LadyGang - Just Us: Lady Secrets is Here

Episode Date: September 20, 2022

Lady Secrets is here and the tour has started! Find out what it’s like living on a tour bus and their favorite moments from the live shows so far. Check out our amazing sponsors!!! Addyi: Revive the sex drive you once knew and visit HSDDtreatment.com  Caraway: Visit CarawayHome.com/lady to take advantage of this limited-time offer for 10% off your next purchase! Lands End: Go to Business.LandsEnd.com/lady and use promo code LADY for 25% off! Rothys: Get $20 off your first purchase at Rothys.com/ladygang  StoryWorth: Save $10 on your first purchase when you go to StoryWorth.com/lady See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This segment is brought to you by HSDDtreatment.com. If you're frustrated by a low libido, you don't have to live with it forever. It can be treated. Learn more about an FDA-approved treatment at HSDDtreatment.com. Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again.

The Lady Gang. Things are about to change around here. Each week, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. hello hello hello welcome to the lady gang i'm becca tobin here with jack fanning and kelty knight and holy shit we're on the amazing race we're living life on the edge i thought i would be good on the amazing race you would never i'm not gonna be great i would never win it none of us would no i would be the worst partner ever we're all delicate flowers we really are truly

We're coming at you live from tour life. We have done three shows so far and we are spent. How are we going to make it to the end? I just can't believe we've only done three because I literally feel like I just completed a season of the Radio City Rockettes where I'm like, I need to go on a nine week vacation. I can't even imagine a time that we're not on tour and it's only been a week. Like, I don't know. I don't know life beyond this anymore.

I don't either. I actually was just thinking that, too. Like, it feels like this has been our whole existence. My whole life is me be wearing this same sweatshirt as you. Yeah, the sweatshirt that we're in. Well, Jack designed a line of merch that will soon be available to the public if you haven't been able to come see us on tour. But the merch is fuego. The merch is on fire.

It is. The people love it. It's really all I care about because, you know, I have so much of my identity tied into merch. Yeah. So I'm glad that everybody loves our Live Laugh Lady Gang sweatshirts. Oh, my God. Yeah. And all of the tour merch, our special tour tea, you know?

The tour tea, the skellies. The skellies. So today is going to be a special episode because we are officially celebrating. I like just started to cry. Just now? Just now. I'm teary eyed. Is that a cry?

I think I'm so tired. She's like those people that are like sobbing, but no tears are coming out. Like a lot of the housewives do. Yeah. Crocodile tears. Yeah. No, it's real. I feel that emotional, like I'm ready to have a big cry.

It's here. lady secrets is out the book's out we worked on it for two years should we start with good to be bad week should we start with what they know i'll talk about the book in a bit sure okay sure well it's time for good week yes it is bad week oh no i forgot that we were gonna do this my good week i'll kick it off my good week is actually i'm gonna we're in philadelphia right now i have not been here for an extended period of time since i was in high school and i spent a summer at university of the arts dancing yeah making out with college boys yes um it is such a cool city yeah i mean i we just walked down the street jack and i went and got coffees we went to

this little like smoothie place it's adorable we're staying at this hotel that is actually like apartments apartments and chic because sometimes apartment style hotels give me the heebie-jeebies yeah like i don't like a lived in like a lived in feels to b&b yeah i don't want the it feels like you're at like rita's house yes i don't want to i don't want to feel like i'm at like a weird ikea furnished bullshit wait did i ever tell you about the time that chris took me on a trip to belize and it was right when we first started dating and he's like you can rough it and then i stayed at like randy's roadhouse or whatever it was and it was a twin bunk bed and the top bunk was filled with stuffed animals shut that uh was a journey well that's not where we are

this place is very if you're coming to philly it's this is not an ad um l-o-k-a-l local yeah we're in fishtown which i just discovered the last time i was in philly because i was like like downtown philly is not my favorite place but like fishtown and like northern liberties like this is the coolest fucking town ever called fishtown i don't think it's a good name i like it i don't really like fishtown i don't want to live in fishtown i'm living in fishtown right now because i'm on my period it's fishtown oh my god my lordy lordy okay that's disgusting okay um well you don't even know the half of it wait did you start your period yeah oh yeah i'm a week later than you because my i didn't have really and i think i was too busy to have pms like i would

I've just been like, you couldn't concentrate. I just, I like, I can't tell if my back hurts from lifting like cases and cases and cases of luggage or it just is my period. I don't know. Anyway. Okay. Sorry, Becca. It's okay. Um, my bad week is a lot has changed in the 10 years. It's been between sleeping on a tour bus now and I'm realizing, so I used to tell the girls on tour with me, I was like, I loved living on the tour bus and we did months. Right, right, right. Oh my God. And I remember you guys get day rooms or were you just, but we got day rooms. Um, and because it was an arena tour, I was just explaining this to Jack. It was an arena tour. So we were playing 20,000 seat arenas. So they had the funds to literally have people there with like our clean

underwear. Right. And we didn't have to bring anything other than ourselves and our positive attitudes into the arenas every day right this is like we're doing 85 people's jobs keeping track of things doing you know like it's setting up whatever activations and where's my toothbrush i don't know like it's just so rough and then also i so i used to say like i love tour bus life like life is just simpler on the tour bus you're just in your own little bubble but guess what not anymore it sucks life is not simple it's actually become more complicated and harder to navigate and I don't want to complain because this is definitely going to be a core memory for us. It's a core memory.

Oh, I know. The memory is core. I know. It's core. The memory is so core. But it's also like I walked outside this morning and I was like, I feel like I'm on a camping trip. Yep. Yes.

It's like a camping trip where like you're having fun, but you're not comfortable. But like camping, you're actually like doing it for fun. Right. Like you're on a vacation and then you're by like the river. But we're working all the time. and I brought so many activities you guys like over there I have my whole I was gonna redo my entire bujo yeah right for the new year in our spare time on the bus I downloaded a bunch of books and tv shows I have done nothing I have slept I have searched I have like grazed for food

I have slept and I have repacked my bag 900 times um yeah I'd like I like should just get The organization of things. I mean, this is why I do feel when I posted on Instagram that I was going to have one off-duty look. Yeah. No, it's working. I have one off-duty look. I mean, mine is just leggings.

I didn't know it was going to be our merch and an extra large that smells, but. Yeah. Well, that's because my stinky shoes were on it. You can't do a look. There's no looks on tour. Jack is. Okay. So Jack is a very like particular human, you know, and we have the bunks and there's the

lower bunk and the top bunk and she really does not like it when kelty's foot makes it from the ledge would you but there's no other way i can't bounce no because it's you don't just okay so there's a little like a leather and i'm trying but it's like three inches no not but kelty's dirty toes but they're stinky they're dirty and they're going right on my white sheets Yeah, you shouldn't have gotten white. Okay, so a speck of dirt. So, like, Princess Jack loses it on Calvary for putting her toe onto the thing. Dude, it's sick.

Well, you know I hate feet. Okay. Well, then you should have taken a top bunk. Yeah. Because I'm doing, I have, and by the way, I knew you'd be grossed out by it. I have put so much effort into only doing. Not grossing Jack out. I have taken my entire body weight on this one old dancer toe and tried to lift myself up nine feet into my bunk

without putting any pressure i appreciate any fall over onto your jersey sheets i have put effort since day one jersey sheets i did not i think like the jersey sheets we have jersey sheets like uh t-shirt material and i feel like it it just like exacerbates yeah like a dirt too it makes it worse i even take off my slipper and then just have my little indoor sock okay but let me just blow up jack for a second okay so we're organizing and reorganizing our suitcases today and I put my lovely, my favorite merch sweatshirt, my favorites, my daily go-to. It's green. It says Lady Gang University. I love this thing. And I lay it down on the seat on the bus, which is where you should be able to put things, you know? Yeah. Cause it's like butts and are go there or things

go there and butts and things, but three minutes later I turn around and I see a pair of huge white dirty dad sneakers i need i need on top of the sweatshirt i need to defend myself because i didn't put those there somebody else put them there who wasn't me it was me my bad uh they were in the out down they were under the bus and i knew you probably needed them and i put them in i did not realize it was on top of a sweater i'm very tired well that's actually my bad okay that was rude you're just a filthy princess well i am and and what she's just not thinking she's skimming she's like the bottoms of these shoes have been stepped on well because everything's disgusting everything's disgusting um okay let's talk about disgusting my bad week is i shit my

pants on tour day two and i have been waiting to tell everyone this and the worst part about it is that becca has a video and i know she's going to use it one of you tour cities she was nice enough to not embarrass me in Boston, but I know it's coming out. And here's what happened. So touring is hard. It's sometimes hard to find a snack because you park the tour bus in like random spots, not near anything. And so it was like day tour of tour. We did not realize it was going to be as crushingly difficult as it is. And well, we need to tell everybody that you can't shit on a tour bus. Okay. Yes. Like you can't poop on the tour bus. You can't put toilet paper in. So like if you have to poop and the tour bus is moving, you have to tell the tour, uh, the bus driver

to stop and let you go poop. No pooping. Yes. And so you cannot poop. There's no bathroom for the poop. And we were parked in and we were a good eight minute walk from the Starbucks, which would help you, uh, be able to poop in the Starbucks, but you still had to like get in there anyway. So we found food and we found it. Was it a Jimmy John's? Okay. We found a Jimmy John's. And as you guys know I'm gluten free and there's a reason for that. And a lot of people make fun of gluten free people because they're like, you're gluten free. You're LA. Oh my God. I can't have the gluten. There's some gluten I can have. Like I can have a chocolate bar and it won't upset my stomach. Bread in general, especially like fast food chain bread is usually a really recipe for

disaster. But is that because you don't have it for so long? I think so. You've deprived your body yeah like i've been yourself an intolerance essentially no yeah i think they've done studies where they're like there's actually no such thing unless you are celiac no but i am celiac and it's bad for people no you're not it's part of my hashimoto's that's not celiac celiac is literally people can't even have traces of gluten or they are hospitalized oh no no i'm just like you can't keep giving yourself are you sure you didn't make up your gluten intolerance i didn't make it up who told you dr kelman they test you for it i'm telling you well anyway it doesn't matter you guys because you saw it firsthand well that's because you were hung over as you've eaten like

eight chips all this entire tour then you haven't had bread in three years so then you're gonna shit yourself so i you know what it's like the compassion i get from these two you know what i mean i'm so nice to them and i can't even get a story you pooped your pants well no kelty i it was the best honestly talk about core memories i will never forget this moment no for the rest of my life i will forget everything i might forget jared's name but i will not forget the moment where you shit your pants into a cardboard box next to a dumpster i'm just so grateful that i had the intuition to know it's going to be a big moment because I could tell from you, because sometimes you'll say things along the lines of, I'm going to shit my pants or my stomach hurts

from gluten. You're theatrical sometimes. Yeah. Like how you just gave yourself celiac. I was like seeing something in your face I've never seen before. And I just felt like, we were going to go to, we were going to go to a store and do some shopping for the bus. And you know, what always happens with me is that i'm ready first because i don't care and i just get ready and then jack had just showered and so i literally had to say to jack hey babe like as she was putting on her face oil um and with like her slippies on i was like babe i'm gonna need you to like move this along because i'm gonna ship my pants but the best part to target this is what would have been amazing as if we would have called the uber and we were in the uber when i would have yeah you

would have shit your pants. I decided, okay, I can't, I'm not going to make it to the Starbucks. I'm going to have to poop behind the dumpster that we're parked next to. But then I went outside and there were two people that worked in that building, the civic center that came out and they were working on that little patio section. So I couldn't squat down beside the dumpster. So I had to pretend I was going for a walk. And as I started walking with a cardboard box, no, I found the cardboard. Oh yeah. Yeah. Right. So I'm walking with a cardboard box and I'm like, oh my God. And then I was like, there's all these windows. People are going to see me. So I found a corner of grass that was like by a wall. And I was like, this is where I will poop in the corner. And I

thought I'll do it like camp style. You know what I mean? Where you squat. But what happened next was so traumatizing because the poop just started coming out of my butt. Like when the pants weren't fully down yet the pants were nothing was down my pants were still up your body started to release my body and it was water and it went down the back the whole back of my pants down my leg and i'm squatting i'm squatting to finish it and i've pulled my shitty sweatpants out and it's so watery that it's splashing on everything on the sock i had no shoes on by the way because i was so desperate to get off the bus i didn't have my sneaker on so then i'm like what do i do because i don't have any time and so then i look up becca's filming me and i go i need a wipe no you go no i shit my

hand no wait was that what it was did the shit come first because it was an audible shit you can hear the shit happening you can hear this is too gross there's a there's a watery two that happens Kelsey looks like a dog like you you're like a dog that's going diarrhea like with your it comes out this the shame you were so embarrassed do this I fucking can you give me some pants i have a question did you even bring toilet paper out there no how did you wipe yourself no she's holding toilet paper oh yeah but it was so it wasn't enough. So what I did is I did take off my pants and my socks. I wrapped my jean jacket around my waist and waddled back to the bus and then had to wipe the poop off me. And I went in the shower

and here's the thing. You cannot poop on the bus. You can't bring poop, anything about poop onto the bus. So I had to rinse my shitty body off. Like I was a child who just shit their diaper and in the in the shower and then the shower stunk and i was like the leftover poo water was like just sitting there anyway it's been so terrible so here's where it goes to a good week is that after this terrible experience and then i washed my shitty sweat so the worst part about it sorry there's one more part the worst part about it is that when i shit my pants i was wearing my one-of-a-kind sweatsuit that jack made us on tour yeah one of one there's one of there's three made or five made or whatever live off lady gang and so if i was wearing any other

legging black sweat pant trash wouldn't have kept it yeah but i was like well this is the only sweatsuit i have so i was like i gotta keep it so i had to rinse it out like anyway so then later picture i do have of your pink sweatpants outside just drying on the curb next to garbage next yeah with all of the trash it was just so nasty and so then later on we're at the store we're getting supplies and i swear to god my good week is just the friendship of this group will she film you shitting your pants will she instantly run in to help you no she'll film you she'll use it as blackmail forever but when we're in the store no i swear i ran back into the uh the bus and anybody i mean i was couldn't breathe but i was searching through my bag for pants and asking

where if we had any wipes that you could wear i swear to god i was you were helping thank you you're such a mom you know what honeypot just can clear that right like honeypot really worked on this so anyway we're later at the store and becca looks at me straight face we're like okay we've got uh we've got some apples we've got peanut butter we have some paper towels um we've got the sharpies for signing the books yeah we got some milk and then she looks at me and she goes do we need to get a package of adult diapers but she wasn't saying it like hey girl should we get some adult diapers yes she looked at me like because someone else is gonna poop their pants it's day two yeah i was concerned anyway so i did not really eat the next day my stomach has

been upset but now it's great i'm feeling good i ate some cheese yeah i'm proud of this yogi proud of you you're good to go um and that's it jack um okay so my good week is marshalls is a sponsor of our tour and when they came on we're all gonna like wear their outfits every day and i am a very particular person i'm like that's an understatement of like truly i actually have never i am a particular person our stylist has dressed quinneth paltrow and she said jack is her most difficult client she's ever worked for i'm very sorry um not i am a very but not an about it no I'm not like difficult to others difficult person on earth difficult the most particular particular yes and challenging to please with clothing yes yes so that being said

I was a little bit nervous because I was like I can't find outfits anywhere I usually have to like make my own thing but then when we went shopping at Marshall's I found so much shit that I loved and i'm so excited to wear like i just actually upset me because i was like god damn it i thought this was gonna be like we might humble you yeah i thought this was gonna be like like i'd have to wear immersion therapy yeah i have to wear like a cropped to be in a skinny jean oh yeah no but i found even you know my weird ass style i still could find shit and i actually love all the outfits that i found so i felt so good about it love every look so far thank you all three of us even your um uh man shirt no no i was gonna say even your um pink mini skirt i was a judgmental

when i first saw it and then you wore it and i was into it yeah it's cool it's cool i really like it too and there's a place for her there is a place for her but yeah marshall's is great and for all of our vip signings we were like meeting all the girls and so many girls had the most amazing style and got their stuff from marshall's so i'm like works for us so my bad week is just the fact that I haven't slept in one week straight. I can't sleep at all. I have insomnia and being on that tour bus, even with your medication and I'm like taking double, I don't know if I should be, but I haven't, you know, you can give yourself insomnia. What do you mean? Oh, she's trying to be a dick. Should we give you the Michael Jackson? Um, I would without death,

with uh that's the problem with propofol though like i also would love it i have started to become addicted to laughing gas they give me when i get my lasers at honest dermatology i like i'm so excited i'm so excited when i get to go in there and just breathe in the giggle juice for like 30 minutes i mean that's like sometimes when you like go for surgery like the anesthesia oh yes i always look forward to it if it wasn't taking years off your life is it yeah it's not good it's not good for you it's stuff they don't know what it really does they don't really know you're kind of you're dead you're half dead you're a little bit dead yeah just a little bit fuck and they could pick it up so easily but you guys are not helping my

facelift in 10 years neither did heather dubrow who was our guest and she was amazing sorry finish continue you and then we'll circle back to i mean that's about it i just haven't slept and um i hope to sleep tonight and if not i'm just gonna probably die be open to trying out the top bunk because i was on the top in the beginning of this tour and then i moved to the bottom no i just we're moving around yeah we're moving around but i'm telling you last night and i can sleep through anything i was too bumpy i could not i felt like i was literally lying on top of a wheel i know literally are well my i know no like with nothing between us i was like this is oh no it's very bouncy i think you should try it i i might try it my thing about being on the bottom bunk

when there's two bunks is i go pee like 500 times a night so i didn't want to be the one that was putting my toes on somebody's bunk like a bunch of times but you'd be putting it on my bunk and i don't wake up okay so i have to be on the bottom because of orly yeah orly's with us but i think You should try it. Last night, it's all I could think about. I was thinking either this is an extra bumpy ride and it hasn't been this bad, or there really is a huge difference between the top and bottom. Okay. I'm going to try it. Okay. We'll see. Kelsey, what did you want to talk about? When we come back, more from the tour. Hi everyone. It's me. The holidays are coming up and that's why I want you to get StoryWorth for your family member. We've talked about this for years.

I think they've been a sponsor for four or five years on Lady Gang now. Usually around the holiday daytime when it's thanksgiving hanukkah and christmas people are giving each other gifts and we have given the gift of story worth to our family i gave one to my mom it's such a cool company it prompts your loved one these questions every single week and they write a little paragraph a couple sentences a big entry about it and then at the end of 12 months they bind it together and they make the book of sheila the book of jack the book of kelty and it's all these memories it's like basically a prompted memoir journal thing but it's the best way for like grandparents to tell life story. And when I got my mom's, there was so many stories from her childhood that have just

never come up before. And it was just so cool to learn more about her parents and her younger years. So I just think this is a great gift and I get DM'd all the time. What was that thing Kelty was talking about? This is the thing I was talking about. Get to know your loved ones better and preserve those special moments forever with StoryWorth. Right now for a limited time, you can save $10 on your first purchase when you go to StoryWorth.com slash lady. That's StoryWorth, That's S-T-O-R-Y-W-O-R-T-H.com slash lady to save $10 off your first purchase. StoryWorth.com slash lady. It's time to ditch the chemicals with Caraway Home's non-toxic cookware and bakeware collections

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Go to business.landsend.com slash lady and use our promo code lady for 25% off. That's business.landsend.com slash lady. Promo code lady for 25% off. Now back to the Lady Gang. We're back. We're back. We're back. Heather Dubrow was our guest.

that was so first of all yeah we should talk about our guests yeah yeah wait we should talk about the book though i mean i think everybody knows about the book okay did you guys know we have a book what do you want to what do you want to say about okay no i'm not i have to keep signing the book plates okay um i just want to like so i know that the best most productive years of my life are over what no like i feel like you've been saying this for like i know i have because i've been preparing for this day okay like we're not writing another book this is it it's over this is the end uh this is the i sort of feel like you can't say that because you may write a book down the line i don't have any other good story created we've told them all fan franchise and

you're multi-millionaire and invest life hot life it's what life hut what's that i'm gonna go live in a hut. You will live in a hut for like two weeks. You would be so in a hut. You would have a list, a to-do list in a hut. You'd get so bored. You'd be like, go sweep, clean up the anthills around the hut. Yeah. I would love it. Even, okay. I'm sorry. We've had three off days so far on tour and I've, I've never actually been, we haven't been around each other 24 seven ever. So this is the first time we've ever like really seen how each other work. Kelty truly doesn't stop working. Like we worked all day long. The day that you were gone, we worked all day long. And then at like seven 30, Kelty was like, I should probably like go in my bunk and do some

computer work. And I'm like, watch a TV show. You'll be okay. You never stopped. We did yoga twice. Yeah. But that's work for you. 28 minutes. Okay. Anyway, I just like, are you doing? i'm i'm telling you about the book no what are you doing when you're working well because i'm okay i'm trying to make this lift as easy as i can for everyone it just all my delicate it's not possible idea like i don't think i haven't thought eight million times in my head becca all you have to do is show up, put on your outfit and show up, but it's like, it's over. We're all heavy lifting. I do exactly. But I don't want the stress of like, I want to try to make it easy where it's like, okay, I'm going to deal with figuring out like, what do we need to do today?

What's the, who's, you know, that kind of stuff. Like I'm trying to, you're Alexing it though. So Alex is the best employee that has ever existed on the face of the earth. But sometimes because she's so worried about making our lives easier, she creates more work for herself that probably doesn't need, didn't even need to. For sure. Yeah. And then I'm also like, I do have that other job that I'm working on. So there's like a lot of things like when I was doing super fan, I let lady gang fall to the wayside because I just didn't have the bandwidth. And now I'm kind of like doing that. So I was doing some catch up too. But anyway, my, my point being, these are for you. Your years are over. Well, my years of like making super productive career things are

like, I'm feeling like there was a time where I was like pumping out greatness all the time. I know this is, you guys are riling me for this, but I just want to remember that quote forever. Okay. I was doing, I was doing out greatness all the time. I was doing exciting things all the time. Like I was like, now I'm at Paris fashion week. Now I'm on paper.

You were doing right on paper. I was doing exciting things and I had like in a year, 10, 15 big tent pole moments that I was like really enjoying and living. And that is not happening as much anymore for me. So I want to make sure that I sit in the gratitude and the bigness of the moments that are special. And so today is a very special day. We had the first book. We had this really exciting idea to do Lady Cigarettes. We had so many people send in notes. We had to look through all of them. We had to write the book, design the book, think of all the conversations we had about the cover and what the colors should be in the fonts and like then to have them printed and see them on the carts

last night. Like it's a big deal what we've done. And I don't want to skip over being proud of ourselves. I don't know another female podcast that has put out two books in three years and toured the country in a bus. Like, I'm sorry. So I just want to like, let's just live and enjoy that we worked hard and we like what we did and I'm, I, I have to celebrate it some way. So if I'm not supposed to celebrate it as a, like a success thing, I want to celebrate it as a, we did it our own selves thing. I think that that's a better way of celebrating it anyways. Right. And maybe if you really want to be present and enjoy this moment, you should not work so much every moment that we're not doing something okay because what is the point because then you're always looking

forward and you can't actually well in my defense i got wastedly drunk that i don't remember the first two shows of tour but they were amazing how i got i want to tell you something from the room in chicago to my bunk and changed my clothes i'm actually happy we're talking about we need to talk about what nick well first of all i want to say we're going to get into nick but first i want to say that you have screwed yourself because we've now had so many live shows to where the expectation is that Kelty is getting wasted, is getting wasted. So the expectation is that Kelty is a loosey goosey. Okay. And people want to see it. They want to see, because it's like, it's like, all year they listen to you. It is a rare bird because you don't, you don't drink usually and

you don't ever let loose. And people don't want to see entertainment tonight, Kelty. They want to see Lucy. If you're a fan of this. Okay. So I know we're supposed to promote the book, but we do have more cities coming up. Don't ask me which ones. I'm not quite sure. I think we're going to Atlanta, maybe Charlotte, New York sold out. So Texas, LA, Phoenix, Denver. Wow. Okay. So we're going to places, but Becca has been listening because it haunts my dreams. So you guys if you like to listen to this podcast and if you're a kelty and you love kelty the most because we know she has the most super fans i just want you to know that you're only ever going to see this side of kelty at a live show yeah what you hear on the podcast is just the tip of the

iceberg to how extremely dynamic and entertaining entertaining i mean there are no words there's no when i enjoy blacking out watching blacking out more than you thank you i mean you are we always say you're the specialist snowflake in the entire world and i'm no it really gets featured it gets featured like and you're you never disappoint because there's something in your brain that you're like i have to turn it on and i have to make these people happy i don't care how embarrassing i want everyone to like me i know but it really works as you guys know i'm very socially awkward. Like I'm not good for being a public person. I'm not great at interacting with other people. So I find that just getting wasted is a much more easy way. Yeah. Because I got

nervous yesterday in Boston. I know you were keeping it together a little bit more than usual because your ex-boyfriend from high school was there, which we'll also get into. Oh my God, we have to get into it. We have so much to talk about, but you were keeping it together to the point so much where i was like she needs a drink i ran out of a drink i would have had more drink no because right before rude yeah when no you were like tunnel visioning yourself in like in like a stress ball yeah and then like you literally were weren't talking at all you like shut yourself off almost you literally said to me el paso because you wanted me to paso the mic away from someone and he said that on a microphone wow that's embarrassing yeah so we need none of

that and we need more of the first two shows okay let's talk about chicago and nick vial so nick was our guest for chicago he was fucking amazing like we loved having him what a guy he's such a great guy he's so great and he like showed up and he like really played all the the games that we wanted him to and his whole entire family was there yep and if you've watched the bachelor you know that His family is very conservative. So I didn't know how that they were going to really react to our show. And after the show, they came into our green room and were hanging out with us for at least an hour. And Kelty was on one.

I actually have a video of it. I should post it somewhere. And Nick's mom, she was enamored by Kelty. She loved you. She loved you. And Kelty was just like putting on this song and dance about how amazing Nick was. and his mom was just like it was the best moment of her life you know what i really i'm happy that nick is happy and that he's in a loving relationship but if for some reason they break up the only way

i would watch the bachelor again is if he became the bachelor again who i kind of like i would absolutely older bachelor love this because he's also evolved so much from his time on the bachelor that it would just be really enjoyable to watch somebody like that yeah i mean he's found love and it's like pretty much a done i mean it's not a done deal they're not like married but i hope it works out for them but if it doesn't yeah i really really would like that well would you actually watch it is that he's so hot he's so hot and he's he's so tall he's that mix of like a lot of men that have that face are usually not the body type that i'm interested in you know what i mean no and he's got he's got his like cute little sneakies on and like he's smart he's

confident and he's so nice like he texted after he's like thank you so much for including me what's the link to your book i want to post about it like you know so not everyone is cool not everyone's his book is really good yeah it's actually i find that he gives some of the best dating because he's been a boy yeah so he knows how to tell you yes you're getting no that's so fucking true right yeah he knows it from like the other side no he is i think his advice is amazing whenever he does the arsenic on instagram which led to his book yeah um i always am just like oh my god it's it's like the harsh truth that everyone needs every once in a while yep and he's not afraid to you know dole it out but anyway so that was great that was an exciting time and

then heather dubrow lovingly flew on a red eye from a house commercial from a housewives like they were filming a trip yeah and she jumped on that plane we didn't pay her a dollar to come and be our guest she's very just very supportive and always has been but she i mean how does one become so refined she's like the the perfect she's refined but she's so fun yeah and like down and has a good sense of humor and she can be self-deprecating and she like and doesn't take herself too seriously that's what it is she's the definition of wealth whispers like but in a weird way not exactly because she's wearing like a fendi shoe and a louis vuitton thing but like usually people that are that rich are like kind of poo-pooing you no her personality she doesn't

poo-poo anyone's other like standard of living no like she's so excited when we yeah she's lovely she drank our shitty champagne i'm so sorry that's what i was gonna say but the best part about it is like is that she's she drank it and wasn't like passive aggressive and like oh thank you she was like if i must she's like she's like making it later than the last one so odd this is a we and by the end of the night she was drinking a diet coke and like she gave up but it's hilarious you know she like made a joke of it and yeah didn't make us feel out of a red cup she was like it's my problem right i'm like like if we had thought of it we would have a chalice for her or something but we had a red solo cup and that's all we could offer.

And I'm sorry, we're doing the best we can right now. We are doing the best we can. You know what I'm doing right now? Laundry in our hotel. You know what I'm washing? My Rothy's sneakers. Why? Because they are on tour with us

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That's hsddtreatment.com. You're listening to The Lady Gang. We have a segment of the show, which maybe we should, we need to address some things here and now. You're hearing it real time. Wait, I don't want people to know about it. No, because then they're going to study. Yeah. Well, I don't have to say what it is.

Okay. be very vague. We have a game show with men. Yeah. And also it's all over Instagram. So anyways, we have a game show with men and Jack's job is to go out and find three men to play this game. Now the thing, the game was born from all the significant others that would come to the show with the girlfriends. Yeah. And so it's like in our minds, it's thinking, we're thinking of not lady gang fans. We're thinking of heterosexual, good husbands, good fiancees, boyfriends that came along with you last night in the chaos of the show in the midst of the madness jack pulled up a lovely man in a suit who was there with his wife sean sean and two absolutely adorable men

who were actual members of the lady members and who do not have sex with women yeah and it was so funny and it was like. The point of the game is you have to be a straight man to play. You wanted to put straight men on blast. Yes. And I did a mistake. I, you know, you never know. The guy

in the lady gang necklace didn't set off their flares in your head? You know, I have bad eyesight even though I've gotten LASIK. I don't know what I'm doing. That's true. They were so cute though. They were amazing. I mean, I just can't. He was just like, ooh, I don't know anything. He was like, I don't know this. And I was like, I'll help you.

And then I was like, I can't help you because I don't know. Because I don't know myself. That is my favorite part of the show. I'm so excited for everybody to experience it for the shows coming up. And then you guys met Justin Taylor Mills. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. You used the whole name.

I know. I didn't know. JTM. JTM, the ex-boyfriend of Kelty's from high school, whose wife came with him, who was so cool. His wife. The raddest. The coolest.

She's always been cool, though. I need to start things off from that morning, though. Yes, please. We woke up, again, I don't sleep on the tour bus, so I probably had 30 minutes of sleep. And Kelsey woke up the morning that her ex-boyfriend was going to come. Like, she had won the fucking lottery. Like, I've never seen you more excited. You definitely don't act that way around Chris or to see Chris at all.

It's our husbands. It's different. But, like, you are a gay schoolgirl. She was. And you were also saying that, like, maybe he wasn't going to show up. They couldn't get a sitter. and if he did like he didn't want to be like called out but by the end of the show we called him out everybody knew who he was because his wife and all of her friends were pointing at

him and laughing and i just thought that was also cool it was amazing so he ended up being so cool his wife was amazing their friends were awesome he looks like bradley cooper yeah he's definitely hot and kelty took a fan pic with him and also kelty during the show i've never seen kelty like in that mode of wanting to um impress a guy but this is this is what kelty lives for is people from her hometown seeing how successful she is the added element of it being a boy that she once like loved it was really like a different vibe so if you were at the boston show kelty was actually playing a little bit of like a cool girl and it was great but it was not the usual no it's not what we want from you

it's Justin's fault no it is well here's what's so embarrassing I actually had like I had a lot of thoughts about this last night in my bunk having like stress about how it went and we were in the green room after and Becca or Jack

goes to him like we really want to know what Kelty was like in high school and he goes like she was like almost exactly the same and they're like yeah something about performing and he's like no no she she performed at our graduation. I had actually blocked that out of my memory until just last night. I do remember. So there was like a high school graduation show. I'd already went and

did you produce it? No, I would have. Nobody asked me. I already left, gone on the cruise ship, worked a contract and then came back after high school. No. Cause I graduated early. I had enough credits to graduate early. So I didn't have to go to the final semester of high school. So I went got a dance job and then i came back to like do the prom or whatever anyway um i did a lyrical performance what does that mean did you sing no no it's like a it's like a style of dance there was an emo genre of dance it's lyrical is it like uh contemporary interpretive yeah contemporary interpretive but it was called lyrical back then and the song that i chose to do my performance to was music of the heart by NSYNC and Gloria Estefan. Wow. Your love is the

music of my heart. I don't know. You taught me to soar. You taught me to fly. I don't think I know it. I know it's not even a good song. So, I mean, sorry, Gloria, but anyway, um, I just thought about me up there in my red lyrical dress and all your glory thinking like I was just the hottest shit in the world and justin mills sitting in the audience being like i'm dating that idiot like i can't believe anyone liked me and so i'll tell you why i got i got so squeamy last night and why i was so screw school girly because i was such a fucking loser and like i just we all were by the way i know no i know but i there's something about the mile markers of people that have known you since yeah like and that they could never do anything for you like justin

could never help me in any way he had no in like you know like there was no like in la it's everyone's like he did you give you he did give you his manifestation yeah yeah so anyway he's just like one of those people that's like kind of been a mile marker in my life and we don't talk all the time but like once a year sex we're not gonna talk about this why because i don't think it's appropriate sex is just an exchange of energy anyway i don't even remember half the people i've had sex with anyway i was just really touched that he came and he's still so hot and that's what really fucked me up is that like most people are ugly like after high school well i was like okay i'm 40 and we're joking we're texting back and forth before i was like um something

like you know well i'm you know i'm 40 so don't mind the wrinkles or something like that and he's like me too blah blah like we're joking or whatever adorable don't mind the wrinkles i don't know and then i just was like oh my god anyway whatever this is like so boring but that's not um i had quite a moment and he ended up being hot and was it everything that you wanted like is the did the expectations like did it meet it the reality um no like i wish i had better hair and a better outfit and i wish he wasn't as hot like i do remember like i think when he had his kids i saw him on facebook and there was a time where he had gotten kind of like daddy we all do and then like now that his kids are older he's back to being zaddy so you get your sexy back we love

zaddy so you know i was expecting maybe the daddy but i got the zaddy and it was hard um but anyway i just thought his wife's so cool and she was like she's beautiful she's beautiful and they have three kids and everyone's happy and i i think it was really nice and i'd never have to go to another high school reunion because i got to live at the lady gang and he wrote me a really sweet text that he was so proud and he just said the show was so much fun and it was so great seeing me and congrats on everything and what a guy what a guy he's not a dick you know yeah and the friends were so excited because the sarah could give two shits but the two friends that came with them were like massive housewife fans oh amazing so they had like tagged me in a bunch of instagrams being

like the night was so amazing i was like i know it was because amazing because of me it was amazing because of heather but whatever anyway um and the only and then i'm going to say one more thing the only reason that i can be in a marriage with chris knight is because i don't have to perform for him yeah that's the reason that's the difference i have never been that person that gets like weird and giddy in front of chris it's always been the most comfortable homey wonderful thing And I can only be myself around him. But your performance, like you being yourself is like his, he, it's a performance to him. You know what I mean?

It's like, you're the ultimate entertainment. The Chris Knight appreciation song, which is so nerdy, but that's so you. Yeah. And he loves it anyway, but I don't, I like never felt that even when we started. And also Chris Knight is hotter than JTM and taller. Chris Knight's so hot. Chris Knight is hot and he's the best. he has got the silent swagger you know the guy that's like understated quiet confidence and he's

like boom i he'll surprise you with you know what it is about jtm is that and like i mean let me tell you i'll let me tell you what it is thank you okay i'll tell you what it is about him and why any why he's also the strong silent type you have a type yeah strong client it's unfinished business what is it though because we never broke up oh we're still dating so hot no like we were in high school we were dating and then i got my dance job and we just left and like he was away playing hockey and like we kept in touch and we emailed and talked on the phone but it was like you're not going to date someone that lives in the caribbean on a cruise ship like you know what i mean so it was like i got married to that guy from and then i like got married right and came

home and was a married lady and so it was like we never really had this like big breakup where we didn't want to be together was just kind of like life and also i was like we were such different people but anyway i think that's why it like kind of makes me giggle because it's like it is that unfinished business you're technically still dating we're still dating it's going great i'm gonna throuple sarah moving in actually i don't want to move in because he has three children and i'm not a child you don't want to be a mom you don't want to be anyway certainly not of three kids if you don't even want them so let's end on this yeah go by the book lady secrets is out we are approximately a couple thousand away from being bestsellers i would say at this point

and i'm not going to beg you but i'm going to say to you if you're going to read this book go when you're at target this week or barnes and noble or put it on your amazon reimburse you if you just send i literally will i literally will no i i just like want to thank you for all the support and this book really does mean the world to us and we've been joking about all the pooping and the weird stories, but I think this is the best work we've ever done in writing. It's not mine, but I was dealing with a newborn. Yeah, but yours is

great. It's not. I think that's why I don't really want people to buy it either, but it's too late now. Anyway, don't listen to Becca. It's great and it's because she's being authentic and real and she doesn't want you to see that side of her, but she was too tired to realize

what she was doing. Yeah, I was like, this is never going to make it. I tricked you. Anyway, we love you so much. Thanks for the support. Keep coming to the Lady Gang shows. We have, like, two more months. We're going to make it. It really is fun, and I promise I'll be drunk at the next one.

Woo-hoo! And we will see you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening. The Lady Gang is produced by Alex Ingber, Steve Delameter, and Jared Monaco. Make sure you subscribe, rate, and review our podcast. And if you love it, share it with your friends on social media. Like, oh, my God, I just listened to Lady Gang. This episode's so great.

It's why I love to listen. And if you really want to, which we know you do, please follow us on social at kelty at becca at jack vanek and at the lady gang sign up for our newsletter at the lady gang.com and join our secret facebook group it's super fun see you next tuesday saddle up and get ready for westerns weeks on pluto tv all for free we're coming in blazing with favorites like true grit and once upon a time in mexico or immerse yourself in binge-worthy series like yellowstone and walker texas ranger plus pluto tv has hundreds of channels with thousands more movies tv shows and more the best part it's free no credit card no sign up no fees

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