LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: Blanketgang

Episode Date: July 14, 2022

It’s a summer eve’s night and Becca and Jac are cuddled up in blankets while Keltie holds them hostage to work. Find out the most illegal thing the’ve ever done and the lie they tell most often.  Check out our amazing sponsors!!! Hyundai: Learn more about the 2022 TUCSON and SANTA FE Plug-in Hybrid EVs at HyundaiUSA.com  Progressive: Quote your car insurance at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Big announcement here. Our second book, our sophomore book, Lady Secrets, Real, Raw, and Ridiculous Confessions of Womanhood is available now for pre-order. Head over to theladygang.com slash secrets to pre-order your book now. We're so excited about this. Thank you to our community who submitted all of their deepest, darkest secrets. And there's a couple sprinkled in there from yours truly

and the other two dum-dums on this podcast. We love you guys so much for your support. We're so excited for you guys to read this. Head on over and order Lady Secrets at theladygang.com slash secrets. Everything is better electrified, and Hyundai has the widest range of electrified vehicles on the market, including the first-ever Tucson and Santa Fe plug-in hybrid EVs. Visit your nearest Hyundai dealer or learn more at hyundaiusa.com. It's time for a quickie.

Podcast One presents The Lady Gang, the Hollywood girl posse with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. let's make this quick hello hello hello welcome to lady and quickie i am becky here with jack and kelty hello hey uh folks set the scene so let me set the scene okay it's it's um eve a summer's eve like not like the vaginal wash just actually summer evening we're in the uh hills of woodland of Sherman Oaks in Kelty's home. I'm farting up a story.

We are, we are cuddled up in blankets, sitting around a table. We're all IRL in person in real life together. And Kelty has held us hostage for 45 hours of work. And that's it. We're here to do a quickie. We don't know the theme.

It's probably going to be exciting and exhilarating. It really is. I just want to tell everyone that, um, I hope you're having a great summer. Yeah. And I want to just say something. This is along the lines of a Jack Vanek kind of moment. And you maybe could speak on this. One thing I've always beat myself up over my entire life, even when I was a dancer, even when I thought I was like my cutest is summertime fashions and the bikini photos. Like you're always taking a picture and you're always looking at the picture being like, I hate something about my body at this moment. And, and I want to preface like everyone's at a different level of

that. And even if you are a skinny girl or whatever, like you can still have your thoughts about this. And I've consistently every year summer comes and I'm on the beach or I'm doing something where I'm in the bathing suit picture and I'm really hard on myself. And then now that I've had, now that iPhones have been around a long enough, right? Cause we didn't, I didn't have iPhone phones like that when I was young. I have like a good 15 years, 12 years of summers. And I look back at the pictures of me from summer's past and I'm so gorgeous. And I mean this, like, I know this sounds so Kelty. Sexy mature.

But like me, I remember being on this trip with Chris. I didn't feel my best. I felt really bloated. I was like, how would he even want, you know, and I'm looking at this picture. I'm like, you're so beautiful. So if it's summertime and you're feeling like, you know, cellulite and you're not feeling great and you're going to the thing and you don't want to do the thing and like, just you're so much more beautiful and younger or more vivacious than you think you are just like take a

deep breath and like enjoy it's nice out you're wearing a bathing suit life's good oh i like that what do you think jack no i loved it is it is that what this episode is about no i just wanted to tell you because it's the middle of summer and i feel like it's like you know it's just such a pressure cooker time and the the hard thing about summer is that it's the best food you're like i just want to sit and drink so social you're so social it's the best times there's so many chips and dips yep and then beer and be like all of it and then it's like all the things that like are you know and then you are like oh i really like it's just everyone this is why i'm so fucking sick of women having to wear bikinis i want to be in a swim costume again

no i am so sick of having to show my body if i want to socialize in summer or go into a body of water why do i have to show my thighs and zach doesn't it's true it's fucking annoying i mean i guess i don't have to but if i don't i'm gonna be the weirdo on the beach in a board short that people are making fun of i used to wear a board short and a budweiser t-shirt i actually do think that the tankini is coming back in style but it's not even that's not even the area i want to cover up yeah that's the shitty part about it why can't i have a drop crotch bathing suit bottom you need to wear kelty's muumuu into the water i do but then i'm gonna drown myself no i actually i i have the older that i get the more upset i get every bathing suit season because i am really

sick of the bathing suits that they're making i got sent a bathing suit from somebody who has a collaboration and when i tell you the bottom of this bathing suit looked like i was about to go get a bikini wax or a massage that's an that is an understatement it was the most and listen i don't care if you want to wear that you should wear that godspeed to you and your waxer but i don't want that to be my only option for what i can wear and look cute in but that is coming up that's all i'm seeing no that's the problem with i think a lot of our options in general for purchasing a bikini is they look really really good for like a picture yeah and then i don't but it doesn't but it does not the little teeny tiny with the like yeah the ruching kind of that

looks sort of like a yeah like i want to be on a pontoon boat stepping over things and not worried Then my labia is going to fall out. No, they're not conducive to normal life. And so I have really dug in. Me too. A few months ago, Fabletics started doing swim. How is it? And, well, when I first got it, I was like, good try, Fabletics, but, like, it's so cheeky.

And I was like, I don't want my ass out. Like, I don't even like my bum that much, you know? Like, she's fine. I'm upset. I had a great ass in my 20s. Right. And you weren't wearing thongs then. No, we weren't.

We were in little boy shirts. Anyway, but then I wore it and Chris was like, this is the best bathing suit you've ever worn. Of course, because I'm naked. But here's the thing here. Here's a thought I had about this. And this is opposite swim costume. I'm now, and I don't know if it's because I'm 40 and I give no f**ks anymore, but like

I've realized that I'm not going to be the hottest person in any room or any social situation ever again. That's not true. Okay. If I think it also doesn't matter. Well, it doesn't matter. You're right. You're right.

It doesn't matter. doesn't and I feel like this is so subjective to like every single person the thing that I'm trying to do is just not think about it so much like my problem is I would I was I would obsess over each little dimple I'd obsess over every single thing I would like throw myself into a fucking tizzy spiral and then I finally got to a point where I'm like I'm just gonna try to stop looking at myself so much because the more I'm looking in the mirror the more I'm gonna pick myself apart i know that i have a great body compared to no i'm not even going to say that that's why i feel like i can't talk about it no you can you can you absolutely can because i also feel like i have a

great body i'm not saying i do that's gonna be both have great bathing suit bodies so i'm sure people are listening and they're like they want to murder but i did that too for a long time and what sucks is you do that and i don't really i never used to think about my body at all ever and then pictures and social media and everywhere, everywhere, everywhere. And I would catch a picture of some person that posted of us on the beach and it's candid. And it's like, I didn't want to see that. I almost feel like I'm bombarded with images of myself when I don't, I never wanted to see my, I never wanted to think about myself. I never wanted to see myself, but it's like unavoidable and it's also really hard to not really hard but like she's fine oh i thought

that was a different animal in here and i got really nervous no i just that's the the worst part is when i get caught off guard when i'm feeling really good or not even really good just not even thinking about myself just like everyone else isn't thinking about me and then someone's like, let's take a picture. Stop, stop asking people to take pictures in bathing suits. If you want to take a picture in a bathing suit, go take your picture in a bathing suit. Don't ask for a group picture in a bathing suit. I think it's rude. Well, I am telling you that I've doubled down on the tiny crotch bikini. I'm loving it this summer. I'm wearing it, the little ruch front, like just, and I have a huge vagina. And when I go to get my cheese plate from the fridge,

my vagina falls out the side and this is not, I'm at home. This is not a bathing suit. I can wear anywhere else. I have a swim costume idea, a swim unitard. No, I still don't like that. I need, I don't looseness. Yeah. Or something that's just not so like, like why do men, well, I guess they have to show their, their top. I love a man in a short, short like i understand just got some new chubbies in the mail that are like a five inch inseam small yeah i love a short short on a perfect but they have to be the right body a man thigh is so hot and i understand why chris is like this is the best bathing suit because i've always been like i'm gonna do like the full kind of like bloomer bottom because that's like the most you know

covered and whatever and then i was just like it and he's like you look hot and i was like so The Speedo's next. Like, I would, I love, the man thigh is so sexual to me. You love a man thigh. I love a thigh more than a penis. Everyone does. A calf. I love a man calf.

Oh. Like a big, thick calf. Give me a fucking meaty outer knee. Sexy mature. Okay. When we come back, I have some questions. Lady Gang is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Hey, Lady Gang, whether you love true crime or comedies, celebrity interviews, news, or even motivational speakers,

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It's your journey. Evolve it beyond the pump and in the 2022 Tucson or Santa Fe plug-in hybrid EVs. Or you can be like me and get the Kona, which is 100% electric, and I love my little Kona so much. Visit your nearest Hyundai dealer or learn more at HyundaiUSA.com or call 562-314-4603 for complete details. the lady gang all right if this is a very good question because we grew up babies of the 80s 90s 90s okay 80s 90s what is it considered baby like like i was a born in the 80s child of the 90s yeah that's it 90s kids yes we were 90s kids okay so 90s kids we live in this world well i actually don't believe that for either of you i think there's home movies since you were born yes Okay. You have a movie since you're born? What do you mean? Like, could you go back and watch

every recital you've ever done? Uh, not every, there's some stuff. Yeah. There's not a ton of documentation. I have no documentation. My parents do not love me. Obviously there was no video camera. There's no, barely a photo. I tried to find after taking, you know, 20 years of classical ballet, I tried to find one picture of me in a pointe shoe and a classical ballet moment doesn't exist. So if you could have a video of any event in your life, what would you choose? Like a really good, high quality, beautiful video of something that you would want to have the video of. Like if I could come follow you on the day of Glee and make a day in the life Glee so you just had it and like, no, I'm just saying, no, I know it was a good example. Um, I don't know. I mean,

you have yours i have a video of my wedding it's fine i haven't had like a monumental day yet not really you did you just had a panic attack yeah but i don't i don't want a video there are videos of that that i refuse to watch yeah see it's not the things that you think and then things you think like i wish that i had videos of me as like a little i wish that i had videos of me as a little dancer. Cause I have nothing. And I wish I had like, I think about my friend Christine and her, her baby Carmela, right. Carmela is like four right now. And she's adorable and she's just so smart. And she's always saying things that are so funny and weird and quirky and like, and she's going to be able to grow up and like be an adult and be like, Oh my

God, look at when I was four. Like, this is so funny. And like, I was so smart and like all these things, like I have, you know, I mean, not that I like obsessed with myself, but I wish I had like more childhood videos like where i could yeah like i could go back and be like oh my god this is like me and my brother me and my mom when i was a kid or something you know i have nothing well and it would help a lot in therapy there's so much like healing your child yeah the child you and if you could have a more like i can't really picture myself i don't know what i was like i have stories but it's like even like it's other people's version of you but if you were actually able to like sit and watch yourself you'd probably be a whole lot nicer to yourself

oh yeah every time you look at a little kid you're like oh my god what i like you would never want that little little being to hate themselves totally hate ourselves but we did just go on a tear about our thighs i did yeah i did and my parents are fucking liars like you can't trust your parents opinion of you no no you know they're like you're the best and the prettiest and we're so sweet and we loved you so much i was like i want to know if i was fucking annoying yeah Eight-year-olds are annoying. All kids are annoying. No, I know.

But it's like, you know. Okay. We're definitely annoying. Okay. And the youngest is always fucking annoying. Yeah, definitely annoying. The most annoying. Oh, my God.

The most. Okay. Jack Vanek, what's the most illegal thing you've ever done? Oh, my God. Nothing. Really? Never? Shoplifting.

The only thing I ever shoplifted was the top of a belly button ring. Oh, right. because that is the weirdest thing ever. It's such a weird thing. It's like so high stakes for something so not important. I don't know if I've done anything illegal that I can think of. Never broken into like a hotel pool when you're on tour at the band and you just want to go in the pool but you guys didn't get a hotel that day?

Is that illegal? That's not illegal. It's trespassing. No, it's not. To go into a hotel you're not staying at and go in their pool is so illegal. You're not going to get arrested if you're going into a hotel pool. Okay. Have you done anything that could warrant an arrest?

Yes. She's like a jaywalk. I lived illegally in the United States under a fake pretense. And I bought round trip tickets and only went one way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty. Is that illegal? Yes.

Can you say that? Probably not. Can you have your citizenship revoked? I'm not a citizen. Oh, right. You have a green card? I have a green card. They make it so difficult.

They know that's how people do it, but it's fine now. i'm devil's advocate that's not that's not the right using okay becca illegalness um i don't know i can't think of anything i i'm sure it was illegal when when i was in living in new york and we were in college and my friends lived across the street from a tanning bed i think i told this story before oh that we would prank call the tanning bed and say that we were stuck in the tanning bed they forced into some poor person's tanning bed it's kind of like there's a show out right now of these guys they're called uh swatters and what they would do is they would call in like bomb threats or no i don't like that or they well it's like an overly illegal version

of that so then they'd have like swat teams that would come over to like people's houses or i hate that it's kind of like that i think i vandalized things i think there was a phase in my life where i was really into graffiti into not graffiti but like just destroying things but i'm i don't know okay yeah what lie do you tell most often that i'm working on lady gang shit to get out of stuff really in your other life yeah what are you getting out of just like social engagements that i don't want to do or like my other work situation just a little white lie okay what do you lie most about becca i have just just today like i i didn't i don't know if it's a lie but

i won't tell people when i come into town because i don't i do not have actual time to see them and like today i stupidly made a story from it on instagram about la and i had a bunch of people reach out and it's like one of whom is one one of my closest friends i didn't selectively not tell her but i just right what's the point if you can't see them yeah i used to do that all the time when i was in new york all the time for work and be in and out and like i would not tell the new yorkers that i was coming and then they would see me but it's like you know like people are understanding you know they're not really though yeah well what do you lie about kelty um i lie about a ton so um one of my biggest lies that i tell is just like really condemtering is that i'll be like

you know i was at entertainment tonight for 10 years because were you not well it's easier than being like i was on theinsider.com for a year and a half then i was on the insider then that got canceled and i had three and a half years on entertainment tonight like those are not all the same shows but it's like i was at cbs doing the show but i wasn't on et for 10 years and i tell people all the time because it's just easier than being like right is that a big lie roll the date it's only a big lie because it's not even close to 10 years et yeah right you know wait how much was et like three yeah we could let's work it down to five okay say five years at et half a decade Well, can I just be like, I just spent a decade at CBS and CBS News, which I did.

Yeah, but it's, but the reason you're, like when you're talking about it, Entertainment Tonight is like the big flashy thing. Yeah. So it's, you can say five years at Entertainment Tonight. Okay. It's still alive. We're working on it. Okay.

But everyone in entertainment's lying, so who cares? Exactly. Exactly. Um, and I lie to get out of things a lot too, Jack. I feel like you just tell people you don't want to do things. Yeah. no that's true you don't have to lie they're like alright she's just a rude bitch

no you're right actually yeah I often I mean not often but like once or twice a year I get caught in an email that I didn't mean to send that I have to lie about like oops this was in my drafts it was for someone else like you or whatever you know

okay last thing oh this is such a nice way to end are you ready okay Callie you ready Jack I guess. What gives your life meaning? Oh, my God.

I feel like we have this type of question, like, every time we do one of these. Yeah. Who's asking these? Everyone. I don't think so. Meaning? Okay. My family.

My extended family and now my immediate family. Jack? Literally the same. What about you, Kelly? I don't feel that way. That's okay. a lot of people don't i mean i love my family i wouldn't say they give my life meaning like what jack and i feel for our families is not normal yeah it's not like a calm it's i mean it's

normal but it's like i think you'd find more often than not adults not being like yes they're immediate families maybe their kids and their husbands maybe not even their husbands but like you don't find a lot of people who really really want to be with their families like their parents their siblings their whatever yeah i know it's usually like so daunting and anxiety ridden yeah that's okay yeah okay so what gives my life meaning awards likes achievements achievements applause views um i live for the applause i live for the applause no I think what gives my life meaning is vacations I know that sounds so good but let me explain myself honestly same no I think that I think that my life like is you're your best self

on vacation I'm I'm I'm living my life in between great adventures so it can't always be a great adventure I feel the exact same way but the great adventure is what I live for like I can't wait to plan the next thing find the next corner go to the next part of the world have the next big adventure And, like, if I were to take a snapshot of every year of, like, when I'm the happiest, it's probably on some big adventure. So I'm going to say travel. That's great. Eat, pray, love, bitches. And get yourself a Greg.

That didn't go. It didn't work. I'm Peggy. You know what they are, too. And you're pressing your own ones. Sounds are labeled. Anyway, I hope that this episode gave you meaning. And we weren't here for a long time.

We were here for a good time. Yes, we were. Thanks for listening. The Lady Gang is produced by Alex Ingber, Steve Delameter, and Jared Monaco. Make sure you subscribe, rate, and review our podcast. And if you love it, share it with your friends on social media. Like, oh my god, I just listened to Lady Gang. This episode's so great.

It's my bub to listen. And if you really want to, which we know you do, please follow us on social. At Kelty, at Becca, at Jack Vanek, and at The Lady Gang. Sign up for our newsletter at theladygang.com and join our secret Facebook group. It's super fun. See you next Tuesday. We'll be right back.