LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: Allegedly Wassa Happening Really Quick #2

Episode Date: July 16, 2020

It’s a very quick Allegedly Wassa Happening. But most importantly, THE most important job the LadyGang has been waiting for their ENTIRE lives…being the spokespeople for a bidet company. I guess this one’s literally…a sh** show! Special thanks to our sponsors! Stamps.com – Start your 4 week trial with free postage and a free digital scale at stamps.com. Click th e microphone at the top of the homepage and enter code LADYGANG. Carefree - For more information or to buy, check it out on Amazon or Wa lmart.com. Or you ma y find it at your local grocery store or CVS. And shop the LadyGang collection now at express.com! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

it's time for a quickie podcast one presents the lady gang the hollywood girl posse with lady gang quickie here's kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanek let's make this quick hello hello hello welcome to the lady gang quickie i am becca here with jack and kelty and orly is squeaking her dog toy right on command right on command you guys like five minutes before we started doing this podcast my fire alarm decided to run out of batteries okay and then when you try to change the batteries then it goes fire fire fire fire and i'm like this would happen right as we start recording yeah didn't leomi's um fire alarm go off our whole yeah and the girls and the girls were like i thought it was my fire alarm i didn't hear it

but that's because i'm just so in my own head you know what i mean i know so today is a very exciting day here on this lady gang quickie. It's an allegedly what's happening quick. Oh, allegedly what's happening quick, like, Oh, quick, quick, quick, quick. Here's what's happening quickly. I think it's grammatically correct person. So I have put together some very big news. Oh, can't wait. Um, and we're going to talk about some of these things that have happened. The first one is game changer. Okay. So, okay. So have you ever had one of those shoe organizers that you can either hang in your closet or it hangs on the back of your door and it's like a piece of canvas and it has all the little plastic pouches. Yes. Okay. So we've

used these for shoes, some small ones for jewelry, et cetera. This woman online has found a new use for it and showed a picture of it on the back of her door in her bedroom. And it's just all her sex toys. I knew it. I knew it. I was going to scream out dildo, but I didn't want to ruin the conversation. It's like vibrators one row, like dildos one row, like anal beads one row. And it's like, they're all organized. They're color coordinated. Are they labeled? Like, are we, do we have a label maker going on? Honestly, she doesn't seem to have a label maker, but that should be her next Amazon purchase. But I thought it was amazing. And also like you go girl, she's got every single because you know there's so many times that i'm having sex and like i'm in the

middle of it and then i was like wait i wanna you know i want one of my things and then i'm like where did i leave them last and then i'm like i'm looking through the drawers and i'm like wait in the sock drawer oh no my parents were in town so i had them in the safe like you know what i mean like is her thing in her bedroom like where is it it's on the back of her bedroom door and is she single I have no idea I have so many questions because like if she was single and she and a man just walked in and sees this door oh fun then like I mean the best that would be any man's best night of his life yeah this is reminding me of when I posted on Instagram my infrared sleeping bag oh my god does it work because I really want one yeah it works like a

motherfucker. It's like I've sweat my balls off. Where does the sweat go? It seems gross. Okay. Well, this is like the number one question people ask me. They're like, but does it get gross? I'm like, do you think that they have not thought about this? Like, so what are you in a plastic bag? First of all, it's, it's the material is kind of like a really heavy duty raft. So it's like a plastic, a very thick plastic. We're also wearing sweats. You're not supposed to go in it naked or it'll burn your body. It's, it's kind of like a giant heating pad, but it's like, it's when you go to shape, but when you sweat, like I saw you in your sweatpants and you had like sweat marks. So where does that sweat go? It just goes onto the raft material and you wipe it

out or what? It's so easy to wipe out. Like, it's like, there's, there's, it's like a plastic that you just do a simple wipe down. It's like that place shape house, like Jack just said, it's the same, um, like sleeping bags that they use, but it's great. And I just sweat my balls off. But i think about the woman's sex toys and how um that's a great material that plastic material in those shoe things yeah it is very antimicrobial oh yeah i was gonna say like god forbid one wasn't really cleaned off correctly like at least you have them in separate little situations right you get a little schmuck man like this one i want my butt so i don't want the one that goes in my butt to touch the one that goes in my vajayjay or i'm

going to get a UTI contaminate, you know, next, next topic, big news guys. So now that we are New York times bestselling authors, but also Toronto star bestselling author. Oh yeah. I saw this. Um, I'm thinking about nominating myself to be on the Canada walk of fame with ryan philippi ryan gosling alan thick and like a bunch of hockey players so here's the thing i feel like the canadian walk of fame is way easier to get on it's definitely way rude it's definitely cheaper do you have to pay for it the same thing as you do for the walk of fame the information is not available of what you need to pay but you they get between like 100 and 150 nominations a year and then like a team figures it out and like decides who's going to be on the

walk of fame. But here's the kicker. Allegedly the Canadian walk of fame stars get really beat up because of the heat in the summer and the cold in the winter. So like I was researching and I was looking at all the stars and they are like dumpster trash stars. Like they have not found the right concrete for these stars and i feel like that's very on brand for me that'll be just a little bit janky so i was wondering if you guys would support me in my quest because you know my quest has been to become one of hello magazine hello canada magazine's most beautiful canadians and i've never gotten it because i'm not beautiful why does their stars look like a splat it does look like a splat right yeah where are these oh my god it looks like shit they're in toronto don't

being mean to my star. Anyway, will you guys come with me? Like I will have you be one of the speakers when I get my star. Do they have speakers? Is it like a, is it? There's a ceremony. Yeah. It's a ceremony. Oh my God. Who's coming to it? It kind of reminds me of how there's like a walk of fame in Palm Springs. Have you ever seen that? Yeah. I'll take any walk of fame. You can. I mean, if I, so my mom is like saying that she's ready to move to Canada. She wants to buy a house in Montreal because she loves Montreal. So if she buys a house in Montreal, does that make me a Canadian resident? Nope. Sure doesn't. All right. You know what we should do, Becca? You and I should get stars on the Canadian Walk of Fame before Kelty does.

Flipper shit. I mean, my great-grandmother was French-Canadian, so like I'm close. okay good luck with that thank you um all right so know how i'm the only one that cares about tiktok well there's a man yes in boiser city i don't know where that is but anyway he got 2 000 likes on tiktok so he went into the bass pro shop and jumped into the indoor aquarium to celebrate and now he's getting charged was he doing it for the sake of tiktok he was doing it to celebrate he's like if i get 2 000 likes on this tiktok i'm gonna jump in the bass pro shop you know aquarium that's like people are like if this gets this many likes i'll get a tattoo yeah exactly so now he's going to jail so that's great good job serves him right i have some bad

news for you kelty yeah they're trying to take tiktok away i hope to god they do from americans oh really so you're so you're no just in general because a lot of but she's not american yeah i'm canadian no they'll like take it off of the app store in america that's fine i'll use my vpn oh my god you won't know where my you won't know where my computer's coming from she's private honey you go great lengths to create to keep tiktok guys i just got a flower delivery oh i did too because of express yeah they're celebrating our collection isn't that so nice sweet yeah they're beautiful i got mine yesterday i didn't want to say anything i mean i got mine from hilda yesterday but i just got another delivery wait from who open it express or for one second let

me open my card one second okay who could it be zach is home from hilda at express yesterday and they're so pretty i know mine are sitting outside there i love a fucking peony if someone sends me a peony i am yours forever is a peony your favorite flower i think it is it didn't used to be like when i was at my first marriage i had a um bouquet of gerber daisies because i was in like a gerber daisy stage but it was like the late 90s early 2000s which like drew barrymore was like everyone have daisies and you're like okay but now a peony is my favorite but they don't last very long and now that i'm growing roses in my garden i may have like a rose situation all right who's it from it's from us congratulations no congratulations on the

success of acts like a lady you're our favorite lady ganger don't tell kelty and jack we're proud to be part of the team lady gang and can't wait to see all the amazing things that you continue to accomplish our agents wait like which agents be social oh my god they didn't say the thing about me being the favorite oh i was like this is fucked up i was kind of like this is on brand i know right i really so nice can i see the flowers are they oh somewhere else i can't that's okay it's fine it's fine they're beautiful and they're white that's i like a white floral arrangement in my home because color just because you're leanne ford yes um okay so when we come back i have to tell you

about our new job oh my god the lady gang okay we're back guess what big job guys this summer job is the shit. A bidet company is offering $10,000 to someone to spend their summer testing a toilet paper alternative and sharing the journey. You got all you have to do to be able to see if you qualify. Are you able to poo? Always. Sometimes. Analyze. Yes. The poo? And document your daily bowel movements. And then you have to share them on social media, which we're already doing. Oh my God. This is our new job. Listen to your title. You will be known as the vice president of fecal matter. Oh my God. This is me. This is my life. I feel like we could have come up with like a punnier name for that title. Hold on. You need experience. Vice Pusident.

You got to have at least 21 years of on the John experience. All right. And a very open bathroom door policy and you're going to get $10,000. Wow. This is amazing. And a free bidet. I have no idea if you get to keep the bidet at the end of the month. I think this is great for us. Vice president of fecal matter. Okay. I think the fecal gang, the poop gang, poop gang. I think that this is an opportunity because this company obviously has money and they need exposure. So I think this is the time that we reach out and try to get a bidet sponsor. However, let me just devil's advocate here. I am not afraid ever, obviously, to talk about poop. I can talk about it all day, every day. But if you show me a picture of poop,

or if I have to pick it up from Orly, I get very queasy and I dry heave almost every time. like at my own poo i don't mind it so you're having trouble with the analyzing portion of this yeah i don't think i could analyze i think i had a friend once send me a picture of her poo because it was very impressive and i i nearly ended the friendship no i don't want to see anybody else's poo it's kind of like people's feet for me like i can look at my own poop but nobody else's i can't look at my own poop you don't like here's i mean i do a glance i do a quick like everybody does a glance you don't nobody just poops like completely blind and then just is like i bet there are people who just do and flush and they just i have something to tell

you they didn't want okay right off underneath this article was another article about how america has really screwed up toilets like japan which i've never been allegedly well no japan it's a fact japan is like far beyond us in toilet innovation and like america has never updated and so um we're doing japan has smart toilets yeah they do they have the best toilets they're so warm yeah anyway just letting you know that okay another i'm bleeding so let me just like what did you do to yourself picked a scab okay this is big this is big big big big huge news I have two PSAs here for Lady Gang. Number one, a Michigan library is asking everyone to stop microwaving their books to get the

COVID off of them. The library is like, yo, the books are getting ruined in your fucking microwave. They want everyone to know that the rule for libraries is they have to incubate the books for 72 hours after their return. they are sprayed and that it's been sort of proven i guess allegedly that like covid is not going to live on a book but just in case they're still incubating but don't fucking microwave your books how did this even start how is that a multiple person problem i understand it i do because it's like if you think something's contaminated if you don't have one of those like

fancy nail salon um toaster ovens yeah they don't get sanitized you're like let me get the tools let me get the tools closest thing to that little oven that sanitizes oh the microwave and we were told for how many years of our lives not to stand here than microwaves it's gonna radiate you because it's gonna kill all the stuff yeah so including coronavirus and i might do it they they did say i think sanjay gupta when covid this all this started happening when people were like what about my food for takeout like is that safe and he's like yeah if you can reheat it it does it's sanjay's fault he's also so hot he's like a cuomo situation where you're like sexual intelligence during this time sexual intelligence sexual intelligence that is a

good term kelty that is like that needs to be a name of an album sexual intelligence did it be our second book that we um self-publish i mean where is our next book deal like are they going to offer us one what the hello what does one have to do how many penis stickers do we must we get okay here's the next one this is jaw dropping so becca how many years is a dog year seven nope so for years we've gone by the thing that like for every one human year there's seven dog years it is not true a study has studied dog years and how they age and a dog year is only Six. I thought you were going to tell me like 10.

So if your dog... No, it's good. No, no, no. That's better. You're right. You're right. So if your dog's eight years old, their physiological age is likely closer to 56. Oh.

So they're living longer. So Orly's only 37. What's seven times seven? 49? 49. So Orly's six. Seven times eight is 56. Yes.

I'm sorry. Hold on. I'm wrong. I, so here's what truly happened. I cut it. I cut the top of this article off by accident in my notes. So I just had to do the math. I'm incorrect. A dog year is eight. So now you, you really lifted us up and then now you crashed us back down. Your dog is older than you think it is. You broke my heart sooner. You broke my heart and then you made me feel better. And then you just broke it again. closer to death every day so if your dog is eight it's closer to 56 how is this

i just don't understand where they got dog years from to begin with little dogs live until they're like 18 sometimes orly knows she's mad orly's like that's right bitches she's mad look at her i'm five oh my god all right that's all i have for you your dog is old you're gonna make 10 grand pooping this summer and get yourself a sex toy organizer summer of lady gang it is quite a summer of lady all right well i'm into it it is we're here for a long time but we were here for a time thanks for listening and make sure to rate and review this podcast wherever you get your podcast we have new episodes of lady gang every tuesday and thursday follow us on social media at the lady gang uh follow us personally at kelty most importantly at becca and at jack

banik the lady gang network is produced by will sterling steve delamater kirsten woodward and elizabeth baquet thanks for rating and reviewing wherever you get your podcast and tune in for new episodes every single week