LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: An Update On Our Lives

Episode Date: May 2, 2019

The TV show is on in full force but the Ladies reveal what else is going on in their lives including what they've written (or NOT written) for their book! Amazon = Go to amazon.com/shop/ladygang to find their favorite products while keeping the podcast FREE!    23andMe = Get $30 off 23andMe’s Health and Ancestry Kit at TwentyThreeandMe.com/LADY (offer ends May 13th)  Blue Apron = Go to BlueApron.com/LadyGang to check out this week’s menu and get your first 3 meals free Stamps.com = Go to Stamps.com and click the Radio Microphone icon at the top of the page and type in LADYGANG to receive free postage, a digital scale, and a 4 week trial  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, the following podcast is a Lady Gang Network and Podcast One production, which means it's going to be awesome. Hi, I'm Barbara, aka your nursing educator on Instagram. I'm a registered nurse and I make content that's all about helping nursing students thrive. One of the first and easiest things I tell nursing students, if you haven't already done so, upgrade your scrubs to figs. Out with the stiff, boxy scrubs and with the ridiculously comfy, well-designed figs that

were specifically designed with us in mind. They're super soft, lightweight, and breathable with four-way stretch and moisture wicking fabric that keeps up during long shifts. Pockets are exactly where you need them, the fit feels modern and tailored, and they hold their shape wash after wash. Whether you're in class, at clinical, or working the floor, you deserve scrubs that work as hard as you do. Go to wearfigs.com and use code FIGSCA for 15% off your first order. That's wearfigs.com, code FIGSCA. Podcast One presents The Lady Gang, The Hollywood Girl Posse, with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek.

Let's make this quick. Hello, hello, hello. Can we start over? I was reading an email. Oh, my. No. We're leaving it in. One and done.

One and done. You get one chance to be in The Lady Gang. The email I'm reading is very important. What's it about? It's about our tour and a possible airline sponsorship. Oh, girl. We'll get to that. Okay, cool.

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Lady Gang. This is a great time to mention we're going on tour. Tickets are available at theladygang.com. Oh, actually, it's a great time to mention it. Let me get through the f***ing intro. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the Lady Gang Quickie. That's it.

We're going on tour, guys. We're going on tour. I'm pretty excited. I just, well, we've been working on the gift bags, so the VIP people get a legendary Lady Gang gift bag, and we just ordered the bags, which is so cute, and now we're working on the things. wait why don't i know what the bags look like you weren't here when she showed us yeah is there a graphic on them no it's cute oh it's cute what is it don't worry about it don't worry about it

but you're gonna what if it's your face like it's the ugly picture of jack it's the same one we put on those girl guide cookies that would have been a great idea that actually would have been a good idea um bad pics of us okay but we need people to buy tickets because we're almost sold out but we want to be sold out so we can feel cool yeah yeah we're sold out so houston you guys need to get on it and buy some tickets well houston from what my music manager husband says is a late buying city culturally y'all don't make plans you decide the week of you're gonna go to something that doesn't work for us no we don't like that no i'm not coming for a half full auditorium i need to know if i need to wear a good outfit or if i can waste a shitty outfit on houston gonna be my mom

there and i know i know y'all listen to the podcast because houston is our number three city where show up guys what the hell it's not even expensive and if you're vip you get to meet us hello who doesn't want that i think a lot of people obviously don't allegedly no one wants no one cares every other city you're on fuego on fuego we got like 10 tickets left in every city yeah i mean la is going to be a game changer because we have tanya rad as our guest and possibly a musical song musical uh situation do i sound weird no you sound like really intelligent No, I'm talking about the sound quality. No, you sound excellent.

Oh, okay. Well, it's finally here, everyone. I needed to bring something up really important today. Becca is going to be singing her audition song. What? Yeah. Audition song for what? No, we're celebrating that we are halfway to 500 episodes,

and Becca's going to sing the Kelty Knight Appreciation Song. Five, six. This is the Kelty Knight Appreciation Song. You're welcome. She's like a little hot mom. Yeah. she keeps us going keeps us moving keeps us doing our job and making money i could have said strong i know that i didn't want to this is the kelty night appreciation song

let's not get rid of her for long she's pretty much her mom that's it she doesn't have a dong the kelty night appreciation song i like it being a country version honestly it's great um okay okay so i'm so excited you guys are here are you yeah what we had to be here it's our job okay what's been going on i want a little update from everyone like a circle update oh i cleaned out circle jerk a circle jerk i'll give you a couple things about me um that i've wanted to say oh this is so healthy to get some stuff off get some stuff off my chest i cleaned out my closet first of all okay i feel really good did you contact my girl to sell your shit on poshmark yeah okay so if you're on poshmark you're getting some sweet deals but it's under

a different name so good luck finding it yeah i think i'm gonna do mine on a secret name too well i have a secret name on poshmark sally prescott well you just said it you can't use it anymore oh yeah oh my online dating oh my god that was so dumb it's like sally prescott's closet i don't care i'm not telling anybody my secret name i have a secret name it's sally press god shit i use it for everything oh my god do you want us to take this part out no it's fine i'll get a new secret i've you've been using that for like a decade my alias is so good it is i know i know exactly what it is it's her hotel name oh yeah it's a good one i need an alias i'm not we need aliases for lady game tour we're gonna have to yes oh that's cool you can just put my name

nobody will care by the way i had a friend this week um who was like doing tv hosting and she ran to like this other tv host and she was like oh yeah i've no kelty we used to run in the same circle back in the day first of all i've never met this woman in my life second of all the next thing she said to my friend was and i hate jack vanik what how did the blue expose her who was her name i think her name was like shallon shallon i've never shallon i don't know who the you even are so and she was like she was like back in the day she was like at warp tour talking about being a virgin and it's like you can be a virgin and still a whore yeah i know i can't i just wrote a chapter in her book about it it's true but is shallon a hybrid of a shallot and an onion

yes so that's the type of shallon is not a good name wait why so did you don't say that for a hater did she i don't know if you're gonna be named shallot then you should be nice to people okay who would say they i have a question does she actually know me or does she hate whatever she sees of you. She hates your brand. She hates everything about you. But she also was like, I used to run in the same circles.

You wish. What, the Emmy-winning circle? Kelty doesn't have circles. Yeah, by the way, I don't have a circle. This is my circle right here. And immediately when we're done, I will go in a corner by myself. You know four people in this world.

That's true. I hate humans. So is that what's happening? Is that your update? Well, that's that. Your closet. Well, Shallon can go curse all. Yeah.

God. Shallon, buy tickets for Houston. See you there. I just thought it was like very, I was also like, I'm also like, choose your audience. I did this. I actually did this the other day. I was drunk. What?

Tell us. I was talking to a girl that I just met. She knows a girl that I know. And I started sort of not smack talking, but I'm not like a huge fan. And this girl was like, oh, she's a friend of mine. And I like didn't stop going. Yeah. i was drunk i actually questioned after that day i was like should i stop drinking

like is that that's a terrible thing this is bad i've done that before you just can't stop you've kind of like opened the floodgates and you're like and you maybe think that they're sort of like i'm ready for her to be like oh i'm so glad you said that me too but really i'm just being mean yeah i had the worst faux pas the other day oh shocker i mean what was it you guys i do them all the time yeah we know we have to cut them out of the episodes a lot of We have to cut them out of our memory. Okay, I have two that I'll share with you. One we might have to cut.

Do you not want to hear about our updates? No, I do. I don't think I have an update. This and then we'll come back. We'll do you. Okay, so first of all, this morning, getting my makeup done. And my makeup artist, Rebecca, has two sons, Asher and Ezra. And Ezra is, like, built like his dad.

Like, he's like a little Nordic Viking. And he has long hair. Like, he's like a grisly fifth-grade-year-old with, like, long hair. I was going to say, you're, like, explaining him like he's really hot. No, the dad is super hot. No, the dad is super hot. But, like, picture the super hot, like... It's like Kingston, whatever the...

Yeah, but, like, he's in fifth grade. Yeah, yeah. Like, the hot version... Gonna be hot when he's older. But right now is just, like, a little boy with, like, man hair. Mm-hmm. And, like, big thighs. Anyway, so, Rebecca's, like...

Is this the one you need to cut out? No, no. There's even a worse one. You haven't even heard what I did yet. so we're sitting in the makeup chair and she was like and i was like at this restaurant i was just so offended because the waitress was like what can i get for you hun and then she i think she thought that he was a girl and and then she was like it's not the first time someone's thought he was a girl i went to go get him an id thing at the at the driver's license place dmv and the woman was like

wait wait you put you put boy that's a girl and oh god and i was like 2019 you cannot assume that a hundred percent so then i started like trying to make her feel better and i was like ew if he was a girl he would be like super gross and i was like and you're so cute like in order to have a girl that looked like him you'd have to be mama june and she was like hey my kid by the way and i was like oh my god does that mean oh i mean it's not great it's not great but i meant it like he's obviously a boy like oh god okay well all right here's the one we might have to take out that's even worse you know karamo came out with his line of bombers no okay karamo bomber jackets bomber jackets this one rude okay oh my god by the way i have a little tidbit

did you know on instagram you can have stories and you can just send them to close friends now karamo sends me his close stories i know i'm part of his close friends circle i know that's why that's stuff that you didn't know about his bomber line case stately i'm not in this close friend circle you can go yourself karamo okay anyway so karamo put out this line of bombers and it's like basically you know he always wears a bomber and they're like super patterned you know what i mean and so chris knight loves a bomber he's always trying to find a bomber and he was really excited about the karamo bombers and i was like are you gonna get a karamo bomber then they were they call it well it's called case daily but anyway they should have called

him kromo bomber it sounds so then i was playing cards with my two guy best friends who happened to be married to each other and i was like oh chris by the way did you get a kromo bomber before they sold out and chris is like no i wasn't really into them and then i go too gay in front of my gay friends and i was like kelty you can't use it as a verb i know who am i and then i was like adjective but adjective and then i was like wait like i was the best woman these people these are my favorite people what did they say to you nothing and then i was like in my mind i was like i should stop i should apologize and then what can be just double down and then i just like and then i just went mute for like an hour and was like god i can't

be out in public because what was i thinking i'm just so embarrassed you clicked into that like 1994 vernacular it's like oh it's got a palm frond on it like like no i'm sure that straight men are wearing karama's bombers they're beautiful bombers i think chris knight doesn't wear baby pink yeah right straight men do right in the future when something like that comes out of your mouth i think it's best to say apologize acknowledge and apologize so i feel like a lot of time or sometimes people probably don't want to like share like embarrassed not embarrassed to say something but like don't want to cause like a scene but like if you acknowledge that you said something that was a little off color then i feel like it like kind of clears yeah

you'd be like i'm i just realized i'm a fucking idiot and i just used the word gay in like a derogatory word whatever i gotta call my friends on the way home i feel awful i'm so sorry and kroma your bombers are beautiful anyway i'm a bad person when we come back you're not bad Jack and Becca are going to talk about why they're bad people. Are we? The Lady Gang. And we're back. Jack, why are you a bad person?

I don't think I am a bad person. This is annoying. Am I trying to tell you my updates? Yeah, update me. Still wearing that blue sweatsuit. Same sweatsuit. I don't have any updates. Becca, you tell updates.

Oh. Do you have an update on your life? Your hair looks good, Jack. You guys, I really like my hair now. It took me a second. You didn't? No, it took me a second for it to kind of settle in on my head. It's called oxidizing.

I know that because I went to beauty school. For the color? Yeah, that's why I feel like it's lighter than it was when I first did it. You're not supposed to wash your hair for the first two days after you get it colored because it still hits the oxygen and becomes the color it's meant to be. Yeah, well, I love it now. But that's my update. Love my haircut.

Obsessed. Thank you, Sherry. Thank you, Sherry from Belseran in La Jolla. And she's been on the podcast. She has. She's the sweetest angel. She does all three of our hair now. actually i have a really cute photo of the three of us from the show that we took for her by the

way when you guys came to take that show with me or the picture with me i thought you're with me i know i'm like what's who's holding like who's holding up something weird in this picture i felt like i was getting punked yeah we ran in during jack's interview during lady gang tv because we needed a picture of the three of us because sherry had just done all of our hair and we were like we need cute hair pics and we were like jack one second we need to pick her and she was like what like what's happening herpes and i was like oh my god it's just your friends becca and kelty i know I thought that something was happening and I was not inside the joke. I understand.

It's just fair, fair, uh, threat. Yeah. Um, my update is this. So I got out voted to do the lady gang book. Yeah. Which we technically haven't announced yet. Yes, we have. Yes, we have.

We've like soft announced it a hundred times. Soft announced. Soft announced. So, you know, the three of us are like, we always vote on like things that we're going to do. and i said and our rule up until this point has always been all three in all three yeah we don't even do a majority rule we're like if we're if one of us is not i mean the book was a little majority rule like you guys both made it until now because we were like we'll do the you really

wanted to tour and i kind of wanted to or you did not here's the difference between tour and a book is like a tour requires like a weekend a day oh a day and two hours of your energy and a book requires you writing a book i know okay i understand it was a bullshit now now that i've begun writing i've realized it is quite a time suck it is a total time suck however it's been great once the book is done you can make residual money for it for the rest of your life i mean we're not gonna make residual money on this garbage pile there are many there are bigger garbage piles that have made a lot of money honestly i'm not that lucky wonderful okay but anyway so so I've just been having to write in isolation, my least favorite activity on the planet for

the day. Wait, I thought, honestly, when you started this story, I thought the story was going to be like, I didn't want to write this book. And now that I'm writing, I'm really loving it. No, I don't really know. So you're complaining. This is, this is me venting. That's what's happening in my life.

Kelty night. I just got back from Palm Springs. I'd like to chill. No chilling, no chilling. but i will say becca we i we did record a chapter for you but that's not okay so there's still so much work to be done just because i sat there and yeah she can't just be like it's good to go to no no no send it to the printer saying that becca recounted a story for one of our chapters it's called the bedroom baptism yes and it was so funny that i was crying you were crying yeah i was

remembering it it was too good and now it's being transcribed by someone who signed an ironclad and yeah but even the transcription is still gonna have to be put into a sense like a no it needs to be edited for sure it's hard work i'm not denying you that it actually makes it more work i realize the transcribing and like the recording it on a voice memo i'm better off just i was planning on helping you like if you record it and we get it transcribed i could like put it generally together and then send it to you i was planning on helping you you're planning on writing my chapter for me I wasn't going to write your chapter, but I was going to. Honestly, but we were almost planning on writing your chapters for you if you didn't want to do it.

Yeah, we will. But that's bullshit. I can't show my face at a book tour and be like, hey, bitches, I didn't write a single word in my essays. Can we make up some chapter just to see if you even would read the book? I won't read it. The Size of My Anus by Becca Tobin. No. Sounds like a chapter she'd write.

A picture book. Honestly. Yeah, actually you would. I would. Anyway, I was really excited today because Becca's begun the book, and we have a corkboard here with all the chapters and i've been giving everyone gold stars as we go for no no other reason but my own enjoyment no one's looking at this board nobody's like oh let me look at the board today to see what i have to do it exists only for my pleasure what are you can add another

star i did another one today you did the purple or the mini essay anyway it's not even updated to be honest this is the wrong information okay well but i just love a gold star for this to be over i think it's so good i do too i love and i have really loved loved doing the writing i'm stumped right now i had a real brain fart last night i can't get past something but oh i'm so sorry the life of a writer you know it's exhausting of course you guys enjoy it well you especially kelty you love being alone with your thoughts i just think that it's been really fun because i've been like going through my old journals to like pull up old stories and stuff yeah you had journals i'm so different i didn't have journals

i'm such a moron like i have such good stories because god i'm a mess of a human yeah yeah that's why this is so easy for you i know well kelty like wrote a chapter on her divorce and it literally goes through i don't know a hundred different stories within it i'm like we're not where's the divorce in this chapter so far okay well first of all i don't think this is actually a lady gang book note session where you should give me your thoughts on my writing that will be at another time you guys okay number one number two i'm overwriting because you know the editors and whatever are going to want to come down second of all i've never ever spoken about my divorce or how i decided to get married at 19 and how i got finagled into it on the podcast or actually in any

of my previous books so this will be the first time and i want people to understand you can't talk about getting out of a bad relationship unless you can understand why you got bamboozled into the relationship and i fully expect that when you write your breakup chapter that it's not just gonna be like and then we broke up like i want to hear how did you get conned by the con man right right right fine you're a great writer kelty it was an amazing chapter i loved it jack is out of the lady gang who should we audition i would like to be out too i don't want to have to write this book you know what we should both come out get out and then hire two writers oh yeah that's you guys you can hire a ghost writer i don't want to do that you have to pay for it

yourself that's the deal the only ghost writer i would want would be jenny mullen and she's not gonna do it quietly absolutely not she is me i love her that's whose books like i mean well she's an amazing writer we're gonna do great and now that we know jack's gonna illustrate it so we don't have to i know i just got bamboozled you did illustrating it now well there that's what you get for voting yes the nice thing is i i because i'm so not into this i can do the bare minimum yeah yeah i know i'll be right on brand and make the same amount of money bingo cha-ching can't wait can't wait until we become new york times best-selling authors and you change your bio on instagram new york times best-selling author i got news for you won't happen it's

gonna mine's gonna change immediately i don't even think i'm gonna change mine what i would like to happen is mine anyway even if we don't become new york times best-selling author who's gonna check um just don't do that no please do i love that that's so good for you all right well it's time to go now time to go write the book maybe they'll make a scripted tv show based on it the book oh my god that'd be amazing because then we don't have to do any work for that i'd probably have to be in it oh i'm not acting me neither i want both of you acting in it absolutely not you'd be you'd they'd be like the show is great led by becca tobin and these two idiots of they seem like they've never acted a day in their life press article that comes out about lady gang

kelty knight and friends and friend oh yeah i thought well there has been a few articles that's becca tobin kelty knight and friend what about the time that we did the lady gang closets and then they pulled it and it was you in my closet that was a good one yeah so tight the only people that write it like it's kelty and friends is entertainment tonight because i work here true everyone else is like Becca Tobin and some other people who've never actually wait no all the articles

are Lea Michele's best friend and friends and friends we're all like by proxy by proxy by proxy maybe sort of famous adjacent famous adjacent okay on that note we're not here for a long time we're here for a decent time and we gotta go work on our book bye

that escalated quickly hey guys thanks so much for listening to the lady gang you can subscribe if you love the show and check out new episodes every tuesday and thursday on podcast one or wherever you get your favorite podcasts follow us on social at the lady gang or follow us personally at kelty at becca at jack bannock and head on over to our website the lady gang.com to ask us a question sign up for our newsletter or buy all the cute lady gang merch you see us wearing thanks for listening and we'll see you next tuesday