesday.