LadyGang - LG Quickie: How to Find Your Voice

Episode Date: April 13, 2023

Being in a slump can be difficult, especially when it comes to finding your voice. Luckily, the ladies have been there, done that. Find out how they’ve been able to pick themselves up and be a champion for themselves. Check out our amazing sponsors!!! This episode of LadyGang is brought to you by The HYUNDAI TUCSON with America's Best Warranty! Test drive the Tucson at your nearest Hyundai dealer or learn more at HyundaiUSA.com - Call 562.314.4603 for complete detailsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The Hyundai Tucson comes with America's best warranty. It's like a mental vacation from worry that no other brand offers. Whether that's up into the mountains to hit the slopes on a ski trip, cruising down the coast to the beach, or hitting the trail way out in wherever you go to get away from it all. Add in three years of Hyundai complimentary maintenance and five years of roadside assistance, and the Tucson makes that mental vacation even more worry-free.

Just don't forget your sunscreen. And maybe some bug spray. Oh, and snacks. Don't forget, well, it's your trip. So take a mental vacation, or better yet, a vacation vacation, in hyundai tucson and leave those worries behind the hyundai tucson with america's best warranty it's your journey test drive the tucson at your nearest hyundai dealer or learn more at hyundai usa.com call 562-314-4603 for complete details podcast one presents the lady gang the hollywood

girl posse with lady gang quickie here's kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanek let's make this quick hello hello hello welcome to the lady gang quickie i'm back in here with jack and kelty and we've got a special quickie for you yeah we're so excited for you special quickie for you special quickie um this was went over very i've said very extremely well very extremely well the last time we did it but welcome to the hyundai essential skills series so we decided to partner with Hyundai because we love them and I drive a Hyundai. And figure out all these skills that we feel like women need and then have these discussions about how we can help you with your lives. Because sometimes in this podcast, we're just talking about stupid shit. And then

sometimes we help you. And we wanted to really focus on the help. So we're so happy to do this Hyundai Essential Skills Series. And today's topic is a topic that I feel like, Becca, you might be raring to talk about and Jack too, but the topic is how to find your voice and reinvent yourself after a slump. And I feel like this is such an important topic. Like we always talk about, you know, you gotta be a girl boss. You gotta believe in yourself. But like when earth, I'm using earth as like its whole thing now, by the way, I'm just letting you guys know. Yes. Not the universe, earth. Earth. When earth comes at you and just is like beating you down for whatever reason,

it's like you... I have a friend who messed up his mortgage and signed the wrong thing. And now instead of having a set interest rate, has the inflated interest rate and the mortgage went up a zillion percent and you're just paying the interest rate. You're not actually paying in your principal, like shit like that, where like the world keeps coming at you over and over again. And you're just like, nope, I can't, I'm going to slump. And so you just slump away. Maybe you lost your job. Maybe you lost someone in your life. Maybe you are just not feeling cute. Maybe you fell off your fitness journey, like whatever that slump is and then how to like pick yourself up. And you're the only person that can do it, which is the worst part. Have you had slumps?

I mean, I feel like I live in a slump. who hasn't um yes for sure i have career slumps i mean i all the time um picking yourself up i recently listened to my friend actually joey gonzalez who is the ceo of barry's boot camp yeah he does a lot of interviews about fitness and boutique fitness and all that stuff and um he says the question he gets asked a lot that's frustrating is how do you stay motivated like to exercise, take care of yourself, whatever you're trying to do. And he said, motivation, it's not a thing. There's not a single person who has it inside of them to, I'm going to get up and go every single day of your life because we're human. We have days that

are good. We have days that are bad. We have days we feel lazy. We have days we feel motivated, like a little bit. It doesn't stay stagnant. You don't just like receive motivation and it goes on for life. He's like, it's as simple as you just do the thing. You just have to do the thing. And that's what it is on the days that you're like, Oh, I'm not feeling it. If you have a goal, that's not even part of the, that's not part of the equation. If you feel like it or not. You just have to get up and go. So I do have to give myself that pep talk a lot because yes, there are times where you do want to be gentle with yourself and not even... I'm off the exercise part of it. That's just because his industry. This is with anything, even with being

a mom where I'm like, I want to be super mom today. Some days I don't want to be super mom that day, but it's almost like you're doing things for your future self at all times. My future self is going to be happy when I go to bed tonight that I spent 10 extra minutes on the floor with my son Even though I wanted to clean my bathroom So it's the it's doing things for your future self and and literally just going and doing the thing and not overthinking it Well, I think also there's that like saying where the hardest part of going to the gym is getting dressed You know or like putting your shoes on and I think that That can apply to literally everything in life where it's like you're dreading the thing you're dreading the thing

you don't want to start and it's like you procrastinate and put everything off where that is like the hardest part of doing it is like gathering the courage to actually make the first move. And then, like you said, it's like, then your future self is going to thank you so much when you finally do it. But that's, what's so daunting when you're in a slump because you can't, you don't feel like that you can do anything. You just kind of want to sit in it. Um, but something that I've had to like learn over the years, especially with that kind of stuff is acceptance. Like if something happens to you and it's outside of your control, or even if you did something, just accepting that it happened and being okay with that before you make that

first move, I think is, is huge. Cause a lot of times, you know, you can just be like, so angry with whatever happened or in denial or whatever it is. And just having that acceptance before you do anything, I think just, well, just like if something outside if something with your friend's mortgage or something like that like instead of just being so mad that it happened and beating yourself up over something just accepting like okay this happened and now what is the first move i'm gonna make for it you know because then it's like you can kind of clear your head a little bit rather than being in this frenzy or whatever

it is when you're trying to make decisions to move forward yeah it's like a wasted wasted energy to sit in it and sit with it. And if you can't change it, you just have to surrender to whatever that is. And then what is the next step? And also if you're in a slump, a lot of time your self-worth really suffers. And so you have to get yourself to the place of why you deserve to go after that thing or to have the thing or to get back up. You have to get back to a place of feeling like you deserve that thing and sometimes jack it goes back to what you're saying you have to you can mope for a bit like you can just sort of be in it and be sad a little bit you can you have to like give yourself grace to do that but then it's it is i deserve to have this thing i deserve

to be happy i deserve to get what i want or at least try to because what what else is the point and if you don't feel that way then you should go see uh seek special counseling yeah no it's so interesting because like that was like mind-blowing becca about the motivation because i always feel like at some point the the light like if i do enough work the light will turn on that like oh my god i'm so motivated and it's crazy because my whole personality trait is doing the thing, reinventing, having some rejection, and then figuring out what I'm going to do next. And people are like, Oh my God, you're crushing. And I'm like, I'm so exhausted of unslumping myself. I want someone to come and pick me up by the coattails and unslump me for me.

I don't want to have to be the champion of Kelty anymore. But the only person that can be the champion is yourself. And so that's like this wicked thing of like, oh my God, I just want someone to like, you know, pick me up and be like, okay, you're going to do this today. This is what you're going to do. This is what you're going to do. But it has to come from inside you. And that is sometimes the most... Because we're already tired, right? We're already overwhelmed. So we're like, I can't take another thing. I can't like... And to be honest with you, slumps are comfortable. they're so great yeah like i am someone that can really i don't share it with the world but like i can slump you guys like i can go in and just lay there for four days and feel sorry about myself

for myself in whatever way and just be dark and sad and not doing shit and put everything off and then i guess that's a little manic you know then i turn flip the side and i do like 12 hours to make up for it, but you know, it's like, Ooh, I just a slump. And then finding your voice is something that I have had such a hard time with because I have my voice and I'm super confident person. And I'm like, I will tell you what it is and I'll say it, but there's still something deep inside me where I just want everyone to like me and everyone to be like saying nice things about me behind my back, um, in certain areas, which is so weird. And like, I've really had a hard time, um, right now, like we're, you know, we're going into super fan and it's like a lot

of corporate, a lot of like conversations about that, a lot of corporate emails. And it's just like, I don't know. I just, I want to like shake everyone and be like, Hey, like I'm here and this is, you know, like weird shit will happen where it's like, um, for instance, like we, we made a logo for the show and there's a whole thought process behind the logo. Right. So what it's supposed to look like is, you know, how, when you're at a concert and they spray paint the name of the band on the side of like a road case and it looks, and it's kind of like messed up and it's been bumped against walls and stuff like that. So we made the logo with like texture in it. So it kind of looks like it could have been that. And then I got an email yesterday and

they're like, okay, here's the approved logo for the whatever. And they turned it into like, it looks like Superman. It's shiny and it's flat and it's like a different font. And you're just like, this is so weird. And then you have to constantly... And listen, I'm so happy that they're making the show and they can have whatever logo they want. They bought the show, they own it, fine. But deciding on a daily basis, the things that you're going to stand up for and find your voice and say, no, like I, it has to be this way. And the things you're going to like, let go is like a constant like fight with your interior brain. I just feel like every day you have to decide, like, am I going to be mad at my husband about this? Am I going to be,

if I kind of call this person out for this thing, is this going to be the way I want it? Or am I just going to be passive and like, let it go? Well, choosing, choosing what hell you're going to die on like choosing what hill you're gonna die like it's the quote is it kind is it necessary is it true so it's like if you're trying to decide if something needs to be said you have to ask yourself those three questions is it kind is it necessary and is it true we're gonna be right back after this break and becca's gonna explain this the hyundai tucson comes with america's best warranty it's like a mental vacation from worry that no other brand offers whether that's up into the mountains to hit the slopes on a ski trip cruising down the coast to the beach or hitting

the trail so take a mental vacation or better yet a vacation vacation in the hyundai tucson and leave those worries behind the hyundai tucson with america's best warranty it's your journey test ride the tucson at your nearest hyundai dealer or learn more at hyundaiusa.com call 562-314-4603 for complete details the lady gang okay we're back becca is it kind is it what is it is it kind is it necessary is it true i don't know if that's the right order but there's this quote where it's like before you say something that's what you ask yourself so here's the thing kind doesn't mean polite kind means an example would be on set i was just among a lot of different people, a lot of different personalities, you know, and I had to say some things to some people

that were necessary, but they weren't easy for that person to hear. So it was kind because I was being kind to myself and to the others that it was affecting. But being kind is also sometimes being honest. Yeah. And this person is probably going to go to the next job and maybe hopefully because something was said, change the behavior. And that's actually a kind thing to do, not letting somebody get away with behavior that is not appropriate. So that's important. And is it necessary? It's like for you, it's a logo. That's a big thing. That's like the first thing. That's the first impression of someone who's going to see of your show. That is necessary. But it's like with little things, with the minutia of the day-to-day, maybe not. And so

you're saving yourself a lot of energy and you're saving a lot of uncomfortable encounters by when you do speak up, if it fits all three of those things, that means it's pretty important and people are going to listen. So it's like not abusing your voice and like, or power or whatever the position is. Um, but we also say like, how would you tell your best friend to stick up for themselves? How would you stick up for your best friend? Like, that's the thing. I always find it way easier to advocate for other people than for myself. But I've started really advocating for myself like I would for my friend in professional settings. And I have to say it's like night and day. And I walk away, yes, for the first couple of days, was it uncomfortable? Was I struggling

with the same thing that you struggle with? Is this person going to like me? And I had dinner with a friend the other day and I said, I think this is the first job I'm walking away from where not every single person is going to be asked about me and their, their reaction isn't going to be, she's amazing. She's incredible. She's cool. Like that was who I was for the last 10 years. Yeah. Um, that's not me anymore. And that's okay. If anybody walks away, I want them to say she has integrity. She's a professional and she's kind, like that's way more important. And some people can even say she's a bitch. I didn't like her. So that's okay too. Well, if you're the type of person that everybody, every single person likes,

then you're obviously not being your true self you know there's like a million quotes about that as well so it's like if your people pleasing is so far off the charts that you're not able to stand up for yourself you're not able to die on a hill if that hill is important to you like it's like you have to find that balance where you're not making everything an issue because you're a perfectionist and everything is not your way but then also being able to be true to yourself and when you go to bed at night being like, okay, well, at least I, you know, was, spoke honestly and tried to do the best thing for myself. So it's, it's, you know, it's a balance that we're all trying to have. Yeah, it's really hard. And also like the thing about it is that you have to

be ready for people to like... Not say what you like. Well, yeah. And not like you. And like, there's been a couple of times in my career and in my life. Like, I mean, I'm always, I I'm listen for things that were really important where I stood up for myself, found my voice and was like, no, you can't treat me like this. And like, by the way, they didn't give a, like, they were like, oh, that's cool. Cause someone else will let us do that. And so we're going to replace you. You know what I mean? Like you have to be prepared when you find your voice that you get to sleep at night and you can feel better and it's going to serve you in a long haul of your life, but like, you might not get what you want. Like, obviously

people, when you work in an office, like you want the nicest, most people-pleasing person. That's not calling shit out. That's not like standing up for yourself is something that, you know, not everyone is not, it's risky. Not everyone's going to be like, Oh my God, she's so great. Like there might be someone Becca on the next job. That's like, Oh, I worked with her and she was hard yeah like the person's like oh let's go with this other girl you know and you're like okay but that's the risk you take for your integrity and for like the future of your life like your bullshit meter as you get older is just less and less and less and we just have to create these lives where we can feel comfortable in them and like oh well well it's like at the end

of the day you have to protect yourself nobody else is going to protect you so i think especially back with what you're talking about on your last job on set it's just like that you know you have like a family to protect now and you have all of these other elements that are in your life that weren't before and it's like that has to come first yeah like you somebody liking you a stranger liking you that you're never going to work with again like who gives a shit it's like those are the important things to you and i think as everybody gets older we kind of figure that out and hopefully are able to like have the courage to adjust our behaviors to be able to do that as women i mean this is as people but i think we have such a strong female audience and um there's

a lot of women that are bosses and in charge of people. And I have been so guilty in the past of seeing women who have found their voice and just automatically going to she's awful. She's hard. Don't work with her or she's whatever. I don't want to deal with it. Um, and now it's up to us to recognize like, yes, not every woman speaking up is an all star and you should work with her. Like, it's like, that doesn't, not every woman is perfect. That's outspoken and sticking up and whatever. But now I'm really, really careful when I have an encounter or if I hear of something or whatever it is where there's a woman who is obviously not afraid to stick up for herself or to speak up or who has found her voice. I am now playing devil's advocate

a lot among other people. And I will always spin it and say, if this person was a man, would we be saying the same thing yeah and also do i respect what she's saying and what she's asking for a lot of the time it's yes so if you are in a position of power and you have somebody who's working for you with you whatever i urge you the next time you want to jump to oh she's difficult or how dare she like really take a minute and see if it's actually just behavior that you yourself wish you could exhibit my last thought on this before we go is that i will say the two of you have been incredible at exactly what you're just saying um in supporting me in lady gang because from the beginning and listen like i have learned to chill and be a little

better not all the time i'm still gonna freak out but like throughout the whole process of lady gang from start to like this day right now you guys have always been like well like hold on because she's dealing with these men and you know whatever and like she's not wrong is her delivery great no and like we need to work on that but it's always just the delivery that's the problem but you guys always have stood behind me and been like no like like you know like if i don't know what i'm trying to say no it's true yeah yeah when people want to write you off as being difficult or crazy or whatever yes jack and i have known you well enough to know that we've advocated for you and you've advocated for us it's been nice and then and then you know what it was a perfect

example a couple months ago i was really suffering like with my hormones and really struggling and you didn't placate me you were like yes something is off your rage your anger your frustration it isn't warranted. So take a look at that. I, that was the most helpful thing that I could have ever heard because then it's, then you can, I can differentiate now those moments. I was able to go off to a job and like really know that about myself. So I knew when I did stick up for myself and I was a little tougher, I knew it wasn't in the world of you're losing your mind. Like it was, I was like, no, this is a different feeling. This is a different whatever. But if you hadn't pointed that out to me, that would have been... I don't know. It would have been probably a disastrous

experience. So that was kind of you. Okay. So listen, I feel like we did our duty. We gave you some skills, some tips, some thoughts. And we hope that you find your voice and use it. And we're proud of you guys. Give yourself a hug today. If you're listening to this, you're doing great, sweetie. And we love you. And we want to thank Hyundai. The Hyundai Essential Skills Series is brought to you by Hyundai. For more information, go to Hyundai.com. Hyundai, it's your journey. Thanks for listening. The Lady Gang is produced by Alex Ingber, Steve Delameter and Jared Monaco. Make sure you subscribe, rate and review our podcast. And if you love it, share it with your friends on social media like, oh my God, I just listened to Lady

Gang. This episode's so great. Swipe up to listen. And if you really want to, which we know you do, please follow us on social at kelty at becca at jack vanek and at the lady gang sign up for our newsletter at the lady gang.com and join our secret facebook group it's super fun see you next tuesday the hyundai tucson comes with america's best warranty it's like a mental vacation from worry that no other brand offers the hyundai tucson with america's best warranty it's your journey Test drive the Tucson at your nearest Hyundai dealer or learn more at HyundaiUSA.com. Call 562-314-4603 for complete details.