LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: Jac's Month Late B-Day Celebration

Episode Date: June 25, 2020

It’s Jac’s birthday! Or…was her birthday. Even though we’re a month late, she’s sharing all the ways her friends and family made the day special with a virtual emo celebration.  Thank you to our sponsors! Caldrea - Get free shipping on orders of $50 or more at caldrea.com.   Daily Harvest - Go to dailyharvest.com and use code LA D Y for $25 off your first box. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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but only with the code RESET at factormeals.ca. Factor, Canada's number one meal delivery service. It's time for a quickie. Podcast One presents The Lady Gang, The Hollywood Girl Posse with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. Hello, hello, hello.

Welcome to The Lady Gang Quickie. I am Becca here with Jack and Kelty. I was zoning out. I was giving myself a manicure, sorry. I was just like, do you remember how these episodes started or no? God, I just. I was concentrating. I just gave myself nails and just ripped them off. Wait, Kelsey, you told me to buy this whole nail kit. Did you get it? Yes. I haven't. It's so great, right? I haven't done them yet. No, I'm waiting for the perfect moment. Okay. Yeah. Well, I thought

you meant ripping them off as like a bad thing. No, I'm ripping them off because I just have shitty nails and it's just like, I just need a professional, the professional ones rip off too. It's just who I am. Guys, I want to start this quickie by telling you some really great news. Better be great. But it's not that great. No, it is. The Lady Gang is growing. Lady Gang listeners are like, lots more are coming. Oh, wow. All during quarantine have discovered us. And so I want to say hello to all the new Lady Gang listeners. I love that. That's hard that's hard to get some new listeners right now right now everybody is going down down down down now yeah and so we are up in a big way and i just want to say hi uh i'm kelty and this is jack

and becca and we're so happy you found us and welcome and they just turned it off yeah yep do you want to do a monologue to turn everybody else off too yeah tell them all your hopes and dreams tell them how to vision board yeah you guys are oh tell them about that riveting thing in your bujo with your workouts wait what was that that we did that oh skinny confidential yeah asking us like tips to just like move around and stay fit and kelty started going through her entire bujo you're so rude okay well guys something very important has been brought to my attention here in Lady Gang world, which is I, every year, go big on the January birthdays of this group, Becca and Kelty. We have episodes dedicated to us. We have childhood memories and Jack's birthday

has come and gone. And a lot of the Lady Gang fans wrote me upset. Where is Jack's birthday episode. Jacqueline May Vanak, I am sorry. I apologize. It was quarantine brain. Of course you were getting your own episode and welcome to your birthday. So no, here's the thing. I don't want my own episode, but I did make a call out when you did do yours and Becca's episodes. And I'm like, watch, this is going to happen. My birthday is going to come and I'm going to get not an acknowledgement at all. And I was right. And our listeners remembered. Well, you know what, Jack, maybe you manifested that. Yep. You put it in your bujo and that's why it happened like that.

I'm like, please, please don't acknowledge me. Please don't acknowledge me. No. So you're, it's your birthday. Happy birthday. There's so many things I want to talk about. It was my birthday. For your birthday Lady Yang episode, I first want to open with, would you like to say anything on the record about the call me daddy drama? Because I know this has really been big in your life. So it's call her daddy. Okay. Someone tell me what the drama is. Okay. So when is this episode coming out? Like in two weeks. Okay. Well, things might change by then, but basically the gist of it is these two girls had this podcast called call her daddy. It's basically like us, but on steroids. And it's a lot more like sex talk than we do.

it was like the number one women's podcast. Then they had a contract with Barstool Sports. We're not being really paid that much money. However, it was a contract. They picked them out of obscurity and made them the biggest women's podcast because of Barstool. Their first year's coming up, they start wanting to renegotiate their contract. And Barstool's like helping them renegotiate, get them more money, whatever. Then one of the girls starts dating this guy that's an exec at hbo he basically steamrolls the entire situation says that they need to leave barstool sports because they should be getting a lot more money and that he is going to be their agent basically and shop their podcast around all these other places then he fucks up the entire

situation barstool just doesn't want to take him back and then the two girls end up feuding because of this fucking boyfriend and then now they're split apart the two girls which again is the biggest women's podcast in the world the girls are split i mean i don't know about in the world what country are you in you know what i mean it literally is obviously lady gang totally but anyways they split the one girl basically is just listening to her boyfriend and then the other girl went back to barstool and is getting an entire different deal and is carrying on the call her daddy yeah but i just wanted the detail that you need to know becca is they were offered listen to this $500,000 as a base salary. And then all of these incentive things on like, if you sell

500 each, yes. Okay. And then all these like points of, okay, you'll hit a million. If you get this many downloads, you're going to get a million dollars. Like the biggest thing that they, so, uh, Barstool sports owned their IP. So they own call her daddy everything. And so when they're renegotiating the big thing that barstool sports was giving back to them was the ip of color daddy so they owned it they could do whatever the they wanted to do with it and they weren't here and then they could get out of their contract in a year it was very um bad bad business practice a little bit of uh i mean listen they're huge and if they had a different contract they would be making a lot of money a lot more money but the thing is they signed the contract that they signed

and that's unfortunately how contracts work. You have to ride them out. Whoa. Becca did not hear. I'm only sad because this story bums me out because it's like, we're going to have trouble taking over the world if we don't stick together. Thank you. So don't lean on your stupid boyfriend and maybe turn to your business partner and podcast hosts that you've been with for years and years and years. Well, the problem with the whole story too is, I mean, their podcast is like ours as well, where it's like, don't need no man, like make it on your own girl power, women's empowerment, blah, blah, blah. And then the situation that happened is literally like the antithesis

of what they stand for as like a community of women. So it's disappointing, but I love the drama. Wow. Me too. All right. When we come back, we're celebrating Jacqueline. the lady gang okay jack it's your birthday how old did you turn was my birthday it's your birthday episode what how old you turn this year 33 fabulous 33 betcha i'm the youngest and i noticed i'll be the youngest if you were 34 chill relax um question you're so snappy with each other today by the way i wanted to tell you anything yet okay that's why i needed anything it's two o'clock i know we've been doing stuff since 11 30 throw a bar in your mouth no i have no food at my apartment oh um my fault for making

you guys are being very snippy with each other today i'm sorry jack it's your birthday i'm sorry i didn't mean to do that to you on your birthday seems about right jack how did you spend your birthday this year with Jerry? Yes. So I was at my parents' house for my birthday. There's something about, I mean, I've talked about it before. I don't like birthdays. They kind of make me sad. So for my birthday, I usually like to travel somewhere else so I don't have to think about it. And it's just kind of an excuse to get the out and not have the attention or the disappointment of not having attention. I don't know. I just hate the concept of birthdays for myself. So couldn't do that. Had to stay in my parents' house, which is a whole thing in itself.

But Jared was like the most thoughtful human and just planned a full day full of all of the things that I love. And it was probably the best birthday I've ever had. It was really, really sweet. And what kind of things were there? I saw there was a picture book involved. so he's been collecting stupid shit that i've said over the past almost two years of dating like stupid quotes that i've said and like the notebook of his phone and he made an entire quote book of jackisms and the funny thing about that is uh jared is not the best gift giver in the you've talked about this many times on the podcast yeah he's not the best and it's been like a slow training process to get him to give me the type of a gift that I want. I just love thoughtful gifts.

I'm not asking anybody to spend any money at all. He made the book at Costco. So it was very great. He finally got it almost two years, but he did it. So wait, that was your only present? Yeah. Well, from him, I don't want anything else. Do you think it's because you need a gift that proves to you how psychotically unhealthily obsessed people are with you? Possibly. that is probably with each other that's just like how my that's how my family like my parents and i all of our gifts are very thoughtful i've never really attached i mean for christmas he bought me a new computer and louis vuitton sunglasses that was also very nice but he's a good gift giver then i don't know what you're talking about yeah that's a great gift well the for

the first christmas that we were together he got me a turquoise um pillow with a boston terrier on it. And he just, if you don't really understand the aesthetic of my apartment, it's sitting on the ground. Boston Terrier. You had me at Boston Terrier. We know that Boston Terrier is not your dog. It's not my dog. So it's been a learning process. It's fine. He's figured it out. It's okay. Good for him. You trained him up. And then you had a birthday party, a zoom party. I had a zoom emo surprise party, which I wish I would have known. Cause I would have loved to dress up and put on my black eyeliner and I did not um but it was really cute I just miss my friends I really do like I miss human contact I miss like hugging people and I miss just like

hanging out with the five friends that I have so it was really sweet and really thoughtful and the fact that he you know got it all together it was very nice well no explain the zoom party because it was epic well you know they stayed for five minutes and got out because that's how I do things but so all your friends this is so we get this text and it's like yo throwing jack surprise zoom you gotta come dressed as emo jack and then everyone changed their green screen background in the zoom to like pictures of jack from that era and it was like such a fun time to look at pictures of jack because i found one of her wearing a face mask and i was like trendsetter face mask like literally the mask that we're wearing in quarantine you're like taking one

for oh my god i know i did like this whole artsy self-portrait photo shoot when i was like 18 years old with a face mask filtering the air kelty's uh picture was a picture of me and ryan ross and i changed it four times into various makeouts of well you're the one that posted the pictures of y'all making out that's like so emo so I felt a little weird when I saw Jared there I was like here's like Ryan's tongue literally down her mouth but whatever it's like you know oh my god Mary Jack you're gonna have to get into it so for uh act like a lady we've been like asking our partners to read parts of our books and I thought it would be so funny the book is out right now so hopefully people have read it there's this whole section in the book where I talk about all the

other guys that i've dated they're all douchebags and i give them all very bad shitty nicknames and they're really funny and i was like i'd be so great if if jared like read all these and i could like see his reaction and i asked him to do it last night he was like are you kidding me he's like the jerry point he's like i am so cool with anything you ask of me i'll do anything but i am not reading a story about a different penis than mine i'm sorry i understand that we hit the breaking point the jaking point i do feel bad because i do kind of just assume he'll be down for anything too i'm the worst and that was that was the point i'm like i don't i wouldn't want to read stories about all the girls that you've slept with as well so i had to make zach read

the chapter about me and the sex addicts like right away because i knew that was going to be the one thing that was not going to be a great time for him he's still upset about it there's just there's not many chapters of Jared's that I that are of mine that he can read they're all about having sex with different men that aren't him you really didn't go deep in the in the in that section so you know it is he is who you is wait I'm so upset Zach was reading through the list of the things that we asked guys like do you notice our cellulite blah blah blah and he was like reading through it and he got to the one where it's like what does a boner feel like and he was reading all the examples and I, and he's like, these, these answers are so stupid. I have

the best response to this. And I was like, okay, what does a boner feel like? He goes, I can't explain it. Come see. Oh God. Wait, did you not ask him to answer the questions? I thought we asked all of our partners. I didn't. He's, he's too elusive. I don't know how to get to him. Okay. Jack, back to your birth. Did you have like a birthday cake? Is there a birthday tradition? Did you ever go to the water park? Like what, what would you do as a child? well as a kid i would usually really thoughtful card every year my dad writes it because he has amazing handwriting and my mom writes like a uh four-year-old yeah um oh they also got me such a sweet present this little necklace it's gold and it has like engraving on both of the sides

and they wrote my little nicknames for them on both the sides in their handwriting what are their nicknames for me what are their nicknames my mom calls me honey bunny and my dad calls me Monka Doodle because I used to climb all over them like a monkey when I was a kid. That's cute. Honey bunny and Monka Doodle. Yeah. And I don't know. My parents, like I said, they're all about thoughtful gifts. My dad has made me superhero dolls and photoshopped my face on them. This is where I get my photoshopping love from is my dad. I love it. I actually was thinking about you last night before I went to bed because I was actually going to ask you a question about your parents i know you're very close with both of your parents and like

spending your birthday with them would be something you would look forward to and great not everyone has that relationship with their parents now when you were like 14 and you were an angsty teen did you ever hate your parents like i hate i really not hate but like i really had it out with my mom in my teenage years i mean i was i mean listen my angst was like all fake. Becca has called me out for it like a million times. I had nothing to be angsty for. I'm so, I mean, I'm so fortunate that I had such an incredible relationship with my parents. Like I know, but even then, cause like, I like my parents now as an adult, I'm like, oh, I get it. I was like a snotty little kid. I was a snotty little kid for sure. Like no, no doubt. But I was

also, I was snotty, but I was still a good kid. So there wasn't that much like back and forth between my parents i obviously had like moments of it but for the most part it's just been they've been so lax and like they're they were never too controlling but they're always there like it's i i never realized how like fortunate i was until honestly recently did you have a favorite go ahead and hated my parents i don't know what how is that like everyone hates their parents when they're teenagers i don't i didn't so weird i can remember i was like at a dance competition in Portland, Oregon, or like Seaside, Oregon or something with my dance elite troop. And it was like all the older girls, it was like young, right? All the older teens, like the 17

and 18 year olds were all going for a beach walk. And they were like, are you going to come Kelty? And I was like, yeah. And then my mom walked, like she was going to come with us. And I was like, you know, they don't. And then I turned around and I was like, they didn't invite you. And then we got, Oh my God. See my parents, obviously I started going to concerts and shit when I was like 15 years old so before I could drive my parents would drive me to these concerts where I would sit outside for 10 hours so I could be at the front barricade of the show they'd wait for me the whole time to go to the show and then I'd have to wait afterwards so I could stand around and try to meet all the band members and then they would park a block away

from the venue so nobody could see that I was like getting driven by my parents but that I would go and then they'd pick me up and drive me home they're really lucky that you just naturally became like not a monster yeah because you would be like that kid that like did really bad things in school and the parents like never acknowledged it because they were like my kid's perfect and that kid got away with murder like that could have been you yeah just like enabling all of the bullshit yeah they're like jack actually doesn't need to learn calculus thanks a lot mr franklin she's a genius jack jack won't be attending calculus from uh anymore uh but we would like the a anyways please yeah thanks we'll be outside in our car a block away we'll usually

have to have like be really really rich to be able to bribe people for that so true um okay last thing jacqueline for your 33 33rd year what are you manifesting what do you want i mean this is a dumpster fire of a year but you're you're lucky because your birthday just happened so you have a whole year i thought that we start manifesting on the first of the year no i mean that's a real manifest but this is like your 33rd year like you're the next time you're going to be the same double digit is 44 so like there is magic in a 33 okay it's an angel number is that what it's called because it's not your golden year that's like what year it's like i'm 28 when i turned on the 28, 28 on the 28. Um, well, I mean, everything on my manifest list for this year is

not going to happen. This is not the same list. And with that attitude, I can't expect that you're going to be successful. No, for this year. Okay. One is I would love to buy a house. That's like my major personal goal of this year. My other, um, goal is I would like to be engaged in the next year what newsflash we've never heard this from you well you know what's so funny the whole the whole pandemic uh being stuck with your partner 24 7 kind of thing you know I've always known well I've always thought that Jared is my person and like we work so well together it's just so easy to be around him but this whole situation has really made me realize that I just want him around all the time and that he is my person and i cannot imagine my life i cannot imagine my life

without him like at all even if everything goes to shit like i need him when he's gone i literally go fucking insane like he's what like calms me and like brings me back to normal jack he's your lobster he's my lobster what oh my god i'm so excited for the wedding oh my god i can't wait on what am I going to wear? Do you want me to marry you? I could be the MC. Don't say yes to any of those things, Jack. Jack, happy birthday, babe. We love you. We're sorry your quickie was too little too late, but it wasn't that we forgot about your birthday. It's that we forgot to make a quickie about your birthday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boom. Thank you, everyone. Hey, listen, if you're a new listener to lady gang which we have some new listeners uh you didn't even hear

the becca and kelty quickies so you should go back and listen to those because they were great very very well planned not like this one at all and um okay we weren't here for a long time but we were here for a good time happy birthday jack happy birthday thanks for listening and make sure to rate and review this podcast wherever you get your podcast we have new episodes of lady gang every tuesday and thursday follow us on social media at the lady gang uh follow us personally at Kelty, most importantly, at Becca, and at Jack Vanek. The Lady Gang Network is produced by Will Sterling, Steve Delamater, Kirsten Woodward, and Elizabeth Baquette.

Thanks for rating and reviewing wherever you get your podcasts and tune in for new episodes every single week.