LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: Howard Stern Loves Keltie

Episode Date: March 26, 2020

What’s better than hosting the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade? Messing up and swearing on live television and being celebrated by Howard Stern. At least, that’s what happened to Keltie!   Shout out to today's sponsors! Shopify – See all the ways Shopify is supporting independents at Shopify.com/Independents.   Sun Basket – Get $35 off your order when you go right now to sunbasket.com/ladygang and enter promo code ladygang at checkout.   Legalzoom - Head to legalzoom.com and use code LADYGANG for special savings.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

it's time for a quickie podcast one presents the lady gang the hollywood girl posse with lady gang quickie here's kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanek let's make this quick hello hello hello welcome to the lady gang quickie i i'm not done i'm becca you're jack and kelty well you took a very long pause well because you were screaming. Thanks for letting us shine. Um, I'm so nervous to what we could be talking about because Kelty said, you guys can be on your phones all episode. I just have a story. She's going to do a one woman show. No, I'm not doing no, this is no, no, no. I, well, first of all, don't give away the secrets. You can't be on your phones, but like, I'm going to give you a

break and I'm going to, this quickie is not pre-produced and I need you to be into it, but I'm sharing a little bit of a story and the story has a clip that I'm going to play. And the clip is like four minutes long. So that's going to take up a little bit of time, but okay. Okay. So I'm basically,

this is an old clip that I didn't realize existed until just a few minutes ago. Basically we all know that last year I hosted the Thanksgiving day parade. Yeah. Okay. In New York. And I don't listen to Howard Stern religiously, but i guess people do and howard knows who i am here we go oh god oh no i'll play it for you guys

hold on let me turn the sound up keep it for the most part family friendly but something always slips up on cbs this uh woman uh a kelty knight i was talking about the affleck duck float which by the way that's another bullshit thing yeah because that's a commercial exactly now i'm down there in the freezing cold staring at a balloon commercial but anyway the affleck duck had a float and she got all excited and she slipped up and said i'll fuck that i'll fuck yeah i'll fuck yeah listen up look at that what is that big duck coming behind us it's a parade innovation part hybrid cold air balloon and then a self-propelled vehicle. Alphuck is 20 feet

wide and 33 feet tall. Alphuck. And that happy voice that those announcers do. I was going to say that is another skill. Alphuck is a What is that big duck

coming down the road? It's Alphuck. Alphuck is a better name for that stupid duck. Don't slip a commercial in on me. I'm standing here in the cold let's start calling him the alpha she's right that girl's a genius i gotta hear that again that's awesome

are we allowed to play this how do you get that excited about a shitty float i can't even get off the ground because it's too windy and no one's bothered to figure it out that every thanksgiving it's gonna be it's gonna be windy next year it's gonna be windy we don't know if the hey we don't even know if the the float's gonna get off the ground hey who's that big duck i'll thanksgiving day wow it went on and on but i just howard stern that girl's a genius is on my tombstone thank you that is pretty epic can that be your new bio instead of two-time emmy award winning can it just be that girl that girl's a genius howard stern okay i'll change it that's

actually great it's okay i would you should change it i mean i would die if howard stern talked about me on this show i want to go on howard stern so badly so so anyway first your reaction to the video um that is is it better than you thought it was gonna be when we started the episode for sure yes it's also like you in a nutshell like really you're in to make to make us like a pronunciation error but then have it be like the most offensive thing that you could possibly say in the moment she's so good at that you're so good it's just like what you did nobody okay two questions did nobody else catch this other than howard stern yes howard stern was the only one that caught that at all no one even noticed like no one and then well

here's the thing i think that i have surrounded myself with yes men i think i'm that at that point in my fame where because then i like started saying it to people i'm like oh my god i was on howard stern i said off and they're like i thought i heard that no way yeah and then and then what happened next was that i i instantly was like i gotta get this is my this is my ticket to fame i gotta get on howard you have to get on so i called howard's people my people call the people and they're like can you put kelty on she wants to talk about elf and then they were like we're not filming anymore but i mean that's what we tell people obviously not true i know then you'll have a new episode out tomorrow i knew that excuse but i think when we go to new york i think it

would be really fun to go on howard i would i would die to go on howard stern but he will not have us are you sure if i play him this clip he said i'm a genius it would be so funny maybe somebody listening can have like a real an actual into howard yeah like we need howard and then i also have there's a ton of crossover there i don't think so either my second question is did you not know that he called you out until right now from the thanksgiving parade i knew like it's recent it's very recent because but this aired right after the thanksgiving parade i'm assuming no something happened where i think over christmas or during the holidays he takes time off and he had pre-recorded a bunch of like wrap-up shows okay and so this came out like then and then i

just got the clip of it now who sent it to you my friend kristin was like oh my god howard stern's talking about you dude that's amazing and then i got that clip and then i sent it to everyone at cbs and i was like hey by the way like this exists like i just want to like let you let you know and i thought my boss for the parade was going to be like oh no and they were like oh my god that's amazing like i was like oh shit anyway you can't swear on television it's like a giant fine you guys like nobody caught it nobody caught it and it was clear as day it wasn't now that you hear it yeah it wasn't like you were kind of in the background of somebody else did you guys see the clip today about the woman who mispronounced the officer's name no her name was deirdre oh no

you're calling her out many don't was the she passed away the officer and they were talking about it on the news and listen to how the reporter pronounced her name okay police officer stop no no and her face when she was saying that was like a gnome doing it wrong oh no no no no because because i live tv flubs dude no i mean listen it's not funny that we're laughing because the subject matter is that someone died yeah however i i love a live tv not even near what's so funny is that i have been in this position so many times where the name is just so bad and you have to like really work at it you have to put it in the prompter and like yeah that bitch should have known she did not because newscasters if you've ever lazy

no it's not it's not laziness but i've been over to like all the other news channels and like when It's, like, local evening news. Like, those bitches are reading an hour of copy or two hours of copy every fucking day. No one's helping them. They're writing their story, and then they're putting in the prompter. Make a doo-doo. So it's just, you say, also, there's also words that you read all the time that you're like, I know how to pronounce that. And then you try to say it out loud, and you're like, definitely do not know how to pronounce that.

But I also love that Howard Stern made such a good observation. And it was like very Larry David of him. Like, it's always f***ing windy. Like, I f***ing hate how dramatic. When are they going to figure it out that it's always windy on Thanksgiving? Always. It's New York City. It's freezing and it's windy.

Like, your duck's not going to f***. I'll f*** on the ground. That's not true. There's been years that the parade has flown very high. But it's been very cold. There's always a weather-related thing. Obviously. It's November.

We booked a weatherman on the show. No, we need someone to throw to so we can pee. Oh, that's probably, yeah. Let me throw up to the Wither Man. But what's funny about this, this was the first year that it was so windy we had to have a backup plan if the, if it was really, for the first time in like 45 years, that they were like, the balloons are not going to fly. Like, we're screwed.

What are we going to do? It would have been just a Broadway performance after Broadway performance. No, do you know the backup? What? To show the balloons from last year. No, nobody would ever know. No, you have to say, well, the balloons aren't flying, but here's, here's alpha. last year you wouldn't have even had to commentate you know i would have commentated on the old one

why wouldn't they just no they should just play your footage from last year they would but they would play off from last year flying and i would give the stats like a new like as if it was new oh god that sucks yeah that's are you doing it again this year probably not now not after we go on stern do you get paid extra for that if i swear no if you do the parade yes oh well sucks you're gonna have to figure out what to do with that money missing this year i mean now that i'm not concierge key it's like i mean is there even a reason to travel to new york how does it feel to be a commoner kelty i honestly am dreading flying i can't wait till we go to delta and they roll out the red carpet for you are you like platinum something special no it's just because

they're nice because everybody gets treated like a first class passenger i mean i don't know how nice i mean i don't know how nice an airline can be but hi i'm barbara aka your nursing educator on instagram i'm a registered nurse and i create content to help nursing students feel ready to take on anything and everything that comes with the job and trust me it's a lot here's one of my favorite and simplest pro tips upgrade your scrubs to figs figs are designed for us they are super soft lightweight and breathable with four-way stretch to keep up with your every move polished professional silhouettes check functional details and pockets in all the right places check and check no matter what your day has in store figs has layers to match their under scrubs are perfect

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no praise you have to say oh we got to get ready for the fireworks get out get out your blanket we got to get in a good spot for the fireworks you know who you should call brenda she's a member at the country club and they have a great view from the golf course of the fireworks but we gotta get there early enough they close off the streets for the fireworks your face it's because kelty was mouthing what i was saying she was like moving her tongue i like that i just gave you a full monologue and you're laughing at what you're an asshole you can't look at someone's face i felt like i was in hell i'm crying oh my god that was so funny if anyone ever watched my face and then said your face oh my god

are you high no i thought it was a great monologue back i loved it i mean i knew people in my old apartment building in hancock park who would specifically ask for a certain apartment that looked over a golf course that had great fireworks on the 4th of july like go yourself that's the thing problems no it's weird weird basic people problems like i like a firework but i like that you can watch fireworks from anywhere no you can't you can't no no there's a lot of planning that goes into where you're going to be for fireworks i'll also tell you something and i'm gonna throw my friends under the bus right now my my best friends duane and

joe have a beautiful house over by the airport and they're always like fourth of july you should come over and see the fireworks no bitch those fireworks are all the way downtown i need a harpsichord like a binocular harpsichord isn't an instrument i need a binocular they're like look you see all the fireworks they're at the beach i'm like we're at lax and those are in venice like We are 30 miles from those. There's tiny little, like, zits in the horizon. Even when they're in front of my face and I can feel the booming in my body, it's, like, great. You know whose fireworks, though, will take me to a place?

Disneyland? Yeah. Well, that's, like, the whole ambiance. They spend so much money. No, I've been in a hotel near there, not even in the park, and I'm like, whoa. They do have good fireworks. They do a lot of glitter ones. You know that shit's expensive.

Glitter. Isn't the fireworks all glitter? No. No, the ones that, yeah, the fireworks is, like. Oh, it's like laser. And then it goes. I love those. The Weeping Willow ones.

Those are my favorite fireworks. I have to be on heavy drugs to appreciate a fireworks show. Why do you hate parades? And have you ever been in a parade? Been in it? I've definitely been in a parade. Yeah. I mean, you can't get to this point in my life without being asked to be in a parade.

You can't get to this level of fame without being definitely on a float. What was your career at the time that you were in a parade? What were you hired to do? Have you seen the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade? It's all musical theater people. It's all Broadway shows. So you're on Broadway. No, but I've done like a million other.

She didn't do that parade. That's an important parade. She did the Southern Miss parade. No, it's because the year that I did one that was around that time of the year, it was Rock of Ages and we played strippers. It's not exactly Thanksgiving friendly. Happy holidays. So I hate a parade. Well, Elk isn't Thanksgiving friendly either.

Well, they think it is. i don't like a parade because a i do not like crowds at all yeah the crowds is not and what the are you watching like is there what it's like is everyone here on mushrooms and that's why it's magical because i don't know i don't understand why it's so thrilling to see a parade of any sorts well i'll tell you i have been in a parade and not as a rocket no i was in the turtle lake saskatchewan um uh what the was the parade called does it matter oh live long live long days so there's a city there's a city with three streets near my lake cabin called live long saskatchewan what's up live long streets and um we had a parade and the surrounding lakes all came together and we

had a parade float the dog days of summer and all the kids and the dogs of turtle lake evergreen acres where our houses don't break into it um we all went on the float that my dad's truck pulled with our dogs and also i was really excited because we got the side glitter the you know the fancy like the glitter fence goes around the bottom my mom and i got to go to the bingo supply store in edmonton and pick that up and then we got to staple gun it onto the boat sounds awful it was truly terrible so you made your own flow i was like in four probably made her in parade you guys i was in four doesn't sound like a parade it was i was there's like 20 entries i was in fourth grade and you could have told me that we were going to the miss america pageant

I'm not shocked for me to, to provide swimsuit preparation, hair, brain preparation, lip gloss preparation. Like I'm throwing the candy to my, my people on the streets of live long. And like, I have to make sure that I have enough candy and the right kinds and like, you know, take care of the dog, the photos. Like it was such a big deal. So anyway, live long days. What's up?

Wow. I'm so miss you forever. All right. That's the end of this. This is my favorite cookie we've ever had. I know. so you guys don't poop

don't all fuck me the next time I'm like I have an idea hey Howard Howard thank you for letting us use your clip illegally would you have sex

with Howard bye we weren't here for a long time we're here for a good time thanks for listening and make sure to rate and review this podcast

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