LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: Gary Janetti

Episode Date: April 28, 2022

New York Times bestselling author, Gary Janetti returns to the show to bring his new book, “Start Without Me” to life and say the things we’re all thinking. Do you avoid your neighbor? Does your college degree even matter? And in a moment of “are we still recording,” Gary gives Keltie some advice on an A list actress. Check out our amazing sponsors!!! Coors Light: Get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with Drizly or Instacart by going to coorslight.com/lady  Framebridge: Go to Framebridge.com and use code LADYGANG to save an additional 15% off your first order!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Big announcement here. Our second book, our sophomore book, Lady Secrets, Real, Raw, and Ridiculous Confessions of Womanhood is available now for pre-order. Head over to theladygang.com slash secrets to pre-order your book now. We're so excited about this. Thank you to our community who submitted all of their deepest, darkest secrets. And there's a couple sprinkled in there from yours truly

and the other two dum-dums on this podcast. We love you guys so much for your support. We're so excited for you guys to read this. Head on over and order Lady Secrets at theladygang.com slash secrets. It's time for a quickie. Podcast One presents The Lady Gang, the Hollywood girl posse with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick.

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Lady Gang Quickie. Becca is away taking care of baby four, but that's okay. We have our favorite baby with us. Um, this back to the lady gang podcast, because he had such a good time the first time, please welcome Gary. Hi guys. We're so excited to have you back. The last time we were, you were here, you were on the cusp of becoming a New York times bestselling author with your first book. And now you're back. You have another book start without me. And so obviously when you become a New York times bestseller, they're like, we need you to write another one. Yeah. You know, it was,

it was nice i had um more kind of stuff to tell i guess so i yeah i had one more in me do you think you have more more in you i think you know both of these books are kind of memoir ish in nature they're about essays from my childhood and young adulthood it feels so old to say young adulthood by the way oh god um but i i think that's done yeah i can't i don't have anything left if you're doing like a memory type of a thing it's like does anybody have more than two unless they're like 80 years old you need like a you need to live another life yeah yeah and they're you know the books are short as you said you read it in the day so uh yeah for for that it felt like they kind of bookend each other in a bit is it less stressful to put out book

number two than the first time around because you're already in new york times bestseller kind of how i feel about our second book is like if it does well it does well you can't take it away from me you know i hadn't quite thought of of it like that but yeah i guess that is that is kind of a nice thing so yeah in those regards and maybe a teeny bit less stressful sure the first one i was super stressed because you know it's like you write about things especially when things that are super personal and super specific to your life and you're kind of like who is gonna care like you know you get that thing of like this is so crazy that i that i think that somebody's You're really going to be interested in the fact that I went on cruises when I was a kid.

You know, like, who do you think you are? And they do. So you kind of have those feelings of like, eh. But the fact that people did respond to it is a really nice thing. How's Brad? Brad's good. Brad's working now. He's away for a little bit.

Yeah. So he's not home, but we've been together nonstop for, well, you know, now it's been two years. But before, you know, I mean, it hasn't been quite two years together in the house, but we spent a lot of time together. So you're like, thank God he's gone, kind of? You know, it's kind of the opposite because I'm so used to, we got into such a rhythm of, you know, of how our days were that I miss him in a way that, yeah. I was just talking about this earlier with the girls because my fiance is a musician. so before COVID too we like never really spent too much time together like in a big chunk and then we spent two years together and then so it's it's such a weird feeling to have them gone you're

like wait but like I actually liked having you around all the time I do too it's it's been I mean I'm very happy to go back to the world and life but um it was for us you know we do get along really well and we managed we had like it was really nice to have that time together that I don't know you know hopefully it won't happen again oh my god please um so i wanted to just i i was gonna ask you if you would mind reading it but it's a little long so i'll give you the cole's notes but in this new book start without me there is maybe the greatest chapter of writing it's on it's called commencement address and so in in this essay gary did you give this actual commencement address or god no somebody else asked me that too but i'm like no i would never

forgive it. But now I feel like, oh, maybe I can. So Gary essentially writes the commencement address that we all needed. I'm going to read a couple points. First off, I want to say congratulations, graduates. You did it. That's the good news. The bad news is that nothing you just did is going to prepare you for anything that happens after today. If anyone told you it would prepare you at all, they were lying. The last four years have been one long charade, everyone going along with the ruse, acting as if you're being readied for success in your career. And every choice you made in these four years was instrumental in that success. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you that it is complete bullshit.

Also bullshit, you can't really do anything you put your mind to, and one person doesn't make a difference. Wow. Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but we're not here to talk about exceptions. We're here to talk about you. Basically, you're in for a rude awakening. I know this is a bitter pill to swallow, especially on such a joyous occasion as this, but I wish whoever had spoken to me on my graduation day

had at least prepared me somewhat for the terrible years that were to follow. I mean, where's the lie? But then it goes on from there. It keeps going on. But, yeah, it is, you know, obviously it's done very tongue-in-cheek. But there is, you know, in all kind of, not in all comedy, but in a lot, you know, there is an element of truth that obviously that we can identify with, which makes it funnier. You know, the truth, the thing that you're not supposed to say that, but that you, everybody kind of maybe thinks inside. And did you go to college?

Yeah, yeah. I went to, I went to Hofstra University on Long Island. Yes. And what advice do you remember from your graduation? Oh God, I don't even remember who spoke to us, Kelty, who came, you know, but I do remember like, it's like everything, everything happens the way, you know, it's supposed to happen at the time in your life. because you're so freaking young you're 18 to 21 22 years old in college so your little brain can only absorb so much we need to be fed in very little small increments like what's going to be like to be an adult but yeah i remember thinking everything in college every decision i made every

class i took was going to somehow you know people are going to want to see this on my resume it's Oh, yeah. Nobody gives a – Nobody literally cares. Gary goes on to say, most of what's going to happen after today, I'm sad to report, is confusion, fear, and crippling anxiety. None of you are getting jobs in your chosen field anytime soon, so put that misconception to rest right now. They're still backed up on jobs from graduates in 2014. You're going to have to take a crappy job probably very soon unless you're rich, in which case this has all just been something for you to do.

And God bless, your lifetime of alcoholism and dissatisfaction awaits you. But for the other 99.9% of you, things are about to get shitty fast. I would say enjoy the next few weeks, parties, packing, because I'm guessing soon after that you're going to need a job. And you're not getting one in political science or sociology or communications. None of those words actually mean anything in the outside world. How many people went to school for communications? What does that even mean? What is that?

Is that a job? I know. No, I work in communications. What? No. I don't even know what that job would be. I don't even know. Jack, what did you major in?

I majored in design media arts. I actually used my degree. Oh, Gary, what did you major in? Liberal arts. What is that? Exactly. But liberal arts is everything, basically. It's kind of like, you know, you do three minors in kind of like the fine arts.

So I was writing, film, and acting or something like that. Like what kind of classes do you take to do liberal arts? Like all the classes that I wanted to take basically. I kind of did – like I took writing classes, acting classes, film theory classes, stuff like that. Like math? No math? I did have to take a little math and science. There were like requirements. The prereqs, yeah.

Well, then you're actually using your degree, which is good. Can't say that for most people that go to college. Yeah. I said there were exceptions to every rule. There you go. So I have a question about the book. So it's still like a memoir collection of essays. Like, is there an essay that you wrote that you didn't put in the book or that you were

scared that you're scared to have somebody read? Or is there anything that's stressing you out about this release? You know, there's nothing that's stressing me out about it, actually. There were a few that I maybe was going to put in the book, but for a variety of reasons, I didn't. But no, because everybody has a different kind of attitude. Dude, my mindset when I set out to write this is the people that are in my life, for the most part, I'm celebrating, you know, even though like I'm there, I'm not there. This isn't a memoir where I talk about how shitty, you know, my parents were and what, you know, that kind of stuff.

It's just not, it's just not funny for me. It's not entertaining. It's also not me. It's like I want to, if I'm writing about these people that are in my life and that were in my life, I want to find a way to celebrate them. you know, to what I, what it was about them that has stayed with me all of these years and these kinds of moments that I've had with people, the people I'm not celebrating as much. I really have, I don't, I don't, um, I've changed their names. So that, so that's okay. Don't have to worry about getting sued. All right. When we come back, Julia Roberts.

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Julia Roberts. Are you friends with Julia Roberts? No. Is she going to be on the show? No. No. I have a question because we have recently just handed in the manuscript for our second book as well. And the reason I think Jack was fishing in that question before the break was we are telling essays and writing stories that we probably shouldn't have and we didn't change the names.

And so I am in a fight with Julia Roberts and I'm wondering if you think I'm going to get sued if I tell people the story and say it's Julia Roberts. Is it true what you're going to say? I don't see how – are we on the show now? Yeah. Oh, I'm like, wait, because you said – I'm like, did we take a minute? Is this like a sidebar? Oh, God. Do we think – okay, okay, okay.

Do I think – I think if what you're saying is true, I don't think so, no. It's in good fun. It's in good fun. Like for Family Guy and stuff, when you guys did like different, you know, pieces about people, like did they get mad and then sue you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Some people sued, yes.

Not a lot. I remember Carol Burnett sued. What? I know, which is ironic since I write about how much I love her in my book, but she sued for, it was early on, it was like over 20 years ago. I think we animated, like she used to do like the scrub, the washer woman kind of a thing that would come out at the end of her episodes, if you're familiar with the show at all. But she did sue over using her image or something like that. And that's not under like a parody law or something like that? it is she didn't win yeah but you know i i think it yeah it it did it did fall within the parody but that's the only one that comes to mind actually and that was a that was a long time i feel like it was like a rite of passage to get made fun of on that show what's the lawsuit what

do you think you're going to be sued over well i don't know i mean if the story is is that like i didn't and i don't want to give away too much of the story but like i did an interview the headline kind of got out of control and she was pissed and you know she you know was pissed at me on camera on television live it was bad in front of you i have the footage yes live okay not live but not live but it went to live to all the stations it was filmed that must have been rough i felt so i mean and it was it wasn't my mistake it was not my fault obviously um and i love julia roberts so like it's kind of been it's been a tough thing for me but it's scary i think it's okay to kind of tell your thing i mean look as a writer it's basically an apology yeah and

well great then then i think it's even better you know as long as you find the thing in it and you found the thing in it that that you also celebrate about that person and and you know look she's also allowed to have a crappy day and who knows what you know what was coming at her and what you know what triggered that versus, you know, something else that had happened in the past. But I think it's totally within your rights to write about anything that happens to you with any person that you come into contact with. Yeah. And let's be honest, like, I'm just going to read our book anyway. Yeah. Well, okay. So there's, um, there's, uh, okay. There's an essay in this book. This is the last thing I want to talk about. There's an essay in this book and you're talking about, um,

I love this so much. You're talking about how you don't want to leave the house to say hi to your neighbors yeah so like how you will avoid like taking out the trash or like yes explain this whole phenomenon i'll avoid i mean yeah well i won't if i'm if i hear neighbors getting into their car and i'm in my house with my keys about to go out i'm not walking out of the door so i can say hi and as they know i'm waiting until they they trundle everything in there and then it's like, you know, I'm peeking behind curtains to make sure the coast is clear. I'll drive around the block if I see the car. I'll wait on the corner. Yeah, there's no, I'll say hi like once a year. And then the longer, then the more time that goes by when you haven't seen them, then the

weirder it gets. So you really don't want to see it. It's almost like you're in some kind of fight that nobody knows about or something that only exists in your head. It's like, oh God, I haven't seen them in three years. I'm not going to see them now. Cause it's like, I really can't see them now because i'm now i'm actually late and and what do you say you know after three years it's like i don't want to ever see them again that'll be no and is this do you know these neighbors like are you this is always with all neighbors by even like strangers that like you've never even met before you're just like i cannot have any sort of interaction yeah i would much if i'm having an interaction it only means that i was really i'm really forced into this something

has something happened and I have to, and then I'll be like, you'll, you would never know it. I'll be like gracious and friendly and like, you know, I would never be rude. But you're just like dying inside and you're like, I'm like, how did this happen? Like, this isn't going to happen again. Like I was, I was sloppy. Well, I've had a lot of, of really unfortunate neighbors and I'm starting to think it's me, but one of my neighbors like chased Jack into my house and yelled at her for driving too fast down my driveway. I don't live in that house anymore. But this just happened to me this week.

And the reason when I was reading the essay, I thought it was so funny. So like I have two neighbors, one side I know and the other side I've avoided and I don't know. They enjoy having a barbecue. That's what I know about them so far. Very cool.

So I haven't been feeling well and my friend Christina did me a solid and she was like, oh, I'm sorry, not feeling well. And she sent me a care package on like Instacart or whatever from Air One, which you know is like the most expensive groceries in LA. So it was like juices and little wellness shots and like all the stuff and soup, salad. She sent it. She was like, Hey, look out for a delivery for me at 4 PM. And I'm literally like, who can say where the road goes? I'm like sitting like at the window watching for the thing. It never came. And then I was like,

I went to bed. I was like, Hey, she's like, how is the, and I was like, it never came. And she's like, wait, what? She goes on the app. She calls them. They delivered it to my neighbor, the neighbor i don't know and they accepted the groceries from air one like five bags of groceries and didn't like think hey this isn't me or maybe this is the nate like did you go next door and get them back no why not i don't know because i don't want to like i hate confrontation it's the interaction the injustice would outweigh the interaction okay so you would go if this happened to you you would go. Oh, and I'd be like, Hey, cause I'd be so pissed that they would never with me again too. I'd be like, did you get gross? Did you order groceries from Erewhon? They're mine. Can I have

them please? You know, I would be, I don't like that. If it was like one little thing, I might be like, right. It's like the socks from Amazon. Fine. You keep them all. Maybe they sent this bike. But like, I know you're not trying to take the death's door wellness shot from Erewhon because nobody even wants to take it it's disgusting yeah no i would know if if something came and it was although we do get stuff that's sent sometimes and i'm like because you know brad it gets we get gets these things show up so i'm like what is this nonsense but also you know that had your either your name or their name on it and their address so it's like they definitely know it's not theirs also why do things go to the wrong door to begin with it's written on them

like how to get mail from a neighbor like it says the number on the thing and also google earth what the you had one job the gps every uber every delivery they always stop at my neighbor's house and i was like can i get the satellite kelsey a lot of people are at fault you have a lot of people on your list besides julia roberts now exactly universe conspired against you for that I'm like a little Google Maps truck. I know. My address is one address up. Don't make me walk down my terrible driveway and then to the Uber at my next door neighbor's.

I know. I know. It's the worst. Gary, it's a brand new book. Start Without Me. We love you. Say hi to Brad. Thank you for stopping by.

I will. Say hi to Becca. She's a busy woman. She's with Baby Ford. Congratulations. The book is out April 26th. Congrats. You can follow Gary at GaryGinetti on Instagram.

What's our exit? We weren't here for a long time, but we are here for a good time. Thanks for listening. The Lady Gang is produced by Alex Ingber, Steve Delameter, and Jared Monaco. Make sure you subscribe, rate, and review our podcast. And if you love it, share it with your friends on social media. Like, oh my God, I just listened to Lady Gang. This episode's so great.

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