LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: Everything’s Drunker in Texas

Episode Date: November 11, 2021

Staying in the Austin suburbs together, the ladies venture to find a good time. One problem: everything closes at 9pm… including Chili’s. Somehow they still they got their hands on frozen margaritas to give anyone a three day hangover. Check out our amazing sponsors!!! Daily Harvest: Go to DailyHarvest.com/lady to get up to $40 off your first box! Nutrafol: Go to Nutrafol.com and enter code LADY to save $15 OFF your first month’s subscription! Brooklinen: Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code "LADIES" to get $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100! Shopify: Go to Shopify.com/ladygang for a FREE 14 day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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you're helping give girls in need planet saving period care. So when their periods start, their education doesn't have to stop. Plus go to salt.com slash pages slash Lady Gang for your own period care and get 15 off with code lady gang it's time for a quickie podcast one presents the lady gang the hollywood girl posse with lady gang quickie here's kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanek let's make this quick hello hello hello welcome to the lady and quickie i'm becky here with jack and kelty and we were just uh talking there's a big problem in the household there's a big vanic monaco uh problem they have one bathroom so jack has to urinate but jerry's in there doing

something else and you know what he takes usually 40 minutes to do this oh god no he's like he's like how much time do we have like i'll be out in a few minutes i was like i know you won't like we're in the middle of recording episodes like i need to go this is my like quick break of having a pee and I need a house. I need a house. We're getting you another bath for this year. Another fun fact is I just took my Instagram and these are the kinds of things that I did when I was drunk at the Austin show. So Clayton Hawkins, our old hairdresser who we no longer can afford because he does Olivia Rodrigo and other famous people. He was doing like some ad for the tangle teaser and he's like, here's all the tangle teasers. He's showing them. And I just realized

that I wrote him on Saturday night. Fun fact, I dropped my tangle teaser this week and it broke apart. It was filled with mold. And then he just wrote me back. That's a very fun fact. Oh my God. You're going to get blocked. Clayton loves you. Why am I around? Why am I around? I do need a new tangle teaser. If anyone has any, like a wet brush for my long, luscious hair, I didn't realize how important it was until I had hair that didn't break off every five seconds to like do a wet brush. So wet brush is the brand wet brush. Oh, there's a brand? Wait, do I need to be wet brushing? Yeah. How do you wet brush? With your hair wet? Yeah. For when you're out of the shower. No, Jack, you wet brush with your hair,

bone ass dry. What do you do? Come on, Jack. You're not that pretty. It's just better. It's better for your hair to brush it when it's wet with those types of brushes. And then you have a different brush for dry hair. Yes. Oh, okay. Purchasing. Purchasing. Boom, boom, boom. Thanks for coming to the lady gang anyway uh becca do you want to open us i did you did yeah like five minutes ago okay are you still drunk i am not right i'll tell you that i'm not right things are not well i'm not well i have not hydrated i i can't really like yesterday at the air or no sorry yeah it's monday today um it's thursday today at the airport coming home from austin i just ate a bag of nibs what are nibs what are that yeah an airport delicious little licorices

of life licorices you like licorices you little baby lip just one at a time that is the most bizarre snack i've ever heard of okay we're gonna talk about we need to talk about snacks but first i want to know if you guys notice anything different about me in what way is it the emmys behind you? Oh God. Do you have another, a new Emmy? No, I have three, but only two fit on the bookshelf, but I've decided to put the Emmys in my view. I was actually wondering when I, when I was, we were just doing a little conversation before this started, if that was strategic. And that's so dumb of me to even ask. Yeah. Nothing is nothing about boasting in Kelty's life is just, here's my question. Okay. So I put them there. I'm working on a different project

and I had this huge international meeting where I was meeting with like TV people that are in Barcelona and Amsterdam and, um, Singapore and all these different places. And I was like, these people, obviously everyone in the States has no idea who I am. So I can't, I can't imagine that the TV executives in Japan have any idea who I am or that I'm even, you know, and I'm not the greatest speaker and I don't look serious. So I was like, if I put the Emmys in the backdrop, they'll know this girl knows what she's talking about. But do you think that since it's so obvious, they might think that you like bought a fake Emmy to put in back of you since everything else is like falling apart. But if, but if you bought a fake Emmy, would you get two?

Like, should I put all three? Cause no one would buy three fake Emmys. That's just ridiculous. I don't know. Why does it look like it's falling apart? This is a beautiful Murphy bed. yourself. Oh my, my son. Anyway, I'm, I'm let's take a vote. Like, I don't know if I was just going to put them up for that one meeting and then I've left them there. And then the other day I was on another call and someone was like, Oh, are those your Emmys behind you? And I was like, yeah. And she's like, I have seven. No, you got to put them out. Yeah. Who said that? What a TV person? No, she was nice. She has seven in our family. Cause she has four and her husband has three. And I was like, where do you keep them? She's like, they're in a different

room. I was like, that's a lot of, like they're big, you know, like all mine out. Anyway, live your life. Okay. Jack, let's talk about Austin. Becca has moved to Austin, a city that we have both spent time in, but never in the suburbs before. Yes. Yes. We experienced the Austin suburbs together. Yep. Becca was on a trip, so she didn't get until late Friday night. So we were at this hotel and near becca's house and we got in to the hotel at about 8 30 what happened in the suburbs well we ended up getting uh some takeout chinese food and we're each in our respective rooms at like 8 30 kind of like munching on this chinese food and we're like this is depressing like we've got to change we've got to change something like we've got to do

something i can't just eat an egg roll alone in this like crappy hotel i did i was watching forensic files which i loved but kelty was the one and she's like let's go to chili's and get drinks i was like that's what you do when you're in the suburbs you don't have a restaurant that's a one-off restaurant that mark so and so chef we do have those what's what is crazy to me oh we are 20 15 to 20 minutes outside of like the city proper yeah like you're further away from downtown la than i am from austin and sherman oaks but the but the issue was we were in a little complex with only walking only our legs to take us places only our leg only we only had legs. Only legs. We only had legs. And the only thing in the complex was unfortunately or

fortunately. Fortunately, a Chili's. A Chili's. Oh, you know I love that sound. It's the sound of another sale on Shopify, the all-in-one commerce platform to start, run, and grow your business. So we use Shopify for our Lady Gang store. We have since the very beginning. I've also used it for Jack Danik because it's just so easy. Shopify gives entrepreneurs the resources once reserved for big businesses. So upstart startups and established businesses alike can sell everywhere, synchronize online and in-person sales, and effortlessly stay informed. And scaling your business is a journey of endless possibilities. So like ours, Shopify powers over 1.7 million businesses from first sale to full scale. You can reach customers online across social networks

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gang is brought to you by my beautiful head of hair, which is brought to you by Nutrafol. Listen, I've always tried to take great care of my hair. I've used all the shampoos and the conditioners and the masks and all of these things, but my hair is thick. There's more of it on my head. It's growing longer. It's breaking less. It's just like never ending to be honest. And I'm on year, I think three and a half of taking Nutrafol. So here's the deal with Nutrafol. It absolutely freaking works. Like, you know, when you're like, does the hair pill work? The hair pill works. here's my thoughts. You got to do it and you got to stay on it for a while, at least six months. You got to take four of them every single day. And now you can grow thicker, healthier hair and

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promo code ladies for $20 off your first order. That's brooklinen.com promo code ladies. The Lady Gang. So we're so excited. Once I realized, I saw the Chili's when we drove in, honestly, in the taxi. And once I realized there was a Chili's, I knew there was going to be an oversized margarita in my future in that evening. And there's something about Chili's and I mean this with love Chili's you're shitty in the best way. Like you're shitty in the way that is so comforting to me. Like a giant margarita that comes like a fishbowl. That's way too big is so there's so much salt on the rim of that margarita. It's a whole pound. Well, and it's like, like just factual. This isn't even me being a psycho person from LA,

like the amount of calories in that one frozen margarita is what someone should have in a, in a whole day. Exactly. That's what makes it so delicious. You know, you're really indulging to the max. And you know, and you know, when you go into a Chili's that the Chili's menu is going to offer you every fried food that you want and one salad, which is exactly the ratio of shitty fried food to salads that I want when I'm going to a Chili's. I don't want you to give me 10 salads. This is not a salad moment. This is so okay. Long story short, we went to the Chili's. It was eight. No, it was nine Oh three, nine Oh three. And then what happened? Jack Chili's closed at 9 PM on a Friday night. I mean, where are the people back? Um, I actually should have

prepared a full list of restaurants that would be open, would have been open within a mile radius of where you were. And it's quite a lot. Okay. We thought Becca might be in on this joke. She seems very passionate about her area. So we're going to just move away from insulting her. I'm actually not even sure where you were. But neither were we, were we, we didn't know there was a Dick's Sporting's goods. So anyway, weird that Chili's was closed and we were like, what the hell then we went next door to the steakhouse and the steakhouse told us the chili's is barely open these days they have no workers oh i know staffing shortages that's what it is i know it's so then i was like i felt bad for cussing out chili's but then we sat at the

bar of the steak place giant margaritas thank you the friday got her kelsey got her massive 24 ounce frozen margarita she still got it she got smashed i had the deepest talks with jerry okay but here's the fried foods i enjoyed in austin we had a loaded cheese fry yep we had fried pickles which is a southern delicacy yep i ordered some fried onions which i thought was going to be an onion ring but it was just like the biggest plate of spaghetti that made was made out of onions what And then these assholes ordered a salad, which is like, you always order one salad. But I got the salad because it had fried chicken on it. And I really wanted a chicken tender and they'd only had chicken tenders during lunchtime. So that was my way to get my chicken tender

into the meal. So it was fried and everything came with a side of ranch, which I love. Yeah. So we got the smorgasbord and we had a side of ranch on every fried food. But then I had this really deep conversation. And Becca, I want to know if you've had this happen to you yet in Texas. Have you experienced hidden bacon? No. Texas has a really interesting dynamic with their bacon usage. I think it's the South in general. South in general, probably. I've been fooled before as someone who doesn't eat a land animal meat. So I'm talking to the bartender and I was like, okay, what's on the menu? And I'm looking And I was like, mac and cheese looks really good. You got hidden bacon. And they're like, yep.

And I was like, this is a phenomenon. They put bacon in everything, but they think it's like putting salt in something. They don't need to tell you that the bacon's in there. Yeah. There's not a lot of vegetarians here, I don't think. No. I don't think so either. So we couldn't get the mac and cheese. There was hidden bacon. And then they started listing off all the things on the menu that looked vegetarian, but had bacon in them. Many, many. I hope this is riveting for everyone. This is a PSA. If you're in Texas and you order a Mac and cheese, there may be a hidden bacon. So don't just think you're having cheese and pasta. Sorry to you, Kelty. Well, the one thing that did happen is Kelty was having a

very, um, you know, a heart to heart with Jared about, it was amazing. It was really fun. About out like music and like the music industry and all this kind of stuff and she was like you know I really think that um like Chris would be able to really help you out if you know if we're still married because we're probably like every every like nice thing she's saying about Chris she's like I mean we'll probably be divorced but like if we're not by next month and like you and him should just like, when I get mad at Chris Knight, I get so mad. You do. It's shocking. It's years. It's years in the making. Like I only get, I've been mad at him four times in our entire marriage. This was one of them. And you're very vocal when you are, how are you guys

now? I don't know. What do you mean? You don't know. I mean, I haven't seen him. He's in New York. He's gone for the whole month. I'm going to see him in Thanksgiving. have you talked to him? Keeps telling me to come early. And I'm like, I don't know. I don't really like you that much at this moment. I mean, he's fine. He's just, I mean, honestly, we don't even have time for this. I expect a lot from the people in my life. And I know that. And some, there are some things about Chris and I's personalities that when they do not align, they do not align in a very big way. This is so cryptic. No, you just don't understand when people aren't the same as you.

Exactly. Yeah. That actually is the massive issue that's happening with Chris right now is he's not approaching a situation in the way that Kelsey would. And it's making her implode. It's making me implode because it's been, I've tried everything to get him to do it my way. He will not. And so I always win. Like, you know, and this might just be in relationships, but when, when Chris is like, let's plant all roses in the backyard, I'll be like, Hmm, interesting. Okay. Let's think about it. Think about it for two days. Even though that moment I'm like, you mother, we're not planting roses. You think I can grow a rose? I can't even grow a lettuce and my lettuce grow after two years. Like we're not taking care of roses. You need

to prune them. They need special fertilizer. And I'm like, it's going to be cactuses. It's going to be a succulents. Only thing I can keep alive, but I don't tell them right away. But then eventually throughout the course of the week, I get him on board with succulents only, you know, that's a, that's a montage of marriage. You have to just not let them realize that you are mind f***ing them into doing whatever you want to do. Why are you guys acting like you don't know this? Well, it's like subtle manipulation. Thank you. Subtle manipulation, jack so i haven't been able to subtly manipulate him yet wow because it's it's for we can be done with this okay it's too cryptic for anybody to

understand i love chris and it's everything's gonna be okay you want chris to help you with a career thing and he feels like weird about it's overstepping because he has self-awareness that sometimes you lack. I mean, that's it in a nutshell. It is. You don't care what people think of you as long as you can get your way. Yeah.

He very much cares. To him, his integrity is... Very important. And he's a people pleaser and he's a nice person. Yeah. And he's not like a bulldog. Exactly.

None of... I don't know what that feels like. So I'm trying to feel it and I'm like, this feels so soppy. wet noodle of a human get it together i'll see jesus oh my god anyway um we had the best week and i think i mean not to like blast her but i think we just got a nice text from alex we did just get a nice nice i'll read it to you okay it usually takes me a minute to soak

and invent in but i'm filled with so much gratitude thank you for trusting me to put this together you guys absolutely crushed it in the lady gang way it was perfect that's so nice she's gonna edit that out yeah she definitely is never gonna it's not even gonna air she's like i don't exist she's like i don't have emotions she was we wanted her to go on stage so bad at in austin and show you guys the swack it and like be the model for it and she was like i'm and she came downstairs right before the show she's like kelty you need to talk to you and i was like oh my god something's wrong and she was like i'm not coming on stage oh my god and i was like you can't do it I was like, girl, it's okay. You don't have to, like, you can be silent. It's fine.

She doesn't want the fame the way that we do. No, she's normal. She's normal. Anyway, I love you guys. It was great to see you. I love you. It was so good to see you as well. I also love you guys. It was nice to see you. It was a pleasure. Pleasure doing business. Um, thanks for all the support for Austin. We had the best time. Thank you, Chili's. Please sponsor us. We weren't here for a long time. We were here for a good time.

Texan time. Going back to bed. Good night. Thanks for listening. The Lady Gang is produced by Alex Ingber, Steve Delameter, and Jared Monaco. Make sure you subscribe, rate, and review our podcast. And if you love it,

share it with your friends on social media. Like, oh my God, I just listened to Lady Gang. This episode's so great. Swipe up to listen. And if you really want to, which we know you do, please follow us on social, at Kelty, at Becca, at Jack Vanek, and at The Lady Gang.

Sign up for our newsletter at theladygang.com and join our secret Facebook group. It's super fun. See you next Tuesday. Hi there. I'm Gabby Rapp. And I'm Nina House. We are the hosts of a fantastic new show, Botany in Barrels. If you've ever wanted to learn a bit more about wine but were intimidated by all the fanciness of it, we got you covered.

As a former chef, I'll walk you through how to taste wine like a pro. so you can show up your pretentious co-worker at the next company happy hour or impress your next date. And if you were ever curious about why Napa is famous or why Italy is known for bomb wines, as a botanist, I'll walk you through the ins and outs of growing grapes. To drink along with us, you can preview the bottles on our Insta or Twitter at Botany and Barrels.

Come join us for a glass. Episodes drop on Thursdays on Podcast One or wherever you get your podcasts. Stop wasting your nights on a mattress that doesn't get you. experience the most comfortable mattress in the world the sleep number smart bed at the touch of a button you can personalize your comfort choose firmer or softer adjust cooler to warmer and right now save up to twenty five hundred dollars during our massive labor day event hurry into your local sleep number store today because we have your number