LadyGang - LadyHang: Live From Houston!

Episode Date: July 9, 2019

This ain't their first rodeo--the Ladies are back in the Lone Star State for more Allegedly Wassa Happening: Texas Edition, finding your strange purse junk, and so much more. Follow the podcast on Instagram @theladygang and email Jac, Becca and Keltie at [e-mail]! And check out the TV show page's official page @ladygangtv Check out new episodes of the LGTV show every Sunday at 11:00 only on E! And thank you to today's sponsors: Amazon = Go to Amazon.com/shop/ladygang to find their favorite products while keeping the podcast FREE! Apartments.com = Visit Apartments-dot-com to find your next place to rent. Change your apartment. Change the world. MedMen = Check out the New Normal at MedMen.com Miller Lite = Hold true with the original light beer Stamps.com = Go to Stamps.com and click the Radio Microphone icon at the top of the page and type in LADYGANG to receive free postage, a digital scale, and a 4 week trial The RealReal = Get 20% off select items at TheRealReal.com with promo code REAL ZipRecruiter = Go to ZipRecruiter.com/GANG to post jobs for freeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, the following podcast is a Lady Gang Network and Podcast One production, which means it's going to be awesome. Hi, I'm Barbara, aka your nursing educator on Instagram. I'm a registered nurse and I create content to help nursing students feel ready to take on anything and everything that comes with the job. And trust me, it's a lot. Here's one of my favorite and simplest pro tips. Upgrade your scrubs to figs.

Figs are designed for us. They are super soft, lightweight, and breathable with four-way stretch to keep up with your every move. Polished professional silhouettes? Check. Functional details and pockets in all the right places? Check and check. No matter what your day has in store, Figs has layers to match. Their under scrubs are perfect on their own or as a lightweight base layer to help keep you cool and dry. And when the temperature drops, their outerwear styles are made for everything from chilly commutes to freezing hospital hallways. If you're in healthcare or love someone who is, Check out Figs. Head to wherefigs.com and use code FIGSCA for 15% off your first order.

That's wherefigs.com, code FIGSCA. Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang. Things are about to change around here. Today, live in Houston, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vannis. Hello, hello, hello! Welcome to the Lady Gang, Texas!

We are so excited to be here with all of you. I'm sorry, as you know, if you follow me on Instagram, I've been a little under the weather, and so I have this sexual voice for you today. I hope you enjoy it. yeah but thank you so much for being here and we want to give a huge thank you to kettle one botanical for sponsoring our tour this summer you do too right who has a drink yeah info what you guys are drinking uh no carbs no added sugar no artificial sweeteners so we're drinking the spritzes um it should be your new summer drink it's 40 less calories than a glass of white wine so you might want to trade your white wine in, ladies. Okay, should we start the show? I guess.

Okay. It's time for Good Week Bad Week! Very good. Who's starting today? I mean, I'll go. Jack, do you need to go first because you're nervous poop? I just had a nervous poop like five minutes ago, and I have to, I got to get the Good Week Bad Week out of the way

so then I can get really, really drunk. She's always in the back like, can I go first, you guys? I'm like, you're okay. It's going to be all right. These are our friends. oh all my best friends all here at once okay my good week is my whole life i've always wanted to be a rock star but i can't sing and i can't play any musical instrument whatsoever so instead i've just yes we all love jerry instead i've dated many musicians one of them being our mutual

ex-boyfriend talent by insertion is what talent by insertion yeah and i literally started my clothing line so i could tour the world and like pretend that i was in a band so we're doing this tour and i was telling my boyfriend jared about it he's a guitar player for a band called the main and some crossover fans in here like four people knew him it was great it is great um so i was telling him about him he's like he goes to the houston date and he's like oh my god i've played warehouse live like 15 times before he's like houston is one of the best cities in the country so my good week is thank you for making us three nobodies that feel like rock stars this was my good week what we have the same goddamn good week okay we spent too much time together i'm an emmy

winner daytime emmy winner nobody creative arts emmys guys they don't even televise that shit they barely gave her the award she didn't even get to give an acceptance speech she paid like two grand for her did you even get to go to the emmys we build women up here at the lady game hey who wants to be coached bye see ya bitch so I was in New Orleans which is one of my favorite cities in the country it has so much history it's so amazing but it is

dirty and me being the most inappropriate dresser for anything that I go to I was wearing a blue baby blue maxi skirt with a slit up to my vagina I was wearing a white crop top and sandal high

heeled shoes so I'm walking down the street I'm stepping in condoms I'm stepping and puke. I'm stepping what I hope is dog shit, but maybe it's human shit. And I'm walking down the street and I see this guy, he's kind of like leaning up against his wall with, with, against the wall with his like face towards the wall. I go to pass him. I'm like, I don't know what this guy is doing. As I pass him, he starts turning around, dick whipped out, in hand, pee stream in effect and swipes me with a stream of pee so i now have a bright yellow new stripe in my baby blue skirt wow he was not hydrated oh it is tie-dye sorry i already threw the skirt out but

if i didn't wow rebecca some people pay for that they do yeah i don't know i've heard about it before um okay so my good week uh is similar to jack's when i was 19 years old and i started my professional career in a show called cats mr mustafelis all you did in the whole show was like kick your face and lick your paw and like do this to an ear um i was at tuts do you guys yes so it's my first professional job i was in houston for four weeks every night i would do the show like at a strong 40 percent um and then every night i would go to this gay bar called south beach it's still open holy shit should we go there after this i'm gonna go now let's go after the show well i might so i'm just having a very nice time reminiscing

on the you know 19 year old cat who dabbled in cocaine at south beach and now i'm a grown woman dabbling in cocaine i'm just kidding only she's not at uh warehouse live in texas with the lady yes okay anyways kelty good week on the plane ride here i was flying from toronto on a connection from london what up to you anyway um i was flying and i i was in my hoodie and i was very like no makeup just in a sensible bun on the plane and the flight attendant came up to me and she goes i know this is weird but like are you natalie portman she's like you look she's like i know you have your face mask on and you like don't want to be bothered but i thought maybe that was like your disguise like you look so much like natalie

portman well you had a full face like a like a sheet mask sleeping mask on my head you know i thought it was like your eyes her eyes and her dainty wrist anyway so call me natalie okay i have an amazing bad week that i'm sharing with you and might have to take this out when we put it as a podcast because i might get murdered the girls already know this story because i was so shooketh when it happened i had to instantly tell them about it and i know what she's talking about Yes. I feel like I need to... Can I stand up, girls?

What are you talking... I don't know what's happening. I don't care. Sure. All right. Picture this. It is 1997. I am Kelty.

I am in grade nine. I am dating a boy named... Oh, yes. Okay? We dated for one year. He was like my love. We listened to Sarah McLachlan. We made out in his truck.

Okay? And then... And then I broke up with... And... Did not want to break up with me, and we had to get a restraining order. Okay, so that's step one. Okay. Step one. Now, fast forward here. Now it's 2019. Okay. I am going back home to my

hometown of Canada. This is a timeline. Do you see? That's old Kelty. This is new Kelty. I'm going back home. I'm going back home and I grew up on the same street. I always avoid driving that way. I go the opposite way to avoid everything about his house because I'm still scared of him a little bit. And I'm like, well, I have three days off where I don't have to wear makeup. I would love to get my eyelashes permed while I'm here. I don't know anyone in my town still i'll just yelp it so i yelped it best eyelash perm insured park alberta canada great lady comes up she does it out of her house amazing i'm going okay i make safe i make the appointment make the appointment can i come i'm sketchy i'm here from la my name's kelty i didn't even use

a fake name a idiot so my brother's like i'll drive you okay so we're driving sure sure parks and i'm like it's like 17 whatever place i'm sorry i know this is taking a while but you're really going to see it. So I'm driving, driving, driving, driving. And all of a sudden I have to yell abort, abort, abort. And we, and he's like, what, what? I was like, just go, just go. The tow truck from the company that I know that now runs was in the driveway. It was wife. Okay. That wasn't as big as the reaction as I thought. It was wife doing my eyelashes and I'm like abort, abort, abort, abort. Wow. Jack, why don't you go first? Okay. I'll go first. So we had you guys put your own good week, bad weeks into our good

week bad week box and we're picking our favorites good week i tried a butt plug last week with my husband and loved it where are you oh wow look at you loud and proud it's you here just give us like what's a little like give us a little tidbit why should you try a butt plug hello what's your name do you want to say okay cabriel no it's i really don't care i've been married for like four years so you know sex has gotten a little like it's boring sex has gotten a little boring yeah as it does and i listen to like sex podcasts to like help you know so they said a butt plug like it felt good and i had to put in myself because he's like anti-butt stuff but it was great. Okay. That's a fantastic. Good week. I have a bad week. Anonymous. Boo. Um,

anonymous says I was at the doctor yesterday and I had to pee in a cup. Well, I had to shit so bad. So while I was peeing in the cup, I was shooting at the same time and I Got a little poo in my pee cup. Cheers. My question for you is, did you go in with your hand and take the poop out, or you just put it in the cabinet for them? I just left it in there. Wow.

They've seen worse. You're going to have to redo it. They can't test your pee when there's shit mixed into it. That's a UTI times like a million. I'm good for now. How long have you guys been together? A year and a half-ish. So is she the one?

Awkward. I think so. He's at the lady gang. Yeah. Honestly, those boobs, you're not going to get better. You're my one. No. They're tiny.

No, they're great. They're so good. They work for me. Oh, you're good. Perky as shit. The girls around you want his answer. Yeah, I know. Me too.

Yes, of course. Thank you. yes what's your name grayson grayson grayson so you were born in the 90s he's a baby jesus christ 97 grayson hayden i love you thank you for sharing i was born in 93 your bravery is unprecedented amazing get it girl okay here's my good week this is incredible my job paid for my lady gang hang weekend do you get it stand up how did that happen yes you boss ass bitch i work at a startup in austin texas we love austin where are you bitches at when we go to lady gang meetups in austin

stay weird get it together isn't that what you guys say get it together well congratulations you definitely got paid more than we did so she's not lying can your ceo pay for me to be at the lady game yeah now this one is questionable i was arrested for something i didn't do and didn't get a job that reached out to me i had to drive three hours to interview for it's you back there see you girl all in the same day i was locked up for 22 hours still cry uh chris we need background information on this one Chris, you got, there's a mic. Chris.

I'm going to cry. Oh, no, don't cry. Chris, is it traumatic? Oh, hardcore. It's also the same day my husband asked me. Wait for a divorce. Oh, my God. We should kill him.

No, we'll kill him. What's his name? Asshole. I'll kill him. Who would divorce you? You're so cute. We have some really good Facebook groups for you. Lady Game Triumphs.

Lady Game Kills Their Ex-Husband. Yeah. It's a great group. Lady Gang murders. You join it? No, last year, my best friend went through a terrible divorce. I hired a private investigator. Lady Gang triumphs got her through it.

It's true. We got you. We love you. We got you. You got all these friends. Does anyone have any hot brothers, brothers, or coworkers, or anybody that she can bone? Because you know what? This is actually a triumph.

No, we're not getting divorced. Oh, you're not? We've worked it. No, that's what I was trying to say. We're not getting divorced. He asked. Good week. That was part of my account.

he asked for a divorce you told him no no I told him okay pack your shit and get out and he came crawling back apologizing as a shit he should great I'm still gonna remember

well now you need to decide if you wanna be with him yeah fuck that thank you we love you but still if anyone has a hot brother she can still have sex with him right I like that you have a cake type She has a hot brother.

This girl is really enthusiastic about her hot brother. So let's at least put him on the wait list. Do you think your brother's too hot, though? Oh, he needs a lot of money. A rich, hot brother. Hello. I wish I was single. Bury the lead.

Who cares if he's hot? All right. After the show, everyone, she's taking applications. Yeah. All right. Tell us about your brother. He's single. He works for Memorial Hermann.

Woo! what's that a hospital yes he runs their it department yes smart and he's dtf how old is he he's 31 how tall is he five nine great all right he's about six foot we'll round it up to six foot okay honestly the short shaming it's got a fucking end people okay thank you very much I've been with many small men with huge penises and huge bank accounts okay

thank you, you too girl it's all about the bank account well we're excited about your brother we're excited I just need to tell you that you are my inspiration Becca I have a new friend

let me put my card down for my next drink I love you you know what, all I wanted to do is judge people great great and you know what you have given me the go ahead it's so nice that i want to judge people and because of the lady gang you have given me the okay to go do that but be nice we're nice we're nice becca yes we're nice okay behind the scenes Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

We love you. My parents are really proud I'm leaving this legacy behind. What's your good week, Becca? You're inspiring people to be assholes. Ready? We have four more sections to get to. Okay. Ready?

Not to be a Kelty about it, but... Okay. My husband is chilling with my son today. He will have a good week when I get home. Get yourself a Gavin, y'all. Gavin! So, you left your husband. Cute shirt.

Thank you. Love it. Good style. He actually got me this for Christmas. Wow. Oh, my God. Gavin. Yeah.

Yeah, I think these G names with guys, like a Greg. Greg, Gavin, George. They got it. They got it. They got it. A dick? Congratulations. A good one.

He's winning down. Yes. Thank you. Well, I appreciate that, but, like, I also do, men really deserve to, like, get it after, like, spending two hours with a kid. He's not spending two hours. He's spending like six plus hours with a two-year-old. Okay, fine.

But like how many hours of the week are you with the asshole two-year-old? He goes to daycare three days a week. Okay. I like your style. Thank you. All right. Thank you, Gavin. Thank you, Gavin.

Love you, Gavin. Get yourself a Gavin. Here's my bad week. Currently having to hunt down all the deadbeats who have not RSVP'd to my wedding. 40 days away and it's destination. This is why you don't have weddings. Okay? She's in the bathroom.

Oh, she's in the bathroom? Oh, no. Oh, hey, I can come to your wedding, just so you know. I want the chicken. Do you have an open bar? Yes. You know what? You should just tell them.

If they have an RSVP, they cannot come. They're not going to get that cute little arrival gift bag in Mexico. That's super nice. Canola bar in it. Yeah. I'm not going to get that eye mask. Everyone wants a bitchy bride. You know what I mean?

Let's practice. Ready? Dun, dun, dun, dun. We can marry the lady gang. Oh, you know, you're ready. I'm down for that. I'm a little, they say, cutthroat. Oh.

So I've called everybody and be like, it closes on Monday. Open bar. You ain't invited anymore if you're not responding. Shit. All right. Get it, girl. Have a great wedding. Send us pics.

Thank you. Where are you getting married? In a really, really tiny town in Lake City, Colorado. It's like near Denver. Nice. Around mountains. So like, why? You get an Instagram pic out of it.

Wow. That's a great reason. That's all that you do anything for anymore. That's a really good reason. Thanks. Good job. Hello, it's Kelty and Ethan. Now back to the Lady Gang.

We're calling this allegedly what's happening in Texas. Don't get too excited, you guys. Texas, y'all are f***ed up. They know. It was way too easy for Kelty to find f***ed up stories here. Oh, here's just 500 f***ed up things that happened this week in Texas. Okay. The lady gang is one of them.

Why are you here? Okay. A woman got arrested, and she tried to say that the meth shards in her purse were healing crystals. police it was you you've been there you too god it's dark girls police police say a woman tried to tell them that shards of meth in her purse were really healing crystals they said they stopped her name was cactus calderatus after she failed to single a lane change officer said that she looked nervous but gave police permission to search her vehicle they found meth in her purse along with butane, lighters, and a small pipe.

Whoa. I mean, Texas was where I was when one time I accidentally almost did meth. So this story makes a lot of sense to me. Is meth a thing? Wasn't you? Don't do meth, guys. Does meth come in crystals?

Do meth shards look like crystals? I don't know what meth looks like. They're expensive? What's more expensive, a meth crystal or an amethyst? Does it look like a rose quartz? Okay, moving on. Can you hold it for good luck? Okay, Houston residents, if any of you were available for this, this would be great.

Human error at the Bank of America ATM leads to free money for Houston residents. And an ATM in Houston made a lot of residents happy this week. It began dispensing $100 bills instead of $10 bills overnight. Word got out about it, prompting Houstonians? Houstonians. to line up, deputies ended up at the scene to disperse the crowd and shut down the machine. Anyone get in

on that while I was here? Where? It just said Bank of America ATM. I'm sorry, I don't have all the details. Wait, I need to, I have a question. Do ATMs in Texas give out $10 bills? Like, right, how? But she's saying instead of a

$10, it gave $100. It's very confusing. Okay, let's move on. Next topic. A woman gave birth in a Chick-fil-A restroom near you. Nice. She started having contractions Tuesday night. And her husband, Robert, and her called a friend to be like, yo, meet me at the Chick-fil-A. You're going to take my other kids while we go birth this child.

So there's time for the husband to come to the Chick-fil-A but not for her to go to the hospital. No, they're meeting friends on the way to drop off their other kids. Like, meet at the Chick-fil-A. You're going to watch my other kids while I have this baby. Oh, drop-off location. It was already closed. They bang on the door. And they're like, please let her in.

She has to pee so bad. She's pregnant. and then pregnancy turned into a baby born in the Chick-fil-A bathroom. It is incredible. The miracle of life. The miracle of life. You get free Chick-fil-A for life? Oh, the baby has free Chick-fil-A.

The baby does. Okay, last story for Texas. Chick-fil-A. This story is about revenge grandma. There's a grandma in Texas called Judy. She's 73, and she has lots of accomplishments. She's a great grandmother. She's the mayor of a Texas town, and she hunted down a 12-foot gator because the gator—

Another gator story. I love the gator stories in Texas. Three years ago, a gator got a hold of her miniature horse, and she'd been seeking revenge ever since. On Sunday, she finally caught the bastard. She said, I grabbed my gun and shot down a 12-foot, 580-pound gator that she believes was responsible for her horse's death. Damn. Wow. Texas loves revenge

and shooting animals you guys should have a t-shirt that just says Texas loves revenge don't f*** with Texans alright it's time for our lady game yeah we have a game we've never done this before so sorry if it sucks okay if you brought a purse

with you today stand up this game is called bag lady it's a scavenger hunt Don't cheat Don't cheat because at the end we're going to check Okay so we're going to go around We're going to say things

If you have the thing in your purse You get to keep standing If you do not have the thing in your purse You have to sit down Does everyone understand? Yes It's pretty simple You got your purse?

Where's your purse? Show your purses Oh shit Chanel Okay you're the winner You win okay okay first jack is going first okay if you have a lip gloss or chapstick in your purse remain standing or lipstick or something to go on the lip product stay standing make sure you have it okay got it okay who had their lip product you got it okay next if you have a tampon in your purse

remain stand oh my god menstrual cycles what if i needed one right now holy shit okay wait wave the tampon bring it out show me the tampon she's got it all right you've got white pants on so you need that just in case okay oh you're so small okay good got a tampon all right who's still standing arms up Okay, good. Becca, you're next. All right. At least $3 cash.

Yeah, it weeds out a lot of you guys. Nobody carries cash anymore. Okay, all right. Jack? Are you guys all in the back? Can we have the lights up, please? I can't see the girls in the back. I see there's a lot of $3 cash people in the back, okay?

At least $3. If you have a $20, if you have a $100, you're good. Okay, we've got a lot of people left. All right, Jack's next. Okay. Keep standing if you guys have gum And that includes A rogue piece of gum

A rogue bottom of the purse gum That's gotten all over your makeup She's got a whole pack Okay No we need one more and then finalists Okay Next if you have some sort of hair accessory Remain standing

A bobby pin A scrunchie A hair tie Oh shit Does anybody need a bobby pin? She's moving in. Okay. Wait.

One more. One more. Yep. We still have like five people. Okay, the final one. Maybe it's final. We lie. A punch card for any restaurant establishment or yogurt shop.

Like a punch card. Like a pink berry card. She has ten. Your next TCBY treats on us. Like a Jersey Mike's. Now, if you are still standing, come up to the front, please. Please come to the front with your purses. Bring your purse.

Bring your purse. Bring your purse. Bring your purse. And no passing off to cheat. No cheating. Bring your purse. How many people do we have total? God is watching.

God is watching. Do not cheat. Bring your purse. Bring your purse, my finalists. Now put your purses in front of you on the speakers, please. Now, to win, is this the award here? now what we're doing is please find us

the weirdest item in your purse is it a condom is it a butt plug is it a picture of your toes get the weirdest thing you have in there and the winner we're going to vote and the winner gets a VIP bag

what do you have what is weird what is that that's not weird enough girl you better work harder over here we've got okay that's weird she doesn't have anything good

I feel like you might try your hardest though I see some meds over there final answers here we go here we go what is your name Camila Camila has

a f***ing that's good That's really a good start. Oh, shit. It's a really good start. Oh, an EpiPen's pretty good. Add an EpiPen. Okay, no, I'm using this.

Okay, hold up your present. Her bag is also, like, massive. $2 bill. We've got a $2 bill. That's pretty good. It's pretty good. We're going to have you guys vote by clapping. What is that?

Okay, we have a Mophie. It's neared out. No, Andrew's Mophie. Okay, this is weird. Okay, what do you have? I have three $2 bills. Three $2 bills. A Mophie's like an external charger.

She has a pressed penny. And three $2 bills. From Biloxi, Mississippi. Are those for us? Okay, all right. I'm so sorry. Okay. What do you have that's weird?

Some greeting card. Nail glue. Oh, shit. Just a greeting card? I think the nail glue. Yeah, nail glue's good. And the greeting card. What is this?

Oh, shit. She has a mini. Oh, shit. A mini tape measure. oh no but like honestly this is insane what's weirder a full measuring tape or a mini measuring tape pretzels what do you have i think full is weirder full is weird why do you have that you guys have a casino a five dollar casino chip for what casino what is it miravage miravage Beau Ravage

Sounds opulent What do you have here? A lot of drugs What kind of drugs? Is this Claritin? Oh shit you guys This is an anti-diarrheal Yes

Somebody's got a poop Okay anti-diarrheal What do you have? I love that purse Breast pump I think we have a winner we've got a winner yes

yes girl accessories how do you fit all this shit in your bag I don't know it keeps coming oh my god we have a winner it's like a clown bag

can I use this as a funnel thank you so much okay you know how do you fiddle this in your bag you all did well what's your name my name is aubrey how old's a baby uh two months oh this is my first day out yes let's give a round of applause to aubrey there you go mama enjoy and run her up for sure run her up run her up oh what is that post-its camilla i love your dedication we love all of you thank you for being a part of our gang wow thank you for being a part of our gang you're so weird great work ladies great work oh yeah okay can we give a runner up yeah of course we're giving a runner up to you just obviously i mean look at this commitment how much shit do you have in this bag

wow this is amazing honestly that's kelty level preparation i like it all right i love that camilla's still packing up no take your time take your time girl you live here now you do you do you girl yes alex with these refills thank you excuse her she's been on vocal rest like mariah carey for a week kelty literally texted us the other day she's like i can't talk today because i'm on vocal rest i'm like what the is that no she has the plague and we woke up to an email at 7 a.m about to leave for dallas yeah boo no dallas is awesome anyway um they actually bought more tickets than you bitches so but but you just middle finger us yeah i saw that i like your

style i like it but houston is the third most popular city for the podcast thank you for your support um before we start the next section of the show i just wanted to bring up k-type are you wearing a k-type tank top oh my god oh my god okay for those of you who don't know what is your name okay what's your bringing a mic um k-type is if you're kelty you're k-type what what does that say oh my god i can't remember somebody has to read it for me i can't remember this is incredible k-type outgoing ambitious rigidly organized highly status-conscious, impatient, concerned with time management,

embraces the boo-jo, strong sense of fashion, and fierce in home remodeling extra. See also Kelty Knight. Oh, God. Wow. Are you guys so jealous? Social-conscious?

Let me just go over to my fan. My fans aren't here because they don't pay money to see three idiots talk. Jacks are too busy getting drunk to come to this shit. Thank you so much. Thank you guys for your support. Okay.

Jack, it's your section. Do you feel better, Kelty? I feel, like, loved. That's nice. So now maybe you'll tell people you love them back when they yell it to you? With feeling?

I love you. I'm a robot. She is a robot. Hey, ladies! ask the lady gang okay so we're doing an in person ask the lady gang so if you guys have a question about your lives don't ask us our favorite color don't ask us anything about ourselves we're here to fix your lives so this is your chance yeah all right who needs us to fix their lives we've got one right now we got one the mic stand up this is the same girl that

gave us the fingers so this should be good yeah bitch okay dallas and houston have paid each other forever oh so it's a rivalry it is what is your name patriots they're like trendy but we're still the fourth largest city in in the country whatever okay so i am dating a twin brother identical or fraternal like like nose down what does that mean identical so like fraternal like if you were to look at them like like one of their noses is longer okay they're twins never mind whatever have the same size my friends suck so my boyfriend and i have been dating for about three and a half years and his twin has been dating for exactly the same time please tell me that you want a brother no how do you not they're the same from nose down i do have guess

He's what? He's the same one for the last three and a half years. I think they would say differently. Okay, what's the question? She's so bossy. They are getting engaged. Oh, shit. But I have been mentioning engagement for a year and a half. Of course you have.

And here the fuck I am, unengaged. You know why you're not engaged? That attitude? Yeah. because you've been asking for it for a year and a half he's like gosh you're nagging me did i just solve my own you just solved your own problem i know but like here i am i don't they had a conversation after a month well you know what they're different people just to let you know no they're not i would like to i would like to say something yeah i want to say something

what's your name again i'm ryan ryan and love out of our group i'm a kelty kelty ryan well there's the answer i want to tell ryan i want to tell you something there is your answer but here's the thing and i think maybe the guys in the crowd would maybe agree is that we well they probably don't understand or know that we run everything and it's like a mind for them like They think they're running it, but they're not. It's us. So true. And there's only one thing in the entire relationship that truly is up to the guy.

And it's that engagement. Okay? Like, I know. The wedding is you. The house is you. The baby room is you. What your couple name is you. If you're going to change your name, that wedding has to...

Like, that's all you. Well, you still have a couple name. When you bring in an anal plug to the marriage. The only thing that a man gets to truly surprise you and plan in his entire life of being is proposing to you. So, my advice is, if this is the guy that you want to marry, marriage is long, that you just chill. I know it's hard. Oh my gosh, that's not in my life. But let him do this for you.

Let him do this for you because you can Kelty everything else for the rest of your marriage. Yeah. Okay. That's fair. I can give it up. I can. can you stop mentioning it like even hinting at it oh i have i'm at that point great i just talked to my therapist great there you go you need a therapist because literally i'll tell you

the night before i got engaged to chris we went to a hockey game and i was standing on the corner of la by the staples center being like if you like it then you should put a ring on it if you like it then i was singing it and he had already planned the next day was our engagement and when we bring up the engagement all he brings up forevermore is remember that time you're acting like a total asshole on the corner singing the Beyonce song on my face and I already had the whole thing planned so don't be that person but I do have to say there is a lot to be said for communication with your partner that you need to know is he a person that wants to get married like are you the person that he maybe wants to get married to because you don't want to sit around

not saying something for 10 years and then never does he want to get married does he want to get married i think so you think that way i'm pretty yes he does he does and there also is a difference between having an adult conversation about marriage and your future he made fun of me for like a year and a half and was like oh i might propose to you oh yeah he's using you but he does retrospect he does okay let us know what happens keep us posted oh in the back natalie Blanc. Yeah. Hello, hello, hello. Hello, hello. What's your name? Speak loudly, please. My name is Kelly.

I'm here visiting my very pregnant best friend. Wow. Hi. She's like four weeks away from popping it out. Please do it here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a good place. It's like Chick-fil-A. We'll give you free Lady Gang for the rest of your life. We need the press.

We do have a Futurist Lady Gang baby onesie on our merch store. It's true. We'll be purchasing. Free shipping today. got it love it I hate us what's your question question I've been in the same job for four years I'm very bored it's insurance it's boring and I'm ready to like make a move but I need some inspiration to figure out like how to figure out where I want to go next so like when you guys got stuck in your career what was something that helped you to like figure out your next step

I have one question. Do you know what you want to do? Do you have any idea what world you want to be in? No. So I'm a dancer, Kelsey. Becca. And Becca. Yes, rock of ages.

Yes. Yes, Lee. The actual dancer of the three. But I connect to Kelsey because I was an NFL cheerleader, and I know you danced in the NBA. So cheer, sisters. hey hey yes yes work five six seven please don't do this why okay my advice to you is since you don't know what to do right now you got to be smart

stay in the job get the health care get the money yes and maybe plan a big trip and something to get excited about because i'll tell you this it doesn't matter what job you're doing that job sucks. Working sucks. Like I could be at home right now, binging, getting a foot massage. I'm just kidding. Yeah. She hates attention. This is so hard for her. It's all Keltie has ever dreamed of. I think that if you have your dream job or you have a job that you hate, like we all go through the motions of like loving that job and hating that job every week. Like no one, there's no one that likes their job 100% right it's still a job so I think you should maybe get a hobby maybe if it's dance like you were a former dancer like you need to get back like Becca just started doing

dance classes again like maybe but maybe it's about maybe looking to the other areas of your life to enrich and then the job will just be the job and all oh sorry no go go so we all have our day job still doing this and this is another full-time job for us i think that you need to like kalty said stick in your job try to like try out some hobbies or different like side hustles but there is nothing worse than just abandoning a really decent job that pays you well to try to figure yourself out and then be struggling the entire time because your haircut is cute and i know that wasn't cheap girl you gotta go every month unless you're independently wealthy and then it did your dad invent ketchup i did go in and ask for the becca haircut i'm not gonna lie

thank you so much also y'all need to come to nashville just yeah it's next okay next question i see this girl with the arm candy she's desperate she needs it she needs it she needs it pass it miss austin right there are you sober enough for this you look kind of drunk a little yeah i love you. Yeah. Girls from Austin party. We're in Houston. Oh, she's from Austin. They're from Austin. What is your question? What's your name? Caroline. Hi Caroline. What's your question? My question is, I love my boyfriend. He's great. But, but, but I was thinking all my life, like to do anal, you do it 20 years in life, but do you do it sooner? At what point, do you get bored

at some point and you wait for that point or do you do it soon? When do you do anal? I don't want to do it now and get bored in 20 years and then you wait for it. She feels like she's too young to bring anal into her repertoire.

I have some questions. How old are you? She needs to pull it out later when she's bored. 28. How long have you been with your boyfriend? Five years. It's time. It's time. It's time. It's time.

I vote anal or a new man. Or what? New man? A new man or anal. Do you guys, is your sex just like boring missionary? Do you do fun stuff? It's good. It's good.

It's good. Great. But you want. Do you wait 20 years? Have you done butt stuff? Why are you asking your friends? Have you ever done anal before? Focus on us.

Okay, so no anal. Right here. Okay, she's done. Okay. New question. Okay, I. I have advice, okay? My little anal virgins.

I am an anal... I know, Kelsey, you're the only one that's had an anal on us. Here's what I'm going to say. Allegedly. I am an anal virgin. So am I, allegedly. It's not a legend.

Confirmed, okay? I have IBS and I'm lactose intolerant. I am absolutely an anal virgin and not even by choice. My husband's like, no thank you. Excuse me. um but at 28 if you're feeling like you want to do an anal do anal follow your heart by the way most guys would be stoked yes and your boyfriend is probably just a little shy and nervous

so if you mention it he'd be like god this is all i've been asking for so or are you married yet no but he wants to but i'm like let's not like get too much into it let's wait till it gets really boring and then oh you want to wait till you're bored out of your yeah no we're doing great right now but i'm like let's save some yeah then save it until you need it that's like the last that's what i'm saying like tried every sex toy save it till you need it okay next question you're very cute thank you for drinking wait let's go in the back look at that all the way in the back nat yeah bring that up satin tank top shout out to natalie who's getting her steps in today hey girl what's your name my name is bethany hi bethany i do have a question before the question

okay it's actually against the rules bethany you can do it well i never knew that roxy was the cool one in chicago i always loved velma roxy's just build first which is why we're fighting are we doing this right now okay so i'm actually asking the real question for my best friend okay and we want to name on everybody's no Wow. Wow. Kelty Knight will be performing at a community theater near you.

kill me truly incredible thank you for opening that up what's your real question why did you do this to us i didn't mean to but i'm not mad that i did i am so we've all been cheated on it all stops we all hate guys at a point in our life so my best friend and i worked together super small company for a long time unfortunately sometimes you sleep with people that you work with i love doing that honestly it's so fun it makes work worthwhile so it's so you get bored it's like who are you supposed to get dressed for in the morning it's true and then like the guy you're at the office show me a solid four down to at work and i'm in i want to know that you know more than about itself that's boring so friend had sex with the guy hey i see you waving congratulations

dated the guy lived with the guy was it against company policy to live with the guy and date him well actually i moved in with my boyfriend and i was the roommate so somebody had to fill my room and it was this guy it was him that's always a really good idea you guys so innocent right and then they sleep together things get weird we find out that he's actually been sleeping with a married woman at work this is her first boyfriend because she's a nice lady she's what a nice lady okay wait so she's watched me go through horrific boyfriends like the worst like 30 and mohawks right nothing sounds worse this is this is bad why are you dating so many mohawks problem what's the question what do you do to get over the guy that cheated on you with the married person which is somehow

worse than just the regular person and it was her best friend let's add that this girl was married and the best friend the married girl was her best friend yes oh god the work best friend not like you're like go to like we're not wouldn't invite her to the lady gang but we're not inviting her to the lady talk shit and drink wine well guys let's not be so hard on the married woman okay you know what i mean a married woman that just wants to see what's out there trying to get her rocks off you know well her husband was a doctor it he's busy oh you know what i mean but if you have a doctor for five years and then a trash man comes you're like yes sir hop on board the only thing that can help you get over someone when they treat you poorly is time but we have a lot

of other band-aids that can help you to have fun in the meantime while time takes its course but unfortunately time is it it just takes time it takes time but in mother penises to be honest you have to have sex with a lot of other people yeah in that time definitely the married woman's husband he's a doctor he's really cute the question itself yeah well not to cause a riff but he's a chiropractor, but it's not a doctor, but she can still get like a realignment. You guys are like, no, the front row is like no chiropractor. That's nice. You get free treatments. Oh shit. My zipper has been down the whole time. Okay. Next question. We have time for a new man. This is our last question. Last question. Oh yeah. You've been excited. I know. Sorry. Stage left.

Her friend's pointing to her, which means it's juicy. Juicy. What's your name? My name's Shauna. Hi, Shauna. Hello. So, me and my boyfriend live together. Been dating for about two years.

Shauna, hold the mic up right to your mouth so we can hear you. Sorry. Put the mic right here. Yeah. Okay. All right. So, last night, he was trying to be wingman, and I got jealous and crazy because I'm a crazy bitch.

Whatever. so I went apparently I don't remember this but apparently allegedly allegedly thank you I went up to the girl and I was like I'm his girlfriend bitch and flipped her off so that caused an argument did it you think you think all right so he broke up with me and then as we're entering our apartment door I was like go down on me and he went down on me so so what seems to be the problem what's the question what's the problem exactly are you guys still together are you how's it this morning he kissed me this morning on the way here so I'm like oh we're not broken up and we're trying to buy a house so what are your advice for buying a

house with a significant other shut the f**k up shut the f**k up wow bye i would love to buy a house with a man who did not want to date me exclusively but went down on me when i asked so by the house thank you here's my here's my concern there's a few red flags she's living you're living here's my concern here's my concern you're so gorgeous i don't want you to do the jealous girl thing anymore okay that's something that lives inside you i know it lives inside of you like a festering monster comes out all the time we can't control it I understand I have it too, but you can't bring it out into the public, especially not

to your man. You have to keep it with your friends on a secret text message chain. Okay. Listen, you got to hide that crazy. Don't bring it out. I'll tell myself, don't be crazy. And then, and then you drink. But it's crazy.

This is like a drinking thing. Like you get wasted and then you're like, I'm crazy and I hate everybody kind of thing. Right? Yeah. Or are you like that normally? I'm just crazy. You're just crazy. Just, you need to bring that to your girlfriend's private text chain.

don't bring that to your man. Don't bring that jealous monster out. You've got to hide it from your men. All the girls that came with men, you guys know what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hide who you really are. Hide that crazy like it's herpes.

You know what I mean? Okay. Yeah. You'll never find out. Keep it under wraps. Hide it. Yeah. Okay, well.

Guys, it's over. We're done. So I have a few things to say. First of all, if you like us, join our secret Facebook group. Who's in it? Like half of you. That's only like a third of you.

It's like a continuation of this all the time. Boys, you can't come. Yes, I can. But they can, but not... They can. That's what she said. You can come, Ryan. Thank you so much.

Join the Facebook group. No. You can follow us on social media at Kelty, K-E-L-T-I-E, at Becca, at Jack Vanek, at The Lady Gang. We don't really matter. And we will see you next Tuesday. and jared monaco make sure you subscribe rate and review our podcast and if you love it share it with your friends on social media like oh my god i just listened lady gang this episode's a great

swipe up to listen and if you really want to which we know you do please follow us on social at kelty at becca at jack vanek and at the lady gang sign up for our newsletter at the lady gang.com and join our secret facebook group it's super fun see you next tuesday