LadyGang - LG Quickie: Can a f*ckboi ever change? with Tom Schwartz

Episode Date: January 30, 2025

This week on LadyGang, Tom Schwartz is here to spill the hottest tea on love, relationships, and all the fckbois in between. From his wild ride through the dating world to surviving Vanderpump Rules drama, Schwartz is dropping some hard truths about what he's learned—especially when it comes to those players who love to keep things messy. He’s here to tell you how to spot a fckboi, why communication is everything, and his PDA rules. Grab your wine and get ready for a dose of real talk with Schwartzy—you won’t want to miss it! We have deals for you!! Happy Mammoth: Manage your hormones! Get 15% off on your entire first order at HappyMammoth.com and use code LADYGANG at checkout! Prolon: Feel good in the new year! Get 15% off your 5-day fasting challenge at ProlonLife.com/lady  Good Wipes: Upgrade your restroom ritual! Grab Goodwipes at Target, Walmart, Kroger, and most local grocery stores or on Amazon! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

it's time for a quickie podcast one presents the lady gang the hollywood girl posse with lady gang quickie here's kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanek let's make this quick hello hello hello welcome to lady gang quickie i'm becky here with jack and kelty and back by popular demand popular popular demand tom schwartz i would do anything for a shake shak burger that has the mushroom and the cheese wait very unrelated yeah sequitur alert you know i hate a burger that's a mushroom you have you ever had the shake shack burger that's a mushroom it's a full mushroom but it's like i don't like cheese on the inside no it's so good that's what i want i don't have time to eat today but tom what's your favorite food wow oh let's let's go

going in guys let's go what's your favorite color um if i had to pick off the top of my head italian Like I like vodka, spicy rigatoni or like pizza. I love Italian food, garlic bread. Oh my God. I hate garlic. What? I know. Are you a vampire?

So weird. Yes. She's a vampire. She's the weirdest person. Okay. So this episode of Lady Gang is, was much requested by our fabulous lady and community. And I'm titling it Quickie with Tom dating. Can a boy ever change?

What? Did you just say? That was the worst thing you've ever come up with. Tom dating? Tom dating. What? Can a f*** boy ever change? Quickie with Tom.

Yeah. Dating. Can a f*** boy ever change? And I posed this question to our Lady Gang Facebook group. And I said, give us all the questions about what you need advice on from a man's perspective. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And we're ready.

Okay. Here's the first question. Yeah, let's do it. Are there signs to look for when we first start dating a guy that show he's not being his true self? Wait, but is he going to answer the boy question? No, that was just the title of the episode. Oh, yeah. But OK, answer that, too.

Can a boy ever change? Short answer. Yes. Long answer. It's not going to be easy and you're going to have to put consistent work, have discipline, be mindful. But I know former boys were thriving now. Yeah. Very happily married with kids, and they have a beautiful, monogamous, healthy relationship.

Great line of communication. There's hope for my f*** boys out there. But a question for you. Do any of those reformed f*** boys, did any of them make the transformation with their current partner? Oh, I got it. Because I don't think that you can meet a f*** boy in his f*** boy state and have him make the evolution. Well, I think Because he needs to do that on his own

Yeah, you have to put in the work yourself But I'm thinking of one person right now I can't say their name But at one point He was a certified, bona fide boy At least boy adjacent And now he's crushing it in his career But is he with the same partner?

Yeah, he's with the same partner Well, I think he got it out of his system He was at the tail end of his boy journey When they met So he's just kind of like not caught because the, the thing I've learned about the men's is like, if you don't hear from them for two days, it's not that they're talking to no one. They're talking to someone else and they're rotating you like a salad.

I've never done that. I've never juggled multiple women at once. I wouldn't put you in the fuck boy category though. I know. I've, I've, so do she undertones sloppy? Do she undertones? No, I've, I've been a sloppy douche in the past. Yeah, that's different.

But I've never been a fuck boy. No, no, no one would call me that. no yeah boy is around with a bunch of girls at the same time and i'm also like i've just everyone i've ever connected with or hooked up with or i've always been so respectful and yeah i think yeah i've never what's the biggest like think of your friend think of the number one boy in the group are we talking in vanderland no i'm anywhere vanderland anywhere that you know what's the maximum amount of women they had on the go at one time um okay that you've ever known about just off the top of my head this is no one on vanderpump rules okay but like five which

sounds exhausting so tiring and morally morally depleting yeah how can you not be conflicted karmically too i don't know like five people at once is insane by the way i know women who have done this too yeah yeah certified verified we have to try to like keep the level playing one time in high school i had a different guy i was dating in each corner of the bar high school in a bar also what bar are you gonna unpack that well we're eight i was 18 is legal 18 in canada and we'd go in to the bar how did you get that many boys with baby teeth i know no the amount of guys i got without a full-grown smile was incredible but i would go because i was in high school in grade grade 12 i had veneers by the way and if they were to shatter one time

they shattered when i first moved here and i didn't have enough money to replace them I was doing a bar job with Jax Taylor at the Writers Guild up on Sunset Boulevard. Yeah. And I had all night. I had to be mindful to keep my mouth closed because when I would smile, you would see my exposed yellow school bus, yellow baby tooth underneath my. So you never got an adult tooth there? No, I did.

It's a it's a veneer. No, I know. But they shave it. They shave because I had they had teeth as a kid and they shaved him down further and put caps on. Yeah. They used to call me. That's what they called it in the 80s.

Baby tooth shorts. Yeah. um yeah so he got he got the ladies and i got the men hot baby look at you guys now yeah no i would walk in so i had a guy that i met um from the restaurant that i worked at and then i had a guy that i met at the club that i worked at and then i had a school guy and then i had a church guy so would you just rotate so i'd be like i'm gonna go to the bathroom church well i didn't go to church but like i had friends that went to church and sometimes we go to like church events and i for a while i was dating a guy named jeff who loved god and he would be in

one of the corners too are you kelty i know and girl a girl and i would walk and i'd be like sex with all of them no not not the guy from church just anal yeah you just like um what's a mormon just soaked we just soaked that's mormon that's so gross to me and then i had my friend jump on the bed wait did you actually no oh my god you didn't invent soaking at that time this was like the 50s it's a mormon thing right yeah it's a mormon thing okay what are the signs to look for when we first start dating a guy that he's not being his true self um that's a good question um probably someone who's flexing their financial situation a little too much a little too flashy promising them things telling somebody who's telling you everything you want to

hear that should be a red flag baby you're the one i've never met a girl as beautiful as you you're different than the rest i don't know something about this just feels right like i want to move in with you. John on Real Housewives of O.C. Like my ex-boyfriend. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm just thinking about when I met Zach. It kind of happened, so. Well, same thing with Jared. By the way, here's

extenuating circumstances to everything I just said. Sometimes that comes from the heart. You meet your twin flame. You can tell. If you've actually experienced it and gotten f***ed over by it, then you can spot it after. Yeah. But then if it happens to you the first time, that's when it really gets you. Fool me once. Yeah.

This lady says, I always find that there are totally different person once we hit three months like they can't fake it anymore well that's the time when you have to dtr find the relationship to find the relationship and that's and that's usually yeah that's usually when men run what to dcr i thought it was six well i guess that seems too long what do you want to do four and a half she wants 52 days i mean like yeah like four to five months i guess it just depends but like all i'm saying is like that's the time when it's like a man is going to be like is this real or not like am i going to commit or am i can i still you can still around at three months that's why they call it 90 day fiance no that's not it's

because the k1 music takes 90 days close no it's kind of true because becca yeah becca we have discussed this at great lengths not you because you didn't baby seal but like we've talked about new york us and how we went and we were like slick like dolphins sliding around being the dream girl yeah and like i will take you to places you've never been and then in month four i'm like what you don't love leg hair and toe hair and like welcome to my messy apartment like when we show our true selves yeah we do it too i love that phase especially when you really dig somebody yeah i love it when they finally let their hair down like pubic hair yeah yeah just let it out just like you're so comfortable with that's such a beautiful thing when you really

are digging someone and yeah they got a big bush. I still haven't gone full monster with Zach. I haven't let it down. I can't. Wait are we talking about your bush? No. That's just an

example. Oh I have. Oh my god. Full swamp creature. Yes. I've told you how I just rip ass right on top of him. Because my favorite thing in the world is to truly disgust my husband's obsessed with me it's like insane but like i love when you say that so much

i just always want to take it out as a soundbite but my favorite thing is when i catch him off guard and i truly disgust have you ever been disgusted by a girl like is there anything or it's is it case by case because i don't even poop close to girls oh no i go upstairs to poop i don't even poop in our bathroom i don't either really my worst nightmare is for zach to walk in the bathroom and have any lingering of me having done anything in there that's not oh my god i let i literally give jared update what the midwife no the door is closed i'm saying like even after even after like i don't want there to be something has happened in here i don't want that to happen that that would never turn me off um like no sort of bodily fluid or sound would ever turn

me off i think but i think some different behaviors oh yeah might turn me off like did you ever get the ick during dating with a girl and you're she did something and it just you couldn't go back there was this one girl that used to wear golden goose shoes gold what golden goose she used to wear them ones that are pretty scuffed and dirty it's like that's it's the prime example of someone who might have money but not taste wait i don't want to be too hard on golden goose shoes are so hideous are they would i say i had golden goose sneakers i bought them 10 years ago okay that's when they were the hottest i just remember i think of golden goose and i think of you why did i so rude i do too rude but was i not wearing them before every house you were first

okay thank you but they're still ugly no mine were cute they weren't the dirty looking ones it was before golden goose went dirty but i can't believe that of all things i get it it would give me the ick too it just popped in my head i don't even know i haven't thought about golden goose shoes in 10 years like a smell like a like a bo or but if you really like somebody then you kind of like their b right yeah fair enough you like it um but i mean you want to snuggle tom yeah you want don't you dare um what does tom smell like it's gonna be the question we get well it's actually better that you don't sit here and list it all off because you just admitted to being a like former slob so it would be hypocritical for you to sit here and be listing

all the things that are gross about girls totally yeah i'm sure i've given the egg many times Sorry Katie No But the truth is Is that No I just said this So I have a girlfriend

Who has recently gotten the ick For the first time with her husband They're already married Oh no And she's like I don't know What did he do? I don't know if it can work out

He just It's just ick A game changing ick? Like a game changing ick Something had to There had to have been an episode Can we Dissect it a little?

Yeah she told you Give us an example Like he's just Like Has his behavior changed? no the behavior that she once found charming and wonderful is now cheesy and she's getting the ick from him and she was like i don't know if i can come back and i was like no you can because i've had the ick from chris yeah and then i can't i overcame we all have cheesy behavior

every once in a while and it all comes from insecurity so she can get a heart if you love him yeah she just doesn't love him anymore well maybe she's just in ick right now maybe she can get over it and get over the ick and love him again. But it's like a personality thing that's giving her the ick. I don't know. It's different from you seeing like Chris's toenails. Oh my God. Are they bad? I don't ever want to see you in a flip-flop.

The Lady Gang. We strongly here at Lady Gang don't believe that the toes of a man should ever be shant in public. Yeah. I have Morton's toe. What does that even mean? Well, it's a sign of prosperity and a good sex life. You have a what toe? Is it the one that's longer than this one? That's what I've been told. Don't you dare.

No, don't use your hair. Don't do that. I'll wipe it off. I'll wipe it off. No. Oh, my God, you do. They're not bad. Wait, your second toe is so long.

They're athletic. Actually, as far as feet go, on the point. Dude, why? But men's feet are so f***ing nasty. Wait, why are they nasty? Why are you touching with your glasses? I'm not touching with my hands. I just showered.

I don't want to look at the bottom. I don't want to look at the feet. Tom. dirty i just showered i know but like at the bottom of your foot do you ever scrub it at your house and then you put your shoes on um that's true actually like do you have a pet you have like dog hair on the bottom of your feet i have two dogs yeah okay but i feel like i'm very shocked at the bottom it's not it's not as bad it's not the worst foot to be honest no all men's toes it's not the worst foot i've seen no all men's toes feels like they're like molded into

each other yes really yeah it's like because like one of your toes goes like this and then the other one like fits into that toes are separated like a woman like and your toenail beds are quite healthy and healthy like usually a man's toenail is giving you need to put your sock on fully of a sequoia tree it's literally like it's flopping off the top you've got a red tattoo and he's wearing a skunch he's wearing a skunch sock oh yeah did you have one removed This is supposed to be about f*** boys My friends She used to be a tattoo artist

So sometimes when we're bored I got like my mom's signature It says love mom my favorite roulette number Florida Minnesota I love New York my favorite city in the world Shout out to New York I miss it I love New York City You should move to New York You could be an actor there's lots of procedures

Don't regret it No don't do a soap opera Me and Jax used to do background soap operas It was 200 bucks a day and then you'd only have to work for like two or three hours and then we'd hit the rest of our auditions or whatever we had to do. That's the toe of a procedural.

That's a cop toe. That's a cop toe? Wait, what were we just talking about before? Before the toe? Oh, because, and tank tops. Oh, the X. Actually, tank tops. I'm glad you're here

because I feel like you can really help the men of the world. I feel like he probably, you are a tank top wearer. Do you wear tank tops? I feel like I'm not defined enough. I mean, I'm decent shape. I'm not ashamed of my body. I'm body positive but like I just don't look great in the tank top

no men do it doesn't matter what your body we are here to tell you what about like Johnny Depp circa like 1998 even Leo in Romeo and Juliet in that white tank top wasn't as good as the button up

take it back that's too far I'll tell it to his face Tom what is your love language and do you think it's changed over time Um, my love language is like doing sweet, sweet, nothing with someone just like chilling on the couch, ordering delicious food, but still like talking about goals, dreams, visions, having some, you know, deep, meaningful conversations. But, you know, interspliced with like some nonsense, maybe some tick tock gossip. And I love that.

What's your take on snuggling? I love snuggling. See, I love canoodling public. I'm not a big P. Wait, how do you guys feel about PDA? Can I start with you? are you into it she doesn't even like any whoa i don't even like pda meaning private

no no no i i i just don't i don't i don't like pda i can handle i can handle like a handhold i don't mind if couples hold hands i can handle like a peck on you know a say but i can't i don't enjoy seeing other people touch one another i don't think anybody should be making out in public unless you're like blackout drunk at a bar and it's after 10 p.m and it's dark you can make out it's one of the great simple pleasures in life like making out on the street corner in new york ideally not when you're in a relationship obviously um that's right even hotter on a street corner in new york yeah pushed against a wall i'm talking about with your significant other no nobody should be making out no married people don't make out yeah it's like my favorite

thing god you know what all of my husband and all of his friends they all talk about how their wives won't french kiss them anymore and i'm like someone needs to tell the men that that stops i've never heard this did you continue to french kiss katie into your marriage i mean listen how far i don't want to get too deep but like katie would say the same thing you know things tapered off the spark we lost the spark towards the end but i think we still like kissed and made out really katie can you confirm or deny shut up to katie by the way she's got a new man she looks happier than ever last time i dropped the dogs over there she was glowing and i'm super happy I can't believe I can't make it in public unless I'm drunk yeah no totally you can't do it sober

no no no that's egregious do you cuddle falling asleep I get too hot yeah yeah I don't cuddle falling asleep either one time Jack spray tanned and then she cuddled with her husband and he ended up with a blotch of spray tan that's how close they were most disgusted with the fact that I cuddle with my husband yeah like I don't care about the spray tan that's cute as hell and I disagree yeah right well you get it you're a cuddler um i don't like to cuddle at all really i mean i want to cuddle i want to want to cuddle but chris is building i want to want to cuddle but chris is very bony yeah he's not a soft man yeah see jared's very robust he's a little soft yeah he's like he's literally like my hysterectomy pillow yes you know what i mean yes where chris

is like a cricket where his like knee is on but we did just discuss that the reason that you and i aren't physical touch people is because we're married to people that if you touch them they think it's on but so does my husband just like that yes i'm we're hot tom no you're going no you guys are hot when i hold space give me your finger cynthia when i hold space for this it's on yeah something just happened i can barely yeah it's so it's so they just they cannot have a non-sexual cuddle no no or they'll they just will continuously try i can't well so does your boner but then i don't like denying that's the other thing is i don't like putting myself in a position of knowing right now i do not have time i probably do but i don't have time to cuddle just not have

sex yeah or i'm just not up for it or whatever the thing is but i also don't want to have to then be the person that's like turning you down well and god knows just so you just gotta do it and you guys know what my problem with chris knight you don't know this but i'll share um like the problem is is if i decided to make out with chris if we made out he's gonna think we're gonna have sex and then that's like three hours of my day it's like then he's gonna be like can you go put a costume on and then i gotta put the costume on and i gotta do the dance and then i gotta like i mean it's like a whole rig i'm a dick that's why i'm like don't even come in the same room as me that's why this house is so big whatever happened to the good old-fashioned quickie

i know he's not into it can't he's not like they need a whole 15 minutes is perfect 15 minutes is long it is so long quickie is two minutes 30 seconds wait really i thought a quickie is 15 minutes 15 minutes that's like my anniversary i love you guys i'm learning so much what then What's a normal sex length? I don't know. 30 minutes? I'm not great at initiating it, but I... Well, let's not go there.

You're not great at initiating? I like... Yeah. You like to be pursued? I mean... Yeah, that's the problem with men. Yeah. Is that you have...

I have to tell you when we're going to have sex, but I'm never telling you, so then we're not going to have sex. That's so funny. You know? Yeah, but I feel like when you're dating... It's different. It's different. If you're dating and you're into a girl, you need to initiate, because otherwise she's

going to get the signal that you're not into her. Yeah. But not in a creepy way. Wait, why don't you? You just like... I mean, I think I'm just naturally... I've been working out. I'm passive by nature.

Not that it's confrontational. No, I get that. You're not as assertive. Yeah, I'm working on that, though. Because you're kind of a softie with a big toe. Chopping wood, getting the testosterone flowing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it does go in your 40s.

It really does. It does. You should start getting it tested. I have supplements. Okay, good. Okay, that'll be great. They can sponsor your podcast. yes see she's already working for you okay last question for schwartzy what is the most romantic

thing you've ever done for someone or had done for you wow that's a good question it's romantic i love romance by the way i bet you i'm a sucker for romance i'm not saying i'm the most romantic guy but i'm good at sweet little things and remembering specific things that people say and i love surprising people with gifts i have a crazy idea for you oh yeah before you answer this question have you guys seen on tiktok lucien from emily in paris he now reads sexy novels oh yeah it's like a smut book but it's like an audio book yeah you have the perfect voice for that whoa yeah read us a sexual smut book that we listen to i mean i ham it up when i do podcasts a little bit i know i can tell but you can you can make a lot of money you can make a lot of money

okay what's the romantic okay the most romantic thing that anyone's ever done i would have to put some deep thought into that um that i've done for someone else um well if you're like i thought the way i proposed was pretty cute uh how did you propose i mean it wasn't the most romantic but i like i hired a decoy couple because i think i remember katie was getting to the point where she was pretty much giving me an ultimatum she's like we're doing this or i'm just moving on and i leaned into the fact that she was frustrated by having like the universe rub it in her face so I hired actors to pretend that they're getting engaged right next to us at a dinner table. And then I was like, oh, my God, the world's rubbing it in our face at this point.

And I got up and I interjected and I took away the ring and then I did the old. Wait, that's cute. It was cute. Like maybe not the most romantic proposal, but it was cute. Yeah, I like it. I love the element of surprise. I think that's romantic and, um, and be in remembering things that people tell you they love and that they're interested in doing places.

They want to go surprising them with a vacation. Yeah. I think the little things like that are even more important than the big things. Yeah. Like the little thoughtful things. I love the little things on that note. Good luck on your podcast. We'll be following along.

Tom, thank you for being here. Yeah. And so fun. Um, we weren't here for a long time. We're here for a long time. Long toe. Long toe time. Lady Gang is produced by Podcast One

with podcasting production assistance from Steve Delameter, Derek Haley editing by Jared Monaco and social support from Kali Carrera and Mastermind Evil Genius from Kelty Knight