LadyGang - LadyGang Turns 100!

Episode Date: October 30, 2017

Thanks to everyone who made it possible for the LadyGang hit their 100th episode! Enjoy a collage of memorable of the finest moments the Ladies have to offer, including: the best of Good Week/Bad Week, Jac's worst dates, the memorable additions to the LG Dictionary, and special moments with celebrities like Nico Tortorella, Jane Lynch, Spencer Pratt, The Skinny Confidential, Hillary Kerr, Ryan Murphy, and Ru Paul! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Girl Posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Lady Gang. I am Becca Tobin. Kelty Knight is across from me, and Jack Vanek's to my right. And guess what? It's our 100th episode.

Happy birthday to us. We are officially podcasters. Oh, yeah. We made it. Is this the centennial episode? It's the centennial, but I still feel 21 inside, and my forehead is 24. I know, it's all that Botox. When I started getting Botox.

it's pretty incredible you guys i can't believe we've done it i can't either i mean we wouldn't have if kelty were not so much cocaine kidding kidding kidding kidding did at what point did you want to quit to be honest there was never a time i wanted to quit there were times that i was like holy shit how are we gonna fit this in yeah i but i never wanted to not make it work yeah kelty's like every day every single day no i've never wanted to quit i've wanted to quit all my other jobs so i could just do lady gang like 24 7 oh you love us it's been pretty good honestly and i was i was talking to jack last night like texting her like i will say even though you know we didn't come into this as like best friends like we're just friends that we knew each other

and acquaintances like our friendship really has grown and you guys check on me more than like my regular friends do you know we have this like constant text chain where i think even coming from the different worlds even though we all are blonde basics like we have such different perspectives on things that i really learned a lot just from our conversations as stupid as they are and it made me feel less weird even though i am weird you're still an alien to us the weirdest so what did we think lady gang like jack when i first texted you and i was like hey we're putting together this thing we want you like what did you think lady gang was going to be i don't even well because we started it before podcasts were really that big so i honestly why guys because we're

tastemakers yeah we are so relevant relevant um so i guess the only podcast i'd listen to is cereal but then in my mind i'm like are we gonna like film like a youtube thing and is it gonna be this like weird i don't know i didn't know what to expect because none of us had done it before yeah but you know it's kind of crazy i sit back and i think what would i have done with all my free time as an unemployed actress like probably lady game no maybe not lady gang has really given me purpose when i just wanted to like i don't know move back to atlanta and work at a chick-fil-a i have to say i don't think i would have gotten my job on entertainment tonight if lady gang hadn't become such a success do you think they've been looking at it and wanting you no hopefully hope

to god they're not listening to make it stretching but i do think it like when you have something that people actually enjoy it gives you some power in the world you know like it's true i mean it is a testament to just finding something you want to do going in 110 and just sort of like seeing where it takes you and it's taken us to a pretty awesome place yeah what is the most annoying trait about my a type retentiveness the way you skim emails when you ask something 500 times or that like for us yesterday today i got an invite to like the fourth shared calendar of lady that was not me that was elena and i told her to we have literally five different calendars for the lady gang that say the same thing. I know. I'm so confused

by them. So I just get notifications all day about one episode. I just want you to know that you're loved. I do feel loved. We feel loved. I feel us alone. Neither of you are annoying at all and you're perfect and I love you so much. We're not great. No, we're okay. No, actually I was thinking about this. The difference between

us is that like last week on Wednesday like we got the advertisers for the next week and I was like, hey, can you guys do these ads? And you're like, on it. And then like today like the day before a new episode is when you actually recorded them. Like we're different. And I'm like, I get an email and I'm like, I instantly have to do this and handle this and get it done.

And you guys are like, well, what's the last possible? I can't believe I even did them before Becca did, to be honest. I'm usually like, I'm pretty last minute person. Like the 11th hour. I always am. My whole life. That's just what I've done. I love procrastinating.

Me too. I picked up my wedding dress like an hour before my flight to the wedding. Like, no, you did not. Like, I swear to God. Oh my God. Yeah. No, I just don't. I like really like pushing my limits, you know?

what do we want to say to our fans thank you for stopping me on the street make me feel cool so many more of you stop kelty is that true i get stopped a lot but it's only for the lady gang not like a lot a lot well why else would you be getting stopped jack no from like for my clothing my space yeah people used to stop me too but it's like a different kind of girl i met a girl this weekend that i exchanged numbers with that listened to the podcast because she's like actually cool and i want to be her friend i don't really have many people You guys, if you see me out, could you make me feel better? I'm already, like, really down on myself lately.

No, but we love our listeners and our fans, and we love that we created such a community with people, because that's something I think that we never expected, to be, like, a movement in itself. I never thought that we would have people that I can write on Facebook, like, I hate everything, and they're just like, it's okay, here's what I do when I'm sad, here's a picture of my dog in a costume, like, that's pretty supportive, you know? I just need some dog pics, yeah, when I know I'm sad. what i like too is that we've connected a lot of women even if they're not connecting with us

every day they're connecting with each other and i've seen some pretty awesome things on the facebook page of girls helping each other through shitty times and sometimes when you're going through a really hard time it's easier to go to those people than it is to go to your everyday people there's something really they're like therapists yeah they're like completely detached from the situation and we've had all the meetups yeah i feel like we've made some friendships with them lady gang and that makes us happy remember the girl that picked up the other girl's wedding dress for her like a town over and brought it to her and stuff i mean that's just like it's cool stuff everyone wore my wedding thing oh yeah oh yeah something very pretty everyone

in hollywood right now is so like help each other girl power we've been doing this for a year and a half 100 episodes of helping each other until now we started the girl oh yeah everyone's like oh my god be for each other and then they're all just mean to each other behind their back and then they talk shit on each other yes we're actually nice we're actually we may not be politically correct all the time but we do help a sister out we love you we do we're not perfect but we love you far from it okay all right so with that said what we've done with this episode and if this is your first episode stop this and listen to a different one because this is like the inside joke the longest inside joke that you're not a part of and we want you to be a part of it so go

listen to some other ones and come back but for those of you are og lady gangers we've pulled out some segments from the all the hundred shows and we're gonna share our favorites yep now back to Okay, so a little backstory on Good Week, Bad Week. When we all got together and talked about the format of the podcast, we knew we wanted to start it off before any of the interviews with a little piece of us as the hosts day or week or whatever we experienced between each episode, a glimpse into our lives, if you will.

So growing up around the dinner table, my family would sometimes talk about the high point and the low point of their day and so we thought it would be really fun because we often would text each other like shitty things that happened or great things that happened and we were like wait a second we have to share this with the audience and this is so great we love it and we're actually going to show you a little compilation of the past hundred episodes the best of the good week and it's right now good week yes it is today i did my second ever fake paparazzi photo shoot oh god and i was great i just died who did you call for this one i didn't have to call them they set it up they

asked me will you be in the fake paparazzi photo shoot who said this the publicity people oh so they wanted to get me in this certain dress and i think you'll see it in the magazines person and i get paid no am i supposed to yeah how much for a fake paparazzi shoot or she's yeah but i'm getting paid in press it doesn't matter oh really you're helping them more than they're helping you are you sure i feel pretty excited when i see myself in a magazine that's probably why they chose you because they're like oh we need a girl to come wear this dress who'll do it for free kelty nightwell she's so thirsty i always feel bad and then they're like do you want to take any of the clothes i'm like that's fine but i did take the clothes i know anyway i

was excited and i'll tell you two reasons i was excited number one i didn't hate my face the way i normally do and i thought i looked cute good week yes it is so then it's super bowl day i'm staked out outside his vip lounge waiting for chris martin to come by and he blows past all the press and then he sees me i grab his arm and i was like chris martin do you remember me from the press conference you said i was charming and he was like you're so annoying and then he goes oh i do remember and i was he goes how was the performance was it okay and i was like chris martin it was amazing you did so good did you call chris martin over yeah the whole time also like he asked you how the performance he wanted he's very he wanted to know also

is that a connection or is that him just no ego hold on just hold on wait wait hold on so then he's like i'm like do you have anything to say about performing at super bowl 50 i get my two questions and he's like, love, I'm not really dressed for this. I'm going to go. And I was like, okay. So he goes to the elevator and then he's, and then the elevator's not there. And I was like, this is my chance to become best friends with Chris Martin. Oh my God, you're stalking him, dude. So then I go up to the elevator and I was like, Chris, I don't want to be crazy, but I am a real big fan. Do you think I can take a picture? And he turns around and he goes, he goes, of course, you know, but not for camera. Okay. And I was like, yeah. And I look at the

crew and I go, turn around and they all turn around. And then we take this picture and then he grabs both my hands here jack hold my hands and i'll show you how i grab the note because i'm sick i'll grab this corbel bottle he grabs my drink that he grabs my hands and he goes he goes but really did you think it was okay and i was like honestly chris this is what i said to him i go chris the whole world is filled with so much turmoil and darkness and it's just i listen to cole play when i need to be lifted up and the halftime show was so bright and colorful and it was just really beautiful and it reminded me of the good in the world i don't know where it came from i just said it wait also you know this is throwing up this is you just like sucking on his

dick no this is not a connection no we were having this moment and then he looked at me he's like i'm so happy you feel that way then he reached in his pocket no pulled out his penis i'm just he reached in his pocket oh i saw your instagram about this he reached in his pocket so chris martin has a secret club where he carries around these love pins and my friend christina was at a party once with like jayla so she was there and they had like a real great deep conversation and he gave her a love pin it's a super super club you can't buy them he reaches in his pocket and he pulls out a love pin he grabs my hand he puts it in he goes i really appreciate you do you have the love pin i'm wearing it oh i haven't taken it off since okay wait good week

yes it is the next thing i'm gonna say um is my good week is that i found out about a really nice exercise for you to do with your friends at brunch at brunch it's called the compliment circle nope where you start that's a no for both it's where you start like your sit down your visit by giving everyone a compliment so i know you guys are real housewives no it sounds like something you do at cafe gratitude yeah so i'm gonna start no i'm not there i really like you as a producer and i really think you're great thank you for always hanging up our background for the photos this is like a team building exercise. Jack, I really think your aesthetic on Instagram is impressive and I'm constantly inspired by your work ethic. Don't you feel good? No. Becca? Yeah, I'm scared. I'm so

happy that I love your house and I love your husband and I really appreciate your attention to detail on the finer things in life. Through you, I've learned to really love jewelry and not to buy crap and not to fill my life with crap you've really taken me to a lux level i really quality and not quantity yeah exactly okay that's the end of the compliment circle okay we're done with that we don't have to do it do we you don't you can but you don't have to okay well next time i'm gonna pass good week yes it is i i questioned if this was good or bad but the pleasure it gave me while witnessing this was so good that it's good i'm on an airplane and this woman sits down next to me in the aisle and she puts down her tray table like as soon as we're all up in the air

puts down her straight tray table and opens up like this elaborate spread like salad um like you know just snacks blah blah blah blah she is comfy like you know when you like get she has noise canceling headphones and she's living she is like ready to go like if i had to get up to go to the bathroom she would have literally probably bitch slapped me and been like no bitch i just set this up so i'm looking at her and all of a sudden i see her accidentally drop her honey mustard salad dressing oh shit and i see and i'm pretending to not notice because i'm like how is she gonna handle this i see her go try to reach for it reach reach reach she can't she's in there reach reach reach and then tries to get it like with her like her foot like she's putting her

shoe out there and she's like pushing in the aisle can't and no one is helping this poor woman and i swear there's like 10 of us watching she proceeds to bend down take off her shoe then her sock and grabs the salad dressing with her toes oh wow and it was a true disgusting delight i mean i was like humanity thank you it was the greatest moment and i wanted to give this woman a high five except for the fact that i was so grossed out i just couldn't she picks up she cracks it up and puts it on her salad it was like no one's the wiser well told you told you good week yes it is so yesterday i was doing a red carpet shoot i had many a-list interviews and i was like oh yeah i'm on it and like everyone it

was awesome shoot and so i went home that night i took a shower got my makeup off i went into bed and i was like just rolling through my instagram before i went to sleep you know like you do and i i never really check my dms that aren't from people i follow but i was like let me just go through and try to clean up the hundreds of messages i have and i can't tell you who i was going to but chris said that there's like a code of celebrity that i really can't because what if this person's like baby mama or wife or what i don't even know his story i got hit on my dms by an a-list celebrity and i quote you know i have a crush on you right you look awesome tonight and every night what oh my god i can't wait to figure out who it is so i didn't respond but i screenshotted

it but they won't be able to screenshot it because i don't follow them and i didn't accept the message also they can't tell anyways it's amazing anyway i'm so famous and i'm so beautiful that even the a-listers are hitting on me can you pass them my way good week yes it is i was at the korean spa fave and there's always like very interesting characters there you know there's like old ladies there's young ladies there's like fake boobs there's like boobs down to your knees like there's there's all shapes and yeah you know forms of human and everybody just sort of coexists it's kind of great and everybody's naked you cannot be in a bathing suit like absolutely buck naked. So I'm in the hot, this one Korean spot in particular has this big sulfur pool of

water, if you will. And you get in it and it's, uh, everybody's naked and I'm just sitting there with my friend and we're sort of like whispering cause you have to be quiet. And then I look over across the little pool and there's only like five of us in there. And there's an older woman with her, um, torso facing the wall, like with her arms up, like kind of resting. And I'm like, like oh she's taking a nap no she was in front of a jet she's masturbating she was totally getting it with a jet yeah could you tell yes was she like how could you tell number one you could see the jet was right below her creating like the bubbles the motion and she was like not like moaning but she was certainly like laying there just like just in heaven yeah

I mean, and what were your thoughts about it? I died. Were you like gross or were you like, this is my good week. Oh, you were like, get your life. I wish I could do that right now. I was just so like, girl doesn't care. Shocked. She, she, and she hadn't been like 60 years old.

Oh, good. And she's still getting it. You know, it gives me hope that sex drive. It's still there. Okay. Honestly, the against the jet orgasm is pretty good. I'm sorry. What have you done that?

Yeah, of course. I have like a shower hut. i don't know if i could do like in a spa yeah where have you done that kelty at the korean spa no i used to like uh live with a guy that had a pool and i'd go down there that sounds really sounds like a lot of effort sounds really really shady nice the lady gang well that was fun and uplifting let's get ready for the bad weeks um it was really hard to pick out the best of the bad weeks because they're just so many that are really disgusting, vulgar. Like it's the reason that my husband stopped listening to this podcast.

So we hope you enjoy our favorite best of the bad weeks. Bad week. Oh no. Last night, I've had a crazy, crazy week. I'm working on this project that I'm, I'm working 12 hours a day. I'm going to work every day in, like, sweatpants, and, like, my eyes are barely open, and my car looks like I'm living in it, because it's like when you're kind of running around, like, the busier you get, the crazier the stuff in the car is that you find.

So I'm emptying out my car last night. I get home. I'm exhausted, and I grab, like, a bundle of clothing, like, dirty clothes that I had Oh, my God. I know where this is going. Okay, so I go inside. So my boyfriend comes to visit. he gets in town today and he goes to get his coffees this morning and he sends me a picture

text and it's a pair of my underwear and two little tiny ankle socks very like and he he does my laundry or he helps me do laundry a lot and he's really good at folding like i'm like you're the best at folding so he really knows my clothing so he takes this picture and it's on the ground and i'm like it's on concrete like where is this where is he like where is this and then i'm like oh my god it's my parking garage and and i'm like oh my god he's like did you lose something and i'm like um yeah i must have uh dropped that on my way inside of the apartment the other day He goes, well, uh, your neighbors are probably thrilled. I just moved them from the middle of the parking garage, the middle.

And I just texted him. I, I almost didn't have, like, I was so ashamed and I was like, uh, yeah, those are my dirty clothes from my car. It's mortifying. And he's like, yeah, they were, they weren't laying in a very flattering position either. and they were obviously amy schumer they were soiled yeah when when he says not in the most flattering position first thing that goes through my mind is like do do stain but no that actually hasn't happened to me in two weeks days anyways no and i'm like oh no so

he picks it up and he brings it inside like a true gentleman a real gentleman wouldn't have even told me that he found my underwear sunny side up in the middle of the parking garage in my building. Yeah. So there's my, there's my bad week. That wasn't that bad. Your other bad week was worse than that. I think dirty underwear is like something I'd rather hide from everyone. I would rather someone see my dirty tampon than my dirty underwear. 100%. Because everyone knows that tampons are dirty, but there's like this whole myth that you take off your lacy underwear and it's just like pristine it's like as good as new and it's not guys life is hard down the trail yeah my boyfriend also left he also sent me a snail yeah snail trout bad week oh no i was on

my way over here and i had a bad week miracle as i was driving so i was like driving down beverly coming down to podcast one and this car pulls up next to me and i'm in a jeep so i kind of like look down at cars this car pulls up next to me this guy is like an older creepy looking white guy and he looks at me and starts like licking his lips like in the most creepy gross sexual way ever and i'm like this is disgusting i'm gonna look away until i looked down and his penis was out of his pants hard and he was just wagging it around dark this is in the middle of the day it was about 3 p.m in west hollywood and i felt just like i was going can i point out though that you look especially hot she does thanks guys bad week oh no my bad week um i was recently staying

in a nice hotel that i will not name and uh you know i wake up in the morning and i'm going to get ready to shower and get my brush to brush my hair and something falls out of my hair i was like what the a rat i look on the ground it was a nail like a fingernail and i looked at my nails i'm like did i break a nail in bed okay no i looked at my toenails what are that are painted i was like not mine somebody else's nail was in my bed and ended up in my hair that's disgusting that's you get for going to the bungalow bad week oh no so the other night i was doing my thing watched curb to go to bed and i forgot to brush my teeth so i woke up like an hour after i went to bed in like a half a week sort of haze and i'm like oh shit okay i gotta go brush my teeth so i don't

put my glasses on it's dark and i'm like walking to the bathroom i like get my toothbrush and i go to put the toothpaste on i start brushing my teeth not your toothbrush i brushed my teeth with monistat why why why did you have monistat oh so readily available oh my god you know what that is the best ever so far it was it was in the history of lady gang it was sour to say the least because i was cleaning out my bathroom and i was like getting rid of some stuff and i just like put the monostat next to a couple other tubes of stuff and it looks like a toothpaste tube it does and i just had it like on my my counter and i wasn't thinking it's like sour and a little bit like uh how many seconds before you noticed i mean pretty it was pretty quickly wow but it

still entered my mouth and it was disgusting congratulations the lady gang so you've probably noticed that all of my terrible shitty dating stories have not been in the best of the bad weeks and that's because we have our own section of all of the worst things that have happened to me on dates and if you haven't listened to every single episode you're in for a treat because my life is pretty much a joke so i've been talking to this guy and he's super hot six five um big beefy kind of man and uh you know i ask him like what he does for a living and he told me he was the voice of acura and then he's like an actor as well so i'm like okay voice of acura like if you're like a voiceover artist in la you like you make good money that's like yeah so i'm like

that's cool and i'm like okay well what do you act in like what's your what's your deal and he's like oh you know i've been working working on this movie i'm like okay well what's the title of the movie tells me the title of the movie i google it nothing comes up i google him nothing comes up and i'm like oh i'm like even if you're like an extra in like a short film if you're like postman number 56 like you'll have an imdb page and it'll be on there so nothing comes up and i was like okay whatever this guy's weird but so i asked him about the movie i'm like well what's the premise and he's like oh you know it's about like a homeless guy that turns into a superhero and then he goes and like saves the world whatever and he is sending me these pictures that he was

like here's me at comic-con here's me talking to jimmy kimmel here's me doing this and this and this and i'm like okay and then we're like trying to hang out and every time we're gonna hang out hold on this is someone you've never met so you're talking to him online only so far before we had met i met him okay after got it so he um he's you know we're trying to like figure out a time that we're gonna meet and he's like oh i think you know i think i'm working tonight like i think we're doing the movie thing and okay you don't like maybe kind of work like if you're if you're an actor in a movie like you have a call time and you have like the whole thing so the whole thing was super weird so anyways i we ended up hooking up a couple times and we never went on a date i

would like text him when i had a few drinks and i'm like come over you hot big beefy weirdo and tell me about the accuracy class yeah please speak to me in your deep voice so he comes over this last time he was over and i'm like so you know i i googled like the name of your movie and like nothing came up i'm like can you like tell me a little bit about it and he's like it's like well like you know it's like an indie film and i'm like obviously and he's like you know like i'm not getting like paid for it i'm like oh yes so nothing is more attractive than a 40 year old man doing some free work so that's awesome so you're saying so you're saying you're gonna see him again yeah and then he was like um i'm like so what are you doing like you know when you're

saying that you're working like all the time he's like well you know like i dress up in my costume and i go on hollywood boulevard i just fell out of my chair that i'm like one of the superheroes shut up yeah so hold on so for everyone that's listening to this right now on hollywood boulevard in la you there's a forever 21 and like the chinese theater where they have the oscars and there's at any one time 35 dressed up characters everyone from like hello kitty to superman to there's a guy who looks like johnny depp from the pirates of the caribbean so this is like something people do okay go back to the story so so he basically tells me that and he's like it's like joking he's like so i could totally get if you never want to like talk to me again

And I'm like, in my head, I'm like, oh my God. So that was just insane. And then, you know, turns out when he was telling me how he was like going to Comic-Con and all this stuff, he wasn't invited to Comic-Con. He was trying to crash Comic-Con. And while he was in San Diego, he was staying in somebody's backyard in a tent. Also, he's 40 guys. Let me reiterate that.

And then, you know, I said he has the voice of Acura. So like, you know, when you like go to a mall and there's like a car, like in the food court and there's a guy telling you to sign up for a mailing list. Yeah. He's the signer-upper of Acura. And I found that out because I went to a show at the Hollywood Bowl, and Acura sponsors it. And, yeah.

Oh, my gosh. So, listen, you can't see him anymore. No. And then at the end of this, he sent me the most aggressive dick pic I've ever gotten in my entire life. It all starts off, I match with this guy on one of these stupid apps. Naturally. Naturally.

and he's really awesome he works for the government normal job good whatever we told you yeah yeah great really trying to listen to advice we're talking we're chatting for like a week was he tall he was six one okay that's short for you but okay you know on the shorter side we're talking for a while and we're like gonna plan our date conversations really good but really light like nothing too crazy and then all of a sudden he just doesn't respond like ghost in the middle in the middle of a conversation like while we're trying to plan a date he died i was like that's kind of weird and then i let it slide for a few days and i'm like i'll like text him and reach out to him make sure he didn't die oh so you texted first texted him and then it went it did

not say delivered because he blocked me blocked me and then unmatched me on whatever no hating up his wife probably blocked you wait well yeah okay that's what i thought i was like maybe he has a wife or girlfriend whatever yeah yeah so i kind of just you know let it slide not let it slide i let it go because there's a million guys out there a couple months go by i was on a plane the other day he was on my plane no i think he was on my plane i was like 99 sure he was on my plane so i posted in the lady gang facebook group and i'm like you guys this guy blocked me i think he's on the plane that i'm on right now i don't know what to do i gotta figure out if it's him so all the girls are like trying to like give me their advice of what to do to figure it out i don't do

anything until i see him again at baggage claim and i'm like i'm gonna take some sneaky pics of him yeah so i like hold my phone to my side and i do like the yeah side snap so like you can't tell and i post them in the group and i'm like is this the same guy as this guy and i posted a picture of him and his friend that he had sent me some girl comments on the picture is like that's my friend with him i can ask his holy shit lady gang investigate it gets crazy so i'm like yeah sure whatever text the guy ask him because i'm like it's now my life's mission to figure out why the hell this guy blocked me randomly right so she texts her friend her friend texts the guy and she's like oh yeah my friend jack was talking to this guy i think he blocked her but i don't know

why the reason he blocked me is he thought that i was a catfish using my pictures pretending to be me no i don't believe that wait did you get did you clarify and then did he unblock you so then so i was like oh this is great so what happened next the girl goes to him to the friend she's like yeah well that's really jack she's my friend even though i don't know this girl it's like she's my friend and she you know if he's still interested whatever she is too the guy goes nah oh so he really just didn't want to date jack manic um so i matched with this guy that was like a venture capitalist he seemed super he's super attractive seemed cool then we started talking and he kept asking me to go out

on morning coffee dates and i'm like number one i need some kind of an alcohol for a date like yeah i can't my best friend told me she was like a date without alcohol is just an interview and i'm like that is the most true thing i've ever heard in my life if there's no mimosas i'm not seeing you during the day it's disgusting amen so he kept asking me to go out for coffee like five times i'm like i'm not going not going not going and then on sunday i was like hanging out with some of my girlfriends and we were at this bar playing pool and he texted me to go to coffee again like midday coffee i'm like sober can't go sober that's what scares me but i'm like i'm at this bar you can come meet up with us if you want five minutes later he's like i'm outside come say

hi and i was like oh really fast number one and creepy i go outside start talking to him no sense of humor whatever whatsoever my jokes are going over his head so much and then he's like oh yeah i went to the beach this morning and i was like oh do you surf or you know what were you doing he's like i don't surf i'm an intellectual and i was like so you boogie board this is you built a sandcastle this is the most like the most douchey thing anybody has ever said to me in my entire life he was like offended at the fact that i thought that he would he would surf okay i'm by him yeah yeah i hit him and he was short so is he garbe garbe garbe he's garbe yeah he was never a bay sometimes when i can't sleep i take ambien and sometimes slash all the time when you take

ambien you should not ever be on your phone doing anything because it never goes well no matter what once you go so it's just like chatting with a guy before i was like going to bed and i took an ambient and thank god i didn't online shop because that's what i usually do and then end up with something that i don't even like a pet egg or something and i was like texting this guy and i don't remember what i said because you kind of like black out woke up in the next the next morning and i the last text that i said to him was i want you to roll me in a ball and stick me in your pocket and carry me around with you and then he never responded no kidding well i'd consider that one done jack was it sexting leading no were you like oh i want to feel your like wet pussy and

then you were like i wanted to no it's just a normal conversation and then that's just what you write the next day like sorry i took an ambien yeah and no response no text back wow so he's talking about you currently on his podcast you're his bad week i am his bad we're each other's bad week so at least it's mutual the lady gang all right so the best of the lady gang there are moments that are so iconic in our history that they don't even fit into a good week a bad week jack date i mean this is like the moments that define the lady gang um warts and all warts i mean of course we have to include the moment that both of you giggled like school children i've never seen your face that's in there when i think about there is a hummingbird story

not to be missed um there is some rules that we have in the lady gang and then there's some naked stretching here's the thing my makeup artist rebecca and my hair stylist diane have given me great tips about what to do and there's something that they do called naked stretching and i tried it this week and it for sure was a home run so what i did talk some more about this yes and so what it is is like when you're kind of tired and you're like ah it's like 9 p.m and i've been up for like 97 hours and you're covered in body makeup yeah and you're like so i have like body makeup and all the hair and makeup and like you know i've been like people have been touching me all day and you're just like and you don't want fake tan rubbing off on your sheets you don't want

fake tan rubbing off on your sheets what you do is you go to the end of your bed and you do like a full yoga class by yourself and your man watches and you're like, and he loves it. He's watching. He's sexual eyes. And then like, of course you have sex at the end, but it's like,

do you? Yeah. You have, well, you don't always have to. And you're naked doing this. You're naked. And you're like in downward dog accessory.

You're not admitting the whole truth. Yes. Kelsey. There was something that you were wearing is that I kept on my thigh high boots in bed you're such a sex kitten i think it's hot anyway so my makeup artist had always told me like sometimes when i'm tired and i don't feel like having sex with my husband i do like naked stretching and he's so happy and then i get like a nice little workout and it's like a win-win i tried it it was successful so all of you who aren't like assholes like becca and jack you try

it let me know what you think of naked stretching and also i would just like to point out if i tried naked stretching i would just fail so bad because i'm so unflexible yeah maybe only for the flexible girls out here's the thing i would you are i would leave immediately oh my god jack is so in like you're so unimpressed with naked stretching but also remember i'm super flexible i'm like cacao into downward dog into like upside down split you are split like i don't ever want to see my vagina nude spread open like that never nor do i want my significant other seeing that I barely want my gynecologist to see that. You guys, there's an episode of Seinfeld that would explain this perfectly.

When Jerry's girlfriend was naked and she coughed. And he was like, there are just parts of her body that moved around that I never wanted to see. And then he broke up with her. Well, I just want to bring this up one last time. Who's married? You always win with that. So bad at relationships. I have one nipple hair.

I've talked about this before. Okay. just for those of you who are new to the lady gang on my left breast on my areola i have one nipple hair that grows in an alarming rate and sometimes i like forget to pluck it and i look down i swear to god it's like two inches long does chris know about it i'm sure i gotta ask him but like the rest of my nipple hair the rest of my nipple hairs grow like at a normal like a nice light fuzz speed is it a dark one like one black it's so weird you're a native american yeah there we go wait so you're native canadian yeah all right it's my native my native vibes

nico tortellini what is it like to be so good looking i like to be so ridiculously good looking what is it i mean no it's it's it's crazy like you have a lot of face it's insane yeah you're so damn it's upsetting i have to tell you i'm gonna this is a confession wait i have a confession it's all confessed anytime one of my girlfriends goes through a breakup i'm always like well i was I was like, what about that Nico guy from Younger? I've said this like seven times, and they're like, stop living vicariously through us. We cannot date him. Wait, why not?

They're always like, I think he's gay. I don't know what he is. I think he's bisexual. I don't know. Well, if I'm bisexual, then it works. We're good. It's true. But we were so unclear about who you were, we wanted to put you in a box.

I am single and available. Okay, Jen, what's your condition? That's the box that I should be in. So I was a really big fan of The Following. Nice. And a very big fan of you when it was coming out that I, like, thoroughly... These are just us, like, trying to get you to pick us at the end of this bachelor night. This is like we're going back to the main question.

Like, who do I want to make out with the most? I need to sell myself. Okay, hold on. Jack, your turn. Oh, no, I thoroughly stalked your Instagram. I've, like, seen every single page when I was single. I love it. I was trying to pursue it.

Are you into my Instagram? Or does it get real douchey sometimes? It's a little douchey. It's a little douchey. You dress a little douchey sometimes. You have to be douchey, though. But it's okay. Yeah, but I, like, laugh at myself.

But I think that you're, yeah, it works because you're kind of goofy and you don't take yourself seriously. At all. I mean, it's so normal. But if you're into, you've worn fedora hats in your pictures. He loves fedora hats. Yeah. Jack hates a fedora.

Oh my God, he brought a fedora to the lady game. That's not a fedora. No, this is not a fedora. That's like, it has the wide rim. It's called a fashion hat. A fashion hat. It's fashion. That's the technical term of it?

Wait, okay, then I haven't worn a fedora because all of my brims are this size. The fedoras are like the little ones that- Yeah, no, like a Justin Timberlake. Yeah. No, that like, no, like a pit bull fedora. No, it was like the front down and the sides up. I feel like I remember you wearing a fedora, though. Kelsey, you don't have a confession.

Nico, I have no confessions about you playing hard to get. First time in my life at 34 years old. Okay, you have a lot of tattoos, so we want to know, what is your favorite and least favorite of your tattoos? Which one would you doctor tat off, and which one would you like to keep? First, take off your clothes so we can see them all. I was going to say, do you have any tattoos in strange places? I don't know.

My favorite tattoo is probably my whole chest piece. It has the male sign on my right shoulder, the female sign on my left shoulder, and it says, not this, not that, beyond definition on my chest. It's like so deep and so mean. You're so beyond definition. I'm like crazy. You're so... You jacked L.A.

You're like a schoolgirl. She doesn't even know what to do with herself. You're so hot. are we gonna fight harder over nico or larry david oh my god no i don't know you're the only man who's ever come between larry david she's she's crying she's so in love she's emotional she's not she's torn this is insane our listeners are bored they've turned it off already um okay which dr tat off would you tat off uh i woke up one day with a tattoo on your ass with a tattoo on my leg oh what does it say show us take your

pants off jack wants to see their typewriter keys old typewriter keys and it says good people and then a month later i got love across it did you cover it up with love no i cover everything up with love oh my gosh so you don't love that one it's the first one i would take you don't love the love it's it's it's just it's just not good work but it's like some asshole in venice put it on is the meaning of it that you love good people or that good people love or that people you know or that people love good you're so deep whoa god i can't believe you don't live in los angeles I lived here for a long time. Where do you live?

That's why. I live in New York. Oh. Okay. He just winked at you. No, there was hair in my eye. I wasn't making eye contact with him. I'm sweating.

I'm sweating. I'm sweating. You guys are so... I can't believe I'm the one pulled together. I can't either. Some time on the podcast, like one time I laughed so hard I cried for like five minutes like for no reason when I was happy. Like it was so weird.

I'm always the one that's not... I'm so calm. I'm just menopausal. It's okay. God, these teenagers over here. Get it together, ladies. I'm embarrassed for you. How old are all of you guys?

We're all 17, Nico Spaghetti. Here we go. Nico Spaghetti. I have 30 years. 30 years. Were you gifted anything? No. 30 years?

Just pleasure. Emotionally. Yeah, 30 years. How old were you at the time? Was it a guy or girl? 22. Girl. Oh.

You were 22? Yeah. Wow. So you're saying there's a chance. The love's still available out there. oh my god that's the greatest thing that's ever happened on lady gang when we make a highlight reel it's just gonna be this moment birthday party over 30 the birthday party over anything we hate birthday parties don't invite us to your birthday party we will not go i'm not having

seriously you guys unless you're paying for everything yes that's the other thing if you're gonna throw it no you're throwing a party before yes the birthday party thing like i hate it birthday dinners country for my birthday because i'm like i don't want because we weren't coming because you're like, how mean is that going to be when Beck and Kelty don't show up to my party? I wasn't going to invite you. Happy birthday, by the way. Thanks.

Lauren told me you guys do a good week and a bad week, and I was going to say it's a good week because it's the end of May, and I have three really close friends, including this one, Lauren, next to me. May birthdays. May birthdays, and they act like they don't care, and they just, they really care.

That's the worst. Oh, my God. Always. 100%. Here's another tip. In the beginning. This is like my biggest tip for everyone out there. We're after a year of over.

Okay, so you know how Instagram like puts really hot girls all in front of the guy's face all day long on the explore page i crack the code so when michael's asleep at like three in the morning usually i'll wake up take his phone and i'll follow six million chihuahua accounts all different kinds and you can pick your poison like maybe you're not a chihuahua person you could do deer accounts you could do anything that's like just something just spaghetti of the month i get all these videos of ravers i don't know why okay so you got to go through though and once you do that and they unfollow because they catch on yeah it still circulates chihuahuas so his explore page chihuahuas there's no women damn that is great

you wake i wake up in the morning and i'm like where are all my friends and it's just and i figure like maybe this one chihuahua account that i followed blasted off but it's just it's all so i have to spend like 30 minutes unfollowing all of them and they all follow me back and i think i'm a dick for like that's incredible you're doing the follow unfollow welcome to the lady gang confidential oh my god we need a theme song are you singing okay not that one though all right so you're standing okay you stand you're standing in line at the grocery store when you realize the person behind you has a giant booger hanging from their nose booger do you tell them did you mean booger booger how do you say booger booger what is that a canadian thing i don't know what you're

talking about booger a booger oh my god oh my god how do you say burger burger no booger no booger booger how do you say booger booger like a normal person booger oh my god this is so weird jane something you guys don't know is fascinated by penises i am it's the first place i go when i look at someone i mean they're packing power and i can tell even if you can't even if it's not protruding yeah i just might have a grower i don't think it was feel the power i think that we just found the quote the pack of power is that what you just called it pack of power alan was born with you oh you don't know backstory he's your baby the reason why i'm so spiritually connected to this hummingbird is because the day we found out really that like heidi's for

sure pregnant as in like used 10 freaking uh pregnancy tests and like okay these are all working that day i walk outside and there is a hummingbird buzzing right in front of me i'm like what's going on i've never even seen a hummingbird on our front door and then i look and there's this little nest and then these two little babies hatch i'm like this is straight from god like hatching hummingbirds in front of me i've never seen this in my whole life heidi's having a baby so then all of a sudden my mom calls me and she's like because she knows about my new hummingbird hatching and she's like the biggest storm since el nino's coming and i i researched on google that the nests fill up with water and the babies drown i hear that i'm like not on my watch so i go and

buy tarps and i'm in the rain so for like the two weeks of raining i keep these hummingbirds alive so we made it through the rain everything's good i got a motion camera on them i'm monitoring them all of a sudden i'm like there's a hummingbird missing so i run outside i'm thinking it fell out of the nest i'm looking on the ground call heidi help me look we're looking around so then i look back on the motion sensor and it you know takes a still photo of the last motion oh there's a mouse or a rat hanging upside down and ate alan's sibling so i'm like damn you rat so i grabbed the nest i call the wildlife rescue people they come they take alan and and so they because it's illegal again for me to i wanted to obviously like mouth feed alan if i could have

by jim carrey but um i looked into that i try to stay in the law and so they bring alan back and alan just hangs out with me like they're like usually when like anna they release gone alan just is with me all day for like a week straight like as long as i'll sit with alan he'll sit right there with me i'm like this is insane this is the craziest story i've ever heard insane so but then i had to leave for a trip for like i don't know three days and i called my mom I was like, you need to stay here with Alan. But Alan did not like my mom. So Alan ghosted my mom.

But when I came back, Alan was mad at me at first. And we had a bonding thing. But then he's gone. So yeah. And now I'm obsessed with hummingbirds. Which my mom says I always loved hummingbirds growing up. But now I'm like, I just almost was late to this podcast. Because I was just staring at hummingbirds for the last hour and a half in my new backyard.

The Lady Gang. now back to the lady gang so this next part of our favorite things about this podcast and the lady gang kind of came unexpectedly through an ass lady gang question when one of our listeners used the word dick sand and that really started a movement of what we call the lady gang dictionary the dick shenary shall we go through a few can you please spell it spell it use it in a complete sentence the dictionary spelled dictionary yeah it's spelled dick like a penis dash okay okay so i would say that i've made up the most no actually i think i've made up the most yeah you're probably um i haven't made up any because i get sent them because i stay in my lane

let's begin let's begin with what kicked it off okay just ash no dick sand oh yeah dick sand even listening when i was talking yeah okay are we gonna say the definitions of these yeah okay so dick sand this is from like way back when when we were probably named something else and i think instead of doing a thing you should just use it in a sentence we'll go around and use it in a sentence that'll be so funny okay use dick sand like you know how they do it you're gonna suck at this i know you know how they do it the spelling bill like spelling b dick sand do you call him a spelling bell in canada no i'm so tired you guys okay she's in a sweater dress and i'm gonna say well at least the ones that i have okay so dictionary or jesus god okay dick sand

is a noun and it's like quicksand but with dicks when you fall for a boy you you lose all sight of who you really are and then we tried to make a dick sand emoji and it did not get approved by Apple and we weren't allowed to put it out and it was essentially just sand that was made of dicks and the girl falling in it. One arm sticking out and then I think that I posted it on Instagram and it got deleted. I'm so glad they'll do a emoji with her

brown eye basically in your faces at iTunes but they won't do dick sand. That's rude. So rude. Justash. I went to the Justin Bieber concert. Whoa, he really had a justash. Do you want to explain what justash is? It's like a pathetic mustache.

It's like when you're 30 and you can't grow a mustache and it's like three years. It's literally what I had this morning and my makeup artist was like, I need to pluck your stache. I had to draw a stache. Good for you. Becca? I'm going to do ho-ment. Do I need to use it in a dictionary?

In a sentence? Do you want me to say the definition? Yeah, tell me the definition. Ho-ment is when well, let's see. When one is about to have a moment that renders one a ho. When I was 19 years old living in New York

city i had many many homens plural and if we want to go off of that hotivities i think is just a collection of homens yes my early 20s uh was a collection of hotivities was a collection of homens what are you going to do this weekend becca i am i have many hotivities planned thank you garbay nope do you have the definition i couldn't find the definition of that i know what it is what your bae is garbage it's just a trash man that you're dating I've had a lot of garbaes in the last year

and ones in all my wedding photos the ultimate garbae throw those in the garbae hate you no plus one Clatchit is a classy ratchet girl because it's the best one that I brought to the table

Clatchit is a combination of someone who can get ratchet but she's also classy so i think before i was like i will take out my hair extensions to fight you because i'm ratchet but they're very expensive hair extensions because i'm classy clatchet i love clatchet i'm gonna do um dignitize which i didn't screenshot but i have been so funny when you say it like seriously i'm going to do like it's like i'm going to do science now on the list is So, I mean, for this, I feel like it can either go, like, you're, I always say hypnotized.

Hypnotized? Hypnotized? Hypnotized. Hypnotized. Hypnotized. You know what I've really learned? I'm sorry to stop you here. I can't pronounce that.

How many words Kelty and Jack pronounce incorrectly? Or, like, hybrids of words. Alzheimer's, I'm a reproducer. Canadian. Okay, anyways. Dignitized. when you're hypnotized by the D.

Which, it's like, are you hypnotized by the actual D or just by a man? By a man. Yeah, because I've been both, but yeah. Ditto. And it's not the same thing. Dicto. It's not the same thing. Okay, I'm going to take the classic

Pass the Salt. I can't believe that even made the list. Like, 30 seconds ago, when Becca was making fun of the way we pronounce things, because we're not from atlanta like she is it was like oh pass the salt salty salty you know what we didn't put on here what roll the tape roll the tapes i got at it bad at cruel edit your definition of that was so bad would you like to do sexico yeah yeah sexico i recently got back from sehiko where i acted like

quite a ho did you and your husband have a lot of sex on that trip to mexico i was on my period but we did have a lot of sex oh good for you oh yeah period sucks spicy okay jack yesterday because you came up with it i can't remember what it was that guy was so yesterday so yesterday so yesterday yes thank you that's it that's all right so it's expectation use it in a sentence becca okay This guy was so hot, but he really didn't meet my sexpectation. No, he did not. Ooh, so good. Yeah, hot guy, bad in bed.

That's pretty much most hot guys. It's true. So sad. What's up to you, Zach? Honestly, when I saw Nick Lachey on Dancing with the Stars, I was like, you're so hot, and now I know how terrible you are in bed because he was the worst dancer. Was he? If you're not a good dancer, I don't think you can.

Sorry, are you okay? I suck at dancing. but i think i'm pretty good in bed do you have more of them i have good reviews yeah you have good reviews who wrote the review you have good reviews online should we make an app where you can review people like on yelp it is it was called like lula or something it's like a tinder where it's like you can literally review people but it was just everybody talking shit on their exes because like who's gonna give somebody a good review i'd give you a great review i think it's more so people you've dated her hotivities are 10 out of 10 yeah okay anyway there's also

flirtationship and all the ones we forgot that you guys are going to yell at us after but we're out of it's fine words okay so sometimes not often we have guests on that inspire people i think it happened out of 100 episodes like how many it was probably hard for us to find these it was i really had to let go i think we have three um and so as a as a group that inspires and empowers women Um, we really, we really want to give you these three big moments from our favorites, Hillary Kerr, Ryan Murphy, and RuPaul. All right. So let's go to some lady in questions.

I love this one. Tips for negotiating pay. I think the most important thing to do is to step out of your own head. So there was this really great article in psychology today about LeBron James and why LeBron James talks about LeBron James in the third person. And essentially what it is, is it's giving you some distance on yourself. I don't know if I'm the only one who's done this, but you know, when your friend is talking about a boyfriend or a guy that she's dating and it's just a terrible, awful situation

and you just pipe up and you're like, I can't believe you don't say this, this, and this, and why don't you do this and blah, blah, blah. And you can totally stand up for her, but then the same thing will happen to you and you just take it. So I realized that we're often women, or at least myself are better advocates for other people than we are for ourselves. My word that I have clung to since I was a young child was the word yes. Yes.

It only takes one yes to change your life. It only takes one yes to rewire your brain. And no matter how many no's you get, if you just keep going, the odds are that you will get a yes. And I try and lean into yes. And yes is about everything to me. It's about challenging yourself, not listening, listening to, you know, people tell you you're bad or you can do better. It's just about whatever that word is to you.

But I, I lean into that word a lot. It's my, it's my go-to word and, um, and it's little things. It's not just about career or family. It's about, well, yes, I would like fresh flowers on my desk to see every day. Yes. That's an optimistic thing. Yes, I do. I do, you know, little things like that.

I try and populate my life with many, many yeses and not so much pay attention to the no's. My mother was really, really punk rock. She was an anti-establishment type of gal. And she was someone who would always question authority. Actually, I saw a psychic years ago, over 20 years ago, who told me that my mother was world weary. And talk about the darkness. She had the darkness. And she wanted to – she knew that I was a sweet, sensitive soul like herself, and she wanted to protect me.

And she didn't know how to protect me, but she did bestow upon me the idea of doing your thing. She's famous for saying, unless they pay on your bills, pay them bees, no mine. The Lady Gang. Well, everyone, we just want to say thank you for 100 awesome episodes. Thank you for subscribing. and as a present to us we want you to tell all your friends

to Instagram us don't Instagram me I'm telling them to Instagram us we're going to Instagram you now okay tell them to Instagram

and subscribe to the podcast because we love you so much and honestly this has been like pretty life changing so thank you so much and as always

follow Becca on Instagram at Becca Kelty Knight and Jack Maddock at the Lady Gang and see you next Tuesday yay woo

yay Join the Lady Gang every Tuesday at iTunes and at PodcastOne.com. That's PodcastONE.com. Thanks for listening.