LadyGang - Just Us: Notes on a Nervous Lady

Episode Date: November 1, 2022

Do you find yourself on TikTok at 4am? How about obsessing over likes and comments? Well, after reading Notes on a Nervous Planet, Keltie is sharing some tips and tricks to stay sane on the internet and find contentment. Check out our amazing sponsors!!! Travis Mathew: Visit TravisMathew.com/women and take 20% off your order with code LADYGANG Chime: Start your credit journey today at Chime.com/lady  Progressive: Press play on comparing auto rates. Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Here at the Lady Gang, we're all different kind of shoppers. As you can imagine, I'm already making my list, heading out, shopping, wrapping, and we'll be ready before even November ends. Jack will be there at midnight on December 24th, still buying gifts, and that's just the way it is. And that's why we head to Marshall's, right? You get the quality gifts for everyone on your list for way less, and you take it home that day.

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say that again the lady gang things are about to change around here each week we catch up with hollywood's hottest girl posse kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanik hello hello hello welcome to lady gang i am becca tobin here with jack vanik and kelty night just reminiscing about one more fail in my acting career that happened this week guys welcome to the show you are going through a hard time it's the fail of the week you know my theme since Turner and Hooch ended is almost there but not quite yeah I have had so many almost there's and not quite that this season of television is going to be me watching every single show feeling like oh right that almost happened then it didn't oh and then seeing this

and then seeing a famous person's uh daughter playing the role yes i'm sick of this story i'm sick of myself let's get into it it's time for good week yes it is bad week oh no who would like to go first i'll go um so taylor swift had a new album that just came out and don't say you know why i just like this whole time i'm like i can't i i get it like i get why people love taylor swift but I'm like, it is not, it's not for me. Like I can't get into it. It's the same thing with Harry Styles. Like I try so hard and I'm like, I'm going to give it another listen. And then it just doesn't like hit me the way that I feel like other people like Kelty, you, like, I feel like it like speaks to your soul and it just doesn't for me. It's because there's an archetype

of women who are diehard Swifties and it's the same type of girl. I'm not saying physically while they may have some physical uh things in common it's their insides and i'm not going to get too deep about it because i know i'm going to get murdered but there's something very common a commonality yes there's psycho threes on the enneagram okay whatever anyway so you like this record though maybe that is true um no the there is one that one song anti-hero i think is one of the most genius songs that i have ever listened to in my entire life her self-awareness and her lyrics and is just like so phenomenal and i'm obsessed with it like i'm obsessed with that song i feel like in the way that everybody else is obsessed with taylor swift as a whole so

i'm like one one hundredth of a swifty at this point well i think that that's the beauty of her now is that she has the awareness and i think that her fans need to start catching up to that awareness well it was when we talked about this on the podcast and we got shit because i was not into Taylor Swift during the reputation area era because it was like I mean it was bops sure but it was like so like I'm a I'm a good person and you're a bad person and you should feel bad for me I'm saying that right and then like obviously it was victim me it was it was very like playing the victim and this record is like it's reputation 2.0 with some therapy like it's like yeah you're you can hurt me and i'm a and i'm a mastermind and i have we been a weasel as well and i you know

like it's it's yeah that's what it is it's like the ownership of it of because you don't get to be taylor swift without being a bit of a weasel okay you don't get success in entertainment at all period there's no one who exists out there who's successful that isn't a bit of a weasel Lovely. That's like lovely all the time. Like she has to be a ball buster along the boards and make mistakes. There's no one on the planet that's like perfect. You know what I mean? So it's just impossible. And I, yeah, I just love this vibe. Yeah. I think that that's what I couldn't like latch onto. It was like the goody two shoes vibe of just like, I'm like a perfect little person. And I'm like, dude, you're up. Like there's something behind like those,

that type of a person that just like puts on this like flawless exterior i'm like you're the darkest of them of everybody and that's what i like of like the self-awareness but i have a question because i don't know anything about her really there is the song um uh vigilante shit i think it's called who is that about it's about like finding somebody cheating on their wife about Scooter oh it is about Scooter well I mean we don't know she hasn't we think it's about Scooter yeah we think it's about Scooter and they're like the easter eggs are very deep so like Yale Scooter's wife wore this like blue dress with with stars on it to the Met Gala and then like a week before the record came out um Taylor wore like a very similar dress in New York City

and like there's all these easter eggs where they like try to connect that you know but she's basically saying like where do you think she got the information who do you think called the fbi on you like all this shit but here's the thing it might not be true like she's also a songwriter you know what i mean like stevie nicks did not like get caught up in a landslide like this is not like a real like life story you know what i mean yeah like it's like you you know it's like there's a bit of this that could be her dreaming it up and like well and wanting to stir up shit and get people to talk about it that's where i'm like yeah she's a genius um so yeah i think i'm like a little a miniature mini mini mini swifty so that's my good week i'm happy for you thanks

um so my bad week is i did something very embarrassing at when we were young fest well at the day that it was canceled so it wasn't at the festival um on that saturday there was nothing else to do so everybody just partied and we ended up going to like this emo night that um somebody threw where they just play emo music and everybody sings along whatever so i had had many drinks that day and um jared and i are like in the point of our relationship we're like well i like we don't make out really like and you i remember becky you said something you're like you're gonna get to a point where you guys just don't make out barely even not even during sex yeah so oh my god i hate making out during sex that i will not do that um so we're kind of at this point where i'm like i

like i we kiss all the time like we were like a very smoochy type of a couple yes no just like smooch it like okay like i love physical affection like we're always canoodling and cuddling so we're at this emo night and i don't know what the happened but we just started making out so hot in public with everybody around for like a half an hour excuse me yes and at you what did people see you i mean our friends were taking pictures and videos i love it can we have some of those because they're like what the i don't want pictures or videos we are not like a pda i mean we'll again like if we're in public by ourselves like we'll like you know put our hands on each other and stuff but like i've never made out in public before especially with friends around i'm

like we're like it's it's not something we do and then waking up the next morning and i'm like oh my god we are like going at it at this public place that there's probably so many of your fans around like that was you you were peeing on him that was you peeing on him yeah because you were like to hit on him it doesn't matter you were like i know that every girl in this room wants to be with my fiance and I'm going to show her that there's no chance in hell that she's getting him. And that was your subliminal message to the ladies out there, which is like a subconscious thing that I'm like, he's going to be playing to 20,000 people tomorrow. And I'm like, you were like, the boy is mine. It was so embarrassing. I, I don't know what it is,

but like i hate thinking of people i know being intimate like oh yeah i don't care like if jack had just met jared and she told me this story i'd be like this is great and i would like love to experience that but once people are an item and i know them both like there's something absolutely i do not like even in spain couples were talking about like oh yeah we just had sex before we came down i'm like i don't want to hear about you the only time i want to hear about somebody having sex is if something went wrong i want to hear about a like a embarrassing experience crazy going on or like the guy sing something weird like that's what i want to hear i don't want to hear about your like really amazing sexual experience no no and certainly not married people

god no i mean it's almost like you're thinking about your parents having sex i was just gonna to say i don't do it don't do it i torment my sister because i know it kills her soul talking about our parents having sex it's so gross i'm like i don't yeah that's how i feel about people i know too i'm totally on the same page so i'm so sorry anybody out there if you saw me and jared making out at emo night at like 12 in the morning i apologize but send me a video because i do i do want to see, you know, any angle possible. Wow. It is so gross. And it was out of bowling alley, you know? Gross. So dirty. Fingers. Fingers. No, we didn't bowl, but it was out of bowling alley. Okay. So gross. All right. Good week. I have a new word for the Lady Gang Dictionary and it

really is great. It's a saying and you say, I got the morbs. Have you heard this? No. I got the morbs. So got the morbs in a nod to the word morbid. This phrase refers to someone who is in a melancholy mood or temporary state of depression. It's like when you get the three day blues, like nothing is really wrong and you don't really know why, but you're just like, you have the morbs for a couple of days. You're just feeling like end of earthy for like just a bit. And then yeah, I kind of like that. Like maybe like a little existential tinge of depression. Yeah. it's like what what am i doing why am i doing it this doesn't feel fun where am i going that doesn't feel fun to me and the word is not like it creative enough for me so i don't think it's

gonna make the dictionary what if it's like i got the morbis the morbis that's a little bit better than morbs okay well i feel like the definition is it should be more like the morbis is when all you're doing is thinking about things you care about and people you care about dying because don't you get into phases like that because my biggest fear is about death yeah so it's like when you're like you can't shake that looking at your dog every second being like you're gonna die at some point or like when you see a pic like a video from like the 1920s that they like recolored and it's like all these children playing and you're like every single person in this video is dead yeah that's the worst oh the morbis that see i think it has to be more about death

yeah i get it okay we've changed the definition depression and that's not fun all right i have a bad week i've been trying unsuccessfully to be famous for a long time as you guys know i have done everything that i could possibly do um i've tried to grow my instagram not really you haven't anyone famous that's true you haven't done the one thing that might work the one the only thing that works if you're not related to someone famous is someone famous. So come on. Just kidding. You're right. You're right. You're right. I didn't try hard enough. Okay. Anyway, I have spent dollars on and perfected and spent hours editing to make my Instagram special. Never in my life have I been more popular than when I used a glass in my

ice machine. Oh, what? I, Becca, you texted me. Oh no, sorry. It was, it was Christina Perry that did. Sorry. So I usually use plastic cups for my iced tea normally. And I go into my ice machine with my plastic cups and I take some of the bubble ice and I don't use the scoop. And the other day I was showing off my kitchen a little on Instagram and I had a glass cup and I, and I scooped some ice with the glass cup. It was as if I had burned my house down. I had Christina Perry was giving birth. She was in between, she was like in slow labor, like in contraction, she was in the hospital and we're texting like outside this. And then on Instagram, she DMs me and she was like, no, no, no, no, no. Never use glass in your ice machine. If the glass breaks,

you have to empty the whole thing. I'm like, you're giving birth right now. Oh, and Heather Dubrow texting me out of nowhere. And she was like, No, no, no, no, you cannot. It was I have never had more attention in my life. The amount of lady gangers people on Instagram that were like, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Kelty. Whoa, whoa, whoa, you can wear a sparkly boot, but don't put in. Anyway, I want to let everyone know, this is not a usual thing for me. I don't usually scoop with the with the glass. I understand I did work as a waitress for many years. I know that if you break the glass, you have to take it all out, but here's the good news. I just want to PSA. This is my ice machine. I live with one other person who doesn't enjoy bubble ice. I'm the only one that uses it. So if I do break a glass in my bubble ice machine, I will empty it out and I will be

the only one that's getting glass in her throat. Thank you very much. I always use glass cups to scoop out my ice in the ice machine. I wouldn't think it's that big of a deal. I didn't either. It's a huge deal. It is very upsetting to everyone. And if the ice breaks, you could have glass.

You've got to empty the whole thing. Well, Kelsey, this is what you need to take. It took me seven years to get my ice machine to work. Just let me f***ing ice. No, but you got the attention that you wanted. And I think what you need to take out of this situation is you need to continue doing controversial things. It's like TikTok. It's like TikTok.

You've got to do something that people are going to argue about or that people have a strong opinion about that you did it wrong. you know so continue to just like live your life doing things that you think are wrong okay and you'll get that fame girl just share what i'm doing anyways because what i'm doing is wrong okay becca okay so my good week i'll start with there is that hot diggity dog i'm getting some sick residuals from turner and hooch shut up i don't know how on earth or why on earth but people are watching it on disney plus i think they're buying it i think it's for um buys international it's all international oh internet rentals uh video on demand foreign blah blah blah blah like i'm not joking these types of residuals are um like

top tier glee residuals like when i was making when when glee was doing really well in that residual space yeah it's still like fine but it's whatever i'm i had listen i knew that that job was a gift i can love doing that job yeah and i love josh peck i think he's wonderful i fantasize about doing just shows with him for the rest of my life because he's so wonderful but that was the best experience but i'm like thank you yes we know we didn't get a second season but yes we did you know you kind of did yeah you did without working even better i still get crazy ass residuals from the disney movie enchanted that i was a principal dancer yeah like i'm like this is a job that by the end of my life is going to be worth like, you know, $50,000. And it was like a stupid dance job,

but like every year they sell it, they put it on TV or whatever. And like, I get one, 100,000th of that as a residual. It's great. I feel like Mariah Carey at Christmas time. That's all I'm going to say. You know what I mean? All I want for Christmas. Okay. So that's my good week um and i'm only bragging because i also on my or my my bad week is that in order to qualify for sag insurance as an actor you have to have worked a certain amount of time for the year the calendar year or and made or made an a certain amount of money in the calendar year yeah and i was like thinking about it and we're about to be in november and i realized that i have not done a single acting job in 2022 wait so i don't get sag health insurance next year

we have to buy it like the rest of us the residuals count yeah i need to actually look i i thought it was like it had to be a combination of residuals and work i don't know i i do have it on my to-do list to go and check that out because there's a chance that my residuals will be fine like and help me but i was like for this is the first year in since 2000 and with a baby it's been 10 in 10 years this is the first year i haven't didn't turn a job down though this summer probably there was a movie for her channel that you do movies on oh oh there was a baby was brand new you could there was something yeah and also because canada i have to get the baby passport and i couldn't get it and

which is totally fine and i don't give a i mean i have this is my first year of being a mother there's no there's no coincidence there well i mean whatever so that's my good week and then i just didn't want you guys to think i was bragging because i now want to tell you that the money I'm making from the residuals from Turner and Hooch will be that so that my son and I can have health insurance this year. So you know what? God is fair. God is fair. Bring it up to tear you back down. When we come back, notes on a nervous lady. Very excited about this. Have you heard that lifestyle brand Travis Matthew has launched their first ever women's line just in time for the holidays? Find the perfect gifts for your

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Impact to score may vary, and some user score may not improve. Out-of-network ATM withdrawal fees may apply, except at MoneyPass ATMs in a 7-Eleven or an Allpoint or Visa Plus Alliance ATM. Now back to the Lady Gang. Okay. I was wondering, I'm sorry, when we saw this in the calendar, I was like, what the hell could this episode be about? I'm so excited.

I'm really excited too. So I recently read a book, Notes on a Nervous Planet, by Matt Haig. Matt Haig. What? Is this about like the world ending, Notes on a Nervous Planet? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, thank you. He wrote The Midnight Library, which is like an incredible book that a lot of people read.

And this book is actually our book pick for the Lady Gang Book Club for next month. Great. Long story short, I read this book as soon as I got home from, um, the, the tour is the first book I picked up and it has, it has crushed me into a thousand pieces in such a good way. So this guy, Matt, he, um, suffers from, uh, depression and, and, um, anxiety. And this is his first, second memoir that he wrote about that situation. and he gives like, he does these incredible lists of like how to get through life if you're feeling anxious and things like this. And so I wanted to share it with you and have this conversation. And the first thing I'm going to read is how to stay sane on the internet. A yet list of utopian commandments I rarely follow because they're so damn difficult. Okay. We'll see if

you guys follow them. Practice abstinence, social media abstinence, especially resist whatever unhealthy excess you feel drawn towards. Strengthen those muscles of restraint. I'm going through a series of time where I'm not sleeping and I'm TikToking at four in the morning and looking and scrolling. I scroll TikTok, then I scroll Instagram, then I scroll Twitter, then I scroll Facebook, then I go back to bed. What am I doing? I am going to have to sleep with my phone outside my room. Separate your phone. Yeah. Okay. Um, don't wait, Becca, you're good at this. Don't you put like a timer on your Instagram or something? I have a 10 minute timer on my Instagram because I only do it so that I can go and post what I need to post and

then be done. And I will be honest with you, the worst and the best thing that ever happened was the algorithm for Instagram just went to garbage and there was nothing that I could really do. I knew that like the only way to fix it was to like be psychotic about it and like post and post and post and post. And I just was like, you know what, this is a, this is for me a message from the universe. And the best thing that ever happened was that algorithm being, because I have not been active user on social media at all probably since a couple months like three or four months i'm telling you that my joy and like my feeling of mental health there's no coincidence i feel a million times better i love i feel like a new person i don't feel this anxiety to like

show the world what the I'm doing. I have zero interest. I don't give a shit when I do post something anymore about how the performance of it does. Like I don't care. And I've like totally divorced my self from that old person. And I know exactly what the phase of life you're in or the season of life Kelty. Cause I've been there and like, it's an addiction. It's a full blown addiction and you have to go cold Turkey. There's really like the abstinence, just like he's saying it's the only way to do it and also to be rational with yourself to know i think you get anxious because you're like it it's a job for you you've turned it into a job and so you're like i need to post this tiktok i need to post this thing i'm doing this thing i need to show my

outfit i need to do this i need to do this take away that like feeling i don't mind that it's the like why am i looking at this in the middle of the night like that is because you're addicted well and because it's easy and because it's like it doesn't require much effort like that's where i find myself like scrolling on tiktok while i'm watching like reality tv i don't think it's like affecting me i mean i'm sure it's picking up something in my brain right because it is for everybody but it's like it's the mindless it's like i don't even know what i'm doing i'm just like doing it to do it and that's probably like if you're like awake and you have nothing else to do you're like well i'm not gonna like open up a book but like i can scroll because it's like

easy the easiest thing to do and there's something about it like when i don't see that many people in my day when i'm not scrolling and seeing like the the feelings that can come up scrolling for 20 minutes on on tiktok about yourself your inadequacies even if it's subconscious even if it's like a comparison of like oh she looks cute i want to look cute oh she looks great i need those jeans it's like this crazy thing where when you remove it like it's it's and I know that I'm gonna go back I'm not trying to be holier than thou I'm just trying to say that this has really been a game changer for me I don't think about myself as much as I used to I don't give a shit about shopping because that's the other thing that TikTok I had to stop doing because I was like

why does it make me want to buy everything oh yeah seeing the girl use the highlighter I'm like this could change my life I'm gonna go buy the highlighter and then I buy the highlighter I get it. It's shitty. And then I'm like, oh, there's $30 down the drain. And I do that over and over and over and over again. It's chasing the dragon and it feels like shit. My biggest issue with social media is it has always been tied directly to my professional success. Like I can't stay off social media because if I, cause I'm losing a sale or I'm losing like a listen or I'm losing this or this or that, that that's where my like anxiety and my addiction to it comes like yeah in my like perfect world I'd be so successful that I could

delete all my social media because it's like I don't feel like I need it for like my personal self but it's like my professional self because I don't have rich parents like I I have to continue to do it to have some sort of success because it's all fleeting because I all the jobs that I do it's like it could be taken up from underneath me in like a second anyways yeah that's where my like struggle with that is you have to do boundaries then yeah you know it's like you have to you can post all day long you don't need to go see what other people are posting right that's true so he says remember no one really cares what you look like they care what they look like you are the only person in the world to be worried about your own face amen this one i love understand that what

seems real not might not be when the novelist william gibson first imagined the idea of what he coined cyberspace in 1982's Burning Chrome. He pictured it as a consensual hallucination. I find this description useful when I'm getting too caught up in technology, when it's affecting my non-digital life. The whole internet is one step removed from the physical world. The most powerful aspects of the internet are mirrors to the offline world, but replications of the external world aren't the actual external world. Yes, it is the real internet, but that's all it can be. Yes, you can make friends on there, but non-digital reality is still a useful test for that friendship. As soon as you step away from the internet for a minute, an hour, a day, a week,

it is surprising how quickly it disappears from your mind. You have to understand people are more than a social media post. Think how many conflicting thoughts you have in a day. Think of how many different contradictory positions you've held in your life. Respond to online opinions, but never let one rushed opinion defined a whole human being. Every one of us said the physician, this assist Carl Sagan is in the cosmic perspective, precious. If a human disagrees with you, let him live in a hundred billion galaxies. You will not find another. Damn. So true. I mean, I feel like at least as a society now, it's like, I think we all know that the internet is fake i think it has taken us a while and our generation was kind of the most

unlucky in that in the like lineup of how the internet was affecting our lives where we couldn't differentiate like a facetuned instagram post from reality but i think that you know i think gen z is a little bit luckier than we are and we'll probably grow up a little bit healthier with that kind of differentiation well think about it the people that were first let into like when they opened up facebook to all universities that was my class of people like that that's insane that that is like of course we're going to be the most fucked up people because we were the first people to be let into the wild west of like social media personalities and like suddenly being able to access you don't just compare yourself to like the two girls in

your class anymore you compare yourself to the two billion girls all over the world that you can see at any given moment and so it's like it is so crazy that we're not more fucked up well and let's not forget that facebook started as like a hot or not where you're rating how hot girls are like so the absolute like the beginning of what this whole like social media that has taken over our lives literally started as rating people's faces. This is so funny. This is what he says about ratings. This is his, his, his point. Don't play the ratings game. The internet loves ratings, whether it be reviews on Amazon trip advisor or rotten tomatoes, or the ratings of photos and updates and tweets likes favorites, retweets, ignore it. Ratings are no sign of worth.

Never judge yourself on them to be liked by everyone. You would have to be the blandest person ever. William Shakespeare is arguably the greatest writer of all time. He has a mediocre 3.7 average on Goodreads. Oh my God, that's amazing. That's so good. Stay human. Resist the algorithms. Don't be steered towards being a caricature of yourself. Switch off the pop-up ads. Step out of your echo chamber. Don't let anonymity turn you into someone you would be ashamed of offline. Be a mystery, not a demographic. Be someone a computer could never quite know. Keep empathy alive. Resist robotic tendencies. Stay human. It's hilarious that you read this when you got back from tour and yet you've been in like the most like obsessive social media

spiral of your life. The whole book is not about that. The whole book is not about that. That was just one thing that stood out to me that I really liked. I'm going to read you another one. Wait, i have like a note to make about that about the anonymity like uh um thing like when it comes to you know everybody loves arguing on the internet everybody loves being so vicious and vile on the internet and i think that he was talking about something like taking a step outside of that and seeing how like reality is so different that aspect of the internet alone and social media and especially anonymous social media like reddit and sometimes tiktok and stuff like that is like you would never see two people screaming at each other over something so stupid as like the color of the

dress or like eat something like that like that does not happen in real life that's something that's so specific to the internet or even people like talking shit on us or like talking shit on jared's band like do you think somebody's gonna come up to him in real life and be like your band fucking sucks it's like that is only something that exists on the internet and that is so wild and uniquely up. It's so true. It's so true because people don't behave like that because they're hiding. I mean, they're hiding behind the screen, which we've heard a million times, but it's like the people that exist like that and actually do say horrible things are outcasts of society. Like you don't have friends. There's like, it's so hard to find those people. I was

on a run the other day and I saw a political sign in a yard of a girl that I actually know. and I quite like in this neighborhood that is a very much supporting somebody that I think is a vile politician. And I had this moment where I was on my run and I was like, if this were the internet, I would do the equivalent of like ripping the sign out of her yard and literally like shoving it up her ass, you know, like, yeah. And I just had this moment where I was like, you know what, Becca, you can just can exist. And I saw her two days later and I was like, really relieved to know that I could not be a troll and still be very nice to her and still see the good in her. But anyways, that's like, that's the difference. You can have these things

that you don't agree on in real life and still be a cordial, polite person and not make someone feel like shit. And I'm just like, so sick of the comments on Instagram. I know one girl posted dm'd me and was like becca you're so disappointing bye like i love those dms where they're like bye forever i'm like i didn't know you were even here don't announce your departure this is not near port love it when we come back goal posts this episode of lady gang is brought to you by progressive insurance hey lady gang whether you love true crime or comedies celebrity interviews news or even motivational speakers you call the shots on what's in your podcast queue right well guess what now you can call the shots on your auto insurance to enter the name your price tool

from progressive the name your price tool puts you in charge of your auto insurance by working just the way it sounds you tell progressive how much you want to pay for your car insurance and then they'll show you the variety of coverages that fit within your budget giving you options that's something that you'll want to press play on to start with an easy quote you'll be able to choose the best option for you fast and it's one of the many ways you can save with progressive insurance quote today at progressive.com to try the name your price tool for yourself and join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates price and coverage match limited by state law. You're listening to the Lady Gang.

Okay, we're back. We are reading from Notes on a Nervous Planet, which is the book pick for the Lady Gang book club next month, which is November. And this is a really short one, but I want to read it to you. And this is actually really perfect for where we are. I think where we all are at in our lives right now. It's not all internet. It's just this. Okay. So he says, you will be happy when you get good grades. You'll be happy when you go to university. You'll be happy when you to the right university. You'll be happy when you get a job. You will be happy when you get a pay raise. You will be happy when you get a promotion. You'll be happy when you can work for yourself. You will be happy when you're rich. You will be happy when you own an olive grove and

Sardinia. You'll be happy when someone looks at you that way. You'll be happy when you're in a relationship. You'll be happy when you get married. You'll be happy when you have children. You will be happy when your children are exactly the kind of children you want them to be. You'll be happy when you leave home. You'll be happy when you buy a house. You'll be happy when you pay off that mortgage. You'll be happy when you have a bigger garden in the countryside with nice neighbors who invite you to the barbecues on Sundays and Saturdays in July with your children playing together in the warm breeze. You'll be happy to sing. You'll be happy to sing in front of a crowd. You'll be happy when your Grammy-winning debut album is number one in 32 countries.

you'll be happy to write you'll be happy to be published you'll be happy to be published again you'll be happy to have a bestseller you will be happy to have a number one bestseller you'll be happy when they turn your book into a movie you'll be happy when it turns into a great movie you'll be happy when you're jk rowling actually i wouldn't be but uh for many other reasons that we can't talk about you'll be happy when people like you'll be happy when more people like you you'll be happy when everyone likes you you will be happy when people dream of you you'll be happy to look okay you'll be happy to turn heads you'll be happy with smoother skin you'll be happy with a flat stomach. You'll be happy with a six pack. You'll be happy with an eight pack. You'll be

happy when every photo of yourself gets 10,000 likes on Instagram. You'll be happy when you've transcended earthly woes. You'll be happy when you're at one with the universe. You'll be happy when you are the universe. You'll be happy when you're a God. You'll be happy when you're the God to rule all gods. You'll be happy when you're Zeus in the clouds above Mount Olympus, commanding the sky. Maybe, maybe, maybe. I don't get it. Well, I think that, um, that should have all been you'll be happy when correct not two it's like you'll be happy when you do this you'll be happy when you do that so you're always chasing this thing but like i think you kept saying two it's like you'll be happy to dance with your lover and i'm like yeah i do like dancing

well he wrote it as two but yeah oh okay well that's where i think it got his editor should have maybe corrected it those should have all been when it's like this didn't hit you this didn't hit you the way it hit me? Um, I think that this, this affects you a little bit more than maybe back in. Well, I've already been completely desensitized from, from career success. I absolutely have realized that there is nothing, there's no job, there's no title, there's no award. There's really nothing that's going to elevate my level of happening of contentment genuinely for more than a day. And maybe that's because I'm spoiled and I've gotten a lot of success. I mean, I'm not going to be a bullshitter. If I were still in the position I

was in 10 years ago and I hadn't accomplished as much as I wanted to, I may still be having that like yearning to see more success. But I also think that there are people in our position who it's like, I want more and more and more and more and more and more and it's all relative. So it's like I think if you work on yourself it doesn't really matter what you've achieved on paper it's just you need to find the contentment and you're going to find it or you're not it has nothing to do with buying a vineyard in Sardinia or whatever it said but I will say there is something for there's a lot of like mumbo jumbo about being content and finding whatever but I still think there's people out there in the world that aren't content because they actually don't have what they

need to be content like there are physical things that we need there are certain amounts of money that we do need to be comfortable and happy and content and to find contentment without those things is and you're you're a monk yeah if you can do that so you know i'm not buying i'm not drinking the kool-aid completely okay um i'm not i'm not either but i think it's this is where you're like oh this is like an enneagram three that kind of oh well that was for the taylor swift thing but um with professional sex success with me it's like i x professional sex i have something she has a lot of that um for me it's like i always chase success so i can create a lifestyle for myself and like live a life that i'm comfortable in i'm not chasing success for

like the awards and for the recognition or like that's like i just want to like live a life that i like basically so but i do get it's like the grass is always greener like it's always you know if i got that a lot when i was like going through a lot of body dysmorphia stuff it's like oh if i just get this procedure if i do this or if like i lose this much weight like i'll be happy and it's like the more you do that and give into that the more toxic it becomes to yourself because you could keep chasing after these goal posts like you said that just get harder to achieve where it's like you just have to find some sort of well I think that where that hit me was and I have just one more I know I'm sorry if you're bored but um I I just booked I'm going on vacation

with Chris you know we haven't seen each other much this year and so we're gonna go on uh you know what we do which is like a big beach vacation during the holidays when he has time off and I'm so excited about it and it was such a weird thing because like I'm old enough to know better than to do this, but I literally booked the appointment. And then instantly my mind went into like, how do I change everything about myself? Um, so that I'm perfect by the time I go on this trip, like, how do I, I need to buy all new bathing suits. I need all new clothes. I need to start working out more. I need to start eating help. Like I was like, I literally went on my to-do list of like how to re change my whole self. And it's like, it's such a weird, why would you do

that. You're literally going to just spend time with the person who loves you the most. It's such a weird thing. And this is the last thing I wanted to read you. This is his little poem. It's called A Note from the Beach. And I think this might hit you. Hello, I am the beach. I'm created by waves and currents. I'm made of eroded rocks. I exist next to the sea. I have been around for millions of years. I was around at the dawn of life itself. And I have something to tell you. I don't care about your body. I'm a beach. I literally don't give a fuck. I'm entirely indifferent to your body mass index. I'm not impressed by your abdominal muscles that are visible to the naked eye. I'm oblivious. You are one of 200,000 generations of human beings. I have seen them all.

I will see all the generations that come after you too. It won't be as many. I'm sorry. I hear the whispers the sea tells me. The sea hates you. The poisoners, that's what it calls you. A bit melodramatic. I know, but that's the sea for you, all drama. And I have something to tell you. I have something else to tell you. The other people on the beach don't care about your body. They don't. They are staring at the sea or they are obsessed with their own appearance. And if they are thinking about you, why do you care? Why do humans worry so much about a stranger's opinion? Why don't you do what I do? Let it all wash over you. Allow yourself to be as you are. Just be. Just beach. Just beach. I do like that. I like that too. I think it's like the biggest lesson

that so many of us have learned is that nobody gives a shit nobody cares but then it's like we have this fucking polar opposite messaging from the internet where it's like everybody cares so it's really hard to exist like that's true well then the other thing is like the ego of like i want people to care like you guys are out you're you've we've passed that but there's like what if you're someone that like, you know, like I don't care. I know nobody cares, but why does nobody care? Nobody cares. Cause they're just thinking about themselves. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, I don't know. It's the people that have like that unfilled void, which obviously I'm therapizing, but like, you know, the unfilled void that you're like trying to feed yourself with something like,

what is that? Is that attention? Is that money? Is that, you know, is that whatever it is? Like, choose, like, I don't know, like it's like whatever our hole is, whatever our trauma is, we're trying to fill it with something. And like, if you're not evolved enough, then you may just be trying to fill it with bullshit, bullshit, which I still am. And it's disappointing because I'm should be over this by now. No, I think you've made actually a lot of progress on that end. I do. I really do. I actually see that you're like, I don't think the way the way you are now with superfan you could have never been before and it would have been to your demise so like yes it's really overwhelming and yes it's a lot of pressure

and yes it's a lot it holds a lot of meaning like it's it is a very pivotal moment in your career and it's a big moment but you're not treating it like it's the end-all be-all like this is going to define anything about you it's going to mean that you can buy like a vacation home quite frankly. And then those get old after a year. So it's like, you know, that there's really nothing in this aside from like proving yourself, which is huge, but you've already proved it to yourself. You had this show made like from an idea on a piece of paper, like the amazing part is done and you shot it and it, and it went. And so the rest is like, you're letting it out into the universe and I can feel you letting go way more than you would have been able to if this had been

three years ago it's true and it's really um it's amazing because i think that like of all people you probably did have the furthest to go as far as filling that void for whatever reason and jack had parents who loved her she has absolutely no void in her life and then i happened to be on a show where people give you like unauthorized love and affection and adoration so like we both have kind of had our cups filled so much right you know mine more meaningless hers more meaningful and i do have wonderful parents and you have wonderful parents too but you were you had a different story that's a different story and you can't blame yourself for feeling having the void because anybody in your position yeah would have struggled to get to where

you are now as much as you have well and you have so much self-awareness about it too it's not like you're kind of like bouncing around aimlessly, like trying to do that with like a bunch of different, like trying to, I know, I know exactly what I'm doing. I can't turn it off yet. I don't know that I'll ever be able to turn it off, but I know what I'm doing, but you don't need to turn it off. You're turning it down and you're, you're turning the lever down and then you're turning up the lights for the things that are actually really fulfilling, like your marriage, like your relationships, like your home, like your, you know, like filling it with things that actually matter rather than with like adoration from a stranger or something, for example, like filling

it with adoration from your husband would be like a healthier, healthier alternative that I feel like you're trying to like switch up. And I think we get on your case a lot too with like you not eating vegetables because it's like, we don't, it's the way you treat yourself, like the way that you're hard on yourself about getting like everything perfect before this trip. It's like you kind of deprive yourself of taking care of yourself because it's like you don't feel worthy or you don't feel like that's the part of it that's hard to see is because you deserve to frolic on a beach in an old bikini and not have worked out in months and months and months. And like, you know what I mean? It's like you, but you almost don't allow yourself those things that should, that bring

most people joy yeah it's true thoughts up from a nervous lady see it was weird but it was good i like this i'm gonna read that book i think yeah i'll save it for you i have three copies oh yes please um so when i see you okay this was fun and uh everyone we're so excited to see you this coming week in la and denver and phoenix make sure you get your tickets there's still tickets available for denver and phoenix and we are ready to rock and we will see you next tuesday thanks for listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingber steve delameter and jared monaco make sure you subscribe rate and review our podcast and if you love it share it with your friends on social media like oh my god i just listened lady gang this episode's a great swipe

up to listen and if you really want to which we know you do please follow us on social at kelty at becca at jack vanek and at the lady gang sign up for our newsletter at the lady gang.com and Join our secret Facebook group. It's super fun. See you next Tuesday. All this month, celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month with Pluto TV. Watch movies with the biggest stars like Eugenio Derbez in No Eres Tu, Soy Yo and Luis Gerardo Mendez in Camino a Marte.

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