LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: Gift Guide

Episode Date: December 16, 2021

As self proclaimed “amazing gift givers” and after years of being asked to make a gift guide, the ladies have finally done it! And while they're sharing what they’re getting people, one thing will always be true - all people want is sex, money and a Starbucks gift card.  Check out our amazing sponsors!!! Ritual: Get 10% off your first three months at Ritual.com/ladygang  Olipop: Get 20% off PLUS free shipping on your order at DrinkOlipop.com/ladygang OR use code LADYGANG at checkout! Stamps.com: Use code LADYGANG at Stamps.com to get a special offer that includes a 4-week trial PLUS free shipping credits and a digital shipping scale! Chinet: Learn how to spruce up your next gathering at MyChinet.com  Total Wireless: Learn how to do amazing with YOUR wireless plan at TotalWireless.com  Scream for Ice Cream Again: Learn how to sweeten up your sex life at screamforicecreamagain.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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salt sustainable period care ab corp with a two percent give back mission to donate period care and help fund initiatives in menstrual health so each time you buy with lady gang at shop.theladygang.com you're helping give girls in need planet saving period care so when their periods start their education doesn't have to stop plus go to salt.com pages lady gang for your own period care and get 15 off with code lady gang do amazing with total wireless get an unlimited talk text and data plan for 25 per month one gig at high speed then 2g total wireless do amazing a month equals 30 days terms and conditions at total wireless.com it's time for a quickie podcast one presents the lady gang the hollywood girl posse with lady gang quickie here's kelty knight becca tobin and jack

vanik let's make this quick hello hello hello welcome to the lady gang quickie it's time to be quick it's becca jack and kelty here hello that was a weird intro she's like hello but you know what i think we almost i want to say jack harmonized oh i don't even know what i definitely didn't harmonize no i was hoping you might hit the next third up and then you didn't i will have to ask jared when he edits it the perfect harmony can he like uh what's it called auto vocal tune yeah vocal tune do they ever vocal tune on broadway no because you're singing live you can vocal tune well yeah i mean there's like auto tune is the word we're looking for oh yeah um first of all i mean i know it's sacrilegious yeah whatever you would say like i also think

you'd be able to tell because there's not like it's like a live yeah you're not there's not much behind you where but yeah the bands and stuff do it all the time there's like tracks and music and there's no track i mean they do sometimes cheat things by having reverb well no by having someone in an offstage booth harmonizing singing no singing so my friend can't you tell where it's coming wait they had that on follow boy too did they i when i was dating our mutual ex-boyfriend and i'd be backstage at the follow boy shows someone else was in the wings playing bass for pete because he like sucks at bass so bad yeah really yeah oh shit or but then i thought no he doesn't suck at bass allegedly it doesn't suck at bass he's just jumping around so much yes that

it's like he's a great stage man but like you need someone to hit every single note for the song to sound good so maybe it was like a mix of both anyway so yeah it's not that he can't play it's that he can't play well doing what he's doing. Because he's quite a, like, a low-key. Because it's, like, my friend who's a violinist. Violinist? For the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. And she's, like, running around and dancing.

And the reason that she's so good is because she's live. Like, she doesn't fuck up. And the violin is, like, the hardest instrument. Yeah. So there was somebody on Broadway. Is it the hardest instrument? I think it's one of the hardest. You have to have an ear.

Like, you have to have. Do you play the violin? Were you good at it? No. Because it's hard. it's actually harder than like a stand-up bass or a trombone here's or a harp a harp sound feels really hard no because listen a harp it is just large i can't explain this well enough but i'm gonna try okay so i tried to learn but not tried to learn violin she was she lived with me and so

i was like let me just learn happy birthday yeah play for a friend okay so i didn't realize it's not like a guitar where it's like you strum this string it's going to be c like this is a c yeah yeah yeah the violin it's all based on where your fingers are on the neck of the violin she's miming the neck you have touching and touching you have to have an ear you have to know what is sound is what it's sounding like like you can't rely on if your fingers are like it's it's so weird and i might be i might be like butchering this explanation but i had no idea how hard it was so anyways she's amazing but on broadway there was a show that the lead has to sing a very high like a high c and the girl they had was amazing she was an amazing actress and she was a great

singer but her range was not quite in that always in that world so they had my friend off stage who was in the ensemble sing alongside so they would turn down on that that one last note they would turn the girl, the lead down her mic and turn up my friend. Oh yeah. There's mics. I was like, couldn't you tell wearing mics, which part of the stage it was coming from? Oh my God, Jack. Yeah, no. Oh, so that's pretty crazy, right? I think that's really wild. Anyway, live your life. We're here today for the lady in podcasts. Sorry. Today we are doing the gift guide. So we have put a gift guide up on our website and i'm happy to tell you um that it's been wildly successful you guys have asked for it for years like what do you and we always do a gift guide every year for the

holidays because you guys need help and our whole facebook group is like what do i get my mother-in-law what do i get the thing and so jack and becca are both incredible gift givers and i follow whatever they do as i will say when we do the gift guide and we talk about it i have bought many things off our gift guide that you guys suggested for gifts in my family i know it's super creepy anyway so we're so excited to be here because gift giving is very difficult and i just want to know what you guys so i have the different categories and we're going to give you ideas for what you should buy this holiday season for the gift gifts okay first would you want me to tell you the things that i got for other people yeah yeah okay so jack on the gift guide put these slippers the heated slippers

You put them in the microwave. I can't imagine they stay hot very long, but the idea of someone bringing me a nice cup of wine, a cup of wine, a glass of wine, a chalice of wine, Snoop Dogg, and a heated slipper like seems so lovely. So I bought six pairs of those heated slippers and everyone in my life is getting them. Mother-in-law, sister-in-law. Like I think it's a perfect gift. And then a gift card for something else. because it's like nobody adults don't want, they want to buy something for themselves. So I thought that was so good. I also took your suggestion, Becca, the barefoot dreams robe. All the men are getting the barefoot dreams robe and I've broken up what robe you got color by what member of the family you are. Brother-in-law blue. Oh, okay. Father-in-law charcoal. Okay. So what are you getting your lover for the holidays lover i can't say what i'm getting my lover because my lover edits our podcast and we'll hear it that's true okay um i can say a few gift ideas that i've given him in the past oh great great great okay so i love a diy gift we know as everybody knows

a good diy i gave him a shadow box of my pubic hair something that i did for jared one year i think is a really easy gift for any of anybody to do to somebody that they love okay you have to love them enough to come up with a couple reasons why you love them but i got inspired because i i did like a diy search on uh pinterest for gifts and there's like the 52 reasons why i love you in a jar and people just do it in like a mason jar with like post-it notes so i took that idea i bought this like really beautiful orb kind of like a thing that like an orb box from cb2 that's like gorgeous where you hold ashes it's almost looks like an urn okay but it's dark but it's glass and see-through okay it almost kind of like looks like a planet anyways i bought that it

was really nice and then i did that idea but i did them on these little like pieces of tea stained paper with red uh little yarn so it looks beautiful yeah it looks like a really nice like decoration in your house and it can stay there all year but it's that same idea and it has like a really nice personalized meaning behind told him what you love him and like he opens the orb to to see the paper you have to like you have to open each one i know but where's the paper the papers are in the orb okay are they rolled can i see through the orb yeah it's a it's a glass on your bedside table there's just an orb of paper yeah and that doesn't hurt your brain no because it's really it looks beautiful nice oh okay no and it like goes along with my decor i'm

very yeah very picky about my decor it's like kind of like a mid-century decorum i was like yes you are my that's a good gift it's a really good gift but i think that there's an idea of like taking these kind of cheesy ideas and making them beautiful but making them pretty and like mature well that's a good thing it's a sexy mature and that's also good for the gift that costs not a lot of money yeah and you can go to home goods and get a 7.99 orb or call it a day yeah go to goodwill like there's a lot of like really cool funky sort of ways that you can do honestly i know chris knight doesn't listen to our podcast anymore but if he did i would like an orb full of compliments right a compliment orb yeah because i'm feeling insecure a little bit about

my life and my everything and so it's like it would be so nice to have someone be like here's all the things i like about you because as you stay together you forget to tell each other the things you like you only just say the things you hate becca what are you getting your lover we don't do gifts oh at all not really uh because it's like the same money yeah right it would be like me buying myself something and it was it wouldn't even be what i wanted i know that's a problem that i have with us me and chris too it's similar i'm getting him a wallet this year because that's what he asked for and then i got him a pair of like there's something happening in the men's fashion world where they're making dress pants with elastic waists for them so they

can't wear leggings you know what i mean like men i mean they can you do you but like men men don't typically wear leggings every day but you know a legging can go from day to night and like whatever it's like all time legging becca's like and you're gonna be stylish in 2020 um i do a legging day to night for sure day to night legging so with men it's like you're in your sweatpants or you're in a dress pant but now people are making a dress pant with an elastic waist and chris calls it a travel pant because he's usually on a plane somewhere my dad i know so anyway i found him a pair of travel pants that were really nice and i got them for him and i already gave them to him to be honest with you i was like because he's traveling a ton this month

and i was like i don't want to wait to get you this when we get back from our big trip like yeah enjoy your travel pant anyway i agree it's so hard to give people gifts and then chris was like what do you want and i was like i want nothing and if i want something i would just buy it for myself god we're so like the magic of the holidays okay uh what about niece and nephew Well, I don't have any, so. My nephew's just obsessed with signed memorabilia. No. That's amazing.

Well, wait. What if signed memorabilia comes back? I don't think it ever went away for, like, sports fanatics. But autographs are gone. Do you remember at movie premieres, people used to sit and try to get an autograph, and now it's you only want the selfie? No, but they're definitely, especially for sports. Like, if you get a signed baseball by Clayton Kershaw or whoever, people still care.

That'll always be something in sports. excuse me. Um, so my nephew is like, there's some store in Atlanta that sells all this sign memorabilia. My sister said, it looks like you're going into someone's like stinky basement. Yeah. I love it. It's like a pawn shop. So I have to go there apparently. Um, and then my niece is so easy cause six year old girls, you just give them anything with like a sparkle, most of them and they're stoked. She has a doll that, you know, you could buy the doll, anything. And it's just thrilling for her. Just loves it. I love that so much. Today's episode is brought to you by stamps.com. So if you've checked out our brand new holiday lady collection, I'm sure you guys

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begins on the day of the first line or device is activated. Any lines or devices activated later in the first 30-day cycle will receive only the number of days remaining in that cycle. Savings claim excludes taxes, fees, auto pay discounts, and limited time pricing. Source competitor websites, April, 2021. The lady gang. I had a little bit of a run-in with my in-law family about Christmas. And I think I've actually ruined how they did it for like 20 years before I came into the picture. So tell me if you think this is weird and nights, I love you so much. Okay. So every year around the holiday time, the whole family would send each other their wish lists.

Oh my God. Like mom wants, sister wants, Chris wants, Tyler wants. And then you would each get told who your person like, okay, Kelty and Chris, Kelty and Chris, this year you're buying, you have uncle Mike and uncle Mike wants this. So essentially you're buying them a gift that they asked for. and then on Christmas morning we would all be together I mean honestly for the first 10 years of our relationship we were always away at Christmas so I never really noticed

that this was weird but like you're opening it and like of course you know you got Scrabble Sam you asked for Scrabble so then I came into the thing and then I was like I'm going rogue I'm not doing the wish list this year which everyone hates because when you make the bridal registry you just want

the fucking plates that you want you don't want someone to get you a diorama of Steven Spielberg movies do you wait sorry do you have one you have one gift yeah you have like your people you're like the person chris and kelty do jack and jerry and they want one thing yeah or is there like a multiple thing it's just a thing what do you want for christmas i want this particular sweater here's the link that is okay it's so strange right so anyway during the years over time they've stopped doing it and i think it's my fault i think it's because i was like i need a surprise yeah i want

to be excited and like i want i want you to think about me and think what would i like to give her and if you don't know then i don't know what to tell you it's a bath bomb you know what i mean like i don't know what to wait so where what was your rogue gift that you got well i rogued for years i've just always last one year i got um t-shirts that asked my wife for everyone in the family all the men no but i give great gifts but like you know it's it's like weird it's an adult thing it's like my sister and brother-in-law they're like redoing their house they have two kids they're like what we really want is some new floors yeah so i wrapped up a check and some screws in a box and was like enjoy your floors you know what i mean yeah i don't know it's just

weird okay i had a realization on my flight actually that i have a real problem because i don't want to do the whole santa rigmarole with when you have a kid but you can't deprive your kid of that because they're going to be in school with other kids that got gifts from santa yeah so you either have to raise your kid like we'll have to raise our kid jewish yeah but they're are going to get Hanukkah gifts. Yeah, but it doesn't come from a made up person. I hope you're not listening to this with your kids in the car. If you're in the car with your kid, just turn this off. But I'm really torn. I think all that stuff is stupid. And I think that I would have been just as excited as a kid for Christmas if I was walking downstairs knowing that my parents had bought me

all that shit with their hard earned money. Isn't it up that the parents don't get any credit for buying their kids a ton of stuff well i think where santa is it's where it's really difficult and i've learned this by hosting the thanksgiving day parade don't have as much money they think santa doesn't love them yeah so i think it's weird like the rich kids are getting a bmw for christmas from santa well by the time they're getting a bmw they're getting that right they're getting the american girl they're getting a surfboard american girl doll whatever and then the kid who has a family that is struggling doesn't get anything like that is really heartbreaking cooking um life's hard though you can't baby wrap it um but can i just not do it no you have to and

it's gonna be magical your kid will think oh my god think of how fun it is when at night you're like little suzy we better put out the cookies and then some carrots for the reindeer yeah i think it's and then in the morning zach has eaten half of the cookie she's she's still like listen you do whatever you want but when i was like three or four years old i asked my mom point blank i go would you ever lie to me and she says no of course not why would i why would you ever ask me that and i said okay well then is santa real did she lie no she was like you just in cornered me and i she's like she's like santa is an idea or like some bullshit santa lives in your heart wait i like jesus you guys i have to tell you something i believed in santa until i

was in sixth grade i know it doesn't surprise me i was like 12 i had my period almost i had my period oh my god i know i have a letter that i wrote to santa in like fifth grade and i was like i'm on the fence if you're real or not because i have to tell you when you grow up in canada everything is so magical in the winter time yeah like at night there's snow everywhere the sky is so dark and there's like little glitteries on the tree and the everyone has christmas lights it's like you're living in the north pole so it makes sense you're so close to the north pole you can see it all happening you didn't think at 12 how does this man get to every house in the whole world one day no or like i don't know because i believed in magic because i've always had animals

talking to me i've always had like all these weird things like my king snow white what are you talking about like i've always what animals talk to you my stuffed animals have always like i've always not i mean sometimes when i'm in home goods i want to rescue the the things i bought this you know the sloth thing on whose gift guide was it the sloth it was mine the sloth um there's like a microwavable sloth that you can cuddle you know it's like a cuddle bug and you can put it with your kids when they're going to bed to make them feel comfortable but i think it's really cute even for period cramps and i bought like there's five of them on the staircase right there the little sloth thing like when i unpack those i feel like they have a little personality don't

you feel like they have a little personality sometimes yeah exactly thank you thank you do you know no never you've never looked at a doll or stuffed animal and felt like there's a sentient being in there no oh i have so i have my stuffed animal smiley he was like the bear that my mom used as like the focal thing when she was giving birth yeah so it's like the smiley has a soul smiley has a soul i keep i have him and he's like some crazy shit go down crazy shit but he's sitting in my like wicker chair my rattan chair in my room and that's also the chair that i used to put all of my clean laundry on but when i put my clean laundry on i have to move him out of there because i don't want him to suffocate under the clean laundry thank you exactly and you do this

now yes exactly yesterday exactly i had to move becca's jaws on the floor i feel the exact same way i feel so guilty when i put callie's toys in the washing machine because i'm like i'm drowning this donkey from bark box like no mine's only smiley because he does have a soul not callie's toys it's everything that has a face to me not art but like thing like animals stuffies dolls and this took a turn because when you said you talked to animals we thought you meant real animals that are alive no but i believe that like when you go to the zoo you don't feel like the whale is like that's so different yeah it's a living breathing creature okay well but smiley no no no no smiley's different than callie's toys that's offensive i'm sorry jack but i can't

pardon you on this this is so weird it's so weird i don't think it's weird at all smiley does have energy i need the lady gang to weigh in because i am feeling like we are dealing with some severe mental illness right now i 100 like my i had a cabbage patch doll as a kid roxanne which is they come pre-named okay and roxanne like was with me all the time and like you know when we go on family trips roxanne would come in the back see the car like whatever you know and my mom still has roxanne and roxanne is in like the hope chest in the basement with all like my childhood mementos and her stuff and when i opened them i was like how dare you you put roxanne in this yeah human coffin roxanne is alive she needs to be out so i put her on top sitting nicely on a

soft blanket in the coffin no no on the top like on top of the chest in my basement in the basement still so the basement there's no lock and it's very calm and lovely down there brand new carpet i don't think so see that's it's not great well what should she bring her roxanne back to los angeles and have her in her bedroom that's what i did i mean it's true you you know if you weren't already engaged or betrothed i would worry about your dating life if you had a stuffed animal in your adult bedroom i brought him back to my apartment after jared and i started dating That's what I thought. He also goes with my decor, though.

You knew it was weird. So who was taking care of Smiley when you weren't around? He was at my parents' house. Out, though. Out, yeah. Not being suffocated by laundry. Wait, you brought him to your parents? No, I have him now.

No, he was at my parents' before I brought him to my apartment. Oh, my God. I thought you were like, like your parents were dogs sitting. I really got so fucked. Took a thrill. Oh, my God. Could you imagine if you learned that about me now? I would die.

I would die. I would die. like die i would love it i go out of town i bring smiley when we go on the lady gang tour and we're on the bus if smiley's not in your bunk i'm not going i'll bring roxanne and you bring smiley and we're making you have one becca quits the lady gang i'll bring a human baby or a live dog and that's where i draw the line okay well anyway this was supposed to be the gift giving guide but it wasn't it turned into what's wrong with jack and kelty but that's okay that's what lady gang's all about um nobody wants anything boys want sex people want money and a starbucks gift card

merry christmas happy hanukkah we weren't here for a long time but we're here for a bastardly black soul cold time wow thanks for listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingber steve delameter and jared monaco make sure you subscribe rate and review our podcast and if you love it share it with your friends on social media like oh my god i just listened lady gang this episode's great swipe up to listen and if you really want to which we know you do please follow us on social at kelty at becca at jack vanek and at the lady gang sign up for our newsletter at the lady gang and join our secret facebook group it's super fun see you next tuesday