LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: Cocaine and Strippers and Cillian Murphy, Oh My!

Episode Date: July 19, 2018

The people have spoken--the Ladies are playing another round of Plead The Fifth! Follow the podcast on Instagram @theladygang and you can email Jac, Becca and Keltie at Hello [e-mail]! And thank you to today's sponsors: Amazon = Go to amazon.com/shop/ladygang to find their favorite products while keeping the podcast FREE!  Be The Match = Vist join.bethematch.com.org/ladygang to join the registry today    Care Of – Go to TakeCareOf.com and use code LADYGANG to get 25% off your first month’s order of vitamins   digster.fm = Go to digster.fm/ladygang to follow, share, and listen to our “Lady Gang” playlist   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, the following podcast is a Lady Gang Network and Podcast One production, which means it's going to be awesome. It's time for a quickie. Podcast One presents The Lady Gang, the Hollywood girl posse, with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Lady Gang Quickie. Quickie.

What's the shortest sex you ever had? oh god like 30 seconds probably the time i lost my virginity that was actually very long for me i think or it just felt really did you lose your virginity to another virgin or did you know virginity no no i lost my virginity when i was like 23 years old so to someone who wasn't a virgin definitely i mean who who was left who other than me is a virgin at 23 um lots of people 40-year-old virgin, Steve Carell. I think the person I lost my virginity to was very experienced. What?

Oh, my God. He was a college football player. Oh, for sure. I think that they get around. Were you in college? No, I was a senior in high school. I have a question. He slept with a senior when he was in college.

He was like my boyfriend. Why is that weird? He was my boyfriend. I just like, that's like a pretty big deal. Well, it was hot, you know? I wore Von Dutch sweatshirts, you know? Do kids use condoms when they're that young? Yes.

Yeah, I feel like that's the only thing. Oh, however, I think I was on the pill. So then he didn't. I don't really remember. I don't... Safe sex, everyone. It's a scary world out there. Herpes, it's for real.

It is. It's all real. Okay. The clap. Do we have a quote? Yes, we do. This quote is coming from Gayle King. You might know her as Oprah's best friend, editor-in-law...

I don't want to call her that anymore. What? Oprah's best friend. You're right. It's just Gayle King. She's Gayle King. She's her own person now. Editor-in-chief of The O Magazine and host of CBS This Morning. When people are like, Lea Michele's friend, Becca Tobin. I wasn't going to say that, but sure.

Comparable. That's when people are like Jack Vanek's friend, Keldy Knight. That's like warranted, though. Yeah, you're right. Gayle is Gayle's Gayle. What did Gayle do before? They were both news anchors. Oh, so she has, yeah, okay. But they are best friends.

Yeah. Okay. She has her own show. Anyway, she wants to tell you something. And today, here's the quote. When people don't want what's best for you, they are not the best for you. Oh, dang. Thanks, Gail.

I think we've said this one before. No, we haven't. Are you sure? The encyclopedia says no. We have not. It's a new quote. When people don't want what's best for you, they're not the best for you. I like that.

That's good. Because sometimes people in your life, and they kind of want you to fail secretly so they can feel good about themselves. Or they have ulterior motives of why they want you to be successful. They want your money. They want your body. no they're your body most people want my body everyone wants my body okay what are you guys grateful for callie on my lap right now oh callie kids

you're such a lover though am i gonna smell like a skunk now i don't know no she doesn't she's better now um i'm grateful for canada i love canada i actually love that i'm from Canada. I love Canada too. I love that Justin Trudeau is my Prime Minister. He's just the best. I love that every time I get a bill from the hospital for this goddamn accident, I'm like, well, in Canada, this would

never happen. I just love Canada. It's such a polite, passive-aggressive country, and I love it. I actually do love Canada. I love working in Canada. Everyone's so great. It's my gratitude, though. Yeah, the people in Canada are awesome. That's your gratitude? I'm thankful for Canada.

You need to go to Japan. you wouldn't love it just because everybody's so polite everybody waits in lines all the rules, it's the best they give you your own personal space they're the best I'm grateful that I don't have to

wake up every morning and put on makeup and do my hair because you know what I realize that I love not getting I love not getting ready I love being able to be a bomb

yeah but there's women out there most women it's like you have to wake up at 6 30 in the morning you take your shower you blow dry your hair you flat iron your hair you put on your makeup every single day and i don't have to do that nope thank god if i had to take a shower and curl my hair every morning i put on makeup i feel accomplished when i have mascara on you guys literally compliment me anytime i have a stitch of makeup on because it's shocking i know i feel you jack what are you grateful for um so okay it also means i don't have a paycheck just so you guys out there don't hate me right i'm so beautiful i don't have to put makeup on it is also nice that we don't need makeup to do this podcast this is that would be this is true that would

be a nightmare that's a mistake we made about moving selling a tv show i know because now we're gonna have to wear makeup more often and people are gonna judge my clothes and i'm gonna have to wear bra like all of those things raw you don't have to jack okay um i'm grateful for okay so i had to recently break things off with this guy that i was dating because he caught like he was like a glass half full type of person so no matter what it was he would be complaining about it whether it be money or his job glass half empty kind of person sorry glass half empty glass half full is when they're like it's half full no no he's sorry he's a glass half empty kind of person and i never thought that i it would affect me so much to be dating somebody

like that and i had a conversation with one of my girlfriends and she's like you know you have this mindset of abundance and you always think that you can accomplish anything that you do you always think that there's more and we've kind of talked about this before with you in what episode jack shut up like auditioning and stuff and not getting it and some people would think well this girl got it so now there's nothing left for me yeah and I used to think that way a lot with well with dating when something wouldn't work out I'd be like oh well now I'm gonna be alone forever because this one thing didn't work out but this past year I've like really lived in like a life of abundance and with work I'm like of course I can do that of course I can start this business

of course we're gonna make a tv show so I'm grateful for having that mindset because it's really hard to I guess think that way and not get like pulled down by life I love that okay when we come back did he cry yeah did he cry no how was that breaking it off it was it was not good how do you break it off when it's like not technically your boyfriend yeah you still have to it's it's it's whole it's a whole thing yeah you have to have a conversation and then it's like they need a reasoning and then maybe it's just because we weren't compatible he didn't get angry he was like a good guy he just wasn't for me okay when we come back i have a special game to play with you guys love again the lady gang okay we played this before but i do want to say it is our most

downloaded quickie of all time so we're gonna play round two of plead the fifth that was such a weird episode i don't remember it i do okay it's like which one of the other players would you kill that was you guys really ganged up on me about my dengue fever that day i'm just gonna enter all of our names into the app oh god you guys don't be mad at me what are you ready okay are you ready read out loud the question am i going yeah but don't put it too close to the mic i'll get feedback well it's so great you complete the fifth if you want jack which player is most likely to be perpetually single this is why i hate this game okay okay which one do you think jack i don't know i'm gonna just throw it out there probably me okay great becca your

question press next becca which player do you think pretends they have more money than they really have um probably me although jack's always on vacation but she's never paying for it so maybe it's jack's it's true it could be okay next reveal the next question oh this is a good one kelty which player do you think has taken the most drugs in their lifetime prescription drugs or like illegal it just says drugs does weed count as a drug oh my god i guess i'm not answering this question it doesn't matter yeah no kidding let me think here okay so jack i know is the pot smoker but i feel like was pretty straight-edged into later in life.

Becca, I think, is the kind of person that was dropping ecstasy when she was 10. So I feel like in a scale of a lifetime, Becca's probably done more drugs, especially now that she's picked up the weed habit. Also, I also just recently picked up the weed habit.

It's me, guys. I did cocaine all over New York City. Yeah, I answered. Okay. Next question. Okay. What's the biggest mistake you've ever made? That would be dating my ex-boyfriend.

Ooh, really biggest? Yeah. Ooh, I'm into that. It's not a mistake because I learned things, but that was like the, yeah. Okay. Becca, when and how was the last time you made someone else cry? Yikes. I mean, I don't know.

That I know of? That's what I don't know. I wouldn't know either. You've never made me cry. Me neither. Maybe my sister. We had a huge argument about a year ago. We were at the beach with my family, and her baby was, like, crying and crying and crying.

And she kept insisting on changing the baby's diaper next to our bedroom door. And I came out, and I was like, move the f***ing baby away from the f***ing door. And she's like, I can't help it. I have to change her diaper. And she's like, she lost it. And I'm a dick. That's hard. I'm a dick.

Yeah. I understand. She cried. Okay, she answered. Next question. Ooh. Kelty, which player would be the most likely to flip a table in an argument? Oh my god, me.

Definitely you. Don't even get mad. For sure. Jack would be like, um, I'm going to go play cornhole over here. Jack would be like, fuck you. I'm Teresa Giudice. I'm like, does anybody have a thought for this? Did she flip tables?

Oh my god. Prostitution whore. Oh, God. You've got to be angry to flip a table. I've been there. Have you ever flipped a table? No, but I've like really... Have you thrown stuff?

Oh, my God. I've broken so many cell phones. Throwing them? I have a rage inside of me. She's a little person with a big rage. Okay, Jack, which player is most likely to be fired from their job and why? Ooh. I would say...

Jack. Me. But I've never had a job. Old Navy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Because you go on vacation. Me for forgetting I have one.

You're the worst employee. Becca, what's the biggest lie you've ever told to the player on your right? Jack. Oh, shit. I don't think I've ever told you a lie. Yeah, what would you lie about? I don't know. That it didn't bother her when you wore red to her wedding.

It didn't, honestly. She didn't give a shit. I didn't care. I really don't think I've lied. I mean, I probably should start. So you're going to plead the fifth, then? I'm going to plead the fifth. Okay.

I'm going to put that in there. Go back. Oh, wait. I don't want to eliminate you from the game. I'm going to say you answered. Okay. Okay. Oh.

Kelty, which player are you most jealous of and why? Oh. This feels dangerous. It's so dangerous. We're being reckless. We're trying to split up the lady game before we even get on TV. Not yet. There's nothing left.

Not until they've seen. I'm jealous. It's like a happy and jolly. I'm jealous of both of you, but for different reasons. Oh, God. Not an answer. Just kidding. Go.

Pick one. Jack. No, Jack, I'm jealous because she's just, like, naturally cool, which I am not. So, like, no matter what I do, how hard I plan out, what bathing suit I'm going to wear at the pool, or, like, what I'm going to say or do or be or listen to or drive or whatever, like, it's, like, effortless. Jack just shows up, and she just, like, is cool. like she's cool in her dna and also her body is stupid and annoying and her legs are so long and she doesn't try yeah like it's like when you see her in a bikini you're like you look so made it's

just like the genetic you're like a you're like a supermodel no but when i tried is when i weighed 20 pounds heavier and i was super unconfident like there's just something about me not giving a that it just works with me relaxed yeah it's i'm not stressed out happy cortisol no it literally Like, I used to be on every diet in the entire world and work out for two hours a day, and I was 20 pounds heavier. That's crazy. So crazy. It doesn't work for me.

And then I'm jealous of Becca because I think, like... Did you eat that? I seriously think it was half-chewed already. Yeah. I think it might have been. I'm jealous of Becca because she has, I think, like, such a beautiful face and hair. Like, when we were filming... You didn't say anything about my face.

She said you had long legs. Go f*** yourself. Like, when we were filming the Lady Gang show and we were watching some of the footage, I was like, oh, my God, Becca is, like, so beautiful. And I also love that you don't have bangs in your hair. Like, does that cool girl flip in the front? Because it's all one leg. Oh, thank you so much.

Is that not a nice thing to say? She's jealous of the fact that you don't have bangs. No, you're just so pretty. No, I know. I've always thought you were so pretty, even from when, like, I first met you back in New York. Like, you just have, like, a very pretty face. Oh, God, sorry. Okay, next.

Sorry. i really went off on tangent there hold on my lock screen now my phone's frozen it doesn't want to play this game anymore what the what the is this it's plays the fifth okay here we go okay next next one sorry okay jack which player is most likely to sabotage a friend i only say becca because you've sabotaged people the best but not a bad friend i know i don't think any of us would sabotage friends. I will sabotage you if you're not my friend. You do something to my friend. You'll sabotage

an enemy. I'm like Robin Hood. Yeah, you are. You're stealing from the rich. Helping would sabotage your friend. Why? Would you say something so mean? No, I feel like we're all really good friends. We're all a very good friend. I'm actually not a great friend. I'm like, okay. Okay, Becca. I would never sabotage a friend. Someone might think they're my friend and get

sabotaged, but then they'll find out you were never my friend. You know what I mean? like there's like seven makeup artists on our show but i had it written in my contract that i wanted one specific one but like the other people probably were like what do you mean i thought we're buds well we were buds but you're number four on my list sabotage okay no no step over okay becca name someone you are embarrassed to admit that you seriously cyber stalk

oh so many I don't cyber stalk many even a girl oh I definitely don't cyber stalk girls I'm not really that fascinated with people I cyber stalked Killian Murphy

and his whole life from SNL can I have my phone from Peaky Blinders that's the last person that I really fell into a f***ing k-hole on I'm not ashamed Oh, this one's so good, you guys. What is it?

Kelty, who here would be the best stripper and the worst stripper? Okay, I'm going to start with the worst. Me. It's definitely Elena. Elena would be the worst stripper. Do you know why? She would show up in a casual flat. She would get on the stage in like a nice loafer, all black.

You wouldn't even be able to see her. No tan. No tan. No makeup. She's already tan. I know, but, like, you need that, like, sparkle, like, shimmer lotion. She doesn't have the shimmer lotion. You don't know me.

Oh. Oh, shit. Wait, maybe Elena would be, like, freaky deep. Yeah. She'd surprise us all. I feel like strippers need to wear, like, a print, like Hawaiian print, leopard print. Like, Elena only likes a solid. You don't know her, though.

I don't know her. You don't know her secret second life. I also feel like she'd be, like, the lights are too bright. I don't want to get wrinkles. I'm going to wear my giant sunglasses. Every strip club you go to is dark with the red light that makes everybody look good. It's like Mary's Boot Camp. It's the red light, the red room.

I love that you're really trying to sell to me that you would be an amazing stripper. She's like, no, guys. There's tons of strip clubs in Portland because those are the best. Oh, my God. Okay. Are they? Yes. The best stripper would be.

I went to the best strip club night where it was karaoke. You get to do karaoke while they strip to you singing karaoke. Oh, my God. That's literally every bar in China is like that. It was the best. They literally go from karaoke, stripper, karaoke, stripper. It's like the weirdest combination. The things I never knew about Elena.

The best strip would be Becca because she already has been one. Yeah. On Broadway. I know how to pole dance. You do? I pole danced on Broadway. There was pole dancing in that? Yeah.

A lot of it. There wasn't when it came to went to Vegas, when I saw Rock of Ages in Vegas. I didn't see that. They reimagined it, I guess. Yeah, it's usually like this poor man's version of the show in Vegas. Isn't that not true? I don't know. I only saw it in Vegas.

There was no pole dancing. So what are your moves on the pole? I can do so many moves. Really? Like, what are they? Like, all the typical, like, spin around. Yeah. I can go upside down.

I can literally climb up the pole, wrap my legs around, and slide down upside down. No. We're going to get a pole for the lady. Let's do it. Yeah. Let's do it. You can have pole dancing classes. I can teach.

Well, anyways. I have really killer tendonitis, too. On that note, I guess this is where we end this quickie with a quick strip tease by Becca Tobin. Yeah. Becca Marie Tobin. My sister's Jessica Marie. What's your middle name? Grace.

Oh, yeah. Becca non-Grace Tobin. Graceless. Graceless. The Graceless Tobin. Okay. Ready? We weren't here for a long time.

But we're here for a good time. That escalated quickly. Hey, guys. Thanks so much for listening to The Lady Gang. You can subscribe if you love the show and check out new episodes every Tuesday and Thursday on Podcast One or wherever you get your favorite podcasts. Follow us on social at The Lady Gang or follow us personally at Kelty, at Becca, at Jack Bannock.

And head on over to our website, theladygang.com, to ask us a question, sign up for our newsletter, or buy all the cute Lady Gang merch you see us wearing. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next Tuesday.