LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: How to Become a Better Lady

Episode Date: January 19, 2023

The ladies are hungry for knowledge in 2023 and on the path to becoming their best selves. Step one, communication. Learn how they communicate at work and in their relationships, because let���s face it most people can’t read our minds. This episode of LadyGang is brought to you by Hyundai! Test-drive the new TUCSON at your nearest Hyundai dealer or learn more at HyundaiUSA.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Ontario, come on down to BetMGM Casino and see what our newest exclusive, The Price is Right Fortune Pick, has to offer. Don't miss out! Play exciting casino games based on the iconic game show, only at BetMGM. Check out how we've reimagined three of the show's iconic games, like Plinko, Cliffhanger, and The Big Wheel, into fun casino game features. Don't forget to download the BetMGM Casino app for exclusive access and excitement on the Price is Right Fortune Pick. Pull up a seat and experience the Price is Right Fortune Pick

only available at BetMGM Casino. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact ConnexOntario at 1-866-531-2600

to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGamingOntario. Um, we got an exciting show today, Bex. We sure do. Yeah. You want to learn how to live your life always. I'm still figuring it out. Well, I love that we're doing this show because I actually do think that this is one of our strong points. So today we are doing an episode that is the Hyundai essential skills series. This is sponsored by Hyundai. Our idea is to how to like be a better woman, as Becca would say, we're hungry for knowledge in 2023. How do we become a better lady? And the topics of today are how to communicate clearly in times of high pressure,

work, relationships, friends, and family. And I love this for us because we, I think are master communicators. And I think our communication styles with our spouses and between us in work and then friends and family, like, I actually think we could give it, but I know we always say like, don't listen to our advice. We don't know anything, but I actually think please do listen to our advice. I'm going to actually go back and say, I want to take that soundbite out of the lady gang vernacular of like, we give bad advice. Cause I actually want to communicate properly to the fans. Yeah. I've never given bad advice. I communicate overly. I want to talk about our communication through our vibes. We are recording on Zoom. We can see each other. Becca's in Austin

and Jack and I are in LA. And I just want to say we all three showed up in a camel color top. Oh, I didn't even notice. It's like we work for Kim Kardashian. Exactly. It's like you can only wear navy camel, black and gray. Wow. We really are a trio. It's a real special trio. Accidental matching always. Yes, exactly. All right. First, a word from our sponsor Hyundai about this episode. Welcome to Mile 5033, the first mile of the first road trip with you and your newborn. Thankfully, your Hyundai Tucson has an available 10.25-inch infotainment screen so you can seek out the soothing sounds of nature to keep your kid calm, or whatever else babies are listening to these days.

And with available wireless device charging, your phone will stay powered up so you can ask the internet why the baby just made that weird gurgling sound at mile 5,062. Or that scrunchy face at mile 5,103. Because when it comes to navigating the new roads in life, we're thinking of every mile. The new Hyundai Tucson. It's your journey. test drive the new tucson at your nearest hyundai dealer or learn more at hyundaiusa.com okay we're back all right let's talk about communication i want to start with um relationships because i don't know about you guys like romantic yeah romance romance um i don't know about you guys and becca i don't i don't know if this is particularly jack i feel like you're still

a little young for this because your friends are all just getting married and engaged right now. They haven't been birthing their children yet, but I'm at the age because I'm the elder where most of my friends have their first child or second child and their relationships with husbands, boyfriends, fathers, you know, wives of their children are disastrous. And so I want to start with relationships because it can be really brutal out there. What do you think is your strongest suit with communicating with your significant other and the hardest thing? Jack. Actually, I'm going to start with Becca. I know. I thought we were talking about babies. No, we're not talking about babies, but like- What sparked this is because people with babies.

Well, that's just inevitable. That's like taxes and death, just like those two things you can't void. If you have a baby, things are going to get tense in your relationship. I will say if the foundation of your relationship is already a little rocky, it's going to really it up. And if your foundation is amazing, you're still not going to be, you know, smooth sailing. So that's good. That's really encouraging. I know. But I think my strong point is I eventually get to the point where i see the other where i see zach's side of things it's not immediate but i'm getting better in this like seventh year of marriage whatever it is that i'm on that i need to uh i actually got advice from a couples counselor that i had a consultation with that i never fully like

i didn't follow through i felt like the consultation was enough that's all i needed but in it he was like you're talking to me about what's going on with you what's going on with him this is not as a team like you're just not there's no part of this conversation where you're like we need to be better at this and and and we feel like this is happening it's like me against him so that's what i'm trying to do is like i'm i'm putting myself in his position more often than not and so that's my strong point my weak point is that um i don't speak up i still don't speak up soon enough when I want to address something. I still think it's going to blow over and you let it fester. You let it fester. And then when something takes you off, it's not just that

one thing. It's a million things. But because I didn't say something before, how the was he supposed to know? I feel like that's so relatable. Men can't read our minds. You know, it's so funny as mine are kind of the opposite. I feel like especially with Jared, I always like when something is on my mind. I bring it up immediately. We're both very good at communicating in that way, especially when there's a problem or there's an obstacle. We talk through things. He's very empathetic. He's very good at vocalizing his thoughts. So it makes it very easy for me to want to be open and bring up things for him. But that only happens when I'm paired with the right person. In past relationships, there were so many times where I was literally a timid little

ball that couldn't communicate anything. So I think I need like the validation from the other person to be able to open myself up. But, um, my weak point is sometimes I can, when I'm bringing something up, I can only really see it from my perspective and I have to consciously put myself into his shoes and our relationships very specific because he is the one that's always leaving. He is the one that has obligations. And I feel like I'm the one that's kind of like sitting at home. So I feel like it's always on him in a sense so uh i have to a lot of times i have to like step back and take a second and be like okay he's dealing with all the stress from leaving and from being pulled in every single direction that it's not easy on him

either well your perspective is probably so much better now that you've been on tour i know when you think it changed it well when we were on tour he was like wait his perspective changed a little bit he's like wait this freaking sucks sitting out here like home alone waiting wondering what you're doing and you're doing all these things and i'm kind of just sitting here on the couch but yeah it does it does change a lot because i'm like we were pulled a million different directions when we were gone and it was hard to get literally anything else done other than what we were doing out there. So, yeah. Um, for me, I think my, uh, I'm still with you, Becca, like, uh, with the reading of the minds, like even when I was on

vacation, um, I'd be like, you know, we kind of get into a vibe of like, when are we going to check our phones? When are we just doing us stuff? When are we eating breakfast? Like, you know, you get into like the vibe and it was the first real, like quality time we spent together. And there were times where like, it was, we were at in the lobby eating a snack, which was normally phone time, but I would be done my phone time. And then I would just sit there and like laser eye him, like get off your phone. I can't believe you ruined this romance. Like I was so mad, but like it was technically phone time. So my biggest issue is that like, I have set these boundaries of like, I'm going to tell you, you know, I'm, I'm like telling you how to make me happy. Like

hold my hand. Like I made a rule on vacation that I was like, um, a B T always be touching. So I was like, the rule is a B T. And he was like, okay. And then I also made a rule on vacation. It's not fun to vacation with me. Um, where every morning at breakfast, it's a task. It's a task. It's a task. Every morning breakfast, we're going to sit across from each other and we're going to tell each other one thing we love about each other because Chris and I do life very well together, but we do not stop to appreciate. And like, Chris is not a vocalizer. He's like a silent lover. And I was like, I need to hear this, like what you love about me. So for like 10 days, we just sat there and honestly, by the end of 10 days, I was like, I don't know. I don't have

anything left, but it was like a really nice exercise. And so I think like, just, I have trained him now for me to be like communicating what I need. And then my like downside is that I still wish he would like surprise me more and like bring up topics and things but he's just he's a people pleaser so men don't surprise like men aren't surprisers and also I remember you talking about your birthday one year and you did the thing where you're like I don't need anything and then he didn't get you anything like I think that that is a really good lesson to people out there where you know men are not mind readers they're pretty stupid to be honest and you do have to tell them exactly what you want especially if that's not one of their love languages like

obviously chris's is not words of affirmation like it doesn't come naturally to him you need to sit him across the table from you and force it out of him so but it's important to you but that but you have to make sure that your like cups are filled if those things are important to you too i love that cups are filled all right when we come back we're going to talk about work and i have such a good story for this introducing the new hyundai tucson to the lady gang when it comes to your journey, we're thinking of every mile. The new Hyundai Tucson has been built to combine advanced design, intuitive technology, and a flexible utility for all the miles ahead. Whether it's keeping you comfortable on road trips or keeping you entertained between stops, key aspects of the

new Hyundai Tucson have been improved upon. The SUV that gives owners more assurance than ever, leading to the best Hyundai Tucson ever. All right, let's talk about some of the benefits. On the tech side, they have this digital key that can help you use your compatible phone as a spare key. Yep, my mind is blown. They also have available wireless device charging. You heard it here first. Wireless, what a dream. And plug-in hybrid options are available. We are big fans of Hyundai over here. We've been working with them for years. Kelty drives one, and we get to get in all the new ones and check them out. And let me tell you, this one is a dream. So learn more at hyundai.com. The Lady Gang. Welcome back to the Hyundai Essential Skills Series. We're

talking about how to communicate clearly in times of high pressure. I just had this happen this week. So it was crazy that we were doing this episode. I want to tell you guys a little story of something that happened to me at work, tell you how I handled it, and then tell you that I still feel guilty about it. And I think this is a good conversation. Why did I preface it so much? Anyway, let me just tell you the story. Okay. So, um, I hadn't, uh, uh, I worked, I've been working a lot at E it's award season. So it's like really, it gets to be a crazy time, even though I have like some, you know, um, I have some contractual obligations that I only have to work so many days a week to protect myself and stuff like that. So I got to work, um, on Monday and

it's Golden Globes week. And so one of our co-hosts was out of work. And then when I signed my contract and when we were discussing this job, I had assumed that I was the fill-in anchor. I'm the only other employee of E! News. And we talked about it and I was like, great. And they're like, we're going to use you as this chief correspondent. And then if one of the anchors is always ever out, you would fill in. And I was like, great. So I got to work and they had someone else filling in um, who is lovely, talented, not about this person at all. Um, and I, I was, I'm not like really in the know there. I'm not on all the schedules. So it caught me by surprise and it instantly, I went to traumatized Kelty who's been beaten up by the entertainment business.

And my initial reaction was, Oh my God, they hate me. I'm the worst. They don't even want me. Um, And they've chosen this other person because I'm a hot garbage. And that's where you go to, right? And I'm like, so, so I had two options, right? I went in my office and I'm sitting there and I'm like, do I say something? Like, I kind of want to nip this in the bud because contractually, like this is, and I fired my agent, so I don't have an agent. So it's just like me talking to people now, which is even worse. um, and I was like, do I nip this in the bud? Do I, this is really bothering me. Do I say something or do I just let it go and be cool chick? And like, probably this sets a tone of like, I'm not getting what I want out of this job, but I'm, you know, so anyway, what do you do? What do you think I did? I mean, sent a crazy email to your lawyer. I know. No. Did you wait? did you, did you write an email and just, there was no emails. Okay. There was no emails. I, I wrote to my two bosses and we ended up having a conversation. They came down to my office

and I was like pretty upset you guys. Cause like, I just take this shit so personally and I'm so traumatized. Like you have like PTSD from all the shit that happened to you like in your past. Yeah. Yes. And I explained that and I was just like, Hey, when I took this job, this was my expectation. And this is not about this other person. She's super talented. Um, but this is my expectation for moving forward. And truly they had no idea. They were like, Oh, like we literally just thought we were giving you the night off. Like you've been working so much. You've worked over the weekend. Like literally didn't even cross our minds. Um, we're just trying to be nice. Like, you know, and it was awesome. It was a great conversation, big hugs. Like

everyone's cool. Co-hosted the next day. Fine. So, but here's the part. Everything's fine. I, expressed my boundary. I expressed what I wanted at work. I expressed what I thought I deserved at work, which is all the things like the lady boss Bible tells you to do. And they walked out the door and it's been four days. And I still feel like I'm a psycho. I feel guilty about standing up for myself. I feel like I should have never said anything that now everyone hates me, that I'm the worst, most troublesome person. No one else is thinking about this anymore. Everyone has moved on, but like the guilt of standing up for myself is debilitating. So like, what do you do in that situation? And I felt like when this happened to me, which was so relatable for our

girls, because I'm sure this shit is happening all over the place that you just are like, I stood up for myself because that's what girl bosses do. And then you're like, but I feel like everyone hates me now. Well, looking at it objectively, I'm sure beck and i are both sitting here being like you did the right uh reasonable thing where you stood your ground you made your boundary and you stuck by it not in a psychotic way but in a very professional way i think obviously that's something that you have to kind of look inward for right because it's it's obviously triggering some kind of shit from your past and other things that have happened that you tried to set a boundary and got a different reaction and it's freaking you out and

it's kind of like those feelings are just like lingering inside of you but I think looking at it from an outsider's perspective it's like you did you did the best that you could and I feel like that's just like a woman's guilt kind of thing right like we're supposed to be silent and not question authority and kind of just like go along with whatever is presented to us so there's like a lot of different things that I think that are in whatever feelings that you're having about it yeah and i i also cut like coming from the person's other side i remember you negotiating this contract and your biggest thing was not i want to be a star your biggest thing was i want to make money and be part of the team and i don't want to be exploited for my time and

energy yeah so that was the grand old message being sent across the line and they received it And so I think maybe a piece of your guilt is this, is that you maybe didn't express because you couldn't have known, you maybe didn't express in the very beginning that it's also very important for you to stay relevant on this network. That's the reality of it. And so if you still feel weird or funny, I would say give it a little time because like you said, they're probably not still thinking about it. But I think if the right opportunity comes about or if you're still thinking about it, you could say, you know, I've been reflecting on this exchange.

And while preserving my energy and not exploiting my time is really important, I also still very much, as long as it falls under those circumstances, very much want to work hard and work. They respected your boundary too much. Not too much. They respected your boundary exactly how they should have. And yeah, I think what Becca said is really smart. It's like, maybe you do want a little bit more out of that job than you initially did, you know, and which is okay too. Yeah. And I think I was so traumatized by working 17 hours a day every weekend that I went into this being like, whoa, whoa, whoa, pump the brakes. Like this is my boundary. And then when, and I do believe that they meant it in just a

nice way. And actually what I'm feeling guilty about is that, um, I'm, I feel like I'm the kind of girl that's not a girl's girl because I went in and was like, um, being like, Hey, when there's a place to co-host, it's me, not this other girl. Like I had to push her out of the way. It has nothing to do with her and her talent and all of those things. You have to take that out of your mind because when men go after what they want, this is so generalizing. And I know some people get annoyed with this, but for the most part, when men go after what they want, Zach doesn't think about the guy he's knocking out of the way he's thinking of all the years he put in all the work he's put in. And he's like, this is my time. This is my job. And it's like, it's not an

entitlement, but it's a knowing and a confidence. And also you have to cut off that part of your brain sometimes where you're overly compassionate for other people. You have to, you're your number one advocate. If you know, this is something you deserve that girl. You've been that girl that got pushed out 8 million times. She's going to be fine. So you've, that's the thing is like, don't feel guilty about it. Cause you didn't go in and bad mouth her. You didn't even, it wasn't about her. And I think that those people you were talking to were, it was abundantly clear. It had nothing to do with who was filling in. I think so too. I did a good job of being like, she's talented. She's great. It's not about her. It really is like, I took this position.

I am in this next lineup and you know, it's, it's like, and I just felt like an idiot anyway. I'm not gonna anyway so communication like i think it's like about communication is so important but then like the guilt of actually communicating can be so difficult well it's like it's even like those stupid memes that are out that it's like oh that wasn't my best after like leaving a social interaction but it's like nobody is thinking about you like flubbing a word or not saying the thing that you thought was right in your mind like it's we're all trying to do our best out here and we're all trying to hang on and we're all going to be okay. Yeah. We're imperfect specimens. Like there's nobody's expecting us to be. And if we are perfect, then that's boring.

That's so true. Well, Lady Gang, if you have a great communication story where like you have a hack or something happened or you have a great story, DM us on our Instagram at the Lady Gang. I want to hear them. I'm going to read some of them on the episode. I think it's, this is a really like in times of high pressure because I'm reading the Harry Spare book right now. I need to know everything. I know. It's so interesting. It looks so weird.

And like the communication skills of the royal family need some work. Anyway, on that note, thanks so much for joining us at the Hyundai Essential Skills Series. It's brought to you by Hyundai. For more information, go to Hyundai.com. Hyundai, it's your journey. Thanks for listening. The Lady Gang is produced by Alex Ingber, Steve Delameter, and Jared Monaco. Make sure you subscribe, rate, and review our podcast.

And if you love it, share it with your friends on social media. Like, oh my God, I just listened to Lady Gang. This episode's so great. It's why Bob to listen. And if you really want to, which we know you do, please follow us on social at Kelty, at Becca, at Jack Vanek, and at the Lady Gang. Sign up for our newsletter at theladygang.com and join our secret Facebook group. It's super fun. See you next Tuesday.