LadyGang - Lady Lessons: Mind and Body

Episode Date: August 6, 2020

It’s been tough times for everyone in quarantine and all over the world, so this week we’re connecting with the Optimism Doctor, Dr. Deepika Chopra to help us find our mind/body balance and bring some peace to our restless brains and spirits.   Special thanks to Vince Camuto for sponsoring this series. Use offer code LADY to receive 20% off your next purchase of $75 or more at vincecamuto.com. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey ladies, you know, we love having all of our experts on the lady gang and while all of them are Geniuses in our book. We want to remind you that sometimes advice is subjective So take what you want do your research on your own, but also enjoy the episode Well, what is this? Welcome to the lady gang Say that again Things are about to change around here each week We catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello, everyone.

Whoa, it's so weird. It's usually Becca doing that. Welcome to the Lady Gang, and welcome to a very special episode of the show. This summer, we've teamed up with Vince Camuto to present Lady Lessons, a five-part series here on Lady Gang. So, after we wrote our book, we realized there were other topics in our lady life that we wanted to do a deeper dive into. The upcoming curriculum includes conversations about fertility, finances, race, career, and mental health. The topics and questions you hear in this series will be community-sourced, and we can't wait to hear what you think. Without further ado, on behalf of Vince Camuto, we present this week's Lady Lesson. The Lady Gang.

Our guest today is the Optimism Doctor, a visual imagery and media expert, and she also specializes in what she has coined evidence-based manifestation. Y'all know she had me at manifestation. Her work has been featured in Forbes, Harper's Bazaar, Vogue, Goop, and Variety. She specializes in bridging together holistic practices and evidence-based science to cultivate self-mastery tools to help clients, couples, and corporations cultivate their own sense of lasting happiness, resiliency, optimism, and success. We need her.

She holds a doctorate in clinical health psychology with a special interest in mind-body connection, sensory-based visual imagery, color therapy, innovative cognitive behavioral strategies, and strategies and methods to increase optimism and resilience. She has an amazing brand new sort of deck of cards, the Things Are Looking Up deck that you can purchase on her website and a brand new podcast, Looking Up. Please welcome to this week's lady lesson, Dr. Deepika Chopra. Welcome. Welcome. Hi. Hi. We're so excited to have you. I'm so excited to be here. doctor we feel not optimistic let's start there thanks like has your job ever been more difficult this time is a very challenging and tough time and um you know definitely my my workload has

like quadrupled since the pandemic and yes that's great but also it just gives me a renewed purpose in like why I do what I do. And, um, I always like to say to people though, like I am an optimism doctor, but I am by no means the most optimistic person and I'm having a really tough time right now. Yeah. Talk to me about the podcast a little bit because we've had such beautiful reactions from our fan base. We normally just talk about like boys and pooping and getting drunk and, you know, having fun and housewives and stuff. I mean, not all the time. I'm going to give us more credit than that. But since the pandemic started, we started this sort of lady lesson series, which is a little more of the deeper dive into your life. And I know that your podcast is

something that people could follow if this episode speaks to them in a way to get a little more of you. So what was your goal in creating that and launching it? Yeah. Well, first of all, I'm so grateful that I stepped out of my comfort zone to do it, partly because a lot of the work that I do. I'm really passionate about inclusive mental health and proactive well-being tools and getting it out to as many people as possible. Because I feel like a lot of this work is a human right for people to have the knowledge. And it's a lot of the reason why I stepped away from traditional, sort of a traditional practice. And when I would do these talks over the last you know a few years to like hundreds of people or sometimes thousands of people and then like

they'd come up to me afterwards and they'd want something more and all I could really offer them was well I have like a 10-month wait list for a session like that didn't seem right yeah and that's where the cards were born out of to give people more of you know my practice over the last decade in a cool fun deck of cards and but the deck of cards which is still my favorite thing ever and I'm doing, you know, there's some limitations with it, you know, where does it ship to and that type of stuff. And so the podcast is just like, it can be anywhere and anyone can access it. And a lot of the new listeners, I mean, we are only, we're two weeks in and we have four episodes out, but like, I have people from all over reaching out to me that are like, I've just

been waiting for something. Like I wanted the deck of cards, but shipping was too expensive and like, you know, wherever they are. And I'm listening to your podcast from like Finland. Yeah. What? Amazing. So it's so cool. It's so amazing. I'm a newbie in the podcast world and I just love it. I think it's so cool. And I totally get it now. I'm late. I'm late as usual, but I get it. Better late than never. Welcome to the club. Welcome. Thank you. You guys are OGs. Why did you, can I ask a question as like, why did you go into specifically optimism?

them? Like what led you to that? I have always been someone, I think it was just my background and how I grew up that now that I have the words for it, I think I was brought up by two very optimistic parents. I didn't really know what that was. They were very future directed and partly that's because they're Indian and you got to think about your future is the case. But also they just, you know, they had been through, worked through struggle and they were immigrants and they came to this country and I was the first born first generation here. And I think like just seeing that and it was always ingrained in my mind. And like I always, since a kid, I've always been someone that was a question asker. I always wanted to know why

things were the way they were. Like a seeker. Yes. But prove it to me. I want to know the science. I want to know why. It was probably so annoying. But basically my best friend in high school, her mom introduced me to in high school, her mom introduced me to Abraham Hicks. So the law of attraction and, and all of that. And I loved like the messaging of it and all about the law of attraction, but I couldn't like, I just couldn't get down with like the way in which they got the message that I liked everything that she was saying. And I like truly believed it. And it was starting to like shape my life. So when I got into grad school, I think I used it selfishly as part of my own personal inquiry of like, why is this true? And why is this working for me? And

how does that work from like a neuro standpoint? And so I kind of dove into that. And at the same time, when I was studying so much of the brain, I kept coming up against this thing that like, we don't know everything about the brain, but we're starting to learn a lot. And the brain is an anticipatory organ. So the brain is future tense. Everything about the brain acts in future tense. Like what I see in front of me right now, my brain is telling me what I see faster than my eyes are seeing it. Or if I'm imagining eating a donut right now, even if it's not near me, my brain is releasing enough insulin in my body to break down that donut before I even eat it. And so I started to talk a lot about this with my supervisors in my internships and my fellowships

later. And both of them were like, if you have some like innovative new way that you want to see patients here or to develop a group or something like we trust you go for it. And so I started, I was really interested at the time in visual imagery and using visualization as a way to help, um, increase positive mood and even change behavior in my patients and in clients. And so, um, I started doing a lot of that work at UCLA and the first group or the population I did visualizations and started writing visualizations for were breast cancer patients that were about to go through surgery. And it just was like, it was received so well. And it just, it made so much sense and the science was all there. And so I kind of started getting really interested in

blending the two. And so my entire dissertation way back when was actually on increasing optimism and future directed thoughts by visualization and other modes. And so I just got so interested in this idea of optimism and anticipating, you know, positive thoughts or more positive future directed thoughts and how that could help people. And, you know, this idea of evidence-based manifestation was part of my dissertation. And now, obviously, the word manifestation is a word that, I don't know, I live in LA, so that's just where I am. You can't really like get down the street without hearing it a million times and that's so cool but at the same time I think it you know there's pieces of it that let's just say I think that in my personal and professional

opinion it's a lot more than just you know asking the universe to drop something in your lap it takes a lot of work it takes intention it takes effort and it's more of a lifestyle and mindset shift and it really does work like you from a thought perspective like actually do have the ability to choose your thoughts and the brain I'm more interested in of course what you want is so important to know and visualizing it and I know we went through a period where people were having like vision board parties and that's so cool like to know what you want is so important but there's a huge piece missing like you need to know like on a scale of one to ten how much you're expecting something to happen and unless you're that gap is is sort of made smaller and the want matches

the expectation it's not very likely that you're going to get that so I always say you don't always get what you want but you must always get what you expect so I really work with people on bridging that gap and really figuring out like, what are you expecting? And how can we change your expectation to match what you want? Wow. That's actually the first time I've heard about manifestation where I didn't think it was a load of garbage. So good job. No, it reminds me of that, um, the scene in the secret where the girl, the lady's like looking at a store and she sees a necklace and then it's like the next scene, she has the necklace on her. And it's like, that's not how it works, dude. No, that's not how it works. And, and I'm a big manifester. And so

I'm like on year, she's a vision border. She's I'm on year 10. No, I have a, I have a, I have a very clear path of this. I'm going to ever, most people know it if they've read our book, but every, you know, new year's Eve, I write down this list of like the things that I'm going to accomplish in the year. And then I hang it up in like three different places in my life. And I look at it every day. And it's, it's not so much of a, Oh my God, I, I hope we, you know, I get to do this thing. It's like, these are the things that I've really cleared out my system and been like at my core, what do I want this next year of my life to look like? So, you know, some of the time it is like quit diet Coke again. Some of it is get bang. Some of it spend more time with my niece

and nephew. Some of it has become New York times bestsellers. Like I put these things on the list And then I look at them every day and I love what you said about, it's not so much about this want, it's about like, you just make that a necessity in your life. And it's something that I strive for every day. So my intention, my work ethic, the things that I'm putting in my life go towards those specific things. And it's like almost like a goal list in a way. I'm not like pulling a New York times bestseller out of the air.

Like we worked our asses off for that, but it was something that was really important to me and I visualized it and manifested it in my future. And I could do things when you were talking, like I've seen myself on the stage hosting, that's my other job, like hosting the thing before I ever got that job. Or I've seen a title of our book in the New York times, like before we even got New York times bestseller, like I can picture it. I can see myself. Sometimes I lie to myself. I'm like, I'm already there. And I'm not. Yes, no, absolutely. And those are all things that are super important because basically, from a brain standpoint, first of all, your brain only does things that it thinks can happen. So an example of like, you may really want to win

the lottery, but if you don't think you're going to win the lottery, you're probably not buying lotto tickets. Or like you might really want to be in a relationship and you could want that until the cows come home and you could have made a vision board for it. And you probably, maybe you even know what your partner, you know, looks like or feels like. And those are all good things and they do take you to a certain place. But unless you actually think that you can have that relationship and it could happen for you, you're not putting forth the things that it would take to get you there. You're not putting yourself out there. You're not accepting invitations to like social gatherings. You're not, you know, going, you know, accepting like a setup. Like

you're just not putting yourself in those positions because your brain is not allowing you to do so because you're saying that could never happen to me anyway. So there's that piece of it that has to be there and you have to expect something can happen. And our brains love being right and you can't really just lie to it. So whatever you're thinking, whatever thought you're thinking, whatever thought you're practicing, your brain is actively always seeking out other evidence to make it more true, which can be helpful. And it also can be not so helpful. You're listening to the Lady Gang. This is amazing. So Jack, I want to go to your question because each of us prepared like our

own little question for you. And this kind of goes on with what Jack was, because a bunch of other people had written this in the Facebook group and she was like, but I want that one. So go ahead. No. So I'm just like, I'm always so interested in the concept of the imposter syndrome because I mean, I can probably speak for the three of us, especially myself. It's like anytime that we reach this different milestone professionally, it's like, I always feel like it's not really me doing it, or I feel like a fraud or that I don't deserve it. And it's like, if a friend of mine, you know, did the thing that I did, I would be so excited for them. And I just like, can't get excited for myself because like, I feel like I don't deserve it.

And then that also has manifested its way into so many other parts of my life, whether that be my relationship or like my relationship with my body, like all these different things. So, I mean, what are your thoughts on that? And is there a way to kind of, um, work on that within yourself? Yeah. We're prone to kind of always want to highlight the things that we're not so good at or the things we don't currently have or the things we need to improve on. And we're like, not so great about highlighting or spotlighting the things we are actually really good at, or we're doing really well at, or we've worked really hard for and we've created and, and like really like marinating in that or marinating in the like positive moments of our everyday

life. And it's so interesting because if we were able to do that, what research and science shows is that's actually like, they're huge hallmarks of not just happiness and joyfulness and optimism and hope and, and good health, like physically as well, but like they actually make us more productive and they actually make us, if you want to use the word, like manifest more and make things come into reality more if we actually take the time to celebrate the small wins and the big wins. And so yeah, the imposter syndrome is really big and it's, it's something that I think so many of us feel. And it's something that I think a lot of women feel

as well. And we're not good at, as women, for some reason, we have a really tough time with self-promotion and we're also not so comfortable with accepting compliments. I was going to say that. Yeah. Yeah. Like the first thing we tend to do when someone gives us a compliment is like, oh, thanks. But, and then that, but it's something that is like a negative or a, like self-deprecating something because partly like you know it's that whole idea of like a not wanting the other shoe to drop also you want to be humble you don't want to sound arrogant there's like so much at play but what we do know is that you know in in today's day and world like to thrive we need to be able to celebrate our small wins and our big wins and we have to get comfortable at it and there are

ways in which we can do it without you know feeling fraudulent or without feeling arrogant start with yourself to give yourself a space to really like, like celebrate something that you currently have today that you've worked really hard for and you wanted to manifest and you're living it and you're breathing it today before you start, you know, wanting the next thing. Ooh, I love that. Tobes. So I'm the ultimate pessimist. I have a real doozy for you. There's a Bravo show where it's like the two of you going head to head. Here's my hangup with all of this. So I find that when I set expectations for goals or things I want or people relationships myself, I find that it's just a recipe for disappointment because nothing's

ever going to, it's not always going to be the way that you want it or expected it or whatever. So I've found that the thing that works best for me is actually detachment because I, you know, I'm an actress and I auditioned for a lot of different jobs. And if I put myself in that role in that job every single time, it's just heartbreak after heartbreak. Cause that's just the reality of the situation. Um, so it's hard, you know, it, every time I've done that, I've been, it's even harder. The, the disappointment, it hits harder. And then every list I've ever made, like one year, I did the list that Kelty does. And I'm not joking, like things that should have absolutely been an easy home run just didn't happen. And so I just

felt like a little superstitious about it and a little bit like, okay, well then I'm really happy when I have zero expectations so that when things do work out, like I continue to work hard and when things do work out, it's like a pleasant surprise. No, I totally get that. And sort of what I hear is even if you say that you expect something to happen and then you're disappointed, I'm actually just hearing that you might say that you expect it, but I don't think you really expect it. Does that make sense? Like, for example, you're like, I have all these things on the list and I've done the list, but like, it sounds like, like if we went through that list and we're like, okay. And we really measured each one and we measured the want for you for that list and how

much you expected it to happen. It sounds like you're already, you would already just kind of be like, I don't actually expect these things to happen because when I do expect things to happen, they don't happen. And I'd rather just be detached and that's my style. So like, do you know what I mean? Like, yeah, a little bit. Like I think a few things for sure. I've definitely just been like beaten up enough to be like, okay, you just be realistic. But there are things that I really think that, and I think that's why this is so hard for me is because I really put my heart and my soul and my belief system and myself, like so much behind it. And I, and it's just like the heartbreak is it's like, that's, what's caused all this detachment. Like I

just, it's weird. I think it's tough because in that like manifestation world, there's so much, heaviness or weight placed upon really specific results. What the greater picture of it is, it's about a feeling. And it's about training your brain to be better at expecting a certain feeling that you actually feel that you deserve to have on a level or on a whole. and you're letting go a little bit of like the very specific, you know, it has to be this role at this time and this position, because all you're doing in that regard is you're just being more controlling. Do you know what I mean? And like, there are certain things that we certainly do not have control over. And we have all learned that in this pandemic experience. But what we do have

control over are some of these inner resources that we are made with as humans. And part of that is our perspective, right? So at the beginning of this whole thing, I was definitely having a really tough time. I'm still having a tough time, but I just found myself kept being like, I'm just stuck at home. And I was feeling claustrophobic almost. And I just thought to myself, like I put things in perspective for one brief moment and I said, but also it's like kind of course I'm like really grateful that I'm safe at home. And now every time I say like stuck at home, I just literally shift one word and I say, okay, I might be stuck at home, but I'm safe at home. And like just shifting that one word, um, you know, it doesn't change my circumstance. I'm

still at home. There's still a million things I can't do. And there's still a million ways my my life has become a lot harder from this. But just that one word shifted my mood so much and put me in a whole different place and had me thinking about things like I was thankful and grateful and obviously recognizing my own privilege, all these things that actually boosted my mood. And it actually changed the trajectory of my day. I had to do it a couple times and continue to do it. But like after doing it enough times, I no longer really say stuck at home. And I also obviously recognize that some people aren't safe at home, but like I was safe at home. And so I think that there's this misconception that things have to work out on

your terms all the time in a very specific way in order for this whole thing, this like magic to work. And I think that the problem with that is, um, and the reason why this takes like so much more work and it's not just like an easy, quick, like, Hey, just like read this book and, um, you know, think about what you want and imagine having it. And then like, you could just keep doing that for, yeah, then you got it. And a series of things, the reason that like, that a lot of people, like maybe that worked twice and that just happened to work. But like the third time it doesn't work, it's crushing. And it's like, it makes you cynical, you know? And it's just like, it's just not, not that's, it's like missing the greater point, if that makes sense.

And I do think though, like there are many, many, many times in your life where having a healthy detachment from a scenario or from an experience is actually really important for survival. And oftentimes practicing, like having a detachment from even like things like disappointment, that's actually really strong. And that's actually something that we need to do. It's almost like being able to recognize it and be in your emotion, but not be hijacked from it. It's like watching the movie of your life, like stepping back and sometimes being able to see the bigger picture. And in order to see the bigger picture, you have to do all the things we're talking about, but you also need to have some level of detachment. So I would say that it's not

necessarily like a pessimistic or negative thing that you're doing. It actually is part of an optimistic survival is to have some sort of detachment. So my thing is, and this was a question that a lot of people in the Facebook group, so I'll just ask it for us all, is turning our brains off. I do manifest. I'm an optimism based manifester. I dream it all up and I put the work in and then I have absolutely no happiness that is found through anything but achieving. I'm getting better during the pandemic. The pandemic has been like a slap in the face, but you go to bed at night and I have like an hour long go to sleep situation that finally puts me to sleep, but how do you turn your brain off? How do you get your brain to stop

working with you at 11 PM? Cause you've got to sleep. So important. Um, being able to rest your brain and your thoughts are so important and such a big part of happiness and, um, and actually a big part of reducing anxiety. Um, so a couple of things before you go to sleep. It's almost like an adult version of the I spy game. So look around your room and start naming off everything that you see that's in front of you and around you out loud. The out loud piece is a big deal. And try to just go through them without putting much thought or making a story about it. So if you're like, right now I see a palm tree. I see a red roof. I see a water bottle. Not like I see a palm tree and it's blowing heavily in the wind. I wonder how windy it

is. And oh my God, that reminds me of when I was on vacation and oh no, I can't go on vacation. You know, like not that, but it's okay. Your brain will do that. And you just tell it like, oh yeah, I'm not supposed to make a story. So I'll move on to the next thing. And you just start saying everything that you see. And the way that works is it works as a reset button for your brain. It gives your brain a break almost while you're actually doing something else. You're giving it enough to do that it's holding enough attention that actually you can't think about anything else. And so I love these, like the idea of a healthy distraction. I also love guided visual imagery. I'm a visual imagery expert. I've been doing it since years and years. And I love

going through that because it puts my brain through something that is using, again, enough attentional capacity where I'm literally telling my brain what I want it to think. And I'm giving it enough to think about that it cannot actually physically think about anything else. And so I prefer those type of activities. They work better for me and for a lot of people that I work with than the whole just think about nothing and clear your mind. Those just don't work for me. But there's other things like being outside in nature. Research shows that just two hours on average a week. That's it. Being outside, you do not have to exercise. You do not have to even move. You can just sit there. You can literally just sit there on a piece of grass. Thank God.

Yeah. Thank God. And just being out there for two hours on average a week really helps to increase positive mood and decrease stress cortisol levels. Breath is a super powerful technique. It's something, again, another resource we all are built with. I'm obsessed with giving people sharpening their own resources that they already have. So it's not about spending a bunch of money or taking this crazy retreat, or it's literally just things you can do in like 10 seconds. And that's what the card deck is. It's 52 of these science-based or holistic-based prompts or suggestions that actually increase optimism, happiness, and resiliency. And the whole reasoning behind them is, you know, you can pull a card anytime and most of the prompts or

suggestions take you through an action that's like 30 seconds or less, or oftentimes even less. And, you know, it's a way to actually retrain and rewire your brain to start looking for like, like other like emotions. So other emotions in your life, when you start experiencing experiencing happiness and joy and hope and resiliency and working through struggle. And you start like your brain starts creating these like powerful pathways that are faster. And you start just like, it's again, the evidence thing. You start looking for more ways to feel that way naturally without even having to do anything. And so I like those things. Like I like exercise, that doesn't make me feel like I'm exercising, like dancing around in my room. Yeah. So it's

same thing. I like mental health tools that don't really make me feel like I'm actually doing a mental health tool. All right. This was awesome. If you want to find out more about optimism, you can follow our guests today at Deepika Chopra. And we've been here for a long time, but we're here for a terribly Kelty-ish time. And an optimistic time. An optimistic time. Things are looking up. Thanks for listening and make sure to rate and review this podcast wherever you get your podcasts. We have new episodes of Lady Gang every Tuesday and Thursday. follow us on social media at the lady gang uh follow us personally at kelty most importantly at becca and at jack banik the lady gang network is produced by will sterling steve delamater

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