LadyGang - Just Us: Secrets Revealed

Episode Date: August 2, 2022

Did you submit a secret to be featured in Lady Secrets? The ladies are teasing some of the best submissions like Vagina Fly Trap and Shitty Kitty while giving a preview of their own chapters. Check out our amazing sponsors!!! Caraway: Visit CarawayHome.com/lady to take advantage o f this limited-time offer for 10% off your next purchase! Everlane: Go to everlane.com/ladygang and sign up for 10% off your first order! Chime: Get started with Chime today at chime.com/lady - Applying for a free account takes less than 2 minutes! Daily Harvest: Go to DailyHarvest.com/lady to get up to $40 off your first box! Coors Light: Get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with Drizly or Instacart by going to coorslight.com/lady See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

hi everybody we are so excited to announce that we are officially going on tour 15 dates this fall we are getting on the bus it's a penny lane moment we're upgrading our vip experience this time around there's a book a lady secrets book with purchase with every single ticket i hope we're coming to a city near you you can check out all the tour stops the lady gang.com slash tour we'll see you there well what is this welcome to the lady gang that's amazing say that again the lady gang things are about to change around here each week we catch up with hollywood's hottest girl posse kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanik hello hello hello welcome to lady gang i am becca tobin here with jack vanik and kelty night

and i just ate flaming hot cheetos in my mouth dude way go they are uh dick ting because they get so hot that you just got to keep eating more so your mouth doesn't like overheat and then you just keep eating more and more and then the bag's gone is it flaming hot it's flaming it's pretty hot do you know the life hack with flaming hot cheetos no you dip them in cream cheese why to kill the heat because it's the best combo excuse me it's been a while since i did that on the podcast it's a delicious combo because it's like the the baseness of like the cream cheesy milk offsets the flame and hotness, fat, acid, salt, whatever. Oh yeah. I feel like in my childhood, my mom made a lot of foods with cream cheese that like weren't supposed to have cream

cheese in them. But cream cheese makes everything better. It was like, right. It was like a taco salad. And then all of a sudden there's cream cheese. And I was like, no, no, no. I wanted regular cheese on my taco. Like it just doesn't make sense that it's cream or like, they're like, it's cream cheese with jalapenos on the top. Nobody asked for that. I'm pretty sure anytime you have a delicious food whether it's a bolognese or a taco salad there's a cream cheese in it there's some kind of a cheese it's always cream cheese though like anytime i want what is cream cheese is it just creamed cheese or is it like like what actually is cream cheese well you know the google machine is it a liquid is it it's not a liquid is it it's between a solid and a liquid

i know it's like a gel no it's a gel but like it's not a gel would the tsa take it out of your travel pack yes it's a gel what exactly is cream cheese thank you jack it's a cross between cheese and milk yes but like but what so it's not hardened cheese it's soft cheese um it's a milky cheese anyway if you work in the dairy fresh cheese defined by the fda is containing containing at least 33 fat with a moisture content of 55 it's soft smooth and mild oh okay also it's good with the Flamin' Hot Cheetos because when you have something that's too spicy, people tell you to have milk. Exactly. So the Flamin' Hot Cheetos were actually for my nephew who wanted nothing to do with me. It was his birthday and he loves Flamin' Hot Cheetos and you can't get them

crunchy specifically. You cannot get them in the UK. And so I was planning on sending them with the Lakers jersey I got him that he asked for first birthday in the mail. And then the mail wanted to charge me $244 to send two bags of Cheetos and a jersey. And I was like, I like you. I don't like you $244 worth, so I kept the Cheetos here and packed the bag with the jersey. Okay. Now we know how you really feel. It's time for Good Week. Yes, it is.

Bad Week. Oh, no. Who wants to go first? I'll go. Everyone should know we're together right now. Yeah. I think it's important. I think they can tell.

I think they can tell because it is good. Okay, so my Good Week is this weekend on Saturday. I had a little brunch bop around the west side, my favorite thing to do when I'm at home and we went to this bar called the waterfront now the waterfront is it can go either way like sometimes it's a chill vibe sometimes it's like packed to the brim with people and like it is like a west side sort of a jaunt if you will so we were there this weekend and we go to like the bar that doesn't really have many people at it and who's next to me josh jamal two oh my god no you can read about that in the book um two of the men from the last bachelor season oh and

they're friends now so there's these two guys one of them is this guy greg who is like the heartthrob everybody loves yourself a greg get yourself a greg get yourself a greg and the other guy is this guy justin who is super hot they're both like super fucking hot and i was like yes he was there with me i'm like this is my time to like spy on them and fortunately they stood within 10 feet of me for like two hours so i heard everything i didn't i couldn't i wasn't close enough to hear their conversation but i was close enough to see the interaction with them and girls the ladies so they were standing next to the entrance of this bar i think awaiting new patrons ladies from coming through wow and they were kind of standing there

like they were waiting they were waiting for they were waiting for a flaming hot cheeto they were waiting for a flaming hot cheeto to walk for a hot lunch i don't know a hot one a hot pocket i thought you were saying that is such a good way to say like when you're scouting out hot people in a bar like i'm waiting for a hot lunch to be served yeah yeah they were and uh i'm not like nothing bad there's nothing to report that's like damning to them but it was interesting the vibe because it was like i'm like you guys you now have it so easy you don't have to approach girls like you just you stand there and enough people at this bar are going to realize that you're from the bachelor that they're just gonna they came up those girls left new girls came up

those girls left new girls came up and i was just a smorgasbord it was a smorgasbord uh smorgasbord of ladies wow i loved it i mean that's my favorite celeb sighting we all know this and you guys don't know who they are so it's fine um my bad week is jared and i were at trader joe's getting some groceries and tjs tjs which by the they have there's something about trader joe's that i'm like why are your flavors just so perfectly put together i know like a normal grocery i didn't know that i wanted this rice that also has curry you know what i mean you're like oh of course obviously best vegetable gyoza ever this i'm like great pun worthy what they're vegetable gyoza trader joe's vegetable gyoza is unlike anything i've ever had is gyoza correct

a dumpling yeah they're gyoza oh is it frozen yeah and you can pan fry them but i microwave them because i don't know how to use a pan i love you and but jared uses a pan anyways we're at trader joe's we're walking down the aisle and we hear this like little voice in back of us and it was like this little old lady and she's like i have freckly skin too and like points at jared and Jared was like she's like we're so sensitive to the sun and Jared's like haha yeah he's like totally like you know being nice we love Jerry and then we go to turn to walk away this lady starts following us oh shit she found a kindred spirit and she goes you know I've had skin cancer four times because I didn't get checked in the right time she's like they found it on my face

and my arm and she's like you better be careful like literally I'm not kidding we try to leave for probably five different times and she just kept following jared around passionate did she have any groceries with her uh yes she did okay she was a patron big main fan love you she was following jared around like a spooky ghost yeah like and we left trader joe's and i made a dermatologist appointment to get my body mapped because that freaked me out so much but of course Jared and again this is a bad week by proxy for Jared men are so unaware of their own bodies yes and Jared has one million freckles on his body like if anybody needs to get mapped it's this guy yeah who knows who knows if he's gonna make he's been mapped before but not enough I've never been

mapped you haven't no I feel like I need to I'm everybody needs to everybody does you have to go once a year I've heard some horror stories lately yeah make sure your hairdresser is checking in your scalp oh my god okay you know bob murley died from a mole on his toe what yeah oh my way to bring it down i've actually heard many stories about a toe mole a deadly toe mole or maybe it was a toe yeah yeah sure wasn't it ingrown toenail because that i relate to that might kill me feel that one yeah yeah anyways jared if you're listening to this you better make a dermatology appointment great because the lady is she's haunting us i had a good week uh i also had a celebrity sighting. I was at brunch and I saw, I saw Shannon Bedore from the Real Housewives of

the OC with her new boy, hot boyfriend and some children waiting in line to get into a place that I didn't have to wait in line to, but it was much busier when she came. And, um, I did that thing where I was super uncool, like I do, where I saw her, looked at her in the eye and then went, but like toward Chris and Chris was like, what's wrong? And I was like, it's Shannon from the OC. and then he had to Google her and then he Googled her and he was like, that's not her. And I was like, because the pictures on Bravo are so airbrushed and like so beautiful. And you know, it's like if you saw my red carpet photo and you're like, that's not her in real life. You know what I mean? Anyway, same thing. Anyway, she's great. Shannon, it was an OC

sighting. I feel like I've been at the OC twice and I saw like 50% of the time I see a Shannon Bedore. You know, Shannon follows me on Instagram and I did a review on TikTok. did she repost it no that's rude i did a review that was very positive because i genuinely liked the product lemon drops for your water yeah and i tagged her and i put it everywhere and did she comment on it no bites nothing nothing yikes but you know who did heather dorit because i did a beverly beach you did because she has this body glow stuff yeah and i did a beverly beach review of the body makeup and it is great amazing really you sold me on that amazing i need to get some okay um she commented well it's cool i know she's the best um okay so my bad week is

that i was at this wedding and i just have like it's a bad week slash opinion needed the wedding photographer had the best breasts i have ever seen in my life she was wearing you know wedding photographers a black dress a midi you know dress and then it had sort of like a fluttery shoulder and it was a deep feet like j-lo at the grammys deep like not belly button but just above the belly button no bra these titties were out and they were like a perfect b cup like oh they are they look like they were taped up but they couldn't have been she was young like they were the most beautiful tits that i've ever seen in my life like i swear to god i was like these boobs are what I would want boobs to look like. Do you think they were real? They were definitely real.

Like they were, they were perfect. But number one, I was at a wedding and I had to look at them the entire wedding. Like they were out on display. Do you photograph a wedding when it's someone else's big day? Like to me, this was worse than wearing a white dress to the wedding when you're not the bride. Like don't bring your perfect tits to my wedding when you're the hired help. that's all you know there is something to be said listen i'm not here to shame women and what they're wearing wear what you want to wear no wear what you want and i don't care i really don't care don't come for me everyone knows what their best asset is yes in a professional environment it doesn't necessarily bode well when you put that best asset on display yes you know she's gone her

whole life yes she's probably gone her whole life getting compliments on her boobies yeah and so it's very uh it's bold to then showcase them yes to their to the strangers to the strangers to the uncles to the dads you're bending over you're down you're like as a wedding photographer you you kind of want to be not seen yeah invisible she was a gorgeous woman and i was like i get it you're gorgeous but like let the bride have her moment and let the guest at table 13 have her moment you know what i mean like you felt down on yourself because your tits aren't that high I didn't wear a short dress to this wedding. I put a lengthy on.

I didn't show off my assets, the legs. You know what I mean? I put that away because it's not my day. Okay? It's not my day. It's valid. Ugh. It's valid.

Becca? Okay. Well, my bad week is we just experienced it. So we were out at meetings in LA and I haven't been back in LA and out in the world. I've been in LA, but I've been trapped in this house in Sherman Oaks. but we're out in the world. We're at this meeting and I see a past friend, acquaintance person come up and he sits down at the table next to us. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, let's call him Job. Okay. Job walks up and he sits down. I'm like, Oh my gosh, Job. And I may or may not have

had some intimacy with Job before being married, but that was in the past. Sexy mature. i was not mature yet and the dick is trash yeah well it wasn't um oh yeah it wasn't in your mind you're thinking you're a legend in your own mind and you're like surely this person since the day i walked out of his bedroom has been thinking about me you're the one who got away yeah lurking and seeing and keeping track and i'm like hey jobe how's it going and he's like hey and he gives me a hug and he says hi he greets the ladies yeah love them it's so nice how are you how long are you here which i appreciate he knew that i no longer lived here and then we're like oh we're doing this we're reading we're writing another book or we wrote another book or this

or that like whatever and then kelty said something or jack said somebody said something like yeah and she's got the baby now like assuming this person knew that i had a baby yeah and he was like oh whoa he goes wow and i was like okay well it's upsetting because like he follows me on instagram no he doesn't yeah he doesn't i went to check i know but you're muted for sure are you sure or the algorithm he's so disinterested in your content that you're so low on his no no he can't help himself that he was lurking so much and his girlfriend saw and then he wore and then she was like no no no you're still in love with her and then he's like no i'm not she's like prove it he's like final blocker yeah i don't think so this i've seen his girlfriend she's

very beautiful and much younger and more beautiful i'm really trying to appease that you're no i don't need it but here's the other part here's what i was thinking too though he is in the theatrics and i sometimes when i stalk someone too hard i don't know what i'm supposed to know and what i'm not he was acting he wasn't like congratulations on baby ford born february 11th yeah like that's like when you pounds 14 ounces you're when you like stalk somebody and you're like know what their trip to barcelona in 2012 was like right yeah and people do that all the time and they're like oh my god that's chanel you got and you're like right i actually when i've stalked people really hard on the internet and i see them in person i'll act like i don't know something

that's obvious because i'm too scared to admit that i've seen it so you know what turns out i use it devil's advocate he had no idea you had to show no no he did you guys i don't think so we there can't possibly be a way unless he muted me there can't possibly be a way except this reason except for if he just doesn't know it's true it is true i have a question for you devil's advocate we have a mutual friend that recently had a baby and i've job what oh you mean you and we have a friend who's like in the podcast world. We have a lot of group friends. I know who this is. Yeah. And she recently had a baby and like, I follow her. I quite enjoy this person. I would like to be friends with them. If I see them out, I'm like, I'm game. I gotta be honest. Algorithm

screws me. I barely knew she had a baby. I just saw the post and I was like, Oh my God, you had a baby. And I missed the whole pregnancy. I mean, it's fine. But like, if you had humped her in your twenties, I just feel the fact that you're still following people you've had sex with is crazy i know that they're like a friend but like still it was a friendly yeah our friendship was definitely stronger than the romantics yeah yeah and i think maybe that's also why i'm so upset because i'm like we're friends you're not an ex-f**ker well guys i guess there you go not memorable shocker um and then my good week is somebody sent me this on instagram because you know we joke that kelty i'll wear something and then they said take some notes for sweet kelty

I'm going to play the audio of this. Dude, I love your shirt. It looks really good on you. Where'd you get it? Oh, thanks, dude. I thrifted it. Where? Oh, it shut down.

It shut down. Yeah, it burned down. Somebody burned it. It's gone forever. Yeah. Sucks. Dude, let me see your shoes. Those are so cute.

Where'd you buy them? Oh, dude, thanks. My grandma gave me these. Oh, wow. She wore these at her wedding. Yeah, they're one of a kind. That's crazy. You won't find them anywhere.

Dude, I'm living for your chains. Where'd you get them? They look so good. Where'd you get those? oh dude these were used to handcuff people in alcatraz when i took a tour in san francisco i found them on the floor like i was walking handcuff people in alcatraz anyways it goes on and on his name is um jonathan chavez he's a comedian and he is so

funny. The whole thing goes on and on. I just love it so much. I did. I did want to tell you that, you know, I went on this shopping trip and I got this beautiful, um, little Chanel necklace that has a green middle in it. And I love it so much. But my first thought, Becca, when I saw this at the store, I was like, I love this so much. And I was like, Becca's going to be so mad because she has an Emerald necklace. No, I'm not that crazy. That's a, you can't claim. And if I am a may baby if anything i can claim the emerald no is that the color is a diamond no april's a diamond anyway i'm sorry for copying but you have great style only it's only when it's like a direct when it's the exact same thing or like just uh uh one step away well the problem is i'm trying

to grow up in my fashion not at this moment but even today we went to these meetings and you were wearing a cute top with like a cropped pant and like that's a very becca look and then i went and had the Zara version on and like that's my new business look so you need a new business look you need to upgrade because I've copied your old business ready for a new look so you got to find one for her I should know that by the time Kelty's rips it off it's time to move on it's exactly yes and that we shall jump when we come back secrets revealed this episode of Lady Yang is brought to you by my new amazing Caraway pan let me tell you something when I read that Caraway has this non-toxic cookware and bakeware collection and that it came in like this beautiful off-white

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Adjust cooler to warmer. And right now, save up to $2,500 during our massive Labor Day event. Hurry into your local Sleep Number store today, because we have your number. Now back to the Lady Gang. All right, we are back. Welcome to the Lady Gang podcast. As you all know, we've got a brand new book, Lady Secrets. real raw and ridiculous confessions of womanhood it is coming out september 20 million dollars i

couldn't have said that i can't believe you remembered that line it is hard i don't know that i don't remember the byline of our first book either bylines are hard it's like something that a publisher makes you write but like nobody wants what is our byline real raw and ridiculous confessions of womanhood it's a mouthful it really is you were on the zoom when we picked it sort of i think i actually might have thought of it you came up with the real raw and ridiculous i think the alliteration of it all yeah okay you're welcome it's kind of coming back to me but i don't know i'll come back i'll come anyway so we it is a song it's a great song it's celine right yeah celine celine okay anyways celine's like basically the princess of my life so

anyway she is in canada your terminology is so good right now where you get these hot lunch she's so special i agree i cried at her show in vegas i actually only dated a guy because i knew he was gonna take me oh my god amazing you should have what yeah yeah i had a romantic fling with this guy he wore eyeliner i love him oh seems like my type he was very well known in vegas he's a comedian angel angel was it a was it a a magician a man of music and i briefly don't it's neither here nor there it's neither it doesn't matter okay he's a nobody he's no obviously not but he's very well known in vegas and he told me the first night that we were like matt goss who's that exactly okay okay matt goss that he would take me to celine in vegas and i

it was a hot ticket you were like hot lunch you're like selena's a princess and i was like okay fine i'll go and i went and then i ran into a girl i went to high school with and i was mortified that my date had on eyeliner and nail polish who's chris angel i bet no i wish i wish too no it's my favorite anyway scene is the princess of my life long story short we wrote a book back to us called lady secrets and when we wrote the book, what we did is we set up, as you guys know, or maybe you don't know this, this confessional line, one, eight, four, four, sexy lady. And we had thousands upon thousands of confessions from you and nobody out there in the world, except the three of us at this table

and a few small editors barely edited, um, know what made it into the book, what secrets made it into the book. And it's really exciting because we also wrote our secrets into the book. And so it's basically like if you like like a chelsea handler book where it's like it's just saf yo that's where my clip went i was just wondering where that was i wanted to clip my hair and jack stole my brand new clip i just got anyway so if you like the kind of like chicken soup for the soul like our last book had a bunch of advice and stuff this time we're not telling you how to live your life we're literally just entertaining you with these stories we're telling you how we probably fucked up some of our lives it's not that chicken soup for the soul not even

similar to the tone of it but no no but it's literally just because it's different stories you can read the only similarity you can read all these yeah you can read all these essays some are long some are short like whatever so i thought today it would be a great episode called secrets revealed where we talk about the book and the kinds of secrets are putting in the book and i would talk about something that i've been dying to share with everyone about how i fucked up the book. The book is a fuck up. It's printed. I made a major mistake. We could not fix it in time. It is going out with the book. And I'm here to tell you, I'm not sure if you do. So when we were in New York, so here's the story and you guys can think about the secrets you want to share. So

I'm sharing the story of when I went on The Bachelor and it has been, we've talked about it a tiny bit on the podcast, but I have never told the full story. Like I'm going timeline. did i know chris knight what happened the fraud what they did when i got there the room the psychology like the whole i'm telling the whole story and i'm talking about how i did because they didn't did they make you sign an nda i have no it's definitely over by now i know but probably it's what all the people want to know it's what the people want to know what happens when they put you in that room yeah and they take away your books it's horrible you can't even journal. Anyway, long story short, I'm giving all the tea on what it was like to spend 48 hours

on The Bachelor. But I'm talking about in this essay about how like I signed up for The Bachelor and I really had never seen The Bachelor before because they didn't have a television. But that was a lie also when I've told that story because I had seen The Bachelor. You sound like Hilaria Baldwin. I know. I'm from Spain. Cucumber. Cucumber. So I had seen The Bachelor because my high year of high school where the bachelor was first on was the year that trista and ryan yeah got together the first bachelorette and that paved the way for all the everyone's like they're like tristan ryan and no one ends up happy on the bachelor bachelorette except there's trista and ryan like yeah still hot fireman guy right so i'm talking about in the book that like i had seen

tristan and ryan and they had fallen in love and i was so desperate for love that like maybe i could get my own tristan ryan except here's the thing guys i edited this book five to six times read every single one of my essays a hundred times had multiple people look at them you know i accidentally put tristan and ryan i spelt her name wrong the whole time it is in the book it's like you know our favorite bachelorette couple tristan and ryan i'm gonna get slayed by bachelor nation i don't think they are going to notice or read it. Anyway, I'm so embarrassed because I'm reading the audio book and I was like, wait, this is a major mistake. And I write the publisher and I was like, oh my God, you guys don't think it's that big of a mistake. It to me is a huge mistake. And I was

like, as a skimmer, it's shocking that that was the only mistake that you found. No, that's the only one I found so far. I'm sure there's way more, but anyway, I'm super embarrassed about it because I think it is one of the piece de la resistance chapters of my personal essays. And I was really excited about it and now I picked it up. So if you get a book that says Tristan and Ryan, you know, that you're one of the first printing is because we're going to fix it eventually in other printings. Thank God. Thank God. Okay. Jack, what was your hardest essay to write? And what was the one that you're the most excited for people to read? Um, let's start with most excited for people to read. Yeah. Uh, let me think about it. I think that, well, the,

at the essay that starts off the entire book, I'm the first essay in the entire book because it truly is something that I do in my private time that I have never talked about to anybody in my entire life. Not even Jerry, not even Jared because doctors, no doctors, nobody. And I don't want to give it away because if I do, it's just going to give too much away. But I feel like when we're thinking about the concept of the book where it's like lady secrets, like what are these things that are like deep down. It's not something that is up and I'm ashamed of, but it's something that I do alone that I feel like I can't be the only one. And that hopefully by putting it out there, somebody could be like me too, or it's like made my life a lot easier. So maybe it could help

somebody out. Life hack, life hack, if you will, like that, honestly, it's too, it's too extreme to do on tiktok well yes if you will i would get blocked and put on the dark web you could do it in the way that kelty showed how to get a bikini wax it hasn't been posted yet but yes i did do it with my leggings on you could do that that's actually really smart and then even the brand what european wax center that i was like i want to like revolutionize this content and so i went and showed how to get a bikini wax and they were like oh um can you put like an emoji over your vagina or something. And I was like, Ooh, even too much for you guys. I filmed not to go on an aside. I filmed Jared's entire experience at European wax center. Yes. I was holding onto

his hand like 40 year old virgin. No, he was like, okay. Cause it doesn't hurt. It's way less painful. Becca, what, um, are you like the most excited for people to read? i mean you really went there you dug deep i think well i don't i really don't know i kind of was in a blackout when i wrote all these you know i do this thing it's pretty much how i live my life where i dread doing something a lot and i end up just like sitting down at one point and just making myself do it. And then I throw it away and I never look back. That's what I did in these essays. And depending on the mood that I was in that day is who you're going to get. Wow. Okay. No, it's intense. It's intense. Yeah. Which is fine. I mean, I talked a lot

about like baby making, which is like boring as, I mean, I was like bored with myself by the time that i had to read it once over um so they were like you know the miscarriage story and other fertility stuff and then as far as like gross stuff um i'm not super excited about talking about my discharge in a book um but it's there but your discharge is truly what is why we have made lady gang what it is yeah so it deserves to be stamped in history i agree pun intended stamped in but i want to say something no if if the snail stamp if this book like listen i know all the lady gang listeners don't say it gets in the hands of everybody on this earth no no no okay well that would be amazing but i wouldn't i wouldn't be excited no i think the lady gang

listeners the girl listening to our podcast right now hi we love you like you're gonna love the book there's a lot more than you think is gonna be there like i think we all dug deep but like for me personally i have felt ashamed of my snail trail my whole life when i was a little ballerina and dancer and you would like take your tights off after class you're like what's wrong with me like nobody ever tells you about mucus and i literally forgot my underwear the other day when i was with chris and i had to just wear a jean and as i stood up after brunch a little bit of juice juiced out of me and i could feel it and i was kind of mortified and i was like no it's okay because Beck has a snail trail too. Like that's what the lady secrets is meant to do. Yeah.

It's true. I can't believe you still have discharge like that. Congratulations. Not all the time, but like at a certain point, I think it's ovulation one day. You know, it's not, it's not when I need it. Let me tell you that right now. It's not when I want to have it. All right. When we come back, I want to tell you about some of the stories that other people wrote in. Summer is upon us and we are busy. We are traveling. We are socializing. We don't have time to be in the grocery store or cooking but we want to be eating healthy right that's why we love daily harvest they deliver delicious food built on organic fruits and vegetables you can choose from smoothies flatbreads harvest bowls and more i legit just had a flatbread for lunch and yesterday

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Lady Gang is brought to you by Chime. No one likes waiting on a paycheck especially when you've got bills due and that's why we love telling you about chime get started at chime.com slash lady now you can get your paycheck up to two days early with direct deposit that's up to two more days to save pay your bills generally feel good about your money situation get organized but chime is about more than just getting paid early it's also an award-winning mobile app checking account debit card and optional savings account so what are you waiting for hopefully not your paycheck get started with chime today applying for a free account takes less

than two minutes get started at chime.com slash lady that's chime.com slash lady and we're going to post it on our instagram and we also post the link on our newsletter so this will be really easy for you to find chime.com slash lady banking services and debit card provided by the bank or stride bank na members fdic early access to direct deposit funds depends on payer you're listening to the lady gang so for the first time since we've written this book and collected these secrets been over two years this project i'm going to mention a couple of our favorite stories by title only and you guys can out there you can guess what they are and if you are the person that put it in it's in the book it's in the book yeah okay so this is our first

confirmed you know okay there is a story called socket puya like socket to ya but socket puya oh alexa loved that okay there is a story called the sister shocker. And it's not like the pink one in the stink. I mean, I'm not going to say that there's a story called brother. I'm sure if you wrote this one at home, I don't know. I'm sure there's a lot of brother. Yeah. If you wrote a story about your vagina being a vagina fly trap congratulations you've made it into the book you are on page 103 one of my personal favorites one of my and you got an illustration yeah there is a comic book illustration of the vagina fly trap it's amazing of your story belongs in a newspaper it does yep it's like a

political cartoon it is it it really is it really is um okay so i want to do oh sorry i have this mostly there. If you wrote a story, this is the last one I'm going to give away because we have, I think eight weeks until the book comes out. So I don't want to give it all away. But if you wrote a story about ever having to poop and there was nowhere to go, but a litter box, shitty kitty, you're in the book. You get a car. You get a car. Shitty kitty, you get a car. Um, and it, you know, it's very exciting. I feel like the level of the different secrets we got in, like a lot of them were sex. Everyone's cheating on their husband, a lot of like poop emergency and stuff. And then a lot of like, just stuff that you would never believe people speaking fake

languages, people lying about their past. Like we're all having body parts that usually are not on a human. Yes. Ooh, if you have a tail, you made it in the book. Congratulations. Anyway, I'm really excited for everyone to see it and we did do the illustrations again which is like really cool yeah that was we didn't well Wesley did commissioned Wesley did um I also like it because if you don't enjoy reading books this is a book for you yeah because you don't have to go cover to cover yeah you don't even really have to be sober reading them yeah you can pick it up like land on a page and go for on an adventure for four minutes I agree no it's great it's great for commitment phobes yeah yeah because it's like you finish an entire book in three minutes like

you said then on to the next yeah you'll laugh and you'll cry okay so my last question for each of us is what what uh essay did you write that you're actually now terrified for people to read like like i guess the regrets like i i can open it up because i know mine i wrote an essay about someone and I'm naming her name, but for this podcast purposes, so I can deny it up until the day that it goes on sale for real. Julia Roberts. It sounds like Julia Roberts. Okay. She's a movie star. I'll let you guys get, I wrote an essay about a time that she was really mean to me. She was really mean. I'm naming the names. I thought her behavior was not okay. And i wrote the whole story i apologize for my part in it and julia hobberts i thought you were mean

and i wrote the whole story and it was probably just her on a bad day a hundred percent and unfortunately unfortunately it's now in a book that everyone can read hopefully it can go viral like not for you because you'd be like thrown under the bus but like for the books i just want to say i didn't give my stamp of approval on this smear campaign it's not a smear campaign because i i i talk a lot about that i understand why she was angry and i'm defending myself of why you were wrong yeah like i basically devil's advocate you i did the thing i did the thing where when someone like when someone should just apologize and just be like i'm sorry instead of that they went here's all the reasons i did what i did like i hate that she did that i did that it

was it's me i'm the narcissist yeah i thought you were talking we knew this yeah so anyway i'm i'm i really wanted to tell this story it's been a story that i have thought about a lot and i wanted to when lady secrets came i knew it was the first essay i wrote i want it out there i am terrified of her hearing it i don't think she's going to hear it will one of her cool people that works on her team assistants interns to the publicist hear it yes am i terrified of her publicist yes am i terrified i mean you can't hurt me now that's what i'm saying what is the worst case scenario like what is your worst fired from entertainment tonight i already did yeah she won't come on super fan which she wouldn't anyways she wouldn't got a music artist well and

also i'm like okay then i literally started thinking well who are her friends in hollywood that are then also going to put me on the blacklist like i worried about becca i was like what if there's a great project and julia's producing it or reese is producing it and julia's like oh no that girl's in the lady gang with that bitch you canceled me and now you're not going to get the job because you sure canceled i'm not going to cancel her it wasn't that bad but anyway i'm terrified about of julia hobart's reading this essay and i don't think she will but i hope it goes viral i hope everyone realizes how shitty it is to be a member of the press and you should be nicer to the little people okay jack what are you nervous about everyone reading

um well this one i'm not well i know i'm not that nervous about this but i think that this is an essay that i wrote that everybody that has been a massive fan of the lady gang will get a kick out of that's not the question i asked at all well i'm peggy what's the one you're scared of anything are there massive fans of the lady roll the tape that's not right i need you to calm down with these buttons roll the tape there are massive fans you would roll the tape i love you our massive fans have burnt our lady boxes that's where those have gone okay um what am i scared of yeah um the end well there is a story in the book about how i had a near-death experience with a penis almost murdering

me that i'm a little bit scared of my parents reading and i did make a disclaimer at the top of the chapter for them not to read it means they're gonna read it so another disclaimer mom and dad please don't read the last chapter of the book death by penis i think that's what it's called yeah okay Becca is there an essay that you are nervous about the world seeing I can't really remember what essays I wrote to be honest with you so no yes I don't know it's gonna be like a big surprise I know I feel like when this book comes out I am Drew Barrymore in 51st days yeah you're like oh oh right I mean I don't I think you own everything and you've always owned everything so there's really nothing yeah no there's nothing bad there's nothing that

you're ashamed of but i think there's some shocking shit like the essay that you wrote about your big day in new york yeah yeah oh yeah that's a that's a big story yeah no there's big there's some there's some what's it called shocking moments hot lunch i mean i forgot what it is is when i wrote this book i was thinking about this i don't really have secrets with my people in my life right so i was just thinking about like kind of in that way where i'm talking about this big day in new york and i'm like there's no one in my life that doesn't know the story so i don't really care right but then i forget that the people buying the book aren't actually the people in my life and so it's going to be the first time that they're hearing it

yes and there are moments where i'm like definitely not going to read my dms for a while yeah it's okay if ever i think that's okay or maybe i'll lash out and be a psychopath but don't judge me yeah hot lunch hot lunch depends on the day depends on there you go depends on the day well i'm really excited and um i'm really proud of the book i hope everyone will come and see us on our book tour tickets are available now at the lady gang.com slash tour we're coming to so many cities and if those cities sell out we may come to the pacific northwest i'm sorry seattle you're hard to get to i'm gonna need you to fly to arizona like i have an ex-boyfriend there and he probably won't know that i had a baby either and it will be heartbreaking and the book is available lady

secrets is officially on pre-sale right now so here's what you do you go anywhere books are sold barnes and noble amazon walmart uh books bookshop.org if you want to go to your local indie book soup in LA, wherever you go, you pre-order the book. And then what you're going to do is you're going to take that receipt, that order number. You go to our website, theladying.com slash book, and you're going to enter that receipt number into our website. And we're going to automatically email you a $20 gift card to our site. So you can go get some pens. You can get a shirt, you can get $20 off, whatever the you want from our site. And we're going to keep updating new merch. Plus you get an instant download of my audio chapter of my George Clooney

story, which is a wonderful story. Not as juicy as the Julia Hobart story, but very close. And so it's like a win-win. You get this awesome pre-order situation. And if you decide to come to the tour, you're going to get a signed book. So when you buy your ticket to see us on tour, every single ticket comes with a signed copy of Lady's Secret. So this is like a win-win, but Lady Gang, we need you please support us i'm gonna get desperate the girls are rolling their eyes no i'm gonna get desperate i think i may get a penis chart for atlanta oh my god i like it brand for me no i love it it is right for you but i feel like you could do it like becca wants to sell at atlanta atlanta atlanta atlanta she needs to look cool in atlanta and i need to look cool in boston where my high

school boyfriend is yeah like if i walk in there and it's like a golf clap i'm gonna just be so embarrassed it's gonna be my lady secret i'm not showing up anymore i don't think i can show up to atlanta if it doesn't sell out it's selling out so call in sick what if we have to call in sick we have a bubble remember oh yeah we have a bubble we bought a bubble and if you have you're right and then you go in the bubble you're on the stage in the bubble i love it so much anyway we're so excited to see you for tour we're so excited if you get this book please go order your copy of lady secrets right now and we will see you next tuesday raunchy and hot lunch hot lunch bye Thanks for listening

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