LadyGang - LG Quickie: Elizabeth Smart on Detours, Healing & Releasing Shame

Episode Date: February 26, 2026

We sit down with Elizabeth Smart for a deeply honest conversation about life after unimaginable trauma. She opens up about navigating detours she never chose, rebuilding her identity after captivity, and learning to release the shame that can cling to our darkest moments. Together, we talk about resilience, healing, motherhood, and how survival is not the end of the story — it’s the beginning of reclaiming your power.LadyGang is brought to you by OneSkin! Slow the signs of aging! Try OneSkin with 15% off using code LADY at oneskin.co/ladySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact ConnexOntario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. it's time for a quickie podcast one presents the lady gang the hollywood girl posse with lady gang quickie here's kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanek let's make this quick hello hello hello welcome to lady gang quickie i am becca here with jack and kelty and today we

have a very special guest a long-awaited guest um our true crime junkie jack vanek has been obsessed for many years. I have also been obsessed with this story and recently watched the documentary. Kelty, who is this? She is an actor, activist, and one of the most compelling voices on healing, resilience, and reclaiming your life after trauma. She's got a new book, Detours, where she opens up about the unexpected twists life throws our ways and how we can take those painful interruptions and use them to lead us towards purpose, growth, and deeper meeting. Please welcome to the Lady Gang, the author of many, many books, but the latest one is called Detours.

I have it right here. She looks hot on the cover. Elizabeth Smart. Welcome. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being here. Okay, so first of all, what made you want to keep writing and keep sharing?

I have to laugh a little bit because after every book that I've written, I've always kind of mentally been like, okay, that's it. I can't imagine writing another book and then somehow another book comes out. And this last book, I have so many people asking me all the time, how did you heal? What did your healing process look like? What did you do? Like, what is the secret formula to getting past trauma, healing from trauma? And the truth is, I don't have a secret formula.

I mean, I wish I did. Wouldn't that be great? Just like pop a pill and have all your troubles melt away in a good way, not a high way. Yes, because I tried that and actually it doesn't work. So, yes, well, I mean, so I, with this most recent book, I really tried to pinpoint as much as I could kind of the different markers in my own journey. and I tried to articulate it as best I can, which I'm sure all of you can relate to. I mean, you have something in your mind that makes sense,

but then when you try to say it, you're fumbling over words or you're like, no, that didn't come out right. No, that's not the right word. I mean, that's, yeah, that's how it was for me. And so it is my best effort at trying to condense, crystallize what my healing was like and just recognizing because I also have a lot of people say I went through something similar but

nothing in comparison and when people say oh nothing in comparison I just like want to reach across and place my hands around their neck and be like you don't compare like comparing doesn't help anyone it just hurts everyone so bad things are bad things hurt feelings are hurt feelings like belittling yourself never helped anybody. What do you think is the number one misconception of the journey to healing in the path that you walk during that? I think the number one misconception

is that being healed is a destination and that it's not like the journey because I think it is the journey. I think it's ongoing. And yeah, you might not be working through the worst day of your life every day for the rest of your life. But it is, it is a process. I mean, healing, hopefully, we all improve. Healing is, you know, just seeing something improve, seeing something get better. And don't all of us want to get better every single day

we're alive. Be better today than you were yesterday. Be kinder today than you were yesterday. Be stronger today than you were yesterday. So there's never just a point in life where you're like healed done like right you arrived let's move on I mean it's it's a process every day of our life I love in the book that you have this thing called rest stops and I I found it very comforting and you know I'm a workaholic and so a lot of it's so it was so special and enlightening to read your book and know your story and the horrible trauma you went through. I love what you said about comparison because I was like, well, the trauma that I have is like getting fired. You know what I mean? And people not liking me and like, not, you know, like it's,

it's a, it's light, right? It's like really light. It's like my own shit, but I love how you open up the book and it, it really can be for everyone on the scale, you know, the, the scale of like all of these things, anyone who's been disappointed or heartbroken or, you know, had a loss or in any way can relate. And you talk about these rest stops and I like you call it rest stop because it's like, it's not a stop down. It's like, you can just pause and take this moment and realize. And the first one you say is allow yourself to grieve the lost path and the destinations that disappeared with it. Avoid the trap of comparison. What do you mean by that? So I think that when we have something bad or when you try to tell someone about a bad time in your life, I don't think this meanly, but I think a lot of time your discomfort makes other people uncomfortable and they just want you to hurry up and get better.

or they just want you to hurry up and be happy again or hide your discomfort away. And it's okay to be sad or angry or frustrated when the vision that you saw for yourself changed. Because how many of us ever have everything go exactly to plan? I mean, I definitely don't. Life is full of like little pivots, little detours. And sometimes we come across really big ones, you know, my kidnapping was

a really big detour. And the life that I would have led had I not been kidnapped would be very different from what my life is today. And for a long time, I just wanted to go back to being the girl who I had once been. I mean, that was maybe one of the hardest things about peeling after my rescue was just recognizing the fact that I could never go back and be the Elizabeth Smart before I was kidnapped. I mean, I couldn't go backwards.

I could only go forwards. And that was hard. And I was frustrated and I was angry because I felt like I didn't ask for any of this to happen to me. I didn't invite this man to come kidnap me. I didn't want to be held captive for nine months. So in a very big way, it changed my life.

And it's okay to be angry or upset when life doesn't go the way that you envisioned it for yourself. And it is like kind of the dying of dreams sometimes, recognizing the fact that your life isn't going to be what you thought it was going to be. And it's okay to mourn that. your dad said in the documentary he was like when Elizabeth left he was like my little girl and then when he when you were found and brought into the police station and he saw you for the first time he was like now she's a woman did you and he's like I almost didn't recognize her in a sense did you feel like you had that that you grew in that way or changed in that way as much as he kind of described it? I mean, well, you know, before I was kidnapped, like I hadn't started

my period yet. I like, I was still a little girl. I started my period in captivity, you know, body changes happened while I was in captivity. So, and then, you know, I was malnourished. I wasn't taken care of. Like I didn't look, I looked different. I mean, when I was rescued, I'd spent days out in the desert trying to hitchhike back to Utah with my captor. So I don't know if you can tell, but I'm very fair. I'm very pasty. And I was burned. Like my skin was sunburned and peeling and puffy from the sun.

And then like physically my body had matured more. So I mean, yeah, I did look, I looked different. I was dirty. I was filthy. Yeah, I looked different. there's another one of your rest stops. I'm not going to do them all because we need to get the book to read it, but that I love that says, resist the urge to isolate, pursue connection fearlessly. Man, oh man. I think that is some really good advice. Why was that important for

you to point out? Because, so again, just taking my case as the example, when I was kidnapped, I mean, it was just me. I was like, I was there with my two captors. There wasn't anybody else there. I mean, taking the crimes of rape and sexual violence, that also feels very isolating. I mean, it's not something typically talked about in polite society. Like, very few people are like, let's get together and just dissect the worst moments of our lives. And I feel like typically like sexual violence, rape, I mean, even sex to a degree, depending on the community you were raised in, your background, they're all kind of taboo subjects and they just don't really come up in polite society. And so because when I got back, nobody just was out there being like, I was raped. I was abused. I mean, it was kind of like keep your skeletons hidden in the closet. I ended up feeling very alone. and I felt a lot of shame

and I felt a lot of embarrassment over what happened, even though I knew it wasn't my fault. I still couldn't help but feel those things. And it would have been so comforting. It would have been so nice just to have someone else out there, whether I knew him personally or not, but just out there publicly saying,

I'm a survivor. I experienced rape. It made me feel like this. It hurt me this way. Like it caused this emotion. And now I've questioned, you know, X, Y, and Z for years. Just hearing someone else out there saying those same things would have been such a comfort to me, which I suppose is why I continue doing what I do is because I don't want anyone else to feel quite as isolated and alone as I felt. Although I know there are thousands, millions of people who do.

And I just feel like for us to heal, for us, each one of us in our own way to move forward, we all need each other. I mean, there's that saying, it takes a village to raise a child. I think that's true. It takes a village for all of us to move forward. You know, we need our doctors to take care of us. Like if you go in after being raped, you know, you need a doctor to do the forensic medical exam to address any medical needs you may have. You know, you need the friend to sit there and hold your hand or take you out for ice cream to take your mind off of whatever bad things happened. You know, you need your family there just to know that you're loved and supported.

You need the teacher to help broaden your mind, change your perspective. You need the mentors. You need all of these people. I don't know that any of us can heal all on our own. We need each other. that's interesting and it actually brings up what I really wanted to ask you is a survivor of something traumatic you know we see both both versions of survivors and there are actually many versions but there is someone like you who has done so much healing and you're out there and you're you're doing amazing work and then there are people who are really just truly stuck in that moment, stuck in that trauma, stuck in that place. And so do you think that the isolation is really what kind of contributes to that inability to move on, move forward? Or like, what is the defining, what do you think is the difference between someone like you and someone

like that? I think you bring up a great point. And I would definitely say that is a major impact on whether people move forward. I'd also say, let's like look at the situation a little bit closer. Did this person, what was the situation in which this person was abused? Was it a family member? Was it someone that was supposed to protect you and they're the ones that's abusing you? Are you living in fear that you won't be believed? Are you just worried about the discomfort that you're going to bring to someone else? I think what you've explained is probably one of the saddest things I see in this line of work. And it is that living loss of life where someone has gone through something horrific and their bodies are still functioning. They're still breathing,

but they're not actually living. And that is one of the saddest things that I see. And I feel like there's many, many reasons why people can very easily get stuck there. I could have been stuck there. And I think a lot of it came down to having people believe me. I mean, very rarely is it that someone says I'm lying. I think the vast majority of people are like, yep, I believe you. So it was having that belief as soon as I ever said anything. It was being surrounded by love and support and knowing that I was going to be loved regardless of what came out of my mouth. So I think that made that made just a a huge difference and then being allowed to move at my own pace without sitting there thinking oh well it's been six months I should be I should be here it's been a year it's

been 10 years I should be here what's wrong with me why why is everyone else fine but I can't get past this um I think again that comparison is devastating mornings without coffee road trips without snacks movies without popcorn without our favorite foods we'd miss out on all our favorite moments learn more at canadasfoodsystem.ca the lady gang do you like get triggered i because like you said like there's never a point where you're like i'm good forever so right now we're sitting in a news cycle where savannah guthrie's mother has been taken, right? Like, and everyone's wondering where she is. Is she a lot? I mean, it's not similar, but it's a similar thing where there's this national news media hunt for this

person who's been taken. Are you triggered by that? Do you have thoughts about that? um i don't i'm not triggered by it but i i know like what law enforcement will tell you if a person disappears and they're not found within the first 24 to 48 hours the chances of their survival drop down to almost zero percent i mean it's it's almost like they're dead. But I just always feel like we can't give up because if that was the mentality around my case, then I wouldn't be here today. I mean, I did come back and there are other victims who do come back. And so even though every passing day feels like we're losing more and more hope, or it seems like it's less likely that she'll be found. I think we just have to remind ourselves

that we can never give up. We need everybody's help. We need everyone to keep their eyes open and that someone will see something. Someone does know something. And if we stay alert and we stay aware and we don't just think, oh, well, that seemed kind of strange. But if that really is strange. Someone else knows more than me. Don't hesitate. Don't think that. Just pick up the phone, call law enforcement, tell them what you know, tell them what you see. And because you never know, what is the worst thing that can happen? The worst thing that can happen is that you're wrong. That's not a big deal. I'd rather be wrong than keep my eyes closed to a crime happening. So wild. Like I can imagine that it's sort of a strange thing. And this is not the first

time this has happened, but it's got to be a strange thing to be watching and know that like at one point you were the story that we were watching. You know what I mean? Like that has got to be so wild it it yes it is because like growing up I was just normal like I didn't like my dream was not ever to be like an actress or a rock star like a famous person yeah right no like or a politician like that was not my dream like that didn't ever appeal to me and all of a sudden, yeah, all these people all of a sudden recognized me, knew me, and watching these stories, watching these other cases unfold, and like the people that I keep in my thoughts and my prayers and want and wait for them to return and how emotionally invested I get in in their stories.

I mean, to try to imagine that for myself sometimes is a little bit mind-boggling. Did you have to do different work, more work, you know, when you became a parent because of what you had been through and what your parents had been through? Was there like a mountain ahead of you as I've I've come through this the other side as Elizabeth Smart, just the individual who's an independent person on her own. And then there's the Elizabeth Smart who has children and you have the experience that you do. um I feel like I feel like I'm probably the same as every other person in that when you have a when you have a child you have no idea what you're getting into like you have no idea how deeply this little tiny person you you love so wholly and completely and would do anything for and then also on the flip side how you were just like oh my gosh this is so hard I'm so tired I'm covered and I don't know if that's pee, spit up, poo. Like I don't even have the energy to change

my sheets right now. I'll just lay the towel on top of it and lie down on top of it and figure it out later. Been there. Yeah. Like I think I'm probably like every other parent who's just doing the best they can, figuring it out as you go along. I think it probably also has given me a healthy dose of, maybe a little bit too healthy dose of paranoia and what can and does happen to children out there. And probably my children would all agree and say that I talk to them way too much about being safe, about how I just want them to be safe, how it's my job to keep them safe. And that's why we don't do sleepovers. And that's why we have these rules. And that's why we call a penis a penis instead of a wiener or a willy or what else you know so I think they'd probably

say something like that what's that calling a penis a penis yeah just like for example I feel like there's there's so many names out there right for like vagina penis and especially like when you're teaching a little kid you might be like oh that's your private so that's your wiener don't touch it um and that was how I was raised I mean everything like it was your privates like your privates are your privates and they really weren't named I mean I knew what the names were but they weren't named they were your privates and that was it and um when I was rescued the day after I was rescued um I was brought to the Children's Justice Center in Salt Lake where I was interviewed by these two psychiatrists. They were men, they were religious, they were the same age

as my captor, all kinds of things that made me feel very uncomfortable, that like very much already made me feel unsafe and unhappy to be there. And I mean, my parents had been told if I talked to these two psychiatrists, they could stand as proxy for me during the trial when it eventually came. And so my parents were like, yeah, we don't want to traumatize Elizabeth with anyone that she's already been. Like if these people can stand in her place, then that's what we want. So I went in and I spoke to them.

And again, as I mentioned, I was already uncomfortable, men, older, religious, all the things. And they sat there and they asked me, not to mention it was like two on one. Sorry, I could go into like the, just that was not best practices. The power dynamics in that room

were not what they should have been. Okay. But besides that, when they were questioning me, they'd say, okay, well, tell us what happened. So I said, well, will they hurt me? And they'd be like, okay, well, how'd they hurt you? And I said, well, they molest me. Okay. Well, can you tell us more? Well, they raped me. Well, do you know what rape is? Can you describe what rape is? Well, he forced himself inside me repeatedly. Well, we need you to use anatomical body parts to explain what happened to you. And so it finally got to the point where I had to say he repeatedly thrust his penis into my vagina without my consent um and again I wasn't comfortable using the word penis I wasn't comfortable using the word vagina like just

even those words in and of themselves there was a sense of shame attached to them and so now as a parent myself like I don't want my kids heaven forbid anything bad ever happened to them um but I don't want even that added layer of shame just attached to saying the word penis or vagina. Now I've said it about a thousand times in our short conversation. This is the lady gang. So you are about the 1000th episode that has said penis and vagina repeatedly. This is how we roll. So don't worry. Great. Yeah. We've kind of gone in the same way because the other thing too is I don't think a playful word is necessarily appropriate for such a serious, you know, private part of your body. And yeah, I think it's kind of the new wave of parenting. And I'm really happy that that

is the case. I also something just came up was, I do a lot of work with the Center for Child Protection in Austin, Texas. And what it is, is it's this place where children go after they've been rescued from whatever the situation may be. And their whole mission is to make it so that the place that they go to the first place that they're, they're received, is comfortable, and they never have to tell their story more than once. And the person that they're matched with is a perfect match for whatever the thing is that they're coming in on the heels of. And I, I always knew, you know, the conceptual importance of that and how it makes a difference. I believe that but hearing your story. It's so, it just really hit me that that is so important. And the thing that's so

hard is that that's an organization that's a nonprofit. Like that's not our state protecting these kids the way that they should be protected. That's people going out of their way and raising money to do something like that. So I do, as much as I hate your experience, I do. And I love that you are expressing how important that is. No, and I am so grateful. I'm so grateful for centers like the Children's Justice Center, children advocacy centers that do exactly what you're talking about. And I think they have come a long ways in what the 23 years since I was rescued. Because that is best practices, you know, finding someone that the child feels comfortable with finding someone that they feel safe with, kind of allowing the child to dictate

the pace as much as possible, making sure it's only one time. All of those things really do make such a difference because if you're having to continually go back and relive it, if you're not comfortable in the environment that you're talking about it to, if you're not comfortable even talking to the person that's asking you the questions, it's going to limit what you feel comfortable saying. It's going to make it that much harder. It's going to probably cause multiple interviews needed to be happened because the questions weren't asked the right way or the information wasn't gathered correctly. I mean, so many of these places, I mean, they have like the closed circuit camera and maybe they have an earpiece in so that the law enforcement can ask

questions like, this is what we need to know. Can you get this? Or it's a one-way mirror. Or I mean, there's there's so many things now that are so much more helpful than what was or what my case was, at least. Well, you are, you know, as you know, but we'll say it again, such an incredible, resilient woman. And the work you're doing is so important, I think, for everyone. And I thought this book was just such a lovely, you know, if you, you explained your situation and you really gave it the gravitas it needs, but it's also sort of like an every person book. Like it's really for anyone that is kind of struggling to move past something.

And I thought it was incredibly relatable. So congratulations to you. Detours is here. We will link it in our newsletter. And congratulations on everything. I know you are speaking all over and changing the world. And we are just really honored that you took the time to hang with us today. And save a vagina.

Thank you so much. Vagina. And we weren't here for a long time. We were here for a good time. Lady Gang is hosted and produced by Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. With social media support from Kali Carrera. Audio and video editing from Jared Monaco. and additional support from Steve Delameter and Podcast One.