LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: 1-844-SXY-LADY

Episode Date: September 2, 2021

With so many secrets submitted to the hotline, the ladies have decided to share some of their favorites. Have you ever purposely had bad breath to not have sex? Did you replace your husbands shampoo to make his hair grow? And while there may be an entire chapter for poop secrets, one thing’s clear, you better share your nuggets! Check out our amazing sponsors!!! Coors Light: Get Coors Light in the new look delivered straight to your door with Drizly or Instacart by going to coorslight.com/lady  Chinet: Visit mychinet.com to find out more! Scream For Ice Cream: Visit screamforicecreamagain.com to learn how to sweeten your sex life! Total Wireless: Do amazing with your phone plan at TotalWireless.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

So the other weekend, I relied very heavily on one of my favorite sponsors, Chinette. I love this brand so much. It's just so great to entertain using Chinette because not only is it easy cleanup, it's just perfect for life's gatherings and environmentally conscious. We love that. It can handle anything from the messiest ribs, check, just experience that, to the most generous slices of cake. They are made with at least 80% recycled materials and they're always cut resistant just in case the steak gets overcooked durable enough to handle the sauciest ribs. Like I said, saucy, saucy made to be microwave safe and leftovers are my best friend and I can use them on my Chinette made in the USA. We love it so much. Go visit my Chinette.com

to find out more, use them at your next party. It's so great. Their classic style is amazing. Their Chinette crystal is elegant and wonderful. And their comfort is that amazing sleeve that keeps drinks hot and hands happy. Again, visit MyChina.com to find out more. Use it for the holidays. It's so easy. Welcome to The Lady Gang. You're about to listen to our podcast, but there is so much more our community has to offer. Follow us at The Lady Gang, join our secret Facebook group, shop our clothing line, books, and find out when we're going to be in your city at TheLadyGang.com. We're so excited you're here. Enjoy the show. It's time for a quickie. Podcast One presents The Lady Gang,

the hollywood girl posse with lady gang quickie here's kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanek let's make this quick hello hello hello welcome to lady gang quickie i am back here with jack and kelty hello everyone um i'm so excited to be here today we are sitting in the lady gang office which is in the basement of my house this is not a basement this is literally like three stories up from the ground but it's built into the it's the downstairs well you just have a you have like yeah i'm in a hill that's how the hills homes are built yeah with the kitchen on the top floor right a basement technically is when the the the window is really high up you're below ground yes

yeah you're right you're right we have a balcony we have a balcony and also you can look down like hundreds of feet yes anyway uh i'm so excited to be here it's always so fun to record when we are here in person. We're using our original headsets that we have used for like six years when we were all together. So broken and Jax is broken because it's like stretched out. Yeah. I mean, they're not in the best shape of their lives, but, um, I'm really excited about this episode because I have to just say to everyone out there, our listeners, our lady gangers, you have blown our minds with these lady secrets. So we had the idea to do this book of lady secrets. And we're like, you know, we're going to, we're writing all these essays. So it's not like we're asking you to write

the book for us. We are writing the book, but in between each chapter, we were like, maybe we can have like a little secret from a fan or someone that wants to share something anonymously. And we opened the hotline one, eight, four, four, sexy lady and the lady secrets.com. I'm, I'm blown away I mean it is hundreds and thousands of essays and emails and voicemails they're so good it's bananas like we almost need to already be on book two of this project yeah yeah I would just like to state for the record that this was my idea no it wasn't it was my idea no it wasn't oh no thank you for coming the book will never come out I had post secrets at my sister's house when we were trying to think of the special Barnes and Noble edition.

I do remember this. This was, then it was a combination of both your and my idea. How can you please explain this to me? Oh no. I will find, I will literally go back. No, I remember you. I was at my sister's house. This was when we did the first book and they said,

we need to do something special for the Barnes and Noble edition. My sister has that book, Post Secrets. It's all fucking secrets that people did postcards. I sent a picture of it to the lady gang. I had mentioned it one time before that. Yeah. And then I remember where I was. I was at my mailbox in studio city and I was like, this is what we need to do.

And then I had sent post secrets to the group and that was where this happened. And now you hold on. Now you tell your side and I'll tell you what the truth is. I just remember, cause I remember where I was. I was in, uh, Keystone, Colorado in a, it was, it was January, beginning of January. was this for the second book no this was for the for for the extra chapter okay but it might have been like a combination of both of us going back and forth okay because i remember being like we need to include the community because they told us they were like we need an extra chapter it can

be like another look into your lives we're like oh there's nothing else to do there's nothing else to say so it might have been a combo i was on a private jet going to the maldives when i had the idea for lady's secrets i actually because i literally remember i was in like an airbnb and i remember being in the bathroom when we're having this conversation and i don't remember anything i do remember this moment mine yes i remember this very clearly i feel like you i'm gonna just like for the judge judy here i think it was this and then it went into this and then this it went from becca to jack to becca yes and then because then that's why we have three we finesse each other exactly it's this is what it's called this brainstorming anyone that has a regular job

you know you work in groups but we like don't know how to do that because but i will say that i remember when we went for this book you were like people can submit art and all this stuff and we're like we're not making a coffee table book yes yes and then you were like i should get essays this second book to do put this it this way was not my idea the initial yes the light bulb secret the post-secret inspiration was most certainly me for barnes and nobles you know what i love this so much because every time we do an interview we go on someone else's podcast the first question we get is like how do you guys work together like how do you not hate each other like we don't believe you that females can get along just play this on repeat and like just feel the

air in the room being like well as someone who doesn't get for some reason i have something in me where I will legitimately have an idea and no one will remember or someone else will take credit. I don't know what that is. I'm not taking credit for your idea. No, I know. But I took credit for your idea. Maybe it's you. When we did good to be bad week, I was like, it was a great idea. I had in the middle of the night back. I was like, no girl. That was like, no, that's true. Yeah. So this is a theme for my, for some reason, you're like, wait, it was me when things, and it's always things that are great. And it's like, because the only reason I remember is because I don't have great ideas. And when I do, and they work out, you're like, I remember that.

I remember. So people can steal my shitty ideas, but it's always the good ones where I'm like, what the, you know what mine is? Mine is, I have a great idea. And then I say that we should do something and then we don't do it. And then like a couple months later, somebody else is like, you know what we should do this and i'm like yes i said that we should have done that six months ago i remember that as well that's true yeah that's true and also i just want to like point out both of these things do come back to me i'm feeling like it like i am i'm sorry to both of you equally because i feel like both of those things are here and i'm going to think about possibly opening my ears i don't need any more credit i don't next time i have a great idea

I'm just going to say make a billboard guys screenshot. Just so you know, I just came up with this idea. I think it's going to be a success. So take it for that. What you will. There you go. Okay. Uh, Alex, if you can make a new folder in base camp, that's like Becca's time-standard ideas. Perfect. Thank you. I wish I had the bandwidth to go back and find posts. No, but we don't care. We trust you. We know there's a search function on the text, but it never works. And I delete my texts. You do? That's a serial killer move. Everyone I know who's been pathological, like liar in my life has been the type of people that delete all texts. There's literally a podcast about a girl that went missing and her mom is possibly a suspect

and she deleted all of her text messages with her daughter. And she's like, I just delete everything. I just like to keep my inbox clean. Sorry. All right. Basically we have too many lady secrets. And so we thought we would share some of them on the podcast and, um, throughout, like we have, uh, audio recordings and we have, um, written things. So I'm going to read some and then we're going to play some. Okay. So enjoy. Um, okay.

Do you want to read the first one, Jack? Sure. Okay. Since it was your idea. Okay. Secret. And these are all obviously anonymous. I feel like I'm reading an ass lady gang.

i take pride in my super smelly farts i love to poop and take laxatives i might have wrote this oh never mind i like to pick scabs the only thing lady like about me is that i love the color pink i mean i agree with loving to poop and taking laxatives when i need to but i mean i take pride in my super smelly farts i do too i'm always excited about them i don't like the scab picking No, that's actually also not the first secret about picking scabs and doing certain things. There's a lot of scabs. There's so many poop stories that we could write an entire ladies seat. We might have to have a poop chapter, but it's having a poop chapter secrets. Okay. The next one's on my idea. You guys just kidding. Okay. Okay. Secret. My fiance has thinning hair,

but doesn't do anything about it or acknowledge it. So I bought some hair growth shampoo, emptied it out of drugstore brand shampoo and refilled it with their hair growth shampoo he'll never know but it's for his own good genius wow genius incredible right yeah and it's like you could also take it to the next level and sprinkle propitia into his cocktails boom boom propitia um okay are you ready for this i've never told anyone this um i let a guy eat me out but to catch him i had a yeast infection and like a really bad yeast infection and he kept he was like oh my god like you're so wet you're so wet but it was because i have this nasty crazy discharge and i've never oh my god it feels so much better i've never been able to

tell anyone that okay love you guys bye oh my god it feels so much better this is why we have the hotline exactly like dude you could feel the relief in her voice after she confessed her deepest darkest sin yes oh my god gross doesn't it have an odor when you have i was gonna say and also i must have a taste i'm sure it's tangy it's tangy but he was so into it and this is the thing that's wrong. You're so wet. But this is so funny because when we had sex with Emily on, she told us that wetness is not a sign of arousal. Like some people are just naturally more wet than others. Young people. Yeah. So anyway, um, that's disgusting. And I love that she was like, still go down. Like if I have a yeast infection, I would never get naked in front

someone. Do you, girl? The other thing that I think is really funny that men haven't figured out, like when you're in a certain point of your period, your discharge is just different. So if you're ovulating, it's juicy and just. It's runny and gelatinous. And like guys just think it's because you're excited. It's such a hilarious. Yeah. You're like, no, I just like popped out and eggs. Yeah. No, you sweet idiot. I'm ovulating. Hello, lady gang. This theme for the week for your secrets is aging and body. Let's see. Do you have some secret plastic surgery you've had done and you've told no one in your life? Do you have any disgusting habits? Do you queef on demand? Can you queef on demand? Not do you, can you? Do you have that skill? Tell us all about it.

unexplainable body mysteries using your period as an excuse. Haven't we all, I want you to write in all your aging and body dirt to us at the lady secrets.com the lady secrets.com. It's completely anonymous. You don't have to enter any of your information in. And also you can call in our hotline. It's 1-844-SEXY-LADY 1-844-SXY-LADY. So I'm currently on tour with Jared. I'm at the last of my little leg that I'm out here and it feels like summer is flying by. And when I need to really slow down summer, I grab a Coors Light because Coors Light is the official beer of slowing down summer. Summer always feels like the shortest season, especially for me because I love it so much. We need to make the most of it. We all just need to chill. And as the beer that's made to

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That is inexpensive with 100 gigs of shared high-speed data, then 2G with no contract. Right. You could have a plan for each one of the Lady Gang members, which can save you up to $80 each month when compared to comparable four-line postpaid plans from the leading carrier. All of this on the network. More Americans depend on actual availability, coverage, and speed may vary. So head on over and visit TotalWireless.com slash coverage slash check for more detailed coverage info. Plus, when you move to Total Wireless, you can get the latest devices like the newest smartphones and even hotspots to keep you connected to what matters the most. Discover us at TotalWireless.com today. TotalWireless. Do amazing. Legal. A month equals 30 days.

A 30-day cycle for shared data family plans begins on the first day of the first line our device is activated. Any lines or devices activated later in the first 30-day cycle will receive only the number of days remaining in that cycle. Savings claim excludes taxes, fees, auto pay discounts, and limited time prices. Source competitor websites April 2021. Okay, ladies. Can't remember the last time that you wanted sex? Oh, I'm sorry. You've got kids in the car? I know we're gonna call it ice cream listen I scream you scream but maybe not for set I mean ice cream sorry so if your desire for ice cream feels well a little rocky road

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all the female employees at our company. After about 30 minutes and several handfuls of tiny cubes of cheese, get it girl, I began to feel funny. I looked over at my friend and said, i don't feel well and she told me that i looked pale as a ghost i excused myself to the bathroom where i proceeded to throw up violently i came back out trying to play it cool as i prepared to tell everyone i was leaving after just arriving however i was pulled into a game and not wanting to make a scene always a party game not wanting to make a scene i sat down to play a few rounds my boss kept pushing wine on me and i kept fake sipping i had to excuse myself multiple times alternating between vomiting and well shitting i went to notify my friends that i

was grabbing an uber home and while trying to block anyone from using the bathroom without be without it being so obvious i felt it coming on once more i ran to the bathroom and opted to barf assuring myself there was nothing left in the pooper boy was i wrong i panicked pulled down my pants so i wouldn't soil them for the ride home and i shit all over the wall projectile diarrhea i attempted to find anything to clean the mess up with but she had a pedestal sink with nowhere to stash cleaning products. I had to run the toilet paper supply down to nothing throughout my various visits.

Oh, sorry. I had run the toilet paper supply down to nothing throughout my various visits and had to resort to some soap and on the only hand towel available. I did my best, prayed to God it didn't spell as bad as I imagined and ditched the party. I ditched the towel in the bushes,

rode in the Uber with the windows down the whole time to curb my nausea. I recovered over the weekend and went back to my office on Monday. For the next two weeks, I had to sit silently as one by one, everyone in the company contracted the virus. Not only had I shit on my boss's wall, I was ground zero. I shit and ran, and everyone else paid the price.

Oh, no. Wowie. Pooping on the wall. Wowie. I've never had a projectile diarrhea, but good for you. I only have when I've taken my oxidatives. Oh, please. is like a very familiar feeling okay um sometimes i purposely don't brush my teeth before bed so

that my breath stinks and my husband won't try to initiate sex oh honestly i recently had sex with chris and both of our breath was so bad that i could smell it and i was like i'm not turned on at all right oh in the morning yeah no i won't do it i will not have sex unless in the morning unless both of us have brushed our teeth but also i don't notice a difference although i can't remember the last time i fell asleep without brushing my teeth but even if i brush my teeth the night before it's not great the next day i think she might be talking about like night sex which oh how bad could you i don't know i feel i have very strong feelings about dental hygiene very strong okay here's another i was in college and went out when i wasn't really feeling it

I took one too many tequila shots, who hasn't, and puked in a trash can in the middle of the bar. A semi-cute, actually pretty meh, but beer goggles, you know, sees me and somehow still thinks I'm cute. He flirts, we exchange numbers, and the next thing I know is I'm in his bed and it's 3 a.m. I wake up in the morning, ass naked, and in an utter panic. This boy is not cute. I call my best friend and she races over. I get ready to leave so quickly that I left my underwear, hot pink lacy thong to be exact. Later in the day, I go to the sauna to sweat out all the tequila.

Who's there and chooses to sit right next to me? The meh guy from the night before. We lock eyes, and he proclaims in the middle of the sauna, which is full of probably 20 randos, you left your hot pink thong at my apartment. Want to come back and get it after this? I'm mortified to this day, and yes, I did get it back and threw them away. oh no what are the chances what are the chances she'd see him in the sauna i just had like a major flashbacks of all the like not all but but like the guys that i tried

to talk myself into being into and then the moment when you're like i absolutely cannot never will be attracted to you it is so devastating yeah it really is oh the other day we were um going doing some stuff on Facebook and Instagram Chelsea and I and for some reason I saw all the people that I had blocked on Facebook and she was like who's this and I was like oh my god and it reminded me of like I slept with someone that was so meh like such like a real like I don't know if he's ever had gotten laid again and he like loved me so much after that forever that I had to block come on. I was going to say, what has they, what has they done? You guys, if I, if I showed you the picture, I need to see it. I need to see it. Okay. Not on this. Cause I don't want to like

stir up anything, you know, to come back in my life. So in love. Who isn't? Yeah. Um, okay. My boyfriend hates ketchup. So whenever I don't feel like sharing my chicken nuggets, I douse my plate in ketchup. So he doesn't go near it. Petty. Yes. But chicken nuggets are chicken nuggets. That is so right. Zach would do that. If there was a condiment, I didn't like a thousand percent. He hates when I eat off his plate. Oh my God. I have to eat off it. I keep other people's food is so much better than your own. So much better. I can't help myself from not eating somebody else's food. No. And he's like, just get your own order of nuggets. And I'm like, I want one nugget. And if I get an order of six nuggets, I'm going to eat six mother

nuggets. And I only want the ones who give me one of your nuggets. I'm like, do you want me to be 800 pounds. Cause if every time you didn't want me to eat off your plate, I ordered my own, I would be 800 pounds. Yeah. So you can choose a petite wife or share a nugget once in a while. Just share a nugget. Share your nuggets. Unless they're yours and you don't want to share them and douse them in ketchup. Also it, that's his own fault for not liking ketchup. Who doesn't like ketchup? It's the people's condiment. It's a pretty gross condiment alone. Isolated. It's disgusting oh no it's delicious i hate the smell of ketchup too the vinegar i love it i love everything about it everything is a vessel for ketchup do you do like the weird ketchups that

have like no i only want heinz i hate an organic ketchup i hate like a fancy homemade ketchup like i want heinz only ketchup full of sugar it's basically it's just like it's classic classic and yeah okay live your life heinz feel free to sponsor us okay um what we have one last recorded okay here we go so throwback to um the summer of 2017 i've been broken up with i'm heartbroken i am living my best hot girl summer life i am doubling my body count well um i had the classic hooked up with two guys in the same weekend who doesn't well then monday comes around and i am having the most nasty vaginal discharge i've ever had it's smelling it's green like oh my god i have a sexually transmitted disease it's finally caught up to me so i go to the doctor and the doctor

says oh my gosh you have chlamydia it's so bad you might have pelvic inflammatory disease and i'm like oh my gosh i'm such a slut and then i'm like oh my gosh i have to call two different guys and say hey either you gave me chlamydia or i gave you or i might have given you chlamydia and um so i do that i divulge myself to them i tell them about um that they may have given me chlamydia or Does anything have caught chlamydia for me? It's a whole big thing. Well, come to find out. My test results come back.

I don't have chlamydia. Somehow, one of those gave me E. coli infection in my vagina. Took months to take out. I literally had to stick ass depositories up my vag to get rid of this thing. Month-long process. I kept getting susceptible to yeast and BV. So, lesson learned. Always wear a condom, even if you're on the IEP, because not only can you catch STDs, but also E. coli in your vagina.

Wait, can you, does E. coli live in poop? Yes. So that's probably how it happened. It wasn't from like a bad tomato. No, it, I don't even know how to address it. It wasn't a bad potato. No, you can get E. coli from fruit or food because that has been contaminated with poop. But this means there was poo on his dick or poo that made it from her butt to her vagina.

Yes. The poo was rampant. And I am mortified. I can't imagine what it takes to get your levels back to normal in your vagina. Your pH is all over the place. Can you imagine the amount? She said, I get yeast infections and BV. BV, man.

It's just nasty forever. And this, it's a good public service announcement. I'm glad you said this at the end secret giver wear condom always wear a condom so important always and you didn't and you suffered E.coli baby guys E.coli pregnancy is not the worst thing that can happen no poop dick can happen and it's bad anyway this has been fun so this is these are these are the ones that aren't making the book we should do this like once a month like have like a little lady secrets update yeah let it be something you suggest and then we ignore ignore and then in two months yes he says we'll do it yeah okay okay glad it's on the

record perfect on the record um but this was really fun we're so excited about this project so if you haven't sent um in your lady secrets yet you can call 1-844-SEXY-LADY or theladysecrets.com um we need secrets about your family and your childhood and parenting and friendship and marriage and divorce and heartbreak so crime crime i love a crime yeah i'm even telling about my crime also kelty i'm seeing the board and you have like multiple essays in every section no i know i'm not writing them all okay thank god yeah okay um anyway we weren't here for a long time we are here for a good time thanks for listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingber steve delameter and jared monaco make sure you subscribe rate and review our podcast and if you love it

share it with your friends on social media like oh my god i just listened lady gang this episode's so great swipe up to listen and if you really want to which we know you do please follow us on social at kelty at becca at jack vanek and at the lady gang sign up for our newsletter at the lady gang.com and join our secret facebook group it's super fun see you next tuesday