LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: HINGE HORROR STORIES

Episode Date: February 29, 2024

We asked our LG community for their worst online dating stories, and they did not disappoint. From accidental double dates to sex in a Ford Focus to a man who loves yogurt- laugh and cry with us through this hilarious dating extravaganza. LadyGang is brought to you by Huggies! Get your baby’s butt into Huggies best fitting diaper! Huggies Little Movers. We got you, baby!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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but only with the code RESET at factormeals.ca. Factor, Canada's number one meal delivery service. It's time for a quickie. Podcast One presents The Lady Gang, the Hollywood girl posse with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. Hello, hello, hello.

Welcome to Lady Gang Quickie. I'm back here with Jack and Kelty. Sorry, I didn't mean to clap. I was very so excited about that. It was either delayed or too early. It was something. It was something. Sorry, I had this.

She had a Celsius. I had a mango passion fruit Celsius, and I'm now. Celsius gives me anxiety, but like in the best way. Zach was hooked on Celsius for a while, and then he was like, I think I need to cool it with the Celsius. Yeah. You're chugging that. She's chugging it.

Sometimes I have one on the way to work. Are you going to sleep? I mean, it's late in the day for that. I've noticed you chug coffee, too. Like, you chug coffee. It's crazy. I don't do anything. No.

Do I seem like a sip kind of girl? I don't feel like you chug tea. Because maybe it's. Too hot? hot no i just but i just remember like i have flashbacks from when we were on tour and kelty gets like the massive massive duncan one and you're just like guzzling it down i've i've never eaten slowly and i've never it's like i'm on a deserted island and it's my last i am the world's fastest eater and now with a child it's like i can win a contest it's actually crazy because we just

had lunch upstairs and derrick my new assistant was there and like the three of us were like and we're like hey back to work and derrick's like just mixing his salad yeah because he's a normal person like oh no you're gonna have to get on the kelty schedule it's actually been really funny for him to learn my life you should learn from him no yeah to slow down you're supposed to slow down on your meals i think it's not good you're supposed to eat slowly it's not good you guys this i was in tears preparing this episode so nervous i was with one of the young girls that works at e with me and i was like i really want something fun to do for lady gang something we talked about when you were in dating life but now that you've been married life we

haven't done like dating disasters and she was like you need to do hinge horror stories because let me tell you it's brutal out there so i posted in our facebook group and i do want to tell everyone listening you may be a new listener we have an amazing facebook group on facebook we'll link it um this week on instagram if you want if you want to join you just have to answer and like say who your favorite host is it's kelty and then uh we'll let you join in but it is crazy in there It's so fun and things have been going so well. So I posted, post your hinge horror stories. The stories that we got are so fucking crazy.

Yes. Yes. And I begin. Actually, you know what? Would you guys mind doing a, like an infatational reading? I'll pass this around. Sure. Okay.

I will actually want you to start back up because the first one is so epic. It needs to go in like your acting voice. Okay. Ready? Yeah. And say who it's from. This is from Aaron. the first date I ever went on after my divorce was with a guy from match who seemed nice I knew

he was fairly health conscious but when we got to the Starbucks and sat down with coffee all he wanted to talk about was yogurt kinds of yogurt flavors of yogurt brands of yogurt places to get your yogurt oh my god it was honestly a good hour of yogurt and awkward pauses there was no second date. It's like, um, it's like shrimp. What's his name from, um, yeah, shrimp, shrimp, a yogurt obsession. I just, I'm like, well, I love a healthy bacteria. So I'm like, I actually do love a yogurt. So he could have gotten me for the first five minutes. Yeah. And then you would have been like, okay, I just think it's such a weird thing. And then you're like, you go home when your friend's like bro how's your date and he goes did you talk about and he goes yogurt

walks through his room in shame aaron i'd like to know what his favorite his top picks of yogurt because that is a very saturated refrigerator in the grocery store yeah and it's tough because it's there's so many options i know i can tell you what you don't want what and they'll never sponsor us but you know what you don't want is the yogurt that comes in two little clumpies and then they're like mix it together there's never enough yogurt. It's two spoonfuls.

You know where it's like put the trail mix and the yogurt. Oh, see I like those. It's called the squishy flip. They're delicious. Oh, they are? Yeah.

They make your own little parfait. Yeah, those are good. And I love a parfait so this is weird for me. I know. I love those. I'd like to choose a shitty airport parfait

instead of like this nice flip. Okay, Jack. When I think about you and food you think about a parfait. It's like an airport parfait. I haven't had a parfait in so long since I've been doing

working with a nutritionist. Like, I just don't go for that anymore. Well, it's a sugar bomb. Yes. I feel so shitty. But I do love yogurt. And I'll have a yogurt, but I'm doing it with, like, different toppings. And not in the airport.

I miss you, parfait, but parlay parfait. All right. Next one comes from Suzanne. She says, I met a guy on Match back in the day. He invited me to an open mic night, and he was not great. Oh, his open mic night. Like a stand-up? we were having drinks after and he asked if i wanted to go have sex in his car which was a

ford focus because he lived at home with his dad and he couldn't sneak me over so she has to go back home to his dad's house to have sex in his ford focus isn't a ford focus small i don't know she said i was so flabbergasted like a hatchback that seems really hard to have sex in hold on i was so flabbergasted after that i left and sat at a blinking yellow light thinking it was a stop light we did not hook up and there was not a second date so she was literally like oh no it's a small sedan sorry small sedan she was so traumatized that she was stunned at the oh i have done that me too i have done that before not had sex in a ford focus or been asked but i have been you know when you're so deep in thought or so deeply disturbed or something so crazy had just

happened to you that you're in the car and you're like doing something like you're in the twilight zone well it's like you're already on like autopilot anyways and then it just like really takes over and then you kind of it's lost time wild the amount of things like your open mic sex in a car and like how does someone ask do you want to go have sex in the car i guess i mean it's like sexy when you're like younger when's the last time you had sex in a car when i was with my ex okay that's pretty like not recent but like not as long ago as it should have been how about you I don't know. I honestly don't know if I've had sex in a car.

You don't seem like a sex in a car kind of girl to me. She's higher standards than us. When was the last time you had sex in the car? Probably like 2008. Okay. You know? I have a really good friend of mine. I won't say her name.

She'll fucking kill me. But she was taking another friend of ours to like a little procedure situation. And so she dropped her off, whatever, and had to wait about an hour. and she and her husband have been trying to get pregnant for a really long time. So they're on the really strict, like I'm ovulating, like we need to have sex in this window, whatever. Her husband had to meet her at the Cedar Sinai parking lot, hospital parking lot, and they had to have sex in the car because she was ovulating while she waited for her friend. At least that's like makes it sexy. It is. I was like, well, you're going to tell your kid that like he was created

in the parking lot of a hospital. That's a great story. Isn't it great? Because it's like so stressful like trying to get pregnant like at least you like throw some spice yeah yeah mix it up yeah i love that i love it okay first of all i just want to public service ladies we're not swiping right on comedians or people that want to go to like go to open mic nights i've been there um because this next girl is a comedian as well what about an improv guy no no improv oh my god groundlings okay i would have totally done alexa says i met a guy via bumble a month after moving to chicago he's a comedian here and after a few months of dating i went to support him at one of his comedy shows i went alone planning to see him after the show when i got there i started to sit

at a table when a girl a few rows ahead noticed and asked if i wanted to join her since she was also by herself i thought that was so nice so i sat next to her and we started chatting only to quickly discover we were both there for the same guy we had both been dating him for months and had no clue to this day i can't believe i stayed for this show must have been a good show i mean chicago has a wonderful comedy dude but how good would that crowd work be once he saw both of them sitting next to each other it would have been iconic but also this goes back to why are men so dumb so dumb like but then again is he did he invite did he invite both of them or did one of them show i'm sure he just invited one and then the other one just saw that he had a show or

or he's an evil genius and you know when you're a comedian at the comedy store you have to bring in so many people he had to fill the quota he had to be like i really want to bring up with rachel but i need more people at the show she's got a great laugh too loud loud because i feel like i actually been thinking about this a lot there was a guy that i dated in new york and dated is very loose like was so desperate for love took the like f train to like the farthest part of brooklyn to meet up with him like f train like a f train you know not the f train he f trained me i don't even get the g train and like when he's like you need to come to my place and i was like you literally are like so anyway i was really he wore eyeliner he was in a band

and i just remember going to like a bunch of his shows and then him like being like what band was he in i can't like this is the thing i don't remember his name i don't remember what band he's in but i remember going to a bunch of shows and then him being like thanks for coming and then leaving and i was like was i the quota i think i was the quota because in new york at like mercury lounge or whatever it was like only fit 25 people you had to hit the quota yeah i think i was a quota thanks for coming and then he left like we didn't hang out after his show but you guys saying like you'd had sex i went to the f train that's what i'm saying i i think yeah maybe you're just trying to like you're trying to maybe a deep make out at least i was definitely trying

to date him yeah did you bring friends to the show with you no i don't have friends that is so sad well this girl went by herself too alexa matthew no but a comedy show is different i think than like a concert okay of the guy you're dating that feels weird yeah oh this is perfect for you here we go um heaven heaven is that her name so beautiful wow okay i got set up on a blind date with a friend of a friend when i was 19 he picked me up by sitting in his car and honking incessantly until i came out he took me to olive garden and then to see a movie wouldn't stop touching my face and hair and neck and complimenting how young and pretty i looked then when i said no thank you to a second date he called me a flaky whore he messaged me a few months later to see

if i changed my mind cussed me out when i said no and then got arrested for having a child pornography. Whoa. On his computer not long after that. That took a very dark turn. Wow. He kept telling her how young and pretty she was. Oh. Heaven. Wow. You know what? Don't trust someone that takes you to Olive Garden. When's the last time you've been there?

I personally love Olive Garden. I was just going to say I love Olive Garden. I was like, that part sounded good. We went with Chris's hockey team like a couple, a year ago and I actually was like, you know what? I love Olive Garden. We like went. It's good. It's wonderful. It's good. Yeah. i don't know i was gonna say cheap but who knows it's not no it's not a pasta is like 26 dollars

i actually just found a cheesecake factory gift certificate in my drawer and i am like planning a night where i'm gonna actually go and just go ham at cheesecake factory well you know the most beautiful cheesecake factory is like a five minute walk from me and jared on the marina yeah you what do you call it again uh pangea yes but it's like on the marina like patty beautiful patio is it like killer shrimp location it's right like across from it like more on the side that we live on but i love this i love cheesecake factory their prices are very expensive now yeah you gotta go for happy hour to use that gift certificate yeah okay i'm gonna be out of pocket out of pocket girl no it's like their egg rolls are like 20 bucks really yeah okay i mean but it's worth it

no i took my niece and nephew there and i was like hold the phone for a second no i'm like i might as well just go like a nice it's like my dad when we're kids like water only yeah like we can't do the 450 soda you know we're getting old okay sarah says one time i went on a coffee date his idea after meeting somebody on hinge we stood next to each other while waiting in line but then he stopped in front of me to order his drink after telling me he doesn't like coffee which is weird because it was his idea he ordered a three dollar hot chocolate when that didn't meet the card minimum instead of offering to pay for my coffee he said uh i guess i'll get that cookie for my roommate he then spent the next 15 minutes complaining about how his roommate doesn't

even like cookies and then he threw the cookie out it was the first time i ever texted my friend and asked for a fake emergency so i could leave early wow the cheapness knows no bounds my god when why would you do you ever wonder sorry continue i just had to no go ahead who do these people marry like who do they end up with another person that that's that's that cheap or a person that it drives them crazy but they override it i think somebody else that cheap right or like that doesn't really have an opinion that's a reality show i want to watch is the world's cheapest couple i want to watch that but not in like a not in like a couponing way but just like getting themselves in situations like this yeah yeah it's like oh what would you do or well no i kind of

just want to go through their day with them and see like how they really cut corners and like really save money in an extreme way saving money he bought the cookie and threw it out but he had no other option he could have bought her coffee right he's an awful person in general and cheap right but he still hit it's like it's not that he was like this i'll get a water he literally spent the money just not on her on a date it's very strange yeah i guess he could have gotten a water that's would be the cheapest person hi i'm barbara aka your nursing educator on instagram i'm a registered nurse and i make content that's all about helping nursing students thrive one of the first and easiest things i tell nursing students if you haven't

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coffee we talked for hours ended up staying at the coffee shop until it closed sparks were flying he kissed me afterwards and it was like an episode of the bachelor with fireworks he told me he was giving me his address if i wanted to come over i politely declined because i didn't want to smush on the first date very jack vanek of you we continued to flirt and send spicy photos out of nowhere maybe 30 minutes after i got home he got kind of cold he called me sobbing because he was disappointed i didn't go home with him and then unpacked all of his childhood trauma until 3 a.m he never got over it and spent two days crying at me before i ended it wow why did she let it go on for two days

that's why she's anonymous because she's embarrassed she's embarrassed did it go on or did he just keep calling her? He never got over it and spent two days crying at me before I ended it. We need more information anonymous. He had abandonment issues, you know? I know. Sad, but it's the truth. Two more. Here we go.

Alyssa, I met a guy on Plenty of Fish. He asked what I was doing that day and I said cleaning my aunt's house before she moved. He offered to come help, so I said sure. He showed up and immediately started groping me and trying to make out with me with a fat dip in

his mouth i told him to slow down and that he really that we really needed to clean up we did and then my aunt handed him a hundred dollars and said split that between you two he followed me to the gas station put twenty dollars in my tank and then took off on his motorcycle the next day his wife texted me saying he was killed in a car accident wait keep going there's no way there's I'm sorry. I saw him three months later at Walmart. Yeah. No.

What? Wait, there's so much that happened. Okay. Groping. Groping. Then took the $100, put $20 in her tank. Stole $80. And took us.

$80. Then his wife texted saying he was killed in a car accident. And then she saw him three months later at Walmart. Okay. So I'm assuming he texted her from like another number because he's trying to run some sort of a scam. Yeah. like so he doesn't have to like pay her back yeah or or did the wife find out wife and she was like you know what we're doing to once and for all she's gonna think you're dead yeah i'm texting

her that you died well maybe he's a serial cheater and this is what she does with all of the ladies yeah that is a and then she's selling them at walmart what if you just like what if when zach and i first started dating each other i just was so jealous of all the other women in his life past women yeah that i just told them all he had he had died right i think that's a good move so that they've stopped reaching out the old zach can't come to the phone right now why because he's dead wow wow that's okay there's another one last one jack give it to us in a big dramatic voice oh this one's long well kind of okay mash with the guy who's it from kendall mash with the guy on hinge we started talking and agreed to meet up for coffee there are so many coffee dates

I know what people do now. You don't do a nail. You don't do dinner now. Oh, I always would do drinks because I can't do a sober date. But I love that these people can. I got there before him, so I ordered and waited for him to do the same. The guy orders a black coffee because, ugh, this lady doesn't know what an Americano is. Oh, God.

And we sit down and start talking. He tells me about how many apps he developed and how much money he made from each. He then goes on to tell me that he was on a reality TV show that never aired and how he won and was so great at it. mind you the entire time he kept interrupting me whenever i tried to talk and never once asked me a freaking question about me after an hour that felt like a lifetime i lied and said i had to go i thought okay that's it it wasn't a horrible date and i'll never hear from him again wrong after a week of no communication he texts me and asked me if i want to meet up and watch a football game together i very politely decline and say i don't feel like a romantic connection but best of

luck he then texts me wow okay i wasn't asking you out i was just asking if you wanted to hang out and watch the game but okay whatever lol so he had such a fragile ego that he asked her out she said no but he was like well i wasn't actually asking you out i just wanted to ask i don't even like you i wasn't asking you out i wanted to ask if you wanted to hang out wow that is iconic anyway i i just ladies of the facebook group i just want to give you a round of applause yes thank you bravo to you you've brought the sauce wait i want to do another one of these if we can get more you love it yeah they're really good and I really wanted to ask you if you had like an unknown dating story that we haven't heard yet from Jack Vanek that you haven't

I mean in the books you shared so many I don't you can't I can't imagine you have any more and then you always do I mean it's I I don't know if I've talked about it on the podcast I think I have about the professional wrestler that I went out with maybe tell us again it's a new era if you talked about it as a long time ago most of those people hate us by now yes well I met this well I didn't meet him i've stalked him on twitter he was a professional wrestler um he was very hot to me and we were like chatting on twitter blah blah blah yeah it was a long time ago if you're chatting on twitter yeah it was a long time ago um he came to la and like we went out for a night went to one of his friends comedy shows the ms oh the ms yeah he was a wrestler he was on real

world i think and now like he's doing comedy he's doing really well yeah so we went to go see his comedy show i mean nothing like extreme happened except for when we had sex he no stood up picked me up spun me upside down and then we yeah butthole in his face it was the other side but it was a like a six standing 69 also when i feature this it's so fun because you're such a gangly queen like i was really like i would be like pointed toes it's like olympic gymnast like her little eight is just this is upsetting it was upsetting and it was during the day all right well we weren't here for a long time we're here for a good time thank you so much for listening the lady gang is produced by steve delameter stacy para

jared monaco and social support from amy ryerson it really means the world to us when you show up in our community outside the podcast so sign up for our secret facebook group just search the lady gang under groups follow us on instagram and tiktok at the lady gang and the most important thing you can do is share this episode with a friend we would love that so much thanks for listening We'll be right back.