LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: Chicago is for Twinkies

Episode Date: August 4, 2022

As the ladies get ready for their fall tour, Keltie is sharing some facts about each city on the stop. And while the ladies may run into their ex’s, it's clear they’ll also be taking a food tour of America. Check out our amazing sponsors!!! Hyundai: Learn more about the 2022 TUCSON and SANTA FE Plug-in Hybrid EVs at HyundaiUSA.com Progressive: Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Big announcement here. Our second book, our sophomore book, Lady Secrets, Real, Raw, and Ridiculous Confessions of Womanhood is available now for pre-order. Head over to theladygang.com slash secrets to pre-order your book now. We're so excited about this. Thank you to our community who submitted all of their deepest, darkest secrets. And there's a couple sprinkled in there from yours truly

and the other two dum-dums on this podcast. We love you guys so much for your support. We're so excited for you guys to read this. Head on over and order Lady Secrets at theladygang.com slash secrets. Everything is better electrified, and Hyundai has the widest range of electrified vehicles on the market, including the first-ever Tucson and Santa Fe plug-in hybrid EVs. Visit your nearest Hyundai dealer or learn more at hyundaiusa.com. It's time for a quickie.

Podcast One presents The Lady Gang, the Hollywood girl posse with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to Lady and Quickie. I am here with Becca. Wow, way to phone it in, bitch. This is Becca. Oh, God. Careful, careful. You're pulling your microphone.

No, I wanted to get a pen, but I got two highlighters in beautiful colors, blue and purple. Who has a purple highlighter? Me. I have every color of highlighter you could ever want. Okay, hi. It's Becca here. That's me. And Jack and Kelty are also here. We are here in person in the flesh. This is going to be great. Okay. So as you guys know, we are heading out on the lady gang tour this fall and it's only

eight weeks away. So it's time. Like we have the, yeah, we have the bus. We are making our plans. We're figuring out when baby Ford is coming and we're doing all kinds of really cool things on tour. Like we're doing photo moments. So like you'll get a great picture of your outfit.

We have VP. Anyway, so we're going to all these cities, but what I realized is that we know very little about where we're going and i felt like speak for yourself i felt like it well see i'm not wasn't in the trans siberian orchestra tour siberian okay but what i thought i would do to get ready for tour is i would educate you on the shit you need to know about these cities and it's not like it has a river i'm talking like it invented twinkies like i'm gonna let you guys know about what you need to know and i want to get your take on the cities okay are you ready becca do you mean to have a what's going on with your thumb i'm gonna feed you water bottle sticker okay so

what day is our first day of tour chicago yeah september 25th no september 13th our first date is in chicago by the way do you know what chicago september 13th yes is that a friday tuesday okay cool chicago it comes from the algonquin language and it actually means striped skunk or onion onion or onion onion onion onion like the food yeah okay onion onion there's no g in onion onion onion it means onion onion or you shock me okay um according to the early explorers of chicago the lakes and streams around chicago were full of wild onions leaks and ramps the rivers were full of onions yeah i have the same sinking feeling i had at the tampa show when you did no no weird florida news

listen to this i do listen to this i love it i love listen to this guess what was invented in chicago what twinkies you already gave that one i know but okay guess what else this is a great story in chicago these are very fast because we have so many cities an entirely random we're doing every city about chicago let me just tell you about chicago a girl named jennifer fitzgerald she left her car at o'hare for a couple of years she parked that car in 2009 she did not pick it up for a couple years she got 678 parking tickets and she had to pay 105 000 in fines why wouldn't you just leave your car there forever oh i guess you still have to pay tickets i just abandoned it say you got murdered fake your own death flee the country change your name that's it okay are you

ready i'm watching old man on hulu oh i don't know this one jeff bridges wonderful show was it good great i need a new show i'm binging love island it's taking up my entire life okay well it's not the same one last thing about chicago okay guess what else was invented there what the brownie you love brownies i do love a brownie the other day i was actually thinking i haven't had a brownie in years brownies are christmas favorite years what i know isn't that weird because if i'm going to a dessert it's just never a brownie and that's weird but not a brownie at a restaurant with like a brownie and an ice cream on it with the sauce i don't enjoy a brownie with an ice cream i think that brownies are very underrated they are i feel like people forget about them i

know and that's because you're like oh i'll have this souffle or like i mean i'll do a brownie at a restaurant because i appreciate it on the menu right okay i want to move on to dc we're going to dc did you ever tour dc dc is a confusing city yes i did i did actually i did west side story tour there i didn't know you did west side story tour i am an onion um okay two two presidents both had pet alligators at the white house i'm gonna guess george w bush hoover and adams it does seem that way it had to have been way before that they had to set some laws in place okay it is a fact that per capita more than any other state in there's more men than women they drink more wine oh in any other yeah because they're so fucking stressed

out because they all work in politics it's very stressful yeah they drink more wine okay also i think also dating in dc i mean all of our dc lady can tell us i feel like it's the worst city to date in because it's so oh my god i think we should do a segment on called dc douchebags oh everybody's like everybody tell us yeah maybe their dc douchebag story oh they're douche well and also all these like dc dudes like they're just looking if they're working in politics this is a huge like stereotype i love it but like they're looking for like a hot a hot first lady they're looking for a first lady they're pulling in a mall cluny right george cluny he just needed a hot woman on his arm hot lunch hot lunch what was your idea oh no i well

okay i already kind of have it in the works so i hope you guys like it um so i was thinking about the dc lady gang it's one of our most robust facebook groups yeah we love and they're amazing and they have they covid happened and they haven't had their meetups anymore so i was like dc lady gang you're our girls you need to get it together and i said what i would like to do is i would like to surprise jack and becca with an a tour opening routine from the why are you telling us this right now i don't want to be surprised i need surprises and delights i would like i think what i love how you like that was so weird well i actually said surprise because i thought you were gonna be mad it wasn't planned to be a surprise i just want them to come and do a choreographed dance but

are they going to are they dancers well then they yes i guess they get or are you forcing them like you force me to do things like what I want to do is I want to do like, I want to do a dance that we choreographed that we send the video out. And then we pick like 10 girls in every audience to come on stage. I just pulled up that fan on stage that knew her original choreography. Exactly. Great video. I want to do that. DC lady gang, get ready to dance. Also one last thing. Just DC. Well, if any other cities, Chicago, you want to get off your Twinkies and you know, we should choreograph when we do our facebook live we should do in in time yes because the thing is when i was when i was in ibiza i went to the leo and what they do is in between each

big dance act they play this sweet dreams are made of these and everyone does this there's like a it's four counts of eight dance and by the end of the night they play it so many times and they do the dance over and over again by the end of the night chris knight is up there being like who am i he's doing all the ography and it's so fun i feel like we need that i like an easy four count that only is moving the top of your body exact top of the body only girls that are like me that don't want to dance on a stage can do the dance no and it's like like you're doing the day okay last thing this is for you jack i think you're a star wars fan no jared is jared is okay in um i've never seen this before but in dc there's the national cathedral that sounds

important there's a bunch of gargoyles i love a gargoyle allegedly there's a sculpted head of darth vader if you bring your binoculars and check them out on the northwest tower i feel like jared could come on tour that could be an activity for you i know i heard something recently that blew my mind and made me laugh so hard apparently there's a known fact in the swinger community the upside down pineapple no they have gnomes they have garden gnomes on their lawn or out in your exterior there's like a little gnome somewhere yeah guess who has a gnome in their backyard you tom and valerie tobin oh my god yes but that's backyard that's hidden that's not for the world to see yeah but it could be for when they invite neighbors over and have a cocktail

on the deck and they're like would you like to go inside tom tobin no also the like international sign for swingers is an upside down pineapple so if you're at a grocery store and you see somebody in your car on their cart that's turned upside down they're scouting in our neighborhood allegedly it's a blue planter oh a blue my parents have a ton of blue planters your parents the huge cerulean blue planters in their front yard we may be uncovering things right here right now with our own parents see you in dc are they swinging together i feel like they are for sure swinging together and dad has the video camera and he's documenting it all you know we're just talking today we need to get someone to come out on tour and document the tour is it bill it's

probably bill vanik like and then we just send that files and someone edits them like there's no one better kelty's showing us a visual of her nipple tassels and she's literally like showing everybody your tits she would be doing that when we come back boston everything is better electrified and hyundai has the widest range of electrified vehicles on the market including the first ever tucson and santa fe plug-in hybrid evs their turbocharged engines have quiet rapid acceleration and you can use electric when you want it or gas when you need it it's your journey evolve it beyond the pump and in the 2022 tucson or santa fe plug-in hybrid evs or you can be like me and get the kona which is 100 electric and i love my little kona so much

visit your nearest Hyundai dealer or learn more at HyundaiUSA.com or call 562-314-4603 for complete details. Lady Gang is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Hey, Lady Gang, whether you love true crime or comedies, celebrity interviews, news, or even motivational speakers, you can call the shots on what you're listening to as a podcast, right? And guess what? Now you can call the shots on your auto insurance too. Enter the Name Your Price tool from Progressive. The Name Your Price tool puts you in charge of your auto insurance by working just the way it sounds you tell progressive how much you want to pay for car insurance and they'll show you a variety of coverages that fit within your budget giving you options now that's something you'll want to press play on it's easy

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at the show and we know you're gonna love it the lady gang all right boston now very important person my high school super hot boyfriend uh lives in boston i'm not sure i haven't seen him in probably 15 years the photos he came to the zoom reunion in a baseball hat very moody and i was like still got it he married his college sweetheart sarah she's also coming i'm gonna embarrass the fuck out of him um he's got like a bunch of children and he's a hockey he was a hockey player so he's got those big thighs that you know i love like a thigh is my love language anyway so he's coming i'll definitely be pulling him on stage like hands down that we have to do a justin kelty moment and we can pull some photos from prom when i had i'm sure his wife will love

this no she's gonna hate it if my atlanta boyfriends can come yes to atlanta or to boston Atlanta oh yeah okay yes um all right should we have a contest to see who can have the most ex-boyfriends show up on the tour I'll lose I hate all my ex-boyfriends I don't have that many ex-boyfriends I have an ex-husband I win I don't know where he is he's dead okay the first ever bought uh Dunkin Donuts was located in Boston that's a good that means there's probably great dunkin donuts like if it's the first the same every that's the point of a franchise is they're the same at every location except chick-fil-a they have the original chick-fil-a and it's called the dwarf house and it's in somewhere in georgia okay and they serve i

believe cheeseburgers or some other form of a not chick-fil-a is so against cheeseburgers they they're literal they're ads are like cows i'm gonna tell you kill me dwarf house okay while she looks that up i have to tell you something really important it may sound like an urban legend but it is not it's a real law in boston it is illegal to go to bed without having a bath pull this one out and make your case the next time your kids need a little extra incentive at bath i like that law me too and i love you love a nighttime bath i do not can come near me chris knight with those feet that have been working all day don't bring that into my it is really labor intensive job that he has it doesn't matter walking being alive being a human

is labor intensive don't bring a day used foot into my bed at least wash your feet i don't you go to bed dirty i don't go to bed dirty but i don't take a nighttime shower but you are dirty we've been around town smog things dog kisses on your feet disgusting okay the last thing i will say about boston sorry to you boston they have a steak platter and a ham and cheese platter ew a ham and cheese nobody wants that burger platter what does a ham and cheese platter look like like a ham like a ham sandwich like i don't know they have lemon pie okay okay okay all right the nickname bean town you know bean town chicago or boston is named bean town it came not from a result of their love of baked beans it came from a result that they love to put molasses in

their baked beans and molasses once killed 21 people and injured over 100 people in the city in 1919 a storage tank that held millions of gallons of molasses which seems like why the does that exist yeah killed 21 people and several horses injured more than 100 people when it broke And then the molasses shot down like lava and people die. Can you imagine you get to the pearly gates of heaven and people are like, how did you die? And you're like, I suffocated in the sweetest, honey, deliciousness of all time. That's a sad way to go.

Exactly. It's embarrassing. Exactly. Okay. One last city we have time for Philadelphia. How scared are you of Philadelphia? How scared? It is the most haunted city in America.

The dick is trapped. That is not the right one. i hate believe no there's not a single one for haunted except for maybe i'm peggy philadelphia is said to be the most haunted city in the u.s with the highest density of haunted houses it's getting spooky yeah there's a lot of dead people in philadelphia i think it's probably the same as every other city no but like in the they've it's been well no it's like prague prague has a lot of dead people. Who even tells this? What's the source? I don't trust it. The source that I got it from, um, was the haunted Philadelphia tours.com. Okay. So I want to know some ghost stories

though. I know exactly. Okay. The last thing I want to say about Philly, and this is really important. It's the home of the first soft pretzel. I love a soft pretzel with a big salt. I had a soft pretzel this weekend. It's delicious. I can't get down with the soft pretzel. I feel the same way about soft pretzels as I do popcorn. Overrated. Popcorn's definitely overrated, but a really good source of fiber that I've just learned

from my cooking. Because you had to poop? Yeah. I don't think it is. I don't think you can actually digest corn. That's why all the nutritionists say don't eat corn because nothing happens. It just goes through your system. Fuck.

Who told you that popcorn was a good- Probably popcornisfiber.com or something. Philadelphiapopcornsoftpretzel.com. haunted house slash backslash cheesesteak cheesesteak well my friend christina's from philly and my another ex-boyfriend oh my god nick perry lives in philadelphia i should he come open and shred and we can all be like shred like on the guitar it's so hot can we have philly cheesesteaks there because yeah love me too like philly cheese well it's interesting i had a cheesesteak fact and i didn't want to tell you because you think this idea is lame but here it

surprisingly cheese was not part of the original pat and harry olivieri's original recipe for cheesesteak it was later added on it wasn't originally because cheese makes everything better yeah cheese even cream cheese cream cheesesteak cream cheese well i bet a cream cheese people will knock it i bet it's delicious i've had a hot dog in seattle with cream cheese on it it's like their thing there it was divine divine serious divine somebody should go there just for the hot dogs i bet somebody needs to tell us if there's a cream cheese cheesesteak okay in philly well i have a question for tour and i'll wrap with this is that i was recently with my friend christina perry who toured and she was telling me a story about when she went

on tour and she tried to have a healthy tour she was like no sugar on the bus tour no no i feel like we could do like best eats in each city tour like we're gonna yeah soft pretzel we're gonna i'm not gonna cheesesteak but like are we doing that are we going yes we're gonna go to the best restaurant that's serving the best thing in your city yes so we need you to tell us what that is and then if we cannot get there will you bring it to us you know what i mean we can get there we're doing nothing all day long every day we're setting up the tour and the photo booths and signing books and doing press and doing our fitness classes and having a meditation and pre-gaming i mean there's a lot oh that makes me that reminds me a lot of people dm'd me about what

meditation app that I've been using. Oh, thank you. It's Chopra like Deepak as in Deepak. It's called the Chopra app. They have programs. They're wonderful. I'm sorry for this segue, but I hate responding to DMS, but I hate ignoring you guys. Love you. Mean it. Namaste. So fabulous. Okay. So yeah, so we're, so Chicago, DC, Philly, we've gotten through snacks in each city, boyfriends in each city, ex-boyfriends, sorry. current lovers not past tour de kelty's penises i don't have anyone in chicago that i know i don't have anybody there either but it's our first city it's gonna be so fun anyway um that's gonna be a psycho show it's gonna be chicago lady gang is crazy and don't

they have the river that they dye orange or something and green in saint patrick's day not that it's it's not gonna be there um i that was one of my my favorite shows for our first tour with chicago those bitches get down they get down and you know what i know this to be i'm not generalizing this is fact so one of my best friends megan is from chicago and all of her girlfriends are from chicago they grew up there yeah i've never seen girls who can party yeah only on alcohol too yeah there's not really any other recreational drugs and they are wild yep And they are fun. Yeah.

You know, and it's going to be a great way to kick it off. And then every other city needs to bring it. Yeah. Because it can't be like the best, the best city first. Well, and Jack, what, just like, what are you thinking we're going to do at the show? We're going to do Good Week, Bad Week, obviously. We're going to read from the book. We're going to do some live ass Lady Gang.

And then we're, here's what we need the Lady Gang's help. We really want to do something with the men in the audience. Yes. We always have so much fun when people bring their boyfriends and their lovers. We need to highlight the men more than just writing. Like, what is it? I know. What is that segment?

I know. actually this is gonna be my surprise for the tour i have a great idea for the men okay if anyone else has any good or it's at the end of the show at the end of every show we're gonna call up men to the stage and we're gonna force them to play mary kill with us oh my god that's amazing and why that's so good wait i gotta write that down oh my god with after seeing the show and it'll be like i have a feeling i know how it's gonna go i'd be like i'd kill kelty because she seems really annoying like every city wait i love it so much god becca it's like she's not always giving ideas but when she gives a lot of ideas no but like you just don't you

don't take that no i'm taking it listen this is amazing i just circled it in purple highlighter in the boot room okay love you guys may or may not be your high school boyfriend oh that'll be great okay um on that note tickets are available now we're going on tour theladygang.com slash tour pick your city tickets are 35 every single ticket comes with a signed copy of lady's secret so you're really basically getting the book that's 24 and then a 10 ticket but you're getting it all it's going to be super fun tons of pictures lots of girls come alone if you come alone you get a solo YOLO pin

so that other solos know to like make friends with you which I think is really cute and we weren't here for a long time but we're here for a sexy mature time

thanks for listening The Lady Gang is produced by Alex Ingber Steve Delameter and Jared Monaco make sure you subscribe rate and review

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